第1章

类别:其他 作者:Joseph Conrad字数:28867更新时间:19/01/03 14:16:15
AFamiliarPreface。 Asageneralrulewedonotwantmuchencouragementtotalkaboutourselves;yetthislittlebookistheresultofafriendlysuggestion,andevenofalittlefriendlypressure。Idefendedmyselfwithsomespirit;but,withcharacteristictenacity,thefriendlyvoiceinsisted:\"Youknow,youreallymust。\" Itwasnotanargument,butIsubmittedatonce。Ifonemust!…… Youperceivetheforceofaword。Hewhowantstopersuadeshouldputhistrust,notintherightargument,butintherightword。Thepowerofsoundhasalwaysbeengreaterthanthepowerofsense。Idon’tsaythisbywayofdisparagement。Itisbetterformankindtobeimpressionablethanreflective。Nothinghumanelygreat——great,Imean,asaffectingawholemassoflives——hascomefromreflection。Ontheotherhand,youcannotfailtoseethepowerofmerewords;suchwordsasGlory,forinstance,orPity。Iwon’tmentionanymore。Theyarenotfartoseek。Shoutedwithperseverance,withardour,withconviction,thesetwobytheirsoundalonehavesetwholenationsinmotionandupheavedthedry,hardgroundonwhichrestsourwholesocialfabric。There’s\"virtue\"foryouifyoulike!…… Ofcoursetheaccentmustbeattendedto。Therightaccent。 That’sveryimportant。Thecapaciouslung,thethunderingorthetendervocalchords。Don’ttalktomeofyourArchimedes’lever。 Hewasanabsent-mindedpersonwithamathematicalimagination。 Mathematicscommandallmyrespect,butIhavenouseforengines。GivemetherightwordandtherightaccentandIwillmovetheworld。 Whatadream——forawriter!Becausewrittenwordshavetheiraccenttoo。Yes!Letmeonlyfindtherightword!Surelyitmustbelyingsomewhereamongstthewreckageofalltheplaintsandalltheexultationspouredoutaloudsincethefirstdaywhenhope,theundying,camedownonearth。Itmaybethere,closeby,disregarded,invisible,quiteathand。Butit’snogood。I believetherearemenwhocanlayholdofaneedleinapottleofhayatthefirsttry。Formyself,Ihaveneverhadsuchluck。 Andthenthereisthataccent。Anotherdifficulty。Forwhoisgoingtotellwhethertheaccentisrightorwrongtillthewordisshouted,andfailstobeheard,perhaps,andgoesdown-windleavingtheworldunmoved。OnceuponatimetherelivedanEmperorwhowasasageandsomethingofaliteraryman。Hejotteddownonivorytabletsthoughts,maxims,reflectionswhichchancehaspreservedfortheedificationofposterity。Amongstothersayings——Iamquotingfrommemory——Irememberthissolemnadmonition:\"Letallthywordshavetheaccentofheroictruth。\" Theaccentofheroictruth!Thisisveryfine,butIamthinkingthatitisaneasymatterforanaustereEmperortojotdowngrandioseadvice。Mostoftheworkingtruthsonthiseartharehumble,notheroic:andtherehavebeentimesinthehistoryofmankindwhentheaccentsofheroictruthhavemovedittonothingbutderision。 Nobodywillexpecttofindbetweenthecoversofthislittlebookwordsofextraordinarypotencyoraccentsofirresistibleheroism。Howeverhumiliatingformyself-esteem,ImustconfessthatthecounselsofMarcusAureliusarenotforme。Theyaremorefitforamoralistthanforanartist。TruthofamodestsortIcanpromiseyou,andalsosincerity。Thatcomplete,praise-worthysinceritywhich,whileitdeliversoneintothehandsofone’senemies,isaslikelyasnottoembroilonewithone’sfriends。 \"Embroil\"isperhapstoostronganexpression。Ican’timagineeitheramongstmyenemiesormyfriendsabeingsohardupforsomethingtodoastoquarrelwithme。\"Todisappointone’sfriends\"wouldbenearerthemark。Most,almostall,friendshipsofthewritingperiodofmylifehavecometomethroughmybooks;andIknowthatanovelistlivesinhiswork。Hestandsthere,theonlyrealityinaninventedworld,amongstimaginarythings,happenings,andpeople。Writingaboutthem,heisonlywritingabouthimself。Butthedisclosureisnotcomplete。Heremainstoacertainextentafigurebehindtheveil;asuspectedratherthanaseenpresence——amovementandavoicebehindthedraperiesoffiction。Inthesepersonalnotesthereisnosuchveil。AndIcannothelpthinkingofapassageinthe\"ImitationofChrist\"wheretheasceticauthor,whoknewlifesoprofoundly,saysthat\"therearepersonsesteemedontheirreputationwhobyshowingthemselvesdestroytheopiniononehadofthem。\"Thisisthedangerincurredbyanauthoroffictionwhosetsouttotalkabouthimselfwithoutdisguise。 WhilethesereminiscentpageswereappearingseriallyIwasremonstratedwithforbadeconomy;asifsuchwritingwereaformofself-indulgencewastingthesubstanceoffuturevolumes。ItseemsthatIamnotsufficientlyliterary。Indeedamanwhoneverwrotealineforprinttillhewasthirty-sixcannotbringhimselftolookuponhisexistenceandhisexperience,uponthesumofhisthoughts,sensationsandemotions,uponhismemoriesandhisregrets,andthewholepossessionofhispast,asonlysomuchmaterialforhishands。Oncebefore,somethreeyearsago,whenIpublished\"TheMirroroftheSea,\"avolumeofimpressionsandmemories,thesameremarksweremadetome。Practicalremarks。But,truthtosay,Ihaveneverunderstoodthekindofthrifttheyrecommended。Iwantedtopaymytributetothesea,itsshipsanditsmen,towhomIremainindebtedforsomuchwhichhasgonetomakemewhatIam。ThatseemedtometheonlyshapeinwhichIcouldofferittotheirshades。Therecouldnotbeaquestioninmymindofanythingelse。ItisquitepossiblethatIamabadeconomist;butitiscertainthatIamincorrigible。 Havingmaturedinthesurroundingsandunderthespecialconditionsofsea-life,Ihaveaspecialpietytowardsthatformofmypast;foritsimpressionswerevivid,itsappealdirect,itsdemandssuchascouldberespondedtowiththenaturalelationofyouthandstrengthequaltothecall。Therewasnothinginthemtoperplexayoungconscience。Havingbrokenawayfrommyoriginsunderastormofblamefromeveryquarterwhichhadthemerestshadowofrighttovoiceanopinion,removedbygreatdistancesfromsuchnaturalaffectionsaswerestilllefttome,andevenestranged,inameasure,fromthembythetotallyunintelligiblecharacterofthelifewhichhadseducedmesomysteriouslyfrommyallegiance,Imaysafelysaythatthroughtheblindforceofcircumstancestheseawastobeallmyworldandthemerchantservicemyonlyhomeforalongsuccessionofyears。Nowonderthenthatinmytwoexclusivelyseabooks,\"TheNiggerofthe’Narcissus’\"and\"TheMirroroftheSea\"(andinthefewshortseastorieslike\"Youth\"and\"Typhoon\"),Ihavetriedwithanalmostfilialregardtorenderthevibrationoflifeinthegreatworldofwaters,intheheartsofthesimplemenwhohaveforagestraverseditssolitudes,andalsothatsomethingsentientwhichseemstodwellinships——thecreaturesoftheirhandsandtheobjectsoftheircare。 One’sliterarylifemustturnfrequentlyforsustenancetomemoriesandseekdiscoursewiththeshades;unlessonehasmadeupone’smindtowriteonlyinordertoreprovemankindforwhatitis,orpraiseitforwhatitisnot,or——generally——toteachithowtobehave。Beingneitherquarrelsome,noraflatterer,norasage,Ihavedonenoneofthesethings;andIampreparedtoputupserenelywiththeinsignificancewhichattachestopersonswhoarenotmeddlesomeinsomewayorother。Butresignationisnotindifference。Iwouldnotliketobeleftstandingasamerespectatoronthebankofthegreatstreamcarryingonwardssomanylives。Iwouldfainclaimformyselfthefacultyofsomuchinsightascanbeexpressedinavoiceofsympathyandcompassion。 Itseemstomethatinone,atleast,authoritativequarterofcriticismIamsuspectedofacertainunemotional,grimacceptanceoffacts;ofwhattheFrenchwouldcallsecheresseducoeur。Fifteenyearsofunbrokensilencebeforepraiseorblametestifysufficientlytomyrespectforcriticism,thatfineflowerofpersonalexpressioninthegardenofletters。Butthisismoreofapersonalmatter,reachingthemanbehindthework,andthereforeitmaybealludedtoinavolumewhichisapersonalnoteinthemarginofthepublicpage。NotthatIfeelhurtintheleast。Thecharge——ifitamountedtoachargeatall——wasmadeinthemostconsiderateterms;inatoneofregret。 