Thecrowdcheer，andbegintochaffJoe，whoturnsuphisnoseandswaggersacrosstothesticks。“Imp’dentoldwosbird！“sayshe；“I’llbreakthebaldheadonuntothetruth。“
Theoldboyisverybald，certainly，andthebloodwillshowfastenoughifyoucantouchhim，Joe。
Hetakesoffhislong-flappedcoat，andstandsupinalong-
flappedwaistcoat，whichSirRogerdeCoverleymighthavewornwhenitwasnew，picksoutastick，andisreadyforMasterJoe，wholosesnotime，butbeginshisoldgame，whack，whack，whack，tryingtobreakdowntheoldman’sguardbysheerstrength。Butitwon’tdo；hecatcheseveryblowclosebythebasket，andthoughheisratherstiffinhisreturns，afteraminutewalksJoeaboutthestage，andisclearlyastancholdgamester。Joenowcomesin，andmakingthemostofhisheight，triestogetovertheoldman’sguardathalf-stick，bywhichhetakesasmartblowintheribsandanotherontheelbow，andnothingmore。Andnowheloseswindandbeginstopuff，andthecrowdlaugh。“Cry’hold，’Joe；thee’stmetthymatch！“Insteadoftakinggoodadviceandgettinghiswind，Joeloseshistemper，andstrikesattheoldman’sbody。
“Blood，blood！“shoutthecrowd；“Joe’shead’sbroke！“
Who’dhavethoughtit？Howdiditcome？Thatbody-blowleftJoe’sheadunguardedforamoment；andwithoneturnofthewristtheoldgentlemanhaspickedaneatlittlebitofskinoffthemiddleofhisforehead；andthoughhewon’tbelieveit，andhammersonforthreemoreblowsdespiteoftheshouts，isthenconvincedbythebloodtricklingintohiseye。PoorJoeissadlycrestfallen，andfumblesinhispocketfortheotherhalf-
sovereign，buttheoldgamesterwon’thaveit。“Keepthymoney，man，andgi’sthyhand，“sayshe；andtheyshakehands。Buttheoldgamestergivesthenewhattotheshepherd，and，soonafter，thehalf-sovereigntoWillum，whothereoutdecorateshissweetheartwithribbonstohisheart’scontent。
“Whocanabe？““Wurdoacumfrom？“askthecrowd。Anditsoonfliesaboutthattheoldwest-countrychampion，whoplayedatiewithShawtheLifeguardsmanat“Vizes“twentyyearsbefore，hasbrokenJoeWillis’scrownforhim。
Howmycountryfairisspinningout！IseeImustskipthewrestling；andtheboysjumpinginsacks，androllingwheelbarrowsblindfolded；andthedonkey-race，andthefightwhicharosethereout，marringtheotherwisepeaceful“veast；“
andthefrightenedscurryingawayofthefemalefeast-goers，anddescentofSquireBrown，summonedbythewifeofoneofthecombatantstostopit；whichhewouldn’tstarttodotillhehadgotonhistop-boots。TomiscarriedawaybyoldBenjy，dog-
tiredandsurfeitedwithpleasure，astheeveningcomesonandthedancingbeginsinthebooths；andthoughWillum，andRachelinhernewribbons，andmanyanothergoodladandlassdon’tcomeawayjustyet，buthaveagoodstepout，andenjoyit，andgetnoharmthereby，yetwe，beingsoberfolk，willjuststrollawayupthroughthechurchyard，andbytheoldyew-tree，andgetaquietdishofteaandaparleywithourgossips，asthesteadyonesofourvillagedo，andsotobed。
That’sthefair，truesketch，asfarasitgoes，ofoneofthelargervillagefeastsintheValeofBerks，whenIwasalittleboy。Theyaremuchalteredfortheworse，Iamtold。Ihaven’tbeenatonethesetwentyyears，butIhavebeenatthestatutefairsinsomewest-countrytowns，whereservantsarehired，andgreaterabominationscannotbefound。Whatvillagefeastshavecometo，Ifear，inmanycases，maybereadinthepagesof“Yeast“(thoughIneversawonesobad——thankGod！)。
