Razumihinwakedupnextmorningateighto’clock,troubledandserious。Hefoundhimselfconfrontedwithmanynewandunlooked-forperplexities。Hehadneverexpectedthathewouldeverwakeupfeelinglikethat。Herememberedeverydetailofthepreviousdayandheknewthataperfectlynovelexperiencehadbefallenhim,thathehadreceivedanimpressionunlikeanythinghehadknownbefore。Atthesametimeherecognisedclearlythatthedreamwhichhadfiredhisimaginationwashopelesslyunattainable—sounattainablethathefeltpositivelyashamedofit,andhehastenedtopasstotheothermorepracticalcaresanddifficultiesbequeathedhimbythat“thriceaccursedyesterday。”
Themostawfulrecollectionofthepreviousdaywasthewayhehadshownhimself“baseandmean,”notonlybecausehehadbeendrunk,butbecausehehadtakenadvantageoftheyounggirl’spositiontoabuseherfianceinhisstupidjealousy,knowingnothingoftheirmutualrelationsandobligationsandnexttonothingofthemanhimself。Andwhatrighthadhetocriticisehiminthathastyandunguardedmanner?Whohadaskedforhisopinion?WasitthinkablethatsuchacreatureasAvdotyaRomanovnawouldbemarryinganunworthymanformoney?Sotheremustbesomethinginhim。Thelodgings?Butafterallhowcouldheknowthecharacterofthelodgings?Hewasfurnishingaflat…Foo!howdespicableitallwas!Andwhatjustificationwasitthathewasdrunk?Suchastupidexcusewasevenmoredegrading!Inwineistruth,andthetruthhadallcomeout,“thatis,alltheuncleannessofhiscoarseandenviousheart”!Andwouldsuchadreameverbepermissibletohim,Razumihin?Whatwashebesidesuchagirl—he,thedrunkennoisybraggartoflastnight?Wasitpossibletoimaginesoabsurdandcynicalajuxtaposition?RazumihinblusheddesperatelyattheveryideaandsuddenlytherecollectionforceditselfvividlyuponhimofhowhehadsaidlastnightonthestairsthatthelandladywouldbejealousofAvdotyaRomanovna…thatwassimplyintolerable。Hebroughthisfistdownheavilyonthekitchenstove,hurthishandandsentoneofthebricksflying。
“Ofcourse,”hemutteredtohimselfaminutelaterwithafeelingofself-abasement,“ofcourse,alltheseinfamiescanneverbewipedoutorsmoothedover…andsoit’suselesseventothinkofit,andImustgototheminsilenceanddomyduty…insilence,too…andnotaskforgiveness,andsaynothing…forallislostnow!”
Andyetashedressedheexaminedhisattiremorecarefullythanusual。Hehadn’tanothersuit—ifhehadhad,perhapshewouldn’thaveputiton。“Iwouldhavemadeapointofnotputtingiton。”Butinanycasehecouldnotremainacynicandadirtysloven;hehadnorighttooffendthefeelingsofothers,especiallywhentheywereinneedofhisassistanceandaskinghimtoseethem。Hebrushedhisclothescarefully。Hislinenwasalwaysdecent;inthatrespecthewasespeciallyclean。
Hewashedthatmorningscrupulously—hegotsomesoapfromNastasya—hewashedhishair,hisneckandespeciallyhishands。Whenitcametothequestionwhethertoshavehisstubblychinornot(PraskovyaPavlovnahadcapitalrazorsthathadbeenleftbyherlatehusband),thequestionwasangrilyansweredinthenegative。“Letitstayasitis!WhatiftheythinkthatIshavedonpurposeto…?Theycertainlywouldthinkso!Notonanyaccount!”
“And…theworstofitwashewassocoarse,sodirty,hehadthemannersofapothouse;and…andevenadmittingthatheknewhehadsomeoftheessentialsofagentleman…whatwasthereinthattobeproudof?Everyoneoughttobeagentlemanandmorethanthat…andallthesame(heremembered)he,too,haddonelittlethings…notexactlydishonest,andyet。…Andwhatthoughtshesometimeshad;hm…andtosetallthatbesideAvdotyaRomanovna!Confoundit!Sobeit!Well,he’dmakeapointthenofbeingdirty,greasy,pothouseinhismannersandhewouldn’tcare!He’dbeworse!”
HewasengagedinsuchmonologueswhenZossimov,whohadspentthenightinPraskovyaPavlovna’sparlour,camein。
Hewasgoinghomeandwasinahurrytolookattheinvalidfirst。RazumihininformedhimthatRaskolnikovwassleepinglikeadormouse。Zossimovgaveordersthattheyshouldn’twakehimandpromisedtoseehimagainabouteleven。
“Ifheisstillathome,”headded。“Damnitall!Ifonecan’tcontrolone’spatients,howisonetocurethem?Doyouknowwhetherhewillgotothem,orwhethertheyarecominghere?”
“Theyarecoming,Ithink,”saidRazumihin,understandingtheobjectofthequestion,“andtheywilldiscusstheirfamilyaffairs,nodoubt。I’llbeoff。You,asthedoctor,havemorerighttobeherethanI。”
“ButIamnotafatherconfessor;Ishallcomeandgoaway;I’veplentytodobesideslookingafterthem。”
“Onethingworriesme,”interposedRazumihin,frowning。“OnthewayhomeItalkedalotofdrunkennonsensetohim…allsortsofthings…andamongstthemthatyouwereafraidthathe…mightbecomeinsane。”
“Youtoldtheladiesso,too。”
“Iknowitwasstupid!Youmaybeatmeifyoulike!Didyouthinksoseriously?”
“That’snonsense,Itellyou,howcouldIthinkitseriously?You,yourself,describedhimasamonomaniacwhenyoufetchedmetohim…andweaddedfueltothefireyesterday,youdid,thatis,withyourstoryaboutthepainter;itwasaniceconversation,whenhewas,perhaps,madonthatverypoint!IfonlyI’dknownwhathappenedthenatthepolicestationandthatsomewretch…hadinsultedhimwiththissuspicion!Hm…Iwouldnothaveallowedthatconversationyesterday。Thesemonomaniacswillmakeamountainoutofamole-hill…andseetheirfanciesassolidrealities。…AsfarasIremember,itwasZametov’sstorythatcleareduphalfthemystery,tomymind。Why,Iknowonecaseinwhichahypochondriac,amanofforty,cutthethroatofalittleboyofeight,becausehecouldn’tendurethejokeshemadeeverydayattable!Andinthiscasehisrags,theinsolentpoliceofficer,thefeverandthissuspicion!Allthatworkinguponamanhalffranticwithhypochondria,andwithhismorbidexceptionalvanity!Thatmaywellhavebeenthestarting-pointofillness。Well,botheritall!…And,bytheway,thatZametovcertainlyisanicefellow,buthm…heshouldn’thavetoldallthatlastnight。Heisanawfulchatterbox!”
“Butwhomdidhetellitto?Youandme?”
“AndPorfiry。”
“Whatdoesthatmatter?”
“And,bytheway,haveyouanyinfluenceonthem,hismotherandsister?Tellthemtobemorecarefulwithhimto-day。…”
“They’llgetonallright!”Razumihinansweredreluctantly。
“WhyishesosetagainstthisLuzhin?Amanwithmoneyandshedoesn’tseemtodislikehim…andtheyhaven’tafarthing,Isuppose?eh?”
