\"Don’tyoutalktomelikethat，SimRobinson——Iwon’thaveit。HowdoIknow，indeed！Howdoyouknowwhatyouknow？Becausesomebodytoldyou。Youdidn’tinventitoutofyourownhead，didyou？Why，thesetwinsarethetruthfulestpeopleintheworld；andIdon’tthinkitbecomesyoutositupthereandthrowslursatthemwhentheyhaven’tbeendoinganythingtoyou。Andtheyareorphansbesides——bothofthem。
All——\"
ButAuntBetsywasupagainnow，andbotholdladiesweretalkingatonceandwithalltheirmight；butasthehousewaswelteringinastormoflaughter，andthejudgewashammeringhisdeskwithanironpaper-weight，onecouldonlyseethemtalk，nothearthem。Atlast，whenquietwasrestored，thecourtsaid：
\"Lettheladiesretire。\"
\"But，yourhonor，Ihavetheright，intheinterestofmyclients，——tocross-exam——\"
\"You’llnotneedtoexerciseit，Mr。Wilson——theevidenceisthrownout。\"
\"Thrownout！\"saidAuntPatsy，ruffled；\"andwhat’sitthrownoutfor，I’dliketoknow。\"
\"AndsowouldI，PatsyCooper。Itseemstomethatifwecansavethesepoorpersecutedstrangers，itisourboundendutytostanduphereandtalkforthemtill——\"
\"There，there，there，dositdown！\"
Itcostsometroubleandagooddealofcoaxing，buttheyweregotintotheirseatsatlast。Thetrialwassoonendednow。Thetwinsthemselvesbecamewitnessesintheirowndefense。Theyestablishedthefact，uponoath，thattheleg-powerpassedfromonetotheothereverySaturdaynightattwelveo’clocksharp。Butorcross-examinationtheircounselwouldnotallowthemtotellwhoseweekofpowerthecurrentweekwas。
Thejudgeinsistedupontheiranswering，andproposedtocompelthem，buteventheprosecutiontookfrightandcametotherescuethen，andhelpedstaythesturdyjurist’srevolutionaryhand。Sothecasehadtogotothejurywiththatimportantpointhangingintheair。Theywereoutanhourandbroughtinthisverdict：
\"Wethejurydofind：1，thatanassaultwascommitted，ascharged；
2，thatitwascommittedbyoneofthepersonsaccused，hehavingbeenseentodoitbyseveralcrediblewitnesses；3，butthathisidentityissomergedinhisbrother’sthatwehavenotbeenabletotellwhichwashim。Wecannotconvictboth，foronlyoneisguilty。Wecannotacquitboth，foronlyoneisinnocent。OurverdictisthatjusticehasbeendefeatedbythedispensationofGod，andasktobedischargedfromfurtherduty。\"
Thiswasreadaloudincourtandbroughtoutaburstofheartyapplause。
Theoldladiesmadeaspringatthetwins，toshakeandcongratulate，butweregentlydisengagedbyMr。Wilsonandsoftlycrowdedbackintotheirplaces。
Thejudgeroseinhislittletribune，laidasidehissilver-bowedspectacles，roachedhisgrayhairupwithhisfingers，andsaid，withdignityandsolemnity，andevenwithacertainpathos：
\"Inallmyexperienceonthebench，Ihavenotseenjusticebowherheadinshameinthiscourtuntilthisday。Youlittlerealizewhatfar-
reachingharmhasjustbeenwroughthereunderthefickleformsoflaw。
Imitationisthebaneofcourts——IthankGodthatthisoneisfreefromthecontaminationofthatvice——andinnolongtimeyouwillseethefatalworkofthishourseizeduponbyprofligateso-calledguardiansofjusticeinallthewidecircumstanceofthisplanetandperpetuatedintheirperniciousdecisions。Iwashmyhandsofthisiniquity。Iwouldhavecompelledtheseculpritstoexposetheirguilt，butsupportfailedmewhereIhadmostrighttoexpectaidandencouragement。AndIwasconfrontedbyalawmadeintheinterestofcrime，whichprotectsthecriminalfromtestifyingagainsthimself。YetIhadprecedentsofmyownwherebyIhadsetasidethatlawontwodifferentoccasionsandthussucceededinconvictingcriminalstowhosecrimestherewerenowitnessesbutthemselves。Whathaveyouaccomplishedthisday？Doyourealizeit？
Youhavesetadrift，unadmonished，inthiscommunity，twomenendowedwithanawfulandmysteriousgift，ahiddenandgrislypowerforevil——
apowerbywhicheachinhisturnmaycommitcrimeaftercrimeofthemostheinouscharacter，andnomanbeabletotellwhichistheguiltyorwhichtheinnocentpartyinanycaseofthemall。Looktoyourhomeslooktoyourpropertylooktoyourlivesforyouhaveneed！
\"Prisonersatthebar，standup。Throughsuppressionofevidence，ajuryofyour——our——countrymenhavebeenobligedtodeliveraverdictconcerningyourcasewhichstinkstoheavenwiththeranknessofitsinjustice。Byitstermsyou，theguiltyone，gofreewiththeinnocent。
Departinpeace，andcomenomore！Thecostsdevolveupontheoutragedplaintiff——anotheriniquity。Thecourtstandsdissolved。\"
Almosteverybodycrowdedforwardtooverwhelmthetwinsandtheircounselwithcongratulations；butpresentlythetwooldauntiesdugtheduplicatesoutandborethemawayintriumphthroughthehurrahingcrowd，whilelotsofnewfriendscarriedPudd’nheadWilsonofftavernwardtofeasthimand\"wetdown\"hisgreatandvictoriousentryintothelegalarena。ToWilson，solongfamiliarwithneglectanddepreciation，thisstrangenewincenseofpopularityandadmirationwasasafragranceblownfromthefieldsofparadise。AhappymanwasWilson。
