Julia。Andwhatawardrobe！I’llhavechangeofsuitsForeverydayintheyear！andsetsfordays！
Mymorningdress，mynoondress，dinnerdress，Andeveningdress！ThenwillIshowyoulaceAfootdeep，canIpurchase；ifnot，I’llspeciallybespeakit。Diamondstoo！
Notbuckles，rings，andearringsonly——butWholenecklacesandstomachersofgems！
I’llshine！besureIwill。
Clif。[Aside。]Thenshineaway；
Whocovetstheemaywearthee；——I’mnothe！
Julia。Andthenmytitle！SoonasIputonThering，I’mLadyClifford。SoItakePrecedenceofplainmistress，wereshee’enTherichestheiressintheland！AttownOrcountryball，you’llseemetakethelead，WhilewivesthatcarryontheirbacksthewealthTodoweraprincess，shallgiveplacetome；-
WillInotprofit，thinkyou，bymyright？
BesureIwill！marriageshallprovetomeAnever-endingpageant。EverydayShallshowhowIamspoused！IwillbeknownForLadyCliffordallthecitythrough，Andfiftymilesthecountryroundabout。
WifeofSirThomasClifford，baronet-
Notperishableknight——who，whenhemakesAladyofme，doubtlessmustexpectToseemeplaythepartofone。
Clif。[Comingforward。]Mosttrue；
Butnotthepartwhichyoudesigntoplay。
Julia。Alistener，sir！
Clif。Bychance，andnotintent，Yourspeechwasforceduponmineear，thatne’erMorethanklessdutytomyheartdischarged！
Wouldforthatheartitne’erhadknownthesenseWhichtellsit’tisabankrupt，there，wheremostItcovetedtoberich，andthoughtitwasso！
OJulia，isityou？CouldIhavesetAcoronetuponthatstatelybrow，WherepartialnaturehathalreadyboundAbrightercirclet——radiantbeauty’sown-
Ihadbeenproudtoseetheeproudofit，Soforthedonorthouhadstta’enthegift，Notforthegiftta’enhim。CouldIhavepouredThewealthofrichestCroesusinthylap，Ihadbeenblesttoseetheescatterit，SoIwasstillthyrichesparamount！
Julia。Knowyoume，sir！
Clif。Ido。OnMondayweekWeweretowed——andare——soyou’recontent；
Thedaythatweds，wivesyoutobewidowed。TakeTheprivilegeofmywife；beLadyClifford！
Outshinethetitleinthewearingon’t！
Mycoffers，lands，allareatthycommand；
Wearall！but，formyself，shewearsnotme，Althoughthecovetedofeveryeye，Whowouldnotwearmeformyselfalone。
Julia。Anddoyoucarryitsoproudly，sir？
Clif。Proudly，butstillmoresorrowfully，lady！
I’llleadtheetothechurchonMondayweek。
Tillthen，farewellandthen，farewellforever！
OJulia，Ihaveventuredforthylove，Astheboldmerchant，who，foronlyhopeOfsomerichgain，allformergainswillrisk。
BeforeIaskedaportionofthyheart，Iperilledallmyown；andnow，all’slost！
[CLIFFORDandMODUSgoout。]
Julia。Helen！
Helen。Whatailsyou，sweet？
Julia。Icannotbreathe——quick，loosemygirdle，oh！
[Faints。]
[MASTERWALTERandMASTERHEARTWELLcomeforward。]
Wal。GoodMasterHeartwell，helptotakeherin，WhilstImakeafterhim！andlooktoher！
Unluckychancethattookmeoutoftown！
[Theygooutseverally。]
SCENEIII。——TheStreet。
[EnterCLIFFORDandSTEPHEN，meeting。]
Ste。Letters，SirThomas。
Clif。Takethemhomeagain，Ishallnotreadthemnow。
Ste。Yourpardon，sir，Buthereisonedirectedstrangely。
Clif。How？
Ste。\"ToMasterClifford，gentleman，nowstyledSirThomasClifford，baronet。\"
Clif。Indeed！
Whencecomesthatletter？
Ste。Fromabroad。
Clif。Whichisit？
Ste。Sopleaseyou，this，SirThomas。
Clif。Giveitme。
Ste。Thatletterbringsnotnewstowishhimjoyupon。Ifhewasdisturbedbefore，whichIguessedbyhislookshewas，heisnotmoreateasenow。Hishandtohishead！Amostunwelcomeletter！
Ifitbringshimnewsofdisaster，fortunedoesnotgivehimhisdeserts；forneverwaitedservantuponakindermaster。
Clif。Stephen！
Ste。SirThomas！
Clif。FrommydoorremoveTheplatethatbearsmyname。
Ste。Theplate，SirThomas！
Clif。Theplate——collectmyservantsandinstructthemTomakeouteachtheirclaims，untotheendOftheirrespectiveterms，andgivetheminTomysteward。Himandthemapprise，goodfellow，ThatIkeephousenomore。Asyougohome，Callatmycoachmaker’sandbidhimstopThecarriageIbespoke。TheoneIhaveSendwithmyhorsestothemartwhereatSuchthingsaresoldbyauction。They’reforsale；
Packupmywardrobe，havemytrunksconveyedTotheinninthenextstreet；andwhenthat’sdone，Goroundmytradesmenandcollecttheirbills，Andbringthemtomeattheinn。
Ste。Theinn！
Clif。Yes；Igohomenomore。Why，what’sthematter？
Whathasfallenouttomakeyoureyesfillup？
You’llgetanotherplace。I’llcertifyYou’rehonestandindustrious，andallThataservantoughttobe。
Ste。Isee，SirThomas，Somegreatmisfortunehasbefallenyou？
Clif。No！
Ihavehealth；Ihavestrength；myreason，Stephen，andAheartthat’sclearintruth，withtrustinGod。
NogreatdisastercanbefallthemanWho’sstillpossessedofthese！Goodfellow，leaveme。
Whatyouwouldlearn，andhavearighttoknow，Iwouldnottellyounow。GoodStephen，hence！
Mischancehasfallenonme——butwhatofthat？
Mischancehasfallenonmanyabetterman。
Ipritheeleaveme。IgrowsadderwhileIseetheeyewithwhichyouviewmygrief。