“Butwhatbusinessisitofyours?”Razumihincriedwithannoyance。“HowcanItellwhetherthey’veafarthing?Askthemyourselfandperhapsyou’llfindout。…”
“Foo!whatanassyouaresometimes!night’swinehasnotgoneoffyet。…Good-bye;thankyourPraskovyaPavlovnafrommeformynight’slodging。Shelockedherselfin,madenoreplytomybonjourthroughthedoor;shewasupatseveno’clock,thesamovarwastakenintoherfromthekitchen。Iwasnotvouchsafedapersonalinterview。…”
Atnineo’clockpreciselyRazumihinreachedthelodgingsatBakaleyev’shouse。Bothladieswerewaitingforhimwithnervousimpatience。Theyhadrisenatseveno’clockorearlier。Heenteredlookingasblackasnight,bowedawkwardlyandwasatoncefuriouswithhimselfforit。Hehadreckonedwithouthishost:PulcheriaAlexandrovnafairlyrushedathim,seizedhimbybothhandsandwasalmostkissingthem。HeglancedtimidlyatAvdotyaRomanovna,butherproudcountenanceworeatthatmomentanexpressionofsuchgratitudeandfriendliness,suchcompleteandunlooked-forrespect(inplaceofthesneeringlooksandill-disguisedcontempthehadexpected),thatitthrewhimintogreaterconfusionthanifhehadbeenmetwithabuse。Fortunatelytherewasasubjectforconversation,andhemadehastetosnatchatit。
HearingthateverythingwasgoingwellandthatRodyahadnotyetwaked,PulcheriaAlexandrovnadeclaredthatshewasgladtohearit,because“shehadsomethingwhichitwasvery,verynecessarytotalkoverbeforehand。”Thenfollowedaninquiryaboutbreakfastandaninvitationtohaveitwiththem;theyhadwaitedtohaveitwithhim。AvdotyaRomanovnarangthebell:itwasansweredbyaraggeddirtywaiter,andtheyaskedhimtobringteawhichwasservedatlast,butinsuchadirtyanddisorderlywaythattheladieswereashamed。Razumihinvigorouslyattackedthelodgings,but,rememberingLuzhin,stoppedinembarrassmentandwasgreatlyrelievedbyPulcheriaAlexandrovna’squestions,whichshoweredinacontinualstreamuponhim。
Hetalkedforthreequartersofanhour,beingconstantlyinterruptedbytheirquestions,andsucceededindescribingtothemallthemostimportantfactsheknewofthelastyearofRaskolnikov’slife,concludingwithacircumstantialaccountofhisillness。Heomitted,however,manythings,whichwerebetteromitted,includingthesceneatthepolicestationwithallitsconsequences。Theylistenedeagerlytohisstory,and,whenhethoughthehadfinishedandsatisfiedhislisteners,hefoundthattheyconsideredhehadhardlybegun。
“Tellme,tellme!Whatdoyouthink…?Excuseme,Istilldon’tknowyourname!”PulcheriaAlexandrovnaputinhastily。
“DmitriProkofitch。”
“Ishouldlikevery,verymuchtoknow,DmitriProkofitch…howhelooks…onthingsingeneralnow,thatis,howcanIexplain,whatarehislikesanddislikes?Ishealwayssoirritable?Tellme,ifyoucan,whatarehishopesand,sotosay,hisdreams?Underwhatinfluencesishenow?Inaword,Ishouldlike…”
“Ah,mother,howcanheanswerallthatatonce?”observedDounia。
“Goodheavens,Ihadnotexpectedtofindhimintheleastlikethis,DmitriProkofitch!”
“Naturally,”answeredRazumihin。“Ihavenomother,butmyunclecomeseveryyearandalmosteverytimehecanscarcelyrecogniseme,eveninappearance,thoughheisacleverman;andyourthreeyears’separationmeansagreatdeal。WhatamItotellyou?IhaveknownRodionforayearandahalf;heismorose,gloomy,proudandhaughty,andoflate—andperhapsforalongtimebefore—hehasbeensuspiciousandfanciful。Hehasanoblenatureandakindheart。Hedoesnotlikeshowinghisfeelingsandwouldratherdoacruelthingthanopenhisheartfreely。Sometimes,though,heisnotatallmorbid,butsimplycoldandinhumanlycallous;it’sasthoughhewerealternatingbetweentwocharacters。Sometimesheisfearfullyreserved!Hesaysheissobusythateverythingisahindrance,andyetheliesinbeddoingnothing。Hedoesn’tjeeratthings,notbecausehehasn’tthewit,butasthoughhehadn’ttimetowasteonsuchtrifles。Heneverlistenstowhatissaidtohim。Heisneverinterestedinwhatinterestsotherpeopleatanygivenmoment。Hethinksveryhighlyofhimselfandperhapsheisright。Well,whatmore?Ithinkyourarrivalwillhaveamostbeneficialinfluenceuponhim。”
“Godgrantitmay,”criedPulcheriaAlexandrovna,distressedbyRazumihin’saccountofherRodya。
AndRazumihinventuredtolookmoreboldlyatAvdotyaRomanovnaatlast。Heglancedatheroftenwhilehewastalking,butonlyforamomentandlookedawayagainatonce。AvdotyaRomanovnasatatthetable,listeningattentively,thengotupagainandbeganwalkingtoandfrowithherarmsfoldedandherlipscompressed,occasionallyputtinginaquestion,withoutstoppingherwalk。Shehadthesamehabitofnotlisteningtowhatwassaid。Shewaswearingadressofthindarkstuffandshehadawhitetransparentscarfroundherneck。Razumihinsoondetectedsignsofextremepovertyintheirbelongings。HadAvdotyaRomanovnabeendressedlikeaqueen,hefeltthathewouldnotbeafraidofher,butperhapsjustbecauseshewaspoorlydressedandthathenoticedallthemiseryofhersurroundings,hisheartwasfilledwithdreadandhebegantobeafraidofeverywordheuttered,everygesturehemade,whichwasverytryingforamanwhoalreadyfeltdiffident。
“You’vetoldusagreatdealthatisinterestingaboutmybrother’scharacter…andhavetolditimpartially。Iamglad。Ithoughtthatyouweretoouncriticallydevotedtohim,”observedAvdotyaRomanovnawithasmile。“Ithinkyouarerightthatheneedsawoman’scare,”sheaddedthoughtfully。
“Ididn’tsayso;butIdaresayyouareright,only…”
“What?”
“Helovesnooneandperhapsheneverwill,”Razumihindeclareddecisively。
“Youmeanheisnotcapableoflove?”
“Doyouknow,AvdotyaRomanovna,youareawfullylikeyourbrother,ineverything,indeed!”heblurtedoutsuddenlytohisownsurprise,butrememberingatoncewhathehadjustbeforesaidofherbrother,heturnedasredasacrabandwasovercomewithconfusion。AvdotyaRomanovnacouldn’thelplaughingwhenshelookedathim。
“YoumaybothbemistakenaboutRodya,”PulcheriaAlexandrovnaremarked,slightlypiqued。“Iamnottalkingofourpresentdifficulty,Dounia。WhatPyotrPetrovitchwritesinthisletterandwhatyouandIhavesupposedmaybemistaken,butyoucan’timagine,DmitriProkofitch,howmoodyand,sotosay,capriciousheis。Inevercoulddependonwhathewoulddowhenhewasonlyfifteen。AndIamsurethathemightdosomethingnowthatnobodyelsewouldthinkofdoing…Well,forinstance,doyouknowhowayearandahalfagoheastoundedmeandgavemeashockthatnearlykilledme,whenhehadtheideaofmarryingthatgirl—whatwashername—hislandlady’sdaughter?”
