CHAPTERIII
NecessityofReligion—TheGreatIndianOne—Image—worship—Shakespeare—ThePatAnswer—Krishna—Amen。
HAVINGtoldthemaninblackthatIshouldliketoknowallthetruthwithregardtothePopeandhissystem，heassuredmeheshouldbedelightedtogivemealltheinformationinhispower；thathehadcometothedingle，notsomuchforthesakeofthegoodcheerwhichIwasinthehabitofgivinghim，asinthehopeofinducingmetoenlistunderthebannersofRome，andtofightinhercause；andthathehadnodoubtthat，byspeakingoutfranklytome，heranthebestchanceofwinningmeover。
Hethenproceededtotellmethattheexperienceofcountlessageshadprovedthenecessityofreligion；thenecessity，hewouldadmit，wasonlyforsimpletons；butasnine—tenthsofthedwellersuponthisearthweresimpletons，itwouldneverdoforsensiblepeopletoruncountertotheirfolly，but，onthecontrary，itwastheirwisestcoursetoencouragetheminit，alwaysprovidedthat，bysodoing，sensiblepeoplewouldderiveadvantage；thatthetrulysensiblepeopleofthisworldwerethepriests，who，withoutcaringastrawforreligionforitsownsake，madeuseofitasacordbywhichtodrawthesimpletonsafterthem；thatthereweremanyreligionsinthisworld，allofwhichhadbeenturnedtoexcellentaccountbythepriesthood；butthattheonethebestadaptedforthepurposesofpriestcraftwasthepopish，which，hesaid，wastheoldestintheworldandthebestcalculatedtoendure。Onmyinquiringwhathemeantbysayingthepopishreligionwastheoldestintheworld，whereastherecouldbenodoubtthattheGreekandRomanreligionhadexistedlongbeforeit，tosaynothingoftheoldIndianreligionstillinexistenceandvigour；hesaid，withanod，aftertakingasipathisglass，that，betweenmeandhim，thepopishreligion，thatofGreeceandRome，andtheoldIndiansystemwere，inreality，oneandthesame。
\"Youtoldmethatyouintendedtobefrank，\"saidI；\"but，howeverfrankyoumaybe，Ithinkyouareratherwild。\"
\"WepriestsofRome，\"saidthemaninblack，\"eventhoseamongstuswhodonotgomuchabroad，knowagreatdealaboutchurchmatters，ofwhichyouhereticshaveverylittleidea。
ThoseofourbrethrenofthePropaganda，ontheirreturnhomefromdistantmissions，notunfrequentlytellusverystrangethingsrelatingtoourdearmother；forexample，ourfirstmissionariestotheEastwerenotslowindiscoveringandtellingtotheirbrethrenthatourreligionandthegreatIndianonewereidentical，nomoredifferencebetweenthemthanbetweenRamandRome。Priests，convents，beads，prayers，processions，fastings，penances，allthesame，notforgettinganchoritesandvermin，he！he！Thepopetheyfoundunderthetitleofthegrandlama，asuckingchildsurroundedbyanimmensenumberofpriests。Ourgoodbrethren，sometwohundredyearsago，hadaheartylaugh，whichtheirsuccessorshaveoftenre—echoed；theysaidthathelplesssucklinganditspriestsputthemsomuchinmindoftheirownoldman，surroundedbyhiscardinals，he！he！Oldageissecondchildhood。\"
\"DidtheyfindChrist？\"saidI。
\"Theyfoundhimtoo，\"saidthemaninblack，\"thatis，theysawhisimage；heisconsideredinIndiaasapurekindofbeing，andonthataccount，perhaps，iskeptthereratherinthebackground，evenasheishere。\"
\"Allthisisverymysterioustome，\"saidI。
\"Verylikely，\"saidthemaninblack；\"butofthisIamtolerablysure，andsoaremostofthoseofRome，thatmodernRomehaditsreligionfromancientRome，whichhaditsreligionfromtheEast。\"
\"Buthow？\"Idemanded。
\"Itwasbroughtabout，Ibelieve，bythewanderingsofnations，\"saidthemaninblack。\"AbrotherofthePropaganda，averylearnedman，oncetoldme—IdonotmeanMezzofanti，whohasnotfiveideas—thisbrotheroncetoldmethatallweoftheOldWorld，fromCalcuttatoDublin，areofthesamestock，andwereoriginallyofthesamelanguage，and—\"
