第4章

类别:其他 作者:William Makepeace Thackeray字数:27646更新时间:19/01/03 14:25:36
Andnaturesmilesopposite,Stanfieldhecopiesit; O’erClaudeorPoussangsure’tishethatmaycrow: ButSirRoss’sbestfaitureissmallmini-ature—— Heshouldn’tpaintfrescoesinfamedPimlico。 There’sLeslieandUwinshasrathersmalldoings; There’sDyce,asbravemastherasEnglandcanshow; Andtheflowersandthesthrawherries,surehenodauberis,ThatpaintedthepanelsoffamedPimlico。 InthepicturesfromWaltherScott,neverafaultthere’sgot,Surethemarble’sasnaturalasthrueScaglio; AndtheChamberPompayenissweettotaketayin,Andaitbutther’dmuffinsinsweetPimlico。 There’slandscapesbyGruner,bothsolarandlunar,ThemtwolittleDoylestoo,deserveabravo; WiddepiecebyyoungTownsend,(forjaninsaboundsin’t;) Andthat’swhyhe’sshuitedtopaintPimlico。 ThatpictureofSevern’sisworthyofrever’nce,ButsomeIwon’tmintionisrathersoso; Forsweetphiloso’phy,orcrumpetsandcoffee,Owhere’saPavilionlikesweetPimlico? OtopraisethisPavilionwouldpuzzleQuintilian,Daymosthenes,Brougham,oryoungCicero; SoheavenlyGoddess,d’yepardonmymodesty,Andsilence,mylyre!aboutsweetPimlico。 THECRYSTALPALACE。 WithganialfoireThransfusemeloyre,YesacrednympthsofPindus,ThewhoileIsingThatwondthrousthing,ThePalacemadeo’windows! Say,Paxton,truth,Thouwondthrousyouth,Whatsthrokeofartcelistial,WhatpowerwaslintYoutoinvintThiscombineetioncristial。 OwouldbeforeThatThomasMoore,LikewoisethelateLordBoyron,ThimaiglessthrongOfgodlikesong,Castoionthatcastoiron! Andsawthimwalls,Andglitteringhalls,Thimrisingslendthercolumns,WhichIpoorpote,Couldnotdenote,No,notintwintyvollums。 MyMuse’swordsIslikethebird’sThatroostsbeneaththepanesthere; Herwingshespoils’Gainstthembrighttoiles,Andcrackshersillybrainsthere。 ThisPalacetall,ThisCristialHall,WhichImperorsmightcovet,StandsinHighParkLikeNoah’sArk,Arainbowbintaboveit。 Thetowersandfanes,Inotherscaynes,Thefameofthiswillundo,SaintPaul’sbigdoom,SaintPayther’sRoom,AndDublin’sproudRotundo。 ’Tisherethatroams,AswellbecomesHerdigniteeandstations,VictoriaGreat,AndhouldsinstateTheCongressoftheNations。 HersubjectspoursFromdistantshores,HerInjiansandCanajians; Andalsowe,Herkingdomsthree,Attindwithourallagiance。 HerecomelikewiseHerbouldallies,BothAsianandEuropian; FromEastandWestTheysendtheirbestTofillherCoornucopean。 Iseen(thankGrace!) Thiswonthrousplace(HisNobleHonorMistherH。ColeitwasThatgavethepass,Andletmeseewhatisthere)。 WithconsciousproideIstudinsoideAndlook’dtheWorld’sGreatFairin,UntilmesightWasdazzledquite,Andcouldn’tseeforstaring。 There’sholysaintsAndwindowpaints,ByMaydiayvalPugin; AlhamboroughJonesDidpaintthetonesOfyellowandgambougein。 There’sfountainsthereAndcrossesfair; There’swater-godswithurrns: There’sorgansthree,Toplay,d’yesee? \"GodsavetheQueen,\"byturrns。 There’sStatuesbrightOfmarblewhite,Ofsilver,andofcopper; Andsomeinzinc,Andsome,Ithink,Thatisn’toverproper。 There’sstaymIngynes,Thatstandsinlines,Enormousandamazing,ThatsquealandsnortLikewhalesinsport,Orelephantsa-grazing。 There’scartsandgigs,Andpinsforpigs,There’sdibblersandthere’sharrows。 AndploughsliketoysForlittleboys,Andilegantwheelbarrows。 ForthimgenteelsWhorideonwheels,There’splentytoindulge’em: There’sDroskyssnugFromPaytersbug,AndvayhyclesfromBulgium。 There’sCabsonStandsAndShandthrydanns; There’sWaggonsfromNewYorkhere; There’sLaplandSleighsHavecross’dtheseas,AndJauntingCyarsfromCorkhere。 AmazedIpassFromglasstoglass,DeloightedIsurvey’em; FreshwondthersgrowsBeforemenoseInthissublimeMusayum! Look,here’safanFromfarJapan,AsabrefromDamasco: There’sshawlsyegetFromfarThibet,AndcottonprintsfromGlasgow。 There’sGermanflutes,Marockyboots,AndNaplesMacaronies; BohaymiaHassentBohay; Poloniaherpolonies。 There’sgraniteflintsThat’squiteimminse,There’ssacksofcoalsandfuels,There’sswordsandguns,Andsoapintuns,AndGingerbreadandJewels。 There’staypotsthere,Andcannonsrare; There’scoffinsfill’dwithroses; There’scanvastints,Teethinsthrumints,AndshuitsofclothesbyMOSES。 There’slashinsmoreOfthingsinstore,ButthimIdon’tremimber; NorcoulddiscloseDidIcomposeFromMaytimetoNovimber! Ah,JUDYthru! Witheyessoblue,Thatyouwereheretoviewit! AndcouldIscrewButtupoundtu,’TisIwouldthraityoutoit! SoletusraiseVictoria’spraise,AndAlbert’sproudcondition,ThattakeshisayseAshesurveysThisCristialExhibition。 1851。 MOLONY’SLAMENT。 OTIM,didyouhearofthimSaxons,Andreadwhatthepeepersreport? They’regoantorecaltheLiftinant,AndshutuptheCastleandCoort! OurdesolatecounthryofOireland,They’rebint,theblagyards,todesthroy,Andnowhavingmurdtheredourcounthry,They’regointokilltheViceroy,Dearboy; ’Twashewasourproideandourjoy! Andwillwenolongerbehouldhim,Surroundinghiscarriageinthrongs,Asheweaveshiscocked-hatfromthewindies,Andsmilestohisbouldaid-de-congs? Ilikedfortoseetheyoungharoes,Allshoiningwithsthripesandwithstars,AhorsingaboutinthePhaynix,Andwinkingthegirlsinthecyars,LikeMars,Asmokin’theirpoipesandcigyars。 DearMitchellexoiledtoBermudies,Yourbeautifuloilidsyou’llope,Andthere’llbeanabondanceofcroyin’ FromO’BrineattheKeepofGoodHope,Whentheyreadofthisnewsinthepeepers,AcrasstheAtlanticalwave,ThatthelastoftheOirishLiftinintsOftheoislandofSeentshastucklave。GodsaveTheQueen——sheshouldbettherbehave。 Andwhat’stobecomeofpoorDameSthreet,Andwho’llaitthepuffsandthetarts,WhintheCoortofimparialsplindorFromDoblin’ssadcitydeparts? Andwho’llhavethefiddlersandpipers,WhenthedeuceofaCoortthereremains? Andwhere’llbethebucksandtheladies,TohiretheCoort-shuitsandthethrains? Insthrains,It’sthusthatouldErincomplains! There’sCounsellorFlanagan’sleedy’TwassheintheCoortdidn’tfail,Andshewantedaplintyofpopplin,Forherdthress,andherflounce,andhertail; SheboughtitofMisthressO’Grady,Eightshillingsayardtabinet,ButnowthattheCoortisconcluded,Thedivvleayardwillsheget;Ibet,Bedad,thatshewearstheoldset。 There’sSurgeonO’TooleandMissLeary,They’ddaylingsatMadamO’Riggs’; Eachyearatthedthrawing-roomsayson,Theymountedtheneatestofwigs。 WhenSpring,withitsbudsanditsdasies,Comesoutinherbeautyandbloom,Thimtu’llneverthinkofnewjasies,Becasethereisnodthrawing-room,ForwhomThey’dchoosetheexpensetoashume。 There’sAldermanToadandhislady,’TwastheygavetheClartandthePoort,Andthepoine-apples,turbots,andlobsters,TofeasttheLordLiftinint’sCoort。 Butnowthatthequality’sgoin,Iwarntthattheaitingwillstop,Andyou’llgetattheAlderman’steebleThedevilabiteoradthrop,Orchop; Andthebutchermayshutuphisshop。 Yes,thegroomsandtheushersaregoin,AndhisLordship,thedearhonestman,AndtheDuchess,hiseemiableleedy,AndCorry,thebouldConnellan,AndlittleLordHydeandthechildthren,AndtheChewterandGovernesstu; Andtheservantsarepackingtheirboxes,—— Oh,murther,butwhatshallIdueWithoutyou? OMeery,withoisoftheblue! MR。MOLONY’SACCOUNTOFTHEBALL。 GIVENTOTHENEPAULESEAMBASSADORBYTHEPENINSULARANDORIENTAL COMPANY。 Owillyechoosetohearthenews,BedadIcannotpassito’er: I’lltellyouallabouttheBallTotheNaypaulaseAmbassador。 Begor!thisfeteallballsdoesbateAtwhichI’vewornapump,andI MusthererelatethesplendthorgreatOfth’OrientalCompany。 