第30章

类别:其他 作者:Willa Cather字数:4757更新时间:18/12/26 16:55:51
ThereinsslackenedinCharleyGaylord’shandastheydrewupbeforeashowilypaintedhousewithmanygablesandaroundtower。“Hereweare,“hesaid,turningtoEverett,“andIguessweunderstandeachother。“ Theyweremetatthedoorbyathin,colorlesswoman,whomGaylordintroducedas“mysister,Maggie。“SheaskedherbrothertoshowMr。Hilgardeintothemusicroom,whereKatharinewishedtoseehimalone。 WhenEverettenteredthemusicroomhegavealittlestartofsurprise,feelingthathehadsteppedfromtheglaringWyomingsunlightintosomeNewYorkstudiothathehadalwaysknown。Hewonderedwhichitwasofthosecountlessstudios,highupundertheroofs,overbanksandshopsandwholesalehouses,thatthisroomresembled,andhelookedincredulouslyoutofthewindowatthegrayplainthatendedinthegreatupheavaloftheRockies。 Thehauntingairoffamiliarityabouttheroomperplexedhim。Wasitacopyofsomeparticularstudioheknew,orwasitmerelythestudioatmospherethatseemedsoindividualandpoignantlyreminiscenthereinWyoming?Hesatdowninareadingchairandlookedkeenlyabouthim。Suddenlyhiseyefelluponalargephotographofhisbrotherabovethepiano。Thenitallbecamecleartohim:thiswasveritablyhisbrother’sroom。IfitwerenotanexactcopyofoneofthemanystudiosthatAdriancehadfittedupinvariouspartsoftheworld,wearyingofthemandleavingalmostbeforetherenovator’svarnishhaddried,itwasatleastinthesametone。IneverydetailAdriance’stastewassomanifestthattheroomseemedtoexhalehispersonality。 AmongthephotographsonthewalltherewasoneofKatharineGaylord,takeninthedayswhenEveretthadknownher,andwhentheflashofhereyeortheflutterofherskirtwasenoughtosethisboyishheartinatumult。Evennow,hestoodbeforetheportraitwithacertaindegreeofembarrassment。Itwasthefaceofawomanalreadyoldinherfirstyouth,thoroughlysophisticatedandatriflehard,andittoldofwhatherbrotherhadcalledherfight。Thecamaraderieofherfrank,confidenteyeswasqualifiedbythedeeplinesabouthermouthandthecurveofthelips,whichwasbothsadandcynical。Certainlyshehadmoregoodwillthanconfidencetowardtheworld,andthebravadoofhersmilecouldnotconcealtheshadowofanunrestthatwasalmostdiscontent。Thechiefcharmofthewoman,asEveretthadknownher,layinhersuperbfigureandinhereyes,whichpossessedawarm,lifegivingqualitylikethesunlight; eyeswhichglowedwithasortofperpetualsalutattotheworld。Herhead,Everettrememberedaspeculiarlywell-shapedandproudlypoised。Therehadbeenalwaysalittleoftheimperatrixabouther,andherposeinthephotographrevivedallhisoldimpressionsofherunattachedness,ofhowabsolutelyandvaliantlyshestoodalone。 Everettwasstillstandingbeforethepicture,hishandsbehindhimandhisheadinclined,whenheheardthedooropen。Averytallwomanadvancedtowardhim,holdingoutherhand。Asshestartedtospeak,shecoughedslightly;then,laughing,said,inalow,richvoice,atriflehusky:“YouseeImakethetraditionalCamilleentrance——withthecough。Howgoodofyoutocome,Mr。Hilgarde。“ Everettwasacutelyconsciousthatwhileaddressinghimshewasnotlookingathimatall,and,asheassuredherofhispleasureincoming,hewasgladtohaveanopportunitytocollecthimself。Hehadnotreckonedupontheravagesofalongillness。 Thelong,loosefoldsofherwhitegownhadbeenespeciallydesignedtoconcealthesharpoutlinesofheremaciatedbody,butthestampofherdiseasewasthere;simpleanduglyandobtrusive,apitilessfactthatcouldnotbedisguisedorevaded。