第1章

类别:其他 作者:William Makepeace Thackeray字数:22823更新时间:19/01/02 17:16:35
PRELUDE IthappenedthattheundersignedspentthelastChristmasseasoninaforeigncitywherethereweremanyEnglishchildren。 Inthatcity,ifyouwantedtogiveachild’sparty,youcouldnotevengetamagic—lanternorbuyTwelfth—Nightcharacters——thosefunnypaintedpicturesoftheKing,theQueen,theLover,theLady,theDandy,theCaptain,andsoon——withwhichouryoungonesarewonttorecreatethemselvesatthisfestivetime。 MyfriendMissBunch,whowasgovernessofalargefamilythatlivedinthePianoNobileofthehouseinhabitedbymyselfandmyyoungcharges(itwasthePalazzoPoniatowskiatRome,andMessrs。Spillmann,twoofthebestpastrycooksinChristendom,havetheirshoponthegroundfloor):MissBunch,Isay,beggedmetodrawasetofTwelfth—Nightcharactersfortheamusementofouryoungpeople。 Sheisaladyofgreatfancyanddrollimagination,andhavinglookedatthecharacters,sheandIcomposedahistoryaboutthem,whichwasrecitedtothelittlefolksatnight,andservedasourFIRESIDEPANTOMIME。 OurjuvenileaudiencewasamusedbytheadventuresofGiglioandBulbo,RosalbaandAngelica。IamboundtosaythefateoftheHallPortercreatedaconsiderablesensation;andthewrathofCountessGruffanuffwasreceivedwithextremepleasure。 Ifthesechildrenarepleased,thoughtI,whyshouldnotothersbeamusedalso?InafewdaysDr。Birch’syoungfriendswillbeexpectedtoreassembleatRodwellRegis,wheretheywilllearneverythingthatisuseful,andundertheeyesofcarefulusherscontinuethebusinessoftheirlittlelives。 But,inthemeanwhile,andforabriefholiday,letuslaughandbeaspleasantaswecan。Andyouelderfolk——alittlejoking,anddancing,andfoolingwilldoevenyounoharm。TheauthorwishesyouamerryChristmas,andwelcomesyoutotheFiresidePantomime。 W。M。THACKERAY。December1854。 CONTENTS I。SHOWSHOWTHEROYALFAMILYSATEDOWNTOBREAKFAST II。HOWKINGVALOROSOGOTTHECROWN,ANDPRINCEGIGLIOWENT WITHOUT III。TELLSWHOTHEFAIRYBLACKSTICKWAS,ANDWHOWEREEVERSO MANYGRANDPERSONAGESBESIDES IV。HOWBLACKSTICKWASNOTASKEDTOTHEPRINCESSANGELICA’S CHRISTENING V。HOWPRINCESSANGELICATOOKALITTLEMAID VI。HOWPRINCEGIGLIOBEHAVEDHIMSELF VII。HOWGIGLIOANDANGELICAHADAQUARREL VIII。HOWGRUFFANUFFPICKEDTHEFAIRYRINGUP,ANDPRINCEBULBO CAMETOCOURT IX。HOWBETSINDAGOTTHEWARMING—PAN X。HOWKINGVALOROSOWASINADREADFULPASSION XI。WHATGRUFFANUFFDIDTOGIGLIOANDBETSINDA XII。HOWBETSINDAFLED,ANDWHATBECAMEOFHER XIII。HOWQUEENROSALBACAMETOTHECASTLEOFTHEBOLDCOUNT HOGGINARMO XIV。WHATBECAMEOFGIGLIO XV。WERETURNTOROSALBA XVI。HOWHEDZOFFRODEBACKAGAINTOKINGGIGLIO XVII。HOWATREMENDOUSBATTLETOOKPLACE,ANDWHOWONIT XVIII。HOWTHEYALLJOURNEYEDBACKTOTHECAPITAL XIX。ANDNOWWECOMETOTHELASTSCENEINTHEPANTOMIME THEROSEANDTHERING I。SHOWSHOWTHEROYALFAMILYSATEDOWNTOBREAKFAST ThisisValorosoXXIV。,KingofPaflagonia,seatedwithhisQueenandonlychildattheirroyalbreakfast—table,andreceivingtheletterwhichannouncestoHisMajestyaproposedvisitfromPrinceBulbo,heirofPadella,reigningKingofCrimTartary。 Remarkthedelightuponthemonarch’sroyalfeatures。HeissoabsorbedintheperusaloftheKingofCrimTartary’sletter,thatheallowshiseggstogetcold,andleaveshisaugustmuffinsuntasted。 ’What!thatwicked,brave,delightfulPrinceBulbo!’criesPrincessAngelica;’sohandsome,soaccomplished,sowitty——theconquerorofRimbombamento,whereheslewtenthousandgiants!’ ’Whotoldyouofhim,mydear?’asksHisMajesty。 ’Alittlebird,’saysAngelica。 ’PoorGiglio!’saysmamma,pouringoutthetea。 ’BotherGiglio!’criesAngelica,tossingupherhead,whichrustledwithathousandcurl—papers。 ’Iwish,’growlstheKing——’IwishGigliowas……’ ’Wasbetter?Yes,dear,heisbetter,’saystheQueen。 ’Angelica’slittlemaid,Betsinda,toldmesowhenshecametomyroomthismorningwithmyearlytea。’ ’Youarealwaysdrinkingtea,’saidthemonarch,withascowl。 ’Itisbetterthandrinkingportorbrandyandwater;’repliesHerMajesty。 ’Well,well,mydear,Ionlysaidyouwerefondofdrinkingtea,’ saidtheKingofPaflagonia,withaneffortasiftocommandhistemper。’Angelica!Ihopeyouhaveplentyofnewdresses;yourmilliners’billsarelongenough。MydearQueen,youmustseeandhavesomeparties。Ipreferdinners,butofcourseyouwillbeforballs。Youreverlastingbluevelvetquitetiresme:and,mylove,Ishouldlikeyoutohaveanewnecklace。Orderone。 Notmorethanahundredorahundredandfiftythousandpounds。’ ’AndGiglio,dear?’saystheQueen。 ’GIGLIOMAYGOTOTHE——’ ’Oh,sir,’screamsHerMajesty。’Yourownnephew!ourlateKing’sonlyson。’ ’Gigliomaygotothetailor’s,andorderthebillstobesentintoGlumbosotopay。Confoundhim!Imeanblesshisdearheart。 Heneedwantfornothing;givehimacoupleofguineasforpocket—money,mydear;andyoumayaswellorderyourselfbraceletswhileyouareaboutthenecklace,Mrs。V。’ HerMajesty,orMRS。V。,asthemonarchfacetiouslycalledher(forevenroyaltywillhaveitssport,andthisaugustfamilywereverymuchattached),embracedherhusband,and,twiningherarmroundherdaughter’swaist,theyquittedthebreakfast—roominordertomakeallthingsreadyfortheprincelystranger。 Whentheyweregone,thesmilethathadlighteduptheeyesoftheHUSBANDandFATHERfled——theprideoftheKINGfled——theMAN wasalone。HadIthepenofaG。P。R。James,IwoulddescribeValoroso’stormentsinthechoicestlanguage;inwhichIwouldalsodepicthisflashingeye,hisdistendednostril——hisdressing—gown,pocket—handkerchief,andboots。ButIneednotsayIhaveNOTthepenofthatnovelist;sufficeittosay,Valorosowasalone。 Herushedtothecupboard,seizingfromthetableoneofthemanyegg—cupswithwhichhisprincelyboardwasservedforthematinmeal,drewoutabottleofrightNantzorCognac,filledandemptiedthecupseveraltimes,andlaiditdownwithahoarse’Ha,ha,ha!nowValorosoisamanagain!’ ’Butoh!’hewenton(stillsipping,Iamsorrytosay),’ereI wasaking,Ineedednotthisintoxicatingdraught;onceI detestedthehotbrandywine,andquaffednootherfountbutnature’srill。Itdashesnotmorequicklyo’ertherocksthanI did,as,withblunderbussinhand,Ibrushedawaytheearlymorningdew,andshotthepartridge,snipe,orantlereddeer! Ah!wellmayEngland’sdramatistremark,\"Uneasyliestheheadthatwearsacrown!