第2章

\"Good-bye，Norah，\"saidshe。 IsawNorahturnandrunupamongthetrees，almostasswiftlyandsilentlyasahare。Once，sheturnedtolookback。Iwaswatching，andcaughtthechancetowavemyhandtoher。 \"Come！\"commandedmother，andwewentbacktowherefatherwassit- ting。 \"Whatdoyouthink！\"saidmother。 \"IfoundthechildplayingwithoneoftheBadMadigans。Isn’tsheasight！\" Thelumpinmythroatswelledtoaterriblesize；somethingbuzzedinmyears，andIheardsomeoneweeping。 ForasecondortwoIdidn’trealisethatitwasmyself。 \"Well，nevermind，dear，\"saidmother’svoicesoothingly。\"Thefrockwillwash，andthetearwillmend，andtheshoeswillblack。Yes，andthescratcheswillheal。\" \"Itisn’tthat，\"Isobbed。\"Oh，oh，itisn’tthat！\" \"Whatisit，then，forgoodnesssake？\"askedmother。 ButIwouldnottell。Icouldnottell。HowcouldIsaythatthedaughteroftheBadMadiganswasthefirstrealandsatisfyingplaymateIhadeverhad？ IV FAME ASIremembertheboysandgirlswhogrewupwithme，Ithinkofthemasartists，oractors，ortravellers，orrichmerchants。Eachofus，bythetimewewerehalfthroughgrammarschool，hadselectedacareer。SofarasIrecollect，thiscareerhadverylit- tletodowithourabilities。Wemerelychosesomethingthatsuitedus。Ourenergyandourvanitycrystallisedintoparticularshapes。TherewasasortofreligionabroadintheWestatthattimethatapersoncoulddoalmostanythinghesetouttodo。Theolderpeople，aswellasthechildren，hadanideathattheworldwastheirs——theyallwereMonteCristosinthatrespect。 Asforme，Ihaddecidedtobeanorator。 Atthetimeofmakingthisdecision，Iwasnineyearsofage，decidedlythinandlongdrawnout，withtwobrownbraidsdownmyback，andaterrificshynesswhichIoccasionallyovercamewithsuchamagnificentsplurgethatthosewhowerenotacquaintedwithmypeculiaritiesprobablythoughtmeashamefullyassertivechild。 Ibasedmyoratoricalaspirationsuponmyhavingtakentheprizeanum- beroftimesinSunday-schoolforlearn- ingthemostNewTestamentverses，anduponthefactthatIalwayscouldmakemyselfheardtothefarthestcor- neroftheroom。IalsofeltthatIhadagreatmessagetodelivertotheworldwhenIgotaroundit，thoughinthis，I wasinnowaydifferentfromseveralofmyfriends。Ihadnoticedanumberofthingsintheworldthatwerenotquiteright，andwhichIthoughtneededattention，andIbelievedthatifIwerequitegoodandstudiedelocution，inalittlewhileIshouldbeabletosetmypartoftheworldright，andperhapsevenextendmyinfluencetoadjoiningdistricts。 MeantimeIpractisedterriblevocalexercises，chieflyconsistingofarau- cous\"caw\"somethinglikeacrow’sfavouriteremark，andadvocatedbymyteacherinelocutionfornoreasonthatIcannowremember；andIstoodbe- foretheglassforhoursatatimemak- inggrimacessoastoacquirethe\"ac- tor’sface，\"tillmyfrightenedlittlesis- tersimploredmetoturnbackintomy- selfagain。 ItwasagreatdayformewhenI wasaskedtoparticipateintheHarvestHomeFestivalatourchurchonThanksgivingDay。Ilookeduponitasthebeginningofmycareer，andboughtcrimpingpaperssothatmyhaircouldbeproperlyfluted。Ofcourse，Iwantedanewdressfortheoccasion，andI spentseveraldaysinplanningthekindofaoneIthoughtbestsuitedtosuchamemorableevent。IevenpickedouttheparticularlacepatternIwantedfortheruffles。ThiswasbeforeIsubmittedthepropositiontoMother，however。WhenItoldheraboutitshesaidshecouldseenouseingettinganewdressandgoingtoallthetroubleofmakingitwhenmywhiteonewiththegreenharpswasperfectlygood。 Thiswassuchanunusualdressandhadgonethroughsomanyvicissitudes，thatIreallywasdevotedlyattachedtoit。Ithad，inthebeginning，belongedtomyAuntBess，andinthedaysofitsfirstgloryhadbeenasheerIrishlinenlawn，withtinygreenharpsonitatagreeableintervals。Butinthecourseoftime，ithadtobesenttothewash-tub，andthen，behold，allthelit- tlelovelyharpsfollowedtheexampleoftheharpthat\"oncethroughTara’shallthesoulofmusicshed，\"anddis- appeared！Onlyvague，dirty，yellowremindersoftheirbeautyremained，nottodecorate，buttodisfigurethefinefabric。 AuntBess，naturallyenough，feltir- ritated，andshegavethegoodstomother，sayingthatshemightbeabletoboiltheyellowstainsoutofitandmakemeadress。Ihadgoneaboutmanyatime，likeloveamidtheruins，inthefragmentsofAuntBess’ssplen- dour，andIwasnothappyinthethoughtofdanglingthesedimmedre- mindersofIreland’spastaroundwithme。ButmothersaidshethoughtI’dhaveareallytrulywhiteSundaybestdressoutofitbythetimeshewasthroughwithit。Soshepreparedastrongsolutionofsodiumandthings，andboiledthebreadths，andeverylittlegreenharpcamedancingbackasifawaitingthehandofanewDublinpoet。 Thegreenofthemwasevenmorecharmingthanithadbeenatfirst，andI，ashappyasifIhadacquiredthegoldenharpforwhichIthenvaguelylonged，wenttoSunday-schoolallthatsummerinthismiraculousdressofnow-you-see-them-and-now-you-don’t，andbecamesousedtobeingaskedifI wereIrishthatmyheartexultedwhenIfoundthatImight——fractionally—— claimtobe，andthatoneoftheFenianmartyrshadbeenanancestor。Forayear，even，afterthatdiscoveryoftheFenianmartyr，ancestorswereafa- voritestudyofmine。 