第2章

类别:其他 作者:Charlotte Perkins Gilman字数:15151更新时间:19/01/05 16:55:07
\"Ihaveconsideredthatposition,Father。Iknowyoufeelthatway——you’veoftenmademefeelit。SoI’vebeenatsomepainstoworkitout——onamoneybasis。Hereisanaccount——asfullasIcouldmakeit。\"Shehandedhimapapercoveredwithneatfigures。Thetotalsreadasfollows: MissDianthaBell,ToMr。HendersonR。Bell,Dr。 Tomedicalanddentalexpenses……$110。00 Toschoolexpenses……$76。00 Toclothing,infull……$1,130。00 Toboardandlodgingat$3。00aweek……$2,184。00 Toincidentals……$100。00 ———————— $3。600。00 Hestudiedthevariousitemscarefully,strokinghisbeard,halfinanger,halfinunavoidableamusement。Perhapstherewasatenderfeelingtoo,asherememberedthatdoctor’sbill——thefirstheeverpaid,withtheother,whenshehadscarletfever;andsawtheexactpriceofthehighchairwhichhadservedallthreeofthechildren,butofwhichshemagnanimouslyshoulderedthewholeexpense。 Theclothingtotalwassolargethatitmadehimwhistle——heknewhehadneverspent$1,130。00ononegirl’sclothes。Buttheitemsexplainedit。 Materials,threeyearsatanaverageof$10ayear……$30。00 Fiveyearsaveraging$20eachyear……$100。00 Fiveyearsaveraging$30eachyear……$50。00 Fiveyearsaveraging$50eachyear……$250。00 ——————— $530。00 Therestwas\"Mother’slabor,averagingtwentyfulldaysayearat$2aday,$40ayear。Forfifteenyears,$600。00。Mother’slabor——ononechild’s,clothes——footingupto$600。00。Itlookedstrangetoseecashvalueattachedtothatunfailingsourceoffamilycomfortandadvantage。 Theschoolexpensespuzzledhimabit,forshehadonlygonetopublicschools;butshewascountingbooksandslatesandevenpencils——itbroughtupeveningslongpassedby,thesewingwife,thestudyingchildren,the\"Say,Father,I’vegottohaveanewslate——mine’sbroke!\" \"Broken,Dina,\"herMotherwouldgentlycorrect,whilehedemanded,\"Howdidyoubreakit?\"andscoldedherforhercarelesstomboyways。 Slates——three,$1。50——theywerealldown。Andslatesdidn’tcostsomuchcometothinkofit,eventhered—edgedones,woundwithblack,thatshealwayswanted。 Boardandlodgingwasputlow,at$3。00perweek,buttheitemshadafootnoteastohouse—rentinthecountry,andfoodraisedonthefarm。 Yes,heguessedthatwasafullratefortheplainfoodandbarelittlebedroomtheyalwayshad。 \"It’swhatAuntEstherpaidthewintershewashere,\"saidDiantha。 Circuses——three……$1。50 Shareinmelodeon……$50。00 Yes,shewasoneoffivetouseandenjoyit。 Musiclessons……$30。00 Andquitealargemarginlefthere,calledmiscellaneous,whichhesmiledtoobservemadejustanevenfigure,andsuspectedshehadputinforthatpurposeaswellasfromgenerosity。 \"Thisboardaccountlookskindoffunny,\"hesaid——\"onlyfourteenyearsofit!\" \"Ididn’ttaketable—board——noraroom——thefirstyear——normuchthesecond。I’veallowed$1。00aweekforthat,and$2。00forthethird——thattakesouttwo,yousee。Thenit’s$156ayeartillIwasfourteenandearnedboardandwages,twomoreyearsat$156——andI’vepaidsinceIwasseventeen,youknow。\" \"Well——Iguessyoudid——Iguessyoudid。\"Hegrinnedgenially。\"Yes,\" hecontinuedslowly,\"Iguessthat’safairenoughaccount。’Cordingtothis,youoweme$3,600。00,youngwoman!Ididn’tthinkitcostthatmuchtoraiseagirl。\" \"Iknowit,\"saidshe。\"Buthere’stheotherside。\" Itwastheotherside。Hehadneveroncethoughtofsuchasidetothecase。Thisaccountwasasclearandhonestasthefirstandfullofexasperatingdetail。Shelaidbeforehimthesecondsheetoffiguresandwatchedwhileheread,explaininghurriedly: \"Itwasaclearexpensefortenyears——notcountinghelpwiththebabies。ThenIbegantodohouseworkregularly——whenIwastenoreleven,twohoursaday;threewhenIwastwelveandthirteen——realworkyou’dhavehadtopayfor,andI’veonlyputitattencentsanhour。 WhenMotherwassicktheyearIwasfourteen,andIdiditallbutthewashing——allaservantwouldhavedonefor$3。00aweek。EversincethenIhavedonethreehoursadayoutsideofschool,fullgrownworknow,attwentycentsanhour。That’swhatwehavetopayhere,youknow。\" Thusitmountedup: Mr。HendersonR。Bell,ToMissDianthaBell,Dr。 Forlaborandservices—— Twoyears,twohoursadayat10c。anhour……$146。00 Twoyears,threehoursadayat10c。anhour……$219。00 Oneyear,fullwagesat$5。00aweek……$260。