第6章

Part9 Shewassittingbroodingoverherfireaboutteno’clockthatnightwhenasealedandregisteredenvelopewasbroughtuptoher。 Sheopeneditanddrewoutaletter，andfoldedwithinitwerethenotesshehadsentofftoRamagethatday。Theletterbegan: \"MYDEARESTGIRL，——Icannotletyoudothisfoolishthing——\" Shecrumplednotesandlettertogetherinherhand，andthenwithapassionategestureflungthemintothefire。Instantlysheseizedthepokerandmadeadesperateefforttogetthemoutagain。Butshewasonlyabletosaveacorneroftheletter。 Thetwentypoundsburnedwithavidity。 Sheremainedforsomesecondscrouchingatthefender，pokerinhand。 \"ByJove！\"shesaid，standingupatlast，\"thataboutfinishesit，AnnVeronica！\" CHAPTERTHETENTH THESUFFRAGETTES Part1 \"Thereisonlyonewayoutofallthis，\"saidAnnVeronica，sittingupinherlittlebedinthedarknessandbitingathernails。 \"IthoughtIwasjustupagainstMorningsideParkandfather，butit’sthewholeorderofthings——thewholeblessedorderofthings……\" Sheshivered。Shefrownedandgrippedherhandsaboutherkneesverytightly。Herminddevelopedintosavagewrathatthepresentconditionsofawoman’slife。 \"Isupposealllifeisanaffairofchances。Butawoman’slifeisallchance。It’sartificiallychance。Findyourman，that’stherule。Alltherestishumbuganddelicacy。He’sthehandleoflifeforyou。Hewillletyouliveifitpleaseshim…… \"Can’titbealtered？ \"Isupposeanactressisfree？……\" Shetriedtothinkofsomealteredstateofaffairsinwhichthesemonstrouslimitationswouldbealleviated，inwhichwomenwouldstandontheirownfeetinequalcitizenshipwithmen。ForatimeshebroodedontheidealsandsuggestionsoftheSocialists，onthevagueintimationsofanEndowmentofMotherhood，ofacompleterelaxationofthatintenseindividualdependenceforwomenwhichiswovenintotheexistingsocialorder。Atthebackofhermindthereseemedalwaysoneirrelevantqualifyingspectatorwhosepresenceshesoughttodisregard。Shewouldnotlookathim，wouldnotthinkofhim； whenhermindwavered，thenshemutteredtoherselfinthedarknesssoastokeepholdofhergeneralizations。 \"Itistrue。Itisnogoodwaivingthething；itistrue。 Unlesswomenarenevertobefree，nevertobeevenrespected，theremustbeagenerationofmartyrs……Whyshouldn’twebemartyrs？There’snothingelseformostofus，anyhow。It’sasortofblackleggingtowanttohavealifeofone’sown……\" Sherepeated，asifsheansweredanobjector:\"Asortofblacklegging。 \"Asexofblackleggingclients。\" Herminddivergedtootheraspects，andanothertypeofwomanhood。 \"PoorlittleMiniver！Whatcanshebebutwhatsheis？…… Becauseshestateshercaseinatangle，dragsitthroughswampsofnonsense，itdoesn’talterthefactthatsheisright。\" ThatphraseaboutdraggingthetruththroughswampsofnonsensesherememberedfromCapes。Attherecollectionthatitwashis，sheseemedtofallthroughathinsurface，asonemightfallthroughthecrustofalavaintoglowingdepths。ShewallowedforatimeinthethoughtofCapes，unabletoescapefromhisimageandtheideaofhispresenceinherlife。 ShelethermindrunintodreamsofthatcloudparadiseofanalteredworldinwhichtheGoopesandMinivers，theFabiansandreformingpeoplebelieved。Acrossthatworldwaswritteninlettersoflight，\"EndowmentofMotherhood。\"Supposeinsomecomplexyetconceivablewaywomenwereendowed，werenolongereconomicallyandsociallydependentonmen。\"Ifonewasfree，\" shesaid，\"onecouldgotohim……Thisvilehoveringtocatchaman’seye！……Onecouldgotohimandtellhimonelovedhim。Iwanttolovehim。Alittlelovefromhimwouldbeenough。Itwouldhurtnoone。Itwouldnotburdenhimwithanyobligation。\" Shegroanedaloudandbowedherforeheadtoherknees。Shefloundereddeep。Shewantedtokisshisfeet。Hisfeetwouldhavethefirmtextureofhishands。 Thensuddenlyherspiritroseinrevolt。\"Iwillnothavethisslavery，\"shesaid。\"Iwillnothavethisslavery。\" Sheshookherfistceilingward。\"Doyouhear！\"shesaid\"whateveryouare，whereveryouare！Iwillnotbeslavetothethoughtofanyman，slavetothecustomsofanytime。Confoundthisslaveryofsex！Iamaman！IwillgetthisunderifIamkilledindoingit！\" Shescowledintothecoldblacknessesabouther。 \"Manning，\"shesaid，andcontemplatedafigureofinaggressivepersistence。\"No！\"Herthoughtshadturnedinanewdirection。 \"Itdoesn’tmatter，\"shesaid，afteralonginterval，\"iftheyareabsurd。Theymeansomething。Theymeaneverythingthatwomencanmean——exceptsubmission。Thevoteisonlythebeginning，thenecessarybeginning。Ifwedonotbegin——\" Shehadcometoaresolution。Abruptlyshegotoutofbed，smoothedhersheetandstraightenedherpillowandlaydown，andfellalmostinstantlyasleep。 Part2 Thenextmorningwasasdarkandfoggyasifitwasmid-NovemberinsteadofearlyMarch。AnnVeronicawokeratherlaterthanusual，andlayawakeforsomeminutesbeforesherememberedacertainresolutionshehadtakeninthesmallhours。Theninstantlyshegotoutofbedandproceededtodress。 ShedidnotstartfortheImperialCollege。ShespentthemorninguptoteninwritingaseriesofunsuccessfulletterstoRamage，whichshetoreupunfinished；andfinallyshedesistedandputonherjacketandwentoutintothelamp-litobscurityandslimystreets。Sheturnedaresolutefacesouthward。 ShefollowedOxfordStreetintoHolborn，andthensheinquiredforChanceryLane。Thereshesoughtandatlastfound107A，oneofthoseheterogeneouspilesofofficeswhichoccupytheeasternsideofthelane。Shestudiedthepaintednamesoffirmsandpersonsandenterprisesonthewall，anddiscoveredthattheWomen’sBondofFreedomoccupiedseveralcontiguoussuitesonthefirstfloor。Shewentup-stairsandhesitatedbetweenfourdoorswithground-glasspanes，eachofwhichprofessed\"TheWomen’sBondofFreedom\"inneatblackletters。Sheopenedoneandfoundherselfinalargeuntidyroomsetwithchairsthatwerealittledisarrangedasifbyanovernightmeeting。Onthewallswerenotice-boardsbearingclustersofnewspaperslips，threeorfourbigpostersofmonstermeetings，oneofwhichAnnVeronicahadattendedwithMissMiniver，andaseriesofannouncementsinpurplecopying-ink，andinonecornerwasapileofbanners。 Therewasnooneatallinthisroom，butthroughthehalf-opendoorofoneofthesmallapartmentsthatgaveuponitshehadaglimpseoftwoveryyounggirlssittingatalitteredtableandwritingbriskly。 Shewalkedacrosstothisapartmentand，openingthedooralittlewider，discoveredapresssectionofthemovementatwork。 \"Iwanttoinquire，\"saidAnnVeronica。 \"Nextdoor，\"saidaspectacledyoungpersonofseventeenoreighteen，withanimpatientindicationofthedirection。 IntheadjacentapartmentAnnVeronicafoundamiddle-agedwomanwithatiredfaceunderthetiredhatshewore，sittingatadeskopeningletterswhileadusky，untidygirlofeight-ornine-and-twentyhammeredindustriouslyatatypewriter。ThetiredwomanlookedupininquiringsilenceatAnnVeronica’sdiffidententry。 \"Iwanttoknowmoreaboutthismovement，\"saidAnnVeronica。 \"Areyouwithus？\"saidthetiredwoman。 \"Idon’tknow，\"saidAnnVeronica；\"IthinkIam。Iwantverymuchtodosomethingforwomen。ButIwanttoknowwhatyouaredoing。\" Thetiredwomansatstillforamoment。\"Youhaven’tcomeheretomakealotofdifficulties？\"sheasked。 \"No，\"saidAnnVeronica，\"butIwanttoknow。\" Thetiredwomanshuthereyestightlyforamoment，andthenlookedwiththematAnnVeronica。\"Whatcanyoudo？\"sheasked。 \"Do？\" \"Areyoupreparedtodothingsforus？Distributebills？Writeletters？Interruptmeetings？Canvassatelections？Facedangers？\" \"IfIamsatisfied——\" \"Ifwesatisfyyou？\" \"Then，ifpossible，Iwouldliketogotoprison。\" \"Itisn’tnicegoingtoprison。\" \"Itwouldsuitme。\" \"Itisn’tnicegettingthere。\" \"That’saquestionofdetail，\"saidAnnVeronica。 Thetiredwomanlookedquietlyather。\"Whatareyourobjections？\"shesaid。 \"Itisn’tobjectionsexactly。Iwanttoknowwhatyouaredoing； howyouthinkthisworkofyoursreallydoesservewomen。\" \"Weareworkingfortheequalcitizenshipofmenandwomen，\"saidthetiredwoman。