\"Oh————\"Annacried,andhidherface。
Thegirlwalkedacrosstheroomandpausedagaininthedoorway。Fromtheresheflungback:\"Iwantedit——Ichoseit。Hewasgoodtome——nooneeverwassogood!\"
Thedoor—handleturned,andAnnaheardhergo。
XXIX
Herfirstthoughtwas:\"He’sgoingtooinafewhours——I
needn’tseehimagainbeforeheleaves……\"AtthatmomentthepossibilityofhavingtolookinDarrow’sfaceandhearhimspeakseemedtohermoreunendurablethananythingelseshecouldimagine。Then,onthenextwaveoffeeling,camethedesiretoconfronthimatonceandwringfromhimsheknewnotwhat:avowal,denial,justification,anythingthatshouldopensomechannelofescapetothefloodofherpent—
upanguish。
ShehadtoldOwenshewastired,andthisseemedasufficientreasonforremainingupstairswhenthemotorcametothedoorandMissPainterandSophyVinerwereborneoffinit;sufficientalsoforsendingwordtoMadamedeChantellethatshewouldnotcomedowntillafterluncheon。
Havingdespatchedhermaidwiththismessage,shelaydownonhersofaandstaredbeforeherintodarkness……
Shehadbeenunhappybefore,andthevisionofoldmiseriesflockedlikehungryghostsaboutherfreshpain:sherecalledheryouthfuldisappointment,thefailureofhermarriage,thewastedyearsthatfollowed;butthosewerenegativesorrows,denialsandpostponementsoflife。Sheseemedinnowayrelatedtotheirshadowyvictim,shewhowasstretchedonthisfieryrackoftheirreparable。Shehadsufferedbefore——yes,butlucidly,reflectively,elegiacally:nowshewassufferingasahurtanimalmust,blindly,furiously,withthesinglefierceanimallongingthattheawfulpainshouldstop……
Sheheardhermaidknock,andshehidherfaceandmadenoanswer。Theknockingcontinued,andthedisciplineofhabitatlengthmadeherliftherhead,composeherfaceandholdoutherhandtothenotethewomanbroughther。ItwasawordfromDarrow——\"MayIseeyou?\"——andshesaidatonce,inavoicethatsoundedthinandempty:\"AskMr。Darrowtocomeup。\"
Themaidenquiredifshewishedtohaveherhairsmoothedfirst,andsheansweredthatitdidn’tmatter;butwhenthedoorhadclosed,theinstinctofpridedrewhertoherfeetandshelookedatherselfintheglassabovethemantelpieceandpassedherhandsoverherhair。Hereyeswereburningandherfacelookedtiredandthinner;otherwiseshecouldseenochangeinherappearance,andshewonderedthatatsuchamomentherbodyshouldseemasunrelatedtotheselfthatwrithedwithinherasifithadbeenastatueorapicture。
ThemaidreopenedthedoortoshowinDarrow,andhepausedamomentonthethreshold,asifwaitingforAnnatospeak。
Hewasextremelypale,buthelookedneitherashamednoruncertain,andshesaidtoherself,withaperversethrillofappreciation:\"He’sasproudasIam。\"
Aloudsheasked:\"Youwantedtoseeme?\"
\"Naturally,\"herepliedinagravevoice。
\"Don’t!It’suseless。Iknoweverything。Nothingyoucansaywillhelp。\"
Atthedirectaffirmationheturnedevenpaler,andhiseyes,whichhekeptresolutelyfixedonher,confessedhismisery。
\"Youallowmenovoiceindecidingthat?\"
\"Decidingwhat?\"
\"Thatthere’snothingmoretobesaid?\"Hewaitedforhertoanswer,andthenwenton:\"Idon’tevenknowwhatyoumeanby’everything’。\"
\"Oh,Idon’tknowwhatmorethereis!Iknowenough。I
imploredhertodenyit,andshecouldn’t……WhatcanyouandIhavetosaytoeachother?\"Hervoicebrokeintoasob。
Theanimalanguishwasuponheragain——justablindcryagainstherpain!
Darrowkepthisheadhighandhiseyessteady。\"Itmustbeasyouwish;andyetit’snotlikeyoutobeafraid。\"
\"Afraid?\"
\"Totalkthingsout——tofacethem。\"
\"It’sforYOUtofacethis——notme!\"
\"AllIaskistofaceit——butwithyou。\"Oncemorehepaused。\"Won’tyoutellmewhatMissVinertoldyou?\"
\"Oh,she’sgenerous——totheutmost!\"Thepaincaughtherlikeaphysicalthroe。Itsuddenlycametoherhowthegirlmusthavelovedhimtobesogenerous——whatmemoriestheremustbebetweenthem!
