CHAPTERI
Threemenneedchange——Anecdoteshowingevilresultofdeception——
MoralcowardiceofGeorge——Harrishasideas——YarnoftheAncientMarinerandtheInexperiencedYachtsman——Aheartycrew——Dangerofsailingwhenthewindisofftheland——Impossibilityofsailingwhenthewindisoffthesea——TheargumentativenessofEthelbertha—
—Thedampnessoftheriver——Harrissuggestsabicycletour——Georgethinksofthewind——HarrissuggeststheBlackForest——Georgethinksofthehills——PlanadoptedbyHarrisforascentofhills——
InterruptionbyMrs。Harris。
\"Whatwewant，\"saidHarris，\"isachange。\"
Atthismomentthedooropened，andMrs。HarrisputherheadintosaythatEthelberthahadsenthertoremindmethatwemustnotbelategettinghomebecauseofClarence。Ethelbertha，Iaminclinedtothink，isunnecessarilynervousaboutthechildren。Asamatteroffact，therewasnothingwrongwiththechildwhatever。Hehadbeenoutwithhisauntthatmorning；andifhelookswistfullyatapastrycook’swindowshetakeshiminsideandbuyshimcreambunsand\"maids—of—honour\"untilheinsiststhathehashadenough，andpolitely，butfirmly，refusestoeatanotheranything。Then，ofcourse，hewantsonlyonehelpingofpuddingatlunch，andEthelberthathinksheissickeningforsomething。Mrs。Harrisaddedthatitwouldbeaswellforustocomeupstairssoon，onourownaccountalso，asotherwiseweshouldmissMuriel’srenderingof\"TheMadHatter’sTeaParty，\"outofAliceinWonderland。MurielisHarris’ssecond，ageeight：sheisabright，intelligentchild；
butIpreferhermyselfinseriouspieces。Wesaidwewouldfinishourcigarettesandfollowalmostimmediately；wealsobeggedhernottoletMurielbeginuntilwearrived。Shepromisedtoholdthechildbackaslongaspossible，andwent。Harris，assoonasthedoorwasclosed，resumedhisinterruptedsentence。
\"YouknowwhatImean，\"hesaid，\"acompletechange。\"
Thequestionwashowtogetit。
Georgesuggested\"business。\"ItwasthesortofsuggestionGeorgewouldmake。Abachelorthinksamarriedwomandoesn’tknowenoughtogetoutofthewayofasteam—roller。Iknewayoungfellowonce，anengineer，whothoughthewouldgotoVienna\"onbusiness。\"
Hiswifewantedtoknow\"whatbusiness？\"HetoldheritwouldbehisdutytovisittheminesintheneighbourhoodoftheAustriancapital，andtomakereports。Shesaidshewouldgowithhim；shewasthatsortofwoman。Hetriedtodissuadeher：hetoldherthataminewasnoplaceforabeautifulwoman。Shesaidshefeltthatherself，andthatthereforeshedidnotintendtoaccompanyhimdowntheshafts；shewouldseehimoffinthemorning，andthenamuseherselfuntilhisreturn，lookingroundtheViennashops，andbuyingafewthingsshemightwant。Havingstartedtheidea，hedidnotseeverywellhowtogetoutofit；andfortenlongsummerdayshedidvisittheminesintheneighbourhoodofVienna，andintheeveningwrotereportsaboutthem，whichshepostedforhimtohisfirm，whodidn’twantthem。
IshouldbegrievedtothinkthateitherEthelberthaorMrs。Harrisbelongedtothatclassofwife，butitisaswellnottooverdo\"business\"——itshouldbekeptforcasesofrealemergency。
\"No，\"Isaid，\"thethingistobefrankandmanly。IshalltellEthelberthathatIhavecometotheconclusionamannevervalueshappinessthatisalwayswithhim。Ishalltellherthat，forthesakeoflearningtoappreciatemyownadvantagesasIknowtheyshouldbeappreciated，Iintendtotearmyselfawayfromherandthechildrenforatleastthreeweeks。Ishalltellher，\"I
continued，turningtoHarris，\"thatitisyouwhohaveshownmemydutyinthisrespect；thatitistoyouweshallowe——\"
Harrisputdownhisglassratherhurriedly。
\"Ifyoudon’tmind，oldman，\"heinterrupted，\"I’dreallyratheryoudidn’t。She’lltalkitoverwithmywife，and——well，Ishouldnotbehappy，takingcreditthatIdonotdeserve。\"
\"Butyoudodeserveit，\"Iinsisted；\"itwasyoursuggestion。\"
\"Itwasyougavemetheidea，\"interruptedHarrisagain。\"Youknowyousaiditwasamistakeforamantogetintoagroove，andthatunbrokendomesticitycloyedthebrain。\"
\"Iwasspeakinggenerally，\"Iexplained。
\"Itstruckmeasveryapt，\"saidHarris。\"IthoughtofrepeatingittoClara；shehasagreatopinionofyoursense，Iknow。Iamsurethatif——\"
\"Wewon’triskit，\"Iinterrupted，inmyturn；\"itisadelicatematter，andIseeawayoutofit。WewillsayGeorgesuggestedtheidea。\"
ThereisalackofgenialhelpfulnessaboutGeorgethatitsometimesvexesmetonotice。Youwouldhavethoughthewouldhavewelcomedthechanceofassistingtwooldfriendsoutofadilemma；
instead，hebecamedisagreeable。
\"Youdo，\"saidGeorge，\"andIshalltellthemboththatmyoriginalplanwasthatweshouldmakeaparty——childrenandall；thatI
shouldbringmyaunt，andthatweshouldhireacharmingoldchateauIknowofinNormandy，onthecoast，wheretheclimateispeculiarlyadaptedtodelicatechildren，andthemilksuchasyoudonotgetinEngland。Ishalladdthatyouover—rodethatsuggestion，arguingweshouldbehappierbyourselves。\"
WithamanlikeGeorgekindnessisofnouse；youhavetobefirm。
\"Youdo，\"saidHarris，\"andI，forone，willclosewiththeoffer。
Wewilljusttakethatchateau。Youwillbringyouraunt——Iwillseetothat，——andwewillhaveamonthofit。Thechildrenareallfondofyou；J。andIwillbenowhere。You’vepromisedtoteachEdgarfishing；anditisyouwhowillhavetoplaywildbeasts。
SincelastSundayDickandMurielhavetalkedofnothingelsebutyourhippopotamus。Wewillpicnicinthewoods——therewillonlybeelevenofus，——andintheeveningswewillhavemusicandrecitations。Murielismasterofsixpiecesalready，asperhapsyouknow；andalltheotherchildrenarequickstudies。\"
Georgeclimbeddown——hehasnorealcourage——buthedidnotdoitgracefully。Hesaidthatifweweremeanandcowardlyandfalse—
heartedenoughtostooptosuchashabbytrick，hesupposedhecouldn’thelpit；andthatifIdidn’tintendtofinishthewholebottleofclaretmyself，hewouldtroublemetosparehimaglass。
Healsoadded，somewhatillogically，thatitreallydidnotmatter，seeingbothEthelberthaandMrs。Harriswerewomenofsensewhowouldjudgehimbetterthantobelieveforamomentthatthesuggestionemanatedfromhim。
