第3章

类别:其他 作者:Joseph Conrad字数:17544更新时间:19/01/03 08:23:51
Razumovranforwardunsteadily,withparted,voicelesslips。Theouterdoorstoodopen。Staggeringoutonthelanding,heleanedfaroverthebanister。Gazingdownintothedeepblackshaftwithatinyglimmeringflameatthebottom,hetracedbyeartherapidspiraldescentofsomebodyrunningdownthestairsontiptoe。Itwasalight,swift,patteringsound,whichsankawayfromhimintothedepths:afleetingshadowpassedovertheglimmer——awinkofthetinyflame。Thenstillness。 Razumovhungover,breathingthecoldrawairtaintedbytheevilsmellsoftheuncleanstaircase。Allquiet。 Hewentbackintohisroomslowly,shuttingthedoorsafterhim。 Thepeacefulsteadylightofhisreading—lampshoneonthewatch。 Razumovstoodlookingdownatthelittlewhitedial。Itwantedyetthreeminutestomidnight。Hetookthewatchintohishandfumblingly。 \"Slow,\"hemuttered,andastrangefitofnervelessnesscameoverhim。Hiskneesshook,thewatchandchainslippedthroughhisfingersinaninstantandfellonthefloor。Hewassostartledthathenearlyfellhimself。Whenatlastheregainedenoughconfidenceinhislimbstostoopforitheheldittohisearatonce。Afterawhilehegrowled—— \"Stopped,\"andpausedforquitealongtimebeforehemutteredsourly—— \"It’sdone……Andnowtowork。\" Hesatdown,reachedhaphazardforabook,openeditinmiddleandbegantoread;butaftergoingconscientiouslyovertwolineshelosthisholdontheprintcompletelyanddidnottrytoregainit。Hethought—— \"Therewastoacertaintyapoliceagentofsomesortwatchingthehouseacrossthestreet。\" Heimaginedhimlurkinginadarkgateway,goggle—eyed,muffledupinacloaktothenoseandwithaGeneral’splumed,cockedhatonhishead。Thisabsurditymadehimstartinthechairconvulsively。 Heliterallyhadtoshakehisheadviolentlytogetridofit。 Themanwouldbedisguisedperhapsasapeasant……abeggar…… Perhapshewouldbejustbuttonedupinadarkovercoatandcarryingaloadedstick——ashifty—eyedrascal,smellingofrawonionsandspirits。 Thisevocationbroughtonpositivenausea。\"WhydoIwanttobotheraboutthis?\"thoughtRazumovwithdisgust。\"AmIagendarme? Moreover,itisdone。\" Hegotupingreatagitation。Itwasnotdone。Notyet。Nottillhalf—pasttwelve。Andthewatchhadstopped。Thisreducedhimtodespair。Impossibletoknowthetime!Theandladyandallthepeopleacrossthelandingwereasleep。Howcouldhegoand……Godknowswhattheywouldimagine,orhowmuchtheywouldguess。Hedarednotgointothestreetstofindout。 \"Iamasuspectnow。There’snouseshirkingthatfact,\"hesaidtohimselfbitterly。IfHaldinfromsomecauseoranothergavethemtheslipand。failedtoturnupintheKarabelnayathepolicewouldbeinvadinghislodging。Andifhewerenotinhecouldneverclearhimself。Never。Razumovlookedwildlyaboutasifforsomemeansofseizingupontimewhichseemedtohaveescapedhimaltogether。Hehadnever,asfarashecouldremember,heardthestrikingofthattownclockinhisroomsbeforethisnight。 Andhewasnotevensurenowwhetherhehadhearditreallyonthisnight。 Hewenttothewindowandstoodtherewithslightlybentheadonthewatchforthefaintsound。’IwillstayheretillIhearsomething,\"hesaidtohimself。Hestoodstill,hisearturnedtothepanes。Anatrociousachingnumbnesswithshootingpainsinhisbackandlegstorturedhim。Hedidnotbudge。Hismindhoveredonthebordersofdelirium。Heheardhimselfsuddenlysaying,\"Iconfess,\"asapersonmightdoontherack。\"Iamontherack,\"hethought。Hefeltreadytoswoon。Thefaintdeepboomofthedistantclockseemedtoexplodeinhishead——hehearditsoclearly……One! IfHaldinhadnotturnedupthepolicewouldhavebeenalreadyhereransackingthehouse。Nosoundreachedhim。Thistimeitwasdone。 Hedraggedhimselfpainfullytothetableanddroppedintothechair。Heflungthebookawayandtookasquaresheetofpaper。 Itwaslikethepileofsheetscoveredwithhisneatminutehandwriting,onlyblank。Hetookapenbrusquelyanddippeditwithavaguenotionofgoingonwiththewritingofhisessay——buthispenremainedpoisedoverthesheet。Ithungthereforsometimebeforeitcamedownandformedlongscrawlyletters。 Still—facedandhislipssethard,Razumovbegantowrite。Whenhewrotealargehandhisneatwritinglostitscharacteraltogether——becameunsteady,almostchildish。Hewrotefivelinesoneundertheother。 HistorynotTheory。 PatriotismnotInternationalism。 EvolutionnotRevolution。 DirectionnotDestruction。 UnitynotDisruption。 Hegazedatthemdully。ThenhiseyesstrayedtothebedandreInajnedfixedthereforagoodmanyminutes,whilehisrighthandgropedalloverthetableforthepenknife。 Heroseatlast,andwalkingupwithmeasuredstepsstabbedthepaperwiththepenknifetothelathandplasterwallattheheadofthebed。Thisdonehesteppedbackapaceandflourishedhishandwithaglanceroundtheroom。 Afterthatheneverlookedagainatthebed。