Thesemenofsinsedispoisedexpinse,TofetetheseblackAchilleses。 \"We’llshowtheblacks,\"saysthey,\"Almack’s,AndtaketheroomsatWillis’s。\" Withflagsandshawls,fortheseNepauls,TheyhungtheroomsofWillisup,Anddeckedthewalls,andstairs,andhalls,Withrosesandwithliliesup。 AndJullien’sbandittuckitsstand,Sosweetlyinthemiddlethere,Andsoftbassoonsplayedheavenlychunes,Andviolinsdidfiddlethere。 AndwhentheCoortwastiredofspoort,I’dlaveyou,boys,tothinktherewasAnatebuffetbeforethemset,Wherelashinsofgooddhrinktherewas。 Attenbeforetheball-roomdoor,HismoightyExcellincywas,Hesmoiledandbowedtoallthecrowd,Sogorgeousandimmensehewas。 Hisduskyshuit,sublimeandmute,Intothedoor-wayfollowedhim; AndOthenoiseoftheblackguardboys,Astheyhurroodandhollowedhim! ThenobleChair*studatthestair,Andbadethedthrumstothump;andheDidthusevince,tothatBlackPrince,ThewelcomeofhisCompany。 Ofairthegirls,andrichthecurls,Andbrighttheoysyousawthere,was; Andfixedeachoye,yetherecouldspoi,OnGineralJungBahawther,was! ThisGineralgreatthentuckhissate,Withalltheotherginerals,(Bedadhistroat,hisbelt,hiscoat,Allbleezedwithpreciousminerals;) Andashethere,withprincelyair,Recloininonhiscushionwas,AllroundabouthisroyalchairThesqueezinandthepushinwas。 OPat,suchgirls,suchJukes,andEarls,Suchfashionandnobilitee! JustthinkofTim,andfancyhimAmidstthehoighgentilitee! TherewasLordDeL’Huys,andthePortygeeseMinistherandhisladythere,AndIreckonized,withmuchsurprise,Ourmessmate,BobO’Grady,there; TherewasBaronessBrunow,thatlookedlikeJuno,AndBaronessRehausenthere,AndCountessRoullier,thatlookedpeculiarWell,inherrobesofgauzeinthere。 TherewasLordCrowhurst(Iknewhimfirst,WhenonlyMr。Pipshewas),AndMickO’Toole,thegreatbigfool,Thataftersuppertipsywas。 TherewasLordFingall,andhisladiesall,AndLordsKilleenandDufferin,AndPaddyFife,withhisfatwife: Iwondtherhowhecouldstuffherin。 TherewasLordBelfast,thatbymepast,AndseemedtoaskhowshouldIgothere? AndtheWidowMacrae,andLordAHay,AndtheMarchionessofSligothere。 Yes,Jukes,andEarls,anddiamonds,andpearls,Andprettygirls,wassportingthere; Andsomebeside(therogues!)Ispied,Behindthewindies,coortingthere。 Othere’soneIknow,bedadwouldshowAsbeautifulasanythere,AndI’dliketohearthepipersblow,AndshakeafutwithFannythere! *JamesMatheson,Esq。,towhom,andtheBoardofDirectorsofthePeninsularandOrientalCompany,I,TimotheusMolony,latestokeronboardthe\"Iberia,\"the\"LadyMaryWood,\"the\"Tagus,\"andtheOrientalsteamships,humblydedicatethisproductionofmygratefulmuse。 THEBATTLEOFLIMERICK。 YeGeniiofthenation,Wholookwithveneration。 AndIreland’sdesolationonsaysinglydeplore; YesonsofGeneralJackson,WhothrampleontheSaxon,AttendtothethransactionuponShannonshore,WhenWilliam,DukeofSchumbug,Atyrantandahumbug,Withcannonandwiththunderonourcitybore,OurfortitudeandvalianceInsthructedhisbattalionsTorespictthegalliantIrishuponShannonshore。 Sincethatcapitulation,NocityinthisnationSograndareputationcouldboastbefore,AsLimerickprodigious,Thatstandswithquaysandbridges,AndtheshipsuptothewindiesoftheShannonshore。 Achiefofancientline,’TisWilliamSmithO’BrineReprisintsthisdarlingLimerick,thistenyearsormore: OtheSaxonscan’tendureToseehimontheflure,AndthrimbleattheCicerofromShannonshore! ThisvalliantsonofMarsHadbeentovisitPar’s,ThatlandofRevolution,thatgrowsthetricolor; AndtowelcomehisreturrnFrompilgrimagesfurren,WeinvitedhimtotayontheShannonshore。 ThenwesummonedtoourboardYoungMeagherofthesword: ’Tishewillsheathethatbattle-axeinSaxongore; AndMitchilofBelfastWebadetoourrepast,TodthrinkadishofcoffeeontheShannonshore。 ConvanientlytohouldThesepatriotssobould,WetucktheopportunityofTimDoolan’sstore; Andwithornamintsandbanners(Asbecomesgintalegoodmanners) Wemadetheloveliesttay-roomuponShannonshore。 ’Twouldbinifityoursowls,Toseethebuttheredrowls,Thesugar-tongsandsangwidgesandcraimgalyore,Andthemuffinsandthecrumpets,Andthebandofheartsandthrumpets,TocelebratethesworryuponShannonshore。 SuretheImperorofBohayWouldbeproudtodthrinkthetayThatMisthressBiddyRooneyforO’Brinedidpour; And,sincethedaysofStrongbow,ThereneverwassuchCongo—— Mitchildthranksixquartsofit——byShannonshore。 ButClarndonandCorryConnellanbeheldthissworryWithrageandimulationintheirblackhearts’core; AndtheyhiredagangofruffinsTointerruptthemuffins,AndthefragranceoftheCongoontheShannonshore。 Whenfulloftayandcake,O’Brinebegantospake; Butjuiceaonecouldhearhim,forasuddenroarOfaragamuffinroutBegantoyellandshout,AndfrightentheproprietyofShannonshore。 AsSmithO’Brineharangued,Theybattheredandtheybanged: TimDoolan’sdoorsandwindiesdowntheytore; Theysmashedthelovelywindies(HungwithmuslinfromtheIndies),PurshuingoftheirshindiesuponShannonshore。 Withthrowingofbrickbats,Drownedpuppiesanddeadrats,Theseruffindemocratsthemselvesdidlower; Tinkettles,rotteneggs,Cabbage-stalks,andwoodenlegs,TheyflungamongthepatriotsofShannonshore。 OthegirlsbegantoscrameAndupsetthemilkandcrame; Andthehonorablegintlemin,theycursedandswore: AndMitchilofBelfast,’Twashethatlookedaghast,WhentheyroastedhimineffigybyShannonshore。 OthelovelytaywasspiltOnthatdayofIreland’sguilt; SaysJackMitchil,\"Iamkilt!Boys,where’sthebackdoor? ’Tisanationaldisgrace: Letmegoandveilmeface;\" AndheboultedwithquickpacefromtheShannonshore。 \"Cutdownthebloodyhorde!\" SaysMeagherofthesword,\"Thisconductwoulddisgraceanyblackamore;\" ButthebestuseTommymadeOfhisfamousbattlebladeWastocuthisownstickfromtheShannonshore。 ImmortalSmithO’BrineWasraginglikealine; ’Twouldhavedoneyoursowlgoodtohaveheardhimroar; Inhisgloryhearose,Andherusheduponhisfoes,ButtheyhithimonthenosebytheShannonshore。 ThentheFuttandtheDthragoonsInsquadthronsandplatoons,Withtheirmusicplayingchunes,downuponusbore; Andtheybatetherattatoo,ButthePeelerscameinview,AndendedtheshalooontheShannonshore。 LARRYO’TOOLE。 You’veallheardofLarryO’Toole,OfthebeautifultownofDrumgoole; Hehadbutoneeye,Toogleyeby—— Oh,murther,butthatwasajew’l! AfoolHemadeofdegirls,disO’Toole。 ’Twashewastheboydidn’tfail,Thattuckdownpatatiesandmail; HeneverwouldshrinkFromanysthrongdthrink,WasitwhiskyorDroghedaale; I’mbailThisLarrywouldswallowapail。 Oh,manyanightatthebowl,WithLarryI’vesotcheekbyjowl; He’sgonetohisrest,Where’sthere’sdthrinkofthebest,AndsoletusgivehisoldsowlAhowl,For’twashemadethenoggintorowl。 THEROSEOFFLORA。 SentbyaYoungGentlemanofQualitytoMissBr-dy,ofCastleBrady。 OnBrady’stowertheregrowsaflower,Itistheloveliestflowerthatblows,—— AtCastleBradytherelivesalady,(AndhowIlovehernooneknows); HernameisNora,andthegoddessFloraPresentsherwiththisbloomingrose。 \"OLadyNora,\"saysthegoddessFlora,\"I’vemanyarichandbrightparterre; InBrady’stowersthere’ssevenmoreflowers,Butyou’rethefairestladythere: Notallthecounty,norIreland’sbounty,Canprojuiceatreasurethat’shalfsofair!\" Whatcheekisredder?surerosesfedher! Herhairismaregolds,andhereyeofblew。 Beneathhereyelid,islikethevi’let,Thatdarklyglistenswithgentlejew! Thelily’snatureisnotsurelywhiterThanNora’sneckis,——andherarrumstoo。 \"Come,gentleNora,\"saysthegoddessFlora,Mydearestcreature,takemyadvice,Thereisapoet,fullwellyouknowit,Whospendshislifetimeinheavysighs,—— YoungRedmondBarry,’tishimyou’llmarry,Ifrhymeandraisinyou’dchooselikewise。\" THELASTIRISHGRIEVANCE。 OnreadingofthegeneralindignationoccasionedinIrelandbytheappointmentofaScotchProfessortooneofHERMAJESTY’SGodlesscolleges,MASTERMOLLOYMOLONY,brotherofTHADDEUSMOLONY,Esq。,oftheTemple,ayouthonlyfifteenyearsofage,dashedoffthefollowingspiritedlines:—— AsIthinkoftheinsultthat’sdonetothisnation,RedtearsofrivingefrommefaturesIwash,Andupholdinthispome,totheworld’sdaytistation,ThesleevesthatappointedPROFESSORM’COSH。 Ilookroundmecounthree,renownedbyexparience,Andseemidstherchildthren,thewitty,thewise,—— Wholehaypsoflogicians,potes,schollars,grammarians,Allaygerforpleeces,allpantingtorise; Igazeroundtheworldinitsutmostdiminsion; LARDJAHNandhisminionsinCouncilIask; WasthereeveraGovernment-pleece(withapinsion) ButchildrenofErinwerefitforthattask? What,Erinbeloved,isthyfetalcondition? Whatshameinaychboosommustrankleandburrun,Tothinkthatourcountreehasne’eralogicianInthehourofherdeengerwillsurrevherturrun! OnthelogicofSaxonsthere’slittlereliance,And,ratherfromSaxonsthangatheritsrules,I’dstampunderfeetthebasebookofhisscience,Andspitonhischairashetaughtintheschools! OfalseSIRJOHNKANE!isitthusthatyoupraychme? IthinkallyourQueen’sUniversiteesBosh; Andifyou’venoneetiveProfessortotaychme,IscawurntobelearnedbytheSaxonM’COSH。 There’sWISEMANandCHUME,andHisGracetheLordPrimate,Thatsindsroundthebox,andtheworldwillsubscribe; ’Tisthey’llbuildaCollegethat’sfitforourclimate,AndtaychmethesaycretsIburntoimboibe! ’TisthereasaStudentofScienceI’llenther,FairFountainofKnowledge,ofJoy,andContint! SAINTPATHRICK’SsweetStatueshallstandinthecenther,AndwinkhisdearoieverydayduringLint。 AndgoodDoctorNEWMAN,thatpraycherunwary,’TisheshallpresidetheAcademeeSchool,AndquitthegayrobeofST。PHILIPofNeri,TowieldthesoftrodofST。LAWRENCEO’TOOLE! THEBALLADSOFPOLICEMANX。 THEWOLFENEWBALLADOFJANERONEYANDMARYBROWN。 AnigstrawnarytailIvilltellyouthisveek—— IstoodintheCourtofA’BecketttheBeak,VereMrs。JaneRoney,avidow,Isee,WhochargedMaryBrownwitharobbinofshe。 ThisMarywasporeandinmiseryonce,AndshecametoMrs。Roneyit’smorethantwelvemonce。 Sheadn’tgotnobed,nornodinnernornotea,AndkindMrs。RoneygaveMaryallthree。 Mrs。RoneykepMaryforeversomanyveeks,(HerconductdisgustedthebestofallBeax,) Shekepherfornothink,askindascouldbe,NeverthinkinthatthisMarywasatraitortoshe。 \"Mrs。Roney,OMrs。Roney,Ifeelveryill; WillyoujuststeptotheDoctor’sfortofetchmeapill?\" \"ThatIwill,myporeMary,\"Mrs。Roneysaysshe; AndshegoesofftotheDoctor’sasquicklyasmaybe。 NosooneronthismessageMrs。Roneywassped,ThanhupgitsvickedMary,andjumpsoutabed; Shehopensallthetrunkswithoutneverakey—— Shebustesalltheboxes,andviththemmakesfree。 Mrs。Roney’sbestlinning,gownds,petticoats,andclose,Herchildren’slittlecoatsandthings,herboots,andherhose,Shepackedthem,andshestole’em,andavayviththemdidflee。 Mrs。Roney’ssituation——youmaythinkvatitvouldbe! OfMary,ungrateful,whohadservedherthisvay,Mrs。Roneyheardnothinkforalongyearandaday。 TilllastThursday,inLambeth,venwhomshouldsheseeButthisMary,ashadactedsoungratefultoshe? Shewasleaningonthehelboofaworthyyoungman,Theyweregoingtobemarried,andwerewalkinhandinhand; AndtheChurchbellswasaringingforMaryandhe,Andtheparsonwasready,andawaitinforhisfee。 WhenupcomesMrs。Roney,andfacesMaryBrown,Whotrembles,andcasteshereyesupontheground。 Shecallsajollypleaseman,ithappenstobeme; Ichargethisyonngwoman,Mr。Pleaseman,saysshe。 \"Mrs。Roney,O,Mrs。Roney,O,doletmego,IactedmostungratefulIown,andIknow,Butthemarriagebellisaringin,andtheringyoumaysee,Andthisyoungmanisawaitin,\"saysMarysaysshe。 \"Idon’tcarethreefardensfortheparsonandclark,Andthebellmaykeepringinfromnoondaytodark。 MaryBrown,MaryBrown,youmustcomealongwithme; AndIthinkthisyoungmanisluckytobefree。\" So,inspiteofthetearswhichbejew’dMary’scheek,ItookthatyounggurltoA’BecketttheBeak; ThatexlentJusticedemandedherplea—— ButneverasullablesaidMarysaidshe。 Onaccountofherconducksobaseandsovile,Thatwickedyounggurliscommittedfortrile,Andifshe’stranspawtedbeyondthesaltsea,It’saproperrewardforsuchwilliansasshe。 NowyouyounggurlsofSouthwarkforMarywhoveep,Frompickinandstealinyourandsyoumustkeep,Oritmaybemydooty,asitwasThursdayveek,TopullyouallhuptoA’BecketttheBeak。 THETHREECHRISTMASWAITS。 MynameisPleacemanX; LastnightIwasinbed,Adreamdidmeperplex,WhichcameintomyEdd。 IdreamedIsorthreeWaitsAplayingoftheirtune,AtPimlicoPalacegates,Allunderneaththemoon。 OnepuffedaholdFrenchhorn,AndoneaholdBanjo,AndonechapseedyandtornAHirishpipedidblow。 Theysadlypipedandplayed,Dexcribingoftheirfates; Andthiswaswhattheysaid,ThosethreeporeChristmasWaits: \"Whenthisblackyearbegan,ThisEighteen-forty-eight,Iwasagreatgreatman,Andkingbothviseandgreat,AndMunseerGuizotbymedidshowAsMinisterofState。 \"ButFebuwerrycame,Andbroughtarabblerout,AndmeandmygooddameAndchildrendidturnout,Andus,inspiteofallourright。 Senttotherightabout。 \"Ileftmynativeground,Ileftmykinandkith,Ileftmyroyalcrownd,VichIcouldn’ttravelvith,AndwithoutapoundcametoEnglishground,InthenameofMr。Smith。 \"LikeanyanchoriteI’velivedsinceIcamehere,I’vekepmyselfquitequite,I’vedrankthesmallsmallbeer,Andthevater,yousee,disagreesvithmeAndallmyfamlydear。 \"OTweeleriessodear,OdarlingPallyRoyl,VasittofinishhereThatIdidtroubleandtoyl? Thatallmyplansshouldbreakinmyands,Andshouldonmerecoil? \"MystateIfencedaboutVithbaynicksandvithguns; MygalsIportionedhout,RichvivesIgotmysons; Ovarn’titcruletolosemyrule,Mymoneyandlandsatonce? \"Andso,vitharpandwoice,Bothtroubledandshagreened,Ihidyoutorejoice,OgloriousEngland’sQueend! Andneverhavetoveep,likeporeLouis-Phileep,Becauseyououtarecleaned。 \"OPrins,sobraveandstout,Istandbeforeyourgate; PraysendatriflehoutTome,yourporeoldVait; Fornothinkcouldbevussthanit’sbeenalongvithusInthisyearForty-eight。\" \"Venthisbadyearbegan,\" Thenexmansaid,seysee,\"IvasaJourneyman,Ataylorblackandfree,Andmywifewentoutandchairedabout,Andmyname’stheboldCuffee。 \"TheQueenandHalbertbothIsworeIwouldconfound,ItookahawflehoathTodragthemtotheground; AndsevralmorewithmetheysworeAginsttheBritishCrownd。 \"AginstherPleacemenallWesaidwe’dtryourstrenth; HerscarlicksoldierstallWevow’dwe’dlayfulllenth; Andoutwecame,inFreedom’sname,LastAyprilwasthetenth。 \"Three’undredthousandsnobsCameouttostopthevay,Vithsticksvithironknobs,Orelsewe’dgainedtheday。 Theharmyquitekeptoutofsight,Andsoveventavay。 \"NextdaythePleacemencame—— Rewengeitwastheirplann—— AndfrommygoodolddameTheytookhertailor-mann: AndthehardhardbeakdidmebespeakToNewgitintheWann。 \"InthatetrociousCortTheJewrydidagree; TheJudgedidmetransport,Togobeyondthesea: Andsoforlife,fromhisdearwifeTheytookpooroldCuffee。 \"OHalbert,AppyPrince! Withchildrenroundyourknees,IngravingansumPrints,Andtakinghoffyourhease; Othinkofme,theoldCuffee,Beyondthesoltsoltseas! \"AlthoughI’mholdandblack,Myhanguishismostgreat; GreatPrince,Ocallmeback,AndIvillbeyourVait! AndnevernomorevillbreaktheLor,AsIdidin’Forty-eight。