everwrotefablesinArmenian；butyecouldn’thelpyourselves，yeareduncie。Weduncie！Ay，duncie。Sohereyeareheldupbythetails，bloodandfoamstreamingfromyourjaws。
Thewriterwishestoaskhere，whatdoyouthinkofallthis，MessieurslesCritiques？Wereyeeverservedsobefore？Butdon’tyourichlydeserveit？Haven’tyoubeenforyearspastbullyingandinsultingeverybodywhomyoudeemedweak，andcurryingfavourwitheverybodywhomyouthoughtstrong？\"Weapproveofthis。Wedisapproveofthat。Oh，thiswillneverdo。Thesearefinelines！\"ThelinesperhapssomehorridsycophanticrubbishaddressedtoWellington，orLordSo—and—
so。Tohaveyourignorancethusexposed，tobeshownupinthismanner，andbywhom？Agypsy！Ay，agypsywastheveryrightpersontodoit。Butisitnotgalling，afterall？
\"Ah，butWEdon’tunderstandArmenian，itcannotbeexpectedthatWEshouldunderstandArmenian，orWelsh，or—Hey，what’sthis？ThemightyWEnotunderstandArmenianorWelsh，or—ThenwhydoesthemightyWEpretendtoreviewabooklikeLavengro？Fromthearrogancewithwhichitcontinuallydeliversitself，onewouldthinkthatthemightyWEisomniscient；thatitunderstandseverylanguage；isversedineveryliterature；yetthemightyWEdoesnotevenknowthewordforbreadinArmenian。ItknowsbreadwellenoughbynameinEngland，andfrequentlybreadinEnglandonlybyitsname，butthetruthis，thatthemightyWE，withallitspretension，isingeneralaverysorrycreature，who，insteadofsayingnousdisons，shouldrathersaynousdis：Pornyinhis\"GuerredesDieux，\"veryprofanelymakesthethreeinonesay，Jefaisons；now，Lavengro，whoisanythingbutprofane，wouldsuggestthatcritics，especiallymagazineandSundaynewspapercritics，shouldcommencewithnousdis，asthefirstwordwouldbesignificantoftheconceitandassumptionofthecritic，andthesecondoftheextentofthecritic’sinformation。TheWEsaysitssay，butwhenfawningsycophancyorvulgarabusearetakenfromthatsay，whatremains？Whyablank，avoidlikeGinnungagap。
Asthewriter，ofhisownaccord，hasexposedsomeoftheblemishesofhisbook—atask，whichacompetentcriticoughttohavedone—hewillnowpointouttwoorthreeofitsmerits，whichanycritic，notaltogetherblindedwithignorancemighthavedone，ornotrepletewithgallandenvywouldhavebeengladtodo。Thebookhasthemeritofcommunicatingafactconnectedwithphysiology，whichinallthepagesofthemultitudeofbookswasneverpreviouslymentioned—themysteriouspracticeoftouchingobjectstobaffletheevilchance。Themiserabledetractorwill，ofcourse，instantlybegintoraveaboutsuchahabitbeingcommon：wellandgood；butwasiteverbeforedescribedinprint，orallconnectedwithitdissected？HemaythenvociferatesomethingaboutJohnsonhavingtouched：—thewritercaresnotwhetherJohnson，who，bythebye，duringthelasttwentyorthirtyyears，owingtopeoplehavingbecomeultraTorymadfromreadingScott’snovelsandthe\"QuarterlyReview，\"hasbeenamightyfavourite，especiallywithsomewhowereinthehabitofcallinghimahalfcrazyoldfool—