\"Womenhavebeenandaretreatedastheinferiorsofmen，wewanttomakethemtheirequals。\" \"Yes，\"saidAnnVeronica，\"Iagreetothat。But——\" Thetiredwomanraisedhereyebrowsinmildprotest。 \"Isn’tthequestionmorecomplicatedthanthat？\"saidAnnVeronica。 \"YoucouldhaveatalktoMissKittyBrettthisafternoon，ifyouliked。ShallImakeanappointmentforyou？\" MissKittyBrettwasoneofthemostconspicuousleadersofthemovement。AnnVeronicasnatchedattheopportunity，andspentmostoftheinterveningtimeintheAssyrianCourtoftheBritishMuseum，readingandthinkingoveralittlebookuponthefeministmovementthetiredwomanhadmadeherbuy。Shegotabunandsomecocoainthelittlerefreshment-room，andthenwanderedthroughthegalleriesup-stairs，crowdedwithPolynesianidolsandPolynesiandancing-garments，andallthesimpleimmodestaccessoriestolifeinPolynesia，toaseatamongthemummies。 Shewastryingtobringherproblemstoahead，andhermindinsisteduponbeingevenmorediscursiveandatmosphericthanusual。Itgeneralizedeverythingsheputtoit。 \"Whyshouldwomenbedependentonmen？\"sheasked；andthequestionwasatonceconvertedintoasystemofvariationsuponthethemeof\"Whyarethingsastheyare？\"——\"Whyarehumanbeingsviviparous？\"——\"Whyarepeoplehungrythriceaday？\"——\"Whydoesonefaintatdanger？\" Shestoodforatimelookingatthedrylimbsandstillhumanfaceofthatdesiccatedunwrappedmummyfromtheverybeginningsofsociallife。Itlookedverypatient，shethought，andalittleself-satisfied。Itlookedasifithadtakenitsworldforgrantedandprosperedonthatassumption——aworldinwhichchildrenweretrainedtoobeytheireldersandthewillsofwomenover-ruledasamatterofcourse。Itwaswonderfultothinkthisthinghadlived，hadfeltandsuffered。Perhapsonceithaddesiredsomeotherhumanbeingintolerably。Perhapssomeonehadkissedthebrowthatwasnowsocadaverous，rubbedthatsunkencheekwithlovingfingers，heldthatstringyneckwithpassionatelylivinghands。Butallofthatwasforgotten。\"Intheend，\"itseemedtobethinking，\"theyembalmedmewiththeutmostrespect——soundspiceschosentoendure——thebest！ItookmyworldasIfoundit。THINGSARESO！\" Part3 AnnVeronica’sfirstimpressionofKittyBrettwasthatshewasaggressiveanddisagreeable；hernextthatshewasapersonofamazingpersuasivepower。Shewasperhapsthree-and-twenty，andverypinkandhealthy-looking，showingagreatdealofwhiteandroundedneckaboveherbusiness-likebutaltogetherfeminineblouse，andagooddealofplump，gesticulatingforearmoutofhershortsleeve。Shehadanimateddarkblue-grayeyesunderherfineeyebrows，anddarkbrownhairthatrolledbacksimplyandeffectivelyfromherbroadlowforehead。Andshewasaboutascapableofintelligentargumentasarunawaysteam-roller。Shewasatrainedbeing——trainedbyanimplacablemothertooneend。 Shespokewithfluententhusiasm。ShedidnotsomuchdealwithAnnVeronica’sinterpolationsasdisposeofthemwithquickanduse-hardenedrepartee，andthenshewentonwithafinedirectnesstosketchthecaseforheragitation，forthatremarkablerebellionofthewomenthatwasthenagitatingthewholeworldofpoliticsanddiscussion。SheassumedwithakindofmesmericforceallthepropositionsthatAnnVeronicawantedhertodefine。 \"Whatdowewant？Whatisthegoal？\"askedAnnVeronica。 \"Freedom！Citizenship！Andthewaytothat——thewaytoeverything——istheVote。\" AnnVeronicasaidsomethingaboutageneralchangeofideas。 \"Howcanyouchangepeople’sideasifyouhavenopower？\"saidKittyBrett。 AnnVeronicawasnotreadyenoughtodealwiththatcounter-stroke。 \"Onedoesn’twanttoturnthewholethingintoameresexantagonism。\" \"Whenwomengetjustice，\"saidKittyBrett，\"therewillbenosexantagonism。Noneatall。Untilthenwemeantokeeponhammeringaway。\" \"Itseemstomethatmuchofawoman’sdifficultiesareeconomic。\" \"Thatwillfollow，\"saidKittyBrett——\"thatwillfollow。\" SheinterruptedasAnnVeronicawasabouttospeakagain，withabrightcontagioushopefulness。\"Everythingwillfollow，\"shesaid。 \"Yes，\"saidAnnVeronica，tryingtothinkwheretheywere，tryingtogetthingsplainagainthathadseemedplainenoughinthequietofthenight。 \"Nothingwaseverdone，\"MissBrettasserted，\"withoutacertainelementofFaith。AfterwehavegottheVoteandarerecognizedascitizens，thenwecancometoalltheseotherthings。\" EvenintheglamourofMissBrett’sassuranceitseemedtoAnnVeronicathatthiswas，afterall，nomorethanthegospelofMissMiniverwithanewsetofresonances。Andlikethatgospelitmeantsomething，somethingdifferentfromitsphrases，somethingelusive，andyetsomethingthatinspiteofthesuperficialincoherenceofitsphrasing，waslargelyessentiallytrue。Therewassomethingholdingwomendown，holdingwomenback，andifitwasn’texactlyman-madelaw，man-madelawwasanaspectofit。Therewassomethingindeedholdingthewholespeciesbackfromtheimaginablelargenessoflife…… \"TheVoteisthesymbolofeverything，\"saidMissBrett。 Shemadeanabruptpersonalappeal。 \"Oh！pleasedon’tloseyourselfinawildernessofsecondaryconsiderations，\"shesaid。\"Don’taskmetotellyouallthatwomencando，allthatwomencanbe。Thereisanewlife，differentfromtheoldlifeofdependence，possible。Ifonlywearenotdivided。Ifonlyweworktogether。Thisistheonemovementthatbringswomenofdifferentclassestogetherforacommonpurpose。Ifyoucouldseehowitgivesthemsouls，womenwhohavetakenthingsforgranted，whohavegiventhemselvesupaltogethertopettinessandvanity……\" \"Givemesomethingtodo，\"saidAnnVeronica，interruptingherpersuasionsatlast。\"Ithasbeenverykindofyoutoseeme，butIdon’twanttositandtalkanduseyourtimeanylonger。I wanttodosomething。Iwanttohammermyselfagainstallthisthatpenswomenin。IfeelthatIshallstifleunlessIcandosomething——anddosomethingsoon。\" Part4 ItwasnotAnnVeronica’sfaultthatthenight’sworkshouldhavetakenuponitselftheformsofwildburlesque。Shewasindeadlyearnestineverythingshedid。Itseemedtoherthelastdesperateattackupontheuniversethatwouldnotletherliveasshedesiredtolive，thatpennedherinandcontrolledheranddirectedheranddisapprovedofher，thesameinvinciblewrappering，thesameleadentyrannyofauniversethatshehadvowedtoovercomeafterthatmemorableconflictwithherfatheratMorningsidePark。 Shewaslistedfortheraid——shewasinformeditwastobearaidupontheHouseofCommons，thoughnoparticularsweregivenher——andtoldtogoaloneto14，DexterStreet，Westminster，andnottoaskanypolicemantodirecther。14，DexterStreet，Westminster，shefoundwasnotahousebutayardinanobscurestreet，withbiggatesandthenameofPodgers&Carlo，CarriersandFurnitureRemovers，thereon。Shewasperplexedbythis，andstoodforsomesecondsintheemptystreethesitating，untiltheappearanceofanothercircumspectwomanunderthestreetlampatthecornerreassuredher。Inoneofthebiggateswasalittledoor，andsherappedatthis。Itwasimmediatelyopenedbyamanwithlighteyelashesandamannersuggestiveofrestrainedpassion。\"Comerightin，\"hehissedunderhisbreath，withthetrueconspirator’snote，closedthedoorverysoftlyandpointed，\"Throughthere！\" Bythemeagrelightofagaslampsheperceivedacobbledyardwithfourlargefurniturevansstandingwithhorsesandlampsalight。Aslenderyoungman，wearingglasses，appearedfromtheshadowofthenearestvan。\"AreyouA，B，C，orD？\"heasked。 \"TheytoldmeD，\"saidAnnVeronica。 \"Throughthere，\"hesaid，andpointedwiththepamphlethewascarrying。 AnnVeronicafoundherselfinalittlestirringcrowdofexcitedwomen，whisperingandtitteringandspeakinginundertones。 Thelightwaspoor，sothatshesawtheirgleamingfacesdimlyandindistinctly。Noonespoketoher。Shestoodamongthem，watchingthemandfeelingcuriouslyalientothem。Theobliqueruddylightingdistortedthemoddly，madequeerbarsandpatchesofshadowupontheirclothes。\"It’sKitty’sidea，\"saidone，\"wearetogointhevans。\" \"Kittyiswonderful，\"saidanother。 \"Wonderful！