00 Sixyearsandahalf,threehoursadayat20c……$1423。50 ———————— $2048。50 Mr。Bellmeditatedcarefullyonthesefigures。Tothinkofthatchild’slaborfootinguptotwothousanddollarsandover!Itwasluckyamanhadawifeanddaughterstodothiswork,orhecouldneversupportafamily。 Thencameherschool—teachingyears。Shehadalwaysbeenafinescholarandhehadfeltveryproudofhisgirlwhenshegotagoodschoolpositioninhereighteenthyear。 Californiasalarieswerehigherthaneasternones,andtimeshadchangedtoo;theyearhetaughtschoolherememberedthesalarywasonly$300。00——andhewasaman。Thisgirlgot$600,nextyear$700,$800,$900;whyitmade$3,000shehadearnedinfouryears。Astonishing。 Outofthisshehadabalanceinthebankof$550。00。Hewaspleasedtoseethatshehadbeensosaving。Andherclothingaccount——littleenoughheadmittedforfouryearsandsixmonths,$300。00。Allincidentalsforthewholetime,$50。00——thiswithherbalancemadejust$900。Thatleft$2,100。00。 \"Twenty—onehundreddollarsunaccountedfor,younglady!——besidesthisnestegginthebank——I’dnoideayouweresowealthy。Whathaveyoudonewithallthat?\" \"Givenittoyou,Father,\"saidshequietly,andhandedhimthethirdsheetoffigures。 Boardandlodgingat$4。00aweekfor41/2yearsmade$936。00,thathecouldrealize;but\"cashadvance\"$1,164more——hecouldnotbelieveit。 ThattimehermotherwassosickandDianthahadpaidboththedoctorandthenurse——yes——hehadbeenmuchcrampedthatyear——andnursescomehigh。ForHenderson,Jr。’s,expensestoSanFrancisco,andagainforHendersonwhenhewasoutofajob——Mr。Bellrememberedtheboy’swritingforthemoney,andhisnothavingit,andMrs。BellsayingshecouldarrangewithDiantha。 Arrange!Andthatgirlhadkeptthisniggardlyaccountofit!ForMinnie’striptotheYosemite——andwhatwasthis?——forhisraisinexperiment——forthenewhorsetheysimplyhadtohaveforthedryingapparatusthatyearhelostsomuchmoneyinapricots——andforthesprayingmaterials——yes,hecouldnotdenytheitems,andtheycoveredthat$1,164。00exactly。 Thencamethedeadlybalance,oftheaccountbetweenthem: Herlabor……$2,047。00 Herboard……$936。00 Her\"cashadvanced\"……$1,164。00 ————————— $4,147。00 Hisexpenseforher……$3,600 ————————— Dueherfromhim……$547。00 Diantharevolvedherpencilbetweenfirmpalms,andlookedathimratherquizzically;whilehermotherrockedanddarnedandwipedawayanoccasionaltear。Shealmostwishedshehadnotkeptaccountssowell。 Mr。Bellpushedthepapersawayandstartedtohisfeet。 \"ThisisthemostshamefulpieceofcalculationIeversawinmylife,\" saidhe。\"Ineverheardofsuchathing!Yougoandcountupincolddollarstheworkthateverydecentgirldoesforherfamilyandisgladto!Iwonderyouhaven’tchargedyourmotherfornursingher?\" \"YounoticeIhaven’t,\"saidDianthacoldly。 \"Andtothink,\"saidhe,grippingthebackofachairandlookingdownatherfiercely,\"tothinkthatagirlwhocanearnninehundreddollarsayearteachingschool,andstayathomeanddoherdutybyherfamilybesides,shouldplantodeserthermotheroutright——nowshe’soldandsick!OfcourseIcan’tstopyou!You’reofage,andchildrennowadayshavenosenseofnaturalobligationafterthey’regrownup。Youcango,ofcourse,anddisgracethefamilyasyoupropose——butyouneedn’texpecttohavemeconsenttoitorapproveofit——orofyou。It’sashamefulthing——andyouareanunnaturaldaughter——that’sallI’vegottosay!\" Mr。Belltookhishatandwentout——aconclusiveformofpunctuationmuchusedbymenindiscussionsofthissort。 WHATDIANTHADID CHAPTERIII。 BREAKERS Duck!Dive!Herecomesanotherone! Waittillthecrest—rufflesshow! Beyondissmoothwaterinbeautyandwonder—— Shutyourmouth!Holdyourbreath!Dipyourheadunder! Divethroughtheweightandthewash,andthethunder—— Lookoutfortheundertow! IfDianthaimaginedthatherarithmeticalvictoryoveratoo—sordidpresentationoftheparentalclaimwasafinalone,shesoonfoundherselfmistaken。 Itiseasytosay——puttinganepicinanepigram——\"Sheseenherdutyandshedoneit!\"butthespaceandtimecoveredaregenerallyasfarbeyondourplansastheestimatesofanamateurmountainclimberexceedhisachievements。 Herdeterminationwasnotconcealedbyheroutragedfamily。Possiblytheythoughtthatifthematterwaswellaired,andgenerallydiscussed,thedaringoffendermightreconsider。