第53章

类别:其他 作者:Thomas Hughes字数:4687更新时间:18/12/27 08:52:32
Andaftersometalk,webothagreedthatyouinparticularwantedsomeobjectintheSchoolbeyondgamesandmischief;foritwasquiteclearthatyouneverwouldmaketheregularschoolworkyourfirstobject。AndsotheDoctor,atthebeginningofthenexthalf-year,lookedoutthebestofthenewboys,andseparatedyouandEast,andputtheyoungboyintoyourstudy,inthehopethatwhenyouhadsomebodytoleanonyou,youwouldbegintostandalittlesteadieryourself,andgetmanlinessandthoughtfulness。AndIcanassureyouhehaswatchedtheexperimenteversincewithgreatsatisfaction。Ah!notoneofyouboyswilleverknowtheanxietyyouhavegivenhim,orthecarewithwhichhehaswatchedovereverystepinyourschoollives。“ UptothistimeTomhadnevergivenwhollyintoorunderstoodtheDoctor。Atfirsthehadthoroughlyfearedhim。Forsomeyears,asIhavetriedtoshow,hehadlearnttoregardhimwithloveandrespect,andtothinkhimaverygreatandwiseandgoodman。ButasregardedhisownpositionintheSchool,ofwhichhewasnolittleproud,Tomhadnoideaofgivinganyonecreditforitbuthimself,and,truthtotell,wasaveryself- conceitedyounggentlemanonthesubject。HewaswonttoboastthathehadfoughthisownwayfairlyuptheSchool,andhadnevermadeuptoorbeentakenupbyanybigfellowormaster,andthatitwasnowquiteadifferentplacefromwhatitwaswhenhefirstcame。And,indeed,thoughhedidn’tactuallyboastofit,yetinhissecretsoulhedidtoagreatextentbelievethatthegreatreformintheSchoolhadbeenowingquiteasmuchtohimselfastoanyoneelse。Arthur,heacknowledged,haddonehimgood,andtaughthimagooddeal;sohadotherboysindifferentways,buttheyhadnothadthesamemeansofinfluenceontheSchoolingeneral。AndasfortheDoctor,why,hewasasplendidmaster;buteveryoneknewthatmasterscoulddoverylittleoutofschoolhours。Inshort,hefeltontermsofequalitywithhischief,sofarasthesocialstateoftheSchoolwasconcerned,andthoughtthattheDoctorwouldfinditnoeasymattertogetonwithouthim。Moreover,hisSchoolToryismwasstillstrong,andhelookedstillwithsomejealousyontheDoctor,assomewhatofafanaticinthematterofchange,andthoughtitverydesirablefortheSchoolthatheshouldhavesomewiseperson(suchashimself)tolooksharplyaftervestedSchool-rights,andseethatnothingwasdonetotheinjuryoftherepublicwithoutdueprotest。 Itwasanewlighttohimtofindthat,besidesteachingthesixth,andgoverningandguidingthewholeSchool,editingclassics,andwritinghistories,thegreatheadmasterhadfoundtimeinthosebusyyearstowatchoverthecareerevenofhim,TomBrown,andhisparticularfriends,and,nodoubt,offiftyotherboysatthesametime,andallthiswithouttakingtheleastcredittohimself,orseemingtoknow,orletanyoneelseknow,thatheeverthoughtparticularlyofanyboyatall。 However,theDoctor’svictorywascompletefromthatmomentoverTomBrownatanyrate。Hegavewayatallpoints,andtheenemymarchedrightoverhim——cavalry,infantry,andartillery,andthelandtransportcorps,andthecampfollowers。Ithadtakeneightlongyearstodoit;butnowitwasdonethoroughly,andtherewasn’tacornerofhimleftwhichdidn’tbelieveintheDoctor。HadhereturnedtoSchoolagain,andtheDoctorbegunthehalf-yearbyabolishingfagging,andfootball,andtheSaturdayhalf-holiday,oralloranyofthemostcherishedSchoolinstitutions,Tomwouldhavesupportedhimwiththeblindestfaith。