\"Allofonereligion，\"Iputin。
\"Allofonereligion，\"saidthemaninblack；\"andnowfollowdifferentmodificationsofthesamereligion。\"
\"WeChristiansarenotimage—worshippers，\"saidI。
\"Youhereticsarenot，youmean，\"saidthemaninblack；\"butyouwillbeputdown，justasyouhavealwaysbeen，thoughothersmayriseupafteryou；thetruereligionisimage—
worship；peoplemaystriveagainstit，buttheywillonlyworkthemselvestoanoil；howdiditfarewiththatGreekEmperor，theIconoclast，whatwashisname，LeontheIsaurian？Didnothisimage—breakingcosthimItaly，thefairestprovinceofhisempire，anddidnottenfreshimagesstartupathomeforeveryonewhichhedemolished？Oh！youlittleknowthecravingwhichthesoulsometimesfeelsafteragoodbodilyimage。\"
\"Ihaveindeednoconceptionofit，\"saidI；\"Ihaveanabhorrenceofidolatry—theideaofbowingbeforeagravenfigure！\"
\"Theidea，indeed！\"saidBelle，whohadnowjoinedus。
\"DidyouneverbowbeforethatofShakespeare？\"saidthemaninblack，addressinghimselftome，afteralowbowtoBelle。
\"Idon’trememberthatIeverdid，\"saidI，\"butevensupposeIdid？\"
\"Supposeyoudid，\"saidthemaninblack；\"shameonyou，Mr。
HaterofIdolatry；why，theverysuppositionbringsyoutotheground；youmustmakefiguresofShakespeare，mustyou？
thenwhynotofSt。Antonio，orIgnacio，orofagreaterpersonagestill！Iknowwhatyouaregoingtosay，\"hecried，interruptingme，asIwasabouttospeak。\"Youdon’tmakehisimageinordertopayitdivinehonours，butonlytolookatit，andthinkofShakespeare；butthislookingatathinginordertothinkofapersonistheverybasisofidolatry。Shakespeare’sworksarenotsufficientforyou；nomorearetheBibleorthelegendofSaintAnthonyorSaintIgnacioforus，thatisforthoseofuswhobelieveinthem；
Itellyou，Zingara，thatnoreligioncanexistlongwhichrejectsagoodbodilyimage。\"
\"Doyouthink，\"saidI，\"thatShakespeare’sworkswouldnotexistwithouthisimage？\"
\"Ibelieve，\"saidthemaninblack，\"thatShakespeare’simageislookedatmorethanhisworks，andwillbelookedat，andperhapsadored，whentheyareforgotten。Iamsurprisedthattheyhavenotbeenforgottenlongago；Iamnoadmirerofthem。\"
\"ButIcan’timagine，\"saidI，\"howyouwillputasidetheauthorityofMoses。IfMosesstroveagainstimage—worship，shouldnothisdoingsobeconclusiveastotheimproprietyofthepractice：whathigherauthoritycanyouhavethanthatofMoses？\"
\"Thepracticeofthegreatmajorityofthehumanrace，\"saidthemaninblack，\"andtherecurrencetoimage—worshipwhereimage—worshiphasbeenabolished。DoyouknowthatMosesisconsideredbythechurchasnobetterthanaheretic，andthough，forparticularreasons，ithasbeenobligedtoadopthiswritings，theadoptionwasmerelyashamone，asitneverpaidtheslightestattentiontothem？No，no，thechurchwasneverledbyMoses，norbyonemightierthanhe，whosedoctrineithasequallynullified—IalludetoKrishnainhissecondavatar；thechurch，itistrue，governsinhisname，butnotunfrequentlygiveshimthelie，ifhehappenstohavesaidanythingwhichitdislikes。DidyouneverhearthereplywhichPadrePaoloSeganimadetotheFrenchProtestantJeanAnthoineGuerin，whohadaskedhimwhetheritwaseasierforChristtohavebeenmistakeninhisGospel，thanforthePopetobemistakeninhisdecrees？\"
\"Ineverheardtheirnamesbefore，\"saidI。
\"Theanswerwaspat，\"saidthemaninblack，\"thoughhewhomadeitwasconfessedlythemostignorantfellowoftheveryignorantordertowhichhebelonged，theAugustine。’Christmighterrasaman，’saidhe，’butthePopecannevererr，beingGod。’ThewholestoryisrelatedintheNipotismo。\"