Well，thoughthedressbecamesome- thingmorethanfamiliartotheeyesofmyassociates，IwassoattachedtoitthatIfeltnoobjectiontowearingitonthegreatoccasion；and，thatbe- ingsettled，allthatremainedwastoselectthepiecewhichwastorevealmytalentstoahithertounappreciative—— or，perhapsIshouldsay，unsuspecting——groupoffriendsandrelatives。ItseemedtomethatIknewbetterthanmyteacher（whohadagreedtoselectthepiecesforherpupils）possiblycouldwhatsortofathingbestrepre- sentedmytalents，andso，aftersomethought，Iselected\"AntonyandCleo- patra，\"andasIlaggedalongthetoo- familiarroadtoschool，avoidingthecompanionshipofmyacquaintances，I repeated： Iamdying，Egypt，dying！ Ebbsthecrimsonlife-tidefast，AndthedarkPlutonianshadowsGatherontheeveningblast。 SometimesIgrewsoimpassioned，soheedlessofallsavemymimicsorrowandtheswingofthepurplelines，thatIcouldnotbringmyselftomodifymyvoice，andthepassers-byheardmyshrilltonesvibratingwith： Asforthee，star-eyedEgyptian！ GlorioussorceressoftheNile！ LightthepathtoStygianhorrorsWiththesplendourofthysmile。 Iwipeddishestotherhythmofsuchphrasesas\"scarredandveteranle- gions，\"andlacedmyshoestothemusicof\"Thoughnoglitteringguardssur- roundme。\" Confidentthatnoonecouldfailtoseethebeautyoftheselines，orthepro- prietyoftheidentificationofmyselfwithAntony，IcalleduponmySunday- schoolteacher，MissGoss，toreport。I neverhadthoughtofMissGossasablithespirit。Shewasassociatedinmymindwithnumeroussolemnoccasions，andIwassurprisedtofindthatonthisdaysheunexpectedlydevelopedatraitofbreakingintonervouslaughter。I hadgotasfaras\"Shouldthebaseple- beianrabble——\"whenMissGossbrokedowninwhatIcouldnotbutregardasafitofgiggles，andIceasedabruptly。 Shepulledherselftogetherafteramomentortwo，andsaidifIwouldfol- lowhertothelibraryshethoughtshecouldfindsomething——hereshehesi- tated，toconcludewith，\"morewithintheunderstandingoftheotherchil- dren。\"Isawthatshethoughtmyfeel- ingswerehurt，andasIpassedamir- rorIfearedshehadsomereasontothinkso。Myfacewasuncommonlyflushed，andalookofindignationhadcrept，somehow，evenintomybraids，which，havingbeenplaitedtootightly，stuckoutincrooksandkinksfromthesideofmyhead。Incidentally，IwashorrifiedtonoticehowthinIwas—— thin，evenforadyingAntony——andmyfrockwassooutgrownthatithardlycoveredmyknees。\"Ridiculous！\"I saidundermybreath，asIconfrontedthismiserablefigure——soshamefullyin- significantforthevicariousemotionswhichithadbeenhousing。\"Ridicu- lous！\" IhatedMissGoss，andmusthaveshownitinmystonystare，forsheputherarmaroundmeandsaiditwasapityIhadbeentoallthetroubletolearnapoemwhichwas——well，atrifletoo——tooold——butthatshehopedtofindsomethingequally\"pretty\"formetospeak。AttheuseofthatadjectiveinconnectionwithWilliamLytle’slines，I wrenchedawayfromhergraspandstoodinwhatIwaspleasedtothinkahaughtycalm，awaitingherdirections。 Shetookfromtheshelvesalittlevol- umeofWhittier，boundincalf，hand- lingitastenderlyasifitwereaprice- lesspossession。Somepressedvioletsdroppedoutassheopenedit，andshereplacedthemwithdevotionalfingers。 Aftersometimeshedecideduponalyriclamententitled\"Eva。\"Iwasaskedtorunovertheverses，andfoundthemremarkablyeasytolearn；fatallyimpossibletoforget。Ipresentlyaroseandwithanimpishbetrayalofthepov- ertyofrhymeandtheplethoraofsen- timent，repeatedthethingrelentlessly。 Oforfaithlikethine，sweetEva，Lightingallthesolemnreevah[river]，Andtheblessingsofthepoor，Waftingtotheheavenlyshoor[shore]。 \"Idothink，\"saidMissGossgently，\"thatifyoutried，mychild，youmightmanagetherhymesjustalittlebetter。\" \"Butifyou’reborninMichigan，\"I protested，\"howcanyoupossiblymake’Eva’rhymewith’never’and’be- liever’？\" \"Perhapsitisalittlehard，\"MissGossagreed，andstillclingingtoherWhittier，sheexhumed\"ThePump- kin，\"whichshethoughtpreciselyfittedforourHarvestHomefestival。Thiswasquiteanotherthingfrom\"Eva，\" andIsawthatonlyhoursofstudywouldfixitinmymind。Iwenttomyhome，therefore，with\"ThePumpkin\" delicatelytranscribedinMissGoss’srunninghand，andItriedtogetsomecomfortfromtheforeignallusionsglit- teringthroughWhittier’skindlyverse。 AsthedayswentbyIcametohaveacertainfondnessforthosehomelylines： O——fruitlovedofboyhood！——theolddaysre- calling，Whenwoodgrapeswerepurplingandbrownnutswerefalling！ Whenwild，uglyfaceswecarvedintheskin，Glaringoutthroughthedarkwithacandlewithin！ Whenwelaughedroundthecorn-heap，withheartsallintune，Ourchairabroadpumpkin——ourlanternthemoon，TellingtalesofthefairywhotravelledlikesteamInapumpkin-shellcoach，withtworatsforherteam！ Onallsidesthispoemwasconsideredveryfitting，andIwenttothefestivalwiththatcomfortablefeelingonehaswhenoneismovingwiththemajorityandiswearingone’sbestclothes。 Isatrigidwithexpectancywhilemyschoolmatesspoketheir\"pieces\"andsangtheirsongs。Withfrozenfacestheyfacedeachotherindialogues，losttheirquaveringvoices，andstumbleddownthestairsintheiranguishofspirit。