Atlast，moregentleandsmilingthanever，shecamedownstairsandsaid，\"Catherinedarling，hishonourtheCountismightyhungrythismorning，andvowshecouldpickthewingofafowl。Rundown，child，toFarmerBrigg’sandgetone：pluckitbeforeyoubringit，youknow，andwewillmakehisLordshipaprettybreakfast。\"
Catherinetookupherbasket，andawayshewentbytheback—yard，throughthestables。Theresheheardthelittlehorse—boywhistlingandhissingafterthemannerofhorseboys；andthereshelearnedthatMrs。Scorehadbeeninventinganingeniousstorytohaveheroutoftheway。Theostlersaidhewasjustgoingtoleadthetwohorsesroundtothedoor。TheCorporalhadbeen，andtheywereabouttostartontheinstantforStratford。
ThefactwasthatCountGustavusAdolphus，farfromwishingtopickthewingofafowl，hadrisenwithahorrorandloathingforeverythingintheshapeoffood，andforanyliquorstrongerthansmallbeer。Ofthishehaddrunkacup，andsaidheshouldrideimmediatelytoStratford；andwhen，onorderinghishorses，hehadaskedpolitelyofthelandlady\"whythed————SHEalwayscameup，andwhyshedidnotsendthegirl，\"Mrs。ScoreinformedtheCountthatherCatherinewasgoneoutforawalkalongwiththeyoungmantowhomshewastobemarried，andwouldnotbevisiblethatday。
OnhearingthistheCaptainorderedhishorsesthatmoment，andabusedthewine，thebed，thehouse，thelandlady，andeverythingconnectedwiththe\"BugleInn。\"
Outthehorsescame：thelittleboysofthevillagegatheredround；
therecruits，withbunchesofribandsintheirbeavers，appearedpresently；CorporalBrockcameswaggeringout，and，slappingthepleasedblacksmithontheback，badehimmounthishorse；whiletheboyshurrah’d。ThentheCaptaincameout，gloomyandmajestic；tohimMr。Brockmadeamilitarysalute，whichclumsily，andwithmuchgrinning，therecruitsimitated。\"Ishallwalkonwiththesebravefellows，yourhonour，andmeetyouatStratford，\"saidtheCorporal。
\"Good，\"saidtheCaptain，ashemounted。Thelandladycurtseyed；
thechildrenhurrah’dmore；thelittlehorse—boy，whoheldthebridlewithonehandandthestirrupwiththeother，andexpectedacrown—piecefromsuchanoblegentleman，gotonlyakickandacurse，asCountvonGalgensteinshouted，\"D—————youall，getoutoftheway！\"andgallopedoff；andJohnHayes，whohadbeensneakingabouttheinnallthemorning，feltaweightoffhisheartwhenhesawtheCaptainrideoffalone。
OfoolishMrs。Score！OdoltofaJohnHayes！IfthelandladyhadallowedtheCaptainandthemaidtohavetheirway，andmeetbutforaminutebeforerecruits，sergeant，andall，itisprobablethatnoharmwouldhavebeendone，andthatthishistorywouldneverhavebeenwritten。
WhenCountvonGalgensteinhadriddenhalfamileontheStratfordroad，lookingasblackanddismalasNapoleongallopingfromtheromanticvillageofWaterloo，heespied，afewscoreyardsonwards，attheturnoftheroad，acertainobjectwhichcausedhimtocheckhishorsesuddenly，broughtatinglingredintohischeeks，andmadehishearttogothump——thump！againsthisside。Ayounglasswassaunteringslowlyalongthefootpath，withabasketswingingfromonehand，andabunchofhedge—flowersintheother。Shestoppedonceortwicetoaddafreshonetohernosegay，andmighthaveseenhim，theCaptainthought；butno，sheneverlookeddirectlytowardshim，andstillwalkedon。Sweetinnocent！shewassingingasifnonewerenear；hervoicewentsoaringuptotheclearsky，andtheCaptainputhishorseonthegrass，thatthesoundofthehoofsmightnotdisturbthemusic。
\"Whenthekinehadgivenapailful，Andthesheepcamebleatinghome，Poll，whoknewitwouldbehealthful，Wenta—walkingoutwithTom。
Handinhand，sir，ontheland，sir，Astheywalkedtoandfro，TommadejollylovetoPolly，Butwasansweredno，no，no。\"
TheCaptainhadputhishorseonthegrass，thatthesoundofhishoofsmightnotdisturbthemusic；andnowhepusheditsheadontothebank，wherestraightway\"GeorgeofDenmark\"beganchewingofsuchasaladasgrewthere。AndnowtheCaptainslidoffstealthily；andsmilingcomically，andhitchinguphisgreatjack—boots，andmovingforwardwithajerkingtiptoestep，he，justasshewastrillingthelasto—o—oofthelastnointheabovepoemofTomD’Urfey，cameuptoher，andtouchingherlightlyonthewaist，said，\"Mydear，yourveryhumbleservant。\"
Mrs。Catherine（youknowyouhavefoundheroutlongago！）gaveascreamandastart，andwouldhaveturnedpaleifshecould。Asitwas，sheonlyshookallover，andsaid，\"Oh，sir，howyouDIDfrightenme！\"
\"Frightenyou，myrosebud！why，runmethrough，I’ddieratherthanfrightenyou。Gad，child，tellmenow，amIsoVERYfrightful？\"
\"Ohno，yourhonour，Ididn’tmeanthat；onlyIwasn’tthinkingtomeetyouhere，orthatyouwouldridesoearlyatall：for，ifyouplease，sir，IwasgoingtofetchachickenforyourLordship’sbreakfast，asmymistresssaidyouwouldlikeone；andIthought，insteadofgoingtoFarmerBrigg’s，downBirminghamway，asshetoldme，I’dgotoFarmerBird’s，wherethechickensisbetter，sir，——myLord，Imean。\"
\"SaidI’dlikeachickenforbreakfast，theoldcat！why，ItoldherIwouldnoteatamorseltosaveme——Iwassodru——ImeanIatesuchagoodsupperlastnight——andIbadehertosendmeapotofsmallbeer，andtotellyoutobringit；andthewretchsaidyouweregoneoutwithyoursweetheart——\"
\"What！JohnHayes，thecreature？Oh，whatanaughtystory—tellingwoman！\"
\"——Youhadwalkedoutwithyoursweetheart，andIwasnottoseeyouanymore；andIwasmadwithrage，andreadytokillmyself；Iwas，mydear。\"
\"Oh，sir！pray，PRAYdon’t。\"
\"Foryoursake，mysweetangel？\"
\"Yes，formysake，ifsuchapoorgirlasmecanpersuadenoblegentlemen。\"
\"Well，then，forYOURsake，Iwon’t；no，I’lllive；butwhylive？
Hellandfury，ifIdoliveI’mmiserablewithoutyou；Iam，——youknowIam，——youadorable，beautiful，cruel，wickedCatherine！\"
