第2章

Woulditnot，George？Toturnthetablesonthem？\" \"Yes，\"saidI，\"Ishouldliketohavethelaughagainstthem。\" \"SowouldI，onlythatIshouldcompromisemyselfbytellingthestory。Itwouldn’tdoatalltohaveittoldatOxfordwithmynameattachedtoit。\" TothisalsoIassented。TowhatwouldInothaveassentedinmyanxietytomakehimhappyafterhismisery？ Butallwasnotoveryet。Hewasinbednow，butitwasnecessarythatheshouldriseagainonthemorrow。Athome，inEngland，whatwasrequiredmightperhapshavebeenmadeduringthenight；buthere，amongtheslowFlemings，anysuchexertionwouldhavebeenimpossible。Mr。Horne，moreover，hadnodesiretobetroubledinhisretirementbyatailor。 NowthelandlordoftheGoldenFleecewasaverystoutman，——averystoutmanindeed。Lookingathimashestoodwithhishandsinhispocketsattheportalofhisownestablishment，IcouldnotbutthinkthathewasstoutereventhanMr。Horne。Butthenhewascertainlymuchshorter，andthewantofdueproportionprobablyaddedtohisunwieldyappearance。Iwalkedroundhimonceortwicewishfully，measuringhiminmyeye，andthinkingofwhattexturemightbetheSundaybestofsuchaman。TheclotheswhichhethenhadonwerecertainlynotexactlysuitedtoMr。Horne’stastes。 HesawthatIwasobservinghim，andappeareduneasyandoffended。 IhadalreadyascertainedthathespokealittleEnglish。OfFlemishIknewliterallynothing，andinFrench，withwhichprobablyhewasalsoacquainted，Iwasbynomeansvoluble。ThebusinesswhichIhadtotransactwasintricate，andIrequiredtheuseofmymother—tongue。 Itwasintricateanddelicate，anddifficultwithal。Ibeganbyremarkingontheweather，buthedidnottakemyremarkskindly。I aminclinedtofancythathethoughtIwasdesirousofborrowingmoneyfromhim。Atanyratehegavemenoencouragementinmyfirstadvances。 \"Vatmisfortune？\"atlastheasked，whenIhadsucceededinmakinghimunderstandthatagentlemanupstairsrequiredhisassistance。 \"Hehaslostthesethings，\"andItookholdofmyowngarments。 \"It’salongstory，orI’dtellyouhow；buthehasnotapairintheworldtillhegetsbacktoBrussels，——unlessyoucanlendhimone。\" \"Lostheesbr—？\"andheopenedhiseyeswide，andlookedatmewithastonishment。 \"Yes，yes，exactlyso，\"saidI，interruptinghim。\"Mostastonishingthing，isn’tit？Butit’squitetrue。\" \"Vasheesmoneyindepocket？\"askedmyauspiciouslandlord。 \"No，no，no。It’snotsobadasthat，hismoneyisallright。I hadthemoney，luckily。\" \"Ah！datisbetter。Buthehavelostheesb—？\" \"Yes，yes；\"Iwasnowgettingratherimpatient。\"Thereisnomistakeaboutit。Hehaslostthemassureasyoustandthere。\" AndthenIproceededtoexplainthatasthegentlemaninquestionwasverystout，andashe，thelandlord，wasstoatalso，hemightassistusinthisgreatcalamitybyaloanfromhisownwardrobe。 Whenhefoundthatthemoneywasnotinthepocket，andthathisbillthereforewouldbepaid，hewasnotindisposedtobegracious。 Hewould，hesaid，desirehisservanttotakeupwhatwasrequiredtoMr。Horne’schamber。Iendeavouredtomakehimunderstandthatasombrecolourwouldbepreferable；butheonlyansweredthathewouldputthebestthathehadatthegentleman’sdisposal。Hecouldnotthinkofofferinganythinglessthanhisbestonsuchanoccasion。Andthenheturnedhisbackandwenthisway，mutteringashewentsomethinginFlemish，whichIbelievedtobeanexclamationofastonishmentthatanymanshould，underanycircumstances，losesuchanarticle。 