’Sdeath，theywillout！Iwouldhavebeenaman，Hadyoubeenlessakindandgentleone。
Now，asyouloveme，leaveme。
Ste。NevermasterSowelldeservedtheloveofhimthatservedhim。
[STEPHENgoesout。]
Clif。Misfortunelikethcompany；itseldomVisitsitsfriendsalone。Ha！MasterWalter，Andruffledtoo。I’minnomoodforhim。
[EnterMASTERWALTER。]
Wal。So，Sir——SirThomasClifford！whatwithspeedAndcholer——Idogaspforwantofbreath。
Clif。Well，MasterWalter？
Wal。You’rearashyoungman，sir；
Strong-headedandwrong-headed，andIfear，sir，NotoverdelicateinthatfinesenseWhichmenofhonourpridethemselvesupon！
Clif。Well，MasterWalter？
Wal。Ayoungwoman’sheart，sir，Isnotastonetocarveaposyon！
Whichknowsnotwhatiswriton’t；whichyoumaybuy，Exchange，orsell，sir，keeporgiveaway，sir：
Itisaricher——yetapoorerthing；
Pricelesstohimthatownsandprizesit；
Worthless，whenowned，notprized；whichmakesthemanThatcovetsit，obtainsit，anddiscardsit-
Afool，ifnotavillain，sir。
Clif。Well，sir？
Wal。Youneverlovedmyward，sir！
Clif。ThebrightHeavensBearwitnessthatIdid！
Wal。ThebrightHeavens，sir，Bearnotfalsewitness。ThatyoulovedhernotIsclear——forhadyoulovedher，you’dhavepluckedYourheartfromoutyourbreast，erecastherfromyourheart！
OldasIam，Iknowwhatpassionis。
Itisthesummer’sheat，sir，whichinvainWelookforfrostin。Ice，likeyou，sir，knowsButlittleofsuchheat！Wearewronged，sir，wronged！
Youwearasword，andsodoI。
Clif。Well，sir！
Wal。Youknowtheuse，sir，ofasword？
Clif。Ido。
Towhipaknave，sir，oranhonestman！
Awisemanorafool——atoneforwrong，Ordoubletheamounton’t！MasterWalter，Touchingyourward，ifwrongisdone，IthinkOnmysideliesthegrievance。IwouldnotsaysoDidInotthinkso。Asforlove——look，sir，Thathand’sawidower’s，toitsfirstmateswornToclaspnosecondone。Asforamends，sir，You’refreetogetthemfromamaninwhomYou’vebeenforestalledbyfortune，forthespiteWhichshehasventedonhim，ifyoustillEsteemhimworthyouranger。PleaseyoureadThatletter。Now，sir，judgeiflifeisdearToonesomuchaloser。
Wal。What，allgone！
Thycousinlivingtheyreporteddead！
Clif。Titleandland，sir，untowhichaddlove！
Allgone，savelifeandhonour，which，ereI’lllose，I’lllettheothergo。
Wal。We’republichere，Andmaybeinterrupted。LetusseekSomespotofprivacy。Yourletter，sir。
[Givesitback。]
Thoughfortuneslightsyou，I’llnotslightyou；notYourtitleorthelackofitIheed。
Whetheruponthescoreofloveorhate，WithyouandyoualoneIsettle，sir。
We’vegonetoofar。’TwerefollynowtopartWithoutareckoning。
Clif。Justasyouplease。
Wal。You’vedoneAnobleladywrong。
Clif。Thatlady，sir，Hasdonemewrong。
Wal。Goto，thouartaboyFittobetrustedwithaplaything，notAwoman’sheart。Thouknowestnotwhatitis！
AndthatI’llprovetothee，soonaswefindConvenientplace。Comeon，sir！youshallgetAlessonthatshallserveyoufortherestOfyourlife。I’llmakeyouownher，sir，apieceOfNature’shandiwork，ascostly，freeFrombias，flaw，andfair，aseveryetHercunninghandturnedout。Comeon，sir！come！
[Theygoout。]
ACTIII。
SCENEI。——ADrawing-room。
[ENTERLORDTINSELandtheEARLOFROCHDALE。]
Tin。Refusealord！Asaucyladythis。
Iscarcecancreditit。
Roch。She’llchangehermind。
Myagent，MasterWalter，isherguardian。
Tin。HowcanyoukeepthatHunchbackinhisoffice？
Hemocksyou。
Roch。Heisuseful。Neverheedhim。
MyoffernowdoIpresentthroughhim。
Hehasthetitle-deedsofmyestates，She’lllistentotheirwooing。Imusthaveher。
NotthatIloveher，butthatallallowShe’sfairestofthefair。
Tin。Distinguishedwell！
’Tweremostunseemlyforalordtolove！-
Leavethattocommoners！’Tisvulgar——she’sBetrothed，youtellme，toSirThomasClifford？
Roch。Yes。
Tin。Thatacommonershouldthwartalord！
Yetnotacommoner。AbaronetIsfishandflesh。Ninepartsplebeian，andPatricianinthetenth。SirThomasClifford！
Aman，theysay，ofbrains！IabhorbrainsAsIdotools：they’rethingsmechanical。
SofarareweaboveourforefathersTheytotheirbrainsdidowetheirtitles，asDolawyers，doctors。Wetonothingowethem，Whichmakesusfarthenobler。
Roch。Isitso？
Tin。Believeme。Youshallprofitbymytraining；
Yougrowalordapace。IsawyoumeetAbevyofyourformerfriends，whofainHadshakenhandswithyou。Yougavethemfingers！
You’renowanotherman。Yourhouseischanged-
Yourtablechanged——yourretinue——yourhorse-
Whereonceyourodeahack，younowbackblood；-
Befitsit，then，youalsochangeyourfriends！
[EnterWILLIAMS。]
Will。Agentlemanwouldseeyourlordship。
Tin。Sir！
What’sthat？
Will。Agentlemanwouldseehislordship。
Tin。Howknowyou，sir，hislordshipisathome？
Isheathomebecausehegoesnotout？
He’snotathome，thoughthereyouseehim，sir；
Unlesshecertifythathe’sathome！
Bringupthenameofthegentleman，andthenYourlordwillknowifhe’sathomeornot。
[WILLIAMSgoesout。]
Yourmanwasportertosomemerchant’sdoor，WhonevertaughthimbetterbreedingThantospeakthevulgartruth！Well，sir？