Thesplendidshoulderswerestooped,therewasaswayingunevennessinhergait,herarmsseemeddisproportionatelylong,andherhandsweretransparentlywhiteandcoldtothetouch。Thechangesinherfacewerelessobvious;theproudcarriageofthehead,thewarm,cleareyes,eventhedelicateflushofcolorinhercheeks,alldefiantlyremained,thoughtheywereallinalowerkey——older,sadder,softer。 Shesatdownuponthedivanandbegannervouslytoarrangethepillows。“IknowI’mnotaninspiringobjecttolookupon,butyoumustbequitefrankandsensibleaboutthatandgetusedtoitatonce,forwe’venotimetolose。AndifI’matrifleirritableyouwon’tmind?——forI’mmorethanusuallynervous。“ “Don’tbotherwithmethismorning,ifyouaretired,“urgedEverett。“Icancomequiteaswelltomorrow。“ “Gracious,no!“sheprotested,withaflashofthatquick,keenhumorthatherememberedasapartofher。“It’ssolitudethatI’mtiredtodeathof——solitudeandthewrongkindofpeople。 Yousee,theminister,notcontentwithreadingtheprayersforthesick,calledonmethismorning。Hehappenedtoberidingbyonhisbicycleandfeltithisdutytostop。Ofcourse,hedisapprovesofmyprofession,andIthinkhetakesitforgrantedthatIhaveadarkpast。Thefunniestfeatureofhisconversationisthatheisalwaysexcusingmyownvocationtome——condoningit,youknow——andtryingtopatchupmypeacewithmyconsciencebysuggestingpossiblenobleusesforwhathekindlycallsmytalent。“ Everettlaughed。“Oh!I’mafraidI’mnotthepersontocallaftersuchaseriousgentleman——Ican’tsustainthesituation。 AtmybestIdon’treachhigherthanlowcomedy。Haveyoudecidedtowhichoneofthenobleusesyouwilldevoteyourself?“ Katharineliftedherhandsinagestureofrenunciationandexclaimed:“I’mnotequaltoanyofthem,noteventheleastnoble。Ididn’tstudythatmethod。“ Shelaughedandwentonnervously:“Theparson’snotsobad。 HisEnglishneveroffendsme,andhehasreadGibbon’sDeclineandFall,allfivevolumes,andthat’ssomething。Then,hehasbeentoNewYork,andthat’sagreatdeal。Buthowwearelosingtime!DotellmeaboutNewYork;Charleysaysyou’rejustonfromthere。Howdoesitlookandtasteandsmelljustnow?IthinkawhiffoftheJerseyferrywouldbeasflagonsofcod-liveroiltome。WhoconspicuouslywalkstheRialtonow,andwhatdoesheorshewear?ArethetreesstillgreeninMadisonSquare,orhavetheygrownbrownanddusty?DoesthechasteDianaontheGardenTheatrestillkeephervestalvowsthroughalltheexasperatingchangesofweather?Whohasyourbrother’soldstudionow,andwhatmisguidedaspirantspracticetheirscalesintherookeriesaboutCarnegieHall?Whatdopeoplegotoseeatthetheaters,andwhatdotheyeatanddrinkthereintheworldnowadays?Yousee,I’mhomesickforitall,fromtheBatterytoRiverside。Oh,letmedieinHarlem!“Shewasinterruptedbyaviolentattackofcoughing,andEverett,embarrassedbyherdiscomfort,plungedintogossipabouttheprofessionalpeoplehehadmetintownduringthesummerandthemusicaloutlookforthewinter。Hewasdiagramingwithhispencil,onthebackofanoldenvelopehefoundinhispocket,somenewmechanicaldevicetobeusedattheMetropolitanintheproductionoftheRheingold,whenhebecameconsciousthatshewaslookingathimintently,andthathewastalkingtothefourwalls。 Katharinewaslyingbackamongthepillows,watchinghimthroughhalf-closedeyes,asapainterlooksatapicture。Hefinishedhisexplanationvaguelyenoughandputtheenvelopebackinhispocket。