Itwasnowgettinglate；sowhenIhadtakenashortstrollbymyself，IwenttobedwithoutdisturbingMr。Horneagainthatnight。 OnthefollowingmorningIthoughtitbestnottogotohimunlesshesentforme；soIdesiredthebootstolethimknowthatIhadorderedbreakfastinaprivateroom，andthatIwouldawaithimthereunlesshewishedtoseeme。Hesentmewordbacktosaythathewouldbewithmeveryshortly。 Hedidnotkeepmewaitingabovehalfanhour，butIconfessthatthathalfhourwasnotpleasantlyspent。Ifearedthathistemperwouldbetriedindressing，andthathewouldnotbeabletoeathisbreakfastinahappystateofmind。SothatwhenIheardhisheavyfootstepadvancingalongthepassagemyheartdidmisgiveme，andI feltthatIwastrembling。 Thatstepwascertainlyslowerandmoreponderousthanusual。Therewasalwaysacertaindignityintheverysoundofhismovements，butnowthisseemedtohavebeenenhanced。Tojudgemerelybythesteponewouldhavesaidthatabishopwascomingthatwayinsteadofaprebendary。 Andthenheentered。Intheupperhalfofhisaugustpersonnoalterationwasperceptible。Thehairwasasregularandasgracefulasever，thehandkerchiefaswhite，thecoatasimmaculate；butbelowhiswell—filledwaistcoatapairofredplushbegantoshineinunmitigatedsplendour，andcontinuedfromthencedowntowithinaninchabovehisknee；nor，asitappeared，couldanypullinginducethemtodescendlower。Mr。Hornealwaysworeblacksilkstockings，——atleastsotheworldsupposed，butitwasnowapparentthattheworldhadbeenwronginpresuminghimtobeguiltyofsuchextravagance。Those，atanyrate，whichheexhibitedonthepresentoccasionweremoreeconomical。Theyweresilktothecalf，butthenceupwardstheycontinuedtheircareerinwhitecotton。Thesethenfollowedtheplush；firsttwosnowy，full—sizedpillarsofwhite，andthentwojetcolumnsofflossysilk。Suchwastheappearance，onthatwell—rememberedmorning，oftheRev。AugustusHorne，asheenteredtheroominwhichhisbreakfastwasprepared。 Icouldseeataglancethatadarkfrowncontractedhiseyebrows，andthatthecompressedmusclesofhisupperlipgaveastrangedegreeofausteritytohisopenface。Hecarriedhisheadproudlyonhigh，determinedtobedignifiedinspiteofhismisfortunes，andadvancedtwostepsintotheroomwithoutaremark，asthoughhewereabletoshowthatneitherredplushnorblackclothcoulddisarrangetheequalpoiseofhismightymind！ Andafterallwhatareaman’sgarmentsbuttheoutwardhusksinwhichthefruitiskept，dulytemperedfromthewind？ \"Therankisbuttheguineastamp，Theman’sthegowdfora’that。\" Andisnotthetailor’sartaslittleworthy，asinsignificantasthatofthekingwhomakes\"Amarquis，duke，anda’that\"？ Whowouldbecontenttothinkthathismanlydignitydependedonhiscoatandwaistcoat，orhisholdontheworld’sesteemonanyothergarmentofusualwear？ThatnosuchweaknesssoiledhismindMr。 Hornewasdeterminedtoprove；andthusheenteredtheroomwithmeasuredtread，andsterndignifieddemeanour。 Havingadvancedtwostepshiseyecaughtmine。Idonotknowwhetherhewasmovedbysomeunconscioussmileonmypart；——forintruthIendeavouredtoseemasindifferentashimselftothenatureofhisdress；——orwhetherhewasinvinciblytickledbysomeinwardfancyofhisown，butsuddenlyhisadvancingstepceased，abroadflashofcomichumourspreaditselfoverhisfeatures，heretreatedwithhisbackagainstthewall，andthenburstoutintoanimmoderateroarofloudlaughter。 