Anditwasrequiredofmethatthisshouldbethegravestofresponsibilities,forshewastheonewomanintheworld——theonesmallwoman,asIlovedtothinkofher。TheSeaWolf:Chapter30CHAPTER30
NowonderwecalleditEndeavorIsland。Fortwoweekswetoiledatbuildingahut。Maudinsistedonhelping,andIcouldhaveweptoverherbruisedandbleedinghands。Andstill,Iwasproudofherbecauseofit。Therewassomethingheroicaboutthisgentlybredwomanenduringourterriblehardshipandwithherpittanceofstrengthbendingtothetasksofapeasantwoman。ShegatheredmanyofthestoneswhichIbuiltintothewallsofthehut;also,sheturnedadeafeartomyentreatieswhenIbeggedhertodesist。Shecompromised,however,bytakinguponherselfthelighterlaborsofcookingandgatheringdriftwoodandmossforourwinter’ssupply。
Thehut’swallsrosewithoutdifficulty,andeverythingwentsmoothlyuntiltheproblemoftheroofconfrontedme。Ofwhatusethefourwallswithoutaroof?Andofwhatcouldaroofbemade?Therewerethespareoars,verytrue。Theywouldserveasroof—beams;butwithwhatwasItocoverthem?Mosswouldneverdo。Tundragrasswasimpracticable。Weneededthesailfortheboat,andthetarpaulinhadbeguntoleak。
\"Wintersusedwalrusskinsonhishut,\"Isaid。
\"Therearetheseals,\"shesuggested。
Sonextdaythehuntingbegan。Ididnotknowhowtoshoot,butIproceededtolearn。AndwhenIhadexpendedsomethirtyshellsforthreeseals,I
decidedthattheammunitionwouldbeexhaustedbeforeIacquiredthenecessaryknowledge。IhadusedeightshellsforlightingfiresbeforeIhituponthedeviceofbankingtheemberswithwetmoss,andthereremainednotoverahundredshellsinthebox。
\"Wemustclubtheseals,\"Iannounced,whenconvincedofmypoormarksmanship。
\"Ihaveheardthesealerstalkaboutclubbingthem。\"
\"Theyaresopretty,\"sheobjected。\"Icannotbeartothinkofitbeingdone。Itissodirectlybrutal,youknow;sodifferentfromshootingthem。\"
\"Thatroofmustgoon,\"Iansweredgrimly。\"Winterisalmosthere。Itisourlivesagainsttheirs。Itisunfortunatewehaven’tplentyofammunition,butIthink,anyway,thattheysufferlessfrombeingclubbedthanfrombeingallshotup。Besides,Ishalldotheclubbing。\"
\"That’sjustit,\"shebeganeagerly,andbrokeoffinsuddenconfusion。
\"Ofcourse,\"Ibegan。\"Ifyouprefer——\"
\"ButwhatshallIbedoing?\"sheinterrupted,withthatsoftnessIknewfullwelltobeinsistence。
\"Gatheringfirewoodandcookingdinner,\"Iansweredlightly。
Sheshookherhead。\"Itistoodangerousforyoutoattemptalone。\"
\"Iknow,Iknow,\"shewaivedmyprotest。\"Iamonlyaweakwoman,butjustmysmallassistancemayenableyoutoescapedisaster。\"
\"Buttheclubbing?\"Isuggested。
\"Ofcourse,youwilldothat。Ishallprobablyscream。I’lllookawaywhen——\"
\"Thedangerismostserious,\"Ilaughed。
\"Ishallusemyjudgmentwhentolookandwhennottolook,\"sherepliedwithagrandair。
Theupshotoftheaffairwasthatsheaccompaniedmenextmorning。I
rowedintotheadjoiningcoveanduptotheedgeofthebeach。Thereweresealsallaboutusinthewater,andthebellowingthousandsonthebeachcompelledustoshoutateachothertomakeourselvesheard。
\"Iknowmenclubthem,\"Isaid,tryingtoreassuremyselfandgazingdoubtfullyatalargebull,notthirtyfeetaway,uprearedonhisfore—flippersandregardingmeintently。\"Butthequestionis,Howdotheyclubthem?\"
\"Letusgathertundragrassandthatchtheroof,\"Maudsaid。
ShewasasfrightenedasIattheprospect,andwehadreasontobe,gazingatcloserangeatthegleamingteethanddog—likemouths。
\"Ialwaysthoughttheywereafraidofmen,\"Isaid。
