\"Willyoupleaseclearawayallthisatonce？\"Iaddressedherinconvulsiveaccents，beingatthesametimeengagedingettingmypipetodraw。This，Iadmit，wasanunusualrequest。
Generally，ongettingupfrombreakfastIwouldsitdowninthewindowwithabookandletthemclearthetablewhentheyliked;
butifyouthinkthatonthatmorningIwasintheleastimpatient，youaremistaken。IrememberthatIwasperfectlycalm。AsamatteroffactIwasnotatallcertainthatIwantedtowrite，orthatImeanttowrite，orthatIhadanythingtowriteabout。No，Iwasnotimpatient。Iloungedbetweenthemantelpieceandthewindow，notevenconsciouslywaitingforthetabletobecleared。Itwastentoonethatbeforemylandlady’sdaughterwasdoneIwouldpickupabookandsitdownwithitallthemorninginaspiritofenjoyableindolence。Iaffirmitwithassurance，andIdon’tevenknownowwhatwerethebooksthenlyingabouttheroom。Whatevertheywere，theywerenottheworksofgreatmasters，wherethesecretofclearthoughtandexactexpressioncanbefound。SincetheageoffiveIhavebeenagreatreader，asisnotperhapswonderfulinachildwhowasneverawareoflearningtoread。AttenyearsofageIhadreadmuchofVictorHugoandotherromantics。IhadreadinPolishandinFrench，history，voyages，novels;Iknew\"GilBlas\"and\"DonQuixote\"inabridgededitions;IhadreadinearlyboyhoodPolishpoetsandsomeFrenchpoets，butIcannotsaywhatIreadontheeveningbeforeIbegantowritemyself。Ibelieveitwasanovel，anditisquitepossiblethatitwasoneofAnthonyTrollope’snovels。Itisverylikely。Myacquaintancewithhimwasthenveryrecent。HeisoneoftheEnglishnovelistswhoseworksIreadforthefirsttimeinEnglish。WithmenofEuropeanreputation，withDickensandWalterScottandThackeray，itwasotherwise。MyfirstintroductiontoEnglishimaginativeliteraturewas\"NicholasNickleby。\"ItisextraordinaryhowwellMrs。NicklebycouldchatterdisconnectedlyinPolishandthesinisterRalphrageinthatlanguage。AstotheCrummlesfamilyandthefamilyofthelearnedSqueersitseemedasnaturaltothemastheirnativespeech。Itwas，Ihavenodoubt，anexcellenttranslation。Thismusthavebeenintheyear’70。ButIreallybelievethatIamwrong。ThatbookwasnotmyfirstintroductiontoEnglishliterature。Myfirstacquaintancewas（orwere）the\"TwoGentlemenofVerona，\"andthatintheveryMS。
ofmyfather’stranslation。ItwasduringourexileinRussia，anditmusthavebeenlessthanayearaftermymother’sdeath，becauseIremembermyselfintheblackblousewithawhiteborderofmyheavymourning。Wewerelivingtogether，quitealone，inasmallhouseontheoutskirtsofthetownofT————。Thatafternoon，insteadofgoingouttoplayinthelargeyardwhichwesharedwithourlandlord，Ihadlingeredintheroominwhichmyfathergenerallywrote。WhatemboldenedmetoclamberintohischairIamsureIdon’tknow，butacoupleofhoursafterwardhediscoveredmekneelinginitwithmyelbowsonthetableandmyheadheldinbothhandsovertheMS。ofloosepages。Iwasgreatlyconfused，expectingtogetintotrouble。Hestoodinthedoorwaylookingatmewithsomesurprise，buttheonlythinghesaidafteramomentofsilencewas：
\"Readthepagealoud。\"
Luckilythepagelyingbeforemewasnotoverblottedwitherasuresandcorrections，andmyfather’shandwritingwasotherwiseextremelylegible。WhenIgottotheendhenodded，andIflewout-of-doors，thinkingmyselfluckytohaveescapedreproofforthatpieceofimpulsiveaudacity。Ihavetriedtodiscoversincethereasonforthismildness，andIimaginethatallunknowntomyselfIhadearned，inmyfather’smind，therighttosomelatitudeinmyrelationswithhiswriting-table。
Itwasonlyamonthbefore——orperhapsitwasonlyaweekbefore——thatIhadreadtohimaloudfrombeginningtoend，andtohisperfectsatisfaction，ashelayonhisbed，notbeingverywellatthetime，theproofsofhistranslationofVictorHugo’s\"ToilersoftheSea。\"Suchwasmytitletoconsideration，I
believe，andalsomyfirstintroductiontotheseainliterature。
IfIdonotrememberwhere，how，andwhenIlearnedtoread，Iamnotlikelytoforgettheprocessofbeingtrainedintheartofreadingaloud。Mypoorfather，anadmirablereaderhimself，wasthemostexactingofmasters。IreflectproudlythatImusthavereadthatpageof\"TwoGentlemenofVerona\"tolerablywellattheageofeight。ThenexttimeImetthemwasina5s。one-volumeeditionofthedramaticworksofWilliamShakespeare，readinFalmouth，atoddmomentsoftheday，tothenoisyaccompanimentofcalkers’malletsdrivingoakumintothedeck-seamsofashipindry-dock。Wehadrunin，inasinkingconditionandwiththecrewrefusingdutyafteramonthofwearybattlingwiththegalesoftheNorthAtlantic。Booksareanintegralpartofone’slife，andmyShakespearianassociationsarewiththatfirstyearofourbereavement，thelastIspentwithmyfatherinexile（hesentmeawaytoPolandtomymother’sbrotherdirectlyhecouldbracehimselfupfortheseparation），andwiththeyearofhardgales，theyearinwhichIcamenearesttodeathatsea，firstbywaterandthenbyfire。
ThosethingsIremember，butwhatIwasreadingthedaybeforemywritinglifebeganIhaveforgotten。IhaveonlyavaguenotionthatitmighthavebeenoneofTrollope’spoliticalnovels。AndIremember，too，thecharacteroftheday。Itwasanautumndaywithanopalineatmosphere，aveiled，semi-opaque，lustrousday，withfierypointsandflashesofredsunlightontheroofsandwindowsopposite，whilethetreesofthesquare，withalltheirleavesgone，werelikethetracingsofIndiainkonasheetoftissue-paper。ItwasoneofthoseLondondaysthathavethecharmofmysteriousamenity，offascinatingsoftness。TheeffectofopalinemistwasoftenrepeatedatBessboroughGardensonaccountofthenearnesstotheriver。
ThereisnoreasonwhyIshouldrememberthateffectmoreonthatdaythanonanyotherday，exceptthatIstoodforalongtimelookingoutofthewindowafterthelandlady’sdaughterwasgonewithherspoilofcupsandsaucers。Iheardherputthetraydowninthepassageandfinallyshutthedoor;andstillI
remainedsmoking，withmybacktotheroom。ItisveryclearthatIwasinnohastetotaketheplungeintomywritinglife，ifasplungethisfirstattemptmaybedescribed。Mywholebeingwassteepeddeepintheindolenceofasailorawayfromthesea，thesceneofnever-endinglabourandofunceasingduty。Foruttersurrendertoinindolenceyoucannotbeatasailorashorewhenthatmoodisonhim——themoodofabsoluteirresponsibilitytastedtothefull。ItseemstomethatIthoughtofnothingwhatever，butthisisanimpressionwhichishardlytobebelievedatthisdistanceofyears。WhatIamcertainofisthatIwasveryfarfromthinkingofwritingastory，thoughitispossibleandevenlikelythatIwasthinkingofthemanAlmayer。
Ihadseenhimforthefirsttime，somefouryearsbefore，fromthebridgeofasteamermooredtoaricketylittlewharffortymilesup，moreorless，aBorneanriver。Itwasveryearlymorning，andaslightmist——anopalinemistasinBessboroughGardens，onlywithoutthefieryflicksonroofandchimney-potfromtheraysoftheredLondonsun——promisedtoturnpresentlyintoawoollyfog。Barringasmalldug-outcanoeontherivertherewasnothingmovingwithinsight。Ihadjustcomeupyawningfrommycabin。TheserangandtheMalaycrewwereoverhaulingthecargochainsandtryingthewinches;theirvoicessoundedsubduedonthedeckbelow，andtheirmovementswerelanguid。Thattropicaldaybreakwaschilly。TheMalayquartermaster，cominguptogetsomethingfromthelockersonthebridge，shiveredvisibly。Theforestsaboveandbelowandontheoppositebanklookedblackanddank;wetdrippedfromtherigginguponthetightlystretcheddeckawnings，anditwasinthemiddleofashudderingyawnthatIcaughtsightofAlmayer。Hewasmovingacrossapatchofburnedgrass，ablurred，shadowyshapewiththeblurredbulkofahousebehindhim，alowhouseofmats，bamboos，andpalmleaves，withahigh-pitchedroofofgrass。
