ACTISCENEI。DUKEORSINO’spalace。EnterDUKEORSINO，CURIO，andotherLords；MusiciansattendingDUKEORSINOIfmusicbethefoodoflove，playon；
Givemeexcessofit，that，surfeiting，Theappetitemaysicken，andsodie。
Thatstrainagain！ithadadyingfall：
O，itcameo’ermyearlikethesweetsound，Thatbreathesuponabankofviolets，Stealingandgivingodour！Enough；nomore：
’Tisnotsosweetnowasitwasbefore。
Ospiritoflove！howquickandfreshartthou，That，notwithstandingthycapacityReceivethasthesea，noughtentersthere，Ofwhatvalidityandpitchsoe’er，Butfallsintoabatementandlowprice，Eveninaminute：sofullofshapesisfancyThatitaloneishighfantastical。CURIOWillyougohunt，mylord？DUKEORSINOWhat，Curio？CURIOThehart。DUKEORSINOWhy，soIdo，thenoblestthatIhave：
O，whenmineeyesdidseeOliviafirst，Methoughtshepurgedtheairofpestilence！
ThatinstantwasIturn’dintoahart；
Andmydesires，likefellandcruelhounds，E’ersincepursueme。
EnterVALENTINE
Hownow！whatnewsfromher？VALENTINESopleasemylord，Imightnotbeadmitted；
Butfromherhandmaiddoreturnthisanswer：
Theelementitself，tillsevenyears’heat，Shallnotbeholdherfaceatampleview；
But，likeacloistress，shewillveiledwalkAndwateronceadayherchamberroundWitheye-offendingbrine：allthistoseasonAbrother’sdeadlove，whichshewouldkeepfreshAndlastinginhersadremembrance。DUKEORSINOO，shethathathaheartofthatfineframeTopaythisdebtoflovebuttoabrother，Howwillshelove，whentherichgoldenshaftHathkill’dtheflockofallaffectionselseThatliveinher；whenliver，brainandheart，Thesesovereignthrones，areallsupplied，andfill’dHersweetperfectionswithoneselfking！
Awaybeforemetosweetbedsofflowers：
Love-thoughtslierichwhencanopiedwithbowers。
ExeuntSCENEII。Thesea-coast。EnterVIOLA，aCaptain，andSailorsVIOLAWhatcountry，friends，isthis？CaptainThisisIllyria，lady。VIOLAAndwhatshouldIdoinIllyria？
MybrotherheisinElysium。
Perchanceheisnotdrown’d：whatthinkyou，sailors？CaptainItisperchancethatyouyourselfweresaved。VIOLAOmypoorbrother！andsoperchancemayhebe。CaptainTrue，madam：and，tocomfortyouwithchance，Assureyourself，afterourshipdidsplit，WhenyouandthosepoornumbersavedwithyouHungonourdrivingboat，Isawyourbrother，Mostprovidentinperil，bindhimself，Courageandhopebothteachinghimthepractise，Toastrongmastthatliveduponthesea；
Where，likeAriononthedolphin’sback，IsawhimholdacquaintancewiththewavesSolongasIcouldsee。VIOLAForsayingso，there’sgold：
Mineownescapeunfoldethtomyhope，Wheretothyspeechservesforauthority，Thelikeofhim。Know’stthouthiscountry？CaptainAy，madam，well；forIwasbredandbornNotthreehours’travelfromthisveryplace。VIOLAWhogovernshere？CaptainAnobleduke，innatureasinname。VIOLAWhatisthename？CaptainOrsino。VIOLAOrsino！Ihaveheardmyfathernamehim：
Hewasabachelorthen。CaptainAndsoisnow，orwassoverylate；
ForbutamonthagoIwentfromhence，Andthen’twasfreshinmurmur，——as，youknow，Whatgreatonesdothelesswillprattleof，——
ThathedidseektheloveoffairOlivia。VIOLAWhat’sshe？CaptainAvirtuousmaid，thedaughterofacountThatdiedsometwelvemonthsince，thenleavingherIntheprotectionofhisson，herbrother，Whoshortlyalsodied：forwhosedearlove，Theysay，shehathabjuredthecompanyAndsightofmen。VIOLAOthatIservedthatladyAndmightnotbedeliveredtotheworld，TillIhadmademineownoccasionmellow，Whatmyestateis！CaptainThatwerehardtocompass；
Becauseshewilladmitnokindofsuit，No，nottheduke’s。VIOLAThereisafairbehaviorinthee，captain；
AndthoughthatnaturewithabeauteouswallDothoftcloseinpollution，yetoftheeIwillbelievethouhastamindthatsuitsWiththisthyfairandoutwardcharacter。
Iprithee，andI’llpaytheebounteously，ConcealmewhatIam，andbemyaidForsuchdisguiseashaplyshallbecomeTheformofmyintent。I’llservethisduke：
Thoushallpresentmeasaneunuchtohim：
Itmaybeworththypains；forIcansingAndspeaktohiminmanysortsofmusicThatwillallowmeveryworthhisservice。
WhatelsemayhaptotimeIwillcommit；