\"Oh,go,pleasego。It’stoohorrible。WhyshouldIhavetoseeyou?\"shestammered,liftingherhandstohereyes。
Withherfacehiddenshewaitedtohearhimmoveaway,tohearthedooropenandcloseagain,as,afewhoursearlier,ithadopenedandclosedonSophyViner。ButDarrowmadenosoundormovement:hetoowaswaiting。Annafeltathrillofresentment:hispresencewasanoutrageonhersorrow,ahumiliationtoherpride。Itwasstrangethatheshouldwaitforhertotellhimso!
\"YouwantmetoleaveGivre?\"heaskedatlength。Shemadenoanswer,andhewenton:\"OfcourseI’lldoasyouwish;
butifIgonowamInottoseeyouagain?\"
Hisvoicewasfirm:hispridewasansweringherpride!
Shefaltered:\"Youmustseeit’suseless————\"
\"Imightremindyouthatyou’redismissingmewithoutahearing————\"
\"Withoutahearing?I’veheardyouboth!\"
————\"butIwon’t,\"hecontinued,\"remindyouofthat,orofanythingoranyonebutOwen。\"
\"Owen?\"
\"Yes;ifwecouldsomehowsparehim————\"
Shehaddroppedherhandsandturnedherstartledeyesonhim。ItseemedtoheranagesinceshehadthoughtofOwen!
\"Yousee,don’tyou,\"Darrowcontinued,\"thatifyousendmeawaynow————\"
Sheinterrupted:\"Yes,Isee————\"andtherewasalongsilencebetweenthem。Atlengthshesaid,verylow:\"I
don’twantanyoneelsetosufferasI’msuffering……\"
\"OwenknowsImeanttoleavetomorrow,\"Darrowwenton。\"Anysuddenchangeofplanmaymakehimthink……\"
Oh,shesawhisinevitablelogic:thehorrorofitwasoneverysideofher!IthadseemedpossibletocontrolhergriefandfaceDarrowcalmlywhileshewasupheldbythebeliefthatthiswastheirlasthourtogether,thatafterhehadpassedoutoftheroomtherewouldbenofearofseeinghimagain,nofearthathisnearness,hislook,hisvoice,andalltheunseeninfluencesthatflowedfromhim,woulddissolvehersoultoweakness。ButhercouragefailedattheideaofhavingtoconspirewithhimtoshieldOwen,ofkeepingupwithhim,forOwen’ssake,afeintofunionandfelicity。ToliveatDarrow’ssideinseemingintimacyandharmonyforanothertwenty—fourhoursseemedharderthantolivewithouthimforalltherestofherdays。Herstrengthfailedher,andshethrewherselfdownandburiedhersobsinthecushionswhereshehadsooftenhiddenafaceaglowwithhappiness。
\"Anna————\"Hisvoicewasclosetoher。\"Letmetalktoyouquietly。It’snotworthyofeitherofustobeafraid。\"
Wordsofendearmentwouldhaveoffendedher;butherheartroseatthecalltohercourage。
\"I’venodefensetomake,\"hewenton。\"Thefactsaremiserableenough;butatleastIwantyoutoseethemastheyare。Aboveall,IwantyoutoknowthetruthaboutMissViner————\"
ThenamesentthebloodtoAnna’sforehead。Sheraisedherheadandfacedhim。\"WhyshouldIknowmoreofherthanwhatshe’stoldme?Ineverwishtohearhernameagain!\"
\"It’sbecauseyoufeelaboutherinthatwaythatIaskyou——inthenameofcommoncharity——toletmegiveyouthefactsastheyare,andnotasyou’veprobablyimaginedthem。\"
\"I’vetoldyouIdon’tthinkuncharitablyofher。Idon’twanttothinkofheratall!\"
\"That’swhyItellyouyou’reafraid。\"
\"Afraid?\"
\"Yes。You’vealwayssaidyouwanted,aboveall,tolookatlife,atthehumanproblem,asitis,withoutfearandwithouthypocrisy;andit’snotalwaysapleasantthingtolookat。\"Hebrokeoff,andthenbeganagain:\"Don’tthinkthisapleaformyself!Idon’twanttosayawordtolessenmyoffense。Idon’twanttotalkofmyselfatall。EvenifIdid,Iprobablycouldn’tmakeyouunderstand——Idon’t,myself,asIlookback。Bejusttome——it’syourright;allIaskyouistobegeneroustoMissViner……\"
Shestooduptrembling。\"You’refreetobeasgeneroustoherasyouplease!\"
\"Yes:you’vemadeitcleartomethatI’mfree。Butthere’snothingIcandoforherthatwillhelpherhalfasmuchasyourunderstandingherwould。\"
\"Nothingyoucandoforher?Youcanmarryher!\"
Hisfacehardened。\"Youcertainlycouldn’twishheraworsefate!\"
\"Itmusthavebeenwhatsheexpected……reliedon……\"Hewassilent,andshebrokeout:\"Orwhatisshe?Whatareyou?
