Tractsoflandandgoldenmansions，situateintheCelestial
City，wereoftenexchanged，atverydisadvantageousrates，forafew
years’leaseofsmall，dismal，inconvenienttenementsinVanity
Fair。PrinceBeelzebubhimselftookgreatinterestinthissortof
traffic，andsometimescondescendedtomeddlewithsmallermatters。
Ioncehadthepleasuretoseehimbargainingwithamiserforhis
soul，which，aftermuchingeniousskirmishingonbothsides，his
Highnesssucceededinobtainingataboutthevalueofsixpence。The
Princeremarked，withasmile，thathewasaloserbythetransaction。
Dayafterday，asIwalkedthestreetsofVanity，mymannersand
deportmentbecamemoreandmorelikethoseoftheinhabitants。The
placebegantoseemlikehome；theideaofpursuingmytravelsto
theCelestialCitywasalmostobliteratedfrommymind。Iwasreminded
ofit，however，bythesightofthesamepairofsimplepilgrimsat
whomwehadlaughedsoheartily，whenApollyonpuffedsmokeand
steamintotheirfaces，atthecommencementofourjourney。Therethey
stoodamidthedensestbustleofVanity-thedealersofferingthem
theirpurple，andfinelinen，andjewels；themenofwitandhumor
gibingatthem；apairofbuxomladiesoglingthemaskance；while
thebenevolentMr。Smooth-it-awaywhisperedsomeofhiswisdomat
theirelbows，andpointedtoanewly-erectedtemple-buttherewere
theseworthysimpletons，makingthescenelookwildandmonstrous，
merelybytheirsturdyrepudiationofallpartinitsbusinessor
pleasures。
Oneofthem-hisnamewasStick-to-the-right-perceivedinmyface，
Isuppose，aspeciesofsympathyandalmostadmiration，which，tomy
owngreatsurprise，Icouldnothelpfeelingforthispragmatic
couple。Itpromptedhimtoaddressme。
“Sir。”inquiredhe，withasad，yetmildandkindlyvoice，“do
youcallyourselfapilgrim？”
“Yes。”Ireplied，“myrighttothatappellationisindubitable。I
ammerelyasojournerhereinVanityFair，beingboundtothe
CelestialCitybythenewrailroad。”
“Alas，friend。”rejoinedMr。Stick-to-the-right，“Idoassure
you，andbeseechyoutoreceivethetruthofmywords，thatthatwhole
concernisabubble。Youmaytravelonitallyourlifetime，were
youtolivethousandsofyears，andyetnevergetbeyondthelimitsof
VanityFair！Yea；thoughyoushoulddeemyourselfenteringthegates
oftheBlessedCity，itwillbenothingbutamiserabledelusion。”
“TheLordoftheCelestialCity。”begantheotherpilgrim，whose
namewasMr。Foot-it-to-Heaven，“hasrefused，andwilleverrefuse，to
grantanactofincorporationforthisrailroad；andunlessthatbe
obtained，nopassengercaneverhopetoenterhisdominions。
Wherefore，everyman，whobuysaticket，mustlayhisaccountwith
losingthepurchase-money-whichisthevalueofhisownsoul。”
“Poh，nonsense！”saidMr。Smooth-it-away，takingmyarmandleading
meoff，“thesefellowsoughttobeindictedforalibel。Ifthelaw
stoodasitoncedidinVanityFair，weshouldseethemgrinning
throughtheironbarsoftheprisonwindow。”
Thisincidentmadeaconsiderableimpressiononmymind，and
contributedwithothercircumstancestoindisposemetoapermanent
residenceinthecityofVanity；although，ofcourse，Iwasnotsimple
enoughtogiveupmyoriginalplanofglidingalongeasilyand
commodiouslybyrailroad。Still，Igrewanxioustobegone。There
wasonestrangethingthattroubledme；amidtheoccupationsor
amusementsoftheFair，nothingwasmorecommonthanforaperson-
whetheratafeast，theatre，orchurch，ortraffickingforwealth