touched，orwhetherhedidornot；butheaskswheredidJohnsoneverdescribethefeelingswhichinducedhimtoperformthemagictouch，evensupposingthathedidperformit？Again，thehistorygivesanaccountofacertainbookcalledthe\"SleepingBard，\"themostremarkableproseworkofthemostdifficultlanguagebutone，ofmodernEurope，—abook，foranoticeofwhich，hebelieves，onemightturnoverinvainthepagesofanyreviewprintedinEngland，or，indeed，elsewhere。—Soherearetwofacts，oneliteraryandtheotherphysiological，forwhichanycandidcriticwasboundtothanktheauthor，evenasinRomanyRyethereisafactconnectedwithIroNormanMyth，forthedisclosingofwhich，anypersonwhopretendstohavearegardforliteratureisboundtothankhim，namely，thatthemysteriousFinnorFingalof\"Ossian’sPoems\"isoneandthesamepersonastheSigurdFofnisbaneoftheEddaandtheWilkina，andtheSiegfriedHornoftheLayoftheNiebelungs。
Thewritermighthereconclude，and，hebelieves，mosttriumphantly；as，however，heisinthecueforwriting，whichheseldomis，hewillforhisowngratification，andforthesakeofothers，droppingmetaphorsaboutvipersandserpents，showupinparticulartwoorthreesetsorcliquesofpeople，who，heishappytosay，havebeenparticularlyvirulentagainsthimandhiswork，fornothingindeedcouldhavegivenhimgreatermortificationthantheirpraise。
Inthefirstplace，hewishestodisposeofcertainindividualswhocallthemselvesmenofwitandfashion—
abouttown—whoheistoldhaveabusedhisbook\"vaustly\"—
theirownword。Thesepeoplepainttheircheeks，wearwhitekidgloves，anddabbleinliterature，orwhattheyconceivetobeliterature。Forabusefromsuchpeople，thewriterwasprepared。Doesanyoneimaginethatthewriterwasnotwellaware，beforehepublishedhisbook，that，wheneverhegaveittotheworld，heshouldbeattackedbyeveryliterarycoxcombinEnglandwhohadinfluenceenoughtoprocuretheinsertionofascurrilousarticleinamagazineornewspaper！
HehasbeeninSpain，andhasseenhowinvariablythemuleattacksthehorse；nowwhydoesthemuleattackthehorse？
Why，becausethelattercarriesaboutwithhimthatwhichtheenvioushermaphroditedoesnotpossess。
Theyconsider，forsooth，thathisbookislow—butheisnotgoingtowastewordsaboutthem—oneortwoofwhom，heistold，havewrittenverydunciebooksaboutSpain，andarehighlyenragedwithhim，becausecertainbookswhichhewroteaboutSpainwerenotconsideredduncie。No，heisnotgoingtowastewordsuponthem，forverilyhedislikestheircompany，andsohe’llpassthemby，andproceedtoothers。
TheScotchCharlieo’erthewaterpeoplehavebeenveryloudintheabuseofLavengro—thisagainmightbeexpected；thesarcasmsofthePriestabouttheCharlieo’erthewaternonsenseofcoursestungthem。Oh！itisoneoftheclaimswhichLavengrohastorespect，thatitisthefirst，ifnottheonlywork，inwhichthatnonsenseis，toacertainextent，exposed。TwoorthreeoftheirremarksonpassagesofLavengro，hewillreproduceandlaughat。OfcourseyourCharlieo’erthewaterpeoplearegenteelexceedingly，andcannotabideanythinglow。Gypsyismtheythinkisparticularlylow，andtheuseofgypsywordsinliteraturebeneathitsgentility；sotheyobjecttogypsywordsbeingusedinLavengrowheregypsiesareintroducedspeaking—
\"WhatisRomanyforsooth？\"saythey。Verygood！AndwhatisScotch？hasnotthepublicbeennauseatedwithScotchforthelastthirtyyears？\"Ay，butScotchisnot\"—thewriterbelievesheknowsmuchbetterthantheScotchwhatScotchisandwhatitisnot；hehastoldthembeforewhatitis，averysorryjargon。Hewillnowtellthemwhatitisnot—asisteroranimmediatedaughteroftheSanscrit，whichRomanyis。\"Ay，buttheScotchare\"—foxes，foxes，nothingelsethanfoxes，evenlikethegypsies—thedifferencebetweenthegypsyandScotchfoxbeingthatthefirstiswild，withamightybrush，theotherasneakwithagiltcollarandwithoutatail。
