第4章

类别:其他 作者:Thomas De Quincey字数:17701更新时间:19/01/03 09:29:36
theclouds,bywhichchieflytheeyeexpoundsthedistanceofthebluepavilionstretchedoverourheads,areinsummermorevoluminous,massedandaccumulatedinfargranderandmoretoweringpiles。Secondly,thelightandtheappearancesofthedecliningandthesettingsunaremuchmorefittedtobetypesandcharactersoftheInfinite。Andthirdly(whichisthemainreason),theexuberantandriotousprodigalityoflifenaturallyforcesthemindmorepowerfullyupontheantagonistthoughtofdeath,andthewintrysterilityofthegrave。Foritmaybeobservedgenerally,thatwherevertwothoughtsstandrelatedtoeachotherbyalawofantagonism,andexist,asitwere,bymutualrepulsion,theyareapttosuggesteachother。OntheseaccountsitisthatIfinditimpossibletobanishthethoughtofdeathwhenIamwalkingaloneintheendlessdaysofsummer;andanyparticulardeath,ifnotmoreaffecting,atleasthauntsmymindmoreobstinatelyandbesieginglyinthatseason。Perhapsthiscause,andaslightincidentwhichI omit,mighthavebeentheimmediateoccasionsofthefollowingdream,towhich,however,apredispositionmustalwayshaveexistedinmymind;buthavingbeenoncerouseditneverleftme,andsplitintoathousandfantasticvarieties,whichoftensuddenlyreunited,andcomposedagaintheoriginaldream。 IthoughtthatitwasaSundaymorninginMay,thatitwasEasterSunday,andasyetveryearlyinthemorning。Iwasstanding,asitseemedtome,atthedoorofmyowncottage。Rightbeforemelaytheveryscenewhichcouldreallybecommandedfromthatsituation,butexalted,aswasusual,andsolemnisedbythepowerofdreams。 Therewerethesamemountains,andthesamelovelyvalleyattheirfeet;butthemountainswereraisedtomorethanAlpineheight,andtherewasinterspacefarlargerbetweenthemofmeadowsandforestlawns;thehedgeswererichwithwhiteroses;andnolivingcreaturewastobeseen,exceptingthatinthegreenchurchyardtherewerecattletranquillyreposingupontheverdantgraves,andparticularlyroundaboutthegraveofachildwhomIhadtenderlyloved,justasIhadreallybeheldthem,alittlebeforesunriseinthesamesummer,whenthatchilddied。Igazeduponthewell-knownscene,andIsaidaloud(asIthought)tomyself,\"Ityetwantsmuchofsunrise,anditisEasterSunday;andthatisthedayonwhichtheycelebratethefirstfruitsofresurrection。Iwillwalkabroad;oldgriefsshallbeforgottento-day;fortheairiscoolandstill,andthehillsarehighandstretchawaytoheaven;andtheforestgladesareasquietasthechurchyard,andwiththedewIcanwashthefeverfrommyforehead,andthenIshallbeunhappynolonger。\"AndIturnedasiftoopenmygardengate,andimmediatelyIsawupontheleftascenefardifferent,butwhichyetthepowerofdreamshadreconciledintoharmonywiththeother。ThescenewasanOrientalone,andtherealsoitwasEasterSunday,andveryearlyinthemorning。Andatavastdistancewerevisible,asastainuponthehorizon,thedomesandcupolasofagreatcity——animageorfaintabstraction,caughtperhapsinchildhoodfromsomepictureofJerusalem。Andnotabow-shotfromme,uponastoneandshadedbyJudeanpalms,theresatawoman,andIlooked,anditwas——Ann!Shefixedhereyesuponmeearnestly,andIsaidtoheratlength:\"So,then,Ihavefoundyouatlast。\"Iwaited,butsheansweredmenotaword。HerfacewasthesameaswhenIsawitlast,andyetagainhowdifferent!Seventeenyearsago,whenthelamp-lightfelluponherface,asforthelasttimeIkissedherlips(lips,Ann,thattomewerenotpolluted),hereyeswerestreamingwithtears:thetearswerenowwipedaway;sheseemedmorebeautifulthanshewasatthattime,butinallotherpointsthesame,andnotolder。Herlooksweretranquil,butwithunusualsolemnityofexpression,andI nowgazeduponherwithsomeawe;butsuddenlyhercountenancegrewdim,andturningtothemountainsIperceivedvapoursrollingbetweenus。Inamomentallhadvanished,thickdarknesscameon,andinthetwinklingofaneyeIwasfarawayfrommountains,andbylamplightinOxfordStreet,walkingagainwithAnn——justaswewalkedseventeenyearsbefore,whenwewerebothchildren。 Asafinalspecimen,Iciteoneofadifferentcharacter,from1820。 ThedreamcommencedwithamusicwhichnowIoftenheardindreams—— amusicofpreparationandofawakeningsuspense,amusicliketheopeningoftheCoronationAnthem,andwhich,likeTHAT,gavethefeelingofavastmarch,ofinfinitecavalcadesfilingoff,andthetreadofinnumerablearmies。Themorningwascomeofamightyday—— adayofcrisisandoffinalhopeforhumannature,thensufferingsomemysteriouseclipse,andlabouringinsomedreadextremity。 Somewhere,Iknewnotwhere——somehow,Iknewnothow——bysomebeings,Iknewnotwhom——abattle,astrife,anagony,wasconducting,wasevolvinglikeagreatdramaorpieceofmusic,withwhichmysympathywasthemoreinsupportablefrommyconfusionastoitsplace,itscause,itsnature,anditspossibleissue。