Onlyshapethouthysilencetomywit。CaptainBeyouhiseunuch，andyourmuteI’llbe：
Whenmytongueblabs，thenletmineeyesnotsee。VIOLAIthankthee：leadmeon。
ExeuntSCENEIII。OLIVIA’Shouse。EnterSIRTOBYBELCHandMARIASIRTOBYBELCHWhataplaguemeansmyniece，totakethedeathofherbrotherthus？Iamsurecare’sanenemytolife。MARIABymytroth，SirToby，youmustcomeinearliero’
nights：yourcousin，mylady，takesgreatexceptionstoyourillhours。SIRTOBYBELCHWhy，letherexcept，beforeexcepted。MARIAAy，butyoumustconfineyourselfwithinthemodestlimitsoforder。SIRTOBYBELCHConfine！I’llconfinemyselfnofinerthanIam：
theseclothesaregoodenoughtodrinkin；andsobethesebootstoo：antheybenot，letthemhangthemselvesintheirownstraps。MARIAThatquaffinganddrinkingwillundoyou：
Iheardmyladytalkofityesterday；andofafoolishknightthatyoubroughtinonenightheretobeherwooer。SIRTOBYBELCHWho，SirAndrewAguecheek？MARIAAy，he。SIRTOBYBELCHHe’sastallamanasany’sinIllyria。MARIAWhat’sthattothepurpose？SIRTOBYBELCHWhy，hehasthreethousandducatsayear。MARIAAy，buthe’llhavebutayearinalltheseducats：
he’saveryfoolandaprodigal。SIRTOBYBELCHFie，thatyou’llsayso！heplayso’theviol-de-gamboys，andspeaksthreeorfourlanguageswordforwordwithoutbook，andhathallthegoodgiftsofnature。MARIAHehathindeed，almostnatural：forbesidesthathe’safool，he’sagreatquarreller：andbutthathehaththegiftofacowardtoallaythegusthehathinquarrelling，’tisthoughtamongtheprudenthewouldquicklyhavethegiftofagrave。SIRTOBYBELCHBythishand，theyarescoundrelsandsubtractorsthatsaysoofhim。Whoarethey？MARIATheythatadd，moreover，he’sdrunknightlyinyourcompany。SIRTOBYBELCHWithdrinkinghealthstomyniece：I’lldrinktoheraslongasthereisapassageinmythroatanddrinkinIllyria：he’sacowardandacoystrillthatwillnotdrinktomyniecetillhisbrainsturno’thetoelikeaparish-top。What，wench！
Castilianovulgo！forherecomesSirAndrewAgueface。
EnterSIRANDREWSIRANDREWSirTobyBelch！hownow，SirTobyBelch！SIRTOBYBELCHSweetSirAndrew！SIRANDREWBlessyou，fairshrew。MARIAAndyoutoo，sir。SIRTOBYBELCHAccost，SirAndrew，accost。SIRANDREWWhat’sthat？SIRTOBYBELCHMyniece’schambermaid。SIRANDREWGoodMistressAccost，Idesirebetteracquaintance。MARIAMynameisMary，sir。SIRANDREWGoodMistressMaryAccost，——SIRTOBYBELCHYoumistake，knight；’accost’isfronther，boardher，wooher，assailher。SIRANDREWBymytroth，Iwouldnotundertakeherinthiscompany。Isthatthemeaningof’accost’？MARIAFareyouwell，gentlemen。SIRTOBYBELCHAnthouletpartso，SirAndrew，wouldthoumightstneverdrawswordagain。SIRANDREWAnyoupartso，mistress，IwouldImightneverdrawswordagain。Fairlady，doyouthinkyouhavefoolsinhand？MARIASir，Ihavenotyoubythehand。SIRANDREWMarry，butyoushallhave；andhere’smyhand。MARIANow，sir，’thoughtisfree：’Iprayyou，bringyourhandtothebuttery-barandletitdrink。SIRANDREWWherefore，sweet-heart？what’syourmetaphor？MARIAIt’sdry，sir。SIRANDREWWhy，Ithinkso：IamnotsuchanassbutIcankeepmyhanddry。Butwhat’syourjest？MARIAAdryjest，sir。SIRANDREWAreyoufullofthem？MARIAAy，sir，Ihavethematmyfingers’ends：
marry，nowIletgoyourhand，Iambarren。
ExitSIRTOBYBELCHOknightthoulackestacupofcanary：
whendidI
seetheesoputdown？SIRANDREWNeverinyourlife，Ithink；unlessyouseecanaryputmedown。MethinkssometimesIhavenomorewitthanaChristianoranordinarymanhas：butI
amagreateaterofbeefandIbelievethatdoesharmtomywit。SIRTOBYBELCHNoquestion。SIRANDREWAnIthoughtthat，I’ldforswearit。I’llridehometo-morrow，SirToby。SIRTOBYBELCHPourquoi，mydearknight？SIRANDREWWhatis’Pourquoi’？doornotdo？IwouldIhadbestowedthattimeinthetonguesthatIhaveinfencing，dancingandbear-baiting：O，hadIbutfollowedthearts！SIRTOBYBELCHThenhadstthouhadanexcellentheadofhair。SIRANDREWWhy，wouldthathavemendedmyhair？SIRTOBYBELCHPastquestion；forthouseestitwillnotcurlbynature。SIRANDREWButitbecomesmewellenough，does’tnot？SIRTOBYBELCHExcellent；ithangslikeflaxonadistaff；
andI