Ipitiedthem，andthoughthowluckyitwasthatmymemoryneverfailedme，andthatmyvoicecarriedsowellthatIcouldarouseevenoldElderWaitefromhisslumbers。 Thenmyturncame。Mycrimpswerebeautiful；thegreenharpsdancedonmyfreshly-ironedfrock，andIhadonmynewchainandlocket。Irelieduponasortofmechanisminmetosay： Ogreenlyandfairinthelandsofthesun，Thevinesofthegourdandtherichmelonrun。 InthisseemlymannerWhittier’sodetothepumpkinbegan。ImeanttogoontoverseswhichIknewwouldde- lightmyaudience——toreferencestothe\"crook-necks\"ripeningundertheSep- tembersun；andtoThanksgivinggath- eringsatwhichallsmiledatthereun- ionoffriendsandthebountyoftheboard。 Whatmoistensthelipandbrightenstheeye！ Whatcallsbackthepastliketherichpumpkinpie！ Iwassuretheselineswouldmeetwithapproval，andhaving\"comedowntothepopulartaste，\"Iwaspreparedtodomybesttoplease。 Afterafewseconds，whenthegoldenpumpkinsthatlinedthestagehadceasedtodancebeforemyeyes，I thoughtIoughttobeginto\"getholdofmyaudience。\"Ofcourse，mymem- orywouldbegivingmetherightwords，andmyfaciletonguerunningalongre- liably，butIwishedtodemonstratethat\"ability\"whichwastobringmefa- vourandfame。Ilistenedtomyownwordsandwasshiveredintosilence。I wastalkingabout\"darkPlutonianshadows\"；Iwasbegging\"Egypt\"toletherarmsenfoldme——Iwas，indeed，intheverythickoftheforbiddenpoem。 Icouldhearmythin，aspiringvoicereachingoutoverthatparalysedaudi- encewith： ThoughmyscarredandveteranlegionsBeartheireagleshighnomore； AndmywreckedandscatteredgalleysStrewdarkActium’sfatalshore。 Mytongueseemedfrozen，orsomekindofaratchetatthebaseofithadgotoutoforder。Foramoment——amomentcanbethelittlesisterofeter- nity——Icouldsaynothing。ThenI foundmyselfintheclutchesofthein- stinctforself-preservation。Ifeltitinmetostopthegigglesofthegirlsonthefrontseat；totakethepatronisingsmilesoutofthetoleranteyesofthegrownpeople。Maybemyvoicelostsomethingofitspipinginsistenceandwastouchedwithgenuinefeeling；per- hapssomefaint，faintsparkofthedi- vinefirewhichIlongedtofanintoaflamedidflickerinmeforthatonetime。 Ihadtheindescribablehappinessofseeingthesmilesdieonthefacesofmyelders，andofhearingthegigglesofmyfriendscease。 IwenttomyseatamidwhatIwaspleasedtoconsider\"thundersofap- plause，\"andbywayofacknowledg- ment，Ispoke，withchastenedpropri- ety，Whittier’sodetothepumpkin。 IcannotrememberwhetherornotI wasscolded。I’mafraid，afterward，somepeoplestilllaughed。Asforme，oddlyenough，myoratoricalaspira- tionsdied。Idecidedtherewereothercareersbetterfittedtooneofmyphysique。SoIhadtogotothetroubleoffindinganothercareer；butjustwhatitwasIhaveforgotten。 V REMORSE ITisextraordinary，whenyoucometothinkofit，howveryfewdays，outofallthethousandsthathavepassed，lifttheirheadsfromthegreyplainoftheforgotten——likebowldersinalevelstretchofcountry。Itisnotalonetheunimportantonesthatarefor- gotten；but，accordingtoone’selders，manyimportantoneshaveleftnomarkinthememory。Itseemstome，asI thinkitover，thatitwasthedaysthataffectedtheemotionsthatdwellwithme，andIsupposeallofusmustbethesameinthisrespect。 AmongthosewhichIamnevertoforgetisthedaywhenAuntCordeliacametovisitus——mymother’saunt，shewas——andwhenIdiscoveredevil，andtriedtounderstandwhattheuseofitwas。 Great-auntCordeliawas，asIoftenandoftenhadbeentold，notonlymuchtravelled，richandhandsome，butgoodalso。Shewas，indeed，animportantpersonageinherowncity，anditseemedtoberegardedasanevidenceofunusualfamilyfealtythatsheshouldgoabout，nowandthen，brieflyvisitingallofherkinfolktoseehowtheyfaredintheworld。Ioughttohavelookedforwardtomeetingher，butthis，forsomeperversereason，Ididnotdo。IwishedImightrunawayandhidesomewheretillhervisitwasover。Itannoyedmetohavetocleanuptheplay-roomonheraccount，andtohelppolishthesilver，andtocomboutthefringeoftheteanapkins。I likedtohelpinthesetasksordinarily，buttodoitforthepurposeofcominguptoavisiting——andprobably，acon- descending——goddess，somehowmademecross。 Amongotherhardships，IhadtotakecareofmylittlesisterJulieallday。I lovedJulie。Shehadsoftgolden- browncurlsfuzzingaroundonherhead，andmischievousbrowneyes—— warm，extra-humaneyes。Therewasaplaceinthebackofherneck，justbelowthepointofhercurls，whichitwasaprivilegetokiss；andthoughshecouldnotyettalk，shehadathroaty，beauti- fullittleexclamation，whichcannotbespelledanymorethanabirdnote，withwhichshegreetedallthethingssheliked——aflower，oratoy，ormother。 ButlovingJulieasshesatinmother’slap，andhavingtocareforherallofashiningSaturday，weretwoquitedif- ferentthings。AsthehoursworealongIbecameboredwithlookingatthegoldencurlsofmybabysister；Ihadnoinclinationtokissthe\"honey-spot\" inthebackofherneck；andwhenshefrettedfromheatandteethingandmyperfunctorycare，Igrewangry。 Iknewmotherwasbusymakingcus- tardsandcakesforAuntCordelia，andIlongedtobeinwatchingthesepleas- ingoperations。