第3章

类别:其他 作者:Edith Wharton字数:16575更新时间:19/01/03 08:08:19
InthisironicalestimateoftheirrelationGlennardfoundhimselfstrangelyrelievedofallconcernastohiswife’sfeelingsforFlamel。FromanOlympianpinnacleofindifferencehecalmlysurveyedtheirinoffensiveantics。Itwassurprisinghowhischeapeningofhiswifeputhimateasewithhimself。Farasheandshewerefromeachothertheyyethad,inasense,thetacitnearnessofcomplicity。Yes,theywereaccomplices;hecouldnomorebejealousofherthanshecoulddespisehim。Thejealousythatwouldoncehaveseemedabluronherwhitenessnowappearedlikeatributetoidealsinwhichhenolongerbelieved…… Glennardwaslittlegiventoexploringtheoutskirtsofliterature。Healwaysskippedthe\"literarynotices\"inthepapersandhehadsmallleisurefortheintermittentpleasuresoftheperiodical。Hehadthereforenonotionoftheprolongedreverberationswhichthe\"AubynLetters\"hadawakenedintheprecinctsofcriticism。Whenthebookceasedtobetalkedabouthesupposedithadceasedtoberead;andthisapparentsubsidenceoftheagitationaboutitbroughtthereassuringsensethathehadexaggerateditsvitality。Theconviction,ifitdidnoteasehisconscience,atleastofferedhimtherelativereliefofobscurity: hefeltlikeanoffendertakendownfromthepilloryandthrustintothesoothingdarknessofacell。 Butoneevening,whenAlexahadlefthimtogotoadance,hechancedtoturnoverthemagazinesonhertable,andthecopyoftheHoroscope,towhichhesettleddownwithhiscigar,confrontedhim,onitsfirstpage,withaportraitofMargaretAubyn。Itwasareproductionofthephotographthathadstoodsolongonhisdesk。Thedesiccatingairofmemoryhadturnedherintothemereabstractionofawoman,andthisunexpectedevocationseemedtobringhernearerthanshehadeverbeeninlife。Wasitbecauseheunderstoodherbetter?Helookedlongintohereyes;littlepersonaltraitsreachedouttohimlikecaresses——thetireddroopofherlids,herquickwayofleaningforwardasshespoke,themovementsofherlongexpressivehands。Allthatwasfeminineinher,thequalityhehadalwaysmissed,stoletowardhimfromherunreproachfulgaze;andnowthatitwastoolatelifehaddevelopedinhimthesubtlerperceptionswhichcoulddetectitineventhispoorsemblanceofherself。Foramomenthefoundconsolationinthethoughtthat,atanycost,theyhadthusbeenbroughttogether;thenafloodofshamerushedoverhim。Facetofacewithher,hefelthimselflaidbaretotheinmostfoldofconsciousness。Theshamewasdeep,butitwasarenovatinganguish;hewaslikeamanwhomintolerablepainhasrousedfromthecreepinglethargyofdeath…… HerosenextmorningtoasfreshasenseoflifeasthoughhishourofmutecommunionwithMargaretAubynhadbeenamoreexquisiterenewaloftheirearliermeetings。Hiswakingthoughtwasthathemustseeheragain;andasconsciousnessaffirmeditselfhefeltanintensefearoflosingthesenseofhernearness。Butshewasstillclosetohim;herpresenceremainedthesolerealityinaworldofshadows。Allthroughhisworkinghourshewasre—livingwithincredibleminutenesseveryincidentoftheirobliteratedpast;asamanwhohasmasteredthespiritofaforeigntongueturnswithrenewedwondertothepageshisyouthhasploddedover。Inthislucidityofretrospectionthemosttrivialdetailhaditssignificance,andtheraptureofrecoverywasembitteredtoGlennardbytheperceptionofallthathehadmissed。Hehadbeenpitiably,grotesquelystupid;andtherewasironyinthethoughtthat,butforthecrisisthroughwhichhewaspassing,hemighthavelivedonincomplacentignoranceofhisloss。Itwasasthoughshehadboughthimwithherblood…… ThateveningheandAlexadinedalone。Afterdinnerhefollowedhertothedrawing—room。Henolongerfelttheneedofavoidingher;hewashardlyconsciousofherpresence。Afterafewwordstheylapsedintosilenceandhesatsmokingwithhiseyesonthefire。Itwasnotthathewasunwillingtotalktoher;hefeltacuriousdesiretobeaskindaspossible;buthewasalwaysforgettingthatshewasthere。Herfullbrightpresence,throughwhichthecurrentsoflifeflowedsowarmly,hadgrownastenuousasashadow,andhesawsofarbeyondher—— Presentlysheroseandbegantomoveabouttheroom。Sheseemedtobelookingforsomethingandherousedhimselftoaskwhatshewanted。 \"OnlythelastnumberoftheHoroscope。IthoughtI’dleftitonthistable。\"Hesaidnothing,andshewenton:\"Youhaven’tseenit?\" \"No,\"hereturnedcoldly。Themagazinewaslockedinhisdesk。 Hiswifehadmovedtothemantel—piece。Shestoodfacinghimandashelookeduphemethertentativegaze。\"Iwasreadinganarticleinit——areviewofMrs。Aubyn’sletters,\"sheadded,slowly,withherdeep,deliberateblush。 Glennardstoopedtotosshiscigarintothefire。