Quaintandrigid，withtheirgoggle—coveredeyes，theirneckstiedupincomforters，theirbodiessmotheredinwhatlookslikedirtybedquilts，theirpaddedarmsstretchedstraightabovetheirheads，theymightbeapairofungainlyclockworkfigures。Theseconds，alsomoreorlesspadded——theirheadsandfacesprotectedbyhugeleather—peakedcaps，——dragthemoutintotheirproperposition。
Onealmostlistenstohearthesoundofthecastors。Theumpiretakeshisplace，thewordisgiven，andimmediatelytherefollowfiverapidclashesofthelongstraightswords。Thereisnointerestinwatchingthefight：thereisnomovement，noskill，nograce（Iamspeakingofmyownimpressions。）Thestrongestmanwins；themanwho，withhisheavily—paddedarm，alwaysinanunnaturalposition，canholdhishugeclumsyswordlongestwithoutgrowingtooweaktobeableeithertoguardortostrike。
Thewholeinterestiscentredinwatchingthewounds。Theycomealwaysinoneoftwoplaces——onthetopoftheheadortheleftsideoftheface。Sometimesaportionofhairyscalporsectionofcheekfliesupintotheair，tobecarefullypreservedinanenvelopebyitsproudpossessor，or，strictlyspeaking，itsproudformerpossessor，andshownroundonconvivialevenings；andfromeverywound，ofcourse，flowsaplentifulstreamofblood。Itsplashesdoctors，seconds，andspectators；itsprinklesceilingandwalls；itsaturatesthefighters，andmakespoolsforitselfinthesawdust。Attheendofeachroundthedoctorsrushup，andwithhandsalreadydrippingwithbloodpresstogetherthegapingwounds，dabbingthemwithlittleballsofwetcottonwool，whichanattendantcarriesreadyonaplate。Naturally，themomentthemenstandupagainandcommencework，thebloodgushesoutagain，halfblindingthem，andrenderingthegroundbeneaththemslippery。Nowandthenyouseeaman’steethlaidbarealmosttotheear，sothatfortherestoftheduelheappearstobegrinningatonehalfofthespectators，hisotherside，remainingserious；andsometimesaman’snosegetsslit，whichgivestohimashefightsasingularlysuperciliousair。
AstheobjectofeachstudentistogoawayfromtheUniversitybearingasmanyscarsaspossible，Idoubtifanyparticularpainsaretakentoguard，eventothesmallextentsuchmethodoffightingcanallow。Therealvictorishewhocomesoutwiththegreatestnumberofwounds；hewhothen，stitchedandpatchedalmosttounrecognitionasahumanbeing，canpromenadeforthenextmonth，theenvyoftheGermanyouth，theadmirationoftheGermanmaiden。Hewhoobtainsonlyafewunimportantwoundsretiressulkyanddisappointed。
Buttheactualfightingisonlythebeginningofthefun。Thesecondactofthespectacletakesplaceinthedressing—room。Thedoctorsaregenerallymeremedicalstudents——youngfellowswho，havingtakentheirdegree，areanxiousforpractice。TruthcompelsmetosaythatthosewithwhomIcameincontactwerecoarse—
lookingmenwhoseemedrathertorelishtheirwork。Perhapstheyarenottobeblamedforthis。Itispartofthesystemthatasmuchfurtherpunishmentaspossiblemustbeinflictedbythedoctor，andtheidealmedicalmanmighthardlycareforsuchjob。
Howthestudentbearsthedressingofhiswoundsisasimportantashowhereceivesthem。Everyoperationhastobeperformedasbrutallyasmaybe，andhiscompanionscarefullywatchhimduringtheprocesstoseethathegoesthroughitwithanappearanceofpeaceandenjoyment。Aclean—cutwoundthatgapeswideismostdesiredbyallparties。Onpurposeitissewnupclumsily，withthehopethatbythismeansthescarwilllastalifetime。Suchawound，judiciouslymauledandinterferedwithduringtheweekafterwards，cangenerallybereckonedontosecureitsfortunatepossessorawifewithadowryoffivefiguresattheleast。
Thesearethegeneralbi—weeklyMensurs，ofwhichtheaveragestudentfightssomedozenayear。Thereareotherstowhichvisitorsarenotadmitted。Whenastudentisconsideredtohavedisgracedhimselfbysomeslightinvoluntarymovementoftheheadorbodywhilefighting，thenhecanonlyregainhispositionbystandinguptothebestswordsmaninhisKorps。Hedemandsandisaccorded，notacontest，butapunishment。Hisopponentthenproceedstoinflictasmanyandasbloodywoundsascanbetaken。
Theobjectofthevictimistoshowhiscomradesthathecanstandstillwhilehisheadishalfslicedfromhisskull。
WhetheranythingcanproperlybesaidinfavouroftheGermanMensurIamdoubtful；butifsoitconcernsonlythetwocombatants。Uponthespectatorsitcananddoes，Iamconvinced，exercisenothingbutevil。IknowmyselfsufficientlywelltobesureIamnotofanunusuallybloodthirstydisposition。Theeffectithaduponmecanonlybetheusualeffect。Atfirst，beforetheactualworkcommenced，mysensationwascuriositymingledwithanxietyastohowthesightwouldtroubleme，thoughsomeslightacquaintancewithdissecting—roomsandoperatingtablesleftmelessdoubtonthatpointthanImightotherwisehavefelt。Asthebloodbegantoflow，andnervesandmusclestobelaidbare，I
experiencedaminglingofdisgustandpity。Butwiththesecondduel，Imustconfess，myfinerfeelingsbegantodisappear；andbythetimethethirdwaswelluponitsway，andtheroomheavywiththecurioushotodourofblood，Ibegan，astheAmericanexpressionis，toseethingsred。
Iwantedmore。Ilookedfromfacetofacesurroundingme，andinmostofthemIfoundreflectedundoubtedlymyownsensations。Ifitbeagoodthingtoexcitethisbloodthirstinthemodernman，thentheMensurisausefulinstitution。Butisitagoodthing？