Hesteppeduponthejetty。Hewascladsimplyinflappingpajamasofcretonnepattern（enormousflowerswithyellowpetalsonadisagreeableblueground）andathincottonsingletwithshortsleeves。Hisarms，baretotheelbow，werecrossedonhischest。Hisblackhairlookedasifithadnotbeencutforaverylongtime，andacurlywispofitstrayedacrosshisforehead。IhadheardofhimatSingapore;Ihadheardofhimonboard;Ihadheardofhimearlyinthemorningandlateatnight;
Ihadheardofhimattiffinandatdinner;IhadheardofhiminaplacecalledPuloLautfromahalf-castegentlemanthere，whodescribedhimselfasthemanagerofacoal-mine;whichsoundedcivilizedandprogressivetillyouheardthattheminecouldnotbeworkedatpresentbecauseitwashauntedbysomeparticularlyatrociousghosts。IhadheardofhiminaplacecalledDongola，intheIslandofCelebes，whentheRajahofthatlittle-knownseaport（youcangetnoanchoragethereinlessthanfifteenfathom，whichisextremelyinconvenient）cameonboardinafriendlyway，withonlytwoattendants，anddrankbottleafterbottleofsoda-waterontheafter-skylightwithmygoodfriendandcommander，CaptainC————。AtleastIheardhisnamedistinctlypronouncedseveraltimesinalotoftalkinMalaylanguage。Oh，yes，Ihearditquitedistinctly——Almayer，Almayer——andsawCaptainC————smile，whilethefat，dingyRajahlaughedaudibly。TohearaMalayRajahlaughoutrightisarareexperience，Icanassureyou。AndIoverheardmoreofAlmayer’snameamongourdeckpassengers（mostlywanderingtradersofgoodrepute）astheysatallovertheship——eachmanfencedroundwithbundlesandboxes——onmats，onpillows，onquilts，onbilletsofwood，conversingofIslandaffairs。Uponmyword，IheardthemutterofAlmayer’snamefaintlyatmidnight，whilemakingmywayaftfromthebridgetolookatthepatenttaffrail-logtinklingitsquartermilesinthegreatsilenceofthesea。Idon’tmeantosaythatourpassengersdreamedaloudofAlmayer，butitisindubitablethattwoofthematleast，whocouldnotsleep，apparently，andweretryingtocharmawaythetroubleofinsomniabyalittlewhisperedtalkatthatghostlyhour，werereferringinsomewayorothertoAlmayer。ItwasreallyimpossibleonboardthatshiptogetawaydefinitelyfromAlmayer;andaverysmallponytiedupforwardandwhiskingitstailinsidethegalley，tothegreatembarrassmentofourChinamancook，wasdestinedforAlmayer。Whathewantedwithaponygoodnessonlyknows，sinceIamperfectlycertainhecouldnotrideit;buthereyouhavetheman，ambitious，aimingatthegrandiose，importingapony，whereasinthewholesettlementatwhichheusedtoshakedailyhisimpotentfisttherewasonlyonepaththatwaspracticableforapony：aquarterofamileatmost，hedgedinbyhundredsofsquareleaguesofvirginforest。Butwhoknows？TheimportationofthatBaliponymighthavebeenpartofsomedeepscheme，ofsomediplomaticplan，ofsomehopefulintrigue。WithAlmayeronecouldnevertell。Hegovernedhisconductbyconsiderationsremovedfromtheobvious，byincredibleassumptions，whichrenderedhislogicimpenetrabletoanyreasonableperson。Ilearnedallthislater。Thatmorning，seeingthefigureinpajamasmovinginthemist，Isaidtomyself，\"That’stheman。\"
Hecamequiteclosetotheship’ssideandraisedaharassedcountenance，roundandflat，withthatcurlofblackhairovertheforeheadandaheavy，painedglance。
\"Goodmorning。\"
\"Goodmorning。\"
Helookedhardatme：Iwasanewface，havingjustreplacedthechiefmatehewasaccustomedtosee;andIthinkthatthisnoveltyinspiredhim，asthingsgenerallydid，withdeep-seatedmistrust。
\"Didn’texpectyoutillthisevening，\"heremarked，suspiciously。
Ididn’tknowwhyheshouldhavebeenaggrieved，butheseemedtobe。Itookpainstoexplaintohimthat，havingpickedupthebeaconatthemouthoftheriverjustbeforedarkandthetideserving，CaptainC————wasenabledtocrossthebarandtherewasnothingtopreventhimgoinguptheriveratnight。
\"CaptainC————knowsthisriverlikehisownpocket，\"I
concluded，discursively，tryingtogetonterms。
\"Better，\"saidAlmayer。
Leaningovertherailofthebridge，IlookedatAlmayer，wholookeddownatthewharfinaggrievedthought。Heshuffledhisfeetalittle;heworestrawslipperswiththicksoles。Themorningfoghadthickenedconsiderably。Everythingroundusdripped——thederricks，therails，everysingleropeintheship——asifafitofcryinghadcomeupontheuniverse。
Almayeragainraisedhisheadand，intheaccentsofamanaccustomedtothebuffetsofevilfortune，asked，hardlyaudibly：
\"Isupposeyouhaven’tgotsuchathingasaponyonboard？\"
Itoldhim，almostinawhisper，forheattunedmycommunicationstohisminorkey，thatwehadsuchathingasapony，andI
hinted，asgentlyasIcould，thathewasconfoundedlyintheway，too。IwasveryanxioustohavehimlandedbeforeIbegantohandlethecargo。Almayerremainedlookingupatmeforalongwhile，withincredulousandmelancholyeyes，asthoughitwerenotasafethingtobelieveinmystatement。Thispatheticmistrustinthefavourableissueofanysortofaffairtouchedmedeeply，andIadded：
\"Hedoesn’tseemabittheworseforthepassage。He’sanicepony，too。\"
Almayerwasnottobecheeredup;forallanswerheclearedhisthroatandlookeddownagainathisfeet。Itriedtoclosewithhimonanothertack。
\"ByJove！\"Isaid。\"Aren’tyouafraidofcatchingpneumoniaorbronchitisorsomething，walkingaboutinasingletinsuchawetfog？\"
Hewasnottobepropitiatedbyashowofinterestinhishealth。
Hisanswerwasasinister\"Nofear，\"asmuchastosaythateventhatwayofescapefrominclementfortunewasclosedtohim。
\"Ijustcamedown……\"hemumbledafterawhile。
\"Well，then，nowyou’rehereIwilllandthatponyforyouatonce，andyoucanleadhimhome。Ireallydon’twanthimondeck。He’sintheway。\"
Almayerseemeddoubtful。Iinsisted：
\"Why，Iwilljustswinghimoutandlandhimonthewharfrightinfrontofyou。I’dmuchratherdoitbeforethehatchesareoff。Thelittledevilmayjumpdowntheholdordosomeotherdeadlything。\"
\"There’sahalter？\"postulatedAlmayer。
\"Yes，ofcoursethere’sahalter。\"AndwithoutwaitinganymoreIleanedoverthebridgerail。
\"Serang，landTuanAlmayer’spony。\"
Thecookhastenedtoshutthedoorofthegalley，andamomentlateragreatscufflebeganondeck。Theponykickedwithextremeenergy，thekalashesskippedoutoftheway，theserangissuedmanyordersinacrackedvoice。Suddenlytheponyleapeduponthefore-hatch。Hislittlehoofsthunderedtremendously;heplungedandreared。Hehadtossedhismaneandhisforelockintoastateofamazingwildness，hedilatedhisnostrils，bitsoffoamfleckedhisbroadlittlechest，hiseyesblazed。Hewassomethingunderelevenhands;hewasfierce，terrible，angry，warlike;hesaidha！ha！distinctly;heragedandthumped——andsixteenable-bodiedkalashesstoodroundhimlikedisconcertednursesroundaspoiledandpassionatechild。Hewhiskedhistailincessantly;hearchedhisprettyneck;hewasperfectlydelightful;hewascharminglynaughty。Therewasnotanatomofviceinthatperformance;nosavagebaringofteethandlayingbackofears。Onthecontrary，heprickedthemforwardinacomicallyaggressivemanner。Hewastotallyunmoralandlovable;