\"HowdoIknowtheyarenotafraid?\"Iqueriedamomentlater,afterhavingrowedafewmorestrokesalongthebeach。\"Perhaps,ifIweretostepboldlyashore,theywouldcutforit,andcouldnotcatchupwithone。\"
AndstillIhesitated。
\"Iheardofaman,once,whoinvadedthenestinggroundsofwildgeese,\"
Maudsaid。\"Theykilledhim。\"
\"Thegeese?\"
\"Yes,thegeese。MybrothertoldmeaboutitwhenIwasalittlegirl。\"
\"ButIknowmenclubthem,\"Ipersisted。
\"Ithinkthetundragrasswillmakejustasgoodaroof,\"shesaid。
Farfromherintention,herwordsweremaddeningme,drivingmeon。
Icouldnotplaythecowardbeforehereyes。
\"Heregoes,\"Isaid,backingwaterwithoneoarandrunningthebowashore。
Isteppedoutandadvancedvaliantlyuponalong—manedbullinthemidstofhiswives。Iwasarmedwiththeregularclubwithwhichtheboat—pullerskilledthewoundedsealsgaffedaboardbythehunters。Itwasonlyafootandahalflong,andinmysuperbignoranceIneverdreamedthattheclubusedashorewhenraidingtherookeriesmeasuredfourtofivefeet。Thecowslumberedoutofmyway,andthedistancebetweenmeandthebulldecreased。
Heraisedhimselfonhisflipperswithanangrymovement。Wewereadozenfeetapart。StillIadvancedsteadily,lookingforhimtoturntailatanymomentandrun。
Atsixfeetthepanickythoughtrushedintomymind,Whatifhewillnotrun?Why,thenIshallclubhim,cametheanswer。InmyfearIhadforgottenthatIwastheretogetthebullinsteadoftomakehimrun。
Andjustthenhegaveasnortandasnarlandrushedatme。Hiseyeswereblazing,hismouthwaswideopen;theteethgleamedcruellywhite。Withoutshame,IconfessthatitwasIwhoturnedandfootedit。Heranawkwardly,butheranwell。Hewasbuttwopacesbehindwhentumbledintotheboat,andasIshovedoffwithanoarhisteethcruncheddownupontheblade。
Thestoutwoodwascrushedlikeanegg—shell。MaudandIwereastounded。
Amomentlaterhehaddivedundertheboat,seizedthekeelinhismouth,andwasshakingtheboatviolently。
\"My!\"saidMaud。\"Let’sgoback。\"
Ishookmyhead。\"Icandowhatothermenhavedone,andknowthatothermenhaveclubbedseals。ButIthinkI’llleavethebullsalonenexttime。\"
\"Iwishyouwouldn’t,\"shesaid。
\"Nowdon’tsay,`Please,please,’\"Icried,halfangrily,Idobelieve。
Shemadenoreply,andIknewmytonemusthavehurther。
\"Ibegyourpardon,\"Isaid,orshouted,rather,inordertomakemyselfheardabovetheroaroftherookery。\"Ifyousayso,I’llturnandgoback;
buthonestly,I’dratherstay。\"
\"Nowdon’tsaythatthisiswhatyougetforbringingawomanalong,\"
shesaid。Shesmiledatmewhimsically,gloriously,andIknewtherewasnoneedforforgiveness。
Irowedacoupleofhundredfeetalongthebeachsoastorecovermynerves,andthensteppedashoreagain。
\"Dobecautious,\"shecalledafterme。
Inoddedmyheadandproceededtomakeaflankattackonthenearestharem。AllwentwelluntilIaimedablowatanoutlyingcow’sheadandfellshort。Shesnortedandtriedtoscrambleaway。Iranincloseandstruckanotherblow,hittingtheshoulderinsteadofthehead。
\"Watchout!\"IheardMaudscream。
InmyexcitementIhadnotbeentakingnoticeofotherthings,andI
lookeduptoseethelordoftheharemchargingdownuponme。AgainIfledtotheboat,hotlypursued;butthistimeMaudmadenosuggestionofturningback。
\"Itwouldbebetter,Iimagine,ifyouletharemsaloneanddevotedyourattentiontolonelyandinoffensive—lookingseals,\"waswhatshesaid。
\"IthinkIhavereadsomethingaboutthem。Dr。Jordan’sbook,Ibelieve。
Theyaretheyoungbulls,notoldenoughtohaveharemsoftheirown。Hecalledthemtheholluschickie,orsomethinglikethat。Itseemstomeifwefindwheretheyhaulout——\"