\"WhydidIstealmynephew’s,myyoungGiglio’s——?Steal!saidI?no,no,no,notsteal,notsteal。 Letmewithdrawthatodiousexpression。Itook,andonmymanlyheadIset,theroyalcrownofPaflagonia;Itook,andwithmyroyalarmIwield,thesceptralrodofPaflagonia;Itook,andinmyoutstretchedhandIhold,theroyalorbofPaflagonia!Couldapoorboy,asnivelling,drivellingboy——wasinhisnurse’sarmsbutyesterday,andcriedforsugarplumsandpuledforpap——bearuptheawfulweightofcrown,orb,sceptre?girdontheswordmyroyalfatherswore,andmeetinfightthetoughCrimeanfoe?’ Andthenthemonarchwentontoargueinhisownmind(thoughweneednotsaythatblankverseisnotargument)thatwhathehadgotitwashisdutytokeep,andthat,ifatonetimehehadentertainedideasofacertainrestitution,whichshallbenameless,theprospectbyaCERTAINMARRIAGEofunitingtwocrownsandtwonationswhichhadbeenengagedinbloodyandexpensivewars,asthePaflagoniansandtheCrimeanshadbeen,puttheideaofGiglio’srestorationtothethroneoutofthequestion:nay,werehisownbrother,KingSavio,alive,hewouldcertainlywillthecrownfromhisownsoninordertobringaboutsuchadesirableunion。 Thuseasilydowedeceiveourselves!Thusdowefancywhatwewishisright!TheKingtookcourage,readthepapers,finishedhismuffinsandeggs,andrangthebellforhisPrimeMinister。 TheQueen,afterthinkingwhethersheshouldgoupandseeGiglio,whohadbeensick,thought’Notnow。Businessfirst; pleasureafterwards。IwillgoandseedearGigliothisafternoon;andnowIwilldrivetothejeweller’s,tolookforthenecklaceandbracelets。’ThePrincesswentupintoherownroom,andmadeBetsinda,hermaid,bringoutallherdresses;andasforGiglio,theyforgothimasmuchasIforgetwhatIhadfordinnerlastTuesdaytwelve—month。 II。HOWKINGVALOROSOGOTTHECROWN,ANDPRINCEGIGLIOWENT WITHOUT Paflagonia,tenortwentythousandyearsago,appearstohavebeenoneofthosekingdomswherethelawsofsuccessionwerenotsettled;forwhenKingSaviodied,leavinghisbrotherRegentofthekingdom,andguardianofSavio’sorphaninfant,thisunfaithfulregenttooknosortofregardofthelatemonarch’swill;hadhimselfproclaimedsovereignofPaflagoniaunderthetitleofKingValorosoXXIV。,hadamostsplendidcoronation,andorderedallthenoblesofthekingdomtopayhimhomage。SolongasValorosogavethemplentyofballsatCourt,plentyofmoneyandlucrativeplaces,thePaflagoniannobilitydidnotcarewhowasking;andasforthepeople,inthoseearlytimes,theywereequallyindifferent。ThePrinceGiglio,byreasonofhistenderageathisroyalfather’sdeath,didnotfeelthelossofhiscrownandempire。Aslongashehadplentyoftoysandsweetmeats,aholidayfivetimesaweekandahorseandguntogooutshootingwhenhegrewalittleolder,and,aboveall,thecompanyofhisdarlingcousin,theKing’sonlychild,poorGigliowasperfectlycontented;nordidheenvyhisuncletheroyalrobesandsceptre,thegreathotuncomfortablethroneofstate,andtheenormouscumbersomecrowninwhichthatmonarchappearedfrommorningtillnight。KingValoroso’sportraithasbeenlefttous;andIthinkyouwillagreewithmethathemusthavebeensometimesRATHERTIREDofhisvelvet,andhisdiamonds,andhisermine,andhisgrandeur。Ishouldn’tliketositinthatstiflingrobewithsuchathingasthatonmyhead。 Nodoubt,theQueenmusthavebeenlovelyinheryouth;forthoughshegrewratherstoutinafterlife,yetherfeatures,asshowninherportrait,arecertainlyPLEASING。Ifshewasfondofflattery,scandal,cards,andfineclothes,letusdealgentlywithherinfirmities,which,afterall,maybenogreaterthanourown。Shewaskindtohernephew;andifshehadanyscruplesofconscienceaboutherhusband’stakingtheyoungPrince’scrown,consoledherselfbythinkingthattheKing,thoughausurper,wasamostrespectableman,andthatathisdeathPrinceGigliowouldberestoredtohisthrone,andshareitwithhiscousin,whomhelovedsofondly。 ThePrimeMinisterwasGlumboso,anoldstatesman,whomostcheerfullysworefidelitytoKingValoroso,andinwhosehandsthemonarchleftalltheaffairsofhiskingdom。AllValorosowantedwasplentyofmoney,plentyofhunting,plentyofflattery,andaslittletroubleaspossible。Aslongashehadhissport,thismonarchcaredlittlehowhispeoplepaidforit: heengagedinsomewars,andofcoursethePaflagoniannewspapersannouncedthathehadgainedprodigiousvictories:hehadstatueserectedtohimselfineverycityoftheempire;andofcoursehispicturesplacedeverywhere,andinalltheprint—shops:hewasValorosotheMagnanimous,ValorosotheVictorious,ValorosotheGreat,andsoforth;——forevenintheseearlytimescourtiersandpeopleknewhowtoflatter。 Thisroyalpairhadoneonlychild,thePrincessAngelica,who,youmaybesure,wasaparagoninthecourtiers’eyes,inherparents’,andinherown。Itwassaidshehadthelongesthair,thelargesteyes,theslimmestwaist,thesmallestfoot,andthemostlovelycomplexionofanyyoungladyinthePaflagoniandominions。Heraccomplishmentswereannouncedtobeevensuperiortoherbeauty;andgovernessesusedtoshametheiridlepupilsbytellingthemwhatPrincessAngelicacoulddo。Shecouldplaythemostdifficultpiecesofmusicatsight。ShecouldansweranyoneofMangnall’sQuestions。ShekneweverydateinthehistoryofPaflagonia,andeveryothercountry。SheknewFrench,English,Italian,German,Spanish,Hebrew,Greek,Latin,Cappadocian,Samothracian,Aegean,andCrimTartar。Inaword,shewasamostaccomplishedyoungcreature;andhergovernessandlady—in—waitingwasthesevereCountessGruffanuff。 Wouldyounotfancy,fromthispicture,thatGruffanuffmusthavebeenapersonofhighestbirth?ShelookssohaughtythatI shouldhavethoughtheraprincessattheveryleast,withapedigreereachingasfarbackastheDeluge。Butthisladywasnobetterbornthanmanyotherladieswhogivethemselvesairs; andallsensiblepeoplelaughedatherabsurdpretensions。Thefactis,shehadbeenmaid—servanttotheQueenwhenHerMajestywasonlyPrincess,andherhusbandhadbeenheadfootman;butafterhisdeathorDISAPPEARANCE,ofwhichyoushallhearpresently,thisMrs。