I,asisusualindreams(whereofnecessitywemakeourselvescentraltoeverymovement),hadthepower,andyethadnotthepower,todecideit。Ihadthepower,ifIcouldraisemyselftowillit,andyetagainhadnotthepower,fortheweightoftwentyAtlanticswasuponme,ortheoppressionofinexpiableguilt。\"Deeperthaneverplummetsounded,\"Ilayinactive。Thenlikeachorusthepassiondeepened。Somegreaterinterestwasatstake,somemightiercausethaneveryettheswordhadpleaded,ortrumpethadproclaimed。 Thencamesuddenalarms,hurryingstoandfro,trepidationsofinnumerablefugitives——Iknewnotwhetherfromthegoodcauseorthebad,darknessandlights,tempestandhumanfaces,andatlast,withthesensethatallwaslost,femaleforms,andthefeaturesthatwereworthalltheworldtome,andbutamomentallowed——andclaspedhands,andheart-breakingpartings,andthen——everlastingfarewells!Andwithasigh,suchasthecavesofHellsighedwhentheincestuousmotherutteredtheabhorrednameofdeath,thesoundwasreverberated——everlastingfarewells!Andagainandyetagainreverberated——everlastingfarewells! AndIawokeinstruggles,andcriedaloud——\"Iwillsleepnomore。\" ButIamnowcalledupontowindupanarrativewhichhasalreadyextendedtoanunreasonablelength。WithinmorespaciouslimitsthematerialswhichIhaveusedmighthavebeenbetterunfolded,andmuchwhichIhavenotusedmighthavebeenaddedwitheffect。 Perhaps,however,enoughhasbeengiven。ItnowremainsthatI shouldsaysomethingofthewayinwhichthisconflictofhorrorswasfinallybroughttoacrisis。Thereaderisalreadyaware(fromapassagenearthebeginningoftheintroductiontothefirstpart) thattheOpium-eaterhas,insomewayorother,\"unwoundalmosttoitsfinallinkstheaccursedchainwhichboundhim。\"Bywhatmeans? Tohavenarratedthisaccordingtotheoriginalintentionwouldhavefarexceededthespacewhichcannowbeallowed。Itisfortunate,assuchacogentreasonexistsforabridgingit,thatIshould,onamaturerviewofthecase,havebeenexceedinglyunwillingtoinjure,byanysuchunaffectingdetails,theimpressionofthehistoryitself,asanappealtotheprudenceandtheconscienceoftheyetunconfirmedopium-eater——oreven(thoughaveryinferiorconsideration)toinjureitseffectasacomposition。Theinterestofthejudiciousreaderwillnotattachitselfchieflytothesubjectofthefascinatingspells,buttothefascinatingpower。 NottheOpium-eater,buttheopium,isthetrueheroofthetale,andthelegitimatecentreonwhichtheinterestrevolves。Theobjectwastodisplaythemarvellousagencyofopium,whetherforpleasureorforpain:ifthatisdone,theactionofthepiecehasclosed。 However,assomepeople,inspiteofalllawstothecontrary,willpersistinaskingwhatbecameoftheOpium-eater,andinwhatstatehenowis,Ianswerforhimthus:Thereaderisawarethatopiumhadlongceasedtofounditsempireonspellsofpleasure;itwassolelybythetorturesconnectedwiththeattempttoabjureitthatitkeptitshold。Yet,asothertortures,nolessitmaybethought,attendedthenon-abjurationofsuchatyrant,achoiceonlyofevilswasleft;andTHATmightaswellhavebeenadoptedwhich,howeverterrificinitself,heldoutaprospectoffinalrestorationtohappiness。Thisappearstrue;butgoodlogicgavetheauthornostrengthtoactuponit。However,acrisisarrivedfortheauthor’slife,andacrisisforotherobjectsstilldearertohim——andwhichwillalwaysbefardearertohimthanhislife,evennowthatitisagainahappyone。IsawthatImustdieifIcontinuedtheopium。 Idetermined,therefore,ifthatshouldberequired,todieinthrowingitoff。HowmuchIwasatthattimetakingIcannotsay,fortheopiumwhichIusedhadbeenpurchasedformebyafriend,whoafterwardsrefusedtoletmepayhim;sothatIcouldnotascertainevenwhatquantityIhadusedwithintheyear。I apprehend,however,thatItookitveryirregularly,andthatI variedfromaboutfiftyorsixtygrainsto150aday。Myfirsttaskwastoreduceittoforty,tothirty,andasfastasIcouldtotwelvegrains。 Itriumphed。Butthinknot,reader,thatthereforemysufferingswereended,northinkofmeasofonesittinginaDEJECTEDstate。 Thinkofmeasone,evenwhenfourmonthshadpassed,stillagitated,writhing,throbbing,palpitating,shattered,andmuchperhapsinthesituationofhimwhohasbeenracked,asIcollectthetormentsofthatstatefromtheaffectingaccountofthemleftbyamostinnocentsufferer{20}ofthetimesofJamesI。Meantime,Iderivednobenefitfromanymedicine,exceptoneprescribedtomebyanEdinburghsurgeonofgreateminence,viz。,ammoniatedtinctureofvalerian。Medicalaccount,therefore,ofmyemancipationIhavenotmuchtogive,andeventhatlittle,asmanagedbyamansoignorantofmedicineasmyself,wouldprobablytendonlytomislead。 Atallevents,itwouldbemisplacedinthissituation。Themoralofthenarrativeisaddressedtotheopium-eater,andthereforeofnecessitylimitedinitsapplication。Ifheistaughttofearandtremble,enoughhasbeeneffected。