Shedroppedintoaseatbesideherdressing—table,restingherchinonherliftedhands,andlaughingoutathimundertheelf—lockwhichhadshakenitselfdownoverhereyes。
Heroutburstdidnotoffendtheyoungman;itsimmediateeffectwasthatofallayinghisagitation。Thetheatricaltouchinhermannermadehisoffenseseemmorevenialthanhehadthoughtitamomentbefore。
Hedrewupachairandsatdownbesideher。\"Afterall,\"hesaid,inatoneofgood—humouredprotest,\"Ineedn’thavetoldyouI’dkeptbackyourletter;andmytellingyouseemsratherstrongproofthatIhadn’tanyverynefariousdesignsonyou。\"
Shemetthiswithashrug,buthedidnotgivehertimetoanswer。\"Mydesigns,\"hecontinuedwithasmile,\"werenotnefarious。Isawyou’dbeenthroughabadtimewithMrs。
Murrett,andthattheredidn’tseemtobemuchfunaheadforyou;andIdidn’tsee——andIdon’tyetsee——theharmoftryingtogiveyouafewhoursofamusementbetweenadepressingpastandanotparticularlycheerfulfuture。\"Hepausedagain,andthenwenton,inthesametoneoffriendlyreasonableness:\"ThemistakeImadewasnottotellyouthisatonce——nottoaskyoustraightouttogivemeadayortwo,andletmetrytomakeyouforgetallthethingsthataretroublingyou。IwasafoolnottoseethatifI’dputittoyouinthatwayyou’dhaveacceptedorrefused,asyouchose;butthatatleastyouwouldn’thavemistakenmyintentions。——Intentions!\"Hestoodup,walkedthelengthoftheroom,andturnedbacktowhereshestillsatmotionless,herelbowsproppedonthedressing—table,herchinonherhands。\"Whatrubbishwetalkaboutintentions!ThetruthisIhadn’tany:Ijustlikedbeingwithyou。Perhapsyoudon’tknowhowextraordinarilyonecanlikebeingwithyou……Iwasdepressedandadriftmyself;andyoumademeforgetmybothers;andwhenIfoundyouweregoing——andgoingbacktodreariness,asIwas——Ididn’tseewhyweshouldn’thaveafewhourstogetherfirst;soIleftyourletterinmypocket。\"
Hesawherfacemeltasshelistened,andsuddenlysheunclaspedherhandsandleanedtohim。
\"ButareYOUunhappytoo?Oh,Ineverunderstood——I
neverdreamedit!Ithoughtyou’dalwayshadeverythingintheworldyouwanted!\"
Darrowbrokeintoalaughatthisingenuouspictureofhisstate。Hewasashamedoftryingtobetterhiscasebyanappealtoherpity,andannoyedwithhimselfforalludingtoasubjecthewouldratherhavekeptoutofhisthoughts。
Butherlookofsympathyhaddisarmedhim;hisheartwasbitteranddistracted;shewasnearhim,hereyeswereshiningwithcompassion——hebentoverherandkissedherhand。
\"Forgiveme——doforgiveme,\"hesaid。
Shestoodupwithasmilinghead—shake。\"Oh,it’snotsooftenthatpeopletrytogivemeanypleasure——muchlesstwowholedaysofit!Isha’n’tforgethowkindyou’vebeen。I
shallhaveplentyoftimetoremember。ButthisISgood—
bye,youknow。ImusttelegraphatoncetosayI’mcoming。\"
\"Tosayyou’recoming?ThenI’mnotforgiven?\"
\"Oh,you’reforgiven——ifthat’sanycomfort。\"
\"It’snot,theveryleast,ifyourwayofprovingitistogoaway!\"
Shehungherheadinmeditation。\"ButIcan’tstay。——HowCANIstay?\"shebrokeout,asifarguingwithsomeunseenmonitor。
\"Whycan’tyou?Nooneknowsyou’rehere……Nooneneedeverknow。\"
Shelookedup,andtheireyesexchangedmeaningsforarapidminute。Hergazewasasclearasaboy’s。\"Oh,it’snotTHAT,\"sheexclaimed,almostimpatiently;\"it’snotpeopleI’mafraidof!They’veneverputthemselvesoutforme——whyonearthshouldIcareaboutthem?\"
Helikedherdirectnessashehadneverlikeditbefore。
\"Well,then,whatisit?NotME,Ihope?\"
\"No,notyou:Ilikeyou。It’sthemoney!Withmethat’salwaystherootofthematter。Icouldneveryetaffordatreatinmylife!\"
IsTHATall?\"Helaughed,relievedbyhernaturalness。
\"Lookhere;sinceweretalkingasmantoman——can’tyoutrustmeaboutthattoo?\"