CHAPTERVI
THEAMAZINGDUEL
AdeputationcameintheeveningandconferreduponWilsonthewelcomehonorofanominationformayor；forthevillagehasjustbeenconvertedintoacitybycharter。Tomskulksoutofchallengingthetwins。JudgeDriscollthereuponchallengesAngelo（accusedbyTomofdoingthekicking）；hedeclines，butLuigiacceptsinhisplaceagainstAngelo’stimidprotest。
ItwaslateSaturdaynightnearingeleven。
Thejudgeandhissecondfoundtherestofthewarpartyatthefurtherendofthevacantground，nearthehauntedhouse。Pudd’nheadWilsonadvancedtomeetthem，andsaidanxiously：
\"Imustsayawordinbehalfofmyprincipal’sproxy，CountLuigi，towhomyouhavekindlygrantedtheprivilegeoffightingmyprincipal’sbattleforhim。Itisgrowinglate，andCountLuigiisingreattroublelestmidnightshallstrikebeforethefinish。\"
\"Itisanothertestimony，\"saidHoward，approvingly。\"Thatyoungmanisfineallthrough。HewishestosavehisbrotherthesorrowoffightingontheSabbath，andheisright；itistherightandmanlyfeelinganddoeshimcredit。Wewillmakeallpossiblehaste。\"
Wilsonsaid：\"Thereisalsoanotherreason——aconsideration，infact，whichdeeplyconcernsCountLuigihimself。Thesetwinshavecommandoftheirmutuallegsturnabout。CountLuigiisincommandnow；butatmidnight，possessionwillpasstomyprincipal，CountAngelo，and——well，youcanforeseewhatwillhappen。Hewillmarchstraightoffthefield，andcarryLuigiwithhim。\"
\"Why！sureenough！\"criedthejudge，\"wehaveheardsomethingaboutthatextraordinarylawoftheirbeing，already——nothingverydefinite，itistrue，asregardsdatesanddurationsofpower，butIseeitisdefiniteenoughasregardsto-night。OfcoursewemustgiveLuigieverychance。
Omitalltheceremonialpossible，gentlemen，andplaceusinposition。\"
Thesecondsatoncetossedupacoin；Howardwonthechoice。Heplacedthejudgesixtyfeetfromthehauntedhouseandfacingit；Wilsonplacedthetwinswithinfifteenfeetofthehouseandfacingthejudge——
necessarily。Thepistol-casewasopenedandthelongslimtubestakenout；whenthemoonlightglintedfromthemashiverwentthroughAngelo。
Thedoctorwasafool，butathoroughlywell-meaningone，withakindheartandasinceredispositiontooblige，butalongwithitanabsenceoftactwhichoftenhurtitseffectiveness。Hebroughthisboxoflintandbandages，andaskedAngelotofeelandseehowsoftandcomfortabletheywere。Angelo’sheadfelloveragainstLuigi’sinafaint，andprecioustimewaslostinbringinghimto；whichprovokedLuigiintoexpressinghismindtothedoctorwithagooddealofvigorandfrankness。AfterAngelocametohewasstillsoweakthatLuigiwasobligedtodrinkastiffhornofbrandytobracehimup。
Thesecondsnowsteppedatoncetotheirposts，halfwaybetweenthecombatants，oneofthemoneachsideofthelineoffire。Wilsonwastocount，verydeliberately，\"One-two-three-fire！——stop！\"andtheduelistscouldbangawayatanytimetheychoseduringthatrecitation，butnotafterthelastword。AngelogrewverynervouswhenhesawWilson’shandrisingslowlyintotheairasasigntomakeready，andheleanedhisheadagainstLuigi’sandsaid：
\"Oh，pleasetakemeawayfromhere，Ican’tstay，IknowIcan’t！\"
\"Whatintheworldareyoudoing？Straightenup！What’sthematterwithyou？——you’reinnodanger——nobody’sgoingtoshootatyou。Straightenup，Itellyou！\"
Angeloobeyed，justintimetohear：
\"One——！\"
\"Bang！\"Justonereport，andalittletuftofwhitehairfloatedslowlytothejudge’sfeetinthemoonlight。Thejudgedidnotswerve；hestillstooderectandmotionless，likeastatue，withhispistol-armhangingstraightdownathisside。Hewasreservinghisfire。
\"Two——！\"
\"Three——\"！
\"Fire——！\"
Upcamethepistol-arminstantly-Angelododgedwiththereport。Hesaid\"Ouch！\"andfaintedagain。
Thedoctorexaminedandbandagedthewound。
Itwasofnoconsequence，hesaid——bulletthroughfleshypartofarm——nobonesbrokenthegentlemanwasstillabletofightlettheduelproceed。
NexttimeAngelojumpedjustasLuigifired，whichdisorderedhisaimandcausedhimtocutachipoffofHoward’sear。Thejudgetookhistimeagain，andwhenhefiredAngelojumpedandgotaknuckleskinned。Thedoctorinspectedanddressedthewounds。Angelonowspokeoutandsaidhewascontentwiththesatisfactionhehadgot，andifthejudge——butLuigishuthimroughlyup，andaskedhimnottomakeanassofhimself；
adding：