\"IwonderyoushouldeverhavetroubledyourselfwithChristatall，\"saidI。
\"Whatwastobedone？\"saidthemaninblack；\"thepowerofthatnamesuddenlycameoverEurope，likethepowerofamightywind；itwassaidtohavecomefromJudea，andfromJudeaitprobablycamewhenitfirstbegantoagitatemindsintheseparts；butitseemstohavebeenknownintheremoteEast，moreorless，forthousandsofyearspreviously。Itfilledpeople’smindswithmadness；itwasfollowedbybookswhichwerenevermuchregarded，astheycontainedlittleofinsanity；butthename！whatfurythatbreathedintopeople！
thebookswereaboutpeaceandgentleness，butthenamewasthemosthorribleofwar—cries—thosewhowishedtoupholdoldnamesatfirststrovetoopposeit，buttheireffortswerefeeble，andtheyhadnogoodwar—cry；whatwasMarsasawar—crycomparedwiththenameof……？Itwassaidthattheypersecutedterribly，butwhosaidso？TheChristians。
TheChristianscouldhavegiventhemalessonintheartofpersecution，andeventuallydidso。NonebutChristianshaveeverbeengoodpersecutors；well，theoldreligionsuccumbed，Christianityprevailed，fortheferociousissuretoprevailoverthegentle。\"
\"Ithought，\"saidI，\"youstatedalittletimeagothatthePopishreligionandtheancientRomanarethesame？\"
\"Ineverypointbutthatname，thatKrishnaandthefuryandloveofpersecutionwhichitinspired，\"saidthemaninblack。\"AhotblastcamefromtheEast，soundingKrishna；itabsolutelymaddenedpeople’sminds，andthepeoplewouldcallthemselveshischildren；wewillnotbelongtoJupiteranylonger，wewillbelongtoKrishna，andtheydidbelongtoKrishna；thatisinname，butinnothingelse；forwhoevercaredforKrishnaintheChristianworld，orwhoeverregardedthewordsattributedtohim，orputtheminpractice？\"
\"Why，weProtestantsregardhiswords，andendeavourtopractisewhattheyenjoinasmuchaspossible。\"
\"Butyourejecthisimage，\"sadthemaninblack；\"betterrejecthiswordsthanhisimage：noreligioncanexistlongwhichrejectsagoodbodilyimage。Why，theverynegrobarbariansofHighBarbarycouldgiveyoualessononthatpoint；theyhavetheirfetishimages，towhichtheylookforhelpintheirafflictions；theyhavelikewiseahighpriest，whomtheycall—\"
\"MumboJumbo，\"saidI；\"Iknowallabouthimalready。\"
\"Howcameyoutoknowanythingabouthim？\"saidthemaninblack，withalookofsomesurprise。
\"SomeofuspoorProtestantstinkers，\"saidI，\"thoughweliveindingles，arealsoacquaintedwithathingortwo。\"
\"Ireallybelieveyouare，\"saidthemaninblack，staringatme；\"but，inconnectionwiththisMumboJumbo，Icouldrelatetoyouacomicalstoryaboutafellow，anEnglishservant，I
oncemetatRome。\"
\"Itwouldbequiteunnecessary，\"saidI；\"IwouldmuchsoonerhearyoutalkaboutKrishna，hiswordsandimage。\"
\"Spokenlikeatrueheretic，\"saidthemaninblack；\"oneofthefaithfulwouldhaveplacedhisimagebeforehiswords；
forwhatareallthewordsintheworldcomparedwithagoodbodilyimage！\"
\"Ibelieveyouoccasionallyquotehiswords？\"saidI。
\"He！he！\"saidthemaninblack；\"occasionally。\"
\"Forexample，\"saidI，\"uponthisrockIwillfoundmychurch。\"
\"He！he！\"saidthemaninblack；\"youmustreallybecomeoneofus。\"
\"YetyoumusthavehadsomedifficultyingettingtherocktoRome？\"
\"Nonewhatever，\"saidthemaninblack；\"faithcanremovemountains，tosaynothingofrocks—ho！ho！\"
\"ButIcannotimagine，\"saidI，\"whatadvantageyoucouldderivefrompervertingthosewordsofScriptureinwhichtheSaviourtalksabouteatinghisbody。\"
