Toad，ofcourse，wentofftobeddutifullywiththerest——heknewbetterthantorefuse——thoughhewasfeelingmuchtooexcitedtosleep。Buthehadhadalongday，withmanyeventscrowdedintoit；andsheetsandblanketswereveryfriendlyandcomfortingthings，afterplainstraw，andnottoomuchofit，spreadonthestonefloorofadraughtycell；andhisheadhadnotbeenmanysecondsonhispillowbeforehewassnoringhappily。Naturally，hedreamtagooddeal；aboutroadsthatranawayfromhimjustwhenhewantedthem，andcanalsthatchasedhimandcaughthim，andabargethatsailedintothebanqueting-hallwithhisweek’swashing，justashewasgivingadinner-party；andhewasaloneinthesecretpassage，pushingonwards，butittwistedandturnedroundandshookitself，andsatuponitsend；yetsomehow，atthelast，hefoundhimselfbackinToadHall，safeandtriumphant，withallhisfriendsgatheredroundabouthim，earnestlyassuringhimthathereallywasacleverToad。
Heslepttillalatehournextmorning，andbythetimehegotdownhefoundthattheotheranimalshadfinishedtheirbreakfastsometimebefore。TheMolehadslippedoffsomewherebyhimself，withouttellinganyonewherehewasgoingto。TheBadgersatinthearm-chair，readingthepaper，andnotconcerninghimselfintheslightestaboutwhatwasgoingtohappenthatveryevening。
TheRat，ontheotherhand，wasrunningroundtheroombusily，withhisarmsfullofweaponsofeverykind，distributingtheminfourlittleheapsonthefloor，andsayingexcitedlyunderhisbreath，asheran，`Here’s-a-sword-for-the-Rat，here’s-a-sword-
for-theMole，here’s-a-sword-for-the-Toad，here’s-a-sword-
for-the-Badger！Here’s-a-pistol-for-the-Rat，here’s-a-pistol-
for-the-Mole，here’s-a-pistol-for-the-Toad，here’s-a-pistol-for-
the-Badger！’Andsoon，inaregular，rhythmicalway，whilethefourlittleheapsgraduallygrewandgrew。
`That’sallverywell，Rat，’saidtheBadgerpresently，lookingatthebusylittleanimalovertheedgeofhisnewspaper；`I’mnotblamingyou。Butjustletusoncegetpastthestoats，withthosedetestablegunsoftheirs，andIassureyouweshan’twantanyswordsorpistols。Wefour，withoursticks，oncewe’reinsidethedining-hall，why，weshallclearthefloorofallthelotoftheminfiveminutes。I’dhavedonethewholethingbymyself，onlyIdidn’twanttodepriveyoufellowsofthefun！’
`It’saswelltobeonthesafeside，’saidtheRatreflectively，polishingapistol-barrelonhissleeveandlookingalongit。
TheToad，havingfinishedhisbreakfast，pickedupastoutstickandswungitvigorously，belabouringimaginaryanimals。`I’lllearn’emtostealmyhouse！’hecried。`I’lllearn’em，I’lllearn’em！’
`Don’tsay\"learn’em，\"Toad，’saidtheRat，greatlyshocked。
`It’snotgoodEnglish。’
`WhatareyoualwaysnaggingatToadfor？’inquiredtheBadger，ratherpeevishly。`What’sthematterwithhisEnglish？It’sthesamewhatIusemyself，andifit’sgoodenoughforme，itoughttobegoodenoughforyou！’
`I’mverysorry，’saidtheRathumbly。`OnlyITHINKitoughttobe\"teach’em，\"not\"learn’em。\"’
`Butwedon’tWANTtoteach’em，’repliedtheBadger。`WewanttoLEARN’em——learn’em，learn’em！Andwhat’smore，we’regoingtoDOit，too！’
`Oh，verywell，haveityourownway，’saidtheRat。Hewasgettingrathermuddledaboutithimself，andpresentlyheretiredintoacorner，wherehecouldbeheardmuttering，`Learn’em，teach’em，teach’em，learn’em！’tilltheBadgertoldhimrathersharplytoleaveoff。
PresentlytheMolecametumblingintotheroom，evidentlyverypleasedwithhimself。`I’vebeenhavingsuchfun！’hebeganatonce；`I’vebeengettingariseoutofthestoats！’
`Ihopeyou’vebeenverycareful，Mole？’saidtheRatanxiously。
`Ishouldhopeso，too，’saidtheMoleconfidently。`IgottheideawhenIwentintothekitchen，toseeaboutToad’sbreakfastbeingkepthotforhim。Ifoundthatoldwasherwoman-
dressthathecamehomeinyesterday，hangingonatowel-horsebeforethefire。SoIputiton，andthebonnetaswell，andtheshawl，andoffIwenttoToadHall，asboldasyouplease。Thesentrieswereonthelook-out，ofcourse，withtheirgunsandtheir\"Whocomesthere？\"andalltherestoftheirnonsense。