“Didyouhearaboutthataffair?”askedAvdotyaRomanovna。
“Doyousuppose——”PulcheriaAlexandrovnacontinuedwarmly。“Doyousupposethatmytears,myentreaties,myillness,mypossibledeathfromgrief,ourpovertywouldhavemadehimpause?No,hewouldcalmlyhavedisregardedallobstacles。Andyetitisn’tthathedoesn’tloveus!”
“Hehasneverspokenawordofthataffairtome,”Razumihinansweredcautiously。“ButIdidhearsomethingfromPraskovyaPavlovnaherself,thoughsheisbynomeansagossip。AndwhatIheardcertainlywasratherstrange。”
“Andwhatdidyouhear?”boththeladiesaskedatonce。
“Well,nothingveryspecial。Ionlylearnedthatthemarriage,whichonlyfailedtotakeplacethroughthegirl’sdeath,wasnotatalltoPraskovyaPavlovna’sliking。Theysay,too,thegirlwasnotatallpretty,infactIamtoldpositivelyugly…andsuchaninvalid…andqueer。Butsheseemstohavehadsomegoodqualities。Shemusthavehadsomegoodqualitiesorit’squiteinexplicable。…Shehadnomoneyeitherandhewouldn’thaveconsideredhermoney。…Butit’salwaysdifficulttojudgeinsuchmatters。”
“Iamsureshewasagoodgirl,”AvdotyaRomanovnaobservedbriefly。
“Godforgiveme,Isimplyrejoicedatherdeath。ThoughIdon’tknowwhichofthemwouldhavecausedmostmiserytotheother—hetoherorshetohim,”PulcheriaAlexandrovnaconcluded。ThenshebegantentativelyquestioninghimaboutthesceneonthepreviousdaywithLuzhin,hesitatingandcontinuallyglancingatDounia,obviouslytothelatter’sannoyance。Thisincidentmorethanalltherestevidentlycausedheruneasiness,evenconsternation。Razumihindescribeditindetailagain,butthistimeheaddedhisownconclusions:heopenlyblamedRaskolnikovforintentionallyinsultingPyotrPetrovitch,notseekingtoexcusehimonthescoreofhisillness。
“Hehadplanneditbeforehisillness,”headded。
“Ithinkso,too,”PulcheriaAlexandrovnaagreedwithadejectedair。ButshewasverymuchsurprisedathearingRazumihinexpresshimselfsocarefullyandevenwithacertainrespectaboutPyotrPetrovitch。AvdotyaRomanovna,too,wasstruckbyit。
“SothisisyouropinionofPyotrPetrovitch?”PulcheriaAlexandrovnacouldnotresistasking。
“Icanhavenootheropinionofyourdaughter’sfuturehusband,”Razumihinansweredfirmlyandwithwarmth,“andIdon’tsayitsimplyfromvulgarpoliteness,butbecause…simplybecauseAvdotyaRomanovnahasofherownfreewilldeignedtoacceptthisman。IfIspokesorudelyofhimlastnight,itwasbecauseIwasdisgustinglydrunkand…madbesides;yes,mad,crazy,Ilostmyheadcompletely…andthismorningIamashamedofit。”
Hecrimsonedandceasedspeaking。AvdotyaRomanovnaflushed,butdidnotbreakthesilence。ShehadnotutteredawordfromthemomenttheybegantospeakofLuzhin。
WithouthersupportPulcheriaAlexandrovnaobviouslydidnotknowwhattodo。Atlast,falteringandcontinuallyglancingatherdaughter,sheconfessedthatshewasexceedinglyworriedbyonecircumstance。
“Yousee,DmitriProkofitch,”shebegan。“I’llbeperfectlyopenwithDmitriProkofitch,Dounia?”
“Ofcourse,mother,”saidAvdotyaRomanovnaemphatically。
“Thisiswhatitis,”shebeganinhaste,asthoughthepermissiontospeakofhertroubleliftedaweightoffhermind。“VeryearlythismorningwegotanotefromPyotrPetrovitchinreplytoourletterannouncingourarrival。Hepromisedtomeetusatthestation,youknow;insteadofthathesentaservanttobringustheaddressoftheselodgingsandtoshowustheway;andhesentamessagethathewouldbeherehimselfthismorning。Butthismorningthisnotecamefromhim。You’dbetterreadityourself;thereisonepointinitwhichworriesmeverymuch…youwillsoonseewhatthatis,and…tellmeyourcandidopinion,DmitriProkofitch!YouknowRodya’scharacterbetterthananyoneandnoonecanadviseusbetterthanyoucan。Dounia,Imusttellyou,madeherdecisionatonce,butIstilldon’tfeelsurehowtoactandI…I’vebeenwaitingforyouropinion。”
Razumihinopenedthenotewhichwasdatedthepreviouseveningandreadasfollows:
“DearMadam,PulcheriaAlexandrovna,IhavethehonourtoinformyouthatowingtounforeseenobstaclesIwasrenderedunabletomeetyouattherailwaystation;Isentaverycompetentpersonwiththesameobjectinview。Ilikewiseshallbedeprivedofthehonourofaninterviewwithyouto-morrowmorningbybusinessintheSenatethatdoesnotadmitofdelay,andalsothatImaynotintrudeonyourfamilycirclewhileyouaremeetingyourson,andAvdotyaRomanovnaherbrother。Ishallhavethehonourofvisitingyouandpayingyoumyrespectsatyourlodgingsnotlaterthanto-morroweveningateighto’clockprecisely,andherewithIventuretopresentmyearnestand,Imayadd,imperativerequestthatRodionRomanovitchmaynotbepresentatourinterview—asheofferedmeagrossandunprecedentedaffrontontheoccasionofmyvisittohiminhisillnessyesterday,and,moreover,sinceIdesirefromyoupersonallyanindispensableandcircumstantialexplanationuponacertainpoint,inregardtowhichIwishtolearnyourowninterpretation。Ihavethehonourtoinformyou,inanticipation,thatif,inspiteofmyrequest,ImeetRodionRomanovitch,Ishallbecompelledtowithdrawimmediatelyandthenyouhaveonlyyourselftoblame。IwriteontheassumptionthatRodionRomanovitchwhoappearedsoillatmyvisit,suddenlyrecoveredtwohourslaterandso,beingabletoleavethehouse,mayvisityoualso。Iwasconfirmedinthatbeliefbythetestimonyofmyowneyesinthelodgingofadrunkenmanwhowasrunoverandhassincedied,towhosedaughter,ayoungwomanofnotoriousbehaviour,hegavetwenty-fiveroublesonthepretextofthefuneral,whichgravelysurprisedmeknowingwhatpainsyouwereattoraisethatsum。Herewithexpressingmyspecialrespecttoyourestimabledaughter,AvdotyaRomanovna,Ibegyoutoaccepttherespectfulhomageof
“Yourhumbleservant,
“P。Luzhin。”
“WhatamItodonow,DmitriProkofitch?”beganPulcheriaAlexandrovna,almostweeping。“HowcanIaskRodyanottocome?YesterdayheinsistedsoearnestlyonourrefusingPyotrPetrovitchandnowweareorderednottoreceiveRodya!Hewillcomeonpurposeifheknows,and…whatwillhappenthen?”
