第35章

类别:其他 作者:Willa Cather字数:5061更新时间:18/12/26 16:55:51
thehushoffeverish,intolerableexpectation。Thestillearth,theheavyflowers,eventhegrowingdarkness,breathedtheexhaustionofprotractedwaiting。Carolinefeltthatsheoughttogo;thatitwaswrongtostay;thatthehourandtheplacewereastreacherousasherownreflections。Sheroseandbegantopacethefloor,steppingsoftly,asthoughinfearofawakeningsomeone,herfigure,initsthindrapery,diaphanouslyvagueandwhite。Stillunabletoshakeofftheobsessionoftheintensestillness,shesatdownatthepianoandbegantorunoverthefirstactoftheWalkure,thelastofhisrolestheyhadpracticedtogether;playinglistlesslyandabsentlyatfirst,butwithgraduallyincreasingseriousness。Perhapsitwasthestillheatofthesummernight,perhapsitwastheheavyodorsfromthegardenthatcameinthroughtheopenwindows;butassheplayedtheregrewandgrewthefeelingthathewasthere,besideher,standinginhisaccustomedplace。Intheduetattheendofthefirstactsheheardhimclearly:“ThouarttheSpringforwhichIsighedinWinter’scoldembraces。“Onceashesangit,hehadputhisarmabouther,hisonehandunderherheart,whilewiththeotherhetookherrightfromthekeyboard,holdingherashealwaysheldSieglindewhenhedrewhertowardthewindow。Shehadbeenwonderfullythemistressofherselfatthetime;neitherrepellentnoracquiescent。Sherememberedthatshehadratherexulted,then,inherself-control——whichhehadseemedtotakeforgranted,thoughtherewasperhapsthewhisperofaquestionfromthehandunderherheart。“ThouarttheSpringforwhichIsighedinWinter’scoldembraces。“Carolineliftedherhandsquicklyfromthekeyboard,andshebowedherheadinthem,sobbing。 Thestormbrokeandtherainbeatin,spatteringhernightdressuntilsheroseandloweredthewindows。Shedroppeduponthecouchandbeganfightingoveragainthebattlesofotherdays,whiletheghostsoftheslainroseasfromasowingofdragon’steeth,Theshadowsofthings,alwayssoscornedandflouted,boredownuponhermercilessandtriumphant。Itwasnotenough;thishappy,useful,well-orderedlifewasnotenough。Itdidnotsatisfy,itwasnotevenreal。No,theotherthings,theshadows-theyweretherealities。Herfather,poorHeinrich,evenhermother,whohadbeenabletosustainherpoorromanceandkeepherlittleillusionsamidthetasksofascullion,werenearerhappinessthanshe。Hersurefoundationwasbutmadeground,afterall,andthepeopleinKlingsor’sgardenweremorefortunate,howeverbarrenthesandsfromwhichtheyconjuredtheirparadise。 Thelodgewasstillandsilent;herfitofweepingover,Carolinemadenosound,andwithintheroom,aswithoutinthegarden,wastheblacknessofstorm。Onlynowandthenaflashoflightningshowedawoman’sslenderfigurerigidonthecouch,herfaceburiedinherhands。 Towardmorning,whentheoccasionalrumblingofthunderwasheardnomoreandthebeatoftheraindropsupontheorchardleaveswassteadier,shefellasleepanddidnotwakenuntilthefirstredstreaksofdawnshonethroughthetwistedboughsoftheappletrees。Therewasamomentbetweenworldandworld,when,neitherasleepnorawake,shefeltherdreamgrowthin,meltingawayfromher,feltthewarmthunderherheartgrowingcold。Somethingseemedtoslipfromtheclingingholdofherarms,andshegroanedprotestinglythroughherpartedlips,followingitalittlewaywithflutteringhands。Thenhereyesopenedwideandshesprangupandsatholdingdizzilytothecushionsofthecouch,staringdownatherbare,coldfeet,atherlaboringbreast,risingandfallingunderheropennightdress。 Thedreamwasgone,butthefeverishrealityofitstillpervadedherandshehelditasthevibratingstringholdsatone。InthelasthourtheshadowshadhadtheirwaywithCaroline。