Gruffanuff,byflattering,toadying,andwheedlingherroyalmistress,becameafavouritewiththeQueen(whowasratheraweakwoman),andHerMajestygaveheratitle,andmadehernurserygovernesstothePrincess。 AndnowImusttellyouaboutthePrincess’slearningandaccomplishments,forwhichshehadsuchawonderfulcharacter。 CleverAngelicacertainlywas,butasIDLEasPOSSIBLE。Playatsight,indeed!shecouldplayoneortwopieces,andpretendthatshehadneverseenthembefore;shecouldanswerhalfadozenMangnall’sQuestions;butthenyoumusttakecaretoasktheRIGHTones。Asforherlanguages,shehadmastersinplenty,butIdoubtwhethersheknewmorethanafewphrasesineach,forallherpresence;andasforherembroideryandherdrawing,sheshowedbeautifulspecimens,itistrue,butWHODIDTHEM? Thisobligesmetotellthetruth,andtodosoImustgobackeversofar,andtellyouabouttheFAIRYBLACKSTICK。 III。TELLSWHOTHEFAIRYBLACKSTICKWAS,ANDWHOWEREEVERSO MANYGRANDPERSONAGESBESIDES BetweenthekingdomsofPaflagoniaandCrimTartary,therelivedamysteriouspersonage,whowasknowninthosecountriesastheFairyBlackstick,fromtheebonywandorcrutchwhichshecarried;onwhichsherodetothemoonsometimes,oruponotherexcursionsofbusinessorpleasure,andwithwhichsheperformedherwonders。 Whenshewasyoung,andhadbeenfirsttaughttheartofconjuringbythenecromancer,herfather,shewasalwayspracticingherskill,whizzingaboutfromonekingdomtoanotheruponherblackstick,andconferringherfairyfavoursuponthisPrinceorthat。Shehadscoresofroyalgodchildren;turnednumberlesswickedpeopleintobeasts,birds,millstones,clocks,pumps,bootjacks,umbrellas,orotherabsurdshapes;and,inaword,wasoneofthemostactiveandofficiousofthewholeCollegeoffairies。 Butaftertwoorthreethousandyearsofthissport,IsupposeBlackstickgrewtiredofit。Orperhapsshethought,’WhatgoodamIdoingbysendingthisPrincesstosleepforahundredyears? byfixingablackpuddingontothatbooby’snose?bycausingdiamondsandpearlstodropfromonelittlegirl’smouth,andvipersandtoadsfromanother’s?IbegintothinkIdoasmuchharmasgoodbymyperformances。Imightaswellshutmyincantationsup,andallowthingstotaketheirnaturalcourse。 ’Thereweremytwoyounggoddaughters,KingSavio’swife,andDukePadella’swife,Igavethemeachapresent,whichwastorenderthemcharmingintheeyesoftheirhusbands,andsecuretheaffectionofthosegentlemenaslongastheylived。WhatgooddidmyRoseandmyRingdothesetwowomen?Noneonearth。 Fromhavingalltheirwhimsindulgedbytheirhusbands,theybecamecapricious,lazy,ill—humoured,absurdlyvain,andleeredandlanguished,andfanciedthemselvesirresistiblybeautiful,whentheywerereallyquiteoldandhideous,theridiculouscreatures!TheyusedactuallytopatronisemewhenIwenttopaythemavisit——ME,theFairyBlackstick,whoknowsallthewisdomofthenecromancers,andcouldhaveturnedthemintobaboons,andalltheirdiamondsintostringsofonions,byasinglewaveofmyrod!’Soshelockedupherbooksinhercupboard,declinedfurthermagicalperformances,andscarcelyusedherwandatallexceptasacanetowalkaboutwith。 SowhenDukePadella’sladyhadalittleson(theDukewasatthattimeonlyoneoftheprincipalnoblemeninCrimTartary),Blackstick,althoughinvitedtothechristening,wouldnotsomuchasattend;butmerelysenthercomplimentsandasilverpapboatforthebaby,whichwasreallynotworthacoupleofguineas。AboutthesametimetheQueenofPaflagoniapresentedHisMajestywithasonandheir;andgunswerefired,thecapitalilluminated,andnoendoffeastsordainedtocelebratetheyoungPrince’sbirth。Itwasthoughtthefairy,whowasaskedtobehisgodmother,wouldatleasthavepresentedhimwithaninvisiblejacket,aflyinghorse,aFortunatus’spurse,orsomeothervaluabletokenofherfavour;butinstead,BlackstickwentuptothecradleofthechildGiglio,wheneverybodywasadmiringhimandcomplimentinghisroyalpapaandmamma,andsaid,’Mypoorchild,thebestthingIcansendyouisalittleMISFORTUNE’;andthiswasallshewouldutter,tothedisgustofGiglio’sparents,whodiedverysoonafter,whenGiglio’suncletookthethrone,aswereadinChapterI。 Inlikemanner,whenCAVOLFIORE,KingofCrimTartary,hadachristeningofhisonlychild,ROSALBA,theFairyBlackstick,whohadbeeninvited,wasnotmoregraciousthaninPrinceGiglio’scase。Whilsteverybodywasexpatiatingoverthebeautyofthedarlingchild,andcongratulatingitsparents,theFairyBlacksticklookedverysadlyatthebabyanditsmother,andsaid,’Mygoodwoman(fortheFairywasveryfamiliar,andnomoremindedaQueenthanawasherwoman)——mygoodwoman,thesepeoplewhoarefollowingyouwillbethefirsttoturnagainstyou;andasforthislittlelady,thebestthingIcanwishherisaLITTLEMISFORTUNE。’SoshetouchedRosalbawithherblackwand,lookedseverelyatthecourtiers,motionedtheQueenanadieuwithherhand,andsailedslowlyupintotheairoutofthewindow。 Whenshewasgone,theCourtpeople,whohadbeenawedandsilentinherpresence,begantospeak。’WhatanodiousFairysheis(theysaid)——aprettyFairy,indeed!Why,shewenttotheKingofPaflagonia’schristening,andpretendedtodoallsortsofthingsforthatfamily;andwhathashappened——thePrince,hergodson,hasbeenturnedoffhisthronebyhisuncle。WouldweallowoursweetPrincesstobedeprivedofherrightsbyanyenemy?Never,never,never,never!’ Andtheyallshoutedinachorus,’Never,never,never,never!’ Now,Ishouldliketoknow,andhowdidthesefinecourtiersshowtheirfidelity?OneofKingCavolfiore’svassals,theDukePadellajustmentioned,rebelledagainsttheKing,whowentouttochastisehisrebellioussubject。’AnyonerebelagainstourbelovedandaugustMonarch!’criedthecourtiers;’anyoneresistHIM?Pooh!Heisinvincible,irresistible。HewillbringhomePadellaaprisoner,andtiehimtoadonkey’stail,anddrivehimroundthetown,saying,\"ThisisthewaytheGreatCavolfioretreatsrebels。\"’ TheKingwentforthtovanquishPadella;andthepoorQueen,whowasaverytimid,anxiouscreature,grewsofrightenedandillthatIamsorrytosayshedied;leavinginjunctionswithherladiestotakecareofthedearlittleRosalba。——Ofcoursetheysaidtheywould。OfcoursetheyvowedtheywoulddieratherthananyharmshouldhappentothePrincess。