“ActonAvdotyaRomanovna’sdecision,”Razumihinansweredcalmlyatonce。
“Oh,dearme!Shesays…goodnessknowswhatshesays,shedoesn’texplainherobject!Shesaysthatitwouldbebest,atleast,notthatitwouldbebest,butthatit’sabsolutelynecessarythatRodyashouldmakeapointofbeinghereateighto’clockandthattheymustmeet。…Ididn’twanteventoshowhimtheletter,buttopreventhimfromcomingbysomestratagemwithyourhelp…becauseheissoirritable。…BesidesIdon’tunderstandaboutthatdrunkardwhodiedandthatdaughter,andhowhecouldhavegiventhedaughterallthemoney…which…”
“Whichcostyousuchsacrifice,mother,”putinAvdotyaRomanovna。
“Hewasnothimselfyesterday,”Razumihinsaidthoughtfully,“ifyouonlyknewwhathewasuptoinarestaurantyesterday,thoughtherewassenseinittoo。…Hm!Hedidsaysomething,asweweregoinghomeyesterdayevening,aboutadeadmanandagirl,butIdidn’tunderstandaword。…Butlastnight,Imyself…”
“Thebestthing,mother,willbeforustogotohimourselvesandthereIassureyouweshallseeatoncewhat’stobedone。Besides,it’sgettinglate—goodheavens,it’spastten,”shecriedlookingatasplendidgoldenamelledwatchwhichhungroundherneckonathinVenetianchain,andlookedentirelyoutofkeepingwiththerestofherdress。“Apresentfromherfiance,”thoughtRazumihin。
“Wemuststart,Dounia,wemuststart,”hermothercriedinaflutter。“Hewillbethinkingwearestillangryafteryesterday,fromourcomingsolate。Mercifulheavens!”
Whileshesaidthisshewashurriedlyputtingonherhatandmantle;Dounia,too,putonherthings。Hergloves,asRazumihinnoticed,werenotmerelyshabbybuthadholesinthem,andyetthisevidentpovertygavethetwoladiesanairofspecialdignity,whichisalwaysfoundinpeoplewhoknowhowtowearpoorclothes。RazumihinlookedreverentlyatDouniaandfeltproudofescortingher。“Thequeenwhomendedherstockingsinprison,”hethought,“musthavelookedtheneveryinchaqueenandevenmoreaqueenthanatsumptuousbanquetsandlevees。”
“MyGod!”exclaimedPulcheriaAlexandrovna,“littledidIthinkthatIshouldeverfearseeingmyson,mydarling,darlingRodya!Iamafraid,DmitriProkofitch,”sheadded,glancingathimtimidly。
“Don’tbeafraid,mother,”saidDounia,kissingher,“betterhavefaithinhim。”
“Oh,dear,Ihavefaithinhim,butIhaven’tsleptallnight,”exclaimedthepoorwoman。
Theycameoutintothestreet。
“Doyouknow,Dounia,whenIdozedalittlethismorningIdreamedofMarfaPetrovna…shewasallinwhite…shecameuptome,tookmyhand,andshookherheadatme,butsosternlyasthoughshewereblamingme。…Isthatagoodomen?Oh,dearme!Youdon’tknow,DmitriProkofitch,thatMarfaPetrovna’sdead!”
“No,Ididn’tknow;whoisMarfaPetrovna?”
“Shediedsuddenly;andonlyfancy…”
“Afterwards,mamma,”putinDounia。“Hedoesn’tknowwhoMarfaPetrovnais。”
“Ah,youdon’tknow?AndIwasthinkingthatyouknewallaboutus。Forgiveme,DmitriProkofitch,Idon’tknowwhatIamthinkingabouttheselastfewdays。Ilookuponyoureallyasaprovidenceforus,andsoItookitforgrantedthatyouknewallaboutus。Ilookonyouasarelation。…Don’tbeangrywithmeforsayingso。Dearme,what’sthematterwithyourrighthand?Haveyouknockedit?”
“Yes,Ibruisedit,”mutteredRazumihinoverjoyed。
“Isometimesspeaktoomuchfromtheheart,sothatDouniafindsfaultwithme。…But,dearme,whatacupboardhelivesin!Iwonderwhetherheisawake?Doesthiswoman,hislandlady,consideritaroom?Listen,yousayhedoesnotliketoshowhisfeelings,soperhapsIshallannoyhimwithmy…weaknesses?Doadviseme,DmitriProkofitch,howamItotreathim?Ifeelquitedistracted,youknow。”
“Don’tquestionhimtoomuchaboutanythingifyouseehimfrown;don’taskhimtoomuchabouthishealth;hedoesn’tlikethat。”
“Ah,DmitriProkofitch,howharditistobeamother!Butherearethestairs。…Whatanawfulstaircase!”
“Mother,youarequitepale,don’tdistressyourself,darling,”saidDouniacaressingher,thenwithflashingeyessheadded:“Heoughttobehappyatseeingyou,andyouaretormentingyourselfso。”
“Wait,I’llpeepinandseewhetherhehaswakedup。”
TheladiesslowlyfollowedRazumihin,whowentonbefore,andwhentheyreachedthelandlady’sdooronthefourthstorey,theynoticedthatherdoorwasatinycrackopenandthattwokeenblackeyeswerewatchingthemfromthedarknesswithin。Whentheireyesmet,thedoorwassuddenlyshutwithsuchaslamthatPulcheriaAlexandrovnaalmostcriedout。
“Heiswell,quitewell!”Zossimovcriedcheerfullyastheyentered。
Hehadcomeintenminutesearlierandwassittinginthesameplaceasbefore,onthesofa。Raskolnikovwassittingintheoppositecorner,fullydressedandcarefullywashedandcombed,ashehadnotbeenforsometimepast。Theroomwasimmediatelycrowded,yetNastasyamanagedtofollowthevisitorsinandstayedtolisten。
Raskolnikovreallywasalmostwell,ascomparedwithhisconditionthedaybefore,buthewasstillpale,listless,andsombre。Helookedlikeawoundedmanoronewhohasundergonesometerriblephysicalsuffering。Hisbrowswereknitted,hislipscompressed,hiseyesfeverish。Hespokelittleandreluctantly,asthoughperformingaduty,andtherewasarestlessnessinhismovements。
Heonlywantedaslingonhisarmorabandageonhisfingertocompletetheimpressionofamanwithapainfulabscessorabrokenarm。Thepale,sombrefacelightedupforamomentwhenhismotherandsisterentered,butthisonlygaveitalookofmoreintensesuffering,inplaceofitslistlessdejection。Thelightsoondiedaway,butthelookofsufferingremained,andZossimov,watchingandstudyinghispatientwithallthezestofayoungdoctorbeginningtopractise,noticedinhimnojoyatthearrivalofhismotherandsister,butasortofbitter,hiddendeterminationtobearanotherhourortwoofinevitabletorture。Hesawlaterthatalmosteverywordofthefollowingconversationseemedtotouchonsomesoreplaceandirritateit。Butatthesametimehemarvelledatthepowerofcontrollinghimselfandhidinghisfeelingsinapatientwhothepreviousdayhad,likeamonomaniac,fallenintoafrenzyattheslightestword。