Iwouldhavelikedtogivehimbread，sugar，carrots。Butlifeisasternthingandthesenseofdutytheonlysafeguide。SoI
steeledmyheart，andfrommyelevatedpositiononthebridgeI
orderedthementoflingthemselvesuponhiminabody。
Theelderlyserang，emittingastrange，inarticulatecry，gavetheexample。Hewasanexcellentpettyofficer——verycompetent，indeed，andamoderateopium-smoker。Therestoftheminonegreatrushsmotheredthatpony。Theyhungontohisears，tohismane，tohistail;theylayinpilesacrosshisback，seventeeninall。Thecarpenter，seizingthehookofthecargo-chain，flunghimselfonthetopofthem。Averysatisfactorypettyofficer，too，buthestuttered。Haveyoueverheardalight-yellow，lean，sad，earnestChinamanstutterinPidgin-English？It’sveryweird，indeed。Hemadetheeighteenth。Icouldnotseetheponyatall;butfromtheswayingandheavingofthatheapofmenIknewthattherewassomethingaliveinside。
FromthewharfAlmayerhailed，inquaveringtones：
\"Oh，Isay！\"
Wherehestoodhecouldnotseewhatwasgoingonondeck，unless，perhaps，thetopsofthemen’sheads;hecouldonlyhearthescuffle，themightythuds，asiftheshipwerebeingknockedtopieces。Ilookedover：\"Whatisit？\"
\"Don’tletthembreakhislegs，\"heentreatedme，plaintively。
\"Oh，nonsense！He’sallrightnow。Hecan’tmove。\"
Bythattimethecargo-chainhadbeenhookedtothebroadcanvasbeltroundthepony’sbody;thekalashessprangoffsimultaneouslyinalldirections，rollingovereachother;andtheworthyserang，makingadashbehindthewinch，turnedthesteamon。
\"Steady！\"Iyelled，ingreatapprehensionofseeingtheanimalsnatcheduptotheveryheadofthederrick。
OnthewharfAlmayershuffledhisstrawslippersuneasily。Therattleofthewinchstopped，andinatense，impressivesilencethatponybegantoswingacrossthedeck。
Howlimphewas！Directlyhefelthimselfintheairherelaxedeverymuscleinamostwonderfulmanner。Hisfourhoofsknockedtogetherinabunch，hisheadhungdown，andhistailremainedpendentinanervelessandabsoluteimmobility。HeremindedmevividlyofthepatheticlittlesheepwhichhangsonthecollaroftheOrderoftheGoldenFleece。Ihadnoideathatanythingintheshapeofahorsecouldbesolimpasthat，eitherlivingordead。Hiswildmanehungdownlumpily，ameremassofinanimatehorsehair;hisaggressiveearshadcollapsed，butashewentswayingslowlyacrossthefrontofthebridgeInoticedanastutegleaminhisdreamy，half-closedeye。Atrustworthyquartermaster，hisglanceanxiousandhismouthonthebroadgrin，waseasingoverthederrickwatchfully。Isuperintended，greatlyinterested。
\"So！Thatwilldo。\"
Thederrick-headstopped。Thekalasheslinedtherail。Theropeofthehalterhungperpendicularandmotionlesslikeabell-pullinfrontofAlmayer。Everythingwasverystill。Isuggestedamicablythatheshouldcatchholdoftheropeandmindwhathewasabout。Heextendedaprovokinglycasualandsuperiorhand。
\"Lookout，then！Loweraway！\"
Almayergatheredintheropeintelligentlyenough，butwhenthepony’shoofstouchedthewharfhegavewayallatoncetoamostfoolishoptimism。Withoutpausing，withoutthinking，almostwithoutlooking，hedisengagedthehooksuddenlyfromthesling，andthecargo-chain，afterhittingthepony’squarters，swungbackagainsttheship’ssidewithanoisy，rattlingslap。I
supposeImusthaveblinked。IknowImissedsomething，becausethenextthingIsawwasAlmayerlyingflatonhisbackonthejetty。Hewasalone。
AstonishmentdeprivedmeofspeechlongenoughtogiveAlmayertimetopickhimselfupinaleisurelyandpainfulmanner。Thekalashesliningtherailallhadtheirmouthsopen。Themistflewinthelightbreeze，andithadcomeoverquitethickenoughtohidetheshorecompletely。
\"Howonearthdidyoumanagetolethimgetaway？\"Iasked，scandalized。
Almayerlookedintothesmartingpalmofhisrighthand，butdidnotanswermyinquiry。
\"Wheredoyouthinkhewillgetto？\"Icried。\"Arethereanyfencesanywhereinthisfog？Canheboltintotheforest？
What’stobedonenow？\"
Almayershruggedhisshoulders。
\"Someofmymenaresuretobeabout。Theywillgetholdofhimsoonerorlater。\"
\"Soonerorlater！That’sallveryfine，butwhataboutmycanvassling？——he’scarrieditoff。Iwantitnow，atonce，tolandtwoCelebescows。\"
SinceDongolawehadonboardapairoftheprettylittleislandcattleinadditiontothepony。Tiedupontheothersideofthefore-decktheyhadbeenwhiskingtheirtailsintotheotherdoorofthegalley。ThesecowswerenotforAlmayer，however;theywereinvoicedtoAbdullahbinSelim，hisenemy。Almayer’sdisregardofmyrequirementswascomplete。
\"IfIwereyouIwouldtrytofindoutwherehe’sgone，\"I
insisted。\"Hadn’tyoubettercallyourmentogetherorsomething？Hewillthrowhimselfdownandcuthisknees。Hemayevenbreakaleg，youknow。\"
ButAlmayer，plungedinabstractedthought，didnotseemtowantthatponyanymore。Amazedatthissuddenindifference，Iturnedallhandsoutonshoretohuntforhimonmyownaccount，or，atanyrate，tohuntforthecanvasslingwhichhehadroundhisbody。Thewholecrewofthesteamer，withtheexceptionoffiremenandengineers，rushedupthejetty，pastthethoughtfulAlmayer，andvanishedfrommysight。Thewhitefogswallowedthemup;andagaintherewasadeepsilencethatseemedtoextendformilesupanddownthestream。Stilltaciturn，Almayerstartedtoclimbonboard，andIwentdownfromthebridgetomeethimontheafter-deck。
\"WouldyoumindtellingthecaptainthatIwanttoseehimveryparticularly？\"heaskedme，inalowtone，lettinghiseyesstrayallovertheplace。
\"Verywell。Iwillgoandsee。\"
Withthedoorofhiscabinwideopen，CaptainC————，justbackfromthebath-room，bigandbroad-chested，wasbrushinghisthick，damp，iron-grayhairwithtwolargebrushes。
\"Mr。Almayertoldmehewantedtoseeyouveryparticularly，sir。\"
Sayingthesewords，Ismiled。Idon’tknowwhyIsmiled，exceptthatitseemedabsolutelyimpossibletomentionAlmayer’snamewithoutasmileofasort。Ithadnottobenecessarilyamirthfulsmile。Turninghisheadtowardme，CaptainC————
smiled，too，ratherjoylessly。
\"Theponygotawayfromhim——eh？\"
\"Yes，sir。Hedid。\"
\"Whereishe？\"
\"Goodnessonlyknows。\"
\"No。ImeanAlmayer。Lethimcomealong。\"
Thecaptain’sstateroomopeningstraightondeckunderthebridge，IhadonlytobeckonfromthedoorwaytoAlmayer，whohadremainedaft，withdowncasteyes，ontheveryspotwhereIhadlefthim。Hestrolledupmoodily，shookhands，andatonceaskedpermissiontoshutthecabindoor。
\"Ihaveaprettystorytotellyou，\"werethelastwordsIheard。
Thebitternessoftonewasremarkable。
Iwentawayfromthedoor，ofcourse。ForthemomentIhadnocrewonboard;onlytheChinamancarpenter，withacanvasbaghungroundhisneckandahammerinhishand，roamedabouttheemptydecks，knockingoutthewedgesofthehatchesanddroppingthemintothebagconscientiously。HavingnothingtodoIjoinedourtwoengineersatthedooroftheengine-room。Itwasnearbreakfast-time。