Catherine’sreplytothiswas\"La，blessme！Idobelieveyourhorseisrunningaway。\"Andsohewas！forhavingfinishedhismealinthehedge，hefirstlookedtowardshismasterandpaused，asitwere，irresolutely；then，byasuddenimpulse，flinginguphistailandhishindlegs，hescampereddowntheroad。
Mrs。Hallranlightlyafterthehorse，andtheCaptainafterMrs。
Hall；andthehorseranquickerandquickereverymoment，andmighthaveledthemalongchase，——whenlo！debouchingfromatwistintheroad，camethedetachmentofcavalryandinfantryunderMr。Brock。
Themomenthewasoutofsightofthevillage，thatgentlemanhaddesiredtheblacksmithtodismount，andhadhimselfjumpedintothesaddle，maintainingthesubordinationofhisarmybydrawingapistolandswearingthathewouldblowoutthebrainsofanypersonwhoattemptedtorun。WhentheCaptain’shorsecamenearthedetachmenthepaused，andsufferedhimselftobecaughtbyTummasBullock，whoheldhimuntiltheownerandMrs。Catherinecameup。
Mr。Bullocklookedcomicallygravewhenhesawthepair；buttheCorporalgraciouslysalutedMrs。Catherine，andsaiditwasafinedayforwalking。
\"La，sir，andsoitis，\"saidshe，pantinginaveryprettyanddistressingway，\"butnotforRUNNING。Idoprotest——ha！——andvowthatIreallycanscarcelystand。I’msotiredofrunningafterthatnaughtynaughtyhorse！\"
\"Howdo，Cattern？\"saidThomas。\"Zee，Ibegoingazouldieringbecausetheewouldn’thaveme。\"AndhereMr。Bullockgrinned。Mrs。
Catherinemadenosortofreply，butprotestedoncemoresheshoulddieofrunning。Ifthetruthweretold，shewassomewhatvexedatthearrivaloftheCorporal’sdetachment，andhadhadveryseriousthoughtsoffindingherselfquitetiredjustashecameinsight。
AsuddenthoughtbroughtasmileofbrightsatisfactionintheCaptain’seyes。HemountedthehorsewhichTummasstillheld。
\"TIRED，MrsCatherine，\"saidhe，\"andformysake？Byheavens！youshan’twalkastepfarther。No，youshallridebackwithaguardofhonour！Backtothevillage，gentlemen！——rightaboutface！Showthosefellows，Corporal，howtorightaboutface。Now，mydear，mountbehindmeonSnowball；he’seasyasasedan。Putyourdearlittlefootonthetoeofmyboot。Therenow，——up！——jump！hurrah！\"
\"THAT’Snottheway，Captain，\"shoutedoutThomas，stillholdingontothereinasthehorsebegantomove。\"Theewoan’tgoowithhim，willthee，Catty？\"
ButMrs。Catherine，thoughsheturnedawayherhead，neverletgoherholdroundtheCaptain’swaist；andhe，swearingadreadfuloathatThomas，struckhimacrossthefaceandhandswithhisridingwhip。Thepoorfellow，whoatthefirstcutstillheldontotherein，droppeditatthesecond，andasthepairgallopedoff，satdownontheroadsideandfairlybegantoweep。
\"MARCH，youdog！\"shoutedouttheCorporalaminuteafter。Andsohedid：andwhennexthesawMrs。CatherinesheWAStheCaptain’sladysureenough，andworeagreyhat，withabluefeather，andredriding—coattrimmedwithsilverlace。ButThomaswasthenonabare—backedhorse，whichCorporalBrockwasflankingroundaring，andhewassooccupiedlookingbetweenhishorse’searsthathehadnotimetocrythen，andatlengthgotthebetterofhisattachment。
***
ThisbeingagoodopportunityforclosingChapterI，weought，perhaps，tomakesomeapologiestothepublicforintroducingthemtocharactersthataresoutterlyworthless；asweconfessallourheroes，withtheexceptionofMr。Bullock，tobe。Inthiswehaveconsultednatureandhistory，ratherthantheprevailingtasteandthegeneralmannerofauthors。Theamusingnovelof\"ErnestMaltravers，\"forinstance，openswithaseduction；butthenitisperformedbypeopleofthestrictestvirtueonbothsides：andthereissomuchreligionandphilosophyintheheartoftheseducer，somuchtenderinnocenceinthesouloftheseduced，that——
blessthelittledears！——theirverypeccadilloesmakeoneinterestedinthem；andtheirnaughtinessbecomesquitesacred，sodeliciouslyisitdescribed。Now，ifweAREtobeinterestedbyrascallyactions，letushavethemwithplainfaces，andletthembeperformed，notbyvirtuousphilosophers，butbyrascals。Anothercleverclassofnovelistsadoptthecontrarysystem，andcreateinterestbymakingtheirrascalsperformvirtuousactions。Againstthesepopularplansweheresolemnlyappeal。Wesay，letyourroguesinnovelsactlikerogues，andyourhonestmenlikehonestmen；don’tletushaveanyjugglingandthimble—riggingwithvirtueandvice，sothat，attheendofthreevolumes，thebewilderedreadershallnotknowwhichiswhich；don’tletusfindourselveskindlingatthegenerousqualitiesofthieves，andsympathisingwiththerascalitiesofnoblehearts。Forourownpart，weknowwhatthepubliclikes，andhavechosenroguesforourcharacters，andhavetakenastoryfromthe\"NewgateCalendar，\"whichwehopetofollowouttoedification。Amongtherogues，atleast，wewillhavenothingthatshallbemistakenforvirtues。AndiftheBritishpublic（aftercallingforthreeorfoureditions）shallgiveup，notonlyourrascals，buttherascalsofallotherauthors，weshallbecontent：——weshallapplytoGovernmentforapension，andthinkthatourdutyisdone。
CHAPTERII。INWHICHAREDEPICTEDTHEPLEASURESOFASENTIMENTAL
ATTACHMENT。
Itwillnotbenecessary，forthepurposeofthishistory，tofollowoutverycloselyalltheadventureswhichoccurredtoMrs。Catherinefromtheperiodwhenshequittedthe\"Bugle\"andbecametheCaptain’slady；foralthoughitwouldbejustaseasytoshowasnot，thattheyoungwoman，byfollowingthemanofherheart，hadonlyyieldedtoaninnocentimpulse，andbyremainingwithhimforacertainperiod，hadprovedthedepthandstrengthofheraffectionforhim，——althoughwemightmakeverytenderandeloquentapologiesfortheerrorofbothparties，thereadermightpossiblybedisgustedatsuchdescriptionsandsucharguments：which，besides，arealreadydonetohishandinthenovelof\"ErnestMaltravers\"
beforementioned。