Hetookhisbigcloakdownfromitspegand,wrappinghimselfupclosely,wenttoliedownonthehardhorse—hairsofaattheothersideofhisroom。Aleadensleepclosedhiseyelidsatonce。SeveraltimesthatnighthewokeupshiveringfromadreamofwalkingthroughdriftsofsnowinaRussiawherehewasascompletelyaloneasanybetrayedautocratcouldbe;animmense,wintryRussiawhich,somehow,hisviewcouldembraceinallitsenormousexpanseasifitwereamap。Butaftereachshudderingstarthisheavyeyelidsfelloverhisglazedeyesandhesleptagain。 III ApproachingthispartofMr。Razumov’sstory,mymind,thedecentmindofanoldteacheroflanguages,feelsmoreandmorethedifficultyofthetask。 Thetaskisnotintruththewritinginthenarrativeforma_precis_ofastrangehumandocument,buttherendering——I perceiveitnowclearly——ofthemoralconditionsrulingoveralargeportionofthisearth’ssurface;conditionsnoteasilytobeunderstood,muchlessdiscoveredinthelimitsofastory,tillsomekey—wordisfound;awordthatcouldstandatthebackofallthewordscoveringthepages;awordwhich,ifnottruthitself,mayperchanceholdtruthenoughtohelpthemoraldiscoverywhichshouldbetheobjectofeverytale。 IturnoverforthehundredthtimetheleavesofMr。Razumov’srecord,Ilayitaside,Itakeupthepen——andthepenbeingreadyforitsofficeofsettingdownblackonwhiteIhesitate。Forthewordthatpersistsincreepingunderitspointisnootherwordthan\"cynicism。\" ForthatisthemarkofRussianautocracyandofRussianrevolt。 Initsprideofnumbers,initsstrangepretensionsofsanctity,andinthesecretreadinesstoabaseitselfinsuffering,thespiritofRussiaisthespiritofcynicism。Itinformsthedeclarationsofherstatesmen,thetheoriesofherrevolutionists,andthemysticvaticinationsofprophetstothepointofmakingfreedomlooklikeaformofdebauch,andtheChristianvirtuesthemselvesappearactuallyindecent…… ButImustapologizeforthedigression。ItproceedsfromtheconsiderationofthecoursetakenbythestoryofMr。Razumovafterhisconservativeconvictions,dilutedinavagueliberalismnaturaltotheardourofhisage,hadbecomecrystallizedbytheshockofhiscontactwithHaldin。 Razumovwokeupforthetenthtimeperhapswithaheavyshiver。 Seeingthelightofdayinhiswindow,heresistedtheinclinationtolayhimselfdownagain。Hedidnotrememberanything,buthedidnotthinkitstrangetofindhimselfonthesofainhiscloakandchilledtothebone。Thelightcomingthroughthewindowseemedstrangelycheerless,containingnopromiseasthelightofeachnewdayshouldforayoungman。Itwastheawakeningofamanmortallyill,orofamanninetyyearsold。Helookedatthelampwhichhadburntitselfout。Itstoodthere,theextinguishedbeaconofhislabours,acoldobjectofbrassandporcelain,amongstthescatteredpagesofhisnotesandsmallpilesofbooks——amerelitterofblackenedpaper——deadmatter——withoutsignificanceorinterest。 Hegotonhisfeet,anddivestinghimselfofhiscloakhungitonthepeg,goingthroughallthemotionsmechanically。Anincredibledullness,aditch—waterstagnationwassensibletohisperceptionsasthoughlifehadwithdrawnitselffromallthingsandevenfromhisownthoughts。Therewasnotasoundinthehouse。 Turningawayfromthepeg,hethoughtinthatsamelifelessmannerthatitmustbeveryearlyyet;butwhenhelookedatthewatchonhistablehesawbothhandsarrestedattwelveo’clock。 \"Ah!yes,\"hemumbledtohimself,andasifbeginningtogetrousedalittlehetookasurveyofhisroom。Thepaperstabbedtothewallarrestedhisattention。Heeyeditfromthedistancewithoutapprovalorperplexity;butwhenheheardtheservant—girlbeginningtobustleaboutintheouterroomwiththe_samovar_forhismorningtea,hewalkeduptoitandtookitdownwithanairofprofoundindifference。 Whiledoingthisheglanceddownatthebedonwhichhehadnotsleptthatnight。ThehollowinthepillowmadebytheweightofHaldin’sheadwasverynoticeable。 Evenhisangeratthissignoftheman’spassagewasdull。Hedidnottrytonurseitintolife。Hedidnothingallthatday; heneglectedeventobrushhishair。Theideaofgoingoutneveroccurredtohim——andifhedidnotstartaconnectedtrainofthoughtitwasnotbecausehewasunabletothink。Itwasbecausehewasnotinterestedenough。 Heyawnedfrequently。Hedranklargequantitiesoftea,hewalkedaboutaimlessly,andwhenhesatdownhedidnotbudgeforalongtime。Hespentsometimedrummingonthewindowwithhisfinger—tipsquietly。Inhislistlesswanderingsroundaboutthetablehecaughtsightofhisownfaceinthelooking—glassandthatarrestedhim。Theeyeswhichreturnedhisstarewerethemostunhappyeyeshehadeverseen。Andthiswasthefirstthingwhichdisturbedthementalstagnationofthatday。 Hewasnotaffectedpersonally。Hemerelythoughtthatlifewithouthappinessisimpossible。Whatwashappiness?Heyawnedandwentonshufflingaboutandaboutbetweenthewallsofhisroom。Lookingforwardwashappiness——that’sall——nothingmore。 