\" \"Ihavealwayslongedforprisonservice，\"saidavoice，\"always。 Fromthebeginning。Butit’sonlynowI’mabletodoit。\" Alittleblondcreaturecloseathandsuddenlygavewaytoafitofhystericallaughter，andcaughtuptheendofitwithasob。 \"BeforeItookuptheSuffrage，\"afirm，flatvoiceremarked，\"I couldscarcelywalkup-stairswithoutpalpitations。\" SomeonehiddenfromAnnVeronicaappearedtobemarshallingtheassembly。\"Wehavetogetin，Ithink，\"saidanicelittleoldladyinabonnettoAnnVeronica，speakingwithavoicethatquaveredalittle。\"Mydear，canyouseeinthislight？IthinkIwouldliketogetin。WhichisC？\" AnnVeronica，withacurioussinkingoftheheart，regardedtheblackcavitiesofthevans。Theirdoorsstoodopen，andplacardswithbiglettersindicatedthesectionassignedtoeach。ShedirectedthelittleoldwomanandthenmadeherwaytovanD。A youngwomanwithawhitebadgeonherarmstoodandcountedthesectionsastheyenteredtheirvans。 \"Whentheytaptheroof，\"shesaid，inavoiceofauthority，\"youaretocomeout。YouwillbeoppositethebigentranceinOldPalaceYard。It’sthepublicentrance。Youaretomakeforthatandgetintothelobbyifyoucan，andsotryandreachtheflooroftheHouse，crying’VotesforWomen！’asyougo。\" Shespokelikeamistressaddressingschool-children。 \"Don’tbunchtoomuchasyoucomeout，\"sheadded。 \"Allright？\"askedthemanwiththelighteyelashes，suddenlyappearinginthedoorway。Hewaitedforaninstant，wastinganencouragingsmileintheimperfectlight，andthenshutthedoorsofthevan，leavingthewomenindarkness…… Thevanstartedwithajerkandrumbledonitsway。 \"It’slikeTroy！\"saidavoiceofrapture。\"It’sexactlylikeTroy！\" Part5 SoAnnVeronica，enterprisingandalittledubiousasever，mingledwiththestreamofhistoryandwroteherChristiannameuponthepolice-courtrecordsoftheland。 Butoutofabelatedregardforherfathershewrotethesurnameofsomeoneelse。 Someday，whentherewardsofliteraturepermitthearduousresearchrequired，theCampaignoftheWomenwillfinditsCarlyle，andtheparticularsofthatmarvellousseriesofexploitsbywhichMissBrettandhercolleaguesnaggedthewholeWesternworldintothediscussionofwomen’spositionbecomethematerialforthemostdelightfulandamazingdescriptions。Atpresenttheworldwaitsforthatwriter，andtheconfusedrecordofthenewspapersremainstheonlyresourceofthecurious。Whenhecomeshewilldothatraidofthepantechniconsthejusticeitdeserves；hewillpicturetheorderlyeveningsceneabouttheImperialLegislatureinconvincingdetail，thecomingandgoingofcabsandmotor-cabsandbroughamsthroughthechill，dampeveningintoNewPalaceYard，thereinforcedbutuntroubledandunsuspectingpoliceabouttheentriesofthosegreatbuildingswhosesquareandpanelledVictorianGothicstreamsupfromtheglareofthelampsintothemurkinessofthenight；BigBenshiningoverhead，anunassailablebeacon，andtheincidentaltrafficofWestminster，cabs，carts，andglowingomnibusesgoingtoandfromthebridge。AbouttheAbbeyandAbingdonStreetstoodtheouterpicketsanddetachmentsofthepolice，theirattentionalldirectedwestwardtowherethewomeninCaxtonHall，Westminster，hummedlikeanangryhive。Squadsreachedtotheveryportalofthatcentreofdisturbance。AndthroughallthesedefencesandintoOldPalaceYard，intotheveryvitalsofthedefenders’position，lumberedtheunsuspectedvans。 TheytravelledpastthefewidlesightseerswhohadbravedtheuninvitingeveningtoseewhattheSuffragettesmightbedoing； theypulledupunchallengedwithinthirtyyardsofthosecovetedportals。 Andthentheydisgorged。 WereIapainterofsubjectpictures，Iwouldexhaustallmyskillinproportionandperspectiveandatmosphereupontheaugustseatofempire，Iwouldpresentitgrayanddignifiedandimmenseandrespectablebeyondanymereverbaldescription，andthen，invividblackandverysmall，Iwouldputinthosevaliantlyimpertinentvans，squattingatthebaseofitsaltitudesandpouringoutaswift，stragglingrushofominouslittleblackobjects，minutefiguresofdeterminedwomenatwarwiththeuniverse。 AnnVeronicawasintheirveryforefront。 InaninstanttheexpectantcalmofWestminsterwasended，andtheverySpeakerinthechairblenchedatthesoundofthepolicemen’swhistles。TheboldermembersintheHouselefttheirplacestogolobbyward，grinning。Otherspulledhatsovertheirnoses，coweredintheirseats，andfeignedthatallwasrightwiththeworld。InOldPalaceYardeverybodyran。Theyeitherrantoseeorranforshelter。EventwoCabinetMinisterstooktotheirheels，grinninginsincerely。AttheopeningofthevandoorsandtheemergenceintothefreshairAnnVeronica’sdoubtanddepressiongaveplacetothewildestexhilaration。Thatsameadventurousnessthathadalreadybuoyedherthroughcrisesthatwouldhaveoverwhelmedanynormallyfemininegirlwithshameandhorrornowbecameuppermostagain。BeforeherwasagreatGothicportal。Throughthatshehadtogo。 Pasthershotthelittleoldladyinthebonnet，runningincrediblyfast，butotherwisestillalertlyrespectable，andshewasmakingastrangethreateningsoundassheran，suchasonewoulduseindrivingducksoutofagarden——\"B-r-r-r-r-r——！\"andpawingwithblack-glovedhands。Thepolicemenwereclosinginfromthesidestointervene。Thelittleoldladystrucklikeaprojectileupontheresoundingchestoftheforemostofthese，andthenAnnVeronicahadgotpastandwasascendingthesteps。 Thenmosthorriblyshewasclaspedaboutthewaistfrombehindandliftedfromtheground。 Atthatanewelementpouredintoherexcitement，anelementofwilddisgustandterror。Shehadneverexperiencedanythingsodisagreeableinherlifeasthesenseofbeingheldhelplesslyoffherfeet。Shescreamedinvoluntarily——shehadneverinherlifescreamedbefore——andthenshebegantowriggleandfightlikeafrightenedanimalagainstthemenwhowereholdingher。 Theaffairpassedatoneleapfromaspreetoanightmareofviolenceanddisgust。Herhairgotloose，herhatcameoveroneeye，andshehadnoarmfreetoreplaceit。Shefeltshemustsuffocateifthesemendidnotputherdown，andforatimetheywouldnotputherdown。Thenwithanindescribablereliefherfeetwereonthepavement，andshewasbeingurgedalongbytwopolicemen，whoweregrippingherwristsinanirresistibleexpertmanner。Shewaswrithingtogetherhandslooseandfoundherselfgaspingwithpassionateviolence，\"It’sdamnable！——damnable！\"tothemanifestdisgustofthefatherlypolicemanonherright。 Thentheyhadreleasedherarmsandweretryingtopushheraway。 \"Youbeoff，missie，\"saidthefatherlypoliceman。\"Thisain’tnoplaceforyou。\" Hepushedheradozenyardsalongthegreasypavementwithflat，well-trainedhandsthatthereseemedtobenoopposing。Beforeherstretchedblankspaces，dottedwithrunningpeoplecomingtowardher，andbelowthemrailingsandastatue。Shealmostsubmittedtothisendingofheradventure。Butattheword\"home\"sheturnedagain。 \"Iwon’tgohome，\"shesaid；\"Iwon’t！\"andsheevadedtheclutchofthefatherlypolicemanandtriedtothrustherselfpasthiminthedirectionofthatbigportal。\"Steadyon！\"hecried。 Adiversionwascreatedbytheviolentstrugglesofthelittleoldlady。Sheseemedtobeendowedwithsuperhumanstrength。A knotofthreepolicemeninconflictwithherstaggeredtowardAnnVeronica’sattendantsanddistractedtheirattention。\"IWILLbearrested！IWON’Tgohome！\"thelittleoldladywasscreamingoverandoveragain。Theyputherdown，andsheleapedatthem； shesmoteahelmettotheground。 \"You’llhavetotakeher！\"shoutedaninspectoronhorseback，andsheechoedhiscry:\"You’llhavetotakeme！\"Theyseizeduponherandliftedher，andshescreamed。AnnVeronicabecameviolentlyexcitedatthesight。\"Youcowards！\"saidAnnVeronica，\"putherdown！\"andtoreherselffromadetaininghandandbatteredwithherfistsuponthebigredearandblueshoulderofthepolicemanwhoheldthelittleoldlady。 SoAnnVeronicaalsowasarrested。 Andthencamethevileexperienceofbeingforcedandbornealongthestreettothepolice-station。WhateveranticipationAnnVeronicahadformedofthisvanishedinthereality。