Myansweristhatifitbetruethateverynovelcontainsanelementofautobiography——andthiscanhardlybedenied,sincethecreatorcanonlyexpresshimselfinhiscreation——thentherearesomeofustowhomanopendisplayofsentimentisrepugnant。 Iwouldnotundulypraisethevirtueofrestraint。Itisoftenmerelytemperamental。Butitisnotalwaysasignofcoldness。 Itmaybepride。Therecanbenothingmorehumiliatingthantoseetheshaftofone’semotionmissthemarkeitheroflaughterortears。Nothingmorehumiliating!Andthisforthereasonthatshouldthemarkbemissed,shouldtheopendisplayofemotionfailtomove,thenitmustperishunavoidablyindisgustorcontempt。Noartistcanbereproachedforshrinkingfromariskwhichonlyfoolsruntomeetandonlygeniusdareconfrontwithimpunity。Inataskwhichmainlyconsistsinlayingone’ssoulmoreorlessbaretotheworld,aregardfordecency,evenatthecostofsuccess,isbuttheregardforone’sowndignitywhichisinseparablyunitedwiththedignityofone’swork。 Andthen——itisverydifficulttobewhollyjoyousorwhollysadonthisearth。Thecomic,whenitishuman,soontakesuponitselfafaceofpain;andsomeofourgriefs(someonly,notall,foritisthecapacityforsufferingwhichmakesmanaugustintheeyesofmen)havetheirsourceinweaknesseswhichmustberecognisedwithsmilingcompassionasthecommoninheritanceofusall。Joyandsorrowinthisworldpassintoeachother,minglingtheirformsandtheirmurmursinthetwilightoflifeasmysteriousasanover-shadowedocean,whilethedazzlingbrightnessofsupremehopesliesfaroff,fascinatingandstill,onthedistantedgeofthehorizon。 Yes!Itoowouldliketoholdthemagicwandgivingthatcommandoverlaughterandtearswhichisdeclaredtobethehighestachievementofimaginativeliterature。Only,tobeagreatmagicianonemustsurrenderoneselftooccultandirresponsiblepowers,eitheroutsideorwithinone’sownbreast。Wehaveallheardofsimplemensellingtheirsoulsforloveorpowertosomegrotesquedevil。Themostordinaryintelligencecanperceivewithoutmuchreflectionthatanythingofthesortisboundtobeafool’sbargain。Idon’tlayclaimtoparticularwisdombecauseofmydislikeanddistrustofsuchtransactions。Itmaybemysea-trainingactinguponanaturaldispositiontokeepgoodholdontheonethingreallymine,butthefactisthatIhaveapositivehorroroflosingevenforonemovingmomentthatfullpossessionofmyselfwhichisthefirstconditionofgoodservice。AndIhavecarriedmynotionofgoodservicefrommyearlierintomylaterexistence。I,whohaveneversoughtinthewrittenwordanythingelsebutaformoftheBeautiful,Ihavecarriedoverthatarticleofcreedfromthedecksofshipstothemorecircumscribedspaceofmydesk;andbythatact,Isuppose,Ihavebecomepermanentlyimperfectintheeyesoftheineffablecompanyofpureesthetes。 Asinpoliticalsoinliteraryactionamanwinsfriendsforhimselfmostlybythepassionofhisprejudicesandbytheconsistentnarrownessofhisoutlook。ButIhaveneverbeenabletolovewhatwasnotlovableorhatewhatwasnothateful,outofdeferenceforsomegeneralprinciple。WhethertherebeanycourageinmakingthisadmissionIknownot。Afterthemiddleturnoflife’swayweconsiderdangersandjoyswithatranquilmind。SoIproceedinpeacetodeclarethatIhavealwayssuspectedintheefforttobringintoplaytheextremitiesofemotionsthedebasingtouchofinsincerity。Inordertomoveothersdeeplywemustdeliberatelyallowourselvestobecarriedawaybeyondtheboundsofournormalsensibility——innocentlyenoughperhapsandofnecessity,likeanactorwhoraiseshisvoiceonthestageabovethepitchofnaturalconversation——butstillwehavetodothat。Andsurelythisisnogreatsin。Butthedangerliesinthewriterbecomingthevictimofhisownexaggeration,losingtheexactnotionofsincerity,andintheendcomingtodespisetruthitselfassomethingtoocold,toobluntforhispurpose——as,infact,notgoodenoughforhisinsistentemotion。Fromlaughterandtearsthedescentiseasytosnivellingandgiggles。 Thesemayseemselfishconsiderations;butyoucan’t,insoundmorals,condemnamanfortakingcareofhisownintegrity。Itishisclearduty。Andleastofallyoucancondemnanartistpursuing,howeverhumblyandimperfectly,acreativeaim。Inthatinteriorworldwherehisthoughtandhisemotionsgoseekingfortheexperienceofimaginedadventures,therearenopolicemen,nolaw,nopressureofcircumstanceordreadofopiniontokeephimwithinbounds。WhothenisgoingtosayNaytohistemptationsifnothisconscience? Andbesides——this,remember,istheplaceandthemomentofperfectlyopentalk——Ithinkthatallambitionsarelawfulexceptthosewhichclimbupwardsonthemiseriesorcredulitiesofmankind。Allintellectualandartisticambitionsarepermissible,uptoandevenbeyondthelimitofprudentsanity。 Theycanhurtnoone。Iftheyaremad,thensomuchtheworsefortheartist。Indeed,asvirtueissaidtobe,suchambitionsaretheirownreward。Isitsuchaverymadpresumptiontobelieveinthesovereignpowerofone’sart,totryforothermeans,forotherwaysofaffirmingthisbeliefinthedeeperappealofone’swork?Totrytogodeeperisnottobeinsensible。Anhistorianofheartsisnotanhistorianofemotions,yethepenetratesfurther,restrainedashemaybe,sincehisaimistoreachtheveryfountoflaughterandtears。 Thesightofhumanaffairsdeservesadmirationandpity。Theyareworthyofrespecttoo。Andheisnotinsensiblewhopaysthemtheundemonstrativetributeofasighwhichisnotasob,andofasmilewhichisnotagrin。Resignation,notmystic,notdetached,butresignationopen-eyed,consciousandinformedbylove,istheonlyoneofourfeelingsforwhichitisimpossibletobecomeasham。 NotthatIthinkresignationthelastwordofwisdom。Iamtoomuchthecreatureofmytimeforthat。ButIthinkthattheproperwisdomistowillwhatthegodswillwithoutperhapsbeingcertainwhattheirwillis——oreveniftheyhaveawilloftheirown。AndinthismatteroflifeandartitisnottheWhythatmatterssomuchtoourhappinessastheHow。AstheFrenchmansaid,\"Ilyatoujourslamaniere。\"Verytrue。Yes。Thereisthemanner。Themannerinlaughter,intears,inirony,inindignationsandenthusiasms,injudgments——andeveninlove。 Themannerinwhich,asinthefeaturesandcharacterofahumanface,theinnertruthisforeshadowedforthosewhoknowhowtolookattheirkind。 Thosewhoreadmeknowmyconvictionthattheworld,thetemporalworld,restsonafewverysimpleideas;sosimplethattheymustbeasoldasthehills。Itrestsnotably,amongstothers,ontheideaofFidelity。AtatimewhennothingwhichisnotrevolutionaryinsomewayorothercanexpecttoattractmuchattentionIhavenotbeenrevolutionaryinmywritings。Therevolutionaryspiritismightyconvenientinthis,thatitfreesonefromallscruplesasregardsideas。Itshard,absoluteoptimismisrepulsivetomymindbythemenaceoffanaticismandintoleranceitcontains。Nodoubtoneshouldsmileatthesethings;but,imperfectEsthete,IamnobetterPhilosopher。Allclaimtospecialrighteousnessawakensinmethatscornandangerfromwhichaphilosophicalmindshouldbefree…… IfearthattryingtobeconversationalIhaveonlymanagedtobeundulydiscursive。Ihaveneverbeenverywellacquaintedwiththeartofconversation——thatartwhich,Iunderstand,issupposedtobelostnow。Myyoungdays,thedayswhenone’shabitsandcharacterareformed,havebeenratherfamiliarwithlongsilences。Suchvoicesasbrokeintothemwereanythingbutconversational。No。Ihaven’tgotthehabit。Yetthisdiscursivenessisnotsoirrelevanttothehandfulofpageswhichfollow。They,too,havebeenchargedwithdiscursiveness,withdisregardofchronologicalorder(whichisinitselfacrime),withunconventionalityofform(whichisanimpropriety)。Iwastoldseverelythatthepublicwouldviewwithdispleasuretheinformalcharacterofmyrecollections。\"Alas!\"Iprotestedmildly。\"CouldIbeginwiththesacramentalwords,’Iwasbornonsuchadateinsuchaplace’?Theremotenessofthelocalitywouldhaverobbedthestatementofallinterest。Ihaven’tlivedthroughwonderfuladventurestoberelatedseriatim。Ihaven’tknowndistinguishedmenonwhomIcouldpassfatuousremarks。