“PyotrPetrovitch，”shecried，“protectme…youatleast！Makethisfoolishwomanunderstandthatshecan’tbehavelikethistoaladyinmisfortune…thatthereisalawforsuchthings。…I’llgotothegovernor-generalhimself。…Sheshallanswerforit。…Rememberingmyfather’shospitalityprotecttheseorphans。”
“Allowme，madam。…Allowme。”PyotrPetrovitchwavedheroff。“YourpapaasyouarewellawareIhadnotthehonourofknowing”(someonelaughedaloud)“andIdonotintendtotakepartinyoureverlastingsquabbleswithAmaliaIvanovna。…Ihavecomeheretospeakofmyownaffairs…andIwanttohaveawordwithyourstepdaughter，Sofya…Ivanovna，Ithinkitis？Allowmetopass。”
PyotrPetrovitch，edgingbyher，wenttotheoppositecornerwhereSoniawas。
KaterinaIvanovnaremainedstandingwhereshewas，asthoughthunderstruck。ShecouldnotunderstandhowPyotrPetrovitchcoulddenyhavingenjoyedherfather’shospitility。Thoughshehadinventeditherself，shebelievedinitfirmlybythistime。Shewasstrucktoobythebusinesslike，dryandevencontemptuousmenacingtoneofPyotrPetrovitch。Alltheclamourgraduallydiedawayathisentrance。Notonlywasthis“seriousbusinessman”strikinglyincongruouswiththerestoftheparty，butitwasevident，too，thathehadcomeuponsomematterofconsequence，thatsomeexceptionalcausemusthavebroughthimandthatthereforesomethingwasgoingtohappen。Raskolnikov，standingbesideSonia，movedasidetolethimpass；PyotrPetrovitchdidnotseemtonoticehim。AminutelaterLebeziatnikov，too，appearedinthedoorway；hedidnotcomein，butstoodstill，listeningwithmarkedinterest，almostwonder，andseemedforatimeperplexed。
“Excusemeforpossiblyinterruptingyou，butit’samatterofsomeimportance，”PyotrPetrovitchobserved，addressingthecompanygenerally。“Iamgladindeedtofindotherpersonspresent。AmaliaIvanovna，IhumblybegyouasmistressofthehousetopaycarefulattentiontowhatIhavetosaytoSofyaIvanovna。SofyaIvanovna，”hewenton，addressingSonia，whowasverymuchsurprisedandalreadyalarmed，“immediatelyafteryourvisitIfoundthatahundred-roublenotewasmissingfrommytable，intheroomofmyfriendMr。Lebeziatnikov。Ifinanywaywhateveryouknowandwilltelluswhereitisnow，Iassureyouonmywordofhonourandcallallpresenttowitnessthatthemattershallendthere。IntheoppositecaseIshallbecompelledtohaverecoursetoveryseriousmeasuresandthen…youmustblameyourself。”
Completesilencereignedintheroom。Eventhecryingchildrenwerestill。Soniastooddeadlypale，staringatLuzhinandunabletosayaword。Sheseemednottounderstand。Somesecondspassed。
“Well，howisittobethen？”askedLuzhin，lookingintentlyather。
“Idon’tknow。…Iknownothingaboutit，”Soniaarticulatedfaintlyatlast。
“No，youknownothing？”Luzhinrepeatedandagainhepausedforsomeseconds。“Thinkamoment，mademoiselle，”hebeganseverely，butstill，asitwere，admonishingher。“Reflect，Iampreparedtogiveyoutimeforconsideration。Kindlyobservethis:ifIwerenotsoentirelyconvincedIshouldnot，youmaybesure，withmyexperienceventuretoaccuseyousodirectly。Seeingthatforsuchdirectaccusationbeforewitnesses，iffalseorevenmistaken，Ishouldmyselfinacertainsensebemaderesponsible，Iamawareofthat。ThismorningIchangedformyownpurposesseveralfive-per-centsecuritiesforthesumofapproximatelythreethousandroubles。Theaccountisnoteddowninmypocket-book。OnmyreturnhomeIproceededtocountthemoney—asMr。Lebeziatnikovwillbearwitness—andaftercountingtwothousandthreehundredroublesIputtherestinmypocket-bookinmycoatpocket。Aboutfivehundredroublesremainedonthetableandamongthemthreenotesofahundredroubleseach。Atthatmomentyouentered(atmyinvitation)—andallthetimeyouwerepresentyouwereexceedinglyembarrassed；sothatthreetimesyoujumpedupinthemiddleoftheconversationandtriedtomakeoff。Mr。Lebeziatnikovcanbearwitnesstothis。Youyourself，mademoiselle，probablywillnotrefusetoconfirmmystatementthatIinvitedyouthroughMr。Lebeziatnikov，solelyinordertodiscusswithyouthehopelessanddestitutepositionofyourrelative，KaterinaIvanovna(whosedinnerIwasunabletoattend)，andtheadvisabilityofgettingupsomethingofthenatureofasubscription，lotteryorthelike，forherbenefit。Youthankedmeandevenshedtears。Idescribeallthisasittookplace，primarilytorecallittoyourmindandsecondlytoshowyouthatnottheslightestdetailhasescapedmyrecollection。ThenItookaten-roublenotefromthetableandhandedittoyoubywayoffirstinstalmentonmypartforthebenefitofyourrelative。Mr。Lebeziatnikovsawallthis。ThenIaccompaniedyoutothedoor—youbeingstillinthesamestateofembarrassment—afterwhich，beingleftalonewithMr。LebeziatnikovItalkedtohimfortenminutes—thenMr。LebeziatnikovwentoutandIreturnedtothetablewiththemoneylyingonit，intendingtocountitandtoputitaside，asIproposeddoingbefore。Tomysurpriseonehundred-roublenotehaddisappeared。Kindlyconsidertheposition。Mr。LebeziatnikovIcannotsuspect。Iamashamedtoalludetosuchasupposition。Icannothavemadeamistakeinmyreckoning，fortheminutebeforeyourentranceIhadfinishedmyaccountsandfoundthetotalcorrect。Youwilladmitthatrecollectingyourembarrassment，youreagernesstogetawayandthefactthatyoukeptyourhandsforsometimeonthetable，andtakingintoconsiderationyoursocialpositionandthehabitsassociatedwithit，Iwas，sotosay，withhorrorandpositivelyagainstmywill，compelledtoentertainasuspicion—acruel，butjustifiablesuspicion！Iwilladdfurtherandrepeatthatinspiteofmypositiveconviction，IrealisethatIrunacertainriskinmakingthisaccusation，butasyousee，Icouldnotletitpass。IhavetakenactionandIwilltellyouwhy:solely，madam，solely，owingtoyourblackingratitude！Why！Iinviteyouforthebenefitofyourdestituterelative，Ipresentyouwithmydonationoftenroublesandyou，onthespot，repaymeforallthatwithsuchanaction。Itistoobad！Youneedalesson。Reflect！Moreover，likeatruefriendIbegyou—andyoucouldhavenobetterfriendatthismoment—thinkwhatyouaredoing，otherwiseIshallbeimmovable！Well，whatdoyousay？”
“Ihavetakennothing，”Soniawhisperedinterror，“yougavemetenroubles，hereitis，takeit。”
Soniapulledherhandkerchiefoutofherpocket，untiedacornerofit，tookouttheten-roublenoteandgaveittoLuzhin。
“Andthehundredroublesyoudonotconfesstotaking？”heinsistedreproachfully，nottakingthenote。
Sonialookedabouther。Allwerelookingatherwithsuchawful，stern，ironical，hostileeyes。ShelookedatRaskolnikov…hestoodagainstthewall，withhisarmscrossed，lookingatherwithglowingeyes。
“GoodGod！”brokefromSonia。
“AmaliaIvanovna，weshallhavetosendwordtothepoliceandthereforeIhumblybegyoumeanwhiletosendforthehouseporter，”Luzhinsaidsoftlyandevenkindly。
“GottderBarmherzige！Iknewshewasthethief，”criedAmaliaIvanovna，throwingupherhands。
“Youknewit？”Luzhincaughtherup，“thenIsupposeyouhadsomereasonbeforethisforthinkingso。Ibegyou，worthyAmaliaIvanovna，torememberyourwordswhichhavebeenutteredbeforewitnesses。”
Therewasabuzzofloudconversationonallsides。Allwereinmovement。
“What！”criedKaterinaIvanovna，suddenlyrealisingtheposition，andsherushedatLuzhin。“What！Youaccuseherofstealing？Sonia？Ah，thewretches，thewretches！”
AndrunningtoSoniasheflungherwastedarmsroundherandheldherasinavise。
“Sonia！howdaredyoutaketenroublesfromhim？Foolishgirl！Giveittome！Givemethetenroublesatonce—here！
AndsnatchingthenotefromSonia，KaterinaIvanovnacrumpleditupandflungitstraightintoLuzhin’sface。Ithithimintheeyeandfellontheground。AmaliaIvanovnahastenedtopickitup。PyotrPetrovitchlosthistemper。
