Leavingbyanearlytrain，IgottoLimmeridgeintimefordinner。Thehousewasoppressivelyemptyanddull。IhadexpectedthatgoodMrsVeseywouldhavebeencompanyformeintheabsenceoftheyoungladies，butshewasconfinedtoherroombyacold。Theservantsweresosurprisedatseeingmethattheyhurriedandbustledabsurdly，andmadeallsortsofannoyingmistakes。Eventhebutler，whowasoldenoughtohaveknownbetter，broughtmeabottleofportthatwaschilled。ThereportsofMrFairlie’shealthwerejustasusual，andwhenIsentupamessagetoannouncemyarrival，Iwastoldthathewouldbedelightedtoseemethenextmorning，butthatthesuddennewsofmyappearancehadprostratedhimwithpalpitationsfortherestoftheevening。Thewindhowleddismallyallnight，andstrangecrackingandgroaningnoisessoundedhere，there，andeverywhereintheemptyhouse。Isleptaswretchedlyaspossible，andgotupinamightybadhumourtobreakfastbymyselfthenextmorning。
Atteno’clockIwasconductedtoMrFairlie’sapartments。Hewasinhisusualroom，hisusualchair，andhisusualaggravatingstateofmindandbody。WhenIwentin，hisvaletwasstandingbeforehim，holdingupforinspectionaheavyvolumeofetchings，aslongandasbroadasmyofficewriting-desk。Themiserableforeignergrinnedinthemostabjectmanner，andlookedreadytodropwithfatigue，whilehismastercomposedlyturnedovertheetchings，andbroughttheirhiddenbeautiestolightwiththehelpofamagnifyingglass。
`Youverybestofgoodoldfriends，’saidMrFairlie，leaningbacklazilybeforehecouldlookatme，`areyouquitewell？Howniceofyoutocomehereandseemeinmysolitude。DearGilmore！’
IhadexpectedthatthevaletwouldbedismissedwhenIappeared，butnothingofthesorthappened。Therehestood，infrontofhismaster’schair，tremblingundertheweightoftheetchings，andthereMrFairliesat，serenelytwirlingthemagnifyingglassbetweenhiswhitefingersandthumbs。
`Ihavecometospeaktoyouonaveryimportantmatter，’Isaid，`andyouwillthereforeexcuseme，ifIsuggestthatwehadbetterbealone。’
Theunfortunatevaletlookedatmegratefully。MrFairliefaintlyrepeatedmylastthreewords，`betterbealone，’witheveryappearanceoftheutmostpossibleastonishment。
Iwasinnohumourfortrifling，andIresolvedtomakehimunderstandwhatImeant。
`Obligemebygivingthatmanpermissiontowithdraw，’Isaid，pointingtothevalet。
MrFairliearchedhiseyebrowsandpurseduphislipsinsarcasticsurprise。
`Man？’herepeated。`YouprovokingoldGilmore，whatcanyoupossiblymeanbycallinghimaman？He’snothingofthesort。Hemighthavebeenamanhalfanhourago，beforeIwantedmyetchings，andhemaybeamanhalfanhourhence，whenIdon’twantthemanylonger。Atpresentheissimplyaportfoliostand。Whyobject，Gilmore，toaportofoliostand？’
`IdoobjectForthethirdtime，MrFairlie，Ibegthatwemaybealone。’
Mytoneandmannerlefthimnoalternativebuttocomplywithmyrequest。Helookedattheservant，andpointedpeevishlytoachairathisside。
`Putdowntheetchingsandgoaway，’hesaid。`Don’tupsetmebylosingmyplace。Haveyou，orhaveyounot，lostmyplace？Areyousureyouhavenot？Andhaveyouputmyhandbellquitewithinmyreach？Yes？Thenwhythedevildon’tyougo？’
Thevaletwentout。MrFairlietwistedhimselfroundinhischair，polishedthemagnifyingglasswithhisdelicatecambrichandkerchief，andindulgedhimselfwithasidelonginspectionoftheopenvolumeofetchings。Itwasnoteasytokeepmytemperunderthesecircumstances，butIdidkeepit。
`Ihavecomehereatgreatpersonalinconvenience，’Isaid，`toservetheinterestsofyournieceandyourfamily，andIthinkIhaveestablishedsomeslightclaimtobefavouredwithyourattentioninreturn。’
`Don’tbullyme！’exclaimedMrFairlie，fallingbackhelplesslyinthechair，andclosinghiseyes。`Pleasedon’tbullyme。I’mnotstrongenough。’
Iwasdeterminednottolethimprovokeme，forLauraFairlie’ssake。
`Myobject，’Iwenton，`istoentreatyoutoreconsideryourletter，andnottoforcemetoabandonthejustrightsofyourniece，andofallwhobelongtoher。Letmestatethecasetoyouoncemore，andforthelasttime。’
MrFairlieshookhisheadandsighedpiteously。
`Thisisheartlessofyou，Gilmore——veryheartless，’hesaid。`Nevermind，goon。’
Iputallthepointstohimcarefully——Isetthematterbeforehimineveryconceivablelight。HelaybackinthechairthewholetimeIwasspeakingwithhiseyesclosed。WhenIhaddoneheopenedthemindolently，tookhissilversmelling-bottlefromthetable，andsniffedatitwithanairofgentlerelish。
`GoodGilmoreI’hesaidbetweenthesniffs，`howverynicethisisofyouIHowyoureconcileonetohumannature！’
`Givemeaplainanswertoaplainquestion，MrFairlie。Itellyouagain，SirPercivalGlydehasnoshadowofaclaimtoexpectmorethantheincomeofthemoney。Themoneyitself，ifyourniecehasnochildren，oughttobeunderhercontrol，andtoreturntoherfamily。Ifyoustandfirm，SirPercivalmustgiveway——hemustgiveway，Itellyou，orheexposeshimselftothebaseimputationofmarryingMissFairlieentirelyfrommercenarymotives。’
MrFairlieshookthesilversmelling-bottleatmeplayfully。
`YoudearoldGilmore，howyoudohaterankandfamily，don’tyou？HowyoudetestGlydebecausehehappenstobeabaronet。WhataRadicalyouare——oh，dearme，whataRadicalyouare！’
ARadical！！！Icouldputupwithagooddealofprovocation，but，afterholdingthesoundestConservativeprinciplesallmylife，IcouldnotputupwithbeingcalledaRadical。Mybloodboiledatit——Istartedoutofmychair——Iwasspeechlesswithindignation。
`Don’tshaketheroom！’criedMrFairlie——`forHeaven’ssakedon’tshaketheroomIWorthiestofallpossibleGilmores，Imeantnooffence。MyownviewsaresoextremelyliberalthatIthinkIamaRadicalmyself。Yes。WeareapairofRadicals。Pleasedon’tbeangry。Ican’tquarrel——Ihaven’tstaminaenough。Shallwedropthesubject？Yes。Comeandlookatthesesweetetchings。Doletmeteachyoutounderstandtheheavenlypearlinessoftheselines。Donow，there’sagoodGilmore！’
WhilehewasmaunderingoninthiswayIwas，fortunatelyformyownself-respect，returningtomysenses。WhenIspokeagainIwascomposedenoughtotreathisimpertinencewiththesilentcontemptthatitdeserved。
`Youareentirelywrong，sir，’Isaid，`insupposingthatIspeakfromanyprejudiceagainstSirPercivalGlyde。Imayregretthathehassounreservedlyresignedhimselfinthismattertohislawyer’sdirectionastomakeanyappealtohimselfimpossible，butIamnotprejudicedagainsthim。WhatIhavesaidwouldequallyapplytoanyothermaninhissituation，highorlow。TheprincipleImaintainisarecognisedprinciple。Ifyouweretoapplytothenearesttownhere，tothefirstrespectablesolicitoryoucouldfind，hewouldtellyouasastrangerwhatItellyouasafriend。Hewouldinformyouthatitisagainstallruletoabandonthelady’smoneyentirelytothemanshemarries。Hewoulddecline，ongroundsofcommonlegalcaution，togivethehusband，underanycircumstanceswhatever，aninterestoftwentythousandpoundsinhiswife’sdeath。’
`Wouldhereally，Gilmore？’saidMrFairlie。`Ifhesaidanythinghalfsohorrid，IdoassureyouIshouldtinklemybellforLouis，andhavehimsentoutofthehouseimmediately。’
`Youshallnotirritateme，MrFairlie——foryourniece’ssakeandforherfather’ssake，youshallnotirritateme。YoushalltakethewholeresponsibilityofthisdiscreditablesettlementonyourownshouldersbeforeIleavetheroom。’
`Don’t！——nowpleasedon’t！’saidMrFairlie。`Thinkhowpreciousyourtimeis，Gilmore，anddon’tthrowitaway。IwoulddisputewithyouifIcould，butIcan’t——Ihaven’tstaminaenough。Youwanttoupsetme，toupsetyourself，toupsetGlyde，andtoupsetLaura；and——oh，dearme！——allforthesakeoftheverylastthingintheworldthatislikelytohappen。No，dearfriend，intheinterestsofpeaceandquietness，positivelyNo！’
`Iamtounderstand，then，thatyouholdbythedeterminationexpressedinyourletter？’
`Yes，please。Sogladweunderstandeachotheratlast。Sitdownagain——do！’
Iwalkedatoncetothedoor，andMrFairlieresignedly`tinkled’hishand-bell。BeforeIlefttheroomIturnedroundandaddressedhimforthelasttime。
`Whateverhappensinthefuture，sir，’Isaid，`rememberthatmyplaindutyofwarningyouhasbeenperformed。Asthefaithfulfriendandservantofyourfamily，Itellyou，atparting，thatnodaughterofmineshouldbemarriedtoanymanaliveundersuchasettlementasyouareforcingmetomakeforMissFairlie。’
Thedooropenedbehindme，andthevaletstoodwaitingonthethreshold。
`Louis，’saidMrFairlie，`showMrGilmoreout，andthencomebackandholdupmyetchingsformeagain。Makethemgiveyouagoodlunchdownstairs。Do，Gilmore，makemyidlebeastsofservantsgiveyouagoodlunch！’
Iwastoomuchdisgustedtoreply——Iturnedonmyheel，andlefthiminsilence。Therewasanuptrainattwoo’clockintheafternoon，andbythattrainIreturnedtoLondon。
OntheTuesdayIsentinthealteredsettlement，whichpracticallydisinheritedtheverypersonswhomMissFairlie’sownlipshadinformedmeshewasmostanxioustobenefit。Ihadnochoice。AnotherlawyerwouldhavedrawnupthedeedifIhadrefusedtoundertakeit。
Mytaskisdone。MypersonalshareintheeventsofthefamilystoryextendsnofartherthanthepointwhichIhavejustreached。Otherpensthanminewilldescribethestrangecircumstanceswhicharenowshortlytofollow。SeriouslyandsorrowfullyIclosethisbriefrecord。SeriouslyandsorrowfullyIrepeatherethepartingwordsthatIspokeatLimmeridgeHouse:——NodaughterofmineshouldhavebeenmarriedtoanymanaliveundersuchasettlementasIwascompelledtomakeforLauraFairlie。
THESTORYCONTINUEDBYMARIANHALCOMBE(inExtractsfromherDiary)