Tolookforwardtothegratificationofsomedesire,tothegratificationofsomepassion,love,ambition,hate——hatetooindubitably。Loveandhate。Andtoescapethedangersofexistence,tolivewithoutfear,wasalsohappiness。Therewasnothingelse。Absenceoffear——lookingforward。\"Oh!themiserablelotofhumanity!\"heexclaimedmentally;andaddedatonceinhisthought,\"Ioughttobehappyenoughasfarasthatgoes。\"Buthewasnotexcitedbythatassurance。Onthecontrary,heyawnedagainashehadbeenyawningallday。Hewasmildlysurprisedtodiscoverhimselfbeingovertakenbynight。 Theroomgrewdarkswiftlythoughtimehadseemedtostandstill。 Howwasitthathehadnotnoticedthepassingofthatday?Ofcourse,itwasthewatchbeingstopped…… Hedidnotlighthislamp,butwentovertothebedandthrewhimselfonitwithoutanyhesitation。Lyingonhisback,heputhishandsunderhisheadandstaredupward。Afteramomenthethought,\"Iamlyingherelikethatman。IwonderifhesleptwhileIwasstrugglingwiththeblizzardinthestreets。No,hedidnotsleep。ButwhyshouldInotsleep?\"andhefeltthesilenceofthenightpressuponallhislimbslikeaweight。 Inthecalmofthehardfrostoutside,theclear—cutstrokesofthetownclockcountingoffmidnightpenetratedthequietnessofhissuspendedanimation。 Againhebegantothink。Itwastwenty—fourhourssincethatmanlefthisroom。RazumovhadadistinctfeelingthatHaldininthefortresswassleepingthatnight。ItwasacertitudewhichmadehimangrybecausehedidnotwanttothinkofHaldin,buthejustifiedittohimselfbyphysiologicalandpsychologicalreasons。Thefellowhadhardlysleptforweeksonhisownconfession,andnoweveryincertitudewasatanendforhim。Nodoubthewaslookingforwardtotheconsummationofhismartyrdom。Amanwhoresignshimselftokillneednotgoveryfarforresignationtodie。HaldinsleptperhapsmoresoundlythanGeneralT———,whosetask——wearyworktoo——wasnotdone,andoverwhoseheadhungtheswordofrevolutionaryvengeance。 Razumov,rememberingthethick—setmanwithhisheavyjowlrestingonthecollarofhisuniform,thechampionofautocracy,whohadletnosignofsurprise,incredulity,orjoyescapehim,butwhosegoggleeyescouldexpressamortalhatredofallrebellion——Razumovmoveduneasilyonthebed。 \"Hesuspectedme,\"hethought。\"Isupposehemustsuspecteverybody。Hewouldbecapableofsuspectinghisownwife,ifHaldinhadgonetoherboudoirwithhisconfession。\" Razumovsatupinanguish。Washetoremainapoliticalsuspectallhisdays?Washetogothroughlifeasamannotwhollytobetrusted——withabadsecretpolicenotetackedontohisrecord?Whatsortoffuturecouldhelookforwardto? \"Iamnowasuspect,\"hethoughtagain;butthehabitofreflectionandthatdesireofsafety,ofanorderedlife,whichwassostronginhimcametohisassistanceasthenightworeon。Hisquiet,steady,andlaboriousexistencewouldvouchatlengthforhisloyalty。Thereweremanypermittedwaystoserveone’scountry。Therewasanactivitythatmadeforprogresswithoutbeingrevolutionary。Thefieldofinfluencewasgreatandinfinitelyvaried——onceonehadconqueredaname。 Histhoughtlikeacirclingbirdrevertedafterfourand—twentyhourstothesilvermedal,andasitwerepoiseditselfthere。 Whenthedaybrokehehadnotslept,notforamoment,buthegotupnotverytiredandquitesufficientlyself—possessedforallpracticalpurposes。 Hewentoutandattendedthreelecturesinthemorning。Buttheworkinthelibrarywasameredumbshowofresearch。Hesatwithmanyvolumesopenbeforehimtryingtomakenotesandextracts。 Hisnewtranquillitywaslikeaflimsygarment,andseemedtofloatatthemercyofacasualword。Betrayal!Why!thefellowhaddoneallthatwasnecessarytobetrayhimself。Preciouslittlehadbeenneededtodeceivehim。 \"Ihavesaidnowordtohimthatwasnotstrictlytrue。 Notoneword,\"Razumovarguedwithhimself。 Onceengagedonthislineofthoughttherecouldbenoquestionofdoingusefulwork。Thesameideaswentonpassingthroughhismind,andhepronouncedmentallythesamewordsoverandoveragain。Heshutupallthebooksandrammedallhispapersintohispocketwithconvulsivemovements,raginginwardlyagainstHaldin。 Ashewasleavingthelibraryalongbonystudentinathreadbareovercoatjoinedhim,steppingmoodilybyhisside。Razumovansweredhismumbledgreetingwithoutlookingathimatall。 \"Whatdoeshewantwithme?\"hethoughtwithastrangedreadoftheunexpectedwhichhetriedtoshakeofflestitshouldfastenitselfuponhislifeforgoodandall。Andtheother,mutteringcautiouslywithdowncasteyes,supposedthathiscomradehadseenthenewsofdeP———’sexecutioner——thatwastheexpressionheused——havingbeenarrestedthenightbeforelast…… \"I’vebeenill——shutupinmyrooms,\"Razumovmumbledthroughhisteeth。 Thetallstudent,raisinghisshoulders,shovedhishandsdeepintohispockets。Hehadahairless,square,tallowychinwhichtrembledslightlyashespoke,andhisnosenippedbrightredbythesharpairlookedlikeafalsenoseofpaintedcardboardbetweenthesallowcheeks。