ACharlieo’erthewaterpersonattemptstobewitty，becausethewriterhassaidthatperhapsacertainoldEdinburghHigh—Schoolporter，ofthenameofBoee，wasperhapsofthesamebloodasacertainBui，aNorthernKempwhodistinguishedhimselfatthebattleofHoringerBay。A
prettymatter，forsooth，toexcitetheridiculeofaScotchman！Why，isthereabeggarortrumperyfellowinScotland，whodoesnotpretendtobesomebody，orrelatedtosomebody？IsnoteveryScotchmandescendedfromsomeking，kemp，orcow—stealerofold，byhisownaccountatleast？
Why，thewriterwouldevengosofarastobetatriflethatthepoorcreature，whoridiculesBoee’ssupposedancestry，hasoneofhisown，atleastasgrandandasapocryphalasoldBoee’softheHighSchool。
ThesameCharlieo’erthewaterpersonismightilyindignantthatLavengroshouldhavespokendisrespectfullyofWilliamWallace；Lavengro，whenhespeaksofthatpersonage，beingachildofabouttenyearsold，andrepeatingmerelywhathehadheard。AlltheScotch，bythebye，foragreatmanyyearspast，havebeengreatadmirersofWilliamWallace，particularlytheCharlieo’erthewaterpeople，whointheirnonsense—versesaboutCharliegenerallycontrivetobringinthenameofWilliam，Willie，orWullieWallace。ThewriterbegsleavetosaythathebynomeanswishestobearhardagainstWilliamWallace，buthecannothelpaskingwhy，ifWilliam，Willie，orWullieWallacewassuchaparticularlyniceperson，didhisbrotherScotsbetrayhimtoacertainrenownedsouthernwarrior，calledEdwardLongshanks，whocausedhimtobehangedandcutintofourinLondon，andhisquarterstobeplacedoverthegatesofcertaintowns？Theygotgold，itistrue，andtitles，verynicethings，nodoubt；
but，surely，thelifeofapatriotisbetterthanallthegoldandtitlesintheworld—atleastLavengrothinksso—
butLavengrohaslivedmorewithgypsiesthanScotchmen，andgypsiesdonotbetraytheirbrothers。Itwouldbesometimebeforeagypsywouldhandoverhisbrothertotheharum—beck，evensupposingyouwouldnotonlymakehimaking，butajusticeofthepeace，andnotonlygivehimtheworld，butthebestfarmontheHolkhamestate；butgypsiesarewildfoxes，andthereiscertainlyawonderfuldifferencebetweenthewayofthinkingofthewildfoxwhoretainshisbrush，andthatofthescurvykennelcreaturewhohaslosthistail。
Ah！butthousandsofScotch，andparticularlytheCharlieo’erthewaterpeople，willsay，\"Wedidn’tsellWillieWallace，itwasourforbearswhosoldWillieWallace—IfEdwardLongshankshadaskedustosellWullieWallace，wewouldsoonhaveshownhimthat—\"Lordbetterye，yepoortrumperysetofcreatures，yewouldnothaveactedabitbetterthanyourforefathers；rememberhowyehaveevertreatedthefewamongstyewho，thoughborninthekennel，haveshownsomethingofthespiritofthewood。Manyofyearestillalivewhodeliveredovermen，quiteashonestandpatrioticasWilliamWallace，intothehandsofanEnglishminister，tobechainedandtransportedformerelyventuringtospeakandwriteinthecauseofhumanity，atthetimewhenEuropewasbeginningtoflingoffthechainsimposedbykingsandpriests。AnditisnotsoverylongsinceBurns，towhomyearenowbuildingupobelisksratherhigherthanhedeserves，waspermittedbyhiscountrymentodieinpovertyandmisery，becausehewouldnotjoinwiththeminsongsofadulationtokingsandthetrumperygreat。SosaynotthatyewouldhaveactedwithrespecttoWilliamWallaceonewhitbetterthanyourfathers—andyouinparticular，yechildrenofCharlie，whomdoyewritenonsense—versesabout？Afamilyofdastarddespots，whodidtheirbest，duringacenturyandmore，totreadoutthefewsparksofindependentfeelingstillglowinginScotland—butenoughhasbeensaidaboutye。