AndI——whatelsecouldIthendobutlaugh？Helaughed，andI laughed。Heroared，andIroared。Helifteduphisvastlegstoviewtilltheraysofthemorningsunshonethroughthewindowonthebrighthueswhichhedisplayed；andhedidnotsitdowntohisbreakfasttillhehadineveryfantasticattitudeshownofftothebestadvantagetheredplushofwhichhehadsorecentlybecomeproud。 AnAntwerpprivatecabrioletonthatdayreachedtheyardoftheHoteldeBelleVueatabout4p。m。，andfourwaiters，inafrenzyofastonishment，sawtheReverendAugustusHornedescendfromthevehicleandseekhischamberdressedinthegarmentswhichIhavedescribed。ButIaminclinedtothinkthatheneveragainfavouredanyofhisfriendswithsuchasight。 ItwasonthenexteveningafterthisthatIwentouttodrinkteawithtwomaidenladies，relativesofmine，whokeptaseminaryforEnglishgirlsatBrussels。TheMissesMacmanuswereveryworthywomen，andearnedtheirbreadinanupright，painstakingmanner。I wouldnotforworldshavepassedthroughBrusselswithoutpayingthemthiscompliment。Theywere，however，perhapsalittledull，andIwasawarethatIshouldnotprobablymeetintheirdrawing— roommanyofthefashionableinhabitantsofthecity。Mr。Hornehaddeclinedtoaccompanyme；butindoingsohewasgoodenoughtoexpressawarmadmirationforthecharacterofmyworthycousins。 TheelderMissMacmanus，inherlittlenote，hadinformedmethatshewouldhavethepleasureofintroducingmetoafewofmy\"compatriots。\"IpresumedshemeantEnglishmen；andasIwasinthehabitofmeetingsucheverydayofmylifeathome，IcannotsaythatIwaspeculiarlyelevatedbythepromise。When，however，I enteredtheroom，therewasnoEnglishmanthere；——therewasnomanofanykind。Thereweretwelveladiescollectedtogetherwiththeviewofmakingtheeveningpassagreeablytome，thesinglevirilebeingamongthemall。IfeltasthoughIwereasortofMohammedinParadise；butIcertainlyfeltalsothattheParadisewasnoneofmyownchoosing。 InthecentreoftheamphitheatrewhichtheladiesformedsatthetwoMissesMacmanus；——there，atleast，theysatwhentheyhadcompletedtheprocessofshakinghandswithme。Totheleftofthem，makingonewingofthesemicircle，werearrangedthefivepupilsbyattendingtowhomtheMissesMacmanusearnedtheirliving； andtheotherwingconsistedofthefiveladieswhohadfurnishedthemselveswithrelicsofGeneralChasse。Theyweremy\"compatriots。\" Iwasintroducedtothemall，oneaftertheother；buttheirnamesdidnotabideinmymemoryonemoment。Iwasthinkingtoomuchofthesingularityoftheadventure，andcouldnotattendtosuchminutiae。Thatthered—rosedharpywasMissGrogram，thatI remembered；——that，Imaysay，Ishallneverforget。ButwhetherthemotherlyladywiththesomewhatblowsyhairwasMrs。Jones，orMrs。 Green，orMrs。Walker，Icannotnowsay。ThedumpyfemalewiththebroadbackwasalwayscalledAuntSallybytheyoungladies。 Toomuchsugarspoilsone’stea；IthinkIhaveheardthatevenprosperitywillcloywhenitcomesinoverdoses；andaschoolboyhasbeenknowntobeoverdonewithjam。Imyselfhavealwaysbeenpeculiarlyattachedtoladies’society，andhaveavoidedbachelorpartiesasthingsexecrableintheirverynature。ButonthisspecialoccasionIfeltmyselftobethatschoolboy；——Iwasliterallyoverdonewithjam。