“Holdthatmadwoman！”heshouted。
Atthatmomentseveralotherpersons，besidesLebeziatnikov，appearedinthedoorway，amongthemthetwoladies。
“What！Mad？AmImad？Idiot！”shriekedKaterinaIvanovna。“Youareanidiotyourself，pettifogginglawyer，baseman！Sonia，Soniatakehismoney！Soniaathief！Why，she’dgiveawayherlastpenny！”andKaterinaIvanovnabrokeintohystericallaughter。“Didyoueverseesuchanidiot？”sheturnedfromsidetoside。“Andyoutoo？”shesuddenlysawthelandlady，“andyoutoo，sausageeater，youdeclarethatsheisathief，youtrashyPrussianhen’sleginacrinoline！Shehasn’tbeenoutofthisroom:shecamestraightfromyou，youwretch，andsatdownbesideme，everyonesawher。Shesathere，byRodionRomanovitch。Searchher！Sinceshe’snotlefttheroom，themoneywouldhavetobeonher！Searchher，searchher！Butifyoudon’tfindit，thenexcuseme，mydearfellow，you’llanswerforit！I’llgotoourSovereign，toourSovereign，toourgraciousTsarhimself，andthrowmyselfathisfeet，to-day，thisminute！Iamaloneintheworld！Theywouldletmein！Doyouthinktheywouldn’t？You’rewrong，Iwillgetin！Iwillgetin！Youreckonedonhermeekness！Yourelieduponthat！ButIamnotsosubmissive，letmetellyou！You’vegonetoofaryourself。Searchher，searchher！”
AndKaterinaIvanovnainafrenzyshookLuzhinanddraggedhimtowardsSonia。
“Iamready，I’llberesponsible…butcalmyourself，madam，calmyourself。Iseethatyouarenotsosubmissive！…Well，well，butastothat…”Luzhinmuttered，“thatoughttobebeforethepolice…thoughindeedtherearewitnessesenoughasitis。…Iamready。…Butinanycaseit’sdifficultforaman…onaccountofhersex。…ButwiththehelpofAmaliaIvanovna…though，ofcourse，it’snotthewaytodothings。…Howisittobedone？”
“Asyouwill！Letanyonewholikessearchher！”criedKaterinaIvanovna。“Sonia，turnoutyourpockets！See！Look，monster，thepocketisempty，herewasherhandkerchief！Hereistheotherpocket，look！D’yousee，d’yousee？”
AndKaterinaIvanovnaturned—orrathersnatched—bothpocketsinsideout。ButfromtherightpocketapieceofpaperflewoutanddescribingaparabolaintheairfellatLuzhin’sfeet。Everyonesawit，severalcriedout。PyotrPetrovitchstoopeddown，pickedupthepaperintwofingers，lifteditwhereallcouldseeitandopenedit。Itwasahundred-roublenotefoldedineight。PyotrPetrovitchheldupthenoteshowingittoeveryone。
“Thief！Outofmylodging。Police，police！”yelledAmaliaIvanovna。“TheymusttoSiberiabesent！Away！”
Exclamationsaroseonallsides。Raskolnikovwassilent，keepinghiseyesfixedonSonia，exceptforanoccasionalrapidglanceatLuzhin。Soniastoodstill，asthoughunconscious。Shewashardlyabletofeelsurprise。Suddenlythecolourrushedtohercheeks；sheutteredacryandhidherfaceinherhands。
“No，itwasn’tI！Ididn’ttakeit！Iknownothingaboutit，”shecriedwithaheartrendingwail，andsherantoKaterinaIvanovna，whoclaspedhertightlyinherarms，asthoughshewouldshelterherfromalltheworld。
“Sonia！Sonia！Idon’tbelieveit！Yousee，Idon’tbelieveit！”shecriedinthefaceoftheobviousfact，swayinghertoandfroinherarmslikeababy，kissingherfacecontinually，thensnatchingatherhandsandkissingthem，too，“youtookit！Howstupidthesepeopleare！Ohdear！Youarefools，fools，”shecried，addressingthewholeroom，“youdon’tknow，youdon’tknowwhataheartshehas，whatagirlsheis！Shetakeit，she？She’dsellherlastrag，she’dgobarefoottohelpyouifyouneededit，that’swhatsheis！Shehastheyellowpassportbecausemychildrenwerestarving，shesoldherselfforus！Ah，husband，husband！Doyousee？Doyousee？Whatamemorialdinnerforyou！Mercifulheavens！Defendher，whyareyouallstandingstill？RodionRomanovitch，whydon’tyoustandupforher？Doyoubelieveit，too？Youarenotworthherlittlefinger，allofyoutogether！GoodGod！Defendhernow，atleast！”
Thewailofthepoor，consumptive，helplesswomanseemedtoproduceagreateffectonheraudience。Theagonised，wasted，consumptiveface，theparchedblood-stainedlips，thehoarsevoice，thetearsunrestrainedasachild’s，thetrustful，childishandyetdespairingprayerforhelpweresopiteousthateveryoneseemedtofeelforher。PyotrPetrovitchatanyratewasatoncemovedtocompassion。
“Madam，madam，thisincidentdoesnotreflectuponyou！”hecriedimpressively，“noonewouldtakeuponhimselftoaccuseyouofbeinganinstigatororevenanaccompliceinit，especiallyasyouhaveprovedherguiltbyturningoutherpockets，showingthatyouhadnopreviousideaofit。Iammostready，mostreadytoshowcompassion，ifpoverty，sotospeak，droveSofyaSemyonovnatoit，butwhydidyourefusetoconfess，mademoiselle？Wereyouafraidofthedisgrace？Thefirststep？Youlostyourhead，perhaps？Onecanquiteunderstandit。…Buthowcouldyouhaveloweredyourselftosuchanaction？Gentlemen，”headdressedthewholecompany，“gentlemen！Compassionateand，sotosay，commiseratingthesepeople，Iamreadytooverlookitevennowinspiteofthepersonalinsultlavisheduponme！Andmaythisdisgracebealessontoyouforthefuture，”hesaid，addressingSonia，“andIwillcarrythematternofurther。Enough！”
PyotrPetrovitchstoleaglanceatRaskolnikov。Theireyesmet，andthefireinRaskolnikov’sseemedreadytoreducehimtoashes。MeanwhileKaterinaIvanovnaapparentlyheardnothing。ShewaskissingandhuggingSonialikeamadwoman。Thechildren，too，wereembracingSoniaonallsides，andPolenka—thoughshedidnotfullyunderstandwhatwaswrong—wasdrownedintearsandshakingwithsobs，asshehidherprettylittleface，swollenwithweeping，onSonia’sshoulder。
“Howvile！”aloudvoicecriedsuddenlyinthedoorway。
PyotrPetrovitchlookedroundquickly。
“Whatvileness！”Lebeziatnikovrepeated，staringhimstraightintheface。
PyotrPetrovitchgaveapositivestart—allnoticeditandrecalleditafterwards。Lebeziatnikovstrodeintotheroom。
“Andyoudaredtocallmeaswitness？”hesaid，goinguptoPyotrPetrovitch。
“Whatdoyoumean？Whatareyoutalkingabout？”mutteredLuzhin。
“Imeanthatyou…areaslanderer，that’swhatmywordsmean！”Lebeziatnikovsaidhotly，lookingsternlyathimwithhisshort-sightedeyes。
Hewasextremelyangry。Raskolnikovgazedintentlyathim，asthoughseizingandweighingeachword。Againtherewasasilence。PyotrPetrovitchindeedseemedalmostdumbfoundedforthefirstmoment。
“Ifyoumeanthatforme，…”hebegan，stammering。“Butwhat’sthematterwithyou？Areyououtofyourmind？”
“I’minmymind，butyouareascoundrel！Ah，howvile！Ihaveheardeverything。Ikeptwaitingonpurposetounderstandit，forImustownevennowitisnotquitelogical。…WhatyouhavedoneitallforIcan’tunderstand。”
“Why，whathaveIdonethen？Giveovertalkinginyournonsensicalriddles！Ormaybeyouaredrunk！”
“Youmaybeadrunkard，perhaps，vileman，butIamnot！Inevertouchvodka，forit’sagainstmyconvictions。Wouldyoubelieveit，he，hehimself，withhisownhandsgaveSofyaSemyonovnathathundred-roublenote—Isawit，Iwasawitness，I’lltakemyoath！Hedidit，he！”repeatedLebeziatnikov，addressingall。
“Areyoucrazy，milksop？”squealedLuzhin。“Sheisherselfbeforeyou—sheherselfheredeclaredjustnowbeforeeveryonethatIgaveheronlytenroubles。HowcouldIhavegivenittoher？”
“Isawit，Isawit，”Lebeziatnikovrepeated，“andthoughitisagainstmyprinciples，Iamreadythisveryminutetotakeanyoathyoulikebeforethecourt，forIsawhowyouslippeditinherpocket。OnlylikeafoolIthoughtyoudiditoutofkindness！Whenyouweresayinggood-byetoheratthedoor，whileyouheldherhandinonehand，withtheother，theleft，youslippedthenoteintoherpocket。Isawit，Isawit！”
Luzhinturnedpale。
“Whatlies！”hecriedimpudently，“why，howcouldyou，standingbythewindow，seethenote？Youfancieditwithyourshort-sightedeyes。Youareraving！”