Hefeltasavagewishthatshewouldnotspeaktheotherwoman’sname; nothingelseseemedtomatter。\"Youseemtodoalotofreading,\" hesaid。 Shestillearnestlyconfrontedhim。\"Iwaskeepingthisforyou—— Ithoughtitmightinterestyou,\"shesaid,withanairofgentleinsistence。 Hestoodupandturnedaway。Hewassuresheknewthathehadtakenthereviewandhefeltthathewasbeginningtohateheragain。 \"Ihaven’ttimeforsuchthings,\"hesaid,indifferently。Ashemovedtothedoorheheardhertakeaprecipitatestepforward; thenshepausedandsankwithoutspeakingintothechairfromwhichhehadrisen。 XI AsGlennard,intherawFebruarysunlight,mountedtheroadtothecemetery,hefeltthebeatitudethatcomeswithanabruptcessationofphysicalpain。Hehadreachedthepointwhereself— analysisceases;theimpulsethatmovedhimwaspurelyintuitive。 Hedidnotevenseekareasonforit,beyondtheobviousonethathisdesiretostandbyMargaretAubyn’sgravewaspromptedbynoattemptatasentimentalreparation,butratherbythevagueneedtoaffirminsomewaytherealityofthetiebetweenthem。 TheironicalpromiscuityofdeathhadbroughtMrs。Aubynbacktosharethenarrowhospitalityofherhusband’slastlodging;butthoughGlennardknewshehadbeenburiednearNewYorkhehadnevervisitedhergrave。Hewasoppressed,ashenowthreadedthelongavenues,byachillingvisionofherreturn。Therewasnofamilytofollowherhearse;shehaddiedalone,asshehadlived; andthe\"distinguishedmourners\"whohadformedtheescortofthefamouswriterknewnothingofthewomantheywerecommittingtothegrave。Glennardcouldnotevenrememberatwhatseasonshehadbeenburied;buthismoodindulgedthefancythatitmusthavebeenonsomesuchdayofharshsunlight,theincisiveFebruarybrightnessthatgivesperspicuitywithoutwarmth。Thewhiteavenuesstretchedbeforehiminterminably,linedwithstereotypedemblemsofaffliction,asthoughalltheplatitudeseverutteredhadbeenturnedtomarbleandsetupovertheunresistingdead。 Hereandthere,nodoubt,afrigidurnoraninsipidangelimprisonedsomefine—fibredgrief,asthemosthackneyedwordsmaybecomethevehicleofraremeanings;butforthemostparttheendlessalignmentofmonumentsseemedtoembodythoseeasygeneralizationsaboutdeaththatdonotdisturbthereposeoftheliving。Glennard’seye,ashefollowedthewayindicatedtohim,hadinstinctivelysoughtsomelowmoundwithaquietheadstone。 Hehadforgottenthatthedeadseldomplantheirownhouses,andwithapanghediscoveredthenamehesoughtonthecyclopeanbaseofagraniteshaftrearingitsaggressiveheightattheangleoftwoavenues。 \"Howshewouldhavehatedit!\"hemurmured。 Abenchstoodnearandheseatedhimself。Themonumentrosebeforehimlikesomepretentiousuninhabiteddwelling;hecouldnotbelievethatMargaretAubynlaythere。ItwasaSundaymorningandblackfiguresmovedamongthepaths,placingflowersonthefrost—boundhillocks。Glennardnoticedthattheneighboringgraveshadbeenthusnewlydressed;andhefanciedablindstirofexpectancythroughthesod,asthoughthebaremoundsspreadaparchedsurfacetothatcommemorativerain。Herosepresentlyandwalkedbacktotheentranceofthecemetery。 Severalgreenhousesstoodnearthegates,andturninginatthefirstheaskedforsomeflowers。 \"Anythingintheemblematicline?\"askedtheanaemicmanbehindthedrippingcounter。 Glennardshookhishead。 \"Justcutflowers?Thisway,then。\"Thefloristunlockedaglassdoorandledhimdownamoistgreenaisle。Thehotairwaschokedwiththescentofwhiteazaleas,whitelilies,whitelilacs;alltheflowerswerewhite;theywerelikeaprolongation,amysticalefflorescence,ofthelongrowsofmarbletombstones,andtheirperfumeseemedtocoveranodorofdecay。TherichatmospheremadeGlennarddizzy。Asheleanedinthedoorpost,waitingfortheflowers,hehadapenetratingsenseofMargaretAubyn’snearness——nottheimponderablepresenceofhisinnervision,butalifethatbeatwarminhisarms…… Thesharpaircaughthimashesteppedoutintoitagain。Hewalkedbackandscatteredtheflowersoverthegrave。Theedgesofthewhitepetalsshrivelledlikeburntpaperinthecold;andashewatchedthemtheillusionofhernearnessfaded,shrankbackfrozen。 XII Themotiveofhisvisittothecemeteryremainedundefinedsaveasafinaleffortofescapefromhiswife’sinexpressiveacceptanceofhisshame。Itseemedtohimthataslongashecouldkeephimselfalivetothatshamehewouldnotwhollyhavesuccumbedtoitsconsequences。Hischieffearwasthatheshouldbecomethecreatureofhisact。Hiswife’sindifferencedegradedhim;itseemedtoputhimonalevelwithhisdishonor。MargaretAubynwouldhaveabhorredthedeedinproportiontoherpityfortheman。Thesenseofherpotentialpitydrewhimbacktoher。