Hiswholeappearancewasstampedwiththemarkofcoldandhunger。HestalkeddeliberatelyatRazumov’selbowwithhiseyesontheground。 \"It’sanofficialstatement,\"hecontinuedinthesamecautiousmutter。\"Itmaybealie。ButtherewassomebodyarrestedbetweenmidnightandoneinthemorningonTuesday。 Thisiscertain。\" Andtalkingrapidlyunderthecoverofhisdowncastair,hetoldRazumovthatthiswasknownthroughaninferiorGovernmentclerkemployedattheCentralSecretariat。Thatmanbelongedtooneoftherevolutionarycircles。\"Thesame,infact,Iamaffiliatedto,\"remarkedthestudent。 Theywerecrossingawidequadrangle。AninfinitedistresspossessedRazumov,annihilatedhisenergy,andbeforehiseyeseverythingappearedconfusedandasifevanescent。Hedarednotleavethefellowthere。\"Hemaybeaffiliatedtothepolice,\" wasthethoughtthatpassedthroughhismind。\"Whocouldtell?\" Buteyeingthemiserablefrost—nipped,famine—struckfigureofhiscompanionheperceivedtheabsurdityofhissuspicion。 \"ButI——youknow——Idon’tbelongtoanycircle。I……\" Hedarednotsayanymore。Neitherdaredhemendhispace。Theother,raisingandsettingdownhislamentablyshodfeetwithexactdeliberation,protestedinalowtonethatitwasnotnecessaryforeverybodytobelongtoanorganization。Themostvaluablepersonalitiesremainedoutside。Someofthebestworkwasdoneoutsidetheorganization。Thenveryfast,withwhispering,feverishlips—— \"ThemanarrestedinthestreetwasHaldin。\" AndacceptingRazumov’sdismayedsilenceasnaturalenough,heassuredhimthattherewasnomistake。ThatGovernmentclerkwasonnightdutyattheSecretariat。Hearingagreatnoiseoffootstepsinthehallandawarethatpoliticalprisonerswerebroughtoversometimesatnightfromthefortress,heopenedthedooroftheroominwhichhewasworking,suddenly。Beforethegendarmeondutycouldpushhimbackandslamthedoorinhisface,hehadseenaprisonerbeingpartlycarried,partlydraggedalongthehallbyalotofpolicemen。Hewasbeingusedverybrutally。AndtheclerkhadrecognizedHaldinperfectly。LessthanhalfanhourafterwardsGeneralT——arrivedattheSecretariattoexaminethatprisonerpersonally。 \"Aren’tyouastonished?\"concludedthegauntstudent。 \"No,\"saidRazumovroughly——andatonceregrettedhisanswer。 \"EverybodysupposedHaldinwasintheprovinces——withhispeople。Didn’tyou?\" ThestudentturnedhisbigholloweyesuponRazumov,whosaidunguardedly—— \"Hispeopleareabroad。\" Hecouldhavebittenhistongueoutwithvexation。 Thestudentpronouncedinatoneofprofoundmeaning—— \"So!Youalonewereaware……\"andstopped。 \"Theyhaveswornmyruin,\"thoughtRazumov。\"HaveYouspokenofthistoanyoneelse?\"heaskedwithbittercuriosity。 Theothershookhishead。 \"No,onlytoyou。OurcirclethoughtthatasHaldinhadbeenoftenheardexpressingawarmappreciationofyourcharacter……\" Razumovcouldnotrestrainagestureofangrydespairwhichtheothermusthavemisunderstoodinsomeway,becauseheceasedspeakingandturnedawayhisblack,lack—lustreeyes。 Theymovedsidebysideinsilence。Thenthegauntstudentbegantowhisperagain,withavertedgaze—— \"Aswehaveatpresentnooneaffiliatedinsidethefortresssoastomakeitpossibletofurnishhimwithapacketofpoison,wehaveconsideredalreadysomesortofretaliatoryaction——tofollowverysoon……\" Razumovtrudgingoninterrupted—— \"WereyouacquaintedwithHaldin?Didheknowwhereyoulive?\" \"Ihadthehappinesstohearhimspeaktwice,\"hiscompanionansweredinthefeverishwhispercontrastingwiththegloomyapathyofhisfaceandbearing。\"HedidnotknowwhereIlive……Iamlodgingpoorlywithanartisanfamily…… Ihavejustacornerinaroom。Itisnotverypracticabletoseemethere,butifyoushouldneedmeforanythingIamready…… Razumovtrembledwithrageandfear。Hewasbesidehimself,butkepthisvoicelow。 \"Youarenottocomenearme。Youarenottospeaktome。Neveraddressasinglewordtome。Iforbidyou。\" \"Verywell,\"saidtheothersubmissively,showingnosurprisewhateveratthisabruptprohibition。\"Youdon’twishforsecretreasons……perfectly……Iunderstand。\" Heedgedawayatonce,notlookingupeven;andRazumovsawhisgaunt,shabby,famine—strickenfigurecrossthestreetobliquelywithloweredheadandthatpeculiarexactmotionofthefeet。 Hewatchedhimasonewouldwatchavisionoutofanightmare,thenhecontinuedonhisway,tryingnottothink。Onhislandingthelandladyseemedtobewaitingforhim。Shewasashort,thick,shapelesswomanwithalargeyellowfacewrappedupeverlastinglyinablackwoollenshawl。Whenshesawhimcomeupthelastflightofstairssheflungbothherarmsupexcitedly,thenclaspedherhandsbeforeherface。 \"KiryloSidorovitch——littlefather——whathaveyoubeendoing? Andsuchaquietyoungman,too!Thepolicearejustgonethismomentaftersearchingyourrooms。\" Razumovgazeddownatherwithsilent,scrutinizingattention。 Herpuffyyellowcountenancewasworkingwithemotion。