Presentlyshewasgoingthroughaswaying，noisycrowd，whosefacesgrinnedandstaredpitilesslyinthelightoftheelectricstandards。 \"Goit，miss！\"criedone。\"Kickahtat’em！\"though，indeed，shewentnowwithChristianmeekness，resentingonlythethrustingpolicemen’shands。Severalpeopleinthecrowdseemedtobefighting。Insultingcriesbecamefrequentandvarious，butforthemostpartshecouldnotunderstandwhatwassaid。\"Who’llmindthebabynar？\"wasoneofthenight’sinspirations，andveryfrequent。Aleanyoungmaninspectaclespursuedherforsometime，crying\"Courage！Courage！\"Somebodythrewadabofmudather，andsomeofitgotdownherneck。Immeasurabledisgustpossessedher。Shefeltdraggledandinsultedbeyondredemption。 Shecouldnothideherface。Sheattemptedbyasheeractofwilltoendthescene，towillherselfoutofitanywhere。Shehadahorribleglimpseoftheoncenicelittleoldladybeingalsobornestationward，stillfaintlybattlingandverymuddy——onelockofgrayishhairstragglingoverherneck，herfacescared，white，buttriumphant。Herbonnetdroppedoffandwastrampledintothegutter。AlittleCockneyrecoveredit，andmaderidiculousattemptstogettoherandreplaceit。 \"Youmustarrestme！\"shegasped，breathlessly，insistinginsanelyonapointalreadycarried；\"youshall！\" Thepolice-stationattheendseemedtoAnnVeronicalikearefugefromunnamabledisgraces。Shehesitatedabouthername，and，beingprompted，gaveitatlastasAnnVeronicaSmith，107A，ChanceryLane…… Indignationcarriedherthroughthatnight，thatmenandtheworldcouldsoentreather。ThearrestedwomenwereherdedinapassageofthePantonStreetPolice-stationthatopeneduponacelltoouncleanforoccupation，andmostofthemspentthenightstanding。Hotcoffeeandcakesweresentintotheminthemorningbysomeintelligentsympathizer，orshewouldhavestarvedallday。Submissiontotheinevitablecarriedherthroughthecircumstancesofherappearancebeforethemagistrate。 Hewasnodoubtdoinghisbesttoexpresstheattitudeofsocietytowardthesewearilyheroicdefendants，butheseemedtobemerelyrudeandunfairtoAnnVeronica。Hewasnot，itseemed，theproperstipendiaryatall，andtherehadbeensomedemurtohisjurisdictionthathadruffledhim。Heresentedbeingregardedasirregular。Hefelthewashumanwisdomprudentiallyinterpolated……\"Yousillywimmin，\"hesaidoverandoveragainthroughoutthehearing，pluckingathisblotting-padwithbusyhands。\"Yousillycreatures！Ugh！Fieuponyou！\"Thecourtwascrowdedwithpeople，forthemostpartsupportersandadmirersofthedefendants，andthemanwiththelighteyelasheswasconspicuouslyactiveandomnipresent。 AnnVeronica’sappearancewasbriefandundistinguished。Shehadnothingtosayforherself。Shewasguidedintothedockandpromptedbyahelpfulpoliceinspector。Shewasawareofthebodyofthecourt，ofclerksseatedatablacktablelitteredwithpapers，ofpolicemenstandingaboutstifflywithexpressionsofconsciousintegrity，andamurmuringbackgroundoftheheadsandshouldersofspectatorsclosebehindher。Onahighchairbehindaraisedcounterthestipendiary’ssubstituteregardedhermalevolentlyoverhisglasses。Adisagreeableyoungman，withredhairandaloosemouth，seatedatthereporter’stable，wasonlytoomanifestlysketchingher。 Shewasinterestedbytheswearingofthewitnesses。Thekissingofthebookstruckherasparticularlyodd，andthenthepolicemengavetheirevidenceinstaccatojerksandstereotypedphrases。 \"Haveyouanythingtoaskthewitness？\"askedthehelpfulinspector。 TheribalddemonsthatinfestedthebackofAnnVeronica’smindurgedvariousfacetiousinterrogationsuponher，as，forexample，wherethewitnesshadacquiredhisprosestyle。Shecontrolledherself，andansweredmeekly，\"No。\" \"Well，AnnVeronicaSmith，\"themagistrateremarkedwhenthecasewasallbeforehim，\"you’reagood-looking，strong，respectablegell，andit’sapityyousillyyoungwimmincan’tfindsomethingbettertodowithyourexuberance。Two-and-twenty！Ican’timaginewhatyourparentscanbethinkingabouttoletyougetintothesescrapes。\" AnnVeronica’smindwasfilledwithconfusedunutterablereplies。 \"Youarepersuadedtocomeandtakepartintheseoutrageousproceedings——manyofyou，Iamconvinced，havenoideawhateveroftheirnature。Idon’tsupposeyoucouldtellmeeventhederivationofsuffrageifIaskedyou。No！noteventhederivation！Butthefashion’sbeensetandinityoumustbe。\" Themenatthereporter’stableliftedtheireyebrows，smiledfaintly，andleanedbacktowatchhowshetookherscolding。Onewiththeappearanceofabaldlittlegnomeyawnedagonizingly。 Theyhadgotallthisdownalready——theyheardthesubstanceofitnowforthefourteenthtime。Thestipendiarywouldhavedoneitallverydifferently。 Shefoundpresentlyshewasoutofthedockandconfrontedwiththealternativeofbeingboundoverinonesuretyforthesumoffortypounds——whateverthatmightmeanoramonth’simprisonment。 \"Secondclass，\"saidsomeone，butfirstandsecondwereallaliketoher。Sheelectedtogotoprison。 Atlast，afteralongrumblingjourneyinastuffywindowlessvan，shereachedCanongatePrison——forHollowayhaditsquotaalready。ItwasbadlucktogotoCanongate。 Prisonwasbeastly。Prisonwasbleakwithoutspaciousness，andpervadedbyafaint，oppressivesmell；andshehadtowaittwohoursinthesullenlydefiantcompanyoftwouncleanwomenthievesbeforeacellcouldbeassignedtoher。Itsdreariness，likethefilthinessofthepolicecell，wasadiscoveryforher。 Shehadimaginedthatprisonswerewhite-tiledplaces，reekingoflime-washandimmaculatelysanitary。Instead，theyappearedtobeatthehygienicleveloftramps’lodging-houses。Shewasbathedinturbidwaterthathadalreadybeenused。Shewasnotallowedtobatheherself:anotherprisoner，withaprivilegedmanner，washedher。Conscientiousobjectorstothatprocessarenotpermitted，shefound，inCanongate。Herhairwaswashedforheralso。Thentheydressedherinadirtydressofcoarsesergeandacap，andtookawayherownclothes。Thedresscametoheronlytoomanifestlyunwashedfromitsformerwearer；eventheunder-linentheygaveherseemedunclean。Horriblememoriesofthingsseenbeneaththemicroscopeofthebaserformsoflifecrawledacrosshermindandsethershudderingwithimaginedirritations。Shesatontheedgeofthebed——thewardresswastoobusywiththefloodofarrivalsthatdaytodiscoverthatshehaditdown——andherskinwasshiveringfromthecontactofthesegarments。Shesurveyedaccommodationthatseemedatfirstmerelyaustere，andbecamemoreandmoremanifestlyinadequateasthemomentsfledby。Shemeditatedprofoundlythroughseveralenormouscoldhoursonallthathadhappenedandallthatshehaddonesincetheswirlofthesuffragemovementhadsubmergedherpersonalaffairs…… Veryslowlyemergingoutofaphaseofstupefaction，thesepersonalaffairsandherpersonalproblemresumedpossessionofhermind。Shehadimaginedshehaddrownedthemaltogether。 CHAPTERTHEELEVENTH THOUGHTSINPRISON Part1 Thefirstnightinprisonshefounditimpossibletosleep。Thebedwashardbeyondanyexperienceofhers，thebed-clothescoarseandinsufficient，thecellatoncecoldandstuffy。Thelittlegratinginthedoor，thesenseofconstantinspection，worriedher。Shekeptopeninghereyesandlookingatit。Shewasfatiguedphysicallyandmentally，andneithermindnorbodycouldrest。Shebecameawarethatatregularintervalsalightflasheduponherfaceandabodilesseyeregardedher，andthis，asthenightworeon，becameatorment…… Capescamebackintohermind。Hehauntedastatebetweenhecticdreamingandmilddelirium，andshefoundherselftalkingaloudtohim。AllthroughthenightanentirelyimpossibleandmonumentalCapesconfrontedher，andshearguedwithhimaboutmenandwomen。Shevisualizedhimasinapoliceman’suniformandquiteimpassive。Onsomeinsanescoreshefanciedshehadtostatehercaseinverse。\"Wearethemusicandyouaretheinstrument，\"shesaid；\"weareverseandyouareprose。 \"Formenhavereason，womenrhymeAmanscoresalways，allthetime。\" Thiscoupletsprangintohermindfromnowhere，andimmediatelybegotanendlessseriesofsimilarcoupletsthatshebegantocomposeandaddresstoCapes。