\"Trustyou?Howdoyoumean?You’dbetternottrustME!\"shelaughedbacksharply。\"Imightneverbeabletopayup!\"
Hisgesturebrushedasidetheallusion。\"Moneymaybetherootofthematter;itcan’tbethewholeofit,betweenfriends。Don’tyouthinkonefriendmayacceptasmallservicefromanotherwithoutlookingtoofaraheadorweighingtoomanychances?Thequestionturnsentirelyonwhatyouthinkofme。Ifyoulikemewellenoughtobewillingtotakeafewdays’holidaywithme,justforthepleasureofthething,andthepleasureyou’llbegivingme,let’sshakehandsonit。Ifyoudon’tlikemewellenoughwe’llshakehandstoo;onlyIshallbesorry,\"heended。
\"Oh,butIshallbesorrytoo!\"Herface,assheliftedittohis,lookedsosmallandyoungthatDarrowfeltafugitivetwingeofcompunction,instantlyeffacedbytheexcitementofpursuit。
\"Well,then?\"Hestoodlookingdownonher,hiseyespersuadingher。Hewasnowintenselyawarethathisnearnesswashavinganeffectwhichmadeitlessandlessnecessaryforhimtochoosehiswords,andhewenton,moremindfuloftheinflectionsofhisvoicethanofwhathewasactuallysaying:\"Whyonearthshouldwesaygood—byeifwe’rebothsorryto?Won’tyoutellmeyourreason?It’snotabitlikeyoutoletanythingstandinthewayofyoursayingjustwhatyoufeel。Youmustn’tmindoffendingme,youknow!\"
Shehungbeforehimlikealeafonthemeetingofcross—
currents,thatthenextripplemaysweepforwardorwhirlback。Thensheflungupherheadwiththeoddboyishmovementhabitualtoherinmomentsofexcitement。\"WhatI
feel?DoyouwanttoknowwhatIfeel?Thatyou’regivingmetheonlychanceI’veeverhad!\"
Sheturnedaboutonherheeland,droppingintothenearestchair,sankforward,herfacehiddenagainstthedressing—
table。
Underthefoldsofherthinsummerdressthemodellingofherbackandofherliftedarms,andtheslighthollowbetweenhershoulder—blades,recalledthefaintcurvesofaterra—cottastatuette,someyoungimageofgracehardlymorethansketchedintheclay。Darrow,ashestoodlookingather,reflectedthathercharacter,forallitsseemingfirmness,itsflashingedgesof\"opinion\",wasprobablynolessimmature。Hehadnotexpectedhertoyieldsosuddenlytohissuggestion,ortoconfessheryieldinginthatway。
Atfirsthewasslightlydisconcerted;thenhesawhowherattitudesimplifiedhisown。Herbehaviourhadalltheindecisionandawkwardnessofinexperience。Itshowedthatshewasachildafterall;andallhecoulddo——allhehadevermeanttodo——wastogiveherachild’sholidaytolookbackto。
Foramomenthefanciedshewascrying;butthenextshewasonherfeetandhadsweptroundonhimafaceshemusthaveturnedawayonlytohidethefirstrushofherpleasure。
Forawhiletheyshoneoneachotherwithoutspeaking;thenshesprangtohimandheldoutbothhands。
\"Isittrue?Isitreallytrue?IsitreallygoingtohappentoME?\"
Hefeltlikeanswering:\"You’retheverycreaturetowhomitwasboundtohappen\";butthewordshadadoublesensethatmadehimwince,andinsteadhecaughtherprofferedhandsandstoodlookingatheracrossthelengthofherarms,withoutattemptingtobendthemortodrawhercloser。Hewantedhertoknowhowherwordshadmovedhim;buthisthoughtswereblurredbytherushofthesameemotionthatpossessedher,andhisownwordscamewithaneffort。
Heendedbygivingherbackalaughasfrankasherown,anddeclaring,ashedroppedherhands:\"Allthatandmoretoo——
you’llsee!\"
VIII
Allday,sincethelatereluctantdawn,therainhadcomedownintorrents。ItstreamedagainstDarrow’shigh—perchedwindows,reducedtheirvastprospectofroofsandchimneystoablackoilyhuddle,andfilledtheroomwiththedrabtwilightofanundergroundaquarium。
Thestreamsdescendedwiththeregularityofathirdday’srain,whentrimmingandshufflingareover,andtheweatherhassettleddowntodoitsworst。Therewerenovariationsofrhythm,nolyricalupsanddowns:thegreylinesstreakingthepaneswereasdenseanduniformasapageofunparagraphednarrative。