Shescreweduphereyesathimentreatingly。 \"Suchasensibleyoungman!Anybodycanseeyouaresensible。 Andnow——likethis——allatonce……WhatisthegoodofmixingyourselfupwiththeseNihilists?Dogiveover,littlefather。 Theyareunluckypeople。\" Razumovmovedhisshouldersslightly。 \"Orisitthatsomesecretenemyhasbeencalumniatingyou,KiryloSidorovitch?Theworldisfullofblackheartsandfalsedenunciationsnowadays。Thereismuchfearabout。\" \"HaveyouheardthatIhavebeendenouncedbysomeone?\" askedRazumov,withouttakinghiseyesoffherquiveringface。 Butshehadnotheardanything。Shehadtriedtofindoutbyaskingthepolicecaptainwhilehismenwereturningtheroomupsidedown。Thepolicecaptainofthedistricthadknownherforthelastelevenyearsandwasahumaneperson。Buthesaidtoheronthelanding,lookingveryblackandvexed—— \"Mygoodwoman,donotaskquestions。Idon’tknowanythingmyself。Theordercomesfromhigherquarters。\" Andindeedtherehadappeared,shortlyafterthearrivalofthepolicemenofthedistrict,averysuperiorgentlemaninafurcoatandashinyhat,whosatdownintheroomandlookedthroughallthepapershimself。Hecamealoneandwentawaybyhimself,takingnothingwithhim。Shehadbeentryingtoputthingsstraightalittlesincetheyleft。 Razumovturnedawaybrusquelyandenteredhisrooms。 Allhisbookshadbeenshakenandthrownonthefloor。Hislandladyfollowedhim,andstoopingpainfullybegantopickthemupintoherapron。Hispapersandnoteswhichwerekeptalwaysneatlysorted(theyallrelatedtohisstudies)hadbeenshuffledupandheapedtogetherintoaraggedpileinthemiddleofthetable。 ThisdisorderaffectecIhimprofoundly,unreasonably。Hesatdownandstared。Hehadadistinctsensationofhisveryexistencebeingunderminedinsomemysteriousmanner,ofhismoralsupportsfallingawayfromhimonebyone。Heevenexperiencedaslightphysicalgiddinessandmadeamovementasiftoreachforsomethingtosteadyhimselfwith。 Theoldwoman,risingtoherfeetwithalowgroan,shotallthebooksshehadcollectedinherapronontothesofaandlefttheroommutteringandsighing。 Itwasonlythenthathenoticedthatthesheetofpaperwhichforonenighthadremainedstabbedtothewallabovehisemptybedwaslyingontopofthepile。 Whenhehadtakenitdownthedaybeforehehadfoldeditinfour,absent—mindedly,beforedroppingitonthetable。Andnowhesawitlyinguppermost,spreadout,smoothedoutevenandcoveringalltheconfusedpileofpages,therecordofhisintellectuallifeforthelastthreeyears。Ithadnotbeenflungthere。Ithadbeenplacedthere——smoothedout,too!Heguessedinthatanintentionofprofoundmeaning——orperhapssomeinexplicablemockery。 Hesatstaringatthepieceofpapertillhiseyesbegantosmart。Hedidnotattempttoputhispapersinorder,eitherthateveningorthenextday——whichhespentathomeinastateofpeculiarirresolution。ThisirresoIutionboreuponthequestionwhetherheshouldcontinuetolive——neithermorenorless。Butitsnaturewasveryfarremovedfromthehesitationofamancontemplatingsuicide。TheideaoflayingviolenthandsuponhisbodydidnotoccurtoRazumov。Theunrelatedorganismbearingthatlabel,walking,breathing,wearingtheseclothes,wasofnoimportancetoanyone,unlessmaybetothelandlady。 ThetrueRazumovhadhisbeinginthewilled,inthedeterminedfuture——inthatfuturemenacedbythelawlessnessofautocracy——forautocracyknowsnolaw——andthelawlessnessofrevolution。Thefeelingthathismoralpersonalitywasatthemercyoftheselawlessforceswassostrongthatheaskedhimselfseriouslyifitwereworthwhiletogoonaccomplishingthementalfunctionsofthatexistencewhichseemednolongerhisown。 \"Whatisthegoodofexertingmyintelligence,ofpursuingthesystematicdevelopmentofmyfacultiesandallmyplansofwork?\" heaskedhimself。\"Iwanttoguidemyconductbyreasonableconvictions,butwhatsecurityhaveIagainstsomething——somedestructivehorror—— walkinginuponmeasIsithere?…… Razumovlookedapprehensivelytowardsthedooroftheouterroomasifexpectingsomeshapeofeviltoturnthehandleandappearbeforehimsilently。 \"Acommonthief,\"hesaidtohimself,\"findsmoreguaranteesinthelawheisbreaking,andevenabrutelikeZiemianitchhashisconsolation。\"Razumovenviedthematerialismofthethiefandthepassionoftheincorrigiblelover。Theconsequencesoftheiractionswerealwaysclearandtheirlivesremainedtheirown。 ButhesleptassoundlythatnightasthoughhehadbeenconsolinghimselfinthemannerofZiemianitch。Hedroppedoffsuddenly,laylikealog,rememberednodreamonwaking。Butitwasasifhissoulhadgoneoutinthenighttogathertheflowersofwrathfulwisdom。Hegotupinamoodofgrimdeterminationandasifwithanewknowledgeofhisownnature。 Helookedmockinglyontheheapofpapersonhistable;andlefthisroomtoattendthelectures,mutteringtohimself,\"Weshallsee。\" Hewasinnohumourtotalktoanybodyorhearhimselfquestionedastohisabsencefromlecturesthedaybefore。