Ithought——butwhatdoesitmatterwhatIthought？Iwasbad！IwassobadthatIwasgladI wasbad。Perhapsitwasnerves。May- beIreallyhadtakencareofthebabytoolong。Buthoweverthatmaybe，forthefirsttimeinmylifeIenjoyedtheconsciousnessofhavingabaddisposi- tion——orperhapsIoughttosaythatI feltafiendishsatisfactioninthediscov- erythatIhadone。 Alonginthemiddleoftheafternoonthreeofthegirlsintheneighbourhoodcameovertoplay。Theyhadtheirdolls，andtheywantedto\"keephouse\" inthe\"newpart\"ofourhome。Wewerelivinginaroomyandcomfortable\"addition，\"whichhad，oddlyenough，beenbuiltbeforethebuildingtowhichitwasfinallytoserveasanannex。Thatistosay，ithadbeentheadditionbe- foretherewasanythingtoadditto。 Bythistime，however，thenewhousewasgettingatrifleold，asitwaitedforthecompletionofitsratherdispropor- tionatesplendours；splendourswhichrepresentedtheambitionsratherthantheachievementsofthefamily。Ittow- ered，large，square，imposing，withhintsofM。Mansard’sgrandiosearchitectu- ralideasinitsstyle，intheverycentreofavillageblockofland。Fromthefirst，itexercisedasortof\"IdreamtI dweltinmarblehalls\"effectuponme，andinavagueway，atthebackofmymind，floatedtheideathatwhenwepassedfromourmodesthomeintothiscommandingedifice，well-trainedservantsmysteriouslywouldappear，beautifulgownswouldbefoundawait- ingmyuseintheclosets，andfatherandmotherwouldbeabletotaketheirease，somethingafterthefashionofthe\"landedgentry\"ofwhomIhadreadinScotchandEnglishbooks。Theceil- ingsofthenewhouseweresohigh，thesweepofthestairssodramatic，thesizeofthedrawing-roomssocopious，thatperhapsIhardlywastobeblamedforexpectingatransformationscene。 Butuntilthisnewlifewasrealised，theclean，bareroomsmadethebestofallpossibleplay-rooms，andwiththelightstreaminginthroughthetrees，andfalling，delicatelytingedwithgreen，uponthenewfloors，andwiththescentofthenewwoodallabout，itwasaplaceofindefinableenchantment。 IwasallowedtoplaythereallIpleased——exceptwhenIhadJulie。Therewereunguardedwindowsandyawningstair- holes，andnostepsasyetleadingfromthegroundtothegreatopeningwherethecarvedfrontdoorwassometimetobe。Instead，therewereplanks，in- clinedatasteepangle，beneathwhichlaythestonesofwhichthefoundationtotheporchweretobemade。Jaggedpiecesofyetunhewnsandstonetheywere，withcrueledges。 Butto-daywhenthegirlssaid，\"Oh，come！\"mynewlydiscoveredbadnessechoedtheirwords。Iwantedtogowiththem。SoIwent。 OutofthecornerofmyeyeIcouldseefatherinthedistance，butI wouldn’tlookathimforfearhewouldbemagnetisedintoturningmyway。 Thegirlshadgoneup，andIfollowed，withJulieinmyarms。DidIhearfathercalltometostop？HealwayssaidIdid，butIthinkhewasmistaken。 PerhapsImerelydidn’twishtohearhim。Anyway，Iwenton，balancingmyselfasbestIcould。Theothergirlshadreachedthetop，andturnedtolookatus，andIknewtheywereafraid。I thinktheywouldhaveheldouttheirhandstohelpme，butIhadbotharmsclaspedaboutJulie。SoIstaggeredon，gotalmosttothetop，thenseemedsub- mergedbeneathawaveoffears——mineandthoseofthegirls——andfell！AsIwent，IcurledlikeasquirrelaroundJulie，andwhenIstruck，shewasstillinmygraspandontopofme。Butsherolledoutofmyrelaxingclutchafterthat，andwhenfatherandmothercamerunning，shewaslyingonthestones。 Theythoughtshehadfallenthatway，andasthebreathhadbeenfairlyknockedoutofherlittlebody，sothatshewasnotcrying，theyweremorefrightenedthanever，andranwithhertothehouse，wildwithapprehension。 Asforme，Igotupsomehowandfol- owed。Idecidednoboneswerebroken，butIwasdizzyandfaint，andachingfrombruises。Isawmylittlefriendsrunningdowntheplankandmakingoffalongthepoplardrive，white-facedandpanting。IknewtheythoughtJuliewasdeadandthatI’dbehung。Ihadthesameidea。 Whenwegottothesitting-roomI hadastrangefeelingofneverhavingseenitbefore。Thetallstove，thegreenandoakingraincarpet，thegreenrepchairs，thewhat-notwithitsshells，thesteelengravingsonthewalls，seemedabsolutelystrange。Isatdownandcountedthediamond-shapedfiguresontheoilclothinfrontofthestove； andafteralongtimeIheardJuliecry，andmothersaywithimmeasurablere- lief： \"Asidefromashakingup，Idon’tbelieveshe’sabittheworse。\" ThensomeonebroughtmeacupfulofcoldwaterandaskedmeifIwashurt。Ishookmyheadandwouldnotspeak。Ithenheard，insimpleandem- phaticAnglo-Saxontheopinionsofmyfatherandmotheraboutagirlwhowouldputherlittlesister’slifeindan- ger，andwoulddisobeyherparents。 AndafterthatIwasputinmymoth- er’sbedroomtopasstherestoftheday，andwastoldIneedn’texpecttocometothetablewiththeothers。 Iacceptedmyfatestoically，andbe- ingpermittedtocarrymyownchairintotheroom，Iputitbythewesternwindow，whichlookedacrosstwomilesofmeadowswavinginbuckwheat，incloverandgrass，andsatthereinacu- rioustorporofspirit。Iwasgladtobealone，forIhaddiscoveredanewidea——theideaofsin。IwishedtobelefttomyselftillIcouldthinkoutwhatitmeant。IbelievedIcoulddothatbynight，and，afterIhadgottotherootofthematter，Icouldcastthewholeuglythingoutofmysoulandbegoodalltherestofmylife。 