Myteawasallsugar，sothatIcouldnotdrinkit。Iwasoneamongtwelve。WhatcouldIdoorsay？Theproportionofalloywastoosmalltohaveanyeffectinchangingthenatureofthevirginsilver，andtheconversationbecameabsolutelyfeminine。 Imustconfessalsothatmypreviousexperienceastothesecompatriotsofminehadnotprejudicedmeintheirfavour。I regardedthemwith，——Iamashamedtosayso，seeingthattheywereladies，——butalmostwithloathing。WhenlastIhadseenthemtheiroccupationhadremindedmeofsomeobscenefeastofharpies，oralmostofghouls。TheyhadbroughtdowntothevergeofdesperationthemanwhomofallmenImostvenerated。OntheseaccountsIwasinclinedtobetaciturnwithreferencetothem；——andthenwhatcouldIhavetosaytotheMissesMacmanus’sfivepupils？ Mycousinatfirstmadeaneffortortwoinmyfavour，buttheseeffortswerefruitless。Isoondiedawayintoutterunrecognisedinsignificance，andtheconversation，asIhavebeforesaid，becamefeminine。AndindeedthathorridMissGrogram，whowas，asitwere，theprincessoftheghouls，nearlymonopolisedthewholeofit。 MammaJones——wewillcallherJonesfortheoccasion——putinawordnowandthen，asdidalsotheelderandmoreenergeticMissMacmanus。Thedumpyladywiththebroadbackatetea—cakeincessantly；thetwodaughterslookedscornful，asthoughtheywereabovetheircompanywithreferencetothefivepupils；andthefivepupilsthemselvessatinarowwiththeutmostpropriety，eachwithherhandscrossedonherlapbeforeher。 OfwhattheyweretalkingatlastIbecameutterlyoblivious。Theyhadignoredme，goingintorealmsofmuslin，questionsofmaid— servants，femalerights，andcheapunder—clothing；andIthereforehadignoredthem。MymindhadgonebacktoMr。Horneandhisgarments。Whiletheyspokeoftheirrights，Iwasthinkingofhiswrongs；whentheymentionedthepriceofflannel，Ithoughtofthatofbroadcloth。 Butofasuddenmyattentionwasarrested。MissMacmanushadsaidsomethingoftheblacksilksofAntwerp，whenMissGrogramrepliedthatshehadjustreturnedfromthatcityandhadthereenjoyedagreatsuccess。Mycousinhadagainaskedsomethingabouttheblacksilks，thinking，nodoubt，thatMissGrogramhadachievedsomebargain，butthatladyhadsoonundeceivedher。 \"Ohno，\"saidMissGrogram，\"itwasatthecastle。WegotsuchbeautifulrelicsofGeneralChasse！Didn’twe，Mrs。Jones？\" \"Indeedwedid，\"saidMrs。Jones，bringingoutfrombeneaththeskirtsofherdressandostensiblydisplayingalargeblackbag。 \"AndI’vegotsuchabeautifulneedle—case，\"saidthebroad—back，displayingherprize。\"I’vebeenmakingitupallthemorning。\" AndshehandedoverthearticletoMissMacmanus。 \"Andonlylookatthisduckofapen—wiper，\"simperedflaxen—hairNo。2。\"Onlythinkofwipingone’spenswithrelicsofGeneralChasse！\"andshehandeditovertotheotherMissMacmanus。 \"Andmine’sapin—cushion，\"saidNo。1，exhibitingthetrophy。 \"Butthat’snothingtowhatI’vegot，\"saidMissGrogram。\"Inthefirstplace，there’sapairofslippers，——abeautifulpair；——they’renotmadeupyet，ofcourse；andthen——\" ThetwoMissesMacmanusandtheirfivepupilsweresittingopen— eared，open—eyed，andopen—mouthed。Howallthesesombre—lookingarticlescouldberelicsofGeneralChassedidnotatfirstappearcleartothem。 \"Whatarethey，MissGrogram？\"saidtheelderMissMacmanus，holdingtheneedle—caseinonehandandMrs。