I haven’tbeenmixedupwithgreatorscandalousaffairs。Thisisbutabitofpsychologicaldocument,andevenso,Ihaven’twrittenitwithaviewtoputforwardanyconclusionofmyown。\" Butmyobjectorwasnotplacated。Theseweregoodreasonsfornotwritingatall——notadefenceofwhatstoodwrittenalready,hesaid。 Iadmitthatalmostanything,anythingintheworld,wouldserveasagoodreasonfornotwritingatall。ButsinceIhavewrittenthem,allIwanttosayintheirdefenceisthatthesememoriesputdownwithoutanyregardforestablishedconventionshavenotbeenthrownoffwithoutsystemandpurpose。Theyhavetheirhopeandtheiraim。Thehopethatfromthereadingofthesepagestheremayemergeatlastthevisionofapersonality; themanbehindthebookssofundamentallydissimilaras,forinstance,\"Almayer’sFolly\"and\"TheSecretAgent\"——andyetacoherent,justifiablepersonalitybothinitsoriginandinitsaction。Thisisthehope。Theimmediateaim,closelyassociatedwiththehope,istogivetherecordofpersonalmemoriesbypresentingfaithfullythefeelingsandsensationsconnectedwiththewritingofmyfirstbookandwithmyfirstcontactwiththesea。 Inthepurposelymingledresonanceofthisdoublestrainafriendhereandtherewillperhapsdetectasubtleaccord。 J。C。K。 ChapterI。 Booksmaybewritteninallsortsofplaces。Verbalinspirationmayentertheberthofamarineronboardashipfrozenfastinariverinthemiddleofatown;andsincesaintsaresupposedtolookbenignantlyonhumblebelievers,IindulgeinthepleasantfancythattheshadeofoldFlaubert——whoimaginedhimselftobe(amongstotherthings)adescendantofVikings——mighthavehoveredwithamusedinterestoverthedecksofa2000-tonsteamercalledthe\"Adowa,\"onboardofwhich,grippedbytheinclementwinteralongsideaquayinRouen,thetenthchapterof\"Almayer’sFolly\"wasbegun。Withinterest,Isay,forwasnotthekindNormangiantwithenormousmoustachesandathunderingvoicethelastoftheRomantics?Washenot,inhisunworldly,almostascetic,devotiontohisartasortofliterary,saint-likehermit? \"’Ithassetatlast,’saidNinatohermother,pointingtothehillsbehindwhichthesunhadsunk。\"……ThesewordsofAlmayer’sromanticdaughterIremembertracingonthegreypaperofapadwhichrestedontheblanketofmybed-place。TheyreferredtoasunsetinMalayanIslesandshapedthemselvesinmymind,inahallucinatedvisionofforestsandriversandseas,farremovedfromacommercialandyetromantictownofthenorthernhemisphere。Butatthatmomentthemoodofvisionsandwordswascutshortbythethirdofficer,acheerfulandcasualyouth,cominginwithabangofthedoorandtheexclamation: \"You’vemadeitjollywarminhere。\" Itwaswarm。Ihadturnedonthesteam-heaterafterplacingatinundertheleakywater-cock——forperhapsyoudonotknowthatwaterwillleakwheresteamwillnot。Iamnotawareofwhatmyyoungfriendhadbeendoingondeckallthatmorning,butthehandsherubbedtogethervigorouslywereveryredandimpartedtomeachillyfeelingbytheirmereaspect。Hehasremainedtheonlybanjoistofmyacquaintance,andbeingalsoayoungersonofaretiredcolonel,thepoemofMr。Kipling,byastrangeaberrationofassociatedideas,alwaysseemstometohavebeenwrittenwithanexclusiveviewtohisperson。Whenhedidnotplaythebanjohelovedtositandlookatit。Heproceededtothissentimentalinspectionandaftermeditatingawhileoverthestringsundermysilentscrutinyinquiredairily: \"Whatareyoualwaysscribblingthere,ifit’sfairtoask?\" Itwasafairenoughquestion,butIdidnotanswerhim,andsimplyturnedthepadoverwithamovementofinstinctivesecrecy:IcouldnothavetoldhimhehadputtoflightthepsychologyofNinaAlmayer,heropeningspeechofthetenthchapterandthewordsofMrs。Almayer’swisdomwhichweretofollowintheominousoncomingofatropicalnight。IcouldnothavetoldhimthatNinahadsaid:\"Ithassetatlast。\"Hewouldhavebeenextremelysurprisedandperhapshavedroppedhispreciousbanjo。NeithercouldIhavetoldhimthatthesunofmysea-goingwassettingtoo,evenasIwrotethewordsexpressingtheimpatienceofpassionateyouthbentonitsdesire。Ididnotknowthismyself,anditissafetosayhewouldnothavecared,thoughhewasanexcellentyoungfellowandtreatedmewithmoredeferencethan,inourrelativepositions,Iwasstrictlyentitledto。 HeloweredatendergazeonhisbanjoandIwentonlookingthroughtheport-hole。Theroundopeningframedinitsbrassrimafragmentofthequays,witharowofcasksrangedonthefrozengroundandthetail-endofagreatcart。Ared-nosedcarterinablouseandawoollennightcapleanedagainstthewheel。Anidle,strollingcustom-houseguard,beltedoverhisbluecapote,hadtheairofbeingdepressedbyexposuretotheweatherandthemonotonyofofficialexistence。Thebackgroundofgrimyhousesfoundaplaceinthepictureframedbymyport-hole,acrossawidestretchofpavedquaybrownwithfrozenmud。Thecolouringwassombre,andthemostconspicuousfeaturewasalittlecafewithcurtainedwindowsandashabbyfrontofwhitewoodwork,correspondingwiththesqualorofthesepoorerquartersborderingtheriver。WehadbeenshifteddowntherefromanotherberthintheneighbourhoodoftheOperaHouse,wherethatsameport-holegavemeaviewofquiteanothersortofcafe——thebestinthetown,Ibelieve,andtheveryonewheretheworthyBovaryandhiswife,theromanticdaughterofoldPereRenault,hadsomerefreshmentafterthememorableperformanceofanoperawhichwasthetragicstoryofLuciadiLammermoorinasettingoflightmusic。 IcouldrecallnomorethehallucinationoftheEasternArchipelagowhichIcertainlyhopedtoseeagain。Thestoryof\"Almayer’sFolly\"gotputawayunderthepillowforthatday。I donotknowthatIhadanyoccupationtokeepmeawayfromit; thetruthofthematteristhatonboardthatshipwewereleadingjustthenacontemplativelife。Iwillnotsayanythingofmyprivilegedposition。Iwasthere\"justtooblige,\"asanactorofstandingmaytakeasmallpartinthebenefitperformanceofafriend。 AsfarasmyfeelingswereconcernedIdidnotwishtobeinthatsteameratthattimeandinthosecircumstances。AndperhapsI wasnotevenwantedthereintheusualsenseinwhichaship\"wants\"anofficer。ItwasthefirstandlastinstanceinmysealifewhenIservedship-ownerswhohaveremainedcompletelyshadowytomyapprehension。Idonotmeanthisforthewell- knownfirmofLondonship-brokerswhichhadcharteredtheshiptothe,Iwillnotsayshort-lived,butephemeralFranco-CanadianTransportCompany。Adeathleavessomethingbehind,buttherewasneveranythingtangibleleftfromtheF。C。T。C。Itflourishednolongerthanroseslive,andunliketherosesitblossomedinthedeadofwinter,emittedasortoffaintperfumeofadventureanddiedbeforespringsetin。Butindubitablyitwasacompany,ithadevenahouse-flag,allwhitewiththelettersF。C。T。C。 artfullytangledupinacomplicatedmonogram。Weflewitatourmain-masthead,andnowIhavecometotheconclusionthatitwastheonlyflagofitskindinexistence。Allthesameweonboard,formanydays,hadtheimpressionofbeingaunitofalargefleetwithfortnightlydeparturesforMontrealandQuebecasadvertisedinpamphletsandprospectuseswhichcameaboardinalargepackageinVictoriaDock,London,justbeforewestartedforRouen,France。AndintheshadowylifeoftheF。C。T。C。liesthesecretofthat,mylastemploymentinmycalling,whichinaremotesenseinterruptedtherhythmicaldevelopmentofNinaAlmayer’sstory。 ThethensecretaryoftheLondonShipmasters’Society,withitsmodestroomsinFenchurchStreet,wasamanofindefatigableactivityandthegreatestdevotiontohistask。Heisresponsibleforwhatwasmylastassociationwithaship。Icallitthatbecauseitcanhardlybecalledasea-goingexperience。 DearCaptainFroud——itisimpossiblenottopayhimthetributeofaffectionatefamiliarityatthisdistanceofyears——hadverysoundviewsastotheadvancementofknowledgeandstatusforthewholebodyoftheofficersofthemercantilemarine。Heorganisedforuscoursesofprofessionallectures,St。