Therewasalargeupholsteredchairstandinginfrontofme，andIputmyheaddownontheseatofthatandthoughtandthought。MythoughtsreachedsofarthatIgrewfrightened，andIwasrelievedwhenIfeltthelittlesoftgreyveilsdrawingaboutmewhichIknewmeantsleep。ItseemedtomethatIreallyoughttoweep——thatthecircumstancesweresuchthatIshouldweep。Butsleepwassweeterthantears，andnotonlythepaininmymindbutthejarandbruiseofmybodyseemedtodemandthatoblivion。SoI gavewaytotheimpulse，andthegreyveilswrappedaroundandaroundmeasaspider’swebenwrapsafly。AndforhoursIknewnothing。 WhenIawokeitwasthecloseofday。 Longtendershadowslayacrossthefields，theskyhadthatwonderfulclear- nessandkindnesswhichislikeahu- maneye，andthesoftwindpuffinginatthewindowwassweetwithfieldfragrance。Aglassofmilkandaplatewithtwoslicesofbreadlayonthewin- dowsillbyme，asifsomeonehadplacedthemtherefromtheoutside。I couldhearbirdssettlingdownforthenight，andcheepingdrowsilytoeachother。Mycatcameonthesceneand，seeingme，lookedatmewithserious，expandingeyes，twitchedherwhiskerscynically，andpassedon。PresentlyI heardthevoicesofmyfamily。Theywerere-enteringthesitting-room。Sup- perwasover——supper，withitscoldmeatsandshiningjellies，its\"floatingisland\"anditsfigcake。Icouldhearavoicethatwasnewtome。Itwasdeeperthanmymother’s，anditsac- centwasdifferent。Itwasthesortofavoicethatmadeyoufeelthatitsownerhadtalkedwithmanydifferentkindsofpeople，andhadcontrivedtoholdherownwithallofthem。IknewitbelongedtoAuntCordelia。AndnowthatIwasnottoseeher，Ifeltmycuri- osityarisinginme。Iwantedtolookather，andstillmoreIwishedtoaskheraboutgoodness。Shewasrichandgood！Wasonetheresultoftheother？ Andwhichcamefirst？Idimlyper- ceivedthatiftherehadbeenmoremoneyinourhousetherewouldhavebeenmorehelp，andIwouldnothavebeenledintotemptation——babywouldnothavebeenlefttoolonguponmyhands。However，afterafewmomentsofself-pity，Irejectedthisthought。I knewIreallywastoblame，anditoc- curredtomethatIwouldaddtomyfaultsifItriedtoputtheblameonany- bodyelse。 Nowthatthefirstshockwasoverandthatmysleephadrefreshedme，Ibe- gantoseewhatterriblesorrowhadbeenmineifthefallhadreallyinjuredJulie；andasuddenthoughtshookme。 Shemight，afterall，havebeenhurtinsomewaythatwouldshowitselflateron。Iyearnedtolookuponher，toseeifallhersweetnessandsoftnesswasin- tact。ItseemedtomethatifIcouldnotseehertherisinggriefinmewouldbreak，andIwouldsobaloud。Ididn’twanttodothat。Ihadnonotiontocallanyattentiontomyselfwhatever，butseethebabyImust。So，softly，andlikeathief，Iopenedthedoorcom- municatingwiththelittledressing- roominwhichJulie’scradlestood。Thecurtainhadbeendrawnanditwasal- mostdark，butIfoundmywaytoJulie’sbassinet。Icouldnotquiteseeher，butthedelicateodourofherbreathcameuptome，andIfoundherlittlehandandslippedmyfingerinit。 Itwasgrippedinababypressure，andIstoodthereenraptured，feelingasifaflowerhadcaressedme。Iwasthrilledthroughandthroughwithhap- piness，andwithloveforthislittlecrea- ture，whommyselfishnessmighthavedestroyed。TherewasnothinginwhathadhappenedduringthismomentortwowhenIstoodbyhersidetoassuremethatallwaswellwithher；butIdidsobelieve，andIsaidoverandover： \"Thankyou，God！Thankyou，God！\" Andnowmytearsbegantoflow。 Theycameinastorm——astormIcouldnotcontrol，andIfledbacktomother’sroom，andstoodtherebeforethewestwindowweepingasIneverhadweptbefore。 Thequietlovelinessoftheclosingdayhadpassedintothesplendouroftheafterglow。Mightywingsasofbrightangels，pinkandshiningwhite，reachedupoverthesky。Thevaultwaspurpleaboveme，andpaledtolilac，thentogreenofunimaginabletenderness。 NowIquenchedmytearstolook，andthenIweptagain，weepingnomoreforsorrowandlonelinessandshamethanforgratitudeanddelightinbeauty。Sofairaworld！Whathadsintodowithit？Icouldnotmakeitout。 Theshiningwingsgrewpaler，faded，thendarkened；themelancholysoundofcow-bellsstoleupfromthecommon。 Thebirdswerestill；alowwindrustledthetrees。Isatthinkingmyyoung\"nightthoughts\"ofhowmarvellousitwasforthesuntoset，torise，tokeepitsplaceinheaven——ofhowwrappedaboutwithmysterieswewere。Whatiftheworldshouldstarttofallingthroughspace？Wherewoulditland？ Wasthereevenabottomtotheuni- verse？\"Worldwithoutend\"mightmeanthattherewasneitheranendtospacenoryettotime。Ishiveredatthoughtofsuchvastness。 Suddenlylightstreamedaboutme，warmarmsenfoldedme。 \"Mother！\"Imurmured，andslippedfromtheunknowntothedearfamiliar- ityofhershoulder。 Itwas，Isoonperceived，asilk-cladshoulder。Motherhadonherbestdress；nay，sheworehercoralpinandear-rings。HerlacecollarwasscentedwithJockeyClub，andherneck，intowhichIwasburrowing，hadtheinde- scribablesomethingthatwasnotquiteodour，notallsoftness，butwascom- poundedoftheseandmeantmother。 Shesaidlittletomeasshedrewmeawayandbathedmyface，brushedandplaitedmyhair，andputonmycleanfrock。Butwefelthappytogether。