Part7
ThestepsbywhichAnnVeronicadeterminedtoengageherselftomarryManningwereneververycleartoher。Amedleyofmotiveswarredinher，anditwascertainlynotoneoftheleastofthesethatsheknewherselftobepassionatelyinlovewithCapes；atmomentsshehadagiddyintimationthathewasbeginningtofeelkeenlyinterestedinher。Sherealizedmoreandmorethequalityofthebrinkuponwhichshestood——thedreadfulreadinesswithwhichincertainmoodsshemightplunge，theunmitigatedwrongnessandrecklessnessofsuchaself-abandonment。\"Hemustneverknow，\"shewouldwhispertoherself，\"hemustneverknow。
Orelse——ElseitwillbeimpossiblethatIcanbehisfriend。\"
ThatsimplestatementofthecasewasbynomeansallthatwentoninAnnVeronica’smind。Butitwastheformofherrulingdetermination；itwastheonlyformthatsheeverallowedtoseedaylight。Whatelsewastherelurkedinshadowsanddeepplaces；
ifinsomemoodofreverieitcameoutintothelight，itwaspresentlyoverwhelmedandhustledbackagainintohiding。Shewouldneverlooksquarelyatthesedreamformsthatmockedthesocialorderinwhichshelived，neveradmitshelistenedtothesoftwhisperingsinherear。ButManningseemedmoreandmoreclearlyindicatedasarefuge，assecurity。Certainsimplepurposesemergedfromthedisingenuousmuddleofherfeelingsanddesires。SeeingCapesfromdaytodaymadeabrighteventfulnessthathamperedherinthecourseshehadresolvedtofollow。Shevanishedfromthelaboratoryforaweek，aweekofoddlyinterestingdays……
WhensherenewedherattendanceattheImperialCollegethethirdfingerofherlefthandwasadornedwithaveryfineoldringwithdarkbluesapphiresthathadoncebelongedtoagreat-auntofManning’s。
Thatringmanifestlyoccupiedherthoughtsagreatdeal。Shekeptpausinginherworkandregardingit，andwhenCapescameroundtoher，shefirstputherhandinherlapandthenratherawkwardlyinfrontofhim。Butmenareoftenblindtorings。Heseemedtobe。
Intheafternoonshehadconsideredcertaindoubtsverycarefully，anddecidedonamoreemphaticcourseofaction。\"Aretheseordinarysapphires？\"shesaid。Hebenttoherhand，andsheslippedofftheringandgaveittohimtoexamine。
\"Verygood，\"hesaid。\"Ratherdarkerthanmostofthem。ButI’mgenerouslyignorantofgems。Isitanoldring？\"heasked，returningit。
\"Ibelieveitis。It’sanengagementring……\"Sheslippeditonherfinger，andadded，inavoiceshetriedtomakematter-of-fact:\"Itwasgiventomelastweek。\"
\"Oh！\"hesaid，inacolorlesstone，andwithhiseyesonherface。
\"Yes。Lastweek。\"
Sheglancedathim，anditwassuddenlyapparentforoneinstantofilluminationthatthisringuponherfingerwasthecrowningblunderofherlife。Itwasapparent，andthenitfadedintothequalityofaninevitablenecessity。
\"Odd！\"heremarked，rathersurprisingly，afteralittleinterval。
Therewasabriefpause，acrowdedpause，betweenthem。
Shesatverystill，andhiseyesrestedonthatornamentforamoment，andthentravelledslowlytoherwristandthesoftlinesofherforearm。
\"IsupposeIoughttocongratulateyou，\"hesaid。Theireyesmet，andhisexpressedperplexityandcuriosity。\"Thefactis——I
don’tknowwhy——thistakesmebysurprise。SomehowIhaven’tconnectedtheideawithyou。Youseemedcomplete——withoutthat。\"
\"DidI？\"shesaid。
\"Idon’tknowwhy。Butthisislike——likewalkingroundahousethatlookssquareandcompleteandfindinganunexpectedlongwingrunningoutbehind。\"
Shelookedupathim，andfoundhewaswatchingherclosely。Forsomesecondsofvoluminousthinkingtheylookedattheringbetweenthem，andneitherspoke。ThenCapesshiftedhiseyestohermicroscopeandthelittletraysofunmountedsectionsbesideit。\"Howisthatcarmineworking？\"heasked，withaforcedinterest。
\"Better，\"saidAnnVeronica，withanunrealalacrity。\"Butitstillmissesthenucleolus。\"
CHAPTERTHETHIRTEENTH
THESAPPHIRERING
Part1
Foratimethatringsetwithsapphiresseemedtobe，afterall，thesatisfactorysolutionofAnnVeronica’sdifficulties。Itwaslikepouringastrongacidoverdulledmetal。AtarnishofconstraintthathadrecentlyspreadoverherintercoursewithCapesvanishedagain。Theyembarkeduponanopenanddeclaredfriendship。Theyeventalkedaboutfriendship。TheywenttotheZoologicalGardenstogetheroneSaturdaytoseeforthemselvesapointofmorphologicalinterestaboutthetoucan’sbill——thatfriendlyandentertainingbird——andtheyspenttherestoftheafternoonwalkingaboutandelaboratingingeneraltermsthisthemeandthesuperiorityofintellectualfellowshiptoallmerelypassionaterelationships。UponthistopicCapeswasheavyandconscientious，butthatseemedtohertobejustexactlywhatheoughttobe。Hewasalso，hadsheknownit，morethanalittleinsincere。\"WeareonlyinthedawnoftheAgeofFriendship，\"hesaid，\"wheninterest，Isuppose，willtaketheplaceofpassions。Eitheryouhavehadtolovepeopleorhatethem——whichisasortoflove，too，initsway——togetanythingoutofthem。Now，moreandmore，we’regoingtobeinterestedinthem，tobecuriousaboutthemand——quitemildly-experimentalwiththem。\"Heseemedtobeelaboratingideasashetalked。
Theywatchedthechimpanzeesinthenewapes’house，andadmiredthegentlehumanityoftheireyes——\"somuchmorehumanthanhumanbeings\"——andtheywatchedtheAgileGibboninthenextapartmentdoingwonderfulleapsandaerialsomersaults。
\"Iwonderwhichofusenjoysthatmost，\"saidCapes——\"doeshe，ordowe？\"
\"Heseemstogetazest——\"
\"Hedoesitandforgetsit。Werememberit。Thesejoyfulboundsjustlaceintothestuffofmymemoriesandstaythereforever。
Living’sjustmaterial。\"
\"It’sverygoodtobealive。\"
\"It’sbettertoknowlifethanbelife。\"
\"Onemaydoboth，\"saidAnnVeronica。
Shewasinaveryuncriticalstatethatafternoon。Whenhesaid，\"Let’sgoandseethewart-hog，\"shethoughtnooneeverhadhadsoquickaflowofgoodideasashe；andwhenheexplainedthatsugarandnotbunswasthetalismanofpopularityamongtheanimals，shemarvelledathispracticalomniscience。
Finally，attheexitintoRegent’sPark，theyranagainstMissKlegg。ItwastheexpressionofMissKlegg’sfacethatputtheideaintoAnnVeronica’sheadofshowingManningattheCollegeoneday，anideawhichshedidn’tforsomereasonorothercarryoutforafortnight。
Part2
Whenatlastshedidso，thesapphireringtookonanewqualityintheimaginationofCapes。Itceasedtobethesymboloflibertyandaremoteandquiteabstractedperson，andbecamesuddenlyandverydisagreeablythetokenofalargeandportentousbodyvisibleandtangible。