Thislittlepointsettled，thequestionwas：Whatsortofachange？
Harris，asusual，wasforthesea。Hesaidheknewayacht，justtheverything——onethatwecouldmanagebyourselves；noskulkinglotoflubbersloafingabout，addingtotheexpenseandtakingawayfromtheromance。Givehimahandyboy，hewouldsailithimself。
Weknewthatyacht，andwetoldhimso；wehadbeenonitwithHarrisbefore。Itsmellsofbilge—waterandgreenstotheexclusionofallotherscents；noordinaryseaaircanhopetoheadagainstit。Sofarassenseofsmellisconcerned，onemightbespendingaweekinLimehouseHole。Thereisnoplacetogetoutoftherain；thesaloonistenfeetbyfour，andhalfofthatistakenupbyastove，whichfallstopieceswhenyougotolightit。Youhavetotakeyourbathondeck，andthetowelblowsoverboardjustasyoustepoutofthetub。Harrisandtheboydoalltheinterestingwork——theluggingandthereefing，thelettinghergoandtheheelingherover，andallthatsortofthing，——leavingGeorgeandmyselftodothepeelingofthepotatoesandthewashingup。
\"Verywell，then，\"saidHarris，\"let’stakeaproperyacht，withaskipper，anddothethinginstyle。\"
ThatalsoIobjectedto。Iknowthatskipper；hisnotionofyachtingistolieinwhathecallsthe\"offing，\"wherehecanbewellintouchwithhiswifeandfamily，tosaynothingofhisfavouritepublic—house。
Yearsago，whenIwasyoungandinexperienced，Ihiredayachtmyself。Threethingshadcombinedtoleadmeintothisfoolishness：Ihadhadastrokeofunexpectedluck；Ethelberthahadexpressedayearningforseaair；andtheverynextmorning，intakingupcasuallyattheclubacopyoftheSportsman，Ihadcomeacrossthefollowingadvertisement：—
TOYACHTSMEN。——UniqueOpportunity。——\"Rogue，\"28—tonYawl。——Owner，calledawaysuddenlyonbusiness，iswillingtoletthissuperbly—
fitted\"greyhoundofthesea\"foranyperiodshortorlong。Twocabinsandsaloon；pianette，byWoffenkoff；newcopper。Terms，10
guineasaweek。——ApplyPertweeandCo。，3ABucklersbury。
Ithadseemedtomeliketheanswertoaprayer。\"Thenewcopper\"
didnotinterestme；whatlittlewashingwemightwantcouldwait，Ithought。Butthe\"pianettebyWoffenkoff\"soundedalluring。I
picturedEthelberthaplayingintheevening——somethingwithachorus，inwhich，perhaps，thecrew，withalittletraining，mightjoin——whileourmovinghomebounded，\"greyhound—like，\"overthesilverybillows。
Itookacabanddrovedirectto3ABucklersbury。Mr。Pertweewasanunpretentious—lookinggentleman，whohadanunostentatiousofficeonthethirdfloor。Heshowedmeapictureinwater—coloursoftheRogueflyingbeforethewind。Thedeckwasatanangleof95totheocean。Inthepicturenohumanbeingswererepresentedonthedeck；Isupposetheyhadslippedoff。Indeed，Idonotseehowanyonecouldhavekepton，unlessnailed。Ipointedoutthisdisadvantagetotheagent，who，however，explainedtomethatthepicturerepresentedtheRoguedoublingsomethingorotheronthewell—knownoccasionofherwinningtheMedwayChallengeShield。
Mr。PertweeassumedthatIknewallabouttheevent，sothatIdidnotliketoaskanyquestions。Twospecksneartheframeofthepicture，whichatfirstIhadtakenformoths，represented，itappeared，thesecondandthirdwinnersinthiscelebratedrace。A
photographoftheyachtatanchoroffGravesendwaslessimpressive，butsuggestedmorestability。Allanswerstomyinquiriesbeingsatisfactory，Itookthethingforafortnight。
Mr。PertweesaiditwasfortunateIwanteditonlyforafortnight—
—lateronIcametoagreewithhim，——thetimefittinginexactlywithanotherhiring。HadIrequireditforthreeweekshewouldhavebeencompelledtorefuseme。
Thelettingbeingthusarranged，Mr。PertweeaskedmeifIhadaskipperinmyeye。ThatIhadnotwasalsofortunate——thingsseemedtobeturningoutluckilyformeallround，——becauseMr。
PertweefeltsureIcouldnotdobetterthankeeponMr。Goyles，atpresentincharge——anexcellentskipper，soMr。Pertweeassuredme，amanwhoknewtheseaasamanknowshisownwife，andwhohadneverlostalife。
Itwasstillearlyintheday，andtheyachtwaslyingoffHarwich。
Icaughtthetenforty—fivefromLiverpoolStreet，andbyoneo’clockwastalkingtoMr。Goylesondeck。Hewasastoutman，andhadafatherlywaywithhim。Itoldhimmyidea，whichwastotaketheoutlyingDutchislandsandthencreepuptoNorway。Hesaid，\"Aye，aye，sir，\"andappearedquiteenthusiasticaboutthetrip；
saidheshouldenjoyithimself。Wecametothequestionofvictualling，andhegrewmoreenthusiastic。TheamountoffoodsuggestedbyMr。Goyles，Iconfess，surprisedme。HadwebeenlivinginthedaysofDrakeandtheSpanishMain，Ishouldhavefearedhewasarrangingforsomethingillegal。However，helaughedinhisfatherlyway，andassuredmewewerenotoverdoingit。
Anythingleftthecrewwoulddivideandtakehomewiththem——itseemedthiswasthecustom。ItappearedtomethatIwasprovidingforthiscrewforthewinter，butIdidnotliketoappearstingy，andsaidnomore。Theamountofdrinkrequiredalsosurprisedme。
IarrangedforwhatIthoughtweshouldneedforourselves，andthenMr。Goylesspokeupforthecrew。Imustsaythatforhim，hedidthinkofhismen。
\"Wedon’twantanythinginthenatureofanorgie，Mr。Goyles，\"I
suggested。
\"Orgie！\"repliedMr。Goyles；\"whythey’lltakethatlittledropintheirtea。\"
Heexplainedtomethathismottowas，Getgoodmenandtreatthemwell。
\"Theyworkbetterforyou，\"saidMr。Goyles；\"andtheycomeagain。\"
Personally，Ididn’tfeelIwantedthemtocomeagain。IwasbeginningtotakeadisliketothembeforeIhadseenthem；I
regardedthemasagreedyandguzzlingcrew。ButMr。Goyleswassocheerfullyemphatic，andIwassoinexperienced，thatagainIlethimhavehisway。Healsopromisedthateveninthisdepartmenthewouldseetoitpersonallythatnothingwaswasted。
Ialsolefthimtoengagethecrew。Hesaidhecoulddothething，andwould，forme，withthehelptwomenandaboy。Ifhewasalludingtotheclearingupofthevictualsanddrink，Ithinkhewasmakinganunder—estimate；butpossiblyhemayhavebeenspeakingofthesailingoftheyacht。