LIMMERIDGEHOUSE，NOV。8。
THISmorningMrGilmoreleftus。
HisinterviewwithLaurahadevidentlygrievedandsurprisedhimmorethanhelikedtoconfess。Ifeltafraid，fromhislookandmannerwhenweparted，thatshemighthaveinadvertentlybetrayedtohimtherealsecretofherdepressionandmyanxiety。Thisdoubtgrewonmeso，afterhehadgone，thatIdeclinedridingoutwithSirPercival，andwentuptoLaura’sroominstead。
Ihavebeensadlydistrustfulofmyself，inthisdifficultand
*Thepassagesomitted，hereandelsewhere，inMissHalcombe’sDiaryareonlythosewhichbearnoreferencetoMissFairlieortoanyofthepersonswithwhomsheisassociatedinthesepages。lamentablematter，eversinceIfoundoutmyownignoranceofthestrengthofLaura’sunhappyattachment。IoughttohaveknownthatthedelicacyandforbearanceandsenseofhonourwhichdrewmetopoorHartright，andmademesosincerelyadmireandrespecthim，werejustthequalitiestoappealmostirresistiblytoLaura’snaturalsensitivenessandnaturalgenerosityofnature。Andyet，untilsheopenedherhearttomeofherownaccord，Ihadnosuspicionthatthisnewfeelinghadtakenrootsodeeply。Ioncethoughttimeandcaremightremoveit。Inowfearthatitwillremainwithherandalterherforlife。ThediscoverythatIhavecommittedsuchanerrorinjudgmentasthismakesmehesitateabouteverythingelse。IhesitateaboutSirPercival，inthefaceoftheplainestproofs。IhesitateeveninspeakingtoLaura。OnthisverymorningIdoubted，withmyhandonthedoor，whetherIshouldaskherthequestionsIhadcometoput，ornot。
WhenIwentintoherroomIfoundherwalkingupanddowningreatimpatience。Shelookedflushedandexcited，andshecameforwardatonce，andspoketomebeforeIcouldopenmylips。
`Iwantedyou，’shesaid。`Comeandsitdownonthesofawithme。Marian！Icanbearthisnolonger——Imustandwillendit。’
Therewastoomuchcolourinhercheeks，toomuchenergyinhermanner，toomuchfirmnessinhervoice。ThelittlebookofHartright’sdrawings——thefatalbookthatshewilldreamoverwheneversheisalone——wasinoneofherhands。Ibeganbygentlyandfirmlytakingitfromher，andputtingitoutofsightonaside-table。
`Tellmequietly，mydarling，whatyouwishtodo，’Isaid。`HasMrGilmorebeenadvisingyou？’
Sheshookherhead。`No，notinwhatIamthinkingofnow。Hewasverykindandgoodtome，Marian，andIamashamedtosayIdistressedhimbycrying。Iammiserablyhelpless——Ican’tcontrolmyself。Formyownsake，andforalloursakes，Imusthavecourageenoughtoendit。’
`Doyoumeancourageenoughtoclaimyourrelease？’Iasked。
`No，’shesaidsimply。`Courage，dear，totellthetruth。’
Sheputherarmsroundmyneck，andrestedherheadquietlyonmybosomOntheoppositewallhungtheminiatureportraitofherfather。Ibentoverher，andsawthatshewaslookingatitwhileherheadlayonmybreast。
`Icanneverclaimmyreleasefrommyengagement，’shewenton。`Whateverwayitendsitmustendwretchedlyforme。Alllcando，Marian，isnottoaddtheremembrancethatIhavebrokenmypromiseandforgottenmyfather’sdyingwords，tomakethatwretchednessworse。’
`Whatisityoupropose，then？’Iasked。
`TotellSirPercivalGlydethetruthwithmyownlips，’sheanswered。`andtolethimreleaseme，ifhewill，notbecauseIaskhim，butbecauseheknowsall。’
`Whatdoyoumean，Laura，by``all’’？SirPercivalwillknowenough(hehastoldmesohimself)iiheknowsthattheengagementisopposedtoyourownwishes。’
`CanItellhimthat，whentheengagementwasmadeformebymyfather，withmyownconsent？Ishouldhavekeptmypromise，nothappily。Iamafraid，butstillcontentedly——’shestopped，turnedherfacetome，andlaidhercheekcloseagainstmine——`Ishouldhavekeptmyengagement，Marian，ifanotherlovehadnotgrownupinmyheart，whichwasnottherewhenIfirstpromisedtobeSirPercival’swife。’
`Laura！youwillneverloweryourselfbymakingaconfessiontohim？’
`Ishalllowermyself，indeed，ifIgainmyreleasebyhidingfromhimwhathehasarighttoknow。’
`Hehasnottheshadowofarighttoknowit！’
`Wrong，Marian，wrong！Ioughttodeceivenoone——leastofallthemantowhommyfathergaveme，andtowhomIgavemyself。’Sheputherlipstomine，andkissedme。`Myownlove，’shesaidsoftly，`youaresomuchtoofondofme，andsomuchtooproudofme，thatyouforget，inmycase，whatyouwouldrememberinyourown。BetterthatSirPercivalshoulddoubtmymotives，andmisjudgemyconductifhewill，thanthatIshouldbefirstfalsetohiminthought，andthenmeanenoughtoservemyowninterestsbyhidingthefalsehood。’
Iheldherawayfrommeinastonishment。Forthefirsttimeinourlifeswehadchangedplaces——theresolutionwasallonherside，thehesitationallonmine。Ilookedintothepale，quiet，resignedyoungface——Isawthepure，innocentheart，inthelovingeyesthatlookedbackatme——andthepoorworldlycautionsandobjectionsthatrosetomylipsdwindledanddiedawayintheirownemptiness。Ihungmyheadinsilence。Inherplacethedespicablysmallpridewhichmakessomanywomendeceitfulwouldhavebeenmypride，andwouldhavemademedeceitfultoo。
`Don’tbeangrywithme，Marian，’shesaid，mistakingmysilence。
Ionlyansweredbydrawingherclosetomeagain。IwasafraidofcryingifIspoke。Mytearsdonotflowsoeasilyastheyought——theycomealmostlikemen’stears，withsobsthatseemtotearmeinpieces，andthatfrighteneveryoneaboutme。
`Ihavethoughtofthis，love，formanydays，’shewenton，twiningandtwistingmyhairwiththatchildishrestlessnessinherfingers，whichPoorMrsVeseystilltriessopatientlyandsovainlytocureherof——`Ihavethoughtofitveryseriously，andIcanbesureofmycouragewhenmyownconsciencetellsmeIamright。Letmespeaktohimtomorrow——inyourpresence，Marian。Iwillsaynothingthatiswrong，nothingthatyouorIneedbeashamedof——but，oh，itwilleasemyheartsotoendthismiserableconcealment！OnlyletmeknowandfeelthatIhavenodeceptiontoanswerforonmyside，andthen，whenhehasheardwhatIhavetosay，lethimacttowardsmeashewill。’
Shesighed，andputherheadbackinitsoldpositiononmybosom。Sadmisgivingsaboutwhattheendwouldbeweigheduponmymind，butstilldistrustingmyself，ItoldherthatIwoulddoasshewished。Shethankedme，andwepassedgraduallyintotalkingofotherthings。
Atdinnershejoinedusagain，andwasmoreeasyandmoreherselfwithSirPercivalthanIhaveseenheryet。Intheeveningshewenttothepiano，choosingnewmusicofthedexterous，tuneless，floridkind。ThelovelyoldmelodiesofMozart，whichpoorHartrightwassofondof，shehasneverplayedsinceheleft。Thebookisnolongerinthemusic-stand。Shetookthevolumeawayherself，sothatnobodymightfinditoutandaskhertoplayfromit。
Ihadnoopportunityofdiscoveringwhetherherpurposeofthemorninghadchangedornot，untilshewishedSirPercivalgood-night——andthenherownwordsinformedmethatitwasunaltered。Shesaid，veryquietly，thatshewishedtospeaktohimafterbreakfast，andthathewouldfindherinhersitting-roomwithme。Hechangedcolouratthosewords，andIfelthishandtremblingalittlewhenitcametomyturntotakeit。Theeventofthenextmorningwoulddecidehisfuturelife，andheevidentlyknewit。
Iwentin，asusual，throughthedoorbetweenourtwobedrooms，tobidLauragood-nightbeforeshewenttosleep。InstoopingoverhertokissherIsawthelittlebookofHartright’sdrawingshalfhiddenunderherpillow，justintheplacewheresheusedtohideherfavouritetoyswhenshewasachild。Icouldnotfinditinmyhearttosayanything，butIpointedtothebookandshookmyhead。Shereachedbothhandsuptomycheeks，anddrewmyfacedowntoherstillourlipsmet。
`Leaveittheretonight，’shewhispered:`tomorrowmaybecruel，andmaymakemesaygood-byetoitforever。’
9th——Thefirsteventofthemorningwasnotofakindtoraisemyspirits——aletterarrivedformefrompoorWalterHartright。ItistheanswertominedescribingthemannerinwhichSirPercivalclearedhimselfofthesuspicionsraisedbyAnneCatherine’sletter。HewritesshortlyandbitterlyaboutSirPercival’sexplanations，onlycarryingthathehasnorighttoofferanopinionontheconductofthosewhoareabovehim。Thisissad，buthisoccasionalreferencestohimselfgrievemestillmore。Hesaysthattheefforttoreturntohisoldhabitsandpursuitsgrowsharderinsteadofeasiertohimeveryday，andheimploresme，ifIhaveanyinterest，toexertittogethimemploymentthatwillnecessitatehisabsencefromEngland，andtakehimamongnewscenesandnewpeople。Ihavebeenmadeallthereadiertocomplywiththisrequestbyapassageattheendofhisletter，whichhasalmostalarmedme。
AftermentioningthathehasneitherseennorheardanythingofAnneCatherick，hesuddenlybreaksoff，andhintsinthemostabrupt，mysteriousmanner，thathehasbeenperpetuallywatchedandfollowedbystrangemeneversincehereturnedtoLondon。Heacknowledgesthathecannotprovethisextraordinarysuspicionbyfixingonanyparticularpersons，buthedeclaresthatthesuspicionitselfispresenttohimnightandday。Thishasfrightenedme，becauseitlooksasifhisonefixedideaaboutLaurawasbecomingtoomuchforhismind。Iwillwriteimmediatelytosomeofmymother’sinfluentialoldfriendsinLondon，andpresshisclaimsontheirnotice。Changeofsceneandchangeofoccupationmayreallybethesalvationofhimatthiscrisisinhislife。
Greatlytomyrelief，SirPercivalsentanapologyfornotjoiningusatbreakfast。Hehadtakenanearlycupofcoffeeinhisownroom，andhewasstillengagedthereinwritingletters。Ateleveno’clock，ifthathourwasconvenient，hewoulddohimselfthehonourofwaitingonMissFairlieandMissHalcombe。
MyeyeswereonLaura’sfacewhilethemessagewasbeingdelivered。Ihadfoundherunaccountablyquietandcomposedongoingintoherroominthemorning，andsosheremainedallthroughbreakfast。Evenwhenweweresittingtogetheronthesofainherroom，waitingforSirPercival，shestillpreservedherself-control。