It’stoohorrible!Onyourwayhere……toME……\"Shefeltthetearsinherthroatandstopped。
\"Thatwasit,\"hesaidbluntly。Shestaredathim。
\"Iwasonmywaytoyou——afterrepeateddelaysandpostponementsofyourownmaking。Attheverylastyouturnedmebackwithamereword——andwithoutexplanation。I
waitedforaletter;andnonecame。I’mnotsayingthistojustifymyself。I’msimplytryingtomakeyouunderstand。
Ifelthurtandbitterandbewildered。Ithoughtyoumeanttogivemeup。Andsuddenly,inmyway,Ifoundsomeonetobesorryfor,tobeofuseto。That,Isweartoyou,wasthewayitbegan。Therestwasamoment’sfolly……aflashofmadness……assuchthingsare。We’veneverseeneachothersince……\"
Annawaslookingathimcoldly。\"Yousufficientlydescribeherinsayingthat!\"
\"Yes,ifyoumeasureherbyconventionalstandards——whichiswhatyoualwaysdeclareyouneverdo。\"
\"Conventionalstandards?Agirlwho————\"Shewascheckedbyasuddenrushofalmostphysicalrepugnance。Suddenlyshebrokeout:\"Ialwaysthoughtheranadventuress!\"
\"Always?\"
\"Idon’tmeanalways……butafteryoucame……\"
\"She’snotanadventuress。\"
\"Youmeanthatsheprofessestoactonthenewtheories?Thestuffthatawfulwomenraveaboutonplatforms?\"
\"Oh,Idon’tthinkshepretendedtohaveatheory————\"
\"Shehadn’teventhatexcuse?\"
\"Shehadtheexcuseofherloneliness,herunhappiness——ofmiseriesandhumiliationsthatawomanlikeyoucan’tevenguess。Shehadnothingtolookbacktobutindifferenceorunkindness——nothingtolookforwardtobutanxiety。ShesawIwassorryforherandittouchedher。Shemadetoomuchofit——sheexaggeratedit。Ioughttohaveseenthedanger,butIdidn’t。There’snopossibleexcuseforwhatIdid。\"
Annalistenedtohiminspeechlessmisery。Everywordhespokethrewbackadisintegratinglightontheirownpast。
Hehadcometoherwithanopenfaceandaclearconscience——cometoherfromthis!Ifhissecuritywasthesecurityoffalsehooditwashorrible;ifitmeantthathehadforgotten,itwasworse。Shewouldhavelikedtostopherears,toclosehereyes,toshutouteverysightandsoundandsuggestionofaworldinwhichsuchthingscouldbe;andatthesametimeshewastormentedbythedesiretoknowmore,tounderstandbetter,tofeelherselflessignorantandinexpertinmatterswhichmadesomuchofthestuffofhumanexperience。Whatdidhemeanby\"amoment’sfolly,aflashofmadness\"?Howdidpeopleenteronsuchadventures,howpassoutofthemwithoutmorevisibletracesoftheirhavoc?Herimaginationrecoiledfromthevisionofasuddendebasingfamiliarity:itseemedtoherthatherthoughtswouldneveragainbepure……
\"Isweartoyou,\"sheheardDarrowsaying,\"itwassimplythat,andnothingmore。\"
Shewonderedathiscomposure,hiscompetence,athisknowingsoexactlywhattosay。Nodoubtmenoftenhadtomakesuchexplanations:theyhadtheformulasbyheart……A
leadenlassitudedescendedonher。Shepassedfromflameandtormentintoacolourlesscoldworldwhereeverythingsurroundingherseemedequallyindifferentandremote。Foramomentshesimplyceasedtofeel。
ShebecameawarethatDarrowwaswaitingforhertospeak,andshemadeanefforttorepresenttoherselfthemeaningofwhathehadjustsaid;buthermindwasasblankasablurredmirror。Finallyshebroughtout:\"Idon’tthinkI
understandwhatyou’vetoldme。\"
\"No;youdon’tunderstand,\"hereturnedwithsuddenbitterness;andonhislipsthechargeofincomprehensionseemedanoffensetoher。
\"Idon’twantto——aboutsuchthings!\"