Theonewomanknewbutdidnotunderstand;theother,itsometimesseemed,understoodwithoutknowing。 Initslastdisguiseofretrospectiveremorse,hisself—pityaffectedadesireforsolitudeandmeditation。Helosthimselfinmorbidmusings,infutilevisionsofwhatlifewithMargaretAubynmighthavebeen。Thereweremomentswhen,inthestrangedislocationofhisview,thewronghehaddoneherseemedatiebetweenthem。 Toindulgetheseemotionshefellintothehabit,onSundayafternoons,ofsolitarywalksprolongedtillafterdusk。Thedayswerelengthening,therewasatouchofspringintheair,andhiswanderingsnowusuallyledhimtotheParkanditsoutlyingregions。 OneSunday,tiredofaimlesslocomotion,hetookacabattheParkgatesandletitcarryhimouttotheRiversideDrive。Itwasagrayafternoonstreakedwitheastwind。Glennard’scabadvancedslowly,andasheleanedback,gazingwithabsentintentnessatthedesertedpathsthatwoundunderbareboughsbetweengrassbanksofprematurevividness,hisattentionwasarrestedbytwofigureswalkingaheadofhim。Thiscouple,whohadthepathtothemselves,movedatanunevenpace,asthoughadaptingtheirgaittoaconversationmarkedbymeditativeintervals。Nowandthentheypaused,andinoneofthesepausesthelady,turningtowardhercompanion,showedGlennardtheoutlineofhiswife’sprofile。 ThemanwasFlamel。 ThebloodrushedtoGlennard’sforehead。Hesatupwithajerkandpushedbackthelidintheroofofthehansom;butwhenthecabmanbentdownhedroppedintohisseatwithoutspeaking。Then,becomingconsciousoftheprolongedinterrogationoftheliftedlid,hecalledout——\"Turn——driveback——anywhere——I’minahurry——\" Asthecabswungroundhecaughtalastglimpseofthetwofigures。Theyhadnotmoved;Alexa,withbenthead,stoodlistening。 \"MyGod,myGod——\"hegroaned。 Itwashideous——itwasabominable——hecouldnotunderstandit。 Thewomanwasnothingtohim——lessthannothing——yetthebloodhummedinhisearsandhungacloudbeforehim。Heknewitwasonlythestirringoftheprimalinstinct,thatithadnomoretodowithhisreasoningselfthananyrefleximpulseofthebody; butthatmerelyloweredanguishtodisgust。Yes,itwasdisgusthefelt——almostaphysicalnausea。Thepoisonousfumesoflifewereinhislungs。Hewassick,unutterablysick…… Hedrovehomeandwenttohisroom。Theyweregivingalittledinnerthatnight,andwhenhecamedowntheguestswerearriving。 Helookedathiswife:herbeautywasextraordinary,butitseemedtohimthebeautyofasmoothseaalonganunlitcoast。Shefrightenedhim。 Hesatlatethatnightinhisstudy。Heheardtheparlor—maidlockthefrontdoor;thenhiswifewentupstairsandthelightswereputout。Hisbrainwaslikesomegreatemptyhallwithanechoinit;onethoughtreverberatedendlessly……Atlengthhedrewhischairtothetableandbegantowrite。Headdressedanenvelopeandthenslowlyre—readwhathehadwritten。 \"MYDEARFLAMEL\" \"Manyapologiesfornotsendingyousoonertheenclosedcheck,whichrepresentsthecustomarypercentageonthesaleoftheLetters。\" \"Trustingyouwillexcusetheoversight,\"Yourstruly,\"STEPHENGLENNARD。\" Helethimselfoutofthedarkenedhouseanddroppedtheletterinthepost—boxatthecorner。 Thenextafternoonhewasdetainedlateathisoffice,andashewaspreparingtoleaveheheardsomeoneaskingforhimintheouterroom。HeseatedhimselfagainandFlamelwasshownin。 Thetwomen,asGlennardpushedasideanobstructivechair,hadamomenttomeasureeachother;thenFlameladvanced,anddrawingouthisnote—case,laidaslipofpaperonthedesk。 \"Mydearfellow,whatonearthdoesthismean?\"Glennardrecognizedhischeck。 \"ThatIwasremiss,simply。Itoughttohavegonetoyoubefore。\" Flamel’stonehadbeenthatofunaffectedsurprise,butatthishisaccentchangedandheasked,quickly:\"Onwhatground?\" Glennardhadmovedawayfromthedeskandstoodleaningagainstthecalf—backedvolumesofthebookcase。\"OnthegroundthatyousoldMrs。Aubyn’slettersforme,andthatIfindtheintermediaryinsuchcasesisentitledtoapercentageonthesale。\" Flamelpausedbeforeanswering。\"Youfind,yousay。It’sarecentdiscovery?\" \"Obviously,frommynotsendingthechecksooner。YouseeI’mnewtothebusiness。\" \"Andsincewhenhaveyoudiscoveredthattherewasanyquestionofbusiness,asfarasIwasconcerned?\" Glennardflushedandhisvoiceroseslightly。\"Areyoureproachingmefornothavingremembereditsooner?\" Flamel,whohadspokenintherapidrepressedtoneofamanonthevergeofanger,staredamomentatthisandthen,inhisnaturalvoice,rejoined,good—humoredly,\"Uponmysoul,Idon’tunderstandyou!\" ThechangeofkeyseemedtodisconcertGlennard。\"It’ssimpleenough——\"hemuttered。 \"Simpleenough——yourofferingmemoneyinreturnforafriendlyservice?Idon’tknowwhatyourotherfriendsexpect!