`Don’tbeafraidofme，Marian，’wasallshesaid；`ImayforgetmyselfwithanoldfriendlikeMrGilmore，orwithadearsisterlikeyou，butIwillnotforgetmyselfwithSirPercivalGlyde。’
Ilookedather，andlistenedtoherinsilentsurprise。Throughalltheyearsofourcloseintimacythispassiveforceinhercharacterhadbeenhiddenfromme——hiddenevenfromherself，tilllovefoundit，andsufferingcalleditforth。
AstheclockonthemantelpiecestruckelevenSirPercivalknockedatthedoorandcamein。Therewassuppressedanxietyandagitationineverylineofhisface。Thedry，sharpcough，whichteaseshimatmosttimes，seemedtobetroublinghimmoreincessantlythanever。Hesatdownoppositetousatthetable，andLauraremainedbyme。Ilookedattentivelyatthemboth，andhewasthepalestofthetwo。
Hesaidafewunimportantwords，withavisibleefforttopreservehiscustomaryeaseofmanner。Buthisvoicewasnottobesteadied，andtherestlessuneasinessinhiseyeswasnottobeconcealed。Hemusthavefeltthishimself，forhestoppedinthemiddleofasentence，andgaveupeventheattempttohidehisembarrassmentanylonger。
TherewasjustonemomentofdeadsilencebeforeLauraaddressedhim。
`Iwishtospeaktoyou，SirPercival，’shesaid，`onasubjectthatisveryimportanttousboth。Mysisterishere，becauseherpresencehelpsmeandgivesmeconfidence。ShehasnotsuggestedonewordofwhatIamgoingtosay——Ispeakfrommyownthoughts，notfromhers。IamsureyouwillbekindenoughtounderstandthatbeforeIgoanyfarther？’
SirPercivalbowed。Shehadproceededthusfar，withperfectoutwardtranquillityandperfectproprietyofmanner。Shelookedathim，andhelookedather。Theyseemed，attheoutset，atleast，resolvedtounderstandoneanotherplainly。
`IhaveheardfromMarian，’shewenton，`thatIhaveonlytoclaimmyreleasefromourengagementtoobtainthatreleasefromyou。Itwasforbearingandgenerousonyourpart，SirPercival，tosendmesuchamessage-ItisonlydoingyoujusticetosaythatIamgratefulfortheoffer，andIhopeandbelievethatitisonlydoingmyselfjusticetotellyouthatIdeclinetoacceptit。’
Hisattentivefacerelaxedalittle。ButIsawoneofhisfeet，softly，quietly，incessantlybeatingonthecarpetunderthetable，andIfeltthathewassecretlyasanxiousasever。
`lhavenotforgotten，’shesaid，`thatyouaskedmyfather’spermissionbeforeyouhonouredmewithaproposalofmarriage。PerhapsyouhavenotforgotteneitherwhatIsaidwhenIconsentedtoourengagement？Iventuredtotellyouthatmyfather’sinfluenceandadvicehadmainlydecidedmetogiveyoumypromise。Iwasguidedbymyfather，becauseIhadalwaysfoundhimthetruestofalladvisers，thebestandfondestofallprotectorsandfriends。Ihavelosthimnow——Ihaveonlyhismemorytolove，butmyfaithinthatdeardeadfriendhasneverbeenshaken。Ibelieveatthismoment，astrulyasIeverbelieved，thatheknewwhatwasbest，andthathishopesandwishesoughttobemyhopesandwishestoo。’
Hervoicetrembledforthefirsttime。Herrestlessfingersstoletheirwayintomylap，andheldfastbyoneofmyhands。Therewasanothermomentofsilence，andthenSirPercivalspoke。
`MayIask，’hesaid，`ifIhaveeverprovedmyselfunworthyofthetrustwhichithasbeenhithertomygreatesthonourandgreatesthappinesstopossess？’
`Ihavefoundnothinginyourconducttoblame，’sheanswered。`Youhavealwaystreatedmewiththesamedelicacyandthesameforbearance。Youhavedeservedmytrust，and，whatisoffarmoreimportanceinmyestimation，youhavedeservedmyfather’strust，outofwhichminegrew。Youhavegivenmenoexcuse，evenifIhadwantedtofindone，foraskingtobereleasedfrommypledge。WhatIhavesaidsofarhasbeenspokenwiththewishtoacknowledgemywholeobligationtoyou。Myregardforthatobligation，myregardformyfather’smemory，andmyregardformyownpromise，allforbidmetosettheexample，onmyside，ofwithdrawingfromourpresentposition。Thebreakingofourengagementmustbeentirelyyourwishandyouract，SirPercival——notmine。’
Theuneasybeatingofhisfootsuddenlystopped，andheleanedforwardeagerlyacrossthetable。
`Myact？’hesaid。`Whatreasoncantherebeonmysideforwithdrawing？’
Iheardherbreathquickening——Ifeltherhandgrowingcold。Inspiteofwhatshehadsaidtomewhenwewerealone，Ibegantobeafraidofher。Iwaswrong。
`Areasonthatitisveryhardtotellyou，’sheanswered。`Thereisachangeinme，SirPercival——achangewhichisseriousenoughtojustifyyou，toyourselfandtome，inbreakingoffourengagement。’
Hisfaceturnedsopaleagainthatevenhislipslosttheircolour。Heraisedthearmwhichlayonthetable，turnedalittleawayinhischair，andsupportedhisheadonhishand，sothathisprofileonlywaspresentedtous。
`Whatchange？’heasked。Thetoneinwhichheputthequestionjarredonme——therewassomethingpainfullysuppressedinit。
Shesighedheavily，andleanedtowardsmealittle，soastoresthershoulderagainstmine。Ifelthertrembling，andtriedtospareherbyspeakingmyself。Shestoppedmebyawarningpressureofherhand，andthenaddressedSirPercivaloncemore，butthistimewithoutlookingathim。
`Ihaveheard，’shesaid，`andIbelieveit，thatthefondestandtruestofallaffectionsistheaffectionwhichawomanoughttobeartoherhusband。Whenourengagementbeganthataffectionwasminetogive，ifIcould，andyourstowin，ifyoucould。Willyoupardonme，andspareme，SirPercival，ifIacknowledgethatitisnotsoanylonger？’
Afewtearsgatheredinhereyes，anddroppedoverhercheeksslowlyasshepausedandwaitedforhisanswer。Hedidnotutteraword。Atthebeginningofhisreplyhehadmovedthehandonwhichhisheadrested，sothatithidhisface。Isawnothingbuttheupperpartofhisfigureatthetable。Notamuscleofhimmoved。Thefingersofthehandwhichsupportedhisheadweredenteddeepinhishair。Theymighthaveexpressedhiddenangerorhiddengrief——itwashardtosaywhich——therewasnosignificanttremblinginthem。Therewasnothing，absolutelynothing，totellthesecretofhisthoughtsatthatmoment——themomentwhichwasthecrisisofhislifeandthecrisisofhers。
Iwasdeterminedtomakehimdeclarehimself，forLaura’ssake。
`SirPercival！’Iinterposedsharply，`haveyounothingtosaywhenmysisterhassaidsomuch？More，inmyopinion，’Iadded，myunluckytempergettingthebetterofme，`thananymanalive，inyourposition，hasarighttohearfromher。’
Thatlastrashsentenceopenedawayforhimbywhichtoescapemeifhechose，andheinstantlytookadvantageofit。
`Pardonme，MissHalcombe，’hesaid，stillkeepinghishandoverhisface，`pardonmeifIremindyouthatIhaveclaimednosuchright。’
Thefewplainwordswhichwouldhavebroughthimbacktothepointfromwhichhehadwanderedwerejustonmylips，whenLauracheckedmebyspeakingagain。
`lhopeIhavenotmademypainfulacknowledgmentinvain，’shecontinued。`IhopeithassecuredmeyourentireconfidenceinwhatIhavestilltosay？’
`Praybeassuredofit。’Hemadethatbriefreplywarmly，droppinghishandonthetablewhilehespoke，andturningtowardsusagain。Whateveroutwardchangehadpassedoverhimwasgonenow。Hisfacewaseagerandexpectant——itexpressednothingbutthemostintenseanxietytohearhernextwords。
`IwishyoutounderstandthatIhavenotspokenfromanyselfishmotive，’shesaid。`Ifyouleaveme，SirPercival，afterwhatyouhavejustheard，youdonotleavemetomarryanotherman，youonlyallowmetoremainasinglewomanfortherestofmylife。Myfaulttowardsyouhasbegunandendedinmyownthoughts。Itcannevergoanyfarther。NowordhaspassedShehesitated。indoubtabouttheexpressionsheshouldusenext，hesitatedinamomentaryconfusionwhichitwasverysadandverypainfultosee。`Nowordhaspassed，’shepatientlyandresolutelyresumed，`betweenmyselfandthepersontowhomIamnowreferringforthefirstandlasttimeinyourpresenceofmyfeelingstowardshim，orofhisfeelingstowardsme——nowordevercanpass——neitherhenorIarclikely，inthisworld，tomeetagain。Iearnestlybegyoutosparemefromsayinganymore，andtobelieveme，onmyword，inwhatIhavejusttoldyou。Itisthetruth，SirPercival，thetruthwhichIthinkmypromisedhusbandhasaclaimtohear，atanysacrificeofmyownfeelings。Itrusttohisgenerositytopardonme，andtohishonourtokeepmysecret。’
`Boththosetrustsaresacredtome，’hesaid，`andbothshallbesacredlykept。’
Afteransweringinthosetermshepaused，andlookedatherasifhewaswaitingtohearmore。
`IhavesaidallIwishtosay，’sheaddedquietly——`Ihavesaidmorethanenoughtojustifyyouinwithdrawingfromyourengagement。’
`Youhavesaidmorethanenough，’heanswered，`tomakeitthedearestobjectofmylifetokeeptheengagement。’Withthosewordsherosefromhischair，andadvancedafewstepstowardstheplacewhereshewassitting。
Shestartedviolently，andafaintcryofsurpriseescapedher。Everywordshehadspokenhadinnocentlybetrayedherpurityandtruthtoamanwhothoroughlyunderstoodthepricelessvalueofapureandtruewoman。Herownnobleconducthadbeenthehiddenenemy，throughout，ofallthehopesshehadtrustedtoit。Ihaddreadedthisfromthefirst。Iwouldhavepreventedit。ifshehadallowedmethesmallestchanceofdoingso。Ievenwaitedandwatchednow，whentheharmwasdone。forawordfromSirPercivalthatwouldgivemetheopportunityofputtinghiminthewrong。
`Youhaveleftittome，MissFairlie。toresignyou，’hecontinued。`Iamnotheartlessenoughtoresignawomanwhohasjustshownherselftobethenoblestofhersex。’
Hespokewithsuchwarmthandfeeling，withsuchpassionateenthusiasm，andyetwithsuchperfectdelicacy，thatsheraisedherhead，flushedupalittle，andlookedathimwithsuddenanimationandspirit。