\"He’sturnedupearly，hasn’the？\"commentedthesecondengineer，andsmiledindifferently。Hewasanabstemiousman，withagooddigestionandaplacid，reasonableviewoflifeevenwhenhungry。
\"Yes，\"Isaid。\"Shutupwiththeoldman。Someveryparticularbusiness。\"
\"Hewillspinhimadamnedendlessyarn，\"observedthechiefengineer。
Hesmiledrathersourly。Hewasdyspeptic，andsufferedfromgnawinghungerinthemorning。Thesecondsmiledbroadly，asmilethatmadetwoverticalfoldsonhisshavencheeks。AndI
smiled，too，butIwasnotexactlyamused。Inthatman，whosenameapparentlycouldnotbeutteredanywhereintheMalayArchipelagowithoutasmile，therewasnothingamusingwhatever。
Thatmorninghebreakfastedwithussilently，lookingmostlyintohiscup。Iinformedhimthatmymencameuponhisponycaperinginthefogontheverybrinkoftheeight-foot-deepwellinwhichhekepthisstoreofguttah。Thecoverwasoff，withnoonenearby，andthewholeofmycrewjustmissedgoingheelsoverheadintothatbeastlyhole。JurumudiItam，ourbestquartermaster，deftatfineneedlework，hewhomendedtheship’sflagsandsewedbuttonsonourcoats，wasdisabledbyakickontheshoulder。
BothremorseandgratitudeseemedforeigntoAlmayer’scharacter。
Hemumbled：
\"Doyoumeanthatpiratefellow？\"
\"Whatpiratefellow？Themanhasbeenintheshipelevenyears，\"
Isaid，indignantly。
\"It’shislooks，\"Almayermuttered，forallapology。
Thesunhadeatenupthefog。Fromwherewesatundertheafter-awningwecouldseeinthedistancetheponytiedup，infrontofAlmayer’shouse，toapostoftheveranda。Weweresilentforalongtime。AllatonceAlmayer，alludingevidentlytothesubjectofhisconversationinthecaptain’scabin，exclaimedanxiouslyacrossthetable：
\"Ireallydon’tknowwhatIcandonow！\"
CaptainC————onlyraisedhiseyebrowsathim，andgotupfromhischair。Wedispersedtoourduties，butAlmayer，halfdressedashewasinhiscretonnepajamasandthethincottonsinglet，remainedonboard，lingeringnearthegangway，asthoughhecouldnotmakeuphismindwhethertogohomeorstaywithusforgood。
OurChinamenboysgavehimsideglancesastheywenttoandfro;
andAhSing，ourchiefsteward，thehandsomestandmostsympatheticofChinamen，catchingmyeye，noddedknowinglyathisburlyback。InthecourseofthemorningIapproachedhimforamoment。
\"Well，Mr。Almayer，\"Iaddressedhim，easily，\"youhaven’tstartedonyourlettersyet。\"
Wehadbroughthimhismail，andhehadheldthebundleinhishandeversincewegotupfrombreakfast。HeglancedatitwhenIspoke，andforamomentitlookedasifhewereonthepointofopeninghisfingersandlettingthewholelotfalloverboard。I
believehewastemptedtodoso。Ishallneverforgetthatmanafraidofhisletters。
\"HaveyoubeenlongoutfromEurope？\"heaskedme。
\"Notvery。Notquiteeightmonths，\"Itoldhim。\"IleftashipinSamarangwithahurtback，andhavebeeninthehospitalinSingaporesomeweeks。\"
Hesighed。
\"Tradeisverybadhere。\"
\"Indeed！\"
\"Hopeless！……Seethesegeese？\"
Withthehandholdingthelettershepointedouttomewhatresembledapatchofsnowcreepingandswayingacrossthedistantpartofhiscompound。Itdisappearedbehindsomebushes。
\"TheonlygeeseontheEastCoast，\"Almayerinformedme，inaperfunctorymutterwithoutasparkoffaith，hope，orpride。
Thereupon，withthesameabsenceofanysortofsustainingspirit，hedeclaredhisintentiontoselectafatbirdandsendhimonboardforusnotlaterthannextday。
Ihadheardoftheselargessesbefore。Heconferredagooseasifitwereasortofcourtdecorationgivenonlytothetriedfriendsofthehouse。Ihadexpectedmorepompintheceremony。
Thegifthadsurelyitsspecialquality，multipleandrare。FromtheonlyflockontheEastCoast！Hedidnotmakehalfenoughofit。Thatmandidnotunderstandhisopportunities。However，I
thankedhimatsomelength。
\"Yousee，\"heinterrupted，abruptly，inaverypeculiartone，\"theworstofthiscountryisthatoneisnotabletorealize……it’simpossibletorealize……\"Hisvoicesankintoalanguidmutter。\"Andwhenonehasverylargeinterests……
veryimportantinterests……\"hefinished，faintly……\"uptheriver。\"
Welookedateachother。Heastonishedmebygivingastartandmakingaveryqueergrimace。
\"Well，Imustbeoff，\"heburstout，hurriedly。\"Solong！\"
Atthemomentofsteppingoverthegangwayhecheckedhimself，though，togivemeamumbledinvitationtodineathishousethateveningwithmycaptain，aninvitationwhichIaccepted。Idon’tthinkitcouldhavebeenpossibleformetorefuse。
Iliketheworthyfolkwhowilltalktoyouoftheexerciseoffree-will，\"atanyrateforpracticalpurposes。\"Free，isit？
Forpracticalpurposes！Bosh！HowcouldIhaverefusedtodinewiththatman？Ididnotrefuse，simplybecauseIcouldnotrefuse。Curiosity，ahealthydesireforachangeofcooking，commoncivility，thetalkandthesmilesoftheprevioustwentydays，everyconditionofmyexistenceatthatmomentandplacemadeirresistiblyforacceptance;and，crowningallthat，therewastheignorance——theignorance，Isay——thefatalwantofforeknowledgetocounterbalancetheseimperativeconditionsoftheproblem。Arefusalwouldhaveappearedperverseandinsane。
Nobody，unlessasurlylunatic，wouldhaverefused。ButifIhadnotgottoknowAlmayerprettywellitisalmostcertaintherewouldneverhavebeenalineofmineinprint。
Iacceptedthen——andIampayingyetthepriceofmysanity。ThepossessoroftheonlyflockofgeeseontheEastCoastisresponsiblefortheexistenceofsomefourteenvolumes，sofar。
Thenumberofgeesehehadcalledintobeingunderadverseclimaticconditionswasconsiderablymorethanfourteen。Thetaleofvolumeswillneverovertakethecountingofheads，Iamsafetosay;butmyambitionspointnotexactlythatway，andwhateverthepangsthetoilofwritinghascostmeIhavealwaysthoughtkindlyofAlmayer。
Iwonder，hadheknownanythingofit，whathisattitudewouldhavebeen？Thisissomethingnottobediscoveredinthisworld。
ButifweevermeetintheElysianFields——whereIcannotdepicthimtomyselfotherwisethanattendedinthedistancebyhisflockofgeese（birdssacredtoJupiter）——andheaddressesmeinthestillnessofthatpassionlessregion，neitherlightnordarkness，neithersoundnorsilence，andheavingendlesslywithbillowymistsfromtheimpalpablemultitudesoftheswarmingdead，IthinkIknowwhatanswertomake。
Iwouldsay，afterlisteningcourteouslytotheunvibratingtoneofhismeasuredremonstrances，whichshouldnotdisturb，ofcourse，thesolemneternityofstillnessintheleast——Iwouldsaysomethinglikethis：
\"Itistrue，Almayer，thatintheworldbelowIhaveconvertedyournametomyownuses。Butthatisaverysmalllarceny。