Johnambulanceclasses,correspondedindustriouslywithpublicbodiesandmembersofParliamentonsubjectstouchingtheinterestsoftheservice;andastotheoncomingofsomeinquiryorcommissionrelatingtomattersoftheseaandtotheworkofseamen,itwasaperfectgodsendtohisneedofexertinghimselfonourcorporatebehalf。Togetherwiththishighsenseofhisofficialdutieshehadinhimaveinofpersonalkindness,astrongdispositiontodowhatgoodhecouldtotheindividualmembersofthatcraftofwhichinhistimehehadbeenaveryexcellentmaster。Andwhatgreaterkindnesscanonedotoaseamanthantoputhiminthewayofemployment?CaptainFrouddidnotseewhytheShipmasters’Society,besidesitsgeneralguardianshipofourinterests,shouldnotbeunofficiallyanemploymentagencyoftheveryhighestclass。 \"Iamtryingtopersuadeallourgreatship-owningfirmstocometousfortheirmen。Thereisnothingofatrade-unionspiritaboutoursociety,andIreallydon’tseewhytheyshouldnot,\" hesaidoncetome。\"Iamalwaystellingthecaptains,too,thatallthingsbeingequaltheyoughttogivepreferencetothemembersofthesociety。InmypositionIcangenerallyfindforthemwhattheywantamongstourmembersorourassociatemembers。\" InmywanderingsaboutLondonfromWesttoEastandbackagain(I wasveryidlethen)thetwolittleroomsinFenchurchStreetwereasortofresting-placewheremyspirit,hankeringafterthesea,couldfeelitselfnearertotheships,themen,andthelifeofitschoice——nearertherethanonanyotherspotofthesolidearth。Thisresting-placeusedtobe,ataboutfiveo’clockintheafternoon,fullofmenandtobaccosmoke,butCaptainFroudhadthesmallerroomtohimselfandtherehegrantedprivateinterviews,whoseprincipalmotivewastorenderservice。Thus,onemurkyNovemberafternoonhebeckonedmeinwithacrookedfingerandthatpeculiarglanceabovehisspectacleswhichisperhapsmystrongestphysicalrecollectionoftheman。 \"Ihavehadinhereashipmaster,thismorning,\"hesaid,gettingbacktohisdeskandmotioningmetoachair,\"whoisinwantofanofficer。It’sforasteamship。Youknow,nothingpleasesmemorethantobeasked,butunfortunatelyIdonotquiteseemyway……\" AstheouterroomwasfullofmenIcastawonderingglanceatthecloseddoorbutheshookhishead。 \"Oh,yes,Ishouldbeonlytoogladtogetthatberthforoneofthem。Butthefactofthematteris,thecaptainofthatshipwantsanofficerwhocanspeakFrenchfluently,andthat’snotsoeasytofind。Idonotknowanybodymyselfbutyou。It’sasecondofficer’sberthand,ofcourse,youwouldnotcare…… wouldyounow?Iknowthatitisn’twhatyouarelookingfor。\" Itwasnot。Ihadgivenmyselfuptotheidlenessofahauntedmanwholooksfornothingbutwordswhereintocapturehisvisions。ButIadmitthatoutwardlyIresembledsufficientlyamanwhocouldmakeasecondofficerforasteamercharteredbyaFrenchcompany。IshowednosignofbeinghauntedbythefateofNinaandbythemurmursoftropicalforests;andevenmyintimateintercoursewithAlmayer(apersonofweakcharacter)hadnotputavisiblemarkuponmyfeatures。Formanyyearsheandtheworldofhisstoryhadbeenthecompanionsofmyimaginationwithout,I hope,impairingmyabilitytodealwiththerealitiesofsealife。Ihadhadthemanandhissurroundingswithmeeversincemyreturnfromtheeasternwaters,somefouryearsbeforethedayofwhichIspeak。 Itwasinthefrontsitting-roomoffurnishedapartmentsinaPimlicosquarethattheyfirstbegantoliveagainwithavividnessandpoignancyquiteforeigntoourformerrealintercourse。Ihadbeentreatingmyselftoalongstayonshore,andinthenecessityofoccupyingmymornings,Almayer(thatoldacquaintance)camenoblytotherescue。Beforelong,aswasonlyproper,hiswifeanddaughterjoinedhimroundmytableandthentherestofthatPantaibandcamefullofwordsandgestures。 Unknowntomyrespectablelandlady,itwasmypracticedirectlyaftermybreakfasttoholdanimatedreceptionsofMalays,Arabsandhalf-castes。Theydidnotclamouraloudformyattention。 Theycamewithasilentandirresistibleappeal——andtheappeal,Iaffirmhere,wasnottomyself-loveormyvanity。Itseemsnowtohavehadamoralcharacter,forwhyshouldthememoryofthesebeings,seenintheirobscuresun-bathedexistence,demandtoexpressitselfintheshapeofanovel,exceptonthegroundofthatmysteriousfellowshipwhichunitesinacommunityofhopesandfearsallthedwellersonthisearth? Ididnotreceivemyvisitorswithboisterousraptureasthebearersofanygiftsofprofitorfame。TherewasnovisionofaprintedbookbeforemeasIsatwritingatthattable,situatedinadecayedpartofBelgravia。Afteralltheseyears,eachleavingitsevidenceofslowlyblackenedpages,Icanhonestlysaythatitisasentimentakintopietywhichpromptedmetorenderinwordsassembledwithconscientiouscarethememoryofthingsfardistantandofmenwhohadlived。 But,comingbacktoCaptainFroudandhisfixedideaofneverdisappointingship-ownersorship-captains,itwasnotlikelythatIshouldfailhiminhisambition——tosatisfyatafewhours’noticetheunusualdemandforaFrench-speakingofficer。 HeexplainedtomethattheshipwascharteredbyaFrenchcompanyintendingtoestablisharegularmonthlylineofsailingsfromRouen,forthetransportofFrenchemigrantstoCanada。 But,frankly,thissortofthingdidnotinterestmeverymuch。 IsaidgravelythatifitwerereallyamatterofkeepingupthereputationoftheShipmasters’Society,Iwouldconsiderit。Buttheconsiderationwasjustforform’ssake。ThenextdayI interviewedtheCaptain,andIbelievewewereimpressedfavourablywitheachother。Heexplainedthathischiefmatewasanexcellentmanineveryrespectandthathecouldnotthinkofdismissinghimsoastogivemethehigherposition;butthatifIconsentedtocomeassecondofficerIwouldbegivencertainspecialadvantages——andsoon。 ItoldhimthatifIcameatalltherankreallydidnotmatter。 \"Iamsure,\"heinsisted,\"youwillgetonfirstratewithMr。 Paramor。\" Ipromisedfaithfullytostayfortwotripsatleast,anditwasinthosecircumstancesthatwhatwastobemylastconnectionwithashipbegan。Andafteralltherewasnotevenonesingletrip。Itmaybethatitwassimplythefulfilmentofafate,ofthatwrittenwordonmyforeheadwhichapparentlyforbademe,throughallmyseawanderings,evertoachievethecrossingoftheWesternOcean——usingthewordsinthatspecialsenseinwhichsailorsspeakofWesternOceantrade,ofWesternOceanpackets,ofWesternOceanhardcases。Thenewlifeattendedcloselyupontheoldandtheninechaptersof\"Almayer’sFolly\"wentwithmetotheVictoriaDock,whenceinafewdayswestartedforRouen。 Iwon’tgosofarassayingthattheengagingofamanfatednevertocrosstheWesternOceanwastheabsolutecauseoftheFranco-CanadianTransportCompany’sfailuretoachieveevenasinglepassage。Itmighthavebeenthatofcourse;buttheobvious,grossobstaclewasclearlythewantofmoney。Fourhundredandsixtybunksforemigrantswereputtogetherinthe’tweendecksbyindustriouscarpenterswhilewelayintheVictoriaDock,butneveranemigrantturnedupinRouen——ofwhich,beingahumaneperson,IconfessIwasglad。SomegentlemenfromParis——Ithinktherewerethreeofthem,andonewassaidtobetheChairman——turnedupindeedandwentfromendtoendoftheship,knockingtheirsilkhatscruellyagainstthedeck-beams。Iattendedthempersonally,andIcanvouchforitthattheinteresttheytookinthingswasintelligentenough,though,obviously,theyhadneverseenanythingofthesortbefore。Theirfacesastheywentashoreworeacheerfullyinconclusiveexpression。Notwithstandingthatthisinspectingceremonywassupposedtobeapreliminarytoimmediatesailing,itwasthen,astheyfileddownourgangway,thatIreceivedtheinwardmonitionthatnosailingwithinthemeaningofourcharter-partywouldevertakeplace。 Itmustbesaidthatinlessthanthreeweeksamovetookplace。 Whenwefirstarrivedwehadbeentakenupwithmuchceremonywelltowardsthecentreofthetown,and,allthestreetcornersbeingplacardedwiththetricolourpostersannouncingthebirthofourcompany,thepetitbourgeoiswithhiswifeandfamilymadeaSundayholidayfromtheinspectionoftheship。