“No，Ididn’tfancyit。AndthoughIwasstandingsomewayoff，Isawitall。Andthoughitcertainlywouldbehardtodistinguishanotefromthewindow—that’strue—Iknewforcertainthatitwasahundred-roublenote，because，whenyouweregoingtogiveSofyaSemyonovnatenroubles，youtookupfromthetableahundred-roublenote(IsawitbecauseIwasstandingnearthen，andanideastruckmeatonce，sothatIdidnotforgetyouhaditinyourhand)。Youfoldeditandkeptitinyourhandallthetime。Ididn’tthinkofitagainuntil，whenyouweregettingup，youchangeditfromyourrighthandtoyourleftandnearlydroppedit！Inoticeditbecausethesameideastruckmeagain，thatyoumeanttodoherakindnesswithoutmyseeing。YoucanfancyhowIwatchedyouandIsawhowyousucceededinslippingitintoherpocket。Isawit，Isawit，I’lltakemyoath。”
Lebeziatnikovwasalmostbreathless。Exclamationsaroseonallhandschieflyexpressiveofwonder，butsomeweremenacingintone。TheyallcrowdedroundPyotrPetrovitch。KaterinaIvanovnaflewtoLebeziatnikov。
“Iwasmistakeninyou！Protecther！Youaretheonlyonetotakeherpart！Sheisanorphan。Godhassentyou！”
KaterinaIvanovna，hardlyknowingwhatshewasdoing，sankonherkneesbeforehim。
“Apackofnonsense！”yelledLuzhin，rousedtofury，“it’sallnonsenseyou’vebeentalking！‘Anideastruckyou，youdidn’tthink，younoticed’—whatdoesitamountto？SoIgaveittoherontheslyonpurpose？Whatfor？Withwhatobject？WhathaveItodowiththis…？”
“Whatfor？That’swhatIcan’tunderstand，butthatwhatIamtellingyouisthefact，that’scertain！Sofarfrommybeingmistaken，youinfamouscriminalman，Irememberhow，onaccountofit，aquestionoccurredtomeatonce，justwhenIwasthankingyouandpressingyourhand。Whatmadeyouputitsecretlyinherpocket？Whyyoudiditsecretly，Imean？Coulditbesimplytoconcealitfromme，knowingthatmyconvictionsareopposedtoyoursandthatIdonotapproveofprivatebenevolence，whicheffectsnoradicalcure？Well，Idecidedthatyoureallywereashamedofgivingsuchalargesumbeforeme。Perhaps，too，Ithought，hewantstogiveherasurprise，whenshefindsawholehundred-roublenoteinherpocket。(ForIknow，somebenevolentpeopleareveryfondofdeckingouttheircharitableactionsinthatway。)Thentheideastruckme，too，thatyouwantedtotesther，toseewhether，whenshefoundit，shewouldcometothankyou。Then，too，thatyouwantedtoavoidthanksandthat，asthesayingis，yourrighthandshouldnotknow…somethingofthatsort，infact。IthoughtofsomanypossibilitiesthatIputoffconsideringit，butstillthoughtitindelicatetoshowyouthatIknewyoursecret。ButanotherideastruckmeagainthatSofyaSemyonovnamighteasilylosethemoneybeforeshenoticedit，thatwaswhyIdecidedtocomeinheretocallheroutoftheroomandtotellherthatyouputahundredroublesinherpocket。ButonmywayIwentfirsttoMadameKobilatnikov’stotakethemthe‘GeneralTreatiseonthePositiveMethod’andespeciallytorecommendPiderit’sarticle(andalsoWagner’s)；thenIcomeonhereandwhatastateofthingsIfind！NowcouldI，couldI，havealltheseideasandreflectionsifIhadnotseenyouputthehundred-roublenoteinherpocket？”
WhenLebeziatnikovfinishedhislong-windedharanguewiththelogicaldeductionattheend，hewasquitetired，andtheperspirationstreamedfromhisface。Hecouldnot，alas，evenexpresshimselfcorrectlyinRussian，thoughheknewnootherlanguage，sothathewasquiteexhausted，almostemaciatedafterthisheroicexploit。Buthisspeechproducedapowerfuleffect。Hehadspokenwithsuchvehemence，withsuchconvictionthateveryoneobviouslybelievedhim。PyotrPetrovitchfeltthatthingsweregoingbadlywithhim。
“Whatisittodowithmeifsillyideasdidoccurtoyou？”heshouted，“that’snoevidence。Youmayhavedreamtit，that’sall！AndItellyou，youarelying，sir。Youarelyingandslanderingfromsomespiteagainstme，simplyfrompique，becauseIdidnotagreewithyourfree-thinking，godless，socialpropositions！”
ButthisretortdidnotbenefitPyotrPetrovitch。Murmursofdisapprovalwereheardonallsides。
“Ah，that’syourlinenow，isit！”criedLebeziatnikov，“that’snonsense！CallthepoliceandI’lltakemyoath！There’sonlyonethingIcan’tunderstand:whatmadehimrisksuchacontemptibleaction。Oh，pitiful，despicableman！”
“Icanexplainwhyheriskedsuchanaction，andifnecessary，I，too，willsweartoit，”Raskolnikovsaidatlastinafirmvoice，andhesteppedforward。
Heappearedtobefirmandcomposed。Everyonefeltclearly，fromtheverylookofhimthathereallyknewaboutitandthatthemysterywouldbesolved。
“NowIcanexplainitalltomyself，”saidRaskolnikov，addressingLebeziatnikov。“Fromtheverybeginningofthebusiness，Isuspectedthattherewassomescoundrellyintrigueatthebottomofit。Ibegantosuspectitfromsomespecialcircumstancesknowntomeonly，whichIwillexplainatoncetoeveryone:theyaccountforeverything。Yourvaluableevidencehasfinallymadeeverythingcleartome。Ibegall，alltolisten。Thisgentleman(hepointedtoLuzhin)wasrecentlyengagedtobemarriedtoayounglady—mysister，AvdotyaRomanovnaRaskolnikov。ButcomingtoPetersburghequarrelledwithme，thedaybeforeyesterday，atourfirstmeetingandIdrovehimoutofmyroom—Ihavetwowitnessestoproveit。Heisaveryspitefulman。…ThedaybeforeyesterdayIdidnotknowthathewasstayinghere，inyourroom，andthatconsequentlyontheverydaywequarrelled—thedaybeforeyesterday—hesawmegiveKaterinaIvanovnasomemoneyforthefuneral，asafriendofthelateMr。Marmeladov。HeatoncewroteanotetomymotherandinformedherthatIhadgivenawayallmymoney，nottoKaterinaIvanovnabuttoSofyaSemyonovna，andreferredinamostcontemptiblewaytothe…characterofSofyaSemyonovna，thatis，hintedatthecharacterofmyattitudetoSofyaSemyonovna。Allthisyouunderstandwaswiththeobjectofdividingmefrommymotherandsister，byinsinuatingthatIwassquanderingonunworthyobjectsthemoneywhichtheyhadsentmeandwhichwasalltheyhad。Yesterdayevening，beforemymotherandsisterandinhispresence，IdeclaredthatIhadgiventhemoneytoKaterinaIvanovnaforthefuneralandnottoSofyaSemyonovnaandthatIhadnoacquaintancewithSofyaSemyonovnaandhadneverseenherbefore，indeed。AtthesametimeIaddedthathe，PyotrPetrovitchLuzhin，withallhisvirtues，wasnotworthSofyaSemyonovna’slittlefinger，thoughhespokesoillofher。Tohisquestion—wouldIletSofyaSemyonovnasitdownbesidemysister，IansweredthatIhadalreadydonesothatday。Irritatedthatmymotherandsisterwereunwillingtoquarrelwithmeathisinsinuations，hegraduallybeganbeingunpardonablyrudetothem。Afinalrupturetookplaceandhewasturnedoutofthehouse。Allthishappenedyesterdayevening。NowIbegyourspecialattention:consider:ifhehadnowsucceededinprovingthatSofyaSemyonovnawasathief，hewouldhaveshowntomymotherandsisterthathewasalmostrightinhissuspicions，thathehadreasontobeangryatmyputtingmysisteronalevelwithSofyaSemyonovna，that，inattackingme，hewasprotectingandpreservingthehonourofmysister，hisbetrothed。Infacthemighteven，throughallthis，havebeenabletoestrangemefrommyfamily，andnodoubthehopedtoberestoredtofavourwiththem；tosaynothingofrevenginghimselfonmepersonally，forhehasgroundsforsupposingthatthehonourandhappinessofSofyaSemyonovnaareveryprecioustome。Thatwaswhathewasworkingfor！That’showIunderstandit。That’sthewholereasonforitandtherecanbenoother！”
Itwaslikethis，orsomewhatlikethis，thatRaskolnikovwounduphisspeechwhichwasfollowedveryattentively，thoughofteninterruptedbyexclamationsfromhisaudience。Butinspiteofinterruptionshespokeclearly，calmly，exactly，firmly。Hisdecisivevoice，histoneofconvictionandhissternfacemadeagreatimpressiononeveryone。