Weprateaboutourcivilisationandhumanity，butthoseofuswhodonotcarryhypocrisytothelengthofself—deceptionknowthatunderneathourstarchedshirtstherelurksthesavage，withallhissavageinstinctsuntouched。Occasionallyhemaybewanted，butweneverneedfearhisdyingout。Ontheotherhand，itseemsunwisetoover—nourishhim。
Infavouroftheduel，seriouslyconsidered，therearemanypointstobeurged。ButtheMensurservesnogoodpurposewhatever。Itischildishness，andthefactofitsbeingacruelandbrutalgamemakesitnonethelesschildish。Woundshavenointrinsicvalueoftheirown；itisthecausethatdignifiesthem，nottheirsize。
WilliamTellisrightlyoneoftheheroesoftheworld；butwhatshouldwethinkofthemembersofacluboffathers，formedwiththeobjectofmeetingtwiceaweektoshootapplesfromtheirsons’
headswithcross—bows？TheseyoungGermangentlemencouldobtainalltheresultsofwhichtheyaresoproudbyteasingawildcat！
TojoinasocietyforthemerepurposeofgettingyourselfhackedaboutreducesamantotheintellectuallevelofadancingDervish。
TravellerstellusofsavagesinCentralAfricawhoexpresstheirfeelingsonfestiveoccasionsbyjumpingaboutandslashingthemselves。ButthereisnoneedforEuropetoimitatethem。TheMensuris，infact，thereductioadabsurdumoftheduel；andiftheGermansthemselvescannotseethatitisfunny，onecanonlyregrettheirlackofhumour。
ButthoughonemaybeunabletoagreewiththepublicopinionthatsupportsandcommandstheMensur，itatleastispossibletounderstand。TheUniversitycodethat，ifitdoesnotencourageit，atleastcondonesdrunkenness，ismoredifficulttotreatargumentatively。AllGermanstudentsdonotgetdrunk；infact，themajorityaresober，ifnotindustrious。Buttheminority，whoseclaimtoberepresentativeisfreelyadmitted，areonlysavedfromperpetualinebrietybyability，acquiredatsomecost，toswillhalfthedayandallthenight，whileretainingtosomeextenttheirfivesenses。Itdoesnotaffectallalike，butitiscommoninanyUniversitytowntoseeayoungmannotyettwentywiththefigureofaFalstaffandthecomplexionofaRubensBacchus。ThattheGermanmaidencanbefascinatedwithaface，cutandgashedtillitsuggestshavingbeenmadeoutofoddmaterialsthatnevercouldhavefitted，isaprovedfact。Butsurelytherecanbenoattractionaboutablotchedandbloatedskinanda\"baywindow\"thrownouttoanextentthreateningtooverbalancethewholestructure。Yetwhatelsecanbeexpected，whentheyoungsterstartshisbeer—drinkingwitha\"Fruhschoppen\"at10a。m。，andclosesitwitha\"Kneipe\"atfourinthemorning？
TheKneipeiswhatweshouldcallastagparty，andcanbeveryharmlessorveryrowdy，accordingtoitscomposition。Onemaninviteshisfellow—students，adozenorahundred，toacafe，andprovidesthemwithasmuchbeerandasmanycheapcigarsastheirownsenseofhealthandcomfortmaydictate，orthehostmaybetheKorpsitself。Here，aseverywhere，youobservetheGermansenseofdisciplineandorder。Aseachnewcomerentersallthosesittingroundthetablerise，andwithheelsclosetogethersalute。Whenthetableiscomplete，achairmanischosen，whosedutyitistogiveoutthenumberofthesongs。Printedbooksofthesesongs，onetoeachtwomen，lieroundthetable。Thechairmangivesoutnumbertwenty—nine。\"Firstverse，\"hecries，andawayallgo，eachtwomenholdingabookbetweenthemexactlyastwopeoplemightholdahymn—bookinchurch。Thereisapauseattheendofeachverseuntilthechairmanstartsthecompanyonthenext。AseveryGermanisatrainedsinger，andasmostofthemhavefairvoices，thegeneraleffectisstriking。
Althoughthemannermaybesuggestiveofthesingingofhymnsinchurch，thewordsofthesongsareoccasionallysuchastocorrectthisimpression。Butwhetheritbeapatrioticsong，asentimentalballad，oradittyofanaturethatwouldshocktheaverageyoungEnglishman，allaresungthroughwithsternearnestness，withoutalaugh，withoutafalsenote。Attheend，thechairmancalls\"Prosit！\"Everyoneanswers\"Prosit！\"andthenextmomenteveryglassisempty。Thepianistrisesandbows，andisbowedtoinreturn；andthentheFrauleinenterstorefilltheglasses。
Betweenthesongs，toastsareproposedandrespondedto；butthereislittlecheering，andlesslaughter。SmilesandgravenodsofapprovalareconsideredasmoreseemingamongGermanstudents。
Aparticulartoast，calledaSalamander，accordedtosomeguestasaspecialdistinction，isdrunkwithexceptionalsolemnity。
\"Wewillnow，\"saysthechairman，\"aSalamanderrub\"（\"EinenSalamanderreiben\"）。Weallrise，andstandlikearegimentatattention。
\"Isthestuffprepared？\"（\"Sinddiestoffeparat？\"）demandsthechairman。
\"Sunt，\"weanswer，withonevoice。
\"AdexercitiumSalamandri，\"saysthechairman，andweareready。
\"Eins！\"Werubourglasseswithacircularmotiononthetable。
\"Zwei！\"Againtheglassesgrowl；alsoat\"Drei！\"
\"Drink！\"（\"Bibite！\"）
Andwithmechanicalunisoneveryglassisemptiedandheldonhigh。
\"Eins！\"saysthechairman。Thefootofeveryemptyglasstwirlsuponthetable，producingasoundasofthedraggingbackofastonybeachbyarecedingwave。
\"Zwei！\"Therollswellsandsinksagain。
\"Drei！\"Theglassesstrikethetablewithasinglecrash，andweareinourseatsagain。