Manningappearedjustattheendoftheafternoon’swork，andthebiologistwasgoingthroughsomeperplexitiestheScotchmanhadcreatedbyametaphysicaltreatmentoftheskullsofHyraxandayoungAfricanelephant。HewasclearingupthesedifficultiesbytracingapartiallyobliteratedsuturetheScotchmanhadoverlookedwhenthedoorfromthepassageopened，andManningcameintohisuniverse。
Seendownthelengthofthelaboratory，Manninglookedaveryhandsomeandshapelygentlemanindeed，and，atthesightofhiseageradvancetohisfiancee，MissKleggreplacedonelong-cherishedromanceaboutAnnVeronicabyonemorenormalandsimple。Hecarriedacaneandasilkhatwithamourning-bandinonegray-glovedhand；hisfrock-coatandtrouserswereadmirable；
hishandsomeface，hisblackmustache，hisprominentbrowconveyedaneagersolicitude。
\"Iwant，\"hesaid，withawhitehandoutstretched，\"totakeyououttotea。\"
\"I’vebeenclearingup，\"saidAnnVeronica，brightly。
\"Allyourdreadfulscientificthings？\"hesaid，withasmilethatMissKleggthoughtextraordinarilykindly。
\"Allmydreadfulscientificthings，\"saidAnnVeronica。
Hestoodback，smilingwithanairofproprietorship，andlookingabouthimatthebusiness-likeequipmentoftheroom。Thelowceilingmadehimseemabnormallytall。AnnVeronicawipedascalpel，putacardoverawatch-glasscontainingthinshredsofembryonicguinea-pigswimminginmauvestain，anddismantledhermicroscope。
\"IwishIunderstoodmoreofbiology，\"saidManning。
\"I’mready，\"saidAnnVeronica，closinghermicroscope-boxwithaclick，andlookingforonebriefinstantupthelaboratory。\"Wehavenoairsandgraceshere，andmyhathangsfromapeginthepassage。\"
Sheledthewaytothedoor，andManningpassedbehindherandroundherandopenedthedoorforher。WhenCapesglancedupatthemforamoment，Manningseemedtobeholdinghisarmsallabouther，andtherewasnothingbutquietacquiescenceinherbearing。
AfterCapeshadfinishedtheScotchman’stroubleshewentbackintothepreparation-room。Hesatdownonthesilloftheopenwindow，foldedhisarms，andstaredstraightbeforehimforalongtimeoverthewildernessoftilesandchimney-potsintoaskythatwasblueandempty。Hewasnotaddictedtomonologue，andtheonlyaudiblecommenthepermittedhimselfatfirstuponauniversethatwasevidentlyanythingbutsatisfactorytohimthatafternoon，wasonecompactandentirelyunassigned\"Damn！\"
Thewordmusthavehadsomegratifyingquality，becauseherepeatedit。Thenhestoodupandrepeateditagain。\"ThefoolIhavebeen！\"hecried；andnowspeechwascomingtohim。Hetriedthissentencewithexpletives。\"Ass！\"hewenton，stillwarming。\"Muck-headedmoralass！Ioughttohavedoneanything。
Ioughttohavedoneanything！
\"What’samanfor？
\"Friendship！\"
Hedoubleduphisfist，andseemedtocontemplatethrustingitthroughthewindow。Heturnedhisbackonthattemptation。Thensuddenlyheseizedanewpreparationbottlethatstooduponhistableandcontainedthebetterpartofaweek’swork——adisplayeddissectionofasnail，beautifullydone——andhurleditacrosstheroom，tosmashresoundinglyuponthecementedfloorunderthebookcase；then，withouteitherhasteorpause，heswepthisarmalongashelfofre-agentsandsentthemtominglewiththedebrisonthefloor。Theyfellinadiapasonofsmashes。\"H’m！\"
hesaid，regardingthewreckagewithacalmervisage。\"Silly！\"heremarkedafterapause。\"Onehardlyknows——allthetime。\"
Heputhishandsinhispockets，hismouthpuckeredtoawhistle，andhewenttothedooroftheouterpreparation-roomandstoodthere，looking，saveforthefaintestintensificationofhisnaturalruddiness，theembodimentofblondserenity。
\"Gellett，\"hecalled，\"justcomeandclearupamess，willyou？
I’vesmashedsomethings。\"
Part3
TherewasoneseriousflawinAnnVeronica’sarrangementsforself-rehabilitation，andthatwasRamage。Hehungoverher——heandhisloantoherandhisconnectionwithherandthatterribleevening——avague，disconcertingpossibilityofannoyanceandexposure。Shecouldnotseeanyrelieffromthisanxietyexceptrepayment，andrepaymentseemedimpossible。Theraisingoftwenty-fivepoundswasataskaltogetherbeyondherpowers。Herbirthdaywasfourmonthsaway，andthat，atitsextremistpoint，mightgiveheranotherfivepounds。
Thethingrankledinhermindnightandday。Shewouldwakeinthenighttorepeatherbittercry:\"Oh，whydidIburnthosenotes？\"
ItaddedgreatlytotheannoyanceofthesituationthatshehadtwiceseenRamageintheAvenuesinceherreturntotheshelterofherfather’sroof。Hehadsalutedherwithelaboratecivility，hiseyesdistendedwithindecipherablemeanings。
ShefeltshewasboundinhonortotellthewholeaffairtoManningsoonerorlater。Indeed，itseemedinevitablethatshemustclearitupwithhisassistance，ornotatall。AndwhenManningwasnotaboutthethingseemedsimpleenough。Shewouldcomposeextremelylucidandhonorableexplanations。Butwhenitcametobroachingthem，itprovedtobemuchmoredifficultthanshehadsupposed。
Theywentdownthegreatstaircaseofthebuilding，and，whileshesoughtinhermindforabeginning，hebrokeintoappreciationofhersimpledressandself-congratulationsupontheirengagement。
\"Itmakesmefeel，\"hesaid，\"thatnothingisimpossible——tohaveyouherebesideme。Isaid，thatdayatSurbiton，’There’smanygoodthingsinlife，butthere’sonlyonebest，andthat’sthewild-hairedgirlwho’spullingawayatthatoar。IwillmakehermyGrail，andsomeday，perhaps，ifGodwills，sheshallbecomemywife！’\"
Helookedveryhardbeforehimashesaidthis，andhisvoicewasfullofdeepfeeling。
\"Grail！\"saidAnnVeronica，andthen:\"Oh，yes——ofcourse！
Anythingbutaholyone，I’mafraid。\"
\"Altogetherholy，AnnVeronica。Ah！butyoucan’timaginewhatyouaretomeandwhatyoumeantome！Isupposethereissomethingmysticalandwonderfulaboutallwomen。\"
\"Thereissomethingmysticalandwonderfulaboutallhumanbeings。Idon’tseethatmenneedbankitwiththewomen。\"
\"Amandoes，\"saidManning——\"atrueman，anyhow。Andformethereisonlyonetreasure-house。ByJove！WhenIthinkofitIwanttoleapandshout！\"
\"Itwouldastonishthatmanwiththebarrow。\"
\"ItastonishesmethatIdon’t，\"saidManning，inatoneofintenseself-enjoyment。
\"Ithink，\"beganAnnVeronica，\"thatyoudon’trealize——\"