Theycameteemingdistressfullythroughherachingbrain: \"Amancankick，hisskirtsdon’ttear； Amanscoresalways，everywhere。 \"Hisdressfornomanlaysasnare； Amanscoresalways，everywhere。 Forhatsthatfailandhatsthatflare； Topperstheiruniversalwear； Amanscoresalways，everywhere。 \"Men’swaistsareneitherherenorthere； Amanscoresalways，everywhere。 \"Amancanmanagewithouthair； Amanscoresalways，everywhere。 \"Therearenomalesatmentostare； Amanscoresalways，everywhere。 \"Andchildrenmustwewomenbear—— \"Oh，damn！\"shecried，asthehundred-and-firstcoupletorsopresenteditselfinherunwillingbrain。 Foratimesheworriedaboutthatcompulsorybathandcutaneousdiseases。 Thenshefellintoafeverofremorseforthehabitofbadlanguageshehadacquired。 \"Amancansmoke，amancanswear； Amanscoresalways，everywhere。\" Sherolledoveronherface，andstuffedherfingersinherearstoshutouttherhythmfromhermind。Shelaystillforalongtime，andhermindresumedatamoretolerablepace。ShefoundherselftalkingtoCapesinanundertoneofrationaladmission。 \"Thereissomethingtobesaidforthelady-liketheoryafterall，\"sheadmitted。\"Womenoughttobegentleandsubmissivepersons，strongonlyinvirtueandinresistancetoevilcompulsion。Mydear——Icancallyouthathere，anyhow——Iknowthat。TheVictoriansover-diditalittle，Iadmit。Theirideaofmaidenlyinnocencewasjustablankwhite——thesortofflatwhitethatdoesn’tshine。Butthatdoesn’talterthefactthatthereISinnocence。AndI’veread，andthought，andguessed，andlooked——untilMYinnocence——it’ssmirched。 \"Smirched！…… \"Yousee，dear，oneISpassionatelyanxiousforsomething——whatisit？OnewantstobeCLEAN。Youwantmetobeclean。Youwouldwantmetobeclean，ifyougavemeathought，thatis…… \"Iwonderifyougivemeathought…… \"I’mnotagoodwoman。Idon’tmeanI’mnotagoodwoman——ImeanthatI’mnotaGOODwoman。Mypoorbrainissomixed，dear，I hardlyknowwhatIamsaying。ImeanI’mnotagoodspecimenofawoman。I’vegotastreakofmale。Thingshappentowomen—— properwomen——andalltheyhavetodoistotakethemwell。 They’vejustgottokeepwhite。ButI’malwaystryingtomakethingshappen。AndIgetmyselfdirty…… \"It’salldirtthatwashesoff，dear，butit’sdirt。 \"Thewhiteunaggressivewomanwhocorrectsandnursesandserves，andisworshippedandbetrayed——themartyr-queenofmen，thewhitemother……Youcan’tdothatsortofthingunlessyoudoitoverreligion，andthere’snoreligioninme——ofthatsort——wortharap。 \"I’mnotgentle。Certainlynotagentlewoman。 \"I’mnotcoarse——no！ButI’vegotnopurityofmind——norealpurityofmind。Agoodwoman’smindhasangelswithflamingswordsattheportalstokeepoutfallenthoughts…… \"Iwonderifthereareanygoodwomenreally。 \"IwishIdidn’tswear。Idoswear。Itbeganasajoke…… Itdevelopedintoasortofsecretandprivatebadmanners。It’sgottobeatlastliketobacco-ashoverallmysayingsanddoings…… \"’Goit，missie，’theysaid；\"kickaht！’ \"Isworeatthatpoliceman——anddisgustedhim。Disgustedhim！ \"Formenpolicemenneverblush； Amaninallthingsscoressomuch…… \"Damn！Thingsaregettingplainer。Itmustbethedawncreepingin。 \"Nowherehathbeendawninganotherblueday； I’mjustapoorwoman，pleasetakeitaway。 \"Oh，sleep！Sleep！Sleep！Sleep！\" Part2 \"Now，\"saidAnnVeronica，afterthehalf-hourofexercise，andsittingontheuncomfortablewoodenseatwithoutabackthatwasherperchbyday，\"it’snogoodstayinghereinasortofmaze。 I’vegotnothingtodoforamonthbutthink。Imayaswellthink。Ioughttobeabletothinkthingsout。 \"HowshallIputthequestion？WhatamI？WhathaveIgottodowithmyself？…… \"IwonderifmanypeopleHAVEthoughtthingsout？ \"Arewealljustseizingholdofphrasesandobeyingmoods？ \"Itwasn’tsowithold-fashionedpeople，theyknewrightfromwrong；theyhadaclear-cut，religiousfaiththatseemedtoexplaineverythingandgivearuleforeverything。Wehaven’t。 Ihaven’t，anyhow。Andit’snogoodpretendingthereisonewhenthereisn’t……IsupposeIbelieveinGod……NeverreallythoughtaboutHim——peopledon’t……Isupposemycreedis，’IbelieveratherindistinctlyinGodtheFatherAlmighty，substratumoftheevolutionaryprocess，and，inaveinofvaguesentimentalitythatdoesn’tgiveadatumforanythingatall，inJesusChrist，HisSon。’…… \"It’snosortofgood，AnnVeronica，pretendingonedoesbelievewhenonedoesn’t…… \"Andasforprayingforfaith——thissortofmonologueisaboutasnearasanyoneofmysortevergetstoprayer。Aren’tI asking——askingplainlynow？…… \"We’veallbeenmixingourideas，andwe’vegotintellectualhotcoppers——everyblessedoneofus…… \"Aconfusionofmotives——that’swhatIam！…… \"ThereisthisabsurdcravingforMr。Capes——the’Capescrave，’ theywouldcallitinAmerica。WhydoIwanthimsobadly？WhydoIwanthim，andthinkabouthim，andfailtogetawayfromhim？ \"Itisn’tallofme。 \"Thefirstpersonyoulove，AnnVeronica，isyourself——getholdofthat！ThesoulyouhavetosaveisAnnVeronica’ssoul……\" Shekneltuponthefloorofhercellandclaspedherhands，andremainedforalongtimeinsilence。 \"Oh，God！\"shesaidatlast，\"howIwishIhadbeentaughttopray！\" Part3 Shehadsomeideaofputtingthesesubtleanddifficultissuestothechaplainwhenshewaswarnedofhisadvent。ButshehadnotreckonedwiththeetiquetteofCanongate。Shegotup，asshehadbeentoldtodo，athisappearance，andheamazedherbysittingdown，accordingtocustom，onherstool。Hestillworehishat，toshowthatthedaysofmiraclesandChristbeingciviltosinnersareoverforever。Sheperceivedthathiscountenancewasonlycomposedbyagreateffort，hisfeaturesseverelycompressed。Hewasruffled，andhisearswerered，nodoubtfromsomeadjacentcontroversy。Heclassifiedherasheseatedhimself。 \"Anotheryoungwoman，Isuppose，\"hesaid，\"whoknowsbetterthanherMakeraboutherplaceintheworld。Haveyouanythingtoaskme？\" AnnVeronicareadjustedhermindhastily。Herbackstiffened。 Sheproducedfromthedepthsofherpridetheuglyinvestigatorynoteofthemoderndistrictvisitor。\"Areyouaspecialsortofclergyman，\"shesaid，afterapause，andlookingdownhernoseathim，\"ordoyougototheUniversities？\" \"Oh！\"hesaid，profoundly。 Hepantedforamomentwithunutteredreplies，andthen，withascornfulgesture，gotupandleftthecell。 SothatAnnVeronicawasnotabletogettheexpertadviceshecertainlyneededuponherspiritualstate。 Part4 Afteradayorsoshethoughtmoresteadily。Shefoundherselfinaphaseofviolentreactionagainstthesuffragemovement，aphasegreatlypromotedbyoneofthoseunreasonableobjectionspeopleofAnnVeronica’stemperamenttakeattimes——tothegirlinthenextcelltoherown。Shewasalarge，resilientgirl，withafoolishsmile，astillmorefoolishexpressionofearnestness，andathroatycontraltovoice。Shewasnoisyandhilariousandenthusiastic，andherhairwasalwaysabominablydone。Inthechapelshesangwithanopen-lungedgustothatsilencedAnnVeronicaaltogether，andintheexercising-yardslouchedroundwithcarelesslydispersedfeet。AnnVeronicadecidedthat\"hoydenishragger\"wastheonlyphrasetoexpressher。Shewasalwaysbreakingrules，whisperingasides，intimatingsignals。ShebecameattimesanembodimentforAnnVeronicaofallthatmadethesuffragemovementdefectiveandunsatisfying。 Shewasalwaysinitiatingpettybreachesofdiscipline。Hergreatestexploitwasthehowlingbeforethemid-daymeal。ThiswasanimitationofthenoisesmadebythecarnivoraattheZoologicalGardensatfeeding-time；theideawastakenupbyprisonerafterprisoneruntilthewholeplacewasalivewithbarkings，yappings，roarings，pelicanchatterings，andfelineyowlings，interspersedwithshrieksofhystericallaughter。Tomanyinthatcrowdedsolitudeitcameasanextraordinaryrelief。 Itwasbettereventhanthehymn-singing。ButitannoyedAnnVeronica。 \"Idiots！\"shesaid，whensheheardthispandemonium，andwithparticularreferencetothisyoungladywiththethroatycontraltonextdoor。\"Intolerableidiots！