Fromthegentleman’smannertowardsMrs。Catherine，andfromhisbrilliantandimmediatesuccess，thereaderwilldoubtlesshaveconcluded，inthefirstplace，thatGustavusAdolphushadnotaveryviolentaffectionforMrs。Cat；inthesecondplace，thathewasaprofessionallady—killer，andthereforelikelyatsomeperiodtoresumehisprofession；thirdly，andtoconclude，thataconnectionsobegun，must，inthenatureofthings，belikelytoendspeedily。
Andso，todotheCountjustice，itwould，ifhehadbeenallowedtofollowhisowninclinationentirely；for（asmanyyounggentlemenwill，andyetnopraisetothem）inaboutaweekhebegantobeindifferent，inamonthtobeweary，intwomonthstobeangry，inthreetoproceedtoblowsandcurses；and，inshort，torepentmostbitterlythehourwhenhehadeverbeeninducedtopresentMrs。
Catherinethetoeofhisboot，forthepurposeofliftingherontohishorse。
\"Egad！\"saidhetotheCorporaloneday，whenconfidinghisgriefstoMr。Brock，\"Iwishmytoehadbeencutoffbeforeeveritservedasaladdertothislittlevixen。\"
\"Orperhapsyourhonourwouldwishtokickherdownstairswithit？\"
delicatelysuggestedMr。Brock。
\"Kickher！why，thewenchwouldholdsofastbythebanistersthatI
COULDnotkickherdown，Mr。Brock。Totellyouabitofasecret，IHAVEtriedasmuch——nottokickher——no，no，notkickher，certainly：that’sungentlemanly——buttoINDUCEhertogobacktothatcursedpot—housewherewefellinwithher。Ihavegivenhermanyhints——\"
\"Oh，yes，Isawyourhonourgiveheroneyesterday——withamugofbeer。Bythelaws，asthealerunalldownherface，andsheclutchedaknifetorunatyou，Idon’tthinkIeversawsuchashe—devil！Thatwomanwilldoforyourhonoursomeday，ifyouprovokeher。\"
\"DoforME？No，hangit，Mr。Brock，never！Sheloveseveryhairofmyhead，sir：sheworshipsme，Corporal。Egad，yes！sheworshipsme；andwouldmuchsoonerapplyaknifetoherownweasandthanscratchmylittlefinger！\"
\"Ithinkshedoes，\"saidMr。Brock。
\"I’msureofit，\"saidtheCaptain。\"Women，lookyou，arelikedogs，theyliketobeill—treated：theylikeit，sir；Iknowtheydo。IneverhadanythingtodowithawomaninmylifebutI
ill—treatedher，andshelikedmethebetter。\"
\"Mrs。HalloughttobeVERYfondofyouthen，sureenough！\"saidMr。
Corporal。
\"Veryfond；——ha，ha！Corporal，youwagyou——andsosheISveryfond。
Yesterday，aftertheknife—and—beerscene——nowonderIthrewtheliquorinherface：itwassodev’lishflatthatnogentlemancoulddrinkit：andItoldhernevertodrawittilldinner—time——\"
\"Oh，itwasenoughtoputanangelinafury！\"saidBrock。
\"Well，yesterday，aftertheknifebusiness，whenyouhadgotthecarveroutofherhand，offsheflingstoherbedroom，willnoteatabitofdinnerforsooth，andremainslockedupforacoupleofhours。Attwoo’clockafternoon（Iwasoveratankard），outcomesthelittleshe—devil，herfacepale，hereyesbleared，andthetipofhernoseasredasfirewithsnifflingandweeping。Makingformyhand，’Max，’saysshe，’willyouforgiveme？’’What！’saysI。
’Forgiveamurderess？’saysI。’No，curseme，never！’’Yourcrueltywillkillme，’sobbedshe。’Crueltybehanged！’saysI；
’didn’tyoudrawthatbeeranhourbeforedinner？’ShecouldsaynothingtoTHIS，youknow，andIsworethateverytimeshedidso，I
wouldflingitintoherfaceagain。Whereuponbacksheflouncedtoherchamber，wheresheweptandstormeduntilnight—time。\"
\"Whenyouforgaveher？\"
\"IDIDforgiveher，that’spositive。YouseeIhadsuppedatthe’Rose’alongwithTomTrippetandhalf—a—dozenprettyfellows；andI
hadeasedagreatfat—headedWarwickshirelandjunker——whatd’yecallhim？——squire，offortypieces；andI’mdev’lishgood—humouredwhenI’vewon，andsoCatandImadeitup：butI’vetaughthernevertobringmestalebeeragain——ha，ha！\"
Thisconversationwillexplain，agreatdealbetterthananydescriptionofours，howevereloquent，thestateofthingsasbetweenCountMaximilianandMrs。Catherine，andthefeelingswhichtheyentertainedforeachother。Thewomanlovedhim，thatwasthefact。And，aswehaveshowninthepreviouschapterhowJohnHayes，amean—spiritedfellowaseverbreathed，inrespectofallotherpassionsapigmy，wasinthepassionofloveagiant，andfollowedMrs。Catherinewithafuriouslongingwhichmightseematthefirsttobeforeigntohisnature；inthelikemanner，andplayingatcross—purposes，Mrs。HallhadbecomesmittenoftheCaptain；and，ashesaidtruly，onlylikedhimthebetterforthebrutalitywhichshereceivedathishands。Foritismyopinion，madam，thatloveisabodilyinfirmity，fromwhichhumankindcannomoreescapethanfromsmall—pox；andwhichattackseveryoneofus，fromthefirstdukeinthePeeragedowntoJackKetchinclusive：whichhasnorespectforrank，virtue，orrogueryinman，butsetseachinhisturninafever；whichbreaksoutthedeuceknowshoworwhy，and，ragingitsappointedtime，fillseachindividualoftheonesexwithablindfuryandlongingforsomeoneoftheother（whomaybepure，gentle，blue—eyed，beautiful，andgood；orvile，shrewish，squinting，hunchbacked，andhideous，accordingtocircumstancesandluck）；
whichdiesaway，perhaps，inthenaturalcourse，iflefttohaveitsway，butwhichcontradictioncausestoragemorefuriouslythanever。Isnothistory，fromtheTrojanwarupwardsanddownwards，fullofinstancesofsuchstrangeinexplicablepassions？WasnotHelen，bythemostmoderatecalculation，ninetyyearsofagewhenshewentoffwithHisRoyalHighnessPrinceParisofTroy？WasnotMadameLaValliereill—made，blear—eyed，tallow—complexioned，scraggy，andwithhairliketow？WasnotWilkestheugliest，charmingest，mostsuccessfulmanintheworld？Suchinstancesmightbecarriedoutsoastofillavolume；butcuibono？Loveisfate，andnotwill；itsoriginnottobeexplained，itsprogressirresistible：andthebestproofofthismaybehadatBowStreetanyday，whereifyouaskanyofficeroftheestablishmenthowtheytakemostthieves，hewilltellyouatthehousesofthewomen。