Butitwasdifficulttorepulserudelyaverygoodcomradewithasmoothpinkfaceandfairhair,bearingthenicknameamongsthisfellow—studentsof\"MadcapKostia。\"HewastheidolizedonlysonofaverywealthyandilliterateGovernmentcontractor,andattendedthelecturesonlyduringtheperiodicalfitsofcontritionfollowingupontearfulpaternalremonstrances。 Noisilyblunderinglikearetrieverpuppy,hiselatedvoiceandgreatgesturesfilledthebareacademycorridorswiththejoyofthoughtlessanimallife,provokingindulgentsmilesatagreatdistance。Hisusualdiscoursestreatedoftrottinghorses,wine—partiesinexpensiverestaurants,andthemeritsofpersonsofeasyvirtue,withadisarmingartlessnessofoutlook。HepounceduponRazumovaboutmidday,somewhatlessuproariouslythanhishabitwas,andledhimaside。 \"Justamoment,KiryloSidorovitch。Afewwordshereinthisquietcorner。\" HefeltRazumov’sreluctance,andinsinuatedhishandunderhisarmcaressingly。 \"No——praydo。Idon’twanttotalktoyouaboutanyofmysillyscrapes。Whataremyscrapes?Absolutelynothing。Merechildishness。TheothernightIflungafellowoutofacertainplacewhereIwashavingafairlygoodtime。Atyrannicallittlebeastofaquill—driverfromtheTreasurydepartment。Hewasbullyingthepeopleofthehouse。Irebukedhim。’YouarenotbehavinghumanelytoGod’screaturesthatareajollysightmoreestimablethanyourself,’Isaid。Ican’tbeartoseeanytyranny,KiryloSidorovitch。UponmywordIcan’t。Hedidn’ttakeitingoodpartatall。’Who’sthatimpudentpuppy?’ hebeginstoshout。Iwasinexcellentformasithappened,andhewentthroughtheclosedwindowverysuddenly。Heflewquitealongwayintotheyard。Iragedlike——likea——minotaur。 Thewomenclungtomeandscreamed,thefiddlersgotunderthetable……Suchfun!Mydadhadtoputhishandprettydeepintohispocket,Icantellyou。\"Hechuckled。 \"Mydadisaveryusefulman。Jollygoodthingitisforme,too。 Idogetintounholyscrapes。\" Hiselationfell。Thatwasjustit。Whatwashislife? Insignificant;nogoodtoanyone;amerefestivity。Itwouldendsomefinedayinhisgettinghisskullsplitwithachampagnebottleinadrunkenbrawl。Atsuchtimes,too,whenmenweresacrificingthemselvestoideas。Buthecouldnevergetanyideasintohishead。Hisheadwasn’tworthanythingbetterthantobesplitbyachampagnebottle。 Razumov,protestingthathehadnotime,madeanattempttogetaway。Theother’stonechangedtoconfidentialearnestness。 \"ForGod’ssake,Kirylo,mydearsoul,letmemakesomesortofsacrifice。Itwouldnotbeasacrificereally。Ihavemyrichdadbehindme。There’spositivelynogettingtothebottomofhispocket。\" AndrejectingindignantlyRazumov’ssuggestionthatthiswasdrunkenraving,heofferedtolendhimsomemoneytoescapeabroadwith。Hecouldalwaysgetmoneyfromhisdad。Hehadonlytosaythathehadlostitatcardsorsomethingofthatsort,andatthesametimepromisesolemnlynottomissasinglelectureforthreemonthsonend。Thatwouldfetchtheoldman; andhe,Kostia,wasquiteequaltothesacrifice。Thoughhereallydidnotseewhatwasthegoodforhimtoattendthelectures。Itwasperfectlyhopeless。 \"Won’tyouletmebeofsomeuse?\"hepleadedtothesilentRazumov,whowithhiseyesonthegroundandutterlyunabletopenetratetherealdriftoftheother’sintention,feltastrangereluctancetoclearupthepoint。 \"WhatmakesyouthinkIwanttogoabroad?\"heaskedatlastveryquietly。 Kostialoweredhisvoice。 \"Youhadthepoliceinyourroomsyesterday。Therearethreeorfourofuswhohaveheardofthat。Nevermindhowweknow。Itissufficientthatwedo。Sowehavebeenconsultingtogether。\" \"Ah!Yougottoknowthatsosoon,\"mutteredRazumovnegligently。 \"Yes。Wedid。Anditstruckusthatamanlikeyou……\" \"Whatsortofamandoyoutakemetobe?\"Razumovinterruptedhim。 \"Amanofideas——andamanofactiontoo。Butyouareverydeep,Kirylo。There’snogettingtothebottomofyourmind。Notforfellowslikeme。Butweallagreedthatyoumustbepreservedforourcountry。Ofthatwehavenodoubtwhatever——ImeanallofuswhohaveheardHaldinspeakofyouoncertainoccasions。 Amandoesn’tgetthepoliceransackinghisroomswithouttherebeingsomedevilryhangingoverhishead……Andsoifyouthinkthatitwouldbebetterforyoutoboltatonce……\" Razumovtorehimselfawayandwalkeddownthecorridor,leavingtheothermotionlesswithhismouthopen。ButalmostatoncehereturnedandstoodbeforetheamazedKostia,whoshuthismouthslowly。Razumovlookedhimstraightintheeyes,beforesayingwithmarkeddeliberationandseparatinghiswords—— \"Ithank——you——very——much。\" Hewentawayagainrapidly。Kostia,recoveringfromhissurpriseatthesemanoeuvres,ranupbehindhimpressingly。 \"No!Wait!Listen。Ireallymeanit。Itwouldbelikegivingyourcompassiontoastarvingfellow。Doyouhear,Kirylo?Andanydisguiseyoumaythinkof,thattooIcouldprocurefromacostumier,aJewIknow。Letafoolbemadeserviceableaccordingtohisfolly。