`No！’shesaidfirmly。`Themostwretchedofhersex，ifshemustgiveherselfinmarriagewhenshecannotgiveherlove。’
`Mayshenotgiveitinthefuture，’heasked，`iftheoneobjectofherhusband’slifeistodeserveit？’
`Never！’sheanswered。`Ifyoustillpersistinmaintainingourengagement，Imaybeyourtrueandfaithfulwife，SirPercival——yourlovingwife，ifIknowmyownheart，never！’
Shelookedsoirresistiblybeautifulasshesaidthosebravewordsthatnomanalivecouldhavesteeledhisheartagainsther。ItriedhardtofeelthatSirPercivalwastoblame，andtosayso，butmywomanhoodwouldpityhim，inspiteofmyself。
`Igratefullyacceptyourfaithandtruth，’hesaid。`TheleastthatyoucanofferismoretomethantheutmostthatIcouldhopeforfromanyotherwomanintheworld。’
Herlefthandstillheldmine，butherrighthandhunglistlesslyatherside。Heraiseditgentlytohislips——toucheditwiththem，ratherthankissedit——bowedtome——andthen，withperfectdelicacyanddiscretion，silentlyquittedtheroom。
Sheneithermovednorsaidawordwhenhewasgone——shesatbyme，coldandstill，withhereyesfixedontheground。Isawitwashopelessanduselesstospeak，andIonlyputmyarmroundher，andheldhertomeinsilence。Weremainedtogethersoforwhatseemedalongandwearytime——solongandsoweary，thatIgrewuneasyandspoketohersoftly，inthehopeofproducingachange。
Thesoundofmyvoiceseemedtostartleherintoconsciousness。Shesuddenlydrewherselfawayfrommeandrosetoherfeet。
`Imustsubmit，Marian，aswellasIcan，’shesaid。`Mynewlifehasitshardduties，andoneofthembeginstoday。’
Asshespokeshewenttoaside-tablenearthewindow，onwhichhersketchingmaterialswereplaced，gatheredthemtogethercarefully，andputtheminadrawerofhercabinet。Shelockedthedrawerandbroughtthekeytome。
`Imustpartfromeverythingthatremindsmeofhim，’shesaid。`Keepthekeywhereveryouplease——Ishallneverwantitagain。’
BeforeIcouldsayawordshehadturnedawaytoherbookcase，andhadtakenfromitthealbumthatcontainedWalterHartright’sdrawings。Shehesitatedforamoment，holdingthelittlevolumefondlyinherhands——thenliftedittoherlipsandkissedit。
`Oh，Laura！Laura！’Isaid，notangrily，notreprovingly——withnothingbutsorrowinmyvoice，andnothingbutsorrowinmyheart。
`Itisthelasttime，Marian，’shepleaded。`Iambiddingitgood-byeforever。’
Shelaidthebookonthetableanddrewoutthecombthatfastenedherhair。Itfell，initsmatchlessbeauty，overherbackandshoulders，anddroppedroundher，farbelowherwaist。Sheseparatedonelong，thinlockfromtherest，cutitoff，andpinneditcarefully，intheformofacircle，onthefirstblankpageofthealbum。Themomentitwasfastenedsheclosedthevolumehurriedly，andplaceditinmyhands。
`Youwritetohimandhewritestoyou，’shesaid。`WhileIamalive，ifheasksaftermealwaystellhimIamwell，andneversayIamunhappy。Don’tdistresshim，Marian，formysake，don’tdistresshim。IfIdiefirst，promiseyouwillgivehimthislittlebookofhisdrawings，withmyhairinit。Therecanbenoharm，whenIamgone，intellinghimthatIputittherewithmyownhands。Andsay——oh，Marian，sayforme，then，whatIcanneversayformyself——sayIlovedhim！’
Sheflungherarmsroundmyneck，andwhisperedthelastwordsinmyearwithapassionatedelightinutteringthemwhichitalmostbrokemyhearttohear。Allthelongrestraintshehadimposedonherselfgavewayinthatfirstlastoutburstoftenderness。Shebrokefrommewithhystericalvehemence，andthrewherselfonthesofainaparoxysmofsobsandtearsthatshookherfromheadtofoot。
Itriedvainlytosootheherandreasonwithher——shewaspastbeingsoothed，andpastbeingreasonedwith。Itwasthesad，suddenendforustwoofthismemorableday。WhenthefithadwornitselfOutshewastooexhaustedtospeak。Sheslumberedtowardstheafternoon，andIPutawaythebookofdrawingssothatshemightnotseeitwhenshewoke。Myfacewascalm，whatevermyheartmightbe，whensheopenedhereyesagainandlookedatme。Wesaidnomoretoeachotheraboutthedistressinginterviewofthemorning。SirPercival’snamewasnotmentioned。WalterHartrightwasnotalludedtoagainbyeitherofusfortheremainderoftheday。
10th——Findingthatshewascomposedandlikeherselfthismorning，Ireturnedtothepainfulsubjectofyesterday，forthesolepurposeofimploringhertoletmespeaktoSirPercivalandMrFairlie，moreplainlyandstronglythanshecouldspeaktoeitherofthemherself，aboutthislamentablemarriage。Sheinterposed，gentlybutfirmly，inthemiddleofmyremonstrances。
`Ileftyesterdaytodecide，’shesaid；`andyesterdayhasdecided。Itistoolatetogoback。’
SirPercivalspoketomethisafternoonaboutwhathadpassedinLaura’sroom。Heassuredmethattheunparalleledtrustshehadplacedinhimhadawakenedsuchanansweringconvictionofherinnocenceandintegrityinhismind，thathewasguiltlessofhavingfeltevenamoment’sunworthyjealousy，eitheratthetimewhenhewasinherpresence，orafterwardswhenhehadwithdrawnfromit。Deeplyashelamentedtheunfortunateattachmentwhichhadhinderedtheprogresshemightotherwisehavemadeinheresteemandregard，hefirmlybelievedthatithadremainedunacknowledgedinthepast，andthatitwouldremain，underallchangesofcircumstancewhichitwaspossibletocontemplate，unacknowledgedinthefuture。Thiswashisabsoluteconviction；andthestrongestproofhecouldgiveofitwastheassurance，whichhenowoffered，thathefeltnocuriositytoknowwhethertheattachmentwasofrecentdateornot，orwhohadbeentheobjectofit。HisimplicitconfidenceinMissFairliemadehimsatisfiedwithwhatshehadthoughtfittosaytohim，andhewashonestlyinnocentoftheslightestfeelingofanxietytohearmore。
Hewaitedaftersayingthosewordsandlookedatme。Iwassoconsciousofmyunreasonableprejudiceagainsthim——soconsciousofanunworthysuspicionthathemightbespeculatingonmyimpulsivelyansweringtheveryquestionswhichhehadjustdescribedhimselfasresolvednottoask——thatIevadedallreferencetothispartofthesubjectwithsomethinglikeafeelingofconfusiononmyownpart。AtthesametimeIwasresolvednottoloseeventhesmallestopportunityoftryingtopleadLaura’scause，andItoldhimboldlythatIregrettedhisgenerosityhadnotcarriedhimonestepfarther，andinducedhimtowithdrawfromtheengagementaltogether。
Here，again，hedisarmedmebynotattemptingtodefendhimself。HewouldmerelybegmetorememberthedifferencetherewasbetweenhisallowingMissFairlietogivehimup，whichwasamatterofsubmissiononly，andhisforcinghimselftogiveupMissFairlie，whichwas，inotherwords，askinghimtobethesuicideofhisownhopes。Herconductofthedaybeforehadsostrengthenedtheunchangeableloveandadmirationoftwolongyears，thatallactivecontentionagainstthosefeelings，onhispart，washenceforthentirelyoutofhispower。Imustthinkhimweak，selfish，unfeelingtowardstheverywomanwhomheidolised，andhemustbowtomyopinionasresignedlyashecould——onlyputtingittome，atthesametime，whetherherfutureasasinglewoman，piningunderanunhappilyplacedattachmentwhichshecouldneveracknowledge，couldbesaidtopromiseheramuchbrighterprospectthanherfutureasthewifeofamanwhoworshippedtheverygroundshewalkedon？Inthelastcasetherewashopefromtime，howeverslightitmightbe——inthefirstcase，onherownshowing，therewasnohopeatall。
Iansweredhim——morebecausemytongueisawoman’s，andmustanswer，thanbecauseIhadanythingconvincingtosay。ItwasonlytooplainthatthecourseLaurahadadoptedthedaybeforehadofferedhimtheadvantageifhechosetotakeit——andthathehadchosentotakeit。Ifeltthisatthetime，andIfeelitjustasstronglynow，whileIwritetheselines，inmyownroom。Theonehopeleftisthathismotivesreallyspring，ashesaystheydo，fromtheirresistiblestrengthofhisattachmenttoLaura。
BeforeIclosemydiaryfortonightImustrecordthatIwrotetoday，inpoorHartright’sinterest，totwoofmymother’soldfriendsinLondon——bothmenofinfluenceandposition。Iftheycandoanythingforhim，Iamquitesuretheywill。ExceptLaura，IneverwasmoreanxiousaboutanyonethanIamnowaboutWalter。Allthathashappenedsinceheleftushasonlyincreasedmystrongregardandsympathyforhim。IhopeIamdoingrightintryingtohelphimtoemploymentabroad——Ihope，mostearnestlyandanxiously，thatitwillendwell。
11th——SirPercivalhadaninterviewwithMrFairlie，andIwassentfortojointhem。
IfoundMrFairliegreatlyrelievedattheprospectofthe`familyworry’(ashewaspleasedtodescribehisniece’smarriage)beingsettledatlast。Sofar，Ididnotfeelcalledontosayanythingtohimaboutmyownopinion，butwhenheproceeded，inhismostaggravatinglylanguidmanner，tosuggestthatthetimeforthemarriagehadbetterbesettlednext，inaccordancewithSirPercival’swishes，IenjoyedthesatisfactionofassailingMrFairlie’snerveswithasstrongaprotestagainsthurryingLaura’sdecisionasIcouldputintowords。SirPercivalimmediatelyassuredmethathefelttheforceofmyobjection，andbeggedmetobelievethattheproposalhadnotbeenmadeinconsequenceofanyinterferenceonhispart。MrFairlieleanedbackinhischair，closedhiseyes，saidwebothofusdidhonourtohumannature，andthenrepeatedhissuggestionascoollyasifneitherSirPercivalnorIhadsaidawordinoppositiontoit。ItendedinmyflatlydecliningtomentionthesubjecttoLaura，unlessshefirstapproacheditofherownaccord。Ilefttheroomatonceaftermakingthatdeclaration。SirPercivallookedseriouslyembarrassedanddistressed，MrFairliestretchedouthislazylegsonhisvelvetfootstool，andsaid，`DearMarian！howIenvyyouyourrobustnervoussystem！Don’tbangthedoor！’