Buthemaysaythattheissueofmycaseisatleastaproofthatopium,afteraseventeenyears’useandaneightyears’abuseofitspowers,maystillberenounced,andthatHEmaychancetobringtothetaskgreaterenergythanIdid,orthatwithastrongerconstitutionthanminehemayobtainthesameresultswithless。Thismaybetrue。Iwouldnotpresumetomeasuretheeffortsofothermenbymyown。Iheartilywishhimmoreenergy。Iwishhimthesamesuccess。Nevertheless,Ihadmotivesexternaltomyselfwhichhemayunfortunatelywant,andthesesuppliedmewithconscientioussupportswhichmerepersonalinterestsmightfailtosupplytoaminddebilitatedbyopium。 JeremyTaylorconjecturesthatitmaybeaspainfultobebornastodie。Ithinkitprobable;andduringthewholeperiodofdiminishingtheopiumIhadthetormentsofamanpassingoutofonemodeofexistenceintoanother。Theissuewasnotdeath,butasortofphysicalregeneration;andImayaddthateversince,atintervals,Ihavehadarestorationofmorethanyouthfulspirits,thoughunderthepressureofdifficultieswhichinalesshappystateofmindIshouldhavecalledmisfortunes。 Onememorialofmyformerconditionstillremains——mydreamsarenotyetperfectlycalm;thedreadswellandagitationofthestormhavenotwhollysubsided;thelegionsthatencampedinthemaredrawingoff,butnotalldeparted;mysleepisstilltumultuous,and,likethegatesofParadisetoourfirstparentswhenlookingbackfromafar,itisstill(inthetremendouslineofMilton) Withdreadfulfacesthrong’d,andfieryarms。 APPENDIX Fromthe\"LondonMagazine\"forDecember1822。 Theinterestexcitedbythetwopapersbearingthistitle,inournumbersforSeptemberandOctober1821,willhavekeptourpromiseofaThirdPartfreshintheremembranceofourreaders。Thatwearestillunabletofulfilourengagementinitsoriginalmeaningwill,we,aresure,bematterofregrettothemastoourselves,especiallywhentheyhaveperusedthefollowingaffectingnarrative。 ItwascomposedforthepurposeofbeingappendedtoaneditionoftheConfessionsinaseparatevolume,whichisalreadybeforethepublic,andwehavereprinteditentire,thatoursubscribersmaybeinpossessionofthewholeofthisextraordinaryhistory。 Theproprietorsofthislittleworkhavingdeterminedonreprintingit,someexplanationseemscalledfor,toaccountforthenon- appearanceofathirdpartpromisedintheLondonMagazineofDecemberlast;andthemoresobecausetheproprietors,underwhoseguaranteethatpromisewasissued,mightotherwisebeimplicatedintheblame——littleormuch——attachedtoitsnon-fulfilment。Thisblame,inmerejustice,theauthortakeswhollyuponhimself。Whatmaybetheexactamountoftheguiltwhichhethusappropriatesisaverydarkquestiontohisownjudgment,andnotmuchilluminatedbyanyofthemastersincasuistrywhomhehasconsultedontheoccasion。Ontheonehanditseemsgenerallyagreedthatapromiseisbindingintheinverseratioofthenumberstowhomitismade; forwhichreasonitisthatweseemanypersonsbreakpromiseswithoutscruplethataremadetoawholenation,whokeeptheirfaithreligiouslyinallprivateengagements,breachesofpromisetowardsthestrongerpartybeingcommittedataman’sownperil;ontheotherhand,theonlypartiesinterestedinthepromisesofanauthorarehisreaders,andtheseitisapointofmodestyinanyauthortobelieveasfewaspossible——orperhapsonlyone,inwhichcaseanypromiseimposesasanctityofmoralobligationwhichitisshockingtothinkof。Casuistrydismissed,however,theauthorthrowshimselfontheindulgentconsiderationofallwhomayconceivethemselvesaggrievedbyhisdelay,inthefollowingaccountofhisownconditionfromtheendoflastyear,whentheengagementwasmade,upnearlytothepresenttime。Foranypurposeofself- excuseitmightbesufficienttosaythatintolerablebodilysufferinghadtotallydisabledhimforalmostanyexertionofmind,moreespeciallyforsuchasdemandsandpresupposesapleasurableandgenialstateoffeeling;but,asacasethatmaybypossibilitycontributeatrifletothemedicalhistoryofopium,inafurtherstageofitsactionthancanoftenhavebeenbroughtunderthenoticeofprofessionalmen,hehasjudgedthatitmightbeacceptabletosomereaderstohaveitdescribedmoreatlength。 Fiatexperimentumincorporeviliisajustrulewherethereisanyreasonablepresumptionofbenefittoariseonalargescale。Whatthebenefitmaybewilladmitofadoubt,buttherecanbenoneastothevalueofthebody;foramoreworthlessbodythanhisowntheauthorisfreetoconfesscannotbe。Itishispridetobelievethatitistheveryidealofabase,crazy,despicablehumansystem,thathardlyevercouldhavebeenmeanttobeseaworthyfortwodaysundertheordinarystormsandwearandtearoflife;andindeed,ifthatwerethecreditablewayofdisposingofhumanbodies,hemustownthatheshouldalmostbeashamedtobequeathhiswretchedstructuretoanyrespectabledog。Butnowtothecase,which,forthesakeofavoidingtheconstantrecurrenceofacumbersomeperiphrasis,theauthorwilltakethelibertyofgivinginthefirstperson。 