hopetoseeahousewifetaketheebetweenherlegsandspinitoff。SIRANDREWFaith，I’llhometo-morrow，SirToby：
yourniecewillnotbeseen；orifshebe，it’sfourtooneshe’llnoneofme：thecounthimselfherehardbywoosher。SIRTOBYBELCHShe’llnoneo’thecount：she’llnotmatchaboveherdegree，neitherinestate，years，norwit；
I
haveheardherswear’t。Tut，there’slifein’t，man。SIRANDREWI’llstayamonthlonger。Iamafellowo’thestrangestmindi’theworld；Idelightinmasquesandrevelssometimesaltogether。SIRTOBYBELCHArtthougoodatthesekickshawses，knight？SIRANDREWAsanymaninIllyria，whatsoeverhebe，underthedegreeofmybetters；andyetIwillnotcomparewithanoldman。SIRTOBYBELCHWhatisthyexcellenceinagalliard，knight？SIRANDREWFaith，Icancutacaper。SIRTOBYBELCHAndIcancutthemuttonto’t。SIRANDREWAndIthinkIhavetheback-tricksimplyasstrongasanymaninIllyria。SIRTOBYBELCHWhereforearethesethingshid？whereforehavethesegiftsacurtainbefore’em？aretheyliketotakedust，likeMistressMall’spicture？whydostthounotgotochurchinagalliardandcomehomeinacoranto？Myverywalkshouldbeajig；Iwouldnotsomuchasmakewaterbutinasink-a-pace。Whatdostthoumean？Isitaworldtohidevirtuesin？
Ididthink，bytheexcellentconstitutionofthyleg，itwasformedunderthestarofagalliard。SIRANDREWAy，’tisstrong，anditdoesindifferentwellinaflame-colouredstock。Shallwesetaboutsomerevels？SIRTOBYBELCHWhatshallwedoelse？werewenotbornunderTaurus？SIRANDREWTaurus！That’ssidesandheart。SIRTOBYBELCHNo，sir；itislegsandthighs。Letmeseethecaper；ha！higher：ha，ha！excellent！
ExeuntSCENEIV。DUKEORSINO’spalace。EnterVALENTINEandVIOLAinman’sattireVALENTINEIfthedukecontinuethesefavourstowardsyou，Cesario，youareliketobemuchadvanced：hehathknownyoubutthreedays，andalreadyyouarenostranger。VIOLAYoueitherfearhishumourormynegligence，thatyoucallinquestionthecontinuanceofhislove：
isheinconstant，sir，inhisfavours？VALENTINENo，believeme。VIOLAIthankyou。Herecomesthecount。
EnterDUKEORSINO，CURIO，andAttendantsDUKEORSINOWhosawCesario，ho？VIOLAOnyourattendance，mylord；here。DUKEORSINOStandyouawhilealoof，Cesario，Thouknow’stnolessbutall；Ihaveunclasp’dTotheethebookevenofmysecretsoul：
Therefore，goodyouth，addressthygaituntoher；
Benotdeniedaccess，standatherdoors，Andtellthem，therethyfixedfootshallgrowTillthouhaveaudience。VIOLASure，mynoblelord，Ifshebesoabandon’dtohersorrowAsitisspoke，sheneverwilladmitme。DUKEORSINOBeclamorousandleapallcivilboundsRatherthanmakeunprofitedreturn。VIOLASayIdospeakwithher，mylord，whatthen？DUKEORSINOO，thenunfoldthepassionofmylove，Surpriseherwithdiscourseofmydearfaith：
Itshallbecometheewelltoactmywoes；
ShewillattenditbetterinthyyouthThaninanuncio’sofmoregraveaspect。VIOLAIthinknotso，mylord。DUKEORSINODearlad，believeit；
Fortheyshallyetbeliethyhappyyears，Thatsaythouartaman：Diana’slipIsnotmoresmoothandrubious；thysmallpipeIsasthemaiden’sorgan，shrillandsound，Andallissemblativeawoman’spart。
IknowthyconstellationisrightaptForthisaffair。Somefourorfiveattendhim；
All，ifyouwill；forImyselfambestWhenleastincompany。Prosperwellinthis，Andthoushaltliveasfreelyasthylord，Tocallhisfortunesthine。VIOLAI’lldomybestTowooyourlady：
Asideyet，abarfulstrife！
Whoe’erIwoo，myselfwouldbehiswife。
ExeuntSCENEV。OLIVIA’Shouse。EnterMARIAandClownMARIANay，eithertellmewherethouhastbeen，orIwillnotopenmylipssowideasabristlemayenterinwayofthyexcuse：myladywillhangtheeforthyabsence。ClownLetherhangme：hethatiswellhangedinthisworldneedstofearnocolours。MARIAMakethatgood。ClownHeshallseenonetofear。MARIAAgoodlentenanswer：Icantelltheewherethatsayingwasborn，of’Ifearnocolours。’ClownWhere，goodMistressMary？MARIAInthewars；andthatmayyoubeboldtosayinyourfoolery。ClownWell，Godgivethemwisdomthathaveit；
andthosethatarefools，letthemusetheirtalents。MARIAYetyouwillbehangedforbeingsolongabsent；or，tobeturnedaway，isnotthatasgoodasahangingtoyou？ClownManyagoodhangingpreventsabadmarriage；