“Yes,IseemyselfnowthatIamalmostwell,”saidRaskolnikov,givinghismotherandsisterakissofwelcomewhichmadePulcheriaAlexandrovnaradiantatonce。“AndIdon’tsaythisasIdidyesterday,”hesaid,addressingRazumihin,withafriendlypressureofhishand。
“Yes,indeed,Iamquitesurprisedathimto-day,”beganZossimov,muchdelightedattheladies’entrance,forhehadnotsucceededinkeepingupaconversationwithhispatientfortenminutes。“Inanotherthreeorfourdays,ifhegoesonlikethis,hewillbejustasbefore,thatis,ashewasamonthago,ortwo…orperhapseventhree。Thishasbeencomingonforalongwhile。…eh?Confess,now,thatithasbeenperhapsyourownfault?”headded,withatentativesmile,asthoughstillafraidofirritatinghim。
“Itisverypossible,”answeredRaskolnikovcoldly。
“Ishouldsay,too,”continuedZossimovwithzest,“thatyourcompleterecoverydependssolelyonyourself。Nowthatonecantalktoyou,Ishouldliketoimpressuponyouthatitisessentialtoavoidtheelementary,sotospeak,fundamentalcausestendingtoproduceyourmorbidcondition:inthatcaseyouwillbecured,ifnot,itwillgofrombadtoworse。ThesefundamentalcausesIdon’tknow,buttheymustbeknowntoyou。Youareanintelligentman,andmusthaveobservedyourself,ofcourse。Ifancythefirststageofyourderangementcoincideswithyourleavingtheuniversity。Youmustnotbeleftwithoutoccupation,andso,workandadefiniteaimsetbeforeyoumight,Ifancy,beverybeneficial。”
“Yes,yes;youareperfectlyright。…Iwillmakehasteandreturntotheuniversity:andtheneverythingwillgosmoothly。…”
Zossimov,whohadbegunhissageadvicepartlytomakeaneffectbeforetheladies,wascertainlysomewhatmystified,when,glancingathispatient,heobservedunmistakablemockeryonhisface。Thislastedaninstant,however。PulcheriaAlexandrovnabeganatoncethankingZossimov,especiallyforhisvisittotheirlodgingthepreviousnight。
“What!hesawyoulastnight?”Raskolnikovasked,asthoughstartled。“Thenyouhavenotslepteitherafteryourjourney。”
“Ach,Rodya,thatwasonlytilltwoo’clock。DouniaandInevergotobedbeforetwoathome。”
“Idon’tknowhowtothankhimeither,”Raskolnikovwenton,suddenlyfrowningandlookingdown。“Settingasidethequestionofpayment—forgivemeforreferringtoit(heturnedtoZossimov)—Ireallydon’tknowwhatIhavedonetodeservesuchspecialattentionfromyou!Isimplydon’tunderstandit…and…and…itweighsuponme,indeed,becauseIdon’tunderstandit。Itellyousocandidly。”
“Don’tbeirritated。”Zossimovforcedhimselftolaugh。“Assumethatyouaremyfirstpatient—well—wefellowsjustbeginningtopractiseloveourfirstpatientsasiftheywereourchildren,andsomealmostfallinlovewiththem。And,ofcourse,Iamnotrichinpatients。”
“Isaynothingabouthim,”addedRaskolnikov,pointingtoRazumihin,“thoughhehashadnothingfrommeeitherbutinsultandtrouble。”
“Whatnonsenseheistalking!Why,youareinasentimentalmoodto-day,areyou?”shoutedRazumihin。
Ifhehadhadmorepenetrationhewouldhaveseenthattherewasnotraceofsentimentalityinhim,butsomethingindeedquitetheopposite。ButAvdotyaRomanovnanoticedit。Shewasintentlyanduneasilywatchingherbrother。
“Asforyou,mother,Idon’tdaretospeak,”hewenton,asthoughrepeatingalessonlearnedbyheart。“Itisonlyto-daythatIhavebeenabletorealisealittlehowdistressedyoumusthavebeenhereyesterday,waitingformetocomeback。”
Whenhehadsaidthis,hesuddenlyheldouthishandtohissister,smilingwithoutaword。Butinthissmiletherewasaflashofrealunfeignedfeeling。Douniacaughtitatonce,andwarmlypressedhishand,overjoyedandthankful。Itwasthefirsttimehehadaddressedhersincetheirdisputethepreviousday。Themother’sfacelightedupwithecstatichappinessatthesightofthisconclusiveunspokenreconciliation。“Yes,thatiswhatIlovehimfor,”Razumihin,exaggeratingitall,mutteredtohimself,withavigorousturninhischair。“Hehasthesemovements。”
“Andhowwellhedoesitall,”themotherwasthinkingtoherself。“Whatgenerousimpulseshehas,andhowsimply,howdelicatelyheputanendtoallthemisunderstandingwithhissister—simplybyholdingouthishandattherightminuteandlookingatherlikethat。…Andwhatfineeyeshehas,andhowfinehiswholefaceis!…HeisevenbetterlookingthanDounia。…But,goodheavens,whatasuit—howterriblyhe’sdressed!…Vasya,themessengerboyinAfanasyIvanitch’sshop,isbetterdressed!Icouldrushathimandhughim…weepoverhim—butIamafraid。…Oh,dear,he’ssostrange!He’stalkingkindly,butI’mafraid!Why,whatamIafraidof?…”
“Oh,Rodya,youwouldn’tbelieve,”shebegansuddenly,inhastetoanswerhiswordstoher,“howunhappyDouniaandIwereyesterday!Nowthatit’salloveranddonewithandwearequitehappyagain—Icantellyou。Fancy,weranherealmoststraightfromthetraintoembraceyouandthatwoman—ah,heresheis!Goodmorning,Nastasya!…Shetoldusatoncethatyouwerelyinginahighfeverandhadjustrunawayfromthedoctorindelirium,andtheywerelookingforyouinthestreets。Youcan’timaginehowwefelt!Icouldn’thelpthinkingofthetragicendofLieutenantPotanchikov,afriendofyourfather’s—youcan’trememberhim,Rodya—whoranoutinthesamewayinahighfeverandfellintothewellinthecourt-yardandtheycouldn’tpullhimouttillnextday。Ofcourse,weexaggeratedthings。WewereonthepointofrushingtofindPyotrPetrovitchtoaskhimtohelp。…Becausewewerealone,utterlyalone,”shesaidplaintivelyandstoppedshort,suddenly,recollectingitwasstillsomewhatdangeroustospeakofPyotrPetrovitch,although“wearequitehappyagain。”
“Yes,yes。…Ofcourseit’sveryannoying。…”Raskolnikovmutteredinreply,butwithsuchapreoccupiedandinattentiveairthatDouniagazedathiminperplexity。
“WhatelsewasitIwantedtosay?”Hewentontryingtorecollect。“Oh,yes;mother,andyoutoo,Dounia,pleasedon’tthinkthatIdidn’tmeantocomeandseeyouto-dayandwaswaitingforyoutocomefirst。”
“Whatareyousaying,Rodya?”criedPulcheriaAlexandrovna。She,too,wassurprised。
“Isheansweringusasaduty?”Douniawondered。“Ishebeingreconciledandaskingforgivenessasthoughhewereperformingariteorrepeatingalesson?”