Well—aireditcertainlywas,andwidelydiscussedbytheparentsofthelittletownbeforeyoungpeoplewhosatindumbness,ormadefaintdefense。Itwasalsodiscussedbytheyoungpeople,butnotbeforetheirparents。 ShehadtoldRoss,firstofall,meaningtohaveaquiettalkwithhimtoclearthegroundbeforearousingherownfamily;buthewassuddenlyawayjustassheopenedthesubject,byamanonawheel——somewretchedbusinessaboutthestoreofcourse——andsentwordthatnightthathecouldnotcomeupagain。Couldn’tcomeupthenextnighteither。Twolongdays——twolongeveningswithoutseeinghim。Well——ifshewentawayshe’dhavetogetusedtothat。 Butshehadsomanythingstoexplain,somuchtosaytomakeitrightwithhim;sheknewwellwhatablowitwas。Nowitwasallovertown——andshehadhadnochancetodefendherposition。 Theneighborscalled。TallbonyMrs。DelafieldwholivednearesttothemandhadknownDianthaforsomeyears,feltitherdutytomakeaspecialappeal——orattackrather;andbroughtwithherstoutMrs。 Schlosster,whoseancestorsandtraditionswereevidentlyofGermanextraction。 Diantharetiredtoherroomwhenshesawthesetwobearingdownuponthehouse;buthermothercalledhertomakeapitcheroflemonadeforthem——andhavingenteredtherewasnoescape。Theyharriedherwithquestions,wereincreasinglyoffendedbyherreticence,andexpresseddisapprovalwithafullnessthatovermasteredthegirl’sself—control。 \"Ihaveasmuchrighttogointobusinessasanyothercitizen,Mrs。 Delafield,\"shesaidwithrepressedintensity。\"Iamofageandliveinafreecountry。Whatyousayofchildrennolongerappliestome。\" \"Andwhatisthismysteriousbusinessyou’regoin’into——ifonemayinquire?Nothinyou’reashamedtomention,Ihope?\"askedMrs。 Delafield。 \"Ifawomanrefusestomentionherageisitbecauseshe’sashamedofit?\"thegirlretorted,andMrs。Delafieldflusheddarkly。 \"NeverhaveIheardsuchtalkfromamaidentoherelders,\"saidMrs。 Schlosster。\"Inmycountrytheyounghavemorerespect,asisright。\" Mrs。Bellobjectedinwardlytoanyreprimandofherchildbyothers;butsheagreedtotheprincipleadvancedandmadenocomment。 Dianthalistenedtoquiteavolumeofdetailedcriticism,inquiryandcondemnation,andfinallyrosetoherfeetwiththestiffcourtesyoftheyoung。 \"Youmustexcusemenow,\"shesaidwithsetlips。\"Ihavesomenecessaryworktodo。\" Shemarchedupstairs,shutherbedroomdoorandlockedit,raginginwardly。\"Itsnoneoftheirbusiness!Notashadow!WhyshouldMothersitthereandletthemtalktomelikethat!Onewouldthinkchildhoodhadnolimit——unlessit’smatrimony!\" Thisremindedherofheryoungersister’sairsofsuperiorwisdom,anddidnotconducetoapleasanterframeofmind。\"Withalltheirmiserablelittleconventionsandidiocies!Andwhat’they’llsay,’and’they’llthink’!AsifIcared!Minnie’llbejustsuchanother!\" Sheheardtheladiesgoingout,stilltalkingcontinuously,afaintresponsefromhermothernowandthen,agrowingquietastheirstepsrecededtowardthegate;andthenanotherdeepervoicetookupthethemeandheavilyapproached。 Itwastheminister!Dianthadroppedintoherrockerandheldthearmstight。\"NowI’llhavetotakeitagainIsuppose。Butheoughttoknowmewellenoughtounderstand。\" \"Diantha!\"calledhermother,\"Here’sDr。Major;\"andthegirlwashedherfaceandcamedownagain。 Dr。Majorwasaheavyelderlymanwithastrongmouthandawarmhandclasp。\"What’sallthisIhearaboutyou,younglady?\"hedemanded,holdingherhandandlookingherstraightintheeye。\"IsthisanewkindofProdigalDaughterwe’reencountering?\" Hedidnotlooknorsoundcondemnatory,andasshefacedhimshecaughtatwinkleinthewiseoldeyes。 \"Youcancallitthatifyouwantto,\"shesaid,\"OnlyIthoughttheProdigalSonjustspenthismoney——I’mgoingtoearnsome。\" \"IwantyoutotalktoDiantha,DoctorMajor,\"Mrs。Bellstruckin。 \"I’mgoingtoaskyoutoexcuseme,andgoandliedownforalittle。I dobelieveshe’lllistentoyoumorethantoanybody。\" Themotherretired,feelingsurethatthegoodmanwhohadknownherdaughterforoverfifteenyearswouldhavearestraininginfluencenow; andDianthabracedherselffortheattack。 Itcame,heavyandsolid,basedonreason,religion,tradition,thecustomofages,thepastoralhabitofcontrolandprotection,thefather’sinstinct,theman’sobjectiontoagirl’sadventure。