Icalledatmytailorsonthewayhomeandorderedayachtingsuit，withawhitehat，whichtheypromisedtobustleupandhavereadyintime；andthenIwenthomeandtoldEthelberthaallIhaddone。
Herdelightwascloudedbyonlyonereflection——wouldthedressmakerbeabletofinishayachtingcostumeforherintime？
Thatissolikeawoman。
Ourhoneymoon，whichhadtakenplacenotverylongbefore，hadbeensomewhatcurtailed，sowedecidedwewouldinvitenobody，buthavetheyachttoourselves。AndthankfulIamtoHeaventhatwedidsodecide。OnMondayweputonallourclothesandstarted。IforgetwhatEthelberthawore，but，whateveritmayhavebeen，itlookedveryfetching。Myowncostumewasadarkbluetrimmedwithanarrowwhitebraid，which，Ithink，wasrathereffective。
Mr。Goylesmetusondeck，andtoldusthatlunchwasready。I
mustadmitGoyleshadsecuredtheservicesofaveryfaircook。
ThecapabilitiesoftheothermembersofthecrewIhadnoopportunityofjudging。Speakingoftheminastateofrest，however，Icansayofthemtheyappearedtobeacheerfulcrew。
Myideahadbeenthatsosoonasthemenhadfinishedtheirdinnerwewouldweighanchor，whileI，smokingacigar，withEthelberthabymyside，wouldleanoverthegunwaleandwatchthewhitecliffsoftheFatherlandsinkimperceptiblyintothehorizon。EthelberthaandIcarriedoutourpartoftheprogramme，andwaited，withthedecktoourselves。
\"Theyseemtobetakingtheirtime，\"saidEthelbertha。
\"If，inthecourseoffourteendays，\"Isaid，\"theyeathalfofwhatisonthisyacht，theywillwantafairlylongtimeforeverymeal。Wehadbetternothurrythem，ortheywon’tgetthroughaquarterofit。\"
\"Theymusthavegonetosleep，\"saidEthelbertha，lateron。\"Itwillbetea—timesoon。\"
Theywerecertainlyveryquiet。Iwentfor’ard，andhailedCaptainGoylesdowntheladder。Ihailedhimthreetimes；thenhecameupslowly。HeappearedtobeaheavierandoldermanthanwhenIhadseenhimlast。Hehadacoldcigarinhismouth。
\"Whenyouareready，CaptainGoyles，\"Isaid，\"we’llstart。\"
CaptainGoylesremovedthecigarfromhismouth。
\"Notto—daywewon’t，sir，\"hereplied，\"WITHyourpermission。\"
\"Why，what’sthematterwithto—day？\"Isaid。Iknowsailorsareasuperstitiousfolk；IthoughtmaybeaMondaymightbeconsideredunlucky。
\"Theday’sallright，\"answeredCaptainGoyles，\"it’sthewindI’ma—thinkingof。Itdon’tlookmuchlikechanging。\"
\"Butdowewantittochange？\"Iasked。\"Itseemstometobejustwhereitshouldbe，deadbehindus。\"
\"Aye，aye，\"saidCaptainGoyles，\"dead’stherightwordtouse，fordeadwe’dallbe，barProvidence，ifwewastoputoutinthis。
Yousee，sir，\"heexplained，inanswertomylookofsurprise，\"thisiswhatwecalla’landwind，’thatis，it’sa—blowing，asonemightsay，directofftheland。\"
WhenIcametothinkofitthemanwasright；thewindwasblowingofftheland。
\"Itmaychangeinthenight，\"saidCaptainGoyles，morehopefully\"anyhow，it’snotviolent，andsherideswell。\"
CaptainGoylesresumedhiscigar，andIreturnedaft，andexplainedtoEthelberthathereasonforthedelay。Ethelbertha，whoappearedtobelesshighspiritedthanwhenwefirstboarded，wantedtoknowWHYwecouldn’tsailwhenthewindwasofftheland。
\"Ifitwasnotblowingofftheland，\"saidEthelbertha，\"itwouldbeblowingoffthesea，andthatwouldsendusbackintotheshoreagain。Itseemstomethisisjusttheverywindwewant。\"
Isaid：\"Thatisyourinexperience，love；itSEEMStobetheverywindwewant，butitisnot。It’swhatwecallalandwind，andalandwindisalwaysverydangerous。\"
EthelberthawantedtoknowWHYalandwindwasverydangerous。
Herargumentativenessannoyedmesomewhat；maybeIwasfeelingabitcross；themonotonousrollingheaveofasmallyachtatanchordepressesanardentspirit。
\"Ican’texplainittoyou，\"Ireplied，whichwastrue，\"buttosetsailinthiswindwouldbetheheightoffoolhardiness，andIcareforyoutoomuch，dear，toexposeyoutounnecessaryrisks。\"
Ithoughtthisratheraneatconclusion，butEthelberthamerelyrepliedthatshewished，underthecircumstances，wehadn’tcomeonboardtillTuesday，andwentbelow。
Inthemorningthewindveeredroundtothenorth；Iwasupearly，andobservedthistoCaptainGoyles。
\"Aye，aye，sir，\"heremarked；\"it’sunfortunate，butitcan’tbehelped。\"
\"Youdon’tthinkitpossibleforustostartto—day？\"Ihazarded。
Hedidnotgetangrywithme，heonlylaughed。
\"Well，sir，\"saidhe，\"ifyouwasa—wantingtogotoIpswich，I
shouldsayasitcouldn’tbebetterforus，butourdestinationbeing，asyousee，theDutchcoast——whythereyouare！\"
IbrokethenewstoEthelbertha，andweagreedtospendthedayonshore。Harwichisnotamerrytown，towardseveningyoumightcallitdull。WehadsometeaandwatercressatDovercourt，andthenreturnedtothequaytolookforCaptainGoylesandtheboat。Wewaitedanhourforhim。Whenhecamehewasmorecheerfulthanwewere；ifhehadnottoldmehimselfthatheneverdrankanythingbutoneglassofhotgrogbeforeturninginforthenight，Ishouldhavesaidhewasdrunk。
Thenextmorningthewindwasinthesouth，whichmadeCaptainGoylesratheranxious，itappearingthatitwasequallyunsafetomoveortostopwherewewere；ouronlyhopewasitwouldchangebeforeanythinghappened。Bythistime，Ethelberthahadtakenadisliketotheyacht；shesaidthat，personally，shewouldratherbespendingaweekinabathingmachine，seeingthatabathingmachinewasatleaststeady。
WepassedanotherdayinHarwich，andthatnightandthenext，thewindstillcontinuinginthesouth，wesleptatthe\"King’sHead。\"
OnFridaythewindwasblowingdirectfromtheeast。ImetCaptainGoylesonthequay，andsuggestedthat，underthesecircumstances，wemightstart。Heappearedirritatedatmypersistence。
\"Ifyouknewabitmore，sir，\"hesaid，\"you’dseeforyourselfthatit’simpossible。Thewind’sa—blowingdirectoffthesea。\"
Isaid：\"CaptainGoyles，tellmewhatisthisthingIhavehired？
Isitayachtorahouse—boat？\"
Heseemedsurprisedatmyquestion。
Hesaid：\"It’sayawl。\"