\"Itseemstomethatyourfightinginstinctisaroused,\"laughed。
Sheflushedquicklyandprettily。\"I’lladmitIdon’tlikedefeatanymorethanyoudo,oranymorethanIliketheideaofkillingsuchpretty,inoffensivecreatures。\"
\"Pretty!\"Isniffed。\"Ifailedtomarkanythingpreeminentlyprettyaboutthosefoamy—mouthedbeaststhatracedme。\"
\"Yourpointofview,\"shelaughed。\"Youlackedperspective。Nowifyoudidnothavetogetsoclosetothesubject——\"
\"Theverything!\"Icried。\"WhatIneedisalongerclub。Andthere’sthatbrokenoarreadytohand。\"
\"Itjustcomestome,\"shesaid,\"thatCaptainLarsenwastellingmehowthemenraidedtherookeries。Theydrivetheseals,insmallherds,ashortdistanceinlandbeforetheykillthem。\"
\"Idon’tcaretoundertaketheherdingofoneofthoseharems,\"Iobjected。
\"Buttherearetheholluschickie,\"shesaid。\"Theholluschickiehauloutbythemselves,andDr。Jordansaysthatpathsareleftbetweentheharems,andthataslongastheholluschickiekeepstrictlytothepaththeyareunmolestedbythemastersoftheharem。\"
\"There’sonenow,\"Isaid,pointingtoayoungbullinthewater。\"Let’swatchhim,andfollowhimifhehaulsout。\"
Heswamdirectlytothebeachandclamberedoutintoasmallopeningbetweentwoharems,themastersofwhichmadewarningnoisesbutdidnotattackhim。Wewatchedhimtravelslowlyinward,threadingaboutamongtheharemsalongwhatmusthavebeenthepath。
\"Heregoes,\"Isaid,steppingout;butIconfessmyheartwasinmymouthasIthoughtofgoingthroughtheheartofthatmonstrousherd。
\"Itwouldbewisetomaketheboatfast,\"Maudsaid。
Shehadsteppedoutbesideme,andIregardedherwithwonderment。
Shenoddedherheaddeterminedly。\"Yes,I’mgoingwithyou,soyoumayaswellsecuretheboatandarmmewithaclub。\"
\"Let’sgoback,\"Isaiddejectedly。\"Ithinktundragrasswilldo,afterall。\"
\"Youknowitwon’t,\"washerreply。\"ShallIlead?\"
Withashrugoftheshoulders,butwiththewarmestadmirationandprideatheartforthiswoman,Iequippedherwiththebrokenoarandtookanotherformyself。Itwaswithnervoustrepidationthatwemadethefirstfewrodsofthejourney。OnceMaudscreamedinterrorasacowthrustaninquisitivenosetowardherfoot,andseveraltimesIquickenedmypaceforthesamereason。But,beyondwarningcoughsfromeitherside,therewerenosignsofhostility。Itwasarookerywhichhadneverbeenraidedbythehunters,andinconsequencethesealsweremild—temperedandatthesametimeunafraid。
Intheveryheartoftheherdthedinwasterrific。Itwasalmostdizzyinginitseffect。IpausedandsmiledreassuringlyatMaud,forIhadrecoveredmyequanimitysoonerthanshe。Icouldseethatshewasstillbadlyfrightened。
Shecameclosetomeandshouted:
\"I’mdreadfullyafraid!\"
AndIwasnot。Thoughthenoveltyhadnotyetwornoff,thepeacefulcomportmentofthesealshadquietedmyalarm。Maudwastrembling。
\"I’mafraid,andI’mnotafraid,\"shechatteredwithshakingjaws。\"It’smymiserablebody,notI。\"
\"It’sallright,it’sallright,\"Ireassuredher,myarmpassinginstinctivelyandprotectinglyaroundher。
Ishallneverforget,inthatmoment,howinstantlyconsciousbecameofmymanhood。Theprimitivedeepsofmynaturestirred。Ifeltmyselfmasculine,theprotectoroftheweak,thefightingmale。And,bestofall,Ifeltmyselftheprotectorofmylovedone。Sheleanedagainstme,solightandlily—frail,andashertremblingeasedawayitseemedasthoughIbecameawareofprodigiousstrength。Ifeltmyselfamatchforthemostferociousbullintheherd,andIknow,hadsuchabullchargeduponme,thatIshouldhavemetitunflinchinglyandquitecoolly,andIknowthatIshouldhavekilledit。