Butitwascourteous,kind,andrationallyput,andshemetitpointbypointwiththewhole—souledargumentsofanewposition,thepassionateenthusiasmofheryears。 Theycalledatruce。 \"Icanseethatyou_think_itsyourduty,young,woman——that’sthemainthing。Ithinkyou’rewrong。Butwhatyoubelievetoberightyouhavetodo。That’sthewaywelearnmydear,that’sthewaywelearn! Well——you’vebeenagoodchildeversinceI’veknownyou。Aremarkablygoodchild。Ifyouhavetosowthiskindofwildoats——\"theybothsmiledatthis,\"Iguesswecan’tstopyou。I’llkeepyoursecret——\" \"Itsnotasecretreally,\"thegirlexplained,\"I’lltellthemassoonasI’msettled。Thentheycantell——iftheywantto。\"Andtheybothsmiledagain。 \"Well——Iwon’ttelltillIhearofitthen。And——yes,IguessIcanfurnishthatdocumentwithacleanconscience。\" Shegavehimpaperandpenandhewrote,withagrin,handinghertheresult。 Shereadit,agirlishgigglelighteningtheatmosphere。\"Thankyou!\" shesaidearnestly。\"Thankyoueversomuch。Iknewyouwouldhelpme。\" \"Ifyougetstuckanywherejustletmeknow,\"hesaidrising。\"ThisProddyGalmaywantareturnticketyet!\" \"I’llwalkfirst!\"saidDiantha。 \"ODr。Major,\"criedhermotherfromthewindow,\"Don’tgo!Wewantyoutostaytosupperofcourse!\" Buthehadothercallstomake,hesaid,andwentaway,hisbighandsclaspedbehindhim;hisheadbent,smilingoneminuteandshakinghisheadthenext。 Dianthaleanedagainstapearlyeucalyptustrunkandwatchedhim。ShewouldmissDr。Major。Butwhowasthisapproaching?Herheartsankmiserably。Mrs。Warden——and_all_thegirls。 Shewenttomeetthem——perforce。Mrs。Wardenhadalwaysbeenkindandcourteoustoher;thegirlsshehadnotseenverymuchof,buttheyhadthesweetSouthernmanner,werealwayspolite。Ross’smothershemustlove。Ross’ssisterstoo——ifshecould。Whydidthebottomdropoutofhercourageatsightofthem? \"Youdearchild!\"saidMrs。Warden,kissingher。\"Iknowjusthowyoufeel!Youwanttohelpmyboy!That’syoursecret!Butthiswon’tdoit,mydear!\" \"You’venoideahowbadlyRossfeels!\"saidMadeline。\"Mrs。Delafielddroppedinjustnowandtoldus。Yououghttohaveseenhim!\" \"Hedidn’tbelieveitofcourse,\"Adelineputin。\"Andhewouldn’tsayathing——notathingtoblameyou。\" \"Wesaidwe’dcomeoverrightoff——andtriedtobringhim——buthesaidhe’dgottogobacktothestore,\"Coralineexplained。 \"Hewasmadthough!\"saidDora——\"_I_know。\" Dianthalookedfromonetotheotherhelplessly。 \"Comein!Comein!\"saidMrs。Bellhospitably。\"Havethisrocker,Mrs。 Warden——wouldn’tyoulikesomecooldrink?Diantha?\" \"Noindeed!\"Mrs。Wardenprotested。\"Don’tgetathing。We’regoingrightback,it’snearsuppertime。No,wecan’tthinkofstaying,ofcoursenot,noindeed!——Butwehadtocomeoverandhearaboutthisdearchild’sidea!——Nowtellusallaboutit,Diantha!\" Theretheysat——fivepairsofcuriouseyes——andhermother’ssadones——allkind——allutterlyincapableofunderstanding。 Shemoistenedherlipsandplungeddesperately。\"Itisnothingdreadful,Mrs。Warden。Plentyofgirlsgoawaytoearntheirlivingsnowadays。ThatisallI’mdoing。\" \"Butwhygoaway?\" \"Ithoughtyouwereearningyourlivingbefore!\" \"Isn’tteachingearningyourliving?\" \"What_are_yougoingtodo?\"thegirlsprotestedvariously,andMrs。 Warden,withamotherlysmile,suggested—— \"Thatdoesn’texplainyourwantingtoleaveRoss,mydear——andyourmother!\" \"Idon’twanttoleavethem,\"protestedDiantha,tryingtokeephervoicesteady。\"ItissimplythatIhavemadeupmymindIcandobetterelsewhere。\" \"Dowhatbetter?\"askedMrs。Wardenwithsweetpatience,whichreducedDianthatothebaldstatement,\"Earnmoremoneyinlesstime。\" \"Andisthatbetterthanstayingwithyourmotherandyourlover?\" pursuedthegentleinquisitor;whilethegirlstried,\"Whatdoyouwanttoearnmoremoneyfor?\"and\"Ithoughtyouearnedalotbefore。\" NowDianthadidnotwishtostateinsomanywordsthatshewantedmoremoneyinordertomarrysooner——shehadhardlyputittoherselfthatway。Shecouldnotmakethemseeinafewmomentsthatherplanwastodofarmoreforhermotherthanshewouldotherwiseeverbeableto。 Andastomakingthemunderstandthelargerprinciplesatstake——therangeanddepthofherfullpurpose——thatwouldbephysicallyimpossible。 \"Iamsorry!\"shesaidwithtremblinglips。\"Iamextremelysorry。 