Jones’sbagintheother。MissMacmanuswasastrong—mindedfemale，andIreverencedmycousinwhenIsawthedecidedwayinwhichsheintendedtoputdownthegreedyarroganceofMissGrogram。 \"Theyarerelics。\" \"Butwheredotheycomefrom，MissGrogram？\" \"Why，fromthecastle，tobesure；——fromGeneralChasse’sownrooms。\" \"Didanybodysellthemtoyou？\" \"No。\" \"Orgivethemtoyou？\" \"Why，no；——atleastnotexactlygive。\" \"Theretheywere，andshetook’em，\"saidthebroad—back。Oh，whatalookMissGrogramgaveher！\"Tookthem！ofcourseItookthem。 Thatis，youtookthemasmuchasIdid。Theywerethingsthatwefoundlyingabout。\" \"Whatthings？\"askedMissMacmanus，inapeculiarlystrong—mindedtone。 MissGrogramseemedtobeforamomentsilenced。Ihadbeenignored，asIhavesaid，andmyexistenceforgotten；butnowI observedthattheeyesoftheculpritswereturnedtowardsme，——theeyes，thatis，offourofthem。Mrs。Joneslookedatmefrombeneathherfan；thetwogirlsglancedatmefurtively，andthentheireyesfelltothelowestflouncesoftheirfrocks。 MissGrogramturnedherspectaclesrightuponme，andIfanciedthatshenoddedherheadatmeasasortofanswertoMissMacmanus。Thefivepupilsopenedtheirmouthsandeyeswider；butsheofthebroadbackwasnothingabashed。Itwouldhavebeennothingtoherhadtherebeenadozengentlemenintheroom。\"Wejustfoundapairofblack——。\"Thewholetruthwastoldintheplainestpossiblelanguage。 \"Oh，AuntSally！\"\"AuntSally，howcanyou？\"\"Holdyourtongue，AuntSally！\" \"AndthenMissGrogramjustcutthemupwithherscissors，\" continuedAuntSally，notawhitabashed，\"andgaveuseachabit，onlyshetookmorethanhalfforherself。\"Itwascleartomethattherehadbeensomequarrel，somedeliciousquarrel，betweenAuntSallyandMissGrogram。ThroughthewholeadventureIhadratherrespectedAuntSally。\"Shetookmorethanhalfforherself，\" continuedAuntSally。\"Shekeptallthe——\" \"Jemima，\"saidtheelderMissMacmanus，interruptingthespeakerandaddressinghersister，\"itistime，Ithink，fortheyoungladiestoretire。Willyoubekindenoughtoseethemtotheirrooms？\"Thefivepupilsthereuponrosefromtheirseats——andcourtesied。Theythenlefttheroominfile，theyoungerMissMacmanusshowingthemtheway。 \"Butwehaven’tdoneanyharm，havewe？\"askedMrs。Jones，withsometremulousnessinhervoice。 \"Well，Idon’tknow，\"saidMissMacmanus。\"WhatI’mthinkingofnowisthis；——towhom，Iwonder，didthegarmentsproperlybelong？Whohadbeentheownerandwearerofthem？\" \"Why，GeneralChasseofcourse，\"saidMissGrogram。 \"Theywerethegeneral’s，\"repeatedthetwoyoungladies；blushing，however，astheyalludedtothesubject。 \"Well，wethoughttheywerethegeneral’s，certainly；andaveryexcellentarticletheywere，\"saidMrs。Jones。 \"Perhapstheywerethebutler’s？\"saidAuntSally。Icertainlyhadnotgivenhercreditforsomuchsarcasm。 \"Butler’s！\"exclaimedMissGrogram，withatossofherhead。 \"Oh，AuntSally，AuntSally！howcanyou？\"shriekedthetwoyoungladies。 \"Ohlaws！\"ejaculatedMrs。Jones。 \"Idon’tthinkthattheycouldhavebelongedtothebutler，\"saidMissMacmanus，withmuchauthority，\"seeingthatdomesticsinthiscountryarenevercladingarmentsofthatdescription；sofarmyownobservationenablesmetospeakwithcertainty。