“I’veonlyjustwakedup,andwantedtogotoyou,butwasdelayedowingtomyclothes;Iforgotyesterdaytoaskher…Nastasya…towashouttheblood…I’veonlyjustdressed。”
“Blood!Whatblood?”PulcheriaAlexandrovnaaskedinalarm。
“Oh,nothing—don’tbeuneasy。ItwaswhenIwaswanderingaboutyesterday,ratherdelirious,Ichanceduponamanwhohadbeenrunover…aclerk…”
“Delirious?Butyouremembereverything!”Razumihininterrupted。
“That’strue,”Raskolnikovansweredwithspecialcarefulness。“Iremembereverythingeventotheslightestdetail,andyet—whyIdidthatandwentthereandsaidthat,Ican’tclearlyexplainnow。”
“Afamiliarphenomenon,”interposedZossimov,“actionsaresometimesperformedinamasterlyandmostcunningway,whilethedirectionoftheactionsisderangedanddependentonvariousmorbidimpressions—it’slikeadream。”
“Perhapsit’sagoodthingreallythatheshouldthinkmealmostamadman,”thoughtRaskolnikov。
“Why,peopleinperfecthealthactinthesamewaytoo,”observedDounia,lookinguneasilyatZossimov。
“Thereissometruthinyourobservation,”thelatterreplied。“Inthatsensewearecertainlyallnotinfrequentlylikemadmen,butwiththeslightdifferencethatthederangedaresomewhatmadder,forwemustdrawaline。Anormalman,itistrue,hardlyexists。Amongdozens—perhapshundredsofthousands—hardlyoneistobemetwith。”
Attheword“madman,”carelesslydroppedbyZossimovinhischatteronhisfavouritesubject,everyonefrowned。
Raskolnikovsatseemingnottopayattention,plungedinthoughtwithastrangesmileonhispalelips。Hewasstillmeditatingonsomething。
“Well,whataboutthemanwhowasrunover?Iinterruptedyou!”Razumihincriedhastily。
“What?”Raskolnikovseemedtowakeup。“Oh…Igotspatteredwithbloodhelpingtocarryhimtohislodging。Bytheway,mamma,Ididanunpardonablethingyesterday。Iwasliterallyoutofmymind。Igaveawayallthemoneyyousentme…tohiswifeforthefuneral。She’sawidownow,inconsumption,apoorcreature…threelittlechildren,starving…nothinginthehouse…there’sadaughter,too…perhapsyou’dhavegivenityourselfifyou’dseenthem。ButIhadnorighttodoitIadmit,especiallyasIknewhowyouneededthemoneyyourself。Tohelpothersonemusthavetherighttodoit,orelseCrevez,chiens,sivousn’etespascontents。”Helaughed,“That’sright,isn’tit,Dounia?”
“No,it’snot,”answeredDouniafirmly。
“Bah!you,too,haveideals,”hemuttered,lookingatheralmostwithhatred,andsmilingsarcastically。“Ioughttohaveconsideredthat。…Well,that’spraiseworthy,andit’sbetterforyou…andifyoureachalineyouwon’toverstep,youwillbeunhappy…andifyouoverstepit,maybeyouwillbestillunhappier。…Butallthat’snonsense,”headdedirritably,vexedatbeingcarriedaway。“IonlymeanttosaythatIbegyourforgiveness,mother,”heconcluded,shortlyandabruptly。
“That’senough,Rodya,Iamsurethateverythingyoudoisverygood,”saidhismother,delighted。
“Don’tbetoosure,”heanswered,twistinghismouthintoasmile。
Asilencefollowed。Therewasacertainconstraintinallthisconversation,andinthesilence,andinthereconciliation,andintheforgiveness,andallwerefeelingit。
“Itisasthoughtheywereafraidofme,”Raskolnikovwasthinkingtohimself,lookingaskanceathismotherandsister。PulcheriaAlexandrovnawasindeedgrowingmoretimidthelongershekeptsilent。
“YetintheirabsenceIseemedtolovethemsomuch,”flashedthroughhismind。
“Doyouknow,Rodya,MarfaPetrovnaisdead,”PulcheriaAlexandrovnasuddenlyblurtedout。
“WhatMarfaPetrovna?”
“Oh,mercyonus—MarfaPetrovnaSvidrigailov。Iwroteyousomuchabouther。”
“A-a-h!Yes,Iremember。…Soshe’sdead!Oh,really?”herousedhimselfsuddenly,asifwakingup。“Whatdidshedieof?”
“Onlyimagine,quitesuddenly,”PulcheriaAlexandrovnaansweredhurriedly,encouragedbyhiscuriosity。“OntheverydayIwassendingyouthatletter!Wouldyoubelieveit,thatawfulmanseemstohavebeenthecauseofherdeath。Theysayhebeatherdreadfully。”
“Why,weretheyonsuchbadterms?”heasked,addressinghissister。
“Notatall。Quitethecontraryindeed。Withher,hewasalwaysverypatient,considerateeven。Infact,allthosesevenyearsoftheirmarriedlifehegavewaytoher,toomuchsoindeed,inmanycases。Allofasuddenheseemstohavelostpatience。”
“Thenhecouldnothavebeensoawfulifhecontrolledhimselfforsevenyears?Youseemtobedefendinghim,Dounia?”
“No,no,he’sanawfulman!Icanimaginenothingmoreawful!”Douniaanswered,almostwithashudder,knittingherbrows,andsinkingintothought。
“Thathadhappenedinthemorning,”PulcheriaAlexandrovnawentonhurriedly。“Anddirectlyafterwardssheorderedthehorsestobeharnessedtodrivetothetownimmediatelyafterdinner。Shealwaysusedtodrivetothetowninsuchcases。Sheateaverygooddinner,Iamtold。…”
“Afterthebeating?”
“Thatwasalwaysher…habit;andimmediatelyafterdinner,soasnottobelateinstarting,shewenttothebath-house。…Yousee,shewasundergoingsometreatmentwithbaths。Theyhaveacoldspringthere,andsheusedtobatheinitregularlyeveryday,andnosoonerhadshegotintothewaterwhenshesuddenlyhadastroke!”
“Ishouldthinkso,”saidZossimov。
“Anddidhebeatherbadly?”
“Whatdoesthatmatter!”putinDounia。
“H’m!ButIdon’tknowwhyyouwanttotellussuchgossip,mother,”saidRaskolnikovirritably,asitwereinspiteofhimself。
“Ah,mydear,Idon’tknowwhattotalkabout,”brokefromPulcheriaAlexandrovna。
“Why,areyouallafraidofme?”heasked,withaconstrainedsmile。
“That’scertainlytrue,”saidDounia,lookingdirectlyandsternlyatherbrother。“Motherwascrossingherselfwithterrorasshecameupthestairs。”
Hisfaceworked,asthoughinconvulsion。
“Ach,whatareyousaying,Dounia!Don’tbeangry,please,Rodya。…Whydidyousaythat,Dounia?”PulcheriaAlexandrovnabegan,overwhelmed—“Yousee,cominghere,Iwasdreamingalltheway,inthetrain,howweshouldmeet,howweshouldtalkovereverythingtogether。…AndIwassohappy,Ididnotnoticethejourney!ButwhatamIsaying?Iamhappynow。…Youshouldnot,Dounia。…Iamhappynow—simplyinseeingyou,Rodya。…”
“Hush,mother,”hemutteredinconfusion,notlookingather,butpressingherhand。“Weshallhavetimetospeakfreelyofeverything!”