\"Iamallright,now,\"shesaid,lookingupatmegratefully。\"Letusgoon。\"
Andthatthestrengthinmehadquietedherandgivenherconfidence,filledmewithanexultantjoy。Theyouthoftheraceseemedburgeoninginme,over—civilizedmanthatIwas,andIlivedformyselftheoldhuntingdaysandforestnightsofmyremoteandforgottenancestry。IhadmuchforwhichtothankWolfLarsen,wasmythoughtaswewentalongthepathbetweenthejostlingharems。
Aquarterofamileinlandwecameupontheholluschickie——sleekyoungbulls,livingoutthelonelinessoftheirbachelorhoodandgatheringstrengthagainstthedaywhentheywouldfighttheirwayintotheranksofthebenedicts。
Everythingnowwentsmoothly。Iseemedtoknowjustwhattodoandhowtodoit。Shouting,makingthreateninggestureswithmyclub,andevenproddingthelazyones,Iquicklycutoutascoreoftheyoungbachelorsfromtheircompanions。Wheneveronemadeanattempttobreakbacktowardthewater,Iheadeditoff。Maudtookanactivepartinthedrive,andwithhercriesandflourishingsofthebrokenoarwasofconsiderableassistance。
Inoticed,though,thatwheneveronelookedtiredandlagged,sheletitslippast。ButInoticed,also,wheneverone,withashowoffight,triedtobreakpast,thathereyesglintedandshowedbright,andsherappeditsmartlywithherclub。
\"My,it’sexciting!\"shecried,pausingfromsheerweakness。\"IthinkI’llsitdown。\"
Idrovethelittleherd(adozenstrong,now,whatoftheescapesshehadpermitted)ahundredyardsfartheron;andbythetimeshejoinedmeIhadfinishedtheslaughterandwasbeginningtoskin。Anhourlaterwewentproudlybackalongthepathbetweentheharems。Andtwiceagainwecamedownthepathburdenedwithskins,tillthoughtwehadenoughtoroofthehut。Isetthesail,laidonetackoutofthecove,andontheothertackmadeourownlittleinnercove。
\"It’sjustlikehome—coming,\"Maudsaid,asIrantheboatashore。
Iheardherwordswitharesponsivethrill,itwasallsodearlyintimateandnatural,andIsaid:
\"ItseemsasthoughIhavelivedthislifealways。Theworldofbooksandbookishfolkisveryvague,morelikeadreammemorythananactuality。
Isurelyhavehuntedandforayedandfoughtallthedaysofmylife。Andyou,too,seemapartofit。Youare——\"Iwasonthevergeofsaying,\"mywoman,mymate,\"butgliblychangeditto——\"standingthehardshipwell。\"
Butherearhadcaughttheflaw。Sherecognizedaflightthatmidmostbroke。Shegavemeaquicklook。
\"Notthat。Youweresaying——?\"
\"ThattheAmericanMrs。Meynellwaslivingthelifeofasavageandlivingitquitesuccessfully,\"Isaideasily。
\"Oh,\"wasallshereplied;butIcouldhavesworntherewasanoteofdisappointmentinhervoice。
But\"mywoman,mymate\"keptringinginmyheadfortherestofthedayandformanydays。Yetneverdiditringmoreloudlythanthatnight,asIwatchedherdrawbacktheblanketofmossfromthecoals,blowupthefire,andcooktheeveningmeal。Itmusthavebeenlatentsavagerystirringinme,fortheoldwords,soboundupwiththerootsoftherace,togripmeandthrillme。Andgripandthrilltheydid,tillIfellasleep,murmuringthemtomyselfoverandoveragain。TheSeaWolf:Chapter31CHAPTER31
Itwillsmell,\"Isaid,\"butitwillkeepintheheatandkeepouttherainandsnow。\"
Weweresurveyingthecompletedsealskinroof。
\"Itisclumsy,butitwillservethepurpose,andthatisthemainthing,\"
Iwenton,yearningforherpraise。
Andsheclappedherhandsanddeclaredthatshewashugelypleased。
\"Butitisdarkinhere,\"shesaidthenextmoment,hershouldersshrinkingwithalittleinvoluntaryshiver。
\"Youmighthavesuggestedawindowwhenthewallsweregoingup,\"I