Theyhadshownherthenothingnessoftimeandspace,ofsystemanddiscipline,ofcloseddoorsandbroadwaters。 Shuddering,shethoughtoftheArabianfairytaleinwhichthegeniebroughttheprincessofChinatothesleepingprinceofDamascusandcarriedherthroughtheairbacktoherpalaceatdawn。Carolineclosedhereyesanddroppedherelbowsweaklyuponherknees,hershoulderssinkingtogether。Thehorrorwasthatithadnotcomefromwithout,butfromwithin。Thedreamwasnoblindchance;itwastheexpressionofsomethingshehadkeptsocloseaprisonerthatshehadneverseenitherself,itwasthewailfromthedonjondeepswhenthewatchslept。Onlyastheoutcomeofsuchanightofsorcerycouldthethinghavebeenloosedtostraightenitslimbsandmeasureitselfwithher;soheavywerethechainsuponit,somanyafathomdeep,itwascrusheddownintodarkness。Thefactthatd’Esquerrehappenedtobeontheothersideoftheworldmeantnothing;hadhebeenhere,besideher,itcouldscarcelyhavehurtherself-respectsomuch。Asitwas,shewaswithouteventheextenuationofanouterimpulse,andshecouldscarcelyhavedespisedherselfmorehadshecometohimhereinthenightthreeweeksagoandthrownherselfdownuponthestoneslabatthedoorthere。 Carolineroseunsteadilyandcreptguiltilyfromthelodgeandalongthepathunderthearbor,terrifiedlesttheservantsshouldbestirring,tremblingwiththechillair,whilethewetshrubbery,brushingagainsther,drenchedhernightdressuntilitclungaboutherlimbs。 Atbreakfastherhusbandlookedacrossthetableatherwithconcern。“Itseemstomethatyouarelookingratherfagged,Caroline。Itwasabeastlynighttosleep。Whydon’tyougouptothemountainsuntilthishotweatherisover?Bytheway,wereyouinearnestaboutlettingthelodgestand?“ Carolinelaughedquietly。“No,IfindIwasnotveryserious。I haven’tsentimentenoughtoforegoasummerhouse。WillyoutellBakertocometomorrowtotalkitoverwithme?Ifwearetohaveahouseparty,Ishouldliketoputhimtoworkonitatonce。“ Noblegaveheraglance,half-humorous,half-vexed。“DoyouknowIamratherdisappointed?“hesaid。“Ihadalmosthopedthat,justforonce,youknow,youwouldbealittlebitfoolish。“ “NotnowthatI’vesleptoverit,“repliedCaroline,andtheybothrosefromthetable,laughing。 EndTheMarriageofPhaedraThesequenceofeventswassuchthatMacMasterdidnotmakehispilgrimagetoHughTreffinger’sstudiountilthreeyearsafterthatpainter’sdeath。MacMasterwashimselfapainter,anAmericanoftheGallicizedtype,whospenthiswintersinNewYork,hissummersinParis,andnoinconsiderableamountoftimeonthebroadwatersbetween。HehadoftencontemplatedstoppinginLondonononeofhisreturntripsinthelateautumn,buthehadalwaysdeferredleavingParisuntiltheprickofnecessitydrovehimhomebythequickestandshortestroute。 Treffingerwasacomparativelyyoungmanatthetimeofhisdeath,andtherehadseemednooccasionforhasteuntilhastewasofnoavail。Then,possibly,thoughtherehadbeensomecorrespondencebetweenthem,MacMasterfeltcertainqualmsaboutmeetinginthefleshamanwhointhefleshwassodiverselyreported。HisintercoursewithTreffinger’sworkhadbeensodeepandsatisfying,soapartfromotherappreciations,thatheratherdreadedacriticaljunctureofanysort。Hehadalwaysfelthimselfsingularlyineptinpersonalrelations,andinthiscasehehadavoidedtheissueuntilitwasnolongertobefearedorhopedfor。Therestillremained,however,Treffinger’sgreatunfinishedpicture,theMarriageofPhaedra,whichhadneverlefthisstudio,andofwhichMacMaster’sfriendshadnowandagainbroughtreportthatitwasthepainter’smostcharacteristicproduction。 TheyoungmanarrivedinLondonintheevening,andthenextmorningwentouttoKensingtontofindTreffinger’sstudio。