Lebeziatnikovlookedperturbed。
“I’vecometoyou,SofyaSemyonovna,”hebegan。“Excuseme…IthoughtIshouldfindyou,”hesaid,addressingRaskolnikovsuddenly,“thatis,Ididn’tmeananything…ofthatsort…ButIjustthought…KaterinaIvanovnahasgoneoutofhermind,”heblurtedoutsuddenly,turningfromRaskolnikovtoSonia。
Soniascreamed。
“Atleastitseemsso。But…wedon’tknowwhattodo,yousee!Shecameback—sheseemstohavebeenturnedoutsomewhere,perhapsbeaten。…Soitseemsatleast,…Shehadruntoyourfather’sformerchief,shedidn’tfindhimathome:hewasdiningatsomeothergeneral’s。…Onlyfancy,sherushedoffthere,totheothergeneral’s,and,imagine,shewassopersistentthatshemanagedtogetthechieftoseeher,hadhimfetchedoutfromdinner,itseems。Youcanimaginewhathappened。Shewasturnedout,ofcourse;but,accordingtoherownstory,sheabusedhimandthrewsomethingathim。Onemaywellbelieveit。…Howitisshewasn’ttakenup,Ican’tunderstand!Nowsheistellingeveryone,includingAmaliaIvanovna;butit’sdifficulttounderstandher,sheisscreamingandflingingherselfabout。…Ohyes,sheshoutsthatsinceeveryonehasabandonedher,shewilltakethechildrenandgointothestreetwithabarrel-organ,andthechildrenwillsinganddance,andshetoo,andcollectmoney,andwillgoeverydayunderthegeneral’swindow…‘toleteveryoneseewell-bornchildren,whosefatherwasanofficial,begginginthestreet。’Shekeepsbeatingthechildrenandtheyareallcrying。SheisteachingLidatosing‘MyVillage,’theboytodance,Polenkathesame。Sheistearingupalltheclothes,andmakingthemlittlecapslikeactors;shemeanstocarryatinbasinandmakeittinkle,insteadofmusic。…Shewon’tlistentoanything。…Imaginethestateofthings!It’sbeyondanything!”
Lebeziatnikovwouldhavegoneon,butSonia,whohadheardhimalmostbreathless,snatcheduphercloakandhat,andranoutoftheroom,puttingonherthingsasshewent。RaskolnikovfollowedherandLebeziatnikovcameafterhim。
“Shehascertainlygonemad!”hesaidtoRaskolnikov,astheywentoutintothestreet。“Ididn’twanttofrightenSofyaSemyonovna,soIsaid‘itseemedlikeit,’butthereisn’tadoubtofit。Theysaythatinconsumptionthetuberclessometimesoccurinthebrain;it’sapityIknownothingofmedicine。Ididtrytopersuadeher,butshewouldn’tlisten。”
“Didyoutalktoheraboutthetubercles?”
“Notpreciselyofthetubercles。Besides,shewouldn’thaveunderstood!ButwhatIsayis,thatifyouconvinceapersonlogicallythathehasnothingtocryabout,he’llstopcrying。That’sclear。Isityourconvictionthathewon’t?”
“Lifewouldbetooeasyifitwereso,”answeredRaskolnikov。
“Excuseme,excuseme;ofcourseitwouldberatherdifficultforKaterinaIvanovnatounderstand,butdoyouknowthatinParistheyhavebeenconductingseriousexperimentsastothepossibilityofcuringtheinsane,simplybylogicalargument?Oneprofessorthere,ascientificmanofstanding,latelydead,believedinthepossibilityofsuchtreatment。Hisideawasthatthere’snothingreallywrongwiththephysicalorganismoftheinsane,andthatinsanityis,sotosay,alogicalmistake,anerrorofjudgment,anincorrectviewofthings。Hegraduallyshowedthemadmanhiserrorand,wouldyoubelieveit,theysayhewassuccessful?Butashemadeuseofdouchestoo,howfarsuccesswasduetothattreatmentremainsuncertain。…Soitseemsatleast。”
Raskolnikovhadlongceasedtolisten。Reachingthehousewherehelived,henoddedtoLebeziatnikovandwentinatthegate。Lebeziatnikovwokeupwithastart,lookedabouthimandhurriedon。
Raskolnikovwentintohislittleroomandstoodstillinthemiddleofit。Whyhadhecomebackhere?Helookedattheyellowandtatteredpaper,atthedust,athissofa。…Fromtheyardcamealoudcontinuousknocking;someoneseemedtobehammering…Hewenttothewindow,roseontiptoeandlookedoutintotheyardforalongtimewithanairofabsorbedattention。Buttheyardwasemptyandhecouldnotseewhowashammering。Inthehouseonthelefthesawsomeopenwindows;onthewindow-sillswerepotsofsickly-lookinggeraniums。Linenwashungoutofthewindows…Heknewitallbyheart。Heturnedawayandsatdownonthesofa。
Never,neverhadhefelthimselfsofearfullyalone!
Yes,hefeltoncemorethathewouldperhapscometohateSonia,nowthathehadmadehermoremiserable。
“Whyhadhegonetohertobegforhertears?Whatneedhadhetopoisonherlife?Oh,themeannessofit!”
“Iwillremainalone,”hesaidresolutely,“andsheshallnotcometotheprison!”
Fiveminuteslaterheraisedhisheadwithastrangesmile。Thatwasastrangethought。
“PerhapsitreallywouldbebetterinSiberia,”hethoughtsuddenly。
Hecouldnothavesaidhowlonghesattherewithvaguethoughtssurgingthroughhismind。AllatoncethedooropenedandDouniacamein。Atfirstshestoodstillandlookedathimfromthedoorway,justashehaddoneatSonia;thenshecameinandsatdowninthesameplaceasyesterday,onthechairfacinghim。Helookedsilentlyandalmostvacantlyather。
“Don’tbeangry,brother;I’veonlycomeforoneminute,”saidDounia。
Herfacelookedthoughtfulbutnotstern。Hereyeswerebrightandsoft。Hesawthatshetoohadcometohimwithlove。
“Brother,nowIknowall,all。DmitriProkofitchhasexplainedandtoldmeeverything。Theyareworryingandpersecutingyouthroughastupidandcontemptiblesuspicion。…DmitriProkofitchtoldmethatthereisnodanger,andthatyouarewronginlookinguponitwithsuchhorror。Idon’tthinkso,andIfullyunderstandhowindignantyoumustbe,andthatthatindignationmayhaveapermanenteffectonyou。That’swhatIamafraidof。Asforyourcuttingyourselfofffromus,Idon’tjudgeyou,Idon’tventuretojudgeyou,andforgivemeforhavingblamedyouforit。IfeelthatItoo,ifIhadsogreatatrouble,shouldkeepawayfromeveryone。Ishalltellmothernothingofthis,butIshalltalkaboutyoucontinuallyandshalltellherfromyouthatyouwillcomeverysoon。Don’tworryabouther;Iwillsethermindatrest;butdon’tyoutryhertoomuch—comeonceatleast;rememberthatsheisyourmother。AndnowIhavecomesimplytosay”(Douniabegantogetup)“thatifyoushouldneedmeorshouldneed…allmylifeoranything…callme,andI’llcome。Good-bye!”
Sheturnedabruptlyandwenttowardsthedoor。
“Dounia!”Raskolnikovstoppedherandwenttowardsher。“ThatRazumihin,DmitriProkofitch,isaverygoodfellow。”
Douniaflushedslightly。
“Well?”sheasked,waitingamoment。
“Heiscompetent,hardworking,honestandcapableofreallove。…Good-bye,Dounia。”
Douniaflushedcrimson,thensuddenlyshetookalarm。
“Butwhatdoesitmean,brother?Arewereallypartingforeverthatyou…givemesuchapartingmessage?”
“Nevermind。…Good-bye。”
Heturnedaway,andwalkedtothewindow。Shestoodamoment,lookedathimuneasily,andwentouttroubled。
No,hewasnotcoldtoher。Therewasaninstant(theverylastone)whenhehadlongedtotakeherinhisarmsandsaygood-byetoher,andeventotellher,buthehadnotdaredeventotouchherhand。
“AfterwardsshemayshudderwhensheremembersthatIembracedher,andwillfeelthatIstoleherkiss。”
“Andwouldshestandthattest?”hewentonafewminuteslatertohimself。“No,shewouldn’t;girlslikethatcan’tstandthings!Theyneverdo。”
AndhethoughtofSonia。
Therewasabreathoffreshairfromthewindow。Thedaylightwasfading。Hetookuphiscapandwentout。
Hecouldnot,ofcourse,andwouldnotconsiderhowillhewas。Butallthiscontinualanxietyandagonyofmindcouldnotbutaffecthim。Andifhewerenotlyinginhighfeveritwasperhapsjustbecausethiscontinualinnerstrainhelpedtokeephimonhislegsandinpossessionofhisfaculties。Butthisartificialexcitementcouldnotlastlong。
Hewanderedaimlessly。Thesunwassetting。Aspecialformofmiseryhadbeguntooppresshimoflate。Therewasnothingpoignant,nothingacuteaboutit;buttherewasafeelingofpermanence,ofeternityaboutit;itbroughtaforetasteofhopelessyearsofthiscoldleadenmisery,aforetasteofaneternity“onasquareyardofspace。”Towardseveningthissensationusuallybegantoweighonhimmoreheavily。
“Withthisidiotic,purelyphysicalweakness,dependingonthesunsetorsomething,onecan’thelpdoingsomethingstupid!You’llgotoDounia,aswellastoSonia,”hemutteredbitterly。
Heheardhisnamecalled。Helookedround。Lebeziatnikovrusheduptohim。
“Onlyfancy,I’vebeentoyourroomlookingforyou。Onlyfancy,she’scarriedoutherplan,andtakenawaythechildren。SofyaSemyonovnaandIhavehadajobtofindthem。Sheisrappingonafrying-panandmakingthechildrendance。Thechildrenarecrying。Theykeepstoppingatthecross-roadsandinfrontofshops;there’sacrowdoffoolsrunningafterthem。Comealong!”
