Hefoundthelittlematroninherroomindeepmourning；shookherhand，triedtotalk，andmovednervouslyabout。Shewasevidentlythinkingofthesamesubjectashe，buthecouldn’tbegintalking。
“WhereshallIfindThomas？“saidheatlast，gettingdesperate。
“Intheservants’hall，Ithink，sir。Butwon’tyoutakeanything？“saidthematron，lookingratherdisappointed。
“No，thankyou，“saidhe，andstrodeoffagaintofindtheoldverger，whowassittinginhislittleden，asofold，puzzlingoverhieroglyphics。
HelookedupthroughhisspectaclesasTomseizedhishandandwrungit。
“Ah！you’veheardallaboutit，sir，Isee，“saidhe。Tomnodded，andthensatdownontheshoe-board，whiletheoldmantoldhistale，andwipedhisspectacles，andfairlyflowedoverwithquaint，homely，honestsorrow。
BythetimehehaddoneTomfeltmuchbetter。
“Whereisheburied，Thomas？“saidheatlast。
“Underthealtarinthechapel，sir，“answeredThomas。“You’dliketohavethekey，Idaresay？“
“Thankyou，Thomas——yes，Ishould，verymuch。“
Andtheoldmanfumbledamonghisbunch，andthengotup，asthoughhewouldgowithhim；butafterafewstepsstoppedshort，andsaid，“Perhapsyou’dliketogobyyourself，sir？“
Tomnodded，andthebunchofkeyswerehandedtohim，withaninjunctiontobesureandlockthedoorafterhim，andbringthembackbeforeeighto’clock。
Hewalkedquicklythroughthequadrangleandoutintotheclose。
Thelongingwhichhadbeenuponhimanddrivenhimthusfar，likethegad-flyintheGreeklegends，givinghimnorestinmindorbody，seemedallofasuddennottobesatisfied，buttoshrivelupandpall。“WhyshouldIgoon？It’snouse，“hethought，andthrewhimselfatfulllengthontheturf，andlookedvaguelyandlistlesslyatallthewell-knownobjects。
Therewereafewofthetownboysplayingcricket，theirwicketpitchedonthebestpieceinthemiddleofthebig-sideground——
asinaboutequaltosacrilegeintheeyesofacaptainoftheeleven。Hewasverynearlygettinguptogoandsendthemoff。
“Pshaw！theywon’trememberme。They’vemorerighttherethanI，“hemuttered。Andthethoughtthathissceptrehaddeparted，andhismarkwaswearingout，camehometohimforthefirsttime，andbitterlyenough。Hewaslyingontheveryspotwherethefightscameoff——wherehehimselfhadfoughtsixyearsagohisfirstandlastbattle。Heconjuredupthescenetillhecouldalmostheartheshoutsofthering，andEast’swhisperinhisear；andlookingacrosstheclosetotheDoctor’sprivatedoor，halfexpectedtoseeitopen，andthetallfigureincapandgowncomestridingundertheelm-treestowardshim。
No，no；thatsightcouldneverbeseenagain。Therewasnoflagflyingontheroundtower；theSchool-housewindowswereallshutteredup；andwhentheflagwentupagain，andtheshutterscamedown，itwouldbetowelcomeastranger。Allthatwasleftonearthofhimwhomhehadhonouredwaslyingcoldandstillunderthechapelfloor。Hewouldgoinandseetheplaceoncemore，andthenleaveitonceforall。Newmenandnewmethodsmightdoforotherpeople；letthosewhowould，worshiptherisingstar；he，atleast，wouldbefaithfultothesunwhichhadset。Andsohegotup，andwalkedtothechapeldoor，andunlockedit，fancyinghimselftheonlymournerinallthebroadland，andfeedingonhisownselfishsorrow。
Hepassedthroughthevestibule，andthenpausedforamomenttoglanceovertheemptybenches。Hisheartwasstillproudandhigh，andhewalkeduptotheseatwhichhehadlastoccupiedasasixth-formboy，andsathimselfdowntheretocollecthisthoughts。
And，truthtotell，theyneededcollectingandsettinginordernotalittle。Thememoriesofeightyearswerealldancingthroughhisbrain，andcarryinghimaboutwhithertheywould；