ThesportattheKneipeisfortwostudentstoinsulteachother（inplay，ofcourse），andtothenchallengeeachothertoadrinkingduel。Anumpireisappointed，twohugeglassesarefilled，andthemensitoppositeeachotherwiththeirhandsuponthehandles，alleyesfixeduponthem。Theumpiregivesthewordtogo，andinaninstantthebeerisgurglingdowntheirthroats。
Themanwhobangshisperfectlyfinishedglassuponthetablefirstisvictor。
StrangerswhoaregoingthroughaKneipe，andwhowishtodothethinginGermanstyle，willdowell，beforecommencingproceedings，topintheirnameandaddressupontheircoats。TheGermanstudentiscourtesyitself，andwhateverhisownstatemaybe，hewillseetoitthat，bysomemeansoranother，hisguestgetssafelyhomebeforethemorning。But，ofcourse，hecannotbeexpectedtorememberaddresses。
AstorywastoldmeofthreegueststoaBerlinKneipewhichmighthavehadtragicresults。Thestrangersdeterminedtodothethingthoroughly。Theyexplainedtheirintention，andwereapplauded，andeachproceededtowritehisaddressuponhiscard，andpinittothetableclothinfrontofhim。Thatwasthemistaketheymade。
Theyshould，asIhaveadvised，havepinneditcarefullytotheircoats。Amanmaychangehisplaceatatable，quiteunconsciouslyhemaycomeouttheothersideofit；butwhereverhegoeshetakeshiscoatwithhim。
Sometimeinthesmallhours，thechairmansuggestedthattomakethingsmorecomfortableforthosestillupright，allthegentlemenunabletokeeptheirheadsoffthetableshouldbesenthome。
AmongthosetowhomtheproceedingshadbecomeuninterestingwerethethreeEnglishmen。Itwasdecidedtoputthemintoacabinchargeofacomparativelyspeakingsoberstudent，andreturnthem。
Hadtheyretainedtheiroriginalseatsthroughouttheeveningallwouldhavebeenwell；but，unfortunately，theyhadgonewalkingabout，andwhichgentlemanbelongedtowhichcardnobodyknew——
leastofallthegueststhemselves。Inthethenstateofgeneralcheerfulness，thisdidnottoanybodyappeartomuchmatter。Therewerethreegentlemenandthreeaddresses。Isupposetheideawasthatevenifamistakeweremade，thepartiescouldbesortedoutinthemorning。Anyhow，thethreegentlemenwereputintoacab，thecomparativelyspeakingsoberstudenttookthethreecardsinhishand，andthepartystartedamidthecheersandgoodwishesofthecompany。
ThereisthisadvantageaboutGermanbeer：itdoesnotmakeamandrunkastheworddrunkisunderstoodinEngland。Thereisnothingobjectionableabouthim；heissimplytired。Hedoesnotwanttotalk；hewantstobeletalone，togotosleep；itdoesnotmatterwhere——anywhere。
Theconductorofthepartystoppedhiscabatthenearestaddress。
Hetookouthisworstcase；itwasanaturalinstincttogetridofthatfirst。Heandthecabmancarrieditupstairs，andrangthebellofthePension。Asleepyporteransweredit。Theycarriedtheirburdenin，andlookedforaplacetodropit。Abedroomdoorhappenedtobeopen；theroomwasempty；couldanythingbebetter？—
—theytookitinthere。Theyrelieveditofsuchthingsascameoffeasily，andlaiditinthebed。Thisdone，bothmen，pleasedwiththemselves，returnedtothecab。
Atthenextaddresstheystoppedagain。Thistime，inanswertotheirsummons，aladyappeared，dressedinateagown，withabookinherhand。TheGermanstudentlookedatthetoponeoftwocardsremaininginhishand，andenquiredifhehadthepleasureofaddressingFrauY。Ithappenedthathehad，thoughsofarasanypleasurewasconcernedthatappearedtobeentirelyonhisside。
HeexplainedtoFrauY。thatthegentlemanatthatmomentasleepagainstthewallwasherhusband。Thereunionmovedhertonoenthusiasm；shesimplyopenedthebedroomdoor，andthenwalkedaway。Thecabmanandthestudenttookhimin，andlaidhimonthebed。Theydidnottroubletoundresshim，theywerefeelingtired！
Theydidnotseetheladyofthehouseagain，andretiredthereforewithoutadieus。
Thelastcardwasthatofabachelorstoppingatanhotel。Theytooktheirlastman，therefore，tothathotel，passedhimovertothenightporter，andlefthim。
Toreturntotheaddressatwhichthefirstdeliverywasmade，whathadhappenedtherewasthis。SomeeighthourspreviouslyhadsaidMr。X。toMrs。X。：\"IthinkItoldyou，mydear，thatIhadaninvitationforthiseveningtowhat，Ibelieve，iscalledaKneipe？\"
\"Youdidmentionsomethingofthesort，\"repliedMrs。X。\"WhatisaKneipe？\"
\"Well，it’sasortofbachelorparty，mydear，wherethestudentsmeettosingandtalkand——andsmoke，andallthatsortofthing，youknow。\"
\"Oh，well，Ihopeyouwillenjoyyourself！\"saidMrs。X。，whowasanicewomanandsensible。
\"Itwillbeinteresting，\"observedMr。X。\"Ihaveoftenhadacuriositytoseeone。Imay，\"continuedMr。X。，——\"Imeanitispossible，thatImaybehomealittlelate。\"
\"Whatdoyoucalllate？\"askedMrs。X。
\"Itissomewhatdifficulttosay，\"returnedMr。X。\"Youseethesestudents，theyareawildlot，andwhentheygettogether——Andthen，Ibelieve，agoodmanytoastsaredrunk。Idon’tknowhowitwillaffectme。IfIcanseeanopportunityIshallcomeawayearly，thatisifIcandosowithoutgivingoffence；butifnot——\"
SaidMrs。X。，who，asIremarkedbefore，wasasensiblewoman：
\"Youhadbettergetthepeopleheretolendyoualatchkey。I
shallsleepwithDolly，andthenyouwon’tdisturbmewhatevertimeitmaybe。\"
\"Ithinkthatanexcellentideaofyours，\"agreedMr。X。\"Ishouldhatedisturbingyou。Ishalljustcomeinquietly，andslipintobed。\"