and，forturningaway，letsummerbearitout。MARIAYouareresolute，then？ClownNotso，neither；butIamresolvedontwopoints。MARIAThatifonebreak，theotherwillhold；
or，ifbothbreak，yourgaskinsfall。ClownApt，ingoodfaith；veryapt。Well，gothyway；ifSirTobywouldleavedrinking，thouwertaswittyapieceofEve’sfleshasanyinIllyria。MARIAPeace，yourogue，nomoreo’that。Herecomesmylady：makeyourexcusewisely，youwerebest。
ExitClownWit，an’tbethywill，putmeintogoodfooling！
Thosewits，thatthinktheyhavethee，doveryoftprovefools；andI，thatamsureIlackthee，maypassforawiseman：forwhatsaysQuinapalus？
’Betterawittyfool，thanafoolishwit。’
EnterOLIVIAwithMALVOLIO
Godblessthee，lady！OLIVIATakethefoolaway。ClownDoyounothear，fellows？Takeawaythelady。OLIVIAGoto，you’readryfool；I’llnomoreofyou：
besides，yougrowdishonest。ClownTwofaults，madonna，thatdrinkandgoodcounselwillamend：forgivethedryfooldrink，thenisthefoolnotdry：bidthedishonestmanmendhimself；ifhemend，heisnolongerdishonest；
ifhecannot，letthebotchermendhim。Anythingthat’smendedisbutpatched：virtuethattransgressesisbutpatchedwithsin；andsinthatamendsisbutpatchedwithvirtue。Ifthatthissimplesyllogismwillserve，so；ifitwillnot，whatremedy？Asthereisnotruecuckoldbutcalamity，sobeauty’saflower。Theladybadetakeawaythefool；therefore，Isayagain，takeheraway。OLIVIASir，Ibadethemtakeawayyou。ClownMisprisioninthehighestdegree！Lady，cucullusnonfacitmonachum；that’sasmuchtosayasIwearnotmotleyinmybrain。Goodmadonna，givemeleavetoproveyouafool。OLIVIACanyoudoit？ClownDexterously，goodmadonna。OLIVIAMakeyourproof。ClownImustcatechiseyouforit，madonna：
goodmymouseofvirtue，answerme。OLIVIAWell，sir，forwantofotheridleness，I’llbideyourproof。ClownGoodmadonna，whymournestthou？OLIVIAGoodfool，formybrother’sdeath。ClownIthinkhissoulisinhell，madonna。OLIVIAIknowhissoulisinheaven，fool。ClownThemorefool，madonna，tomournforyourbrother’ssoulbeinginheaven。Takeawaythefool，gentlemen。OLIVIAWhatthinkyouofthisfool，Malvolio？
dothhenotmend？MALVOLIOYes，andshalldotillthepangsofdeathshakehim：
infirmity，thatdecaysthewise，dothevermakethebetterfool。ClownGodsendyou，sir，aspeedyinfirmity，forthebetterincreasingyourfolly！SirTobywillbeswornthatIamnofox；buthewillnotpasshiswordfortwopencethatyouarenofool。OLIVIAHowsayyoutothat，Malvolio？MALVOLIOImarvelyourladyshiptakesdelightinsuchabarrenrascal：Isawhimputdowntheotherdaywithanordinaryfoolthathasnomorebrainthanastone。Lookyounow，he’soutofhisguardalready；unlessyoulaughandministeroccasiontohim，heisgagged。Iprotest，Itakethesewisemen，thatcrowsoatthesesetkindoffools，nobetterthanthefools’zanies。OLIVIAOh，youaresickofself-love，Malvolio，andtastewithadistemperedappetite。Tobegenerous，guiltlessandoffreedisposition，istotakethosethingsforbird-boltsthatyoudeemcannon-bullets：
thereisnoslanderinanallowedfool，thoughhedonothingbutrail；nornorailinginaknowndiscreetman，thoughhedonothingbutreprove。ClownNowMercuryenduetheewithleasing，forthouspeakestwelloffools！
Re-enterMARIAMARIAMadam，thereisatthegateayounggentlemanmuchdesirestospeakwithyou。OLIVIAFromtheCountOrsino，isit？MARIAIknownot，madam：’tisafairyoungman，andwellattended。OLIVIAWhoofmypeopleholdhimindelay？MARIASirToby，madam，yourkinsman。OLIVIAFetchhimoff，Iprayyou；hespeaksnothingbutmadman：fieonhim！
ExitMARIA
Goyou，Malvolio：ifitbeasuitfromthecount，I
amsick，ornotathome；whatyouwill，todismissit。
ExitMALVOLIO
Nowyousee，sir，howyourfoolinggrowsold，andpeopledislikeit。ClownThouhastspokeforus，madonna，asifthyeldestsonshouldbeafool；whoseskullJovecramwithbrains！for，——herehecomes，——oneofthykinhasamostweakpiamater。