AmongstthosewhohavebeenprodigalinabuseanddefamationofLavengro，havebeenyourmodernRadicals，andparticularlyasetofpeoplewhofilledthecountrywithnoiseagainsttheKingandQueen，Wellington，andtheTories，in’32。Aboutthesepeoplethewriterwillpresentlyhaveoccasiontosayagooddeal，andalsoofrealRadicals。As，however，itmaybesupposedthatheisoneofthosewhodelighttoplaythesycophanttokingsandqueens，tocurryfavourwithTories，andtobepraiseWellington，hebegsleavetostatethatsuchisnotthecase。
Aboutkingsandqueenshehasnothingtosay；aboutTories，simplythathebelievesthemtobeabadset；aboutWellington，however，itwillbenecessaryforhimtosayagooddeal，ofmixedimport，ashewillsubsequentlyfrequentlyhaveoccasiontomentionhiminconnectionwithwhathehastosayaboutpseudo—Radicals。
CHAPTERX
Pseudo—Radicals。
ABOUTWellington，then，hesays，thathebelieveshimatthepresentdaytobeinfinitelyoverrated。Buttherecertainlywasatimewhenhewasshamefullyunderrated。Nowwhattimewasthat？Whythetimeofpseudo—Radicalism，parexcellence，from’20to’32。Oh，theabusethatwasheapedonWellingtonbythosewhotradedinRadicalcant—yournewspapereditorsandreviewwriters！andhowhewassneeredatthenbyyourWhigs，andhowfaintlysupportedhewasbyyourTories，whowerehalfashamedofhim；foryourTories，thoughcapitalfellowsasfollowers，whenyouwantnobodytobackyou，arethefaintestcreaturesintheworldwhenyoucryinyouragony，\"Comeandhelpme！\"Oh，assuredlyWellingtonwasinfamouslyusedatthattime，especiallybyyourtradersinRadicalism，whohowledatandhootedhim；saidhehadeveryvice—wasnogeneral—wasbeatenatWaterloo—wasapoltroon—moreoverapoorilliteratecreature，whocouldscarcelyreadorwrite；nay，aprincipalRadicalpapersaidboldlyhecouldnotread，anddevisedaningeniousplanforteachingWellingtonhowtoread。Nowthiswastoobad；andthewriter，beingaloverofjustice，frequentlyspokeupforWellington，saying，thatasforvice，hewasnotworsethanhisneighbours；thathewasbrave；thathewonthefightatWaterloo，fromahalf—deadman，itistrue，butthathedidwinit。Also，thathebelievedhehadread\"RulesfortheManualandPlatoonExercises\"tosomepurpose；moreover，thathewassurehecouldwrite，forthathethewriterhadoncewrittentoWellington，andhadreceivedananswerfromhim；
nay，thewriteroncewentsofarastostrikeablowforWellington；forthelasttimeheusedhisfistswasuponaRadicalsub—editor，whowasmobbingWellingtoninthestreet，frombehindarankofgrimyfellows；butthoughthewriterspokeupforWellingtontoacertainextent，whenhewasshamefullyunderrated，andoncestruckablowforhimwhenhewasaboutbeinghustled，heisnotgoingtojoinintheloathsomesycophanticnonsensewhichithasbeenthefashiontousewithrespecttoWellingtontheselasttwentyyears。