ThosewhohavereadtheConfessionswillhaveclosedthemwiththeimpressionthatIhadwhollyrenouncedtheuseofopium。ThisimpressionImeanttoconvey,andthatfortworeasons:first,becausetheveryactofdeliberatelyrecordingsuchastateofsufferingnecessarilypresumesintherecorderapowerofsurveyinghisowncaseasacoolspectator,andadegreeofspiritsforadequatelydescribingitwhichitwouldbeinconsistenttosupposeinanypersonspeakingfromthestationofanactualsufferer; secondly,becauseI,whohaddescendedfromsolargeaquantityas8,000dropstososmallaone(comparativelyspeaking)asaquantityrangingbetween300and160drops,mightwellsupposethatthevictorywasineffectachieved。Insufferingmyreaders,therefore,tothinkofmeasofareformedopium-eater,IleftnoimpressionbutwhatIsharedmyself;and,asmaybeseen,eventhisimpressionwaslefttobecollectedfromthegeneraltoneoftheconclusion,andnotfromanyspecificwords,whichareinnoinstanceatvariancewiththeliteraltruth。InnolongtimeafterthatpaperwaswrittenIbecamesensiblethattheeffortwhichremainedwouldcostmefarmoreenergythanIhadanticipated,andthenecessityformakingitwasmoreapparenteverymonth。InparticularIbecameawareofanincreasingcallousnessordefectofsensibilityinthestomach,andthisIimaginedmightimplyascirrhousstateofthatorgan,eitherformedorforming。Aneminentphysician,towhosekindnessIwasatthattimedeeplyindebted,informedmethatsuchaterminationofmycasewasnotimpossible,thoughlikelytobeforestalledbyadifferentterminationintheeventofmycontinuingtheuseofopium。OpiumthereforeIresolvedwhollytoabjureassoonasIshouldfindmyselfatlibertytobendmyundividedattentionandenergytothispurpose。Itwasnot,however,untilthe24thofJunelastthatanytolerableconcurrenceoffacilitiesforsuchanattemptarrived。OnthatdayIbeganmyexperiment,havingpreviouslysettledinmyownmindthatIwouldnotflinch,butwould\"standuptothescratch\"underanypossible\"punishment。\" Imustpremisethatabout170or180dropshadbeenmyordinaryallowanceformanymonths;occasionallyIhadrunupashighas500,andoncenearlyto700;inrepeatedpreludestomyfinalexperimentIhadalsogoneaslowas100drops;buthadfounditimpossibletostanditbeyondthefourthday——which,bytheway,Ihavealwaysfoundmoredifficulttogetoverthananyoftheprecedingthree。I wentoffundereasysail——130dropsadayforthreedays;onthefourthIplungedatonceto80。ThemiserywhichInowsuffered\"tooktheconceit\"outofmeatonce,andforaboutamonthI continuedoffandonaboutthismark;thenIsunkto60,andthenextdayto——noneatall。ThiswasthefirstdayfornearlytenyearsthatIhadexistedwithoutopium。Iperseveredinmyabstinenceforninetyhours;i。e。,upwardsofhalfaweek。ThenI took——askmenothowmuch;say,yeseverest,whatwouldyehavedone?ThenIabstainedagain——thentookabout25dropsthenabstained;andsoon。 Meantimethesymptomswhichattendedmycaseforthefirstsixweeksofmyexperimentwerethese:enormousirritabilityandexcitementofthewholesystem;thestomachinparticularrestoredtoafullfeelingofvitalityandsensibility,butofteningreatpain; unceasingrestlessnessnightandday;sleep——Iscarcelyknewwhatitwas;threehoursoutofthetwenty-fourwastheutmostIhad,andthatsoagitatedandshallowthatIheardeverysoundthatwasnearme。Lowerjawconstantlyswelling,mouthulcerated,andmanyotherdistressingsymptomsthatwouldbetedioustorepeat;amongstwhich,however,Imustmentionone,becauseithadneverfailedtoaccompanyanyattempttorenounceopium——viz。,violentsternutation。 Thisnowbecameexceedinglytroublesome,sometimeslastingfortwohoursatonce,andrecurringatleasttwiceorthreetimesaday。I wasnotmuchsurprisedatthisonrecollectingwhatIhadsomewhereheardorread,thatthemembranewhichlinesthenostrilsisaprolongationofthatwhichlinesthestomach;whence,Ibelieve,areexplainedtheinflammatoryappearancesaboutthenostrilsofdramdrinkers。Thesuddenrestorationofitsoriginalsensibilitytothestomachexpresseditself,Isuppose,inthisway。ItisremarkablealsothatduringthewholeperiodofyearsthroughwhichIhadtakenopiumIhadneveroncecaughtcold(asthephraseis),noreventheslightestcough。Butnowaviolentcoldattackedme,andacoughsoonafter。Inanunfinishedfragmentofaletterbegunaboutthistimeto——Ifindthesewords:\"Youaskmetowritethe——DoyouknowBeaumontandFletcher’splayof\"ThierryandTheodore\"?Thereyouwillseemycaseastosleep;norisitmuchofanexaggerationinotherfeatures。IprotesttoyouthatIhaveagreaterinfluxofthoughtsinonehouratpresentthaninawholeyearunderthereignofopium。Itseemsasthoughallthethoughtswhichhadbeenfrozenupforadecadeofyearsbyopiumhadnow,accordingtotheoldfable,beenthawedatonce——suchamultitudestreaminuponmefromallquarters。