第5章

类别:其他 作者:Edith Wharton字数:10152更新时间:19/01/07 14:28:10
Shedroppedintoaseatbesideherdressing—table,restingherchinonherliftedhands,andlaughingoutathimundertheelf—lockwhichhadshakenitselfdownoverhereyes。 Heroutburstdidnotoffendtheyoungman;itsimmediateeffectwasthatofallayinghisagitation。Thetheatricaltouchinhermannermadehisoffenseseemmorevenialthanhehadthoughtitamomentbefore。 Hedrewupachairandsatdownbesideher。\"Afterall,\"hesaid,inatoneofgood—humouredprotest,\"Ineedn’thavetoldyouI’dkeptbackyourletter;andmytellingyouseemsratherstrongproofthatIhadn’tanyverynefariousdesignsonyou。\" Shemetthiswithashrug,buthedidnotgivehertimetoanswer。\"Mydesigns,\"hecontinuedwithasmile,\"werenotnefarious。Isawyou’dbeenthroughabadtimewithMrs。 Murrett,andthattheredidn’tseemtobemuchfunaheadforyou;andIdidn’tsee——andIdon’tyetsee——theharmoftryingtogiveyouafewhoursofamusementbetweenadepressingpastandanotparticularlycheerfulfuture。\"Hepausedagain,andthenwenton,inthesametoneoffriendlyreasonableness:\"ThemistakeImadewasnottotellyouthisatonce——nottoaskyoustraightouttogivemeadayortwo,andletmetrytomakeyouforgetallthethingsthataretroublingyou。IwasafoolnottoseethatifI’dputittoyouinthatwayyou’dhaveacceptedorrefused,asyouchose;butthatatleastyouwouldn’thavemistakenmyintentions。——Intentions!\"Hestoodup,walkedthelengthoftheroom,andturnedbacktowhereshestillsatmotionless,herelbowsproppedonthedressing—table,herchinonherhands。\"Whatrubbishwetalkaboutintentions!ThetruthisIhadn’tany:Ijustlikedbeingwithyou。Perhapsyoudon’tknowhowextraordinarilyonecanlikebeingwithyou……Iwasdepressedandadriftmyself;andyoumademeforgetmybothers;andwhenIfoundyouweregoing——andgoingbacktodreariness,asIwas——Ididn’tseewhyweshouldn’thaveafewhourstogetherfirst;soIleftyourletterinmypocket。\" Hesawherfacemeltasshelistened,andsuddenlysheunclaspedherhandsandleanedtohim。 \"ButareYOUunhappytoo?Oh,Ineverunderstood——I neverdreamedit!Ithoughtyou’dalwayshadeverythingintheworldyouwanted!\" Darrowbrokeintoalaughatthisingenuouspictureofhisstate。Hewasashamedoftryingtobetterhiscasebyanappealtoherpity,andannoyedwithhimselfforalludingtoasubjecthewouldratherhavekeptoutofhisthoughts。 Butherlookofsympathyhaddisarmedhim;hisheartwasbitteranddistracted;shewasnearhim,hereyeswereshiningwithcompassion——hebentoverherandkissedherhand。 \"Forgiveme——doforgiveme,\"hesaid。 Shestoodupwithasmilinghead—shake。\"Oh,it’snotsooftenthatpeopletrytogivemeanypleasure——muchlesstwowholedaysofit!Isha’n’tforgethowkindyou’vebeen。I shallhaveplentyoftimetoremember。ButthisISgood— bye,youknow。ImusttelegraphatoncetosayI’mcoming。\" \"Tosayyou’recoming?ThenI’mnotforgiven?\" \"Oh,you’reforgiven——ifthat’sanycomfort。\" \"It’snot,theveryleast,ifyourwayofprovingitistogoaway!\" Shehungherheadinmeditation。\"ButIcan’tstay。——HowCANIstay?\"shebrokeout,asifarguingwithsomeunseenmonitor。 \"Whycan’tyou?Nooneknowsyou’rehere……Nooneneedeverknow。\" Shelookedup,andtheireyesexchangedmeaningsforarapidminute。Hergazewasasclearasaboy’s。\"Oh,it’snotTHAT,\"sheexclaimed,almostimpatiently;\"it’snotpeopleI’mafraidof!They’veneverputthemselvesoutforme——whyonearthshouldIcareaboutthem?\" Helikedherdirectnessashehadneverlikeditbefore。 \"Well,then,whatisit?NotME,Ihope?\" \"No,notyou:Ilikeyou。It’sthemoney!Withmethat’salwaystherootofthematter。Icouldneveryetaffordatreatinmylife!\" IsTHATall?\"Helaughed,relievedbyhernaturalness。 \"Lookhere;sinceweretalkingasmantoman——can’tyoutrustmeaboutthattoo?