\"AndIwantyoutostopdodging。Youtakeagreatdealtooprominentapartinthisthingforapersonwhohasgotnothingtodowithit。Youshouldrememberthatyouarehereonlybycourtesy，andarewithoutofficialrecognition；officiallyyouarenothereatall；officiallyyoudonotevenexist。Toallintentsandpurposesyouareabsentfromthisplace，andyououghtforyourownmodesty’ssaketoreflectthatitcannotbecomeapersonwhoisnotpresentheretobetakingthissortofpublicandindecentprominenceinamatterinwhichheisnotintheslightestdegreeconcerned。Now，don’tdodgeagain；thebulletsarenotforyou，theyareforme；ifIwantthemdodgedIwillattendtoitmyself。Ineversawapersonactso。\"
Angelosawthereasonablenessofwhathisbrotherhadsaid，andhedidtrytoreform，butitwasofnouse；bothpistolswentoffatthesameinstant，andhejumpedoncemore；hegotasharpscrapealonghischeekfromthejudge’sbullet，andsodeflectedLuigi’saimthathisballwentwideandchippedflakeofskinfromPudd’nheadWilson’schin。Thedoctorattendedtothewounded。
Bytheterms，theduelwasover。ButLuigiwasentirelyoutofpatience，andbeggedforoneexchangeofshots，insistingthathehadhadnofairchance，onaccountofhisbrother’sindelicatebehavior。Howardwasopposedtograntingsounusualaprivilege，butthejudgetookLuigi’spart，andaddedthatindeedhehimselfmightfairlybeconsideredentitledtoanothertrial，becausealthoughtheproxyontheothersidewasinnowaytoblameforhis（thejudge’s）humiliatinglyresultlesswork，thegentlemanwithwhomhewasfightingthisduelwastoblameforit，sinceifhehadplayednoadvantagesandhadheldhisheadstill，hisproxywouldhavebeendisposedofearly。Headded：
\"CountLuigi’srequestforanotherexchangeisanotherproofthatheisabraveandchivalrousgentleman，andIbegthatthecourtesyheasksmaybeaccordedhim。\"
\"Ithankyoumostsincerelyforthisgenerosity，JudgeDriscoll，\"saidLuigi，withapolitebow，andmovingtohisplace。ThenheaddedtoAngelo，\"Nowholdyourgrip，holdyourgrip，Itellyou，andI’lllandhimsure！\"
Themenstooderect，theirpistol-armsattheirsides，thetwosecondsstoodattheirofficialposts，thedoctorstoodfivepacesinWilson’srearwithhisinstrumentsandbandagesinhishands。Thedeepstillness，thepeacefulmoonlight，themotionlessfigures，madeanimpressivepictureandtheimpendingfatalpossibilitiesaugmentedthisimpressivenesssolemnity。Wilson’shandbegantorise——slowly——stillhigher——stillhigher——inanothermoment：
\"Boom！\"thefirststrokeofmidnightswungupoutofthedistance；
Angelowasofflikeadeer！
\"Oh，youunspeakabletraitor！\"wailedhisbrother，astheywentsoaringoverthefence。
Theothersstoodastonishedandgazing；andsostood，watchingthatstrangespectacleuntildistancedissolveditandsweptitfromtheirview。Thentheyrubbedtheireyeslikepeoplewakingoutofadream，\"Well，I’veneverseenanythinglikethatbefore！\"saidthejudge。
\"Wilson，Iamgoingtoconfessnow，thatIwasn’tquiteabletobelieveinthatlegbusiness，andhadasuspicionthatitwasaput-upconveniencebetweenthosetwins；andwhenCountAngelofaintedIthoughtIsawthewholescheme——thoughtitwaspretextNo。2，andwouldbefollowedbyotherstilltwelveo’clockshouldarrive，andLuigiwouldgetoffwithallthecreditofseemingtowanttofightandyetnothavetofight，afterall。ButIwasmistaken。Hispluckprovedit。He’sabravefellowanddidwanttofight。\"
\"Thereisn’tanydoubtaboutthat，\"saidHoward，andadded，inagrievedtone，\"butwhatanunworthysortofChristianthatAngelois——Ihopeandbelievetherearenotmanylikehim。ItisnotrighttoengageinaduelontheSabbath——Icouldnotapproveofthatmyself；buttofinishonethathasbeenbegun——thatisaduty，letthedaybewhatitmay。\"
Theystrolledalong，stillwondering，stilltalking。
\"Itisacurious，circumstance，\"remarkedthesurgeon，haltingWilsonamomenttopastesomorecourt-plasteronhischin，whichhadgonetoleakingbloodagain，\"thatinthisduelneitherofthepartieswhohandledthepistolslostbloodwhilenearlyallthepersonspresentinthemerecapacityofguestsgothit。Ihavenotheardofsuchathingbefore。Don’tyouthinkitunusual？\"
\"Yes，\"saidtheJudge，\"ithasstruckmeaspeculiar。Peculiarandunfortunate。Iwasannoyedatit，allthetime。InthecaseofAngeloitmadenogreatdifference，becausehewasinameasureconcerned，thoughnotofficially；butittroubledmetoseethesecondscompromised，andyetIknewnowaytomendthematter。
\"Therewasnowaytomendit，\"saidHoward，whoseearwasbeingreadjustednowbythedoctor；\"thecodefixesourplace，anditwouldnothavebeenlawfultochangeit。Ifwecouldhavestoodatyourside，orbehindyou，orinfrontofyou，it——butitwouldnothavebeenlegitimateandtheotherpartieswouldhavehadajustrighttocomplainofourtryingtoprotectourselvesfromdanger；infractionsofthecodearecertainlynotpermissibleinanycasewhatever。\"