Heansweredalmostharshly:\"Don’tbeafraid……youneverwill……\"andforaninstanttheyfacedeachotherlikeenemies。Thenthetearsswelledinherthroatathisreproach。
\"YoumeanIdon’tfeelthings——I’mtoohard?\"
\"No:you’retoohigh……toofine……suchthingsaretoofarfromyou。\"
Hepaused,asifconsciousofthefutilityofgoingonwithwhateverhehadmeanttosay,andagain,forashortspace,theyconfrontedeachother,nolongerasenemies——soitseemedtoher——butasbeingsofdifferentlanguagewhohadforgottenthefewwordstheyhadlearnedofeachother’sspeech。
Darrowbrokethesilence。\"It’sbest,onallaccounts,thatIshouldstaytilltomorrow;butIneedn’tintrudeonyou;
weneedn’tmeetagainalone。IonlywanttobesureIknowyourwishes。\"Hespoketheshortsentencesinalevelvoice,asthoughheweresumminguptheresultsofabusinessconference。
Annalookedathimvaguely。\"Mywishes?\"
\"AstoOwen————
Atthatshestarted。\"Theymustnevermeetagain!\"
\"It’snotlikelytheywill。WhatImeantwas,thatitdependsonyoutosparehim……\"
Sheansweredsteadily:\"Heshallneverknow,\"andafteranotherintervalDarrowsaid:\"Thisisgood—bye,then。\"
Atthewordsheseemedtounderstandforthefirsttimewhithertheflyingmomentshadbeenleadingthem。Resentmentandindignationdieddown,andallherconsciousnessresolveditselfintothemerevisualsensethathewastherebeforeher,nearenoughforhertoliftherhandandtouchhim,andthatinanotherinstanttheplacewherehestoodwouldbeempty。
Shefeltamortalweakness,acravenimpulsetocryouttohimtostay,alongingtothrowherselfintohisarms,andtakerefugetherefromtheunendurableanguishhehadcausedher。Thenthevisioncalledupanotherthought:\"Ishallneverknowwhatthatgirlhasknown……\"andtherecoilofprideflungherbackonthesharpedgesofheranguish。
\"Good—bye,\"shesaid,indreadlestheshouldreadherface;
andshestoodmotionless,herheadhigh,whilehewalkedtothedoorandwentout。
BOOKV
XXX
AnnaLeath,threedayslater,satinMissPainter’sdrawing—
roomintheruedeMatignon。
Comingupprecipitatelythatmorningfromthecountry,shehadreachedParisatoneo’clockandMissPainter’slandingsometenminuteslater。MissPainter’smouldylittleman—
servant,dissemblinganapkinunderhisarm,hadmildlyattemptedtoopposeherentrance;butAnna,insisting,hadgonestraighttothedining—roomandsurprisedherfriend——
whoateasfurtivelyascertainanimals——overastrangemealofcoldmuttonandlemonade。Ignoringtheembarrassmentshecaused,shehadsetforththeobjectofherjourney,andMissPainter,alwayshattedandbootedforaction,hadimmediatelyhastenedout,leavinghertothesolitudeofthebarefirelessdrawing—roomwithitseternalslip—coversand\"bowed\"shutters。
InthisinhospitableobscurityAnnahadsataloneforcloseupontwohours。Bothobscurityandsolitudewereacceptabletoher,andimpatientasshewastoheartheresultoftheerrandonwhichshehaddespatchedherhostess,shedesiredstillmoretobealone。Duringherlongmeditationinawhite—swathedchairbeforethemuffledhearthshehadbeenableforthefirsttimetoclearawaythroughthedarknessandconfusionofherthoughts。Thewaydidnotgofar,andherattempttotraceitwasasweakandspasmodicasaconvalescent’sfirsteffortstopickupthethreadofliving。Sheseemedtoherselflikesomeonestrugglingtorisefromalongsicknessofwhichitwouldhavebeensomucheasiertodie。AtGivreshehadfallenintoakindoftorpor,adeadnessofsoultraversedbywildflashesofpain;butwhethershesufferedorwhethershewasnumb,sheseemedequallyremotefromherreallivinganddoingself。