Hedisregardedherentirely。Hewavedanarmandspokewithapeculiarresonance。\"Ifeellikeagiant！IbelievenowIshalldogreatthings。Gods！whatitmustbetopouroutstrong，splendidverse——mightylines！mightylines！IfIdo，AnnVeronica，itwillbeyou。Itwillbealtogetheryou。Iwilldedicatemybookstoyou。Iwilllaythemallatyourfeet。\"
Hebeameduponher。
\"Idon’tthinkyourealize，\"AnnVeronicabeganagain，\"thatIamratheradefectivehumanbeing。\"
\"Idon’twantto，\"saidManning。\"Theysaytherearespotsonthesun。Notforme。Itwarmsme，andlightsme，andfillsmyworldwithflowers。WhyshouldIpeepatitthroughsmokedglasstoseethingsthatdon’taffectme？\"Hesmiledhisdelightathiscompanion。
\"I’vegotbadfaults。\"
Heshookhisheadslowly，smilingmysteriously。
\"ButperhapsIwanttoconfessthem。\"
\"Igrantyouabsolution。\"
\"Idon’twantabsolution。Iwanttomakemyselfvisibletoyou。\"
\"IwishIcouldmakeyouvisibletoyourself。Idon’tbelieveinthefaults。They’rejustajoyoussofteningoftheoutline——morebeautifulthanperfection。Liketheflawsofanoldmarble。Ifyoutalkofyourfaults，Ishalltalkofyoursplendors。\"
\"Idowanttotellyouthings，nevertheless。\"
\"We’llhave，thankGod！tenmyriaddaystotelleachotherthings。WhenIthinkofit——\"
\"ButthesearethingsIwanttotellyounow！\"
\"Imadealittlesongofit。Letmesayittoyou。I’venonameforityet。Epithalamymightdo。
\"LikehimwhostoodonDarienIviewunchartedseaTenthousanddays，tenthousandnightsBeforemyQueenandme。
\"Andthatonlybringsmeuptoaboutsixty-five！
\"AglitteringwildernessoftimeThattothesunsetreachesNokeelasyetitswaveshasploughedOrgrittedonitsbeaches。
\"Andwewillsailthatsplendorwide，Fromdaytodaytogether，FromisletoisleofhappinessThroughyear’sofGod’sownweather。\"
\"Yes，\"saidhisprospectivefellow-sailor，\"that’sverypretty。\"
Shestoppedshort，fullofthingsun-said。Pretty！Tenthousanddays，tenthousandnights！
\"Youshalltellmeyourfaults，\"saidManning。\"Iftheymattertoyou，theymatter。\"
\"Itisn’tpreciselyfaults，\"saidAnnVeronica。\"It’ssomethingthatbothersme。\"Tenthousand！Putthatwayitseemedsodifferent。
\"Thenassuredly！\"saidManning。
Shefoundalittledifficultyinbeginning。Shewasgladwhenhewenton:\"Iwanttobeyourcityofrefugefromeverysortofbother。Iwanttostandbetweenyouandalltheforceandvilenessoftheworld。Iwanttomakeyoufeelthathereisaplacewherethecrowddoesnotclamornorill-windsblow。\"
\"Thatisallverywell，\"saidAnnVeronica，unheeded。
\"Thatismydreamofyou，\"saidManning，warming。\"Iwantmylifetobebeatengoldjustinordertomakeitafittingsettingforyours。Thereyouwillbe，inaninnertemple。Iwanttoenrichitwithhangingsandgladdenitwithverses。Iwanttofillitwithfineandpreciousthings。Andbydegrees，perhaps，thatmaidendistrustofyoursthatmakesyoushrinkfrommykisses，willvanish……Forgivemeifacertainwarmthcreepsintomywords！TheParkisgreenandgrayto-day，butIamglowingpinkandgold……Itisdifficulttoexpressthesethings。\"
Part4
TheysatwithteaandstrawberriesandcreambeforethematalittletableinfrontofthepavilioninRegent’sPark。Herconfessionwasstillunmade。Manningleanedforwardonthetable，talkingdiscursivelyontheprobablebrillianceoftheirmarriedlife。AnnVeronicasatbackinanattitudeofinattention，hereyesonadistantgameofcricket，hermindperplexedandbusy。ShewasrecallingthecircumstancesunderwhichshehadengagedherselftoManning，andtryingtounderstandacuriousdevelopmentofthequalityofthisrelationship。
Theparticularsofherengagementwereveryclearinhermemory。
Shehadtakencareheshouldhavethismomentoustalkwithheronagarden-seatcommandedbythewindowsofthehouse。Theyhadbeenplayingtennis，withhismanifestintentionloomingoverher。
\"Letussitdownforamoment，\"hehadsaid。Hemadehisspeechalittleelaborately。Shepluckedattheknotsofherracketandheardhimtotheend，thenspokeinarestrainedundertone。
\"Youaskmetobeengagedtoyou，Mr。Manning，\"shebegan。
\"Iwanttolayallmylifeatyourfeet。\"
\"Mr。Manning，IdonotthinkIloveyou……Iwanttobeveryplainwithyou。Ihavenothing，nothingthatcanpossiblybepassionforyou。Iamsure。Nothingatall。\"
Hewassilentforsomemoments。
\"Perhapsthatisonlysleeping，\"hesaid。\"Howcanyouknow？\"
\"Ithink——perhapsIamratheracold-bloodedperson。\"
Shestopped。Heremainedlisteningattentively。
\"Youhavebeenverykindtome，\"shesaid。
\"Iwouldgivemylifeforyou。\"
Herhearthadwarmedtowardhim。Ithadseemedtoherthatlifemightbeverygoodindeedwithhiskindlinessandsacrificeabouther。Shethoughtofhimasalwayscourteousandhelpful，asrealizing，indeed，hisidealofprotectionandservice，aschivalrouslyleavingherfreetoliveherownlife，rejoicingwithaninfinitegenerosityineverydetailofherirresponsivebeing。Shetwangedthecatgutunderherfingers。
\"Itseemssounfair，\"shesaid，\"totakeallyouoffermeandgivesolittleinreturn。\"
\"Itisalltheworldtome。Andwearenottraderslookingatequivalents。\"
\"Youknow，Mr。Manning，Idonotreallywanttomarry。\"
\"No。\"
\"Itseemsso——sounworthy\"——shepickedamongherphrases\"ofthenobleloveyougive——\"
Shestopped，throughthedifficultyshefoundinexpressingherself。
\"ButIamjudgeofthat，\"saidManning。
\"Wouldyouwaitforme？\"
Manningwassilentforaspace。\"Asmyladywills。\"
\"Wouldyouletmegoonstudyingforatime？\"
\"Ifyouorderpatience。\"
\"Ithink，Mr。Manning……Idonotknow。Itissodifficult。
WhenIthinkoftheloveyougiveme——Oneoughttogiveyoubacklove。\"
\"Youlikeme？\"
\"Yes。AndIamgratefultoyou……\"
Manningtappedwithhisracketontheturfthroughsomemomentsofsilence。\"Youarethemostperfect，themostgloriousofcreatedthings——tender，frankintellectual，brave，beautiful。I
amyourservitor。Iamreadytowaitforyou，towaityourpleasure，togiveallmylifetowinningit。Letmeonlywearyourlivery。Givemebutleavetotry。Youwanttothinkforatime，tobefreeforatime。Thatissolikeyou，Diana——PallasAthene！(PallasAtheneisbetter。)Youarealltheslendergoddesses。Iunderstand。Letmeengagemyself。ThatisallI
ask。\"
Shelookedathim；hisface，downcastandinprofile，washandsomeandstrong。Hergratitudeswelledwithinher。
\"Youaretoogoodforme，\"shesaidinalowvoice。
\"Thenyou——youwill？\"
Alongpause。
\"Itisn’tfair……\"
\"Butwillyou？\"
\"YES。\"
Forsomesecondshehadremainedquitestill。