Theymustseethedearcreaturesthoughtheyhangforit；theywilllove，thoughtheyhavetheirnecksinthehalter。Andwithregardtotheotherposition，thatill—usageonthepartofthemandoesnotdestroytheaffectionofthewoman，havewenotnumberlesspolice—reports，showinghow，whenabystanderwouldbeatahusbandforbeatinghiswife，manandwifefalltogetherontheinterloperandpunishhimforhismeddling？
Thesepoints，then，beingsettledtothesatisfactionofallparties，thereaderwillnotbedisposedtoquestiontheassertionthatMrs。HallhadarealaffectionforthegallantCount，andgrew，asMr。Brockwaspleasedtosay，likeabeefsteak，moretenderasshewasthumped。Poorthing，poorthing！hisflashyairsandsmartlookshadovercomeherinasinglehour；andnomoreiswantedtoplungeintoloveoverheadandears；nomoreiswantedtomakeafirstlovewith——andawoman’sfirstlovelastsFOREVER（aman’stwenty—fourthortwenty—fifthisperhapsthebest）：youcan’tkillit，dowhatyouwill；ittakesroot，andlivesandevengrows，nevermindwhatthesoilmaybeinwhichitisplanted，orthebitterweatheritmustbear——oftenasonehasseenawallflowergrow——outofastone。
Inthefirstweeksoftheirunion，theCounthadatleastbeenliberaltoher：shehadahorseandfineclothes，andreceivedabroadsomeofthoseflatteringattentionswhichsheheldatsuchhighprice。Hehad，however，someill—luckatplay，orhadbeenforcedtopaysomebills，orhadsomeothersatisfactoryreasonforbeingpoor，andhisestablishmentwasveryspeedilydiminished。Hearguedthat，asMrs。Catherinehadbeenaccustomedtowaitonothersallherlife，shemightnowwaituponherselfandhim；andwhentheincidentofthebeerarose，shehadbeenforsometimeemployedastheCount’shousekeeper，withunlimitedsuperintendenceoverhiscomfort，hiscellar，hislinen，andsuchmattersasbachelorsaredelightedtomakeovertoactivefemalehands。Todothepoorwretchjustice，sheactuallykepttheman’smenageinthebestorder；norwasthereanypointofextravagancewithwhichshecouldbecharged，exceptalittleextravaganceofdressdisplayedontheveryfewoccasionswhenhecondescendedtowalkabroadwithher，andextravaganceoflanguageandpassioninthefrequentquarrelstheyhadtogether。Perhapsinsuchaconnectionassubsistedbetweenthispreciouscouple，thesefaultsareinevitableonthepartofthewoman。Shemustbesillyandvain，andwillprettysurelythereforebefondofdress；andshemust，disguiseitasshewill，beperpetuallymiserableandbroodingoverherfall，whichwillcausehertobeviolentandquarrelsome。
Such，atleast，wasMrs。Hall；andveryearlydidthepoorvainmisguidedwretchbegintoreapwhatshehadsown。
Foraman，remorseunderthesecircumstancesisperhapsuncommon。
NostigmaaffixesonHIMforbetrayingawoman；nobitterpangsofmortifiedvanity；noinsultinglooksofsuperiorityfromhisneighbour，andnosentenceofcontemptuousbanishmentisreadagainsthim；theseallfallonthetempted，andnotonthetempter，whoispermittedtogofree。Thechiefthingthatamanlearnsafterhavingsuccessfullypractisedonawomanistodespisethepoorwretchwhomhehaswon。Thegame，infact，andtheglory，suchasitis，isallhis，andthepunishmentalonefallsuponher。
Considerthis，ladies，whencharmingyounggentlemencometowooyouwithsoftspeeches。Youhavenothingtowin，exceptwretchedness，andscorn，anddesertion。Considerthis，andbethankfultoyourSolomonsfortellingit。
Itcametopass，then，thattheCounthadcometohaveaperfectcontemptandindifferenceforMrs。Hall；——howshouldhenotforayoungpersonwhohadgivenherselfuptohimsoeasily？——andwouldhavebeenquitegladofanyopportunityofpartingwithher。Buttherewasacertainlingeringshameabouttheman，whichpreventedhimfromsayingatonceandabruptly，\"Go！\"andthepoorthingdidnotchoosetotakesuchhintsasfelloutinthecourseoftheirconversationandquarrels。Andsotheykeptontogether，hetreatingherwithsimpleinsult，andshehangingondesperately，bywhateverfeebletwigshecouldfind，totherockbeyondwhichallwasnaught，ordeath，toher。
Well，afterthenightwithTomTrippetandtheprettyfellowsatthe\"Rose，\"towhichwehaveheardtheCountalludeintheconversationjustrecorded，Fortunesmiledonhimagooddeal；fortheWarwickshiresquire，whohadlostfortypiecesonthatoccasion，insistedonhavinghisrevengethenightafter；when，strangetosay，ahundredandfiftymorefoundtheirwayintothepouchofhisExcellencytheCount。Suchasumasthisquitesettheyoungnoblemanafloatagain，andbroughtbackapleasingequanimitytohismind，whichhadbeenagooddealdisturbedintheformerdifficultcircumstances；andinthis，foralittleandtoacertainextent，poorCathadthehappinesstoshare。Hedidnotalterthestyleofhisestablishment，whichconsisted，asbefore，ofherselfandasmallpersonwhoactedasscourer，kitchen—wench，andscullion；Mrs。
Catherinealwaysputtingherhandtotheprincipalpiecesofthedinner；buthetreatedhismistresswithtolerablegood—humour；or，tospeakmorecorrectly，withsuchbearablebrutalityasmightbeexpectedfromamanlikehimtoawomaninhercondition。Besides，acertaineventwasabouttotakeplace，whichnotunusuallyoccursincircumstancesofthisnature，andMrs。Catherinewasexpectingsoontoliein。
TheCaptain，distrustingnaturallythestrengthofhisownpaternalfeelings，hadkindlyendeavouredtoprovideaparentforthecominginfant；andtothisendhadopenedanegotiationwithourfriendMr。
ThomasBullock，declaringthatMrs。Catshouldhaveafortuneoftwentyguineas，andremindingTummasofhisancientflameforher：