Doyouwanttoknowwhy？Itisbecause，asIsaidbefore，gentlefolkandfarmershaveleftoffjoiningortakinganinterestinthem。Theydon’teithersubscribetotheprizes，orgodownandenjoythefun。
Isthisagoodorabadsign？Ihardlyknow。Bad，sureenough，ifitonlyarisesfromthefurtherseparationofclassesconsequentontwentyyearsofbuyingcheapandsellingdear，anditsaccompanyingoverwork；orbecauseoursonsanddaughtershavetheirheartsinLondonclub-life，orso-called“society，“
insteadofintheoldEnglishhome-duties；becausefarmers’sonsareapeingfinegentlemen，andfarmers’daughterscaringmoretomakebadforeignmusicthangoodEnglishcheeses。Good，perhaps，ifitbethatthetimefortheold“veast“hasgoneby；
thatitisnolongerthehealthy，soundexpressionofEnglishcountryholiday-making；that，infact，we，asanation，havegotbeyondit，andareinatransitionstate，feelingforandsoonlikelytofindsomebettersubstitute。
OnlyIhavejustgotthistosaybeforeIquitthetext。Don’tletreformersofanysortthinkthattheyaregoingreallytolayholdoftheworkingboysandyoungmenofEnglandbyanyeducationalgrapnelwhatever，whichisn’tsomebonafideequivalentforthegamesoftheoldcountry“veast“init；
somethingtoputintheplaceoftheback-swordingandwrestlingandracing；somethingtotrythemusclesofmen’sbodies，andtheenduranceoftheirhearts，andtomakethemrejoiceintheirstrength。Inallthenew-fangledcomprehensiveplanswhichI
see，thisisallleftout；andtheconsequenceis，thatyourgreatmechanics’institutesendinintellectualpriggism，andyourChristianyoungmen’ssocietiesinreligiousPharisaism。
Well，well，wemustbideourtime。Lifeisn’tallbeerandskittles；butbeerandskittles，orsomethingbetterofthesamesort，mustformagoodpartofeveryEnglishman’seducation。IfIcouldonlydrivethisintotheheadsofyourisingparliamentarylords，andyoungswellswho“haveyourwaysmadeforyou，“asthesayingis，you，whofrequentpalaverhousesandWest-endclubs，waitingalwaysreadytostrapyourselvesontothebackofpoordearoldJohn，assoonasthepresentused-uplot(yourfathersanduncles)，whositthereonthegreatparliamentary-majorities’pack-saddle，andmakebelievethey’reguidinghimwiththeirred-tapebridle，tumble，orhavetobeliftedoff！
Idon’tthinkmuchofyouyet——IwishIcould——thoughyoudogotalkingandlecturingupanddownthecountrytocrowdedaudiences，andarebusywithallsortsofphilanthropicintellectualism，andcirculatinglibrariesandmuseums，andHeavenonlyknowswhatbesides，andtrytomakeusthink，throughnewspaperreports，thatyouare，evenaswe，oftheworkingclasses。Butblessyourhearts，we“ain’tsogreen，“
thoughlotsofusofallsortstoadyyouenoughcertainly，andtrytomakeyouthinkso。
I’lltellyouwhattodonow:insteadofallthistrumpetingandfuss，whichisonlytheoldparliamentary-majoritydodgeoveragain，justyougo，eachofyou(you’veplentyoftimeforit，ifyou’llonlygiveupt’otherline)，andquietlymakethreeorfourfriends——realfriends——amongus。You’llfindalittletroubleingettingattherightsort，becausesuchbirdsdon’tcomelightlytoyourlure；butfoundtheymaybe。Take，say，twooutoftheprofessions，lawyer，parson，doctor——whichyouwill；oneoutoftrade；andthreeorfouroutoftheworkingclasses——tailors，engineers，carpenters，engravers。There’splentyofchoice。Letthembemenofyourownages，mind，andaskthemtoyourhomes；introducethemtoyourwivesandsisters，andgetintroducedtotheirs；givethemgooddinners，andtalktothemaboutwhatisreallyatthebottomofyourhearts；andbox，andrun，androwwiththem，whenyouhaveachance。Doallthishonestlyasmantoman，andbythetimeyoucometorideoldJohn，you’llbeabletodosomethingmorethansitonhisback，andmayfeelhismouthwithsomestrongerbridlethanared-tapeone。