\" Thetailerthusdidclose(Aporeoldblackymorerogue),Whenadismalgentuprose,AndspokewithHirishbrogue: \"I’mSmithO’Brine,ofRoyalLine,DescendedfromRoryOgue。 \"WhengreatO’Connledied,Thatmanwhomalldidtrust,ThatmanwhomHenglishprideBeheldwithsuchdisgust,ThenErinfreefixedeyesonme,AndswoarIshouldbefust。 \"’ThegloriousHirishCrown,’ Saysshe,’itshallbethine: Longtime,it’swerywellknown,Youkepitinyourline; ThatdiademofhemeraldgemIsyours,mySmithO’Brine。 \"’ToolongtheSaxonchurlOurlandencumberedhath; ArisemyPrince,myEarl,Andbrushthemfromthypath: Rise,mightySmith,andsveep’emvithThebesomofyourwrath。’ \"TheninmymightIrose,MycountryIsurveyed,Isawitfilledwithfoes,Iviewedthemundismayed; ’Ha,ha!’saysI,’theharvest’shigh,I’llreapitwithmyblade。’ \"MywarriorsIenrolled,Theyralliedroundtheirlord; AndcheafsincounciloldIsummonedtotheboard—— WiseDohenyandDuffybold,AndMeagheroftheSword。 \"IstoodonSlievenamaun,Theycamewithpikesandbills; Theygatheredinthedawn,Likemistuponthehills,AndrushedadownthemountainsideLiketwentythousandrills。 \"Theirfortressweassail; Hurroo!myboys,hurroo! ThebloodySaxonsquailTohearthewildShaloo: Strike,andprevail,proudInnesfail,O’Brineaboo,aboo! \"Ourpeopletheydefied; Theyshotat’emlikesavages,TheirbloodygunstheypliedWithsanguinaryravages: Hide,blushingGlory,hideThatdayamongthecabbages! \"AndsonomoreI’llsay,ButaskyourMussygreat。 Andhumblysingandpray,YourMajesty’spoorWait: YourSmithO’Brinein’Forty-nineWillblushfor’Forty-eight。\" LINESONALATEHOSPICIOUSEWENT。* BYAGENTLEMANOFTHEFOOTGUARDS(BLUE)。 IpaceduponmybeatWithsteadystepandslow,AllhuppandowndofRanelaghStreet: Ran’laghSt。Pimlico。 WhilemarchinghuppandowndUponthatfairMaymorn,Beoldtheboomingcanningssound,Aroyalchildisborn! TheMinistersofStateThenpresnlyIsor,TheygallopstothePallisgate,Incarridgesandfor。 Withanxiouslooksintent,Beforethegatetheystop,TherecomesthegoodLordPresident,AndtheretheArchbishopp。 LordJohnhenextelights; Andwhocomeshereinhaste? ’Tistheeroofoneunderdfights,Thecaudlefortotaste。 ThenMrs。Lily,thenuss,Towardsthemstepswithjoy; SaysthebraveoldDuke,\"Cometelltous,Isitagaloraboy?\" SaysMrs。L。totheDuke,\"YourGrace,itisAPRINCE。\" Andatthatnuss’sboldrebuke,Hedidbothlaughandwince。 HevewswithpleasantlookThispootyflowerofMay,Then,saysthewenarableDuke,\"Egad,it’smybuthday。\" Bymemorybackwardsborne,PerapshisthoughtsdidstrayTothatoldplacewherehewasborn,UponthefirstofMay。 PerhapshedidrecalTheancienttowersofTrim; AndCountyMeathandDanganHallTheydidrewisithim。 IphansyofhimsoHisgoodoldthoughtsemployin’; FourscoreyearsandoneagoBesidetheflowin’Boyne。 Hisfatherprapshesees,MostMusicleofLords,AplayingmaddriglesandgleesUpontheArpsicords。 JestphansythisoldEroUponhismother’sknee! DideverladyinthislandAvegreatersonsthanshe? AndIshoudnbesurprizeWhilethiswasinhismind,IfadroptheretwinkledinhiseyesOfunfamiliarbrind…… ToHapslyOusenextdayDrivesupaBrooshandfor,AgraciousprincesitsinthatShayImentionhimwithHor!) Theyringuponthebell,ThePortershowshisEd,(HefoughtatVaterlooasvell,AndvearsaVeskitred)。 Toseethatcarriagecome,Thepeoplerounditpress: \"AndisthegalliantDukeatome?\" \"YourRoyalIghness,yes。\" HesteppsfromouttheBrooshAndinthegateisgone; AndX,althoughthepeoplepush,Sayswarykind,\"Movehon。\" TheRoyalPrinceuntoThegalliantDukedidsay,\"Dearduke,mylittlesonandyouWasborntheselfsameday。 \"TheLadyoftheland,MywifeandSovringdear,ItisbyherhorgustcommandIwaituponyouhere。 \"ThatladyisaswellAscanexpectedbe; AndtoyourGraceshebidmetellThisgraciousmessagefree。 \"Thatoffspringofourrace,Whomyesterdayyousee,ToshowourhonorforyourGrace,PrinceArthurheshallbe。 \"Thatnameitrhymestofame; AllEuropeknowsthesound: AndIcouldn’tfindabetternameIfyou’dgivemetwentypound。 \"KingArthurhadhisknightsThatgirthistableround,Butyouhavewonahundredfights,Willmatch’emI’llbebound。 \"YoufoughtwithBonypart,AndlikewiseTippooSaib; InameyouthenwithallmyheartTheGodsireofthisbabe。\" ThatPrincehisleavewastook,Hishinterviewwasdone。 SoletusgivethegoodoldDukeGoodluckofhisgod-son。 AndwishhimyearsofjoyInthisourtimeofSchism,Andhopehe’llheartheroyalboyHislittlecatechism。 AndmypootylittlePrinceThat’scomeourartstocheer,LetmemyloyalpowersewinceAwelcominofyouere。 AndthePoit-Laureat’scrownd,Ithink,insomerespex,EgstremelyshootablemightbefoundForhonestPleasemanX。 *ThebirthofPrinceArthur。 THEBALLADOFELIZADAVIS。 Galliantgentsandlovelyladies,Listatailvichlatebefel,VichIheardit,beinonduty,AtthePleaceHoffice,Clerkenwell。 PrapsyouknowtheFondlingChapel,Verethelittlechildrensings: (Lor!IlikestohearonSundiesThemtherepootylittlethings! Inthisstreettherelivedahousemaid,Ifyouparticklarlyaskmewhere—— Vy,itvasatfour-and-tventyGuilfordStreet,byBrunsvickSquare。 VichhernamewasElizaDavis,Andshewenttofetchthebeer: InthestreetshemetapartyAswasquitesurprizedtoseeher。 VichhevasaBritishSailor,Fortojudgehimbyhislook: Tarryjacket,canvasstrowsies,Ha-laMr。T。P。Cooke。 PresentlythisMannaccostesOfthishinnocentyounggal—— \"Pray,\"saysee,\"excusemyfreedom,You’resolikemySisterSal! \"You’resolikemySisterSally,Bothinvalkandfaceandsize,Miss,that——dangmyoldleescuppers,Itbringstearsintomyheyes!\" \"I’mamateonboardawessel,I’masailorboldandtrue; Shiverupmypooroldtimbers,Letmebeamateforyou! \"What’syourname,mybeauty,tellme;\" Andshefaintlyhansers,\"Lore,Sir,myname’sElizaDavis,AndIliveattventy-four。\" HoftimescamethisBritishseaman,Thisdeludedgaltomeet; Andattventy-fourwaswelcome,Tventy-fourinGuilfordStreet。 AndElizatoldherMaster(KindertheythanMissusesare),Howinmarridgehehadasther,LikeagalliantBrittishTar。 Andhebroughthislandladyvithhim,(Vichvasallhishartfulplan),AndshetoldhowCharleyThompsonReelyvasagoodyoungman。 AndhowsheherselfhadlivedinManyyearsofunionsweet,Vithagentshemetpromiskous,Valkininthepublicstreet。 AndElizalistenedtothem,AndshethoughtthatsoontheirbandsVouldbepublishedattheFondlin,Handtheclergymenjinetheirands。 Andheastaboutthelodgers,(Vichhermasterletsomerooms),Likeviseveretheykeptheirthings,andVerehermasterkephisspoons。 HandthisvickedCharleyThompsonCameonSundyveektoseeher; AndhesentElizaDavisHouttofetchapintofbeer。 HandwhileporeElizaventtoFetchthebeer,dewoidofsin,ThisetrociousCharleyThompsonLethiswileaccomplishhin。 Tothelodgers,theirapartments,Thisabandingdfemalegoes,Prigstheirshirtsandumberellas; Prigstheirboots,andhats,andclothes。 VilethescoundrelCharleyThompson,Lesthiswictimshouldescape,Hocusthervithrumandvater,Likeafiendinhumingshape。 Butahiwasfixtupon’emVichtheseraskleslittlesore; Namely,Mr。Hide,thelandlordOfthehouseattventy-four。 Hevasvalkininhisgarden,Justaforeheventtosup; AndonlookinguphesortheLodgers’vinderslightedhup。 Hupthestairsthelandlordtumbled; Something’sgoingwrong,hesaid; AndhecaughtthevickedvomanUnderneaththelodgers’bed。 AndhecalledabrotherPleaseman,Vichvaspassingonhisbeat; Likeatrueandgalliantfeller,HupanddowninGuilfordStreet。 AndthatPleasemanable-bodiedTookthisvomantothecell; Tothecellvereshewasquodded,IntheCloseofClerkenwell。 