What’sinaname，OShade？Ifsomuchofyouroldmortalweaknessclingstoyouyetastomakeyoufeelaggrieved（itwasthenoteofyourearthlyvoice，Almayer），then，Ientreatyou，seekspeechwithoutdelaywithoursublimefellow-Shade——withhimwho，inhistransientexistenceasapoet，commenteduponthesmelloftherose。Hewillcomfortyou。Youcametomestrippedofallprestigebymen’squeersmilesandthedisrespectfulchatterofeveryvagranttraderintheIslands。Yournamewasthecommonpropertyofthewinds;it，asitwere，floatednakedoverthewatersabouttheequator。Iwrappedrounditsunhonouredformtheroyalmantleofthetropics，andhaveessayedtoputintothehollowsoundtheveryanguishofpaternity——featswhichyoudidnotdemandfromme——butrememberthatallthetoilandallthepainweremine。Inyourearthlylifeyouhauntedme，Almayer。Considerthatthiswastakingagreatliberty。Sinceyouwerealwayscomplainingofbeinglosttotheworld，youshouldrememberthatifIhadnotbelievedenoughinyourexistencetoletyouhauntmyroomsinBessboroughGardens，youwouldhavebeenmuchmorelost。YouaffirmthathadIbeencapableoflookingatyouwithamoreperfectdetachmentandagreatersimplicity，Imighthaveperceivedbettertheinwardmarvellousnesswhich，youinsist，attendedyourcareeruponthattinypin-pointoflight，hardlyvisiblefar，farbelowus，wherebothourgraveslie。Nodoubt！Butreflect，OcomplainingShade！thatthiswasnotsomuchmyfaultasyourcrowningmisfortune。Ibelievedinyouintheonlywayitwaspossibleformetobelieve。Itwasnotworthyofyourmerits？Sobeit。
Butyouwerealwaysanunluckyman，Almayer。Nothingwaseverquiteworthyofyou。Whatmadeyousorealtomewasthatyouheldthisloftytheorywithsomeforceofconvictionandwithanadmirableconsistency。\"
ItiswithsomesuchwordstranslatedintothepropershadowyexpressionsthatIampreparedtoplacateAlmayerintheElysianAbodeofShades，sinceithascometopassthat，havingpartedmanyyearsago，wearenevertomeetagaininthisworld。
V
Inthecareerofthemostunliteraryofwriters，inthesensethatliteraryambitionhadneverenteredtheworldofhisimagination，thecomingintoexistenceofthefirstbookisquiteaninexplicableevent。InmyowncaseIcannottraceitbacktoanymentalorpsychologicalcausewhichonecouldpointoutandholdto。Thegreatestofmygiftsbeingaconsummatecapacityfordoingnothing，Icannotevenpointtoboredomasarationalstimulusfortakingupapen。Thepen，atanyrate，wasthere，andthereisnothingwonderfulinthat。Everybodykeepsapen（thecoldsteelofourdays）inhisrooms，inthisenlightenedageofpennystampsandhalfpennypost-cards。Infact，thiswastheepochwhenbymeansofpostcardandpenMr。Gladstonehadmadethereputationofanovelortwo。AndI，too，hadapenrollingaboutsomewhere——theseldom-used，thereluctantlytaken-uppenofasailorashore，thepenruggedwiththedriedinkofabandonedattempts，ofanswersdelayedlongerthandecencypermitted，oflettersbegunwithinfinitereluctance，andputoffsuddenlytillnextday——tillnextweek，aslikeasnot！Theneglected，uncared-forpen，flungawayattheslightestprovocation，andunderthestressofdirenecessityhuntedforwithoutenthusiasm，inaperfunctory，grumpyworry，inthe\"WherethedevilISthebeastlythinggoneto？\"ungraciousspirit。
Where，indeed！Itmighthavebeenreposingbehindthesofaforadayorso。Mylandlady’sanemicdaughter（asOllendorffwouldhaveexpressedit），thoughcommendablyneat，hadalordly，carelessmannerofapproachingherdomesticduties。Oritmightevenberestingdelicatelypoisedonitspointbythesideofthetable-leg，andwhenpickedupshowagaping，inefficientbeakwhichwouldhavediscouragedanymanofliteraryinstincts。Butnotme！\"Nevermind。Thiswilldo。\"
Odayswithoutguile！Ifanybodyhadtoldmethenthatadevotedhousehold，havingagenerallyexaggeratedideaofmytalentsandimportance，wouldbeputintoastateoftremorandflurrybythefussIwouldmakebecauseofasuspicionthatsomebodyhadtouchedmysacrosanctpenofauthorship，Iwouldhaveneverdeignedasmuchasthecontemptuoussmileofunbelief。Thereareimaginingstoounlikelyforanykindofnotice，toowildforindulgenceitself，tooabsurdforasmile。Perhaps，hadthatseerofthefuturebeenafriend，Ishouldhavebeensecretlysaddened。\"Alas！\"Iwouldhavethought，lookingathimwithanunmovedface，\"thepoorfellowisgoingmad。\"
Iwouldhavebeen，withoutdoubt，saddened;forinthisworldwherethejournalistsreadthesignsofthesky，andthewindofheavenitself，blowingwhereitlisteth，doessounderthepropheticalmanagementofthemeteorologicaloffice，butwherethesecretofhumanheartscannotbecapturedbypryingorpraying，itwasinfinitelymorelikelythatthesanestofmyfriendsshouldnursethegermofincipientmadnessthanthatI
shouldturnintoawriteroftales。
Tosurveywithwonderthechangesofone’sownselfisafascinatingpursuitforidlehours。Thefieldissowide，thesurprisessovaried，thesubjectsofullofunprofitablebutcurioushintsastotheworkofunseenforces，thatonedoesnotwearyeasilyofit。Iamnotspeakinghereofmegalomaniacswhorestuneasyunderthecrownoftheirunboundedconceit——whoreallyneverrestinthisworld，andwhenoutofitgoonfrettingandfumingonthestraitenedcircumstancesoftheirlasthabitation，whereallmenmustlieinobscureequality。NeitheramIthinkingofthoseambitiousmindswho，alwayslookingforwardtosomeaimofaggrandizement，cansparenotimeforadetached，impersonalglanceuponthemselves。
Andthat’sapity。Theyareunlucky。Thesetwokinds，togetherwiththemuchlargerbandofthetotallyunimaginative，ofthoseunfortunatebeingsinwhoseemptyandunseeinggaze（asagreatFrenchwriterhasputit）\"thewholeuniversevanishesintoblanknothingness，\"miss，perhaps，thetruetaskofusmenwhosedayisshortonthisearth，theabodeofconflictingopinions。Theethicalviewoftheuniverseinvolvesusatlastinsomanycruelandabsurdcontradictions，wherethelastvestigesoffaith，hope，charity，andevenofreasonitself，seemreadytoperish，thatIhavecometosuspectthattheaimofcreationcannotbeethicalatall。Iwouldfondlybelievethatitsobjectispurelyspectacular：aspectacleforawe，love，adoration，orhate，ifyoulike，butinthisview——andinthisviewalone——neverfordespair！Thosevisions，deliciousorpoignant，areamoralendinthemselves。Therestisouraffair——thelaughter，thetears，thetenderness，theindignation，thehightranquillityofasteeledheart，thedetachedcuriosityofasubtlemind——that’souraffair！Andtheunweariedself-forgetfulattentiontoeveryphaseofthelivinguniversereflectedinourconsciousnessmaybeourappointedtaskonthisearth——ataskinwhichfatehasperhapsengagednothingofusexceptourconscience，giftedwithavoiceinordertobeartruetestimonytothevisiblewonder，thehauntingterror，theinfinitepassion，andtheillimitableserenity;tothesupremelawandtheabidingmysteryofthesublimespectacle。
Chilosa？Itmaybetrue。Inthisviewthereisroomforeveryreligionexceptfortheinvertedcreedofimpiety，themaskandcloakofariddespair;foreveryjoyandeverysorrow，foreveryfairdream，foreverycharitablehope。Thegreataimistoremaintruetotheemotionscalledoutofthedeepencircledbythefirmamentofstars，whoseinfinitenumbersandawfuldistancesmaymoveustolaughterortears（wasittheWalrusortheCarpenter，inthepoem，who\"wepttoseesuchquantitiesofsand\"？），or，again，toaproperlysteeledheart，maymatternothingatall。