\"WhatImeanis，\"Isaid，\"canitbemovedatall，orisitafixturehere？Ifitisafixture，\"Icontinued，\"tellmesofrankly，thenwewillgetsomeivyinboxesandtrainovertheport—holes，sticksomeflowersandanawningondeck，andmakethethinglookpretty。If，ontheotherhand，itcanbemoved——\"
\"Moved！\"interruptedCaptainGoyles。\"YougettherightwindbehindtheRogue——\"
Isaid：\"Whatistherightwind？\"
CaptainGoyleslookedpuzzled。
\"Inthecourseofthisweek，\"Iwenton，\"wehavehadwindfromthenorth，fromthesouth，fromtheeast，fromthewest——withvariations。Ifyoucanthinkofanyotherpointofthecompassfromwhichitcanblow，tellme，andIwillwaitforit。Ifnot，andifthatanchorhasnotgrownintothebottomoftheocean，wewillhaveitupto—dayandseewhathappens。\"
HegraspedthefactthatIwasdetermined。
\"Verywell，sir，\"hesaid，\"you’remasterandI’mman。I’veonlygotonechildasisstilldependentonme，thankGod，andnodoubtyourexecutorswillfeelittheirdutytodotherightthingbytheoldwoman。\"
Hissolemnityimpressedme。
\"Mr。Goyles，\"Isaid，\"behonestwithme。Isthereanyhope，inanyweather，ofgettingawayfromthisdamnedhole？\"
CaptainGoyles’skindlygenialityreturnedtohim。
\"Yousee，sir，\"hesaid，\"thisisaverypeculiarcoast。We’dbeallrightifwewereonceout，butgettingawayfromitinacockle—shelllikethat——well，tobefrank，sir，itwantsdoing。\"
IleftCaptainGoyleswiththeassurancethathewouldwatchtheweatherasamotherwouldhersleepingbabe；itwashisownsimile，anditstruckmeasrathertouching。Isawhimagainattwelveo’clock；hewaswatchingitfromthewindowofthe\"ChainandAnchor。\"
Atfiveo’clockthateveningastrokeofluckoccurred；inthemiddleoftheHighStreetImetacoupleofyachtingfriends，whohadhadtoputinbyreasonofastrainedrudder。Itoldthemmystory，andtheyappearedlesssurprisedthanamused。CaptainGoylesandthetwomenwerestillwatchingtheweather。Iranintothe\"King’sHead，\"andpreparedEthelbertha。Thefourofuscreptquietlydowntothequay，wherewefoundourboat。Onlytheboywasonboard；mytwofriendstookchargeoftheyacht，andbysixo’clockwewerescuddingmerrilyupthecoast。
WeputinthatnightatAldborough，andthenextdayworkeduptoYarmouth，where，asmyfriendshadtoleave，Idecidedtoabandontheyacht。WesoldthestoresbyauctiononYarmouthsandsearlyinthemorning。Imadealoss，buthadthesatisfactionof\"doing\"
CaptainGoyles。IlefttheRogueinchargeofalocalmariner，who，foracoupleofsovereigns，undertooktoseetoitsreturntoHarwich；andwecamebacktoLondonbytrain。TheremaybeyachtsotherthantheRogue，andskippersotherthanMr。Goyles，butthatexperiencehasprejudicedmeagainstboth。
Georgealsothoughtayachtwouldbeagooddealofresponsibility，sowedismissedtheidea。
\"Whatabouttheriver？\"suggestedHarris。
\"Wehavehadsomepleasanttimesonthat。\"
Georgepulledinsilenceathiscigar，andIcrackedanothernut。
\"Theriverisnotwhatitusedtobe，\"saidI；\"Idon’tknowwhat，butthere’sasomething——adampness——abouttheriverairthatalwaysstartsmylumbago。\"
\"It’sthesamewithme，\"saidGeorge。\"Idon’tknowhowitis，butInevercansleepnowintheneighbourhoodoftheriver。IspentaweekatJoe’splaceinthespring，andeverynightIwokeupatseveno’clockandnevergotawinkafterwards。\"
\"Imerelysuggestedit，\"observedHarris。\"Personally，Idon’tthinkitgoodforme，either；ittouchesmygout。\"
\"Whatsuitsmebest，\"Isaid，\"ismountainair。WhatsayyoutoawalkingtourinScotland？\"
\"It’salwayswetinScotland，\"saidGeorge。\"IwasthreeweeksinScotlandtheyearbeforelast，andwasneverdryonceallthetime—
—notinthatsense。\"
\"It’sfineenoughinSwitzerland，\"saidHarris。
\"TheywouldneverstandourgoingtoSwitzerlandbyourselves，\"I
objected。\"Youknowwhathappenedlasttime。Itmustbesomeplacewherenodelicatelynurturedwomanorchildcouldpossiblylive；acountryofbadhotelsandcomfortlesstravelling；whereweshallhavetoroughit，toworkhard，tostarveperhaps——\"
\"Easy！\"interruptedGeorge，\"easy，there！Don’tforgetI’mcomingwithyou。\"
\"Ihaveit！\"exclaimedHarris；\"abicycletour！\"
Georgelookeddoubtful。
\"There’salotofuphillaboutabicycletour，\"saidhe，\"andthewindisagainstyou。\"
\"Sothereisdownhill，andthewindbehindyou，\"saidHarris。
\"I’venevernoticedit，\"saidGeorge。
\"Youwon’tthinkofanythingbetterthanabicycletour，\"persistedHarris。
Iwasinclinedtoagreewithhim。
\"AndI’lltellyouwhere，\"continuedhe；\"throughtheBlackForest。\"
\"Why，that’sALLuphill，\"saidGeorge。
\"Notall，\"retortedHarris；\"saytwo—thirds。Andthere’sonethingyou’veforgotten。\"
Helookedroundcautiously，andsunkhisvoicetoawhisper。
\"Therearelittlerailwaysgoingupthosehills，littlecogwheelthingsthat——\"
Thedooropened，andMrs。Harrisappeared。ShesaidthatEthelberthawasputtingonherbonnet，andthatMuriel，afterwaiting，hadgiven\"TheMadHatter’sTeaParty\"withoutus。
\"Club，to—morrow，atfour，\"whisperedHarristome，asherose，andIpasseditontoGeorgeaswewentupstairsCHAPTERII
Adelicatebusiness——WhatEthelberthamighthavesaid——Whatshedidsay——WhatMrs。Harrissaid——WhatwetoldGeorge——WewillstartonWednesday——Georgesuggeststhepossibilityofimprovingourminds——
HarrisandIaredoubtful——Whichmanonatandemdoesthemostwork？——Theopinionofthemaninfront——Viewsofthemanbehind——
HowHarrislosthiswife——Theluggagequestion——ThewisdomofmylateUnclePodger——Beginningofstoryaboutamanwhohadabag。
IopenedtheballwithEthelberthathatsameevening。Icommencedbybeingpurposelyalittleirritable。MyideawasthatEthelberthawouldremarkuponthis。Ishouldadmitit，andaccountforitbyoverbrainpressure。Thiswouldnaturallyleadtotalkaboutmyhealthingeneral，andtheevidentnecessitytherewasformytakingpromptandvigorousmeasures。IthoughtthatwithalittletactImightevenmanagesothatthesuggestionshouldcomefromEthelberthaherself。Iimaginedhersaying：\"No，dear，itischangeyouwant；completechange。Nowbepersuadedbyme，andgoawayforamonth。No，donotaskmetocomewithyou。IknowyouwouldratherthatIdid，butIwillnot。Itisthesocietyofothermenyouneed。TryandpersuadeGeorgeandHarristogowithyou。Believeme，ahighlystrungbrainsuchasyoursdemandsoccasionalrelaxationfromthestrainofdomesticsurroundings。