YetsuchismyimpatienceandhideousirritabilitythatforonewhichIdetainandwritedownfiftyescapeme:inspiteofmywearinessfromsufferingandwantofsleep,Icannotstandstillorsitfortwominutestogether。’Inunc,etversustecummeditarecanoros。’\" AtthisstageofmyexperimentIsenttoaneighbouringsurgeon,requestingthathewouldcomeovertoseeme。Intheeveninghecame;andafterbrieflystatingthecasetohim,Iaskedthisquestion;Whetherhedidnotthinkthattheopiummighthaveactedasastimulustothedigestiveorgans,andthatthepresentstateofsufferinginthestomach,whichmanifestlywasthecauseoftheinabilitytosleep,mightarisefromindigestion?Hisanswerwas; No;onthecontrary,hethoughtthatthesufferingwascausedbydigestionitself,whichshouldnaturallygoonbelowtheconsciousness,butwhichfromtheunnaturalstateofthestomach,vitiatedbysolongauseofopium,wasbecomedistinctlyperceptible。Thisopinionwasplausible;andtheunintermittingnatureofthesufferingdisposesmetothinkthatitwastrue,forifithadbeenanymereIRREGULARaffectionofthestomach,itshouldnaturallyhaveintermittedoccasionally,andconstantlyfluctuatedastodegree。Theintentionofnature,asmanifestedinthehealthystate,obviouslyistowithdrawfromournoticeallthevitalmotions,suchasthecirculationoftheblood,theexpansionandcontractionofthelungs,theperistalticactionofthestomach,&c。,andopium,itseems,isableinthis,asinotherinstances,tocounteractherpurposes。BytheadviceofthesurgeonItriedBITTERS。ForashorttimethesegreatlymitigatedthefeelingsunderwhichIlaboured,butabouttheforty-seconddayoftheexperimentthesymptomsalreadynoticedbegantoretire,andnewonestoariseofadifferentandfarmoretormentingclass;underthese,butwithafewintervalsofremission,Ihavesincecontinuedtosuffer。ButIdismissthemundescribedfortworeasons:first,becausethemindrevoltsfromretracingcircumstantiallyanysufferingsfromwhichitisremovedbytooshortorbynointerval。 Todothiswithminutenessenoughtomakethereviewofanyusewouldbeindeedinfandumrenovaredolorem,andpossiblywithoutasufficientmotive;forsecondly,Idoubtwhetherthislatterstatebeanywayreferabletoopium——positivelyconsidered,orevennegatively;thatis,whetheritistobenumberedamongstthelastevilsfromthedirectactionofopium,orevenamongsttheearliestevilsconsequentuponaWANTofopiuminasystemlongderangedbyitsuse。Certainlyonepartofthesymptomsmightbeaccountedforfromthetimeofyear(August),forthoughthesummerwasnotahotone,yetinanycasethesumofalltheheatFUNDED(ifonemaysayso)duringthepreviousmonths,addedtotheexistingheatofthatmonth,naturallyrendersAugustinitsbetterhalfthehottestpartoftheyear;anditsohappenedthat——theexcessiveperspirationwhichevenatChristmasattendsanygreatreductioninthedailyquantumofopium——andwhichinJulywassoviolentastoobligemetouseabathfiveorsixtimesaday——hadaboutthesetting-inofthehottestseasonwhollyretired,onwhichaccountanybadeffectoftheheatmightbethemoreunmitigated。Anothersymptom——viz。,whatinmyignoranceIcallinternalrheumatism(sometimesaffectingtheshoulders,&c。,butmoreoftenappearingtobeseatedinthestomach)——seemedagainlessprobablyattributabletotheopium,orthewantofopium,thantothedampnessofthehouse{21}whichI inhabit,whichhadaboutthistimeattaineditsmaximum,Julyhavingbeen,asusual,amonthofincessantraininourmostrainypartofEngland。 Underthesereasonsfordoubtingwhetheropiumhadanyconnexionwiththelatterstageofmybodilywretchedness——except,indeed,asanoccasionalcause,ashavingleftthebodyweakerandmorecrazy,andthuspredisposedtoanymal-influencewhatever——Iwillinglysparemyreaderalldescriptionofit;letitperishtohim,andwouldthatIcouldaseasilysayletitperishtomyownremembrances,thatanyfuturehoursoftranquillitymaynotbedisturbedbytoovividanidealofpossiblehumanmisery! Somuchforthesequelofmyexperiment。Astotheformerstage,inwhichprobablyliestheexperimentanditsapplicationtoothercases,ImustrequestmyreadernottoforgetthereasonsforwhichIhaverecordedit。Theseweretwo:First,abeliefthatImightaddsometrifletothehistoryofopiumasamedicalagent。InthisIamawarethatIhavenotatallfulfilledmyownintentions,inconsequenceofthetorporofmind,painofbody,andextremedisgusttothesubjectwhichbesiegedmewhilstwritingthatpartofmypaper;whichpartbeingimmediatelysentofftothepress(distantaboutfivedegreesoflatitude),cannotbecorrectedorimproved。 Butfromthisaccount,ramblingasitmaybe,itisevidentthatthusmuchofbenefitmayarisetothepersonsmostinterestedinsuchahistoryofopium,viz。,toopium-eatersingeneral,thatitestablishes,fortheirconsolationandencouragement,thefactthatopiummayberenounced,andwithoutgreatersufferingsthananordinaryresolutionmaysupport,andbyaprettyrapidcourse{22} ofdescent。 