[WILLIAMShavingre-entered。]
Will。Hisname，Sopleaseyourlordship，Markham。
Tin。DoyouknowThething？
Roch。Rightwell！I’faithaheartyfellow，Sontoaworthytradesman，whowoulddoGreatthingswithlittlemeans；soenteredhimIntheTemple。Agoodfellow，onmylife。
Noughtsmackingofhisstock！
Tin。You’vesaidenough！
Hislordship’snotathome。
[WILLIAMSgoesout。]
WedonotgoByhearts，butorders！Hadhefamily-
Blood——thoughitonlywereadrop——hisheartWouldpassforsomething；lackingsuchdesert，Wereittentimestheheartitis，’tisnought！
[EnterWILLIAMS。]
Will。OneMasterJoneshathaskedtoseeyoulordship。
Tin。AndwhatwasyourreplytoMasterJones？
Will。Iknewnotifhislordshipwasathome。
Tin。You’lldo。Who’sMasterJones？
Roch。Acurate’sson。
Tin。Acurate’s！Betterbeayeoman’sson！
Wasittherector’sson，hemightbeknown，Becausetherectorisarisingman，Andmaybecomeabishop。Hegoeslight，Thecurateeverhathaloadedback！
Hemaybecalledtheyeomanofthechurch，Thatsweatingdoeshiswork，anddrudgeson，Whilelivesthehopefulrectorathisease。
Howmadeyouhisacquaintance，pray？
Roch。WereadLatinandGreektogether。
Tin。Droppingthem-
As，nowthatyou’realord，ofcourseyou’vedone-
Drophim——You’llsayhislordship’snotathome。
Will。Sopleaseyourlordship，Iforgottosay，OneRichardCricketlikewiseisbelow。
Tin。Who？——RichardCricket！Youmustseehim，Rochdale！
Anoblelittlefellow！Agreatman，sir！
Notknowingwhom，youwouldbenobody！
Iwonfivethousandpoundsbyhim！
Roch。Whoishe？
Ineverheardofhim。
Tin。What！neverheardOfRichardCricket！——neverheardofhim！
Why，he’sthejockeyofNewmarket；youMaywinacupbyhim，orelseasweepstakes。
Ibadehimcalluponyou。Youmustseehim。
HislordshipisathometoRichardCricket。
Roch。Bidhimwaitintheante-room。
[WILLIAMSgoesout。]
Tin。Theante-room！
Thebestroominyourhouse！YoudonotknowTheuseofRichardCricket！Showhim，sir，Intothedrawing-room。YourlordshipneedsMustkeeparacingstud，andyou’lldowellTomakeafriendofRichardCricket。Well，sir：
What’sthat？
[EnterWILLIAMS。]
Will。Sopleaseyourlordship，apetition。
Tin。Hadstnotaservice’mongsttheHottentotsErethoucamesthither，friend？PresentthylordWithapetition！Atmechanics’doors，Attradesmen’s，shopkeepers’，andmerchants’only，Havesuchthingsleavetoknock！Makethylord’sgateAwickettoaworkhouse！Letusseeit-
Subscriptionstoabookofpoetry！
CorneliusTense，M。A。
WhichmeansheconstruesGreekandLatin，worksProblemsinmathematics，canchoplogic，Andisaconjurerinphilosophy，Bothnaturalandmoral。——Pshaw！amanWhomnobody，thatisanybody，knows！
Who，thinkyou，followshim？Why，anM。D。，AnF。R。S。，anF。AS。，andthenAD。D。，DoctorofDivinity，UsheringinanLL。D。，whichmeansDoctorofLaws——theirharmony，nodoubt，Thedifferenceoftheirtrades！There’snothinghereButlanguages，andsciences，andarts。
Notaniotaofnobility！
Wecannotgiveournames。Takebackthepaper，Andtellthebearerthere’snoanswerforhim：-
Thatisthelordlywayofsaying\"No。\"
But，talkingofsubscriptions，hereisoneTowhichyourlordshipmayaffixyourname。
Roch。Pray，who’stheobject？
Tin。Amostworthyman！
Amanofsingulardeserts；amanInservingwhomyourlordshipwillserveme，-
SignorCantata。
Roch。He’safriendofyours？
Tin。Oh，no，Iknowhimnot！I’venotthatpleasure。
ButLadyDangleknowshim；she’shisfriend，Hewillobligeuswithasetofconcerts，Sixconcertstotheset。——Theset，threeguineas。
Yourlordshipwillsubscribe？
Roch。Oh，byallmeans。
Tin。Howmanysetsoftickets？Twoatleast。
You’llliketotakeafriend？I’llsetyoudownSixguineastoSignorCantata’sconcerts，Andnow，myLord，we’lltohim；thenwe’llwalk。
Roch。Nay，Iwouldwaitthelady’sanswer。
Tin。Wait！takeanexcursiontothecountry；letHeranswerwaitforyou！
Roch。Indeed！
Tin。Indeed！
Befitsalordnoughtlikeindifference。
Sayanestateshouldfalltoyou，you’dtakeitAsitconcernedmoreastanderbyThanyou。Asyou’realord，besureyoueverOfthatmakelittleothermenmakemuchof；
Nordothethingtheydo，buttherightcontrary。
Wherethedistinctionelse’twixtthemandyou？
[Theygoout。]
SCENEII。——AnApartmentinMasterHeartwell’sHouse。
[MASTERWALTERdiscoveredlookingthroughtitle-deedsandpapers。]
Wal。Sofallsouteverything，asIwouldhaveit，Exactinplaceandtime。Thislord’sadvancesReceivesshe，——as，Iaugur，inthespleenOfwoundedprideshewill，——mycourseisclear。
Shecomes——all’swell——thetempestragesstill。
[JULIAenters，andpacestheroominastateofhighexcitement。]
Julia。Whathavemyeyestodowithwater？FireBecomesthembetter！
Wal。True！
Julia。Yet，mustIweepTobesomonitored，andbyaman！
Amanthatwasmyslave！whomIhaveseenKneelatmyfeetfrommorntillnoon，contentWithleavetoonlygazeuponmyface，Andtellmewhathereadthere，——tillthepageIknewbyheart，I’gantodoubtIknew，Emblazonedbythecommentofhistongue！