\"Idonotknow，indeed，whywetroubledourheadsaboutthematteratall，\"saidthemaninblack；\"butwhenyoutalkaboutpervertingthemeaningofthetext，youspeakignorantly，Mr。Tinker；whenhewhomyoucalltheSaviourgavehisfollowersthesop，andbadethemeatit，tellingthemitwashisbody，hedelicatelyalludedtowhatitwasincumbentuponthemtodoafterhisdeath，namely，toeathisbody。\"
\"Youdonotmeantosaythatheintendedtheyshouldactuallyeathisbody？\"
\"Thenyousupposeignorantly，\"saidthemaninblack；\"eatingthebodiesofthedeadwasaheathenishcustom，practisedbytheheirsandlegateesofpeoplewholeftproperty；andthiscustomisalludedtointhetext。\"
\"ButwhathastheNewTestamenttodowithheathencustoms，\"
saidI，\"excepttodestroythem？\"
\"Morethanyousuppose，\"saidthemaninblack。\"WepriestsofRome，whohavelonglivedatRome，knowmuchbetterwhattheNewTestamentismadeofthanthehereticsandtheirtheologians，notforgettingtheirTinkers；thoughIconfesssomeofthelatterhaveoccasionallysurprisedus—forexample，Bunyan。TheNewTestamentiscrowdedwithallusionstoheathencustoms，andwithwordsconnectedwithpagansorcery。Now，withrespecttowords，Iwouldfainhaveyou，whopretendtobeaphilologist，tellmethemeaningofAmen。\"
Imadenoanswer。
\"WeofRome，\"saidthemaninblack，\"knowtwoorthreethingsofwhichthehereticsarequiteignorant；forexample，therearethoseamongstus—those，too，whodonotpretendtobephilologists—whoknowwhatAmenis，and，moreover，howwegotit。Wegotitfromourancestors，thepriestsofancientRome；andtheygotthewordfromtheirancestorsoftheEast，thepriestsofBuddhandBrahma。\"
\"Andwhatisthemeaningoftheword？\"Idemanded。
\"Amen，\"saidthemaninblack，\"isamodificationoftheoldHindooformula，Omanibatsikhom，bythealmostceaselessrepetitionofwhichtheIndianshopetobereceivedfinallytotherestorstateofforgetfulnessofBuddhorBrahma；afoolishpracticeyouwillsay，butareyouhereticsmuchwiser，whoarecontinuallystickingAmentotheendofyourprayers，littleknowingwhenyoudoso，thatyouareconsigningyourselvestothereposeofBuddh！Oh，whatheartylaughsourmissionarieshavehadwhencomparingtheeternally—soundingEasterngibberishofOmanibatsikhom，Omanibatsikhom，andtheAveMariaandAmenJesusofourownidioticaldevotees。\"
\"IhavenothingtosayabouttheAveMariasandAmensofyoursuperstitiousdevotees，\"saidI；\"Idaresaythattheyusethemnonsensicallyenough，butinputtingAmentotheendofaprayer，wemerelyintendtoexpress，’Soletitbe。’\"
\"Itmeansnothingofthekind，\"saidthemaninblack；\"andtheHindoosmightjustaswellputyournationaloathattheendoftheirprayers，asperhapstheywillafteragreatmanythousandyears，whenEnglishisforgotten，andonlyafewwordsofitrememberedbydimtraditionwithoutbeingunderstood。Howstrangeif，afterthelapseoffourthousandyears，theHindoosshoulddamnthemselvestotheblindnesssodeartotheirpresentmasters，evenastheirmastersatpresentconsignthemselvestotheforgetfulnesssodeartotheHindoos；butmyglasshasbeenemptyforaconsiderabletime；perhaps，BellissimaBiondina，\"saidhe，addressingBelle，\"youwilldeigntoreplenishit？\"
\"Ishalldonosuchthing，\"saidBelle，\"youhavedrunkquiteenough，andtalkedmorethanenough，andtotellyouthetruthIwishyouwouldleaveusalone。\"
\"Shameonyou，Belle，\"saidI；\"considertheobligationsofhospitality。\"
\"Iamsickofthatword，\"saidBelle，\"youaresofrequentlymisusingit；werethisplacenotMumpers’Dingle，andconsequentlyasfreetothefellowasourselves，Iwouldleadhimoutofit。\"
\"Praybequiet，Belle，\"saidI。\"Youhadbetterhelpyourself，\"saidI，addressingmyselftothemaninblack，\"theladyisangrywithyou。\"