Perhapsalsoafalsebeardorsomethingofthatkindmaybeneeded。 Razumovturnedatbay。 \"Therearenofalsebeardsneededinthisbusiness,Kostia——yougood—heartedlunatic,you。Whatdoyouknowofmyideas?Myideasmaybepoisontoyou。\"Theotherbegantoshakehisheadinenergeticprotest。 \"Whathaveyougottodowithideas?Someofthemwouldmakeanendofyourdad’smoney—bags。Leaveoffmeddlingwithwhatyoudon’tunderstand。Gobacktoyourtrottinghorsesandyourgirls,andthenyou’llbesureatleastofdoingnoharmtoanybody,andhardlyanytoyourself。\" Theenthusiasticyouthwasovercomebythisdisdain。 \"You’resendingmebacktomypig’strough,Kirylo。Thatsettlesit。Iamanunluckybeast——andIshalldielikeabeasttoo。 Butmind——it’syourcontemptthathasdoneforme。\" Razumovwentoffwithlongstrides。Thatthissimpleandgrosslyfestivesoulshouldhavefallentooundertherevolutionarycurseaffectedhimasanominoussymptomofthetime。Hereproachedhimselfforfeelingtroubled。Personallyheoughttohavefeltreassured。Therewasanobviousadvantageinthisconspiracyofmistakenjudgmenttakinghimforwhathewasnot。Butwasitnotstrange? AgainheexperiencedthatsensationofhisconductbeingtakenoutofhishandsbyHaldin’srevolutionarytyranny。Hissolitaryandlaboriousexistencehadbeendestroyed——theonlythinghecouldcallhisownonthisearth。Bywhatright?heaskedhimselffuriously。Inwhatname? Whatinfuriatedhimmostwastofeelthatthe\"thinkers\"oftheUniversitywereevidentlyconnectinghimwithHaldin——asasortofconfidantinthebackgroundapparently。Amysteriousconnexion! Haha!……Hehadbeenmadeapersonagewithoutknowinganythingaboutit。HowthatwretchHaldinmusthavetalkedabouthim! YetitwaslikelythatHaldinhadsaidverylittle。Thefellow’scasualutteranceswerecaughtupandtreasuredandponderedoverbyalltheseimbeciles。Andwasnotallsecretrevolutionaryactionbaseduponfolly,self—deception,andlies? \"Impossibletothinkofanythingelse,\"mutteredRazumovtohimself。\"I’llbecomeanidiotifthisgoeson。Thescoundrelsandthefoolsaremurderingmyintelligence。\" Helostallhopeofsavinghisfuture,whichdependedonthefreeuseofhisintelligence。 Hereachedthedoorwayofhishouseinastateofmentaldiscouragementwhichenabledhimtoreceivewithapparentindifferenceanofficial—lookingenvelopefromthedirtyhandofthedvornik。 \"Agendarmebroughtit,\"saidtheman。\"Heaskedifyouwereathome。Itoldhim’No,he’snotathome。’Soheleftit。 ’Giveitintohisownhands,’sayshe。Nowyou’vegotit——eh?\" Hewentbacktohissweeping,andRazumovclimbedhisstairs,envelopeinhand。Onceinhisroomhedidnothastentoopenit。 Ofcoursethisofficialmissivewasfromthesuperiordirectionofthepolice。Asuspect!Asuspect! Hestaredindrearyastonishmentattheabsurdityofhisposition。Hethoughtwithasortofdry,unemotionalmelancholy; threeyearsofgoodworkgone,thecourseoffortymoreperhapsjeopardized——turnedfromhopetoterror,becauseeventsstartedbyhumanfollylinkthemselvesintoasequencewhichnosagacitycanforeseeandnocouragecanbreakthrough。Fatalityentersyourroomswhileyourlandlady’sbackisturned;youcomehomeandfinditinpossessionbearingaman’sname,clothedinflesh——wearingabrownclothcoatandlongboots——loungingagainstthestove。Itasksyou,\"Istheouterdoorclosed?\"——andyoudon’tknowenoughtotakeitbythethroatandflingitdownstairs。Youdon’tknow。Youwelcomethecrazyfate。\"Sitdown,\"yousay。Anditisallover。Youcannotshakeitoffanymore。Itwillclingtoyouforever。Neitherhalternorbulletcangiveyoubackthefreedomofyourlifeandthesanityofyourthought……Itwasenoughtodashone’sheadagainstawall。 Razumovlookedslowlyallroundthewallsasiftoselectaspottodashhisheadagainst。Thenheopenedtheletter。ItdirectedthestudentKiryloSidorovitchRazumovtopresenthimselfwithoutdelayattheGeneralSecretariat。 RazumovhadavisionofGeneralT———’sgoggleeyeswaitingforhim——theembodiedpowerofautocracy,grotesqueandterrible。Heembodiedthewholepowerofautocracybecausehewasitsguardian。Hewastheincarnatesuspicion,theincarnateanger,theincarnateruthlessnessofapoliticalandsocialregimeonitsdefence。Heloathedrebellionbyinstinct。AndRazumovreflectedthatthemanwassimplyunabletounderstandareasonableadherencetothedoctrineofabsolutism。 \"Whatcanhewantwithmeprecisely——Iwonder?\"heaskedhimself。 Asifthatmentalquestionhadevokedthefamiliarphantom,Haldinstoodsuddenlybeforehimintheroomwithanextraordinarycompletenessofdetail。Thoughtheshortwinterdayhadpassedalreadyintothesinistertwilightofalandburiedinsnow,RazumovsawplainlythenarrowleatherstraproundtheTcherkesscoat。Theillusionofthathatefulpresencewassoperfectthathehalfexpectedittoask,\"Istheouterdoorclosed?\"Helookedatitwithhatredandcontempt。Soulsdonottakeashapeofclothing。