\"Goodmorning，gentlemen！\"saysI，veryrespectful。\"Wantanywashingdoneto-day？\"
`Theylookedatmeveryproudandstiffandhaughty，andsaid，\"Goaway，washerwoman！Wedon’tdoanywashingonduty。\"\"Oranyothertime？\"saysI。Ho，ho，ho！Wasn’tIFUNNY，Toad？’
`Poor，frivolousanimal！’saidToad，veryloftily。Thefactis，hefeltexceedinglyjealousofMoleforwhathehadjustdone。
Itwasexactlywhathewouldhavelikedtohavedonehimself，ifonlyhehadthoughtofitfirst，andhadn’tgoneandoverslepthimself。
`Someofthestoatsturnedquitepink，’continuedtheMole，`andtheSergeantincharge，hesaidtome，veryshort，hesaid，\"Nowrunaway，mygoodwoman，runaway！Don’tkeepmymenidlingandtalkingontheirposts。\"\"Runaway？\"saysI；\"itwon’tbemethat’llberunningaway，inaveryshorttimefromnow！\"’
`OMOLY，howcouldyou？’saidtheRat，dismayed。
TheBadgerlaiddownhispaper。
`Icouldseethemprickinguptheirearsandlookingateachother，’wentontheMole；`andtheSergeantsaidtothem，\"NevermindHER；shedoesn’tknowwhatshe’stalkingabout。\"’
`\"O！don’tI？\"’saidI。`\"Well，letmetellyouthis。Mydaughter，shewashesforMr。Badger，andthat’llshowyouwhetherIknowwhatI’mtalkingabout；andYOU’LLknowprettysoon，too！Ahundredbloodthirstybadgers，armedwithrifles，aregoingtoattackToadHallthisverynight，bywayofthepaddock。
SixboatloadsofRats，withpistolsandcutlasses，willcomeuptheriverandeffectalandinginthegarden；whileapickedbodyofToads，knownattheDie-hards，ortheDeath-or-GloryToads，willstormtheorchardandcarryeverythingbeforethem，yellingforvengeance。Therewon’tbemuchleftofyoutowash，bythetimethey’vedonewithyou，unlessyouclearoutwhileyouhavethechance！\"ThenIranaway，andwhenIwasoutofsightI
hid；andpresentlyIcamecreepingbackalongtheditchandtookapeepatthemthroughthehedge。Theywereallasnervousandflusteredascouldbe，runningallwaysatonce，andfallingovereachother，andeveryonegivingorderstoeverybodyelseandnotlistening；andtheSergeantkeptsendingoffpartiesofstoatstodistantpartsofthegrounds，andthensendingotherfellowstofetch’embackagain；andIheardthemsayingtoeachother，\"That’sjustliketheweasels；they’retostopcomfortablyinthebanqueting-hall，andhavefeastingandtoastsandsongsandallsortsoffun，whilewemuststayonguardinthecoldandthedark，andintheendbecuttopiecesbybloodthirstyBadgers！’\"
`Oh，yousillyass，Mole！’criedToad，`You’vebeenandspoilteverything！’
`Mole，’saidtheBadger，inhisdry，quietway，`Iperceiveyouhavemoresenseinyourlittlefingerthansomeotheranimalshaveinthewholeoftheirfatbodies。Youhavemanagedexcellently，andIbegintohavegreathopesofyou。GoodMole！
CleverMole！’
TheToadwassimplywildwithjealousy，moreespeciallyashecouldn’tmakeoutforthelifeofhimwhattheMolehaddonethatwassoparticularlyclever；but，fortunatelyforhim，beforehecouldshowtemperorexposehimselftotheBadger’ssarcasm，thebellrangforluncheon。
Itwasasimplebutsustainingmeal——baconandbroadbeans，andamacaronipudding；andwhentheyhadquitedone，theBadgersettledhimselfintoanarm-chair，andsaid，`Well，we’vegotourworkcutoutforusto-night，anditwillprobablybeprettylatebeforewe’requitethroughwithit；soI’mjustgoingtotakefortywinks，whileIcan。’Andhedrewahandkerchiefoverhisfaceandwassoonsnoring。
TheanxiousandlaboriousRatatonceresumedhispreparations，andstartedrunningbetweenhisfourlittleheaps，muttering，`Here’s-a-belt-for-the-Rat，here’s-a-belt-for-theMole，here’s-a-
belt-for-the-Toad，here’s-a-belt-for-the-Badger！’andsoon，witheveryfreshaccoutrementheproduced，towhichthereseemedreallynoend；sotheMoledrewhisarmthroughToad’s，ledhimoutintotheopenair，shovedhimintoawickerchair，andmadehimtellhimallhisadventuresfrombeginningtoend，whichToadwasonlytoowillingtodo。TheMolewasagoodlistener，andToad，withnoonetocheckhisstatementsortocriticiseinanunfriendlyspirit，ratherlethimselfgo。Indeed，muchthatherelatedbelongedmoreproperlytothecategoryofwhat-might-
have-happened-had-I-only-thought-of-it-in-time-instead-of-ten-