OngoingtoLaura’sroomIfoundthatshehadaskedforme，andthatMrsVeseyhadinformedherthatIwaswithMrFairlie。SheinquiredatoncewhatIhadbeenwantedfor，andItoldherallthathadpassed，withoutattemptingtoconcealthevexationandannoyancethatIreallyfelt。Heranswersurprisedanddistressedmeinexpressibly——itwastheverylastreplythatIshouldhaveexpectedhertomake。
`Myuncleisright，’shesaid。`Ihavecausedtroubleandanxietyenoughtoyou，andtoallaboutme。Letmecausenomore，Marian——letSirPercivaldecide。’
Iremonstratedwarmly，butnothingthatIcouldsaymovedher。
`Iamheldtomyengagement，’shereplied；`Ihavebrokenwithmyoldlife。TheevildaywillnotcomethelesssurelybecauseIputitoff。No，Marian！onceagainmyuncleisright。Ihavecausedtroubleenoughandanxietyenough，andIwillcausenomore。’
Sheusedtobepliabilityitself，butshewasnowinflexiblypassiveinherresignation——Imightalmostsayinherdespair。DearlyasIloveher，Ishouldhavebeenlesspainedifshehadbeenviolentlyagitated——itwassoshockinglyunlikehernaturalcharactertoseehercoldandinsensibleasIsawhernow。
12th——SirPercivalputsomequestionstomeatbreakfastaboutLaura，whichleftmenochoicebuttotellhimwhatshehadsaid。
Whileweweretalkingsheherselfcamedownandjoinedus。ShewasjustasunnaturallycomPosedinSirPercival’spresenceasshehadbeeninmine。Whenbreakfastwasoverhehadanopportunityofsayingafewwordstoherprivately，inarecessofoneofthewindows。Theywerenotmorethantwoorthreeminutestogether，andontheirseparatingshelefttheroomwithMrsVesey，whileSirPercivalcametome。Hesaidhehadentreatedhertofavourhimbymaintainingherprivilegeoffixingthetimeforthemarriageatherownwillandpleasure。Inreplyshehadmerelyexpressedheracknowledgments，andhaddesiredhimtomentionwhathiswishesweretoMissHalcombe。
Ihavenopatiencetowritemore。Inthisinstance，asineveryother，SirPercivalhascarriedhispointwiththeutmostpossiblecredittohimself，inspiteofeverythingthatIcansayordo。Hiswishesarenow，whattheywere，ofcourse，whenhefirstcamehere；andLaurahavingresignedherselftotheoneinevitablesacrificeofthemarriage，remainsascoldlyhopelessandenduringasever。InpartingwiththelittleoccupationsandrelicsthatremindedherofHartright，sheseemstohavepartedwithallhertendernessandallherimpressibility。Itisonlythreeo’clockintheafternoonwhileIwritetheselines，andSirPercivalhasleftusalready，inthehappyhurryofabridegroom，toprepareforthebride’sreceptionathishouseinHampshire。Unlesssomeextraordinaryeventhappenstopreventittheywillbemarriedexactlyatthetimewhenhewishedtobemarried——beforetheendoftheyear。MyveryfingersburnasIwriteit！
13th——Asleeplessnight，throughuneasinessaboutLaura。TowardsthemorningIcametoaresolutiontotrywhatchangeofscenewoulddotorouseher。Shecannotsurelyremaininherpresenttorporofinsensibility，ifItakeherawayfromLimmeridgeandsurroundherwiththepleasantfacesofoldfriends？AftersomeconsiderationIdecidedonwritingtotheArnolds，inYorkshire。Theyaresimple，kind-hearted，hospitablepeople，andshehasknownthemfromherchildhood。WhenIhadputtheletterinthepost-bagItoldherwhatIhaddone。Itwouldhavebeenarelieftomeifshehadshownthespirittoresistandobject。Butno——sheonlysaid，`Iwillgoanywherewithyou，Marian。Idaresayyouareright——Idaresaythechangewilldomegood。’
14th——IwrotetoMrGilmore，informinghimthattherewasreallyaprospectofthismiserablemarriagetakingplace，andalsomentioningmyideaoftryingwhatchangeofscenewoulddoforLaura。Ihadnohearttogointoparticulars。Timeenoughforthemwhenwegetnearertotheendoftheyear。
15th——Threelettersforme。Thefirst，fromtheArnolds，fullofdelightattheprospectofseeingLauraandme。Thesecond，fromoneofthegentlementowhomIwroteonWalterHartright’sbehalf，informingmethathehasbeenfortunateenoughtofindanopportunityofcomplyingwithmyrequest。Thethird，fromWalterhimself，thankingme，poorfellow，inthewarmestterms，forgivinghimanopportunityofleavinghishome，hiscountry，andhisfriends。AprivateexpeditiontomakeexcavationsamongtheruinedcitiesofCentralAmericais，itseems，abouttosailfromLiverpool。Thedraughtsmanwhohadbeenalreadyappointedtoaccompanyithaslostheart，andwithdrawnattheeleventhhour，andWalteristofillhisplace。Heistobeengagedforsixmonthscertain，fromthetimeofthelandinginHonduras，andforayearafterwards，iftheexcavationsaresuccessful，andifthefundsholdout。Hisletterendswithapromisetowritemeafarewelllinewhentheyareallonboardship，andwhenthepilotleavesthem。IcanonlyhopeandprayearnestlythatheandIarebothactinginthismatterforthebest。Itseemsofitstartlesme。Andyet，inhisunhappyposition，howcanIexpecthimorwishhimtoremainathome？
16th——Thecarriageisatthedoor。LauraandIsetoutonourvisittotheArnoldstoday。
POLESDEANLODGE，YORKSHIRE。
23rd——Aweekinthesenewscenesandamongthesekind-heartedpeoplehasdonehersomegood，thoughnotsomuchasIhadhoped。Ihaveresolvedtoprolongourstayforanotherweekatleast。ItisuselesstogobacktoLimmeridgetillthereisanabsolutenecessityforourreturn。
24th——Sadnewsbythismorning’spost。TheexpeditiontoCentralAmericasailedonthetwenty-first。Wehavepartedwithatrueman——wehavelostafaithfulfriend。WalterHartrighthasleftEngland。
25th——Sadnewsyesterday——ominousnewstoday。SirPercivalGlydehaswrittentoMrFairlie，andMrFairliehaswrittentoLauraandme，torecallustoLimmeridgeimmediately。
Whatcanthismean？Hasthedayforthemarriagebeenfixedinourabsence？
LIMMERIDGEHOUSE。
November27th——Myforebodingsarerealised。Themarriageisfixedforthetwenty-secondofDecember。
ThedayafterweleftforPolesdeanLodgeSirPercivalwrote，itseems，toMrFairlie，tosaythatthenecessaryrepairsandalterationsinhishouseinHampshirewouldoccupyamuchlongertimeincompletionthanhehadoriginallyanticipated。Theproperestimatesweretobesubmittedtohimassoonaspossible，anditwouldgreatlyfacilitatehisenteringintodefinitearrangementswiththeworkpeople，ifhecouldbeinformedoftheexactperiodatwhichtheweddingceremonymightbeexpectedtotakeplace。Hecouldthenmakeallhiscalculationsinreferencetotime，besideswritingthenecessaryapologiestofriendswhohadbeenengagedtovisithimthatwinter，andwhocouldnot，ofcourse，bereceivedwhenthehousewasinthehandsoftheworkmen。
TothisletterMrFairliehadrepliedbyrequestingSirPercivalhimselftosuggestadayforthemarriage，subjecttoMissFairlie’sapproval，whichherguardianwillinglyundertooktodohisbesttoobtain。SirPercivalwrotebackbythenextpost，andproposed(inaccordancewithhisownviewsandwishesfromthefirst)thelatterpartofDecember——perhapsthetwenty-second，ortwenty-fourth，oranyotherdaythattheladyandherguardianmightprefer。Theladynotbeingathandtospeakforherself，herguardianhaddecided，inherabsence，ontheearliestdaymentioned——thetwenty-secondofDecember，andhadwrittentorecallustoLimmeridgeinconsequence。
Afterexplainingtheseparticularstomeataprivateinterviewyesterday，MrFairliesuggested，inhismostamiablemanner，thatIshouldopenthenecessarynegotiationstoday。Feelingthatresistancewasuseless，unlessIcouldfirstobtainLaura’sauthoritytomakeit，Iconsentedtospeaktoher，butdeclared，atthesametime，thatIwouldonnoconsiderationundertaketogainherconsenttoSirPercival’swishes。MrFairliecomplimentedmeonmy`excellentconscience，’muchashewouldhavecomplimentedme，ifhehadbeenoutwalking，onmy`excellentconstitution，’andseemedperfectlysatisfied，sofar，withhavingsimplyshiftedonemorefamilyresponsibilityfromhisownshoulderstomine。
ThismorningIspoketoLauraasIhadpromised。Thecomposure——Imayalmostsay，theinsensibility——whichshehassostrangelyandsoresolutelymaintainedeversinceSirPercivalleftus，wasnotproofagainsttheshockofthenewsIhadtotellher。Sheturnedpaleandtrembledviolently。
`Notsosoon！’shepleaded。`Oh，Marian，notsosoon！’
Theslightesthintshecouldgivewasenoughforme。Irosetoleavetheroom，andfightherbattleforheratoncewithMrFairlie。
rustasmyhandwasonthedoor，shecaughtfastholdofmydressandstoppedme。
`Letmego！’Isaid。`MytongueburnstotellyourunclethatheandSirPercivalarenottohaveitalltheirownway。’
Shesighedbitterly，andstillheldmydress。
`No！’shesaidfaintly。`Toolate，Marian，toolate！’
`Notaminutetoolate，’Iretorted。`Thequestionoftimeisourquestion——andtrustme，Laura，totakeawoman’sfulladvantageofit。’
IunclaspedherhandfrommygownwhileIspoke；butsheslippedbothherarmsroundmywaistatthesamemoment，andheldmemoreeffectuallythanever。
`Itwillonlyinvolveusinmoretroubleandmoreconfusion，’shesaid。`Itwillsetyouandmyuncleatvariance，andbringSirPercivalhereagainwithfreshcausesofcomplaint——’
`Somuchthebetter！’Icriedoutpassionately。`Whocaresforhiscausesofcomplaint？Areyoutobreakyourhearttosethismindatease？Nomanunderheavendeservesthesesacrificesfromuswomen。Men！Theyaretheenemiesofourinnocenceandourpeace——theydragusawayfromourparents’loveandoursisters’friendship——theytakeusbodyandsoultothemselves，andfastenourhelplesslivestotheirsastheychainupadogtohiskennel。Andwhatdoesthebestofthemgiveusinreturn？Letmego，Laura——I’mmadwhenIthinkofit！’