IwasalwaysinevidenceinmybestuniformtogiveinformationasthoughI hadbeenaCook’stourists’interpreter,whileourquarter- mastersreapedaharvestofsmallchangefrompersonallyconductedparties。Butwhenthemovewasmade——thatmovewhichcarriedussomemileandahalfdownthestreamtobetieduptoanaltogethermuddierandshabbierquay——thenindeedthedesolationofsolitudebecameourlot。Itwasacompleteandsoundlessstagnation;for,aswehadtheshipreadyforseatothesmallestdetail,asthefrostwashardandthedaysshort,wewereabsolutelyidle——idletothepointofblushingwithshamewhenthethoughtstruckusthatallthetimeoursalarieswenton。YoungColewasaggrievedbecause,ashesaid,wecouldnotenjoyanysortoffunintheeveningafterloafinglikethisallday:eventhebanjolostitscharmsincetherewasnothingtopreventhisstrummingonitallthetimebetweenthemeals。ThegoodParamor——hewasreallyamostexcellentfellow——becameunhappyasfaraswaspossibletohischeerynature,tillonedrearydayIsuggested,outofsheermischief,thatheshouldemploythedormantenergiesofthecrewinhaulingbothcablesupondeckandturningthemendforend。 ForamomentMr。Paramorwasradiant。\"Excellentidea!\"butdirectlyhisfacefell。\"Why……Yes!Butwecan’tmakethatjoblastmorethanthreedays,\"hemuttereddiscontentedly。I don’tknowhowlongheexpectedustobestuckontheriversideoutskirtsofRouen,butIknowthatthecablesgothauledupandturnedendforendaccordingtomysatanicsuggestion,putdownagain,andtheirveryexistenceutterlyforgotten,Ibelieve,beforeaFrenchriverpilotcameonboardtotakeourshipdown,emptyasshecame,intotheHavreroads。YoumaythinkthatthisstateofforcedidlenessfavouredsomeadvanceinthefortunesofAlmayerandhisdaughter。Yetitwasnotso。Asifitweresomesortofevilspell,mybanjoistcabin-mate’sinterruption,asrelatedabove,hadarrestedthemshortatthepointofthatfatefulsunsetformanyweekstogether。Itwasalwaysthuswiththisbook,begunin’89andfinishedin’94——withthatshortestofallthenovelswhichitwastobemylottowrite。BetweenitsopeningexclamationcallingAlmayertohisdinnerinhiswife’svoiceandAbdullah’s(hisenemy)mentalreferencetotheGodofIslam——\"TheMerciful,theCompassionate\"——whichclosesthebook,thereweretocomeseverallongseapassages,avisit(tousetheelevatedphraseologysuitabletotheoccasion)tothescenes(someofthem)ofmychildhoodandtherealisationofchildhood’svainwords,expressingalight-heartedandromanticwhim。 Itwasin1868,whennineyearsoldorthereabouts,thatwhilelookingatamapofAfricaofthetimeandputtingmyfingerontheblankspacethenrepresentingtheunsolvedmysteryofthatcontinent,Isaidtomyselfwithabsoluteassuranceandanamazingaudacitywhicharenolongerinmycharacternow: \"WhenIgrowupIshallgothere。\" AndofcourseIthoughtnomoreaboutittillafteraquarterofacenturyorsoanopportunityofferedtogothere——asifthesinofchildishaudacityweretobevisitedonmymaturehead。Yes。 Ididgothere:therebeingtheregionofStanleyFallswhichin’68wastheblankestofblankspacesontheearth’sfiguredsurface。AndtheMS。of\"Almayer’sFolly,\"carriedaboutmeasifitwereatalismanoratreasure,wenttheretoo。ThatitevercameoutofthereseemsaspecialdispensationofProvidence;becauseagoodmanyofmyotherproperties,infinitelymorevaluableandusefultome,remainedbehindthroughunfortunateaccidentsoftransportation。Icalltomind,forinstance,aspeciallyawkwardturnoftheCongobetweenKinchassaandLeopoldsville——moreparticularlywhenonehadtotakeitatnightinabigcanoewithonlyhalfthepropernumberofpaddlers。Ifailedinbeingthesecondwhitemanonrecorddrownedatthatinterestingspotthroughtheupsettingofacanoe。ThefirstwasayoungBelgianofficer,buttheaccidenthappenedsomemonthsbeforemytime,andhe,too,Ibelieve,wasgoinghome;notperhapsquitesoillasmyself——butstillhewasgoinghome。Igotroundtheturnmoreorlessalive,thoughI wastoosicktocarewhetherIdidornot,and,alwayswith\"Almayer’sFolly\"amongstmydiminishingbaggage,IarrivedatthatdelectablecapitalBoma,wherebeforethedepartureofthesteamerwhichwastotakemehomeIhadthetimetowishmyselfdeadoverandoveragainwithperfectsincerity。Atthatdatetherewereinexistenceonlysevenchaptersof\"Almayer’sFolly,\" butthechapterinmyhistorywhichfollowedwasthatofalong,longillnessandverydismalconvalescence。Geneva,ormorepreciselythehydropathicestablishmentofChampel,isrenderedforeverfamousbytheterminationoftheeighthchapterinthehistoryofAlmayer’sdeclineandfall。Theeventsoftheninthareinextricablymixedupwiththedetailsofthepropermanagementofawatersidewarehouseownedbyacertaincityfirmwhosenamedoesnotmatter。Butthatwork,undertakentoaccustommyselfagaintotheactivitiesofahealthyexistence,sooncametoanend。Theearthhadnothingtoholdmewithforverylong。Andthenthatmemorablestory,likeacaskofchoiceMadeira,gotcarriedforthreeyearstoandfrouponthesea。 Whetherthistreatmentimproveditsflavourornot,ofcourseI wouldnotliketosay。Asfarasappearanceisconcerneditcertainlydidnothingofthekind。ThewholeMS。acquiredafadedlookandanancient,yellowishcomplexion。ItbecameatlastunreasonabletosupposethatanythingintheworldwouldeverhappentoAlmayerandNina。Andyetsomethingmostunlikelytohappenonthehighseaswastowakethemupfromtheirstateofsuspendedanimation。 WhatisitthatNovalissays?\"Itiscertainmyconvictiongainsinfinitelythemomentanothersoulwillbelieveinit。\"Andwhatisanovelifnotaconvictionofourfellow-men’sexistencestrongenoughtotakeuponitselfaformofimaginedlifeclearerthanrealityandwhoseaccumulatedverisimilitudeofselectedepisodesputstoshametheprideofdocumentaryhistory? ProvidencewhichsavedmyMS。fromtheCongorapidsbroughtittotheknowledgeofahelpfulsoulfaroutontheopensea。Itwouldbeonmypartthegreatestingratitudeevertoforgetthesallow,sunkenfaceandthedeep-set,darkeyesoftheyoungCambridgeman(hewasa\"passengerforhishealth\"onboardthegoodshipTorrensoutwardboundtoAustralia)whowasthefirstreaderof\"Almayer’sFolly\"——theveryfirstreaderIeverhad。 \"WoulditboreyouverymuchreadingaMS。inahandwritinglikemine?\"IaskedhimoneeveningonasuddenimpulseattheendofalongishconversationwhosesubjectwasGibbon’sHistory。 Jacques(thatwashisname)wassittinginmycabinonestormydog-watchbelow,afterbringingmeabooktoreadfromhisowntravellingstore。 \"Notatall,\"heansweredwithhiscourteousintonationandafaintsmile。AsIpulledadraweropenhissuddenlyarousedcuriositygavehimawatchfulexpression。Iwonderwhatheexpectedtosee。Apoem,maybe。Allthat’sbeyondguessingnow。 Hewasnotacoldbutacalmman,stillmoresubduedbydisease—— amanoffewwordsandofanunassumingmodestyingeneralintercourse,butwithsomethinguncommoninthewholeofhispersonwhichsethimapartfromtheundistinguishedlotofoursixtypassengers。Hiseyeshadathoughtfulintrospectivelook。 Inhisattractivereservedmanner,andinaveiledsympatheticvoiceheasked: \"Whatisthis?\"\"Itisasortoftale,\"Iansweredwithaneffort。\"Itisnotevenfinishedyet。NeverthelessIwouldliketoknowwhatyouthinkofit。\"HeputtheMS。inthebreast- pocketofhisjacket;Irememberperfectlyhisthinbrownfingersfoldingitlengthwise。\"Iwillreadittomorrow,\"heremarked,seizingthedoor-handle,andthen,watchingtherolloftheshipforapropitiousmoment,heopenedthedoorandwasgone。InthemomentofhisexitIheardthesustainedboomingofthewind,theswishofthewateronthedecksoftheTorrens,andthesubdued,asifdistant,roaroftherisingsea。Inotedthegrowingdisquietinthegreatrestlessnessoftheocean,andrespondedprofessionallytoitwiththethoughtthatateighto’clock,inanotherhalf-hourorsoatthefurthest,thetop-gallantsailswouldhavetocomeofftheship。 Nextday,butthistimeinthefirstdog-watch,Jacquesenteredmycabin。Hehadathick,woollenmufflerroundhisthroatandtheMS。wasinhishand。Hetenderedittomewithasteadylookbutwithoutaword。Itookitinsilence。