minutes-afterwards。Thosearealwaysthebestandtheraciestadventures；andwhyshouldtheynotbetrulyours，asmuchasthesomewhatinadequatethingsthatreallycomeoff？
XII
THERETURNOFULYSSES
Whenitbegantogrowdark，theRat，withanairofexcitementandmystery，summonedthembackintotheparlour，stoodeachofthemupalongsideofhislittleheap，andproceededtodressthemupforthecomingexpedition。Hewasveryearnestandthoroughgoingaboutit，andtheaffairtookquitealongtime。
First，therewasabelttogoroundeachanimal，andthenaswordtobestuckintoeachbelt，andthenacutlassontheothersidetobalanceit。Thenapairofpistols，apoliceman’struncheon，severalsetsofhandcuffs，somebandagesandsticking-plaster，andaflaskandasandwich-case。TheBadgerlaughedgood-
humouredlyandsaid，`Allright，Ratty！Itamusesyouanditdoesn’thurtme。I’mgoingtodoallI’vegottodowiththisherestick。’ButtheRatonlysaid，`PLEASE，Badger。
YouknowIshouldn’tlikeyoutoblamemeafterwardsandsayIhadforgottenANYTHING！’
Whenallwasquiteready，theBadgertookadarklanterninonepaw，graspedhisgreatstickwiththeother，andsaid，`Nowthen，followme！Molefirst，`cosI’mverypleasedwithhim；Ratnext；
Toadlast。Andlookhere，Toady！Don’tyouchattersomuchasusual，oryou’llbesentback，assureasfate！’
TheToadwassoanxiousnottobeleftoutthathetookuptheinferiorpositionassignedtohimwithoutamurmur，andtheanimalssetoff。TheBadgerledthemalongbytheriverforalittleway，andthensuddenlyswunghimselfovertheedgeintoaholeintheriver-bank，alittleabovethewater。TheMoleandtheRatfollowedsilently，swingingthemselvessuccessfullyintotheholeastheyhadseentheBadgerdo；butwhenitcametoToad’sturn，ofcoursehemanagedtoslipandfallintothewaterwithaloudsplashandasquealofalarm。Hewashauledoutbyhisfriends，rubbeddownandwrungouthastily，comforted，andsetonhislegs；buttheBadgerwasseriouslyangry，andtoldhimthattheverynexttimehemadeafoolofhimselfhewouldmostcertainlybeleftbehind。
Soatlasttheywereinthesecretpassage，andthecutting-outexpeditionhadreallybegun！
Itwascold，anddark，anddamp，andlow，andnarrow，andpoorToadbegantoshiver，partlyfromdreadofwhatmightbebeforehim，partlybecausehewaswetthrough。Thelanternwasfarahead，andhecouldnothelplaggingbehindalittleinthedarkness。ThenheheardtheRatcalloutwarningly，`COMEon，Toad！’andaterrorseizedhimofbeingleftbehind，aloneinthedarkness，andhe`cameon’withsucharushthatheupsettheRatintotheMoleandtheMoleintotheBadger，andforamomentallwasconfusion。TheBadgerthoughttheywerebeingattackedfrombehind，and，astherewasnoroomtouseastickoracutlass，drewapistol，andwasonthepointofputtingabulletintoToad。Whenhefoundoutwhathadreallyhappenedhewasveryangryindeed，andsaid，`NowthistimethattiresomeToadSHALLbeleftbehind！’
ButToadwhimpered，andtheothertwopromisedthattheywouldbeanswerableforhisgoodconduct，andatlasttheBadgerwaspacified，andtheprocessionmovedon；onlythistimetheRatbroughtuptherear，withafirmgripontheshoulderofToad。
Sotheygropedandshuffledalong，withtheirearsprickedupandtheirpawsontheirpistols，tillatlasttheBadgersaid，`WeoughtbynowtobeprettynearlyundertheHall。’
Thensuddenlytheyheard，farawayasitmightbe，andyetapparentlynearlyovertheirheads，aconfusedmurmurofsound，asifpeoplewereshoutingandcheeringandstampingonthefloorandhammeringontables。TheToad’snervousterrorsallreturned，buttheBadgeronlyremarkedplacidly，`TheyARE
goingit，theWeasels！’
Thepassagenowbegantoslopeupwards；theygropedonwardalittlefurther，andthenthenoisebrokeoutagain，quitedistinctthistime，andverycloseabovethem。`Ooo-ray-ooray-
oo-ray-ooray！’theyheard，andthestampingoflittlefeetonthefloor，andtheclinkingofglassesaslittlefistspoundedonthetable。`WHATatimethey’rehaving！’saidtheBadger。`Comeon！’Theyhurriedalongthepassagetillitcametoafullstop，andtheyfoundthemselvesstandingunderthetrap-doorthatledupintothebutler’spantry。