Forgetforalittlewhilethatchildrenwantmusiclessons，andboots，andbicycles，withtinctureofrhubarbthreetimesaday；
forgettherearesuchthingsinlifeascooks，andhousedecorators，andnext—doordogs，andbutchers’bills。Goawaytosomegreencorneroftheearth，whereallisnewandstrangetoyou，whereyourover—wroughtmindwillgatherpeaceandfreshideas。Goawayforaspaceandgivemetimetomissyou，andtoreflectuponyourgoodnessandvirtue，which，continuallypresentwithme，Imay，human—like，beapttoforget，asone，throughuse，growsindifferenttotheblessingofthesunandthebeautyofthemoon。Goaway，andcomebackrefreshedinmindandbody，abrighter，betterman——ifthatbepossible——thanwhenyouwentaway。\"
Butevenwhenweobtainourdesirestheynevercometousgarbedaswewouldwish。Tobeginwith，EthelberthadidnotseemtoremarkthatIwasirritable；Ihadtodrawherattentiontoit。Isaid：
\"Youmustforgiveme，I’mnotfeelingquitemyselfto—night。\"
Shesaid：\"Oh！Ihavenotnoticedanythingdifferent；what’sthematterwithyou？\"
\"Ican’ttellyouwhatitis，\"Isaid；\"I’vefeltitcomingonforweeks。\"
\"It’sthatwhisky，\"saidEthelbertha。\"YounevertouchitexceptwhenwegototheHarris’s。Youknowyoucan’tstandit；youhavenotastronghead。\"
\"Itisn’tthewhisky，\"Ireplied；\"it’sdeeperthanthat。Ifancyit’smorementalthanbodily。\"
\"You’vebeenreadingthosecriticismsagain，\"saidEthelbertha，moresympathetically；\"whydon’tyoutakemyadviceandputthemonthefire？\"
\"Anditisn’tthecriticisms，\"Ianswered；\"they’vebeenquiteflatteringoflate——oneortwoofthem。\"
\"Well，whatisit？\"saidEthelbertha；\"theremustbesomethingtoaccountforit。\"
\"No，thereisn’t，\"Ireplied；\"that’stheremarkablethingaboutit；Icanonlydescribeitasastrangefeelingofunrestthatseemstohavetakenpossessionofme。\"
Ethelberthaglancedacrossatmewithasomewhatcuriousexpression，Ithought；butasshesaidnothing，Icontinuedtheargumentmyself。
\"Thisachingmonotonyoflife，thesedaysofpeaceful，uneventfulfelicity，theyappalone。\"
\"Ishouldnotgrumbleatthem，\"saidEthelbertha；\"wemightgetsomeoftheothersort，andlikethemstillless。\"
\"I’mnotsosureofthat，\"Ireplied。\"Inalifeofcontinuousjoy，Icanimagineevenpaincomingasawelcomevariation。I
wondersometimeswhetherthesaintsinheavendonotoccasionallyfeelthecontinualserenityaburden。Tomyselfalifeofendlessbliss，uninterruptedbyasinglecontrastingnote，would，Ifeel，growmaddening。Isuppose，\"Icontinued，\"Iamastrangesortofman；Icanhardlyunderstandmyselfattimes。Therearemoments，\"
Iadded，\"whenIhatemyself。\"
Oftenalittlespeechlikethis，hintingathiddendepthsofindescribableemotionhastouchedEthelbertha，butto—nightsheappearedstrangelyunsympathetic。Withregardtoheavenanditspossibleeffectuponme，shesuggestedmynotworryingmyselfaboutthat，remarkingitwasalwaysfoolishtogohalf—waytomeettroublethatmightnevercome；whileastomybeingastrangesortoffellow，that，shesupposed，Icouldnothelp，andifotherpeoplewerewillingtoputupwithme，therewasanendofthematter。Themonotonyoflife，sheadded，wasacommonexperience；
thereshecouldsympathisewithme。
\"Youdon’tknowIlong，\"saidEthelbertha，\"togetawayoccasionally，evenfromyou；butIknowitcanneverbe，soIdonotbrooduponit。\"
IhadneverheardEthelberthaspeaklikethisbefore；itastonishedandgrievedmebeyondmeasure。
\"That’snotaverykindremarktomake，\"Isaid，\"notawifelyremark。\"
\"Iknowitisn’t，\"shereplied；\"thatiswhyIhaveneversaiditbefore。Youmennevercanunderstand，\"continuedEthelbertha，\"that，howeverfondawomanmaybeofaman，therearetimeswhenhepallsuponher。Youdon’tknowhowIlongtobeablesometimestoputonmybonnetandgoout，withnobodytoaskmewhereIamgoing，whyIamgoing，howlongIamgoingtobe，andwhenIshallbeback。Youdon’tknowhowIsometimeslongtoorderadinnerthatIshouldlikeandthatthechildrenwouldlike，butatthesightofwhichyouwouldputonyourhatandbeofftotheClub。
Youdon’tknowhowmuchIfeelinclinedsometimestoinvitesomewomanherethatIlike，andthatIknowyoudon’t；togoandseethepeoplethatIwanttosee，togotobedwhen_I_amtired，andtogetupwhen_I_feelIwanttogetup。Twopeoplelivingtogetherareboundbothtobecontinuallysacrificingtheirowndesirestotheotherone。Itissometimesagoodthingtoslackenthestrainabit。\"
OnthinkingoverEthelbertha’swordsafterwards，havecometoseetheirwisdom；butatthetimeIadmitIwashurtandindignant。
\"Ifyourdesire，\"Isaid，\"istogetridofme——\"
\"Now，don’tbeanoldgoose，\"saidEthelbertha；\"Ionlywanttogetridofyouforalittlewhile，justlongenoughtoforgetthereareoneortwocornersaboutyouthatarenotperfect，justlongenoughtoletmerememberwhatadearfellowyouareinotherrespects，andtolookforwardtoyourreturn，asIusedtolookforwardtoyourcomingintheolddayswhenIdidnotseeyousooftenastobecome，perhaps，alittleindifferenttoyou，asonegrowsindifferenttothegloryofthesun，justbecauseheisthereeveryday。\"
IdidnotlikethetonethatEthelberthatook。Thereseemedtobeafrivolityabouther，unsuitedtothethemeintowhichwehaddrifted。Thatawomanshouldcontemplatecheerfullyanabsenceofthreeorfourweeksfromherhusbandappearedtometobenotaltogethernice，notwhatIcallwomanly；itwasnotlikeEthelberthaatall。Iwasworried，IfeltIdidn’twanttogothistripatall。IfithadnotbeenforGeorgeandHarris，Iwouldhaveabandonedit。Asitwas，Icouldnotseehowtochangemymindwithdignity。
\"Verywell，Ethelbertha，\"Ireplied，\"itshallbeasyouwish。Ifyoudesireaholidayfrommypresence，youshallenjoyit；butifitbenotimpertinentcuriosityonthepartofahusband，Ishouldliketoknowwhatyouproposedoinginmyabsence？\"