\" \"Someofmyfriendswouldn’thaveundertakenthejob。Thosewhowouldhavedonesowouldprobablyhaveexpectedtobepaid。\" HeliftedhiseyestoFlamelandthetwomenlookedateachother。 Flamelhadturnedwhiteandhislipsstirred,butheheldhistemperatenote。\"Ifyoumeantoimplythatthejobwasnotaniceone,youlayyourselfopentotheretortthatyouproposedit。 ButformypartI’veneverseen,Inevershallsee,anyreasonfornotpublishingtheletters。\" \"That’sjustit!\" \"What——?\" \"Thecertaintyofyournotseeingwaswhatmademegotoyou。 Whenaman’sgotstolengoodstopawnhedoesn’ttakethemtothepolice—station。\" \"Stolen?\"Flamelechoed。\"Theletterswerestolen?\" Glennardburstintoacoarselaugh。\"Howmuchlongertoyouexpectmetokeepupthatpretenceabouttheletters?Youknewwellenoughtheywerewrittentome。\" Flamellookedathiminsilence。\"Werethey?\"hesaidatlength。 \"Ididn’tknowit。\" \"Anddidn’tsuspectit,Isuppose,\"Glennardsneered。 Theotherwasagainsilent;thenhesaid,\"Imayremindyouthat,supposingIhadfeltanycuriosityaboutthematter,Ihadnowayoffindingoutthattheletterswerewrittentoyou。Younevershowedmetheoriginals。\" \"Whatdoesthatprove?Therewerefiftywaysoffindingout。 It’sthekindofthingonecaneasilydo。\" Flamelglancedathimwithcontempt。\"Ourideasprobablydifferastowhatamancaneasilydo。Itwouldnothavebeeneasyforme。\" Glennard’sangerventeditselfinthewordsuppermostinhisthought。\"Itmay,then,interestyoutohearthatmywifeDOES knowabouttheletters——hasknownforsomemonths……\" \"Ah,\"saidtheother,slowly。Glennardsawthat,inhisblindclutchataweapon,hehadseizedtheonemostapttowound。 Flamel’smuscleswereundercontrol,buthisfaceshowedtheundefinablechangeproducedbytheslowinfiltrationofpoison。 Everyimplicationthatthewordscontainedhadreacheditsmark; butGlennardfeltthattheirobviousintentionwaslostintheanguishofwhattheysuggested。HewassurenowthatFlamelwouldneverhavebetrayedhim;buttheinferenceonlymadeawideroutletforhisanger。HepausedbreathlesslyforFlameltospeak。 \"Ifsheknows,it’snotthroughme。\"ItwaswhatGlennardhadwaitedfor。 \"Throughyou,byGod?Whosaiditwasthroughyou?DoyousupposeIleaveittoyou,ortoanybodyelse,forthatmatter,tokeepmywifeinformedofmyactions?Ididn’tsupposeevensuchegregiousconceitasyourscoulddeludeamantothatdegree!\" Strugglingforafootholdinthesmalllandslideofhisdignity,headded,inasteadiertone,\"Mywifelearnedthefactsfromme。\" Flamelreceivedthisinsilence。Theother’soutbreakseemedtohavereinforcedhisself—control,andwhenhespokeitwaswithadeliberationimplyingthathiscoursewaschosen。\"InthatcaseI understandstillless——\" \"Stillless——?\" \"Themeaningofthis。\"Hepointedtothecheck。\"WhenyoubegantospeakIsupposedyouhadmeantitasabribe;nowIcanonlyinferitwasintendedasarandominsult。Ineithercase,here’smyanswer。\" HetoretheslipofpaperintwoandtossedthefragmentsacrossthedesktoGlennard。Thenheturnedandwalkedoutoftheoffice。 Glennarddroppedhisheadonhishands。Ifhehadhopedtorestorehisself—respectbythesimpleexpedientofassailingFlamel’s,theresulthadnotjustifiedhisexpectation。Theblowhehadstruckhadbluntedtheedgeofhisanger,andtheunforeseenextentofthehurtinflicteddidnotalterthefactthathisweaponhadbrokeninhishands。HesawnowthathisrageagainstFlamelwasonlythelastprojectionofapassionateself— disgust。Thisconsciousnessdidnotdullhisdislikeoftheman; itsimplymadereprisalsineffectual。Flamel’sunwillingnesstoquarrelwithhimwasthelaststageofhisabasement。 Inthelightofthisfinalhumiliationhisassumptionofhiswife’sindifferencestruckhimashardlysofatuousasthesentimentalresuscitationofhispast。Hehadbeenlivinginafactitiousworldwhereinhisemotionswerethesycophantsofhisvanity,anditwaswithinstinctivereliefthathefeltitsruinscrashabouthishead。 Itwasnearlydarkwhenhelefthisoffice,andhewalkedslowlyhomewardinthecompletementalabeyancethatfollowsonsuchacrisis。Hewasnotawarethathewasthinkingofhiswife;yetwhenhereachedhisowndoorhefoundthat,intheinvoluntaryreadjustmentofhisvision,shehadoncemorebecomethecentralpointofconsciousness。 XIII Ithadneverbeforeoccurredtohimthatshemight,afterall,havemissedthepurportofthedocumenthehadputinherway。 Whatif,inherhurriedinspectionofthepapers,shehadpasseditoverasrelatedtotheprivatebusinessofsomeclient?What,forinstance,wastopreventherconcludingthatGlennardwasthecounseloftheunknownpersonwhohadsoldthe\"AubynLetters。\" Thesubjectwasonenotlikelytofixherattention——shewasnotacuriouswoman。 