andhonors，orwhateverhemightbedoing，andhoweverunseasonable
theinterruption-suddenlytovanishlikeasoap-bubble，andbe
nevermoreseenofhisfellows；andsoaccustomedwerethelatterto
suchlittleaccidents，thattheywentonwiththeirbusiness，as
quietlyasifnothinghadhappened。Butitwasotherwisewithme。
Finally，afteraprettylongresidenceattheFair，Iresumedmy
journeytowardstheCelestialCity，stillwithMr。Smooth-it-awayat
myside。AtashortdistancebeyondthesuburbsofVanity，wepassed
theancientsilvermine，ofwhichDemaswasthefirstdiscoverer，
andwhichisnowwroughttogreatadvantage，supplyingnearlyall
thecoinedcurrencyoftheworld。Alittlefurtheronwardwasthespot
whereLot’swifehadstoodforages，underthesemblanceofapillar
ofsalt。Curioustravellershavelongsincecarrieditawaypiecemeal。
Hadallregretsbeenpunishedasrigorouslyasthispoordame’s
were，myyearningfortherelinquisheddelightsofVanityFairmight
haveproducedasimilarchangeinmyowncorporealsubstance，andleft
meawarningtofuturepilgrims。
Thenextremarkableobjectwasalargeedifice，constructedof
moss-grownstone，butinamodernandairystyleofarchitecture。
Theenginecametoapauseinitsvicinitywiththeusualtremendous
shriek。
“ThiswasformerlythecastleoftheredoubtedgiantDespair。”
observedMr。Smooth-it-away；“but，sincehisdeath，Mr。Flimsy-faith
hasrepairedit，andnowkeepsanexcellenthouseofentertainment
here。Itisoneofourstopping-places。”
“Itseemsbutslightlyputtogether。”remarkedI，lookingatthe
frail，yetponderouswalls。“IdonotenvyMr。Flimsy-faithhis
habitation。Somedayitwillthunderdownupontheheadsofthe
occupants。”
“Weshallescape，atallevents。”saidMr。Smooth-it-away，“for
Apollyonisputtingonthesteamagain。”
TheroadnowplungedintoagorgeoftheDelectableMountains，
andtraversedthefieldwhere，informerages，theblindmen
wanderedandstumbledamongthetombs。Oneoftheseancient
tomb-stoneshadbeenthrustacrossthetrack，bysomemalicious
person，andgavethetrainofcarsaterriblejolt。Farupthe
ruggedsideofamountain，Iperceivedarustyirondoor，half
overgrownwithbushesandcreepingplants，butwithsmokeissuingfrom
itscrevices。
“Isthat。”inquiredI，“theverydoorinthehill-side，whichthe
shepherdsassuredChristianwasaby-waytoHell？”
“Thatwasajokeonthepartoftheshepherds。”saidMr。
Smooth-it-away，withasmile。“Itisneithermorenorlessthanthe
doorofacavern，whichtheyuseasasmoke-houseforthe
preparationofmuttonhams。”
Myrecollectionsofthejourneyarenow，foralittlespace，dim
andconfused，inasmuchasasingulardrowsinesshereovercameme，
owingtothefactthatwewerepassingovertheEnchantedGround，
theairofwhichencouragesadispositiontosleep。Iawoke，
however，assoonaswecrossedthebordersofthepleasantlandof
Beulah。Allthepassengerswererubbingtheireyes，comparingwatches，
andcon-gratulatingoneanotherontheprospectofarrivingso
seasonablyatthejourney’send。Thesweetbreezesofthishappyclime
camerefreshinglytoournostrils；webeheldtheglimmeringgushof
silverfountains，overhungbytreesofbeautifulfoliageanddelicious
fruit，whichwerepropagatedbygraftsfromthecelestialgardens。
Once，aswedashedonwardlikeahurricane，therewasaflutterof
wings，andthebrightappearanceofanangelintheair，speeding
forthonsomeheavenlymission。Theenginenowannouncedtheclose