“AndSonia?”Raskolnikovaskedanxiously,hurryingafterLebeziatnikov。
“Simplyfrantic。Thatis,it’snotSofyaSemyonovna’sfrantic,butKaterinaIvanovna,thoughSofyaSemyonova’sfrantictoo。ButKaterinaIvanovnaisabsolutelyfrantic。Itellyousheisquitemad。They’llbetakentothepolice。Youcanfancywhataneffectthatwillhave。…Theyareonthecanalbank,nearthebridgenow,notfarfromSofyaSemyonovna’s,quiteclose。”
OnthecanalbanknearthebridgeandnottwohousesawayfromtheonewhereSonialodged,therewasacrowdofpeople,consistingprincipallyofgutterchildren。ThehoarsebrokenvoiceofKaterinaIvanovnacouldbeheardfromthebridge,anditcertainlywasastrangespectaclelikelytoattractastreetcrowd。KaterinaIvanovnainherolddresswiththegreenshawl,wearingatornstrawhat,crushedinahideouswayononeside,wasreallyfrantic。Shewasexhaustedandbreathless。Herwastedconsumptivefacelookedmoresufferingthanever,andindeedoutofdoorsinthesunshineaconsumptivealwayslooksworsethanathome。Butherexcitementdidnotflag,andeverymomentherirritationgrewmoreintense。Sherushedatthechildren,shoutedatthem,coaxedthem,toldthembeforethecrowdhowtodanceandwhattosing,beganexplainingtothemwhyitwasnecessary,anddriventodesperationbytheirnotunderstanding,beatthem。…Thenshewouldmakearushatthecrowd;ifshenoticedanydecentlydressedpersonstoppingtolook,sheimmediatelyappealedtohimtoseewhatthesechildren“fromagenteel,onemaysayaristocratic,house”hadbeenbroughtto。Ifsheheardlaughterorjeeringinthecrowd,shewouldrushatonceatthescoffersandbeginsquabblingwiththem。Somepeoplelaughed,othersshooktheirheads,buteveryonefeltcuriousatthesightofthemadwomanwiththefrightenedchildren。Thefrying-panofwhichLebeziatnikovhadspokenwasnotthere,atleastRaskolnikovdidnotseeit。Butinsteadofrappingonthepan,KaterinaIvanovnabeganclappingherwastedhands,whenshemadeLidaandKolyadanceandPolenkasing。Shetoojoinedinthesinging,butbrokedownatthesecondnotewithafearfulcough,whichmadehercurseindespairandevenshedtears。WhatmadehermostfuriouswastheweepingandterrorofKolyaandLida。Someefforthadbeenmadetodressthechildrenupasstreetsingersaredressed。TheboyhadonaturbanmadeofsomethingredandwhitetolooklikeaTurk。TherehadbeennocostumeforLida;shesimplyhadaredknittedcap,orratheranightcapthathadbelongedtoMarmeladov,decoratedwithabrokenpieceofwhiteostrichfeather,whichhadbeenKaterinaIvanovna’sgrandmother’sandhadbeenpreservedasafamilypossession。Polenkawasinhereverydaydress;shelookedintimidperplexityathermother,andkeptatherside,hidinghertears。Shedimlyrealisedhermother’scondition,andlookeduneasilyabouther。Shewasterriblyfrightenedofthestreetandthecrowd。SoniafollowedKaterinaIvanovna,weepingandbeseechinghertoreturnhome,butKaterinaIvanovnawasnottobepersuaded。
“Leaveoff,Sonia,leaveoff,”sheshouted,speakingfast,pantingandcoughing。“Youdon’tknowwhatyouask;youarelikeachild!I’vetoldyoubeforethatIamnotcomingbacktothatdrunkenGerman。Leteveryone,letallPetersburgseethechildrenbegginginthestreets,thoughtheirfatherwasanhonourablemanwhoservedallhislifeintruthandfidelity,andonemaysaydiedintheservice。”(KaterinaIvanovnahadbynowinventedthisfantasticstoryandthoroughlybelievedit。)“Letthatwretchofageneralseeit!Andyouaresilly,Sonia:whathavewetoeat?Tellmethat。Wehaveworriedyouenough,Iwon’tgoonso!Ah,RodionRomanovitch,isthatyou?”shecried,seeingRaskolnikovandrushinguptohim。“Explaintothissillygirl,please,thatnothingbettercouldbedone!Evenorgan-grindersearntheirliving,andeveryonewillseeatoncethatwearedifferent,thatweareanhonourableandbereavedfamilyreducedtobeggary。Andthatgeneralwilllosehispost,you’llsee!Weshallperformunderhiswindowseveryday,andiftheTsardrivesby,I’llfallonmyknees,putthechildrenbeforeme,showthemtohim,andsay‘Defendusfather。’Heisthefatherofthefatherless,heismerciful,he’llprotectus,you’llsee,andthatwretchofageneral。…Lida,tenezvousdroite!Kolya,you’lldanceagain。Whyareyouwhimpering?Whimperingagain!Whatareyouafraidof,stupid?Goodness,whatamItodowiththem,RodionRomanovitch?Ifyouonlyknewhowstupidtheyare!What’sonetodowithsuchchildren?”
Andshe,almostcryingherself—whichdidnotstopheruninterrupted,rapidflowoftalk—pointedtothecryingchildren。Raskolnikovtriedtopersuadehertogohome,andevensaid,hopingtoworkonhervanity,thatitwasunseemlyforhertobewanderingaboutthestreetslikeanorgan-grinder,asshewasintendingtobecometheprincipalofaboarding-school。
“Aboarding-school,ha-ha-ha!Acastleintheair,”criedKaterinaIvanovna,herlaughendinginacough。“No,RodionRomanovitch,thatdreamisover!Allhaveforsakenus!…Andthatgeneral。…Youknow,RodionRomanovitch,Ithrewaninkpotathim—ithappenedtobestandinginthewaiting-roombythepaperwhereyousignyourname。Iwrotemyname,threwitathimandranaway。Oh,thescoundrels,thescoundrels!Butenoughofthem,nowI’llprovideforthechildrenmyself,Iwon’tbowdowntoanybody!Shehashadtobearenoughforus!”shepointedtoSonia。“Polenka,howmuchhaveyougot?Showme!What,onlytwofarthings!Oh,themeanwretches!Theygiveusnothing,onlyrunafterus,puttingtheirtonguesout。There,whatisthatblockheadlaughingat?”(Shepointedtoamaninthecrowd。)“It’sallbecauseKolyahereissostupid;Ihavesuchabotherwithhim。Whatdoyouwant,Polenka?TellmeinFrench,parlez-moifrancais。Why,I’vetaughtyou,youknowsomephrases。Elsehowareyoutoshowthatyouareofgoodfamily,wellbrought-upchildren,andnotatalllikeotherorgan-grinders?Wearen’tgoingtohaveaPunchandJudyshowinthestreet,buttosingagenteelsong。…Ah,yes,…Whatarewetosing?Youkeepputtingmeout,butwe…yousee,wearestandinghere,RodionRomanovitch,tofindsomethingtosingandgetmoney,somethingKolyacandanceto。…For,asyoucanfancy,ourperformanceisallimpromptu。…Wemusttalkitoverandrehearseitallthoroughly,andthenweshallgotoNevsky,wheretherearefarmorepeopleofgoodsociety,andweshallbenoticedatonce。Lidaknows‘MyVillage’only,nothingbut‘MyVillage,’andeveryonesingsthat。Wemustsingsomethingfarmoregenteel。…Well,haveyouthoughtofanything,Polenka?Ifonlyyou’dhelpyourmother!Mymemory’squitegone,orIshouldhavethoughtofsomething。Wereallycan’tsing‘AnHussar。’Ah,letussinginFrench,‘Cinqsous,’Ihavetaughtityou,Ihavetaughtityou。AndasitisinFrench,peoplewillseeatoncethatyouarechildrenofgoodfamily,andthatwillbemuchmoretouching。…Youmightsing‘Marlboroughs’enva-t-enguerre,’forthat’squiteachild’ssongandissungasalullabyinallthearistocratichouses。
“Marlboroughs’enva-t-enguerre
Nesaitquandreviendra…”
shebegansinging。“Butno,bettersing‘Cinqsous。’Now,Kolya,yourhandsonyourhips,makehaste,andyou,Lida,keepturningtheotherway,andPolenkaandIwillsingandclapourhands!
“Cinqsous,cinqsous
Pourmonternotremenage。”
(Cough-cough-cough!)“Setyourdressstraight,Polenka,it’sslippeddownonyourshoulders,”sheobserved,pantingfromcoughing。“Nowit’sparticularlynecessarytobehavenicelyandgenteelly,thatallmayseethatyouarewell-bornchildren。Isaidatthetimethatthebodiceshouldbecutlonger,andmadeoftwowidths。Itwasyourfault,Sonia,withyouradvicetomakeitshorter,andnowyouseethechildisquitedeformedbyit。…Why,you’reallcryingagain!What’sthematter,stupids?Come,Kolya,begin。Makehaste,makehaste!Oh,whatanunbearablechild!
“Cinqsous,cinqsous。
“Apolicemanagain!Whatdoyouwant?”
Apolicemanwasindeedforcinghiswaythroughthecrowd。Butatthatmomentagentlemanincivilianuniformandanovercoat—asolid-lookingofficialofaboutfiftywithadecorationonhisneck(whichdelightedKaterinaIvanovnaandhaditseffectonthepoliceman)—approachedandwithoutawordhandedheragreenthree-roublenote。Hisfaceworealookofgenuinesympathy。KaterinaIvanovnatookitandgavehimapolite,evenceremonious,bow。
“Ithankyou,honouredsir,”shebeganloftily。“Thecausesthathaveinducedus(takethemoney,Polenka:youseetherearegenerousandhonourablepeoplewhoarereadytohelpapoorgentlewomanindistress)。Yousee,honouredsir,theseorphansofgoodfamily—Imightevensayofaristocraticconnections—andthatwretchofageneralsateatinggrouse…andstampedatmydisturbinghim。‘Yourexcellency,’Isaid,‘protecttheorphans,foryouknewmylatehusband,SemyonZaharovitch,andontheverydayofhisdeaththebasestofscoundrelsslanderedhisonlydaughter。’…Thatpolicemanagain!Protectme,”shecriedtotheofficial。“Whyisthatpolicemanedginguptome?Wehaveonlyjustrunawayfromoneofthem。Whatdoyouwant,fool?”
“It’sforbiddeninthestreets。Youmustn’tmakeadisturbance。”
“It’syou’remakingadisturbance。It’sjustthesameasifIweregrindinganorgan。Whatbusinessisitofyours?”
“Youhavetogetalicenceforanorgan,andyouhaven’tgotone,andinthatwayyoucollectacrowd。Wheredoyoulodge?”
“What,alicense?”wailedKaterinaIvanovna。“Iburiedmyhusbandto-day。Whatneedofalicense?”