Glennardatthispointlaiddownhisforkandglancedatherbetweenthecandle—shades。Thealternativeexplanationofherindifferencewasnotslowinpresentingitself。HerheadhadthesamelisteningdroopaswhenhehadcaughtsightofherthedaybeforeinFlamel’scompany;theattituderevivedthevividnessofhisimpression。Itwassimpleenough,afterall。Shehadceasedtocareforhimbecauseshecaredforsomeoneelse。 Ashefollowedherupstairshefeltasuddenstirringofhisdormantanger。Hissentimentshadlostalltheirfactitiouscomplexity。Hehadalreadyacquittedherofanyconnivanceinhisbaseness,andhefeltonlythathelovedherandthatshehadescapedhim。Thiswasnow,strangelyenough,hisdominatingthought:theconsciousnessthatheandshehadpassedthroughthefusionofloveandhademergedfromitasincommunicablyapartasthoughthetransmutationhadnevertakenplace。Everyotherpassion,hemused,leftsomemarkuponthenature;butlovepassedliketheflightofashipacrossthewaters。 Shesankintoherusualseatnearthelamp,andheleanedagainstthechimney,movingaboutwithaninattentivehandtheknick— knacksonthemantel。 Suddenlyhecaughtsightofherreflectioninthemirror。Shewaslookingathim。Heturnedandtheireyesmet。 Hemovedacrosstheroomandstoodbeforeher。 \"There’ssomethingthatIwanttosaytoyou,\"hebeganinalowtone。 Sheheldhisgaze,buthercolordeepened。Henoticedagain,withajealouspang,howherbeautyhadgainedinwarmthandmeaning。 Itwasasthoughatransparentcuphadbeenfilledwithwine。Helookedatherironically。 \"I’veneverpreventedyourseeingyourfriendshere,\"hebrokeout。\"WhydoyoumeetFlamelinout—of—the—wayplaces?Nothingmakesawomansocheap——\" Sheroseabruptlyandtheyfacedeachotherafewfeetapart。 \"Whatdoyoumean?\"sheasked。 \"IsawyouwithhimlastSundayontheRiversideDrive,\"hewenton,theutteranceofthechargerevivinghisanger。 \"Ah,\"shemurmured。Shesankintoherchairagainandbegantoplaywithapaper—knifethatlayonthetableatherelbow。 Hersilenceexasperatedhim。 \"Well?\"heburstout。\"Isthatallyouhavetosay?\" \"Doyouwishmetoexplain?\"sheasked,proudly。 \"DoyouimplyIhaven’ttherightto?\" \"Iimplynothing。Iwilltellyouwhateveryouwishtoknow。I wentforawalkwithMr。Flamelbecauseheaskedmeto。\" \"Ididn’tsupposeyouwentuninvited。Buttherearecertainthingsasensiblewomandoesn’tdo。Shedoesn’tslinkaboutinout—of—the—waystreetswithmen。Whycouldn’tyouhaveseenhimhere?\" Shehesitated。\"Becausehewantedtoseemealone。\" \"Didhe,indeed?AndmayIaskifyougratifyallhiswisheswithequalalacrity?\" \"Idon’tknowthathehasanyotherswhereIamconcerned。\"Shepausedagainandthencontinued,inalowervoicethatsomehowhadanunder—noteofwarning。\"Hewishedtobidmegood—by。He’sgoingaway。\" Glennardturnedonherastartledglance。\"Goingaway?\" \"He’sgoingtoEuropeto—morrow。Hegoesforalongtime。I supposedyouknew。\" Thelastphraserevivedhisirritation。\"YouforgetthatIdependonyouformyinformationaboutFlamel。He’syourfriendandnotmine。Infact,I’vesometimeswonderedatyourgoingoutofyourwaytobesociviltohimwhenyoumustseeplainlyenoughthatI don’tlikehim。\" Heranswertothiswasnotimmediate。Sheseemedtobechoosingherwordswithcare,notsomuchforherownsakeasforhis,andhisexasperationwasincreasedbythesuspicionthatshewastryingtosparehim。 \"Hewasyourfriendbeforehewasmine。IneverknewhimtillI wasmarried。Itwasyouwhobroughthimtothehouseandwhoseemedtowishmetolikehim。\" Glennardgaveashortlaugh。Thedefencewasfeeblerthanhehadexpected:shewascertainlynotacleverwoman。 \"Yourdeferencetomywishesisreallybeautiful;butit’snotthefirsttimeinhistorythatamanhasmadeamistakeinintroducinghisfriendstohiswife。Youmust,atanyrate,haveseensincethenthatmyenthusiasmhadcooled;butso,perhaps,hasyoureagernesstoobligeme。\" Shemetthiswithasilencethatseemedtorobthetauntofhalfitsefficacy。 \"Isthatwhatyouimply?\"hepressedher。 \"No,\"sheansweredwithsuddendirectness。\"Inoticedsometimeagothatyouseemedtodislikehim,butsincethen——\" \"Well——sincethen?\" \"I’veimaginedthatyouhadreasonsforstillwishingmetobeciviltohim,asyoucallit。\" \"Ah,\"saidGlennard,withaneffortatlightness;buthisironydropped,forsomethinginhervoicemadehimfeelthatheandshestoodatlastinthatnakeddesertofapprehensionwheremeaningskulksvainlybehindspeech。 \"Andwhydidyouimaginethis?\"Thebloodmountedtohisforehead。\"BecausehetoldyouthatIwasunderobligationstohim?\" Sheturnedpale。\"Underobligations?\" \"Oh,don’tlet’sbeataboutthebush。Didn’thetellyouitwasI whopublishedMrs。