Thetears——miserable，weak，women’stearsofvexationandrage——startedtomyeyes。Shesmiledsadly，andputherhandkerchiefovermyfacetohideformethebetrayalofmyownweakness——theweaknessofallotherswhichsheknewthatImostdespised。
`Oh，Marian！’shesaid。`Youcrying！Thinkwhatyouwouldsaytome，iftheplaceswerechanged，andifthosetearsweremine。Allyourloveandcourageanddevotionwillnotalterwhatmusthappen，soonerorlater。Letmyunclehavehisway。Letushavenomoretroublesandheart-burningsthatanysacrificeofminecanprevent。Sayyouwilllivewithme，Marian，whenIammarried——andsaynomore。’
ButIdidsaymore。Iforcedbackthecontemptibletearsthatwerenorelieftome，andthatonlydistressedher，andreasonedandpleadedascalmlyasIcould。Itwasofnoavail。Shemademetwicerepeatthepromisetolivewithherwhenshewasmarried，andthensuddenlyaskedaquestionwhichturnedmysorrowandmysympathyforherintoanewdirection。
`WhilewewereatPolesdean，’shesaid，`youhadaletter，Man-an——’
Heralteredtone——theabruptmannerinwhichshelookedawayfrommeandhidherfaceonmyshoulder——thehesitationwhichsilencedherbeforeshehadcompletedherquestion，alltoldme，buttooplainly，towhomthehalf-expressedinquirypointed。
`Ithought，Laura，thatyouandIwerenevertorefertohimagain，’Isaidgently。
`Youhadaletterfromhim？’shepersisted。
`Yes，’Ireplied，`ifyoumustknowit。’
`Doyoumeantowritetohimagain？’
Ihesitated。IhadbeenafraidtotellherofhisabsencefromEngland，orofthemannerinwhichmyexertionstoservehisnewhopesandprojectshadconnectedmewithhisdeparture。WhatanswercouldImake？Hewasgonewherenoletterscouldreachhimformonths，perhapsforyears，tocome。
`SupposeIdomeantowritetohimagain，’Isaidatlast。`Whatthen，Laura？’
Hercheekgrewburninghotagainstmyneck，andherarmstrembledandtightenedroundme。
`Don’ttellhimaboutthetwenty-second，’shewhispered。`Promise，Marian——praypromiseyouwillnotevenmentionmynametohimwhenyouwritenext。’
Igavethepromise。NowordscansayhowsorrowfullyIgaveit。Sheinstantlytookheramfrommywaist，walkedawaytothewindow。andstoodlookingoutwithherbacktome。Afteramomentshespokeoncemore，butwithoutturninground，withoutallowingmetocatchthesmallestglimpseofherface。
`Areyougoingtomyuncle’sroom？’sheasked。`WillyousaythatIconsenttowhateverarrangementhemaythinkbest？Nevermindleavingme，Marian。Ishallbebetteraloneforalittlewhile。’
Iwentout。If，assoonasIgotintothepassage，IcouldhavetransportedMrFairlieandSirPercivalGlydetotheuttermostendsoftheearthbyliftingoneofmyfingers，thatfingerwouldhavebeenraisedwithoutaninstant’shesitation。Foroncemyunhappytempernowstoodmyfriend。Ishouldhavebrokendownaltogetherandburstintoaviolentfitofcrying，ifmytearshadnotbeenallburntupintheheatofmyanger。Asitwas，IdashedintoMrFairlie’sroom——calledtohimasharshlyaspossible，`Lauraconsentstothetwenty-second’——anddashedoutagainwithoutwaitingforawordofanswer。Ibangedthedoorafterme，andIhopeIshatteredMrFairlie’snervoussystemfortherestoftheday。
28th——ThismorningIreadpoorHartright’sfarewellletteroveragain，adoubthavingcrossedmymindsinceyesterday，whetherIamactingwiselyinconcealingthefactofhisdeparturefromLaura。
Onreflection，IstillthinkIamright。TheallusionsinhislettertothepreparationsmadefortheexpeditiontoCentralAmerica，allshowthattheleadersofitknowittobedangerous。Ifthediscoveryofthismakesmeuneasy，whatwoulditmakeher？Itisbadenoughtofeelthathisdeparturehasdeprivedusofthefriendofallotherstowhosedevotionwecouldtrustinthehourofneed，ifeverthathourcomesandfindsushelpless；butitisfarworsetoknowthathehasgonefromustofacetheperilsofabadclimate，awildcountry，andadisturbedpopulation。SurelyitwouldbeacruelcandourtotellLaurathis，withoutapressingandapositivenecessityforit？
IalmostdoubtwhetherIoughtnottogoastepfarther，andburntheletteratonce，forfearofitsonedayfallingintowronghands。ItnotonlyreferstoLauraintermswhichoughttoremainasecretforeverbetweenthewriterandme，butitreiterateshissuspicion——soobstinate，sounaccountable，andsoalarming——thathehasbeensecretlywatchedsinceheleftLimmeridge。HedeclaresthathesawthefacesofthetwostrangemenwhofollowedhimaboutthestreetsofLondon，watchinghimamongthecrowdwhichgatheredatLiverpooltoseetheexpeditionembark，andhepositivelyassertsthatheheardthenameofAnneCatherickpronouncedbehindhimashegotintotheboat。Hisownwordsare，`Theseeventshaveameaning，theseeventsmustleadtoaresult。ThemysteryofAnneCatherickisnotclearedupyet。Shemaynevercrossmypathagain，butifevershecrossesyours，makebetteruseoftheopportunity，MissHalcombe，thanImadeofit。Ispeakonstrongconviction——IentreatyoutorememberwhatIsay。’Thesearehisownexpressions。Thereisnodangerofmyforgettingthem——mymemoryisonlytooreadytodwellonanywordsofHartright’sthatrefertoAnneCatherick。Butthereisdangerinmykeepingtheletter。Themerestaccidentmightplaceitatthemercyofstrangers。Imayfallill——Imaydie。Bettertoburniatonce，andhaveoneanxietytheless。
Itisburnt。Theashesofhisfarewellletter——thelasthemayeverwritetome——heinafewblackfragmentsonthehearth。Isthisthesadendtoallthatsadstory？Oh，nottheend——surely，surelynottheendalready！
29th——Thepreparationsforthemarriagehavebegun。Thedressmakerhascometoreceiveherorders。Lauraisperfectlyimpassive，perfectlycarelessaboutthequestionofallothersinwhichawoman’spersonalinterestsaremostcloselyboundup。Shehasleftitalltothedressmakerandtome。IfpoorHartrighthadbeenthebaronet，andthehusbandofherfather’schoice，howdifferentlyshewouldhavebehaved！Howanxiousandcapriciousshewouldhavebeen，andwhatahardtaskthebestofdressmakerswouldhavefoundittopleaseher！
30th——WeheareverydayfromSirPercival。Thelastnewsisthatthealterationsinhishousewilloccupyfromfourtosixmonthsbeforetheycanbeproperlycompleted。Ifpainters，paperhangers，andupholstererscouldmakehappinessaswellassplendour，IshouldbeinterestedabouttheirproceedingsinLaura’sfuturehome。Asitis，theonlypartofSirPercival’slastletterwhichdoesnotleavemeasitfoundme，perfectlyindifferenttoallhisplansandprojects，isthepartwhichreferstotheweddingtour。Heproposes，asLauraisdelicate，andasthewinterthreatenstobeunusuallysevere，totakehertoRome，andtoremaininItalyuntiltheearlypartofnextsummer。Ifthisplanshouldnotbeapproved，heisequallyready，althoughhehasnoestablishmentofhisownintown，tospendtheseasoninLondon，inthemostsuitablefurnishedhousethatcanbeobtainedforthepurpose。
Puttingmyselfandmyownfeelingsentirelyoutofthequestion(whichitismydutytodo，andwhichIhavedone)，I，forone，havenodoubtoftheproprietyofadoptingthefirstoftheseproposals-IneithercaseaseparationbetweenLauraandmeisinevitable。Itwillbealongerseparation，intheeventoftheirgoingabroad，thanitwouldbeintheeventoftheirremaininginLondon——butwemustsetagainstthisdisadvantagethebenefittoLaura，ontheotherside，ofpassingthewinterinamildclimate，andmorethanthat，theimmenseassistanceinraisingherspirits，andreconcilinghertohernewexistence，whichthemerewonderandexcitementoftravellingforthefirsttimeinherlifeinthemostinterestingcountryintheworld，mustsurelyafford。SheisnotofadispositiontofindresourcesintheconventionalgaietiesandexcitementsofLondon。Theywouldonlymakethefirstoppressionofthislamentablemarriagefalltheheavieronher。Idreadthebeginningofhernewlifemorethanwordscantell，butIseesomehopeforherifshetravels——noneifsheremainsathome。
Itisstrangetolookbackatthislatestentryinmyjournal，andtofindthatIamwritingofthemarriageandthepartingwithLaura，aspeoplewriteofasettledthing。Itseemssocoldandsounfeelingtobelookingatthefuturealreadyinthiscruellycomposedway。Butwhatotherwayispossible，nowthatthetimeisdrawingsonear？BeforeanothermonthisoverourheadsshewillbehisLaurainsteadofmine！HisLaura！Iamaslittleabletorealisetheideawhichthosetwowordsconvey——mymindfeelsalmostasdulledandstunnedbyit——asifwritingofhermarriagewerelikewritingofherdeath。
December1st——Asad，sadday——adaythatIhavenohearttodescribeatlength。Afterweaklyputtingitofflastnight，IwasobligedtospeaktoherthismorningofSirPercival’sproposalabouttheweddingtour。
InthefullconvictionthatIshouldbewithherwherevershewent，thepoorchild——forachildsheisstillinmanythings——wasalmosthappyattheprospectofseeingthewondersofFlorenceandRomeandNaples。Itnearlybrokemyhearttodispelherdelusion，andtobringherfacetofacewiththehardtruth。Iwasobligedtotellherthatnomantoleratesarival——notevenawomanrival——inhiswife’saffections，whenhefirstmarries，whateverhemaydoafterwards。Iwasobligedtowarnherthatmychanceoflivingwithherpermanentlyunderherownroof，dependedentirelyonmynotarousingSirPercival’sjealousyanddistrustbystandingbetweenthematthebeginningoftheirmarriage，inthepositionofthechosendepositaryofhiswife’sclosestsecrets。DropbydropIpouredtheprofaningbitternessofthisworld’swisdomintothatpureheartandthatinnocentmind，whileeveryhigherandbetterfeelingwithinmerecoiledfrommymiserabletask。Itisovernow。Shehaslearntherhard，herinevitablelesson。Thesimpleillusionsofhergirlhoodaregone，andmyhandhasstrippedthemoff。Betterminethanhis——thatisallmyconsolation——betterminethanhis。