AtfirsttheCrimTartarCourtJournalstatedthattheKingwasobtaininggreatvictoriesovertheaudaciousrebel:thenitwasannouncedthatthetroopsoftheinfamousPadellawereinflight:thenitwassaidthattheroyalarmywouldsooncomeupwiththeenemy,andthen——thenthenewscamethatKingCavolfiorewasvanquishedandslainbyHisMajesty,KingPadellatheFirst! Atthisnews,halfthecourtiersranofftopaytheirdutytotheconqueringchief,andtheotherhalfranaway,layinghandsonallthebestarticlesinthepalace;andpoorlittleRosalbawaslefttherequitealone——quitealone;andshetoddledfromoneroomtoanother,crying,’Countess!Duchess!’(Onlyshesaid’Tountess,Duttess,’notbeingabletospeakplain)’bringmemymuttonsop;myRoyalHighnesshungy!Tountess!Duttess!’Andshewentfromtheprivateapartmentsintothethrone—roomandnobodywasthere;——andthenceintotheballroomandnobodywasthere;——andthenceintothepages’roomandnobodywasthere; ——andshetoddleddownthegreatstaircaseintothehallandnobodywasthere;——andthedoorwasopen,andshewentintothecourt,andintothegarden,andthenceintothewilderness,andthenceintotheforestwherethewildbeastslive,andwasneverheardofanymore! Apieceofhertornmantleandoneofhershoeswerefoundinthewoodinthemouthsoftwolionesses’cubswhomKINGPADELLAandaroyalhuntingpartyshot——forhewasKingnow,andreignedoverCrimTartary。’SothepoorlittlePrincessisdonefor,’saidhe;’well,what’sdonecan’tbehelped。Gentlemen,letusgotoluncheon!’Andoneofthecourtierstookuptheshoeandputitinhispocket。AndtherewasanendofRosalba! IV。HOWBLACKSTICKWASNOTASKEDTOTHEPRINCESSANGELICA’S CHRISTENING WhenthePrincessAngelicawasborn,herparentsnotonlydidnotasktheFairyBlacksticktothechristeningparty,butgaveorderstotheirporterabsolutelytorefuseherifshecalled。 Thisporter’snamewasGruffanuff,andhehadbeenselectedforthepostbytheirRoyalHighnessesbecausehewasaverytallfierceman,whocouldsay’Notathome’toatradesmanoranunwelcomevisitorwitharudenesswhichfrightenedmostsuchpersonsaway。HewasthehusbandofthatCountesswhosepicturewehavejustseen,andaslongastheyweretogethertheyquarrelledfrommorningtillnight。Nowthisfellowtriedhisrudenessoncetoooften,asyoushallhear。FortheFairyBlackstickcomingtocalluponthePrinceandPrincess,whowereactuallysittingattheopendrawing—roomwindow,Gruffanuffnotonlydeniedthem,butmadethemostODIOUSVULGARSIGNashewasgoingtoslamthedoorintheFairy’sface!’Gitaway,holdBlackstick!’saidhe。’Itellyou,MasterandMissisain’tathometoyou;’andhewas,aswehavesaid,GOINGtoslamthedoor。 ButtheFairy,withherwand,preventedthedoorbeingshut;andGruffanuffcameoutagaininafury,swearinginthemostabominableway,andaskingtheFairy’whethershethoughthewasagoingtostayatthattheredoorhallday?’ ’YouAREgoingtostayatthatdooralldayandallnight,andformanyalongyear,’theFairysaid,verymajestically;andGruffanuff,comingoutofthedoor,straddlingbeforeitwithhisgreatcalves,burstoutlaughing,andcried,’Ha,ha,ha!thisisagoodun!Ha——ah——what’sthis?Letmedown——O——o——H’m!’andthenhewasdumb! For,astheFairywavedherwandoverhim,hefelthimselfrisingofftheground,andflutteringupagainstthedoor,andthen,asifascrewranintohisstomach,hefeltadreadfulpainthere,andwaspinnedtothedoor;andthenhisarmsflewupoverhishead;andhislegs,afterwrithingaboutwildly,twistedunderhisbody;andhefeltcold,cold,growingoverhim,asifhewasturningintometal;andhesaid,’O——o——H’m!’andcouldsaynomore,becausehewasdumb。 HeWASturnedintometal!Hewas,frombeingBRAZEN,BRASS!Hewasneithermorenorlessthanaknocker!Andtherehewas,nailedtothedoorintheblazingsummerday,tillheburnedalmostred—hot;andtherehewas,nailedtothedoorallthebitterwinternights,tillhisbrassnosewasdroppingwithicicles。Andthepostmancameandrappedathim,andthevulgarestboywithalettercameandhithimupagainstthedoor。 AndtheKingandQueen(PrincessandPrincetheywerethen) cominghomefromawalkthatevening,theKingsaid,’Hullo,mydear!youhavehadanewknockerputonthedoor。Why,it’sratherlikeourporterintheface!Whathasbecomeofthatboozyvagabond?’Andthehouse—maidcameandscrubbedhisnosewithsandpaper;andonce,whenthePrincessAngelica’slittlesisterwasborn,hewastiedupinanoldkidglove;and,anothernight,someLARKINGyoungmentriedtowrenchhimoff,andputhimtothemostexcruciatingagonywithaturnscrew。AndthentheQueenhadafancytohavethecolourofthedooraltered;andthepaintersdabbedhimoverthemouthandeyes,andnearlychokedhim,astheypaintedhimpea—green。IwarranthehadleisuretorepentofhavingbeenrudetotheFairyBlackstick! Asforhiswife,shedidnotmisshim;andashewasalwaysguzzlingbeeratthepublic—house,andnotoriouslyquarrellingwithhiswife,andindebttothetradesmen,itwassupposedhehadrunawayfromalltheseevils,andemigratedtoAustraliaorAmerica。AndwhenthePrinceandPrincesschosetobecomeKingandQueen,theylefttheiroldhouse,andnobodythoughtoftheporteranymore。 V。HOWPRINCESSANGELICATOOKALITTLEMAID Oneday,whenthePrincessAngelicawasquitealittlegirl,shewaswalkinginthegardenofthepalace,withMrs。Gruffanuff,thegoverness,holdingaparasoloverherhead,tokeephersweetcomplexionfromthefreckles,andAngelicawascarryingabun,tofeedtheswansandducksintheroyalpond。 Theyhadnotreachedtheduck—pond,whentherecametoddlinguptothemsuchafunnylittlegirl!Shehadagreatquantityofhairblowingaboutherchubbylittlecheeks,andlookedasifshehadnotbeenwashedorcombedforeversolong。Sheworearaggedbitofacloak,andhadonlyoneshoeon。 ’Youlittlewretch,wholetyouinhere?’askedMrs。Gruffanuff。 ’Divmedatbun,’saidthelittlegirl,’mevelyhungy。’ ’Hungry!whatisthat?’askedPrincessAngelica,andgavethechildthebun。 ’Oh,Princess!’saysMrs。Gruffanuff,’howgood,howkind,howtrulyangelicalyouare!See,YourMajesties,’shesaidtotheKingandQueen,whonowcameup,alongwiththeirnephew,PrinceGiglio,’howkindthePrincessis!Shemetthislittledirtywretchinthegarden——Ican’ttellhowshecameinhere,orwhytheguardsdidnotshootherdeadatthegate!——andthedeardarlingofaPrincesshasgivenherthewholeofherbun!’ ’Ididn’twantit,’saidAngelical’Butyouareadarlinglittleangelallthesame,’saysthegoverness。 ’Yes;IknowIam,’saidAngelical’Dirtylittlegirl,don’tyouthinkIamverypretty?’Indeed,shehadonthefinestoflittledressesandhats;and,asherhairwascarefullycurled,shereallylookedverywell。 ’Oh,pooty,pooty!’saysthelittlegirl,caperingabout,laughing,anddancing,andmunchingherbun;andassheateitshebegantosing,’Oh,whatfuntohaveaplumbun!howIwisitneverwasdone!’Atwhich,andherfunnyaccent,Angelica,Giglio,andtheKingandQueenbegantolaughverymerrily。 ’Icandanceaswellassing,’saysthelittlegirl。’Icandance,andIcansing,andIcandoallsortsofting。’Andsherantoaflower—bed,andpullingafewpolyanthuses,rhododendrons,andotherflowers,madeherselfalittlewreath,anddancedbeforetheKingandQueensodrollyandprettily,thateverybodywasdelighted。 ’Whowasyourmother——whowereyourrelations,littlegirl?’saidtheQueen。 Thelittlegirlsaid,’Littlelionwasmybrudder;greatbiglionessmymudder;neberheardofanyudder。’Andshecaperedawayonheroneshoe,andeverybodywasexceedinglydiverted。 SoAngelicasaidtotheQueen,’Mamma,myparrotflewawayyesterdayoutofitscage,andIdon’tcareanymoreforanyofmytoys;andIthinkthisfunnylittledirtychildwillamuseme。 Iwilltakeherhome,andgivehersomeofmyoldfrocks。’ ’Oh,thegenerousdarling!’saysMrs。Gruffanuff。 ’WhichIhaveworneversomanytimes,andamquitetiredof,’ Angelicawenton;’andsheshallbemylittlemaid。Willyoucomehomewithme,littledirtygirl?’ Thechildclappedherhands,andsaid,’Gohomewithyou——yes! YoupootyPrincess!——Haveanicedinner,andwearanewdress!’ Andtheyalllaughedagain,andtookhomethechildtothepalace,where,whenshewaswashedandcombed,andhadoneofthePrincess’sfrocksgiventoher,shelookedashandsomeasAngelica,almost。NotthatAngelicaeverthoughtso;forthislittleladyneverimaginedthatanybodyintheworldcouldbeaspretty,asgood,orascleverasherself。Inorderthatthelittlegirlshouldnotbecometooproudandconceited,Mrs。 Gruffanufftookheroldraggedmantleandoneshoe,andputthemintoaglassbox,withacardlaiduponthem,uponwhichwaswritten,’TheseweretheoldclothesinwhichlittleBETSINDAwasfoundwhenthegreatgoodnessandadmirablekindnessofHerRoyalHighnessthePrincessAngelicareceivedthislittleoutcast。’ Andthedatewasadded,andtheboxlockedup。 ForawhilelittleBetsindawasagreatfavouritewiththePrincess,andshedanced,andsang,andmadeherlittlerhymes,toamusehermistress。ButthenthePrincessgotamonkey,andafterwardsalittledog,andafterwardsadoll,anddidnotcareforBetsindaanymore,whobecameverymelancholyandquiet,andsangnomorefunnysongs,becausenobodycaredtohearher。Andthen,asshegrewolder,shewasmadealittlelady’s—maidtothePrincess;andthoughshehadnowages,sheworkedandmended,andputAngelica’shairinpapers,andwasnevercrosswhenscolded,andwasalwayseagertopleasehermistress,andwasalwaysupearlyandtobedlate,andathandwhenwanted,andinfactbecameaperfectlittlemaid。Sothetwogirlsgrewup,and,whenthePrincesscameout,Betsindawasnevertiredofwaitingonher;andmadeherdressesbetterthanthebestmilliner,andwasusefulinahundredways。WhilstthePrincesswashavinghermasters,Betsindawouldsitandwatchthem;andinthiswayshepickedupagreatdealoflearning;forshewasalwaysawake,thoughhermistresswasnot,andlistenedtothewiseprofessorswhenAngelicawasyawningorthinkingofthenextball。Andwhenthedancing—mastercame,BetsindalearnedalongwithAngelica; andwhenthemusic—mastercame,shewatchedhim,andpracticedthePrincess’spieceswhenAngelicawasawayatballsandparties;andwhenthedrawing—mastercame,shetooknoteofallhesaidanddid;andthesamewithFrench,Italian,andallotherlanguages——shelearnedthemfromtheteacherwhocametoAngelica。WhenthePrincesswasgoingoutofaneveningshewouldsay,’MygoodBetsinda,youmayaswellfinishwhatIhavebegun。’’Yes,miss,’Betsindawouldsay,andsitdownverycheerful,nottoFINISHwhatAngelicabegan,buttoDOit。 Forinstance,thePrincesswouldbeginaheadofawarrior,letussay,andwhenitwasbegunitwassomethinglikethis—— Butwhenitwasdone,thewarriorwaslikethis—— (onlyhandsomerstillifpossible),andthePrincessputhernametothedrawing;andtheCourtandKingandQueen,andaboveallpoorGiglio,admiredthepictureofallthings,andsaid,’WasthereeverageniuslikeAngelica?’So,Iamsorrytosay,wasitwiththePrincess’sembroideryandotheraccomplishments;andAngelicaactuallybelievedthatshedidthesethingsherself,andreceivedalltheflatteryoftheCourtasifeverywordofitwastrue。Thusshebegantothinkthattherewasnoyoungwomaninalltheworldequaltoherself,andthatnoyoungmanwasgoodenoughforher。AsforBetsinda,assheheardnoneofthesepraises,shewasnotpuffedupbythem,andbeingamostgrateful,good—naturedgirl,shewasonlytooanxioustodoeverythingwhichmightgivehermistresspleasure。NowyoubegintoperceivethatAngelicahadfaultsofherown,andwasbynomeanssuchawonderofwondersaspeoplerepresentedHerRoyalHighnesstobe。 VI。HOWPRINCEGIGLIOBEHAVEDHIMSELF AndnowletusspeakaboutPrinceGiglio,thenephewofthereigningmonarchofPaflagonia。Ithasalreadybeenstated,inpageseven,thataslongashehadasmartcoattowear,agoodhorsetoride,andmoneyinhispocket,orrathertotakeoutofhispocket,forhewasverygood—natured,myyoungPrincedidnotcareforthelossofhiscrownandsceptre,beingathoughtlessyouth,notmuchinclinedtopoliticsoranykindoflearning。Sohistutorhadasinecure。Gigliowouldnotlearnclassicsormathematics,andtheLordChancellorofPaflagonia,SQUARETOSO,pulledaverylongfacebecausethePrincecouldnotbegottostudythePaflagonianlawsandconstitution;but,ontheotherhand,theKing’sgamekeepersandhuntsmenfoundthePrinceanaptpupil;thedancing—masterpronouncedthathewasamostelegantandassiduousscholar;theFirstLordoftheBilliardTablegavethemostflatteringreportsofthePrince’sskill;sodidtheGroomoftheTennisCourt;andasfortheCaptainoftheGuardandFencingMaster,theVALIANTandVETERANCountKUTASOFF HEDZOFF,heavowedthatsinceherantheGeneralofCrimTartary,thedreadfulGrumbuskin,throughthebody,heneverhadencounteredsoexpertaswordsmanasPrinceGiglio。 