第63章

Rather，hewasasnow-whitedove，thoughnonebutIrealisedthefact。Andnowhehasbeenwithdrawnfromthe’grievousbondageofPharaoh。’OnlyIamleft。Verily，aftermypassing，shallmysoultormentandvomitspittleuponhisadversaries！“ “Haveyouknownmuchsorrow？“ Thedeacondidnotreplyatonce。Whenhedidsohesaiddully: “Allofushaveknownmuchsorrow。Insomecaseswehaveknownmorethanwasrightfullyourdue。Icertainly，haveknownmuch。 Butgotosleep，foronlyinsleepdowerecoverwhatisours。“ Andheaddedashetrippedoverhisownfeet，andlurchedheavilyagainstme: “Ihavealongingtosingsomething。YetIfeelthatIhadbestnot，forsongatsuchanhourawakensfolk，andstartsthembawling……ButbeyondallthingswouldIgladlysing。“ Withwhichhebuzzedintomyear: “TowhomshallIsingofmygrief？ Towhomresortforrelief？ TotheOneinwhoseha-a-and——“ Atthispointthesharpbristlesofhisbeardsotickledmyneckastocausemetoedgefurtheraway。 “Youdonotlikeme？“hequeried。“Thengotosleep，andtothedeviltoo！“ “Itwasyourbeardthatwasticklingme。“ “Indeed？OughtItohaveshavedforyourbenefitbeforeIcame？“ Hereflectedawhile——thensubsidedontothefloorwithasniffandanangryexclamationof: “Read，you，whilstIsleep。Andseetoitthatyoudonotmakeoffwiththebook，foritbelongstothechurch，andisveryvaluable。Yes。Iknowyouhard-ups！Whydoyougoroamingaboutasyoudo——whatisityouhopetogainbyyourtramping？…… However，trampasmuchasyoulike。Yes，beoff，andtellpeoplethatadeaconhascomebymisfortune，andisinneedofsomegoodpersontotakepityuponhisplight……DiomidKubasovmynameis——thatofamanlostbeyondrecall。“ Withwhichhefellasleep。Openingthebookatrandom，Ireadthewords: “Alandunapportionedthatshallproduceanourisherofhumanity，abeingthatshallputforththebountyofhishandtofeedeverycreature。“ “Anourisherofhumanity。“Beforemyeyesthat“nourisher“layoutspread，anourisheroverlaidwithdryandfragrantherbage。 AndasIgazed，inthehazeofavision，uponthatnourisher’sdarkandenigmaticalface，Isawalsothethousandsofmenwhohaveseamedthisearthwithfurrows，totheendthatdeadthingsshouldbecomethingsoflife。Andinparticular，thereuprosebeforemeapicturestrangeindeed。InthatpictureIsawmarchingoverthesteppe，wheretheexpanselaybareandvoid——yes，marchingincirclesthatincreasinglyembracedawideningarea——agigantic，thousand-handedbeinginwhosetrainthedeadsteppegathereduntoitselfvitality，andbecameswathedinjuicy，wavingverdure，andstuddedwithtownsandvillages。Andever，asthebeingrecededfurtherandfurtherintothedistance，couldI seehimsowingwithtirelesshandsthatwhichhadinitlife，andwaspartofhimself，andhumanas，withthoughtsintentuponthebenefitingofhumanity，hesummonedallmentoputforththemysteriousforcethatisinthem，andthustoconquerdeath，andeternallyandinvinciblytoconvert，deadthingsintothingsoflife，whiletraversingincompanytheroadofdeathtowardsthatwhichhasnoknowledgeofdeath，andensuringthat，inswallowingupmankind，thejawsofdeathshouldnotcloseupondeath’svictims。 Andthiscausedmyhearttobeatwithemotionsthepulsingwingsofwhichatoncegladdenedme，andcooledmyfervour……Andhowgreatly，atthatmoment，didIfeeltheneedofsomeoneabletorespondtomyquestionswithoutpassion，yetwithtruth，andinthelanguageofsimplicity！Forbesidemetherelaybutamandeadandamandrunken，whilewithoutthethresholdtherewasstationedonewhohadfaroutlivedherspanofyears。Nomatter，however。Ifnottoday，thentomorrow，shouldIfindafellow- creaturewithwhommysoulmightcommune。 MentallyIleftthehut，andpassedontothesteppe，thatI mightcontemplatethencethelittledwellinginwhichalone，thoughlostamidtheearth’simmensity，thewindowswerenotblindandblackasinitsfellowhuts，butshowed，burningovertheheadofadeadhumanbeing，thefirewhichhumanityhadconqueredforhumanity’sbenefit。 Andthatheartwhichhadceasedtobeatinthedeadman——hadeverythingconceivedinlifebythatheartfounddueexpressioninaworldpoverty，strickenofheart-conceivedideas？Iknewthatthemanjustpassedawayhadbeenbutaplainandinsignificantmortal，yetasIreflecteduponeventhelittlethathehaddone，hislabourloomedbeforemeasgreaterthanprowessoflargermagnitude。Yes，tomymindthererecurredtheimmature，batteredearsofcornlyingintherutsofthesteppetrack，theswallowstraversingtheblueskyabovethegolden，brocadedgrain，thekitehoveringinthevoidoverthelandscape’svastperiphery。 