But——Icannotexplain!\" Mrs。Wardendrewherselfupalittle。\"Cannotexplaintome?——Yourmother,ofcourse,knows?\" \"Dianthaisnaturallymorefrankwithmethanwith——anyone,\"saidMrs。 Bellproudly,\"Butshedoesnotwishher——business——plans——madepublicatpresent!\" Herdaughterlookedatherwithvividgratitude,butthewords\"madepublic\"werealittleunfortunateperhaps。 \"Ofcourse,\"Mrs。Wardenagreed,withhercharmingsmile,\"thatwecanquiteunderstand。I’msureIshouldalwayswishmygirlstofeelso。 Madeline——justshowMrs。Bellthatnecktieyou’remaking——shewasaskingaboutthestitch,youremember。\" Thenecktiewasproducedandadmired,whiletheothergirlsaskedDianthaifshehadherfalldressmakingdoneyet——andwhethershefoundwashribbonsatisfactory。Andpresentlythewholegracefulfamilywithdrew,onlyDoraholdingherheadwithvisiblestiffness。 Dianthasatonthefloorbyhermother,putherheadinherlapandcried。\"Howsplendidofyou,Mother!\"shesobbed。\"Howsimplysplendid!Iwilltellyounow——if——if——youwon’ttellevenFather——yet。\" \"Dearchild\"saidherMother,\"I’drathernotknowinthatcase。Itis——easier。\" \"That’swhatIkeptstillfor!\"saidthegirl。\"It’shardenough,goodnessknows——asitis!Itsnothingwicked,orevenrisky,Motherdear——andasfarasIcanseeitisright!\" Hermothersmiledthroughhertears。\"Ifyousaythat,mydearchild,I knowthere’snostoppingyou。AndIhatetoarguewithyou——evenforyourownsake,becauseitissomuchtomyadvantagetohaveyouhere。 I——shallmissyou——Diantha!\" \"Don’t,Mother!\"sobbedthegirl。 \"Itsnaturalfortheyoungtogo。Weexpectit——intime。Butyouaresoyoungyet——and——well,IhadhopedtheteachingwouldsatisfyyoutillRosswasready。\" Dianthasatupstraight。 \"Mother!can’tyouseeRoss’llneverbeready!Lookatthatfamily! Andthewaytheylive!Andthosemortgages!IcouldwaitandteachandsavealittleevenwithFatheralwayslosingmoney;butIcan’tseeRosswearinghimselfoutforyearsandyears——Ijust_can’t_bearit!\" Hermotherstrokedherfairhairsoftly,notsurprisedthatherownpleawassolostinthoughtofthebraveyounglover。 \"Andbesides,\"thegirlwenton\"IfIwaited——andsaved——andmarriedRoss——whatbecomesof_you,_I’dliketoknow?WhatIcan’tstandistohaveyougrowolderandsicker——andneverhaveanygoodtimeinallyourlife!\" Mrs。Bellsmiledtenderly。\"Youdearchild!\"shesaid;asifanaffectionatefive—yearoldhadofferedtogetherarainbow,\"Iknowyoumeanitallforthebest。But,Omy_dearest_!I’dratherhaveyou——here——athomewithme———thananyother’goodtime’youcanimagine!\" Shecouldnotseethesufferinginherdaughter’sface;butshefeltshehadmadeanimpression,andfolloweditupwithheart—breakingsincerity。Shecaughtthegirltoherbreastandheldherlikealittlechild。\"Omybaby!mybaby!Don’tleaveyourmother。Ican’tbearit!\" Afamiliarstepoutside,heavy,yetuncertain,andtheybothlookedateachotherwithfrightenedeyes。 Theyhadforgottenthebiscuit。 \"Supperready?\"askedMr。Bell,withgrimhumor。 \"Itwillbeinamoment,Father,\"criedDianthaspringingtoherfeet。 \"Atleast——inafewmoments。\" \"Don’tfretthechild,Father,\"saidMrs。Hendersonsoftly。\"She’sfeelingbadenough。\" \"Sh’dthinkshewould,\"repliedherhusband。\"Moreover——tomymind——sheoughtto。\" Hegotoutthesmalldamplocalpaperandhispipe,andcomposedhimselfinobviouspatience:yetsomehowthispatienceseemedtofillthekitchen,andtoactlikeaballandchaintoDiantha’sfeet。 Shegotsupperready,atlast,makinggriddle—cakesinsteadofbiscuit,andnocommentwasmadeofthechange:butthetensionintheatmospherewassharplyfeltbythetwowomen;andpossiblybythetalloldman,whoatelessthanusual,andsaidabsolutelynothing。 \"I’mgoingovertoseeEdwardsaboutthatnewincubator,\"hesaidwhenthemealwasover,anddeparted;andMrs。Bell,aftertryinginvaintodohermending,wipedhercloudedglassesandwenttobed。 Dianthamadeallneatandtidy;washedherownweteyesagain,andwentoutunderthemoon。Inthatbroadtendermellowlightshedrewadeepbreathandstretchedherstrongyoungarmstowardtheskyindumbappeal。 \"Iknewitwouldbehard,\"shemurmuredtoherself,\"ThatisIknewthefacts——butIdidn’tknowthefeeling!