\"IfIsithere，\"hesaid，standingupbeforeherabruptly，\"I
shallhavetoshout。Letuswalkabout。Tum，tum，tirray，tum，tum，tum，te-tum——thatthingofMendelssohn’s！Ifmakingonehumanbeingabsolutelyhappyisanysatisfactiontoyou——\"
Heheldouthishands，andshealsostoodup。
Hedrewhercloseuptohimwithastrong，steadypull。Thensuddenly，infrontofallthosewindows，hefoldedherinhisarmsandpressedhertohim，andkissedherunresistingface。
\"Don’t！\"criedAnnVeronica，strugglingfaintly，andhereleasedher。
\"Forgiveme，\"hesaid。\"ButIamatsinging-pitch。\"
Shehadamomentofsheerpanicatthethingshehaddone。\"Mr。
Manning，\"shesaid，\"foratime——Willyoutellnoone？Willyoukeepthis——oursecret？I’mdoubtful——Willyoupleasenoteventellmyaunt？\"
\"Asyouwill，\"hesaid。\"Butifmymannertells！Icannothelpitifthatshows。Youonlymeanasecretforalittletime？\"
\"Justforalittletime，\"shesaid；\"yes……\"
Butthering，andheraunt’striumphanteye，andanoteofapprovalinherfather’smanner，andanoveldispositioninhimtopraiseManninginajust，impartialvoicehadsoonplacedverydefinitequalificationsuponthatcovenantedsecrecy。
Part5
AtfirstthequalityofherrelationshiptoManningseemedmovingandbeautifultoAnnVeronica。Sheadmiredandratherpitiedhim，andshewasunfeignedlygratefultohim。Sheeventhoughtthatperhapsshemightcometolovehim，inspiteofthatfaintindefinableflavorofabsurditythatpervadedhiscourtlybearing。ShewouldneverlovehimasshelovedCapes，ofcourse，buttherearegradesandqualitiesoflove。ForManningitwouldbeamoretemperatelovealtogether。Muchmoretemperate；thediscreetandjoylessloveofavirtuous，reluctant，condescendingwife。Shehadbeenquiteconvincedthatanengagementwithhimandatlastamarriagehadexactlythatqualityofcompromisewhichdistinguishesthewaysofthewise。Itwouldbethewrapperedworldalmostatitsbest。Shesawherselfbuildingupalifeuponthat——aliferestrained，kindly，beautiful，alittlepatheticandaltogetherdignified；alifeofgreatdisciplinesandsuppressionsandextensivereserves……
ButtheRamageaffairneededclearingup，ofcourse；itwasaflawuponthatproject。Shehadtoexplainaboutandpayoffthatfortypounds……
Then，quiteinsensibly，herqueenlinesshaddeclined。Shewasneverabletotracethechangesherattitudehadundergone，fromthetimewhenshebelievedherselftobethepamperedQueenofFortune，thecrownofagoodman’slove(andsecretly，butnobly，worshippingsomeoneelse)，tothetimewhensherealizedshewasinfactjustamannequinforherlover’simagination，andthathecarednomorefortherealitiesofherbeing，forthethingsshefeltanddesired，forthepassionsanddreamsthatmightmoveher，thanachildcaresforthesawdustinitsdoll。Shewastheactresshiswhimhadchosentoplayapassivepart……
ItwasoneofthemosteducationaldisillusionmentsinAnnVeronica’scareer。
Butdidmanywomengetanythingbetter？
Thisafternoon，whenshewasurgenttoexplainherhamperingandtaintingcomplicationwithRamage，therealizationofthisalienqualityinherrelationshipwithManningbecameacute。Hithertoithadbeenqualifiedbyherconceptionofalllifeasacompromise，byhernewefforttobeunexactingoflife。ButsheperceivedthattotellManningofherRamageadventuresastheyhadhappenedwouldbeliketarringfiguresuponawater-color。
Theywereindifferentkey，theyhadadifferenttimbre。Howcouldshetellhimwhatindeedalreadybegantopuzzleherself，whyshehadborrowedthatmoneyatall？Theplainfactwasthatshehadgrabbedabait。Shehadgrabbed！Shebecamelessandlessattentivetohismeditative，self-complacentfragmentsoftalkasshetoldherselfthis。Hersecretthoughtsmadesomehasty，half-heartedexcursionsintothepossibilityoftellingthethinginromantictones——Ramagewasasablackvillain，sheasawhite，fantasticallywhite，maiden……ShedoubtedifManningwouldevenlistentothat。Hewouldrefusetolistenandabsolveherunshriven。
Thenitcametoherwithashock，asanextraordinaryoversight，thatshecouldnevertellManningaboutRamage——never。
Shedismissedtheideaofdoingso。Butthatstillleftthefortypounds！……
Hermindwentongeneralizing。SoitwouldalwaysbebetweenherselfandManning。Shesawherlifebeforeherrobbedofallgenerousillusions，thewrapperedlifeunwrapperedforever，vistasofdullresponses，crisesofmake-believe，yearsofexactingmutualdisregardinamistygardenoffinesentiments。
Butdidanywomangetanythingbetterfromaman？Perhapseverywomanconcealsherselffromamanperforce！……
ShethoughtofCapes。ShecouldnothelpthinkingofCapes。
SurelyCapeswasdifferent。Capeslookedatoneandnotoverone，spoketoone，treatedoneasavisibleconcretefact。Capessawher，feltforher，caredforhergreatly，evenifhedidnotloveher。Anyhow，hedidnotsentimentalizeher。AndshehadbeendoubtingsincethatwalkintheZoologicalGardenswhether，indeed，hedidsimplycareforher。Littlethings，almostimpalpable，hadhappenedtojustifythatdoubt；somethinginhismannerhadbeliedhiswords。Didhenotlookforherinthemorningwhensheentered——comeveryquicklytoher？Shethoughtofhimasshehadlastseenhimlookingdownthelengthofthelaboratorytoseehergo。Whyhadheglancedup——quiteinthatway？……
ThethoughtofCapesfloodedherbeinglikelong-veiledsunlightbreakingagainthroughclouds。Itcametoherlikeadearthingrediscovered，thatshelovedCapes。ItcametoherthattomarryanyonebutCapeswasimpossible。Ifshecouldnotmarryhim，shewouldnotmarryanyone。ShewouldendthisshamwithManning。Itoughtnevertohavebegun。Itwascheating，pitifulcheating。AndthenifsomedayCapeswantedher——sawfittoalterhisviewsuponfriendship……
Dimpossibilitiesthatshewouldnotseemtolookateventoherselfgesticulatedinthetwilightbackgroundofhermind。
Sheleapedsuddenlyatadesperateresolution，andinonemomenthadmadeitintoanewself。Sheflungasideeveryplanshehadinlife，everydiscretion。Ofcourse，whynot？Shewouldbehonest，anyhow！
SheturnedhereyestoManning。
Hewassittingbackfromthetablenow，withonearmoverthebackofhisgreenchairandtheotherrestingonthelittletable。Hewassmilingunderhisheavymustache，andhisheadwasalittleononesideashelookedather。
\"Andwhatwasthatdreadfulconfessionyouhadtomake？\"hewassaying。Hisquiet，kindlysmileimpliedhisserenedisbeliefinanyconfessiblething。AnnVeronicapushedasideatea-cupandthevestigesofherstrawberriesandcream，andputherelbowsbeforeheronthetable。\"Mr。Manning，\"shesaid，\"IHAVEaconfessiontomake。\"