NowwhathavethoseyearsbeentoEngland！Whytheyearsofultra—gentility，everybodyinEnglandhavinggonegentilitymadduringthelasttwentyyears，andnopeoplemoresothanyourpseudo—Radicals。Wellingtonwasturnedout，andyourWhigsandRadicalsgotin，andthencommencedtheperiodofultra—gentilityinEngland。TheWhigsandRadicalsonlyhatedWellingtonaslongasthepatronageofthecountrywasinhishands，noneofwhichtheyweretolerablysurehewouldbestowonthem；butnosoonerdidtheygetitintotheirown，thantheyforthwithbecameadmirersofWellington。Andwhy？
Becausehewasaduke，pettedatWindsorandbyforeignprinces，andaverygenteelpersonage。FormerlymanyofyourWhigsandRadicalshadscarcelyadecentcoatontheirbacks；
butnowtheplunderofthecountrywasattheirdisposal，andtheyhadasgoodachanceofbeinggenteelasanypeople。SotheywerewillingtoworshipWellingtonbecausehewasverygenteel，andcouldnotkeeptheplunderofthecountryoutoftheirhands。AndWellingtonhasbeenworshipped，andprettilyso，duringthelastfifteenortwentyyears。Heisnowanoblefine—heartedcreature；thegreatestgeneraltheworldeverproduced；thebravestofmen；and—and—mercyuponus！thegreatestofmilitarywriters！Nowthepresentwriterwillnotjoininsuchsycophancy。AshewasnotafraidtotakethepartofWellingtonwhenhewasscurvilyusedbyallparties，andwhenitwasdangeroustotakehispart，soheisnotafraidtospeakthenakedtruthaboutWellingtoninthesedays，whenitisdangeroustosayanythingabouthimbutwhatissycophanticallylaudatory。Hesaidin’32，thatastovice，Wellingtonwasnotworsethanhisneighbours；butheisnotgoingtosay，in’54，thatWellingtonwasanoble—heartedfellow；forhebelievesthatamorecold—heartedindividualneverexisted。HisconducttoWarner，thepoorVaudois，andMarshalNey，showedthat。Hesaid，in’32，thathewasagoodgeneralandabraveman；butheisnotgoing，in’54，tosaythathewasthebestgeneral，orthebravestmantheworldeversaw。Englandhasproducedabettergeneral—Francetwoorthree—bothcountriesmanybravermen。ThesonoftheNorfolkclergymanwasabraveman；MarshalNeywasabraverman。Oh，thatbattleofCopenhagen！Oh，thatcoveringtheretreatoftheGrandArmy！
Andthoughhesaidin’32thathecouldwrite，heisnotgoingtosayin’54thatheisthebestofallmilitarywriters。Onthecontrary，hedoesnothesitatetosaythatanyCommentaryofJuliusCaesar，oranychapterinJustinus，moreespeciallytheoneabouttheParthians，isworththetenvolumesofWellington’sDespatches；thoughhehasnodoubtthat，bysayingso，heshallespeciallyrousetheindignationofacertainnewspaper，atpresentoneofthemostgenteeljournalsimaginable—withaslighttendencytoLiberalism，itistrue，butperfectlygenteel—whichisneverthelesstheveryonewhich，in’32，sworebodilythatWellingtoncouldneitherreadnorwrite，anddevisedaningeniousplanforteachinghimhowtoread。
Now，aftertheabovestatement，noonewillventuretosay，ifthewritershouldbedisposedtobearharduponRadicals，thathewouldbeinfluencedbyadesiretopaycourttoprinces，ortocurryfavourwithTories，orfrombeingablindadmireroftheDukeofWellington；butthewriterisnotgoingtodeclaimagainstRadicals，thatis，realRepublicans，ortheirprinciples；uponthewhole，heissomethingofanadmirerofboth。Thewriterhasalwayshadasmuchadmirationforeverythingthatisrealandhonestashehashadcontemptfortheopposite。NowrealRepublicanismiscertainlyaveryfinething，amuchfinerthingthanToryism，asystemofcommonrobbery，whichisneverthelessfarbetterthanWhiggism（7）—acompoundofpettylarceny，popularinstruction，andreceivingofstolengoods。Yes，realRepublicanismiscertainlyaveryfinething，andyourrealRadicalsandRepublicansarecertainlyveryfinefellows，orratherwerefinefellows，fortheLordonlyknowswheretofindthematthepresentday—thewriterdoesnot。