“Calmyourself,madam,calmyourself,”begantheofficial。“Comealong;Iwillescortyou。…Thisisnoplaceforyouinthecrowd。Youareill。”
“Honouredsir,honouredsir,youdon’tknow,”screamedKaterinaIvanovna。“WearegoingtotheNevsky。…Sonia,Sonia!Whereisshe?Sheiscryingtoo!What’sthematterwithyouall?Kolya,Lida,whereareyougoing?”shecriedsuddenlyinalarm。“Oh,sillychildren!Kolya,Lida,wherearetheyoffto?…”
KolyaandLida,scaredoutoftheirwitsbythecrowd,andtheirmother’smadpranks,suddenlyseizedeachotherbythehand,andranoffatthesightofthepolicemanwhowantedtotakethemawaysomewhere。Weepingandwailing,poorKaterinaIvanovnaranafterthem。Shewasapiteousandunseemlyspectacle,assheran,weepingandpantingforbreath。SoniaandPolenkarushedafterthem。
“Bringthemback,bringthemback,Sonia!Ohstupid,ungratefulchildren!…Polenka!catchthem。…It’sforyoursakesI…”
Shestumbledassheranandfelldown。
“She’scutherself,she’sbleeding!Oh,dear!”criedSonia,bendingoverher。
Allranupandcrowdedaround。RaskolnikovandLebeziatnikovwerethefirstatherside,theofficialtoohastenedup,andbehindhimthepolicemanwhomuttered,“Bother!”withagestureofimpatience,feelingthatthejobwasgoingtobeatroublesomeone。
“Passon!Passon!”hesaidtothecrowdthatpressedforward。
“She’sdying,”someoneshouted。
“She’sgoneoutofhermind,”saidanother。
“Lordhavemercyuponus,”saidawoman,crossingherself。“Havetheycaughtthelittlegirlandtheboy?They’rebeingbroughtback,theelderone’sgotthem。…Ah,thenaughtyimps!”
WhentheyexaminedKaterinaIvanovnacarefully,theysawthatshehadnotcutherselfagainstastone,asSoniathought,butthatthebloodthatstainedthepavementredwasfromherchest。
“I’veseenthatbefore,”mutteredtheofficialtoRaskolnikovandLebeziatnikov;“that’sconsumption;thebloodflowsandchokesthepatient。Isawthesamethingwitharelativeofmyownnotlongago…nearlyapintofblood,allinaminute。…What’stobedonethough?Sheisdying。”
“Thisway,thisway,tomyroom!”Soniaimplored。“Ilivehere!…See,thathouse,thesecondfromhere。…Cometome,makehaste,”sheturnedfromonetotheother。“Sendforthedoctor!Oh,dear!”
Thankstotheofficial’sefforts,thisplanwasadopted,thepolicemanevenhelpingtocarryKaterinaIvanovna。ShewascarriedtoSonia’sroom,almostunconscious,andlaidonthebed。Thebloodwasstillflowing,butsheseemedtobecomingtoherself。Raskolnikov,Lebeziatnikov,andtheofficialaccompaniedSoniaintotheroomandwerefollowedbythepoliceman,whofirstdrovebackthecrowdwhichfollowedtotheverydoor。PolenkacameinholdingKolyaandLida,whoweretremblingandweeping。SeveralpersonscameintoofromtheKapernaumovs’room;thelandlord,alameone-eyedmanofstrangeappearancewithwhiskersandhairthatstooduplikeabrush,hiswife,awomanwithaneverlastinglyscaredexpression,andseveralopen-mouthedchildrenwithwonder-struckfaces。Amongthese,Svidrigailovsuddenlymadehisappearance。Raskolnikovlookedathimwithsurprise,notunderstandingwherehehadcomefromandnothavingnoticedhiminthecrowd。Adoctorandpriestworespokenof。TheofficialwhisperedtoRaskolnikovthathethoughtitwastoolatenowforthedoctor,butheorderedhimtobesentfor。Kapernaumovranhimself。
MeanwhileKaterinaIvanovnahadregainedherbreath。Thebleedingceasedforatime。ShelookedwithsickbutintentandpenetratingeyesatSonia,whostoodpaleandtrembling,wipingthesweatfromherbrowwithahandkerchief。Atlastsheaskedtoberaised。Theysatheruponthebed,supportingheronbothsides。
“Wherearethechildren?”shesaidinafaintvoice。“You’vebroughtthem,Polenka?Ohthesillies!Whydidyourunaway。…Och!”
Oncemoreherparchedlipswerecoveredwithblood。Shemovedhereyes,lookingabouther。
“Sothat’showyoulive,Sonia!NeveroncehaveIbeeninyourroom。”
Shelookedatherwithafaceofsuffering。
“Wehavebeenyourruin,Sonia。Polenka,Lida,Kolya,comehere!Well,heretheyare,Sonia,takethemall!Ihandthemovertoyou,I’vehadenough!Theballisover。”(Cough!)“Laymedown,letmedieinpeace。”
Theylaidherbackonthepillow。
“What,thepriest?Idon’twanthim。Youhaven’tgotaroubletospare。Ihavenosins。Godmustforgivemewithoutthat。HeknowshowIhavesuffered。…AndifHewon’tforgiveme,Idon’tcare!”
Shesankmoreandmoreintouneasydelirium。Attimessheshuddered,turnedhereyesfromsidetoside,recognisedeveryoneforaminute,butatoncesankintodeliriumagain。Herbreathingwashoarseanddifficult,therewasasortofrattleinherthroat。
“Isaidtohim,yourexcellency,”sheejaculated,gaspingaftereachword。“ThatAmaliaLudwigovna,ah!Lida,Kolya,handsonyourhips,makehaste!Glissez,glissez!pasdebasque!Tapwithyourheels,beagracefulchild!
“DuhastDiamantenundPerlen
“Whatnext?That’sthethingtosing。
“DuhastdieschonstenAugen
Madchen,waswillstdumehr?
“Whatanidea!Waswillstdumehr?Whatthingsthefoolinvents!Ah,yes!
“IntheheatofmiddayinthevaleofDagestan。
“Ah,howIlovedit!Ilovedthatsongtodistraction,Polenka!Yourfather,youknow,usedtosingitwhenwewereengaged。…Ohthosedays!Ohthat’sthethingforustosing!Howdoesitgo?I’veforgotten。Remindme!Howwasit?”
Shewasviolentlyexcitedandtriedtositup。Atlast,inahorriblyhoarse,brokenvoice,shebegan,shriekingandgaspingateveryword,withalookofgrowingterror。
“Intheheatofmidday!…inthevale!…ofDagestan!…Withleadinmybreast!…”
“Yourexcellency!”shewailedsuddenlywithaheart-rendingscreamandafloodoftears,“protecttheorphans!Youhavebeentheirfather’sguest…onemaysayaristocratic。…”Shestarted,regainingconsciousness,andgazedatallwithasortofterror,butatoncerecognisedSonia。
“Sonia,Sonia!”shearticulatedsoftlyandcaressingly,asthoughsurprisedtofindherthere。“Soniadarling,areyouhere,too?”
Theyliftedherupagain。
“Enough!It’sover!Farewell,poorthing!Iamdonefor!Iambroken!”shecriedwithvindictivedespair,andherheadfellheavilybackonthepillow。
Shesankintounconsciousnessagain,butthistimeitdidnotlastlong。Herpale,yellow,wastedfacedroppedback,hermouthfellopen,herlegmovedconvulsively,shegaveadeep,deepsighanddied。
Soniafelluponher,flungherarmsabouther,andremainedmotionlesswithherheadpressedtothedeadwoman’swastedbosom。Polenkathrewherselfathermother’sfeet,kissingthemandweepingviolently。ThoughKolyaandLidadidnotunderstandwhathadhappened,theyhadafeelingthatitwassomethingterrible;theyputtheirhandsoneachother’slittleshoulders,staredstraightatoneanotherandbothatonceopenedtheirmouthsandbeganscreaming。Theywerebothstillintheirfancydress;oneinaturban,theotherinthecapwiththeostrichfeather。
Andhowdid“thecertificateofmerit”cometobeonthebedbesideKaterinaIvanovna?Itlaytherebythepillow;Raskolnikovsawit。
Hewalkedawaytothewindow。Lebeziatnikovskippeduptohim。
“Sheisdead,”hesaid。
“RodionRomanovitch,Imusthavetwowordswithyou,”saidSvidrigailov,cominguptothem。
Lebeziatnikovatoncemaderoomforhimanddelicatelywithdrew。SvidrigailovdrewRaskolnikovfurtheraway。
“Iwillundertakeallthearrangements,thefuneralandthat。Youknowit’saquestionofmoneyand,asItoldyou,Ihaveplentytospare。IwillputthosetwolittleonesandPolenkaintosomegoodorphanasylum,andIwillsettlefifteenhundredroublestobepaidtoeachoncomingofage,sothatSofyaSemyonovnaneedhavenoanxietyaboutthem。AndIwillpullheroutofthemudtoo,forsheisagoodgirl,isn’tshe?SotellAvdotyaRomanovnathatthatishowIamspendinghertenthousand。”
“Whatisyourmotiveforsuchbenevolence?”askedRaskolnikov。
“Ah!youscepticalperson!”laughedSvidrigailov。“ItoldyouIhadnoneedofthatmoney。Won’tyouadmitthatit’ssimplydonefromhumanity?Shewasn’t‘alouse,’youknow”(hepointedtothecornerwherethedeadwomanlay),“wasshe,likesomeoldpawnbrokerwoman?Come,you’llagree,isLuzhintogoonliving,anddoingwickedthingsorisshetodie?AndifIdidn’thelpthem,Polenkawouldgothesameway。”
Hesaidthiswithanairofasortofgaywinkingslyness,keepinghiseyesfixedonRaskolnikov,whoturnedwhiteandcold,hearinghisownphrases,spokentoSonia。HequicklysteppedbackandlookedwildlyatSvidrigailov。
“Howdoyouknow?”hewhispered,hardlyabletobreathe。
“Why,IlodgehereatMadameResslich’s,theothersideofthewall。HereisKapernaumov,andtherelivesMadameResslich,anoldanddevotedfriendofmine。Iamaneighbour。”
“You?”
“Yes,”continuedSvidrigailov,shakingwithlaughter。“Iassureyouonmyhonour,dearRodionRomanovitch,thatyouhaveinterestedmeenormously。Itoldyouweshouldbecomefriends,Iforetoldit。Well,herewehave。AndyouwillseewhatanaccommodatingpersonIam。You’llseethatyoucangetonwithme!”