Suchatremendousnoisewasgoingoninthebanqueting-hallthattherewaslittledangeroftheirbeingoverheard。TheBadgersaid，`Now，boys，alltogether！’andthefourofthemputtheirshoulderstothetrap-doorandheaveditback。Hoistingeachotherup，theyfoundthemselvesstandinginthepantry，withonlyadoorbetweenthemandthebanqueting-hall，wheretheirunconsciousenemieswerecarousing。
Thenoise，astheyemergedfromthepassage，wassimplydeafening。Atlast，asthecheeringandhammeringslowlysubsided，avoicecouldbemadeoutsaying，`Well，Idonotproposetodetainyoumuchlonger’——（greatapplause）——`butbeforeIresumemyseat’——（renewedcheering）——`Ishouldliketosayonewordaboutourkindhost，Mr。Toad。WeallknowToad！’——（greatlaughter）——`GOODToad，MODESTToad，HONESTToad！’
（shrieksofmerriment）。
`Onlyjustletmegetathim！’mutteredToad，grindinghisteeth。
`Holdhardaminute！’saidtheBadger，restraininghimwithdifficulty。`Getready，allofyou！’
`——Letmesingyoualittlesong，’wentonthevoice，`whichI
havecomposedonthesubjectofToad’——（prolongedapplause）。
ThentheChiefWeasel——foritwashe——beganinahigh，squeakyvoice——
`Toadhewenta-pleasuringGailydownthestreet——’
TheBadgerdrewhimselfup，tookafirmgripofhisstickwithbothpaws，glancedroundathiscomrades，andcried——
`Thehouriscome！Followme！’
Andflungthedooropenwide。
My！
Whatasquealingandasqueakingandascreechingfilledtheair！
Wellmighttheterrifiedweaselsdiveunderthetablesandspringmadlyupatthewindows！Wellmighttheferretsrushwildlyforthefireplaceandgethopelesslyjammedinthechimney！Wellmighttablesandchairsbeupset，andglassandchinabesentcrashingonthefloor，inthepanicofthatterriblemomentwhenthefourHeroesstrodewrathfullyintotheroom！ThemightyBadger，hiswhiskersbristling，hisgreatcudgelwhistlingthroughtheair；Mole，blackandgrim，brandishinghisstickandshoutinghisawfulwar-cry，`AMole！AMole！’Rat；desperateanddetermined，hisbeltbulgingwithweaponsofeveryageandeveryvariety；Toad，frenziedwithexcitementandinjuredpride，swollentotwicehisordinarysize，leapingintotheairandemittingToad-whoopsthatchilledthemtothemarrow！`Toadhewenta-pleasuring！’heyelled。`I’LLpleasure’em！’andhewentstraightfortheChiefWeasel。Theywerebutfourinall，buttothepanic-strickenweaselsthehallseemedfullofmonstrousanimals，grey，black，brownandyellow，whoopingandflourishingenormouscudgels；andtheybrokeandfledwithsquealsofterroranddismay，thiswayandthat，throughthewindows，upthechimney，anywheretogetoutofreachofthoseterriblesticks。
Theaffairwassoonover。Upanddown，thewholelengthofthehall，strodethefourFriends，whackingwiththeirsticksateveryheadthatshoweditself；andinfiveminutestheroomwascleared。Throughthebrokenwindowstheshrieksofterrifiedweaselsescapingacrossthelawnwerebornefaintlytotheirears；onthefloorlayprostratesomedozenorsooftheenemy，onwhomtheMolewasbusilyengagedinfittinghandcuffs。TheBadger，restingfromhislabours，leantonhisstickandwipedhishonestbrow。
`Mole，’hesaid，’`you’rethebestoffellows！Justcutalongoutsideandlookafterthosestoat-sentriesofyours，andseewhatthey’redoing。I’veanideathat，thankstoyou，weshan’thavemuchtroublefromthemto-night！’
TheMolevanishedpromptlythroughawindow；andtheBadgerbadetheothertwosetatableonitslegsagain，pickupknivesandforksandplatesandglassesfromthedebrisonthefloor，andseeiftheycouldfindmaterialsforasupper。`Iwantsomegrub，Ido，’hesaid，inthatrathercommonwayhehadofspeaking。`Stiryourstumps，Toad，andlooklively！We’vegotyourhousebackforyou，andyoudon’tofferussomuchasasandwich。’ToadfeltratherhurtthattheBadgerdidn’tsaypleasantthingstohim，ashehadtotheMole，andtellhimwhatafinefellowhewas，andhowsplendidlyhehadfought；forhewasratherparticularlypleasedwithhimselfandthewayhehadgonefortheChiefWeaselandsenthimflyingacrossthetablewithoneblowofhisstick。Buthebustledabout，andsodidtheRat，andsoontheyfoundsomeguavajellyinaglassdish，andacoldchicken，atonguethathadhardlybeentouched，sometrifle，andquitealotoflobstersalad；andinthepantrytheycameuponabasketfulofFrenchrollsandanyquantityofcheese，butter，andcelery。TheywerejustabouttositdownwhentheMoleclamberedinthroughthewindow，chuckling，withanarmfulofrifles。