\"Iamsorryforit，\"saidthemaninblack；\"ifsheisangrywithme，Iamnotsowithher，andshallbealwaysproudtowaituponher；inthemeantime，Iwillwaituponmyself。\"
CHAPTERIV
TheProposal—TheScotchNovel—Latitude—Miracles—
PestilentHeretics—OldFraser—WonderfulTexts—NoArmenian。
THEmaninblackhavinghelpedhimselftosomemoreofhisfavouritebeverage，andtastedit，Ithusaddressedhim：\"Theeveningisgettingratheradvanced，andIcanseethatthislady，\"pointingtoBelle，\"isanxiousforhertea，whichshepreferstotakecosilyandcomfortablywithmeinthedingle：
theplace，itistrue，isasfreetoyouastoourselves，nevertheless，aswearelocatedherebynecessity，whilstyoumerelycomeasavisitor，Imusttakethelibertyoftellingyouthatweshallbegladtobealone，assoonasyouhavesaidwhatyouhavetosay，andhavefinishedtheglassofrefreshmentatpresentinyourhand。IthinkyousaidsometimeagothatoneofyourmotivesforcominghitherwastoinducemetoenlistunderthebannerofRome。Iwishtoknowwhetherthatwasreallythecase？\"
\"Decidedlyso，\"saidthemaninblack；\"Icomehereprincipallyinthehopeofenlistingyouinourregiment，inwhichIhavenodoubtyoucoulddousexcellentservice。\"
\"Wouldyouenlistmycompanionaswell？\"Idemanded。
\"Weshouldbeonlytooproudtohaveheramongus，whethershecomeswithyouoralone，\"saidthemaninblack，withapolitebowtoBelle。
\"Beforewegiveyouananswer，\"Ireplied，\"Iwouldfainknowmoreaboutyou；perhapsyouwilldeclareyourname？\"
\"ThatIwillneverdo，\"saidthemaninblack；\"nooneinEnglandknowsitbutmyself，andIwillnotdeclareit，eveninadingle；asfortherest，SONOUNPRETECATTOLICO
APPOSTOLICO—thatisallthatmanyaoneofuscansayforhimself，anditassuredlymeansagreatdeal。\"
\"Wewillnowproceedtobusiness，\"saidI。\"YoumustbeawarethatweEnglisharegenerallyconsideredaself—
interestedpeople。\"
\"Andwithconsiderablejustice，\"saidthemaninblack，drinking。\"Well，youareapersonofacuteperception，andI
willpresentlymakeitevidenttoyouthatitwouldbetoyourinteresttojoinwithus。Youareatpresent，evidently，inveryneedycircumstances，andarelost，notonlytoyourself，buttotheworld；butshouldyouenlistwithus，Icouldfindyouanoccupationnotonlyagreeable，butoneinwhichyourtalentswouldhavefreescope。IwouldintroduceyouinthevariousgrandhouseshereinEngland，towhichIhavemyselfadmission，asasurprisingyounggentlemanofinfinitelearning，whobydintofstudyhasdiscoveredthattheRomanistheonlytruefaith。Itellyouconfidentlythatourpopishfemaleswouldmakeasaint，nay，aGodofyou；theyarefoolsenoughforanything。ThereisonepersoninparticularwithwhomIwouldwishtomakeyouacquainted，inthehopethatyouwouldbeabletohelpmetoperformgoodservicetotheholysee。Heisagoutyoldfellow，ofsomelearning，residinginanoldhall，nearthegreatwesternseaport，andisoneoftheveryfewamongsttheEnglishCatholicspossessingagrainofsense。Ithinkyoucouldhelpustogovernhim，forheisnotunfrequentlydisposedtoberestive，asksusstrangequestions—
occasionallythreatensuswithhiscrutch；andbehavessothatweareoftenafraidthatweshalllosehim，or，rather，hisproperty，whichhehasbequeathedtous，andwhichisenormous。Iamsurethatyoucouldhelpustodealwithhim；
sometimeswithyourhumour，sometimeswithyourlearning，andperhapsoccasionallywithyourfists。\"
\"Andinwhatmannerwouldyouprovideformycompanion？\"saidI。