EnterSIRTOBYBELCHOLIVIAByminehonour，halfdrunk。Whatisheatthegate，cousin？SIRTOBYBELCHAgentleman。OLIVIAAgentleman！whatgentleman？SIRTOBYBELCH’Tisagentlemanhere——aplagueo’thesepickle-herring！Hownow，sot！ClownGoodSirToby！OLIVIACousin，cousin，howhaveyoucomesoearlybythislethargy？SIRTOBYBELCHLechery！Idefylechery。There’soneatthegate。OLIVIAAy，marry，whatishe？SIRTOBYBELCHLethimbethedevil，anhewill，Icarenot：givemefaith，sayI。Well，it’sallone。
ExitOLIVIAWhat’sadrunkenmanlike，fool？ClownLikeadrownedman，afoolandamadman：onedraughtaboveheatmakeshimafool；thesecondmadshim；andathirddrownshim。OLIVIAGothouandseekthecrowner，andlethimsito’mycoz；forhe’sinthethirddegreeofdrink，he’sdrowned：go，lookafterhim。ClownHeisbutmadyet，madonna；andthefoolshalllooktothemadman。
ExitRe-enterMALVOLIOMALVOLIOMadam，yondyoungfellowswearshewillspeakwithyou。Itoldhimyouweresick；hetakesonhimtounderstandsomuch，andthereforecomestospeakwithyou。Itoldhimyouwereasleep；heseemstohaveaforeknowledgeofthattoo，andthereforecomestospeakwithyou。Whatistobesaidtohim，lady？he’sfortifiedagainstanydenial。OLIVIATellhimheshallnotspeakwithme。MALVOLIOHasbeentoldso；andhesays，he’llstandatyourdoorlikeasheriff’spost，andbethesupportertoabench，buthe’llspeakwithyou。OLIVIAWhatkindo’manishe？MALVOLIOWhy，ofmankind。OLIVIAWhatmannerofman？MALVOLIOOfveryillmanner；he’llspeakwithyou，willyouorno。OLIVIAOfwhatpersonageandyearsishe？MALVOLIONotyetoldenoughforaman，noryoungenoughforaboy；asasquashisbefore’tisapeascod，oracoolingwhen’tisalmostanapple：’tiswithhiminstandingwater，betweenboyandman。Heisverywell-favouredandhespeaksveryshrewishly；
onewouldthinkhismother’smilkwerescarceoutofhim。OLIVIALethimapproach：callinmygentlewoman。MALVOLIOGentlewoman，myladycalls。
ExitRe-enterMARIAOLIVIAGivememyveil：come，throwito’ermyface。
We’lloncemorehearOrsino’sembassy。
EnterVIOLA，andAttendantsVIOLAThehonourableladyofthehouse，whichisshe？OLIVIASpeaktome；Ishallanswerforher。
Yourwill？VIOLAMostradiant，exquisiteandunmatchablebeauty，——I
prayyou，tellmeifthisbetheladyofthehouse，forIneversawher：Iwouldbeloathtocastawaymyspeech，forbesidesthatitisexcellentlywellpenned，Ihavetakengreatpainstoconit。Goodbeauties，letmesustainnoscorn；Iamverycomptible，eventotheleastsinisterusage。OLIVIAWhencecameyou，sir？VIOLAIcansaylittlemorethanIhavestudied，andthatquestion’soutofmypart。Goodgentleone，givememodestassuranceifyoubetheladyofthehouse，thatImayproceedinmyspeech。OLIVIAAreyouacomedian？VIOLANo，myprofoundheart：andyet，bytheveryfangsofmaliceIswear，IamnotthatIplay。Areyoutheladyofthehouse？OLIVIAIfIdonotusurpmyself，Iam。VIOLAMostcertain，ifyouareshe，youdousurpyourself；forwhatisyourstobestowisnotyourstoreserve。Butthisisfrommycommission：I
willonwithmyspeechinyourpraise，andthenshowyoutheheartofmymessage。OLIVIACometowhatisimportantin’t：Iforgiveyouthepraise。VIOLAAlas，Itookgreatpainstostudyit，and’tispoetical。OLIVIAItisthemoreliketobefeigned：I
prayyou，keepitin。Iheardyouweresaucyatmygates，andallowedyourapproachrathertowonderatyouthantohearyou。Ifyoubenotmad，begone；
ifyouhavereason，bebrief：’tisnotthattimeofmoonwithmetomakeoneinsoskippingadialogue。MARIAWillyouhoistsail，sir？hereliesyourway。VIOLANo，goodswabber；Iamtohullherealittlelonger。Somemollificationforyourgiant，sweetlady。Tellmeyourmind：Iamamessenger。OLIVIASure，youhavesomehideousmattertodeliver，whenthecourtesyofitissofearful。Speakyouroffice。VIOLAItaloneconcernsyourear。Ibringnoovertureofwar，notaxationofhomage：Iholdtheoliveinmyhand；mywordsareasfunofpeaceasmatter。OLIVIAYetyoubeganrudely。Whatareyou？whatwouldyou？VIOLATherudenessthathathappearedinmehaveI
learnedfrommyentertainment。WhatIam，andwhatI
would，areassecretasmaidenhead；toyourears，divinity，toanyother’s，profanation。OLIVIAGiveustheplacealone：wewillhearthisdivinity。
ExeuntMARIAandAttendantsNow，sir，whatisyourtext？VIOLAMostsweetlady，——OLIVIAAcomfortabledoctrine，andmuchmaybesaidofit。