Wilsonofferednoremarks。Itseemedtohimthattherewasverylittleplacehereforsomuchsolemnity，buthejudgedthatifaduelwherenobodywasindangerorgotcrippledbutthesecondsandtheoutsidershadnothingridiculousaboutitforthesegentlemen，hispointingoutthatfeaturewouldprobablynothelpthemtoseeit。
Heinvitedthemintotakeanightcap，andHowardandthejudgeaccepted，butthedoctorsaidhewouldhavetogoandseehowAngelo’sprincipalwoundwasgettingon。
[ItwasnowSunday，andintheafternoonAngelowastobereceivedintotheBaptistcommunionbyimmersion——adoubtfulprospect，thedoctorfeared。]
CHAPTERVII
LUIGIDEFIESGALEN
WhenthedoctorarrivedatAuntPatsyCooper’shouse，hefoundthelightsgoingandeverybodyupanddressedandinagreatstateofsolicitudeandexcitement。Thetwinswerestretchedonasofainthesitting-room，AuntPatsywasfussingatAngelo’sarm，Nancywasflyingaroundunderhercommands，thetwoyoungboysweretryingtokeepoutofthewayandalwaysgettinginit，inordertoseeandwonder，Rowenastoodapart，helplesswithapprehensionandemotion，andLuigiwasgrowlinginunappeasablefuryoverAngelo’sshamefulflight。
Ashasbeenreportedbefore，thedoctorwasafool——akind-heartedandwell-meaningone，butwithnotact；andashewasbylongoddsthemostlearnedphysicianinthetown，andwasquitewellawareofit，andcouldtalkhislearningwitheaseandprecision，andlikedtoshowoffwhenhehadanaudience，hewassometimestemptedintorevealingmoreofacasethanwasgoodforthepatient。
HeexaminedAngelo’swound，andwasreallymindedtosaynothingforonce；butAuntPatsywassoanxiousandsopressingthatheallowedhiscautiontobeovercome，andproceededtoemptyhimselfasfollows，withscientificrelish：
\"Withoutgoingtoomuchintodetail，madam——foryouwouldprobablynotunderstandit，anyway——Iconcedethatgreatcareisgoingtobenecessaryhere；otherwiseexudationoftheesophagusisnearlysuretoensue，andthiswillbefollowedbyossificationandextraditionofthemaxillarissuperioris，whichmustdecomposethegranularsurfacesofthegreatinfusorialganglionicsystem，thusobstructingtheactionoftheposteriorvarioloidarteries，andprecipitatingcompoundstrangulatedsorosisofthevalvulartissues，andendingunavoidablyinthedispersionandcombustionofthemarsupialfluxesandtheconsequentembrocationofthebicuspidpopuloredaxreferendumrotulorum。\"
Amiserablesilencefollowed。AuntPatsy’sheartsank，thepallorofdespairinvadedherface，shewasnotabletospeak；poorRowenawrungherhandsinprivacyandsilence，andsaidtoherselfinthebitternessofheryounggrief，\"Thereisnohope——itisplainthereisnohope\"；thegood-heartednegrowench，Nancy，paledtochocolate，thentoorange，thentoamber，andthoughttoherselfwithyearningsympathyandsorrow，\"Po’
thing，heain’gwynetolas’throodehalfo’dat\"；smallHenrychokedup，andturnedhisheadawaytohidehisrisingtears，andhisbrotherJoesaidtohimself，withasenseofloss，\"Thebaptizing’sbusted，that’ssure。\"Luigiwastheonlypersonwhohadanyhearttospeak。Hesaid，alittlebitsharply，tothedoctor：
\"Well，well，there’snothingtobegainedbywastingprecioustime；givehimabarrelofpills——I’lltakethemforhim。\"
\"You？\"askedthedoctor。
\"Yes。Didyousupposehewasgoingtotakethemhimself？\"
\"Why，ofcourse。\"
\"Well，it’samistake。Henevertookadoseofmedicineinhislife。Hecan’t。\"
\"Well，uponmyword，it’sthemostextraordinarythingIeverheardof！\"
\"Oh，\"saidAuntPatsy，aspleasedasamotherwhosechildisbeingadmiredandwonderedat；\"you’llfindthatthere’smoreaboutthemthat’swonderfulthantheirjustbeingmadeintheimageofGodliketherestofHiscreatures，nowyoucandependonthat，Itellyou，\"andshewaggedhercomplacentheadlikeonewhocouldrevealmarvelousthingsifshechose。
TheboyJoebegan：
\"Why，ma，theyain’tmadeintheim——\"
\"Youshutup，andwaittillyou’reasked，Joe。I’llletyouknowwhenI
wanthelp。Areyoulookingforsomething，doctor？\"
Thedoctoraskedforafewsheetsofpaperandapen，andsaidhewouldwriteaprescription；whichhedid。ItwasoneofGalen’s；infact，itwasGalen’sfavorite，andhadbeenslayingpeopleforsixteenthousandyears。Galenuseditforeverything，appliedittoeverything，saiditwouldremoveeverything，fromwartsallthewaythroughtolungsanditgenerallydid。GalenwasstilltheonlymedicalauthorityrecognizedinMissouri；hispracticewastheonlypracticeknowntotheMissouridoctors，andhisprescriptionsweretheonlyammunitiontheycarriedwhentheywentoutforgame。
ByandbyDr。Claypoollaiddownhispenandreadtheresultofhislaborsaloud，carefullyanddeliberately，forthisbatterymustbeconstructedonthepremisesbythefamily，andmistakescouldoccur；
forhewroteadoctor’shandthehandwhichfromthebeginningoftimehasbeensodisastroustotheapothecaryandsoprofitabletotheundertaker：
\"Takeofafarabocca，henbane，corpobalsamum，eachtwodramsandahalf：