\" Shestoodatthegatebetweenthecypresses,satwaitingundertheacaciaboughs,walkedrestlesslyupanddownthepathoutside,thedrypepperberriescrushsoftlyunderfoot;bracingherselfforonemorestruggle——andthehardestofall。 \"Hewillunderstand!\"hetoldherself,overandover,butatthebottomofherheartsheknewhewouldn’t。 Hecameatlast;aslower,wearierstepthanusual;cameandtookbothherhandsinhisandstoodholdingthem,lookingatherquestioningly。 Thenheheldherfacebetweenhispalmsandmadeherlookathim。Hereyeswerebraveandsteady,butthemouthtrembledinspiteofher。 Hestilleditwithakiss,anddrewhertoaseatonthebenchbesidehim。\"MypoorLittleGirl!Youhaven’thadachanceyettoreallytellmeaboutthisthing,andIwantyoutorightnow。ThenI’mgoingtokillaboutfortypeopleinthistown!_Somebody_hasbeenmightyfoolish。\" Shesqueezedhishand,butfounditverydifficulttospeak。Hislove,hissympathy,histenderness,weresodeliciousafterthisday’strials——andbeforethosefurtheronesshecouldsowellanticipate。Shedidn’twishtocryanymore,thatwouldbynomeansstrengthenherposition,andshefoundshecouldn’tseemtospeakwithoutcrying。 \"Onewouldthinktohearthegoodpeopleofthistownthatyouwereabouttoleavehomeandmotherfor——well,foratriptothemoon!\"headded。\"Thereisn’tanyagreementastowhatyou’regoingtodo,butthey’reunanimousastoitsbeingentirelywrong。Nowsupposeyoutellmeaboutit。\" \"Iwill,\"saidDiantha。\"Ibegantotheothernight,youknow,youfirstofcourse——itwastoobad!yourhavingtogooffatthatexactmoment。ThenIhadtotellmother——because——wellyou’llseepresently。 Nowdear——justletmesayit_all_——beforeyou——doanything。\" \"Sayaway,mydarling。Itrustyouperfectly。\" Sheflashedagratefullookathim。\"Itisthisway,mydear。Ihavetwo,three,yesfour,thingstoconsider:——Myownpersonalproblem——myfamily’s——yours——andasocialone。\" \"Myfamily’s?\"heasked,withafaintshadeofoffenceinhistone。 \"Nonodear——yourown,\"sheexplained。 \"Bettercutmineout,LittleGirl,\"hesaid。\"I’llconsiderthatmyself。\" \"Well——Iwon’ttalkaboutitifyoudon’twantmeto。Therearetheotherthree。\" \"Iwon’tquestionyoursecond,noryourimposingthird,butisn’tthefirstone——yourownpersonalproblem——agooddealanswered?\"hesuggested,holdinghercloseforamoment。 \"Don’t!\"shesaid。\"Ican’ttalkstraightwhenyouputitthatway。\" Sherosehurriedlyandtookasteportwoupanddown。\"Idon’tsuppose——inspiteofyourlovingme,thatIcanmakeyouseeitasIdo。 ButI’llbejustasclearasIcan。Therearesomeyearsbeforeusbeforewecanbetogether。InthattimeIintendtogoawayandundertakeabusinessIaminterestedin。Mypurposeisto——developthework,toearnmoney,tohelpmyfamily,andto——well,nottohinderyou。\" \"Idon’tunderstand,Iconfess,\"hesaid。\"Don’tyouproposetotellmewhatthis’work’is?\" \"Yes——Iwill——certainly。Butnotyetdear!LetmetrytoshowyouhowIfeelaboutit。\" \"Wait,\"saidhe。\"OnethingIwanttobesureof。Areyoudoingthiswithanyquixoticnotionofhelpingme——in_my_business?Helpingmetotakecareofmyfamily?Helpingmeto——\"hestoodupnow,lookingverytallandratherforbidding,\"No,Iwon’tsaythattoyou。\" \"Wouldtherebeanythingwronginmymeaningexactlythat?\"sheasked,holdingherownheadalittlehigher;\"bothwhatyousaidandwhatyoudidn’t?\" \"Itwouldbeabsolutelywrong,allofit,\"heanswered。\"IcannotbelievethatthewomanIlovewould——couldtakesuchaposition。\" \"Lookhere,Ross!\"saidthegirlearnestly。\"Supposeyouknewwheretherewasagoldmine——_knewit_——andbygoingawayforafewyearsyoucouldgetarealfortune——wouldn’tyoudoit?\" \"NaturallyIshould,\"heagreed。 \"Well,supposeitwasn’tagoldmine,butabusiness,anewsystemlikethosecigarstores——or——somepatentamusementspecialty——or_anything_——thatyouknewwasbetterthanwhatyou’redoing——wouldn’tyouhavearighttotryit?\" \"OfcourseIshould——butwhathasthattodowiththiscase?\" \"Whyit’sthesamething!Don’tyousee?Ihaveplansthatwillbeofrealbenefittoallofus,somethingworthwhileto_do_——andnotonlyforusbutfor_everybody_——arealpieceofprogress——andI’mgoingtoleavemypeople——andevenyou!——foralittlewhile——tomakeusallhappierlateron。\" Hesmiledlovinglyatherbutshookhisheadslowly。\"Youdear,brave,foolishchild!\"hesaid。\"Idon’tforonemomentdoubtyournoblepurposes。