Sothefirstproposalistheproposalaccepted。TheyaretogotoItaly，andIamtoarrange，withSirPercival’spermission，formeetingthemandstayingwiththemwhentheyreturntoEngland。Inotherwords，Iamtoaskapersonalfavour，forthefirsttimeinmylife，andtoaskitofthemanofallotherstowhomlleastdesiretooweaseriousobligationofanykind。Well！IthinkIcoulddoevenmorethanthat，forLaura’ssake。
2nd——Onlookingback，IfindmyselfalwaysreferringtoSirPercivalindisparagingterms。Intheturnaffairshavenowtaken，lmustandwillrootoutmyprejudiceagainsthim。Icannotthinkhowitfirstgotintomymind。Itcertainlyneverexistedinformertimes。
IsitLaura’sreluctancetobecomehiswifethathassetmeagainsthim？HaveHartright’sperfectlyintelligibleprejudicesinfectedmewithoutmysuspectingtheirinfluence？DoesthatletterofAnneCatherick’sstillleavealurkingdistrustinmymind，inspiteofSirPercival’sexplanation，andoftheproofinmypossessionofthetruthofit？Icannotaccountforthestateofmyownfeelings；theonethingIamcertainofis，thatitismyduty——doublymydutynow——nottowrongSirPercivalbyunjustlydistrustinghim。Ifithasgottobeahabitwithmealwaystowriteofhiminthesameunfavourablemanner，Imustandwillbreakmyselfofthisunworthytendency，eventhoughtheeffortshouldforcemetoclosethepagesofmyjournaltillthemarriageisover！Iamseriouslydissatisfiedwithmyself——Iwillwritenomoretoday。
December16th——Awholefortnighthaspassed，andIhavenotonceopenedthesepages。Ihavebeenlongenoughawayfrommyjournaltocomebacktoitwithahealthierandbettermind，Ihope，sofarasSirPercivalisconcerned。
Thereisnotmuchtorecordofthepasttwoweeks。Thedressesarealmostallfinished，andthenewtravellingtrunkshavebeensentherefromLondon。PoordearLaurahardlyleavesmeforamomentallday，andlastnight，whenneitherofuscouldsleep，shecameandcreptintomybedtotalktomethere。`Ishallloseyousosoon，Marian，’shesaid；`ImustmakethemostofyouwhileIcan。’
TheyaretobemarriedatLimmeridgeChurch，andthankHeaven，notoneoftheneighboursistobeinvitedtotheceremony。Theonlyvisitorwillbeouroldfriend，MrArnold，whoistocomefromPolesdeantogiveLauraaway，herunclebeingfartoodelicatetotrusthimselfoutsidethedoorinsuchinclementweatheraswenowhave。IfIwerenotdetermined，fromthisdayforth，toseenothingbutthebrightsideofourprospects，themelancholyabsenceofanymalerelativeofLaura’s，atthemostimportantmomentofherlife，wouldmakemeverygloomyandverydistrustfulofthefuture。ButIhavedonewithgloomanddistrust——thatistosay，Ihavedonewithwritingabouteithertheoneortheotherinthisjournal。
SirPercivalistoarrivetomorrow。Heoffered，incasewewishedtotreathimontermsofrigidetiquette，towriteandaskourclergymantogranthimthehospitalityoftherectory，duringtheshortperiodofhissojournatLimmeridge，beforethemarriage。Underthecircumstances，neitherMrFairlienorIthoughtitatallnecessaryforustotroubleourselvesaboutattendingtotriflingformsandceremonies。Inourwildmoorlandcountry，andinthisgreatlonelyhouse，wemaywellclaimtobebeyondthereachofthetrivialconventionalitieswhichhamperpeopleinotherplaces。IwrotetoSirPercivaltothankhimforhispoliteoffer，andtobegthathewouldoccupyhisoldrooms，justasusual，atLimmeridgeHouse。
17th——Hearrivedtoday，looking，asIthought，alittlewornandanxious，butstilltalkingandlaughinglikeamaninthebestpossiblespirits。Hebroughtwithhimsomereallybeautifulpresentsinjewellery，whichLaurareceivedwithherbestgrace，and，outwardlyatleast，withperfectself-possession。TheonlysignIcandetectofthestruggleitmustcosthertopreserveappearancesatthistryingtime，expressesitselfinasuddenunwillingness，onherpart，evertobeleftalone。Insteadofretreatingtoherownroom，asusual，sheseemstodreadgoingthere。WhenIwentupstairstoday，afterlunch，toputonmybonnetforawalk，shevolunteeredtojoinme，andagain，beforedinner，shethrewthedooropenbetweenourtworooms，sothatwemighttalktoeachotherwhileweweredressing。`Keepmealwaysdoingsomething，’shesaid；`keepmealwaysincompanywithsomebody。Don’tletmethink——thatisallIasknow，Marian——don’tletmethink。’
ThissadchangeinheronlyincreasesherattractionsforSirPercival。Heinterpretsit，Icansee，tohisownadvantage。Thereisafeverishflushinhercheeks，afeverishbrightnessinhereyes，whichhewelcomesasthereturnofherbeautyandtherecoveryofherspirits。Shetalkedtodayatdinnerwithagaietyandcarelessnesssofalse，soshockinglyoutofhercharacter，thatIsecretlylongedtosilenceherandtakeheraway。SirPercival’sdelightandsurpriseappearedtobebeyondallexpression。TheanxietywhichIhadnoticedonhisfacewhenhearrivedtotallydisappearedfromit，andhelooked，eventomyeyes，agoodtenyearsyoungerthanhereallyis。
Therecanbenodoubt——thoughsomestrangeperversitypreventsmefromseeingitmyself——therecanbenodoubtthatLaura’sfuturehusbandisaveryhandsomeman。Regularfeaturesformapersonaladvantagetobeginwith——andhehasthem。Brightbrowneyes，eitherinmanorwoman，areagreatattraction——andhehasthem。Evenbaldness，whenitisonlybaldnessovertheforehead(asinhiscase)，isratherbecomingthannotinaman，foritheightenstheheadandaddstotheintelligenceoftheface。Graceandeaseofmovement，untiringanimationofmanner，ready，pliant，conversationalpowers——alltheseareunquestionablemerits，andallthesehecertainlypossesses。Surely，MrGilmore，ignorantasheisofLaura’ssecret，wasnottoblameforfeelingsurprisedthatsheshouldrepentofhermarriageengagement？Anyoneelseinhisplacewouldhavesharedourgoodoldfriend’sopinion。IfIwereasked，atthismoment，tosayplainlywhatdefectsIhavediscoveredinSirPercival，Icouldonlypointouttwo。One，hisincessantrestlessnessandexcitability——whichmaybecausednaturallyenough，byunusualenergyofcharacter。Theother，hisshort，sharp，ill-temperedmannerofspeakingtotheservants——whichmaybeonlyabadhabitafterall。No，Icannotdisputeit，andIwillnotdisputeit——SirPercivalisaveryhandsomeandaveryagreeableman。There！Ihavewrittenitdownatlast，andI’mgladit’sover。
18th——Feelingwearyanddepressedthismorning，IleftLaurawithMrsVesey，andwentoutaloneforoneofmybriskmiddaywalks，whichIhavediscontinuedtoomuchoflate。ItookthedryairyroadoverthemoorthatleadstoTodd’sCorner。Afterhavingbeenouthalfanhour，IwasexcessivelysurprisedtoseeSirPercivalapproachingmefromthedirectionofthefarm。Hewaswalkingrapidly，swinginghisstick，hisheaderectasusual，andhisshootingjacketflyingopeninthewind。Whenwemethedidnotwaitformetoaskanyquestions——hetoldmeatoncethathehadbeentothefarmtoinquireifMrorMrsToddhadreceivedanytidings，sincehislastvisittoLimmeridge，ofAnneCatherick。
`Youfound，ofcourse，thattheyhadheardnothing？’Isaid。
`Nothingwhatever，’hereplied。`Ibegintobeseriouslyafraidthatwehavelosther。Doyouhappentoknow，’hecontinued，lookingmeinthefaceveryattentively，`iftheartist——MrHartright——isinapositiontogiveusanyfurtherinformation？’
`Hehasneitherheardofher，norseenher，sinceheleftCumberland，’Ianswered。
`Verysad，’saidSirPercival，speakinglikeamanwhowasdisappointed，andvet，oddlyenough，lookingatthesametimelikeamanwhowasrelieved。`Itisimpossibletosaywhatmisfortunesmaynothavehappenedtothemiserablecreature。Iaminexpressiblyannoyedatthefailureofallmyeffortstorestorehertothecareandprotectionwhichshesourgentlyneeds。’
Thistimehereallylookedannoyed。Isaidafewsympathisingwords，andwethentalkedofothersubjectsonourwaybacktothehouse。Surelymychancemeetingwithhimonthemoorhasdisclosedanotherfavourabletraitinhischaracter？SurelyitwassingularlyconsiderateandunselfishofhimtothinkofAnneCatherickontheeveofhismarriage，andtogoallthewaytoTodd’sCornertomakeinquiriesabouther，whenhemighthavepassedthetimesomuchmoreagreeablyinLaura’ssociety？Consideringthathecanonlyhaveactedfrommotivesofpurecharity，hisconduct，underthecircumstances，showsunusualgoodfeelinganddeservesextraordinarypraise。Well！Igivehimextraordinarypraise——andthere’sanendofit。
19th——MorediscoveriesintheinexhaustiblemineofSirPercival’svirtues。
TodayIapproachedthesubjectofmyproposedsojournunderhiswife’sroofwhenhebringsherbacktoEngland。Ihadhardlydroppedmyfirsthintinthisdirectionbeforehecaughtmewarmlybythehand，andsaidIhadmadetheveryoffertohimwhichhehadbeen，onhisside，mostanxioustomaketome。Iwasthecompanionofallotherswhomhemostsincerelylongedtosecureforhiswife，andhebeggedmetobelievethatIhadconferredalastingfavouronhimbymakingtheproposaltolivewithLauraafterhermarriage，exactlyasIhadalwayslivedwithherbeforeit。
WhenIhadthankedhiminhernameandmineforhisconsideratekindnesstobothofus，wepassednexttothesubjectofhisweddingtour，andbegantotalkoftheEnglishsocietyinRometowhichLaurawastobeintroduced。Heranoverthenamesofseveralfriendswhomheexpectedtomeetabroadthiswinter。TheywereallEnglish，aswellasIcanremember，withoneexception。TheoneexceptionwasCountFosco。