Whereliesyourtext？VIOLAInOrsino’sbosom。OLIVIAInhisbosom！Inwhatchapterofhisbosom？VIOLAToanswerbythemethod，inthefirstofhisheart。OLIVIAO，Ihavereadit：itisheresy。Haveyounomoretosay？VIOLAGoodmadam，letmeseeyourface。OLIVIAHaveyouanycommissionfromyourlordtonegotiatewithmyface？Youarenowoutofyourtext：butwewilldrawthecurtainandshowyouthepicture。
Lookyou，sir，suchaoneIwasthispresent：
is’tnotwelldone？
UnveilingVIOLAExcellentlydone，ifGoddidall。OLIVIA’Tisingrain，sir；’twillendurewindandweather。VIOLA’Tisbeautytrulyblent，whoseredandwhiteNature’sownsweetandcunninghandlaidon：
Lady，youarethecruell’stshealive，IfyouwillleadthesegracestothegraveAndleavetheworldnocopy。OLIVIAO，sir，Iwillnotbesohard-hearted；
Iwillgiveoutdiversschedulesofmybeauty：itshallbeinventoried，andeveryparticleandutensillabelledtomywill：as，item，twolips，indifferentred；item，twogreyeyes，withlidstothem；item，oneneck，onechin，andsoforth。
Wereyousenthithertopraiseme？VIOLAIseeyouwhatyouare，youaretooproud；
But，ifyouwerethedevil，youarefair。
Mylordandmasterlovesyou：O，suchloveCouldbebutrecompensed，thoughyouwerecrown’dThenonpareilofbeauty！OLIVIAHowdoesheloveme？VIOLAWithadorations，fertiletears，Withgroansthatthunderlove，withsighsoffire。OLIVIAYourlorddoesknowmymind；Icannotlovehim：
YetIsupposehimvirtuous，knowhimnoble，Ofgreatestate，offreshandstainlessyouth；
Invoiceswelldivulged，free，learn’dandvaliant；
AndindimensionandtheshapeofnatureAgraciousperson：butyetIcannotlovehim；
Hemighthavetookhisanswerlongago。VIOLAIfIdidloveyouinmymaster’sflame，Withsuchasuffering，suchadeadlylife，InyourdenialIwouldfindnosense；
Iwouldnotunderstandit。OLIVIAWhy，whatwouldyou？VIOLAMakemeawillowcabinatyourgate，Andcalluponmysoulwithinthehouse；
WriteloyalcantonsofcontemnedloveAndsingthemloudeveninthedeadofnight；
HallooyournametothereverberatehillsAndmakethebabblinggossipoftheairCryout’Olivia！’O，YoushouldnotrestBetweentheelementsofairandearth，Butyoushouldpityme！OLIVIAYoumightdomuch。
Whatisyourparentage？VIOLAAbovemyfortunes，yetmystateiswell：
Iamagentleman。OLIVIAGetyoutoyourlord；
Icannotlovehim：lethimsendnomore；
Unless，perchance，youcometomeagain，Totellmehowhetakesit。Fareyouwell：
Ithankyouforyourpains：spendthisforme。VIOLAIamnofee’dpost，lady；keepyourpurse：
Mymaster，notmyself，lacksrecompense。
Lovemakehisheartofflintthatyoushalllove；
Andletyourfervor，likemymaster’s，bePlacedincontempt！Farewell，faircruelty。
ExitOLIVIA’Whatisyourparentage？’
’Abovemyfortunes，yetmystateiswell：
Iamagentleman。’I’llbeswornthouart；
Thytongue，thyface，thylimbs，actionsandspirit，Dogivetheefive-foldblazon：nottoofast：
soft，soft！
Unlessthemasterweretheman。Hownow！
Evensoquicklymayonecatchtheplague？
MethinksIfeelthisyouth’sperfectionsWithaninvisibleandsubtlestealthTocreepinatmineeyes。Well，letitbe。
Whatho，Malvolio！
Re-enterMALVOLIOMALVOLIOHere，madam，atyourservice。OLIVIARunafterthatsamepeevishmessenger，Thecounty’sman：heleftthisringbehindhim，WouldIornot：tellhimI’llnoneofit。
Desirehimnottoflatterwithhislord，Norholdhimupwithhopes；Iamnotforhim：
Ifthattheyouthwillcomethiswayto-morrow，I’llgivehimreasonsfor’t：hiethee，Malvolio。MALVOLIOMadam，Iwill。
ExitOLIVIAIdoIknownotwhat，andfeartofindMineeyetoogreataflattererformymind。
Fate，showthyforce：ourselveswedonotowe；
Whatisdecreedmustbe，andbethisso。
ExitACTIISCENEI。Thesea-coast。EnterANTONIOandSEBASTIANANTONIOWillyoustaynolonger？norwillyounotthatIgowithyou？SEBASTIANByyourpatience，no。Mystarsshinedarklyoverme：themalignancyofmyfatemightperhapsdistemperyours；thereforeIshallcraveofyouyourleavethatImaybearmyevilsalone：itwereabadrecompenseforyourlove，tolayanyofthemonyou。