butMr。Tummas，whenthispropositionwasmadetohim，declinedit，withmanyoaths，andvowedthathewasperfectlysatisfiedwithhispresentbachelorcondition。Inthisdilemma，Mr。Brocksteppedforward，whodeclaredhimselfveryreadytoacceptMrs。Catherineandherfortune：andmightpossiblyhavebecomethepossessorofboth，hadnotMrs。Cat，themomentsheheardoftheproposedarrangement，withfireinhereyes，andrage——oh，howbitter！——inherheart，preventedthesuccessofthemeasurebyproceedingincontinentlytothefirstjusticeofthepeace，andthereswearingbeforehisworshipwhowasthefatherofthecomingchild。
Thisproceeding，whichshehadexpectedwouldcausenotalittleindignationonthepartofherlordandmaster，wasreceivedbyhim，strangelyenough，withconsiderablegood—humour：hesworethatthewenchhadservedhimagoodtrick，andwasratheramusedattheanger，theoutbreakoffiercerageandcontumely，andthewretchedwretchedtearsofheartsickdesperation，whichfollowedherannouncementofthissteptohim。ForMr。Brock，sherepelledhisofferwithscornandloathing，andtreatedthenotionofaunionwithMr。Bullockwithyetfiercercontempt。Marryhimindeed！aworkhousepaupercarryingabrown—bess！Shewouldhavediedsooner，shesaid，orrobbedonthehighway。Andso，todoherjustice，shewould：forthelittleminxwasoneofthevainestcreaturesinexistence，andvanity（asIpresumeeverybodyknows）becomesTHE
principleincertainwomen’shearts——theirmoralspectacles，theirconscience，theirmeatanddrink，theironlyruleofrightandwrong。
AsforMr。Tummas，he，aswehaveseen，wasquiteunfriendlytothepropositionasshecouldbe；andtheCorporal，withagooddealofcomicalgravity，vowedthat，ashecouldnotbesatisfiedinhisdearestwishes，hewouldtaketodrinkingforaconsolation：whichhestraightwaydid。
\"Come，Tummas，\"saidhetoMr。Bullock\"sinceweCAN’Thavethegirlofourhearts，why，hangit，Tummas，let’sdrinkherhealth！\"TowhichBullockhadnoobjection。AndsostronglydidthedisappointmentweighuponhonestCorporalBrock，thatevenwhen，afterunheard—ofquantitiesofbeer，hecouldscarcelyutteraword，hewasseenabsolutelytoweep，and，inaccentsalmostunintelligible，tocursehisconfoundedill—luckatbeingdeprived，notofawife，butofachild：hewantedoneso，hesaid，tocomforthiminhisoldage。
ThetimeofMrs。Catherine’scouchedrewnear，arrived，andwasgonethroughsafely。Shepresentedtotheworldachoppingboy，whomightuse，ifheliked，theGalgensteinarmswithabar—sinister；
andinhernewcaresanddutieshadnotsomanyopportunitiesasusualofquarrellingwiththeCount：who，perhaps，respectedhersituation，or，atleast，wassoproperlyawareofthenecessityofquiettoher，thatheabsentedhimselffromhomemorning，noon，andnight。
TheCaptainhad，itmustbeconfessed，turnedthesecontinuedabsencestoaconsiderableworldlyprofit，forheplayedincessantly；and，sincehisfirstvictoryovertheWarwickshireSquire，Fortunehadbeensofavourabletohim，thathehadatvariousintervalsamassedasumofnearlyathousandpounds，whichheusedtobringhomeashewon；andwhichhedepositedinastrongironchest，cunninglyscreweddownbyhimselfunderhisownbed。
ThisMrs。Catherineregularlymade，andthetreasureunderneathitcouldbenosecrettoher。However，thenobleCountkeptthekey，andboundherbymanysolemnoaths（thathedischargedatherhimself）nottorevealtoanyotherpersontheexistenceofthechestanditscontents。
Butitisnotinawoman’snaturetokeepsuchsecrets；andtheCaptain，wholeftherfordaysanddays，didnotreflectthatshewouldseekforconfidantselsewhere。Forwantofafemalecompanion，shewascompelledtobestowhersympathiesuponMr。
Brock；who，astheCount’scorporal，wasmuchinhislodgings，andwhodidmanagetosurvivethedisappointmentwhichhehadexperiencedbyMrs。Catherine’srefusalofhim。
Abouttwomonthsaftertheinfant’sbirth，theCaptain，whowasannoyedbyitssqualling，putitabroadtonurse，anddismisseditsattendant。Mrs。Catherinenowresumedherhouseholdduties，andwas，asbefore，atoncemistressandservantoftheestablishment。
Assuch，shehadthekeysofthebeer，andwasprettysureoftheattentionsoftheCorporal；whobecame，aswehavesaid，intheCount’sabsence，hislady’schieffriendandcompanion。Afterthemannerofladies，sheveryspeedilyconfidedtohimallherdomesticsecrets；thecausesofherformerdiscontent；theCount’sill—
treatmentofher；thewickednameshecalledher；thepricesthatallhergownshadcosther；howhebeather；howmuchmoneyhewonandlostatplay；howshehadoncepawnedacoatforhim；howhehadfournewones，laced，andpaidfor；whatwasthebestwayofcleaningandkeepinggold—lace，ofmakingcherry—brandy，picklingsalmon，etc。，etc。Herconfidencesuponallthesesubjectsusedtofolloweachotherinrapidsuccession；andMr。Brockbecame，erelong，quiteaswellacquaintedwiththeCaptain’shistoryforthelastyearastheCounthimself：——forhewascareless，andforgotthings；womenneverdo。Theychronicleallthelover’ssmallactions，hiswords，hisheadaches，thedresseshehasworn，thethingshehaslikedfordinneroncertaindays；——allwhichcircumstancescommonlyareexpungedfromthemalebrainimmediatelyaftertheyhaveoccurred，butremainfixedwiththefemale。
ToBrock，then，andtoBrockonly（forsheknewnoothersoul），Mrs。
Catbreathed，instrictestconfidence，thehistoryoftheCount’swinnings，andhiswayofdisposingofthem；howhekepthismoneyscreweddowninanironchestintheirroom；andaveryluckyfellowdidBrockconsiderhisofficerforhavingsuchalargesum。HeandCatlookedatthechest：itwassmall，butmightystrong，sureenough，andwoulddefypicklocksandthieves。Well，ifanymandeservedmoney，theCaptaindid（\"thoughhemightbuymeafewyardsofthatlaceIloveso，\"interruptedCat），——ifanymandeservedmoney，hedid，forhespentitlikeaprince，andhishandwasalwaysinhispocket。