I knewshewasasgladtoforgiveasI wastobeforgiven。 Inalittlewhilesheledme，blinking，intothelight。Atallstranger，aladyinprune-colouredsilk，satinthehigh- backedchair。 \"Thisismyeldestgirl，AuntCor- delia，\"saidmymother。Iwentfor- wardtimidly，wonderingifIwerereallygoingtobegreetedbythisper- sonwhomusthaveheardsuchterriblereportsofme。Ifoundmyselfcaughtbythehandsanddrawnintotheem- braceofthisnew，grandacquaintance。 \"Well，I’vebeenwantingtoseeyou，\"saidtherich，kindvoice。\"TheysayyoulookasIdidatyourage。Theysayyouarelikeme！\" Likeher——whowasgood！Butnoonereferredtothisdifferenceorsaidanythingaboutmysins。Whenweweresorry，wasevil，then，forgottenandsinforgiven？Aweightasofirondroppedfrommyspirit。Isankwithasighonthehassockatmyaunt’sfeet。Iwasoncemoreamemberofsociety。 VI TRAVEL ITwastimetosaygood-bye。 Ihadbeendowntomylittlebrother’sgraveandwateredthesorrelthatgrewonit——Ithoughtitwassor- row，andsotendedit；andIhadwalkedaroundthehouseandsaidgood-byetoeverywindow，andtotherobin’snest，andtomyplayhouseintheshed。I hadputacleanribbononthecat’sneck，andkissedmydoll，andgivenpresentstomylittlesisters。Now，shiveringbe- neathmynewgreyjacketinthechilloftheMaymorningair，Istoodreadytopartwithmymother。Shewasalittleflurriedwithhavingjustironedmypinaforesandcollars，andwithhav- ingputthelasthookonmynewStuartplaidfrock，andshelookedmeoverwithratherananxiouseye。Asforme，Ithoughtmyclothescharming，andI lovedthescarletquillinmygreyhat，andthesetofmynewshoes。Ihoped，aboveall，thatnoonewouldnoticethatIwastremblingandlayitdowntofear。 Ofcourse，Ihadbeenawaybefore。 ItwasnotthefirsttimeIhadlefteverythingtotakecareofitself。ButthistimeIwasgoingalone，andthatgaveratheradifferentaspecttothings。 Togointothecountryforafewdays，oreventoDetroit，inthecompanyofawatchfulparent，mightbecalleda\"visit\"；buttogoalone，partlybytrainandpartlybystage，andtoarrivebyone’sself，amountedto\"travel。\"I hadanauntwhohadtravelled，andI feltthismorningthatloveoftravelraninthefamily。ProbablyevenAuntCordeliahadbeenatriflenervous，atfirst，whenshestartedoutforHa- waii，say，orforEgypt。 MotherandIwerebothfearfulthatthedriverofthestation’bushadn’treallyunderstoodthathewastocall。 Firstshewouldaskfather，andthenI wouldaskhim，ifhewasquitesurethemanunderstood，andfathersaidthatifthemancouldunderstandEnglishatall——andhesupposedhecould——hehadunderstoodthat。Fatherwasrightaboutit，too，forjustwhenwe——thatis，motherandI——werealmostgivingup，the’bushorsesswunginthebiggateandcamepoundingupthedrivebe- tweentheLombardypoplars，whichwereoutintheiryellow-greenspringdress。Theywereabayteamwithayellowharnesswhichclinkedsplendidlywithbonerings，andthe’buswasasyellowasapumpkin，andshapednotunlikeone，sothatIgaveitmyinstantapproval。ItwaspreciselythesortofvehicleinwhichIwouldhavechosentogoaway。SoabsorbedwasIinitthat，thoughImusthavekissedmother，Ihavereallynorecollectionofit；anditwasonlywhenwewereswingingoutofthegate，andIlookedbackandsawherstandinginthedoorwatchingus，thataterriblepangcameoverme，sothatforonecrazymomentIthoughtIwasgoingtojumpoutandrunbacktoher。 ButIheldontofather’shandandturnedmyfaceawayfromhomewithallthecourageIcouldsummon，andwewentonthroughthetownandoutacrossalonelystretchofcountrytotherailroad。Forwewereanobstinatelit- tletown，andwouldnotbuilduptotherailroadbecausetherailroadhadre- fusedtorunuptous。Itwasanewstationwithafineechoinit，andthemanwhocalledoutthetrainshadabeautifulvoiceforechoes。Itwascre- atedtoinspirethemandtoencouragethem，andIstoodfascinatedbythethunderousnoiseshewasmakingtillfatherseizedmebythehandandthrustmeintothecareofthetrainconductor。 Theysaidsomethingtoeachotherinthesharp，explosivewaymenhave，andtheconductortookmetoaseatandtoldmeIwashisgirlforthetimebe- ing，andtostayrighttheretillhecameformeatmystation。 Whatamazedmewasthatthecarshouldbefullofpeople。Icouldnotimaginewheretheyallcouldbegoing。 Itwasallverywellforme，whobe- longedtoafamilyoftravellers——aswit- nessAuntCordelia——tobegoingonajourney，butfortheseothers，thesemany，manyothers，tobewanderingaround，heavenknowswhere，struckmeasbeingnotright。Itseemedtotakesomewhatfromthegloryofmyadven- ture。 However，Inoticedthatmostofthemlookedpoor。Theirclotheswereoldandugly；theirfacesnotthoseofpleas- ure-seekers。Itwasverydifficulttoimaginethattheycouldaffordajour- ney，whichwas，asIbelieved，agreatluxury。Atfirst，thepeoplelookedtobeallofasort，butafteralittleIbe- gantoseethedifferences，andtono- ticethatthisonelookedhappy，andthatonesad，andanotherasifhehadmuchtodoandlikedit，andseveralothersasiftheyhadverylittleideawheretheyweregoingorwhy。 ButIlikedbettertolookfromthewindowsandtoseetheworld。ThehousesseemedquitefamiliarandasifIhadseenthemoftenbefore。IhardlycouldbelievethatIhadn’twalkedupthosepaths，openedthosedoorsandseatedmyselfatthetables。