Ashesaidthis,hewassuddenlyoverwhelmedwithconfusionandturnedpale。Againthatawfulsensationhehadknownoflatepassedwithdeadlychilloverhissoul。Againitbecamesuddenlyplainandperceptibletohimthathehadjusttoldafearfullie—thathewouldnevernowbeabletospeakfreelyofeverything—thathewouldneveragainbeabletospeakofanythingtoanyone。Theanguishofthisthoughtwassuchthatforamomenthealmostforgothimself。Hegotupfromhisseat,andnotlookingatanyonewalkedtowardsthedoor。
“Whatareyouabout?”criedRazumihin,clutchinghimbythearm。
Hesatdownagain,andbeganlookingabouthim,insilence。Theywerealllookingathiminperplexity。
“Butwhatareyouallsodullfor?”heshouted,suddenlyandquiteunexpectedly。“Dosaysomething!What’stheuseofsittinglikethis?Come,dospeak。Letustalk。…Wemeettogetherandsitinsilence。…Come,anything!”
“ThankGod;Iwasafraidthesamethingasyesterdaywasbeginningagain,”saidPulcheriaAlexandrovna,crossingherself。
“Whatisthematter,Rodya?”askedAvdotyaRomanovna,distrustfully。
“Oh,nothing!Irememberedsomething,”heanswered,andsuddenlylaughed。
“Well,ifyourememberedsomething;that’sallright!…Iwasbeginningtothink…”mutteredZossimov,gettingupfromthesofa。“Itistimeformetobeoff。Iwilllookinagainperhaps…ifIcan…”Hemadehisbows,andwentout。
“Whatanexcellentman!”observedPulcheriaAlexandrovna。
“Yes,excellent,splendid,well-educated,intelligent,”Raskolnikovbegan,suddenlyspeakingwithsurprisingrapidity,andalivelinesshehadnotshowntillthen。“Ican’trememberwhereImethimbeforemyillness。…IbelieveIhavemethimsomewhere——…Andthisisagoodman,too,”henoddedatRazumihin。“Doyoulikehim,Dounia?”heaskedher;andsuddenly,forsomeunknownreason,laughed。
“Verymuch,”answeredDounia。
“Foo!—whatapigyouare!”Razumihinprotested,blushinginterribleconfusion,andhegotupfromhischair。PulcheriaAlexandrovnasmiledfaintly,butRaskolnikovlaughedaloud。
“Whereareyouoffto?”
“Imustgo。”
“Youneednotatall。Stay。Zossimovhasgone,soyoumust。Don’tgo。What’sthetime?Isittwelveo’clock?Whataprettywatchyouhavegot,Dounia。Butwhyareyouallsilentagain?Idoallthetalking。”
“ItwasapresentfromMarfaPetrovna,”answeredDounia。
“Andaveryexpensiveone!”addedPulcheriaAlexandrovna。
“A-ah!Whatabigone!Hardlylikealady’s。”
“Ilikethatsort,”saidDounia。
“Soitisnotapresentfromherfiance,”thoughtRazumihin,andwasunreasonablydelighted。
“IthoughtitwasLuzhin’spresent,”observedRaskolnikov。
“No,hehasnotmadeDouniaanypresentsyet。”
“A-ah!Anddoyouremember,mother,Iwasinloveandwantedtogetmarried?”hesaidsuddenly,lookingathismother,whowasdisconcertedbythesuddenchangeofsubjectandthewayhespokeofit。
“Oh,yes,mydear。”
PulcheriaAlexandrovnaexchangedglanceswithDouniaandRazumihin。
“H’m,yes。WhatshallItellyou?Idon’tremembermuchindeed。Shewassuchasicklygirl,”hewenton,growingdreamyandlookingdownagain。“Quiteaninvalid。Shewasfondofgivingalmstothepoor,andwasalwaysdreamingofanunnery,andoncesheburstintotearswhenshebegantalkingtomeaboutit。Yes,yes,Iremember。Irememberverywell。Shewasanuglylittlething。Ireallydon’tknowwhatdrewmetoherthen—Ithinkitwasbecauseshewasalwaysill。Ifshehadbeenlameorhunchback,IbelieveIshouldhavelikedherbetterstill,”hesmileddreamily。“Yes,itwasasortofspringdelirium。”
“No,itwasnotonlyspringdelirium,”saidDounia,withwarmfeeling。
Hefixedastrainedintentlookonhissister,butdidnothearordidnotunderstandherwords。Then,completelylostinthought,hegotup,wentuptohismother,kissedher,wentbacktohisplaceandsatdown。
“Youloveherevennow?”saidPulcheriaAlexandrovna,touched。
“Her?Now?Oh,yes。…Youaskabouther?No…that’sallnow,asitwere,inanotherworld…andsolongago。Andindeedeverythinghappeninghereseemssomehowfaraway。”Helookedattentivelyatthem。“You,now…Iseemtobelookingatyoufromathousandmilesaway…but,goodnessknowswhywearetalkingofthat!Andwhat’stheuseofaskingaboutit?”headdedwithannoyance,andbitinghisnails,fellintodreamysilenceagain。
“Whatawretchedlodgingyouhave,Rodya!It’slikeatomb,”saidPulcheriaAlexandrovna,suddenlybreakingtheoppressivesilence。“Iamsureit’squitehalfthroughyourlodgingyouhavebecomesomelancholy。”
“Mylodging,”heanswered,listlessly。“Yes,thelodginghadagreatdealtodowithit。…Ithoughtthat,too。…Ifonlyyouknew,though,whatastrangethingyousaidjustnow,mother,”hesaid,laughingstrangely。
Alittlemore,andtheircompanionship,thismotherandthissister,withhimafterthreeyears’absence,thisintimatetoneofconversation,infaceoftheutterimpossibilityofreallyspeakingaboutanything,wouldhavebeenbeyondhispowerofendurance。Buttherewasoneurgentmatterwhichmustbesettledonewayortheotherthatday—sohehaddecidedwhenhewoke。Nowhewasgladtorememberit,asameansofescape。
“Listen,Dounia,”hebegan,gravelyanddrily,“ofcourseIbegyourpardonforyesterday,butIconsideritmydutytotellyouagainthatIdonotwithdrawfrommychiefpoint。ItismeorLuzhin。IfIamascoundrel,youmustnotbe。Oneisenough。IfyoumarryLuzhin,Iceaseatoncetolookonyouasasister。”
“Rodya,Rodya!Itisthesameasyesterdayagain,”PulcheriaAlexandrovnacried,mournfully。“Andwhydoyoucallyourselfascoundrel?Ican’tbearit。Yousaidthesameyesterday。”
“Brother,”Douniaansweredfirmlyandwiththesamedryness。“Inallthisthereisamistakeonyourpart。Ithoughtitoveratnight,andfoundoutthemistake。ItisallbecauseyouseemtofancyIamsacrificingmyselftosomeoneandforsomeone。Thatisnotthecaseatall。Iamsimplymarryingformyownsake,becausethingsarehardforme。Though,ofcourse,IshallbegladifIsucceedinbeingusefultomyfamily。Butthatisnotthechiefmotiveformydecision。…”
“Sheislying,”hethoughttohimself,bitinghisnailsvindictively。“Proudcreature!Shewon’tadmitshewantstodoitoutofcharity!Toohaughty!Oh,basecharacters!Theyevenloveasthoughtheyhate。…Oh,howI…hatethemall!”