Ifhedid，hewouldatanytimegofivemilestoinviteoneofthemtodinner，evensupposingthathehadtogotoaworkhouseinordertofindthepersonhewishedtoinvite。
AmongsttherealRadicalsofEngland，thosewhoflourishedfromtheyear’16to’20，therewerecertainlyextraordinarycharacters，menpartiallyinsane，perhaps，buthonestandbrave—theydidnotmakeamarketoftheprincipleswhichtheyprofessed，andneverintendedtodoso；theybelievedinthem，andwerewillingtorisktheirlivesinendeavouringtocarrythemout。Thewriterwishestospeakinparticularoftwoofthesemen，bothofwhomperishedonthescaffold—
theirnameswereThistlewoodandIngs。Thistlewood，thebestknownofthem，wasabravesoldier，andhadservedwithdistinctionasanofficerintheFrenchservice；hewasoneoftheexcellentswordsmenofEurope；hadfoughtseveralduelsinFrance，whereitisnochild’splaytofightaduel；
buthadneverunsheathedhisswordforsinglecombat，butindefenceofthefeebleandinsulted—hewaskindandopen—
hearted，butoftoogreatsimplicity；hehadoncetenthousandpoundslefthim，allofwhichhelenttoafriend，whodisappearedandneverreturnedapenny。Ingswasanuneducatedman，ofverylowstature，butamazingstrengthandresolution；hewasakindhusbandandfather，andthoughahumblebutcher，thenameheborewasoneoftheroyalnamesoftheheathenAnglo—Saxons。Thesetwomen，alongwithfiveothers，wereexecuted，andtheirheadshackedoff，forlevyingwaragainstGeorgetheFourth；thewholesevendyinginamannerwhichextortedcheersfromthepopulace；themostofthenutteringphilosophicalorpatrioticsayings。
Thistlewood，whowas，perhaps，themostcalmandcollectedofall，justbeforehewasturnedoff，said，\"Wearenowgoingtodiscoverthegreatsecret。\"Ings，themomentbeforehewaschoked，wassinging\"Scotswhaha’wi’Wallacebled。\"
Nowtherewasnohumbugaboutthosemen，noraboutmanymoreofthesametimeandofthesameprinciples。TheymightbedeludedaboutRepublicanism，asAlgernonSidneywas，andasBrutuswas，buttheywereashonestandbraveaseitherBrutusorSidney；andaswillingtodiefortheirprinciples。
ButtheRadicalswhosucceededthemwerebeingsofaverydifferentdescription；theyjobbedandtradedinRepublicanism，andeitherpartedwithit，oratthepresentdayareeagertopartwithitforaconsideration。InordertogettheWhigsintopower，andthemselvesplaces，theybroughtthecountrybytheirinflammatorylanguagetothevergeofarevolution，andwerethecausethatmanyperishedonthescaffold；bytheirincendiaryharanguesandnewspaperarticlestheycausedtheBristolconflagration，forwhichsixpoorcreatureswereexecuted；theyencouragedthemobtopillage，pulldownandburn，andthenrushingintogarretslookedon。ThistlewoodtellsthemobtheTowerisasecondBastile；letitbepulleddown。AmobtriestopulldowntheTower；butThistlewoodisattheheadofthatmob；heisnotpeepingfromagarretonTowerHilllikeGulliveratLisbon。