`It’sallover，’hereported。`FromwhatIcanmakeout，assoonasthestoats，whowereverynervousandjumpyalready，heardtheshrieksandtheyellsandtheuproarinsidethehall，someofthemthrewdowntheirriflesandfled。Theothersstoodfastforabit，butwhentheweaselscamerushingoutuponthemtheythoughttheywerebetrayed；andthestoatsgrappledwiththeweasels，andtheweaselsfoughttogetaway，andtheywrestledandwriggledandpunchedeachother，androlledoverandover，tillmostof’emrolledintotheriver！They’vealldisappearedbynow，onewayoranother；andI’vegottheirrifles。Sothat’sallright！’
`Excellentanddeservinganimal！’saidtheBadger，hismouthfullofchickenandtrifle。`Now，there’sjustonemorethingIwantyoutodo，Mole，beforeyousitdowntoyoursupperalongofus；
andIwouldn’ttroubleyouonlyIknowIcantrustyoutoseeathingdone，andIwishIcouldsaythesameofeveryoneIknow。
I’dsendRat，ifhewasn’tapoet。Iwantyoutotakethosefellowsonthefloorthereupstairswithyou，andhavesomebedroomscleanedoutandtidiedupandmadereallycomfortable。
SeethattheysweepUNDERthebeds，andputcleansheetsandpillow-caseson，andturndownonecornerofthebed-clothes，justasyouknowitoughttobedone；andhaveacanofhotwater，andcleantowels，andfreshcakesofsoap，putineachroom。Andthenyoucangivethemalickinga-piece，ifit’sanysatisfactiontoyou，andputthemoutbytheback-door，andweshan’tseeanymoreofTHEM，Ifancy。Andthencomealongandhavesomeofthiscoldtongue。It’sfirstrate。I’mverypleasedwithyou，Mole！’
ThegoodnaturedMolepickedupastick，formedhisprisonersupinalineonthefloor，gavethemtheorder`Quickmarch！’andledhissquadofftotheupperfloor。Afteratime，heappearedagain，smiling，andsaidthateveryroomwasready，andascleanasanewpin。`AndIdidn’thavetolickthem，either，’
headded。`Ithought，onthewhole，theyhadhadlickingenoughforonenight，andtheweasels，whenIputthepointtothem，quiteagreedwithme，andsaidtheywouldn’tthinkoftroublingme。Theywereverypenitent，andsaidtheywereextremelysorryforwhattheyhaddone。butitwasallthefaultoftheChiefWeaselandthestoats，andifevertheycoulddoanythingforusatanytimetomakeup，wehadonlygottomentionit。SoIgavethemarolla-piece，andletthemoutattheback，andofftheyran，ashardastheycould！’
ThentheMolepulledhischairuptothetable，andpitchedintothecoldtongue；andToad，likethegentlemanhewas，putallhisjealousyfromhim，andsaidheartily，`Thankyoukindly，dearMole，forallyourpainsandtroubletonight，andespeciallyforyourclevernessthismorning！’TheBadgerwaspleasedatthat，andsaid，`TherespokemybraveToad！’Sotheyfinishedtheirsupperingreatjoyandcontentment，andpresentlyretiredtorestbetweencleansheets，safeinToad’sancestralhome，wonbackbymatchlessvalour，consummatestrategy，andaproperhandlingofsticks。
Thefollowingmorning，Toad，whohadoverslepthimselfasusual，camedowntobreakfastdisgracefullylate，andfoundonthetableacertainquantityofegg-shells，somefragmentsofcoldandleatherytoast，acoffee-potthree-fourthsempty，andreallyverylittleelse；whichdidnottendtoimprovehistemper，consideringthat，afterall，itwashisownhouse。ThroughtheFrenchwindowsofthebreakfast-roomhecouldseetheMoleandtheWaterRatsittinginwicker-chairsoutonthelawn，evidentlytellingeachotherstories；roaringwithlaughterandkickingtheirshortlegsupintheair。TheBadger，whowasinanarm-
chairanddeepinthemorningpaper，merelylookedupandnoddedwhenToadenteredtheroom。ButToadknewhisman，sohesatdownandmadethebestbreakfasthecould，merelyobservingtohimselfthathewouldgetsquarewiththeotherssoonerorlater。
Whenhehadnearlyfinished，theBadgerlookedupandremarkedrathershortly：`I’msorry，Toad，butI’mafraidthere’saheavymorning’sworkinfrontofyou。Yousee，wereallyoughttohaveaBanquetatonce，tocelebratethisaffair。It’sexpectedofyou——infact，it’stherule。’