IhopeyoudonotimaginethattherewasanyimproprietyinthePrinceandPrincesswalkingtogetherinthepalacegarden,andbecauseGigliokissedAngelica’shandinapolitemanner。Inthefirstplacetheyarecousins;next,theQueeniswalkinginthegardentoo(youcannotseeher,forshehappenstobebehindthattree),andHerMajestyalwayswishedthatAngelicaandGiglioshouldmarry:sodidGiglio:sodidAngelicasometimes,forshethoughthercousinveryhandsome,brave,andgood—natured:butthenyouknowshewassocleverandknewsomanythings,andpoorGiglioknewnothing,andhadnoconversation。Whentheylookedatthestars,whatdidGiglioknowoftheheavenlybodies?Once,whenonasweetnightinabalconywheretheywerestanding,Angelicasaid,’ThereistheBear。’’Where?’saysGiglio。 ’Don’tbeafraid,Angelica!ifadozenbearscome,Iwillkillthemratherthantheyshallhurtyou。’’Oh,yousillycreature!’ saysshe;’youareverygood,butyouarenotverywise。’Whentheylookedattheflowers,Gigliowasutterlyunacquaintedwithbotany,andhadneverheardofLinnaeus。Whenthebutterfliespassed,Giglioknewnothingaboutthem,beingasignorantofentomologyasIamofalgebra。Soyousee,Angelica,thoughshelikedGiglioprettywell,despisedhimonaccountofhisignorance。IthinksheprobablyvaluedHEROWNLEARNINGrathertoomuch;buttothinktoowellofone’sselfisthefaultofpeopleofallagesandbothsexes。Finally,whennobodyelsewasthere,Angelicalikedhercousinwellenough。 KingValorosowasverydelicateinhealth,andwithalsofondofgooddinners(whichwerepreparedforhimbyhisFrenchcookMarmitonio),thatitwassupposedhecouldnotlivelong。NowtheideaofanythinghappeningtotheKingstrucktheartfulPrimeMinisterandthedesigningoldlady—in—waitingwithterror。 For,thoughtGlumbosoandtheCountess,’whenPrinceGigliomarrieshiscousinandcomestothethrone,whataprettypositionweshallbein,whomhedislikes,andwhohavealwaysbeenunkindtohim。Weshallloseourplacesinatrice;Mrs。 Gruffanuffwillhavetogiveupallthejewels,laces,snuff—boxes,rings,andwatcheswhichbelongedtotheQueen,Giglio’smother;andGlumbosowillbeforcedtorefundtwohundredandseventeenthousandmillionsninehundredandeighty—seventhousandfourhundredandthirty—ninepounds,thirteenshillings,andsixpencehalfpenny,moneylefttoPrinceGigliobyhispoordearfather。’ SotheLadyofHonourandthePrimeMinisterhatedGigliobecausetheyhaddonehimawrong;andtheseunprincipledpeopleinventedahundredcruelstoriesaboutpoorGiglio,inordertoinfluencetheKing,Queen,andPrincessagainsthim;howhewassoignorantthathecouldnotspellthecommonestwords,andactuallywroteValorosoValloroso,andspeltAngelicawithtwol’s;howhedrankagreatdealtoomuchwineatdinner,andwasalwaysidlinginthestableswiththegrooms;howheowedeversomuchmoneyatthepastry—cook’sandthehaberdasher’s;howheusedtogotosleepatchurch;howhewasfondofplayingcardswiththepages。 SodidtheQueenlikeplayingcards;sodidtheKinggotosleepatchurch,andeatanddrinktoomuch;and,ifGiglioowedatriflefortarts,whoowedhimtwohundredandseventeenthousandmillionsninehundredandeighty—seventhousandfourhundredandthirty—ninepounds,thirteenshillings,andsixpencehalfpenny,I shouldliketoknow?Detractorsandtale—bearers(inmyhumbleopinion)hadmuchbetterlookatHOME。AllthisbackbitingandslanderinghadeffectuponPrincessAngelica,whobegantolookcoldlyonhercousin,thentolaughathimandscornhimforbeingsostupid,thentosneerathimforhavingvulgarassociates;andatCourtballs,dinners,andsoforth,totreathimsounkindlythatpoorGigliobecamequiteill,tooktohisbed,andsentforthedoctor。 HisMajestyKingValoroso,aswehaveseen,hadhisownreasonsfordislikinghisnephew;andasforthoseinnocentreaderswhoaskwhy?——Ibeg(withthepermissionoftheirdearparents)toreferthemtoShakespeare’spages,wheretheywillreadwhyKingJohndislikedPrinceArthur。WiththeQueen,hisroyalbutweak—mindedaunt,whenGigliowasoutofsighthewasoutofmind。Whileshehadherwhistandhereveningparties,shecaredforlittleelse。 IdaresayTWOVILLAINS,whoshallbenameless,wishedDoctorPildrafto,theCourtPhysician,hadkilledGigliorightout,butheonlybledandphysickedhimsoseverelythatthePrincewaskepttohisroomforseveralmonths,andgrewasthinasapost。 Whilsthewaslyingsickinthisway,therecametotheCourtofPaflagoniaafamouspainter,whosenamewasTomasoLorenzo,andwhowasPainterinOrdinarytotheKingofCrimTartary,Paflagonia’sneighbour。TomasoLorenzopaintedalltheCourt,whoweredelightedwithhisworks;forevenCountessGruffanufflookedyoungandGlumbosogood—humouredinhispictures。’Heflattersverymuch,’somepeoplesaid。’Nay!’saysPrincessAngelica,’Iamaboveflattery,andIthinkhedidnotmakemypicturehandsomeenough。Ican’tbeartohearamanofgeniusunjustlycrieddown,andIhopemydearpapawillmakeLorenzoaknightofhisOrderoftheCucumber。’ ThePrincessAngelica,althoughthecourtiersvowedHerRoyalHighnesscoulddrawsoBEAUTIFULLYthattheideaofhertakinglessonswasabsurd,yetchosetohaveLorenzoforateacher,anditwaswonderful,ASLONGASSHEPAINTEDINHISSTUDIO,whatbeautifulpicturesshemade!SomeoftheperformanceswereengravedfortheBookofBeauty:othersweresoldforenormoussumsatCharityBazaars。ShewrotetheSIGNATURESunderthedrawings,nodoubt,butIthinkIknowwho—didthepictures——thisartfulpainter,whohadcomewithotherdesignsonAngelicathanmerelytoteachhertodraw。 Oneday,LorenzoshowedthePrincessaportraitofayoungmaninarmour,withfairhairandtheloveliestblueeyes,andanexpressionatoncemelancholyandinteresting。 ’DearSignorLorenzo,whoisthis?’askedthePrincess。 \"Ineversawanyonesohandsome,’saysCountessGruffanuff(theoldhumbug)。 ’That,’saidthepainter,’that,Madam,istheportraitofmyaugustyoungmaster,hisRoyalHighnessBulbo,CrownPrinceofCrimTartary,DukeofAcroceraunia,MarquisofPoluphloisboio,andKnightGrandCrossoftheOrderofthePumpkin。ThatistheorderofthePumpkinglitteringonhismanlybreast,andreceivedbyHisRoyalHighnessfromhisaugustfather,HisMajestyKingPADELLAI。