\" \"Trustyou?Howdoyoumean?You’dbetternottrustME!\"shelaughedbacksharply。\"Imightneverbeabletopayup!\" Hisgesturebrushedasidetheallusion。\"Moneymaybetherootofthematter;itcan’tbethewholeofit,betweenfriends。Don’tyouthinkonefriendmayacceptasmallservicefromanotherwithoutlookingtoofaraheadorweighingtoomanychances?Thequestionturnsentirelyonwhatyouthinkofme。Ifyoulikemewellenoughtobewillingtotakeafewdays’holidaywithme,justforthepleasureofthething,andthepleasureyou’llbegivingme,let’sshakehandsonit。Ifyoudon’tlikemewellenoughwe’llshakehandstoo;onlyIshallbesorry,\"heended。 \"Oh,butIshallbesorrytoo!\"Herface,assheliftedittohis,lookedsosmallandyoungthatDarrowfeltafugitivetwingeofcompunction,instantlyeffacedbytheexcitementofpursuit。 \"Well,then?\"Hestoodlookingdownonher,hiseyespersuadingher。Hewasnowintenselyawarethathisnearnesswashavinganeffectwhichmadeitlessandlessnecessaryforhimtochoosehiswords,andhewenton,moremindfuloftheinflectionsofhisvoicethanofwhathewasactuallysaying:\"Whyonearthshouldwesaygood—byeifwe’rebothsorryto?Won’tyoutellmeyourreason?It’snotabitlikeyoutoletanythingstandinthewayofyoursayingjustwhatyoufeel。Youmustn’tmindoffendingme,youknow!\" Shehungbeforehimlikealeafonthemeetingofcross— currents,thatthenextripplemaysweepforwardorwhirlback。Thensheflungupherheadwiththeoddboyishmovementhabitualtoherinmomentsofexcitement。\"WhatI feel?DoyouwanttoknowwhatIfeel?Thatyou’regivingmetheonlychanceI’veeverhad!\" Sheturnedaboutonherheeland,droppingintothenearestchair,sankforward,herfacehiddenagainstthedressing— table。 Underthefoldsofherthinsummerdressthemodellingofherbackandofherliftedarms,andtheslighthollowbetweenhershoulder—blades,recalledthefaintcurvesofaterra—cottastatuette,someyoungimageofgracehardlymorethansketchedintheclay。Darrow,ashestoodlookingather,reflectedthathercharacter,forallitsseemingfirmness,itsflashingedgesof\"opinion\",wasprobablynolessimmature。Hehadnotexpectedhertoyieldsosuddenlytohissuggestion,ortoconfessheryieldinginthatway。 Atfirsthewasslightlydisconcerted;thenhesawhowherattitudesimplifiedhisown。Herbehaviourhadalltheindecisionandawkwardnessofinexperience。Itshowedthatshewasachildafterall;andallhecoulddo——allhehadevermeanttodo——wastogiveherachild’sholidaytolookbackto。 Foramomenthefanciedshewascrying;butthenextshewasonherfeetandhadsweptroundonhimafaceshemusthaveturnedawayonlytohidethefirstrushofherpleasure。 Forawhiletheyshoneoneachotherwithoutspeaking;thenshesprangtohimandheldoutbothhands。 \"Isittrue?Isitreallytrue?IsitreallygoingtohappentoME?\" Hefeltlikeanswering:\"You’retheverycreaturetowhomitwasboundtohappen\";butthewordshadadoublesensethatmadehimwince,andinsteadhecaughtherprofferedhandsandstoodlookingatheracrossthelengthofherarms,withoutattemptingtobendthemortodrawhercloser。Hewantedhertoknowhowherwordshadmovedhim;buthisthoughtswereblurredbytherushofthesameemotionthatpossessedher,andhisownwordscamewithaneffort。 Heendedbygivingherbackalaughasfrankasherown,anddeclaring,ashedroppedherhands:\"Allthatandmoretoo—— you’llsee!\" VIII Allday,sincethelatereluctantdawn,therainhadcomedownintorrents。ItstreamedagainstDarrow’shigh—perchedwindows,reducedtheirvastprospectofroofsandchimneystoablackoilyhuddle,andfilledtheroomwiththedrabtwilightofanundergroundaquarium。 Thestreamsdescendedwiththeregularityofathirdday’srain,whentrimmingandshufflingareover,andtheweatherhassettleddowntodoitsworst。