`O，allright！’saidtheToad，readily。`Anythingtooblige。
ThoughwhyonearthyoushouldwanttohaveaBanquetinthemorningIcannotunderstand。ButyouknowIdonotlivetopleasemyself，butmerelytofindoutwhatmyfriendswant，andthentryandarrangeitfor’em，youdearoldBadger！’
`Don’tpretendtobestupiderthanyoureallyare，’repliedtheBadger，crossly；`anddon’tchuckleandsplutterinyourcoffeewhileyou’retalking；it’snotmanners。WhatImeanis，theBanquetwillbeatnight，ofcourse，buttheinvitationswillhavetobewrittenandgotoffatonce，andyou’vegottowrite’em。Now，sitdownatthattable——there’sstacksofletter-paperonit，with\"ToadHall\"atthetopinblueandgold——andwriteinvitationstoallourfriends，andifyousticktoitweshallgetthemoutbeforeluncheon。AndI’LLbearahand，too；andtakemyshareoftheburden。I’LLordertheBanquet。’
`What！’criedToad，dismayed。`Mestopindoorsandwritealotofrottenlettersonajollymorninglikethis，whenIwanttogoaroundmyproperty，andseteverythingandeverybodytorights，andswaggeraboutandenjoymyself！Certainlynot！I’llbe——I’llseeyou————Stopaminute，though！Why，ofcourse，dearBadger！Whatismypleasureorconveniencecomparedwiththatofothers！Youwishitdone，anditshallbedone。Go，Badger，ordertheBanquet，orderwhatyoulike；thenjoinouryoungfriendsoutsideintheirinnocentmirth，obliviousofmeandmycaresandtoils。Isacrificethisfairmorningonthealtarofdutyandfriendship！’
TheBadgerlookedathimverysuspiciously，butToad’sfrank，opencountenancemadeitdifficulttosuggestanyunworthymotiveinthischangeofattitude。Hequittedtheroom，accordingly，inthedirectionofthekitchen，andassoonasthedoorhadclosedbehindhim，Toadhurriedtothewriting-table。Afineideahadoccurredtohimwhilehewastalking。HeWOULDwritetheinvitations；andhewouldtakecaretomentiontheleadingparthehadtakeninthefight，andhowhehadlaidtheChiefWeaselflat；andhewouldhintathisadventures，andwhatacareeroftriumphhehadtotellabout；andonthefly-leafhewouldsetoutasortofaprogrammeofentertainmentfortheevening——
somethinglikethis，ashesketcheditoutinhishead：——
SPEECH……BYTOAD。
（TherewillbeotherspeechesbyTOADduringtheevening。）
ADDRESS……BYTOAD
SYNOPSIS——OurPrisonSystem——theWaterwaysofOldEngland——Horse-
dealing，andhowtodeal——Property，itsrightsanditsduties——
BacktotheLand——ATypicalEnglishSquire。
SONG……BYTOAD。
（Composedbyhimself。）
OTHERCOMPOSITIONS。BYTOAD
willbesunginthecourseoftheeveningbythe……COMPOSER。
Theideapleasedhimmightly，andheworkedveryhardandgotallthelettersfinishedbynoon，atwhichhouritwasreportedtohimthattherewasasmallandratherbedraggledweaselatthedoor，inquiringtimidlywhetherhecouldbeofanyservicetothegentlemen。Toadswaggeredoutandfounditwasoneoftheprisonersofthepreviousevening，veryrespectfulandanxioustoplease。Hepattedhimonthehead，shovedthebundleofinvitationsintohispaw，andtoldhimtocutalongquickanddeliverthemasfastashecould，andifhelikedtocomebackagainintheevening，perhapstheremightbeashillingforhim，or，again，perhapstheremightn’t；andthepoorweaselseemedreallyquitegrateful，andhurriedoffeagerlytodohismission。
Whentheotheranimalscamebacktoluncheon，veryboisterousandbreezyafteramorningontheriver，theMole，whoseconsciencehadbeenprickinghim，lookeddoubtfullyatToad，expectingtofindhimsulkyordepressed。Instead，hewassouppishandinflatedthattheMolebegantosuspectsomething；whiletheRatandtheBadgerexchangedsignificantglances。
Assoonasthemealwasover，Toadthrusthispawsdeepintohistrouser-pockets，remarkedcasually，`Well，lookafteryourselves，youfellows！Askforanythingyouwant！’andwasswaggeringoffinthedirectionofthegarden，wherehewantedtothinkoutanideaortwoforhiscomingspeeches，whentheRatcaughthimbythearm。