IfeltthatifIwentinthosehousesIwouldknowwhereeverythingwas——justwherethedisheswerekept，andtheBible，andthejam。Itstruckmethathouseswereverymuchalikeintheworld，andthatledtothethoughtthatpeople，too，wereprobablyalike。SoIforgotwhattheconductorhadsaidtomeaboutkeepingstill，andIcrossedovertheaisleandsatdownbesidealittlegirlwhowasregrettablyyoung，butwholookedpleasant。Hermotherandgrand- motherweresittingopposite，andtheysmiledatmeinawaterysortofwayasiftheythoughtasmilewasexpectedofthem。Imeanttotalktothelittlegirl，butIsawshewasalmostonthevergeoftears，anditdidn’ttakemelongtodiscoverwhatwasthematter。 Herlittlepinkhatwasheldonbyanelasticband，which，beingputbehindherearsandunderherchin，wascut- tinghercruelly。Iknewbyexperiencethatifthebandwereplacedinfrontofherearsthetensionwouldbelessened； so，withthemostbenevolentintentionsintheworld，Iinsertedmyfingersbe- tweentherubberandherchubbycheeks，drewitoutwithnervousbutfriendlyfingers，somehowletgoofit，andsnapacrosshertworedcheeksandherprettypugnosewentthelacerat- ingelastic，leavingaweltbehindit！ \"Whatdoyoumean，youbadgirl？\" criedthemother，takingmebytheshoulderswithasortofgripIhadneverfeltbefore。\"Ineversawsuchachild——never！\" Anoldwomanwithafacelikeahenleanedoverthebackoftheseat。 \"What’sshedone？What’sshedone？\"shedemanded。Themothertoldher，asthegrandmothercomfortedthehurtbaby。 \"Gobacktoyourseatandstaythere！\"commandedthemother。\"Seeyoudon’tcomenearhereagain！\" MylipstrembledwiththeanguishI couldhardlyrestrain。Neverhadanoblesoulbeenmoremisunderstood。 Stupidbeings！Howdarethey！Yet，nottobelikedbythem——nottobeun- derstood！Thatwasunendurable。 Wouldtheylistentothegentlewordthatturnethawaywrath？Iwasin- clinedtothinknot。Iwasfairlypant- ingundermyloadofdismayandde- spondency，whenalargemanwithanextraordinarilycleanappearancesatdownoppositeme。Hewasastudyingrey——greysuit，tie，socks，gloves，hat，top-coat——yes，andeyes！Heleanedforwardingratiatingly。 \"WhatdoyouthinkAuntEllensentmelastweek？\"heinquired。 Weseemedtobeoldacquaintances，andinmysecondofperplexityIde- cidedthatitwasmereforgetfulnessthatmademeunabletorecalljustwhomhewastalkingabout。SoIonlysaidpolitely：\"Idon’tknow，I’msure，sir。\" \"Why，yes，youdo！\"helaughed。 \"Couldn’tyouguess？WhatshouldAuntEllensendbutsomeofthatwhitemaplesugarofhers；betterthanever，too。I’veapoundofitalongwithme，andI’dbegladtopryoffafewpiecesifyou’dliketoeatit。YoualwaysweresofondofAuntEllen’smaplesugar，youknow。\" Thetonecarriedconviction。OfcourseImusthavebeenfondofit； indeed，uponreflection，IfeltthatIhadbeen。Bythetimethemanwasbackwithaparallelogramofthemaplesugarinhishand，Iwasconvincedthathehadspokenthetruth。 \"AuntEllencertainlyisadear，\"hewenton。\"IrundowntoseehereverytimeIgetachance。Sameoldrain- barrel！Sameoldbeehives！Sameoldwell-sweep！Wouldn’ttradethemforanyothersintheworld。Ilikeevery- thingabouttheplace——likethe’OldMan’thatgrowsbythegate；andthetomatotrellis——nobodyelsetreatsto- matoeslikeflowers；andtheherbgar- den，andthecupboardwiththelittlewood-carvingsinitthatUncleBenmade。YourememberUncleBen？ Beenasailor——brokebothlegs——had’emcutoff——andsataroundandcarvedwhileAuntEllentaughtschool。Happytheywere——noonehappier。Broughtmeup，youknow。Didn’thaveafatherormother——justgatheredmein。Goodsort，those。UncleBen’sgone，butAuntEllen’samothertomeyet。 Thinksofme，travelling，travelling，neverputtingmyheaddowninthesamebedtwonightsrunning；andhereandthereandeverywheresheovertakesmewithlittlescrapsoutofhome。That’sAuntEllenforyou！\" Asthedelicioussugarmeltedonmytongue，thesorrowsmeltedinmysoul，andIwasjustabouttomakesomein- quiriesaboutAuntEllen，whoseper- sonalqualitiesseemedtobegrowingclearerandclearerinmymind，whenmyconductorcamestridingdowntheaisle。 \"Where’smylittlegirl？\"hede- mandedheartily。\"Ah，theresheis，justwhereIlefther，ingoodcompanyandeatingmaplesugar，asIlive。\" \"Well，shehain’tbinthereallthetimenow，Ikentellyethat！\"criedtheoldwomanwithafacelikeahen。 \"Indeed，sheain’t！\"theotherwomenjoinedin。\"She’samischief- makin’child，that’swhatsheis！\"saidthemother。Thelittlegirlwaslook- ingoverhergrandmother’sshoulder，andsheranoutaveryred，serpent- liketongueatme。 \"She’sagoodgirl，andalmostasfondofAuntEllenasIam，\"saidthelargeman，findingmypocket，andput- tingahugepieceofmaplesugarinit。 Theconductor，meantime，wasgath- eringmythings，andwitha\"Comealong，now！Thisiswhereyouchange，\"heledmefromthecar。I glancedbackonce，andthehen-facedwomanshookherwitheredbrownfistatme，andthelargemanwavedandsmiled。TheconductorandIranashardaswecould，hecarryingmylightluggage，toastagethatseemedtobewaitingforus。Heshoutedsomedi- rectionstothedriver，depositedmewithin，andranbacktohistrain。AndI，aloneagain，lookedaboutme。 Wewereintheheartofalittletown，andanumberofmenwerestandingaroundwhilethehorsestooktheirfillatthewatering-trough。