ItmustnowbestatedthatMonsieurdeGalgensteinhad，duringCat’sseclusion，casthiseyesuponayoungladyofgoodfortune，whofrequentedtheAssemblyatBirmingham，andwhowasnotalittlesmittenbyhistitleandperson。The\"fournewcoats，laced，andpaidfor，\"asCatsaid，hadbeenpurchased，mostprobably，byhisExcellencyforthepurposeofdazzlingtheheiress；andheandthecoatshadsucceededsofarastowinfromtheyoungwomananactualprofessionoflove，andapromiseofmarriageprovidedPawouldconsent。Thiswasobtained，——forPawasatradesman；andIsupposeeveryoneofmyreadershasremarkedhowgreataneffectatitlehasonthelowerclasses。Yes，thankHeaven！thereisaboutafreebornBritonacringingbaseness，andlickspittleaweofrank，whichdoesnotexistunderanytyrannyinEurope，andisonlytobefoundhereandinAmerica。
AllthesenegotiationshadbeengoingonquiteunknowntoCat；and，astheCaptainhaddetermined，beforetwomonthswereout，toflingthatyoungwomanonthepave，hewaskindtoherinthemeanwhile：
peoplealwaysarewhentheyareswindlingyou，ormeditatinganinjuryagainstyou。
ThepoorgirlhadmuchtoohighanopinionofherowncharmstosuspectthattheCountcouldbeunfaithfultothem，andhadnonotionoftheplotthatwasformedagainsther。ButMr。Brockhad：
forhehadseenmanytimesagiltcoachwithapairoffatwhitehorsesamblingintheneighbourhoodofthetown，andtheCaptainonhisblacksteedcaracollingmajesticallybyitsside；andhehadremarkedafat，pudgy，pale—hairedwomantreadingheavilydownthestairsoftheAssembly，leaningontheCaptain’sarm：alltheseMr。
Brockhadseen，notwithoutreflection。Indeed，theCountoneday，ingreatgood—humour，hadslappedhimontheshoulderandtoldhimthathewasaboutspeedilytopurchasearegiment；when，byhisgreatgods，Mr。Brockshouldhaveapairofcolours。PerhapsthispromiseoccasionedhissilencetoMrs。Catherinehitherto；perhapsheneverwouldhavepeachedatall；andperhaps，therefore，thishistorywouldneverhavebeenwritten，butforasmallcircumstancewhichoccurredatthisperiod。
\"WhatcanyouwantwiththatdrunkenoldCorporalalwaysaboutyourquarters？\"saidMr。TrippettotheCountoneday，astheysatovertheirwine，inthemidstofamerrycompany，attheCaptain’srooms。
\"What！\"saidhe。\"OldBrock？Theoldthiefhasbeenmoreusefultomethanmanyabetterman。Heisasbraveinarowasalion，ascunninginintrigueasafox；hecannoseadunataninconceivabledistance，andscentoutaprettywomanbeshebehindeversomanystonewalls。Ifagentlemanwantsagoodrascalnow，Icanrecommendhim。Iamgoingtoreform，youknow，andmustturnhimoutofmyservice。\"
\"AndprettyMrs。Cat？\"
\"Oh，curseprettyMrs。Cat！shemaygotoo。\"
\"Andthebrat？\"
\"Why，youhaveparishes，andwhatnot，hereinEngland。Egad！ifagentlemanwerecalledupontokeepallhischildren，therewouldbenoliving：no，stapmyvitals！Croesuscouldn’tstandit。\"
\"No，indeed，\"saidMr。Trippet：\"youareright；andwhenagentlemanmarries，heisboundinhonourtogiveupsuchlowconnectionsasareusefulwhenheisabachelor。\"
\"Ofcourse；andgivethemupIwill，whenthesweetMrs。Drippingismine。Asforthegirl，youcanhaveher，TomTrippet，ifyoutakeafancytoher；andasfortheCorporal，hemaybehandedovertomysuccessorinCutts’s：——forIwillhavearegimenttomyself，that’spoz；andtotakewithmesuchaswindling，pimping，thieving，brandy—facedrascalasthisBrockwillneverdo。Egad！he’sadisgracetotheservice。Asitis，I’veoftenamindtohavethesuperannuatedvagabonddrummedoutofthecorps。\"
AlthoughthisresumeofMr。Brock’scharacterandaccomplishmentswasveryjust，itcameperhapswithanillgracefromCountGustavusAdolphusMaximilian，whohadprofitedbyallhisqualities，andwhocertainlywouldneverhavegiventhisopinionofthemhadheknownthatthedoorofhisdining—parlourwasopen，andthatthegallantCorporal，whowasinthepassage，couldheareverysyllablethatfellfromthelipsofhiscommandingofficer。Weshallnotsay，afterthefashionofthestory—books，thatMr。Brocklistenedwithaflashingeyeandadistendednostril；thathischestheavedtumultuously，andthathishandfelldownmechanicallytohisside，whereitplayedwiththebrasshandleofhissword。Mr。KeanwouldhavegonethroughmostofthesebodilyexerciseshadhebeenactingthepartofavillainenragedanddisappointedlikeCorporalBrock；
butthatgentlemanwalkedawaywithoutanygesturesofanykind，andasgentlyaspossible。\"He’llturnmeoutoftheregiment，willhe？\"sayshe，quitepiano；andthenadded（conmoltaespressione），\"I’lldoforhim。\"
Anditistoberemarkedhowgenerally，incasesofthisnature，gentlemensticktotheirword。
CHAPTERIII。INWHICHANARCOTICISADMINISTERED，ANDAGREATDEAL
OFGENTEELSOCIETYDEPICTED。
WhentheCorporal，whohadretreatedtothestreet—doorimmediatelyonhearingtheaboveconversation，returnedtotheCaptain’slodgingsandpaidhisrespectstoMrs。Catherine，hefoundthatladyinhighgood—humour。TheCounthadbeenwithher，shesaid，alongwithafriendofhis，Mr。Trippet；hadpromisedhertwelveyardsofthelaceshecovetedsomuch；hadvowedthatthechildshouldhaveasmuchmoreforacloak；andhadnotleftheruntilhehadsatwithherforanhour，ormore，overabowlofpunch，whichhemadeonpurposeforher。Mr。Trippetstayedtoo。\"Amightypleasantman，\"
saidshe；\"onlynotverywise，andseeminglyagooddealinliquor。\"
\"Agooddealindeed！\"saidtheCorporal。\"Hewassotipsyjustnowthathecouldhardlystand。HeandhishonourweretalkingtoNanFantailinthemarket—place；andshepulledTrippet’swigoff，forwantingtokissher。\"
\"Thenastyfellow！\"saidMrs。Cat，\"todemeanhimselfwithsuchlowpeopleasNanFantail，indeed！Why，uponmyconsciencenow，Corporal，itwasbutanhouragothatMr。Trippetsworeheneversawsuchapairofeyesasmine，andwouldliketocuttheCaptain’sthroatfortheloveofme。NanFantail，indeed！\"
\"Nan’sanhonestgirl，MadamCatherine，andwasagreatfavouriteoftheCaptain’sbeforesomeoneelsecameinhisway。Noonecansayawordagainsther——notaword。\"
\"Andpray，Corporal，whoeverdid？\"saidMrs。Cat，ratheroffended。