Toadrathersuspectedwhathewasafter，anddidhisbesttogetaway；butwhentheBadgertookhimfirmlybytheotherarmhebegantoseethatthegamewasup。Thetwoanimalsconductedhimbetweenthemintothesmallsmoking-roomthatopenedoutoftheentrance-hall，shutthedoor，andputhimintoachair。Thentheybothstoodinfrontofhim，whileToadsatsilentandregardedthemwithmuchsuspicionandill-humour。
`Now，lookhere，Toad，’saidtheRat。`It’saboutthisBanquet，andverysorryIamtohavetospeaktoyoulikethis。Butwewantyoutounderstandclearly，onceandforall，thattherearegoingtobenospeechesandnosongs。Tryandgraspthefactthatonthisoccasionwe’renotarguingwithyou；we’rejusttellingyou。’
Toadsawthathewastrapped。Theyunderstoodhim，theysawthroughhim，theyhadgotaheadofhim。Hispleasantdreamwasshattered。
`Mayn’tIsingthemjustoneLITTLEsong？’hepleadedpiteously。
`No，notONElittlesong，’repliedtheRatfirmly，thoughhisheartbledashenoticedthetremblinglipofthepoordisappointedToad。`It’snogood，Toady；youknowwellthatyoursongsareallconceitandboastingandvanity；andyourspeechesareallself-praiseand——and——well，andgrossexaggerationand——
and————’
`Andgas，’putintheBadger，inhiscommonway。
`It’sforyourowngood，Toady，’wentontheRat。`YouknowyouMUSTturnoveranewleafsoonerorlater，andnowseemsasplendidtimetobegin；asortofturning-pointinyourcareer。
Pleasedon’tthinkthatsayingallthisdoesn’thurtmemorethanithurtsyou。’
Toadremainedalongwhileplungedinthought。Atlastheraisedhishead，andthetracesofstrongemotionwerevisibleonhisfeatures。`Youhaveconquered，myfriends，’hesaidinbrokenaccents。`Itwas，tobesure，butasmallthingthatIasked——
merelyleavetoblossomandexpandforyetonemoreevening，toletmyselfgoandhearthetumultuousapplausethatalwaysseemstome——somehow——tobringoutmybestqualities。However，youareright，Iknow，andIamwrong。HenceforthIwillbeaverydifferentToad。Myfriends，youshallneverhaveoccasiontoblushformeagain。But，Odear，Odear，thisisahardworld！’
And，pressinghishandkerchieftohisface，helefttheroom，withfalteringfootsteps。
`Badger，’saidtheRat，`_I_feellikeabrute；IwonderwhatYOUfeellike？’
`O，Iknow，Iknow，’saidtheBadgergloomily。`Butthethinghadtobedone。Thisgoodfellowhasgottolivehere，andholdhisown，andberespected。Wouldyouhavehimacommonlaughing-
stock，mockedandjeeredatbystoatsandweasels？’
`Ofcoursenot，’saidtheRat。`And，talkingofweasels，it’sluckywecameuponthatlittleweasel，justashewassettingoutwithToad’sinvitations。Isuspectedsomethingfromwhatyoutoldme，andhadalookatoneortwo；theyweresimplydisgraceful。Iconfiscatedthelot，andthegoodMoleisnowsittingintheblueboudoir，fillingupplain，simpleinvitationcards。’
*****
Atlastthehourforthebanquetbegantodrawnear，andToad，whoonleavingtheothershadretiredtohisbedroom，wasstillsittingthere，melancholyandthoughtful。Hisbrowrestingonhispaw，heponderedlonganddeeply。Graduallyhiscountenancecleared，andhebegantosmilelong，slowsmiles。
Thenhetooktogigglinginashy，self-consciousmanner。Atlasthegotup，lockedthedoor，drewthecurtainsacrossthewindows，collectedallthechairsintheroomandarrangedtheminasemicircle，andtookuphispositioninfrontofthem，swellingvisibly。Thenhebowed，coughedtwice，and，lettinghimselfgo，withupliftedvoicehesang，totheenrapturedaudiencethathisimaginationsoclearlysaw，TOAD’SLASTLITTLESONG！
TheToad——came——home！
Therewaspanicintheparloursandbowlinginthehalls，Therewascryinginthecow-shedsandshriekinginthestalls，WhentheToad——came——home！
WhentheToad——came——home！
Therewassmashinginofwindowandcrashinginofdoor，Therewaschivvyingofweaselsthatfaintedonthefloor，WhentheToad——came——home！
Bang！gothedrums！
Thetrumpetersaretootingandthesoldiersaresaluting，Andthecannontheyareshootingandthemotor-carsarehooting，Asthe——Hero——comes！
Shout——Hoo-ray！
Andleteachoneofthecrowdtryandshoutitveryloud，Inhonourofananimalofwhomyou’rejustlyproud，Forit’sToad’s——great——day！
Hesangthisveryloud，withgreatunctionandexpression；andwhenhehaddone，hesangitalloveragain。