Aubyn’sletters?Answermethat。\" \"No,\"shesaid;andafteramomentwhichseemedgiventotheweighingofalternatives,sheadded:\"Noonetoldme。\" \"Youdidn’tknowthen?\" Sheseemedtospeakwithaneffort。\"Notuntil——notuntil——\" \"TillIgaveyouthosepaperstosort?\" Herheadsank。 \"Youunderstoodthen?\" \"Yes。\" Helookedatherimmovableface。\"Hadyoususpected——before?\"wasslowlywrungfromhim。 \"Attimes——yes——\"Hervoicedroppedtoawhisper。 \"Why?Fromanythingthatwassaid——?\" Therewasashadeofpityinherglance。\"Noonesaidanything—— noonetoldmeanything。\"Shelookedawayfromhim。\"Itwasyourmanner——\" \"Mymanner?\" \"Wheneverthebookwasmentioned。Thingsyousaid——onceortwice—— yourirritation——Ican’texplain——\" Glennard,unconsciously,hadmovednearer。Hebreathedlikeamanwhohasbeenrunning。\"Youknew,then,youknew\"——hestammered。 TheavowalofherloveforFlamelwouldhavehurthimless,wouldhaverenderedherlessremote。\"Youknew——youknew——\"herepeated;andsuddenlyhisanguishgatheredvoice。\"MyGod!\"hecried,\"yoususpecteditfirst,yousay——andthenyouknewit—— thisdamnable,thisaccursedthing;youknewitmonthsago——it’smonthssinceIputthatpaperinyourway——andyetyou’vedonenothing,you’vesaidnothing,you’vemadenosign,you’velivedalongsideofmeasifithadmadenodifference——nodifferenceineitherofourlives。Whatareyoumadeof,Iwonder?Don’tyouseethehideousignominyofit?Don’tyouseehowyou’vesharedinmydisgrace?Orhaven’tyouanysenseofshame?\" Hepreservedsufficientlucidity,asthewordspouredfromhim,toseehowfatallytheyinvitedherderision;butsomethingtoldhimtheyhadbothpassedbeyondthephaseofobviousretaliations,andthatifanychordinherrespondeditwouldnotbethatofscorn。 Hewasright。Sheroseslowlyandmovedtowardhim。 \"Haven’tyouhadenough——withoutthat?\"shesaid,inastrangevoiceofpity。 Hestaredather。\"Enough——?\" \"Ofmisery……\" Anironbandseemedloosenedfromhistemples。\"Yousawthen……?\" hewhispered。 \"Oh,God————oh,God————\"shesobbed。Shedroppedbesidehimandhidheranguishagainsthisknees。Theyclungthusinsilence,alongtime,driventogetherdownthesamefierceblastofshame。 Whenatlengthsheliftedherfaceheavertedhis。Herscornwouldhavehurthimlessthanthetearsonhishands。 Shespokelanguidly,likeachildemergingfromapassionofweeping。\"Itwasforthemoney——?\" Hislipsshapedanassent。 \"Thatwastheinheritance——thatwemarriedon?\" \"Yes。\" Shedrewbackandrosetoherfeet。Hesatwatchingherasshewanderedawayfromhim。 \"Youhateme,\"brokefromhim。 Shemadenoanswer。 \"Sayyouhateme!\"hepersisted。 \"Thatwouldhavebeensosimple,\"sheansweredwithastrangesmile。Shedroppedintoachairnearthewriting—tableandrestedabowedforeheadonherhand。 \"Wasitmuch——?\"shebeganatlength。 \"Much——?\"hereturned,vaguely。 \"Themoney。\" \"Themoney?\"Thatpartofitseemedtocountsolittlethatforamomenthedidnotfollowherthought。 \"Itmustbepaidback,\"sheinsisted。\"Canyoudoit?\" \"Oh,yes,\"hereturned,listlessly。\"Icandoit。\" \"Iwouldmakeanysacrificeforthat!\"sheurged。 Henodded。\"Ofcourse。\"Hesatstaringatherindry—eyedself— contempt。\"Doyoucountonitsmakingmuchdifference?\" \"Muchdifference?\" \"InthewayIfeel——oryoufeelaboutme?\" Sheshookherhead。 \"It’stheleastpartofit,\"hegroaned。 \"It’stheonlypartwecanrepair。\" \"Goodheavens!Iftherewereanyreparation——\"Herosequicklyandcrossedthespacethatdividedthem。\"Whydidyouneverspeak?\"heasked。 \"Haven’tyouansweredthatyourself?\" \"Answeredit?\" \"Justnow——whenyoutoldmeyoudiditforme。\"Shepausedamomentandthenwentonwithadeepeningnote——\"IwouldhavespokenifIcouldhavehelpedyou。\" \"Butyoumusthavedespisedme。\" \"I’vetoldyouthatwouldhavebeensimpler。\" \"Buthowcouldyougoonlikethis——hatingthemoney?\" \"Iknewyouwouldspeakintime。Iwantedyou,first,tohateitasIdid。\" Hegazedatherwithakindofawe。\"You’rewonderful,\"hemurmured。\"Butyoudon’tyetknowthedepthsI’vereached。\" Sheraisedanentreatinghand。\"Idon’twantto!\" \"You’reafraid,then,thatyou’llhateme?\" \"No——butthatyou’llhateME。Letmeunderstandwithoutyourtellingme。\" \"Youcan’t。It’stoobase。Ithoughtyoudidn’tcarebecauseyoulovedFlamel。\" Sheblusheddeeply。\"Don’t——don’t——\"shewarnedhim。 \"Ihaven’ttherightto,youmean?\" \"Imeanthatyou’llbesorry。\" Hestoodimploringlybeforeher。\"Iwanttosaysomethingworse—— somethingmoreoutrageous。Ifyoudon’tunderstandTHISyou’llbeperfectlyjustifiedinorderingmeoutofthehouse。\" Sheansweredhimwithaglanceofdivination。\"Ishallunderstand——butyou’llbesorry。