\"WewilltakethathouseatFolkestone，\"answeredEthelbertha，\"andI’llgodowntherewithKate。AndifyouwanttodoClaraHarrisagoodturn，\"addedEthelbertha，\"you’llpersuadeHarristogowithyou，andthenClaracanjoinus。Wethreeusedtohavesomeveryjollytimestogetherbeforeyoumenevercamealong，anditwouldbejustdelightfultorenewthem。Doyouthink，\"continuedEthelbertha，\"thatyoucouldpersuadeMr。Harristogowithyou？\"
IsaidIwouldtry。
\"There’sadearboy，\"saidEthelbertha；\"tryhard。YoumightgetGeorgetojoinyou。\"
IrepliedtherewasnotmuchadvantageinGeorge’scoming，seeinghewasabachelor，andthatthereforenobodywouldbemuchbenefitedbyhisabsence。Butawomanneverunderstandssatire。
Ethelberthamerelyremarkeditwouldlookunkindleavinghimbehind。Ipromisedtoputittohim。
ImetHarrisattheClubintheafternoon，andaskedhimhowhehadgoton。
Hesaid，\"Oh，that’sallright；there’snodifficultyaboutgettingaway。\"
Buttherewasthatabouthistonethatsuggestedincompletesatisfaction，soIpressedhimforfurtherdetails。
\"Shewasassweetasmilkaboutit，\"hecontinued；\"saiditwasanexcellentideaofGeorge’s，andthatshethoughtitwoulddomegood。\"
\"Thatseemsallright，\"Isaid；\"what’swrongaboutthat？\"
\"There’snothingwrongaboutthat，\"heanswered，\"butthatwasn’tall。Shewentontotalkofotherthings。\"
\"Iunderstand，\"Isaid。
\"There’sthatbathroomfadofhers，\"hecontinued。
\"I’veheardofit，\"Isaid；\"shehasstartedEthelberthaonthesameidea。\"
\"Well，I’vehadtoagreetothatbeingputinhandatonce；I
couldn’targueanymorewhenshewassoniceabouttheotherthing。
Thatwillcostmeahundredpounds，attheveryleast。\"
\"Asmuchasthat？\"Iasked。
\"Everypennyofit，\"saidHarris；\"theestimatealoneissixty。\"
Iwassorrytohearhimsaythis。
\"Thenthere’sthekitchenstove，\"continuedHarris；\"everythingthathasgonewronginthehouseforthelasttwoyearshasbeenthefaultofthatkitchenstove。\"
\"Iknow，\"Isaid。\"Wehavebeeninsevenhousessinceweweremarried，andeverykitchenstovehasbeenworsethanthelast。Ourpresentoneisnotonlyincompetent；itisspiteful。Itknowswhenwearegivingaparty，andgoesoutofitswaytodoitsworst。\"
\"WEaregoingtohaveanewone，\"saidHarris，buthedidnotsayitproudly。\"Clarathoughtitwouldbesuchasavingofexpense，havingthetwothingsdoneatthesametime。Ibelieve，\"saidHarris，\"ifawomanwantedadiamondtiara，shewouldexplainthatitwastosavetheexpenseofabonnet。\"
\"Howmuchdoyoureckonthestoveisgoingtocostyou？\"Iasked。
Ifeltinterestedinthesubject。
\"Idon’tknow，\"answeredHarris；\"anothertwenty，Isuppose。Thenwetalkedaboutthepiano。Couldyouevernotice，\"saidHarris，\"anydifferencebetweenonepianoandanother？\"
\"Someofthemseemtobeabitlouderthanothers，\"Ianswered；
\"butonegetsusedtothat。\"
\"Oursisallwrongaboutthetreble，\"saidHarris。\"Bytheway，whatISthetreble？\"
\"It’stheshrillendofthething，\"Iexplained；\"thepartthatsoundsasifyou’dtrodonitstail。Thebrilliantselectionsalwaysendupwithaflourishonit。\"
\"Theywantmoreofit，\"saidHarris；\"ouroldonehasn’tgotenoughofit。I’llhavetoputitinthenursery，andgetanewoneforthedrawing—room。\"
\"Anythingelse？\"Iasked。
\"No，\"saidHarris；\"shedidn’tseemabletothinkofanythingelse。\"
\"You’llfindwhenyougethome，\"Isaid，\"shehasthoughtofoneotherthing。\"
\"What’sthat？\"saidHarris。
\"AhouseatFolkestonefortheseason。\"
\"WhatshouldshewantahouseatFolkestonefor？\"saidHarris。
\"Tolivein，\"Isuggested，\"duringthesummermonths。\"
\"She’sgoingtoherpeopleinWales，\"saidHarris，\"fortheholidays，withthechildren；we’vehadaninvitation。\"
\"Possibly，\"Isaid，\"she’llgotoWalesbeforeshegoestoFolkestone，ormaybeshe’lltakeWalesonherwayhome；butshe’llwantahouseatFolkestonefortheseason，notwithstanding。Imaybemistaken——IhopeforyoursakethatIam——butIfeelapresentimentthatI’mnot。\"
\"Thistrip，\"saidHarris，\"isgoingtobeexpensive。\"
\"Itwasanidioticsuggestion，\"Isaid，\"fromthebeginning。\"
\"Itwasfoolishofustolistentohim，\"saidHarris；\"he’llgetusintorealtroubleoneofthesedays。\"
\"Healwayswasamuddler，\"Iagreed。
\"Soheadstrong，\"addedHarris。
Weheardhisvoiceatthatmomentinthehall，askingforletters。
\"Betternotsayanythingtohim，\"Isuggested；\"it’stoolatetogobacknow。\"
\"Therewouldbenoadvantageindoingso，\"repliedHarris。\"I
shouldhavetogetthatbathroomandpianoinanycasenow。\"
Hecameinlookingverycheerful。
\"Well，\"hesaid，\"isitallright？Haveyoumanagedit？\"
TherewasthatabouthistoneIdidnotaltogetherlike；InoticedHarrisresenteditalso。
\"Managedwhat？\"Isaid。
\"Why，togetoff，\"saidGeorge。
IfeltthetimewascometoexplainthingstoGeorge。
\"Inmarriedlife，\"Isaid，\"themanproposes，thewomansubmits。
Itisherduty；allreligionteachesit。\"
Georgefoldedhishandsandfixedhiseyesontheceiling。
\"Wemaychaffandjokealittleaboutthesethings，\"Icontinued；
\"butwhenitcomestopractice，thatiswhatalwayshappens。Wehavementionedtoourwivesthatwearegoing。Naturally，theyaregrieved；theywouldprefertocomewithus；failingthat，theywouldhaveusremainwiththem。Butwehaveexplainedtothemourwishesonthesubject，and——there’sanendofthematter。\"
Georgesaid，\"Forgiveme；Ididnotunderstand。Iamonlyabachelor。Peopletellmethis，that，andtheother，andIlisten。\"
Isaid，\"Thatiswhereyoudowrong。WhenyouwantinformationcometoHarrisormyself；wewilltellyouthetruthaboutthesequestions。\"
Georgethankedus，andweproceededwiththebusinessinhand。
\"Whenshallwestart？\"saidGeorge。
\"SofarasIamconcerned，\"repliedHarris，\"thesoonerthebetter。\"
Hisidea，Ifancy，wastogetawaybeforeMrs。H。thoughtofotherthings。WefixedthefollowingWednesday。
\"Whataboutroute？\"saidHarris。
\"Ihaveanidea，\"saidGeorge。\"Itakeityoufellowsarenaturallyanxioustoimproveyourminds？\"
Isaid，\"Wedon’twanttobecomemonstrosities。Toareasonabledegree，yes，ifitcanbedonewithoutmuchexpenseandwithlittlepersonaltrouble。\"