GeorgeDarrowhaddrawnhisarmchairtothefire。Thetime—
tablehehadbeenstudyinglayonthefloor,andhesatstaringwithdullacquiescenceintotheboundlessblurofrain,whichaffectedhimlikeavastprojectionofhisownstateofmind。Thenhiseyestravelledslowlyabouttheroom。
Itwasexactlytendayssincehishurriedunpackinghadstrewnitwiththecontentsofhisportmanteaux。Hisbrushesandrazorswerespreadoutontheblotchedmarbleofthechestofdrawers。Astackofnewspapershadaccumulatedonthecentretableunderthe\"electrolier\",andhalfadozenpapernovelslayonthemantelpieceamongcigar—casesandtoiletbottles;butthesetracesofhispassagehadmadenomarkonthefeaturelessdulnessoftheroom,itslookofbeingthemakeshiftsettingofinnumerabletransientcollocations。Therewassomethingsardonic,almostsinister,initsappearanceofhavingdeliberately\"madeup\"
foritsanonymouspart,allinnoncommittaldrabsandbrowns,withacarpetandpaperthatnobodywouldremember,andchairsandtablesasimpersonalasrailwayporters。
Darrowpickedupthetime—tableandtosseditontothetable。Thenherosetohisfeet,litacigarandwenttothewindow。Throughtherainhecouldjustdiscoverthefaceofaclockinatallbuildingbeyondtherailwayroofs。
Hepulledouthiswatch,comparedthetwotime—pieces,andstartedthehandsofhiswithsucharushthattheyflewpastthehourandhehadtomakethemrepeatthecircuitmoredeliberately。Hefeltaquitedisproportionateirritationatthetriflingblunder。Whenhehadcorrectedithewentbacktohischairandthrewhimselfdown,leaningbackhisheadagainsthishands。Presentlyhiscigarwentout,andhegotup,huntedforthematches,lititagainandreturnedtohisseat。
Theroomwasgettingonhisnerves。Duringthefirstfewdays,whiletheskieswereclear,hehadnotnoticedit,orhadfeltforitonlythecontemptuousindifferenceofthetravellertowardaprovisionalshelter。Butnowthathewasleavingit,waslookingatitforthelasttime,itseemedtohavetakencompletepossessionofhismind,tobesoakingitselfintohimlikeanuglyindelibleblot。Everydetailpresseditselfonhisnoticewiththefamiliarityofanaccidentalconfidant:whicheverwayheturned,hefeltthenudgeofatransientintimacy……
TheonefixedpointinhisimmediatefuturewasthathisleavewasoverandthathemustbebackathispostinLondonthenextmorning。Withintwenty—fourhourshewouldagainbeinadaylightworldofrecognizedactivities,himselfabusy,responsible,relativelynecessaryfactorinthebigwhirringsocialandofficialmachine。Thatfixedobligationwasthefacthecouldthinkofwiththeleastdiscomfort,yetforsomeunaccountablereasonitwastheoneonwhichhefounditmostdifficulttofixhisthoughts。
Wheneverhedidso,theroomjerkedhimbackintothecircleofitsinsistentassociations。Itwasextraordinarywithwhatamicroscopicminutenessofloathinghehateditall:
thegrimycarpetandwallpaper,theblackmarblemantel—
piece,theclockwithagiltallegoryunderadustybell,thehigh—bolsteredbrown—counterpanedbed,theframedcardofprintedrulesundertheelectriclightswitch,andthedoorofcommunicationwiththenextroom。Hehatedthedoormostofall……
Attheoutset,hehadfeltnospecialsenseofresponsibility。Hewassatisfiedthathehadstrucktherightnote,andconvincedofhispowerofsustainingit。
Thewholeincidenthadsomehowseemed,inspiteofitsvulgarsettinganditsinevitableprosaicpropinquities,tobeenactingitselfinsomeunmappedregionoutsidethepaleoftheusual。Itwasnotlikeanythingthathadeverhappenedtohimbefore,orinwhichhehadeverpicturedhimselfaslikelytobeinvolved;butthat,atfirst,hadseemednoargumentagainsthisfitnesstodealwithit。