……\" Ittooksomedaysforthisphasetopass，anditleftsomescarsandsomethinglikeadecision。\"Violencewon’tdoit，\"saidAnnVeronica。\"Beginviolence，andthewomangoesunder…… \"Butalltherestofourcaseisright……Yes。\" Asthelong，solitarydaysworeon，AnnVeronicafoundanumberofdefiniteattitudesandconclusionsinhermind。 Oneofthesewasaclassificationofwomenintowomenwhoareandwomenwhoarenothostiletomen。\"TherealreasonwhyIamoutofplacehere，\"shesaid，\"isbecauseIlikemen。Icantalkwiththem。I’veneverfoundthemhostile。I’vegotnofeminineclassfeeling。Idon’twantanylawsorfreedomstoprotectmefromamanlikeMr。Capes。IknowthatinmyheartIwouldtakewhateverhegave…… \"Awomanwantsaproperalliancewithaman，amanwhoisbetterstuffthanherself。Shewantsthatandneedsitmorethananythingelseintheworld。Itmaynotbejust，itmaynotbefair，butthingsareso。Itisn’tlaw，norcustom，normasculineviolencesettledthat。Itisjusthowthingshappentobe。Shewantstobefree——shewantstobelegallyandeconomicallyfree，soasnottobesubjecttothewrongman；butonlyGod，whomadetheworld，canalterthingstopreventherbeingslavetotherightone。 \"Andifshecan’thavetherightone？ \"We’vedevelopedsuchaqualityofpreference！\" Sherubbedherknucklesintoherforehead。\"Oh，butlifeisdifficult！\"shegroaned。\"Whenyouloosenthetangleinoneplaceyoutieaknotinanother……Beforethereisanychange，anyrealchange，Ishallbedead——dead——deadandfinished——twohundredyears！……\" Part5 Oneafternoon，whileeverythingwasstill，thewardressheardhercryoutsuddenlyandalarmingly，andwithgreatandunmistakablepassion，\"WhyinthenameofgoodnessdidIburnthattwentypounds？\" Part6 Shesatregardingherdinner。Themeatwascoarseanddisagreeablyserved。 \"Isupposesomeonemakesabitonthefood，\"shesaid…… \"Onehassuchridiculousideasofthewickedcommonpeopleandthebeautifulmachineryoforderthatropesthemin。Andherearetheseplaces，fullofcontagion！ \"Ofcourse，thisistherealtextureoflife，thisiswhatwerefinedsecurepeopleforget。Wethinkthewholethingisstraightandnobleatbottom，anditisn’t。Wethinkifwejustdefythefriendswehaveandgooutintotheworldeverythingwillbecomeeasyandsplendid。Onedoesn’trealizethateventhesortofcivilizationonehasatMorningsideParkisheldtogetherwithdifficulty。Bypolicemenonemustn’tshock。 \"Thisisn’taworldforaninnocentgirltowalkaboutin。It’saworldofdirtandskindiseasesandparasites。It’saworldinwhichthelawcanbeastupidpigandthepolice-stationsdirtydens。Onewantshelpersandprotectors——andcleanwater。 \"AmIbecomingreasonableoramIbeingtamed？ \"I’msimplydiscoveringthatlifeismany-sidedandcomplexandpuzzling。Ithoughtonehadonlytotakeitbythethroat。 \"Ithasn’tGOTathroat！\" Part7 Onedaytheideaofself-sacrificecameintoherhead，andshemade，shethought，someimportantmoraldiscoveries。 Itcamewithanextremeeffectofre-discovery，aremarkablenovelty。\"WhathaveIbeenallthistime？\"sheaskedherself，andanswered，\"Juststarkegotism，crudeassertionofAnnVeronica，withoutamodestragofreligionordisciplineorrespectforauthoritytocoverme！\" Itseemedtoherasthoughshehadatlastfoundthetouchstoneofconduct。Sheperceivedshehadneverreallythoughtofanyonebutherselfinallheractsandplans。EvenCapeshadbeenforhermerelyanexcitanttopassionatelove——amereidolatwhosefeetonecouldenjoyimaginativewallowings。Shehadsetouttogetabeautifullife，afree，untrammelledlife，self-development，withoutcountingthecosteitherforherselforothers。 \"Ihavehurtmyfather，\"shesaid；\"Ihavehurtmyaunt。IhavehurtandsnubbedpoorTeddy。I’vemadenoonehappy。IdeserveprettymuchwhatI’vegot…… \"Ifonlybecauseofthewayonehurtsothersifonekickslooseandfree，onehastosubmit…… \"Broken-inpeople！Isupposetheworldisjustallegotisticalchildrenandbroken-inpeople。 \"Yourlittleflagofpridemustflutterdownwiththerestofthem，AnnVeronica…… \"Compromise——andkindness。 \"Compromiseandkindness。 \"WhoareYOUthattheworldshouldliedownatyourfeet？ \"You’vegottobeadecentcitizen，AnnVeronica。Takeyourhalfloafwiththeothers。Youmustn’tgoclawingafteramanthatdoesn’tbelongtoyou——thatisn’teveninterestedinyou。That’sonethingclear。 \"You’vegottotakethedecentreasonableway。You’vegottoadjustyourselftothepeopleGodhassetaboutyou。Everyoneelsedoes。\" Shethoughtmoreandmorealongthatline。Therewasnoreasonwhysheshouldn’tbeCapes’friend。Hedidlikeher，anyhow；hewasalwayspleasedtobewithher。Therewasnoreasonwhysheshouldn’tbehisrestrainedanddignifiedfriend。Afterall，thatwaslife。Nothingwasgivenaway，andnoonecamesorichtothestallastocommandallthatithadtooffer。Everyonehastomakeadealwiththeworld。 ItwouldbeverygoodtobeCapes’friend。 Shemightbeabletogoonwithbiology，possiblyevenworkuponthesamequestionsthathedealtwith…… Perhapshergranddaughtermightmarryhisgrandson…… Itgrewcleartoherthatthroughoutallherwildraidforindependenceshehaddonenothingforanybody，andmanypeoplehaddonethingsforher。Shethoughtofherauntandthatpursethatwasdroppedonthetable，andofmanytroublesomeandill-requitedkindnesses；shethoughtofthehelpoftheWidgetts，ofTeddy’sadmiration；shethought，withanew-borncharity，ofherfather，ofManning’sconscientiousunselfishness，ofMissMiniver’sdevotion。 \"AndformeithasbeenPrideandPrideandPride！ \"Iamtheprodigaldaughter。Iwillariseandgotomyfather，andwillsayuntohim—— \"Isupposeprideandself-assertionaresin？Sinnedagainstheaven——Yes，Ihavesinnedagainstheavenandbeforethee…… \"Poorolddaddy！Iwonderifhe’llspendmuchonthefattedcalf？…… \"Thewrapperedlife-discipline！Onecomestothatatlast。I begintounderstandJaneAustenandchintzcoversanddecencyandrefinementandalltherestofit。Oneputsglovesonone’sgreedyfingers。Onelearnstositup…… \"Andsomehoworother，\"sheadded，afteralonginterval，\"ImustpayMr。Ramagebackhisfortypounds。\" CHAPTERTHETWELFTH ANNVERONICAPUTSTHINGSINORDER Part1 AnnVeronicamadeastrenuousattempttocarryouthergoodresolutions。Shemeditatedlongandcarefullyuponherlettertoherfatherbeforeshewroteit，andgravelyanddeliberatelyagainbeforeshedespatchedit。 \"MYDEARFATHER，\"shewrote，——\"IhavebeenthinkinghardabouteverythingsinceIwassenttothisprison。Alltheseexperienceshavetaughtmeagreatdealaboutlifeandrealities。IseethatcompromiseismorenecessarytolifethanIignorantlysupposedittobe，andIhavebeentryingtogetLordMorley’sbookonthatsubject，butitdoesnotappeartobeavailableintheprisonlibrary，andthechaplainseemstoregardhimasanundesirablewriter。\" Atthispointshehadperceivedthatshewasdriftingfromhersubject。 \"ImustreadhimwhenIcomeout。ButIseeveryclearlythatasthingsareadaughterisnecessarilydependentonherfatherandboundwhilesheisinthatpositiontoliveharmoniouslywithhisideals。\" \"Bitstarchy，\"saidAnnVeronica，andalteredthekeyabruptly。 Herconcludingparagraphwas，onthewhole，perhaps，hardlystarchyenough。 \"Really，daddy，IamsorryforallIhavedonetoputyouout。 MayIcomehomeandtrytobeabetterdaughtertoyou？ \"ANNVERONICA。\" Part2 HerauntcametomeetheroutsideCanongate，and，beingalittleconfusedbetweenwhatwasofficialandwhatwasmerelyarebelliousslightuponournationaljustice，foundherselfinvolvedinatriumphalprocessiontotheVindicatorVegetarianRestaurant，andwasspecificallyandpersonallycheeredbyasmall，shabbycrowdoutsidethatrendezvous。Theydecidedquiteaudibly，\"She’sanOldDear，anyhow。Votingwouldn’tdono’armto’er。\"Shewasontheveryvergeofavegetarianmealbeforesherecoveredherheadagain。Obeyingsomefineinstinct，shehadcometotheprisoninadarkveil，butshehadpushedthisuptokissAnnVeronicaandneverdrawnitdownagain。Eggswereprocuredforher，andshesatoutthesubsequentemotionsandeloquencewiththedignitybecominganinjuredladyofgoodfamily。