Thisaccom- plished，thedrivercheckedupthehorses，mountedtohishighseat，wasjoinedbyaheavyyoungman；twogen- tlemenenteredtheinsideofthecoach，andwewereoff。 Oneofthesegentlemenwasveryold。 Hissilverhairhungonhisshoulders； hehadabeautifulflowingheardwhichgleamedinthelight，thekindestoffaces，litwithlaughingblueeyes，andheleanedforwardonhisheavystickandseemedtomindtheplungingofourvehicle。Theothermanwasmid- dle-aged，dark，silent-looking，and，I decided，ratherlikeaking。Weallrodeinsilenceforawhile，butbyandbytheoldmansaidkindly： \"Whereareyougoing，mychild？\" Itoldhim。 \"Andwhosedaughterareyou？\"heinquired。Itoldhimthatwithpride。 \"Iknowpeopleallthroughthestate，\" hesaid，\"butIdon’tseemtorememberthatname。\" \"Don’tyouremembermyfather，sir？\"Icried，anxiously，edgingupclosertohim。\"Notthatgreatandgoodman！Why，AbrahamLincolnandmyfatherarethegreatestmenthateverlived！\" Hisheadnoddedstrangely，ashelifteditandlookedatmewithhislaughingeye。 \"It’sapityIdon’tknowhim，thatbeingthecase，\"hesaidgently。\"But，anyway，you’realuckylittlegirl。\" \"Yes，\"Isighed，\"Iam，indeed。\" ButmyattentionwastakenbyourapproachtowhatIrecognisedasan\"estate。\"Agreatgatewithhighposts，flatontop，metmygaze，andthroughthisgatewayIcouldseeadriveandmanybeautifultrees。Alittleboywassittingontopofoneoftheposts，watchingus，andIthoughtIneverhadseenaplacebetteradaptedtoviewingthepassingprocession。Ilongedtobeontheothergatepost，exchangingconfi- dencesacrosstheharmlessgulfwiththisnice-lookingboy，when，mostunex- pectedly，thehorsesbegantoplunge。 Thenextsecondtheairwasfilledwithbuzzingblackobjects。 \"Bees！\"saidtheking。Itwasthefirstwordhehadspoken，andatrueworditwas。Swarmingbeeshadset- tledintheroad，andwehaddrivenun- awareintothemidstofthem。Thehorsesweredistracted，andmadeblind- lyforthegate，thoughtheyseemedmuchmorelikelytorunintothepoststhantogetthroughthegate，Ithought。 Theboyseemedtothinkthis，too，forheshotbackward，turnedasomersaultin。theair，anddisappearedfromview。 \"Godblessme！\"saidtheking。 Theheavyyoungmanonthefrontseatjumpedfromhisplaceandbeganbeatingawaythebeesandholdingthehorsesbythebridles，andinafewmin- uteswewereonourway。Thehorseshadbeenbadlystung，andtheheavyyoungmanlookedratherbumpy。Asforus，thekinghadshutthestagedooratthefirstapproachoftrouble，andwewereunharmed。 Afterthis，weallfeltquitewellac- quainted，andtheoldgentlemantoldmesomewonderfulstoriesaboutgoingaboutamongtheIndiansandaboutthemeninthelumbercampsandtheset- tlersonthelakeislands。AfterwardI learnedthathewasabishop，andabraveandholymanwhomitwasagreathonourtomeet，but，atthetime，Ionlythoughtofhowkindhewastopareapplesformeandtotellmetales。 Thekingseldomspokemorethanonewordatatime，buthewaskind，too，inhisway。Oncehesaid，\"Sleepy？\"tome。And，again，\"Hungry？\"Hedidn’tlookoutatthelandscapeatall，andneitherdidthebishop。ButIranfromonesidetotheother，andthelastofthejourneyIwastakenupbetweenthedriverandtheheavymanonthehighseat。 Presentlywewereinalittletownwithcottagesalmosthiddenamongthetrees。Abluestreamranthroughgreenfields，andthewaterdashedoveradam。Icouldhearthesongofthemillandtherippingoftheboards。 \"We’rehere！\"saidthedriver。 Theheavymanliftedmedown，andmyyoungunclecamerunningoutwithhisarmsopentoreceiveme。\"Whatatraveller！\"hesaid，kissingme。 \"It’sbeenatremendouslylongandinterestingjourney，\"Isaid。 \"Yes，\"heanswered。\"Tenmilesbyrailandtenbystage。Isupposeyou’vehadagreatmanyadventures！\" \"Oh，yes！\"Icried，andachedtotellthem，butfearedthiswasnottheplace。 Isawmyunclerespectfullyhelpingthebishoptoalight，andheardhiminquir- ingforhishealth，andthebishopan- sweringinhiskind，deepvoice，andsayingIwasindeedagoodtravellerandsawalltherewastosee——andalit- tlemore。Thekingshookhandswithme，andthistimesaidtwowords： \"Goodluck。\"Unclehadnoideawhohewas——noonehadseenhimbefore。 Uncledidn’tquitelikehislooks。ButIdid。Hewasuncommon；hewasdif- ferent。Ithoughtofallthosepeopleinthetrainwhohadbeensoalike。AndthenIrememberedwhatunexpecteddifferencestheyhadshown，andturnedtosmileatmyuncle。 \"IshouldsayIhavehadadven- tures！\"Icried。 \"We’llgethometoyouraunt，\"hesaid，\"andthenwe’llhearallaboutthem。\" Wecrossedabridgeabovetheroar- ingmill-race，wentupalane，anden- teredArcadia。Thatwasthewayitseemedtome。Itwasreallyacottageaboveastream，whereyouthandlovedwelt，andhonourandhospitality，andthelittlehousewastobeexchangedforagreateronewhere——thoughyouthde- parted——loveandhonourandhospital- itywerestilltodwell。 \"Travel’sagreatthing，\"saidmyuncle，ashehelpedmeoffwithmyjacket。 \"Yes，\"Ianswered，solemnly，\"itisagreatprivilegetoseetheworld。\" Istillamofthatopinion。Ihaveseensomeoddbitsofit，andIcannotunderstandwhyitisthatotherjour- neyshavenotquitecomeuptothatfirstone，whenIheardofAuntEllen，andsawtheboyturnthesurprisedsomersault，andwaswelcomedbytwoloversinalittleArcadia。