“Yes，yes，that’sit，”Lebeziatnikovassentedgleefully，“thatmustbeit，forheaskedme，assoonasSofyaSemyonovnacameintoourroom，whetheryouwerehere，whetherIhadseenyouamongKaterinaIvanovna’sguests。Hecalledmeasidetothewindowandaskedmeinsecret。Itwasessentialforhimthatyoushouldbehere！That’sit，that’sit！”
Luzhinsmiledcontemptuouslyanddidnotspeak。Buthewasverypale。Heseemedtobedeliberatingonsomemeansofescape。Perhapshewouldhavebeengladtogiveupeverythingandgetaway，butatthemomentthiswasscarcelypossible。Itwouldhaveimpliedadmittingthetruthoftheaccusationsbroughtagainsthim。Moreover，thecompany，whichhadalreadybeenexcitedbydrink，wasnowtoomuchstirredtoallowit。Thecommissariatclerk，thoughindeedhehadnotgraspedthewholeposition，wasshoutinglouderthananyoneandwasmakingsomesuggestionsveryunpleasanttoLuzhin。Butnotallthosepresentweredrunk；lodgerscameinfromalltherooms。ThethreePolesweretremendouslyexcitedandwerecontinuallyshoutingathim:“Thepanisalajdak！”andmutteringthreatsinPolish。Soniahadbeenlisteningwithstrainedattention，thoughshetooseemedunabletograspitall；sheseemedasthoughshehadjustreturnedtoconsciousness。ShedidnottakehereyesoffRaskolnikov，feelingthatallhersafetylayinhim。KaterinaIvanovnabreathedhardandpainfullyandseemedfearfullyexhausted。AmaliaIvanovnastoodlookingmorestupidthananyone，withhermouthwideopen，unabletomakeoutwhathadhappened。SheonlysawthatPyotrPetrovitchhadsomehowcometogrief。
Raskolnikovwasattemptingtospeakagain，buttheydidnotlethim。EveryonewascrowdingroundLuzhinwiththreatsandshoutsofabuse。ButPyotrPetrovitchwasnotintimidated。SeeingthathisaccusationofSoniahadcompletelyfailed，hehadrecoursetoinsolence:
“Allowme，gentlemen，allowme！Don’tsqueeze，letmepass！”hesaid，makinghiswaythroughthecrowd。“Andnothreats，ifyouplease！Iassureyouitwillbeuseless，youwillgainnothingbyit。Onthecontrary，you’llhavetoanswer，gentlemen，forviolentlyobstructingthecourseofjustice。Thethiefhasbeenmorethanunmasked，andIshallprosecute。Ourjudgesarenotsoblindand…notsodrunk，andwillnotbelievethetestimonyoftwonotoriousinfidels，agitators，andatheists，whoaccusemefrommotivesofpersonalrevengewhichtheyarefoolishenoughtoadmit。…Yes，allowmetopass！”
“Don’tletmefindatraceofyouinmyroom！Kindlyleaveatonce，andeverythingisatanendbetweenus！WhenIthinkofthetroubleI’vebeentaking，thewayI’vebeenexpounding…allthisfortnight！”
“Itoldyoumyselfto-daythatIwasgoing，whenyoutriedtokeepme；nowIwillsimplyaddthatyouareafool。Iadviseyoutoseeadoctorforyourbrainsandyourshortsight。Letmepass，gentlemen！”
Heforcedhiswaythrough。Butthecommissariatclerkwasunwillingtolethimoffsoeasily:hepickedupaglassfromthetable，brandisheditintheairandflungitatPyotrPetrovitch；buttheglassflewstraightatAmaliaIvanovna。Shescreamed，andtheclerk，overbalancing，fellheavilyunderthetable。PyotrPetrovitchmadehiswaytohisroomandhalfanhourlaterhadleftthehouse。Sonia，timidbynature，hadfeltbeforethatdaythatshecouldbeill-treatedmoreeasilythananyone，andthatshecouldbewrongedwithimpunity。Yettillthatmomentshehadfanciedthatshemightescapemisfortunebycare，gentlenessandsubmissivenessbeforeeveryone。Herdisappointmentwastoogreat。Shecould，ofcourse，bearwithpatienceandalmostwithoutmurmuranything，eventhis。Butforthefirstminuteshefeltittoobitter。Inspiteofhertriumphandherjustification—whenherfirstterrorandstupefactionhadpassedandshecouldunderstanditallclearly—thefeelingofherhelplessnessandofthewrongdonetohermadeherheartthrobwithanguishandshewasovercomewithhystericalweeping。Atlast，unabletobearanymore，sherushedoutoftheroomandranhome，almostimmediatelyafterLuzhin’sdeparture。WhenamidstloudlaughtertheglassflewatAmaliaIvanovna，itwasmorethanthelandladycouldendure。WithashrieksherushedlikeafuryatKaterinaIvanovna，consideringhertoblameforeverything。
“Outofmylodgings！Atonce！Quickmarch！”
AndwiththesewordsshebegansnatchingupeverythingshecouldlayherhandsonthatbelongedtoKaterinaIvanovna，andthrowingitonthefloor。KaterinaIvanovna，pale，almostfainting，andgaspingforbreath，jumpedupfromthebedwhereshehadsunkinexhaustionanddartedatAmaliaIvanovna。Butthebattlewastoounequal:thelandladywavedherawaylikeafeather。
“What！Asthoughthatgodlesscalumnywasnotenough—thisvilecreatureattacksme！What！Onthedayofmyhusband’sfuneralIamturnedoutofmylodging！Aftereatingmybreadandsaltsheturnsmeintothestreet，withmyorphans！WhereamItogo？”wailedthepoorwoman，sobbingandgasping。“GoodGod！”shecriedwithflashingeyes，“istherenojusticeuponearth？Whomshouldyouprotectifnotusorphans？Weshallsee！Thereislawandjusticeonearth，thereis，Iwillfindit！Waitabit，godlesscreature！Polenka，staywiththechildren，I’llcomeback。Waitforme，ifyouhavetowaitinthestreet。Wewillseewhetherthereisjusticeonearth！”
AndthrowingoverherheadthatgreenshawlwhichMarmeladovhadmentionedtoRaskolnikov，KaterinaIvanovnasqueezedherwaythroughthedisorderlyanddrunkencrowdoflodgerswhostillfilledtheroom，and，wailingandtearful，sheranintothestreet—withavagueintentionofgoingatoncesomewheretofindjustice。Polenkawiththetwolittleonesinherarmscrouched，terrified，onthetrunkinthecorneroftheroom，whereshewaitedtremblingforhermothertocomeback。AmaliaIvanovnaragedabouttheroom，shrieking，lamentingandthrowingeverythingshecameacrossonthefloor。Thelodgerstalkedincoherently，somecommentedtothebestoftheirabilityonwhathadhappened，othersquarrelledandsworeatoneanother，whileothersstruckupasong。…
“Nowit’stimeformetogo，”thoughtRaskolnikov。“Well，SofyaSemyonovna，weshallseewhatyou’llsaynow！”
AndhesetoffinthedirectionofSonia’slodgings。
RaskolnikovhadbeenavigorousandactivechampionofSoniaagainstLuzhin，althoughhehadsuchaloadofhorrorandanguishinhisownheart。Buthavinggonethroughsomuchinthemorning，hefoundasortofreliefinachangeofsensations，apartfromthestrongpersonalfeelingwhichimpelledhimtodefendSonia。Hewasagitatedtoo，especiallyatsomemoments，bythethoughtofhisapproachinginterviewwithSonia:hehadtotellherwhohadkilledLizaveta。Heknewtheterriblesufferingitwouldbetohimand，asitwere，brushedawaythethoughtofit。SowhenhecriedasheleftKaterinaIvanovna’s，“Well，SofyaSemyonovna，weshallseewhatyou’llsaynow！”hewasstillsuperficiallyexcited，stillvigorousanddefiantfromhistriumphoverLuzhin。But，strangetosay，bythetimehereachedSonia’slodging，hefeltasuddenimpotenceandfear。Hestoodstillinhesitationatthedoor，askinghimselfthestrangequestion:“MusthetellherwhokilledLizaveta？”Itwasastrangequestionbecausehefeltattheverytimenotonlythathecouldnothelptellingher，butalsothathecouldnotputoffthetelling。Hedidnotyetknowwhyitmustbeso，heonlyfeltit，andtheagonisingsenseofhisimpotencebeforetheinevitablealmostcrushedhim。Tocutshorthishesitationandsuffering，hequicklyopenedthedoorandlookedatSoniafromthedoorway。Shewassittingwithherelbowsonthetableandherfaceinherhands，butseeingRaskolnikovshegotupatonceandcametomeethimasthoughshewereexpectinghim。
“Whatwouldhavebecomeofmebutforyou？”shesaidquickly，meetinghiminthemiddleoftheroom。
Evidentlyshewasinhastetosaythistohim。Itwaswhatshehadbeenwaitingfor。