Perhapsbutforthethreedays’rainhemighthavegotawaywithoutadoubtastohisadequacy。Therainhadmadeallthedifference。Ithadthrownthewholepictureoutofperspective,blottedoutthemysteryoftheremoterplanesandtheenchantmentofthemiddledistance,andthrustintoprominenceeverycommonplacefactoftheforeground。Itwasthekindofsituationthatwasnothelpedbybeingthoughtover;andbytheperversityofcircumstancehehadbeenforcedintotheunwillingcontemplationofitseveryaspect……
Hiscigarhadgoneoutagain,andhethrewitintothefireandvaguelymeditatedgettinguptofindanother。Butthemereactofleavinghischairseemedtocallforagreaterexertionofthewillthanhewascapableof,andheleanedhisheadbackwithclosedeyesandlistenedtothedrummingoftherain。
Adifferentnoisearousedhim。Itwastheopeningandclosingofthedoorleadingfromthecorridorintotheadjoiningroom。Hesatmotionless,withoutopeninghiseyes;butnowanothersightforceditselfunderhisloweredlids。Itwastheprecisephotographicpictureofthatotherroom。Everythinginitrosebeforehimandpresseditselfuponhisvisionwiththesameacuityofdistinctnessastheobjectssurroundinghim。Astepsoundedonthefloor,andheknewwhichwaythestepwasdirected,whatpiecesoffurnitureithadtoskirt,whereitwouldprobablypause,andwhatwaslikelytoarrestit。Heheardanothersound,andrecognizeditasthatofawetumbrellaplacedintheblackmarblejambofthechimney—piece,againstthehearth。
Hecaughtthecreakofahinge,andinstantlydifferentiateditasthatofthewardrobeagainsttheoppositewall。Thenheheardthemouse—likesquealofareluctantdrawer,andknewitwastheupperoneinthechestofdrawersbesidethebed:theclatterwhichfollowedwascausedbythemahoganytoilet—glassjumpingonitsloosenedpivots……
Thestepcrossedtheflooragain。Itwasstrangehowmuchbetterheknewitthanthepersontowhomitbelonged!Nowitwasdrawingnearthedoorofcommunicationbetweenthetworooms。Heopenedhiseyesandlooked。Thestephadceasedandforamomenttherewassilence。Thenheheardalowknock。Hemadenoresponse,andafteranintervalhesawthatthedoorhandlewasbeingtentativelyturned。Heclosedhiseyesoncemore……
Thedooropened,andthestepwasintheroom,comingcautiouslytowardhim。Hekepthiseyesshut,relaxinghisbodytofeignsleep。Therewasanotherpause,thenawaveringsoftadvance,therustleofadressbehindhischair,thewarmthoftwohandspressedforamomentonhislids。ThepalmsofthehandshadthelingeringscentofsomestuffthathehadboughtontheBoulevard……Helookedupandsawaletterfallingoverhisshouldertohisknee……
\"DidIdisturbyou?I’msosorry!TheygavemethisjustnowwhenIcamein。\"
Theletter,beforehecouldcatchit,hadslippedbetweenhiskneestothefloor。Itlaythere,addressupward,athisfeet,andwhilehesatstaringdownatthestrongslendercharactersontheblue—grayenvelopeanarmreachedoutfrombehindtopickitup。
\"Oh,don’t——DON’T\"brokefromhim,andhebentoverandcaughtthearm。Thefaceaboveitwasclosetohis。
\"Don’twhat?\"
————\"takethetrouble,\"hestammered。
Hedroppedthearmandstoopeddown。Hisgraspclosedovertheletter,hefingereditsthicknessandweightandcalculatedthenumberofsheetsitmustcontain。
Suddenlyhefeltthepressureofthehandonhisshoulder,andbecameawarethatthefacewasstillleaningoverhim,andthatinamomenthewouldhavetolookupandkissit……
Hebentforwardfirstandthrewtheunopenedletterintothemiddleofthefire。
BOOKII
IX
ThelightoftheOctoberafternoonlayonanoldhigh—roofedhousewhichenclosedinitslongexpanseofbrickandyellowishstonethebreadthofagrassycourtfilledwiththeshadowandsoundoflimes。
Fromtheescutcheonedpiersattheentranceofthecourtaleveldrive,alsoshadedbylimes,extendedtoawhite—