\" \"Imusttakemychanceofthat。\"Hemovedawayandtossedthebooksaboutthetable。Thenheswungroundandfacedher。\"DoesFlamelcareforyou?\"heasked。 Herflushdeepened,butshestilllookedathimwithoutanger。 \"Whatwouldbetheuse?\"shesaidwithanoteofsadness。 \"Ah,Ididn’taskTHAT,\"hepenitentlymurmured。 \"Well,then——\" Tothisadjurationhemadenoresponsebeyondthatofgazingatherwithaneyewhichseemednowtoviewherasamerefactorinanimmenseredistributionofmeanings。 \"IinsultedFlamelto—day。IlethimseethatIsuspectedhimofhavingtoldyou。Ihatedhimbecauseheknewabouttheletters。\" Hecaughtthespreadinghorrorofhereyes,andforaninstanthehadtograpplewiththenewtemptationtheylitup。Thenhesaid,withaneffort——\"Don’tblamehim——he’simpeccable。Hehelpedmetogetthempublished;butIliedtohimtoo;Ipretendedtheywerewrittentoanotherman……amanwhowasdead……\" Sheraisedherarmsinagesturethatseemedtowardoffhisblows。 \"YouDOdespiseme!\"heinsisted。 \"Ah,thatpoorwoman——thatpoorwoman——\"heheardhermurmur。 \"Isparenoone,yousee!\"hetriumphedoverher。Shekeptherfacehidden。 \"Youdohateme,youdodespiseme!\"hestrangelyexulted。 \"Besilent!\"shecommandedhim;butheseemednolongerconsciousofanycheckonhisgatheringpurpose。 \"Hecaredforyou——hecaredforyou,\"herepeated,\"andhenevertoldyouoftheletters——\" Shesprangtoherfeet。\"Howcanyou?\"sheflamed。\"Howdareyou?THAT——!\" Glennardwasashypale。\"It’saweapon……likeanother……\" \"Ascoundrel’s!\" Hesmiledwretchedly。\"Ishouldhaveuseditinhisplace。\" \"Stephen!Stephen!\"shecried,asthoughtodrowntheblasphemyonhislips。Sheswepttohimwitharescuinggesture。\"Don’tsaysuchthings。Iforbidyou!Itdegradesusboth。\" Heputherbackwithtremblinghands。\"NothingthatIsayofmyselfcandegradeyou。We’reondifferentlevels。\" \"I’monyours,whateveritis!\" Heliftedhisheadandtheirgazeflowedtogether。 XIV Thegreatrenewalstakeeffectasimperceptiblyasthefirstworkingsofspring。Glennard,thoughhefelthimselfbroughtnearertohiswife,wasstill,asitwere,hardlywithinspeakingdistance。Hewasbutlaboriouslyacquiringtherudimentsoftheirnewmediumofcommunication;andhehadtogropeforherthroughthedensefogofhishumiliation,thedistortingvaporagainstwhichhispersonalityloomedgrotesqueandmean。 Onlythefactthatweareunawarehowwellournearestknowusenablesustolivewiththem。Loveisthemostimpregnablerefugeofself—esteem,andwehatetheeyethatreachestoournakedness。 IfGlennarddidnothatehiswifeitwasslowly,sufferingly,thattherewasborninhimthatprofounderpassionwhichmadehisearlierfeelingseemamerecommotionoftheblood。Hewaslikeachildcomingbacktothesenseofanenvelopingpresence:hernearnesswasabreastonwhichheleaned。 Theydidnot,atfirst,talkmuchtogether,andeachbeatadevioustrackabouttheoutskirtsofthesubjectthatlaybetweenthemlikeahauntedwood。Buteveryword,everyaction,seemedtoglanceatit,todrawtowardit,asthoughafountofhealingspranginitspoisonedshade。Ifonlytheymightcutawaythroughthethickettothatrestoringspring! Glennard,watchinghiswifewiththeintentnessofawanderertowhomnonaturalsignisnegligible,sawthatshehadtakentemporaryrefugeinthepurposeofrenouncingthemoney。Ifboth,theoretically,ownedtheinefficacyofsuchamends,thewoman’sinstinctivesubjectivenessmadeherfindreliefinthiscrudeformofpenance。Glennardsawthatshemeanttoliveasfrugallyaspossibletillwhatshedeemedtheirdebtwasdischarged;andheprayedshemightnotdiscoverhowfar—reaching,initsmerelymaterialsense,wastheobligationshethushopedtoacquit。Hermindwasfixedonthesumoriginallypaidfortheletters,andthisheknewhecouldlayasideinayearortwo。Hewastouched,meanwhile,bythespiritthatmadeherdiscardthepettyluxurieswhichsheregardedasthesignsoftheirbondage。Theirsharedrenunciationsdrewhernearertohim,helped,intheirevidenceofherhelplessness,torestorethefullprotectingstatureofhislove。Andstilltheydidnotspeak。 Itwasseveralweekslaterthat,oneafternoonbythedrawing—roomfire,shehandedhimaletterthatshehadbeenreadingwhenheentered。 \"I’veheardfromMr。Flamel,\"shesaid。 Glennardturnedpale。Itwasasthoughalatentpresencehadsuddenlybecomevisibletoboth。Hetookthelettermechanically。 \"It’sfromSmyrna,\"shesaid。\"Won’tyoureadit?\" Hehandeditback。\"Youcantellmeaboutit——hishand’ssoillegible。\"Hewanderedtotheotherendoftheroomandthenturnedandstoodbeforeher。\"I’vebeenthinkingofwritingtoFlamel,\"hesaid。 Shelookedup。 \"There’sonepoint,\"hecontinued,slowly,\"thatIoughttoclearup。