\"IwishyouwouldusemyChristianname，\"hesaid。
Sheattendedtothat，andthendismisseditasunimportant。
Somethinginhervoiceandmannerconveyedaneffectofunwontedgravitytohim。Forthefirsttimeheseemedtowonderwhatitmightbethatshehadtoconfess。Hissmilefaded。
\"Idon’tthinkourengagementcangoon，\"sheplunged，andfeltexactlythatlossofbreaththatcomeswithadiveintoicywater。
\"But，how，\"hesaid，sittingupastonishedbeyondmeasure，\"notgoon？\"
\"Ihavebeenthinkingwhileyouhavebeentalking。Yousee——I
didn’tunderstand。\"
Shestaredhardatherfinger-nails。\"Itishardtoexpressone’sself，butIdowanttobehonestwithyou。WhenIpromisedtomarryyouIthoughtIcould；Ithoughtitwasapossiblearrangement。Ididthinkitcouldbedone。Iadmiredyourchivalry。Iwasgrateful。\"
Shepaused。
\"Goon，\"hesaid。
Shemovedherelbownearertohimandspokeinastilllowertone。\"ItoldyouIdidnotloveyou。\"
\"Iknow，\"saidManning，noddinggravely。\"Itwasfineandbraveofyou。\"
\"Butthereissomethingmore。\"
Shepausedagain。
\"I——Iamsorry——Ididn’texplain。Thesethingsaredifficult。
Itwasn’tcleartomethatIhadtoexplain……Ilovesomeoneelse。\"
Theyremainedlookingateachotherforthreeorfourseconds。
ThenManningfloppedbackinhischairanddroppedhischinlikeamanshot。Therewasalongsilencebetweenthem。
\"MyGod！\"hesaidatlast，withtremendousfeeling，andthenagain，\"MyGod！\"
Nowthatthisthingwassaidhermindwasclearandcalm。Sheheardthisstandardexpressionofastrongsoulwrungwithacriticalcoldnessthatastonishedherself。Sherealizeddimlythattherewasnopersonalthingbehindhiscry，thatcountlessmyriadsofManningshad\"MyGod！\"-edwithanequalgustoatsituationsasflatlyapprehended。Thismitigatedherremorseenormously。Herestedhisbrowonhishandandconveyedmagnificenttragedybyhispose。
\"Butwhy，\"hesaidinthegaspingvoiceofonesubduinganagony，andlookedatherfromunderapain-wrinkledbrow，\"whydidyounottellmethisbefore？\"
\"Ididn’tknow——IthoughtImightbeabletocontrolmyself。\"
\"Andyoucan’t？\"
\"Idon’tthinkIoughttocontrolmyself。\"
\"AndIhavebeendreamingandthinking——\"
\"Iamfrightfullysorry……\"
\"But——Thisboltfromtheblue！MyGod！AnnVeronica，youdon’tunderstand。This——thisshattersaworld！\"
Shetriedtofeelsorry，buthersenseofhisimmenseegotismwasstrongandclear。
Hewentonwithintenseurgency。
\"Whydidyoueverletmeloveyou？WhydidyoueverletmepeepthroughthegatesofParadise？Oh！myGod！Idon’tbegintofeelandrealizethisyet。Itseemstomejusttalk；itseemstomelikethefancyofadream。TellmeIhaven’theard。Thisisajokeofyours。\"Hemadehisvoiceverylowandfull，andlookedcloselyintoherface。
Shetwistedherfingerstightly。\"Itisn’tajoke，\"shesaid。
\"Ifeelshabbyanddisgraced……Ioughtnevertohavethoughtofit。Ofyou，Imean……\"
Hefellbackinhischairwithanexpressionoftremendousdesolation。\"MyGod！\"hesaidagain……
Theybecameawareofthewaitressstandingoverthemwithbookandpencilreadyfortheirbill。\"Nevermindthebill，\"saidManningtragically，standingupandthrustingafour-shillingpieceintoherhand，andturningabroadbackonherastonishment。\"LetuswalkacrosstheParkatleast，\"hesaidtoAnnVeronica。\"Justatpresentmymindsimplywon’ttakeholdofthisatall……Itellyou——nevermindthebill。Keepit！
Keepit！\"
Part6
Theywalkedalongwaythatafternoon。TheycrossedtheParktothewestward，andthenturnedbackandwalkedroundthecircleabouttheRoyalBotanicalGardensandthensouthwardlytowardWaterloo。Theytrudgedandtalked，andManningstruggled，ashesaid，to\"getthehangofitall。\"
Itwasalong，meanderingtalk，stupid，shameful，andunavoidable。AnnVeronicawasapologetictothebottomofhersoul。Atthesametimeshewaswildlyexultantattheresolutionshehadtaken，theendshehadmadetoherblunder。Shehadonlytogetthroughthis，tosolaceManningasmuchasshecould，toputsuchclumsyplasteringsonhiswoundsaswerepossible，andthen，anyhow，shewouldbefree——freetoputherfatetothetest。Shemadeafewprotests，afewexcusesforheractioninacceptinghim，afewlameexplanations，buthedidnotheedthemorcareforthem。ThensherealizedthatitwasherbusinesstoletManningtalkandimposehisowninterpretationsuponthesituationsofarashewasconcerned。Shedidherbesttodothis。Butabouthisunknownrivalhewasacutelycurious。
Hemadehertellhimthecoreofthedifficulty。
\"Icannotsaywhoheis，\"saidAnnVeronica，\"butheisamarriedman……No！Idonotevenknowthathecaresforme。Itisnogoodgoingintothat。OnlyIjustwanthim。Ijustwanthim，andnooneelsewilldo。Itisnogoodarguingaboutathinglikethat。\"
\"Butyouthoughtyoucouldforgethim。\"
\"IsupposeImusthavethoughtso。Ididn’tunderstand。NowI
do。\"
\"ByGod！\"saidManning，makingthemostoftheword，\"Isupposeit’sfate。Fate！Youaresofranksosplendid！
\"I’mtakingthiscalmlynow，\"hesaid，almostasifheapologized，\"becauseI’malittlestunned。\"
Thenheasked，\"Tellme！hasthisman，hasheDAREDtomakelovetoyou？\"
AnnVeronicahadaviciousmoment。\"Iwishhehad，\"shesaid。
\"But——\"
Thelonginconsecutiveconversationbythattimewasgettingonhernerves。\"Whenonewantsathingmorethananythingelseintheworld，\"shesaidwithoutrageousfrankness，\"onenaturallywishesonehadit。\"
Sheshockedhimbythat。Sheshatteredtheedificehewasbuildingupofhimselfasadevotedlover，waitingonlyhischancetowinherfromahopelessandconsumingpassion。
\"Mr。Manning，\"shesaid，\"Iwarnedyounottoidealizeme。Menoughtnottoidealizeanywoman。Wearen’tworthit。We’vedonenothingtodeserveit。Andithampersus。Youdon’tknowthethoughtswehave；thethingswecandoandsay。Youareasisterlessman；youhaveneverheardtheordinarytalkthatgoesonatagirls’boarding-school。\"
\"Oh！butyouAREsplendidandopenandfearless！AsifIcouldn’tallow！Whatarealltheselittlethings？Nothing！Nothing！Youcan’tsullyyourself。Youcan’t！Itellyoufranklyyoumaybreakoffyourengagementtome——Ishallholdmyselfstillengagedtoyou，yoursjustthesame。Asforthisinfatuation——it’slikesomeobsession，somemagicthinglaiduponyou。It’snotyou——notabit。It’sathingthat’shappenedtoyou。Itislikesomeaccident。Idon’tcare。InasenseI
don’tcare。Itmakesnodifference……Allthesame，IwishIhadthatfellowbythethroat！Justthevirile，unregeneratemaninmewishesthat……