Sometimeinthemiddleofthenight，ormaybetowardstheearlymorning，Dolly，whowasMrs。X。’ssister，satupinbedandlistened。
\"Jenny，\"saidDolly，\"areyouawake？\"
\"Yes，dear，\"answeredMrs。X。\"It’sallright。Yougotosleepagain。\"
\"Butwhateverisit？\"askedDolly。\"Doyouthinkit’sfire？\"
\"Iexpect，\"repliedMrs。X。，\"thatit’sPercy。Verypossiblyhehasstumbledoversomethinginthedark。Don’tyouworry，dear；
yougotosleep。\"
ButsosoonasDollyhaddozedoffagain，Mrs。X。，whowasagoodwife，thoughtshewouldstealoffsoftlyandseetoitthatPercywasallright。So，puttingonadressing—gownandslippers，shecreptalongthepassageandintoherownroom。Toawakethegentlemanonthebedwouldhaverequiredanearthquake。Shelitacandleandstoleovertothebedside。
ItwasnotPercy；itwasnotanyonelikePercy。Shefeltitwasnotthemanthatevercouldhavebeenherhusband，underanycircumstances。Inhispresentconditionhersentimenttowardshimwasthatofpositivedislike。Heronlydesirewastogetridofhim。
Butsomethingtherewasabouthimwhichseemedfamiliartoher。
Shewentnearer，andtookacloserview。Thensheremembered。
SurelyitwasMr。Y。，agentlemanatwhoseflatsheandPercyhaddinedthedaytheyfirstarrivedinBerlin。
Butwhatwashedoinghere？Sheputthecandleonthetable，andtakingherheadbetweenherhandssatdowntothink。Theexplanationofthethingcametoherwitharush。ItwaswiththisMr。Y。thatPercyhadgonetotheKneipe。Amistakehadbeenmade。
Mr。Y。hadbeenbroughtbacktoPercy’saddress。Percyatthisverymoment—
Theterriblepossibilitiesofthesituationswambeforeher。
ReturningtoDolly’sroom，shedressedherselfhastily，andsilentlycreptdownstairs。Finding，fortunately，apassingnight—
cab，shedrovetotheaddressofMrs。Y。Tellingthemantowait，sheflewupstairsandrangpersistentlyatthebell。ItwasopenedasbeforebyMrs。Y。，stillinhertea—gown，andwithherbookstillinherhand。
\"Mrs。X。！\"exclaimedMrs。Y。\"Whateverbringsyouhere？\"
\"Myhusband！\"wasallpoorMrs。X。couldthinktosayatthemoment，\"ishehere？\"
\"Mrs。X。，\"returnedMrs。Y。，drawingherselfuptoherfullheight，\"howdareyou？\"
\"Oh，pleasedon’tmisunderstandme！\"pleadedMrs。X。\"It’sallaterriblemistake。TheymusthavebroughtpoorPercyhereinsteadoftoourplace，I’msuretheymust。Dopleaselookandsee。\"
\"Mydear，\"saidMrs。Y。，whowasamucholderwoman，andmoremotherly，\"don’texciteyourself。Theybroughthimhereabouthalfanhourago，and，totellyouthetruth，Ineverlookedathim。Heisinhere。Idon’tthinktheytroubledtotakeoffevenhisboots。Ifyoukeepcool，wewillgethimdownstairsandhomewithoutasoulbeyondourselvesbeinganythewiser。
Indeed，Mrs。Y。seemedquiteeagertohelpMrs。X。
Shepushedopenthedoor，andMrs。X，wentin。Thenextmomentshecameoutwithawhite，scaredface。
\"Itisn’tPercy，\"shesaid。\"WhateveramItodo？\"
\"Iwishyouwouldn’tmakethesemistakes，\"saidMrs。Y。，movingtoentertheroomherself。
Mrs。X。stoppedher。\"Anditisn’tyourhusbandeither。\"
\"Nonsense，\"saidMrs。Y。
\"Itisn’treally，\"persistedMrs。X。\"Iknow，becauseIhavejustlefthim，asleeponPercy’sbed。\"
\"What’shedoingthere？\"thunderedMrs。Y。
\"Theybroughthimthere，andputhimthere，\"explainedMrs。X。，beginningtocry。\"That’swhatmademethinkPercymustbehere。\"
Thetwowomenstoodandlookedatoneanother；andtherewassilenceforawhile，brokenonlybythesnoringofthegentlemantheothersideofthehalf—opendoor。
\"Thenwhoisthat，inthere？\"demandedMrs。Y。，whowasthefirsttorecoverherself。
\"Idon’tknow，\"answeredMrs。X。，\"Ihaveneverseenhimbefore。
Doyouthinkitisanybodyyouknow？\"
ButMrs。Y。onlybangedtothedoor。
\"Whatarewetodo？\"saidMrs。X。
\"Iknowwhat_I_amgoingtodo，\"saidMrs。Y。\"I’mcomingbackwithyoutofetchmyhusband。\"
\"He’sverysleepy，\"explainedMrs。X。
\"I’veknownhimtobethatbefore，\"repliedMrs。Y。，asshefastenedonhercloak。
\"Butwhere’sPercy？\"sobbedpoorlittleMrs。X。，astheydescendedthestairstogether。
\"Thatmydear，\"saidMrs。Y。，\"willbeaquestionforyoutoaskHIM。\"
\"Iftheygoaboutmakingmistakeslikethis，\"saidMrs。X。，\"itisimpossibletosaywhattheymaynothavedonewithhim。\"
\"Wewillmakeenquiriesinthemorning，mydear，\"saidMrs。Y。，consolingly。
\"IthinktheseKneipesaredisgracefulaffairs，\"saidMrs。X。\"I
shallneverletPercygotoanother，never——solongasIlive。\"
\"Mydear，\"remarkedMrs。Y。，\"ifyouknowyourduty，hewillneverwantto。\"Andrumourhasitthatheneverdid。
But，asIhavesaid，themistakewasinpinningthecardtothetableclothinsteadoftothecoat。Anderrorinthisworldisalwaysseverelypunished。
CHAPTERXIV
Whichisserious：asbecomesapartingchapter——TheGermanfromtheAnglo—Saxon’spointofview——Providenceinbuttonsandahelmet——Paradiseofthehelplessidiot——Germanconscience：itsaggressiveness——HowtheyhanginGermany，verypossibly——WhathappenstogoodGermanswhentheydie？——Themilitaryinstinct：isitall—sufficient？——TheGermanasashopkeeper——Howhesupportslife——TheNewWoman，hereaseverywhere——WhatcanbesaidagainsttheGermans，asapeople——TheBummelisoveranddone。
\"Anybodycouldrulethiscountry，\"saidGeorge；\"_I_couldruleit。\"
WewereseatedinthegardenoftheKaiserHofatBonn，lookingdownupontheRhine。ItwasthelasteveningofourBummel；theearlymorningtrainwouldbethebeginningoftheend。