Thequietencounterandhome-comingAnnVeronicaandshehadcontemplatedwasentirelydisorganizedbythismisadventure； therewerenoadequateexplanations，andaftertheyhadsettledthingsatAnnVeronica’slodgings，theyreachedhomeintheearlyafternoonestrangedanddepressed，withheadachesandthetrumpetvoiceoftheindomitableKittyBrettstillringingintheirears。 \"Dreadfulwomen，mydear！\"saidMissStanley。\"Andsomeofthemquiteprettyandwelldressed。Noneedtodosuchthings。Wemustneverletyourfatherknowwewent。Whyeverdidyouletmegetintothatwagonette？\" \"Ithoughtwehadto，\"saidAnnVeronica，whohadalsobeenalittleunderthecompulsionofthemarshalsoftheoccasion。\"Itwasverytiring。\" \"Wewillhavesometeainthedrawing-roomassoonaseverwecan——andIwilltakemythingsoff。Idon’tthinkIshallevercareforthisbonnetagain。We’llhavesomebutteredtoast。 Yourpoorcheeksarequitesunkenandhollow……\" Part3 WhenAnnVeronicafoundherselfinherfather’sstudythateveningitseemedtoherforamomentasthoughalltheeventsofthepastsixmonthshadbeenadream。ThebiggrayspacesofLondon，theshop-lit，greasy，shiningstreets，hadbecomeveryremote；thebiologicallaboratorywithitsworkandemotions，themeetingsanddiscussions，theridesinhansomswithRamage，werelikethingsinabookreadandclosed。Thestudyseemedabsolutelyunaltered，therewasstillthesamelampwithalittlechipoutoftheshade，stillthesamegasfire，stillthesamebundleofblueandwhitepapers，itseemed，withthesamepinktapeaboutthem，attheelbowofthearm-chair，stillthesamefather。Hesatinmuchthesameattitude，andshestoodjustasshehadstoodwhenhetoldhershecouldnotgototheFaddenDance。Bothhaddroppedtheratherelaboratepolitenessofthedining-room，andintheirfacesanimpartialobserverwouldhavediscoveredlittlelinesofobstinatewilfulnessincommon；acertainhardness——sharp，indeed，inthefatherandsoftlyroundedinthedaughter——buthardnessnevertheless，thatmadeeverycompromiseabargainandeverycharityadiscount。 \"Andsoyouhavebeenthinking？\"herfatherbegan，quotingherletterandlookingoverhisslantingglassesather。\"Well，mygirl，Iwishyouhadthoughtaboutallthesethingsbeforethesebothersbegan。\" AnnVeronicaperceivedthatshemustnotforgettoremaineminentlyreasonable。 \"Onehastoliveandlearn，\"sheremarked，withapassableimitationofherfather’smanner。 \"Solongasyoulearn，\"saidMr。Stanley。 Theirconversationhung。 \"Isuppose，daddy，you’venoobjectiontomygoingonwithmyworkattheImperialCollege？\"sheasked。 \"Ifitwillkeepyoubusy，\"hesaid，withafaintlyironicalsmile。 \"Thefeesarepaidtotheendofthesession。\" Henoddedtwice，withhiseyesonthefire，asthoughthatwasaformalstatement。 \"Youmaygoonwiththatwork，\"hesaid，\"solongasyoukeepinharmonywiththingsathome。I’mconvincedthatmuchofRussell’sinvestigationsareonwronglines，unsoundlines。 Still——youmustlearnforyourself。You’reofage——you’reofage。\" \"Thework’salmostessentialfortheB。Sc。exam。\" \"It’sscandalous，butIsupposeitis。\" Theiragreementsofarseemedremarkable，andyetasahome-comingthethingwasalittlelackinginwarmth。ButAnnVeronicahadstilltogettoherchieftopic。Theyweresilentforatime。\"It’saperiodofcrudeviewsandcrudework，\"saidMr。Stanley。\"Still，theseMendelianfellowsseemlikelytogiveMr。Russelltrouble，agoodlotoftrouble。Someoftheirspecimens——wonderfullyselected，wonderfullygotup。\" \"Daddy，\"saidAnnVeronica，\"theseaffairs——beingawayfromhomehas——costmoney。\" \"Ithoughtyouwouldfindthatout。\" \"Asamatteroffact，Ihappentohavegotalittleintodebt。\" \"NEVER！\" Herheartsankatthechangeinhisexpression。 \"Well，lodgingsandthings！AndIpaidmyfeesattheCollege。\" \"Yes。Buthowcouldyouget——Whogaveyoucredit？ \"Yousee，\"saidAnnVeronica，\"mylandladykeptonmyroomwhileIwasinHolloway，andthefeesfortheCollegemountedupprettyconsiderably。\"Shespokeratherquickly，becauseshefoundherfather’squestionthemostawkwardshehadeverhadtoanswerinherlife。 \"Mollyandyousettledabouttherooms。ShesaidyouHADsomemoney。\" \"Iborrowedit，\"saidAnnVeronicainacasualtone，withwhitedespairinherheart。 \"Butwhocouldhavelentyoumoney？\" \"Ipawnedmypearlnecklace。Igotthreepounds，andthere’sthreeonmywatch。\" \"Sixpounds。H’m。Gotthetickets？Yes，butthen——yousaidyouborrowed？\" \"Idid，too，\"saidAnnVeronica。 \"Whofrom？\" Shemethiseyeforasecondandherheartfailedher。Thetruthwasimpossible，indecent。IfshementionedRamagehemighthaveafit——anythingmighthappen。Shelied。\"TheWidgetts，\"shesaid。 \"Tut，tut！\"hesaid。\"Really，Vee，youseemtohaveadvertisedourrelationsprettygenerally！\" \"They——theyknew，ofcourse。BecauseoftheDance。\" \"Howmuchdoyouowethem？\" Sheknewfortypoundswasaquiteimpossiblesumfortheirneighbors。Sheknew，too，shemustnothesitate。\"Eightpounds，\"sheplunged，andaddedfoolishly，\"fifteenpoundswillseemeclearofeverything。\"Shemutteredsomeunlady-likecommentuponherselfunderherbreathandengagedinsecretadditions。 Mr。Stanleydeterminedtoimprovetheoccasion。Heseemedtodeliberate。\"Well，\"hesaidatlastslowly，\"I’llpayit。I’llpayit。ButIdohope，Vee，Idohope——thisistheendoftheseadventures。Ihopeyouhavelearnedyourlessonnowandcometosee——cometorealize——howthingsare。People，nobody，candoastheylikeinthisworld。Everywheretherearelimitations。\" \"Iknow，\"saidAnnVeronica(fifteenpounds！)。\"Ihavelearnedthat。Imean——ImeantodowhatIcan。\"(Fifteenpounds。 Fifteenfromfortyistwenty-five。) Hehesitated。Shecouldthinkofnothingmoretosay。 \"Well，\"sheachievedatlast。\"Heregoesforthenewlife！\" \"Heregoesforthenewlife，\"heechoedandstoodup。Fatheranddaughterregardedeachotherwarily，eachmorethanalittleinsecurewiththeother。Hemadeamovementtowardher，andthenrecalledthecircumstancesoftheirlastconversationinthatstudy。Shesawhispurposeandhisdoubthesitatedalso，andthenwenttohim，tookhiscoatlapels，andkissedhimonthecheek。 \"Ah，Vee，\"hesaid，\"that’sbetter！andkissedherbackratherclumsily。\"We’regoingtobesensible。\" Shedisengagedherselffromhimandwentoutoftheroomwithagrave，preoccupiedexpression。(Fifteenpounds！Andshewantedforty！) Part4 Itwas，perhaps，thenaturalconsequenceofalongandtiringandexcitingdaythatAnnVeronicashouldpassabrokenanddistressfulnight，anightinwhichthenobleandself-subduingresolutionsofCanongatedisplayedthemselvesforthefirsttimeinanatmosphereofalmostluriddismay。Herfather’speculiarstiffnessofsoulpresenteditselfnowassomethingaltogetherleftoutofthecalculationsuponwhichherplanswerebased，and，inparticular，shehadnotanticipatedthedifficultyshewouldfindinborrowingthefortypoundssheneededforRamage。 Thathadtakenherbysurprise，andhertiredwitshadfailedher。Shewastohavefifteenpounds，andnomore。Sheknewthattoexpectmorenowwaslikeanticipatingagold-mineinthegarden。Thechancehadgone。ItbecamesuddenlyglaringlyapparenttoherthatitwasimpossibletoreturnfifteenpoundsoranysumlessthantwentypoundstoRamage——absolutelyimpossible。Sherealizedthatwithapangofdisgustandhorror。 Alreadyshehadsenthimtwentypounds，andneverwrittentoexplaintohimwhyitwasshehadnotsentitbacksharplydirectlyhereturnedit。Sheoughttohavewrittenatonceandtoldhimexactlywhathadhappened。Nowifshesentfifteenpoundsthesuggestionthatshehadspentafive-poundnoteinthemeanwhilewouldbeirresistible。No！Thatwasimpossible。Shewouldhavejusttokeepthefifteenpoundsuntilshecouldmakeittwenty。Thatmighthappenonherbirthday——inAugust。 Sheturnedabout，andwaspersecutedbyvisions，halfmemories，halfdreams，ofRamage。Hebecameuglyandmonstrous，dunningher，threateningher，assailingher。 \"Confoundsexfromfirsttolast！\"saidAnnVeronica。\"Whycan’twepropagatebysexlessspores，asthefernsdo？Werestricteachother，webadgereachother，friendshipispoisonedandburiedunderit！……IMUSTpayoffthatfortypounds。I MUST。