Raskolnikovwenttothetableandsatdownonthechairfromwhichshehadonlyjustrisen。Shestoodfacinghim，twostepsaway，justasshehaddonethedaybefore。
“Well，Sonia？”hesaid，andfeltthathisvoicewastrembling，“itwasalldueto‘yoursocialpositionandthehabitsassociatedwithit。’Didyouunderstandthatjustnow？”
Herfaceshowedherdistress。
“Onlydon’ttalktomeasyoudidyesterday，”sheinterruptedhim。“Pleasedon’tbeginit。Thereismiseryenoughwithoutthat。”
Shemadehastetosmile，afraidthathemightnotlikethereproach。
“Iwassillytocomeawayfromthere。Whatishappeningtherenow？Iwantedtogobackdirectly，butIkeptthinkingthat…youwouldcome。”
HetoldherthatAmaliaIvanovnawasturningthemoutoftheirlodgingandthatKaterinaIvanovnahadrunoffsomewhere“toseekjustice。”
“MyGod！”criedSonia，“let’sgoatonce。…”
Andshesnatcheduphercape。
“It’severlastinglythesamething！”saidRaskolnikov，irritably。“You’venothoughtexceptforthem！Stayalittlewithme。”
“But…KaterinaIvanovna？”
“Youwon’tloseKaterinaIvanovna，youmaybesure，she’llcometoyouherselfsinceshehasrunout，”headdedpeevishly。“Ifshedoesn’tfindyouhere，you’llbeblamedforit。…”
Soniasatdowninpainfulsuspense。Raskolnikovwassilent，gazingattheflooranddeliberating。
“ThistimeLuzhindidnotwanttoprosecuteyou，”hebegan，notlookingatSonia，“butifhehadwantedto，ifithadsuitedhisplans，hewouldhavesentyoutoprisonifithadnotbeenforLebeziatnikovandme。Ah？”
“Yes，”sheassentedinafaintvoice。“Yes，”sherepeated，preoccupiedanddistressed。
“ButImighteasilynothavebeenthere。AnditwasquiteanaccidentLebeziatnikov’sturningup。”
Soniawassilent。
“Andifyou’dgonetoprison，whatthen？DoyourememberwhatIsaidyesterday？”
Againshedidnotanswer。Hewaited。
“Ithoughtyouwouldcryoutagain‘don’tspeakofit，leaveoff。’”Raskolnikovgavealaugh，butratheraforcedone。“What，silenceagain？”heaskedaminutelater。“Wemusttalkaboutsomething，youknow。Itwouldbeinterestingformetoknowhowyouwoulddecideacertain‘problem’asLebeziatnikovwouldsay。”(Hewasbeginningtolosethethread。)“No，really，Iamserious。Imagine，Sonia，thatyouhadknownallLuzhin’sintentionsbeforehand。Known，thatis，forafact，thattheywouldbetheruinofKaterinaIvanovnaandthechildrenandyourselfthrownin—sinceyoudon’tcountyourselfforanything—Polenkatoo…forshe’llgothesameway。Well，ifsuddenlyitalldependedonyourdecisionwhetherheortheyshouldgoonliving，thatiswhetherLuzhinshouldgoonlivinganddoingwickedthings，orKaterinaIvanovnashoulddie？Howwouldyoudecidewhichofthemwastodie？Iaskyou？”
Sonialookeduneasilyathim。Therewassomethingpeculiarinthishesitatingquestion，whichseemedapproachingsomethinginaroundaboutway。
“Ifeltthatyouweregoingtoasksomequestionlikethat，”shesaid，lookinginquisitivelyathim。
“Idaresayyoudid。Buthowisittobeanswered？”
“Whydoyouaskaboutwhatcouldnothappen？”saidSoniareluctantly。
“ThenitwouldbebetterforLuzhintogoonlivinganddoingwickedthings？Youhaven’tdaredtodecideeventhat！”
“ButIcan’tknowtheDivineProvidence。…Andwhydoyouaskwhatcan’tbeanswered？What’stheuseofsuchfoolishquestions？Howcouldithappenthatitshoulddependonmydecision—whohasmademeajudgetodecidewhoistoliveandwhoisnottolive？”
“Oh，iftheDivineProvidenceistobemixedupinit，thereisnodoinganything，”Raskolnikovgrumbledmorosely。
“You’dbettersaystraightoutwhatyouwant！”Soniacriedindistress。“Youareleadinguptosomethingagain。…Canyouhavecomesimplytotortureme？”
Shecouldnotcontrolherselfandbegancryingbitterly。Helookedatheringloomymisery。Fiveminutespassed。
“Ofcourseyou’reright，Sonia，”hesaidsoftlyatlast。Hewassuddenlychanged。Histoneofassumedarroganceandhelplessdefiancewasgone。Evenhisvoicewassuddenlyweak。“ItoldyouyesterdaythatIwasnotcomingtoaskforgivenessandalmostthefirstthingI’vesaidistoaskforgiveness。…IsaidthataboutLuzhinandProvidenceformyownsake。Iwasaskingforgiveness，Sonia。…”
Hetriedtosmile，buttherewassomethinghelplessandincompleteinhispalesmile。Hebowedhisheadandhidhisfaceinhishands。
Andsuddenlyastrange，surprisingsensationofasortofbitterhatredforSoniapassedthroughhisheart。Asitwerewonderingandfrightenedofthissensation，heraisedhisheadandlookedintentlyather；buthemetheruneasyandpainfullyanxiouseyesfixedonhim；therewasloveinthem；hishatredvanishedlikeaphantom。Itwasnottherealfeeling；hehadtakentheonefeelingfortheother。Itonlymeantthatthatminutehadcome。
Hehidhisfaceinhishandsagainandbowedhishead。Suddenlyheturnedpale，gotupfromhischair，lookedatSonia，andwithoututteringawordsatdownmechanicallyonherbed。
Hissensationsthatmomentwereterriblylikethemomentwhenhehadstoodovertheoldwomanwiththeaxeinhishandandfeltthat“hemustnotloseanotherminute。”
“What’sthematter？”askedSonia，dreadfullyfrightened。
Hecouldnotutteraword。Thiswasnotatall，notatallthewayhehadintendedto“tell”andhedidnotunderstandwhatwashappeningtohimnow。Shewentuptohim，softly，satdownonthebedbesidehimandwaited，nottakinghereyesoffhim。Herheartthrobbedandsank。Itwasunendurable；heturnedhisdeadlypalefacetoher。Hislipsworked，helplesslystrugglingtouttersomething。ApangofterrorpassedthroughSonia’sheart。
“What’sthematter？”sherepeated，drawingalittleawayfromhim。
“Nothing，Sonia，don’tbefrightened。…It’snonsense。Itreallyisnonsense，ifyouthinkofit，”hemuttered，likeamanindelirium。“WhyhaveIcometotortureyou？”headdedsuddenly，lookingather。“Why，really？Ikeepaskingmyselfthatquestion，Sonia。…”
Hehadperhapsbeenaskinghimselfthatquestionaquarterofanhourbefore，butnowhespokehelplessly，hardlyknowingwhathesaidandfeelingacontinualtremorallover。
“Oh，howyouaresuffering！”shemutteredindistress，lookingintentlyathim。
“It’sallnonsense。…Listen，Sonia。”Hesuddenlysmiled，apalehelplesssmilefortwoseconds。“YourememberwhatImeanttotellyouyesterday？”
Soniawaiteduneasily。
“IsaidasIwentawaythatperhapsIwassayinggood-byeforever，butthatifIcameto-dayIwouldtellyouwho…whokilledLizaveta。”
Shebegantremblingallover。
“Well，hereI’vecometotellyou。”
“Thenyoureallymeantityesterday？”shewhisperedwithdifficulty。“Howdoyouknow？”sheaskedquickly，asthoughsuddenlyregainingherreason。
Sonia’sfacegrewpalerandpaler，andshebreathedpainfully。
“Iknow。”
Shepausedaminute。
“Havetheyfoundhim？”sheaskedtimidly。
“No。”
“Thenhowdoyouknowaboutit？”sheaskedagain，hardlyaudiblyandagainafteraminute’spause。
Heturnedtoherandlookedveryintentlyather。
“Guess，”hesaid，withthesamedistortedhelplesssmile。
Ashudderpassedoverher。
“Butyou…whydoyoufrightenmelikethis？”shesaid，smilinglikeachild。
“Imustbeagreatfriendofhis…sinceIknow，”Raskolnikovwenton，stillgazingintoherface，asthoughhecouldnotturnhiseyesaway。“He…didnotmeantokillthatLizaveta…he…killedheraccidentally。…Hemeanttokilltheoldwomanwhenshewasaloneandhewentthere…andthenLizavetacamein…hekilledhertoo。”
Anotherawfulmomentpassed。Bothstillgazedatoneanother。
“Youcan’tguess，then？”heaskedsuddenly，feelingasthoughhewereflinginghimselfdownfromasteeple。
“N-no…”whisperedSonia。
“Takeagoodlook。”