vicinityofthefinalStation-house，byonelastandhorrible
scream，inwhichthereseemedtobedistinguishableeverykindof
wailingandwo，andbitterfiercenessofwrath，allmixedupwith
thewildlaughterofadeviloramadman。Throughoutourjourney，at
everystopping-place，Apollyonhadexercisedhisingenuityinscrewing
themostabominablesoundsoutofthewhistleofthesteam-engine；but
inthisclosingeffortheoutdidhimself，andcreatedaninfernal
uproar，which，besidesdisturbingthepeacefulinhabitantsof
Beulah，musthavesentitsdiscordeventhroughthecelestialgates。
Whilethehorridclamorwasstillringinginourears，weheard
anexultingstrain，asifathousandinstrumentsofmusic，with
height，anddepth，andsweetnessintheirtones，atoncetenderand
triumphant，werestruckinunison，togreettheapproachofsome
illustrioushero，whohadfoughtthegoodfightandwonaglorious
victory，andwascometolayasidehisbatteredarmsforever。Looking
toascertainwhatmightbetheoccasionofthisgladharmony，I
perceived，onalightingfromthecars，thatamultitudeofshining
oneshadassembledontheothersideoftheriver，towelcometwopoor
pilgrims，whowerejustemergingfromitsdepths。Theywerethesame
whomApollyonandourselveshadpersecutedwithtauntsandgibes，
andscaldingsteam，atthecommencementofourjourney-thesamewhose
unworldlyaspectandimpressivewordshadstirredmyconscience，
amidthewildrevellersofVanityFair。
“Howamazinglywellthosemenhavegoton！”criedItoMr。
Smooth-it-away。“Iwishweweresecureofasgoodareception。”
“Neverfear-neverfear！”answeredmyfriend。“Come-makehaste；
theferry-boatwillbeoffdirectly；andinthreeminutesyouwill
beontheothersideoftheriver。Nodoubtyouwillfindcoachesto
carryyouuptothecitygates。”
Asteamferry-boat，thelastimprovementonthisimportantroute，
layattheriver-side，puffing，snorting，andemittingallthoseother
disagreeableutterances，whichbetokenthedeparturetobe
immediate。Ihurriedonboardwiththerestofthepassengers，mostof
whomwereingreatperturbation；somebawlingoutfortheirbaggage；
sometearingtheirhairandexclaimingthattheboatwouldexplode
orsink；somealreadypalewiththeheavingofthestream；somegazing
affrightedattheuglyaspectofthesteersman；andsomestilldizzy
withtheslumberousinfluencesoftheEnchantedGround。Lookingback
totheshore，IwasamazedtodiscernMr。Smooth-it-awaywavinghis
handintokenoffarewell！
“Don’tyougoovertotheCelestialCity？”exclaimedI。
“Oh，no！”answeredhewithaqueersmile，andthatsame
disagreeablecontortionofvisagewhichIhadremarkedinthe
inhabitantsoftheDarkValley。“Oh，no！Ihavecomethusfaronlyfor
thesakeofyourpleasantcompany。Goodbye！Weshallmeetagain。”
Andthendidmyexcellentfriend，Mr。Smooth-it-away，laugh
outright；inthemidstofwhichcachinnation，asmoke-wreathissued
fromhismouthandnostrils，whileatwinkleofluridflamedartedout
ofeithereye，provingindubitablythathisheartwasallofared
blaze。Theimpudentfiend！TodenytheexistenceofTophet，whenhe
feltitsfierytorturesragingwithinhisbreast！Irushedtotheside
oftheboat，intendingtoflingmyselfonshore。Butthewheels，as
theybegantheirrevolutions，threwadashofsprayoverme，so
cold-sodeadlycold，withthechillthatwillneverleavethose
waters，untilDeathbedrownedinhisownriver-that，withashiver
andaheart-quake，Iawoke。Thankheaven，itwasaDream！