AstrangeperiodbeganforRaskolnikov:itwasasthoughafoghadfallenuponhimandwrappedhiminadrearysolitudefromwhichtherewasnoescape。Recallingthatperiodlongafter,hebelievedthathismindhadbeencloudedattimes,andthatithadcontinuedso,withintervals,tillthefinalcatastrophe。Hewasconvincedthathehadbeenmistakenaboutmanythingsatthattime,forinstanceastothedateofcertainevents。Anyway,whenhetriedlaterontopiecehisrecollectionstogether,helearntagreatdealabouthimselffromwhatotherpeopletoldhim。Hehadmixedupincidentsandhadexplainedeventsasduetocircumstanceswhichexistedonlyinhisimagination。Attimeshewasapreytoagoniesofmorbiduneasiness,amountingsometimestopanic。Butheremembered,too,moments,hours,perhapswholedays,ofcompleteapathy,whichcameuponhimasareactionfromhispreviousterrorandmightbecomparedwiththeabnormalinsensibility,sometimesseeninthedying。Heseemedtobetryinginthatlatterstagetoescapefromafullandclearunderstandingofhisposition。Certainessentialfactswhichrequiredimmediateconsiderationwereparticularlyirksometohim。Howgladhewouldhavebeentobefreefromsomecares,theneglectofwhichwouldhavethreatenedhimwithcomplete,inevitableruin。
HewasparticularlyworriedaboutSvidrigailov,hemightbesaidtobepermanentlythinkingofSvidrigailov。FromthetimeofSvidrigailov’stoomenacingandunmistakablewordsinSonia’sroomatthemomentofKaterinaIvanovna’sdeath,thenormalworkingofhismindseemedtobreakdown。Butalthoughthisnewfactcausedhimextremeuneasiness,Raskolnikovwasinnohurryforanexplanationofit。Attimes,findinghimselfinasolitaryandremotepartofthetown,insomewretchedeating-house,sittingalonelostinthought,hardlyknowinghowhehadcomethere,hesuddenlythoughtofSvidrigailov。Herecognisedsuddenly,clearly,andwithdismaythatheoughtatoncetocometoanunderstandingwiththatmanandtomakewhattermshecould。Walkingoutsidethecitygatesoneday,hepositivelyfanciedthattheyhadfixedameetingthere,thathewaswaitingforSvidrigailov。Anothertimehewokeupbeforedaybreaklyingonthegroundundersomebushesandcouldnotatfirstunderstandhowhehadcomethere。
ButduringthetwoorthreedaysafterKaterinaIvanovna’sdeath,hehadtwoorthreetimesmetSvidrigailovatSonia’slodging,wherehehadgoneaimlesslyforamoment。Theyexchangedafewwordsandmadenoreferencetothevitalsubject,asthoughtheyweretacitlyagreednottospeakofitforatime。
KaterinaIvanovna’sbodywasstilllyinginthecoffin,Svidrigailovwasbusymakingarrangementsforthefuneral。Soniatoowasverybusy。AttheirlastmeetingSvidrigailovinformedRaskolnikovthathehadmadeanarrangement,andaverysatisfactoryone,forKaterinaIvanovna’schildren;thathehad,throughcertainconnections,succeededingettingholdofcertainpersonagesbywhosehelpthethreeorphanscouldbeatonceplacedinverysuitableinstitutions;thatthemoneyhehadsettledonthemhadbeenofgreatassistance,asitismucheasiertoplaceorphanswithsomepropertythandestituteones。HesaidsomethingtooaboutSoniaandpromisedtocomehimselfinadayortwotoseeRaskolnikov,mentioningthat“hewouldliketoconsultwithhim,thattherewerethingstheymusttalkover。…”
Thisconversationtookplaceinthepassageonthestairs。SvidrigailovlookedintentlyatRaskolnikovandsuddenly,afterabriefpause,droppinghisvoice,asked:“Buthowisit,RodionRomanovitch;youdon’tseemyourself?Youlookandyoulisten,butyoudon’tseemtounderstand。Cheerup!We’lltalkthingsover;Iamonlysorry,I’vesomuchtodoofmyownbusinessandotherpeople’s。Ah,RodionRomanovitch,”headdedsuddenly,“whatallmenneedisfreshair,freshair…morethananything!”
Hemovedtoonesidetomakewayforthepriestandserver,whowerecomingupthestairs。Theyhadcomefortherequiemservice。BySvidrigailov’sordersitwassungtwiceadaypunctually。Svidrigailovwenthisway。Raskolnikovstoodstillamoment,thought,andfollowedthepriestintoSonia’sroom。Hestoodatthedoor。Theybeganquietly,slowlyandmournfullysingingtheservice。Fromhischildhoodthethoughtofdeathandthepresenceofdeathhadsomethingoppressiveandmysteriouslyawful;anditwaslongsincehehadheardtherequiemservice。Andtherewassomethingelsehereaswell,tooawfulanddisturbing。Helookedatthechildren:theywereallkneelingbythecoffin;Polenkawasweeping。BehindthemSoniaprayed,softlyand,asitwere,timidlyweeping。
“Theselasttwodaysshehasn’tsaidawordtome,shehasn’tglancedatme,”Raskolnikovthoughtsuddenly。Thesunlightwasbrightintheroom;theincenseroseinclouds;thepriestread,“Giverest,ohLord。…”Raskolnikovstayedallthroughtheservice。Asheblessedthemandtookhisleave,thepriestlookedroundstrangely。Aftertheservice,RaskolnikovwentuptoSonia。Shetookbothhishandsandletherheadsinkonhisshoulder。ThisslightfriendlygesturebewilderedRaskolnikov。Itseemedstrangetohimthattherewasnotraceofrepugnance,notraceofdisgust,notremorinherhand。Itwasthefurthestlimitofself-abnegation,atleastsoheinterpretedit。
Soniasaidnothing。Raskolnikovpressedherhandandwentout。Hefeltverymiserable。Ifithadbeenpossibletoescapetosomesolitude,hewouldhavethoughthimselflucky,evenifhehadtospendhiswholelifethere。Butalthoughhehadalmostalwaysbeenbyhimselfoflate,hehadneverbeenabletofeelalone。Sometimeshewalkedoutofthetownontothehighroad,oncehehadevenreachedalittlewood,buttheloneliertheplacewas,themoreheseemedtobeawareofanuneasypresencenearhim。Itdidnotfrightenhim,butgreatlyannoyedhim,sothathemadehastetoreturntothetown,tominglewiththecrowd,toenterrestaurantsandtaverns,towalkinbusythoroughfares。Therehefelteasierandevenmoresolitary。Onedayatduskhesatforanhourlisteningtosongsinatavernandherememberedthathepositivelyenjoyedit。Butatlasthehadsuddenlyfeltthesameuneasinessagain,asthoughhisconsciencesmotehim。“HereIsitlisteningtosinging,isthatwhatIoughttobedoing?”hethought。Yethefeltatoncethatthatwasnottheonlycauseofhisuneasiness;therewassomethingrequiringimmediatedecision,butitwassomethinghecouldnotclearlyunderstandorputintowords。Itwasahopelesstangle。“No,betterthestruggleagain!BetterPorfiryagain…orSvidrigailov。…Bettersomechallengeagain…someattack。Yes,yes!”hethought。Hewentoutofthetavernandrushedawayalmostatarun。ThethoughtofDouniaandhismothersuddenlyreducedhimalmosttoapanic。ThatnighthewokeupbeforemorningamongsomebushesinKrestovskyIsland,tremblingalloverwithfever;hewalkedhome,anditwasearlymorningwhenhearrived。Aftersomehours’sleepthefeverlefthim,buthewokeuplate,twoo’clockintheafternoon。
HerememberedthatKaterinaIvanovna’sfuneralhadbeenfixedforthatday,andwasgladthathewasnotpresentatit。Nastasyabroughthimsomefood;heateanddrankwithappetite,almostwithgreediness。Hisheadwasfresherandhewascalmerthanhehadbeenforthelastthreedays。Heevenfeltapassingwonderathispreviousattacksofpanic。
ThedooropenedandRazumihincamein。
“Ah,he’seating,thenhe’snotill,”saidRazumihin。HetookachairandsatdownatthetableoppositeRaskolnikov。
Hewastroubledanddidnotattempttoconcealit。Hespokewithevidentannoyance,butwithouthurryorraisinghisvoice。Helookedasthoughhehadsomespecialfixeddetermination。
“Listen,”hebeganresolutely。“AsfarasIamconcerned,youmayallgotohell,butfromwhatIsee,it’scleartomethatIcan’tmakeheadortailofit;pleasedon’tthinkI’vecometoaskyouquestions。Idon’twanttoknow,hangit!Ifyoubegintellingmeyoursecrets,IdaresayIshouldn’tstaytolisten,Ishouldgoawaycursing。Ihaveonlycometofindoutonceforallwhetherit’safactthatyouaremad?Thereisaconvictionintheairthatyouaremadorverynearlyso。IadmitI’vebeendisposedtothatopinionmyself,judgingfromyourstupid,repulsiveandquiteinexplicableactions,andfromyourrecentbehaviortoyourmotherandsister。Onlyamonsteroramadmancouldtreatthemasyouhave;soyoumustbemad。”
“Whendidyouseethemlast?”
“Justnow。Haven’tyouseenthemsincethen?Whathaveyoubeendoingwithyourself?Tellme,please。I’vebeentoyouthreetimesalready。Yourmotherhasbeenseriouslyillsinceyesterday。Shehadmadeuphermindtocometoyou;AvdotyaRomanovnatriedtopreventher;shewouldn’thearaword。‘Ifheisill,ifhismindisgivingway,whocanlookafterhimlikehismother?’shesaid。Weallcameheretogether,wecouldn’tlethercomealonealltheway。Wekeptbegginghertobecalm。Wecamein,youweren’there;shesatdown,andstayedtenminutes,whilewestoodwaitinginsilence。Shegotupandsaid:‘Ifhe’sgoneout,thatis,ifheiswell,andhasforgottenhismother,it’shumiliatingandunseemlyforhismothertostandathisdoorbeggingforkindness。’Shereturnedhomeandtooktoherbed;nowsheisinafever。‘Isee,’shesaid,‘thathehastimeforhisgirl。’ShemeansbyyourgirlSofyaSemyonovna,yourbetrothedoryourmistress,Idon’tknow。IwentatoncetoSofyaSemyonovna’s,forIwantedtoknowwhatwasgoingon。Ilookedround,Isawthecoffin,thechildrencrying,andSofyaSemyonovnatryingthemonmourningdresses。Nosignofyou。Iapologised,cameaway,andreportedtoAvdotyaRomanovna。Sothat’sallnonsenseandyouhaven’tgotagirl;themostlikelythingisthatyouaremad。Buthereyousit,guzzlingboiledbeefasthoughyou’dnothadabiteforthreedays。Thoughasfarasthatgoes,madmeneattoo,butthoughyouhavenotsaidawordtomeyet…youarenotmad!ThatI’dswear!Aboveall,youarenotmad!Soyoumaygotohell,allofyou,forthere’ssomemystery,somesecretaboutit,andIdon’tintendtoworrymybrainsoveryoursecrets。SoI’vesimplycometoswearatyou,”hefinished,gettingup,“torelievemymind。AndIknowwhattodonow。”
“Whatdoyoumeantodonow?”
“WhatbusinessisitofyourswhatImeantodo?”
“Youaregoinginforadrinkingbout。”
“How…howdidyouknow?”
“Why,it’sprettyplain。”
Razumihinpausedforaminute。
“Youalwayshavebeenaveryrationalpersonandyou’veneverbeenmad,never,”heobservedsuddenlywithwarmth。“You’reright:Ishalldrink。Good-bye!”
Andhemovedtogoout。
“Iwastalkingwithmysister—thedaybeforeyesterday,Ithinkitwas—aboutyou,Razumihin。”
“Aboutme!But…wherecanyouhaveseenherthedaybeforeyesterday?”Razumihinstoppedshortandeventurnedalittlepale。
Onecouldseethathisheartwasthrobbingslowlyandviolently。
“Shecameherebyherself,satthereandtalkedtome。”
“Shedid!”
“Yes。”
“Whatdidyousaytoher…Imean,aboutme?”