Andhetolessonme！LethimcomehereOnMondayweek！Hene’erleadsmetochurch！
Iwouldnotprofitbyhisrank，orwealth，Thoughkingsmightcallhimcousin，fortheirsake！
I’llshowhimIhavepride！
Wal。You’reveryright！
Julia。Hewouldhavehadto-dayourwedding-day！
Ifixedamonthfromthis。Heprayedandprayed；
Idroppedaweek。Heprayedandprayedthemore！
Idroppedasecondone。Stillmoreheprayed！
AndItookoffanotherweek，——andnowIhavehisleavetowed，ornottowed！
He’llseethatIhavepride！
Wal。Andsoheought。
Julia。O！forsomewaytobringhimtomyfoot！
Butheshouldliethere！Why，’twillgoabroadThathehascastmeoff。ThatthereshouldliveThemancouldsayso！OrthatIshouldliveTobetheleavingsofaman！
Wal。ThycaseIownahardone！
Julia。Hard？’Twilldrivememad！
Hiswealthandtitle！Irefusedalord-
Idid！——thatprivilyimploredmyhand，Andnevercaredtotellhimon’t！SomuchIhatehimnow，thatlordshouldnotinvainImploremyhandagain！
Wal。You’dgiveithim？
Julia。Iwould。
Wal。You’dwedthatlord？
Julia。ThatlordI’dwed；-
Oranyotherlord，——onlytoshowhimThatIcouldwedabovehim！
Wal。GivemeyourhandAndwordtothat。
Julia。There！Takemyhandandword！
Wal。Thatlordhathofferedyouhishandagain。
Julia。Hehas？
Wal。Yourfatherknowsit：heapprovesofhim。
Therearethetitle-deedsoftheestates，Sentformyjealousscrutiny。Allsound，-
Noflaw，orspeck，thate’enthelynx-eyedlawItselfcouldfind。Alordofmanylands！
InBerkshirehalfacounty；andthesameInWiltshire，andinLancashire！AcrossTheIrishSeaaprincipality！
Andnotaroodwithbondorlienonit！
Wiltgivethatlordawife？WiltmakethyselfAcountess？Here’stheprofferofhishand。
Writethoucontent，andwearacoronet！
Julia。[Eagerly。]Givemethepaper。
Wal。There！Here’spenandink。
Sitdown。Whydoyoupause？AflourishofThepen，andyou’reacountess。
Julia。MypoorbrainWhirlsroundandround！Iwouldnotwedhimnow，WerehemorelowlyatmyfeettosueThane’erhedid！
Wal。Wedwhom？
Julia。SirThomasClifford。
Wal。You’reright。
Julia。Hisrankandwealtharerootstodoubt；
Andwhiletheylasted，stilltheweedwouldgrow，Howe’eryoupluckedit。No！That’so’er——that’sdone。
WasneverladywrongedsofoulasI！[Weeps。]
Wal。Thou’rttobepitied。
Julia。[Aroused。]Pitied！NotsobadAsthat。
Wal。Indeedthouart，tolovethemanThatspurnsthee！
Julia。Lovehim！Love！IfhatecouldfindAwordmoreharshthanitsownname，I’dtakeit，TospeaktheloveIbearhim！[Weeps。]
Wal。Writethyownname，Andshowhimhownearakinthyhate’stohate。
Julia。[Writes。]’Tisdone！
Wal。’Tiswell！I’llcometoyouanon！[Goesout。]
Julia。[Alone。]I’mglad’tisdone！I’mveryglad’tisdone！
I’vedonethethingIought。FrommydisgraceThislordshallliftme’bovethereachofscorn-
Thatidlywagsitstongue，wherewealthandstateNeedonlybeckontohavecrowdstolaud！
Thenhowthetableschange！ThehandhespurnedHisbetterstake！Letmerememberthat！
I’llgracemyrank！Iwill！I’llcarryitAsIwasborntoit！IwarrantnoneShallsayitfitsmenot：-but，oneandallConfessIwearitbravely，asIought！
Andheshallhearit！Ay，andheshallseeit！
IwillrollbyhiminanequipageWouldmortgagehisestate——butheshallownHisslightofmewasmyadvancement！Loveme！
Heneverlovedme！ifhehad，hene’erHadgivenmeup！Love’snotaspider’swebButfittomeshafly——thatyoucanbreakByonlyblowingon’t！Heneverlovedme！
Heknowsnotwhatloveis！——or，ifhedoes，Hehasnotbeeno’ercharyofhispeace！
Andthathe’llfindwhenI’manother’swife，Lost！——losttohimforever！Tearsagain！
WhyshouldIweepforhim？Whomaketheirwoes。
Deservethem！WhathaveItodowithtears？
[EnterHELEN。]
Helen。News，Julia，news！
Julia。What！is’taboutSirThomas？
Helen。SirThomas，sayyou？He’snomoreSirThomas！
Thatcousinlives，asheirtowhom，hiswealthAndtitlecametohim。
Julia。Washenotdead？
Helen。NomorethanIamdead。
Julia。Iwould’twerenotso。
Helen。Whatsayyou，Julia？
Julia。Nothing！
Helen。IcouldkissThatcousin！couldn’tyou，Julia？
Julia。Wherefore？
Helen。WhyForcomingbacktolifeagain，as’twereUponhiscousintorevengeyou。
Julia。Helen！
Helen。Indeed’tistrue。WithwhatasorrygraceThegentlemanwillbearhimselfwithoutHistitle！MasterClifford！HaveyounotSometokentoreturnhim？Somelove-letter？
Somebrooch？Somepin？Someanything？I’llbeYourmessenger，fornothingbutthepleasureOfcallinghimplain\"MasterClifford。\"
Julia。Helen！
Helen。Orhasheaughtofthine？Writetohim，Julia，Demandingit！Do，Julia，ifyouloveme；
AndI’lldirectitinaschoolboy’shand，AsroundasIcanwrite，\"ToMasterClifford。\"
Julia。Helen！
Helen。I’llthinkoffiftythousandwaysTomortifyhim！I’veatwentiethcousin，Acare-for-nought，atmischief。HimI’llset，Withtwentyothermadcapslikehimself，TowalkthestreetsthetraitormostfrequentsAndgivehimsalutationashepasses-
\"Howdoyou，MasterClifford？\"
Julia。[Highlyincensed。]Helen！
Helen。Blessme！
Julia。Ihateyou，Helen！
[EnterMODUS。]
Mod。Joyforyou，fairlady！