Hesatdownonthecouchandstillsaidnothing。Iopenedandshutadrawerundermydesk,onwhichafilled-uplog-slatelaywideopeninitswoodenframewaitingtobecopiedneatlyintothesortofbookI wasaccustomedtowritewithcare,theship’slog-book。Iturnedmybacksquarelyonthedesk。AndeventhenJacquesneverofferedaword。\"Well,whatdoyousay?\"Iaskedatlast。\"Isitworthfinishing?\"Thisquestionexpressedexactlythewholeofmythoughts。 \"Distinctly,\"heansweredinhissedate,veiledvoiceandthencoughedalittle。 \"Wereyouinterested?\"Iinquiredfurtheralmostinawhisper。 \"Verymuch!\" InapauseIwentonmeetinginstinctivelytheheavyrollingoftheship,andJacquesputhisfeetuponthecouch。Thecurtainofmybed-placeswungtoandfroasitwereapunkah,thebulkheadlampcircledinitsgimbals,andnowandthenthecabindoorrattledslightlyinthegustsofwind。Itwasinlatitude40south,andnearlyinthelongitudeofGreenwich,asfarasI canremember,thatthesequietritesofAlmayer’sandNina’sresurrectionweretakingplace。Intheprolongedsilenceitoccurredtomethattherewasagooddealofretrospectivewritinginthestoryasfarasitwent。Wasitintelligibleinitsaction,Iaskedmyself,asifalreadythestory-tellerwerebeingbornintothebodyofaseaman。ButIheardondeckthewhistleoftheofficerofthewatchandremainedonthealerttocatchtheorderthatwastofollowthiscalltoattention。Itreachedmeasafaint,fierceshoutto\"Squaretheyards。\" \"Aha!\"Ithoughttomyself,\"awesterlyblowcomingon。\"ThenI turnedtomyveryfirstreaderwho,alas!wasnottolivelongenoughtoknowtheendofthetale。 \"Nowletmeaskyouonemorething:isthestoryquitecleartoyouasitstands?\" Heraisedhisdark,gentleeyestomyfaceandseemedsurprised。 \"Yes!Perfectly。\" ThiswasallIwastohearfromhislipsconcerningthemeritsof\"Almayer’sFolly。\"Weneverspoketogetherofthebookagain。A longperiodofbadweathersetinandIhadnothoughtsleftbutformyduties,whilstpoorJacquescaughtafatalcoldandhadtokeepcloseinhiscabin。WhenwearrivedinAdelaidethefirstreaderofmyprosewentatonceup-country,anddiedrathersuddenlyintheend,eitherinAustraliaoritmaybeonthepassagewhilegoinghomethroughtheSuezCanal。Iamnotsurewhichitwasnow,andIdonotthinkIeverheardprecisely; thoughImadeinquiriesabouthimfromsomeofourreturnpassengerswho,wanderingaboutto\"seethecountry\"duringtheship’sstayinport,hadcomeuponhimhereandthere。Atlastwesailed,homewardbound,andstillnotonelinewasaddedtothecarelessscrawlofthemanypageswhichpoorJacqueshadhadthepatiencetoreadwiththeveryshadowsofEternitygatheringalreadyinthehollowsofhiskind,steadfasteyes。 Thepurposeinstilledintomebyhissimpleandfinal\"Distinctly\"remaineddormant,yetalivetoawaititsopportunity。IdaresayIamcompelled,unconsciouslycompelled,nowtowritevolumeaftervolume,asinpastyearsIwascompelledtogotoseavoyageaftervoyage。Leavesmustfollowuponeachotherasleaguesusedtofollowinthedaysgoneby,onandontotheappointedend,which,beingTruthitself,isOne—— oneforallmenandforalloccupations。 Idonotknowwhichofthetwoimpulseshasappearedmoremysteriousandmorewonderfultome。Still,inwriting,asingoingtosea,Ihadtowaitmyopportunity。LetmeconfessherethatIwasneveroneofthosewonderfulfellowsthatwouldgoafloatinawash-tubforthesakeofthefun,andifImaypridemyselfuponmyconsistency,itwaseverjustthesamewithmywriting。Somemen,Ihaveheard,writeinrailwaycarriages,andcoulddoit,perhaps,sittingcross-leggedonaclothes-line;butImustconfessthatmysybariticdispositionwillnotconsenttowritewithoutsomethingatleastresemblingachair。Linebyline,ratherthanpagebypage,wasthegrowthof\"Almayer’sFolly。\" AndsoithappenedthatIverynearlylosttheMS。,advancednowtothefirstwordsoftheninthchapter,intheFriedrichstrasserailwaystation(that’sinBerlin,youknow),onmywaytoPoland,ormorepreciselytoUkraine。Onanearly,sleepymorningchangingtrainsinahurryIleftmyGladstonebaginarefreshment-room。AworthyandintelligentKoffertragerrescuedit。YetinmyanxietyIwasnotthinkingoftheMS。butofalltheotherthingsthatwerepackedinthebag。 InWarsaw,whereIspenttwodays,thosewanderingpageswereneverexposedtothelight,exceptonce,tocandle-light,whilethebaglayopenonachair。Iwasdressinghurriedlytodineatasportingclub。Afriendofmychildhood(hehadbeenintheDiplomaticService,buthadturnedtogrowingwheatonpaternalacres,andwehadnotseeneachotherforovertwentyyears)wassittingonthehotelsofawaitingtocarrymeoffthere。 \"Youmighttellmesomethingofyourlifewhileyouaredressing,\"hesuggestedkindly。 IdonotthinkItoldhimmuchofmylife-storyeitherthenorlater。Thetalkoftheselectlittlepartywithwhichhemademedinewasextremelyanimatedandembracedmostsubjectsunderheaven,frombig-gameshootinginAfricatothelastpoempublishedinaverymodernistreview,editedbytheveryyoungandpatronisedbythehighestsociety。Butitnevertouchedupon\"Almayer’sFolly,\"andnextmorning,inuninterruptedobscurity,thisinseparablecompanionwentonrollingwithmeinthesouth- eastdirectiontowardstheGovernmentofKiev。 Atthattimetherewasaneight-hours’drive,ifnotmore,fromtherailwaystationtothecountryhousewhichwasmydestination。 \"Dearboy\"(thesewordswerealwayswritteninEnglish),soranthelastletterfromthathousereceivedinLondon,——\"Getyourselfdriventotheonlyinnintheplace,dineaswellasyoucan,andsometimeintheeveningmyownconfidentialservant,factotumandmajor-domo,aMr。V。S。(Iwarnyouheisofnobleextraction),willpresenthimselfbeforeyou,reportingthearrivalofthesmallsledgewhichwilltakeyouhereonthenextday。Isendwithhimmyheaviestfur,whichIsupposewithsuchovercoatsasyoumayhavewithyouwillkeepyoufromfreezingontheroad。\" Sureenough,asIwasdining,servedbyaHebrewwaiter,inanenormousbarn-likebedroomwithafreshlypaintedfloor,thedooropenedand,inatravellingcostumeoflongboots,bigsheep-skincapandashortcoatgirtwithaleatherbelt,theMr。V。S。(ofnobleextraction),amanofaboutthirty-five,appearedwithanairofperplexityonhisopenandmoustachioedcountenance。I gotupfromthetableandgreetedhiminPolish,with,Ihope,therightshadeofconsiderationdemandedbyhisnoblebloodandhisconfidentialposition。Hisfaceclearedupinawonderfulway。Itappearedthat,notwithstandingmyuncle’searnestassurances,thegoodfellowhadremainedindoubtofourunderstandingeachother。HeimaginedIwouldtalktohiminsomeforeignlanguage。Iwastoldthathislastwordsongettingintothesledgetocometomeetmeshapedananxiousexclamation: \"Well!Well!HereIamgoing,butGodonlyknowshowIamtomakemyselfunderstoodtoourmaster’snephew。\" Weunderstoodeachotherverywellfromthefirst。HetookchargeofmeasifIwerenotquiteofage。Ihadadelightfulboyishfeelingofcominghomefromschoolwhenhemuffledmeupnextmorninginanenormousbear-skintravelling-coatandtookhisseatprotectivelybymyside。Thesledgewasaverysmalloneanditlookedutterlyinsignificant,almostlikeatoybehindthefourbigbaysharnessedtwoandtwo。Wethree,countingthecoachman,filleditcompletely。Hewasayoungfellowwithclearblueeyes;thehighcollarofhisliveryfurcoatframedhischeerycountenanceandstoodallroundlevelwiththetopofhishead。 \"Now,Joseph,\"mycompanionaddressedhim,\"doyouthinkweshallmanagetogethomebeforesix?\"Hisanswerwasthatwewouldsurely,withGod’shelp,andprovidingtherewerenoheavydriftsinthelongstretchbetweencertainvillageswhosenamescamewithanextremelyfamiliarsoundtomyears。Heturnedoutanexcellentcoachmanwithaninstinctforkeepingtheroadamongstthesnow-coveredfieldsandanaturalgiftofgettingthebestoutofhishorses。 \"HeisthesonofthatJosephthatIsupposetheCaptainremembers。HewhousedtodrivetheCaptain’slategrandmotherofholymemory,\"remarkedV。S。busytuckingfurrugsaboutmyfeet。 IrememberedperfectlythetrustyJosephwhousedtodrivemygrandmother。