Therewerenovariationsofrhythm,nolyricalupsanddowns:thegreylinesstreakingthepaneswereasdenseanduniformasapageofunparagraphednarrative。 GeorgeDarrowhaddrawnhisarmchairtothefire。Thetime— tablehehadbeenstudyinglayonthefloor,andhesatstaringwithdullacquiescenceintotheboundlessblurofrain,whichaffectedhimlikeavastprojectionofhisownstateofmind。Thenhiseyestravelledslowlyabouttheroom。 Itwasexactlytendayssincehishurriedunpackinghadstrewnitwiththecontentsofhisportmanteaux。Hisbrushesandrazorswerespreadoutontheblotchedmarbleofthechestofdrawers。Astackofnewspapershadaccumulatedonthecentretableunderthe\"electrolier\",andhalfadozenpapernovelslayonthemantelpieceamongcigar—casesandtoiletbottles;butthesetracesofhispassagehadmadenomarkonthefeaturelessdulnessoftheroom,itslookofbeingthemakeshiftsettingofinnumerabletransientcollocations。Therewassomethingsardonic,almostsinister,initsappearanceofhavingdeliberately\"madeup\" foritsanonymouspart,allinnoncommittaldrabsandbrowns,withacarpetandpaperthatnobodywouldremember,andchairsandtablesasimpersonalasrailwayporters。 Darrowpickedupthetime—tableandtosseditontothetable。Thenherosetohisfeet,litacigarandwenttothewindow。Throughtherainhecouldjustdiscoverthefaceofaclockinatallbuildingbeyondtherailwayroofs。 Hepulledouthiswatch,comparedthetwotime—pieces,andstartedthehandsofhiswithsucharushthattheyflewpastthehourandhehadtomakethemrepeatthecircuitmoredeliberately。Hefeltaquitedisproportionateirritationatthetriflingblunder。Whenhehadcorrectedithewentbacktohischairandthrewhimselfdown,leaningbackhisheadagainsthishands。Presentlyhiscigarwentout,andhegotup,huntedforthematches,lititagainandreturnedtohisseat。 Theroomwasgettingonhisnerves。Duringthefirstfewdays,whiletheskieswereclear,hehadnotnoticedit,orhadfeltforitonlythecontemptuousindifferenceofthetravellertowardaprovisionalshelter。Butnowthathewasleavingit,waslookingatitforthelasttime,itseemedtohavetakencompletepossessionofhismind,tobesoakingitselfintohimlikeanuglyindelibleblot。Everydetailpresseditselfonhisnoticewiththefamiliarityofanaccidentalconfidant:whicheverwayheturned,hefeltthenudgeofatransientintimacy…… TheonefixedpointinhisimmediatefuturewasthathisleavewasoverandthathemustbebackathispostinLondonthenextmorning。Withintwenty—fourhourshewouldagainbeinadaylightworldofrecognizedactivities,himselfabusy,responsible,relativelynecessaryfactorinthebigwhirringsocialandofficialmachine。Thatfixedobligationwasthefacthecouldthinkofwiththeleastdiscomfort,yetforsomeunaccountablereasonitwastheoneonwhichhefounditmostdifficulttofixhisthoughts。 Wheneverhedidso,theroomjerkedhimbackintothecircleofitsinsistentassociations。Itwasextraordinarywithwhatamicroscopicminutenessofloathinghehateditall: thegrimycarpetandwallpaper,theblackmarblemantel— piece,theclockwithagiltallegoryunderadustybell,thehigh—bolsteredbrown—counterpanedbed,theframedcardofprintedrulesundertheelectriclightswitch,andthedoorofcommunicationwiththenextroom。Hehatedthedoormostofall…… Attheoutset,hehadfeltnospecialsenseofresponsibility。Hewassatisfiedthathehadstrucktherightnote,andconvincedofhispowerofsustainingit。 Thewholeincidenthadsomehowseemed,inspiteofitsvulgarsettinganditsinevitableprosaicpropinquities,tobeenactingitselfinsomeunmappedregionoutsidethepaleoftheusual。Itwasnotlikeanythingthathadeverhappenedtohimbefore,orinwhichhehadeverpicturedhimselfaslikelytobeinvolved;butthat,atfirst,hadseemednoargumentagainsthisfitnesstodealwithit。 