Ourbaronetisnowplaingentleman-
Andhardlythat，notmasterofthemeansTobearhimselfassuch。ThekinsmanlivesWhoseonlyrumoureddeathgavewealthtohim，Andtitle。Ahardcreditorheproves，Whokeepsstrictreckoning——willhaveinterest。
Aswellasprincipal。AruinedmanIsnowSirThomasClifford！
Helen。I’mgladon’t。
Mod。AndsoamI，AscurvytrickitwasHeservedyou，madam。Usealadyso！
Imerelyborewithhim。Ineverlikedhim。
Helen。NomoredidI。No，nevercouldIthinkHelookedhistitle。
Mod。No，noractedit。
Ifrightlytheyreport，hene’erdisbursedToentertainhisfriends，’tisbroadlysaid，Ahundredpoundsintheyear！HewasmostpoorIntheappointmentsofamanofrank，Possessingwealthlikehis。Hishorses，hacks！
Hisgentleman，afootman！andhisfootman，Agroom！ThesportsthatmenofqualityAndspiritcountenance，hekeptalooffrom，Fromscrupleofeconomy，nottaste，-
Asracingandthelike。Inbrief，helackedThoseshiningpointsthat，morethanname，denoteHighbreeding；and，moreover，wasamanOfveryshallowlearning。
Julia。Silence，sir！
Forshame！
Helen。Why，Julia！
Julia。Speaknottome！Poor！
Mostpoor！Itellyou，sir，hewasthemakingOffiftygentlemen——eachoneofwhomWeremorethanpeerforthee！Histitle，sir，Lenthimnogracehedidnotpayitback！
Thoughithadbeenthehighestofthehigh，Hewouldhavelookedit，feltit，actedit，Asthoucouldstne’erhavedone！WhenfoundyououtYoulikedhimnot？Itwasnotereto-day！
OrthatbasespiritImustreckonyoursWhichsmileswhereitwouldscowl——canstooptohateAndfeartoshowit！Hewasyourbetter，sir，Andis！——Ay，is！thoughstrippedofrankandwealth，Hisnature’s’boveorfortune’sloveorspite，Toblazonortoblurrit！[Retires。]
Mod。[ToHELEN。]IwastoldMuchtodisparagehim——Iknownotwherefore。
Helen。AndsowasI，andknowasmuchthecause。
[EnterMASTERWALTER，withparchments。]
Wal。Joy，myJulia！
Impatientlovehasforesight！LoyouhereThemarriagedeedsfilledup，exceptablankTowriteyourjointure。Whatyouwill，mygirl！
Isthisalover？Look！ThreethousandpoundsPerannumforyourprivatecharges！Ha！
There’spin-money！Isthisalover？MarkWhatacres，forests，tenements，aretaxedForyourrevenue；andsosetapart，Thatfingercannottouchthem，savethineown。
Isthisalover？Whatgoodfortune’sthine！
Thoudostnotspeak；but，’tisthewaywithjoy！
Withrichestheart，ithasthepooresttongue！
Mod。Whatgreatgoodfortune’sthisyouspeakof，sir？
Wal。Acoronet，MasterModus！YoubeholdThewifeelect，sir，ofnolessamanThanthenewEarlofRochdale——heirofhimThat’srecentlydeceased。
Helen。MydearestJulia，Muchjoytoyou！
Mod。Allgoodattendyou，madam！
Wal。Thisletterbringsexcusesfromhislordship，Whoseabsenceitaccountsfor。HerepairsTohisestateinLancashire，andthitherWefollow。
Julia。When，sir？
Wal。Now。Thisveryhour。
Julia。Thisveryhour！Ocruel，fatalhaste！
Wal。\"Ocruel，fatalhaste！\"Whatmeanestthou？
HaveIdonewrongtodothybidding，then？
Ihavedonenomore。Thouwastanoffcastbride，Andwouldstbeanaffiancedone——thouartso！
Thou’dsthavetheslightthatmarkedtheeoutforscorn，Convertedtoameansofgracingthee-
Itisso！Ifourwishescometoosoon，Whatcanmakesureofwelcome？InmyzealTowintheethine，thouknow’st，atanytimeI’dplaythesteed，whosewilltoservehislord，Withhislastbreathgiveshislastboundforhim！
SinceonlynoonhaveIdespatchedwhatwellHadkeptabraceofclerks，andmore，onfoot-
Andthen，perhaps，hadbeentodoagain！-
Notfinishedsure，complete——thecompactfirm，Asfateitselfhadsealedit！
Julia。Giveyouthanks！
Though’tweremydeath！mydeath！
Wal。Thydeath！indeed，Forhappinesslikethis，onewellmightdie！
Takethylord’sletter！Well？
[EnterTHOMAS，withaletter。]
Thos。Thisletter，sir，ThegentlemanthatservedSirThomasClifford-
OrhimthatwasSirThomas——gavetomeForMistressJulia。
Julia。Giveitme！
[Throwingawaytheonesheholds。]
Wal。[Snatchingit。]Forwhat？
Wouldstreadit？He’sabankrupt！strippedoftitle，House，chattels，lands，andall！Anakedbankrupt，Withneitherpurse，nortrust！Wouldstreadhisletter？
Abeggar！Yea，averybeggar！——fasts，unlessHedinesonalms！Howdursthesendtheealetter！
Afellowcutonthishand，andonthat；
Bowsandiscutagain，andbowsagain！
Whopaysyoufiftysmilesforhalfaone，-
Andthatgivengrudgingly！Toyoualetter！
Iburstwithcholer！ThusItreathisletter！
[Tearsandthrowsitontheground。]
So！Iwaswrongtolethimruffleme；
Heisnotworththespendingangeron！
Iprithee，MasterModus，usedespatch，Andpresentlymakereadyforourride。
You，Helen，tomyJulialook——achangeOfdresseswillsuffice。Shemusthavenewones，Matchesforhernewstate！Haste，friends。MyJulia！
Whystandyouporingthereupontheground？
Timeflies。Yourriseastoundsyou？Neverheed-
You’llplaymyladycountesslikeaqueen！
[Theygoout。]
ACTIV。
SCENEI。——ARoomintheEarlofRochdale’s[EaterHELEN。]
Helen。I’mwearywanderingfromroomtoroom；
Acastleafterallisbutahouse-