,forhisgallantryatthebattleofRimbombamento,whenheslewwithhisownprincelyhandtheKingofOgrariaandtwohundredandelevengiantsofthetwohundredandeighteenwhoformedtheKing’sbodyguard。TheremainderweredestroyedbythebraveCrimTartararmyafteranobstinatecombat,inwhichtheCrimTartarssufferedseverely。’ WhataPrince!thoughtAngelica:sobrave——socalm—looking——soyoung——whatahero! ’Heisasaccomplishedasheisbrave,’continuedtheCourtPainter。’Heknowsalllanguagesperfectly:singsdeliciously: playseveryinstrument:composesoperaswhichhavebeenactedathousandnightsrunningattheImperialTheatreofCrimTartary,anddancedinaballettherebeforetheKingandQueen;inwhichhelookedsobeautiful,thathiscousin,thelovelydaughteroftheKingofCircassia,diedforloveofhim。’ ’WhydidhenotmarrythepoorPrincess?’askedAngelica,withasigh。 ’BecausetheywereFIRSTCOUSINS,Madam,andtheclergyforbidtheseunions,’saidthePainter。’And,besides,theyoungPrincehadgivenhisroyalheartELSEWHERE。’ ’Andtowhom?’askedHerRoyalHighness。 ’IamnotatlibertytomentionthePrincess’sname,’answeredthePainter。 ’Butyoumaytellmethefirstletterofit,’gaspedoutthePrincess。 ’ThatYourRoyalHighnessisatlibertytoguess,’saidLorenzo。 ’DoesitbeginwithaZ?’askedAngelica。 ThePaintersaiditwasn’taZ;thenshetriedaY;thenanX; thenaW,andwentsobackwardsthroughalmostthewholealphabet。 WhenshecametoD,anditwasn’tD,shegrewveryexcited;whenshecametoC,anditwasn’tC,shewasstillmorenervous;whenshecametoB,ANDITWASN’TB,’OdearestGruffanuff,’shesaid,’lendmeyoursmelling—bottle!’and,hidingherheadintheCountess’sshoulder,shefaintlywhispered,’Ah,Signor,canitbeA?’ ’ItwasA;andthoughImaynot,bymyRoyalMaster’sorders,tellYourRoyalHighnessthePrincess’sname,whomhefondly,madly,devotedly,rapturouslyloves,Imayshowyouherportrait,’saysthisslyboots:andleadingthePrincessuptoagiltframe,hedrewacurtainwhichwasbeforeit。 Ogoodness!theframecontainedALOOKING—GLASS!andAngelicasawherownface! VII。HOWGIGLIOANDANGELICAHADAQUARREL TheCourtPainterofHisMajestytheKingofCrimTartaryreturnedtothatmonarch’sdominions,carryingawayanumberofsketcheswhichhehadmadeinthePaflagoniancapital(youknow,ofcourse,mydears,thatthenameofthatcapitalisBlombodinga);butthemostcharmingofallhispieceswasaportraitofthePrincessAngelica,whichalltheCrimTartarnoblescametosee。WiththisworktheKingwassodelighted,thathedecoratedthePainterwithhisOrderofthePumpkin(sixthclass)andtheartistbecameSirTomasoLorenzo,K。P。,thenceforth。 KingValorosoalsosentSirTomasohisOrderoftheCucumber,besidesahandsomeorderformoney,forhepaintedtheKing,Queen,andprincipalnobilitywhileatBlombodinga,andbecameallthefashion,totheperfectrageofalltheartistsinPaflagonia,wheretheKingusedtopointtotheportraitofPrinceBulbo,whichSirTomasohadleftbehindhim,andsay’Whichamongyoucanpaintapicturelikethat?’ Ithungintheroyalparlourovertheroyalsideboard,andPrincessAngelicacouldalwayslookatitasshesatmakingthetea。Eachdayitseemedtogrowhandsomerandhandsomer,andthePrincessgrewsofondoflookingatit,thatshewouldoftenspilltheteaoverthecloth,atwhichherfatherandmotherwouldwinkandwagtheirheads,andsaytoeachother,’Aha!weseehowthingsaregoing。’ InthemeantimepoorGigliolayupstairsverysickinhischamber,thoughhetookallthedoctor’shorriblemedicineslikeagoodyounglad;asIhopeYOUdo,mydears,whenyouareillandmammasendsforthemedicalman。AndtheonlypersonwhovisitedGiglio(besideshisfriendthecaptainoftheguard,whowasalmostalwaysbusyoronparade),waslittleBetsindathehousemaid,whousedtodohisbedroomandsitting—roomout,bringhimhisgruel,andwarmhisbed。 Whenthelittlehousemaidcametohiminthemorningandevening,PrinceGigliousedtosay,’Betsinda,Betsinda,howisthePrincessAngelica?’ AndBetsindausedtoanswer,’ThePrincessisverywell,thankyou,myLord。’AndGigliowouldheaveasigh,andthink,ifAngelicaweresick,Iamsure_I_shouldnotbeverywell。 ThenGigliowouldsay,’Betsinda,hasthePrincessAngelicaaskedformetoday?’AndBetsindawouldanswer,’No,myLord,nottoday’;or,’shewasverybusypracticingthepianowhenIsawher’;or,’shewaswritinginvitationsforaneveningparty,anddidnotspeaktome’;ormakesomeexcuseorother,notstrictlyconsonantwithtruth:forBetsindawassuchagood—naturedcreaturethatshestrovetodoeverythingtopreventannoyancetoPrinceGiglio,andevenbroughthimuproastchickenandjelliesfromthekitchen(whentheDoctorallowedthem,andGigliowasgettingbetter),saying,’thatthePrincesshadmadethejelly,orthebread—sauce,withherownhands,onpurposeforGiglio。’ WhenGiglioheardthishetookheartandbegantomendimmediately;andgobbledupallthejelly,andpickedthelastboneofthechicken——drumsticks,merry—thought,sides’—bones,back,pope’snose,andall——thankinghisdearAngelica;andhefeltsomuchbetterthenextday,thathedressedandwentdownstairs,where,whomshouldhemeetbutAngelicagoingintothedrawing—room?Allthecoverswereoffthechairs,thechandelierstakenoutofthebags,thedamaskcurtainsuncovered,theworkandthingscarriedaway,andthehandsomestalbumsonthetables。Angelicahadherhairinpapers:inaword,itwasevidenttherewasgoingtobeaparty。 ’Heavens,Giglio!’criesAngelica:’YOUhereinsuchadress! Whatafigureyouare!’ ’Yes,dearAngelica,Iamcomedownstairs,andfeelsowelltoday,thankstotheFOWLandtheJELLY。’ ’WhatdoIknowaboutfowlsandjellies,thatyoualludetotheminthatrudeway?’saysAngelica。 ’Why,didn’t——didn’tyousendthem,Angelicadear?’saysGiglio。 ’Isendthemindeed!Angelicadear!No,Gigliodear,’saysshe,mockinghim,’_I_wasengagedingettingtheroomsreadyforHisRoyalHighnessthePrinceofCrimTartary,whoiscomingtopaymypapa’sCourtavisit。’ ’The——Prince——of——Crim——Tartary!’Gigliosaid,aghast。 ’Yes,thePrinceofCrimTartary,’saysAngelica,mockinghim。 ’Idaresayyouneverheardofsuchacountry。WhatDIDyoueverhearof?Youdon’tknowwhetherCrimTartaryisontheRedSeaorontheBlackSea,Idaresay。’ ’Yes,Ido,it’sontheRedSea,’saysGiglio,atwhichthePrincessburstoutlaughingathim,andsaid,’Oh,youninny!Youaresoignorant,youarereallynotfitforsociety!Youknownothingbutabouthorsesanddogs,andareonlyfittodineinamess—roomwithmyRoyalfather’sheaviestdragoons。Don’tlooksosurprisedatme,sir:goandputyourbestclothesontoreceivethePrince,andletmegetthedrawing—roomready。’ Gigliosaid,’Oh,Angelica,Angelica,Ididn’tthinkthisofyou。 THISwasn’tyourlanguagetomewhenyougavemethisring,andI gaveyoumineinthegarden,andyougavemethatk——’ Butwhatkwaswenevershallknow,forAngelica,inarage,cried,’Getout,yousaucy,rudecreature!Howdareyoutoremindmeofyourrudeness?Asforyourlittletrumperytwopennyring,there,sir,there!’Andsheflungitoutofthewindow。 ’Itwasmymother’smarriage—ring,’criedGiglio。 ’_I_don’tcarewhosemarriage—ringitwas,’criesAngelica。 ’Marrythepersonwhopicksitupifshe’sawoman;youshan’tmarryME。AndgivemebackMYring。I’venopatiencewithpeoplewhoboastaboutthethingstheygiveaway!_I_knowwho’llgivememuchfinerthingsthanyouevergaveme。Abeggarlyringindeed,notworthfiveshillings!’ NowAngelicalittleknewthattheringwhichGigliohadgivenherwasafairyring:ifamanworeit,itmadeallthewomeninlovewithhim;ifawoman,allthegentlemen。TheQueen,Giglio’smother,quiteanordinary—lookingperson,wasadmiredimmenselywhilstsheworethisring,andherhusbandwasfranticwhenshewasill。ButwhenshecalledherlittleGigliotoher,andputtheringonhisfinger,KingSaviodidnotseemtocareforhiswifesomuchanymore,buttransferredallhislovetolittleGiglio。Sodideverybodylovehimaslongashehadthering;butwhen,asquiteachild,hegaveittoAngelica,peoplebegantoloveandadmireHER;andGiglio,asthesayingis,playedonlysecondfiddle。 ’Yes,’saysAngelica,goingoninherfoolishungratefulway。 ’_I_knowwho’llgivememuchfinerthingsthanyourbeggarlylittlepearlnonsense。’ ’Verygood,miss!Youmaytakebackyourringtoo!’saysGiglio,hiseyesflashingfireather,andthen,ashiseyeshadbeensuddenlyopened,hecriedout,’Ha!whatdoesthismean?IsTHIS thewomanIhavebeeninlovewithallmylife?HaveIbeensuchaninnyastothrowawaymyregarduponyou?Why——actually—— yes——youarealittlecrooked!’ ’Oh,youwretch!’criesAngelica。 ’And,uponmyconscience,you——yousquintalittle。’ ’Eh!’criesAngelica。 ’Andyourhairisred——andyouaremarkedwiththesmallpox——andwhat?youhavethreefalseteeth——andonelegshorterthantheother!’ ’Youbrute,youbrute,you!’Angelicascreamedout:andassheseizedtheringwithonehand,shedealtGiglioone,two,threesmacksontheface,andwouldhavepulledthehairoffhisheadhadhenotstartedlaughing,andcrying—— ’Ohdearme,Angelica,don’tpulloutMYhair,ithurts!YoumightremoveagreatdealofYOUROWN,asIperceive,withoutscissorsorpullingatall。Oh,ho,ho!ha,ha,ha!hohehe!’ Andhenearlychokedhimselfwithlaughing,andshewithrage; when,withalowbow,anddressedinhisCourthabit,CountGambabella,thefirstlord—in—waiting,enteredandsaid,’RoyalHighnesses!TheirMajestiesexpectyouinthePinkThrone—room,wheretheyawaitthearrivalofthePrinceofCRIMTARTARY。’ VIII。HOWGRUFFANUFFPICKEDTHEFAIRYRINGUP,ANDPRINCEBULBO CAMETOCOURT PrinceBulbo’sarrivalhadsetallthecourtinaflutter: everybodywasorderedtoputhisorherbestclotheson:thefootmenhadtheirgalaliveries;theLordChancellorhisnewwig; theGuardstheirlastnewtunics;andCountessGruffanuff,youmaybesure,wasgladofanopportunityofdecoratingHERoldpersonwithherfinestthings。ShewaswalkingthroughthecourtofthePalaceonherwaytowaituponTheirMajesties,whensheespiedsomethingglitteringonthepavement,andbadetheboyinbuttonswhowasholdinguphertrain,togoandpickupthearticleshiningyonder。Hewasanuglylittlewretch,insomeofthelategroom—porter’soldclothescutdown,andmuchtootightforhim;andyet,whenhehadtakenupthering(asitturnedouttobe),andwascarryingittohismistress,shethoughthelookedlikealittlecupid。Hegavetheringtoher;itwasatrumperylittlethingenough,buttoosmallforanyofheroldknuckles,sosheputitintoherpocket。 ’Oh,mum!’saystheboy,lookingather’how——howbeyoutifulyoudolook,mum,today,mum!’ ’Andyou,too,Jacky,’shewasgoingtosay;but,lookingdownathim——no,hewasnolongergood—lookingatall——butonlythecarroty—hairedlittleJackyofthemorning。However,praiseiswelcomefromtheugliestofmenorboys,andGruffanuff,biddingtheboyholduphertrain,walkedoninhighgood—humour。Theguardssalutedherwithpeculiarrespect。CaptainHedzoff,intheanteroom,said,’Mydearmadam,youlooklikeanangeltoday。’Andso,bowingandsmirking,GruffanuffwentinandtookherplacebehindherRoyalMasterandMistress,whowereinthethrone—room,awaitingthePrinceofCrimTartary。PrincessAngelicasatattheirfeet,andbehindtheKing’schairstoodPrinceGiglio,lookingverysavage。 ThePrinceofCrimTartarymadehisappearance,attendedbyBaronSleibootz,hischamberlain,andfollowedbyablackpagecarryingthemostbeautifulcrownyoueversaw!Hewasdressedinhistravellingcostume,andhishair,asyousee,wasalittleindisorder。’Ihaveriddenthreehundredmilessincebreakfast,’ saidhe,’soeagerwasItobeholdthePrin——theCourtandaugustfamilyofPaflagonia,andIcouldnotwaitoneminutebeforeappearinginYourMajesties’presences。’ Giglio,frombehindthethrone,burstoutintoaroarofcontemptuouslaughter;butalltheRoyalparty,infact,weresoflurried,thattheydidnothearthislittleoutbreak。’YourR。 H。iswelcomeinanydress,’saystheKing。’Glumboso,achairforHisRoyalHighness。’ ’AnydressHisRoyalHighnesswearsISaCourtdress,’saysPrincessAngelica,smilinggraciously。 ’Ah!butyoushouldseemyotherclothes,’saidthePrince。’I shouldhavehadthemon,butthatstupidcarrierhasnotbroughtthem。Who’sthatlaughing?’ ItwasGigliolaughing。’Iwaslaughing,’hesaid,’becauseyousaidjustnowthatyouwereinsuchahurrytoseethePrincess,thatyoucouldnotwaittochangeyourdress;andnowyousayyoucomeinthoseclothesbecauseyouhavenoothers。’ ’Andwhoareyou?’saysPrinceBulbo,veryfiercely。 ’MyfatherwasKingofthiscountry,andIamhisonlyson,Prince!’repliesGiglio,withequalhaughtiness。