Butyoudon’tgettheman’spointofview——naturally。What’smoreyoudon’tseemtogetthewoman’s。\" \"Canyouseenootherpointofviewthanthose?\"sheasked。 \"Therearenoothers,\"heanswered。\"Come!come!mydarling,don’taddthisnewdifficultytowhatwe’vegottocarry!Iknowyouhaveahardtimeofitathome。Someday,pleaseGod,youshallhaveaneasierone! AndI’mhavingahardtimetoo——Idon’tdenyit。ButyouarethegreatestjoyandcomfortIhave,dear——youknowthat。Ifyougoaway——itwillbeharderandslowerandlonger——that’sall。Ishallhaveyoutoworryabouttoo。Letsomebodyelsedothegold—mine,dear——youstayhereandcomfortyourMotheraslongasyoucan——andme。HowcanI getalongwithoutyou?\" Hetriedtoputhisarmaroundheragain,butshedrewback。\"Dear,\" shesaid。\"IfIdeliberatelydowhatIthinkisright——againstyourwishes——whatwillyoudo?\" \"Do?\"Thelaughedbitterly。\"WhatcanIdo?I’mtiedbytheleghere——lcan’tgoafteryou。I’venothingtopullyououtofascrapewithifyougetinone。Icouldn’tdoanythingbut——standit。\" \"AndifIgoahead,anddowhatyoudon’tlike——andmakeyou——suffer——wouldyou——wouldyouratherbefree?\"Hervoicewasverylowandshaken,butheheardherwellenough。 \"Freeofyou?Freeof_you_?\"Hecaughtherandheldherandkissedheroverandover。 \"Youaremine!\"hesaid。\"Youhavegivenyourselftome!Youcannotleaveme。Neitherofusisfree——everagain。\"Butshestruggledawayfromhim。 \"Bothofusarefree——todowhatwethinkright,_always_Ross!I wouldn’ttrytostopyouifyouthoughtitwasyourdutytogototheNorthPole!\"Sheheldhimalittlewayoff。\"Letmetellyou,dear。 Sitdown——letmetellyouallaboutit。\"Buthewouldn’tsitdown。 \"Idon’tthinkIwanttoknowthedetails,\"hesaid。\"Itdoesn’tmuchmatterwhatyou’regoingtodo——ifyoureallygoaway。Ican’tstopyou——Iseethat。Ifyouthinkthisthingisyour’duty’you’lldoitifitkillsusall——andyoutoo!Ifyouhavetogo——Ishalldonothing——candonothing——butwaittillyoucomebacktome!Whateverhappens,darling——nomatterhowyoufail——don’teverbeafraidtocomebacktome。\" Hefoldedhisarmsnow——didnotattempttoholdher——gaveherthefreedomsheaskedandpromisedhertheloveshehadalmostfearedtolose——andherwholecarefullyconstructedplanseemedlikeachild’ssandcastleforamoment;herheroicdecisionthewildestfolly。 Hewasnotevenlookingather;shesawhisstrong,clean—cutprofiledarkagainstthemoonlithouse,asettledpatienceinitslines。Duty! Herewasduty,surely,withtenderesthappiness。Shewasleaningtowardhim——herhandwasseekinghis,whensheheardthroughthefragrantsilenceasoundfromhermother’sroom——thefaintcreakofherlightrockingchair。Shecouldnotsleep——shewassittingupwithhertrouble,bearingitquietlyasshehadsomanyothers。 Thequieteverydaytragedyofthatdistastefullife——theslowwitheringawayofyouthandhopeandambitionintoagraywasteofineffectualsubmissivelabor——notonlyofherlife,butofthousandsuponthousandslikeher——itallroseuplikeafloodinthegirl’shotyoungheart。 Rosshadturnedtoher——washoldingouthisarmstoher。\"Youwon’tgo,mydarling!\"hesaid。 \"IamgoingWednesdayonthe7。10,\"saidDiantha。 WHATDIANTHADID CHAPTERIV。 ACRYINGNEED \"Lovestthoume?\"saidtheFairLadye; AndtheLoverhesaid,\"Yea!\" \"Thenclimbthistree——formysake,\"saidshe,\"Andclimbiteveryday!\" SofromdawntilldarkheabrazedthebarkAndworehisclothesaway; Till,\"Whathasthistreetodowiththee?\" TheLoveratlastdidsay。 Itwasapoordinner。Coldinthefirstplace,becauseIsabelwouldwaittothoroughlywashherlongartistichands;andputonanotherdress。Shehatedthesmellofcookinginhergarments;hateditworseonherwhitefingers;andnowtolookatthegracefulerectfigure,theroundthroatwiththesilvernecklaceaboutit,thesoftsmoothhair,silver—filletted,thenegativebeautyofthedove—coloredgown,speciallydesignedforhomeevenings,onewouldneverdreamshehadsetthetablesowell——andcookedthesteaksoabominably。 Isabelwasneveracook。InthemanyservantlessgapsofdomesticlifeinOrchardina,therewasalwaysastrainedatmosphereinthePornehousehold。 \"Dear,\"saidMr。Porne,\"mightIpetitiontohavethesteaklesscooked? Iknowyoudon’tliketodoit,sowhynotshortentheprocess?\" \"I’msorry,\"sheanswered,\"Ialwaysforgetaboutthesteakfromonetimetothenext。