said。\"Itwasforyou,andyoushouldhaveseentheneedofawindow。\"
\"ButIneverdoseetheobvious,youknow,\"shelaughedback。\"Andbesides,youcanknockaholeinthewallatanytime。\"
\"Quitetrue;Ihadnotthoughtofit,\"Ireplied,waggingmyheadsagely。
\"Buthaveyouthoughtoforderingthewindow—glass?Justcallupthefirm,——Red,4451,Ithinkitis,——andtellthemwhatsizeandkindofglassyouwish。\"
\"Thatmeans——\"shebegan。
\"Nowindow。\"
Itwasadarkandevil—appearingthing,thathut,notfitforaughtbetterthanswineinacivilizedland;butforus,whohadknownthemiseryoftheopenboat,itwasasnuglittlehabitation。Followingthehousewarming,whichwasaccomplishedbymeansofseal—oilandawickmadefromcottoncalking,camethehuntingforourwinter’smeatandthebuildingofthesecondhut。Itwasasimpleaffair,now,togoforthinthemorningandreturnbynoonwithaboat—loadofseals。Andthen,whileIworkedatbuildingthehut,Maudtriedouttheoilfromtheblubberandkeptaslowfireundertheframesofmeat。Ihadheardofjerkingbeefontheplains,andourseal—meat,cutinthinstripsandhunginthesmoke,curedexcellently。
Thesecondhutwaseasiertoerect,forIbuiltitagainstthefirst,andonlythreewallswererequired。Butitwaswork,hardwork,allofit。MaudandIworkedfromdawntilldark,tothelimitofourstrength,sothatwhennightcamewecrawledstifflytobedandslepttheanimal—likesleepofexhaustion。AndyetMauddeclaredthatshehadneverfeltbetterorstrongerinherlife。Iknewthiswastrueofmyself,butherswassuchalilystrengththatIfearedshewouldbreakdown。Oftenandoften,herlastreserveforcegone,Ihaveseenherstretchedflatonherbackonthesandinthewayshehadofrestingandrecuperating。Andthenshewouldbeuponherfeetandtoilinghardasever。Wheresheobtainedthisstrengthwasthemarveltome。
\"Thinkofthelongrestthiswinter,\"washerreplytomyremonstrances。
\"Why,we’llbeclamorousforsomethingtodo。\"
Weheldahousewarminginmyhutthenightitwasroofed。Itwastheendofthethirddayofafiercestormwhichhadswungaroundthecompassfromthesoutheasttothenorthwest,andwhichwasthenblowingdirectlyinuponus。Thebeachesoftheoutercovewerethunderingwiththesurf,andeveninourland—lockedinnercovearespectableseawasbreaking。
Nohighbackboneofislandshelteredusfromthewind,anditwhistledandbellowedaboutthehuttillattimesIfearedforthestrengthofthewalls。Theskinroof,stretchedtightlyasadrum—headIhadthought,saggedandbelliedwitheverygust;andinnumerableintersticesinthewalls,notsotightlystuffedwithmossasMaudhadsupposed,disclosedthemselves。
Yettheseal—oilburnedbrightlyandwewerewarmandcomfortable。
Itwasapleasanteveningindeed,andwevotedthatasasocialfunctiononEndeavorIslandithadnotyetbeeneclipsed。Ourmindswereatease。
Notonlyhadweresignedourselvestothebitterwinter,butwewerepreparedforit。Thesealscoulddepartontheirmysteriousjourneyintothesouthatanytime,now,forallwecared;andthestormsheldnoterrorforus。
Notonlywerewesureofbeingdryandwarmandshelteredfromthewind,butwehadthesoftestandmostluxuriousmattressesthatcouldbemadefrommoss。ThishadbeenMaud’sidea,andshehadherselfjealouslygatheredallthemoss。Thiswastobemyfirstnightonthemattress,andIknewIshouldsleepthesweeterbecauseshehadmadeit。
Assherosetogosheturnedtomewiththewhimsicalwayshehad,andsaid:
\"Somethingisgoingtohappen——ishappening,forthatmatter。Ifeelit。Somethingiscominghere,tous。Itiscomingnow。Idon’tknowwhat,butitiscoming。\"
\"Goodorbad?\"Iasked。