ButitisequallysurethattheywereneverthepropertyofthegenerallatelyincommandatAntwerp。Generals，whentheyareinfulldress，wearornamentallaceupontheir——theirregimentals；andwhen——\"Somuchshesaid，andsomethingmore，whichitmaybeunnecessarythatI shouldrepeat；butsuchwerehereloquenceandlogicthatnodoubtwouldhavebeenleftonthemindofanyimpartialhearer。Ifanargumentativespeakereverprovedanything，MissMacmanusprovedthatGeneralChassehadneverbeenthewearerofthearticleinquestion。 \"ButIknowverywelltheywerehis！\"saidMissGrogram，whowasnotanimpartialhearer。\"Ofcoursetheywere；whoseelse’sshouldtheybe？\" \"I’msureIhopetheywerehis，\"saidoneoftheyoungladies，almostcrying。 \"IwishI’dnevertakenit，\"saidtheother。 \"Dear，dear，dear！\"saidMrs。Jones。 \"I’llgiveyoumyneedle—case，MissGrogram，\"saidAuntSally。 Ihadsathithertosilentduringthewholescene，meditatinghowbestImightconfoundthered—nosedharpy。Now，Ithought，wasthetimeformetostrikein。 \"Ireallythink，ladies，thattherehasbeensomemistake，\"saidI。 \"Therehasbeennomistakeatall，sir！\"saidMissGrogram。 \"Perhapsnot，\"Ianswered，verymildly；\"verylikelynot。ButsomeaffairofasimilarnaturewasverymuchtalkedaboutinAntwerpyesterday。\" \"Ohlaws！\"againejaculatedMrs。Jones。 \"TheaffairIalludetohasbeentalkedaboutagooddeal，certainly，\"Icontinued。\"Butperhapsitmaybealtogetheradifferentcircumstance。\" \"Andwhatmaybethecircumstancetowhichyouallude？\"askedMissMacmanus，inthesameauthoritativetone。 \"Idaresayithasnothingtodowiththeseladies，\"saidI；\"butanarticleofdress，ofthenaturetheyhavedescribed，wascutupintheCastleofAntwerponthedaybeforeyesterday。Itbelongedtoagentlemanwhowasvisitingtheplace；andIwasgiventounderstandthatheisdeterminedtopunishthepeoplewhohavewrongedhim。\" \"Itcan’tbethesame，\"saidMissGrogram；butIcouldseethatshewastrembling。 \"Ohlaws！whatwillbecomeofus？\"saidMrs。Jones。 \"YoucanallprovethatIdidn’ttouchthem，andthatIwarnedhernot，\"saidAuntSally。Inthemeantimethetwoyoungladieshadalmostfaintedbehindtheirfans。 \"Buthowhaditcometopass，\"askedMissMacmanus，\"thatthegentlemanhad——\" \"Iknownothingmoreaboutit，cousin，\"saidI；\"onlyitdoesseemthatthereisanoddcoincidence。\" ImmediatelyafterthisItookmyleave。IsawthatIhadavengedmyfriend，andspreaddismayintheheartsofthesewhohadinjuredhim。Ihadlearnedinthecourseoftheeveningatwhathotelthefiveladieswerestaying；andinthecourseofthenextmorningI saunteredintothehall，andfindingoneoftheportersalone，askediftheywerestillthere。Themantoldmethattheyhadstartedbytheearliestdiligence。\"And，\"saidhe，\"ifyouareafriendoftheirs，perhapsyouwilltakechargeofthesethings，whichtheyhaveleftbehindthem？\"Sosaying，hepointedtoatableatthebackofthehall，onwhichwerelyingtheblackbag，theblackneedle—case，theblackpincushion，andtheblackpen—wiper。TherewasalsoaheapoffragmentsofclothwhichIwellknewhadbeenintendedbyMissGrogramforthecomfortofherfeetandancles。 Ideclinedthecommission，however。\"Theywerenospecialfriendsofmine，\"Isaid；andIleftalltherelicsstilllyingonthelittletableinthebackhall。 \"Uponthewhole，Iamsatisfied！\"saidtheRev。AugustusHorne，whenItoldhimthefinaleofthestory。