\"Itcan，\"saidGeorge。\"WeknowHollandandtheRhine。Verywell，mysuggestionisthatwetaketheboattoHamburg，seeBerlinandDresden，andworkourwaytotheSchwarzwald，throughNurembergandStuttgart。\"
\"TherearesomeprettybitsinMesopotamia，soI’vebeentold，\"
murmuredHarris。
GeorgesaidMesopotamiawastoomuchoutofourway，butthattheBerlin—Dresdenroutewasquitepracticable。Forgoodorevil，hepersuadedusintoit。
\"Themachines，Isuppose，\"saidGeorge，\"asbefore。HarrisandI
onthetandem，J。——\"
\"Ithinknot，\"interruptedHarris，firmly。\"YouandJ。onthetandem，Ionthesingle。\"
\"Allthesametome，\"agreedGeorge。\"J。andIonthetandem，Harris——\"
\"Idonotmindtakingmyturn，\"Iinterrupted，\"butIamnotgoingtocarryGeorgeALLtheway；theburdenshouldbedivided。\"
\"Verywell，\"agreedHarris，\"we’lldivideit。Butitmustbeonthedistinctunderstandingthatheworks。\"
\"Thathewhat？\"saidGeorge。
\"Thatheworks，\"repeatedHarris，firmly；\"atallevents，uphill。\"
\"GreatScott！\"saidGeorge；\"don’tyouwantANYexercise？\"
Thereisalwaysunpleasantnessaboutthistandem。Itisthetheoryofthemaninfrontthatthemanbehinddoesnothing；itisequallythetheoryofthemanbehindthathealoneisthemotivepower，themaninfrontmerelydoingthepuffing。Themysterywillneverbesolved。ItisannoyingwhenPrudenceiswhisperingtoyouontheonesidenottooverdoyourstrengthandbringonheartdisease；
whileJusticeintotheotherearisremarking，\"Whyshouldyoudoitall？Thisisn’tacab。He’snotyourpassenger：\"tohearhimgruntout：
\"What’sthematter——lostyourpedals？\"
Harris，inhisearlymarrieddays，mademuchtroubleforhimselfononeoccasion，owingtothisimpossibilityofknowingwhatthepersonbehindisdoing。HewasridingwithhiswifethroughHolland。Theroadswerestony，andthemachinejumpedagooddeal。
\"Sittight，\"saidHarris，withoutturninghishead。
WhatMrs。Harristhoughthesaidwas，\"Jumpoff。\"Whysheshouldhavethoughthesaid\"Jumpoff，\"whenhesaid\"Sittight，\"neitherofthemcanexplain。
Mrs。Harrisputsitinthisway，\"Ifyouhadsaid，’Sittight，’whyshouldIhavejumpedoff？\"
Harrisputsit，\"IfIhadwantedyoutojumpoff，whyshouldIhavesaid’Sittight！’？\"
Thebitternessispast，buttheyargueaboutthemattertothisday。
Betheexplanationwhatitmay，however，nothingaltersthefactthatMrs。Harrisdidjumpoff，whileHarrispedalledawayhard，undertheimpressionshewasstillbehindhim。Itappearsthatatfirstshethoughthewasridingupthehillmerelytoshowoff。
Theywerebothyounginthosedays，andheusedtodothatsortofthing。Sheexpectedhimtospringtoearthonreachingthesummit，andleaninacarelessandgracefulattitudeagainstthemachine，waitingforher。When，onthecontrary，shesawhimpassthesummitandproceedrapidlydownalongandsteepincline，shewasseized，firstwithsurprise，secondlywithindignation，andlastlywithalarm。Sherantothetopofthehillandshouted，butheneverturnedhishead。Shewatchedhimdisappearintoawoodamileandahalfdistant，andthensatdownandcried。Theyhadhadaslightdifferencethatmorning，andshewonderedifhehadtakenitseriouslyandintendeddesertion。Shehadnomoney；sheknewnoDutch。Peoplepassed，andseemedsorryforher；shetriedtomakethemunderstandwhathadhappened。Theygatheredthatshehadlostsomething，butcouldnotgraspwhat。Theytookhertothenearestvillage，andfoundapolicemanforher。Heconcludedfromherpantomimethatsomemanhadstolenherbicycle。Theyputthetelegraphintooperation，anddiscoveredinavillagefourmilesoffanunfortunateboyridingalady’smachineofanobsoletepattern。Theybroughthimtoherinacart，butasshedidnotappeartowanteitherhimorhisbicycletheylethimgoagain，andresignedthemselvestobewilderment。
Meanwhile，Harriscontinuedhisridewithmuchenjoyment。Itseemedtohimthathehadsuddenlybecomeastronger，andineverywayamorecapablecyclist。SaidhetowhathethoughtwasMrs。
Harris：
\"Ihaven’tfeltthismachinesolightformonths。It’sthisair，I
think；it’sdoingmegood。\"
Thenhetoldhernottobeafraid，andhewouldshowherhowfastheCOULDgo。Hebentdownoverthehandles，andputhisheartintohiswork。Thebicycleboundedovertheroadlikeathingoflife；
farmhousesandchurches，dogsandchickenscametohimandpassed。
Oldfolksstoodandgazedathim，thechildrencheeredhim。
Inthiswayhespedmerrilyonwardforaboutfivemiles。Then，asheexplainsit，thefeelingbegantogrowuponhimthatsomethingwaswrong。Hewasnotsurprisedatthesilence；thewindwasblowingstrongly，andthemachinewasrattlingagooddeal。Itwasasenseofvoidthatcameuponhim。Hestretchedouthishandbehindhim，andfelt；therewasnothingtherebutspace。Hejumped，orratherfelloff，andlookedbackuptheroad；itstretchedwhiteandstraightthroughthedarkwood，andnotalivingsoulcouldbeseenuponit。Heremounted，androdebackupthehill。Intenminuteshecametowheretheroadbrokeintofour；therehedismountedandtriedtorememberwhichforkhehadcomedown。
Whilehewasdeliberatingamanpassed，sittingsidewaysonahorse。Harrisstoppedhim，andexplainedtohimthathehadlosthiswife。Themanappearedtobeneithersurprisednorsorryforhim。Whiletheyweretalkinganotherfarmercamealong，towhomthefirstmanexplainedthematter，notasanaccident，butasagoodstory。WhatappearedtosurprisethesecondmanmostwasthatHarrisshouldbemakingafussaboutthething。Hecouldgetnosenseoutofeitherofthem，andcursingthemhemountedhismachineagain，andtookthemiddleroadonchance。Half—wayup，hecameuponapartyoftwoyoungwomenwithoneyoungmanbetweenthem。Theyappearedtobemakingthemostofhim。Heaskedthemiftheyhadseenhiswife。Theyaskedhimwhatshewaslike。HedidnotknowenoughDutchtodescribeherproperly；allhecouldtellthemwasshewasaverybeautifulwoman，ofmediumsize。
Evidentlythisdidnotsatisfythem，thedescriptionwastoogeneral；anymancouldsaythat，andbythismeansperhapsgetpossessionofawifethatdidnotbelongtohim。Theyaskedhimhowshewasdressed；forthelifeofhimhecouldnotrecollect。