Why!heitwaswholetmeholdthereinsforthefirsttimeinmylifeandallowedmetoplaywiththegreatfour- in-handwhipoutsidethedoorsofthecoach-house。 \"Whatbecameofhim?\"Iasked。\"Heisnolongerserving,I suppose。\" \"Heservedourmaster,\"wasthereply。\"Buthediedofcholeratenyearsagonow——thatgreatepidemicwehad。Andhiswifediedatthesametime——thewholehousefulofthem,andthisistheonlyboythatwasleft。\" TheMS。of\"Almayer’sFolly\"wasreposinginthebagunderourfeet。 IsawagainthesunsettingontheplainsasIsawitinthetravelsofmychildhood。Itset,clearandred,dippingintothesnowinfullviewasifitweresettingonthesea。Itwastwenty-threeyearssinceIhadseenthesunsetoverthatland; andwedroveoninthedarknesswhichfellswiftlyuponthelividexpanseofsnowstill,outofthewasteofawhiteearthjoiningabestarredsky,surgedupblackshapes,theclumpsoftreesaboutavillageoftheUkrainianplain。Acottageortwoglidedby,alowinterminablewallandthen,glimmeringandwinkingthroughascreenoffir-trees,thelightsofthemaster’shouse。 ThatveryeveningthewanderingMS。of\"Almayer’sFolly\"wasunpackedandunostentatiouslylaidonthewriting-tableinmyroom,theguest-roomwhichhadbeen,Iwasinformedinanaffectedlycarelesstone,awaitingmeforsomefifteenyearsorso。Itattractednoattentionfromtheaffectionatepresencehoveringroundthesonofthefavouritesister。 \"Youwon’thavemanyhourstoyourselfwhileyouarestayingwithme,brother,\"hesaid——thisformofaddressborrowedfromthespeechofourpeasantsbeingtheusualexpressionofthehighestgoodhumourinamomentofaffectionateelation。\"Ishallbealwayscominginforachat。\" Asamatteroffactwehadthewholehousetochatin,andwereeverlastinglyintrudinguponeachother。Iinvadedtheretirementofhisstudywheretheprincipalfeaturewasacolossalsilverinkstandpresentedtohimonhisfiftiethyearbyasubscriptionofallhiswardsthenliving。Hehadbeenguardianofmanyorphansofland-owningfamiliesfromthethreesouthernprovinces——eversincetheyear1860。Someofthemhadbeenmyschoolfellowsandplaymates,butnotoneofthem,girlsorboys,thatIknowofhaseverwrittenanovel。Oneortwowereolderthanmyself——considerablyolder,too。Oneofthem,avisitorIrememberinmyearlyyears,wasthemanwhofirstputmeonhorseback,andhisfour-horsebachelorturn-out,hisperfecthorsemanshipandgeneralskillinmanlyexerciseswasoneofmyearliestadmirations。Iseemtoremembermymotherlookingonfromacolonnadeinfrontofthedining-roomwindowsasIwaslifteduponthepony,held,forallIknow,bytheveryJoseph—— thegroomattachedspeciallytomygrandmother’sservice——whodiedofcholera。Itwascertainlyayoungmaninadarkblue,tail-lesscoatandhugeCossacktrousers,thatbeingtheliveryofthemenaboutthestables。Itmusthavebeenin1864,butreckoningbyanothermodeofcalculatingtime,itwascertainlyintheyearinwhichmymotherobtainedpermissiontotravelsouthandvisitherfamily,fromtheexileintowhichshehadfollowedmyfather。Forthat,too,shehadhadtoaskpermission,andIknowthatoneoftheconditionsofthatfavourwasthatsheshouldbetreatedexactlyasacondemnedexileherself。Yetacoupleofyearslater,inmemoryofhereldestbrotherwhohadservedintheGuardsanddyingearlylefthostsoffriendsandalovedmemoryinthegreatworldofSt。 Petersburg,someinfluentialpersonagesprocuredforherthispermission——itwasofficiallycalledthe\"HighestGrace\"——ofathreemonths’leavefromexile。 ThisisalsotheyearinwhichIfirstbegintoremembermymotherwithmoredistinctnessthanamereloving,wide-browed,silent,protectingpresence,whoseeyeshadasortofcommandingsweetness;andIalsorememberthegreatgatheringofalltherelationsfromnearandfar,andthegreyheadsofthefamilyfriendspayingherthehomageofrespectandloveinthehouseofherfavouritebrotherwho,afewyearslater,wastotaketheplaceformeofbothmyparents。 Ididnotunderstandthetragicsignificanceofitallatthetime,thoughindeedIrememberthatdoctorsalsocame。Therewerenosignsofinvalidismabouther——butIthinkthatalreadytheyhadpronouncedherdoomunlessperhapsthechangetoasouthernclimatecouldre-establishherdecliningstrength。Formeitseemstheveryhappiestperiodofmyexistence。Therewasmycousin,adelightfulquick-temperedlittlegirl,somemonthsyoungerthanmyself,whoselife,lovinglywatchedover,asifshewerearoyalprincess,cametoanendwithherfifteenthyear。 Therewereotherchildren,too,manyofwhomaredeadnow,andnotafewwhoseverynamesIhaveforgotten。OverallthishungtheoppressiveshadowofthegreatRussianEmpire——theshadowloweringwiththedarknessofanew-bornnationalhatredfosteredbytheMoscowschoolofjournalistsagainstthePolesaftertheill-omenedrisingof1863。 ThisisafarcrybackfromtheMS。of\"Almayer’sFolly,\"butthepublicrecordoftheseformativeimpressionsisnotthewhimofanuneasyegotism。These,too,arethingshuman,alreadydistantintheirappeal。Itismeetthatsomethingmoreshouldbeleftforthenovelist’schildrenthanthecoloursandfiguresofhisownhard-woncreation。Thatwhichintheirgrown-upyearsmayappeartotheworldaboutthemasthemostenigmaticsideoftheirnaturesandperhapsmustremainforeverobscureeventothemselves,willbetheirunconsciousresponsetothestillvoiceofthatinexorablepastfromwhichhisworkoffictionandtheirpersonalitiesareremotelyderived。 Onlyinmen’simaginationdoeseverytruthfindaneffectiveandundeniableexistence。Imagination,notinvention,isthesuprememasterofartasoflife。Animaginativeandexactrenderingofauthenticmemoriesmayserveworthilythatspiritofpietytowardsallthingshumanwhichsanctionstheconceptionsofawriteroftales,andtheemotionsofthemanreviewinghisownexperience。 ChapterII。 AsIhavesaid,IwasunpackingmyluggageafterajourneyfromLondonintoUkraine。TheMS。of\"Almayer’sFolly\"——mycompanionalreadyforsomethreeyearsormore,andthenintheninthchapterofitsage——wasdepositedunostentatiouslyonthewriting-tableplacedbetweentwowindows。Itdidn’toccurtometoputitawayinthedrawerthetablewasfittedwith,butmyeyewasattractedbythegoodformofthesamedrawer’sbrasshandles。Twocandelabrawithfourcandleseachlightedupfestallytheroomwhichhadwaitedsomanyyearsforthewanderingnephew。Theblindsweredown。 WithinfivehundredyardsofthechaironwhichIsatstoodthefirstpeasanthutofthevillage——partofmymaternalgrandfather’sestate,theonlypartremaininginthepossessionofamemberofthefamily;andbeyondthevillageinthelimitlessblacknessofawinter’snighttherelaythegreatunfencedfields——notaflatandsevereplain,butakindlybread- givinglandoflowroundedridges,allwhitenow,withtheblackpatchesoftimbernestlinginthehollows。TheroadbywhichI hadcomeranthroughthevillagewithaturnjustoutsidethegatesclosingtheshortdrive。Somebodywasabroadonthedeepsnowtrack;aquicktinkleofbellsstolegraduallyintothestillnessoftheroomlikeatunefulwhisper。 Myunpackinghadbeenwatchedoverbytheservantwhohadcometohelpme,and,forthemostpart,hadbeenstandingattentivebutunnecessaryatthedooroftheroom。Ididnotwanthimintheleast,butIdidnotliketotellhimtogoaway。Hewasayoungfellow,certainlymorethantenyearsyoungerthanmyself;Ihadnotbeen——Iwon’tsayinthatplacebutwithinsixtymilesofit,eversincetheyear’67;yethisguilelessphysiognomyoftheopenpeasanttypeseemedstrangelyfamiliar。Itwasquitepossiblethathemighthavebeenadescendant,asonorevenagrandson,oftheservantswhosefriendlyfaceshadbeenfamiliartomeinmyearlychildhood。Asamatteroffacthehadnosuchclaimonmyconsideration。Hewastheproductofsomevillagenearbyandwasthereonhispromotion,havinglearnedtheserviceinoneortwohousesaspantry-boy。IknowthisbecauseIaskedtheworthyV——nextday。Imightwellhavesparedthequestion。