ThistlewoodandIngssaytotwentyraggedindividuals，LiverpoolandCastlereagharetwosatellitesofdespotism；itwouldbehighlydesirabletoputthemoutoftheway。AndacertainnumberofraggedindividualsaresurprisedinastableinCatoStreet，makingpreparationstoputCastlereaghandLiverpooloutoftheway，andarefireduponwithmusketsbyGrenadiers，andarehackedatwithcutlassesbyBowStreetrunners；butthetwainwhoencouragedthoseraggedindividualstomeetinCatoStreetarenotfaroff，theyarenotontheothersideoftheriver，intheBorough，forexample，insomegarretorobscurecellar。TheveryfirsttoconfronttheGuardsandrunnersareThistlewoodandIngs；
ThistlewoodwhipshislongthinrapierthroughSmithers’
lungs，andIngsmakesadashatFitzclarencewithhisbutcher’sknife。Oh，therewassomethinginthosefellows！
honestyandcourage—butcanasmuchbesaidfortheincitersofthetroublesof’32？No；theyeggedonpoorignorantmechanicsandrustics，andgotthemhangedforpullingdownandburning，whilstthehighestpitchtowhichtheirowndaringevermountedwastomobWellingtonashepassedinthestreets。
Now，thesepeoplewerehumbugs，whichThistlewoodandIngswerenot。Theyravedandfoamedagainstkings，queens，Wellington，thearistocracy，andwhatnot，tilltheyhadgottheWhigsintopower，withwhomtheywereinsecretalliance，andwithwhomtheyafterwardsopenlyjoinedinasystemofrobberyandcorruption，moreflagitiousthantheoldToryone，becausetherewasmorecantaboutit；forthemselvestheygotconsulships，commissionerships，andinsomeinstancesgovernments；fortheirsonsclerkshipsinpublicoffices；andthereyoumayseethosesonswiththenever—
failingbadgeofthelowscoundrel—puppy，thegiltchainatthewaistcoatpocket；andthereyoumayhearandseethemusingthelanguishingtones，andemployingtheairsandgraceswhichwenchesuseandemploy，who，withoutbeinginthefamilyway，wishtomaketheirkeepersbelievethattheyareinthefamilyway。AssuredlygreatistheclevernessofyourRadicalsof’32，inprovidingforthemselvesandtheirfamilies。Yet，cleverastheyare，thereisonethingtheycannotdo—theygetgovernmentsforthemselves，commissionershipsfortheirbrothers，clerkshipsfortheirsons，butthereisonethingbeyondtheircraft—theycannotgethusbandsfortheirdaughters，who，toouglyformarriage，andwiththeirheadsfilledwiththenonsensetheyhaveimbibedfromgentility—novels，gooverfromSocinustothePope，becomingsistersinfustyconvents，orhavingheardafewsermonsinMr。Platitude’s\"chapelle，\"seekforadmissionattheestablishmentofmotherS—，who，afteremployingthemforatimeinvariousmenialoffices，andmakingthempluckofftheireyebrowshairbyhair，generallydismissesthemonthepleaofsluttishness；whereupontheyreturntotheirpapastoeatthebreadofthecountry，withthecomfortableprospectofeatingitstillintheshapeofapensionaftertheirsiresaredead。Papa（exunodisceomnes）livingasquietlyashecan；notexactlyenviably，itistrue，beingnowandthenseentocastanuneasyandfurtiveglancebehind，evenasananimaliswont，whohaslostbysomemischanceaveryslightappendage；asquietlyhoweverashecan，andasdignifiedly，agreatadmirerofeverygenteelthingandgenteelpersonage，theDukeinparticular，whose\"Despatches，\"boundinredmorocco，youwillfindonhistable。Adislikerofcoarseexpressions，andextremesofeverykind，withaperfecthorrorforrevolutionsandattemptstorevolutionize，exclaimingnowandthen，asashriekescapesfromwhippedandbleedingHungary，agroanfromgaspingPoland，andahalf—stifledcursefromdown—