“Itoldheryouwereaverygood,honest,andindustriousman。Ididn’ttellheryouloveher,becausesheknowsthatherself。”
“Sheknowsthatherself?”
“Well,it’sprettyplain。WhereverImightgo,whateverhappenedtome,youwouldremaintolookafterthem。I,sotospeak,givethemintoyourkeeping,Razumihin。IsaythisbecauseIknowquitewellhowyouloveher,andamconvincedofthepurityofyourheart。Iknowthatshetoomayloveyouandperhapsdoesloveyoualready。Nowdecideforyourself,asyouknowbest,whetheryouneedgoinforadrinkingboutornot。”
“Rodya!Yousee…well。…Ach,damnit!Butwheredoyoumeantogo?Ofcourse,ifit’sallasecret,nevermind。…ButI…Ishallfindoutthesecret…andIamsurethatitmustbesomeridiculousnonsenseandthatyou’vemadeitallup。Anywayyouareacapitalfellow,acapitalfellow!…”
“ThatwasjustwhatIwantedtoadd,onlyyouinterrupted,thatthatwasaverygooddecisionofyoursnottofindoutthesesecrets。Leaveittotime,don’tworryaboutit。You’llknowitallintimewhenitmustbe。Yesterdayamansaidtomethatwhatamanneedsisfreshair,freshair,freshair。Imeantogotohimdirectlytofindoutwhathemeantbythat。”
Razumihinstoodlostinthoughtandexcitement,makingasilentconclusion。
“He’sapoliticalconspirator!Hemustbe。Andhe’sontheeveofsomedesperatestep,that’scertain。Itcanonlybethat!And…andDouniaknows,”hethoughtsuddenly。
“SoAvdotyaRomanovnacomestoseeyou,”hesaid,weighingeachsyllable,“andyou’regoingtoseeamanwhosaysweneedmoreair,andsoofcoursethatletter…thattoomusthavesomethingtodowithit,”heconcludedtohimself。
“Whatletter?”
“Shegotaletterto-day。Itupsetherverymuch—verymuchindeed。Toomuchso。Ibeganspeakingofyou,shebeggedmenotto。Then…thenshesaidthatperhapsweshouldverysoonhavetopart…thenshebeganwarmlythankingmeforsomething;thenshewenttoherroomandlockedherselfin。”
“Shegotaletter?”Raskolnikovaskedthoughtfully。
“Yes,andyoudidn’tknow?hm…”
Theywerebothsilent。
“Good-bye,Rodion。Therewasatime,brother,whenI。…Nevermind,good-bye。Yousee,therewasatime。…Well,good-bye!Imustbeofftoo。Iamnotgoingtodrink。There’snoneednow。…That’sallstuff!”
Hehurriedout;butwhenhehadalmostclosedthedoorbehindhim,hesuddenlyopeneditagain,andsaid,lookingaway:
“Oh,bytheway,doyourememberthatmurder,youknowPorfiry’s,thatoldwoman?Doyouknowthemurdererhasbeenfound,hehasconfessedandgiventheproofs。It’soneofthoseveryworkmen,thepainter,onlyfancy!DoyourememberIdefendedthemhere?Wouldyoubelieveit,allthatsceneoffightingandlaughingwithhiscompanionsonthestairswhiletheporterandthetwowitnessesweregoingup,hegotuponpurposetodisarmsuspicion。Thecunning,thepresenceofmindoftheyoungdog!Onecanhardlycreditit;butit’shisownexplanation,hehasconfesseditall。AndwhatafoolIwasaboutit!Well,he’ssimplyageniusofhypocrisyandresourcefulnessindisarmingthesuspicionsofthelawyers—sothere’snothingmuchtowonderat,Isuppose!Ofcoursepeoplelikethatarealwayspossible。Andthefactthathecouldn’tkeepupthecharacter,butconfessed,makeshimeasiertobelievein。ButwhatafoolIwas!Iwasfranticontheirside!”
“Tellme,please,fromwhomdidyouhearthat,andwhydoesitinterestyouso?”Raskolnikovaskedwithunmistakableagitation。
“Whatnext?Youaskmewhyitinterestsme!…Well,IhearditfromPorfiry,amongothers…ItwasfromhimIheardalmostallaboutit。”
“FromPorfiry?”
“FromPorfiry。”
“What…whatdidhesay?”Raskolnikovaskedindismay。
“Hegavemeacapitalexplanationofit。Psychologically,afterhisfashion。”
“Heexplainedit?Explainedithimself?”
“Yes,yes;good-bye。I’lltellyouallaboutitanothertime,butnowI’mbusy。TherewasatimewhenIfancied…Butnomatter,anothertime!…Whatneedisthereformetodrinknow?Youhavemademedrunkwithoutwine。Iamdrunk,Rodya!Good-bye,I’mgoing。I’llcomeagainverysoon。”
Hewentout。
“He’sapoliticalconspirator,there’snotadoubtaboutit,”Razumihindecided,asheslowlydescendedthestairs。“Andhe’sdrawnhissisterin;that’squite,quiteinkeepingwithAvdotyaRomanovna’scharacter。Thereareinterviewsbetweenthem!…Shehintedatittoo…Somanyofherwords。…andhints…bearthatmeaning!Andhowelsecanallthistanglebeexplained?Hm!AndIwasalmostthinking…Goodheavens,whatIthought!Yes,ItookleaveofmysensesandIwrongedhim!Itwashisdoing,underthelampinthecorridorthatday。Pfoo!Whatacrude,nasty,vileideaonmypart!Nikolayisabrick,forconfessing。…Andhowclearitallisnow!Hisillnessthen,allhisstrangeactions…beforethis,intheuniversity,howmoroseheusedtobe,howgloomy。…Butwhat’sthemeaningnowofthatletter?There’ssomethinginthat,too,perhaps。Whomwasitfrom?Isuspect…!No,Imustfindout!”
HethoughtofDounia,realisingallhehadheardandhisheartthrobbed,andhesuddenlybrokeintoarun。
AssoonasRazumihinwentout,Raskolnikovgotup,turnedtothewindow,walkedintoonecornerandthenintoanother,asthoughforgettingthesmallnessofhisroom,andsatdownagainonthesofa。Hefelt,sotospeak,renewed;againthestruggle,soameansofescapehadcome。
“Yes,ameansofescapehadcome!Ithadbeentoostifling,toocramping,theburdenhadbeentooagonising。Alethargyhadcomeuponhimattimes。FromthemomentofthescenewithNikolayatPorfiry’shehadbeensuffocating,pennedinwithouthopeofescape。AfterNikolay’sconfession,onthatverydayhadcomethescenewithSonia;hisbehaviourandhislastwordshadbeenutterlyunlikeanythinghecouldhaveimaginedbeforehand;hehadgrownfeebler,instantlyandfundamentally!AndhehadagreedatthetimewithSonia,hehadagreedinhishearthecouldnotgoonlivingalonewithsuchathingonhismind!
“AndSvidrigailovwasariddle…Heworriedhim,thatwastrue,butsomehownotonthesamepoint。HemightstillhaveastruggletocomewithSvidrigailov。Svidrigailov,too,mightbeameansofescape;butPorfirywasadifferentmatter。
“AndsoPorfiryhimselfhadexplainedittoRazumihin,hadexplaineditpsychologically。Hehadbegunbringinginhisdamnedpsychologyagain!Porfiry?ButtothinkthatPorfiryshouldforonemomentbelievethatNikolaywasguilty,afterwhathadpassedbetweenthembeforeNikolay’sappearance,afterthattete-a-teteinterview,whichcouldhaveonlyoneexplanation?(DuringthosedaysRaskolnikovhadoftenrecalledpassagesinthatscenewithPorfiry;hecouldnotbeartolethismindrestonit。)Suchwords,suchgestureshadpassedbetweenthem,theyhadexchangedsuchglances,thingshadbeensaidinsuchatoneandhadreachedsuchapass,thatNikolay,whomPorfiryhadseenthroughatthefirstword,atthefirstgesture,couldnothaveshakenhisconviction。
“AndtothinkthatevenRazumihinhadbeguntosuspect!Thesceneinthecorridorunderthelamphadproduceditseffectthen。HehadrushedtoPorfiry。…Butwhathadinducedthelattertoreceivehimlikethat?WhathadbeenhisobjectinputtingRazumihinoffwithNikolay?Hemusthavesomeplan;therewassomedesign,butwhatwasit?Itwastruethatalongtimehadpassedsincethatmorning—toolongatime—andnosightnorsoundofPorfiry。Well,thatwasabadsign。…”
Raskolnikovtookhiscapandwentoutoftheroom,stillpondering。Itwasthefirsttimeforalongwhilethathehadfeltclearinhismind,atleast。“ImustsettleSvidrigailov,”hethought,“andassoonaspossible;he,too,seemstobewaitingformetocometohimofmyownaccord。”Andatthatmomenttherewassucharushofhateinhiswearyheartthathemighthavekilledeitherofthosetwo—PorfiryorSvidrigailov。Atleasthefeltthathewouldbecapableofdoingitlater,ifnotnow。
“Weshallsee,weshallsee,”herepeatedtohimself。
ButnosoonerhadheopenedthedoorthanhestumbleduponPorfiryhimselfinthepassage。Hewascomingintoseehim。Raskolnikovwasdumbfoundedforaminute,butonlyforoneminute。Strangetosay,hewasnotverymuchastonishedatseeingPorfiryandscarcelyafraidofhim。Hewassimplystartled,butwasquickly,instantly,onhisguard。“Perhapsthiswillmeantheend?ButhowcouldPorfiryhaveapproachedsoquietly,likeacat,sothathehadheardnothing?Couldhehavebeenlisteningatthedoor?”
“Youdidn’texpectavisitor,RodionRomanovitch,”Porfiryexplained,laughing。“I’vebeenmeaningtolookinalongtime;Iwaspassingbyandthoughtwhynotgoinforfiveminutes。Areyougoingout?Iwon’tkeepyoulong。Justletmehaveonecigarette。”
“Sitdown,PorfiryPetrovitch,sitdown。”Raskolnikovgavehisvisitoraseatwithsopleasedandfriendlyanexpressionthathewouldhavemarvelledathimself,ifhecouldhaveseenit。
Thelastmomenthadcome,thelastdropshadtobedrained!Soamanwillsometimesgothroughhalfanhourofmortalterrorwithabrigand,yetwhentheknifeisathisthroatatlast,hefeelsnofear。
RaskolnikovseatedhimselfdirectlyfacingPorfiry,andlookedathimwithoutflinching。Porfiryscreweduphiseyesandbeganlightingacigarette。
“Speak,speak,”seemedasthoughitwouldburstfromRaskolnikov’sheart。“Come,whydon’tyouspeak?”