Idoubtifanymancouldtellhowanywomanwasdressedtenminutesafterhehadlefther。Herecollectedablueskirt，andthentherewassomethingthatcarriedthedresson，asitwere，uptotheneck。Possibly，thismayhavebeenablouse；heretainedadimvisionofabelt；butwhatsortofablouse？Wasitgreen，oryellow，orblue？Haditacollar，orwasitfastenedwithabow？
Weretherefeathersinherhat，orflowers？Orwasitahatatall？Hedarednotsay，forfearofmakingamistakeandbeingsentmilesafterthewrongparty。Thetwoyoungwomengiggled，whichinhisthenstateofmindirritatedHarris。Theyoungman，whoappearedanxioustogetridofhim，suggestedthepolicestationatthenexttown。Harrismadehiswaythere。Thepolicegavehimapieceofpaper，andtoldhimtowritedownafulldescriptionofhiswife，togetherwithdetailsofwhenandwherehehadlosther。
Hedidnotknowwherehehadlosther；allhecouldtellthemwasthenameofthevillagewherehehadlunched。Heknewhehadherwithhimthen，andthattheyhadstartedfromtheretogether。
Thepolicelookedsuspicious；theyweredoubtfulaboutthreematters：Firstly，wasshereallyhiswife？Secondly，hadhereallylosther？Thirdly，whyhadhelosther？Withtheaidofahotel—keeper，however，whospokealittleEnglish，heovercametheirscruples。Theypromisedtoact，andintheeveningtheybroughthertohiminacoveredwagon，togetherwithabillforexpenses。Themeetingwasnotatenderone。Mrs。Harrisisnotagoodactress，andalwayshasgreatdifficultyindisguisingherfeelings。Onthisoccasion，shefranklyadmits，shemadenoattempttodisguisethem。
Thewheelbusinesssettled，therearosetheever—lastingluggagequestion。
\"Theusuallist，Isuppose，\"saidGeorge，preparingtowrite。
ThatwaswisdomIhadtaughtthem；IhadlearneditmyselfyearsagofrommyUnclePodger。
\"Alwaysbeforebeginningtopack，\"myUnclewouldsay，\"makealist。\"
Hewasamethodicalman。
\"Takeapieceofpaper\"——healwaysbeganatthebeginning——\"putdownoniteverythingyoucanpossiblyrequire，thengooveritandseethatitcontainsnothingyoucanpossiblydowithout。Imagineyourselfinbed；whathaveyougoton？Verywell，putitdown——
togetherwithachange。Yougetup；whatdoyoudo？Washyourself。Whatdoyouwashyourselfwith？Soap；putdownsoap。
Goontillyouhavefinished。Thentakeyourclothes。Beginatyourfeet；whatdoyouwearonyourfeet？Boots，shoes，socks；putthemdown。Workuptillyougettoyourhead。Whatelsedoyouwantbesidesclothes？Alittlebrandy；putitdown。Acorkscrew，putitdown。Putdowneverything，thenyoudon’tforgetanything。\"
Thatistheplanhealwayspursuedhimself。Thelistmade，hewouldgooveritcarefully，ashealwaysadvised，toseethathehadforgottennothing。Thenhewouldgooveritagain，andstrikeouteverythingitwaspossibletodispensewith。
Thenhewouldlosethelist。
SaidGeorge：\"Justsufficientforadayortwowewilltakewithusonourbikes。Thebulkofourluggagewemustsendonfromtowntotown。\"
\"Wemustbecareful，\"Isaid；\"Iknewamanonce——\"
Harrislookedathiswatch。
\"We’llhearabouthimontheboat，\"saidHarris；\"IhavegottomeetClaraatWaterlooStationinhalfanhour。\"
\"Itwon’ttakehalfanhour，\"Isaid；\"it’satruestory，and——\"
\"Don’twasteit，\"saidGeorge：\"IamtoldtherearerainyeveningsintheBlackForest；wemayhegladofit。Whatwehavetodonowistofinishthislist。\"
NowIcometothinkofit，Ineverdidgetoffthatstory；
somethingalwaysinterruptedit。Anditreallywastrue。
CHAPTERIII
Harris’sonefault——HarrisandtheAngel——Apatentbicyclelamp——
Theidealsaddle——The\"Overhauler\"——Hiseagleeye——Hismethod——Hischeeryconfidence——Hissimpleandinexpensivetastes——Hisappearance——Howtogetridofhim——Georgeasprophet——Thegentleartofmakingoneselfdisagreeableinaforeigntongue——Georgeasastudentofhumannature——Heproposesanexperiment——HisPrudence——
Harris’ssupportsecured，uponconditions。
OnMondayafternoonHarriscameround；hehadacyclingpaperinhishand。
Isaid：\"Ifyoutakemyadvice，youwillleaveitalone。\"
Harrissaid：\"Leavewhatalone？\"
Isaid：\"Thatbrand—new，patent，revolutionincycling，record—
breaking，Tomfoolishness，whateveritmaybe，theadvertisementofwhichyouhavethereinyourhand。\"
Hesaid：\"Well，Idon’tknow；therewillbesomesteephillsforustonegotiate；Iguessweshallwantagoodbrake。\"
Isaid：\"Weshallwantabrake，Iagree；whatweshallnotwantisamechanicalsurprisethatwedon’tunderstand，andthatneveractswhenitiswanted。\"
\"Thisthing，\"hesaid，\"actsautomatically。\"
\"Youneedn’ttellme，\"Isaid。\"Iknowexactlywhatitwilldo，byinstinct。Goinguphillitwilljambthewheelsoeffectivelythatweshallhavetocarrythemachinebodily。Theairatthetopofthehillwilldoitgood，anditwillsuddenlycomerightagain。
Goingdownhillitwillstartreflectingwhatanuisanceithasbeen。Thiswillleadtoremorse，andfinallytodespair。Itwillsaytoitself：’I’mnotfittobeabrake。Idon’thelpthesefellows；Ionlyhinderthem。I’macurse，that’swhatIam；’and，withoutawordofwarning，itwill’chuck’thewholebusiness。
Thatiswhatthatbrakewilldo。Leaveitalone。Youareagoodfellow，\"Icontinued，\"butyouhaveonefault。\"
\"What？\"heasked，indignantly。
\"Youhavetoomuchfaith，\"Ianswered。\"Ifyoureadanadvertisement，yougoawayandbelieveit。Everyexperimentthateveryfoolhasthoughtofinconnectionwithcyclingyouhavetried。Yourguardianangelappearstobeacapableandconscientiousspirit，andhithertoshehasseenyouthrough；takemyadviceanddon’ttryhertoofar。Shemusthavehadabusytimesinceyoustartedcycling。Don’tgoontillyoumakehermad。\"
Hesaid：\"Ifeverymantalkedlikethattherewouldbenoadvancementmadeinanydepartmentoflife。Ifnobodyevertriedanewthingtheworldwouldcometoastandstill。Itisby——\"
\"Iknowallthatcanbesaidonthatsideoftheargument，\"I
interrupted。\"Iagreeintryingnewexperimentsuptothirty—five；
AFTERthirty—fiveIconsideramanisentitledtothinkofhimself。
YouandIhavedoneourdutyinthisdirection，youespecially。