\"IsupposeIshouldletgoifIhad。
\"Youknow，\"hewenton，\"thisdoesn’tseemtometoendanything。
I’mratherapersistentperson。I’mthesortofdog，ifyouturnitoutoftheroomitliesdownonthematatthedoor。I’mnotalovesickboy。I’maman，andIknowwhatImean。It’satremendousblow，ofcourse——butitdoesn’tkillme。Andthesituationitmakes！——thesituation！\"
ThusManning，egotistical，inconsecutive，unreal。AndAnnVeronicawalkedbesidehim，tryinginvaintosoftenherhearttohimbythethoughtofhowshehadill-usedhim，andallthetime，asherfeetandmindgrewwearytogether，rejoicingmoreandmorethatatthecostofthisoneinterminablewalksheescapedtheprospectof——whatwasit？——\"Tenthousanddays，tenthousandnights\"inhiscompany。Whateverhappenedsheneedneverreturntothatpossibility。
\"Forme，\"Manningwenton，\"thisisn’tfinal。Inasenseitaltersnothing。Ishallstillwearyourfavor——evenifitisastolenandforbiddenfavor——inmycasque……Ishallstillbelieveinyou。Trustyou。\"
Herepeatedseveraltimesthathewouldtrusther，thoughitremainedobscurejustexactlywherethetrustcamein。
\"Lookhere，\"hecriedoutofasilence，withasuddenflashofunderstanding，\"didyoumeantothrowmeoverwhenyoucameoutwithmethisafternoon？\"
AnnVeronicahesitated，andwithastartledmindrealizedthetruth。\"No，\"sheanswered，reluctantly。
\"Verywell，\"saidManning。\"ThenIdon’ttakethisasfinal。
That’sall。I’veboredyouorsomething……Youthinkyoulovethisotherman！Nodoubtyoudolovehim。Beforeyouhavelived——\"
Hebecamedarklyprophetic。Hethrustoutarhetoricalhand。
\"IwillMAKEyouloveme！Untilhehasfaded——fadedintoamemory……\"
HesawherintothetrainatWaterloo，andstood，atall，gravefigure，withhatupraised，asthecarriagemovedforwardslowlyandhidhim。AnnVeronicasatbackwithasighofrelief。
Manningmightgoonnowidealizingherasmuchasheliked。Shewasnolongeraconfederateinthat。Hemightgoonasthedevotedloveruntilhetired。ShehaddoneforeverwiththeAgeofChivalry，andherownbaseadaptationsofitstraditionstothecompromisinglife。Shewashonestagain。
ButwhensheturnedherthoughtstoMorningsideParksheperceivedthetangledskeinoflifewasnowtobefurthercomplicatedbyhisromanticimportunity。
CHAPTERTHEFOURTEENTH
THECOLLAPSEOFTHEPENITENT
Part1
SpringhadheldbackthatyearuntilthedawnofMay，andthenspringandsummercamewitharushtogether。TwodaysafterthisconversationbetweenManningandAnnVeronica，Capescameintothelaboratoryatlunch-timeandfoundheralonetherestandingbytheopenwindow，andnotevenpretendingtobedoinganything。
Hecameinwithhishandsinhistrouserspocketsandageneralairofdepressioninhisbearing。HewasengagedindetestingManningandhimselfinalmostequalmeasure。Hisfacebrightenedatthesightofher，andhecametowardher。
\"Whatareyoudoing？\"heasked。
\"Nothing，\"saidAnnVeronica，andstaredoverhershoulderoutofthewindow。
\"SoamI……Lassitude？\"
\"Isupposeso。\"
\"_I_can’twork。\"
\"NorI，\"saidAnnVeronica。
Pause。
\"It’sthespring，\"hesaid。\"It’sthewarmingupoftheyear，thecomingofthelightmornings，thewayinwhicheverythingbeginstorunaboutandbeginnewthings。Workbecomesdistasteful；onethinksofholidays。Thisyear——I’vegotitbadly。Iwanttogetaway。I’veneverwantedtogetawaysomuch。\"
\"Wheredoyougo？\"
\"Oh！——Alps。\"
\"Climbing？\"
\"Yes。\"
\"That’sratherafinesortofholiday！\"
Hemadenoanswerforthreeorfourseconds。
\"Yes，\"hesaid，\"Iwanttogetaway。IfeelatmomentsasthoughIcouldboltforit……Silly，isn’tit？Undisciplined。\"
Hewenttothewindowandfidgetedwiththeblind，lookingouttowherethetree-topsofRegent’sParkshoweddistantlyoverthehouses。Heturnedroundtowardherandfoundherlookingathimandstandingverystill。
\"It’sthestirofspring，\"hesaid。
\"Ibelieveitis。\"
Sheglancedoutofthewindow，andthedistanttreeswereafrothofhardspringgreenandalmondblossom。Sheformedawildresolution，and，lestsheshouldwaverfromit，shesetaboutatoncetorealizeit。\"I’vebrokenoffmyengagement，\"shesaid，inamatter-of-facttone，andfoundherheartthumpinginherneck。Hemovedslightly，andshewenton，withaslightcatchingofherbreath:\"It’sabotheranddisturbance，butyousee——\"
Shehadtogothroughwithitnow，becauseshecouldthinkofnothingbutherpreconceivedwords。Hervoicewasweakandflat。
\"I’vefalleninlove。\"
Heneverhelpedherbyasound。
\"I——Ididn’tlovethemanIwasengagedto，\"shesaid。Shemethiseyesforamoment，andcouldnotinterprettheirexpression。
Theystruckherascoldandindifferent。
Herheartfailedherandherresolutionbecamewater。Sheremainedstandingstiffly，unableeventomove。Shecouldnotlookathimthroughanintervalthatseemedtoheravastgulfoftime。Butshefelthislaxfigurebecomerigid。
Atlasthisvoicecametoreleasehertension。
\"Ithoughtyouweren’tkeepinguptothemark。You——It’sjollyofyoutoconfideinme。Still——\"Then，withincredibleandobviouslydeliberatestupidity，andavoiceasflatasherown，heasked，\"Whoistheman？\"
Herspiritragedwithinheratthedumbness，theparalysisthathadfallenuponher。Grace，confidence，thepowerofmovementeven，seemedgonefromher。Afeverofshameranthroughherbeing。Horribledoubtsassailedher。Shesatdownawkwardlyandhelplesslyononeofthelittlestoolsbyhertableandcoveredherfacewithherhands。
\"Can’tyouSEEhowthingsare？\"shesaid。
Part2
BeforeCapescouldanswerherinanywaythedoorattheendofthelaboratoryopenednoisilyandMissKleggappeared。Shewenttoherowntableandsatdown。AtthesoundofthedoorAnnVeronicauncoveredatearlessface，andwithoneswiftmovementassumedaconversationalattitude。Thingshungforamomentinanawkwardsilence。
\"Yousee，\"saidAnnVeronica，staringbeforeheratthewindow-sash，\"that’stheformmyquestiontakesatthepresenttime。\"
Capeshadnotquitethesamepowerofrecovery。HestoodwithhishandsinhispocketslookingatMissKlegg’sback。Hisfacewaswhite。\"It’s——it’sadifficultquestion。\"Heappearedtobeparalyzedbyabstruseacousticcalculations。Then，veryawkwardly，hetookastoolandplaceditattheendofAnnVeronica’stable，andsatdown。HeglancedatMissKleggagain，andspokequicklyandfurtively，witheagereyesonAnnVeronica’sface。
\"Ihadafaintideaoncethatthingswereasyousaytheyare，buttheaffairofthering——oftheunexpectedring——puzzledme。