AndthoughvickedCharleyThompsonBoultedlikeamiscrantbase,PresentlyanotherPleasemanTookhimtotheself-sameplace。 AndthispreciouspairofrasklesTuesdaylastcameupfordoom; Bythebeaktheywascommitted,VichhisnamewasMr。Combe。 HasforpoorElizaDavis,Simplegurloftventy-four,SHEIope,villneverlistenInthestreetstosailorsmoar。 Butifshemustaveasweet-art,(Vichmosteverygurlexpex,) Lethertakeajollypleaseman; Vichhisnameperapsis——X。 DAMAGES,TWOHUNDREDPOUNDS。 SpecialJurymenofEngland!whoadmireyourcountry’slaws,AndproclaimaBritishJuryworthyoftherealm’sapplause; GaylycomplimenteachotherattheissueofacauseWhichwastriedatGuildford’sizes,thisdayweekaseverwas。 Untothataugusttribunalcomesagentlemaningrief,(SpecialwastheBritishJury,andtheJudge,theBaronChief,) ComesaBritishmanandhusband——askingofthelawrelief; Forhiswifewasstolenfromhim——he’dhavevengeanceonthethief。 Yes,hiswife,theblessedtreasurewiththewhichhislifewascrowned,Wickedlywasravishedfromhimbyahypocriteprofound。 AndhecomesbeforetwelveBritons,menforsenseandtruthrenowned,Toawardhimforhisdamage,twentyhundredsterlingpound。 HebycounselandattorneythereatGuildforddoesappear,Askingdamageofthevillainwhoseducedhisladydear: ButIcan’thelpasking,thoughthelady’sguiltwasalltooclear,Andthoughguiltythedefendant,wasn’ttheplaintiffratherqueer? Firstthelady’smotherspoke,andsaidshe’dseenherdaughtercryButafortnightaftermarriage:earlytimesforpipingeye。 Sixmonthsafter,thingswereworse,andthepipingeyewasblack,AndthisgallantBritishhusbandcanedhiswifeupontheback。 Threemonthsaftertheyweremarried,husbandpushedhertothedoor,Toldhertobeoffandleavehim,forhewantedhernomore。 Asshewouldnotgo,whyHEwent:thricehelefthisladydear; Lefther,too,withoutapenny,formorethanaquarterofayear。 Mrs。FrancesDuncanknewthepartiesverywellindeed,Shehadseenhimpullhislady’snoseandmakeherliptobleed; Ifhechancedtositathomenotasinglewordhesaid: Onceshesawhimthrowthecoverofadishathislady’shead。 SarahGreen,anotherwitness,cleardidtothejurynoteHowshesawthishonestfellowseizehisladybythethroat,Howhecursedherandabusedher,beatingherintoafit,Tillthepityingnext-doorneighborscrossedthewallandwitnessedit。 NextdoortothisinjuredBritonMr。Owersabutcherdwelt; Mrs。Owers’sfoolishhearttowardsthiserringdamedidmelt; (Notthatshehaderredasyet,crimewasnotdevelopedinher),Butbeingleftwithoutapenny,Mrs。Owerssuppliedherdinner—— GodbemercifultoMrs。Owers,whowasmercifultothissinner! CarolineNaylorwastheirservant,saidtheyledawretchedlife,SawthismostdistinguishedBritonflingateacupathiswife; Hewentouttoballsandpleasures,andneveronce,intenmonths’ space,Satwithhiswifeorspokeherkindly。Thiswasthedefendant’scase。 Pollock,C。B。,chargedtheJury;saidthewoman’sguiltwasclear: Thatwasnotthepoint,however,whichtheJurycametohear; Butthedamagetodeterminewhich,asitshouldtrueappear,Thismosttender-heartedhusband,whosousedhisladydear—— Beather,kickedher,canedher,cursedher,leftherstarving,yearbyyear,Flungherfromhim,partedfromher,wrungherneck,andboxedherear—— Whatthereasonabledamagethisafflictedmancouldclaim,Bythelossoftheaffectionsofthisguiltygracelessdame? ThenthehonestBritishTwelve,toeachotherturninground,Laidtheircleverheadstogetherwithawisdommostprofound: AndtowardshisLordshiplooking,spoketheforemanwiseandsound;—— \"MyLord,wefindforthishereplaintiff,damagestwohundredpound。\" So,GodblesstheSpecialJury!prideandjoyofEnglishground,AndthehappylandofEngland,wheretruejusticedoesabound! Britishjurymenandhusbands,letushailthisverdictproper: IfaBritishwifeoffendsyou,Britons,you’vearighttowhopher。 Thoughyoupromisedtoprotecther,thoughyoupromisedtodefendher,Youarewelcometoneglecther:tothedevilyoumaysendher: Youmaystrikeher,curse,abuseher;sodeclaresourlawrenowned; Andifafterthisyouloseher,——why,you’repaidtwohundredpound。 THEKNIGHTANDTHELADY。 There’sintheVestacitypleasantTovichKingBladudgevhisname,Andinthatcitythere’saCrescentVeredweltanobleknightoffame。 Althoughthatgalliantknightisoldish,AlthoughSirJohnasgray,grayair,Hagehasnotmadehisbusumcoldish,HisArtstillbeatstewoddstheFair! ’Twastwoyearssins,thisknightsosplendid,PerapsfateaguedwithBath’sroutines,ToParistownehisphootstepsbendedInsutchofgayerfolksandseans。 Hisandwasfree,hismeanswaseasy,Anobler,finergentthanheNe’erdroveabouttheShons-Eleesy,OrpacedtheRoodeRivolee。 AbroughamandpairSirJohnprowided,Inwhichabroadhelovedtoride; Butar!hemostofallenjyedit,Whensomeonehelsewassittin’inside! That\"someonehelse\"alovelydamewasDearladiesyouwillheasytell—— CountessGrabrowskihersweetnamewas,Anobletitle,ardtospell。 ThisfaymusCountessadadaughterOflovelyformandtenderart; Anoblemaninmarridgesoughther,BynametheBaronofSaintBart。 TheirpashntouchedthenobleSirJohn,Itwassopewerandprofound; LadyGrabrowskihedidurgeonWithHyming’swreeththeirlovestocrownd。 \"O,cometoBath,toLansdowneCrescent,\" SayskindSirJohn,\"andlivewithme; Thelivingthere’suncommonpleasant—— I’msureyou’llfindthehairagree。 \"O,cometoBath,myfairGrabrowski,Andbringyourcharminggirl,\"sezee; \"TheBarringhereshallhavetheouse-key,Vithbreakfast,dinner,lunch,andtea。 \"Andwhenthey’vepassedanappywinter,Theiropesandlovesnomorewe’llbar; Themarridge-vowthey’llenterinter,AndIatchurchwillbetheirPar。\" ToBaththeywenttoLansdowneCrescent,WheregoodSirJohnhedidprovideNoendofteasandballsincessant,Andhossesbothtodriveandride。 HewassoOspitablybusy,WhenMisswaslate,he’dmakesoboldUpstairstocallout,\"Missy,Missy,Comedown,thecoffy’sgettingcold!\" ButO!’tissaddtothinksuchbountiesShouldmeetwithsuchreturnasthis; OBarringofSaintBart,OCountessGrabrowski,andOcruelMiss! HemarriedyouatBath’sfairHabby,SaintBarthetreatedlikeason—— Andwasn’tituncommonshabbyTodowhatyouhavewentanddone! MytremblingAndamostrefewsesTowritethechargewhichSirJohnswore,OfwhichtheCountessheecuses,Herdaughterandherson-in-lore。 MyMewsquiteblushesasshesingsofThefatlechargewhichnowIquote: HesaysMisstookhistwobestringsoff,Andpawned’emforatenpunnote。 \"Isthisthechildofhonestparince,Tomakeawaywithfolks’bestthings? Isthis,pray,likethewivesofBarrins,Togoandprigagentleman’srings?\" ThusthoughtSirJohn,byangerwroughton,Andtorewengehisinjuredcause,HebroughtthemhuptoMr。Broughton,LastVensdayveekaseverwaws。 Ifguiltless,howshehavebeenslandered! Ifguilty,wengeancewillnotfail: MeanwhiletheladyisremandedAndgevthreehundredpounsinbail。 JACOBHOMNIUM’SHOSS。 ANEWPALLICECOURTCHANT。 OneseesinViteallYard,Verepleacemendoresort,Awenerablehinstitute,’Tiscall’dthePallisCourt。 Agentasgothisionit,Ithink’twillmakesomesport。 ThenaturofthisCourtMyhindignationriles: AfewfatlegalspidersHereset&spintheirviles; Torobthetowntheyrprivlegeis,Inahayreaoftwelvemiles。 TheJudgeofthisyearCourtIsamellitarybeak,HeknowsnomoreofLorThanprapshedoesofGreek,AndprowideshisselfadeputyBecausehecannotspeak。 FourcounselinthisCourt—— MisnamedofJustice——sits; TheselawyersowestheirplacestoTheirmoney,nottheirwits; Andthere’ssixattorniesunderthem,Asheretheirlivinggits。 