Tocommunicatethisresultofmyexperimentwasmyforemostpurpose。 Secondly,asapurposecollateraltothis,IwishedtoexplainhowithadbecomeimpossibleformetocomposeaThirdPartintimetoaccompanythisrepublication;forduringthetimeofthisexperimenttheproof-sheetsofthisreprintweresenttomefromLondon,andsuchwasmyinabilitytoexpandortoimprovethem,thatIcouldnotevenbeartoreadthemoverwithattentionenoughtonoticethepresserrorsortocorrectanyverbalinaccuracies。Theseweremyreasonsfortroublingmyreaderwithanyrecord,longorshort,ofexperimentsrelatingtosotrulybaseasubjectasmyownbody;andIamearnestwiththereaderthathewillnotforgetthem,orsofarmisapprehendmeastobelieveitpossiblethatIwouldcondescendtosorascallyasubjectforitsownsake,orindeedforanylessobjectthanthatofgeneralbenefittoothers。Suchananimalastheself-observingvaletudinarianIknowthereis;Ihavemethimmyselfoccasionally,andIknowthatheistheworstimaginableHEAUTONTIMOROUMENOS;aggravatingandsustaining,bycallingintodistinctconsciousness,everysymptomthatwouldelseperhaps,underadifferentdirectiongiventothethoughts,becomeevanescent。Butastomyself,soprofoundismycontemptforthisundignifiedandselfishhabit,thatIcouldaslittlecondescendtoitasIcouldtospendmytimeinwatchingapoorservantgirl,towhomatthismomentIhearsomeladorothermakingloveatthebackofmyhouse。 IsitforaTranscendentalPhilosophertofeelanycuriosityonsuchanoccasion?OrcanI,whoselifeisworthonlyeightandahalfyears’purchase,besupposedtohaveleisureforsuchtrivialemployments?However,toputthisoutofquestion,Ishallsayonething,whichwillperhapsshocksomereaders,butIamsureitoughtnottodoso,consideringthemotivesonwhichIsayit。Noman,I suppose,employsmuchofhistimeonthephenomenaofhisownbodywithoutsomeregardforit;whereasthereaderseesthat,sofarfromlookinguponminewithanycomplacencyorregard,Ihateit,andmakeittheobjectofmybitterridiculeandcontempt;andI shouldnotbedispleasedtoknowthatthelastindignitieswhichthelawinflictsuponthebodiesoftheworstmalefactorsmighthereafterfalluponit。And,intestificationofmysincerityinsayingthis,Ishallmakethefollowingoffer。Likeothermen,I haveparticularfanciesabouttheplaceofmyburial;havinglivedchieflyinamountainousregion,Irathercleavetotheconceit,thatagraveinagreenchurchyardamongsttheancientandsolitaryhillswillbeasublimerandmoretranquilplaceofreposeforaphilosopherthananyinthehideousGolgothasofLondon。YetifthegentlemenofSurgeons’Hallthinkthatanybenefitcanredoundtotheirsciencefrominspectingtheappearancesinthebodyofanopium-eater,letthemspeakbutaword,andIwilltakecarethatmineshallbelegallysecuredtothem——i。e。,assoonasIhavedonewithitmyself。Letthemnothesitatetoexpresstheirwishesuponanyscruplesoffalsedelicacyandconsiderationformyfeelings;I assurethemtheywilldometoomuchhonourby\"demonstrating\"onsuchacrazybodyasmine,anditwillgivemepleasuretoanticipatethisposthumousrevengeandinsultinflicteduponthatwhichhascausedmesomuchsufferinginthislife。Suchbequestsarenotcommon;reversionarybenefitscontingentuponthedeathofthetestatorareindeeddangeroustoannounceinmanycases:ofthiswehavearemarkableinstanceinthehabitsofaRomanprince,whoused,uponanynotificationmadetohimbyrichpersonsthattheyhadlefthimahandsomeestateintheirwills,toexpresshisentiresatisfactionatsucharrangementsandhisgraciousacceptanceofthoseloyallegacies;butthen,ifthetestatorsneglectedtogivehimimmediatepossessionoftheproperty,iftheytraitorously\"persistedinliving\"(sivivereperseverarent,asSuetoniusexpressesit),hewashighlyprovoked,andtookhismeasuresaccordingly。Inthosetimes,andfromoneoftheworstoftheCaesars,wemightexpectsuchconduct;butIamsurethatfromEnglishsurgeonsatthisdayIneedlookfornoexpressionsofimpatience,orofanyotherfeelingsbutsuchasareanswerabletothatpureloveofscienceandallitsinterestswhichinducesmetomakesuchanoffer。 Sept30,1822 Footnotes: {1}\"NotyetRECORDED,\"Isay;forthereisonecelebratedmanofthepresentday,who,ifallbetruewhichisreportedofhim,hasgreatlyexceededmeinquantity。 {2}Athirdexceptionmightperhapshavebeenadded;andmyreasonfornotaddingthatexceptionischieflybecauseitwasonlyinhisjuvenileeffortsthatthewriterwhomIalludetoexpresslyaddressedhintstophilosophicalthemes;hisriperpowershavingbeenalldedicated(onveryexcusableandveryintelligiblegrounds,underthepresentdirectionofthepopularmindinEngland)tocriticismandtheFineArts。Thisreasonapart,however,Idoubtwhetherheisnotrathertobeconsideredanacutethinkerthanasubtleone。