\"IshouldwritedownallIwantedthepeopletodoonapieceofpaper，\"continuedGeorge；\"getagoodfirmtoprintoffsomanycopies，havethempostedaboutthetownsandvillages；andthethingwouldbedone。\"
Intheplacid，docileGermanofto—day，whoseonlyambitionappearstobetopayhistaxes，anddowhatheistoldtodobythosewhomithaspleasedProvidencetoplaceinauthorityoverhim，itisdifficult，onemustconfess，todetectanytraceofhiswildancestor，towhomindividuallibertywasasthebreathofhisnostrils；whoappointedhismagistratestoadvise，butretainedtherightofexecutionforthetribe；whofollowedhischief，butwouldhavescornedtoobeyhim。InGermanyto—dayonehearsagooddealconcerningSocialism，butitisaSocialismthatwouldonlybedespotismunderanothername。IndividualismmakesnoappealtotheGermanvoter。Heiswilling，nay，anxious，tobecontrolledandregulatedinallthings。Hedisputes，notgovernment，buttheformofit。Thepolicemanistohimareligion，and，onefeels，willalwaysremainso。InEnglandweregardourmaninblueasaharmlessnecessity。Bytheaveragecitizenheisemployedchieflyasasignpost，thoughinbusyquartersofthetownheisconsideredusefulfortakingoldladiesacrosstheroad。Beyondfeelingthankfultohimfortheseservices，Idoubtifwetakemuchthoughtofhim。InGermany，ontheotherhand，heisworshippedasalittlegodandlovedasaguardianangel。TotheGermanchildheisacombinationofSantaClansandtheBogieMan。Allgoodthingscomefromhim：Spielplatzetoplayin，furnishedwithswingsandgiant—strides，sandheapstofightaround，swimmingbaths，andfairs。Allmisbehaviourispunishedbyhim。Itisthehopeofeverywell—meaningGermanboyandgirltopleasethepolice。Tobesmiledatbyapolicemanmakesitconceited。AGermanchildthathasbeenpattedontheheadbyapolicemanisnotfittolivewith；
itsself—importanceisunbearable。
TheGermancitizenisasoldier，andthepolicemanishisofficer。
Thepolicemandirectshimwhereinthestreettowalk，andhowfasttowalk。AttheendofeachbridgestandsapolicemantotelltheGermanhowtocrossit。Weretherenopolicemanthere，hewouldprobablysitdownandwaittilltheriverhadpassedby。Attherailwaystationthepolicemanlockshimupinthewaiting—room，wherehecandonoharmtohimself。Whenthepropertimearrives，hefetcheshimoutandhandshimovertotheguardofthetrain，whoisonlyapolicemaninanotheruniform。Theguardtellshimwheretositinthetrain，andwhentogetout，andseesthathedoesgetout。InGermanyyoutakenoresponsibilityuponyourselfwhatever。Everythingisdoneforyou，anddonewell。Youarenotsupposedtolookafteryourself；youarenotblamedforbeingincapableoflookingafteryourself；itisthedutyoftheGermanpolicemantolookafteryou。Thatyoumaybeahelplessidiotdoesnotexcusehimshouldanythinghappentoyou。Whereveryouareandwhateveryouaredoingyouareinhischarge，andhetakescareofyou——goodcareofyou；thereisnodenyingthis。
Ifyouloseyourself，hefindsyou；andifyouloseanythingbelongingtoyou，herecoversitforyou。Ifyoudon’tknowwhatyouwant，hetellsyou。Ifyouwantanythingthatisgoodforyoutohave，hegetsitforyou。PrivatelawyersarenotneededinGermany。Ifyouwanttobuyorsellahouseorfield，theStatemakesouttheconveyance。Ifyouhavebeenswindled，theStatetakesupthecaseforyou。TheStatemarriesyou，insuresyou，willevengamblewithyouforatrifle。
\"Yougetyourselfborn，\"saystheGermanGovernmenttotheGermancitizen，\"wedotherest。Indoorsandoutofdoors，insicknessandinhealth，inpleasureandinwork，wewilltellyouwhattodo，andwewillseetoitthatyoudoit。Don’tyouworryyourselfaboutanything。\"
AndtheGermandoesn’t。Wherethereisnopolicemantobefound，hewandersabouttillhecomestoapolicenoticepostedonawall。
Thishereads；thenhegoesanddoeswhatitsays。
IrememberinoneGermantown——Iforgetwhich；itisimmaterial；
theincidentcouldhavehappenedinany——noticinganopengateleadingtoagardeninwhichaconcertwasbeinggiven。Therewasnothingtopreventanyonewhochosefromwalkingthroughthatgate，andthusgainingadmittancetotheconcertwithoutpaying。Infact，ofthetwogatesquarterofamileapartitwasthemoreconvenient。Yetofthecrowdsthatpassed，notoneattemptedtoenterbythatgate。Theyploddedsteadilyonunderablazingsuntotheothergate，atwhichamanstoodtocollecttheentrancemoney。IhaveseenGermanyoungstersstandlonginglybythemarginofalonelysheetofice。Theycouldhaveskatedonthaticeforhours，andnobodyhavebeenthewiser。Thecrowdandthepolicewereattheotherend，morethanhalfamileaway，androundthecorner。Nothingstoppedtheirgoingonbuttheknowledgethattheyoughtnot。ThingssuchasthesemakeonepausetoseriouslywonderwhethertheTeutonbeamemberofthesinfulhumanfamilyornot。
Isitnotpossiblethattheseplacid，gentlefolkmayinrealitybeangels，comedowntoearthforthesakeofaglassofbeer，which，astheymustknow，canonlyinGermanybeobtainedworththedrinking？
InGermanythecountryroadsarelinedwithfruittrees。Thereisnovoicetostaymanorboyfrompickingandeatingthefruit，exceptconscience。InEnglandsuchastateofthingswouldcausepublicindignation。Childrenwoulddieofcholerabythehundred。