Itwasonlythediscovery——thatverymorning——ofOwen’sunannounceddepartureforParisthathadcaughtheroutofherdreamandforcedherbacktoaction。Thedreadofwhatthisflightmightimply,andoftheconsequencesthatmightresultfromit,hadrousedhertothesenseofherresponsibility,andfromthemomentwhenshehadresolvedtofollowherstep—son,andhadmadeherrapidpreparationsforpursuit,hermindhadbeguntoworkagain,feverishly,fitfully,butstillwithsomethingofitsnormalorder。Inthetrainshehadbeentooagitated,toopreoccupiedwithwhatmightnextawaither,togiveherthoughtstoanythingbuttheturningoverofdreadalternatives;butMissPainter’simperviousnesshadsteadiedher,andwhileshewaitedforthesoundofthelatch—keysheresolutelyreturneduponherself。
Withrespecttoheroutwardcourseshecouldatleasttellherselfthatshehadheldtoherpurpose。Shehad,aspeoplesaid,\"keptup\"duringthetwenty—fourhoursprecedingGeorgeDarrow’sdeparture;hadgonewithacalmfaceaboutherusualbusiness,andevencontrivednottooobviouslytoavoidhim。Then,thenextdaybeforedawn,frombehindtheclosedshutterswhereshehadkeptforhalfthenightherdry—eyedvigil,shehadheardhimdriveofftothetrainwhichbroughtitspassengerstoParisintimefortheCalaisexpress。
Thefactofhistakingthattrain,ofhistravellingsostraightandfarawayfromher,gavetowhathadhappenedtheimplacableoutlineofreality。Hewasgone;hewouldnotcomeback;andherlifehadendedjustasshehaddreameditwasbeginning。Shehadnodoubt,atfirst,astotheabsoluteinevitabilityofthisconclusion。Themanwhohaddrivenawayfromherhouseintheautumndawnwasnotthemanshehadloved;hewasastrangerwithwhomshehadnotasinglethoughtincommon。Itwasterrible,indeed,thatheworethefaceandspokeinthevoiceofherfriend,andthat,aslongashewasunderoneroofwithher,themerewayinwhichhemovedandlookedcouldbridgeatastrokethegulfbetweenthem。That,nodoubt,wasthefaultofherexaggeratedsensibilitytooutwardthings:shewasfrightenedtoseehowitenslavedher。Adayortwobeforeshehadsupposedthesenseofhonourwasherdeepestsentiment:ifshehadsmiledattheconventionsofothersitwasbecausetheyweretootrivial,notbecausetheyweretoograve。Therewerecertaindishonourswithwhichshehadneverdreamedthatanypactcouldbemade:shehadhadanincorruptiblepassionforgoodfaithandfairness。
Shehadsupposedthat,onceDarrowwasgone,onceshewassafefromthedangerofseeingandhearinghim,thishighdevotionwouldsustainher。Shehadbelieveditwouldbepossibletoseparatetheimageofthemanshehadthoughthimfromthatofthemanhewas。ShehadevenforeseenthehourwhenshemightraiseamournfulshrinetothememoryoftheDarrowshehadloved,withoutfearthathisdouble’sshadowwoulddesecrateit。Butnowshehadbeguntounderstandthatthetwomenwerereallyone。TheDarrowsheworshippedwasinseparablefromtheDarrowsheabhorred;andtheinevitableconclusionwasthatbothmustgo,andshebeleftinthedesertofasorrowwithoutmemories……
Butifthefuturewasthusvoid,thepresentwasalltoofull。Neverhadblowmorecomplexrepercussions;andtorememberOwenwastoceasetothinkofherself。Whatimpulse,whatapprehension,hadsenthimsuddenlytoParis?