Itis,besides,agreatdrawbackonhismasteryoverphilosophicalsubjectsthathehasobviouslynothadtheadvantageofaregularscholasticeducation:hehasnotreadPlatoinhisyouth(whichmostlikelywasonlyhismisfortune),butneitherhashereadKantinhismanhood(whichishisfault)。 {3}IdisclaimanyallusiontoEXISTINGprofessors,ofwhomindeedIknowonlyone。 {4}TothissameJew,bytheway,someeighteenmonthsafterwards,Iappliedagainonthesamebusiness;and,datingatthattimefromarespectablecollege,Iwasfortunateenoughtogainhisseriousattentiontomyproposals。Mynecessitieshadnotarisenfromanyextravaganceoryouthfullevities(thesemyhabitsandthenatureofmypleasuresraisedmefarabove),butsimplyfromthevindictivemaliceofmyguardian,who,whenhefoundhimselfnolongerabletopreventmefromgoingtotheuniversity,had,asapartingtokenofhisgoodnature,refusedtosignanorderforgrantingmeashillingbeyondtheallowancemadetomeatschool——viz。,100poundsperannum。Uponthissumitwasinmytimebarelypossibletohavelivedincollege,andnotpossibletoamanwho,thoughabovethepaltryaffectationofostentatiousdisregardformoney,andwithoutanyexpensivetastes,confidedneverthelessrathertoomuchinservants,anddidnotdelightinthepettydetailsofminuteeconomy。Isoon,therefore,becameembarrassed,andatlength,afteramostvoluminousnegotiationwiththeJew(somepartsofwhich,ifIhadleisuretorehearsethem,wouldgreatlyamusemyreaders),IwasputinpossessionofthesumIaskedfor,onthe\"regular\"termsofpayingtheJewseventeenandahalfpercent。bywayofannuityonallthemoneyfurnished;Israel,onhispart,graciouslyresumingnomorethanaboutninetyguineasofthesaidmoney,onaccountofanattorney’sbill(forwhatservices,towhomrendered,andwhen,whetheratthesiegeofJerusalem,atthebuildingofthesecondTemple,oronsomeearlieroccasion,Ihavenotyetbeenabletodiscover)。HowmanyperchesthisbillmeasuredIreallyforget;butIstillkeepitinacabinetofnaturalcuriosities,andsometimeorotherIbelieveIshallpresentittotheBritishMuseum。 {5}TheBristolmailisthebestappointedintheKingdom,owingtothedoubleadvantagesofanunusuallygoodroadandofanextrasumfortheexpensessubscribedbytheBristolmerchants。 {6}Itwillbeobjectedthatmanymen,ofthehighestrankandwealth,haveinourownday,aswellasthroughoutourhistory,beenamongsttheforemostincourtingdangerinbattle。True;butthisisnotthecasesupposed;longfamiliaritywithpowerhastothemdeadeneditseffectanditsattractions。 {7}[Greektext] {8}[Greektext]。EURIP。Orest。 {9}[Greektext] {10}[Greektext]。ThescholarwillknowthatthroughoutthispassageIrefertotheearlyscenesoftheOrestes;oneofthemostbeautifulexhibitionsofthedomesticaffectionswhicheventhedramasofEuripidescanfurnish。TotheEnglishreaderitmaybenecessarytosaythatthesituationattheopeningofthedramaisthatofabrotherattendedonlybyhissisterduringthedemoniacalpossessionofasufferingconscience(or,inthemythologyoftheplay,hauntedbytheFuries),andincircumstancesofimmediatedangerfromenemies,andofdesertionorcoldregardfromnominalfriends。 {11}EVANESCED:thiswayofgoingoffthestageoflifeappearstohavebeenwellknowninthe17thcentury,butatthattimetohavebeenconsideredapeculiarprivilegeofblood-royal,andbynomeanstobeallowedtodruggists。Forabouttheyear1686apoetofratherominousname(andwho,by-the-bye,didamplejusticetohisname),viz。,Mr。FLAT-MAN,inspeakingofthedeathofCharlesII。 expresseshissurprisethatanyprinceshouldcommitsoabsurdanactasdying,because,sayshe,\"Kingsshoulddisdaintodie,andonlyDISAPPEAR。\" TheyshouldABSCOND,thatis,intotheotherworld。 {12}Ofthis,however,thelearnedappearlatterlytohavedoubted; forinapiratededitionofBuchan’sDomesticMedicine,whichIoncesawinthehandsofafarmer’swife,whowasstudyingitforthebenefitofherhealth,theDoctorwasmadetosay——\"Beparticularlycarefulnevertotakeabovefive-and-twentyOUNCESoflaudanumatonce;\"thetruereadingbeingprobablyfive-and-twentyDROPS,whichareheldequaltoaboutonegrainofcrudeopium。 {13}Amongstthegreatherdoftravellers,&c。,whoshowsufficientlybytheirstupiditythattheyneverheldanyintercoursewithopium,ImustcautionmyreadersspeciallyagainstthebrilliantauthorofAnastasius。Thisgentleman,whosewitwouldleadonetopresumehimanopium-eater,hasmadeitimpossibletoconsiderhiminthatcharacter,fromthegrievousmisrepresentationwhichhegivesofitseffectsatpp。215-17ofvol。i。Uponconsiderationitmustappearsuchtotheauthorhimself,for,waivingtheerrorsIhaveinsistedoninthetext,which(andothers)areadoptedinthefullestmanner,hewillhimselfadmitthatanoldgentleman\"withasnow-whitebeard,\"whoeats\"ampledosesofopium,\"andisyetabletodeliverwhatismeantandreceivedasveryweightycounselonthebadeffectsofthatpractice,isbutanindifferentevidencethatopiumeitherkillspeopleprematurelyorsendsthemintoamadhouse。