ofcloves，opium，myrrh，cyperus，eachtwodrams；ofopobalsamum，Indianleaf，cinnamon，zedoary，ginger，coftus，coral，cassia，euphorbium，gumtragacanth，frankincense，styraxcalamita，Celtic，nard，spignel，hartwort，mustard，saxifrage，dill，anise，eachonedram；ofxylaloes，rheumponticum，alipta，moschata，castor，spikenard，galangals，opoponax，anacardium，mastich，brimstone，peony，eringo，pulpofdates，redandwhitehermodactyls，roses，thyme，acorns，pennyroyal，gentian，thebarkoftherootofmandrake，germander，valerian，bishop’s-weed，bayberries，longandwhitepepper，xylobalsamum，carnabadium，macedonian，parsleyseeds，lovage，theseedsofrue，andsinon，ofeachadramandahalf；ofpuregold，puresilver，pearlsnotperforated，theblattabyzantina，theboneofthestag’sheart，ofeachthequantityoffourteengrainsofwheat；ofsapphire，emeraldandjasperstones，eachonedram；ofhazel-
nuts，twodrams；ofpellitoryofSpain，shavingsofivory，calamusodoratus，eachthequantityoftwenty-ninegrainsofwheat；ofhoneyorsugarasufficientquantity。Boildownandskimoff。\"
\"There，\"hesaid，\"thatwillfixthepatient；givehisbrotheradipperfuleverythree-quartersofanhour——\"
\"——whilehesurvives，\"mutteredLuigi——
\"——andseethattheroomiskeptwholesomelyhot，andthedoorsandwindowsclosedtight。KeepCountAngelonicelycoveredupwithsixorsevenblankets，andwhenheisthirsty——whichwillbefrequently——moistena’raginthevaporoftheteakettleandlethisbrothersuckit。Whenheishungry——whichwillalsobefrequentlyhemustnotbehumoredoftenerthaneverysevenoreighthours；thentoastpartofacrackeruntilitbeginstobrown，andgiveittohisbrother。\"
\"Thatisallverywell，asfarasAngeloisconcerned，\"saidLuigi，\"butwhatamItoeat？\"
\"Idonotseethatthereisanythingthematterwithyou，\"thedoctoranswered，\"youmay，ofcourse，eatwhatyouplease。\"
\"AndalsodrinkwhatIplease，Isuppose？\"
\"Oh，certainly——atpresent。Whentheviolentandcontinuousperspiringhasreducedyourstrength，Ishallhavetoreduceyourdiet，ofcourse，andalsobleedyou，butthereisnooccasionforthatyetawhile。\"HeturnedtoAuntPatsyandsaid：\"Hemustbeputtobed，andsatupwith，andtendedwiththegreatestcare，andnotallowedtostirforseveraldaysandnights。\"
\"Forone，I’msacredlythankfulforthat，\"saidLuigi，\"itpostponesthefuneral——I’mnottobedrownedto-day，anyhow。\"
Angelosaidquietlytothedoctor：
\"Iwillcheerfullysubmittoallyourrequirements，sir，uptotwoo’clockthisafternoon，andwillresumethemafterthree，butcannotbeconfinedtothehouseduringthatintermediatehour。\"
\"Why，mayIask？\"
\"BecauseIhaveenteredtheBaptistcommunion，andbyappointmentamtobebaptisedintheriveratthathour。\"
\"Oh，insanity！——itcannotbeallowed！\"
Angeloansweredwithplacidfirmness：
\"Nothingshallpreventit，ifIamalive。\"
\"Why，consider，mydearsir，inyourconditionitmightprovefatal。\"
AtenderandecstaticsmilebeamedfromAngelo’seyes，andhebrokeforthinatoneofjoyousfervency：
\"Ah，howblesseditwouldbetodieforsuchacause——itwouldbemartyrdom！\"
\"Butyourbrother——consideryourbrother；youwouldberiskinghislife，too。\"
\"Heriskedmineanhourago，\"respondedAngelo，gloomily；\"didheconsiderme？\"Athoughtsweptthroughhismindthatmadehimshudder。
\"IfIhadnotrun，ImighthavebeenkilledinaduelontheSabbathday，andmysoulwouldhavebeenlost——lost。\"
\"Oh，don’tfret，itwasn’tinanydanger，\"saidLuigi，irritably；\"theywouldn’twasteitforalittlethinglikethat；there’saglasscaseallreadyforitintheheavenlymuseum，andapintostickitupwith。\"
AuntPatsywasshocked，andsaid：
\"Looy，Looy！——don’ttalkso，dear！\"
Rowena’ssoftheartwaspiercedbyLuigi’sunfeelingwords，andshemurmuredtoherself，\"Oh，ifIbuthadthedearprivilegeofprotectinganddefendinghimwithmyweakvoice！——butalas！thissweetboonisdeniedmebythecruelconventionsofsocialintercourse。\"
\"Gettheirbedready，\"saidAuntPatsytoNancy，\"andshutupthewindowsanddoors，andlighttheircandles，andseethatyoudriveallthemosquitoesoutoftheirbar，andmakeupagoodfireintheirstove，andcarryupsomebagsofhotashestolaytohisfeet——\"
\"——andashoveloffireforhishead，andamustardplasterforhisneck，andsomegumshoesforhisears，\"Luigiinterrupted，withtemper；andadded，tohimself，\"Damnation，I’mgoingtoberoastedalive，Ijustknowit！\"
\"Why，Looy！Dobequiet；Ineversawsuchafractiousthing。Abodywouldthinkyoudidn’tcareforyourbrother。\"
\"Idon’t——tothatextent，AuntPatsy。Iwasgladthedrowningwaspostponedaminuteago，butI’mnotnow。No，thatisallgoneby；Iwanttobedrowned。\"
\"You’llbringajudgmentonyourselfjustassureasyoulive，ifyougoonlikethat。Why，Ineverheardthebeatofit。Now，there——there！