Thedullestonewhenlackingcompany。
WereIathome，IcouldbecompanyUntomyself。IseenotMasterWalter，He’severwithhisward。Iseenother。
ByMasterWalter’swillshebidesalone。
Myfatherstopsintown。Ican’tseehim。
Mycousinmakeshisbookshiscompany。
I’llgotobedandsleep。No——I’llstayupAndplaguemycousinintomakinglove！
For，thathelovesme，shrewdlyIsuspect。
HowdullheisthathathnotsensetoseeWhatliesbeforehim，andhe’dliketofind！
I’llchangemytreatmentofhim。Crosshim，whereBeforeIusedtohumourhim。Hecomes，Poringuponabook。What’sthatyouread？
[EnterMODUS。]
Mod。Latin，sweetcousin。
Helen。’Tisanaughtytongue，Ifear，andteachesmentolie。
Mod。Tolie！
Helen。Youstudyit。Youcallyourcousinsweet，Andtreatherasyouwouldacrab。Assour’Twouldseemyouthinkher，asyoucovether！
Whyhowthemonsterstares，andlooksabout！
YouconstrueLatin，andcan’tconstruethat！
Mod。Ineverstudiedwomen。
Helen。No；normen。
Elsewouldyoubetterknowtheirways：norreadInpresenceofalady。[Strikesthebookfromhishand。]
Mod。Rightyousay，Andwellyouservedme，cousin，sotostrikeThevolumefrommyhand。Iownmyfault；
Sopleaseyou——mayIpickitupagain？
I’llputitinmypocket！
Helen。Pickitup。
HefearsmeasIwerehisgrandmother！
Whatisthebook？
Mod。’TisOvid’sArtofLove。
Helen。ThatOvidwasafool！
Mod。Inwhat？
Helen。Inthat：
Tocallthatthinganart，whichartisnone。
Mod。Andisnotloveanart？
Helen。Areyouafool，AswellasOvid？Loveanart！NoartButtakethtimeandpainstolearn。LovecomesWithneither！Is’ttohoardsuchgrainasthat，Youwenttocollege？Betterstayathome，AndstudyhomelyEnglish。
Mod。Nay，youknownotTheargument。
Helen。Idon’t？IknowitbetterThaneverOviddid！Theface——theform-
Theheart——themindwefancy，cousin；that’sTheargument！Why，cousin，youknownothing。
Supposealadywereinlovewiththee：
CouldstthoubyOvid，cousin，finditout？
Couldstfinditout，wastthouinlovethyself？
CouldOvid，cousin，teachtheetomakelove？
Icould，thatneverreadhim！YoubeginWithmelancholy；thentosadness；thenTosickness；thentodying——butnotdie！
Shewouldnotletthee，weresheofmymind！
She’dtakecompassiononthee。Thenforhope；
Fromhopetoconfidence；fromconfidenceToboldness；——thenyou’dspeak；atfirstentreat；
Thenurge；thenflout；thenargue；thenenforce；
Makeprisonerofherhand；besiegeherwaist；
Threatenherlipswithstorming；keepthywordAndcarryher！Mysampler’gainstthyOvid！
Whycousin，areyoufrightened，thatyoustandAsyouwerestrickendumb？Thecaseisclear，Youarenosoldier。You’llne’erwinabattle。
Youcaretoomuchforblows！
Mod。Youwrongmethere，AtschoolIwasthechampionofmyform；
AndsinceIwenttocollege-
Helen。Thatforcollege！
Mod。Nay，hearme！
Helen。Well？What，sinceyouwenttocollege？
Youknowwhatmenaresetdownfor，whoboastOftheirownbravery！Goon，bravecousin：
What，sinceyouwenttocollege？WastherenotOneQuentinHalworththere？Youknowtherewas，Andthathewasyourmaster！
Mod。Hemymaster！
Thricewasheworstedbyme。
Helen。StillwasheYourmaster。
Mod。HeallowedIhadthebest！
Allowedit，markme！nortomealone，ButtwentyIcouldname。
Helen。AndmasteredyouAtlast！Confessit，cousin，’tisthetruth！
Aproctor’sdaughteryoudidbothaffect-
Lookatmeanddenyit！OfthetwainShemoreaffectedyou；——I’vecaughtyounow，Boldcousin！Markyou？opportunityOnopportunityshegaveyou，sir-
Denyitifyoucan！——butthoughtoothers，Whenyoudiscoursedofher，youwereaflame；
Toheryouwereawickthatwouldnotlight，Thoughheldintheveryfire！Andsohewonher-
Wonher，becausehewooedherlikeaman。
Forallyourcuffings，cuffingyouagainWithmostusuriousinterest。Now，sir，Protestthatyouarevaliant！
Mod。CousinHelen！
Helen。Well，sir？
Mod。Thetaleisallaforgery！
Helen。Aforgery！
Mod。Fromfirsttolast；ne’erspokeI
Toaproctor’sdaughterwhileIwasatcollege。
Helen。’Twasascrivener’sthen——orsomebody’s。
Butwhatconcernsitwhose？
Enough，youlovedher！
And，shameuponyou，letanothertakeher！
Mod。Cousin，I’lltellyou，ifyou’llonlyhearme，IlovednowomanwhileIwasatcollege-
Saveone，andherIfanciedereIwentthere。
Helen。Indeed！NowI’llretreat，ifhe’sadvancing。
Comeshenoton！Owhatastock’stheman！
Well，cousin？
Mod。Well！Whatmorewouldsthavemesay？
IthinkI’vesaidenough。
Helen。AndsothinkI。
Ididbutjestwithyou。Youarenotangry？
Shakehands！Why，cousin，doyousqueezemeso？
Mod。[Lettinghergo。]IswearIsqueezedyounot。
Helen。Youdidnot？
Mod。No。I’lldieifIdid！
Helen。Whythenyoudidnot，cousin，Solet’sshakehandsagain-
[Hetakesherhandasbefore。]OgoandnowReadOvid！Cousin，willyoutellmeonething：
WoreloversruffsinMasterOvid’stime？
Behovedhimteachthem，then，toputthemon；-
Andthatyouhavetolearn。Holdupyourhead！
Why，cousin，howyoublush！Plagueontheruff！
Icannotgive’taset。You’reblushingstill！
Whydoyoublush，dearcousin？So！——’twillbeatme！
I’llgiveitup。
Mod。Nay，prithee，don’t——tryon！