Moreover,Haldincouldnotbedeadyet。Razumovsteppedforwardmenacingly;thevisionvanished——andturningshortonhisheelhewalkedoutofhisroomwithinfinitedisdain。 ButaftergoingdownthefirstflightofstairsitoccurredtohimthatperhapsthesuperiorauthoritiesofpolicemeanttoconfronthimwithHaldinintheflesh。Thisthoughtstruckhimlikeabullet,andhadhenotclungwithbothhandstothebanisterhewouldhaverolleddowntothenextlandingmostlikely。Hislegswereofnouseforaconsiderabletime…… Butwhy?Forwhatconceivablereason?Towhatend? Therecouldbenorationalanswertothesequestions;butRazumovrememberedthepromisemadebytheGeneraltoPrinceK———。Hisactionwastoremainunknown。 Hegotdowntothebottomofthestairs,loweringhimselfasitwerefromsteptostep,bythebanister。Underthegateheregainedmuchofhisfirmnessofthoughtandlimb。Hewentoutintothestreetwithoutstaggeringvisibly。Everymomenthefeltsteadiermentally。AndyethewassayingtohimselfthatGeneralT———wasperfectlycapableofshuttinghimupinthefortressforanindefinitetime。Histemperamentfittedhisremorselesstask,andhisomnipotencemadehiminaccessibletoreasonableargument。 ButwhenRazumovarrivedattheSecretariathediscoveredthathewouldhavenothingtodowithGeneralT———。ItisevidentfromMr。Razumov’sdiarythatthisdreadedpersonalitywastoremaininthebackground。Acivilianofsuperiorrankreceivedhiminaprivateroomafteraperiodofwaitinginouterofficeswherealotofscribblingwentonatmanytablesinaheatedandstuffyatmosphere。 Theclerkinuniformwhoconductedhimsaidinthecorridor—— \"YouaregoingbeforeGregorMatvieitchMikulin。\" Therewasnothingformidableaboutthemanbearingthatname。 Hismild,expectantglancewasturnedonthedooralreadywhenRazumoventered。Atonce,withthepenholderhewasholdinginhishand,hepointedtoadeepsofabetweentwowindows。HefollowedRazumovwithhiseyeswhilethatlastcrossedtheroomandsatdown。Themildgazerestedonhim,notcurious,notinquisitive——certainlynotsuspicious——almostwithoutexpression。 Initspassionlesspersistencetherewassomethingresemblingsympathy。 Razumov,whohadpreparedhiswillandhisintelligencetoencounterGeneralT———himself,wasprofoundlytroubled。Allthemoralbracingupagainstthepossibleexcessesofpowerandpassionwentfornothingbeforethissallowman,whoworeafullunclippedbeard。Itwasfair,thin,andveryfine。Thelightfellincopperygleamsontheprotuberancesofahigh,ruggedforehead。Andtheaspectofthebroad,softphysiognomywassohomelyandrusticthatthecarefulmiddlepartingofthehairseemedapretentiousaffectation。 ThediaryofMr。Razumovtestifiestosomeirritationonhispart。ImayremarkherethatthediaryproperconsistingofthemoreorlessdailyentriesseemstohavebeenbegunonthatveryeveningafterMr。Razumovhadreturnedhome。 Mr。Razumov,then,wasirritated。Hisstrung—upindividualityhadgonetopieceswithinhimverysuddenly。 \"Imustbeveryprudentwithhim,\"hewarnedhimselfinthesilenceduringwhichtheysatgazingateachother。Itlastedsomelittletime,andwascharacterized(forsilenceshavetheircharacter)byasortofsadnessimpartedtoitperhapsbythemildandthoughtfulmannerofthebeardedofficial。RazumovlearnedlaterthathewasthechiefofadepartmentintheGeneralSecretariat,witharankinthecivilserviceequivalenttothatofacolonelinthearmy。 Razumov’smistrustbecameacute。Themainpointwas,nottobedrawnintosayingtoomuch。Hehadbeencalledthereforsomereason。Whatreason?Tobegiventounderstandthathewasasuspect——andalsonodoubttobepumped。Astowhatprecisely? Therewasnothing。OrperhapsHaldinhadbeentellinglies…… EveryalarminguncertaintybesetRazumov。Hecouldbearthesilencenolonger,andcursinghimselfforhisweaknessspokefirst,thoughhehadpromisedhimselfnottodosoonanyaccount。 \"Ihaven’tlostamoment’stime,\"hebeganinahoarse,provokingtone;andthenthefacultyofspeechseemedtoleavehimandenterthebodyofCouncillorMikulin,whochimedinapprovingly—— \"Veryproper。Veryproper。Thoughasamatteroffact…… Butthespellwasbroken,andRazumovinterruptedhimboldly,underasuddenconvictionthatthiswasthesafestattitudetotake。Withagreatflowofwordshecomplainedofbeingtotallymisunderstood。Evenashetalkedwithaperceptionofhisownaudacityhethoughtthattheword\"misunderstood\"wasbetterthantheword\"mistrusted,\"andherepeateditagainwithinsistence。 Suddenlyheceased,beingseizedwithfrightbeforetheattentiveimmobilityoftheofficial。\"WhatamItalkingabout?\"hethought,eyeinghimwithavaguegaze。Mistrusted——notmisunderstood——wastherightsymbolforthesepeople。 Misunderstoodwastheotherkindofcurse。BothhadbeenbroughtonhisheadbythatfellowHaldin。Andhisheadachedterribly。 Hepassedhishandoverhisbrow——aninvoluntarygestureofsuffering,whichhewastoocarelesstorestrain。