Theselawyers,sixandfour,Wasalivinattheirease,Asendinoftheirwritsabowt,Anddroringinthefees,WhentheireroseacirkimstanceAsisliketomakeabreeze。 Itnowissomemoncesince,AgentbothgoodandtrewPossestanansumossvithvichHedidnknowwhattodo: Perapshedidnotliketheoss; Perapshewasascru。 ThisgentlemanhisossAtTattersall’sdidlodge; Therecameawulgaross-dealer,Thisgentleman’snamedidfodge,AndtooktheossfromTattersall’sWasnthataartfuldodge? Onedaythisgentleman’sgroomThiswillaindidspyout,AmountedonthisossAridinhimabout; \"Getoutofthatthereoss,yourogue,\" Speaksupthegroomsostout。 Thethiefwascruelwhex’dTofindhimselfsopinn’d; Theossbegantowhinny,Thehonestgloomhegrinn’d; AndtherasklethiefgotofftheossAndcutavaylikevind。 AndphansywithwhatjoyThemasterdidregardHisdearlybluvdlostossagainTrotinthestableyard! WhowasthismastergoodOfwhombImakestheserhymes? HisnameisJacobHomnium,Exquire; AndifI’dcommittedcrimes,GoodLordIwouldn’tavethatmannAttackmeintheTimes! NowshortlyafterthegroombHismaster’sossdidtakeup,Therecamealivery-manThisgentlemantowakeup; Andhehandedinalittlebill,WhichhangeredMr。Jacob。 FortwopoundseventeenThislivery-maneplied,ForthekeepofMr。Jacob’soss,Whichthethiefhadtooktoride。 \"Doyouseeanythinkgreeninme?\" Mr。JacobHomniumcried。 \"BecausearasklechewsMyossawaytorobb,AndgoestickatyourMewsForseven-and-fiftybobb,ShallIbecall’dtopay?——ItisAiniquitiousJobb。\" ThusMr。JacobcutTheconwasationshort; Thelivery-manwentome,Detummingdtoavesport,AndsummingsdJacobHomnium,Exquire,IntothePallisCourt。 PoreJacobwenttoCourt,ACounselfortofix,Andchooseabarristeroutofthefour,Anattorneyofthesix: AndtherehesorthesemenofLor,Andwatch’d’emattheirtricks。 ThedreadfuldayoftrileInthePallisCourtdidcome; Thelawyerssaidtheirsay,TheJudgelook’dweryglum,AndthentheBritishJurycastPoreJacobHom-ni-um。 OawearydaywasthatForJacobtogothrough; Thedebtwastwoseventeen(Whichhenomorowedthanyou),Andthentherewastheplaintivescosts,Elevenpoundsixandtwo。 Andthentherewashisown,WhichthelawyerstheydidfixAtthewerymoderitfiggarOftenpoundoneandsix。 NowEvinsblessthePallisCourt,Andallitsboldver-dicks! IcannotsettinglytellIfJacobswawandcust,Atavingfortopaythissumb; ButIshouldthinkhemust,AndavdrawnachequeforL244s。8d。 Withmostigstremedisgust。 OPallisCourt,youmoveMypittymostprofound。 AmostemusingsportYouthoughtit,I’llbebound,Tosaddlehupathree-pounddebt,Withtwo-and-twentypound。 GoodsportitistoyouTogrindthehonestpore,TopaytheirjustorunjustdebtsWitheighthundredpercent。forLor; Makehasteandgetyourcostesin,Theywillnotlastmuchmor! Comedownfromthattribewn,ThoushamelessandUnjust; ThouSwindle,pickingpocketsinThenameofTruthaugust: Comedown,thouhoaryblasphemy,Fordiethoushaltandmust。 Andgoit,JacobHomnium,Andplyyourironpen,Andriseup,SirJohnJervis,Andshutmeupthatden; Thatstyforfatteninglawyersin,Onthebonesofhonestmen。 PLEACEMANX。 THESPECULATORS。 Thenightwasstormyanddark,Thetownwasshutupinsleep: Onlythosewereabroadwhowereoutonalark,Orthosewho’dnobedstokeep。 Ipass’dthroughthelonelystreet,Thewinddidsingandblow; Icouldhearthepoliceman’sfeetClappingtoandfro。 Therestoodapotato-manInthemidstofallthewet; Hestoodwithhis’tato-canInthelonelyHay-market。 Twogentsofdismalmien,Anddankandgreasyrags,Cameoutofashopforgin,Swaggeringovertheflags: Swaggeringoverthestones,Theseshabbybucksdidwalk; AndIwentandfollowedthoseseedyones,Andlistenedtotheirtalk。 WasIsoberorawake? CouldIbelievemyears? ThosedismalbeggarsspakeOfnothingbutrailroadshares。 Iwonderedmoreandmore: Saysone——\"Goodfriendofmine,Howmanyshareshaveyouwrotefor,IntheDiddlesexJunctionline?\" \"Iwrotefortwenty,\"saysJim,\"Buttheywouldn’tgivemeone;\" HiscomradestraightrebukedhimForthefollyhehaddone: \"OJim,youareunawaresOfthewaysofthisbadtown; Ialwayswriteforfivehundredshares,AndTHENtheyputmedown。\" \"Andyetyougotnoshares,\" SaysJim,\"forallyourboast;\" \"IWOULDhavewrote,\"saysJack,\"butwhereWasthepennytopaythepost?\" \"Ilost,forIcouldn’tpayThatfirstinstalmentup; Buthere’s’taterssmokinghot——Isay,Let’sstop,myboy,andsup。\" AndatthissimplefeastThewhiletheydidregale,IdreweachraggedcapitalistDownonmyleftthumbnail。 Theirtalkdidmeperplex,AllnightItumbledandtost,Andthoughtofrailroadspecs,Andhowmoneywaswonandlost。 \"Blessrailroadseverywhere,\" Isaid,\"andtheworld’sadvance; BlesseveryrailroadshareInItaly,Ireland,France; Forneverabeggarneednowdespair,Andeveryroguehasachance。\" AWOEFULNEWBALLAD OFTHEPROTESTANTCONSPIRACYTOTAKETHEPOPE’SLIFE。 (BYAGENTLEMANWHOHASBEENONTHESPOT。) ComeallyeChristianpeople,untomytalegiveear,’Tisaboutabaseconsperracy,asquicklyshallappear; ’Twillmakeyourhairtobristleup,andyoureyestostartandglow,Whenofthisdreadconsperracyyouhonestfolksshallknow。 Thenewsofthisconsperracyandvillianousattempt,Ireaditinanewspaper,fromItalyitwassent: ItwassentfromlovelyItaly,wheretheolivestheydogrow,Andourholyfatherlives,yes,yes,whilehisnameitisNoNO。 And’tisthereourEnglishnoblemengoesthatisPuseyitesnolonger,Becausetheyfindstheancientfaithbothbetterisandstronger,And’tisthereIkneltbesidemylordwhenhekiss’dthePOPEhistoe,AndhunghisneckwithchainsatSt。Peter’sVinculo。 And’tistherethesplendidchurchesis,andthefountainsplayinggrand,AndthepalaceofPRINCETORLONIA,likewisetheVatican; Andthere’sthestairswherethebagpipe-menandthepiffararysblow。 Andit’sthereIdrovemyladyandlordintheParkofPincio。 And’tisthereoursplendidchurchesisinalltheirprideandglory,SaintPeter’sfamousBasiliskandSaintMary’sMaggiory; AndthembenightedProdestants,onSundaytheymustgoOutsidethetowntothepreaching-shopbythegateofPopolo。 NowinthistownoffamousRoom,asIdessayyouhaveheard,Thereisscarcelyanygentlemanashasn’tgotabeard。 Andeversincetheworldbeganitwasordainedso,Thatthereshouldalwaysbarbershewheresumeverbeardsdogrow。 Andasitalwayshasbeensosincetheworlditdidbegin,ThePOPE,ourHolyPotentate,hasabearduponhischin; Andeverymorningregularwhencocksbegintocrow,TherecomesacertingpartytowaitonPOPEPIO。 Therecomesacertinggintlemenwithrazier,soap,andlather,AshavingmostrespectfullythePOPE,ourHolyFather。 AndnowthedreadconsperracyI’llquicklytoyoushow,WhichthemsanguinaryProdestantsdidformagainstNONO。 ThemsanguinaryProdestants,whichIaboreandhate,Assembledinthepreaching-shopbytheFlaminiangate; AndtheytookcounselwiththeirselvestodealadeadlyblowAgainstourgentleFather,theHolyPOPEPIO。 ExhibitingawickednesswhichIneverheardorreadof; WhatdoyouthinkthemProdestantswished?tocutthegoodPope’sheadoff! AndtothekindPOPE’SAir-dressertheProdestantClarkdidgo,AndproposedhimtodecapitatetheinnocentPIO。 \"Whathevercanbeeasier,\"saidthisClerk——thisManofSin,\"WhenyouarecalledtohoperateonHisHoliness’schin,Thanjusttogivetherazieralittleslip——justso?—— Andthere’sanend,dearbarber,ofinnocentPIO!\" ThewickedconversationitchancedwasovererdByanItalianlady;shehearditeveryword: WhichbybirthshewasaMarchioness,inserviceforcedtogoWiththeparsonofthepreaching-shopatthegateofPopolo。 Whentheladyheardthenews,asdutydidobleege,AsfastasherlegscouldcarryhersherantothePoleege。 \"OPolegia,\"saysshe(fortheypronountsitso),\"They’regoingfortomassykerourHolyPOPEPIO。 \"TheebomminableEnglishmen,theParsingandhisClark,HisHoliness’sAir-dresserdeviseditinthedark! AndIwouldrecommendyouinprisonfortothrowThesevillianswouldesassinatetheHolyPOPEPIO? \"AndforsavingofHisHolinessandhistrebblecrowndIhumblyhopeyourWorshipswillgivemeafewpound; BecauseIwasaMarchionessmanyyearsago,BeforeIcametoserviceatthegateofPopolo。\" ThatsackreligiousAir-dresser,theParsonandhismanWouldn’t,thoughask’dcontinyally,owntheirwickedplan—— AndsothekindAuthoratiesletthosevilliansgoThatwasplottingofthemurderofthegoodPIONONO。 Nowisn’tthissafishntproof,yegentlemenathome,HowwickedisthemProdestants,andhowgoodourPopeatRome? SoletusdrinkconfusiontoLORDJOHNandLORDMINTO,AndahealthuntoHisEminence,andgoodPIONONO。 THELAMENTABLEBALLADOFTHEFOUNDLINGOFSHOREDITCH。 ComeallyeChristianpeople,andlistentomytail,Itisallaboutadoctorwastravellingbytherail,BytheHeasternCounties’Railway(vichthesharesIdon’tdesire),FromIxworthtowninSuffolk,vichhisnamedidnottranspire。 AtravellingfromBurythisDoctorwasemployedWithagentleman,afriendofhis,vichhisnamewasCaptainLoyd,AndonreachingMarksTeyStation,thatisnextbeyondColchest- er,aladyenteredintothemmostelegantlydressed。 SheenteredintotheCarriageallwithatotteringstep,AndapootylittleBaybyuponherbussumslep; Thegentlemenreceivedherwithkindnessandsiwillaty,Pityingthisladyforherillnessanddebillaty。 Shehadafust-classticket,thislovelyladysaid,Becauseitwassolonesomeshetookaseckndinstead。 Bettertotravelbyseckndclass,thansitaloneinthefust,AndthepootylittleBabyuponherbreastshenust。 Aseeinofhercryin,andshiverinandpail,Toherspokethissurging,theEroofmytail; Sayseeyoulookunwell,Ma’am,I’llelpyouifIcan,Andyoumaytellyoureasetome,forI’mameddicleman。 \"Thankyou,Sir,\"theladysaid,\"Ionlylooksopale,BecauseIain’taccustom’dtotravellingontheRale; Ishallbebetterpresnly,whenI’veadsomerest:\" AndthatpootylittleBabyshesqueegedittoherbreast。 Sointheconwersationthejourneytheybeguiled,CaptingLoydandthemeddicleman,andtheladyandthechild,Tillthewariousstationsalongthelinewaspassed,ForeventheHeasternCounties’trainsmustcomeinatlast。 WhenatShoreditchtumminusatlenthstoppedthetrain,Thiskindmeddiclegentlemanproposedhisaidagain。 \"Thankyou,Sir,\"theladysaid,\"foryourkyindnessdear; Mycarridgeandmyossesisprobibblycomehere。 \"Willyouoldthisbaby,please,vilstIstepandsee?\" TheDoctorwasafamlyman:\"ThatIwill,\"sayshe。 Thenthelittlechildshekist,kistitverygently,Vichwassuckinghislittlefist,sleepinginnocently。 Withasighfromherart,asthoughshewouldhavebustit,ThenshegavetheDoctorthechild——werykindhenustit: Hupthentheladyjumpedhoffthebenchshesatfrom,Tumbleddownthecarridgestepsandranalongtheplatform。 Vilehalltheotherpassengersventupontheirvays,TheCaptingandtheDoctorsatthereinamaze; SomeventinaHomminibus,someventinaCabby,TheCaptingandtheDoctorvaitedviththebabby。 Theretheysatlookingqueer,foranhourormore,Buttheirfellerpassingerneatheron’emsore: Never,neverbackagaindidthatladycomeTothatpootysleepingHinfntasuckinofhisThum! WhatcouldthisporeDoctordo,beintreatedthus,WhenthedarlingBabywoke,cryinforitsnuss? Offhedrovetoafemalefriend,vichshewasbothkindandmild,Andigsplainedtoherthecircumstanceofthisyearlittlechild。 Thatkindladytookthechildinstantlyinherlap,Andmadeitverycomfortablebygivingitsomepap; Andwhenshetookitscloseoff,whatd’youthinkshefound? Acoupleoftenpunnotessewnup,initslittlegownd! Alsoinitslittleclose,wasanotewhichdidconweyThatthislittlebaby’sparentslivedinahandsomewayAndforhisHeaducationtheyreglarlywouldpay,Andsirtinglylikegentlefolkswouldclaimthechildoneday,IftheChristianpeoplewho’dchargeofitwouldsay,PeradwertisementinTheTimeswherethebabylay。 Pityofthisbaybymanypeopletook,Ithadsuchpootywaysandsuchapootylook; Andtherecamealadyforrard(IwishthatIcouldseeAnykindladyaswoulddoasmuchforme; AndIwishwithallmyart,somenightinMYnightgownd,Icouldfindanotestitchedfortenortwentypound)—— Therecamealadyforrard,thatmosthonorabledidsay,She’dadoptthislittlebaby,whichherparentscastaway。 WhiletheDoctorponderedonthishofferfair,ComesaletterfromDevonshire,fromapartythere,HorderingtheDoctor,atitsMar’sdesire,TosendthelittleInfantbacktoDevonshire。 Lostinapoplexity,thisporemeddicleman,Likeasensablegentleman,totheJusticeran; WhichhisnamewasMr。Hammill,ahonorablebeak,ThattakeshisseatinWorshipStreet,fourtimesaweek。 \"OJustice!\"saystheDoctor,\"instrugtmewhattodo。 I’vecomeupfromthecountry,tothrowmyselfonyou; Mypatientshavenodoctortotendthemintheirills,(TheretheyareinSuffolkwithouttheirdraftsandpills!) \"I’vecomeupfromthecountry,toknowhowI’lldisposeOfthisporelittlebaby,andthetwentypunnote,andtheclose,AndIwanttogobacktoSuffolk,dearJustice,ifyouplease,AndmypatientswantstheirDoctor,andtheirDoctorwantshisfeez。\" UpspokeMr。Hammill,sittinathisdesk,\"Thisyearapplicationdoesmemuchperplesk; WhatIdoadwiseyou,istoleavethisbabbyIntheParishwhereitwasleft,byitsmothershabby。\" TheDoctorfromhisworshipsadlydiddepart—— Hemighthaveleftthebaby,buthehadn’tgottheheartTogofortoleavethatHinnocent,hasthelawallows,TothetendermussiesoftheUnionHouse。 Mother,wholeftthislittleoneonastranger’sknee,Thinkhowcruelyouhavebeen,andhowgoodwashe! Think,ifyou’vebeenguilty,innocentwasshe; Anddonottakeunkindlythislittlewordofme: Heavenbemercifultousall,sinnersaswebe! THEORGAN-BOY’SAPPEAL。 \"WESTMINSTERPOLICECOURT。——PolicemanXbroughtapaperofdoggerelversestotheMAGISTRATE,whichhadbeenthrustintohishands,X said,byanItalianboy,whoranawayimmediatelyafterwards。 \"TheMAGISTRATE,afterperusingthelines,lookedhardatX,andsaidhedidnotthinktheywerewrittenbyanItalian。 \"X,blushing,saidhethoughtthepaperreadinCourtlastweek,andwhichfrightenedsotheoldgentlemantowhomitwasaddressed,wasalsonotofItalianorigin。\" OSIGNORBRODERIP,youareawickidoleman,Youwexisuslittlehorgin-boyswheneveryoucan: HowdareyoutalkofJustice,andgofortoseekTopussicuteushorgin-boys,yousenguinaryBeek? ThoughyousetinVestminstersurroundedbyyourcrushers,HarrogintandhabsoluteliketheHortocratofhalltheRushers,YetthereisabettervurldI’dhaveyoufortoknow,Likewiseaplaceverethehenimiesofhorgin-boyswillgo。 OyouvickidHERODwithoutanypity! Londonvithouthorgin-boysvoodbeadismalcity。 SweetSAINTCICILYwhofirsttaughthorgin-pipestoblow,SoftentheheartofthisMagistritthathaggerywatesusso! GoodItaliangentlemen,fatherlyandkind,BringsusovertoLondonhereourhorginsfortogrind; Sendsusoutvithlittlevitemiceandguinea-pigsalsoApoppingoftheVeaselandaJumpinofJIMCROW。 Andasusyounghorgin-boysisgratefulinourturnWegivestothesekindgentlemenhallthemoneyweearn,BecausethattheyvoodvopupaswerywelweknowUnlesswebroughtourhurningsbacktothemaslovesusso。 OMR。BRODERIP!werymuchI’msurprise,Venyoutakeyourvalksabroadwherecanbeyoureyes? IfaBeakhadaheartthenyou’dcompryendUsporelittlehorgin-boyswasthepoorman’sfriend。 Don’tyouseetheshildreninthedroring-roomsClappingoftheirlittleandswhentheyyearourtoons? Ontheirmothers’bussumsdon’tyouseethebabbiescrowAnddowntousdearhorgin-boyslotsofapencethrow? Don’tyouseetheousemaids(pootyPOLLIESandMARIES),Venvebringoururdigurdis,smilingfromthehairies? Thentheycomeoutvithasliceo’colepuddnorabito’baconorsoAndgiveitusyounghorgin-boysforlunchaforewego。 