you’vesaidenough。Notanotherwordoutofyou——Iwon’thaveit！\"
\"But，AuntPatsy——\"
\"Luigi！Didn’tyouhearwhatItoldyou？\"
\"But，AuntPatsy，I——why，I’mnotgoingtosetmyheartandlungsafloatinthatpailofsewagewhichthiscriminalherehasbeenprescri——\"
\"Yes，youare，too。Youaregoingtobegood，anddoeverythingItellyou，likeadear，\"andshetappedhischeekaffectionatelywithherfinger。\"Rowena，taketheprescriptionandgointhekitchenandhuntupthethingsandlaythemoutforme。I’llsitupwithmypatienttherestofthenight，doctor；Ican’ttrustNancy，shecouldn’tmakeLuigitakethemedicine。Ofcourse，you’lldropinagainduringtheday。Haveyougotanymoredirections？\"
\"No，Ibelievenot，AuntPatsy。IfIdon’tgetinearlier，I’llbealongbyearlycandle-light，anyway。Meantime，don’tallowhimtogetoutofhisbed。\"
Angelosaid，withcalmdetermination：
\"Ishallbebaptizedattwoo’clock。Nothingbutdeathshallpreventme。\"
Thedoctorsaidnothingaloud，buttohimselfhesaid：
\"Why，thischap’sgotamanlyside，afterall！Physicallyhe’sacoward，butmorallyhe’salion。I’llgoandtelltheothersaboutthis；itwillraisehimagooddealintheirestimation——andthepublicwillfollowtheirlead，ofcourse。\"
Privately，AuntPatsyapplaudedtoo，andwasproudofAngelo’scourageinthemoralfieldasshewasofLuigi’sinthefieldofhonor。
TheboyHenrywastroubled，buttheboyJoesaid，inaudibly，andgratefully，\"We’reallhonky，afterall；andnopostponementonaccountoftheweather。\"
CHAPTERVIII
BAPTISMOFTHEBETTERHALF
Bynineo’clockthetownwashummingwiththenewsofthemidnightduel，andtherewerebuttwoopinionsaboutit：one，thatLuigi’spluckinthefieldwasmostpraiseworthyandAngela’sflightmostscandalous；theother，thatAngelo’scourageinflyingthefieldforconscience’sakewasasfineandcreditableaswasLuigi’sinholdingthefieldinthefaceofthebullets。Theoneopinionwasheldbyhalfofthetown，theotheronewasmaintainedbytheotherhalf。Thedivisionwascleanandexact，anditmadetwoparties，anAngelapartyandaLuigiparty。ThetwinshadsuddenlybecomepopularidolsalongwithPudd’nheadWilson，andhaloedwithagloryasintenseashis。ThechildrentalkedtheduelallthewaytoSunday-school，theirelderstalkeditallthewaytochurch，thechoirdiscusseditbehindtheirredcurtain，itusurpedtheplaceofpiousthoughtinthe\"niggergallery。\"
Bynoonthedoctorhadaddedthenews，andspreadit，thatCountAngelo，inspiteofhiswoundandallwarningsandsupplications，wasresoluteinhisdeterminationtobebaptizedatthehourappointed。Thissweptthetownlikewildfire，andmightilyreinforcedtheenthusiasmoftheAngelofaction，whosaid，\"Ifanydoubtedthatitwasmoralcouragethattookhimfromthefield，whathavetheytosaynow！\"
Stilltheexcitementgrew。Allthemorningitwastravelingcountryward，towardallpointsofthecompass；so，whereasbeforeonlythefarmersandtheirwiveswereintendingtocomeandwitnesstheremarkablebaptism，ageneralholidaywasnowproclaimedandthechildrenandnegroesadmittedtotheprivilegesoftheoccasion。Allthefarmsfortenmilesaroundwerevacated，alltheconvergingroadsemptiedlongprocessionsofwagons，horses，andyeomanryintothetown。Thepackandcramofpeoplevastlyexceededanythathadeverbeenseeninthatsleepyregionbefore。
Theonlythingthathadeverevenapproachedit，wasthetimelonggoneby，butneverforgotten，norevenreferredtowithoutwonderandpride，whentwocircusesandaFourthofJulyfelltogether。Butthegloryofthatoccasionwasextinguishednowforgood。Itwasbutafreshettothisdeluge。
Thegreatinvasionmasseditselfontheriver-bankandwaitedhungrilyfortheimmenseevent。Waited，andwonderedifitwouldreallyhappen，orifthetwinwhowasnota\"professor\"wouldstandoutandpreventit。
Buttheywerenottobedisappointed。Angelawasasgoodashisword。
Hecameattendedbyanescortofhonorcomposedofseveralhundredofthebestcitizens，alloftheAngeloparty；andwhentheimmersionwasfinishedtheyescortedhimbackhomeandwouldevenhavecarriedhimontheirshoulders，butthatpeoplemightthinktheywerecarryingLuigi。
Farintothenightthecitizenscontinuedtodiscussandwonderoverthestrangelymatedpairofincidentsthathaddistinguishedandexaltedthepasttwenty-fourhoursaboveanyothertwenty-fourinthehistoryoftheirtownforpicturesquenessandsplendidinterest；andlongbeforethelightswereoutandburghersasleepithadbeendecidedonallhandsthatincapturingthesetwinsDawson’sLandinghaddrawnaprizeinthegreatlotteryofmunicipalfortune。
AtmidnightAngelowassleepingpeacefully。Hisimmersionhadnotharmedhim，ithadmerelymadehimwholesomelydrowsy，andhehadbeendeadasleepmanyhoursnow。IthadmadeLuigidrowsy，too，buthehadgotonlybriefnaps，onaccountofhishavingtotakethemedicineeverythree-quartersofanhour-andAuntBetsyHalewastheretoseethathedidit。Whenhecomplainedandresisted，shewasquietlyfirmwithhim，andsaidinalowvoice：