\"Anasty，uglyslut！Iwonderwhatthemencanseeinher？\"
\"Shehasgotasmartwaywithher，sureenough；it’swhatamusesthemen，and——\"
\"Andwhat？Youdon’tmeantosaythatmyMaxisfondofherNOW？\"
saidMrs。Catherine，lookingveryfierce。
\"Oh，no；notatall：notofHER；——thatis——\"
\"NotofHER！\"screamedshe。\"Ofwhom，then？\"
\"Oh，psha！nonsense！Ofyou，mydear，tobesure；whoelseshouldhecarefor？And，besides，whatbusinessisitofmine？\"AndherewiththeCorporalbeganwhistling，asifhewouldhavenomoreoftheconversation。ButMrs。Catwasnottobesatisfied，——notshe，——andcarriedonhercross—questions。
\"Why，lookyou，\"saidtheCorporal，afterparryingmanyofthese，——\"Why，lookyou，I’manoldfool，Catherine，andImustblab。
ThatmanhasbeenthebestfriendIeverhad，andsoIwasquiet；
butIcan’tkeepitinanylonger，——no，hangmeifIcan！It’smybeliefhe’sactinglikearascalbyyou：hedeceivesyou，Catherine；he’sascoundrel，Mrs。Hall，that’sthetruthon’t。\"
Catherineprayedhimtotellallheknew；andheresumed。
\"Hewantsyouoffhishands；he’ssickofyou，andsobroughtherethatfoolTomTrippet，whohastakenafancytoyou。Hehasnotthecouragetoturnyououtofdoorslikeaman；thoughindoorshecantreatyoulikeabeast。ButI’lltellyouwhathe’lldo。InamonthhewillgotoCoventry，orpretendtogothere，onrecruitingbusiness。Nosuchthing，Mrs。Hall；he’sgoingonMARRIAGE
business；andhe’llleaveyouwithoutafarthing，tostarveortorot，forhim。It’sallarranged，Itellyou：inamonth，youaretobestarvedintobecomingTomTrippet’smistress；andhishonouristomarryrichMissDripping，thetwenty—thousand—pounderfromLondon；andtopurchasearegiment；——andtogetoldBrockdrummedoutofCutts’stoo，\"saidtheCorporal，underhisbreath。Buthemighthavespokenout，ifhechose；forthepooryoungwomanhadsunkonthegroundinarealhonestfit。
\"IthoughtIshouldgiveither，\"saidMr。Brockasheprocuredaglassofwater；and，liftingherontoasofa，sprinkledthesameoverher。\"Hangit！howprettysheis。\"
***
WhenMrs。Catherinecametoherselfagain，Brock’stonewithherwaskind，andalmostfeeling。Nordidthepoorwenchherselfindulgeinanysubsequentshiveringsandhysterics，suchasusuallyfollowthefainting—fitsofpersonsofhigherdegree。Shepressedhimforfurtherexplanations，whichhegave，andtowhichshelistenedwithagreatdealofcalmness；nordidmanytears，sobs，sighs，orexclamationsofsorroworangerescapefromher：onlywhentheCorporalwastakinghisleave，andsaidtoherpoint—blank，——\"Well，Mrs。Catherine，andwhatdoyouintendtodo？\"shedidnotreplyaword；butgavealookwhichmadehimexclaim，onleavingtheroom，——
\"Byheavens！thewomanmeansmurder！IwouldnotbetheHolofernestoliebythesideofsuchaJudithasthat——notI！\"Andhewenthisway，immersedindeepthought。WhentheCaptainreturnedatnight，shedidnotspeaktohim；andwhenhesworeatherforbeingsulky，sheonlysaidshehadaheadache，andwasdreadfullyill；
withwhichexcuseGustavusAdolphusseemedsatisfied，andlefthertoherself。
Hesawherthenextmorningforamoment：hewasgoinga—shooting。
Catherinehadnofriend，asisusualintragediesandromances，——nomysterioussorceressofheracquaintancetowhomshecouldapplyforpoison，——soshewentsimplytotheapothecaries，pretendingateachthatshehadadreadfultoothache，andprocuringfromthemasmuchlaudanumasshethoughtwouldsuitherpurpose。
Whenshewenthomeagainsheseemedalmostgay。Mr。Brockcomplimentedheruponthealterationinherappearance；andshewasenabledtoreceivetheCaptainathisreturnfromshootinginsuchamannerasmadehimremarkthatshehadgotridofhersulksofthemorning，andmightsupwiththem，ifshechosetokeephergood—
humour。Thesupperwasgotready，andthegentlemenhadthepunch—bowlwhentheclothwascleared，——Mrs。Catherine，withherdelicatehands，preparingtheliquor。
Itisuselesstodescribetheconversationthattookplace，ortoreckonthenumberofbowlsthatwereemptied；ortotellhowMr。
Trippet，whowasoneoftheguests，anddeclinedtoplayatcardswhensomeoftheothersbegan，chosetoremainbyMrs。Catherine’sside，andmakeviolentlovetoher。Allthismightbetold，andtheaccount，howeverfaithful，wouldnotbeverypleasing。No，indeed！
Andhere，thoughweareonlyinthethirdchapterofthishistory，wefeelalmostsickofthecharactersthatappearinit，andtheadventureswhichtheyarecalledupontogothrough。Buthowcanwehelpourselves？Thepublicwillhearofnothingbutrogues；andtheonlywayinwhichpoorauthors，whomustlive，canacthonestlybythepublicandthemselves，istopaintsuchthievesastheyare：
not，dandy，poetical，rose—waterthieves；butrealdownrightscoundrels，leadingscoundrellylives，drunken，profligate，dissolute，low；asscoundrelswillbe。Theydon’tquotePlato，likeEugeneAram；orlivelikegentlemen，andsingthepleasantestballadsintheworld，likejollyDickTurpin；orprateeternallyabout\"tokalon，\"*likethatpreciouscantingMaltravers，whomweallofushavereadaboutandpitied；ordiewhitewashedsaints，likepoor\"BissDadsy\"in\"OliverTwist。\"No，mydearmadam，youandyourdaughtershavenorighttoadmireandsympathisewithanysuchpersons，fictitiousorreal：yououghttobemadecordiallytodetest，scorn，loathe，abhor，andabominateallpeopleofthiskidney。Menofgeniuslikethosewhoseworkswehaveabovealludedto，havenobusinesstomakethesecharactersinterestingoragreeable；tobefeedingyourmorbidfancies，orindulgingtheirown，withsuchmonstrousfood。Forourparts，youngladies，webegyoutobottleupyourtears，andnotwasteasingledropofthemonanyoneoftheheroesorheroinesinthishistory：theyareallrascals，everysoulofthem，andbehave\"assich。\"Keepyoursympathyforthosewhodeserveit：don’tcarryit，forpreference，totheOldBailey，andgrowmaudlinoverthecompanyassembledthere。
*Anglicisedversionoftheauthor’soriginalGreektext。
