第19章

类别:其他 作者:Willa Cather字数:3864更新时间:18/12/26 16:55:51
“That’stheonlywayweeverwillgo。Youcan’tsitonthebankandthinkaboutit。Youhavetoplunge。That’sthewayI’vealwaysdone,andit’stherightwayforpeoplelikeyouandme。There’snothingsodangerousassittingstill。You’veonlygotonelife,oneyouth,andyoucanletitslipthroughyourfingersifyouwantto;nothingeasier。Mostpeopledothat。 You’dbebetterofftrampingtheroadswithmethanyouarehere。“Nilsheldbackherheadandlookedintohereyes。“ButI’mnotthatkindofatramp,Clara。Youwon’thavetotakeinsewing。I’mwithaNorwegianshippingline;cameoveronbusinesswiththeNewYorkoffices,butnowI’mgoingstraightbacktoBergen。IexpectI’vegotasmuchmoneyastheEricsons。 Fathersentmealittletogetstarted。Theyneverknewaboutthat。There,Ihadn’tmeanttotellyou;Iwantedyoutocomeonyourownnerve。“ Claralookedoffacrossthefields。“Itisn’tthat,Nils,butsomethingseemstoholdme。I’mafraidtopullagainstit。 Itcomesoutoftheground,Ithink。“ “Iknowallaboutthat。Onehastotearloose。You’renotneededhere。Yourfatherwillunderstand;he’smadelikeus。AsforOlaf,Johannawilltakebettercareofhimthaneveryoucould。It’snowornever,ClaraVavrika。Mybag’satthestation;Ismuggleditthereyesterday。“ Claraclungtohimandhidherfaceagainsthisshoulder。 “Nottonight,“shewhispered。“Sithereandtalktometonight。 Idon’twanttogoanywheretonight。Imayneverloveyoulikethisagain。“ Nilslaughedthroughhisteeth。“Youcan’tcomethatonme。 That’snotmyway,ClaraVavrika。Eric’smareisovertherebehindthestacks,andI’moffonthemidnight。It’sgoodbye,oroffacrosstheworldwithme。Mycarriagewon’twait。I’vewrittenalettertoOlaf,I’llmailitintown。Whenhereadsithewon’tbotherus——notifIknowhim。He’dratherhavetheland。Besides,IcoulddemandaninvestigationofhisadministrationofCousinHenrik’sestate,andthatwouldbebadforapublicman。You’venoclothes,Iknow;butyoucansituptonight,andwecangeteverythingontheway。Where’syourolddash,ClaraVavrika?What’sbecomeofyourBohemianblood?Iusedtothinkyouhadcourageenoughforanything。Where’syournerve——whatareyouwaitingfor?“ Claradrewbackherhead,andhesawtheslumberousfireinhereyes。“Foryoutosayonething,NilsEricson。“ “Ineversaythatthingtoanywoman,ClaraVavrika。“Heleanedback,liftedhergentlyfromtheground,andwhisperedthroughhisteeth:“ButI’llnever,neverletyougo,nottoanymanonearthbutme!Doyouunderstandme?Now,waithere。“ Clarasankdownonasheafofwheatandcoveredherfacewithherhands。Shedidnotknowwhatshewasgoingtodo—— whethershewouldgoorstay。Thegreat,silentcountryseemedtolayaspelluponher。Thegroundseemedtoholdherasifbyroots。Herkneesweresoftunderher。Shefeltasifshecouldnotbearseparationfromheroldsorrows,fromherolddiscontent。 Theyweredeartoher,theyhadkeptheralive,theywereapartofher。Therewouldbenothingleftofherifshewerewrenchedawayfromthem。Nevercouldshepassbeyondthatskylineagainstwhichherrestlessnesshadbeatsomanytimes。Shefeltasifhersoulhadbuiltitselfanestthereonthathorizonatwhichshelookedeverymorningandeveryevening,anditwasdeartoher,inexpressiblydear。Shepressedherfingersagainsthereyeballstoshutitout。Besidehersheheardthetrampingofhorsesinthesoftearth。Nilssaidnothingtoher。Heputhishandsunderherarmsandliftedherlightlytohersaddle。Thenheswunghimselfintohisown。 “Weshallhavetoridefasttocatchthemidnighttrain。A lastgallop,ClaraVavrika。Forward!“ Therewasastart,athudofhoofsalongthemoonlitroad,twodarkshadowsgoingoverthehill;andthenthegreat,stilllandstretcheduntroubledundertheazurenight。Twoshadowshadpassed。 AyearaftertheflightofOlafEricson’swife,thenighttrainwassteamingacrosstheplainsofIowa。Theconductorwashurryingthroughoneofthedaycoaches,hislanternonhisarm,whenalank,fair-hairedboysatupinoneoftheplushseatsandtweakedhimbythecoat。 “Whatisthenextstop,please,sir?“ “RedOak,Iowa。ButyougothroughtoChicago,don’tyou?“ Helookeddown,andnoticedthattheboy’seyeswereredandhisfacewasdrawn,asifhewereintrouble。 “Yes。ButIwaswonderingwhetherIcouldgetoffatthenextplaceandgetatrainbacktoOmaha。