HaveyoueverseentheHirishchildrensportWhenourvelcomemusic-boxbringssunshineintheCourt? TotheselittlepauperswhocanneverpaySurelyallgoodhorgin-boys,forGOD’Slove,willplay。 Hasforthoseproudgentlemen,likeasertingB——k(VichIvon’tbepussonalandthereforevilnotspeak),Thatflingstheirparler-vindershupvonvebegintoplayAndcussesusandswearsatusinsuchawiolentway,InsteddoftheirabewsingandcallinghoutPoleeceLetemsendoutJOHNtousvithsix-penceorashillinapiece。 Thenlikegoodyounghorgin-boysavayfromtherewe’llgo,BlessingsweetSAINTCICILYthattaughtourpipestoblow。 LITTLEBILLEE。* Air——\"Ilyavaitunpetitnavire。\" TherewerethreesailorsofBristolcityWhotookaboatandwenttosea。 Butfirstwithbeefandcaptain’sbiscuitsAndpickledporktheyloadedshe。 TherewasgorgingJackandguzzlingJimmy,AndtheyoungesthewaslittleBillee。 NowwhentheygotasfarastheEquatorThey’dnothingleftbutonesplitpea。 SaysgorgingJacktoguzzlingJimmy,\"Iamextremelyhungaree。\" TogorgingJacksaysguzzlingJimmy,\"We’venothingleft,usmusteatwe。\" SaysgorgingJacktoguzzlingJimmy,\"Withoneanotherweshouldn’tagree! There’slittleBill,he’syoungandtender,We’reoldandtough,solet’seathe。 \"Oh!Billy,we’regoingtokillandeatyou,Soundothebuttonofyourchemie。\" WhenBillreceivedthisinformationHeusedhispockethandkerchie。 \"Firstletmesaymycatechism,Whichmypoormamytaughttome。\" \"Makehaste,makehaste,\"saysguzzlingJimmy,WhileJackpulledouthissnickersnee。 SoBillywentuptothemain-topgallantmast,Anddownhefellonhisbendedknee。 HescarcehadcometothetwelfthcommandmentWhenuphejumps。\"There’slandIsee: \"JerusalemandMadagascar,AndNorthandSouthAmerikee: There’stheBritishflagaridingatanchor,WithAdmiralNapier,K。C。B。\" SowhentheygotaboardoftheAdmiral’sHehangedfatJackandfloggedJimmee; ButasforlittleBillhemadehimTheCaptainofaSeventy-three。 *Asdifferentversionsofthispopularsonghavebeensettomusicandsung,noapologyisneededfortheinsertioninthesepagesofwhatisconsideredtobethecorrectversion。 THEENDOFTHEPLAY。 Theplayisdone;thecurtaindrops,Slowfallingtotheprompter’sbell: Amomentyettheactorstops,Andlooksaround,tosayfarewell。 Itisanirksomewordandtask; And,whenhe’slaughedandsaidhissay,Heshows,asheremovesthemask,Afacethat’sanythingbutgay。 Oneword,ereyettheeveningends,Let’scloseitwithapartingrhyme,Andpledgeahandtoallyoungfriends,AsfitsthemerryChristmastime。* Onlife’swidesceneyou,too,haveparts,ThatFateerelongshallbidyouplay; Goodnight!withhonestgentleheartsAkindlygreetinggoalway! Goodnight——I’dsay,thegriefs,thejoys,Justhintedinthismimicpage,Thetriumphsanddefeatsofboys,Arebutrepeatedinourage。 I’dsay,yourwoeswerenotlesskeen,Yourhopesmorevainthanthoseofmen; YourpangsorpleasuresoffifteenAtforty-fiveplayedo’eragain。 I’dsay,wesufferandwestrive,Notlessnormoreasmen,thanboys; Withgrizzledbeardsatforty-five,Aserstattwelveincorduroys。 Andif,intimeofsacredyouth,Welearnedathometoloveandpray,PrayHeaventhatearlyLoveandTruthMayneverwhollypassaway。 Andintheworld,asintheschool,I’dsay,howfatemaychangeandshift; Theprizebesometimeswiththefool,Theracenotalwaystotheswift。 Thestrongmayyield,thegoodmayfall,Thegreatmanbeavulgarclown,Theknavebeliftedoverall,Thekindcastpitilesslydown。 Whoknowstheinscrutabledesign? BlessedbeHewhotookandgave! Whyshouldyourmother,Charles,notmine,Beweepingatherdarling’sgrave?** WebowtoHeaventhatwill’ditso,Thatdarklyrulesthefateofall,Thatsendstherespiteortheblow,That’sfreetogive,ortorecall。 Thiscrownshisfeastwithwineandwit: Whobroughthimtothatmirthandstate? Hisbetters,see,belowhimsit,Orhungerhopelessatthegate。 WhobadethemudfromDives’wheelTospurntheragsofLazarus? Come,brother,inthatdustwe’llkneel,ConfessingHeaventhatruleditthus。 Soeachshallmourn,inlife’sadvance,Dearhopes,dearfriends,untimelykilled; Shallgrieveformanyaforfeitchance,Andlongingpassionunfulfilled。 Amen!whateverfatebesent,PrayGodtheheartmaykindlyglow,Althoughtheheadwithcaresbebent,Andwhitenedwiththewintersnow。 Comewealthorwant,comegoodorill,Letyoungandoldaccepttheirpart,AndbowbeforetheAwfulWill,Andbearitwithanhonestheart,Whomissesorwhowinstheprize。 Go,loseorconquerasyoucan; Butifyoufail,orifyourise,Beeach,prayGod,agentleman。 Agentleman,oroldoryoung! (Bearkindlywithmyhumblelays); ThesacredchorusfirstwassungUponthefirstofChristmasdays: Theshepherdshearditoverhead—— Thejoyfulangelsraiseditthen: GlorytoHeavenonhigh,itsaid,Andpeaceonearthtogentlemen。 Mysong,savethis,islittleworth; Ilaythewearypenaside,Andwishyouhealth,andlove,andmirth,AsfitsthesolemnChristmas-tide。 AsfitstheholyChristmasbirth,Bethis,goodfriends,ourcarolstill—— Bepeaceonearth,bepeaceonearth,Tomenofgentlewill。 *TheseverseswereprintedattheendofaChristmasBook(1848- 9),\"Dr。BirchandhisYoungFriends。\" **C。Bob。29thNovember,1848。aet。42。 VANITASVANITATUM。 HowspakeofoldtheRoyalSeer? (HistextisoneIlovetotreaton。) ThislifeofourshesaidissheerMataiotesMataioteton。 OStudentofthisgildedBook,Declare,whilemusingonitspages,IftruerwordswereeverspokeByancient,orbymodernsages! Thevariousauthors’namesbutnote,* French,Spanish,English,Russians,Germans: Andinthevolumepolyglot,Sureyoumayreadahundredsermons! Whathistoriesoflifearehere,Morewildthanallromancers’stories; Whatwondroustransformationsqueer,Whathomiliesonhumanglories! Whatthemeforsorroworforscorn! WhatchronicleofFate’ssurprises—— Ofadversefortunenoblyborne,Ofchances,changes,ruins,rises! Ofthronesupset,andsceptresbroke,Howstrangearecordhereiswritten! Ofhonors,dealtasifinjoke; Ofbravedesertunkindlysmitten。 Howlowmenwere,andhowtheyrise! Howhightheywere,andhowtheytumble! Ovanityofvanities! Olaughable,patheticjumble! HerebetweenhonestJanin’sjokeAndhisTurkExcellency’sfirman,Iwritemynameuponthebook: Iwritemyname——andendmysermon。 —————————— OVanityofvanities! HowwaywardthedecreesofFateare; Howveryweaktheverywise,Howverysmalltheverygreatare! Whatmeanthesestalemoralities,SirPreacher,fromyourdeskyoumumble? Whyrailagainstthegreatandwise,Andtireuswithyourceaselessgrumble? Praychooseusoutanothertext,Omanmoroseandnarrow-minded! Cometurnthepage——Ireadthenext,Andthenthenext,andstillIfindit。 ReadherehowWealthasidewasthrust,AndFollysetinplaceexalted; HowPrincesfootedinthedust,Whilelackeysinthesaddlevaulted。 Thoughthriceathousandyearsarepast,SinceDavid’sson,thesadandsplendid,ThewearyKingEcclesiast,Uponhisawfultabletspennedit,—— Methinksthetextisneverstale,AndlifeiseverydayrenewingFreshcommentsontheoldoldtaleOfFolly,Fortune,Glory,Ruin。 HarktothePreacher,preachingstillHeliftshisvoiceandcrieshissermon,HereatSt。Peter’sofCornhill,AsyonderontheMountofHermon; Foryouandmetohearttotake(Odearbelovedbrotherreaders) To-dayaswhenthegoodKingspakeBeneaththesolemnSyriancedars。 *BetweenapagebyJulesJanin,andapoembytheTurkishAmbassador,inMadamedeR————’salbum,containingtheautographsofkings,princes,poets,marshals,musicians,diplomatists,statesmen,artists,andmenoflettersofallnations。