Perhapsbutforthethreedays’rainhemighthavegotawaywithoutadoubtastohisadequacy。Therainhadmadeallthedifference。Ithadthrownthewholepictureoutofperspective,blottedoutthemysteryoftheremoterplanesandtheenchantmentofthemiddledistance,andthrustintoprominenceeverycommonplacefactoftheforeground。Itwasthekindofsituationthatwasnothelpedbybeingthoughtover;andbytheperversityofcircumstancehehadbeenforcedintotheunwillingcontemplationofitseveryaspect…… Hiscigarhadgoneoutagain,andhethrewitintothefireandvaguelymeditatedgettinguptofindanother。Butthemereactofleavinghischairseemedtocallforagreaterexertionofthewillthanhewascapableof,andheleanedhisheadbackwithclosedeyesandlistenedtothedrummingoftherain。 Adifferentnoisearousedhim。Itwastheopeningandclosingofthedoorleadingfromthecorridorintotheadjoiningroom。Hesatmotionless,withoutopeninghiseyes;butnowanothersightforceditselfunderhisloweredlids。Itwastheprecisephotographicpictureofthatotherroom。Everythinginitrosebeforehimandpresseditselfuponhisvisionwiththesameacuityofdistinctnessastheobjectssurroundinghim。Astepsoundedonthefloor,andheknewwhichwaythestepwasdirected,whatpiecesoffurnitureithadtoskirt,whereitwouldprobablypause,andwhatwaslikelytoarrestit。Heheardanothersound,andrecognizeditasthatofawetumbrellaplacedintheblackmarblejambofthechimney—piece,againstthehearth。 Hecaughtthecreakofahinge,andinstantlydifferentiateditasthatofthewardrobeagainsttheoppositewall。Thenheheardthemouse—likesquealofareluctantdrawer,andknewitwastheupperoneinthechestofdrawersbesidethebed:theclatterwhichfollowedwascausedbythemahoganytoilet—glassjumpingonitsloosenedpivots…… Thestepcrossedtheflooragain。Itwasstrangehowmuchbetterheknewitthanthepersontowhomitbelonged!Nowitwasdrawingnearthedoorofcommunicationbetweenthetworooms。Heopenedhiseyesandlooked。Thestephadceasedandforamomenttherewassilence。Thenheheardalowknock。Hemadenoresponse,andafteranintervalhesawthatthedoorhandlewasbeingtentativelyturned。Heclosedhiseyesoncemore…… Thedooropened,andthestepwasintheroom,comingcautiouslytowardhim。Hekepthiseyesshut,relaxinghisbodytofeignsleep。Therewasanotherpause,thenawaveringsoftadvance,therustleofadressbehindhischair,thewarmthoftwohandspressedforamomentonhislids。ThepalmsofthehandshadthelingeringscentofsomestuffthathehadboughtontheBoulevard……Helookedupandsawaletterfallingoverhisshouldertohisknee…… \"DidIdisturbyou?I’msosorry!TheygavemethisjustnowwhenIcamein。\" Theletter,beforehecouldcatchit,hadslippedbetweenhiskneestothefloor。Itlaythere,addressupward,athisfeet,andwhilehesatstaringdownatthestrongslendercharactersontheblue—grayenvelopeanarmreachedoutfrombehindtopickitup。 \"Oh,don’t——DON’T\"brokefromhim,andhebentoverandcaughtthearm。Thefaceaboveitwasclosetohis。 \"Don’twhat?\" ————\"takethetrouble,\"hestammered。 Hedroppedthearmandstoopeddown。Hisgraspclosedovertheletter,hefingereditsthicknessandweightandcalculatedthenumberofsheetsitmustcontain。 Suddenlyhefeltthepressureofthehandonhisshoulder,andbecameawarethatthefacewasstillleaningoverhim,andthatinamomenthewouldhavetolookupandkissit…… Hebentforwardfirstandthrewtheunopenedletterintothemiddleofthefire。 BOOKII IX ThelightoftheOctoberafternoonlayonanoldhigh—roofedhousewhichenclosedinitslongexpanseofbrickandyellowishstonethebreadthofagrassycourtfilledwiththeshadowandsoundoflimes。 