\"No-no，thatwon’tdo；youmustn’ttalk，andyoumustn’tretchandgagthatway，either——you’llwakeupyourpoorbrother。\"
\"Well，whatofit，AuntBetsy，he——\"
\"’Sh-h！Don’tmakeanoise，dear。Youmustn’t：forgetthatyourpoorbrotherissickand——\"
\"Sick，ishe？Well，IwishI——\"
\"’Sh-h-h！Willyoubequiet，Luigi！Here，now，taketherestofit——
don’tkeepmeholdingthedipperallnight。Ideclareifyouhaven’tleftagoodfourthofitinthebottom！Come-that’sagood——
\"AuntBetsy，don’tmakeme！IfeellikeI’veswallowedacemetery；Ido，indeed。Doletmerestalittle——justalittle；Ican’ttakeanymoreofthedevilishstuffnow。\"
\"Luigi！Usingsuchlanguagehere，andhimjustbaptized！Doyouwanttherooftofallonyou？\"
\"Iwishtogoodnessitwould！\"
\"Why，youdreadfulthing！I’veagoodnotionto——letthatblanketalone；
doyouwantyour，brothertocatchhisdeath？\"
\"AuntBetsy，I’vegottohaveitoff，I’mbeingroastedalive；nobodycouldstandit——youcouldn’tyourself。\"
\"Now，then，you’resneezingagain——Ijustexpectedit。\"
\"BecauseI’vecaughtacoldinmyhead。Ialwaysdo，whenIgointhewaterwithmyclotheson。Andittakesmeweekstogetoverit，too。
Ithinkitwasashametoservemeso。\"
\"Luigi，youareunreasonable；youknowverywelltheycouldn’tbaptizehimdry。Ishouldthinkyouwouldbewillingtoundergoalittleinconvenienceforyourbrother’ssake。\"
\"Inconvenience！Nowhowyoutalk，AuntBetsy。Icameasnearasanythingtogettingdrownedyousawthatyourself；anddoyoucallthisinconvenience？——theroomshutupastightasadrum，andsohotthemosquitoesaretryingtogetout；andacoldinthehead，anddyingforsleepandnochancetogetany——onaccountofthisinfamousmedicinethatthatassassinprescri——\"
\"There，you’resneezingagain。I’mgoingdownandmixsomemoreofthistruckforyou，dear。\"
CHAPTERIX
THEDRINKLESSDRUNK
DuringMonday，Tuesday，andWednesdaythetwinsgrewsteadilyworse；butthenthedoctorwassummonedSouthtoattendhismother’sfuneral，andtheygotwellinforty-eighthours。TheyappearedonthestreetonFriday，andwerewelcomedwithenthusiasmbythenew-bornparties，theLuigiandAngelofactions。TheLuigifactioncarrieditsstrengthintotheDemocraticparty，theAngelofactionenteredintoacombinationwiththeWhigs。TheDemocratsnominatedLuigiforaldermanunderthenewcitygovernment，andtheWhigsputupAngeloagainsthim。TheDemocratsnominatedPudd’nheadWilsonformayor，andhewasleftaloneinthisglory，fortheWhigshadnomanwhowaswillingtoenterthelistsagainstsuchaformidableopponent。NopoliticianhadscoredsuchacomplimentasthisbeforeinthehistoryoftheMississippiValley。
ThepoliticalcampaigninDawson’sLandingopenedinaprettywarmfashion，andwanedhottereveryweek。Luigi’swholeheartwasinit，andevenAngelodevelopedasurprisingamountofinterest-whichwasnatural，becausehewasnotmerelyrepresentingWhigism，amatterofnoconsequencetohim；buthewasrepresentingsomethingimmenselyfinerandgreater——towit，Reform。Inhimwascenteredthehopesofthewholereformelementofthetown；hewasthechosenandadmiredchampionofeverycliquethathadapetreformofanysortorkindatheart。HewaspresidentofthegreatTeetotalers’Union，itschiefestprophetandmouthpiece。
Butasthecanvasswenton，troublesbegantospringupallaround——
troublesforthetwins，andthroughthemforallthepartiesandsegmentsandfactionsofparties。WheneverLuigihadpossessionofthelegs，hecarriedAngelotoballs，rumshops，SonsofLibertyparades，horse-
races，campaignriots，andeverywhereelsethatcoulddamagehimwithhispartyandthechurch；andwhenitwasAngelo’sweekhecarriedLuigidiligentlytoallmannerofmoralandreligiousgatherings，doinghisbesttoregainthegroundhehadlostbefore。Asaresultofthesedoubleperformances，therewasastormblowingallthetime，anever-
risingstorm，too——astormoffranticcriticismofthetwins，andrageovertheirextravagant，incomprehensibleconduct。
Luigihadthefinalchance。Thelegswerehisfortheclosingweekofthecanvass。Heledhisbrotherafearfuldance。
Buthesavedhisbestcardfortheveryeveoftheelection。TherewastobeagrandturnoutoftheTeetotalers’Unionthatday，andAngelowastomarchattheheadoftheprocessionanddeliveragreatorationafterward。Luigidrankacoupleofglassesofwhisky——whichsteadiedhisnervesandclarifiedhismind，butmadeAngelodrunk。Everybodywhosawthemarch，sawthattheChampionoftheTeetotalerswashalfseasover，andnotedalsothathisbrother，whomadenohypocriticalpretensionstoextratemperancevirtues，wasdignifiedandsober。Thiseloquentfactcouldnotbeunfruitfulattheendofahotpoliticalcanvass。Atthemass-meetingAngelotriedtomakehisgreattemperanceoration，butwassodiscommoded——byhiccoughsandthicknessoftonguethathehadtogiveitup；thendrowsinessovertookhimandhisheaddroopedagainstLuigi’sandhewenttosleep。Luigiapologizedforhim，andwasgoingontoimprovehisopportunitywithanappealforamoderationofwhathecalled\"theprevailingteetotalmadness，\"butpersonsintheaudiencebegantohowlandthrowthingsathim，andthenthemeetingroseinwrathandchasedhimhome。