Themedicalprofessionwouldbeworkedoffitslegstryingtocopewiththenaturalresultsofover—indulgenceinsourapplesandunripewalnuts。Publicopinionwoulddemandthatthesefruittreesshouldbefencedabout，andthusrenderedharmless。Fruitgrowers，tosavethemselvestheexpenseofwallsandpalings，wouldnotbeallowedinthismannertospreadsicknessanddeaththroughoutthecommunity。
ButinGermanyaboywillwalkformilesdownalonelyroad，hedgedwithfruittrees，tobuyapennyworthofpearsinthevillageattheotherend。Topasstheseunprotectedfruittrees，droopingundertheirburdenofripefruit，strikestheAnglo—Saxonmindasawickedwasteofopportunity，afloutingoftheblessedgiftsofProvidence。
Idonotknowifitbeso，butfromwhatIhaveobservedoftheGermancharacterIshouldnotbesurprisedtohearthatwhenamaninGermanyiscondemnedtodeathheisgivenapieceofrope，andtoldtogoandhanghimself。ItwouldsavetheStatemuchtroubleandexpense，andIcanseethatGermancriminaltakingthatpieceofropehomewithhim，readingupcarefullythepoliceinstructions，andproceedingtocarrythemoutinhisownbackkitchen。
TheGermansareagoodpeople。Onthewhole，thebestpeopleperhapsintheworld；anamiable，unselfish，kindlypeople。IampositivethatthevastmajorityofthemgotoHeaven。Indeed，comparingthemwiththeotherChristiannationsoftheearth，oneisforcedtotheconclusionthatHeavenwillbechieflyofGermanmanufacture。ButIcannotunderstandhowtheygetthere。ThatthesoulofanysingleindividualGermanhassufficientinitiativetoflyupbyitselfandknockatSt。Peter’sdoor，Icannotbelieve。
Myownopinionisthattheyaretakenthereinsmallcompanies，andpassedinunderthechargeofadeadpoliceman。
CarlylesaidofthePrussians，anditistrueofthewholeGermannation，thatoneoftheirchiefvirtueswastheirpowerofbeingdrilled。OftheGermansyoumightsaytheyareapeoplewhowillgoanywhere，anddoanything，theyaretold。DrillhimfortheworkandsendhimouttoAfricaorAsiaunderchargeofsomebodyinuniform，andheisboundtomakeanexcellentcolonist，facingdifficultiesashewouldfacethedevilhimself，ifordered。Butitisnoteasytoconceiveofhimasapioneer。Lefttorunhimself，onefeelshewouldsoonfadeawayanddie，notfromanylackofintelligence，butfromsheerwantofpresumption。
TheGermanhassolongbeenthesoldierofEurope，thatthemilitaryinstincthasenteredintohisblood。Themilitaryvirtueshepossessesinabundance；buthealsosuffersfromthedrawbacksofthemilitarytraining。ItwastoldmeofaGermanservant，latelyreleasedfromthebarracks，thathewasinstructedbyhismastertodeliveralettertoacertainhouse，andtowaittherefortheanswer。Thehourspassedby，andthemandidnotreturn。
Hismaster，anxiousandsurprised，followed。Hefoundthemanwherehehadbeensent，theanswerinhishand。Hewaswaitingforfurtherorders。Thestorysoundsexaggerated，butpersonallyIcancreditit。
Thecuriousthingisthatthesameman，whoasanindividualisashelplessasachild，becomes，themomentheputsontheuniform，anintelligentbeing，capableofresponsibilityandinitiative。TheGermancanruleothers，andberuledbyothers，buthecannotrulehimself。ThecurewouldappeartobetotraineveryGermanforanofficer，andthenputhimunderhimself。Itiscertainhewouldorderhimselfaboutwithdiscretionandjudgment，andseetoitthathehimselfobeyedhimselfwithsmartnessandprecision。
ForthedirectionofGermancharacterintothesechannels，theschools，ofcourse，arechieflyresponsible。Theireverlastingteachingisduty。Itisafineidealforanypeople；butbeforebucklingtoit，onewouldwishtohaveaclearunderstandingastowhatthis\"duty\"is。TheGermanideaofitwouldappeartobe：
\"blindobediencetoeverythinginbuttons。\"ItistheantithesisoftheAnglo—Saxonscheme；butasboththeAnglo—SaxonandtheTeutonareprospering，theremustbegoodinbothmethods。
Hitherto，theGermanhashadtheblessedfortunetobeexceptionallywellgoverned；ifthiscontinue，itwillgowellwithhim。Whenhistroubleswillbeginwillbewhenbyanychancesomethinggoeswrongwiththegoverningmachine。Butmaybehismethodhastheadvantageofproducingacontinuoussupplyofgoodgovernors；itwouldcertainlyseemso。
Asatrader，IaminclinedtothinktheGermanwill，unlesshistemperamentconsiderablychange，remainalwaysalongwaybehindhisAnglo—Saxoncompetitor；andthisbyreasonofhisvirtues。Tohimlifeissomethingmoreimportantthanamereraceforwealth。
Acountrythatclosesitsbanksandpost—officesfortwohoursinthemiddleoftheday，whileitgoeshomeandenjoysacomfortablemealinthebosomofitsfamily，with，perhaps，fortywinksbywayofdessert，cannothope，andpossiblyhasnowish，tocompetewithapeoplethattakesitsmealsstanding，andsleepswithatelephoneoveritsbed。InGermanythereisnot，atalleventsasyet，sufficientdistinctionbetweentheclassestomakethestruggleforpositionthelifeanddeathaffairitisinEngland。Beyondthelandedaristocracy，whoseboundariesareimpregnable，gradehardlycounts。FrauProfessorandFrauCandlestickmakermeetattheWeeklyKaffee—Klatschandexchangescandalontermsofmutualequality。Thelivery—stablekeeperandthedoctorhobnobtogetherattheirfavouritebeerhall。Thewealthymasterbuilder，whenheprepareshisroomywaggonforanexcursionintothecountry，inviteshisforemanandhistailortojoinhimwiththeirfamilies。
