第32章

类别:其他 作者:Thomas Hughes字数:4836更新时间:18/12/27 08:52:32
IhavealreadydescribedtheSchool-houseprayers。Theywerethesameonthefirstnightasontheothernights,saveforthegapscausedbytheabsenceofthoseboyswhocamelate,andthelineofnewboyswhostoodalltogetheratthefarthertable—— ofallsortsandsizes,likeyoungbearswithalltheirtroublestocome,asTom’sfatherhadsaidtohimwhenhewasinthesameposition。Hethoughtofitashelookedattheline,andpoorlittleslightArthurstandingwiththem,andashewasleadinghimupstairstoNumber4,directlyafterprayers,andshowinghimhisbed。Itwasahuge,high,airyroom,withtwolargewindowslookingontotheSchoolclose。Thereweretwelvebedsintheroom。Theoneinthefarthestcornerbythefireplace,occupiedbythesixth-formboy,whowasresponsibleforthedisciplineoftheroom,andtherestbyboysinthelower-fifthandotherjuniorforms,allfags(forthefifth-formboys,ashasbeensaid,sleptinroomsbythemselves)。Beingfags,theeldestofthemwasnotmorethanaboutsixteenyearsold,andwereallboundtobeupandinbedbyten。Thesixth-formboyscametobedfromtentoaquarter-past(atwhichtimetheoldvergercameroundtoputthecandlesout),exceptwhentheysatuptoread。 Withinafewminutesthereforeoftheirentry,alltheotherboyswhosleptinNumber4hadcomeup。Thelittlefellowswentquietlytotheirownbeds,andbeganundressing,andtalkingtoeachotherinwhispers;whiletheelder,amongstwhomwasTom,satchattingaboutononeanother’sbeds,withtheirjacketsandwaistcoatsoff。PoorlittleArthurwasoverwhelmedwiththenoveltyofhisposition。Theideaofsleepingintheroomwithstrangeboyshadclearlynevercrossedhismindbefore,andwasaspainfulasitwasstrangetohim。Hecouldhardlybeartotakehisjacketoff;however,presently,withaneffort,offitcame,andthenhepausedandlookedatTom,whowassittingatthebottomofhisbedtalkingandlaughing。 “Please,Brown,“hewhispered,“mayIwashmyfaceandhands?“ “Ofcourse,ifyoulike,“saidTom,staring;“that’syourwashhand-stand,underthewindow,secondfromyourbed。You’llhavetogodownformorewaterinthemorningifyouuseitall。“Andonhewentwithhistalk,whileArthurstoletimidlyfrombetweenthebedsouttohiswashhand-stand,andbeganhisablutions,therebydrawingforamomentonhimselftheattentionoftheroom。 Onwentthetalkandlaughter。Arthurfinishedhiswashingandundressing,andputonhisnight-gown。Hethenlookedroundmorenervouslythanever。Twoorthreeofthelittleboyswerealreadyinbed,sittingupwiththeirchinsontheirknees。Thelightburnedclear,thenoisewenton。Itwasatryingmomentforthepoorlittlelonelyboy;however,thistimehedidn’taskTomwhathemightormightnotdo,butdroppedonhiskneesbyhisbedside,ashehaddoneeverydayfromhischildhood,toopenhishearttoHimwhoheareththecryandbeareththesorrowsofthetenderchild,andthestrongmaninagony。 Tomwassittingatthebottomofhisbedunlacinghisboots,sothathisbackwastowardsArthur,andhedidn’tseewhathadhappened,andlookedupinwonderatthesuddensilence。Thentwoorthreeboyslaughedandsneered,andabig,brutalfellowwhowasstandinginthemiddleoftheroompickedupaslipper,andshieditatthekneelingboy,callinghimasnivellingyoungshaver。ThenTomsawthewhole,andthenextmomenttheboothehadjustpulledoffflewstraightattheheadofthebully,whohadjusttimetothrowuphisarmandcatchitonhiselbow。 “Confoundyou,Brown!what’sthatfor?“roaredhe,stampingwithpain。 “NevermindwhatImean,“saidTom,steppingontothefloor,everydropofbloodinhisbodytingling;“ifanyfellowwantstheotherboot,heknowshowtogetit。