WishSHE\"——heindicatedMissKlegg’sbackwithanod——\"wasatthebottomofthesea……Iwouldliketotalktoyouaboutthis——soon。Ifyoudon’tthinkitwouldbeasocialoutrage，perhapsImightwalkwithyoutoyourrailwaystation。\"
\"Iwillwait，\"saidAnnVeronica，stillnotlookingathim，\"andwewillgointoRegent’sPark。No——youshallcomewithmetoWaterloo。\"
\"Right！\"hesaid，andhesitated，andthengotupandwentintothepreparation-room。
Part3
ForatimetheywalkedinsilencethroughthebackstreetsthatleadsouthwardfromtheCollege。Capesboreafaceofinfiniteperplexity。
\"ThethingIfeelmostdisposedtosay，MissStanley，\"hebeganatlast，\"isthatthisisverysudden。\"
\"It’sbeencomingonsincefirstIcameintothelaboratory。\"
\"Whatdoyouwant？\"heasked，bluntly。
\"You！\"saidAnnVeronica。
Thesenseofpublicity，ofpeoplecomingandgoingaboutthem，keptthembothunemotional。Andneitherhadanyofthattheatricalitywhichdemandsgesturesandfacialexpression。
\"IsupposeyouknowIlikeyoutremendously？\"hepursued。
\"YoutoldmethatintheZoologicalGardens。\"
Shefoundhermusclesa-tremble。Buttherewasnothinginherbearingthatapasser-bywouldhavenoted，totelloftheexcitementthatpossessedher。
\"I\"——heseemedtohaveadifficultywiththeword——\"Iloveyou。
I’vetoldyouthatpracticallyalready。ButIcangiveititsnamenow。Youneedn’tbeinanydoubtaboutit。Itellyouthatbecauseitputsusonafooting……\"
Theywentonforatimewithoutanotherword。
\"Butdon’tyouknowaboutme？\"hesaidatlast。
\"Something。Notmuch。\"
\"I’mamarriedman。Andmywifewon’tlivewithmeforreasonsthatIthinkmostwomenwouldconsidersound……OrIshouldhavemadelovetoyoulongago。\"
Therecameasilenceagain。
\"Idon’tcare，\"saidAnnVeronica。
\"Butifyouknewanythingofthat——\"
\"Idid。Itdoesn’tmatter。\"
\"Whydidyoutellme？Ithought——Ithoughtweweregoingtobefriends。\"
Hewassuddenlyresentful。Heseemedtochargeherwiththeruinoftheirsituation。\"WhyonearthdidyouTELLme？\"hecried。
\"Icouldn’thelpit。Itwasanimpulse。IHADto。\"
\"Butitchangesthings。Ithoughtyouunderstood。\"
\"Ihadto，\"sherepeated。\"Iwassickofthemake-believe。I
don’tcare！I’mgladIdid。I’mgladIdid。\"
\"Lookhere！\"saidCapes，\"whatonearthdoyouwant？Whatdoyouthinkwecando？Don’tyouknowwhatmenare，andwhatlifeis？——tocometomeandtalktomelikethis！\"
\"Iknow——something，anyhow。ButIdon’tcare；Ihaven’tasparkofshame。Idon’tseeanygoodinlifeifithasn’tgotyouinit。Iwantedyoutoknow。Andnowyouknow。Andthefencesaredownforgood。Youcan’tlookmeintheeyesandsayyoudon’tcareforme。\"
\"I’vetoldyou，\"hesaid。
\"Verywell，\"saidAnnVeronica，withanairofconcludingthediscussion。
Theywalkedsidebysideforatime。
\"Inthatlaboratoryonegetstodisregardthesepassions，\"beganCapes。\"Menarecuriousanimals，withatrickoffallinginlovereadilywithgirlsaboutyourage。Onehastotrainone’sselfnotto。I’veaccustomedmyselftothinkofyou——asifyouwerelikeeveryothergirlwhoworksattheschools——assomethingquiteoutsidethesepossibilities。Ifonlyoutofloyaltytoco-
educationonehastodothat。Apartfromeverythingelse，thismeetingofoursisabreachofagoodrule。\"
\"Rulesareforeveryday，\"saidAnnVeronica。\"Thisisnoteveryday。Thisissomethingaboveallrules。\"
\"Foryou。\"
\"Notforyou？\"
\"No。No；I’mgoingtosticktotherules……It’sodd，butnothingbutclicheseemstomeetthiscase。You’veplacedmeinaveryexceptionalposition，MissStanley。\"Thenoteofhisownvoiceexasperatedhim。\"Oh，damn！\"hesaid。
Shemadenoanswer，andforatimehedebatedsomeproblemswithhimself。
\"No！\"hesaidaloudatlast。
\"Theplaincommon-senseofthecase，\"hesaid，\"isthatwecan’tpossiblybeloversintheordinarysense。That，Ithink，ismanifest。Youknow，I’vedonenoworkatallthisafternoon。
I’vebeensmokingcigarettesinthepreparation-roomandthinkingthisout。Wecan’tbeloversintheordinarysense，butwecanbegreatandintimatefriends。\"
\"Weare，\"saidAnnVeronica。
\"You’veinterestedmeenormously……\"
Hepausedwithasenseofineptitude。\"Iwanttobeyourfriend，\"hesaid。\"IsaidthatattheZoo，andImeanit。Letusbefriends——asnearandcloseasfriendscanbe。\"
AnnVeronicagavehimapallidprofile。
\"Whatisthegoodofpretending？\"shesaid。
\"Wedon’tpretend。\"
\"Wedo。Loveisonethingandfriendshipquiteanother。BecauseI’myoungerthanyou……I’vegotimagination……IknowwhatIamtalkingabout。Mr。Capes，doyouthink……doyouthinkIdon’tknowthemeaningoflove？\"
Part4
Capesmadenoanswerforatime。
\"Mymindisfullofconfusedstuff，\"hesaidatlength。\"I’vebeenthinking——alltheafternoon。Oh，andweeksandmonthsofthoughtandfeelingtherearebottleduptoo……Ifeelamixtureofbeastanduncle。Ifeellikeafraudulenttrustee。
Everyruleisagainstme——WhydidIletyoubeginthis？Imighthavetold——\"
\"Idon’tseethatyoucouldhelp——\"
\"Imighthavehelped——\"
\"Youcouldn’t。\"
\"Ioughttohave——allthesame。
\"Iwonder，\"hesaid，andwentoffatatangent。\"Youknowaboutmyscandalouspast？\"
\"Verylittle。Itdoesn’tseemtomatter。Doesit？\"
\"Ithinkitdoes。Profoundly。\"
\"How？\"
\"Itpreventsourmarrying。Itforbids——allsortsofthings。\"
\"Itcan’tpreventourloving。\"
\"I’mafraiditcan’t。But，byJove！it’sgoingtomakeourlovingafiercelyabstractthing。\"
\"Youareseparatedfromyourwife？\"
\"Yes，butdoyouknowhow？\"
\"Notexactly。\"
\"Whyonearth——？Amanoughttobelabelled。Yousee，I’mseparatedfrommywife。Butshedoesn’tandwon’tdivorceme。
Youdon’tunderstandthefixIamin。Andyoudon’tknowwhatledtoourseparation。And，infact，allroundtheproblemyoudon’tknowandIdon’tseehowIcouldpossiblyhavetoldyoubefore。Iwantedto，thatdayintheZoo。ButItrustedtothatringofyours。\"
\"Pooroldring！\"saidAnnVeronica。
\"IoughtneverhavegonetotheZoo，Isuppose。Iaskedyoutogo。Butamanisamixedcreature……Iwantedthetimewithyou。Iwanteditbadly。\"
\"Tellmeaboutyourself，\"saidAnnVeronica。
\"Tobeginwith，Iwas——Iwasinthedivorcecourt。Iwas——Iwasaco-respondent。Youunderstandthatterm？\"
AnnVeronicasmiledfaintly。\"Amoderngirldoesunderstandtheseterms。Shereadsnovels——andhistory——andallsortsofthings。DidyoureallydoubtifIknew？\"
\"No。ButIdon’tsupposeyoucanunderstand。\"
\"Idon’tseewhyIshouldn’t。\"