“Ahthesecigarettes!”PorfiryPetrovitchejaculatedatlast,havinglightedone。“Theyarepernicious,positivelypernicious,andyetIcan’tgivethemup!Icough,Ibegintohaveticklinginmythroatandadifficultyinbreathing。YouknowIamacoward,IwentlatelytoDr。B——n;healwaysgivesatleasthalfanhourtoeachpatient。Hepositivelylaughedlookingatme;hesoundedme:‘Tobacco’sbadforyou,’hesaid,‘yourlungsareaffected。’ButhowamItogiveitup?Whatistheretotakeitsplace?Idon’tdrink,that’sthemischief,he-he-he,thatIdon’t。Everythingisrelative,RodionRomanovitch,everythingisrelative!”
“Why,he’splayinghisprofessionaltricksagain,”Raskolnikovthoughtwithdisgust。Allthecircumstancesoftheirlastinterviewsuddenlycamebacktohim,andhefeltarushofthefeelingthathadcomeuponhimthen。
“Icametoseeyouthedaybeforeyesterday,intheevening;youdidn’tknow?”PorfiryPetrovitchwenton,lookingroundtheroom。“Icameintothisveryroom。Iwaspassingby,justasIdidto-day,andIthoughtI’dreturnyourcall。Iwalkedinasyourdoorwaswideopen,Ilookedround,waitedandwentoutwithoutleavingmynamewithyourservant。Don’tyoulockyourdoor?”
Raskolnikov’sfacegrewmoreandmoregloomy。Porfiryseemedtoguesshisstateofmind。
“I’vecometohaveitoutwithyou,RodionRomanovitch,mydearfellow!Ioweyouanexplanationandmustgiveittoyou,”hecontinuedwithaslightsmile,justpattingRaskolnikov’sknee。
Butalmostatthesameinstantaseriousandcarewornlookcameintohisface;tohissurpriseRaskolnikovsawatouchofsadnessinit。Hehadneverseenandneversuspectedsuchanexpressioninhisface。
“Astrangescenepassedbetweenuslasttimewemet,RodionRomanovitch。Ourfirstinterview,too,wasastrangeone;butthen…andonethingafteranother!Thisisthepoint:Ihaveperhapsactedunfairlytoyou;Ifeelit。Doyourememberhowweparted?Yournerveswereunhingedandyourkneeswereshakingandsoweremine。And,youknow,ourbehaviourwasunseemly,evenungentlemanly。Andyetwearegentlemen,aboveall,inanycase,gentlemen;thatmustbeunderstood。Doyourememberwhatwecameto?…anditwasquiteindecorous。”
“Whatisheupto,whatdoeshetakemefor?”Raskolnikovaskedhimselfinamazement,raisinghisheadandlookingwithopeneyesonPorfiry。
“I’vedecidedopennessisbetterbetweenus,”PorfiryPetrovitchwenton,turninghisheadawayanddroppinghiseyes,asthoughunwillingtodisconcerthisformervictimandasthoughdisdaininghisformerwiles。“Yes,suchsuspicionsandsuchscenescannotcontinueforlong。Nikolayputastoptoit,orIdon’tknowwhatwemightnothavecometo。Thatdamnedworkmanwassittingatthetimeinthenextroom—canyourealisethat?Youknowthat,ofcourse;andIamawarethathecametoyouafterwards。Butwhatyousupposedthenwasnottrue:Ihadnotsentforanyone,Ihadmadenokindofarrangements。YouaskwhyIhadn’t?WhatshallIsaytoyou?ithadallcomeuponmesosuddenly。Ihadscarcelysentfortheporters(younoticedthemasyouwentout,Idaresay)。Anideaflasheduponme;Iwasfirmlyconvincedatthetime,yousee,RodionRomanovitch。Come,Ithought—evenifIletonethingslipforatime,Ishallgetholdofsomethingelse—Ishan’tlosewhatIwant,anyway。Youarenervouslyirritable,RodionRomanovitch,bytemperament;it’soutofproportionwithotherqualitiesofyourheartandcharacter,whichIflattermyselfIhavetosomeextentdivined。OfcourseIdidreflecteventhenthatitdoesnotalwayshappenthatamangetsupandblurtsouthiswholestory。Itdoeshappensometimes,ifyoumakeamanloseallpatience,thougheventhenit’srare。Iwascapableofrealisingthat。IfIonlyhadafact,Ithought,theleastlittlefacttogoupon,somethingIcouldlayholdof,somethingtangible,notmerelypsychological。Forifamanisguilty,youmustbeabletogetsomethingsubstantialoutofhim;onemayreckonuponmostsurprisingresultsindeed。Iwasreckoningonyourtemperament,RodionRomanovitch,onyourtemperamentaboveallthings!Ihadgreathopesofyouatthattime。”
“Butwhatareyoudrivingatnow?”Raskolnikovmutteredatlast,askingthequestionwithoutthinking。
“Whatishetalkingabout?”hewondereddistractedly,“doeshereallytakemetobeinnocent?”
“WhatamIdrivingat?I’vecometoexplainmyself,Iconsideritmyduty,sotospeak。Iwanttomakecleartoyouhowthewholebusiness,thewholemisunderstandingarose。I’vecausedyouagreatdealofsuffering,RodionRomanovitch。Iamnotamonster。Iunderstandwhatitmustmeanforamanwhohasbeenunfortunate,butwhoisproud,imperiousandaboveall,impatient,tohavetobearsuchtreatment!Iregardyouinanycaseasamanofnoblecharacterandnotwithoutelementsofmagnanimity,thoughIdon’tagreewithallyourconvictions。Iwantedtotellyouthisfirst,franklyandquitesincerely,foraboveallIdon’twanttodeceiveyou。WhenImadeyouracquaintance,Ifeltattractedbyyou。Perhapsyouwilllaughatmysayingso。Youhavearightto。Iknowyoudislikedmefromthefirstandindeedyou’venoreasontolikeme。Youmaythinkwhatyoulike,butIdesirenowtodoallIcantoeffacethatimpressionandtoshowthatIamamanofheartandconscience。Ispeaksincerely。”
PorfiryPetrovitchmadeadignifiedpause。Raskolnikovfeltarushofrenewedalarm。ThethoughtthatPorfirybelievedhimtobeinnocentbegantomakehimuneasy。
“It’sscarcelynecessarytogoovereverythingindetail,”PorfiryPetrovitchwenton。“Indeed,Icouldscarcelyattemptit。Tobeginwiththerewererumours。Throughwhom,how,andwhenthoserumourscametome…andhowtheyaffectedyou,Ineednotgointo。Mysuspicionswerearousedbyacompleteaccident,whichmightjustaseasilynothavehappened。Whatwasit?Hm!Ibelievethereisnoneedtogointothateither。Thoserumoursandthataccidentledtooneideainmymind。Iadmititopenly—foronemayaswellmakeacleanbreastofit—Iwasthefirsttopitchonyou。Theoldwoman’snotesonthepledgesandtherestofit—thatallcametonothing。Yourswasoneofahundred。Ihappened,too,tohearofthesceneattheoffice,fromamanwhodescribeditcapitally,unconsciouslyreproducingthescenewithgreatvividness。Itwasjustonethingafteranother,RodionRomanovitch,mydearfellow!HowcouldIavoidbeingbroughttocertainideas?Fromahundredrabbitsyoucan’tmakeahorse,ahundredsuspicionsdon’tmakeaproof,astheEnglishproverbsays,butthat’sonlyfromtherationalpointofview—youcan’thelpbeingpartial,forafterallalawyerisonlyhuman。Ithought,too,ofyourarticleinthatjournal,doyouremember,onyourfirstvisitwetalkedofit?Ijeeredatyouatthetime,butthatwasonlytoleadyouon。Irepeat,RodionRomanovitch,youareillandimpatient。Thatyouwerebold,headstrong,inearnestand…hadfeltagreatdealIrecognisedlongbefore。I,too,havefeltthesame,sothatyourarticleseemedfamiliartome。Itwasconceivedonsleeplessnights,withathrobbingheart,inecstasyandsuppressedenthusiasm。Andthatproudsuppressedenthusiasminyoungpeopleisdangerous!Ijeeredatyouthen,butletmetellyouthat,asaliteraryamateur,Iamawfullyfondofsuchfirstessays,fulloftheheatofyouth。Thereisamistinessandachordvibratinginthemist。Yourarticleisabsurdandfantastic,butthere’satransparentsincerity,ayouthfulincorruptibleprideandthedaringofdespairinit。It’sagloomyarticle,butthat’swhat’sfineinit。Ireadyourarticleandputitaside,thinkingasIdidso‘thatmanwon’tgothecommonway。’Well,Iaskyou,afterthatasapreliminary,howcouldIhelpbeingcarriedawaybywhatfollowed?Oh,dear,Iamnotsayinganything,Iamnotmakinganystatementnow。Isimplynoteditatthetime。Whatisthereinit?Ireflected。There’snothinginit,thatisreallynothingandperhapsabsolutelynothing。Andit’snotatallthethingfortheprosecutortolethimselfbecarriedawaybynotions:hereIhaveNikolayonmyhandswithactualevidenceagainsthim—youmaythinkwhatyoulikeofit,butit’sevidence。Hebringsinhispsychology,too;onehastoconsiderhim,too,forit’samatteroflifeanddeath。WhyamIexplainingthistoyou?Thatyoumayunderstand,andnotblamemymaliciousbehaviouronthatoccasion。Itwasnotmalicious,Iassureyou,he-he!DoyousupposeIdidn’tcometosearchyourroomatthetime?Idid,Idid,he-he!Iwasherewhenyouwerelyingillinbed,notofficially,notinmyownperson,butIwashere。Yourroomwassearchedtothelastthreadatthefirstsuspicion;butumsonst!Ithoughttomyself,nowthatmanwillcome,willcomeofhimselfandquickly,too;ifhe’sguilty,he’ssuretocome。Anothermanwouldn’t,buthewill。AndyourememberhowMr。Razumihinbegandiscussingthesubjectwithyou?Wearrangedthattoexciteyou,sowepurposelyspreadrumours,thathemightdiscussthecasewithyou,andRazumihinisnotamantorestrainhisindignation。Mr。Zametovwastremendouslystruckbyyourangerandyouropendaring。Thinkofblurtingoutinarestaurant‘Ikilledher。’Itwastoodaring,tooreckless。Ithoughtsomyself,ifheisguiltyhewillbeaformidableopponent。ThatwaswhatIthoughtatthetime。Iwasexpectingyou。ButyousimplybowledZametovoverand…well,yousee,itallliesinthis—thatthisdamnablepsychologycanbetakentwoways!Well,Ikeptexpectingyou,andsoitwas,youcame!Myheartwasfairlythrobbing。Ach!