Sheshookherhead。\"Idon’tknow,butitisthere,somewhere。\"
Shepointedinthedirectionoftheseaandwind。
\"It’saleeshore,\"Ilaughed,\"andIamsureI’dratherbeherethanarriving,anightlikethis。\"
\"Youarenotfrightened?\"Iasked,asIsteppedtoopenthedoorforher。
Hereyeslookedbravelyintomine。
\"Andyoufeelwell?perfectlywell?\"
\"Neverbetter,\"washeranswer。
Wetalkedalittlelongerbeforeshewent。
\"Goodnight,Maud,\"Isaid。
\"Goodnight,Humphrey,\"shesaid。
Thisuseofourgivennameshadcomeaboutquiteasamatterofcourse,andwasasunpremeditatedasitwasnatural。Inthatmomentcouldhaveputmyarmsaroundheranddrawnhertome。Ishouldcertainlyhavedonesooutinthatworldtowhichwebelonged。Asitwas,thesituationstoppedthereintheonlywayitcould;butIwasleftaloneinmylittlehut,glowingwarmlythroughandthroughwithapleasantsatisfaction;andI
knewthatatie,oratacitsomething,existedbetweenuswhichhadnotexistedbefore。TheSeaWolf:Chapter32CHAPTER32
Iawoke,oppressedbyamysterioussensation。Thereseemedsomethingmissinginmyenvironment。Butthemysteryandoppressivenessvanishedafterthefirstfewsecondsofwaking,whenIidentifiedthemissingsomethingasthewind。Ihadfallenasleepinthatstateofnervetensionwithwhichonemeetsthecontinuousshockofsoundormovement,andIhadawakened,stilltense,bracingmyselftomeetthepressureofsomethingwhichnolongerboreuponme。
ItwasthefirstnightIhadspentundercoverinseveralmonths,andIlayluxuriouslyforsomeminutesundermyblankets,(foroncenotwetwithfogorspray),analyzing,first,theeffectproduceduponmebythecessationofthewind,andnext,thejoywhichwasminefromrestingonthemattressmadebyMaud’shands。WhenIhaddressedandopenedthedoor,Iheardthewavesstilllappingonthebeach,garrulouslyattestingthefuryofthenight。Itwasaclearday,andthesunwasshining。Ihadsleptlate,andIsteppedoutsidewithsuddenenergy,bentuponmakinguplosttimeasbefittedadwelleronEndeavorIsland。
Andwhenoutside,Istoppedshort。Ibelievedmyeyeswithoutquestion,andyetIwasforthemomentstunnedbywhattheydisclosedtome。There,onthebeach,notfiftyfeetaway,bowon,dismasted,wasablack—hulledvessel。Mastsandbooms,tangledwithshrouds,sheets,andrentcanvas,wererubbinggentlyalongside。IcouldhaverubbedmyeyesasIlooked。
Therewasthehome—madegalleywehadbuilt,thefamiliarbreakofthepoop,thelowyacht—cabinscarcelyrisingabovetherail。ItwastheGhost。
Whatfreakoffortunehadbroughtithere——hereofallspots?whatchanceofchances?Ilookedatthebleak,inaccessiblewallatmybackandknewtheprofundityofdespair。Escapewashopeless,outofthequestion。
IthoughtofMaud,asleepthereinthehutwehadreared;Irememberedher\"Goodnight,Humphrey\";\"mywoman,mymate,\"wentringingthroughmybrain,butnow,alas,itwasaknellthatsounded。Theneverythingwentblackbeforemyeyes。
Possiblyitwasthefractionofasecond,butIhadnoknowledgeofhowlonganintervalhadlapsedbeforeIwasmyselfagain。TherelaytheGhost,bowontothebeach,hersplinteredbowspritprojectingoverthesand,hertangledsparsrubbingagainsthersidetotheliftofthecrooningwaves。Somethingmustbedone,mustbedone。
Itcameuponmesuddenly,asstrange,thatnothingmovedaboard。Weariedfromthenightofstruggleandwreck,allhandswereyetasleep,Ithought。