ThementionoftheCount’sname，andthediscoverythatheandhiswifearelikelytomeetthebrideandbridegroomonthecontinent，putsLaura’smarriage，forthefirsttime，inadistinctlyfavourablelight。Itislikelytobethemeansofhealingafamilyfeud。HithertoMadameFoscohaschosentoforgetherobligationsasLaura’sauntoutofsheerspiteagainstthelateMrFairlieforhisconductintheaffairofthelegacy。Nowhowever，shecanpersistinthiscourseofconductnolonger。SirPercivalandCountFoscoareoldandfastfriends，andtheirwiveswillhavenochoicebuttomeetoncivilterms。MadameFoscoinhermaidendayswasoneofthemostimpertinentwomenIevermetwith——capricious，exacting，andvaintothelastdegreeofabsurdity。Ifherhusbandhassucceededinbringinghertohersenses，hedeservesthegratitudeofeverymemberofthefamily，andhemayhaveminetobeginwith。
IambecominganxioustoknowtheCount。HeisthemostintimatefriendofLaura’shusband，andinthatcapacityheexcitesmystrongestinterest。NeitherLauranorIhaveeverseenhim。AllIknowofhimisthathisaccidentalpresence，yearsago，onthestepsoftheTrinitàdelMonteatRome，assistedSirPercival’sescapefromrobberyandassassinationatthecriticalmomentwhenhewaswoundedinthehand，andmightthenextinstanthavebeenwoundedintheheart。Irememberalsothat，atthetimeofthelateMrFairlie’sabsurdobjectionstohissister’smarriage，theCountwrotehimaverytemperateandsensibleletteronthesubject，which，Iamashamedtosay，remainedunanswered。ThisisallIknowofSirPercival’sfriend。IwonderifhewillevercometoEngland？IwonderifIshalllikehim？
Mypenisrunningawayintomerespeculation。Letmereturntosobermatteroffact。ItiscertainthatSirpercival’sreceptionofmyventuresomeproposaltolivewithhiswifewasmorethankind，itwasalmostaffectionate。IamsureLaura’shusbandwillhavenoreasontocomplainofmeifIcanonlygoonasIhavebegun。Ihavealreadydeclaredhimtobehandsome，agreeable，fullofgoodfeelingtowardstheunfortunate，andfullofaffectionatekindnesstowardsme。Really，IhardlyknowmyselfagaininmynewcharacterofSirpercival’swarmestfriend。
20th——IhateSirPercival！Iflatlydenyhisgoodlooks。Iconsiderhimtobeeminentlyill-temperedanddisagreeable，andtotallywantinginkindnessandgoodfeeling。nightthecardsforthemarriedcoupleweresenthome。Lauraopenedthepacketandsawherfuturenameinprintforthefirsttime。SirPercivallookedoverhershoulderfamiliarlyatthenewcardwhichhadalreadytransformedMissFairlieintoLadyGlyde——smiledwiththemostodiousself-complacency，andwhisperedsomethinginherear。Idon’tknowwhatitwas——Laurahasrefusedtotellme——butIsawherfaceturntosuchadeadlywhitenessthatIthoughtshewouldhavefainted。Hetooknonoticeofthechange——heseemedtohebarbarouslyunconsciousthathehadsaidanythingtopainher。Allmyoldfeelingsofhostilitytowardshimrevivedontheinstant，andallthehoursthathavepassedsincehavedonenothingtodissipatethem。Iammoreunreasonableandmoreunjustthanever。Inthreewords——howgliblymypenwritesthem！——inthreewords，Ihatehim。
21st——Havetheanxietiesofthisanxioustimeshakenmealittle，atlast？Ihavebeenwriting，forthelastfewdays，inatoneoflevitywhich，Heavenknows，isfarenoughfrommyheart，andwhichithasrathershockedmetodiscoveronlookingbackattheentriesinmyjournal。
PerhapsImayhavecaughtthefeverishexcitementofLaura’sspiritsforthelastweek。Ifso，thefithasalreadypassedawayfromme，andhasleftmeinaverystrangestateofmind。Apersistentideahasbeenforcingitselfonmyattention，eversincelastnight。thatsomethingwillyethappentopreventthemarriage。Whathasproducedthissingularfancy？IsittheindirectresultofmyapprehensionsforLaura’sfuture？OrhasitbeenunconsciouslysuggestedtomebytheincreasingrestlessnessandirritabilitywhichIhavecertainlyobservedinSirPercival’smannerasthewedding-daydrawsnearerandnearer？Impossibletosay。IknowthatIhavetheidea——surelythewildestidea，underthecircumstances，thateverenteredawoman’shead？——buttryasImay，Icannottraceitbacktoitssource。
Thislastdayhasbeenallconfusionandwretchedness。HowcanIwriteaboutit？——andyet，Imustwrite。Anythingisbetterthanbroodingovermyowngloomythoughts。
KindMrsVesey，whomwehavealltoomuchoverlookedandforgottenoflate，innocentlycausedusasadmorningtobeginwith。Shehasbeen，formonthspast，secretlymakingawarmShetlandshawlforherdearpupil——amostbeautifulandsurprisingpieceofworktobedonebyawomanatherageandwithherhabits。Thegiftwaspresentedthismorning，andpoorwarmheartedLauracompletelybrokedownwhentheshawlwasputproudlyonhershouldersbythelovingoldfriendandguardianofhermotherlesschildhood。Iwashardlyallowedtimetoquietthemboth，oreventodrymyowneyes，whenIwassentforbyMrFairlie，tobefavouredwithalongrecitalofhisarrangementsforthepreservationofhisowntranquillityonthewedding-day。
`DearLaura’wastoreceivehispresent——ashabbyring，withheraffectionateuncle’shairforanornament，insteadofapreciousstone，andwithaheartlessFrenchinscriptioninside，aboutcongenialsentimentsandeternalfriendship——`dearLaura’wastoreceivethistendertributefrommyhandsimmediately，sothatshemighthaveplentyoftimetorecoverfromtheagitationproducedbythegiftbeforesheappearedinMrFairlie’spresence。`DearLaura’wastopayhimalittlevisitthatevening，andtobekindenoughnottomakeascene。`DearLaura’wastopayhimanotherlittlevisitinherwedding-dressthenextmorning，andtobekindenough，again，nottomakeascene。`DearLaura’wastolookinoncemore，forthethirdtime，beforegoingaway，butwithoutharrowinghisfeelingsbysayingwhenshewasgoingaway，andwithouttears——`inthenameofpity，inthenameofeverything，dearMarian，thatismostaffectionateandmostdomestic，andmostdelightfullyandcharminglyself-composed，withouttears！’Iwassoexasperatedbythismiserableselfishtrifling，atsuchatime，thatIshouldcertainlyhaveshockedMrFairliebysomeofthehardestandrudesttruthshehaseverheardinhislife，ifthearrivalofMrArnoldfromPolesdeanhadnotcalledmeawaytonewdutiesdownstairs。
Therestofthedayisindescribable。Ibelievenooneinthehousereallyknewhowitpassed。Theconfusionofsmallevents，allhuddledtogetheroneontheother，bewilderedeverybody。Thereweredressessenthomethathadbeenforgotten——thereweretrunkstobepackedandunpackedandpackedagain——therewerepresentsfromfriendsfarandnear，friendshighandlow。Wewereallneedlesslyhurried，allnervouslyexpectantofthemorrow。Sirpercival，especially，wastoorestlessnowtoremainfiveminutestogetherinthesameplace。Thatshort，sharpcoughofhistroubledhimmorethanever。Hewasinandoutofdoorsalldaylong，andheseemedtogrowsoinquisitiveonasudden，thathequestionedtheverystrangerswhocameonsmallerrandstothehouse。Addtoallthis，theoneperpetualthoughtinLaura’smindandmine，thatweweretopartthenextday，andthehauntingdread，unexpressedbyeitherofus，andyeteverpresenttoboth，thatthisdeplorablemarriagemightprovetobetheonefatalerrorofherlifeandtheonehopelesssorrowofmine。Forthefirsttimeinalltheyearsofourcloseandhappyintercoursewealmostavoidedlookingeachotherintheface，andwerefrained，bycommonconsent，fromspeakingtogetheriiiprivatethroughthewholeevening。Icandwellonitnolonger。Whateverfuturesorrowsmaybeinstoreforme，Ishallalwayslookbackonthistwenty-firstofDecemberasthemostcomfortlessandmostmiserabledayofmylife。
Iamwritingtheselinesinthesolitudeofmyownroom，longaftermidnight，havingjustcomebackfromastolenlookatLaurainherprettylittlewhitebed——thebedshehasoccupiedsincethedaysofhergirlhood。
Thereshelay，unconsciousthatIwaslookingather——quiet，morequietthanIhaddaredtohope，butnotsleeping。Theglimmerofthenight-lightshowedmethathereyeswereonlypartiallyclosed——thetracesoftearsglistenedbetweenhereyelids。Mylittlekeepsake——onlyabrooch——layonthetableatherbedside，withherprayer-book，andtheminiatureportraitofherfatherwhichshetakeswithherwherevershegoes。Iwaitedamoment，lookingatherfrombehindherpillow，asshelaybeneathme，withonearmandhandrestingonthewhitecoverlid，sostill，soquietlybreathing，thatthefrillonhernight-dressnevermoved——Iwaited，lookingather，asIhaveseenherthousandsoftimes，asIshallneverseeheragain——andthenstolebacktomyroom。Myownlove！withallyourwealth，andallyourbeauty，howfriendlessyouare！Theonemanwhowouldgivehisheart’slifetoserveyouisfaraway，tossing，thisstormynight，ontheawfulsea。Whoelseislefttoyou？Nofather，nobrother——nolivingcreaturebutthehelpless，uselesswomanwhowritesthesesadlines，andwatchesbyyouforthemorning，insorrowthatshecannotcompose，indoubtthatshecannotconquer。Oh，whatatrustistobeplacedinthatman’shandstomorrow！Ifeverheforgetsit——ifeverheinjuresahairofherhead！——
THETWENTY-SECONDOFDECEMBER。Seveno’clock。Awild，unsettledmorning。Shehasjustrisen——betterandcalmer，nowthatthetimehascome，thanshewasyesterday。
Teno’clock。Sheisdressed。Wehavekissedeachother——wehavepromisedeachothernottolosecourage。Iamawayforamomentinmyownroom。Inthewhirlandconfusionofmythoughts，Icandetectthatstrangefancyofsomehindrancehappeningtostopthemarriagestillhangingaboutmymind。Isithangingabouthismindtoo？Iseehimfromthewindow，movinghitherandthitheruneasilyamongthecarriagesatthedoor——HowcanIwritesuchfollyIThemarriageisacertainty。lnlessthanhalfanhourwestartforthechurch。
Eleveno’clock。Itisallover。Theyaremarried。
Threeo’clock。Theyaregone！Iamblindwithcrying——Icanwritenomore