Helen。AndifIdo，Ifearyou’llthinkmebold。
Mod。Forwhat？
Helen。Totrustmyfacesoneartothine。
Mod。Iknownotwhatyoumean。
Helen。I’mgladyoudon’t！
Cousin，Iownrightwellbehavedyouare，Mostmarvellouslywellbehaved！They’vebredYouwellatcollege。WithanothermanMylipswouldbeindanger！Hangtheruff！
Mod。Nay，giveitup，norplaguethyself，dearcousin。
Helen。Dearfool！[Throwstheruffontheground。]
IsweartheruffisgoodforjustAslittleasitsmaster！There！——’Tisspoiled-
You’llhavetogetanother！Hieforit，Andwearitinthefashionofawisp，EreIadjustitforthee！Farewell，cousin！
You’dneedtostudyOvid’sArtofLove。
[HELENgoesout。]
Mod。[Solus。]Wentsheinanger！Iwillfollowher，-
No，Iwillnot！Heigho！Ilovemycousin！
Owouldthatshelovedme！WhydidshetauntmeWithbackwardnessinlove？Whatcouldshemean？
SeessheIloveher，andsolaughsatme，BecauseIlackthefronttowooher？Nay，I’llwooherthen！Herlipsshallbeindanger，Whennextshetruststhemnearme！LookedsheatmeTo-dayasneverdidshelookbefore！
Aboldheart，MasterModus！’TisasayingAfaintoneneverwonfairladyyet！
I’llwoomycousin，comewhatwillon’t。Yes：
[Beginsreadingagain，throwsdownthebook。]
HangOvid’sArtofLove！I’llwoomycousin！
[Goesout。]
SCENEII。——TheBanqueting-roomintheEarlofRochdale’sMansion。
[EnterMASTERWALTERandJULIA。]
Wal。Thisisthebanqueting-room。ThouseestasfarItleavesthelastbehind，asthatexcelsTheformerones。AllisproportionhereAndharmony！Observe！ThemassypillarsMaywelllookproudtobearthegildeddome。
Youmarkthosefull-lengthportraits？They’retheheads，Thestatelyheads，ofhisancestralline。
Hereo’erthefeasttheyhaplystillpreside！
Markthosemedallions！StandtheyforthornotInboldandfairrelief？Isnotthisbrave？
Julia。[Abstractedly。]Itis。
Wal。Itshouldbeso。TocheerthebloodThatflowsinnobleveinsismadethefeastThatgladdenshere！Youseethisdrapery？
’Tisrichestvelvet！Fringeandtassels，gold！
Isnotthiscostly？
Julia。Yes。
Wal。Andchaste，thewhile？
Bothchasteandcostly？
Julia。Yes。
Wal。Comehither！There’samirrorforyou。See！
Onesheetfromfloortoceiling！Lookintoit，Saluteitsmistress！Dostnotknowher？
Julia。[Sighingdeeply。]Yes。
Wal。Andsighestthoutoknowher？WaituntilTo-morrow，whenthebanquetshallbespreadInthefairhall；theguests——alreadybid，Aroundit；here，herlord；andthere，herself；
Presidingo’erthecheerthathailshimbridegroom，Andherthehappybride！Dosthearme？
Julia。[Sighingstillmoredeeply。]Yes。
Wal。Thesearetheday-roomsonly，wehaveseen。
Forpublicanddomesticuseskept。
I’llshowyounowthelodging-rooms。
[Goes，thenturnsandobservesJULIAstandingperfectlyabstracted。]
You’retired。
Letitbetillafterdinner，then。YetoneI’dliketheemuchtosee——thebridalchamber。
[JULIAstarts，crossesherhandsuponherbreast，andlooksupwards。]
Iseeyou’retired：yetitisworththeviewing，IfonlyforthetapestrywhichshowsTheneedlelikethepencilglowswithlife；
[Bringsdownchairs——theysit。]
Thestory’sofapagewholovedthedameHeserved——aprincess！——Love’saheedlessthing！
Thatnevertakesaccountofobstacles；
Makesplainsofmountains，rivuletsofseas，Thatpartitfromitswish。Soprovedthepage，Whofromastatesolowly，lookedsohigh，-
Butlove’sagreaterlackwitstillthanthis。
Sayitaspires——that’sgain！Lovestoops——that’sloss！
Youknowwhatcomes。Theprincesslovedthepage。
ShallIgoon，orhereleaveoff？
Julia。Goon。
Wal。EachsideofthechambershowsadifferentstageOfthisfondpage，andfonderlady’slove。{2}
First——no，itisnotthat。
Julia。Oh，recollect！
Wal。Andyetitis。
Julia。Nodoubtitis。Whatis’t？
Wal。Heholdstoherasalver，withacup；
HischeeksmoremantlingwithhispassionthanThecupwiththerubywine。Sheheedshimnot，Fortoogreatheedofhim：-butseemstoholdDebatebetwixtherpassionandherpride-
That’sliketolosetheday。YoureaditinHervacanteye，knitbrow，andpartedlips，WhichspeakahearttoobusyallwithinTonotewhat’sdonewithout。Likeyouthetale？
Julia。Ilisttoeveryword。
Wal。ThenextsidepaintsThepageuponhisknee。Hehastoldhistale；
Andfoundthatwhenhelosthisheart，heplayedNolosinggame：butwonaricherone！
Theremayyoureadinhim，howlovewouldseemMosthumblewhenmostbold，——youquestionwhichAppearstokissherhand——hisbreath，orlips！
InheryoureadhowwhollylostissheWhotrustsherhearttolove。ShallIgiveo’er？
Julia。Nay，tellittotheend。Is’tmelancholy？
Wal。Toanswerthat，wouldmarthestory。
Julia。Right。
Wal。Thethirdsidenowwecometo。
Julia。Whatshowsthat？
Wal。Thepageandprincessstill。ButstandshersireBetweenthem。Sternhegraspshisdaughter’sarm，Whoseeyeslikefountainsplay；whilethroughhertearsHerpassionshines，asthroughthefountaindropsThesun！Hisminionscrowdaroundthepage！
Theydraghimtoadungeon。
Julia。Haplessyouth！