Eachbringshisshareofdrinkandprovisions，andreturninghometheysinginchorusthesamesongs。Solongasthisstateofthingsendures，amanisnotinducedtosacrificethebestyearsofhislifetowinafortuneforhisdotage。Histastes，and，moretothepointstill，hiswife’s，remaininexpensive。Helikestoseehisflatorvillafurnishedwithmuchredplushupholsteryandaprofusionofgiltandlacquer。Butthatishisidea；andmaybeitisinnoworsetastethanisamixtureofbastardElizabethanwithimitationLouisXV，thewholelitbyelectriclight，andsmotheredwithphotographs。Possibly，hewillhavehisouterwallspaintedbythelocalartist：asanguinarybattle，agooddealinterferedwithbythefrontdoor，takingplacebelow，whileBismarck，asanangel，fluttersvaguelyaboutthebedroomwindows。ButforhisOldMastersheisquitecontenttogotothepublicgalleries；and\"theCelebrityatHome\"nothavingasyettakenitsplaceamongsttheinstitutionsoftheFatherland，heisnotimpelledtowastehis，moneyturninghishouseintoanoldcuriosityshop。
TheGermanisagourmand。TherearestillEnglishfarmerswho，whiletellingyouthatfarmingspellsstarvation，enjoytheirsevensolidmealsaday。Onceayeartherecomesaweek’sfeastthroughoutRussia，duringwhichmanydeathsoccurfromtheover—
eatingofpancakes；butthisisareligiousfestival，andanexception。Takinghimallround，theGermanasatrenchermanstandspre—eminentamongthenationsoftheearth。Herisesearly，andwhiledressingtossesoffafewcupsofcoffee，togetherwithhalfadozenhotbutteredrolls。Butitisnotuntilteno’clockthathesitsdowntoanythingthatcanproperlybecalledameal。
Atoneorhalf—pasttakesplacehischiefdinner。Ofthishemakesabusiness，sittingatitforacoupleofhours。Atfouro’clockhegoestothecafe，andeatscakesanddrinkschocolate。Theeveninghedevotestoeatinggenerally——notasetmeal，orrarely，butaseriesofsnacks，——abottleofbeerandaBelegete—semmelortwoatseven，say；anotherbottleofbeerandanAufschnittatthetheatrebetweentheacts；asmallbottleofwhitewineandaSpiegeleierbeforegoinghome；thenapieceofcheeseorsausage，washeddownbymorebeer，previoustoturninginforthenight。
Butheisnogourmet。FrenchcooksandFrenchpricesarenottheruleathisrestaurant。Hisbeerorhisinexpensivenativewhitewinehepreferstothemostcostlyclaretsorchampagnes。And，indeed，itiswellforhimhedoes；foroneisinclinedtothinkthateverytimeaFrenchgrowersellsabottleofwinetoaGermanhotel—orshop—keeper，Sedanisranklinginhismind。Itisafoolishrevenge，seeingthatitisnottheGermanwhoasaruledrinksit；thepunishmentfallsuponsomeinnocenttravellingEnglishman。Maybe，however，theFrenchdealerremembersalsoWaterloo，andfeelsthatinanyeventhescores。
InGermanyexpensiveentertainmentsareneitherofferednorexpected。EverythingthroughouttheFatherlandishomelyandfriendly。TheGermanhasnocostlysportstopayfor，noshowyestablishmenttomaintain，nopurse—proudcircletodressfor。Hischiefpleasure，aseatattheoperaorconcert，canbehadforafewmarks；andhiswifeanddaughterswalkthereinhome—madedresses，withshawlsovertheirheads。Indeed，throughoutthecountrytheabsenceofallostentationistoEnglisheyesquiterefreshing。Privatecarriagesarefewandfarbetween，andeventhedroschkeismadeuseofonlywhenthequickerandcleanerelectriccarisnotavailable。
BysuchmeanstheGermanretainshisindependence。TheshopkeeperinGermanydoesnotfawnuponhiscustomers。IaccompaniedanEnglishladyonceonashoppingexcursioninMunich。ShehadbeenaccustomedtoshoppinginLondonandNewYork，andshegrumbledateverythingthemanshowedher。Itwasnotthatshewasreallydissatisfied；thiswashermethod。Sheexplainedthatshecouldgetmostthingscheaperandbetterelsewhere；notthatshereallythoughtshecould，merelyshehelditgoodfortheshopkeepertosaythis。Shetoldhimthathisstocklackedtaste——shedidnotmeantobeoffensive；asIhaveexplained，itwashermethod；——thattherewasnovarietyaboutit；thatitwasnotuptodate；thatitwascommonplace；thatitlookedasifitwouldnotwear。Hedidnotarguewithher；hedidnotcontradicther。Heputthethingsbackintotheirrespectiveboxes，replacedtheboxesontheirrespectiveshelves，walkedintothelittleparlourbehindtheshop，andclosedthedoor。
\"Isn’theevercomingback？\"askedthelady，afteracoupleofminuteshadelapsed。
Hertonedidnotimplyaquestion，somuchasanexclamationofmereimpatience。
\"Idoubtit，\"Ireplied。
\"Whynot？\"sheasked，muchastonished。
\"Iexpect，\"Ianswered，\"youhaveboredhim。Inallprobabilityheisatthismomentbehindthatdoorsmokingapipeandreadingthepaper。\"
\"Whatanextraordinaryshopkeeper！\"saidmyfriend，asshegatheredherparcelstogetherandindignantlywalkedout。
\"Itistheirway，\"Iexplained。\"Therearethegoods；ifyouwantthem，youcanhavethem。Ifyoudonotwantthem，theywouldalmostratherthatyoudidnotcomeandtalkaboutthem。\"
OnanotheroccasionIlistenedinthesmoke—roomofaGermanhoteltoasmallEnglishmantellingatalewhich，hadIbeeninhisplace，Ishouldhavekepttomyself。