barredgatebeyondwhichanequallylevelavenueofgrass,cutthroughawood,dwindledtoablue—greenbluragainstaskybankedwithstillwhiteslopesofcloud。
Inthecourt,half—waybetweenhouseanddrive,aladystood。Sheheldaparasolaboveherhead,andlookednowatthehouse—front,withitsdoubleflightofstepsmeetingbeforeaglazeddoorundersculpturedtrophies,nowdownthedrivetowardthegrassycuttingthroughthewood。Herairwaslessofexpectancythanofcontemplation:sheseemednotsomuchtobewatchingforanyone,orlisteningforanapproachingsound,aslettingthewholeaspectoftheplacesinkintoherwhilesheheldherselfopentoitsinfluence。
Yetitwasnolessapparentthatthescenewasnotnewtoher。Therewasnoeagernessofinvestigationinhersurvey:
sheseemedrathertobelookingaboutherwitheyestowhich,forsomeintimateinwardreason,detailslongsincefamiliarhadsuddenlyacquiredanunwontedfreshness。
ThiswasinfacttheexactsensationofwhichMrs。Leathwasconsciousasshecameforthfromthehouseanddescendedintothesunlitcourt。Shehadcometomeetherstep—son,whowaslikelytobereturningatthathourfromanafternoon’sshootinginoneofthemoredistantplantations,andshecarriedinherhandtheletterwhichhadsentherinsearchofhim;butwithherfirststepoutofthehouseallthoughtofhimhadbeeneffacedbyanotherseriesofimpressions。
Thesceneaboutherwasknowntosatiety。ShehadseenGivreatallseasonsoftheyear,andforthegreaterpartofeveryyear,sincethefar—offdayofhermarriage;thedaywhen,ostensiblydrivingthroughitsgatesatherhusband’sside,shehadactuallybeencarriedthereonacloudofiris—wingedvisions。
Thepossibilitieswhichtheplacehadthenrepresentedwerestillvividlypresenttoher。Themerephrase\"aFrenchchateau\"hadcalleduptoheryouthfulfancyathrongofromanticassociations,poetic,pictorialandemotional;andtheserenefaceoftheoldhouseseatedinitsparkamongthepoplar—borderedmeadowsofmiddleFrance,hadseemed,onherfirstsightofit,toholdouttoherafateasnobleanddignifiedasitsownmien。
Thoughshecouldstillcallupthatphaseoffeelingithadlongsincepassed,andthehousehadforatimebecometohertheverysymbolofnarrownessandmonotony。Then,withthepassingofyears,ithadgraduallyacquiredalessinimicalcharacter,hadbecome,notagainacastleofdreams,evokeroffairimagesandromanticlegend,buttheshellofalifeslowlyadjustedtoitsdwelling:theplaceonecamebackto,theplacewhereonehadone’sduties,one’shabitsandone’sbooks,theplaceonewouldnaturallyliveintillonedied:adullhouse,aninconvenienthouse,ofwhichoneknewallthedefects,theshabbinesses,thediscomforts,buttowhichonewassousedthatonecouldhardly,aftersolongatime,thinkone’sselfawayfromitwithoutsufferingacertainlossofidentity。
Now,asitlaybeforeherintheautumnmildness,itsmistresswassurprisedatherowninsensibility。Shehadbeentryingtoseethehousethroughtheeyesofanoldfriendwho,thenextmorning,wouldbedrivinguptoitforthefirsttime;andinsodoingsheseemedtobeopeningherowneyesuponitafteralongintervalofblindness。
Thecourtwasverystill,yetfullofalatentlife:thewheelingandrustlingofpigeonsabouttherectangularyewsandacrossthesunnygravel;thesweepofrooksabovethelustrousgreyish—purpleslatesoftheroof,andthestirofthetree—topsastheymetthebreezewhicheveryday,atthathour,camepunctuallyupfromtheriver。
JustsuchalatentanimationglowedinAnnaLeath。Ineverynerveandveinshewasconsciousofthatequipoiseofblisswhichthefearfulhumanheartscarcedaresacknowledge。Shewasnotusedtostrongorfullemotions;butshehadalwaysknownthatsheshouldnotbeafraidofthem。Shewasnotafraidnow;butshefeltadeepinwardstillness。