ANTONIO：Letmeyetknowofyouwhitheryouarebound。SEBASTIANNo，sooth，sir：mydeterminatevoyageismereextravagancy。ButIperceiveinyousoexcellentatouchofmodesty，thatyouwillnotextortfrommewhatIamwillingtokeepin；thereforeitchargesmeinmannerstherathertoexpressmyself。Youmustknowofmethen，Antonio，mynameisSebastian，whichIcalledRoderigo。MyfatherwasthatSebastianofMessaline，whomIknowyouhaveheardof。Heleftbehindhimmyselfandasister，bothborninanhour：iftheheavenshadbeenpleased，wouldwehadsoended！butyou，sir，alteredthat；
forsomehourbeforeyoutookmefromthebreachoftheseawasmysisterdrowned。ANTONIOAlastheday！SEBASTIANAlady，sir，thoughitwassaidshemuchresembledme，wasyetofmanyaccountedbeautiful：but，thoughIcouldnotwithsuchestimablewonderoverfarbelievethat，yetthusfarIwillboldlypublishher；sheboreamindthatenvycouldnotbutcallfair。Sheisdrownedalready，sir，withsaltwater，thoughIseemtodrownherremembranceagainwithmore。ANTONIOPardonme，sir，yourbadentertainment。SEBASTIANOgoodAntonio，forgivemeyourtrouble。ANTONIOIfyouwillnotmurdermeformylove，letmebeyourservant。SEBASTIANIfyouwillnotundowhatyouhavedone，thatis，killhimwhomyouhaverecovered，desireitnot。
Fareyewellatonce：mybosomisfullofkindness，andIamyetsonearthemannersofmymother，thatupontheleastoccasionmoremineeyeswilltelltalesofme。IamboundtotheCountOrsino’scourt：farewell。
ExitANTONIOThegentlenessofallthegodsgowiththee！
IhavemanyenemiesinOrsino’scourt，ElsewouldIveryshortlyseetheethere。
But，comewhatmay，Idoadoretheeso，Thatdangershallseemsport，andIwillgo。
ExitSCENEII。Astreet。EnterVIOLA，MALVOLIOfollowingMALVOLIOWerenotyouevennowwiththeCountessOlivia？VIOLAEvennow，sir；onamoderatepaceIhavesincearrivedbuthither。MALVOLIOShereturnsthisringtoyou，sir：youmighthavesavedmemypains，tohavetakenitawayyourself。
Sheadds，moreover，thatyoushouldputyourlordintoadesperateassuranceshewillnoneofhim：
andonethingmore，thatyoubeneversohardytocomeagaininhisaffairs，unlessitbetoreportyourlord’stakingofthis。Receiveitso。VIOLAShetooktheringofme：I’llnoneofit。MALVOLIOCome，sir，youpeevishlythrewittoher；
andherwillis，itshouldbesoreturned：ifitbeworthstoopingfor，thereitliesinyoureye；ifnot，beithisthatfindsit。
ExitVIOLAIleftnoringwithher：whatmeansthislady？
Fortuneforbidmyoutsidehavenotcharm’dher！
Shemadegoodviewofme；indeed，somuch，Thatsuremethoughthereyeshadlosthertongue，Forshedidspeakinstartsdistractedly。
Shelovesme，sure；thecunningofherpassionInvitesmeinthischurlishmessenger。
Noneofmylord’sring！why，hesenthernone。
Iamtheman：ifitbeso，as’tis，Poorlady，shewerebetterloveadream。
Disguise，Isee，thouartawickedness，Whereinthepregnantenemydoesmuch。
Howeasyisitfortheproper-falseInwomen’swaxenheartstosettheirforms！
Alas，ourfrailtyisthecause，notwe！
Forsuchaswearemadeof，suchwebe。
Howwillthisfadge？mymasterlovesherdearly；
AndI，poormonster，fondasmuchonhim；
Andshe，mistaken，seemstodoteonme。
Whatwillbecomeofthis？AsIamman，Mystateisdesperateformymaster’slove；
AsIamwoman，——nowalastheday！——
WhatthriftlesssighsshallpoorOliviabreathe！
Otime！thoumustuntanglethis，notI；
Itistoohardaknotformetountie！
ExitSCENEIII。OLIVIA’shouse。EnterSIRTOBYBELCHandSIRANDREWSIRTOBYBELCHApproach，SirAndrew：nottobeabedaftermidnightistobeupbetimes；and’diluculosurgere，’thouknow’st，——SIRANDREWNay，mytroth，Iknownot：butIknow，tobeuplateistobeuplate。SIRTOBYBELCHAfalseconclusion：Ihateitasanunfilledcan。
Tobeupaftermidnightandtogotobedthen，isearly：sothattogotobedaftermidnightistogotobedbetimes。Doesnotourlifeconsistofthefourelements？SIRANDREWFaith，sotheysay；butIthinkitratherconsistsofeatinganddrinking。SIRTOBYBELCHThou’rtascholar；letusthereforeeatanddrink。
Marian，Isay！astoupofwine！
EnterClownSIRANDREWHerecomesthefool，i’faith。ClownHownow，myhearts！didyouneverseethepictureof’wethree’？SIRTOBYBELCHWelcome，ass。Nowlet’shaveacatch。SIRANDREWBymytroth，thefoolhasanexcellentbreast。I