“ “Well,Isupposeyoucould。LiveinOmaha?“ “No。InthewesternpartoftheState。HowsoondowegettoRedOak?“ “Fortyminutes。You’dbettermakeupyourmind,soIcantellthebaggagemantoputyourtrunkoff。“ “Oh,nevermindaboutthat!Imean,Ihaven’tgotany,“theboyadded,blushing。 “Runaway,“theconductorthought,asheslammedthecoachdoorbehindhim。 EricEricsoncrumpleddowninhisseatandputhisbrownhandtohisforehead。Hehadbeencrying,andhehadhadnosupper,andhisheadwasachingviolently。“Oh,whatshallIdo?“hethought,ashelookeddullydownathisbigshoes。“Nilswillbeashamedofme;Ihaven’tgotanyspunk。“ EversinceNilshadrunawaywithhisbrother’swife,lifeathomehadbeenhardforlittleEric。HismotherandOlafbothsuspectedhimofcomplicity。Mrs。Ericsonwasharshandfaultfinding,constantlywoundingtheboy’spride;andOlafwasalwayssettingheragainsthim。 JoeVavrikaheardoftenfromhisdaughter。Clarahadalwaysbeenfondofherfather,andhappinessmadeherkinder。ShewrotehimlongaccountsofthevoyagetoBergen,andofthetripsheandNilstookthroughBohemiatothelittletownwhereherfatherhadgrownupandwheresheherselfwasborn。Shevisitedallherkinsmenthere,andsentherfathernewsofhisbrother,whowasapriest;ofhissister,whohadmarriedahorse-breeder——oftheirbigfarmandtheirmanychildren。TheselettersJoealwaysmanagedtoreadtolittleEric。TheycontainedmessagesforEricandHilda。Clarasentpresents,too,whichEricneverdaredtotakehomeandwhichpoorlittleHildaneverevensaw,thoughshelovedtohearErictellaboutthemwhentheywereoutgettingtheeggstogether。ButOlafoncesawEriccomingoutofVavrika’shouse—— theoldmanhadneveraskedtheboytocomeintohissaloon——andOlafwentstraighttohismotherandtoldher。ThatnightMrs。 EricsoncametoEric’sroomafterhewasinbedandmadeaterriblescene。Shecouldbeveryterrifyingwhenshewasreallyangry。 SheforbadehimevertospeaktoVavrikaagain,andafterthatnightshewouldnotallowhimtogototownalone。SoitwasalongwhilebeforeEricgotanymorenewsofhisbrother。ButoldJoesuspectedwhatwasgoingon,andhecarriedClara’slettersaboutinhispocket。OneSundayhedroveouttoseeaGermanfriendofhis,andchancedtocatchsightofEric,sittingbythecattlepondinthebigpasture。TheywenttogetherintoFritzOberlies’barn,andreadthelettersandtalkedthingsover。Ericadmittedthatthingsweregettinghardforhimathome。ThatverynightoldJoesatdownandlaboriouslypennedastatementofthecasetohisdaughter。 ThingsgotnobetterforEric。HismotherandOlaffeltthat,howevercloselyhewaswatched,hestill,astheysaid,“heard。“Mrs。Ericsoncouldnotadmitneutrality。ShehadsentJohannaVavrikapackingbacktoherbrother’s,thoughOlafwouldmuchratherhavekeptherthanAnders’eldestdaughter,whomMrs。 Ericsoninstalledinherplace。Hewasnotsohighhandedashismother,andheoncesulkilytoldherthatshemightbetterhavetaughthergranddaughtertocookbeforeshesentJohannaaway。 Olafcouldhaveborneagooddealforthesakeofprunesspicedinhoney,thesecretofwhichJohannahadtakenawaywithher。 AtlasttwoletterscametoJoeVavrika:onefromNils,enclosingapostalorderformoneytopayEric’spassagetoBergen,andonefromClara,sayingthatNilshadaplaceforEricintheofficesofhiscompany,thathewastolivewiththem,andthattheywereonlywaitingforhimtocome。HewastoleaveNewYorkononeoftheboatsofNils’ownline;thecaptainwasoneoftheirfriends,andEricwastomakehimselfknownatonce。 Nils’directionsweresoexplicitthatababycouldhavefollowedthem,Ericfelt。Andherehewas,nearingRedOak,Iowa,androckingbackwardandforwardindespair。Neverhadhelovedhisbrothersomuch,andneverhadthebigworldcalledtohimsohard。Buttherewasalumpinhisthroatwhichwouldnotgodown。Eversincenightfallhehadbeentormentedbythethoughtofhismother,aloneinthatbighousethathadsentforthsomanymen。Herunkindnessnowseemedsolittle,andherlonelinesssogreat。Herememberedeverythingshehadeverdoneforhim:howfrightenedshehadbeenwhenhetorehishandinthecorn-sheller,andhowshewouldn’tletOlafscoldhim。WhenNilswentawayhedidn’tleavehismotherallalone,orhewouldneverhavegone。Ericfeltsureofthat。