MynextthoughtwasthatMaudandImightyetescape。Ifwecouldtaketotheboatandmakearoundthepointbeforeanyoneawoke?Iwouldcallherandstart。Myhandwasliftedatherdoortoknock,whenIrecollectedthesmallnessoftheisland。Wecouldneverhideourselvesuponit。Therewasnothingforusbutthewiderawocean。Ithoughtofoursnuglittlehuts,oursuppliesofmeatandoilandmossandfirewood,andIknewthatwecouldneversurvivethewintryseaandthegreatstormswhichweretocome。
SoIstood,withhesitantknuckle,withoutherdoor。Itwasimpossible,impossible。Awildthoughtofrushinginandkillingherasshesleptroseinmymind。Andthen,inaflash,thebettersolutioncametome。Allhandswereasleep。WhynotcreepaboardtheGhost,——wellIknewthewaytoWolfLarsen’sbunk,——andkillhiminhissleep?Afterthat——
well,wewouldsee。Butwithhimdeadtherewastimeandspaceinwhichtopreparetodootherthings;andbesides,whatevernewsituationarose,itcouldnotpossiblybeworsethanthepresentone。
Myknifewasatmyhip。Ireturnedtomyhutfortheshotgun,madesureitwasloaded,andwentdowntotheGhost。Withsomedifficulty,andattheexpenseofawettingtothewaist,Iclimbedaboard。Theforecastlescuttlewasopen。Ipausedtolistenforthebreathingofthemen,buttherewasnobreathing。Ialmostgaspedasthethoughtcametome:WhatiftheGhostisdeserted?Ilistenedmoreclosely。Therewasnosound。Icautiouslydescendedtheladder。Theplacehadtheemptyandmustyfeelandsmellusualtoadwellingnolongerinhabited。Everywherewasathicklitterofdiscardedandraggedgarments,oldsea—boots,leakyoilskins——alltheworthlessforecastledunnageofalongvoyage。
Abandonedhastily,wasmyconclusion,asIascendedtothedeck。Hopewasaliveagaininmybreast,andIlookedaboutmewithgreatercoolness。
Inotedthattheboatsweremissing。Thesteeragetoldthesametaleastheforecastle。Thehuntershadpackedtheirbelongingswithsimilarhaste。
TheGhostwasdeserted。ItwasMaud’sandmine。Ithoughtoftheship’sstoresandthelazarettebeneaththecabin,andtheideacametomeofsurprisingMaudwithsomethingniceforbreakfast。
Thereactionfrommyfear,andtheknowledgethattheterribledeedIhadcometodowasnolongernecessary,mademeboyishandeager。Iwentupthesteeragecompanionwaytwostepsatatime,withnothingdistinctinmymindexceptjoyandthehopethatMaudwouldsleeponuntilthesurprisebreakfastwasquitereadyforher。AsIroundedthegalley,anewsatisfactionwasmineatthoughtofallthesplendidcookingutensilsinside。Isprangupthebreakofthepoop,andsaw——WolfLarsen。Whatofmyimpetusandthestunningsurprise,IclatteredthreeorfourstepsalongthedeckbeforeIcouldstopmyself。Hewasstandinginthecompanionway,onlyhisheadandshouldersvisible,staringstraightatme。Hisarmswererestingonthehalf—openslide。Hemadenomovementwhatever——simplystoodthere,staringatme。
Ibegantotremble。Theoldstomachsicknessclutchedme。putonehandontheedgeofthehousetosteadymyself。MylipsseemedsuddenlydryandImoistenedthemagainsttheneedofspeech。Nordidforaninstanttakemyeyesoffhim。Neitherofusspoke。Therewassomethingominousinhissilence,hisimmobility。Allmyoldfearofhimreturnedandbynewfearwasincreasedanhundredfold。Andstillwestood,thepairofus,staringateachother。
Iwasawareofthedemandforaction,and,myoldhelplessnessstronguponme,Iwaswaitingforhimtotaketheinitiative。Then,asthemomentswentby,itcametomethatthesituationwasanalogoustotheoneinwhichIhadapproachedthelong—manedbull,myintentionofclubbingobscuredbyfearuntilitbecameadesiretomakehimrun。SoitwasatlastimpresseduponmethatIwasthere,nottohaveWolfLarsentaketheinitiative,buttotakeitmyself。
Icockedbothbarrelsandlevelledtheshotgunathim。Hadhemoved,attemptedtodropdownthecompanionway,IknowIwouldhaveshothim。