Idiscoveredbeforelongthatallthefacesaboutthehouseandallthefacesinthevillage:thegravefaceswithlongmoustachesoftheheadsoffamilies,thedownyfacesoftheyoungmen,thefacesofthelittlefair-hairedchildren,thehandsome,tanned,wide-browedfacesofthemothersseenatthedoorsofthehutswereasfamiliartomeasthoughIhadknownthemallfromchildhood,andmychildhoodwereamatterofthedaybeforeyesterday。 Thetinkleofthetraveller’sbels,aftergrowinglouder,hadfadedawayquickly,andthetumultofbarkingdogsinthevillagehadcalmeddownatlast。Myuncle,lounginginthecornerofasmallcouch,smokedhislongTurkishchiboukinsilence。 \"Thisisanextremelynicewriting-tableyouhavegotformyroom,\"Iremarked。 \"Itisreallyyourproperty,\"hesaid,keepinghiseyesonme,withaninterestedandwistfulexpressionashehaddoneeversinceIhadenteredthehouse。\"Fortyyearsagoyourmotherusedtowriteatthisverytable。InourhouseinOratowitstoodinthelittlesitting-roomwhich,byatacitarrangement,wasgivenuptothegirls——Imeantoyourmotherandhersisterwhodiedsoyoung。ItwasapresenttothemjointlyfromouruncleNicholasB。whenyourmotherwasseventeenandyouraunttwoyearsyounger。Shewasaverydear,delightfulgirl,thatauntofyours,ofwhomIsupposeyouknownothingmorethanthename。 Shedidnotshinesomuchbypersonalbeautyandacultivatedmind,inwhichyourmotherwasfarsuperior。Itwashergoodsense,theadmirablesweetnessofhernature,herexceptionalfacilityandeaseindailyrelationsthatendearedhertoeverybody。Herdeathwasaterriblegriefandaseriousmorallossforusall。Hadshelivedshewouldhavebroughtthegreatestblessingstothehouseitwouldhavebeenherlottoenter,aswife,motherandmistressofahousehold。Shewouldhavecreatedroundherselfanatmosphereofpeaceandcontentwhichonlythosewhocanloveunselfishlyareabletoevoke。 Yourmother——offargreaterbeauty,exceptionallydistinguishedinperson,mannerandintellect——hadalesseasydisposition。 Beingmorebrilliantlygiftedshealsoexpectedmorefromlife。 Atthattryingtimeespecially,weweregreatlyconcernedaboutherstate。Sufferinginherhealthfromtheshockofherfather’sdeath(shewasaloneinthehousewithhimwhenhediedsuddenly),shewastornbytheinwardstrugglebetweenherloveforthemanwhomshewastomarryintheendandherknowledgeofherdeadfather’sdeclaredobjectiontothatmatch。Unabletobringherselftodisregardthatcherishedmemoryandthatjudgmentshehadalwaysrespectedandtrusted,and,ontheotherhand,feelingtheimpossibilitytoresistasentimentsodeepandsotrue,shecouldnothavebeenexpectedtopreservehermentalandmoralbalance。Atwarwithherself,shecouldnotgivetoothersthatfeelingofpeacewhichwasnotherown。Itwasonlylater,whenunitedatlastwiththemanofherchoicethatshedevelopedthoseuncommongiftsofmindandheartwhichcompelledtherespectandadmirationevenofourfoes。Meetingwithcalmfortitudethecrueltrialsofalifereflectingallthenationalandsocialmisfortunesofthecommunity,sherealisedthehighestconceptionsofdutyasawife,amotherandapatriot,sharingtheexileofherhusbandandrepresentingnoblytheidealofPolishwomanhood。OurUncleNicholaswasnotamanveryaccessibletofeelingsofaffection。ApartfromhisworshipforNapoleontheGreat,helovedreally,Ibelieve,onlythreepeopleintheworld:hismother——yourgreat-grandmother,whomyouhaveseenbutcannotpossiblyremember;hisbrother,ourfather,inwhosehousehelivedforsomanyyears;andofallofus,hisnephewsandniecesgrownuproundhim,yourmotheralone。Themodest,lovablequalitiesoftheyoungestsisterhedidnotseemabletosee。ItwasIwhofeltmostprofoundlythisunexpectedstrokeofdeathfallinguponthefamilylessthanayearafterI hadbecomeitshead。Itwasterriblyunexpected。Drivinghomeonewintryafternoontokeepmecompanyinouremptyhouse,whereIhadtoremainpermanentlyadministeringtheestateandattendingtothecomplicatedaffairs——(thegirlstookitinturnweekandweekabout)——driving,asIsaid,fromthehouseoftheCountessTeklaPotochka,whereourinvalidmotherwasstayingthentobenearadoctor,theylosttheroadandgotstuckinasnowdrift。ShewasalonewiththecoachmanandoldValery,thepersonalservantofourlatefather。Impatientofdelaywhiletheyweretryingtodigthemselvesout,shejumpedoutofthesledgeandwenttolookfortheroadherself。Allthishappenedin’51,nottenmilesfromthehouseinwhichwearesittingnow。 Theroadwassoonfound,butsnowhadbeguntofallthicklyagain,andtheywerefourmorehoursgettinghome。Boththementookofftheirsheepskin-linedgreat-coatsandusedalltheirownrugstowrapherupagainstthecold,notwithstandingherprotests,positiveordersandevenstruggles,asValeryafterwardsrelatedtome。’HowcouldI,’heremonstratedwithher,’gotomeettheblessedsoulofmylatemasterifIletanyharmcometoyouwhilethere’sasparkoflifeleftinmybody?’ Whentheyreachedhomeatlastthepooroldmanwasstiffandspeechlessfromexposure,andthecoachmanwasinnotmuchbetterplight,thoughhehadthestrengthtodriveroundtothestableshimself。Tomyreproachesforventuringoutatallinsuchweather,sheansweredcharacteristicallythatshecouldnotbearthethoughtofabandoningmetomycheerlesssolitude。Itisincomprehensiblehowitwasthatshewasallowedtostart。I supposeithadtobe!Shemadelightofthecoughwhichcameonnextday,butshortlyafterwardsinflammationofthelungssetin,andinthreeweeksshewasnomore!Shewasthefirsttobetakenawayoftheyounggenerationundermycare。Beholdthevanityofallhopesandfears!Iwasthemostfrailatbirthofallthechildren。ForyearsIremainedsodelicatethatmyparentshadbutlittlehopeofbringingmeup;andyetIhavesurvivedfivebrothersandtwosisters,andmanyofmycontemporaries;Ihaveoutlivedmywifeanddaughtertoo——andfromallthosewhohavehadsomeknowledgeatleastoftheseoldtimesyoualoneareleft。Ithasbeenmylottolayinanearlygravemanyhonesthearts,manybrilliantpromises,manyhopesfulloflife。\" Hegotupbrusquely,sighed,andleftme,saying:\"Wewilldineinhalfanhour。\"WithoutmovingIlistenedtohisquickstepsresoundingonthewaxedfloorofthenextroom,traversingtheante-roomlinedwithbookshelves,wherehepausedtoputhischiboukinthepipe-standbeforepassingintothedrawing-room(thesewereallensuite),wherehebecameinaudibleonthethickcarpet。ButIheardthedoorofhisstudy-bedroomclose。Hewasthensixty-twoyearsoldandhadbeenforaquarterofacenturythewisest,thefirmest,themostindulgentofguardians,extendingovermeapaternalcareandaffection,amoralsupportwhichIseemedtofeelalwaysnearmeinthemostdistantpartsoftheearth。 AstoMr。NicholasB。,sub-lieutenantof1808,lieutenantof1813 intheFrenchArmy,andforashorttimeOfficierd’OrdonnanceofMarshalMarmont;afterwardsCaptaininthe2ndRegimentofMountedRiflesinthePolishArmy——suchasitexistedupto1830 inthereducedkingdomestablishedbytheCongressofVienna——I mustsaythatfromallthatmoredistantpast,knowntometraditionallyandalittledevisu,andcalledoutbythewordsofthemanjustgoneaway,heremainsthemostincompletefigure。 ItisobviousthatImusthaveseenhimin’64,foritiscertainthathewouldnothavemissedtheopportunityofseeingmymotherforwhathemusthaveknownwouldbethelasttime。Frommyearlyboyhoodtothisday,ifItrytocalluphisimage,asortofmistrisesbeforemyeyes,amistinwhichIperceivevaguelyonlyaneatlybrushedheadofwhitehair(whichisexceptionalinthecaseoftheB。family,whereitistheruleformentogobaldinabecomingmanner,beforethirty)andathin,curved,dignifiednose,afeatureinstrictaccordancewiththephysicaltraditionoftheB。family。Butitisnotbythesefragmentaryremainsofperishablemortalitythathelivesinmymemory。I knew,ataveryearlyage,thatmygrand-uncleNicholasB。wasaKnightoftheLegionofHonourandthathehadalsothePolishCrossforvalourVirtutiMilitari。Theknowledgeofthesegloriousfactsinspiredinmeanadmiringveneration;yetitisnotthatsentiment,strongasitwas,whichresumesformetheforceandthesignificanceofhispersonality。Itisoverbornebyanotherandcompleximpressionofawe,compassionandhorror。