Thecasualquotation，whichhadsuggesteditselfoutofapoemfullofmerit，leadsmetoremarkthatintheconceptionofapurelyspectacularuniverse，whereinspirationofeverysorthasarationalexistence，theartistofeverykindfindsanaturalplace;andamongthemthepoetastheseerparexcellence。Eventhewriterofprose，whoinhislessnobleandmoretoilsometaskshouldbeamanwiththesteeledheart，isworthyofaplace，providinghelooksonwithundimmedeyesandkeepslaughteroutofhisvoice，letwhowilllaughorcry。Yes！Evenhe，theproseartistoffiction，whichafterallisbuttruthoftendraggedoutofawellandclothedinthepaintedrobeofimaginedphrases——evenhehashisplaceamongkings，demagogues，priests，charlatans，dukes，giraffes，cabinetministers，Fabians，bricklayers，apostles，ants，scientists，Kafirs，soldiers，sailors，elephants，lawyers，dandies，microbes，andconstellationsofauniversewhoseamazingspectacleisamoralendinitself。
HereIperceive（withoutspeakingoffense）thereaderassumingasubtleexpression，asifthecatwereoutofthebag。Itakethenovelist’sfreedomtoobservethereader’smindformulatingtheexclamation：\"That’sit！Thefellowtalksprodomo。\"
Indeeditwasnottheintention！WhenIshoulderedthebagIwasnotawareofthecatinside。But，afterall，whynot？ThefaircourtyardsoftheHouseofArtarethrongedbymanyhumbleretainers。Andthereisnoretainersodevotedashewhoisallowedtositonthedoorstep。Thefellowswhohavegotinsideareapttothinktoomuchofthemselves。Thislastremark，Ibegtostate，isnotmaliciouswithinthedefinitionofthelawoflibel。It’sfaircommentonamatterofpublicinterest。Butnevermind。Prodomo。Sobeit。Forhishousetantquevousvoudrez。AndyetintruthIwasbynomeansanxioustojustifymyexistence。Theattemptwouldhavebeennotonlyneedlessandabsurd，butalmostinconceivable，inapurelyspectacularuniverse，wherenosuchdisagreeablenecessitycanpossiblyarise。Itissufficientformetosay（andIamsayingitatsomelengthinthesepages）：J’aivecu。Ihaveexisted，obscureamongthewondersandterrorsofmytime，astheAbbeSieyes，theoriginaluttererofthequotedwords，hadmanagedtoexistthroughtheviolences，thecrimes，andtheenthusiasmsoftheFrenchRevolution。J’aivecu，asIapprehendmostofusmanagetoexist，missingallalongthevariedformsofdestructionbyahair’s-breadth，savingmybody，that’sclear，andperhapsmysoulalso，butnotwithoutsomedamagehereandtheretothefineedgeofmyconscience，thatheirloomoftheages，oftherace，ofthegroup，ofthefamily，colourableandplastic，fashionedbythewords，thelooks，theacts，andevenbythesilencesandabstentionssurroundingone’schildhood;tingedinacompleteschemeofdelicateshadesandcrudecoloursbytheinheritedtraditions，beliefs，orprejudices——unaccountable，despotic，persuasive，andoften，initstexture，romantic。
Andoftenromantic！……Thematterinhand，however，istokeepthesereminiscencesfromturningintoconfessions，aformofliteraryactivitydiscreditedbyJeanJacquesRousseauonaccountoftheextremethoroughnesshebroughttotheworkofjustifyinghisownexistence;forthatsuchwashispurposeispalpably，evengrossly，visibletoanunprejudicedeye。Butthen，yousee，themanwasnotawriteroffiction。Hewasanartlessmoralist，asisclearlydemonstratedbyhisanniversariesbeingcelebratedwithmarkedemphasisbytheheirsoftheFrenchRevolution，whichwasnotapoliticalmovementatall，butagreatoutburstofmorality。Hehadnoimagination，asthemostcasualperusalof\"Emile\"willprove。Hewasnonovelist，whosefirstvirtueistheexactunderstandingofthelimitstracedbytherealityofhistimetotheplayofhisinvention。Inspirationcomesfromtheearth，whichhasapast，ahistory，afuture，notfromthecoldandimmutableheaven。Awriterofimaginativeprose（evenmorethananyothersortofartist）standsconfessedinhisworks。Hisconscience，hisdeepersenseofthings，lawfulandunlawful，giveshimhisattitudebeforetheworld。Indeed，everyonewhoputspentopaperforthereadingofstrangers（unlessamoralist，who，generallyspeaking，hasnoconscienceexcepttheoneheisatpainstoproducefortheuseofothers）
canspeakofnothingelse。ItisM。AnatoleFrance，themosteloquentandjustofFrenchprose-writers，whosaysthatwemustrecognizeatlastthat，\"failingtheresolutiontoholdourpeace，wecanonlytalkofourselves。\"
Thisremark，ifIrememberrightly，wasmadeinthecourseofasparringmatchwiththelateFerdinandBrunetiereovertheprinciplesandrulesofliterarycriticism。Aswasfittingforamantowhomweowethememorablesaying，\"Thegoodcriticishewhorelatestheadventuresofhissoulamongmasterpieces，\"M。
AnatoleFrancemaintainedthattherewerenorulesandnoprinciples。Andthatmaybeverytrue。Rules，principles，andstandardsdieandvanisheveryday。Perhapstheyarealldeadandvanishedbythistime。These，ifever，arethebrave，freedaysofdestroyedlandmarks，whiletheingeniousmindsarebusyinventingtheformsofthenewbeaconswhich，itisconsolingtothink，willbesetuppresentlyintheoldplaces。Butwhatisinterestingtoawriteristhepossessionofaninwardcertitudethatliterarycriticismwillneverdie，forman（sovariouslydefined）is，beforeeverythingelse，acriticalanimal。Andaslongasdistinguishedmindsarereadytotreatitinthespiritofhighadventureliterarycriticismshallappealtouswithallthecharmandwisdomofawell-toldtaleofpersonalexperience。
ForEnglishmenespecially，ofalltheracesoftheearth，atask，anytask，undertakeninanadventurousspiritacquiresthemeritofromance。Butthecriticsasaruleexhibitbutlittleofanadventurousspirit。Theytakerisks，ofcourse——onecanhardlylivewithoutthat。Thedailybreadisservedouttous（howeversparingly）withapinchofsalt。Otherwiseonewouldgetsickofthedietonepraysfor，andthatwouldbenotonlyimproper，butimpious。Fromimpietyofthatoranyotherkind——saveus！Anidealofreservedmanner，adheredtofromasenseofproprieties，fromshyness，perhaps，orcaution，orsimplyfromweariness，induces，Isuspect，somewritersofcriticismtoconcealtheadventuroussideoftheircalling，andthenthecriticismbecomesamere\"notice，\"asitwere，therelationofajourneywherenothingbutthedistancesandthegeologyofanewcountryshouldbesetdown;theglimpsesofstrangebeasts，thedangersoffloodandfield，thehairbreadthescapes，andthesufferings（oh，thesufferings，too！Ihavenodoubtofthesufferings）ofthetravellerbeingcarefullykeptout;noshadyspot，nofruitfulplantbeingevermentionedeither;sothatthewholeperformancelookslikeamerefeatofagilityonthepartofatrainedpenrunninginadesert。Acruelspectacle——amostdeplorableadventure！\"Life，\"inthewordsofanimmortalthinkerof，I
shouldsay，bucolicorigin，butwhoseperishablenameislosttotheworshipofposterity——\"lifeisnotallbeerandskittles。\"
Neitheristhewritingofnovels。Itisn’t，really。Jevousdonnemaparoled’honneurthatit——is——not。NotALL。Iamthusemphaticbecausesomeyearsago，Iremember，thedaughterofageneral……
Suddenrevelationsoftheprofaneworldmusthavecomenowandthentohermitsintheircells，tothecloisteredmonksofmiddleages，tolonelysages，menofscience，reformers;therevelationsoftheworld’ssuperficialjudgment，shockingtothesoulsconcentratedupontheirownbitterlabourinthecauseofsanctity，orofknowledge，oroftemperance，letussay，orofart，ifonlytheartofcrackingjokesorplayingtheflute。Andthusthisgeneral’sdaughtercametome——orIshouldsayoneofthegeneral’sdaughtersdid。Therewerethreeofthesebachelorladies，ofnicelygraduatedages，whoheldaneighbouringfarm-houseinaunitedandmoreorlessmilitaryoccupation。Theeldestwarredagainstthedecayofmannersinthevillagechildren，andexecutedfrontalattacksuponthevillagemothersfortheconquestofcourtesies。Itsoundsfutile，butitwasreallyawarforanidea。Thesecondskirmishedandscoutedalloverthecountry;anditwasthatonewhopushedareconnaissancerighttomyverytable——Imeantheonewhoworestand-upcollars。