\" \"Yetwe’vehaditthreetimesthisweek,mydear。\" \"Ithoughtyoulikeditbetterthananything,\"shewithmarkedgentleness。\"I’llgetyouotherthings——oftener。\" \"It’sashameyoushouldhavethistodo,Isabel。Inevermeantyoushouldcookforme。IndeedIdidn’tdreamyoucaredsolittleaboutit。\" \"AndIneverdreamedyoucaredsomuchaboutit,\"shereplied,stillwithrepression。\"I’mnotcomplaining,amI?I’monlysorryyoushouldbedisappointedinme。\" \"It’snot_you,_deargirl!You’reallright!It’sjustthiseverlastingbother。Can’tyouget_anybody_thatwillstay?\" Ican’tseemtogetanybodyonanyterms,sofar。I’mgoingagain,to—morrow。Cheerup,dear——thebabykeepswell——that’sthemainthing。\" Hesatontherose—boweredporchandsmokedwhilesheclearedthetable。 Atfirsthehadtriedtohelpherontheseoccasions,buttheirmethodsweredissimilarandshefranklytoldhimshepreferredtodoitalone。 Sosheslippedoffthesilkandputontheginghamagain,washedthedisheswiththelaboredaccuracyofatrainedminddoingunfamiliarwork,madethebread,redressedatlast,andjoinedhimaboutnineo’clock。 \"It’stoolatetogoanywhere,Isuppose?\"heventured。 \"Yes——andI’mtootired。Besides——wecan’tleaveEddiealone。\" \"Oyes——Iforget。Ofcoursewecan’t。\" Hishandstoleouttotakehers。\"I_am_sorry,dear。It’sawfullyroughonyouwomenouthere。Howdotheyallstandit?\" \"MostofthemstanditmuchbetterthanIdo,Ned。Youseetheydon’twanttobedoinganythingelse。\" \"Yes。That’sthemischiefofit!\"heagreed;andshelookedathimintheclearmoonlight,wonderingexactlywhathethoughtthemischiefwas。 \"Shallwegoinandreadabit?\"heoffered;butshethoughtnot。 \"I’mtootired,I’mafraid。AndEddie’llwakeupassoonaswebegin。\" Sotheysatawhileenjoyingthesoftsilence,andtherichflowerscentsaboutthem,tillEddiedidwakepresently,andIsabelwentupstairs。 Shesleptlittlethatnight,lyingquitestill,listeningtoherhusband’sregularbreathingsonearher,andthelightersoundfromthecrib。\"Iamaveryhappywoman,\"shetoldherselfresolutely;buttherewasnooutpouringsenseofloveandjoy。Sheknewshewashappy,butbynomeansfeltit。Soshestaredatthemoonshadowsandthoughtitover。 Shehadplannedthelittlehouseherself,withsuchlove,suchhope,suchtenderhappycare!Notherfirstwork,whichwonhighpraiseintheschoolinParis,nottheprize—winningplanforthelibrary,nowgracingOrchardina’sprettiestsquare,wasasdeartoherasthismostwomanlytask——themakingofahome。 Itwasthelibrarysuccesswhichbroughtherhere,freshfromherforeignstudies,andOrchardinaacceptedwithwesterncordialitytheyouthandbeautyoftheyoungarchitect,thoughabitsurprisedatfirstthat\"I。H。Wright\"wasanIsabel。Inherfurtherworkofoverseeingtheconstructionofthatlibrary,shehadmetEdgarPorne,oneofthenumerouseageryoungrealestatemenofthatregion,whoshowedaliberalenthusiasmforthegeneralcapacityofwomenintheprofessions,andamuchwarmerfeelingforthepersonalattractionsofthisone。 Togethertheychosethelotonpepper—shadedInezAvenue;togethertheywatchedtherisingoftheconcretewallsandplannedthegardenwalksandseats,andthetinypreciouspoolinthefarcorner。Hewassosympathetic!soadmiring!Hetookasmuchprideinthebig\"drawingroom\"onthethirdfloorasshedidherself。\"Architectureissuchfineworktodoathome!\"theyhadbothagreed。\"Hereyouhaveyournorthlight——yourbigtable——plentyofroomforwork!Youwillgrowfamouserandfamouser,\"hehadlovinglyinsisted。Andshehadanswered,\"IfearIshallbetoocontented,dear,towanttobefamous。\" Thatwasonlysomeyearanda—halfago,——butIsabel,lyingtherebyhersleepinghusbandandsleepingchild,wasstarkawakeandonlybyassertionhappy。Shewasthinking,persistently,ofdust。Shelovedadelicatecleanliness。Herartwasapreciseone,herstudioaworkshopofwhitepaperandfinepointedhardpencils,herpaintingthemechanicalperfectionofanevenwashofcolor。Andshesaw,throughthefloorsandwallsandthedarkness,thedustinthelittleshadedparlor——twodays’dustatleast,andOrchardinaisverydusty!——dustinthedining—roomgatheredsinceyesterday——thedustinthekitchen——shewouldnotcounttimethere,andthedust——hereshecounteditinexorably——thedustofeightdaysinhergreat,lightworkroomupstairs。Eightdayssinceshehadfoundtimetogoupthere。