“ Whatwouldhavebeentheresultisdoubtful,foratthismomentthesixth-formboycamein,andnotanotherwordcouldbesaid。 Tomandtherestrushedintobedandfinishedtheirunrobingthere,andtheoldverger,aspunctualastheclock,hadputoutthecandleinanotherminute,andtoddledontothenextroom,shuttingtheirdoorwithhisusual“Good-night,gen’lm’n。“ Thereweremanyboysintheroombywhomthatlittlescenewastakentoheartbeforetheyslept。ButsleepseemedtohavedesertedthepillowofpoorTom。Forsometimehisexcitement,andthefloodofmemorieswhichchasedoneanotherthroughhisbrain,kepthimfromthinkingorresolving。Hisheadthrobbed,hisheartleapt,andhecouldhardlykeephimselffromspringingoutofbedandrushingabouttheroom。Thenthethoughtofhisownmothercameacrosshim,andthepromisehehadmadeatherknee,yearsago,nevertoforgettokneelbyhisbedside,andgivehimselfuptohisFather,beforehelaidhisheadonthepillow,fromwhichitmightneverrise;andhelaydowngently,andcriedasifhisheartwouldbreak。Hewasonlyfourteenyearsold。 Itwasnolightactofcourageinthosedays,mydearboys,foralittlefellowtosayhisprayerspublicly,evenatRugby。A fewyearslater,whenArnold’smanlypietyhadbeguntoleaventheSchool,thetablesturned;beforehedied,intheSchool- houseatleast,andIbelieveintheotherhouse,therulewastheotherway。ButpoorTomhadcometoschoolinothertimes。 Thefirstfewnightsafterhecamehedidnotkneeldownbecauseofthenoise,butsatupinbedtillthecandlewasout,andthenstoleoutandsaidhisprayers,infearlestsomeoneshouldfindhimout。Sodidmanyanotherpoorlittlefellow。 Thenhebegantothinkthathemightjustaswellsayhisprayersinbed,andthenthatitdidn’tmatterwhetherhewaskneeling,orsitting,orlyingdown。AndsoithadcometopasswithTom,aswithallwhowillnotconfesstheirLordbeforemen;andforthelastyearhehadprobablynotsaidhisprayersinearnestadozentimes。 PoorTom!thefirstandbitterestfeelingwhichwasliketobreakhisheartwasthesenseofhisowncowardice。Theviceofallotherswhichheloathedwasbroughtinandburntinonhisownsoul。Hehadliedtohismother,tohisconscience,tohisGod。Howcouldhebearit?Andthenthepoorlittleweakboy,whomhehadpitiedandalmostscornedforhisweakness,haddonethatwhichhe,braggartashewas,darednotdo。Thefirstdawnofcomfortcametohiminswearingtohimselfthathewouldstandbythatboythroughthickandthin,andcheerhim,andhelphim,andbearhisburdensforthegooddeeddonethatnight。Thenheresolvedtowritehomenextdayandtellhismotherall,andwhatacowardhersonhadbeen。Andthenpeacecametohimasheresolved,lastly,tobearhistestimonynextmorning。Themorningwouldbeharderthanthenighttobeginwith,buthefeltthathecouldnotaffordtoletonechanceslip。Severaltimeshefaltered,forthedevilshowedhimfirstallhisoldfriendscallinghim“Saint“and“Square-toes,“andadozenhardnames,andwhisperedtohimthathismotiveswouldbemisunderstood,andhewouldonlybeleftalonewiththenewboy; whereasitwashisdutytokeepallmeansofinfluence,thathemightdogoodtothelargestnumber。Andthencamethemoresubtletemptation,“ShallInotbeshowingmyselfbraverthanothersbydoingthis?HaveIanyrighttobeginitnow?OughtInotrathertoprayinmyownstudy,lettingotherboysknowthatIdoso,andtryingtoleadthemtoit,whileinpublicatleastIshouldgoonasIhavedone?“However,hisgoodangelwastoostrongthatnight,andheturnedonhissideandslept,tiredoftryingtoreason,butresolvedtofollowtheimpulsewhichhadbeensostrong,andinwhichhehadfoundpeace。 