while，beneaththemall，hisheartwasthrobbingwiththedullsenseofalossthatcouldneverbemadeuptohim。Theraysoftheeveningsuncamesolemnlythroughthepaintedwindowsabovehishead，andfellingorgeouscoloursontheoppositewall，andtheperfectstillnesssoothedhisspiritbylittleandlittle。
Andheturnedtothepulpit，andlookedatit，andthen，leaningforwardwithhisheadonhishands，groanedaloud。IfhecouldonlyhaveseentheDoctoragainforonefiveminutes——havetoldhimallthatwasinhisheart，whatheowedtohim，howhelovedandreverencedhim，andwould，byGod’shelp，followhisstepsinlifeanddeath——hecouldhaveborneitallwithoutamurmur。
Butthatheshouldhavegoneawayforeverwithoutknowingitall，wastoomuchtobear。“ButamIsurethathedoesnotknowitall？“Thethoughtmadehimstart。“Mayhenotevennowbenearme，inthisverychapel？Ifhebe，amIsorrowingashewouldhavemesorrow，asIshouldwishtohavesorrowedwhenI
shallmeethimagain？“
Heraisedhimselfupandlookedround，andafteraminuteroseandwalkedhumblydowntothelowestbench，andsatdownontheveryseatwhichhehadoccupiedonhisfirstSundayatRugby。
Andthentheoldmemoriesrushedbackagain，butsoftenedandsubdued，andsoothinghimashelethimselfbecarriedawaybythem。Andhelookedupatthegreatpaintedwindowabovethealtar，andrememberedhow，whenalittleboy，heusedtotrynottolookthroughitattheelm-treesandtherooks，beforethepaintedglasscame；andthesubscriptionforthepaintedglass，andtheletterhewrotehomeformoneytogivetoit。Andthere，downbelow，wastheverynameoftheboywhosatonhisrighthandonthatfirstday，scratchedrudelyintheoakpanelling。
Andthencamethethoughtofallhisoldschoolfellows；andformafterformofboysnobler，andbraver，andpurerthanheroseupandseemedtorebukehim。Couldhenotthinkofthem，andwhattheyhadfeltandwerefeeling——theywhohadhonouredandlovedfromthefirstthemanwhomhehadtakenyearstoknowandlove？
Couldhenotthinkofthoseyetdearertohimwhowasgone，whoborehisnameandsharedhisblood，andwerenowwithoutahusbandorafather？Thenthegriefwhichhebegantosharewithothersbecamegentleandholy，andheroseuponcemore，andwalkedupthestepstothealtar，andwhilethetearsflowedfreelydownhischeeks，kneltdownhumblyandhopefully，tolaydowntherehisshareofaburdenwhichhadproveditselftooheavyforhimtobearinhisownstrength。
Hereletusleavehim。Wherebettercouldweleavehimthanatthealtarbeforewhichhehadfirstcaughtaglimpseofthegloryofhisbirthright，andfeltthedrawingofthebondwhichlinksalllivingsoulstogetherinonebrotherhood——atthegravebeneaththealtarofhimwhohadopenedhiseyestoseethatglory，andsoftenedhishearttillitcouldfeelthatbond？
Andletusnotbehardonhim，ifatthatmomenthissoulisfullerofthetombandhimwholiestherethanofthealtarandHimofwhomitspeaks。Suchstageshavetobegonethrough，I
believe，byallyoungandbravesouls，whomustwintheirwaythroughhero-worshiptotheworshipofHimwhoistheKingandLordofheroes。Foritisonlythroughourmysterioushumanrelationships——throughtheloveandtendernessandpurityofmothersandsistersandwives，throughthestrengthandcourageandwisdomoffathersandbrothersandteachers——thatwecancometotheknowledgeofHiminwhomalonethelove，andthetenderness，andthepurity，andthestrength，andthecourage，andthewisdomofallthesedwellforeverandeverinperfectfullness。
End