ItlayinoneoftheperplexingbystreetsoffHollandRoad,andthenumberhefoundonadoorsetinahighgardenwall,thetopofwhichwascoveredwithbrokengreenglassandoverwhichabuddinglilacbushnodded。Treffinger’splatewasstillthere,andacardrequestingvisitorstoringfortheattendant。InresponsetoMacMaster’sring,thedoorwasopenedbyacleanlybuiltlittleman,cladinashootingjacketandtrousersthathadbeenmadeforanamplerfigure。Hehadafreshcomplexion,eyesofthatcommonuncertainshadeofgray,andwascloselyshavenexceptfortheincipientmuttonchopsonhisruddycheeks。Heborehimselfinamannerstrikinglycapable,andtherewasasortoftrimnessandalertnessabouthim,despitethetoo-generousshouldersofhiscoat。Inonehandheheldabulldogpipe,andintheotheracopyofSportingLife。WhileMacMasterwasexplainingthepurposeofhiscallhenoticedthatthemansurveyedhimcritically,thoughnotimpertinently。Hewasadmittedintoalittletankofalodgemadeofwhitewashedstone,thebackdoorandwindowsopeninguponagarden。Avisitor’sbookandapileofcatalogueslayonadealtable,togetherwithabottleofinkandsomerustypens。Thewallwasornamentedwithphotographsandcoloredprintsofracingfavorites。 “Thestudioish’onlyopentothepubliconSaturdaysandSundays,“ explainedtheman——hereferredtohimselfas“Jymes“——“butofcoursewemakeexceptionsinthecaseofpynters。LydyEllingTreffinger’erselfisontheContinent,butSir’Ugh’sorderswasthatpynterswasto’avetherunoftheplace。“Heselectedakeyfromhispocketandthrewopenthedoorintothestudiowhich,likethelodge,wasbuiltagainstthewallofthegarden。 MacMasterenteredalong,narrowroom,builtofsmoothedplanks,paintedalightgreen;coldanddampevenonthatfineMaymorning。Theroomwasutterlybareoffurniture——unlessastepladder,amodelthrone,andarackladenwithlargeleatherportfolioscouldbeaccountedsuch——andwaswindowless,withoutotheropeningsthanthedoorandtheskylight,underwhichhungtheunfinishedpictureitself。MacMasterhadneverseensomanyofTreffinger’spaintingstogether。Heknewthepainterhadmarriedawomanwithmoneyandhadbeenabletokeepsuchofhispicturesashewished。These,withallof182hisreplicasandstudies,hehadleftasasortofcommonlegacytotheyoungermenoftheschoolhehadoriginated。 AssoonashewasleftaloneMacMastersatdownontheedgeofthemodelthronebeforetheunfinishedpicture。Hereindeedwaswhathehadcomefor;itratherparalyzedhisreceptivityforthemoment,butgraduallythethingfounditswaytohim。 Atoneo’clockhewasstandingbeforethecollectionofstudiesdoneforBoccaccio’sGardenwhenheheardavoiceathiselbow。 “Pardon,sir,butIwasjustabouttolockupandgotolunch。Areyoulookin’forthefigurestudyofBoccaccio’imself?“Jamesqueriedrespectfully。“LydyEllingTreffingergiveittoMr。RossitertotakedowntoOxfordforsomelectureshe’sbeenagivingthere。“ “Didheneverpaintouthisstudies,then?“askedMacMasterwithperplexity。“Herearetwocompletedonesforthispicture。 Whydidhekeepthem?“ “Idon’tknowasIcouldsayastothat,sir,“repliedJames,smilingindulgently,“butthatwas’isway。Thatistosay,’epyntedoutveryfrequent,but’ealwaysmadetwostudiestostand; oneinwatercolorsandoneinoils,before’ewentatthefinalpicture——tosaynothinkofalltheposestudies’emadeinpencilbeforehebegunonthecompositionproperatall。Hewasthatparticular。Yousee,’ewasn’tsokeenforthefinaleffectasfortheproperpyntin’of’ispictures。’Eusedtosaytheyoughttobewellmade,thesameasanyotherh’articleoftrade。Icanlaymy’andontheposestudiesforyou,sir。“Herummagedinoneoftheportfoliosandproducedhalfadozendrawings,“Thesethree,“