Assoonashehadsaidthisagain，thesamefamiliarsensationfrozehisheart。HelookedatherandallatonceseemedtoseeinherfacethefaceofLizaveta。HerememberedclearlytheexpressioninLizaveta’sface，whenheapproachedherwiththeaxeandshesteppedbacktothewall，puttingoutherhand，withchildishterrorinherface，lookingaslittlechildrendowhentheybegintobefrightenedofsomething，lookingintentlyanduneasilyatwhatfrightensthem，shrinkingbackandholdingouttheirlittlehandsonthepointofcrying。AlmostthesamethinghappenednowtoSonia。Withthesamehelplessnessandthesameterror，shelookedathimforawhileand，suddenlyputtingoutherlefthand，pressedherfingersfaintlyagainsthisbreastandslowlybegantogetupfromthebed，movingfurtherfromhimandkeepinghereyesfixedevenmoreimmovablyonhim。Herterrorinfectedhim。Thesamefearshoweditselfonhisface。Inthesamewayhestaredatherandalmostwiththesamechildishsmile。
“Haveyouguessed？”hewhisperedatlast。
“GoodGod！”brokeinanawfulwailfromherbosom。
Shesankhelplesslyonthebedwithherfaceinthepillows，butamomentlatershegotup，movedquicklytohim，seizedbothhishandsand，grippingthemtightinherthinfingers，beganlookingintohisfaceagainwiththesameintentstare。Inthislastdesperatelookshetriedtolookintohimandcatchsomelasthope。Buttherewasnohope；therewasnodoubtremaining；itwasalltrue！Lateron，indeed，whensherecalledthatmoment，shethoughtitstrangeandwonderedwhyshehadseenatoncethattherewasnodoubt。Shecouldnothavesaid，forinstance，thatshehadforeseensomethingofthesort—andyetnow，assoonashetoldher，shesuddenlyfanciedthatshehadreallyforeseenthisverything。
“Stop，Sonia，enough！don’ttortureme，”hebeggedhermiserably。
Itwasnotatall，notatalllikethishehadthoughtoftellingher，butthisishowithappened。
Shejumpedup，seemingnottoknowwhatshewasdoing，and，wringingherhands，walkedintothemiddleoftheroom；butquicklywentbackandsatdownagainbesidehim，hershoulderalmosttouchinghis。Allofasuddenshestartedasthoughshehadbeenstabbed，utteredacryandfellonherkneesbeforehim，shedidnotknowwhy。
“Whathaveyoudone—whathaveyoudonetoyourself？”shesaidindespair，and，jumpingup，sheflungherselfonhisneck，threwherarmsroundhim，andheldhimtightly。
Raskolnikovdrewbackandlookedatherwithamournfulsmile。
“Youareastrangegirl，Sonia—youkissmeandhugmewhenItellyouaboutthat。…Youdon’tthinkwhatyouaredoing。”
“Thereisnoone—nooneinthewholeworldnowsounhappyasyou！”shecriedinafrenzy，nothearingwhathesaid，andshesuddenlybrokeintoviolenthystericalweeping。
Afeelinglongunfamiliartohimfloodedhisheartandsofteneditatonce。Hedidnotstruggleagainstit。Twotearsstartedintohiseyesandhungonhiseyelashes。
“Thenyouwon’tleaveme，Sonia？”hesaid，lookingatheralmostwithhope。
“No，no，never，nowhere！”criedSonia。“Iwillfollowyou，Iwillfollowyoueverywhere。Oh，myGod！Oh，howmiserableIam！…Why，whydidn’tIknowyoubefore！Whydidn’tyoucomebefore？Oh，dear！”
“HereIhavecome。”
“Yes，now！What’stobedonenow？…Together，together！”sherepeatedasitwereunconsciously，andshehuggedhimagain。“I’llfollowyoutoSiberia！”
Herecoiledatthis，andthesamehostile，almosthaughtysmilecametohislips。
“PerhapsIdon’twanttogotoSiberiayet，Sonia，”hesaid。
Sonialookedathimquickly。
Againafterherfirstpassionate，agonisingsympathyfortheunhappymantheterribleideaofthemurderoverwhelmedher。Inhischangedtonesheseemedtohearthemurdererspeaking。Shelookedathimbewildered。Sheknewnothingasyet，why，how，withwhatobjectithadbeen。Nowallthesequestionsrushedatonceintohermind。Andagainshecouldnotbelieveit:“He，heisamurderer！Coulditbetrue？”
“What’sthemeaningofit？WhereamI？”shesaidincompletebewilderment，asthoughstillunabletorecoverherself。“Howcouldyou，you，amanlikeyou。…Howcouldyoubringyourselftoit？…Whatdoesitmean？”
“Oh，well—toplunder。Leaveoff，Sonia，”heansweredwearily，almostwithvexation。
Soniastoodasthoughstruckdumb，butsuddenlyshecried:
“Youwerehungry！Itwas…tohelpyourmother？Yes？”
“No，Sonia，no，”hemuttered，turningawayandhanginghishead。“Iwasnotsohungry。…Icertainlydidwanttohelpmymother，but…that’snottherealthingeither。…Don’ttortureme，Sonia。”
Soniaclaspedherhands。
“Couldit，coulditallbetrue？GoodGod，whatatruth！Whocouldbelieveit？Andhowcouldyougiveawayyourlastfarthingandyetrobandmurder！Ah，”shecriedsuddenly，“thatmoneyyougaveKaterinaIvanovna…thatmoney。…Canthatmoney…”
“No，Sonia，”hebrokeinhurriedly，“thatmoneywasnotit。Don’tworryyourself！ThatmoneymymothersentmeanditcamewhenIwasill，thedayIgaveittoyou。…Razumihinsawit…hereceiveditforme。…Thatmoneywasmine—myown。”
Sonialistenedtohiminbewildermentanddidherutmosttocomprehend。
“Andthatmoney。…Idon’tevenknowreallywhethertherewasanymoney，”headdedsoftly，asthoughreflecting。“Itookapurseoffherneck，madeofchamoisleather…apursestuffedfullofsomething…butIdidn’tlookinit；IsupposeIhadn’ttime。…Andthethings—chainsandtrinkets—IburiedunderastonewiththepursenextmorninginayardofftheV——Prospect。Theyarealltherenow。…”
Soniastrainedeverynervetolisten。
“Thenwhy…why，yousaidyoudidittorob，butyoutooknothing？”sheaskedquickly，catchingatastraw。
“Idon’tknow。…Ihaven’tyetdecidedwhethertotakethatmoneyornot，”hesaid，musingagain；and，seemingtowakeupwithastart，hegaveabriefironicalsmile。“Ach，whatsillystuffIamtalking，eh？”
ThethoughtflashedthroughSonia’smind，wasn’themad？Butshedismisseditatonce。“No，itwassomethingelse。”Shecouldmakenothingofit，nothing。
“Doyouknow，Sonia，”hesaidsuddenlywithconviction，“letmetellyou:ifI’dsimplykilledbecauseIwashungry，”layingstressoneverywordandlookingenigmaticallybutsincerelyather，“Ishouldbehappynow。Youmustbelievethat！Whatwoulditmattertoyou，”hecriedamomentlaterwithasortofdespair，“whatwoulditmattertoyouifIweretoconfessthatIdidwrong？Whatdoyougainbysuchastupidtriumphoverme？Ah，Sonia，wasitforthatI’vecometoyouto-day？”
AgainSoniatriedtosaysomething，butdidnotspeak。
“IaskedyoutogowithmeyesterdaybecauseyouareallIhaveleft。”
“Gowhere？”askedSoniatimidly。
“Nottostealandnottomurder，don’tbeanxious，”hesmiledbitterly。“Wearesodifferent。…Andyouknow，Sonia，it’sonlynow，onlythismomentthatIunderstandwhereIaskedyoutogowithmeyesterday！YesterdaywhenIsaiditIdidnotknowwhere。Iaskedyouforonething，Icametoyouforonething—nottoleaveme。Youwon’tleaveme，Sonia？”
Shesqueezedhishand。
“Andwhy，whydidItellher？WhydidIletherknow？”hecriedaminutelaterindespair，lookingwithinfiniteanguishather。“Hereyouexpectanexplanationfromme，Sonia；youaresittingandwaitingforit，Iseethat。ButwhatcanItellyou？Youwon’tunderstandandwillonlysuffermisery…onmyaccount！Well，youarecryingandembracingmeagain。Whydoyoudoit？BecauseIcouldn’tbearmyburdenandhavecometothrowitonanother:yousuffertoo，andIshallfeelbetter！Andcanyoulovesuchameanwretch？”
“Butaren’tyousuffering，too？”criedSonia。
Againawaveofthesamefeelingsurgedintohisheart，andagainforaninstantsoftenedit。
“Sonia，Ihaveabadheart，takenoteofthat。Itmayexplainagreatdeal。IhavecomebecauseIambad。Therearemenwhowouldn’thavecome。ButIamacowardand…ameanwretch。But…nevermind！That’snotthepoint。Imustspeaknow，butIdon’tknowhowtobegin。”
Hepausedandsankintothought。
“Ach，wearesodifferent，”hecriedagain，“wearenotalike。Andwhy，whydidIcome？Ishallneverforgivemyselfthat。”
“No，no，itwasagoodthingyoucame，”criedSonia。“It’sbetterIshouldknow，farbetter！”
Helookedatherwithanguish。
“Whatifitwerereallythat？”hesaid，asthoughreachingaconclusion。“Yes，that’swhatitwas！IwantedtobecomeaNapoleon，thatiswhyIkilledher。…Doyouunderstandnow？”
“N-no，”Soniawhisperednaivelyandtimidly。“Onlyspeak，speak，Ishallunderstand，Ishallunderstandinmyself！”shekeptbegginghim。