Itoldhimyou’dknownaboutthelettersallalong;foralongtime,atleast;andIsawithurthimhorribly。ItwasjustwhatImeanttodo,ofcourse;butIcan’tleavehimtothatfalseimpression;Imustwritehim。\" Shereceivedthiswithoutoutwardmovement,buthesawthatthedepthswerestirred。Atlengthshereturned,inahesitatingtone,\"Whydoyoucallitafalseimpression?Ididknow。\" \"Yes,butIimpliedyoudidn’tcare。\" \"Ah!\" Hestillstoodlookingdownonher。\"Don’tyouwantmetosetthatright?\"hetentativelypursued。 Sheliftedherheadandfixedhimbravely。\"Itisn’tnecessary,\" shesaid。 Glennardflushedwiththeshockoftheretort;then,withagestureofcomprehension,\"No,\"hesaid,\"withyouitcouldn’tbe; butImightstillsetmyselfright。\" Shelookedathimgently。\"Don’tI,\"shemurmured,\"dothat?\" \"Inbeingyourselfmerely?Alas,therehabilitation’stoocomplete!Youmakemeseem——tomyselfeven——whatI’mnot;whatI canneverbe。Ican’t,attimes,defendmyselffromthedelusion; butIcanatleastenlightenothers。\" Thefloodwasloosened,andkneelingbyherhecaughtherhands。 \"Don’tyouseethatit’sbecomeanobsessionwithme?ThatifI couldstripmyselfdowntothelastlie——onlythere’dalwaysbeanotheroneleftunderit!——anddopenancenakedinthemarket— place,Ishouldatleasthavethereliefofeasingoneanguishbyanother?Don’tyouseethattheworstofmytortureistheimpossibilityofsuchamends?\" Herhandslayinhiswithoutreturningpressure。\"Ah,poorwoman,poorwoman,\"heheardhersigh。 \"Don’tpityher,pityme!WhathaveIdonetoherortoyou,afterall?You’rebothinaccessible!ItwasmyselfIsold。\" Hetookanabruptturnawayfromher;thenhaltedbeforeheragain。\"Howmuchlonger,\"heburstout,\"doyousupposeyoucanstandit?You’vebeenmagnificent,you’vebeeninspired,butwhat’stheuse?Youcan’twipeouttheignominyofit。It’smiserableforyouanditdoesHERnogood!\" Sheliftedavividface。\"That’sthethoughtIcan’tbear!\"shecried。 \"Whatthought?\" \"Thatitdoeshernogood——allyou’refeeling,allyou’resuffering。Canitbethatitmakesnodifference?\" Heavoidedherchallengingglance。\"What’sdoneisdone,\"hemuttered。 \"Isitever,quite,Iwonder?\"shemused。Hemadenoanswerandtheylapsedintooneofthepausesthatareasubterraneanchannelofcommunication。 Itwasshewho,afterawhile,begantospeakwithanewsuffusingdiffidencethatmadehimturnarousedeyeonher。 \"Don’ttheysay,\"sheasked,feelingherwayasinakindoftenderapprehensiveness,\"thattheearlyChristians,insteadofpullingdowntheheathentemples——thetemplesoftheuncleangods—— purifiedthembyturningthemtotheirownuses?I’vealwaysthoughtonemightdothatwithone’sactions——theactionsoneloathesbutcan’tundo。Onecanmake,Imean,awrongthedoortootherwrongsoranimpassablewallagainstthem……\"Hervoicewaveredontheword。\"Wecan’talwaysteardownthetempleswe’vebuilttotheuncleangods,butwecanputgoodspiritsinthehouseofevil——thespiritsofmercyandshameandunderstanding,thatmightneverhavecometousifwehadn’tbeeninsuchgreatneed……\" Shemovedovertohimandlaidahesitatinghandonhis。Hisheadwasbentandhedidnotchangehisattitude。Shesatdownbesidehimwithoutspeaking;buttheirsilencesnowwerefertileasrain— clouds——theyquickenedtheseedsofunderstanding。 Atlengthhelookedup。\"Idon’tknow,\"hesaid,\"whatspiritshavecometoliveinthehouseofevilthatIbuilt——butyou’rethereandthat’senoughforme。It’sstrange,\"hewentonafteranotherpause,\"shewishedthebestformesooften,andnow,atlast,it’sthroughherthatit’scometome。ButforherI shouldn’thaveknownyou——it’sthroughherthatI’vefoundyou。 Sometimes,doyouknow?——thatmakesithardest——makesmemostintolerabletomyself。Can’tyouseethatit’stheworstthingI’vegottoface?IsometimesthinkIcouldhaveborneitbetterifyouhadn’tunderstood!Itookeverythingfromher——everything—— eventothepoorshelterofloyaltyshe’dtrustedin——theonlythingIcouldhavelefther!——Itookeverythingfromher,I deceivedher,Idespoiledher,Idestroyedher——andshe’sgivenmeYOUinreturn!\" Hiswife’scrycaughthimup。\"Itisn’tthatshe’sgivenMEtoyou——itisthatshe’sgivenyoutoyourself。\"Sheleanedtohimasthoughsweptforwardonawaveofpity。\"Don’tyousee,\"shewenton,ashiseyeshungonher,\"thatthat’sthegiftyoucan’tescapefrom,thedebtyou’repledgedtoacquit?Don’tyouseethatyou’veneverbeforebeenwhatshethoughtyou,andthatnow,sowonderfully,she’smadeyouintothemansheloved?THAT’S worthsufferingfor,worthdyingfor,toawoman——that’sthegiftshewouldhavewishedtogive!\" \"Ah,\"hecried,\"butwoetohimbywhomitcometh。WhatdidI evergiveher?\" \"Thehappinessofgiving,\"shesaid。