Thenheheavedadeepsigh；along，long，longsigh。
Thenhedippedhishairbrushinthewater-jug，partedhishairinthemiddle，andplastereditdownverystraightandsleekoneachsideofhisface；and，unlockingthedoor，wentquietlydownthestairstogreethisguests，whoheknewmustbeassemblinginthedrawing-room。
Alltheanimalscheeredwhenheentered，andcrowdedroundtocongratulatehimandsaynicethingsabouthiscourage，andhiscleverness，andhisfightingqualities；butToadonlysmiledfaintly，andmurmured，`Notatall！’Or，sometimes，forachange，`Onthecontrary！’Otter，whowasstandingonthehearthrug，describingtoanadmiringcircleoffriendsexactlyhowhewouldhavemanagedthingshadhebeenthere，cameforwardwithashout，threwhisarmroundToad’sneck，andtriedtotakehimroundtheroomintriumphalprogress；butToad，inamildway，wasrathersnubbytohim，remarkinggently，ashedisengagedhimself，`Badger’swasthemastermind；theMoleandtheWaterRatborethebruntofthefighting；Imerelyservedintheranksanddidlittleornothing。’Theanimalswereevidentlypuzzledandtakenabackbythisunexpectedattitudeofhis；andToadfelt，ashemovedfromoneguesttotheother，makinghismodestresponses，thathewasanobjectofabsorbinginteresttoeveryone。
TheBadgerhadorderedeverythingofthebest，andthebanquetwasagreatsuccess。Therewasmuchtalkingandlaughterandchaffamongtheanimals，butthroughitallToad，whoofcoursewasinthechair，lookeddownhisnoseandmurmuredpleasantnothingstotheanimalsoneithersideofhim。AtintervalshestoleaglanceattheBadgerandtheRat，andalwayswhenhelookedtheywerestaringateachotherwiththeirmouthsopen；
andthisgavehimthegreatestsatisfaction。Someoftheyoungerandlivelieranimals，astheeveningworeon，gotwhisperingtoeachotherthatthingswerenotsoamusingastheyusedtobeinthegoodolddays；andthereweresomeknockingsonthetableandcriesof`Toad！Speech！SpeechfromToad！Song！Mr。Toad’ssong！’ButToadonlyshookhisheadgently，raisedonepawinmildprotest，and，bypressingdelicaciesonhisguests，bytopicalsmall-talk，andbyearnestinquiriesaftermembersoftheirfamiliesnotyetoldenoughtoappearatsocialfunctions，managedtoconveytothemthatthisdinnerwasbeingrunonstrictlyconventionallines。
HewasindeedanalteredToad！
*****
Afterthisclimax，thefouranimalscontinuedtoleadtheirlives，sorudelybrokeninuponbycivilwar，ingreatjoyandcontentment，undisturbedbyfurtherrisingsorinvasions。Toad，afterdueconsultationwithhisfriends，selectedahandsomegoldchainandlocketsetwithpearls，whichhedispatchedtothegaoler’sdaughterwithaletterthateventheBadgeradmittedtobemodest，grateful，andappreciative；andtheengine-driver，inhisturn，wasproperlythankedandcompensatedforallhispainsandtrouble。UnderseverecompulsionfromtheBadger，eventhebarge-womanwas，withsometrouble，soughtoutandthevalueofherhorsediscreetlymadegoodtoher；thoughToadkickedterriblyatthis，holdinghimselftobeaninstrumentofFate，senttopunishfatwomenwithmottledarmswhocouldn’ttellarealgentlemanwhentheysawone。Theamountinvolved，itwastrue，wasnotveryburdensome，thegipsy’svaluationbeingadmittedbylocalassessorstobeapproximatelycorrect。
Sometimes，inthecourseoflongsummerevenings，thefriendswouldtakeastrolltogetherintheWildWood，nowsuccessfullytamedsofarastheywereconcerned；anditwaspleasingtoseehowrespectfullytheyweregreetedbytheinhabitants，andhowthemother-weaselswouldbringtheiryoungonestothemouthsoftheirholes，andsay，pointing，`Look，baby！TheregoesthegreatMr。Toad！Andthat’sthegallantWaterRat，aterriblefighter，walkingalongo’him！AndyondercomesthefamousMr。Mole，ofwhomyousooftenhaveheardyourfathertell！’Butwhentheirinfantswerefractiousandquitebeyondcontrol，theywouldquietthembytellinghow，iftheydidn’thushthemandnotfretthem，theterriblegreyBadgerwouldupandgetthem。ThiswasabaselibelonBadger，who，thoughhecaredlittleaboutSociety，wasratherfondofchildren；butitneverfailedtohaveitsfulleffect。