Butformypart,Iseeintothisoldgentlemanandhismotives:thefactis,hewasenamouredof\"thelittlegoldenreceptacleoftheperniciousdrug\" whichAnastasiuscarriedabouthim;andnowayofobtainingitsosafeandsofeasibleoccurredasthatoffrighteningitsowneroutofhiswits(which,bythebye,arenoneofthestrongest)。Thiscommentarythrowsanewlightuponthecase,andgreatlyimprovesitasastory;fortheoldgentleman’sspeech,consideredasalectureonpharmacy,ishighlyabsurd;butconsideredasahoaxonAnastasius,itreadsexcellently。 {14}Ihavenotthebookatthismomenttoconsult;butIthinkthepassagebegins——\"Andeventhattavernmusic,whichmakesonemanmerry,anothermad,inmestrikesadeepfitofdevotion,\"&c。 {15}Ahandsomenewsroom,ofwhichIwasverypolitelymadefreeinpassingthroughManchesterbyseveralgentlemenofthatplace,iscalled,Ithink,ThePorch;whenceI,whoamastrangerinManchester,inferredthatthesubscribersmeanttoprofessthemselvesfollowersofZeno。ButIhavebeensinceassuredthatthisisamistake。 {16}Iherereckontwenty-fivedropsoflaudanumasequivalenttoonegrainofopium,which,Ibelieve,isthecommonestimate。 However,asbothmaybeconsideredvariablequantities(thecrudeopiumvaryingmuchinstrength,andthetincturestillmore),I supposethatnoinfinitesimalaccuracycanbehadinsuchacalculation。Teaspoonsvaryasmuchinsizeasopiuminstrength。 Smallonesholdabout100drops;sothat8,000dropsareabouteightytimesateaspoonful。ThereaderseeshowmuchIkeptwithinDr。Buchan’sindulgentallowance。 {17}This,however,isnotanecessaryconclusion;thevarietiesofeffectproducedbyopiumondifferentconstitutionsareinfinite。A Londonmagistrate(Harriott’sStrugglesthroughLife,vol。iii。p。 391,thirdedition)hasrecordedthat,onthefirstoccasionofhistryinglaudanumforthegouthetookFORTYdrops,thenextnightSIXTY,andonthefifthnightEIGHTY,withoutanyeffectwhatever; andthisatanadvancedage。Ihaveananecdotefromacountrysurgeon,however,whichsinksMr。Harriott’scaseintoatrifle;andinmyprojectedmedicaltreatiseonopium,whichIwillpublishprovidedtheCollegeofSurgeonswillpaymeforenlighteningtheirbenightedunderstandingsuponthissubject,Iwillrelateit;butitisfartoogoodastorytobepublishedgratis。 {18}SeethecommonaccountsinanyEasterntravellerorvoyagerofthefranticexcessescommittedbyMalayswhohavetakenopium,orarereducedtodesperationbyill-luckatgambling。 {19}ThereadermustrememberwhatIheremeanbyTHINKING,becauseelsethiswouldbeaverypresumptuousexpression。England,oflate,hasbeenrichtoexcessinfinethinkers,inthedepartmentsofcreativeandcombiningthought;butthereisasaddearthofmasculinethinkersinanyanalyticpath。AScotchmanofeminentnamehaslatelytoldusthatheisobligedtoquitevenmathematicsforwantofencouragement。 {20}WilliamLithgow。Hisbook(Travels,&,c。)isillandpedanticallywritten;buttheaccountofhisownsufferingsontherackatMalagaisoverpoweringlyaffecting。 {21}InsayingthisImeannodisrespecttotheindividualhouse,asthereaderwillunderstandwhenItellhimthat,withtheexceptionofoneortwoprincelymansions,andsomefewinferioronesthathavebeencoatedwithRomancement,Iamnotacquaintedwithanyhouseinthismountainousdistrictwhichiswhollywaterproof。Thearchitectureofbooks,Iflattermyself,isconductedonjustprinciplesinthiscountry;butforanyotherarchitecture,itisinabarbarousstate,andwhatisworse,inaretrogradestate。 {22}OnwhichlastnoticeIwouldremarkthatminewasTOOrapid,andthesufferingthereforeneedlesslyaggravated;orrather,perhaps,itwasnotsufficientlycontinuousandequablygraduated。 Butthatthereadermayjudgeforhimself,andaboveallthattheOpium-eater,whoispreparingtoretirefrombusiness,mayhaveeverysortofinformationbeforehim,Isubjoinmydiary:- FirstWeekSecondWeekDropsofLaud。DropsofLaud。 Mond。June24……130Mond。July1……80 25……1402……80 26……1303……90 27……804……100 28……805……80 29……806……80 30……807……80 ThirdWeekFourthWeekMond。July8……300Mond。July15……76 9……5016……73。5 10}17……73。5 11}Hiatusin18……70 12}MS。19……240 13}20……80 14……7621……350 FifthWeekMond。July22……60 23……none。 24……none。 25……none。 26……200 27……none。 Whatmeantheseabruptrelapses,thereaderwillaskperhaps,tosuchnumbersas300,350,&c。?TheIMPULSEtotheserelapseswasmereinfirmityofpurpose;theMOTIVE,whereanymotiveblendedwiththisimpulse,waseithertheprinciple,of\"reculerpourmieuxsauter;\"(forunderthetorporofalargedose,whichlastedforadayortwo,alessquantitysatisfiedthestomach,whichonawakeningfounditselfpartlyaccustomedtothisnewration);orelseitwasthisprinciple——thatofsufferingsotherwiseequal,thosewillbebornebestwhichmeetwithamoodofanger。Now,wheneverIascendedtomylargedoseIwasfuriouslyincensedonthefollowingday,andcouldthenhaveborneanything。