Andalongwiththesethoughts，therestruckuponmyearsawhistlingofpinionsastheshadowofabirdflittedacrossthebrilliant，dew-bespangledgreenoftheforecourt，andfivecockscrowedinsuccession，andaflockofgeeseannouncedthefactoftheirawakening，andacowlowed，andthegateofthecattle-pencreaked。 AndwiththatIfelltothinkinghowIshouldlikereallytogooutontothesteppe，andtheretofallasleepunderawarm，drybank。 Asforthedeacon，hewasstillslumberingatmyfeet——slumberingwithhisbreast，thebreastofaprize-fighter，turneduppermost，andhisfine，goldenshockofhairfallinglikeanimbusaroundhishead，andhot，fat，flushedredfeaturesandgapingmouthandceaselesslytwitchingmoustache。Inpassing，Ihadnoticedthathishandswerelong，andthattheyweresetuponshovel-shapedwrists。 NextIfoundmyselfimaginingthesceneasthepowerfulfigureofthismanembracedawoman。Probablyherfacewouldbecomelosttosightinhisbeard，untilnothingofherfeaturesremainedvisible。Then，whenthebeardbegantotickleher，shewouldthrowbackherhead，andlaugh。Andthechildrenthatsuchamanmighthavebegotten！ Allthisonlymadeitthemorepainfulanddisagreeabletometoreflectthatthebreastofahumanbeingofsuchatypeshouldbebearingaburdenofsorrow。Surelynaughtbutjoyshouldhavebeenpresenttherein！ Meanwhile，theoldwoman’sgentlefacewasstillpeeringatmethroughthedoorway，andpresentlythefirstbeamofsunlightcameglancingthroughthewindow-space。Abovetherivulet’ssilkyglimmer，atransparentmistlaysteaming，whiletreesandherbagealikewerepassingthroughthatcuriouslyinertstagewhenatanymoment(soonefancied)theymightgivethemselvesashake，andburstintosong，andinkeysintelligibletothesoulalone，setforththewondrousmysteryoftheirexistence。 “Whatagoodmanheis！“theoldwomanwhisperedplaintivelyasshegazedatthedeacon’sgiganticframe。Whereafter，asthoughreadingaloudfromabookinvisibletomysight，sheproceededquietlyandsimplytorelatethestoryofhiswife。 “Yousee，“shewenton“hisladycommittedacertainsinwithacertainman；andfolkremarkedthis，and，aftersettingthehusbandontothecouple，deridedhim——yes，him，ourDemid！——forthereasonthathepersistedinforgivingthewomanherfault。Atlengththejeersmadehertaketoherroomandhimtoliquor，andfortwoyearspasthehasbeendrinking，andsoonisgoingtobedeprivedofhisoffice。Onewhoscarcelydrankatall，mypoorhusband，usedtosay:’Ah，Demid，yieldnottothesefolk，butliveyourownlife，andlettheirsbetheirs，andyours，yours。’“ Withthewords，tearswelledfromtheoldwoman’sdim，smalleyes，andbecamemergedwiththefoldsandwrinklesonhergrief- stainedcheeks。Andinthepresenceofthatlittlehead，aheadshakinglikeadeadleafintheautumntime，andofthosekindlyfeaturessowornwithageandsorrow，myeyesfell，andIfeltsmittenwithshametofindthat，onsearchingmysoulforatleastawordofconsolationtooffertothepoorfellow-mortalbeforeme，Icoulddiscovernonethatseemedsuitable。 ButatlengththererecurredtomymindsomestrangewordswhichIhadencounteredinIknownotwhatantiquevolume——wordswhichran: “LetnottheservantsoftheGodslamentbut，rather，rejoice，inthatweepingandlamentationgrieveboththeGodsandmankind。“ Thereafter，Imutteredconfusedly: “ItistimethatIwasgoing。“ “What？“washerhastyexclamation，anexclamationutteredasthoughthewordshadaffrightedher。Whereafter，withquiveringlips，shebeganhesitantlyanduncertainlytofumbleinherbodice。 “No，Ihavenoneedofmoney，“Iinterposed。“Only，ifyoushouldbesowilling，givemeapieceofbread。“ “Youhavenoneedofmoney？“shere-echoeddubiously。 “No，none。Forthatmatter，ofwhatusecoulditbetome？“ “Well，well！“shesaidafterathoughtfulpause。“Thenbeitasyouwish，and——andIthankyou。“ Thesun，asheroseandascendedtowardstheblueofthefirmament，wasspreadingovertheearthabraggart，peacock-liketailofbeams。Andashedidso，Iwinkedathim，forbyexperienceIknewthatsometwohourslaterhissmileswouldbescorchingmewithfire。YetforthetimebeingheandIhadnofaulttofindwithoneanother。Wherefore，IsetmyselftosearchforabankwhenceImightsingtohim，astotheLordofLife: 0hThouofintangiblesubstance，Revealnowthatsubstancetome！ EnwrapmewithinthegreatvestmentOflightwhichencompassethThee！ ThatwithThyuprising，mysubstanceMayComeall-prevailingtobe！ “Letusliveourlivesuntoourselves。Lettheirsbetheirs，andours，ours。“ End