“You’llunderstand？Verywell，weshallsee！”Hepausedandwasforsometimelostinmeditation。
“Itwaslikethis:Iaskedmyselfonedaythisquestion—whatifNapoleon，forinstance，hadhappenedtobeinmyplace，andifhehadnothadToulonnorEgyptnorthepassageofMontBlanctobeginhiscareerwith，butinsteadofallthosepicturesqueandmonumentalthings，therehadsimplybeensomeridiculousoldhag，apawnbroker，whohadtobemurderedtootogetmoneyfromhertrunk(forhiscareer，youunderstand)。Well，wouldhehavebroughthimselftothatiftherehadbeennoothermeans？Wouldn’thehavefeltapangatitsbeingsofarfrommonumentaland…andsinful，too？Well，ImusttellyouthatIworriedmyselffearfullyoverthat‘question’sothatIwasawfullyashamedwhenIguessedatlast(allofasudden，somehow)thatitwouldnothavegivenhimtheleastpang，thatitwouldnotevenhavestruckhimthatitwasnotmonumental…thathewouldnothaveseenthattherewasanythinginittopauseover，andthat，ifhehadhadnootherway，hewouldhavestrangledherinaminutewithoutthinkingaboutit！Well，Itoo…leftoffthinkingaboutit…murderedher，followinghisexample。Andthat’sexactlyhowitwas！Doyouthinkitfunny？Yes，Sonia，thefunniestthingofallisthatperhapsthat’sjusthowitwas。”
Soniadidnotthinkitatallfunny。
“Youhadbettertellmestraightout…withoutexamples，”shebegged，stillmoretimidlyandscarcelyaudibly。
Heturnedtoher，lookedsadlyatherandtookherhands。
“Youarerightagain，Sonia。Ofcoursethat’sallnonsense，it’salmostalltalk！Yousee，youknowofcoursethatmymotherhasscarcelyanything，mysisterhappenedtohaveagoodeducationandwascondemnedtodrudgeasagoverness。Alltheirhopeswerecenteredonme。Iwasastudent，butIcouldn’tkeepmyselfattheuniversityandwasforcedforatimetoleaveit。EvenifIhadlingeredonlikethat，intenortwelveyearsImight(withluck)hopetobesomesortofteacherorclerkwithasalaryofathousandroubles”(herepeateditasthoughitwerealesson)“andbythattimemymotherwouldbewornoutwithgriefandanxietyandIcouldnotsucceedinkeepingherincomfortwhilemysister…well，mysistermightwellhavefaredworse！Andit’sahardthingtopasseverythingbyallone’slife，toturnone’sbackuponeverything，toforgetone’smotheranddecorouslyaccepttheinsultsinflictedonone’ssister。Whyshouldone？Whenonehasburiedthemtoburdenoneselfwithothers—wifeandchildren—andtoleavethemagainwithoutafarthing？SoIresolvedtogainpossessionoftheoldwoman’smoneyandtouseitformyfirstyearswithoutworryingmymother，tokeepmyselfattheuniversityandforalittlewhileafterleavingit—andtodothisallonabroad，thoroughscale，soastobuildupacompletelynewcareerandenteruponanewlifeofindependence。…Well…that’sall。…Well，ofcourseinkillingtheoldwomanIdidwrong。…Well，that’senough。”
Hestruggledtotheendofhisspeechinexhaustionandlethisheadsink。
“Oh，that’snotit，that’snotit，”Soniacriedindistress。“Howcouldone…no，that’snotright，notright。”
“Youseeyourselfthatit’snotright。ButI’vespokentruly，it’sthetruth。”
“Asthoughthatcouldbethetruth！GoodGod！”
“I’veonlykilledalouse，Sonia，auseless，loathsome，harmfulcreature。”
“Ahumanbeing—alouse！”
“Itooknowitwasn’talouse，”heanswered，lookingstrangelyather。“ButIamtalkingnonsense，Sonia，”headded。“I’vebeentalkingnonsensealongtime。…That’snotit，youarerightthere。Therewerequite，quiteothercausesforit！Ihaven’ttalkedtoanyoneforsolong，Sonia。…Myheadachesdreadfullynow。”
Hiseyesshonewithfeverishbrilliance。Hewasalmostdelirious；anuneasysmilestrayedonhislips。Histerribleexhaustioncouldbeseenthroughhisexcitement。Soniasawhowhewassuffering。Shetoowasgrowingdizzy。Andhetalkedsostrangely；itseemedsomehowcomprehensible，butyet…“Buthow，how！GoodGod！”Andshewrungherhandsindespair。
“No，Sonia，that’snotit，”hebeganagainsuddenly，raisinghishead，asthoughanewandsuddentrainofthoughthadstruckandasitwererousedhim—“that’snotit！Better…imagine—yes，it’scertainlybetter—imaginethatIamvain，envious，malicious，base，vindictiveand…well，perhapswithatendencytoinsanity。(Let’shaveitalloutatonce！They’vetalkedofmadnessalready，Inoticed。)ItoldyoujustnowIcouldnotkeepmyselfattheuniversity。ButdoyouknowthatperhapsImighthavedone？MymotherwouldhavesentmewhatIneededforthefeesandIcouldhaveearnedenoughforclothes，bootsandfood，nodoubt。Lessonshadturnedupathalfarouble。Razumihinworks！ButIturnedsulkyandwouldn’t。(Yes，sulkiness，that’stherightwordforit！)Isatinmyroomlikeaspider。You’vebeeninmyden，you’veseenit。…Anddoyouknow，Sonia，thatlowceilingsandtinyroomscrampthesoulandthemind？Ah，howIhatedthatgarret！AndyetIwouldn’tgooutofit！Iwouldn’tonpurpose！Ididn’tgooutfordaystogether，andIwouldn’twork，Iwouldn’teveneat，Ijustlaytheredoingnothing。IfNastasyabroughtmeanything，Iateit，ifshedidn’t，Iwentalldaywithout；Iwouldn’task，onpurpose，fromsulkiness！AtnightIhadnolight，IlayinthedarkandIwouldn’tearnmoneyforcandles。Ioughttohavestudied，butIsoldmybooks；andthedustliesaninchthickonthenotebooksonmytable。Ipreferredlyingstillandthinking。AndIkeptthinking。…AndIhaddreamsallthetime，strangedreamsofallsorts，noneedtodescribe！OnlythenIbegantofancythat…No，that’snotit！AgainIamtellingyouwrong！YouseeIkeptaskingmyselfthen:whyamIsostupidthatifothersarestupid—andIknowtheyare—yetIwon’tbewiser？ThenIsaw，Sonia，thatifonewaitsforeveryonetogetwiseritwilltaketoolong。…AfterwardsIunderstoodthatthatwouldnevercometopass，thatmenwon’tchangeandthatnobodycanalteritandthatit’snotworthwastingeffortoverit。Yes，that’sso。That’sthelawoftheirnature，Sonia，…that’sso！…AndIknownow，Sonia，thatwhoeverisstronginmindandspiritwillhavepoweroverthem。Anyonewhoisgreatlydaringisrightintheireyes。Hewhodespisesmostthingswillbealawgiveramongthemandhewhodaresmostofallwillbemostintheright！Soithasbeentillnowandsoitwillalwaysbe。Amanmustbeblindnottoseeit！”
ThoughRaskolnikovlookedatSoniaashesaidthis，henolongercaredwhethersheunderstoodornot。Thefeverhadcompleteholdofhim；hewasinasortofgloomyecstasy(hecertainlyhadbeentoolongwithouttalkingtoanyone)。Soniafeltthathisgloomycreedhadbecomehisfaithandcode。
“Idivinedthen，Sonia，”hewentoneagerly，“thatpowerisonlyvouchsafedtothemanwhodarestostoopandpickitup。Thereisonlyonething，onethingneedful:onehasonlytodare！Thenforthefirsttimeinmylifeanideatookshapeinmymindwhichnoonehadeverthoughtofbeforeme，noone！Isawclearasdaylighthowstrangeitisthatnotasinglepersonlivinginthismadworldhashadthedaringtogostraightforitallandsenditflyingtothedevil！I…Iwantedtohavethedaring…andIkilledher。Ionlywantedtohavethedaring，Sonia！Thatwasthewholecauseofit！”
“Ohhush，hush，”criedSonia，claspingherhands。“YouturnedawayfromGodandGodhassmittenyou，hasgivenyouovertothedevil！”
“ThenSonia，whenIusedtoliethereinthedarkandallthisbecamecleartome，wasitatemptationofthedevil，eh？”
“Hush，don’tlaugh，blasphemer！Youdon’tunderstand，youdon’tunderstand！OhGod！Hewon’tunderstand！”