\"Wewouldplaceheratonce，\"saidthemaninblack，\"inthehouseoftwohighlyrespectableCatholicladiesinthisneighbourhood，whereshewouldbetreatedwitheverycareandconsiderationtillherconversionshouldbeaccomplishedinaregularmanner；wewouldthenremovehertoafemalemonasticestablishment，where，afterundergoingayear’sprobation，duringwhichtimeshewouldbeinstructedineveryelegantaccomplishment，sheshouldtaketheveil。Heradvancementwouldspeedilyfollow，for，withsuchafaceandfigure，shewouldmakeacapitalladyabbess，especiallyinItaly，towhichcountryshewouldprobablybesent；ladiesofherhairandcomplexion—tosaynothingofherheight—beingacuriosityinthesouth。Withalittlecareandmanagementshecouldsoonobtainavastreputationforsanctity；andwhoknowsbutafterherdeathshemightbecomeaglorifiedsaint—he！he！SisterMariaTheresa，forthatisthenameI
proposeyoushouldbear。HolyMotherMariaTheresa—
glorifiedandcelestialsaint，Ihavethehonourofdrinkingtoyourhealth，\"andthemaninblackdrank。
\"Well，Belle，\"saidI，\"whathaveyoutosaytothegentleman’sproposal？\"
\"ThatifhegoesoninthiswayIwillbreakhisglassagainsthismouth。\"
\"Youhaveheardthelady’sanswer，\"saidI。
\"Ihave，\"saidthemaninblack，\"andshallnotpressthematter。Ican’thelp，however，repeatingthatshewouldmakeacapitalladyabbess；shewouldkeepthenunsinorder，I
warranther；noeasymatter！Breaktheglassagainstmymouth—he！he！Howshewouldsendtheholyutensilsflyingatthenuns’headsoccasionally，andjustthepersontowringthenoseofSatan，shouldheventuretoappearonenightinhercellintheshapeofahandsomeblackman。Nooffence，madam，nooffence，prayretainyourseat，\"saidhe，observingthatBellehadstartedup；\"Imeannooffence。Well，ifyouwillnotconsenttobeanabbess，perhapsyouwillconsenttofollowthisyoungZingaro，andtoco—operatewithhimandus。
Iamapriest，madam，andcanjoinyoubothinaninstant，CONNUBIOSTABILI，asIsupposetheknothasnotbeentiedalready。\"
\"Holdyourmumpinggibberish，\"saidBelle，\"andleavethedinglethismoment，forthough’tisfreetoeveryone，youhavenorighttoinsultmeinit。\"
\"Praybepacified，\"saidItoBelle，gettingup，andplacingmyselfbetweenherandthemaninblack，\"hewillpresentlyleave，takemywordforit—there，sitdownagain，\"saidI，asIledhertoherseat；then，resumingmyown，Isaidtothemaninblack：\"Iadviseyoutoleavethedingleassoonaspossible。\"
\"Ishouldwishtohaveyouranswertomyproposalfirst，\"
saidhe。
\"Well，then，hereyoushallhaveit：Iwillnotentertainyourproposal；Idetestyourschemes：theyarebothwickedandfoolish。\"
\"Wicked，\"saidthemaninblack，\"havetheynot—he！he！—
thefurtheranceofreligioninview？\"
\"Areligion，\"saidI，\"inwhichyouyourselfdonotbelieve，andwhichyoucontemn。\"
\"WhetherIbelieveinitornot，\"saidthemaninblack，\"itisadaptedforthegeneralityofthehumanrace；soIwillforwardit，andadviseyoutodothesame。Itwasnearlyextirpatedintheseregions，butitisspringingupagain，owingtocircumstances。Radicalismisagoodfriendtous；
alltheliberalslaudupoursystemoutofhatredtotheEstablishedChurch，thoughoursystemistentimeslessliberalthantheChurchofEngland。Someofthemhavereallycomeovertous。ImyselfconfessabaronetwhopresidedoverthefirstradicalmeetingeverheldinEngland—hewasanatheistwhenhecameovertous，inthehopeofmortifyinghisownchurch—butheisnow—ho！ho！—arealCatholicdevotee—quiteafraidofmythreats；Imakehimfrequentlyscourgehimselfbeforeme。Well，Radicalismdoesusgoodservice，especiallyamongstthelowerclasses，forRadicalismchieflyflourishesamongstthem；forthoughabaronetortwomaybefoundamongsttheradicals，andperhapsasmanylords—fellowswhohavebeendiscardedbytheirownorderforclownishness，orsomethingtheyhavedone—itincontestablyflourishesbestamongthelowerorders。Thentheloveofwhatisforeignisagreatfriendtous；thisloveischieflyconfinedtothemiddleandupperclasses。SomeadmiretheFrench，andimitatethem；othersmustneedsbeSpaniards，dressthemselvesupinazamarra，stickacigarintheirmouth，andsay，’Carajo。’OtherswouldpassforGermans；he！