\" ForatimethereseemednocomfortforhereveninCapes。ShewastoseeCapesto-morrow，butnow，inthisstateofmiseryshehadachieved，shefeltassuredhewouldturnhisbackuponher，takenonoticeofheratall。Andifhedidn’t，whatwasthegoodofseeinghim？ \"Iwishhewasawoman，\"shesaid，\"thenIcouldmakehimmyfriend。Iwanthimasmyfriend。Iwanttotalktohimandgoaboutwithhim。Justgoaboutwithhim。\" Shewassilentforatime，withhernoseonthepillow，andthatbroughtherto:\"What’sthegoodofpretending？ \"Ilovehim，\"shesaidaloudtothedimformsofherroom，andrepeatedit，andwentontoimagineherselfdoingactsoftragicallydog-likedevotiontothebiologist，who，forthepurposesofthedrama，remainedentirelyunconsciousofandindifferenttoherproceedings。 Atlastsomeanodyneformeditselffromtheseexercises，and，witheyelasheswetwithsuchfeebletearsasonlythree-o’clock-in-the-morningpathoscandistil，shefellasleep。 Part5 PursuanttosomealtogetherprivatecalculationsshedidnotgouptotheImperialCollegeuntilaftermid-day，andshefoundthelaboratorydeserted，evenasshedesired。Shewenttothetableundertheendwindowatwhichshehadbeenaccustomedtowork，andfounditsweptandgarnishedwithfullbottlesofre-agents。 Everythingwasveryneat；ithadevidentlybeenstraightenedupandkeptforher。Sheputdownthesketch-booksandapparatusshehadbroughtwithher，pulledoutherstool，andsatdown。Asshedidsothepreparation-roomdooropenedbehindher。Shehearditopen，butasshefeltunabletolookroundinacarelessmannershepretendednottohearit。ThenCapes’footstepsapproached。Sheturnedwithaneffort。 \"Iexpectedyouthismorning，\"hesaid。\"Isaw——theyknockedoffyourfettersyesterday。\" \"Ithinkitisverygoodofmetocomethisafternoon。\" \"Ibegantobeafraidyoumightnotcomeatall。\" \"Afraid！\" \"Yes。I’mgladyou’rebackforallsortsofreasons。\"Hespokealittlenervously。\"Amongotherthings，youknow，Ididn’tunderstandquite——Ididn’tunderstandthatyouweresokeenlyinterestedinthissuffragequestion。IhaveitonmyconsciencethatIoffendedyou——\" \"Offendedmewhen？\" \"I’vebeenhauntedbythememoryofyou。Iwasrudeandstupid。 Weweretalkingaboutthesuffrage——andIratherscoffed。\" \"Youweren’trude，\"shesaid。 \"Ididn’tknowyouweresokeenonthissuffragebusiness。\" \"NorI。Youhaven’thaditonyourmindallthistime？\" \"Ihaverather。IfeltsomehowI’dhurtyou。\" \"Youdidn’t。I——Ihurtmyself。\" \"Imean——\" \"Ibehavedlikeanidiot，that’sall。Mynerveswereinrags。I wasworried。We’rethehystericalanimal，Mr。Capes。Igotmyselflockeduptocooloff。Byasortofinstinct。Asadogeatsgrass。I’mrightagainnow。\" \"Becauseyournerveswereexposed，thatwasnoexcuseformytouchingthem。Ioughttohaveseen——\" \"Itdoesn’tmatterarap——ifyou’renotdisposedtoresentthe——thewayIbehaved。\" \"_I_resent！\" \"IwasonlysorryI’dbeensostupid。\" \"Well，Itakeitwe’restraightagain，\"saidCapeswithanoteofrelief，andassumedaneasierpositionontheedgeofhertable。 \"Butifyouweren’tkeenonthesuffragebusiness，whyonearthdidyougotoprison？\" AnnVeronicareflected。\"Itwasaphase，\"shesaid。 Hesmiled。\"It’sanewphaseinthelifehistory，\"heremarked。 \"Everybodyseemstohaveitnow。Everybodywho’sgoingtodevelopintoawoman。\" \"There’sMissGarvice。\" \"She’scomingon，\"saidCapes。\"And，youknow，you’realteringusall。I’Mshaken。Thecampaign’sasuccess。\"Hemetherquestioningeye，andrepeated，\"Oh！itISasuccess。Amanissoaptto——totakewomenalittletoolightly。Unlesstheyremindhimnowandthennotto……YOUdid。\" \"ThenIdidn’twastemytimeinprisonaltogether？\" \"Itwasn’ttheprisonimpressedme。ButIlikedthethingsyousaidhere。IfeltsuddenlyIunderstoodyou——asanintelligentperson。Ifyou’llforgivemysayingthat，andimplyingwhatgoeswithit。There’ssomething——puppyishinaman’susualattitudetowomen。ThatiswhatI’vehadonmyconscience……Idon’tthinkwe’realtogethertoblameifwedon’ttakesomeofyourlotseriously。Someofyoursex，Imean。Butwesmirkalittle，I’mafraid，habituallywhenwetalktoyou。Wesmirk，andwe’reabit——furtive。\" Hepaused，withhiseyesstudyinghergravely。\"You，anyhow，don’tdeserveit，\"hesaid。 TheircolloquywasendedabruptlybytheapparitionofMissKleggatthefurtherdoor。WhenshesawAnnVeronicashestoodforamomentasifentranced，andthenadvancedwithoutstretchedhands。\"Veronique！\"shecriedwitharisingintonation，thoughneverbeforehadshecalledAnnVeronicaanythingbutMissStanley，andseizedherandsqueezedherandkissedherwithprofoundemotion。\"Tothinkthatyouweregoingtodoit——andneversaidaword！Youarealittlethin，butexceptforthatyoulook——youlookbetterthanever。WasitVERYhorrible？I triedtogetintothepolice-court，butthecrowdwaseversomuchtoobig，pushasIwould…… \"Imeantogotoprisondirectlythesessionisover，\"saidMissKlegg。\"Wildhorses——notiftheyhaveallthemountedpoliceinLondon——shan’tkeepmeout。\" Part6 CapeslitthingswonderfullyforAnnVeronicaallthatafternoon，hewassofriendly，sopalpablyinterestedinher，andgladtohaveherbackwithhim。Teainthelaboratorywasasortofsuffragettereception。MissGarviceassumedaqualityofneutrality，professedherselfalmostwonoverbyAnnVeronica’sexample，andtheScotchmandecidedthatifwomenhadadistinctivesphereitwas，atanyrate，anenlargingsphere，andnoonewhobelievedinthedoctrineofevolutioncouldlogicallydenythevotetowomen\"ultimately，\"howevermuchtheymightbedisposedtodoubttheadvisabilityofitsimmediateconcession。 Itwasarefusalofexpediency，hesaid，andnotanabsoluterefusal。TheyouthwithhishairlikeRussellclearedhisthroatandsaidratherirrelevantlythatheknewamanwhoknewThomasBayardSimmons，whohadriotedintheStrangers’Gallery，andthenCapes，findingthemalldistinctlypro-AnnVeronica，ifnotpro-feminist，venturedtobeperverse，andstartedaveinofspeculationupontheScotchman’sidea——thattherewerestillhopesofwomenevolvingintosomethinghigher。 Hewasunusuallyabsurdandready，andallthetimeitseemedtoAnnVeronicaasadelightfulpossibility，asathingnotindeedtobeentertainedseriously，buttobehalffurtivelyfelt，thathewasbeingsoagreeablebecauseshehadcomebackagain。Shereturnedhomethroughaworldthatwasasroseateasithadbeengrayovernight。 ButasshegotoutofthetrainatMorningsideParkStationshehadashock。Shesaw，twentyyardsdowntheplatform，theshinyhatandbroadbackandinimitableswaggerofRamage。Shedivedatoncebehindthecoverofthelamp-roomandaffectedserioustroublewithhershoe-laceuntilhewasoutofthestation，andthenshefollowedslowlyandwithextremediscretionuntilthebifurcationoftheAvenuefromthefieldwayinsuredherescape。 RamagewentuptheAvenue，andshehurriedalongthepathwithabeatingheartandadisagreeablesenseofunsolvedproblemsinhermind。 \"Thatthing’sgoingon，\"shetoldherself。\"Everythinggoeson，confoundit！Onedoesn’tchangeanythingonehassetgoingbymakinggoodresolutions。\" AndthenaheadofhershesawtheradiantandwelcomingfigureofManning。Hecameasanagreeablediversionfromaninsolubleperplexity。Shesmiledatthesightofhim，andthereathisradiationincreased。 \"Imissedthehourofyourrelease，\"hesaid，\"butIwasattheVindicatorRestaurant。Youdidnotseeme，Iknow。Iwasamongthecommonherdintheplacebelow，butItookgoodcaretoseeyou。\" \"Ofcourseyou’reconverted？\"shesaid。 \"TotheviewthatallthoseSplendidWomeninthemovementoughttohavevotes。Rather！Whocouldhelpit？\" Hetoweredupoverherandsmileddownatherinhisfatherlyway。 \"Totheviewthatallwomenoughttohavevoteswhethertheylikeitornot。\" Heshookhishead，andhiseyesandthemouthundertheblackmustachewrinkledwithhissmile。AndashewalkedbyhersidetheybeganawranglethatwasnonethelesspleasanttoAnnVeronicabecauseitservedtobanishadisagreeablepreoccupation。ItseemedtoherinherrestoredgenialitythatshelikedManningextremely。ThebrightnessCapeshaddiffusedovertheworldglorifiedevenhisrival。