Theimmediateeffectofthefeelinghadbeentosendherforthinquestofherstep—son。Shewantedtostrollbackwithhimandhaveaquiettalkbeforetheyre—enteredthehouse。Itwasalwayseasytotalktohim,andatthismomenthewastheonepersontowhomshecouldhavespokenwithoutfearofdisturbingherinnerstillness。Shewasglad,forallsortsofreasons,thatMadamedeChantelleandEffiewerestillatOuchywiththegoverness,andthatsheandOwenhadthehousetothemselves。Andshewasgladthatevenhewasnotyetinsight。Shewantedtobealonealittlelonger;nottothink,buttoletthelongslowwavesofjoybreakoverheronebyone。
Shewalkedoutofthecourtandsatdownononeofthebenchesthatborderedthedrive。Fromherseatshehadadiagonalviewofthelonghouse—frontandofthedomedchapelterminatingoneofthewings。Beyondagateinthecourt—yardwalltheflower—gardendrewitsdark—greensquaresandraiseditsstatuesagainsttheyellowingbackgroundofthepark。Inthebordersonlyafewlatepinksandcrimsonssmouldered,butapeacockstruttinginthesunseemedtohavegatheredintohisout—spreadfanallthesummergloriesoftheplace。
InMrs。Leath’shandwastheletterwhichhadopenedhereyestothesethings,andasmilerosetoherlipsatthemerefeelingofthepaperbetweenherfingers。Thethrillitsentthroughhergaveakeeneredgetoeverysense。Shefelt,saw,breathedtheshiningworldasthoughathinimpenetrableveilhadsuddenlybeenremovedfromit。
Justsuchaveil,shenowperceived,hadalwayshungbetweenherselfandlife。Ithadbeenlikethestagegauzewhichgivesanillusiveairofrealitytothepaintedscenebehindit,yetprovesit,afterall,tobenomorethanapaintedscene。
Shehadbeenhardlyaware,inhergirlhood,ofdifferingfromothersinthisrespect。Inthewell—regulatedwell—fedSummersworldtheunusualwasregardedaseitherimmoralorill—bred,andpeoplewithemotionswerenotvisited。
Sometimes,withasenseofgropinginatopsy—turvyuniverse,Annahadwonderedwhyeverybodyaboutherseemedtoignoreallthepassionsandsensationswhichformedthestuffofgreatpoetryandmemorableaction。Inacommunitycomposedentirelyofpeoplelikeherparentsandherparents’friendsshedidnotseehowthemagnificentthingsonereadaboutcouldeverhavehappened。Shewassurethatifanythingofthekindhadoccurredinherimmediatecirclehermotherwouldhaveconsultedthefamilyclergyman,andherfatherperhapsevenhaverungupthepolice;andhersenseofhumourcompelledhertoownthat,inthegivenconditions,theseprecautionsmightnothavebeenunjustified。
Littlebylittletheconditionsconqueredher,andshelearnedtoregardthesubstanceoflifeasamerecanvasfortheembroideriesofpoetandpainter,anditslittlesweptandfencedandtendedsurfaceasitsactualsubstance。Itwasinthevisionedregionofactionandemotionthatherfullesthourswerespent;butithardlyoccurredtoherthattheymightbetranslatedintoexperience,orconnectedwithanythinglikelytohappentoayoungladylivinginWestFifty—fifthStreet。
Sheperceived,indeed,thatothergirls,leadingoutwardlythesamelifeasherself,andseeminglyunawareofherworldofhiddenbeauty,wereyetpossessedofsomevitalsecretwhichescapedher。Thereseemedtobeakindoffreemasonrybetweenthem;theywerewiderawakethanshe,morealert,andsureroftheirwantsifnotoftheiropinions。Shesupposedtheywere\"cleverer\",andacceptedherinferioritygood—humouredly,halfaware,withinherself,ofareserveofunusedpowerwhichtheothersgavenosignofpossessing。
Thispartlyconsoledherformissingsomuchofwhatmadetheir\"goodtime\";buttheresultingsenseofexclusion,ofbeingsomehowlaughinglybutfirmlydebarredfromashareoftheirprivileges,threwherbackonherselfanddeepenedthereservewhichmadeenviousmothersciteherasamodelofladylikerepression。