Fromtheescutcheonedpiersattheentranceofthecourtaleveldrive,alsoshadedbylimes,extendedtoawhite— barredgatebeyondwhichanequallylevelavenueofgrass,cutthroughawood,dwindledtoablue—greenbluragainstaskybankedwithstillwhiteslopesofcloud。 Inthecourt,half—waybetweenhouseanddrive,aladystood。Sheheldaparasolaboveherhead,andlookednowatthehouse—front,withitsdoubleflightofstepsmeetingbeforeaglazeddoorundersculpturedtrophies,nowdownthedrivetowardthegrassycuttingthroughthewood。Herairwaslessofexpectancythanofcontemplation:sheseemednotsomuchtobewatchingforanyone,orlisteningforanapproachingsound,aslettingthewholeaspectoftheplacesinkintoherwhilesheheldherselfopentoitsinfluence。 Yetitwasnolessapparentthatthescenewasnotnewtoher。Therewasnoeagernessofinvestigationinhersurvey: sheseemedrathertobelookingaboutherwitheyestowhich,forsomeintimateinwardreason,detailslongsincefamiliarhadsuddenlyacquiredanunwontedfreshness。 ThiswasinfacttheexactsensationofwhichMrs。Leathwasconsciousasshecameforthfromthehouseanddescendedintothesunlitcourt。Shehadcometomeetherstep—son,whowaslikelytobereturningatthathourfromanafternoon’sshootinginoneofthemoredistantplantations,andshecarriedinherhandtheletterwhichhadsentherinsearchofhim;butwithherfirststepoutofthehouseallthoughtofhimhadbeeneffacedbyanotherseriesofimpressions。 Thesceneaboutherwasknowntosatiety。ShehadseenGivreatallseasonsoftheyear,andforthegreaterpartofeveryyear,sincethefar—offdayofhermarriage;thedaywhen,ostensiblydrivingthroughitsgatesatherhusband’sside,shehadactuallybeencarriedthereonacloudofiris—wingedvisions。 Thepossibilitieswhichtheplacehadthenrepresentedwerestillvividlypresenttoher。Themerephrase\"aFrenchchateau\"hadcalleduptoheryouthfulfancyathrongofromanticassociations,poetic,pictorialandemotional;andtheserenefaceoftheoldhouseseatedinitsparkamongthepoplar—borderedmeadowsofmiddleFrance,hadseemed,onherfirstsightofit,toholdouttoherafateasnobleanddignifiedasitsownmien。 Thoughshecouldstillcallupthatphaseoffeelingithadlongsincepassed,andthehousehadforatimebecometohertheverysymbolofnarrownessandmonotony。Then,withthepassingofyears,ithadgraduallyacquiredalessinimicalcharacter,hadbecome,notagainacastleofdreams,evokeroffairimagesandromanticlegend,buttheshellofalifeslowlyadjustedtoitsdwelling:theplaceonecamebackto,theplacewhereonehadone’sduties,one’shabitsandone’sbooks,theplaceonewouldnaturallyliveintillonedied:adullhouse,aninconvenienthouse,ofwhichoneknewallthedefects,theshabbinesses,thediscomforts,buttowhichonewassousedthatonecouldhardly,aftersolongatime,thinkone’sselfawayfromitwithoutsufferingacertainlossofidentity。 Now,asitlaybeforeherintheautumnmildness,itsmistresswassurprisedatherowninsensibility。Shehadbeentryingtoseethehousethroughtheeyesofanoldfriendwho,thenextmorning,wouldbedrivinguptoitforthefirsttime;andinsodoingsheseemedtobeopeningherowneyesuponitafteralongintervalofblindness。 Thecourtwasverystill,yetfullofalatentlife:thewheelingandrustlingofpigeonsabouttherectangularyewsandacrossthesunnygravel;thesweepofrooksabovethelustrousgreyish—purpleslatesoftheroof,andthestirofthetree—topsastheymetthebreezewhicheveryday,atthathour,camepunctuallyupfromtheriver。 JustsuchalatentanimationglowedinAnnaLeath。Ineverynerveandveinshewasconsciousofthatequipoiseofblisswhichthefearfulhumanheartscarcedaresacknowledge。Shewasnotusedtostrongorfullemotions;butshehadalwaysknownthatsheshouldnotbeafraidofthem。Shewasnotafraidnow;butshefeltadeepinwardstillness。 