“Now,whyneedyouhavecome?Yourlaughter,too,asyoucamein,doyouremember?Isawitallplainasdaylight,butifIhadn’texpectedyousospecially,Ishouldnothavenoticedanythinginyourlaughter。Youseewhatinfluenceamoodhas!Mr。Razumihinthen—ah,thatstone,thatstoneunderwhichthethingswerehidden!Iseemtoseeitsomewhereinakitchengarden。Itwasinakitchengarden,youtoldZametovandafterwardsyourepeatedthatinmyoffice?Andwhenwebeganpickingyourarticletopieces,howyouexplainedit!Onecouldtakeeverywordofyoursintwosenses,asthoughtherewereanothermeaninghidden。
“Sointhisway,RodionRomanovitch,Ireachedthefurthestlimit,andknockingmyheadagainstapost,Ipulledmyselfup,askingmyselfwhatIwasabout。Afterall,Isaid,youcantakeitallinanothersenseifyoulike,andit’smorenaturalso,indeed。Icouldn’thelpadmittingitwasmorenatural。Iwasbothered!‘No,I’dbettergetholdofsomelittlefact’Isaid。SowhenIheardofthebell-ringing,Iheldmybreathandwasallinatremor。‘Hereismylittlefact,’thoughtI,andIdidn’tthinkitover,Isimplywouldn’t。Iwouldhavegivenathousandroublesatthatminutetohaveseenyouwithmyowneyes,whenyouwalkedahundredpacesbesidethatworkman,afterhehadcalledyoumurderertoyourface,andyoudidnotdaretoaskhimaquestionalltheway。Andthenwhataboutyourtrembling,whataboutyourbell-ringinginyourillness,insemi-delirium?
“Andso,RodionRomanovitch,canyouwonderthatIplayedsuchpranksonyou?Andwhatmadeyoucomeatthatveryminute?Someoneseemedtohavesentyou,byJove!AndifNikolayhadnotpartedus…anddoyourememberNikolayatthetime?Doyourememberhimclearly?Itwasathunderbolt,aregularthunderbolt!AndhowImethim!Ididn’tbelieveinthethunderbolt,notforaminute。Youcouldseeitforyourself;andhowcouldI?Evenafterwards,whenyouhadgoneandhebeganmakingvery,veryplausibleanswersoncertainpoints,sothatIwassurprisedathimmyself,eventhenIdidn’tbelievehisstory!Youseewhatitistobeasfirmasarock!No,thoughtI,Morgenfruh。WhathasNikolaygottodowithit!”
“RazumihintoldmejustnowthatyouthinkNikolayguiltyandhadyourselfassuredhimofit。…”
Hisvoicefailedhim,andhebrokeoff。Hehadbeenlisteninginindescribableagitation,asthismanwhohadseenthroughandthroughhim,wentbackuponhimself。Hewasafraidofbelievingitanddidnotbelieveit。Inthosestillambiguouswordshekepteagerlylookingforsomethingmoredefiniteandconclusive。
“Mr。Razumihin!”criedPorfiryPetrovitch,seeminggladofaquestionfromRaskolnikov,whohadtillthenbeensilent。“He-he-he!ButIhadtoputMr。Razumihinoff;twoiscompany,threeisnone。Mr。Razumihinisnottherightman,besidesheisanoutsider。Hecamerunningtomewithapaleface。…Butnevermindhim,whybringhimin?ToreturntoNikolay,wouldyouliketoknowwhatsortofatypeheis,howIunderstandhim,thatis?Tobeginwith,heisstillachildandnotexactlyacoward,butsomethingbywayofanartist。Really,don’tlaughatmydescribinghimso。Heisinnocentandresponsivetoinfluence。Hehasaheart,andisafantasticfellow。Hesingsanddances,hetellsstories,theysay,sothatpeoplecomefromothervillagestohearhim。Heattendsschooltoo,andlaughstillhecriesifyouholdupafingertohim;hewilldrinkhimselfsenseless—notasaregularvice,butattimes,whenpeopletreathim,likeachild。Andhestole,too,then,withoutknowingithimself,for‘Howcanitbestealing,ifonepicksitup?’AnddoyouknowheisanOldBeliever,orratheradissenter?TherehavebeenWanderers1inhisfamily,andhewasfortwoyearsinhisvillageunderthespiritualguidanceofacertainelder。IlearntallthisfromNikolayandfromhisfellowvillagers。Andwhat’smore,hewantedtorunintothewilderness!Hewasfulloffervour,prayedatnight,readtheoldbooks,‘thetrue’ones,andreadhimselfcrazy。
“Petersburghadagreateffectuponhim,especiallythewomenandthewine。Herespondstoeverythingandheforgottheelderandallthat。Ilearntthatanartistheretookafancytohim,andusedtogoandseehim,andnowthisbusinesscameuponhim。
“Well,hewasfrightened,hetriedtohanghimself!Heranaway!HowcanonegetovertheideathepeoplehaveofRussianlegalproceedings?Theveryword‘trial’frightenssomeofthem。Whosefaultisit?Weshallseewhatthenewjurieswilldo。Godgranttheydogood!Well,inprison,itseems,herememberedthevenerableelder;theBible,too,madeitsappearanceagain。Doyouknow,RodionRomanovitch,theforceoftheword‘suffering’amongsomeofthesepeople!It’snotaquestionofsufferingforsomeone’sbenefit,butsimply,‘onemustsuffer。’Iftheysufferatthehandsoftheauthorities,somuchthebetter。InmytimetherewasaverymeekandmildprisonerwhospentawholeyearinprisonalwaysreadinghisBibleonthestoveatnightandhereadhimselfcrazy,andsocrazy,doyouknow,thatoneday,aproposofnothing,heseizedabrickandflungitatthegovernor;thoughhehaddonehimnoharm。Andthewayhethrewittoo:aimeditayardononesideonpurpose,forfearofhurtinghim。Well,weknowwhathappenstoaprisonerwhoassaultsanofficerwithaweapon。So‘hetookhissuffering。’
“SoIsuspectnowthatNikolaywantstotakehissufferingorsomethingofthesort。Iknowitforcertainfromfacts,indeed。Onlyhedoesn’tknowthatIknow。What,youdon’tadmitthattherearesuchfantasticpeopleamongthepeasants?Lotsofthem。Theeldernowhasbeguninfluencinghim,especiallysincehetriedtohanghimself。Buthe’llcomeandtellmeallhimself。Youthinkhe’llholdout?Waitabit,he’lltakehiswordsback。Iamwaitingfromhourtohourforhimtocomeandabjurehisevidence。IhavecometolikethatNikolayandamstudyinghimindetail。Andwhatdoyouthink?He-he!Heansweredmeveryplausiblyonsomepoints,heobviouslyhadcollectedsomeevidenceandpreparedhimselfcleverly。Butonotherpointsheissimplyatsea,knowsnothinganddoesn’tevensuspectthathedoesn’tknow!
“No,RodionRomanovitch,Nikolaydoesn’tcomein!Thisisafantastic,gloomybusiness,amoderncase,anincidentofto-daywhentheheartofmanistroubled,whenthephraseisquotedthatblood‘renews,’whencomfortispreachedastheaimoflife。Herewehavebookishdreams,aheartunhingedbytheories。Hereweseeresolutioninthefirststage,butresolutionofaspecialkind:heresolvedtodoitlikejumpingoveraprecipiceorfromabelltowerandhislegsshookashewenttothecrime。Heforgottoshutthedoorafterhim,andmurderedtwopeopleforatheory。Hecommittedthemurderandcouldn’ttakethemoney,andwhathedidmanagetosnatchuphehidunderastone。Itwasn’tenoughforhimtosufferagonybehindthedoorwhiletheybatteredatthedoorandrungthebell,no,hehadtogototheemptylodging,halfdelirious,torecallthebell-ringing,hewantedtofeelthecoldshiveroveragain。…Well,thatwegrant,wasthroughillness,butconsiderthis:heisamurderer,butlooksuponhimselfasanhonestman,despisesothers,posesasinjuredinnocence。No,that’snottheworkofaNikolay,mydearRodionRomanovitch!”
Allthathadbeensaidbeforehadsoundedsolikearecantationthatthesewordsweretoogreatashock。Raskolnikovshudderedasthoughhehadbeenstabbed。
“Then…whothen…isthemurderer?”heaskedinabreathlessvoice,unabletorestrainhimself。
PorfiryPetrovitchsankbackinhischair,asthoughhewereamazedatthequestion。
“Whoisthemurderer?”herepeated,asthoughunabletobelievehisears。“Why,you,RodionRomanovitch!Youarethemurderer,”headded,almostinawhisper,inavoiceofgenuineconviction。
Raskolnikovleaptfromthesofa,stoodupforafewsecondsandsatdownagainwithoututteringaword。Hisfacetwitchedconvulsively。
“Yourlipistwitchingjustasitdidbefore,”PorfiryPetrovitchobservedalmostsympathetically。“You’vebeenmisunderstandingme,Ithink,RodionRomanovitch,”headdedafterabriefpause,“that’swhyyouaresosurprised。Icameonpurposetotellyoueverythinganddealopenlywithyou。”
“ItwasnotImurderedher,”Raskolnikovwhisperedlikeafrightenedchildcaughtintheact。
“No,itwasyou,youRodionRomanovitch,andnooneelse,”Porfirywhisperedsternly,withconviction。
Theywerebothsilentandthesilencelastedstrangelylong,abouttenminutes。Raskolnikovputhiselbowonthetableandpassedhisfingersthroughhishair。PorfiryPetrovitchsatquietlywaiting。SuddenlyRaskolnikovlookedscornfullyatPorfiry。
“Youareatyouroldtricksagain,PorfiryPetrovitch!Youroldmethodagain。Iwonderyoudon’tgetsickofit!”
“Oh,stopthat,whatdoesthatmatternow?Itwouldbeadifferentmatteriftherewerewitnessespresent,butwearewhisperingalone。YouseeyourselfthatIhavenotcometochaseandcaptureyoulikeahare。Whetheryouconfessitornotisnothingtomenow;formyself,Iamconvincedwithoutit。”
“Ifso,whatdidyoucomefor?”Raskolnikovaskedirritably。“Iaskyouthesamequestionagain:ifyouconsidermeguilty,whydon’tyoutakemetoprison?”
“Oh,that’syourquestion!Iwillansweryou,pointforpoint。Inthefirstplace,toarrestyousodirectlyisnottomyinterest。”
“Howso?Ifyouareconvincedyouought。…”
“Ach,whatifIamconvinced?That’sonlymydreamforthetime。WhyshouldIputyouinsafety?Youknowthat’sit,sinceyouaskmetodoit。IfIconfrontyouwiththatworkmanforinstanceandyousaytohim‘wereyoudrunkornot?Whosawmewithyou?Isimplytookyoutobedrunk,andyouweredrunk,too。’Well,whatcouldIanswer,especiallyasyourstoryisamorelikelyonethanhis?forthere’snothingbutpsychologytosupporthisevidence—that’salmostunseemlywithhisuglymug,whileyouhitthemarkexactly,fortherascalisaninveteratedrunkardandnotoriouslyso。AndIhavemyselfadmittedcandidlyseveraltimesalreadythatthatpsychologycanbetakenintwowaysandthatthesecondwayisstrongerandlooksfarmoreprobable,andthatapartfromthatIhaveasyetnothingagainstyou。AndthoughIshallputyouinprisonandindeedhavecome—quitecontrarytoetiquette—toinformyouofitbeforehand,yetItellyoufrankly,alsocontrarytoetiquette,thatitwon’tbetomyadvantage。Well,secondly,I’vecometoyoubecause…”
“Yes,yes,secondly?”Raskolnikovwaslisteningbreathless。
“Because,asItoldyoujustnow,IconsiderIoweyouanexplanation。Idon’twantyoutolookuponmeasamonster,asIhaveagenuinelikingforyou,youmaybelievemeornot。AndinthethirdplaceI’vecometoyouwithadirectandopenproposition—thatyoushouldsurrenderandconfess。Itwillbeinfinitelymoretoyouradvantageandtomyadvantagetoo,formytaskwillbedone。Well,isthisopenonmypartornot?”