ThisepisodewasacrusherforAngeloinanotherway。ItdestroyedhischanceswithRowena。Thosechanceshadbeengrowing，rightalong，fortwomonths。Rowenahadpartlyconfessedthatshelovedhim，butwantedtimetoconsider。Nowthetenderdreamwasended，andshetoldhimsothemomenthewassoberenoughtounderstand。Shesaidshewouldnevermarryamanwhodrank。
\"ButIdon’tdrink，\"hepleaded。
\"Thatisnothingtothepoint，\"shesaid，coldly，\"yougetdrunk，andthatisworse。\"
[Therewasalongandsufficientlyidioticdiscussionhere，whichendedasreportedinapreviousnote。]
CHAPTERX
SOTHEYHANGEDLUIGI
Dawson’sLandinghadaweekofrepose，aftertheelection，anditneededit，forthefranticandvariegatednightmarewhichhadtormenteditallthroughtheprecedingweekhadleftitlimp，haggard，andexhaustedattheend。ItgottheweekofreposebecauseAngelohadthelegs，andwasintoosubduedaconditiontowanttogooutandminglewithanirritatedcommunitythathadcometodisgustanddetesthimbecausetherewassuchalackofharmonybetweenhismorals，whichwereconfessedlyexcellent，andhismethodsofillustratingthem，whichweredistinctlydamnable。
ThenewcityofficersweresworninonthefollowingMonday——atleastallbutLuigi。Therewasacomplicationinhiscase。Hiselectionwasconceded，buthecouldnotsitintheboardofaldermenwithouthisbrother，andhisbrothercouldnotsittherebecausehewasnotamember。
Thereseemedtobenowayoutofthedifficultybuttocarrythematterintothecourts，sothiswasresolvedupon。
ThecasewassetfortheMondayfortnight。Induecoursethetimearrived。Inthemeantimethecitygovernmenthadbeenatastandstill，becausewithoutLuigitherewasatieintheboardofaldermen，whereaswithhimtheliquorinterest——therichestinthepoliticalfield——wouldhaveonemajority。ButthecourtdecidedthatAngelocouldnotsitintheboardwithhim，eitherinpublicorexecutivesessions，andatthesametimeforbadetheboardtodenyadmissiontoLuigi，afairlyandlegallychosenalderman。Thecasewascarriedupandupfromcourttocourt，yetstillthesameoldoriginaldecisionwasconfirmedeverytime。
Asaresult，thecitygovernmentnotonlystoodstill，withitshandstied，buteverythingitwascreatedtoprotectandcareforwentasteadygaittowardrackandruin。Therewasnowaytolevyatax，sotheminorofficialshadtoresignorstarve；thereforetheyresigned。Therebeingnocitymoney，theenormouslegalexpensesonbothsideshadtobedefrayedbyprivatesubscription。Butatlastthepeoplecametotheirsenses，andsaid：
\"Pudd’nheadwasrightatthestart——weoughttohavehiredtheofficialhalfofthathumanphillipenetoresign；butit’stoolatenow；someofushaven’tgotanythinglefttohirehimwith。\"
\"Yes，wehave，\"saidanothercitizen，\"we’vegotthis\"——andheproducedahalter。
Manyshouted：\"That’stheticket。\"Butotherssaid：\"No——CountAngeloisinnocent；wemustn’thanghim。\"
\"Whosaidanythingabouthanginghim？Weareonlygoingtohangtheotherone。\"
\"Thenthatisallright——thereisnoobjectiontothat。\"
SotheyhangedLuigi。Andsoendsthehistoryof\"ThoseExtraordinaryTwins。\"
FINALREMARKS
Asyousee，itwasanextravagantsortofatale，andhadnopurposebuttoexhibitthatmonstrous\"freak\"inallsortsofgrotesquelights。ButwhenRoxywanderedintothetaleshehadtobefurnishedwithsomethingtodo；soshechangedthechildreninthecradle；thisnecessitatedtheinventionofareasonforit；this，inturn，resultedinmakingthechildrenprominentpersonages——nothingcouldpreventitofcourse。Theircareerbegantotakeatragicaspect，andsomeonehadtobebroughtintohelpworkthemachinery；soPudd’nheadWilsonwasintroducedandtakenontrial。Bythistimethewholeshowwasbeingrunbythenewpeopleandintheirinterest，andtheoriginalshowwasbecomeside-trackedandforgotten；thetwin-monster，andtheheroine，andthelads，andtheoldladieshaddwindledtoinconsequentialitiesandweremerelyintheway。
Theirstorywasonestory，thenewpeople’sstorywasanotherstory，andtherewasnoconnectionbetweenthem，nointerdependence，nokinship。
Itisnotpracticableorrationaltotrytotelltwostoriesatthesametime；soIdugoutthefarceandleftthetragedy。
Thereaderalreadyknewhowtheexpertworks；heknowsnowhowtheotherkinddoit。
MARKTWAIN。