hadratherthanfortyshillingsIhadsuchaleg，andsosweetabreathtosing，asthefoolhas。
Insooth，thouwastinverygraciousfoolinglastnight，whenthouspokestofPigrogromitus，oftheVapianspassingtheequinoctialofQueubus：’twasverygood，i’faith。Isenttheesixpenceforthyleman：hadstit？ClownIdidimpeticosthygratillity；forMalvolio’snoseisnowhipstock：myladyhasawhitehand，andtheMyrmidonsarenobottle-alehouses。SIRANDREWExcellent！why，thisisthebestfooling，whenallisdone。Now，asong。SIRTOBYBELCHComeon；thereissixpenceforyou：let’shaveasong。SIRANDREWThere’satestrilofmetoo：ifoneknightgivea——ClownWouldyouhavealove-song，orasongofgoodlife？SIRTOBYBELCHAlove-song，alove-song。SIRANDREWAy，ay：Icarenotforgoodlife。Clown[Sings]
Omistressmine，whereareyouroaming？
O，stayandhear；yourtruelove’scoming，Thatcansingbothhighandlow：
Tripnofurther，prettysweeting；
Journeysendinloversmeeting，Everywiseman’ssondothknow。SIRANDREWExcellentgood，i’faith。SIRTOBYBELCHGood，good。Clown[Sings]
Whatislove？’tisnothereafter；
Presentmirthhathpresentlaughter；
What’stocomeisstillunsure：
Indelaythereliesnoplenty；
Thencomekissme，sweetandtwenty，Youth’sastuffwillnotendure。SIRANDREWAmellifluousvoice，asIamtrueknight。SIRTOBYBELCHAcontagiousbreath。SIRANDREWVerysweetandcontagious，i’faith。SIRTOBYBELCHTohearbythenose，itisdulcetincontagion。
Butshallwemakethewelkindanceindeed？shallwerousethenight-owlinacatchthatwilldrawthreesoulsoutofoneweaver？shallwedothat？SIRANDREWAnyouloveme，let’sdo’t：Iamdogatacatch。ClownBy’rlady，sir，andsomedogswillcatchwell。SIRANDREWMostcertain。Letourcatchbe，’Thouknave。’Clown’Holdthypeace，thouknave，’knight？
Ishallbeconstrainedin’ttocalltheeknave，knight。SIRANDREW’TisnotthefirsttimeIhaveconstrainedonetocallmeknave。Begin，fool：itbegins’Holdthypeace。’ClownIshallneverbeginifIholdmypeace。SIRANDREWGood，i’faith。Come，begin。
CatchsungEnterMARIAMARIAWhatacaterwaulingdoyoukeephere！
IfmyladyhavenotcalledupherstewardMalvolioandbidhimturnyououtofdoors，nevertrustme。SIRTOBYBELCHMylady’saCataian，wearepoliticians，Malvolio’saPeg-a-Ramsey，and’Threemerrymenbewe。’AmnotIconsanguineous？amInotofherblood？
Tillyvally。Lady！
Sings’TheredweltamaninBabylon，lady，lady！’ClownBeshrewme，theknight’sinadmirablefooling。SIRANDREWAy，hedoeswellenoughifhebedisposed，andsodoItoo：hedoesitwithabettergrace，butIdoitmorenatural。SIRTOBYBELCH[Sings]’O，thetwelfthdayofDecember，’——MARIAFortheloveo’God，peace！
EnterMALVOLIOMALVOLIOMymasters，areyoumad？orwhatareyou？
Haveyenowit，manners，norhonesty，buttogabbleliketinkersatthistimeofnight？Doyemakeanalehouseofmylady’shouse，thatyesqueakoutyourcoziers’catcheswithoutanymitigationorremorseofvoice？Istherenorespectofplace，persons，nortimeinyou？SIRTOBYBELCHWedidkeeptime，sir，inourcatches。
Sneckup！MALVOLIOSirToby，Imustberoundwithyou。Myladybademetellyou，that，thoughsheharboursyouasherkinsman，she’snothingalliedtoyourdisorders。
Ifyoucanseparateyourselfandyourmisdemeanors，youarewelcometothehouse；ifnot，anitwouldpleaseyoutotakeleaveofher，sheisverywillingtobidyoufarewell。SIRTOBYBELCH’Farewell，dearheart，sinceImustneedsbegone。’MARIANay，goodSirToby。Clown’Hiseyesdoshowhisdaysarealmostdone。’MALVOLIOIs’tevenso？SIRTOBYBELCH’ButIwillneverdie。’ClownSirToby，thereyoulie。MALVOLIOThisismuchcredittoyou。SIRTOBYBELCH’ShallIbidhimgo？’Clown’Whatanifyoudo？’SIRTOBYBELCH’ShallIbidhimgo，andsparenot？’Clown’Ono，no，no，no，youdarenot。’SIRTOBYBELCHOuto’tune，sir：yelie。Artanymorethanasteward？Dostthouthink，becausethouartvirtuous，thereshallbenomorecakesandale？ClownYes，bySaintAnne，andgingershallbehoti’themouthtoo。SIRTOBYBELCHThou’rti’theright。Go，sir，rubyourchainwithcrumbs。Astoupofwine，Maria！MALVOLIOMistressMary，ifyouprizedmylady’sfavouratanythingmorethancontempt，youwouldnotgivemeansforthisuncivilrule：sheshallknowofit，bythishand。