\"Toknowthingsbynameisonething；toknowthembyseeingthemandfeelingthemandbeingthemquiteanother。Thatiswherelifetakesadvantageofyouth。Youdon’tunderstand。\"
\"PerhapsIdon’t。\"
\"Youdon’t。That’sthedifficulty。IfItoldyouthefacts，I
expect，sinceyouareinlovewithme，you’dexplainthewholebusinessasbeingveryfineandhonorableforme——theHigherMorality，orsomethingofthatsort……Itwasn’t。\"
\"Idon’tdealverymuch，\"saidAnnVeronica，\"intheHigherMorality，ortheHigherTruth，oranyofthosethings。\"
\"Perhapsyoudon’t。Butahumanbeingwhoisyoungandclean，asyouare，isapttoennoble——orexplainaway。\"
\"I’vehadabiologicaltraining。I’mahardyoungwoman。\"
\"Nicecleanhardness，anyhow。Ithinkyouarehard。There’ssomething——somethingADULTaboutyou。I’mtalkingtoyounowasthoughyouhadallthewisdomandcharityintheworld。I’mgoingtotellyouthingsplainly。Plainly。It’sbest。Andthenyoucangohomeandthinkthingsoverbeforewetalkagain。I
wantyoutobeclearwhatyou’rereallyandtrulyupto，anyhow。\"
\"Idon’tmindknowing，\"saidAnnVeronica。
\"It’spreciousunromantic。\"
\"Well，tellme。\"
\"Imarriedprettyyoung，\"saidCapes。\"I’vegot——Ihavetotellyouthistomakemyselfclear——astreakofardentanimalinmycomposition。Imarried——ImarriedawomanwhomIstillthinkoneofthemostbeautifulpersonsintheworld。SheisayearorsoolderthanIam，andsheis，well，ofaverysereneandproudanddignifiedtemperament。Ifyoumetheryouwould，Iamcertain，thinkherasfineasIdo。ShehasneverdoneareallyignoblethingthatIknowof——never。Imetherwhenwewerebothveryyoung，asyoungasyouare。Ilovedherandmadelovetoher，andIdon’tthinkshequitelovedmebackinthesameway。\"
Hepausedforatime。AnnVeronicasaidnothing。
\"Thesearethesortofthingsthataren’tsupposedtohappen。
Theyleavethemoutofnovels——theseincompatibilities。Youngpeopleignorethemuntiltheyfindthemselvesupagainstthem。
Mywifedoesn’tunderstand，doesn’tunderstandnow。Shedespisesme，Isuppose……Wemarried，andforatimewewerehappy。
Shewasfineandtender。Iworshippedherandsubduedmyself。\"
Heleftoffabruptly。\"DoyouunderstandwhatIamtalkingabout？It’snogoodifyoudon’t。\"
\"Ithinkso，\"saidAnnVeronica，andcolored。\"Infact，yes，I
do。\"
\"Doyouthinkofthesethings——thesematters——asbelongingtoourHigherNatureorourLower？\"
\"Idon’tdealinHigherThings，Itellyou，\"saidAnnVeronica，\"orLower，forthematterofthat。Idon’tclassify。\"Shehesitated。\"Fleshandflowersareallaliketome。\"
\"That’sthecomfortofyou。Well，afteratimetherecameafeverinmyblood。Don’tthinkitwasanythingbetterthanfever——orabitbeautiful。Itwasn’t。Quitesoon，afterweweremarried——itwasjustwithinayear——Iformedafriendshipwiththewifeofafriend，awomaneightyearsolderthanmyself……Itwasn’tanythingsplendid，youknow。Itwasjustashabby，stupid，furtivebusinessthatbeganbetweenus。Likestealing。
Wedresseditinalittlemusic……IwantyoutounderstandclearlythatIwasindebtedtothemaninmanysmallways。Iwasmeantohim……Itwasthegratificationofanimmensenecessity。Weweretwopeoplewithacraving。Wefeltlikethieves。WeWEREthieves……WeLIKEDeachotherwellenough。
Well，myfriendfoundusout，andwouldgivenoquarter。Hedivorcedher。Howdoyoulikethestory？\"
\"Goon，\"saidAnnVeronica，alittlehoarsely，\"tellmeallofit。\"
\"Mywifewasastounded——woundedbeyondmeasure。Shethoughtme——filthy。Allherprideragedatme。Oneparticularlyhumiliatingthingcameout——humiliatingforme。Therewasasecondco-respondent。Ihadn’theardofhimbeforethetrial。I
don’tknowwhythatshouldbesoacutelyhumiliating。There’snologicinthesethings。Itwas。\"
\"Pooryou！\"saidAnnVeronica。
\"Mywiferefusedabsolutelytohaveanythingmoretodowithme。
Shecouldhardlyspeaktome；sheinsistedrelentlesslyuponaseparation。Shehadmoneyofherown——muchmorethanIhave——andtherewasnoneedtosquabbleaboutthat。Shehasgivenherselfuptosocialwork。\"
\"Well——\"
\"That’sall。Practicallyall。Andyet——Waitalittle，you’dbetterhaveeverybitofit。Onedoesn’tgoaboutwiththesepassionsallayedsimplybecausetheyhavemadewreckageandascandal。Thereoneis！Thesamestuffstill！Onehasacravinginone’sblood，acravingroused，cutofffromitsredeemingandguidingemotionalside。Amanhasmorefreedomtodoevilthanawoman。Irregularly，inaquiteingloriousandunromanticway，youknow，Iamaviciousman。That’s——that’smyprivatelife。
Untilthelastfewmonths。Itisn’twhatIhavebeenbutwhatI
am。Ihaven’ttakenmuchaccountofituntilnow。MyhonorhasbeeninmyscientificworkandpublicdiscussionandthethingsI
write。Lotsofusarelikethat。But，yousee，I’msmirched。
Forthesortoflove-makingyouthinkabout。I’vemuddledallthisbusiness。I’vehadmytimeandlostmychances。I’mdamagedgoods。Andyou’reascleanasfire。Youcomewiththosecleareyesofyours，asvaliantasanangel……\"
Hestoppedabruptly。
\"Well？\"shesaid。
\"That’sall。\"
\"It’ssostrangetothinkofyou——troubledbysuchthings。I
didn’tthink——Idon’tknowwhatIthought。Suddenlyallthismakesyouhuman。Makesyoureal。\"
\"Butdon’tyouseehowImuststandtoyou？Don’tyouseehowitbarsusfrombeinglovers——Youcan’t——atfirst。Youmustthinkitover。It’salloutsidetheworldofyourexperience。\"
\"Idon’tthinkitmakesarapofdifference，exceptforonething。Iloveyoumore。I’vewantedyou——always。Ididn’tdream，noteveninmywildestdreaming，that——youmighthaveanyneedofme。\"
Hemadealittlenoiseinhisthroatasifsomethinghadcriedoutwithinhim，andforatimetheywerebothtoofullforspeech。
TheyweregoinguptheslopeintoWaterlooStation。
\"Yougohomeandthinkofallthis，\"hesaid，\"andtalkaboutitto-morrow。Don’t，don’tsayanythingnow，notanything。Asforlovingyou，Ido。Ido——withallmyheart。It’snogoodhidingitanymore。Icouldneverhavetalkedtoyoulikethis，forgettingeverythingthatpartsus，forgettingevenyourage，ifIdidnotloveyouutterly。IfIwereaclean，freeman——We’llhavetotalkofallthesethings。Thankgoodnessthere’splentyofopportunity！Andwetwocantalk。Anyhow，nowyou’vebegunit，there’snothingtokeepusinallthisfrombeingthebestfriendsintheworld。Andtalkingofeveryconceivablething。Isthere？\"
\"Nothing，\"saidAnnVeronica，witharadiantface。
\"Beforethistherewasasortofrestraint——amake-believe。It’sgone。\"
\"It’sgone。\"
\"Friendshipandlovebeingseparatethings。Andthatconfoundedengagement！\"
\"Gone！\"