Ashedidsoshesaid,quietly:“HowwonderfullylikeAdrianceyouare!“andhefeltasthoughacrisisofsomesorthadbeenmetandtidedover。 Helaughed,lookingupatherwithatouchofprideinhiseyesthatmadethemseemquiteboyish。“Yes,isn’titabsurd? It’salmostasawkwardaslookinglikeNapoleon——but,afterall,therearesomeadvantages。Ithasmadesomeofhisfriendslikeme,andIhopeitwillmakeyou。“ Katharinesmiledandgavehimaquick,meaningglancefromunderherlashes。“Oh,itdidthatlongago。Whatahaughty,reservedyouthyouwerethen,andhowyouusedtostareatpeopleandthenblushandlookcrossiftheypaidyoubackinyourowncoin。Doyourememberthatnightwhenyoutookmehomefromarehearsalandscarcelyspokeawordtome?“ “Itwasthesilenceofadmiration,“protestedEverett,“verycrudeandboyish,butverysincereandnotalittlepainful。 Perhapsyoususpectedsomethingofthesort?Irememberyousawfittobeverygrown-upandworldly。 “IbelieveIsuspectedapose;theonethatcollegeboysusuallyaffectwithsingers——’anearthenvesselinlovewithastar,’youknow。Butitrathersurprisedmeinyou,foryoumusthaveseenagooddealofyourbrother’spupils。Orhadyouanomnivorouscapacity,andelasticitythatalwaysmettheoccasion?“ “Don’taskamantoconfessthefolliesofhisyouth,“saidEverett,smilingalittlesadly;“Iamsensitiveaboutsomeofthemevennow。ButIwasnotsosophisticatedasyouimagined。 Isawmybrother’spupilscomeandgo,butthatwasaboutall。 SometimesIwascalledontoplayaccompaniments,ortofilloutavacancyatarehearsal,ortoorderacarriageforaninfuriatedsopranowhohadthrownupherpart。Buttheyneverspentanytimeonme,unlessitwastonoticetheresemblanceyouspeakof。“ “Yes“,observedKatharine,thoughtfully,“Inoticeditthen,too;butithasgrownasyouhavegrownolder。Thatisratherstrange,whenyouhavelivedsuchdifferentlives。It’snotmerelyanordinaryfamilylikenessoffeature,youknow,butasortofinterchangeableindividuality;thesuggestionoftheotherman’spersonalityinyourfacelikeanairtransposedtoanotherkey。ButI’mnotattemptingtodefineit;it’sbeyondme;somethingaltogetherunusualandatrifle——well,uncanny,“ shefinished,laughing。 “Iremember,“Everettsaidseriously,twirlingthepencilbetweenhisfingersandlooking,ashesatwithhisheadthrownback,outundertheredwindowblindwhichwasraisedjustalittle,andasitswungbackandforthinthewindrevealedtheglaringpanoramaofthedesert——ablindingstretchofyellow,flatastheseaindeadcalm,splotchedhereandtherewithdeeppurpleshadows;and,beyond,theragged-blueoutlineofthemountainsandthepeaksofsnow,whiteasthewhiteclouds——“I remember,whenIwasalittlefellowIusedtobeverysensitiveaboutit。Idon’tthinkitexactlydispleasedme,orthatIwouldhavehaditotherwiseifIcould,butitseemedtomelikeabirthmark,orsomethingnottobelightlyspokenof。PeoplewerenaturallyalwaysfonderofAdthanofme,andIusedtofeelthechillofreflectedlightprettyoften。Itcameintoevenmyrelationswithmymother。Adwentabroadtostudywhenhewasabsurdlyyoung,youknow,andmotherwasallbrokenupoverit。 Shedidherwholedutybyeachofus,butitwassortofgenerallyunderstoodamongusthatshe’dhavemadeburntofferingsofusallforAdanyday。Iwasalittlefellowthen,andwhenshesataloneontheporchinthesummerdusksheusedsometimestocallmetoherandturnmyfaceupinthelightthatstreamedoutthroughtheshuttersandkissme,andthenIalwaysknewshewasthinkingofAdriance。“