he！theideaofanyonewishingtopassforaGerman！butwhathasdoneusmoreservicethananythingelseintheseregions—Imeanamidstthemiddleclasses—hasbeenthenovel，theScotchnovel。Thegoodfolks，sincetheyhavereadthenovels，havebecomeJacobites；and，becausealltheJacobswerePapists，thegoodfolksmustbecomePapistsalso，or，atleast，papisticallyinclined。TheveryScotchPresbyterians，sincetheyhavereadthenovels，arebecomeallbutPapists；Ispeakadvisedly，havinglatelybeenamongstthem。There’satrumperybitofahalfpapistsect，calledtheScotchEpiscopalianChurch，whichlaydormantandnearlyforgottenforupwardsofahundredyears，whichhasoflategotwonderfullyintofashioninScotland，because，forsooth，someofthelong—hairedgentryofthenovelsweresaidtobelongtoit，suchasMontroseandDundee；andtothisthePresbyteriansaregoingoverinthrongs，traducingandvilifyingtheirownforefathers，ordenyingthemaltogether，andcallingthemselvesdescendantsof—ho！ho！
ho！—ScottishCavaliers！！！IhaveheardthemmyselfrepeatingsnatchesofJacobitedittiesabout’BonnieDundee，’
and—
\"’Come，fillupmycup，andfillupmycan，Andsaddlemyhorse，andcallupmyman。’
There’sstuffforyou！NotthatIobjecttothefirstpartoftheditty。ItisnaturalenoughthataScotchmanshouldcry，’Come，fillupmycup！’moreespeciallyifhe’sdrinkingatanotherperson’sexpense—allScotchmenbeingfondofliquoratfreecost：but’Saddlehishorse！！！’—forwhatpurpose，Iwouldask？Whereistheuseofsaddlingahorse，unlessyoucanridehim？andwherewasthereeveraScotchmanwhocouldride？\"
\"OfcourseyouhavenotadropofScotchbloodinyourveins，\"saidI，\"otherwiseyouwouldneverhaveutteredthatlastsentence。\"
\"Don’tbetoosureofthat，\"saidthemaninblack；\"youknowlittleofPoperyifyouimaginethatitcannotextinguishloveofcountry，eveninaScotchman。Athorough—goingPapist—andwhomorethorough—goingthanmyself？—caresnothingforhiscountry；andwhyshouldhe？hebelongstoasystem，andnottoacountry。\"
\"Onething，\"saidI，\"connectedwithyou，Icannotunderstand；youcallyourselfathorough—goingPapist，yetarecontinuallysayingthemostpungentthingsagainstPopery，andturningtounboundedridiculethosewhoshowanyinclinationtoembraceit。\"
\"Romeisaverysensibleoldbody，\"saidthemaninblack，\"andlittlecareswhatherchildrensay，providedtheydoherbidding。Sheknowsseveralthings，andamongstothers，thatnoservantsworksohardandfaithfullyasthosewhocursetheirmastersateverystroketheydo。ShewasnotfoolenoughtobeangrywiththeMiqueletsofAlba，whorenouncedher，andcalledher’puta’allthetimetheywerecuttingthethroatsoftheNetherlanders。Now，ifsheallowedherfaithfulsoldiersthelatitudeofrenouncingher，andcallingher’puta’inthemarket—place，thinknotsheissounreasonableastoobjecttoherfaithfulpriestsoccasionallycallingher’puta’inthedingle。\"
\"But，\"saidI，\"supposesomeoneweretotelltheworldsomeofthedisorderlythingswhichherpriestssayinthedingle？\"
\"HewouldhavethefateofCassandra，\"saidthemaninblack；
\"noonewouldbelievehim—yes，thepriestswould：buttheywouldmakenosignofbelief。TheybelieveintheAlcorandesCordeliers—thatis，thosewhohavereadit；buttheymakenosign。\"