Just，then，havethekindnesstofancythattheconversationwhichtookplaceoverthebowlsofpunchwhichMrs。Catherineprepared，wassuchasmightbeexpectedtotakeplacewherethehostwasadissolute，dare—devil，libertinecaptainofdragoons，theguestsforthemostpartofthesameclass，andthehostessayoungwomanoriginallyfromacountryalehouse，andforthepresentmistresstotheentertainerofthesociety。Theytalked，andtheydrank，andtheygrewtipsy；andverylittleworthhearingoccurredduringthecourseofthewholeevening。Mr。Brockofficiated，halfastheservant，halfasthecompanionofthesociety。Mr。ThomasTrippetmadeviolentlovetoMrs。Catherine，whileherlordandmasterwasplayingatdicewiththeothergentlemen：andonthisnight，strangetosay，theCaptain’sfortuneseemedtodeserthim。TheWarwickshireSquire，fromwhomhehadwonsomuch，hadanamazingrunofgoodluck。TheCaptaincalledperpetuallyformoredrink，andhigherstakes，andlostalmosteverythrow。Threehundred，fourhundred，sixhundred——allhiswinningsofthepreviousmonthswereswallowedupinthecourseofafewhours。TheCorporallookedon；
and，todohimjustice，seemedverygraveas，sumbysum，theSquirescoreddowntheCount’slossesonthepaperbeforehim。
Mostofthecompanyhadtakentheirhatsandstaggeredoff。TheSquireandMr。Trippetweretheonlytwothatremained，thelatterstilllingeringbyMrs。Catherine’ssofaandtable；andasshe，aswehavestated，hadbeenemployedalltheeveninginmixingtheliquorforthegamesters，hewasattheheadquartersofloveanddrink，andhadswallowedsomuchofeachashardlytobeabletospeak。
Thedicewentrattlingon；thecandleswereburningdim，withgreatlongwicks。Mr。TrippetcouldhardlyseetheCaptain，andthought，asfarashismuzzyreasonwouldlethim，thattheCaptaincouldnotseehim：soherosefromhischairaswellashecould，andfelldownonMrs。Catherine’ssofa。Hiseyeswerefixed，hisfacewaspale，hisjawhungdown；andheflungouthisarmsandsaid，inamaudlinvoice，\"Oh，youbyoo—oo—oo—tifileCathrine，Imusthaveakick—kick—iss。\"
\"Beast！\"saidMrs。Catherine，andpushedhimaway。Thedrunkenwretchfelloffthesofa，andontothefloor，wherehestayed；and，aftersnortingoutsomeunintelligiblesounds，wenttosleep。
Thedicewentrattlingon；thecandleswereburningdim，withgreatlongwicks。
\"Seven’sthemain，\"criedtheCount。\"Four。Threetotwoagainstthecaster。\"
\"Ponies，\"saidtheWarwickshireSquire。
Rattle，rattle，rattle，rattle，clatter，NINE。Clap，clap，clap，clap，ELEVEN。Clutter，clutter，clutter，clutter：\"Sevenitis，\"
saystheWarwickshireSquire。\"Thatmakeseighthundred，Count。\"
\"Onethrowfortwohundred，\"saidtheCount。\"Butstop！Cat，giveussomemorepunch。\"
Mrs。Catcameforward；shelookedalittlepale，andherhandtrembledsomewhat。\"Hereisthepunch，Max，\"saidshe。Itwassteaminghot，inalargeglass。\"Don’tdrinkitall，\"saidshe；
\"leavemesome。\"
\"Howdarkitis！\"saidtheCount，eyeingit。
\"It’sthebrandy，\"saidCat。
\"Well，heregoes！Squire，curseyou！here’syourhealth，andbadlucktoyou！\"andhegulpedoffmorethanhalftheliquoratadraught。Butpresentlyheputdowntheglassandcried，\"Whatinfernalpoisonisthis，Cat？\"
\"Poison！\"saidshe。\"It’snopoison。Givemetheglass。\"AndshepledgedMax，anddrankalittleofit。\"’Tisgoodpunch，Max，andofmybrewing；Idon’tthinkyouwillevergetanybetter。\"Andshewentbacktothesofaagain，andsatdown，andlookedattheplayers。
Mr。Brocklookedatherwhitefaceandfixedeyeswithagrimkindofcuriosity。TheCountsputtered，andcursedthehorridtasteofthepunchstill；buthepresentlytookthebox，andmadehisthreatenedthrow。
Asbefore，theSquirebeathim；andhavingbookedhiswinnings，rosefromtableaswellashemightandbesoughttoleadhimdownstairs；
whichMr。Brockdid。
LiquorhadevidentlystupefiedtheCount：hesatwithhisheadbetweenhishands，mutteringwildlyaboutill—luck，seven’sthemain，badpunch，andsoon。Thestreet—doorbangedto；andthestepsofBrockandtheSquirewereheard，untiltheycouldbeheardnomore。
\"Max，\"saidshe；buthedidnotanswer。\"Max，\"saidsheagain，layingherhandonhisshoulder。
\"Curseyou，\"saidthatgentleman，\"keepoff，anddon’tbelayingyourpawsuponme。Gotobed，youjade，orto——，forwhatIcare；
andgivemefirstsomemorepunch——agallonmorepunch，doyouhear？\"
Thegentleman，bythecursesatthecommencementofthislittlespeech，andtherequestcontainedattheendofit，showedthathislossesvexedhim，andthathewasanxioustoforgetthemtemporarily。
\"Oh，Max！\"whimperedMrs。Cat，\"you——don’t——wantanymorepunch？\"
\"Don’t！Shan’tIbedrunkinmyownhouse，youcursedwhimperingjade，you？Getout！\"andwiththistheCaptainproceededtoadministerablowuponMrs。Catherine’scheek。
Contrarytohercustom，shedidnotavengeit，orseektodoso，asonthemanyformeroccasionswhendisputesofthisnaturehadarisenbetweentheCountandher；butnowMrs。Catherinefellonherkneesand，claspingherhandsandlookingpitifullyintheCount’sface，cried，\"Oh，Count，forgiveme，forgiveme！\"
\"Forgiveyou！Whatfor？BecauseIslappedyourface？Ha，ha！
I’llforgiveyouagain，ifyoudon’tmind。\"
\"Oh，no，no，no！\"saidshe，wringingherhands。\"Itisn’tthat。
Max，dearMax，willyouforgiveme？Itisn’ttheblow——Idon’tmindthat；it’s——\"
\"It’swhat，you——maudlinfool？\"
\"IT’STHEPUNCH！\"
TheCount，whowasmorethanhalfseasover，hereassumedanairofmuchtipsygravity。\"Thepunch！No，Ineverwillforgiveyouthatlastglassofpunch。Ofallthefoul，beastlydrinksIevertasted，thatwastheworst。No，Ineverwillforgiveyouthatpunch。\"
\"Oh，itisn’tthat，itisn’tthat！\"saidshe。
\"Itellyouitisthat，——you！Thatpunch，Isaythatpunchwasnobetterthanpaw——aw—oison。\"AndheretheCount’sheadsankback，andhefelltosnore。
\"ITWASPOISON！\"saidshe。