Shewasreallycallinguponmywifeinthesoftspiritofafternoonfriendliness，butwithherusualmartialdetermination。
Shemarchedintomyroomswingingherstick……butno——I
mustn’texaggerate。Itisnotmyspecialty。Iamnotahumoristicwriter。Inallsoberness，then，allIamcertainofisthatshehadasticktoswing。
Noditchorwallencompassedmyabode。Thewindowwasopen;thedoor，too，stoodopentothatbestfriendofmywork，thewarm，stillsunshineofthewidefields。Theylayaroundmeinfinitelyhelpful，but，truthtosay，Ihadnotknownforweekswhetherthesunshoneupontheearthandwhetherthestarsabovestillmovedontheirappointedcourses。Iwasjustthengivingupsomedaysofmyallottedspantothelastchaptersofthenovel\"Nostromo，\"
ataleofanimaginary（buttrue）seaboard，whichisstillmentionednowandagain，andindeedkindly，sometimesinconnectionwiththeword\"failure\"andsometimesinconjunctionwiththeword\"astonishing。\"Ihavenoopiniononthisdiscrepancy。It’sthesortofdifferencethatcanneverbesettled。AllIknowisthat，fortwentymonths，neglectingthecommonjoysoflifethatfalltothelotofthehumblestonthisearth，Ihad，liketheprophetofold，\"wrestledwiththeLord\"
formycreation，fortheheadlandsofthecoast，forthedarknessofthePlacidGulf，thelightonthesnows，thecloudsinthesky，andforthebreathoflifethathadtobeblownintotheshapesofmenandwomen，ofLatinandSaxon，ofJewandGentile。
Theseare，perhaps，strongwords，butitisdifficulttocharacterizeotherwisetheintimacyandthestrainofacreativeeffortinwhichmindandwillandconscienceareengagedtothefull，hourafterhour，dayafterday，awayfromtheworld，andtotheexclusionofallthatmakeslifereallylovableandgentle——somethingforwhichamaterialparallelcanonlybefoundintheeverlastingsombrestressofthewestwardwinterpassageroundCapeHorn。Forthat，too，isthewrestlingofmenwiththemightoftheirCreator，inagreatisolationfromtheworld，withouttheamenitiesandconsolationsoflife，alonelystruggleunderasenseofovermatchedlittleness，fornorewardthatcouldbeadequate，butforthemerewinningofalongitude。Yetacertainlongitude，oncewon，cannotbedisputed。Thesunandthestarsandtheshapeofyoureartharethewitnessesofyourgain;
whereasahandfulofpages，nomatterhowmuchyouhavemadethemyourown，areatbestbutanobscureandquestionablespoil。
Heretheyare。\"Failure\"——\"Astonishing\"：takeyourchoice;orperhapsboth，orneither——amererustleandflutterofpiecesofpapersettlingdowninthenight，andundistinguishable，likethesnowflakesofagreatdriftdestinedtomeltawayinsunshine。
\"Howdoyoudo？\"
Itwasthegreetingofthegeneral’sdaughter。Ihadheardnothing——norustle，nofootsteps。Ihadfeltonlyamomentbeforeasortofpremonitionofevil;Ihadthesenseofaninauspiciouspresence——justthatmuchwarningandnomore;andthencamethesoundofthevoiceandthejarasofaterriblefallfromagreatheight——afall，letussay，fromthehighestofthecloudsfloatingingentleprocessionoverthefieldsinthefaintwesterlyairofthatJulyafternoon。Ipickedmyselfupquickly，ofcourse;inotherwords，Ijumpedupfrommychairstunnedanddazed，everynervequiveringwiththepainofbeinguprootedoutofoneworldandflungdownintoanother——perfectlycivil。
\"Oh！Howdoyoudo？Won’tyousitdown？\"
That’swhatIsaid。Thishorriblebut，Iassureyou，perfectlytruereminiscencetellsyoumorethanawholevolumeofconfessionsalaJeanJacquesRousseauwoulddo。Observe！I
didn’thowlather，orstartupsettingfurniture，orthrowmyselfonthefloorandkick，orallowmyselftohintinanyotherwayattheappallingmagnitudeofthedisaster。ThewholeworldofCostaguana（thecountry，youmayremember，ofmyseaboardtale），men，women，headlands，houses，mountains，town，campo（therewasnotasinglebrick，stone，orgrainofsandofitssoilIhadnotplacedinpositionwithmyownhands）;allthehistory，geography，politics，finance;thewealthofCharlesGould’ssilver-mine，andthesplendourofthemagnificentCapatazdeCargadores，whosename，criedoutinthenight（Dr。Monyghamhearditpassoverhishead——inLindaViola’svoice），dominatedevenafterdeaththedarkgulfcontaininghisconquestsoftreasureandlove——allthathadcomedowncrashingaboutmyears。
IfeltIcouldneverpickupthepieces——andinthatverymomentIwassaying，\"Won’tyousitdown？\"
Theseaisstrongmedicine。Beholdwhatthequarter-decktrainingeveninamerchantshipwilldo！ThisepisodeshouldgiveyouanewviewoftheEnglishandScotsseamen（amuch-caricaturedfolk）whohadthelastsayintheformationofmycharacter。Oneisnothingifnotmodest，butinthisdisasterIthinkIhavedonesomehonourtotheirsimpleteaching。\"Won’tyousitdown？\"Veryfair;veryfair，indeed。Shesatdown。Heramusedglancestrayedallovertheroom。
TherewerepagesofMS。onthetableandunderthetable，abatchoftypedcopyonachair，singleleaveshadflutteredawayintodistantcorners;thereweretherelivingpages，pagesscoredandwounded，deadpagesthatwouldbeburnedattheendoftheday——thelitterofacruelbattle-field，ofalong，long，anddesperatefray。Long！IsupposeIwenttobedsometimes，andgotupthesamenumberoftimes。Yes，IsupposeIslept，andatethefoodputbeforeme，andtalkedconnectedlytomyhouseholdonsuitableoccasions。ButIhadneverbeenawareoftheevenflowofdailylife，madeeasyandnoiselessformebyasilent，watchful，tirelessaffection。Indeed，itseemedtomethatIhadbeensittingatthattablesurroundedbythelitterofadesperatefrayfordaysandnightsonend。Itseemedso，becauseoftheintensewearinessofwhichthatinterruptionhadmademeaware——theawfuldisenchantmentofamindrealizingsuddenlythefutilityofanenormoustask，joinedtoabodilyfatiguesuchasnoordinaryamountoffairlyheavyphysicallabourcouldeveraccountfor。Ihavecarriedbagsofwheatonmyback，bentalmostdoubleunderaship’sdeck-beams，fromsixinthemorningtillsixintheevening（withanhourandahalfoffformeals），soIoughttoknow。
AndIloveletters。Iamjealousoftheirhonourandconcernedforthedignityandcomelinessoftheirservice。Iwas，mostlikely，theonlywriterthatneatladyhadevercaughtintheexerciseofhiscraft，anditdistressedmenottobeabletorememberwhenitwasthatIdressedmyselflast，andhow。Nodoubtthatwouldbeallrightinessentials。Thefortuneofthehouseincludedapairofgray-bluewatchfuleyesthatwouldseetothat。ButIfelt，somehow，asgrimyasaCostaguanaleperoafteraday’sfightinginthestreets，rumpledalloveranddishevelleddowntomyveryheels。AndIamafraidIblinkedstupidly。Allthiswasbadforthehonouroflettersandthedignityoftheirservice。Seenindistinctlythroughthedustofmycollapseduniverse，thegoodladyglancedabouttheroomwithaslightlyamusedserenity。Andshewassmiling。Whatonearthwasshesmilingat？Sheremarkedcasually：
\"IamafraidIinterruptedyou。\"
\"Notatall。\"