Wal。Haplessindeed，that’stwiceacaptive！heartAndbodybothinbonds。Butthat’sthechain，Whichbalancecannotweigh，rulemeasure，touchDefinethetextureof，oreyedetect，That’sforgedbythesubtlecraftoflove！
Noneedtotellyouthathewearsit。SuchThecunningofthehandthatpliedtheloom，You’vebuttomarkthestrainingofhiseye，Tofeelthecoilyourself！
Julia。Ifeel’twithout！
You’vefinishedwiththethirdside；nowthefourth！
Wal。Itbringsustoadungeon，then。
Julia。Thepage，Thethralloflove，morethanthedungeon’sthrall，Isthere？
Wal。Heis。Heliesinfetters。
Julia。Hard！
Hardasthesteel，thehandsthatputthemon。
Wal。Someoneunrivetsthem！
Julia。Theprincess？’Tis！
Wal。Itisanotherpage。
Julia。Itisherself！
Wal。Herskinisfair；andhisisberry-brown。
Hislocksareravenblack；andhersaregold。
Julia。Love’scunningofdisguises！spiteoflocks，Skin，vesture，——itisshe，andonlysheWhatwillnotconstantwomandoforloveThat’slovedwithconstancy！Setherthetask，Virtueapproving，thatwillbaffleher！
O’ertaxherstooping，patience，courage，wit！
Mylifeuponit，’tistheprincess’self，Transformedintoapage！
Wal。ThedungeondoorStandsopen，andyouseebeyond-
Julia。Herfather！
Wal。No；asteed。
Julia。[Startingup。]O，welcomesteed，Myheartboundsatthethoughtofthee！ThoucomestTobearthepagefrombondstoliberty。
Whatelse？
Wal。[Rising。]Thestory’stold。
Julia。Toobrieflytold；
Ohappyprincess，thathadwealthandstateTolaythemdownforlove！WhoseconstantloveAppearancesapproved，notfalsified！
Awinnerinthyloss，aswellasgain。
Wal。Weighslovesomuch？
Julia。Whatwouldyouweigh’gainstloveThat’strue？Tellmewithwhatyou’dturnthescale？
Yea，maketheindexwaver？Wealth？Afeather！
Rank？Tinselagainstbullioninthebalance！
Theloveofkindred？Thattoset’gainstlove！
Friendshipcomesnearestto’t；butputitin，Friendshipwillkickthebeam！——weighnothing’gainstit！
Weighloveagainsttheworld！
Yetaretheyhappythathavenaughttosaytoit。
Wal。Andsuchaoneartthou。Whowiselywed，Wedhappily。Thelovethouspeak’stof，Aflowerisonly，thatitsseasonhas，Whichtheymustlooktoseethewitheringof，Whopleasureinitsbuddinganditsbloom！
ButwisdomistheconstantevergreenWhichlivesthewholeyearthrough！Bethat，yourflower！
[EnteraServant。]
Well？
Serv。Mylord’ssecretaryiswithout。
Hebringsaletterforherladyship，Andcravesadmittancetoher。
Wal。Showhimin。
Julia。No。
Wal。Thoumustseehim。Toshowslighttohim，Wereslightinghimthatsenthim。Showhimin！
[Servantgoesout。]
Someerrandproperforthyprivateear，Besidestheletterhemaybring。WhatmeanThispalenessandthistrembling？Markme，Julia！
If，fromthesenuptials，whichthyselfinvited-
Whichatthyseekingcame——thouwouldstbefreed，Thouhastgonetoofar！Recedingweredisgrace，Soonerthanseetheesufferwhich，theheartsThatlovetheemostwouldwishtheedead！Reflect！
Takethought！collectthyself！WithdignityReceivethybridegroom’smessenger！forsureAsdawnsto-morrow’ssun，to-morrownightSeestheeaweddedbride！
[Goesout。]
Julia。[Alone。]Aweddedbride！
Isitadream？Isitaphantasm？’TisToohorribleforreality！foraughtelseToopalpable！Owoulditwereadream！
HowwouldIblessthesunthatwakedmefromit！
Iperish！LikesomedesperatemarinerImpatientofastrangeandhostileland，Whorashlyhoistshissailandputstosea，Andbeingfastonreefsandquicksandsborne，Essaysinvainoncemoretomaketheland，Whencewindandcurrentdrivehim；I’mwreckedBymineownact！What！noescape？nohope？
None！Imuste’enabidethesehatednuptials！
Hated！——Ah！ownit，andthencursethyself！
Thatmadestthebanethouloathest——fortheloveThoubear’sttoonewhonevercanbethine！
Yes——love！Deceivethyselfnolonger。FalseTosay’tispityforhisfall——respect，Engenderedbyahollowworld’sdisdain，Whichhootswhomficklefortunecheersnomore！
’Tisnoneofthese；’tislove——andifnotlove，Whythenidolatry！Ay，that’sthenameTospeakthebroadest，deepest，strongestpassion，Thateverwoman’sheartwasborneawayby！
Hecomes！Thou’dstplaythelady，——playitnow！
[EnteraServant，conductingCLIFFORD，plainlyattiredastheEARL
OFROCHDALE’SSecretary。]
Servant。Hislordship’ssecretary。
[Servantgoesout。]
Julia。Speakshenot？OrdoeshewaitfororderstounfoldHisbusiness？StoppedhisbusinesstillIspoke，I’dholdmypeaceforever！
[CLIFFORDkneels；presentingaletter。]
Doeshekneel？
AladyamItomyheart’scontent！
Couldheunmakemethatwhichclaimshisknee，I’dkneeltohim——Iwould！Iwould！——Yourwill？
Clif。Thisletterfrommylord。
Julia。Ofate！Whospeaks？
Clif。Thesecretaryofmylord。
Julia。Ibreathe！
Icouldhavesworn’twashe！
[Makesanefforttolookathim，butisunable。]
Solikethevoice-
Idarenotlook，lesttheretheformshouldstand！
Howcamehebythatvoice？’TisClifford’svoice，IfeverCliffordspoke！Myfearscomeback-
Cliffordthesecretaryofmylord！
Fortunehathfreaks，butnonesomadasthat！
Itcannotbe！——Itshouldnotbe！——Alook，Andallweresetatrest。