Ah，ifyouonlywould！Butyouhavegottoofaroutoftherightrut，Ifear。Toomuchover-civilization，andthedeceitfulnessofriches。Itiseasierforacameltogothroughtheeyeofaneedle。More’sthepity。Inevercameacrossbuttwoofyouwhocouldvalueamanwhollyandsolelyforwhatwasinhim——whothoughtthemselvesverilyandindeedofthesamefleshandbloodasJohnJonestheattorney’sclerk，andBillSmiththecostermonger，andcouldactasiftheythoughtso。
PooroldBenjy！The“rheumatiz“hasmuchtoanswerforallthroughEnglishcountry-sides，butitneverplayedascurviertrickthaninlayingtheebytheheels，whenthouwastyetinagreenoldage。Theenemy，whichhadlongbeencarryingonasortofborderwarfare，andtryinghisstrengthagainstBenjy’sonthebattlefieldofhishandsandlegs，now，musteringallhisforces，beganlayingsiegetothecitadel，andoverrunningthewholecountry。Benjywasseizedinthebackandloins；andthoughhemadestrongandbravefight，itwassoonclearenoughthatallwhichcouldbebeatenofpooroldBenjywouldhavetogiveinbeforelong。
Itwasasmuchashecoulddonow，withthehelpofhisbigstickandfrequentstops，tohobbledowntothecanalwithMasterTom，andbaithishookforhim，andsitandwatchhisangling，tellinghimquaintoldcountrystories；andwhenTomhadnosport，anddetectingaratsomehundredyardsorsooffalongthebank，wouldrushoffwithTobytheturnspitterrier，hisotherfaithfulcompanion，inbootlesspursuit，hemighthavetumbledinandbeendrownedtwentytimesoverbeforeBenjycouldhavegotnearhim。
Cheeryandunmindfulofhimself，asBenjywas，thislossoflocomotivepowerbotheredhimgreatly。Hehadgotanewobjectinhisoldage，andwasjustbeginningtothinkhimselfusefulagainintheworld。Hefearedmuch，too，lestMasterTomshouldfallbackagainintothehandsofCharityandthewomen。Sohetriedeverythinghecouldthinkoftogetsetup。Heevenwentanexpeditiontothedwellingofoneofthosequeermortals，who-saywhatwewill，andreasonhowwewill——docuresimplepeopleofdiseasesofonekindoranotherwithouttheaidofphysic，andsogettothemselvesthereputationofusingcharms，andinspireforthemselvesandtheirdwellingsgreatrespect，nottosayfear，amongstasimplefolksuchasthedwellersintheValeofWhiteHorse。Wherethispower，orwhateverelseitmaybe，descendsupontheshouldersofamanwhosewaysarenotstraight，hebecomesanuisancetotheneighbourhood——areceiverofstolengoods，giveroflove-potions，anddeceiverofsillywomen——theavowedenemyoflawandorder，ofjusticesofthepeace，head-boroughs，andgamekeepers，——suchaman，infact，aswasrecentlycaughttripping，anddeservedlydealtwithbytheLeedsjustices，forseducingagirlwhohadcometohimtogetbackafaithlesslover，andhasbeenconvictedofbigamysincethen。Sometimes，however，theyareofquiteadifferentstamp——menwhopretendtonothing，andarewithdifficultypersuadedtoexercisetheiroccultartsinthesimplestcases。
OfthislattersortwasoldFarmerIves，ashewascalled，the“wiseman“towhomBenjyresorted(takingTomwithhimasusual)，intheearlyspringoftheyearnextafterthefeastdescribedinthelastchapter。Whyhewascalled“farmer“I