Sheacceptedthedenialinperfectgoodfaith。Anditwasstrictlytrue。Interrupted——indeed！Shehadrobbedmeofatleasttwentylives，eachinfinitelymorepoignantandrealthanherown，becauseinformedwithpassion，possessedofconvictions，involvedingreataffairscreatedoutofmyownsubstanceforananxiouslymeditatedend。
Sheremainedsilentforawhile，thensaid，withalastglanceallroundatthelitterofthefray：
\"Andyousitlikethisherewritingyour——your……\"
\"I——what？Oh，yes！Isithereallday。\"
\"Itmustbeperfectlydelightful。\"
Isupposethat，beingnolongerveryyoung，Imighthavebeenonthevergeofhavingastroke;butshehadleftherdogintheporch，andmyboy’sdog，patrollingthefieldinfront，hadespiedhimfromafar。Hecameonstraightandswiftlikeacannon-ball，andthenoiseofthefight，whichburstsuddenlyuponourears，wasmorethanenoughtoscareawayafitofapoplexy。Wewentouthastilyandseparatedthegallantanimals。
AfterwardItoldtheladywhereshewouldfindmywife——justroundthecorner，underthetrees。Shenoddedandwentoffwithherdog，leavingmeappalledbeforethedeathanddevastationshehadlightlymade——andwiththeawfullyinstructivesoundoftheword\"delightful\"lingeringinmyears。
Nevertheless，lateron，Idulyescortedhertothefieldgate。I
wantedtobecivil，ofcourse（whataretwentylivesinamerenovelthatoneshouldberudetoaladyontheiraccount？），butmainly，toadoptthegood，soundOllendorffianstyle，becauseI
didnotwantthedogofthegeneral’sdaughtertofightagain（encore）withthefaithfuldogofmyinfantson（monpetitgarcon）。——WasIafraidthatthedogofthegeneral’sdaughterwouldbeabletoovercome（vaincre）thedogofmychild？——No，I
wasnotafraid……ButawaywiththeOllendorffmethod。HoweverappropriateandseeminglyunavoidablewhenItouchuponanythingappertainingtothelady，itismostunsuitabletotheorigin，character，andhistoryofthedog;forthedogwasthegifttothechildfromamanforwhomwordshadanythingbutanOllendorffianvalue，amanalmostchildlikeintheimpulsivemovementsofhisuntutoredgenius，themostsingle-mindedofverbalimpressionists，usinghisgreatgiftsofstraightfeelingandrightexpressionwithafinesincerityandastrongif，perhaps，notfullyconsciousconviction。Hisartdidnotobtain，Ifear，allthecredititsunsophisticatedinspirationdeserved。
IamalludingtothelateStephenCrane，theauthorof\"TheRedBadgeofCourage，\"aworkofimaginationwhichfounditsshortmomentofcelebrityinthelastdecadeofthedepartedcentury。
Otherbooksfollowed。Notmany。Hehadnotthetime。Itwasanindividualandcompletetalentwhichobtainedbutagrudging，somewhatsuperciliousrecognitionfromtheworldatlarge。Forhimselfonehesitatestoregrethisearlydeath。Likeoneofthemeninhis\"OpenBoat，\"onefeltthathewasofthosewhomfateseldomallowstomakeasafelandingaftermuchtoilandbitternessattheoar。Iconfesstoanabidingaffectionforthatenergetic，slight，fragile，intenselylivingandtransientfigure。Helikedme，evenbeforewemet，onthestrengthofapageortwoofmywriting，andafterwehadmetIamgladtothinkhelikedmestill。Heusedtopointouttomewithgreatearnestness，andevenwithsomeseverity，that\"aboyOUGHTtohaveadog。\"Isuspectthathewasshockedatmyneglectofparentalduties。
Ultimatelyitwashewhoprovidedthedog。Shortlyafterward，oneday，afterplayingwiththechildontherugforanhourorsowiththemostintenseabsorption，heraisedhisheadanddeclaredfirmly，\"Ishallteachyourboytoride。\"Thatwasnottobe。Hewasnotgiventhetime。
Buthereisthedog——anolddognow。Broadandlowonhisbandypaws，withablackheadonawhitebodyandaridiculousblackspotattheotherendofhim，heprovokes，whenhewalksabroad，smilesnotaltogetherunkind。Grotesqueandengaginginthewholeofhisappearance，hisusualattitudesaremeek，buthistemperamentdisclosesitselfunexpectedlypugnaciousinthepresenceofhiskind。Asheliesinthefirelight，hisheadwellup，andafixed，farawaygazedirectedattheshadowsoftheroom，heachievesastrikingnobilityofposeinthecalmconsciousnessofanunstainedlife。Hehasbroughtuponebaby，andnow，afterseeinghisfirstchargeofftoschool，heisbringingupanotherwiththesameconscientiousdevotion，butwithamoredeliberategravityofmanner，thesignofgreaterwisdomandriperexperience，butalsoofrheumatism，Ifear。
Fromthemorningbathtotheeveningceremoniesofthecot，youattendthelittletwo-leggedcreatureofyouradoption，beingyourselftreatedintheexerciseofyourdutieswitheverypossibleregard，withinfiniteconsideration，byeverypersoninthehouse——evenasImyselfamtreated;onlyyoudeserveitmore。
Thegeneral’sdaughterwouldtellyouthatitmustbe\"perfectlydelightful。\"
Aha！olddog。Sheneverheardyouyelpwithacutepain（it’sthatpoorleftear）thewhile，withincredibleself-command，youpreservearigidimmobilityforfearofoverturningthelittletwo-leggedcreature。Shehasneverseenyourresignedsmilewhenthelittletwo-leggedcreature，interrogated，sternly，\"Whatareyoudoingtothegooddog？\"answers，withawide，innocentstare：
\"Nothing。Onlylovinghim，mammadear！\"
Thegeneral’sdaughterdoesnotknowthesecrettermsofself-imposedtasks，gooddog，thepainthatmaylurkintheveryrewardsofrigidself-command。Butwehavelivedtogethermanyyears。Wehavegrownolder，too;andthoughourworkisnotquitedoneyetwemayindulgenowandtheninalittleintrospectionbeforethefire——meditateontheartofbringingupbabiesandontheperfectdelightofwritingtaleswheresomanylivescomeandgoatthecostofonewhichslipsimperceptiblyaway。
VI
Intheretrospectofalifewhichhad，besidesitspreliminarystageofchildhoodandearlyyouth，twodistinctdevelopments，andeventwodistinctelements，suchasearthandwater，foritssuccessivescenes，acertainamountofnaivenessisunavoidable。
Iamconsciousofitinthesepages。Thisremarkisputforwardinnoapologeticspirit。Asyearsgobyandthenumberofpagesgrowssteadily，thefeelinggrowsuponone，too，thatonecanwriteonlyforfriends。Thenwhyshouldoneputthemtothenecessityofprotesting（asafriendwoulddo）thatnoapologyisnecessary，orput，perchance，intotheirheadsthedoubtofone’sdiscretion？Somuchastothecareduetothosefriendswhomawordhere，alinethere，afortunatepageofjustfeelingintherightplace，somehappysimplicity，orevensomeluckysubtlety，hasdrawnfromthegreatmultitudeoffellowbeingsevenasafishisdrawnfromthedepthsofthesea。Fishingisnotoriously（Iamtalkingnowofthedeepsea）amatterofluck。Astoone’senemies，theywilltakecareofthemselves。
Thereisagentleman，forinstance，who，metaphoricallyspeaking，jumpsuponmewithbothfeet。Thisimagehasnograce，butitisexceedinglyapttotheoccasion——totheseveraloccasions。I
don’tknowpreciselyhowlonghehasbeenindulginginthatintermittentexercise，whoseseasonsareruledbythecustomofthepublishingtrade。Somebodypointedhimout（inprintedshape，ofcourse）tomyattentionsometimeago，andstraightwayIexperiencedasortofreluctantaffectionforthatrobustman。
Heleavesnotashredofmysubstanceuntrodden：forthewriter’ssubstanceishiswriting;therestofhimisbutavainshadow，cherishedorhatedonuncriticalgrounds。Notashred！Yetthesentimentownedtoisnotafreakofaffectationorperversity。