Andso,afterahalfconfessionofhispreviousshortcomings,andsorrowfuladieustohistutor,fromwhomhereceivedtwobeautifully-boundvolumesoftheDoctor’ssermons,asapartingpresent,hemarcheddowntotheSchoolhouse,ahero-worshipper,whowouldhavesatisfiedthesoulofThomasCarlylehimself。 Therehefoundtheelevenathighjinksaftersupper,JackRagglesshoutingcomicsongsandperformingfeatsofstrength,andwasgreetedbyachorusofmingledremonstranceathisdesertionandjoyathisreappearance。Andfallinginwiththehumouroftheevening,hewassoonasgreataboyasalltherest;andatteno’clockwaschairedroundthequadrangle,ononeofthehallbenches,bornealoftbytheeleven,shoutinginchorus,“Forhe’sajollygoodfellow,“whileoldThomas,inameltingmood,andtheotherSchool-houseservants,stoodlookingon。 Andthenextmorningafterbreakfasthesquaredupallthecricketingaccounts,wentroundtohistradesmenandotheracquaintance,andsaidhisheartygood-byes;andbytwelveo’clockwasinthetrain,andawayforLondon,nolongeraschool-boy,anddividedinhisthoughtsbetweenhero-worship,honestregretsoverthelongstageofhislifewhichwasnowslippingoutofsightbehindhim,andhopesandresolvesforthenextstageuponwhichhewasenteringwithalltheconfidenceofayoungtraveller。 “Strangefriend,past,present,andtobe; Loveddeeplier,darklierunderstood; BeholdIdreamadreamofgood,Andminglealltheworldwiththee。“-TENNYSON。 Inthesummerof1842,ourherostoppedonceagainatthewell- knownstation;andleavinghisbagandfishing-rodwithaporter,walkedslowlyandsadlyuptowardsthetown。ItwasnowJuly。HehadrushedawayfromOxfordthemomentthattermwasover,forafishingrambleinScotlandwithtwocollegefriends,andhadbeenforthreeweekslivingonoatcake,mutton-hams,andwhisky,inthewildestpartsofSkye。TheyhaddescendedonesultryeveningonthelittleinnatKyleRheaferry;andwhileTomandanotherofthepartyputtheirtackletogetherandbeganexploringthestreamforasea-troutforsupper,thethirdstrolledintothehousetoarrangefortheirentertainment。 Presentlyhecameoutinalooseblouseandslippers,ashortpipeinhismouth,andanoldnewspaperinhishand,andthrewhimselfontheheatheryscrubwhichmettheshingle,withineasyhailofthefishermen。Therehelay,thepictureoffree-and- easy,loafing,hand-to-mouthyoungEngland,“improvinghismind,“asheshoutedtothem,bytheperusalofthefortnight- oldweeklypaper,soiledwiththemarksoftoddy-glassesandtobacco-ashes,thelegacyofthelasttraveller,whichhehadhuntedoutfromthekitchenofthelittlehostelry,and,beingayouthofacommunicativeturnofmind,beganimpartingthecontentstothefishermenashewenton。 “Whatabothertheyaremakingaboutthesewretchedcorn-laws! Here’sthreeorfourcolumnsfullofnothingbutslidingscalesandfixedduties。Hangthistobacco,it’salwaysgoingout! Ah,here’ssomethingbetter——asplendidmatchbetweenKentandEngland,Brown,Kentwinningbythreewickets。Felixfifty-sixrunswithoutachance,andnotout!“ Tom,intentonafishwhichhadrisenathimtwice,answeredonlywithagrunt。 “AnythingabouttheGoodwood?“calledoutthethirdman。 “RoryO’Moredrawn。Butterflycoltamiss,“shoutedthestudent。 “Justmyluck,“grumbledtheinquirer,jerkinghisfliesoffthewater,andthrowingagainwithaheavy,sullensplash,andfrighteningTom’sfish。 “Isay,can’tyouthrowlighteroverthere?Weain’tfishingforgrampuses,“shoutedTomacrossthestream。 “Hullo,Brown!here’ssomethingforyou,“calledoutthereadingmannextmoment。“Why,youroldmaster,ArnoldofRugby,isdead。“ Tom’shandstoppedhalf-wayinhiscast,andhislineandflieswentalltanglingroundandroundhisrod;youmighthaveknockedhimoverwithafeather。Neitherofhiscompanionstookanynoticeofhim,luckily;andwithaviolentefforthesettoworkmechanicallytodisentanglehisline。Hefeltcompletelycarriedoffhismoralandintellectuallegs,asifhehadlosthisstanding-pointintheinvisibleworld。Besideswhich,thedeep,lovingloyaltywhichhefeltforhisoldleadermadetheshockintenselypainful。Itwasthefirstgreatwrenchofhislife,thefirstgapwhichtheangelDeathhadmadeinhiscircle,andhefeltnumbed,andbeatendown,andspiritless。 Well,well!Ibelieveitwasgoodforhimandformanyothersinlikecase,whohadtolearnbythatlossthatthesoulofmancannotstandorleanuponanyhumanprop,howeverstrong,andwise,andgood;butthatHeuponwhomaloneitcanstandandleanwillknockawayallsuchpropsinHisownwiseandmercifulway,untilthereisnogroundorstayleftbutHimself,theRockofAges,uponwhomaloneasurefoundationforeverysoulofmanislaid。 Ashewearilylabouredathisline,thethoughtstruckhim,“Itmaybeallfalse——amerenewspaperlie。“Andhestrodeuptotherecumbentsmoker。 “Letmelookatthepaper,“saidhe。 “Nothingelseinit,“answeredtheother,handingituptohimlistlessly。“Hullo,Brown!what’sthematter,oldfellow? Ain’tyouwell?“ “Whereisit?“saidTom,turningovertheleaves,hishandstrembling,andhiseyesswimming,sothathecouldnotread。 “What?Whatareyoulookingfor?“saidhisfriend,jumpingupandlookingoverhisshoulder。 “That——aboutArnold,“saidTom。 “Oh,here,“saidtheother,puttinghisfingerontheparagraph。 Tomreaditoverandoveragain。Therecouldbenomistakeofidentity,thoughtheaccountwasshortenough。 “Thankyou,“saidheatlast,droppingthepaper。“Ishallgoforawalk。Don’tyouandHerbertwaitsupperforme。“Andawayhestrode,upoverthemooratthebackofthehouse,tobealone,andmasterhisgriefifpossible。 Hisfriendlookedafterhim,sympathizingandwondering,and,knockingtheashesoutofhispipe,walkedovertoHerbert。 Afterashortparleytheywalkedtogetheruptothehouse。 “I’mafraidthatconfoundednewspaperhasspoiledBrown’sfunforthistrip。“ “Howoddthatheshouldbesofondofhisoldmaster,“saidHerbert。Yettheyalsowerebothpublic-schoolmen。 Thetwo,however,notwithstandingTom’sprohibition,waitedsupperforhim,andhadeverythingreadywhenhecamebacksomehalfanhourafterwards。Buthecouldnotjoinintheircheerfultalk,andthepartywassoonsilent,notwithstandingtheeffortsofallthree。OnethingonlyhadTomresolved,andthatwas,thathecouldn’tstayinScotlandanylonger:hefeltanirresistiblelongingtogettoRugby,andthenhome,andsoonbrokeittotheothers,whohadtoomuchtacttooppose。 SobydaylightthenextmorninghewasmarchingthroughRoss- shire,andintheeveninghittheCaledonianCanal,tookthenextsteamer,andtravelledasfastasboatandrailwaycouldcarryhimtotheRugbystation。 Ashewalkeduptothetown,hefeltshyandafraidofbeingseen,andtookthebackstreets——why,hedidn’tknow,buthefollowedhisinstinct。AttheSchool-gateshemadeadeadpause;therewasnotasoulinthequadrangle——allwaslonely,andsilent,andsad。Sowithanotherefforthestrodethroughthequadrangle,andintotheSchool-houseoffices。