Theimmediateeffectofthefeelinghadbeentosendherforthinquestofherstep—son。Shewantedtostrollbackwithhimandhaveaquiettalkbeforetheyre—enteredthehouse。Itwasalwayseasytotalktohim,andatthismomenthewastheonepersontowhomshecouldhavespokenwithoutfearofdisturbingherinnerstillness。Shewasglad,forallsortsofreasons,thatMadamedeChantelleandEffiewerestillatOuchywiththegoverness,andthatsheandOwenhadthehousetothemselves。Andshewasgladthatevenhewasnotyetinsight。Shewantedtobealonealittlelonger;nottothink,buttoletthelongslowwavesofjoybreakoverheronebyone。 Shewalkedoutofthecourtandsatdownononeofthebenchesthatborderedthedrive。Fromherseatshehadadiagonalviewofthelonghouse—frontandofthedomedchapelterminatingoneofthewings。Beyondagateinthecourt—yardwalltheflower—gardendrewitsdark—greensquaresandraiseditsstatuesagainsttheyellowingbackgroundofthepark。Inthebordersonlyafewlatepinksandcrimsonssmouldered,butapeacockstruttinginthesunseemedtohavegatheredintohisout—spreadfanallthesummergloriesoftheplace。 InMrs。Leath’shandwastheletterwhichhadopenedhereyestothesethings,andasmilerosetoherlipsatthemerefeelingofthepaperbetweenherfingers。Thethrillitsentthroughhergaveakeeneredgetoeverysense。Shefelt,saw,breathedtheshiningworldasthoughathinimpenetrableveilhadsuddenlybeenremovedfromit。 Justsuchaveil,shenowperceived,hadalwayshungbetweenherselfandlife。Ithadbeenlikethestagegauzewhichgivesanillusiveairofrealitytothepaintedscenebehindit,yetprovesit,afterall,tobenomorethanapaintedscene。 Shehadbeenhardlyaware,inhergirlhood,ofdifferingfromothersinthisrespect。Inthewell—regulatedwell—fedSummersworldtheunusualwasregardedaseitherimmoralorill—bred,andpeoplewithemotionswerenotvisited。 Sometimes,withasenseofgropinginatopsy—turvyuniverse,Annahadwonderedwhyeverybodyaboutherseemedtoignoreallthepassionsandsensationswhichformedthestuffofgreatpoetryandmemorableaction。Inacommunitycomposedentirelyofpeoplelikeherparentsandherparents’friendsshedidnotseehowthemagnificentthingsonereadaboutcouldeverhavehappened。Shewassurethatifanythingofthekindhadoccurredinherimmediatecirclehermotherwouldhaveconsultedthefamilyclergyman,andherfatherperhapsevenhaverungupthepolice;andhersenseofhumourcompelledhertoownthat,inthegivenconditions,theseprecautionsmightnothavebeenunjustified。 Littlebylittletheconditionsconqueredher,andshelearnedtoregardthesubstanceoflifeasamerecanvasfortheembroideriesofpoetandpainter,anditslittlesweptandfencedandtendedsurfaceasitsactualsubstance。Itwasinthevisionedregionofactionandemotionthatherfullesthourswerespent;butithardlyoccurredtoherthattheymightbetranslatedintoexperience,orconnectedwithanythinglikelytohappentoayoungladylivinginWestFifty—fifthStreet。 Sheperceived,indeed,thatothergirls,leadingoutwardlythesamelifeasherself,andseeminglyunawareofherworldofhiddenbeauty,wereyetpossessedofsomevitalsecretwhichescapedher。Thereseemedtobeakindoffreemasonrybetweenthem;theywerewiderawakethanshe,morealert,andsureroftheirwantsifnotoftheiropinions。Shesupposedtheywere\"cleverer\",andacceptedherinferioritygood—humouredly,halfaware,withinherself,ofareserveofunusedpowerwhichtheothersgavenosignofpossessing。 Thispartlyconsoledherformissingsomuchofwhatmadetheir\"goodtime\";buttheresultingsenseofexclusion,ofbeingsomehowlaughinglybutfirmlydebarredfromashareoftheirprivileges,threwherbackonherselfanddeepenedthereservewhichmadeenviousmothersciteherasamodelofladylikerepression。