\"Itdoesn’tdo，\"saidthelittleEnglishman，\"totryandbeataGermandown。Theydon’tseemtounderstandit。IsawafirsteditionofTheRobbersinashopintheGeorgPlatz。Iwentinandaskedtheprice。Itwasarumoldchapbehindthecounter。Hesaid：’Twenty—fivemarks，’andwentonreading。ItoldhimIhadseenabettercopyonlyafewdaysbeforefortwenty——onetalkslikethatwhenoneisbargaining；itisunderstood。Heaskedme’Where？’ItoldhiminashopatLeipsig。Hesuggestedmyreturningthereandgettingit；hedidnotseemtocarewhetherI
boughtthebookorwhetherIdidn’t。Isaid：
\"’What’stheleastyouwilltakeforit？’
\"’Ihavetoldyouonce，’heanswered；’twenty—fivemarks。’Hewasanirritableoldchap。
\"Isaid：’It’snotworthit。’
\"’Ineversaiditwas，didI？’hesnapped。
\"Isaid：’I’llgiveyoutenmarksforit。’Ithought，maybe，hewouldendbytakingtwenty。
\"Herose。Itookithewascomingroundthecountertogetthebookout。Instead，hecamestraightuptome。Hewasabiggishsortofman。Hetookmebythetwoshoulders，walkedmeoutintothestreet，andclosedthedoorbehindmewithabang。Iwasnevermoresurprisedinallmylife。
\"Maybethebookwasworthtwenty—fivemarks，\"Isuggested。
\"Ofcourseitwas，\"hereplied；\"wellworthit。Butwhatanotionofbusiness！\"
IfanythingchangetheGermancharacter，itwillbetheGermanwoman。Sheherselfischangingrapidly——advancing，aswecallit。
TenyearsagonoGermanwomancaringforherreputation，hopingforahusband，wouldhavedaredtorideabicycle：to—daytheyspinaboutthecountryintheirthousands。Theoldfolksshaketheirheadsatthem；buttheyoungmen，Inotice，overtakethemandridebesidethem。NotlongagoitwasconsideredunwomanlyinGermanyforaladytobeabletodotheoutsideedge。Herproperskatingattitudewasthoughttobethatofclinginglimpnesstosomemalerelative。Nowshepractiseseightsinacornerbyherself，untilsomeyoungmancomesalongtohelpher。Sheplaystennis，and，fromapointofsafety，Ihaveevennoticedherdrivingadog—cart。
Brilliantlyeducatedshealwayshasbeen。Ateighteenshespeakstwoorthreelanguages，andhasforgottenmorethantheaverageEnglishwomanhaseverread。Hitherto，thiseducationhasbeenutterlyuselesstoher。Onmarriageshehasretiredintothekitchen，andmadehastetoclearherbrainofeverythingelse，inordertoleaveroomforbadcooking。Butsupposeitbeginstodawnuponherthatawomanneednotsacrificeherwholeexistencetohouseholddrudgeryanymorethanamanneedmakehimselfnothingelsethanabusinessmachine。Supposeshedevelopanambitiontotakepartinthesocialandnationallife。Thentheinfluenceofsuchapartner，healthyinbodyandthereforevigorousinmind，isboundtobebothlastingandfar—reaching。
ForitmustbeborneinmindthattheGermanmanisexceptionallysentimental，andmosteasilyinfluencedbyhiswomenfolk。Itissaidofhim，heisthebestoflovers，theworstofhusbands。Thishasbeenthewoman’sfault。Oncemarried，theGermanwomanhasdonemorethanputromancebehindher；shehastakenacarpet—
beateranddrivenitoutofthehouse。Asagirl，sheneverunderstooddressing；asawife，shetakesoffsuchclothesevenasshehad，andproceedstowrapherselfupinanyoddarticlesshemayhappentofindaboutthehouse；atallevents，thisistheimpressionsheproduces。ThefigurethatmightoftenbethatofaJuno，thecomplexionthatwouldsometimesdocredittoahealthyangel，sheproceedsofmaliceandintenttospoil。Shesellsherbirth—rightofadmirationanddevotionforamessofsweets。Everyafternoonyoumayseeheratthecafe，loadingherselfwithrichcream—coveredcakes，washeddownbycopiousdraughtsofchocolate。
Inashorttimeshebecomesfat，pasty，placid，andutterlyuninteresting。
WhentheGermanwomangivesupherafternooncoffeeandhereveningbeer，takessufficientexercisetoretainhershape，andcontinuestoreadaftermarriagesomethingelsethanthecookery—book，theGermanGovernmentwillfindithasanewandunknownforcetodealwith。AndeverywherethroughoutGermanyoneisconfrontedbyunmistakablesignsthattheoldGermanFrauenaregivingplacetothenewerDamen。
Concerningwhatwillthenhappenonefeelscurious。FortheGermannationisstillyoung，anditsmaturityisofimportancetotheworld。Theyareagoodpeople，alovablepeople，whoshouldhelpmuchtomaketheworldbetter。
Theworstthatcanbesaidagainstthemisthattheyhavetheirfailings。Theythemselvesdonotknowthis；theyconsiderthemselvesperfect，whichisfoolishofthem。TheyevengosofarastothinkthemselvessuperiortotheAnglo—Saxon：thisisincomprehensible。Onefeelstheymustbepretending。
\"Theyhavetheirpoints，\"saidGeorge；\"buttheirtobaccoisanationalsin。I’mgoingtobed。\"
Werose，andleaningoverthelowstoneparapet，watchedthedancinglightsuponthesoft，darkriver。
\"IthasbeenapleasantBummel，onthewhole，\"saidHarris；\"I
shallbegladtogetback，andyetIamsorryitisover，ifyouunderstandme。\"
\"Whatisa’Bummel’？\"saidGeorge。\"Howwouldyoutranslateit？\"
\"A’Bummel’，\"Iexplained，\"Ishoulddescribeasajourney，longorshort，withoutanend；theonlythingregulatingitbeingthenecessityofgettingbackwithinagiventimetothepointfromwhichonestarted。Sometimesitisthroughbusystreets，andsometimesthroughthefieldsandlanes；sometimeswecanbesparedforafewhours，andsometimesforafewdays。Butlongorshort，buthereorthere，ourthoughtsareeverontherunningofthesand。Wenodandsmiletomanyaswepass；withsomewestopandtalkawhile；andwithafewwewalkalittleway。Wehavebeenmuchinterested，andoftenalittletired。Butonthewholewehavehadapleasanttime，andaresorrywhen’tisover。\"