“Hush，Sonia！Iamnotlaughing。Iknowmyselfthatitwasthedevilleadingme。Hush，Sonia，hush！”herepeatedwithgloomyinsistence。“Iknowitall，Ihavethoughtitalloverandoverandwhispereditallovertomyself，lyingthereinthedark。…I’veargueditalloverwithmyself，everypointofit，andIknowitall，all！Andhowsick，howsickIwasthenofgoingoveritall！Ihavekeptwantingtoforgetitandmakeanewbeginning，Sonia，andleaveoffthinking。Andyoudon’tsupposethatIwentintoitheadlonglikeafool？Iwentintoitlikeawiseman，andthatwasjustmydestruction。Andyoumustn’tsupposethatIdidn’tknow，forinstance，thatifIbegantoquestionmyselfwhetherIhadtherighttogainpower—Icertainlyhadn’ttheright—orthatifIaskedmyselfwhetherahumanbeingisalouseitprovedthatitwasn’tsoforme，thoughitmightbeforamanwhowouldgostraighttohisgoalwithoutaskingquestions。…IfIworriedmyselfallthosedays，wonderingwhetherNapoleonwouldhavedoneitornot，IfeltclearlyofcoursethatIwasn’tNapoleon。Ihadtoendurealltheagonyofthatbattleofideas，Sonia，andIlongedtothrowitoff:Iwantedtomurderwithoutcasuistry，tomurderformyownsake，formyselfalone！Ididn’twanttolieaboutiteventomyself。Itwasn’ttohelpmymotherIdidthemurder—that’snonsense—Ididn’tdothemurdertogainwealthandpowerandtobecomeabenefactorofmankind。Nonsense！Isimplydidit；Ididthemurderformyself，formyselfalone，andwhetherIbecameabenefactortoothers，orspentmylifelikeaspidercatchingmeninmywebandsuckingthelifeoutofmen，Icouldn’thavecaredatthatmoment。…AnditwasnotthemoneyIwanted，Sonia，whenIdidit。ItwasnotsomuchthemoneyIwanted，butsomethingelse。…Iknowitallnow。…Understandme！PerhapsIshouldneverhavecommittedamurderagain。Iwantedtofindoutsomethingelse；itwassomethingelseledmeon。IwantedtofindoutthenandquicklywhetherIwasalouselikeeverybodyelseoraman。WhetherIcanstepoverbarriersornot，whetherIdarestooptopickupornot，whetherIamatremblingcreatureorwhetherIhavetheright…”
“Tokill？Havetherighttokill？”Soniaclaspedherhands。
“Ach，Sonia！”hecriedirritablyandseemedabouttomakesomeretort，butwascontemptuouslysilent。“Don’tinterruptme，Sonia。Iwanttoproveonethingonly，thatthedevilledmeonthenandhehasshownmesincethatIhadnottherighttotakethatpath，becauseIamjustsuchalouseasalltherest。HewasmockingmeandhereI’vecometoyounow！Welcomeyourguest！IfIwerenotalouse，shouldIhavecometoyou？Listen:whenIwentthentotheoldwoman’sIonlywenttotry。…Youmaybesureofthat！”
“Andyoumurderedher！”
“ButhowdidImurderher？Isthathowmendomurders？DomengotocommitamurderasIwentthen？IwilltellyousomedayhowIwent！DidImurdertheoldwoman？Imurderedmyself，nother！Icrushedmyselfonceforall，forever。…Butitwasthedevilthatkilledthatoldwoman，notI。Enough，enough，Sonia，enough！Letmebe！”hecriedinasuddenspasmofagony，“letmebe！”
Heleanedhiselbowsonhiskneesandsqueezedhisheadinhishandsasinavise。
“Whatsuffering！”AwailofanguishbrokefromSonia。
“Well，whatamItodonow？”heasked，suddenlyraisinghisheadandlookingatherwithafacehideouslydistortedbydespair。
“Whatareyoutodo？”shecried，jumpingup，andhereyesthathadbeenfulloftearssuddenlybegantoshine。“Standup！”(Sheseizedhimbytheshoulder，hegotup，lookingatheralmostbewildered。)“Goatonce，thisveryminute，standatthecross-roads，bowdown，firstkisstheearthwhichyouhavedefiledandthenbowdowntoalltheworldandsaytoallmenaloud，‘Iamamurderer！’ThenGodwillsendyoulifeagain。Willyougo，willyougo？”sheaskedhim，tremblingallover，snatchinghistwohands，squeezingthemtightinhersandgazingathimwitheyesfulloffire。
Hewasamazedathersuddenecstasy。
“YoumeanSiberia，Sonia？Imustgivemyselfup？”heaskedgloomily。
“Sufferandexpiateyoursinbyit，that’swhatyoumustdo。”
“No！Iamnotgoingtothem，Sonia！”
“Buthowwillyougoonliving？Whatwillyoulivefor？”criedSonia，“howisitpossiblenow？Why，howcanyoutalktoyourmother？(Oh，whatwillbecomeofthemnow？)ButwhatamIsaying？Youhaveabandonedyourmotherandyoursisteralready。Hehasabandonedthemalready！Oh，God！”shecried，“why，heknowsitallhimself。How，howcanhelivebyhimself！Whatwillbecomeofyounow？”
“Don’tbeachild，Sonia，”hesaidsoftly。“WhatwronghaveIdonethem？WhyshouldIgotothem？WhatshouldIsaytothem？That’sonlyaphantom。…Theydestroymenbymillionsthemselvesandlookonitasavirtue。Theyareknavesandscoundrels，Sonia！Iamnotgoingtothem。AndwhatshouldIsaytothem—thatImurderedher，butdidnotdaretotakethemoneyandhiditunderastone？”headdedwithabittersmile。“Why，theywouldlaughatme，andwouldcallmeafoolfornotgettingit。Acowardandafool！Theywouldn’tunderstandandtheydon’tdeservetounderstand。WhyshouldIgotothem？Iwon’t。Don’tbeachild，Sonia。…”
“Itwillbetoomuchforyoutobear，toomuch！”sherepeated，holdingoutherhandsindespairingsupplication。
“PerhapsI’vebeenunfairtomyself，”heobservedgloomily，pondering，“perhapsafterallIamamanandnotalouseandI’vebeenintoogreatahurrytocondemnmyself。I’llmakeanotherfightforit。”
Ahaughtysmileappearedonhislips。
“Whataburdentobear！Andyourwholelife，yourwholelife！”
“Ishallgetusedtoit，”hesaidgrimlyandthoughtfully。“Listen，”hebeganaminutelater，“stopcrying，it’stimetotalkofthefacts:I’vecometotellyouthatthepoliceareafterme，onmytrack。…”
“Ach！”Soniacriedinterror。
“Well，whydoyoucryout？YouwantmetogotoSiberiaandnowyouarefrightened？Butletmetellyou:Ishallnotgivemyselfup。Ishallmakeastruggleforitandtheywon’tdoanythingtome。They’venorealevidence。YesterdayIwasingreatdangerandbelievedIwaslost；butto-daythingsaregoingbetter。Allthefactstheyknowcanbeexplainedtwoways，that’stosayIcanturntheiraccusationstomycredit，doyouunderstand？AndIshall，forI’velearntmylesson。Buttheywillcertainlyarrestme。Ifithadnotbeenforsomethingthathappened，theywouldhavedonesoto-dayforcertain；perhapsevennowtheywillarrestmeto-day。…Butthat’snomatter，Sonia；they’llletmeoutagain…forthereisn’tanyrealproofagainstme，andtherewon’tbe，Igiveyoumywordforit。Andtheycan’tconvictamanonwhattheyhaveagainstme。Enough。…Ionlytellyouthatyoumayknow。…Iwilltrytomanagesomehowtoputittomymotherandsistersothattheywon’tbefrightened。…Mysister’sfutureissecure，however，now，Ibelieve…andmymother’smustbetoo。…Well，that’sall。Becareful，though。WillyoucomeandseemeinprisonwhenIamthere？”
“Oh，Iwill，Iwill。”
Theysatsidebyside，bothmournfulanddejected，asthoughtheyhadbeencastupbythetempestaloneonsomedesertedshore。HelookedatSoniaandfelthowgreatwasherloveforhim，andstrangetosayhefeltitsuddenlyburdensomeandpainfultobesoloved。Yes，itwasastrangeandawfulsensation！OnhiswaytoseeSoniahehadfeltthatallhishopesrestedonher；heexpectedtoberidofatleastpartofhissuffering，andnow，whenallherheartturnedtowardshim，hesuddenlyfeltthathewasimmeasurablyunhappierthanbefore。
“Sonia，”hesaid，“you’dbetternotcomeandseemewhenIaminprison。”
Soniadidnotanswer，shewascrying。Severalminutespassed。
“Haveyouacrossonyou？”sheasked，asthoughsuddenlythinkingofit。
Hedidnotatfirstunderstandthequestion。
“No，ofcoursenot。Here，takethisone，ofcypresswood。Ihaveanother，acopperonethatbelongedtoLizaveta。IchangedwithLizaveta:shegavemehercrossandIgavehermylittleikon。IwillwearLizaveta’snowandgiveyouthis。Takeit…it’smine！It’smine，youknow，”shebeggedhim。“Wewillgotosuffertogether，andtogetherwewillbearourcross！”
“Giveitme，”saidRaskolnikov。
Hedidnotwanttohurtherfeelings。Butimmediatelyhedrewbackthehandheheldoutforthecross。
“Notnow，Sonia。Betterlater，”headdedtocomforther。
“Yes，yes，better，”sherepeatedwithconviction，“whenyougotomeetyoursuffering，thenputiton。Youwillcometome，I’llputitonyou，wewillprayandgotogether。”
Atthatmomentsomeoneknockedthreetimesatthedoor。
“SofyaSemyonovna，mayIcomein？”theyheardinaveryfamiliarandpolitevoice。
Soniarushedtothedoorinafright。TheflaxenheadofMr。Lebeziatnikovappearedatthedoor。