Raskolnikovthoughtaminute。
“Listen,PorfiryPetrovitch。Yousaidjustnowyouhavenothingbutpsychologytogoon,yetnowyou’vegoneonmathematics。Well,whatifyouaremistakenyourself,now?”
“No,RodionRomanovitch,Iamnotmistaken。Ihavealittlefacteventhen,Providencesentitme。”
“Whatlittlefact?”
“Iwon’ttellyouwhat,RodionRomanovitch。Andinanycase,Ihaven’ttherighttoputitoffanylonger,Imustarrestyou。Sothinkitover:itmakesnodifferencetomenowandsoIspeakonlyforyoursake。Believeme,itwillbebetter,RodionRomanovitch。”
Raskolnikovsmiledmalignantly。
“That’snotsimplyridiculous,it’spositivelyshameless。Why,evenifIwereguilty,whichIdon’tadmit,whatreasonshouldIhavetoconfess,whenyoutellmeyourselfthatIshallbeingreatersafetyinprison?”
“Ah,RodionRomanovitch,don’tputtoomuchfaithinwords,perhapsprisonwillnotbealtogetherarestfulplace。That’sonlytheoryandmytheory,andwhatauthorityamIforyou?Perhaps,too,evennowIamhidingsomethingfromyou?Ican’tlaybareeverything,he-he!Andhowcanyouaskwhatadvantage?Don’tyouknowhowitwouldlessenyoursentence?Youwouldbeconfessingatamomentwhenanothermanhastakenthecrimeonhimselfandsohasmuddledthewholecase。Considerthat!IswearbeforeGodthatIwillsoarrangethatyourconfessionshallcomeasacompletesurprise。Wewillmakeacleansweepofallthesepsychologicalpoints,ofasuspicionagainstyou,sothatyourcrimewillappeartohavebeensomethinglikeanaberration,forintruthitwasanaberration。Iamanhonestman,RodionRomanovitch,andwillkeepmyword。”
Raskolnikovmaintainedamournfulsilenceandlethisheadsinkdejectedly。Heponderedalongwhileandatlastsmiledagain,buthissmilewassadandgentle。
“No!”hesaid,apparentlyabandoningallattempttokeepupappearanceswithPorfiry,“it’snotworthit,Idon’tcareaboutlesseningthesentence!”
“That’sjustwhatIwasafraidof!”Porfirycriedwarmlyand,asitseemed,involuntarily。“That’sjustwhatIfeared,thatyouwouldn’tcareaboutthemitigationofsentence。”
Raskolnikovlookedsadlyandexpressivelyathim。
“Ah,don’tdisdainlife!”Porfirywenton。“Youhaveagreatdealofitstillbeforeyou。Howcanyousayyoudon’twantamitigationofsentence?Youareanimpatientfellow!”
“Agreatdealofwhatliesbeforeme?”
“Oflife。Whatsortofprophetareyou,doyouknowmuchaboutit?Seekandyeshallfind。ThismaybeGod’smeansforbringingyoutoHim。Andit’snotforever,thebondage。…”
“Thetimewillbeshortened,”laughedRaskolnikov。
“Why,isitthebourgeoisdisgraceyouareafraidof?Itmaybethatyouareafraidofitwithoutknowingit,becauseyouareyoung!Butanywayyoushouldn’tbeafraidofgivingyourselfupandconfessing。”
“Ach,hangit!”Raskolnikovwhisperedwithloathingandcontempt,asthoughhedidnotwanttospeakaloud。
Hegotupagainasthoughhemeanttogoaway,butsatdownagaininevidentdespair。
“Hangit,ifyoulike!You’velostfaithandyouthinkthatIamgrosslyflatteringyou;buthowlonghasyourlifebeen?Howmuchdoyouunderstand?Youmadeupatheoryandthenwereashamedthatitbrokedownandturnedouttobenotatalloriginal!Itturnedoutsomethingbase,that’strue,butyouarenothopelesslybase。Bynomeanssobase!Atleastyoudidn’tdeceiveyourselfforlong,youwentstraighttothefurthestpointatonebound。HowdoIregardyou?Iregardyouasoneofthosemenwhowouldstandandsmileattheirtorturerwhilehecutstheirentrailsout,ifonlytheyhavefoundfaithorGod。Finditandyouwilllive。Youhavelongneededachangeofair。Suffering,too,isagoodthing。Suffer!MaybeNikolayisrightinwantingtosuffer。Iknowyoudon’tbelieveinit—butdon’tbeover-wise;flingyourselfstraightintolife,withoutdeliberation;don’tbeafraid—thefloodwillbearyoutothebankandsetyousafeonyourfeetagain。Whatbank?HowcanItell?Ionlybelievethatyouhavelonglifebeforeyou。Iknowthatyoutakeallmywordsnowforasetspeechpreparedbeforehand,butmaybeyouwillrememberthemafter。Theymaybeofusesometime。That’swhyIspeak。It’saswellthatyouonlykilledtheoldwoman。Ifyou’dinventedanothertheoryyoumightperhapshavedonesomethingathousandtimesmorehideous。YououghttothankGod,perhaps。Howdoyouknow?PerhapsGodissavingyouforsomething。Butkeepagoodheartandhavelessfear!Areyouafraidofthegreatexpiationbeforeyou?No,itwouldbeshamefultobeafraidofit。Sinceyouhavetakensuchastep,youmusthardenyourheart。Thereisjusticeinit。Youmustfulfilthedemandsofjustice。Iknowthatyoudon’tbelieveit,butindeed,lifewillbringyouthrough。Youwillliveitdownintime。Whatyouneednowisfreshair,freshair,freshair!”
Raskolnikovpositivelystarted。
“Butwhoareyou?whatprophetareyou?Fromtheheightofwhatmajesticcalmdoyouproclaimthesewordsofwisdom?”
“WhoamI?Iamamanwithnothingtohopefor,that’sall。Amanperhapsoffeelingandsympathy,maybeofsomeknowledgetoo,butmydayisover。Butyouareadifferentmatter,thereislifewaitingforyou。Though,whoknows?maybeyourlife,too,willpassoffinsmokeandcometonothing。Come,whatdoesitmatter,thatyouwillpassintoanotherclassofmen?It’snotcomfortyouregret,withyourheart!Whatofitthatperhapsnoonewillseeyouforsolong?It’snottime,butyourselfthatwilldecidethat。Bethesunandallwillseeyou。Thesunhasbeforealltobethesun。Whyareyousmilingagain?AtmybeingsuchaSchiller?Ibetyou’reimaginingthatIamtryingtogetroundyoubyflattery。Well,perhapsIam,he-he-he!Perhapsyou’dbetternotbelievemyword,perhapsyou’dbetterneverbelieveitaltogether—I’mmadethatway,Iconfessit。Butletmeadd,youcanjudgeforyourself,Ithink,howfarIamabasesortofmanandhowfarIamhonest。”
“Whendoyoumeantoarrestme?”
“Well,Icanletyouwalkaboutanotherdayortwo。Thinkitover,mydearfellow,andpraytoGod。It’smoreinyourinterest,believeme。”
“AndwhatifIrunaway?”askedRaskolnikovwithastrangesmile。
“No,youwon’trunaway。Apeasantwouldrunaway,afashionabledissenterwouldrunaway,theflunkeyofanotherman’sthought,foryou’veonlytoshowhimtheendofyourlittlefingerandhe’llbereadytobelieveinanythingfortherestofhislife。Butyou’veceasedtobelieveinyourtheoryalready,whatwillyourunawaywith?Andwhatwouldyoudoinhiding?Itwouldbehatefulanddifficultforyou,andwhatyouneedmorethananythinginlifeisadefiniteposition,anatmospheretosuityou。Andwhatsortofatmospherewouldyouhave?Ifyouranaway,you’dcomebacktoyourself。Youcan’tgetonwithoutus。AndifIputyouinprison—sayyou’vebeenthereamonth,ortwo,orthree—remembermyword,you’llconfessofyourselfandperhapstoyourownsurprise。Youwon’tknowanhourbeforehandthatyouarecomingwithaconfession。Iamconvincedthatyouwilldecide,‘totakeyoursuffering。’Youdon’tbelievemywordsnow,butyou’llcometoitofyourself。Forsuffering,RodionRomanovitch,isagreatthing。Nevermindmyhavinggrownfat,Iknowallthesame。Don’tlaughatit,there’sanideainsuffering,Nokolayisright。No,youwon’trunaway,RodionRomanovitch。”
Raskolnikovgotupandtookhiscap。PorfiryPetrovitchalsorose。
“Areyougoingforawalk?Theeveningwillbefine,ifonlywedon’thaveastorm。Thoughitwouldbeagoodthingtofreshentheair。”
He,too,tookhiscap。
“PorfiryPetrovitch,pleasedon’ttakeupthenotionthatIhaveconfessedtoyouto-day,”Raskolnikovpronouncedwithsulleninsistence。“You’reastrangemanandIhavelistenedtoyoufromsimplecuriosity。ButIhaveadmittednothing,rememberthat!”
“Oh,Iknowthat,I’llremember。Lookathim,he’strembling!Don’tbeuneasy,mydearfellow,haveityourownway。Walkaboutabit,youwon’tbeabletowalktoofar。Ifanythinghappens,Ihaveonerequesttomakeofyou,”headded,droppinghisvoice。“It’sanawkwardone,butimportant。Ifanythingweretohappen(thoughindeedIdon’tbelieveinitandthinkyouquiteincapableofit),yetincaseyouweretakenduringthesefortyorfiftyhourswiththenotionofputtinganendtothebusinessinsomeotherway,insomefantasticfashion—layinghandsonyourself—(it’sanabsurdproposition,butyoumustforgivemeforit)doleaveabriefbutprecisenote,onlytwolines,andmentionthestone。Itwillbemoregenerous。Come,tillwemeet!Goodthoughtsandsounddecisionstoyou!”
Porfirywentout,stoopingandavoidinglookingatRaskolnikov。ThelatterwenttothewindowandwaitedwithirritableimpatiencetillhecalculatedthatPorfiryhadreachedthestreetandmovedaway。Thenhetoowenthurriedlyoutoftheroom。