Nextmorninghewasupandwashedanddressed,allbuthisjacketandwaistcoat,justasthetenminutes’bellbegantoring,andtheninthefaceofthewholeroomkneltdowntopray。 Notfivewordscouldhesay——thebellmockedhim;hewaslisteningforeverywhisperintheroom——whatweretheyallthinkingofhim?Hewasashamedtogoonkneeling,ashamedtorisefromhisknees。Atlast,asitwerefromhisinmostheart,astill,smallvoiceseemedtobreatheforththewordsofthepublican,“Godbemercifultomeasinner!“Herepeatedthemoverandover,clingingtothemasforhislife,androsefromhiskneescomfortedandhumbled,andreadytofacethewholeworld。Itwasnotneeded:twootherboysbesidesArthurhadalreadyfollowedhisexample,andhewentdowntothegreatSchoolwithaglimmeringofanotherlessoninhisheart——thelessonthathewhohasconqueredhisowncowardspirithasconqueredthewholeoutwardworld;andthatotheronewhichtheoldprophetlearntinthecaveinMountHoreb,whenhehidhisface,andthestill,smallvoiceasked,“Whatdoestthouhere,Elijah?“thathoweverwemayfancyourselvesaloneonthesideofgood,theKingandLordofmenisnowherewithoutHiswitnesses;forineverysociety,howeverseeminglycorruptandgodless,therearethosewhohavenotbowedthekneetoBaal。 Hefound,too,howgreatlyhehadexaggeratedtheeffecttobeproducedbyhisact。Forafewnightstherewasasneeroralaughwhenhekneltdown,butthispassedoffsoon,andonebyonealltheotherboysbutthreeorfourfollowedthelead。I fearthatthiswasinsomemeasureowingtothefactthatTomcouldprobablyhavethrashedanyboyintheroomexcepttheprepostor;atanyrate,everyboyknewthathewouldtryuponveryslightprovocation,anddidn’tchoosetoruntheriskofahardfightbecauseTomBrownhadtakenafancytosayhisprayers。SomeofthesmallboysofNumber4communicatedthenewstateofthingstotheirchums,andinseveralotherroomsthepoorlittlefellowstriediton——inoneinstanceorso,wheretheprepostorheardofitandinterferedverydecidedly,withpartialsuccess;butintherest,afterashortstruggle,theconfessorswerebulliedorlaugheddown,andtheoldstateofthingswentonforsometimelonger。BeforeeitherTomBrownorArthurlefttheSchool-house,therewasnoroominwhichithadnotbecometheregularcustom。Itrustitissostill,andthattheoldheathenstateofthingshasgoneoutforever。 “AndHeaven’srichinstinctsinhimgrewAseffortlessaswoodlandnooksSendvioletsupandpaintthemblue。“-LOWELL。 IdonotmeantorecountallthelittletroublesandannoyanceswhichthrongeduponTomatthebeginningofthishalf-year,inhisnewcharacterofbear-leadertoagentlelittleboystraightfromhome。Heseemedtohimselftohavebecomeanewboyagain,withoutanyofthelong-sufferingandmeeknessindispensableforsupportingthatcharacterwithmoderatesuccess。Frommorningtillnighthehadthefeelingofresponsibilityonhismind,andevenifheleftArthurintheirstudyorinthecloseforanhour,wasneverateasetillhehadhiminsightagain。Hewaitedforhimatthedoorsoftheschoolaftereverylessonandeverycalling-over;watchedthatnotrickswereplayedhim,andnonebuttheregulationquestionsasked;kepthiseyeonhisplateatdinnerandbreakfast,toseethatnounfairdepredationsweremadeuponhisviands;inshort,asEastremarked,cackledafterhimlikeahenwithonechick。 Arthurtookalongtimethawing,too,whichmadeitalltheharderwork;wassadlytimid;scarcelyeverspokeunlessTomspoketohimfirst;and,worstofall,wouldagreewithhimineverything——thehardestthingintheworldforaBrowntobear。