Andwhyhadhethoughtitneedfultoconcealhisgoingfromher?WhenSophyVinerhadleft,ithadbeenwiththeunderstandingthathewastoawaithersummons;anditseemedimprobablethathewouldbreakhispledge,andseekherwithoutleave,unlesshislover’sintuitionhadwarnedhimofsomefreshdanger。Annarecalledhowquicklyhehadreadthealarminherfacewhenhehadrushedbacktohersitting—roomwiththenewsthatMissVinerhadpromisedtoseehimagaininParis。Tobesopromptlyroused,hissuspicionsmusthavebeenbuthalf—asleep;andsincethen,nodoubt,ifsheandDarrowhaddissembled,sohadhe。Toherprouddirectnessitwasdegradingtothinkthattheyhadbeenlivingtogetherlikeenemieswhospyuponeachother’smovements:shefeltadesperatelongingforthedayswhichhadseemedsodullandnarrow,butinwhichshehadwalkedwithherheadhighandhereyesunguarded。
ShehadcomeuptoParishardlyknowingwhatperilshefeared,andstilllesshowshecouldavertit。IfOwenmeanttoseeMissViner——andwhatotherobjectcouldhehave?——theymustalreadybetogether,anditwastoolatetointerfere。IthadindeedoccurredtoAnnathatParismightnotbehisobjectivepoint:thathisrealpurposeinleavingGivrewithoutherknowledgehadbeentofollowDarrowtoLondonandexactthetruthofhim。Buteventoheralarmedimaginationthisseemedimprobable。SheandDarrow,tothelast,hadkeptupsocompleteafeintofharmonythat,whateverOwenhadsurmised,hecouldscarcelyhaveriskedactingonhissuspicions。Ifhestillfelttheneedofanexplanation,itwasalmostcertainlyofSophyVinerthathewouldaskit;anditwasinquestofSophyVinerthatAnnahaddespatchedMissPainter。
ShehadfoundablessedrefugefromherperplexitiesinthestolidAdelaide’sunawareness。OnecouldsoabsolutelycountonMissPainter’sguessingnomorethanonechose,andyetactingastutelyonsuchhintsasonevouchsafedher!Shewaslikeawell—trainedretrieverwhoseinterestinhispreyceaseswhenhelaysitathismaster’sfeet。Anna,onarriving,hadexplainedthatOwen’sunannouncedflighthadmadeherfearsomefreshmisunderstandingbetweenhimselfandMissViner。Intheinterestsofpeaceshehadthoughtitbesttofollowhim;butshehastilyaddedthatshedidnotwishtoseeSophy,butonly,ifpossible,tolearnfromherwhereOwenwas。WiththesebriefinstructionsMissPainterhadstartedout;butshewasawomanofmanyoccupations,andhadgivenhervisitortounderstandthatbeforereturningsheshouldhavetocallonafriendwhohadjustarrivedfromBoston,andafterwarddespatchtoanotherexiledcompatriotasupplyofcranberriesandbrandiedpeachesfromtheAmericangroceryintheChampsElysees。
Gradually,asthemomentspassed,Annabegantofeelthereactionwhich,inmomentsofextremenervoustension,followsonanyeffortofthewill。Sheseemedtohavegoneasfarashercouragewouldcarryher,andsheshrankmoreandmorefromthethoughtofMissPainter’sreturn,sincewhateverinformationthelatterbroughtwouldnecessitatesomefreshdecision。WhatshouldshesaytoOwenifshefoundhim?Whatcouldshesaythatshouldnotbetraytheonethingshewouldgiveherlifetohidefromhim?\"Giveherlife\"——howthephrasederidedher!Itwasagiftshewouldnothavebestowedonherworstenemy。ShewouldnothavehadSophyVinerlivethehoursshewaslivingnow……
Shetriedagaintolooksteadilyandcalmlyatthepicturethattheimageofthegirlevoked。Shehadanideathatsheoughttoaccustomherselftoitscontemplation。Iflifewaslikethat,whythesooneronegotusedtoitthebetter……Butno!Lifewasnotlikethat。Heradventurewasahideousaccident。Shedreadedaboveallthetemptationtogeneralisefromherowncase,todoubtthehighthingsshehadlivedbyandseekacheapsolaceinbelittlingwhatfatehadrefusedher。Therewassuchloveasshehaddreamed,andshemeanttogoonbelievinginit,andcherishingthethoughtthatshewasworthyofit。Whathadhappenedtoherwasgrotesqueandmeanandmiserable;butsheherselfwasnoneofthesethings,andnever,neverwouldshemakeofherselfthemockthatfatehadmadeofher