“Infact,”continuedDounia,“IammarryingPyotrPetrovitchbecauseoftwoevilsIchoosetheless。Iintendtodohonestlyallheexpectsofme,soIamnotdeceivinghim。…Whydidyousmilejustnow?”She,too,flushed,andtherewasagleamofangerinhereyes。
“All?”heasked,withamalignantgrin。
“Withincertainlimits。BoththemannerandformofPyotrPetrovitch’scourtshipshowedmeatoncewhathewanted。Hemay,ofcourse,thinktoowellofhimself,butIhopeheesteemsme,too。…Whyareyoulaughingagain?”
“Andwhyareyoublushingagain?Youarelying,sister。Youareintentionallylying,simplyfromfeminineobstinacy,simplytoholdyourownagainstme。…YoucannotrespectLuzhin。Ihaveseenhimandtalkedwithhim。Soyouaresellingyourselfformoney,andsoinanycaseyouareactingbasely,andIamgladatleastthatyoucanblushforit。”
“Itisnottrue。Iamnotlying,”criedDounia,losinghercomposure。“IwouldnotmarryhimifIwerenotconvincedthatheesteemsmeandthinkshighlyofme。IwouldnotmarryhimifIwerenotfirmlyconvincedthatIcanrespecthim。Fortunately,Icanhaveconvincingproofofitthisveryday…andsuchamarriageisnotavileness,asyousay!Andevenifyouwereright,ifIreallyhaddeterminedonavileaction,isitnotmercilessonyourparttospeaktomelikethat?Whydoyoudemandofmeaheroismthatperhapsyouhavenoteither?Itisdespotism;itistyranny。IfIruinanyone,itisonlymyself。…Iamnotcommittingamurder。Whydoyoulookatmelikethat?Whyareyousopale?Rodya,darling,what’sthematter?”
“Goodheavens!Youhavemadehimfaint,”criedPulcheriaAlexandrovna。
“No,no,nonsense!It’snothing。Alittlegiddiness—notfainting。Youhavefaintingonthebrain。H’m,yes,whatwasIsaying?Oh,yes。Inwhatwaywillyougetconvincingproofto-daythatyoucanrespecthim,andthathe…esteemsyou,asyousaid。Ithinkyousaidto-day?”
“Mother,showRodyaPyotrPetrovitch’sletter,”saidDounia。
Withtremblinghands,PulcheriaAlexandrovnagavehimtheletter。Hetookitwithgreatinterest,but,beforeopeningit,hesuddenlylookedwithasortofwonderatDounia。
“Itisstrange,”hesaid,slowly,asthoughstruckbyanewidea。“WhatamImakingsuchafussfor?Whatisitallabout?Marrywhomyoulike!”
Hesaidthisasthoughtohimself,butsaiditaloud,andlookedforsometimeathissister,asthoughpuzzled。Heopenedtheletteratlast,stillwiththesamelookofstrangewonderonhisface。Then,slowlyandattentively,hebeganreading,andreaditthroughtwice。PulcheriaAlexandrovnashowedmarkedanxiety,andallindeedexpectedsomethingparticular。
“Whatsurprisesme,”hebegan,afterashortpause,handingthelettertohismother,butnotaddressinganyoneinparticular,“isthatheisabusinessman,alawyer,andhisconversationispretentiousindeed,andyethewritessuchanuneducatedletter。”
Theyallstarted。Theyhadexpectedsomethingquitedifferent。
“Buttheyallwritelikethat,youknow,”Razumihinobserved,abruptly。
“Haveyoureadit?”
“Yes。”
“Weshowedhim,Rodya。We…consultedhimjustnow,”PulcheriaAlexandrovnabegan,embarrassed。
“That’sjustthejargonofthecourts,”Razumihinputin。“Legaldocumentsarewrittenlikethattothisday。”
“Legal?Yes,it’sjustlegal—businesslanguage—notsoveryuneducated,andnotquiteeducated—businesslanguage!”
“PyotrPetrovitchmakesnosecretofthefactthathehadacheapeducation,heisproudindeedofhavingmadehisownway,”AvdotyaRomanovnaobserved,somewhatoffendedbyherbrother’stone。
“Well,ifhe’sproudofit,hehasreason,Idon’tdenyit。Youseemtobeoffended,sister,atmymakingonlysuchafrivolouscriticismontheletter,andtothinkthatIspeakofsuchtriflingmattersonpurposetoannoyyou。Itisquitethecontrary,anobservationaproposofthestyleoccurredtomethatisbynomeansirrelevantasthingsstand。Thereisoneexpression,‘blameyourselves’putinverysignificantlyandplainly,andthereisbesidesathreatthathewillgoawayatonceifIampresent。Thatthreattogoawayisequivalenttoathreattoabandonyoubothifyouaredisobedient,andtoabandonyounowaftersummoningyoutoPetersburg。Well,whatdoyouthink?CanoneresentsuchanexpressionfromLuzhin,asweshouldifhe(hepointedtoRazumihin)hadwrittenit,orZossimov,oroneofus?”
“N-no,”answeredDounia,withmoreanimation。“Isawclearlythatitwastoonaivelyexpressed,andthatperhapshesimplyhasnoskillinwriting…thatisatruecriticism,brother。Ididnotexpect,indeed…”
“Itisexpressedinlegalstyle,andsoundscoarserthanperhapsheintended。ButImustdisillusionyoualittle。Thereisoneexpressionintheletter,oneslanderaboutme,andratheracontemptibleone。Igavethemoneylastnighttothewidow,awomaninconsumption,crushedwithtrouble,andnot‘onthepretextofthefuneral,’butsimplytopayforthefuneral,andnottothedaughter—ayoungwoman,ashewrites,ofnotoriousbehaviour(whomIsawlastnightforthefirsttimeinmylife)—buttothewidow。InallthisIseeatoohastydesiretoslandermeandtoraisedissensionbetweenus。Itisexpressedagaininlegaljargon,thatistosay,withatooobviousdisplayoftheaim,andwithaverynaiveeagerness。Heisamanofintelligence,buttoactsensibly,intelligenceisnotenough。Itallshowsthemanand…Idon’tthinkhehasagreatesteemforyou。Itellyouthissimplytowarnyou,becauseIsincerelywishforyourgood…”
Douniadidnotreply。Herresolutionhadbeentaken。Shewasonlyawaitingtheevening。
“Thenwhatisyourdecision,Rodya?”askedPulcheriaAlexandrovna,whowasmoreuneasythaneveratthesudden,newbusinessliketoneofhistalk。
“Whatdecision?”
“YouseePyotrPetrovitchwritesthatyouarenottobewithusthisevening,andthathewillgoawayifyoucome。Sowillyou…come?”
“That,ofcourse,isnotformetodecide,butforyoufirst,ifyouarenotoffendedbysucharequest;andsecondly,byDounia,ifshe,too,isnotoffended。Iwilldowhatyouthinkbest,”headded,drily。
“Douniahasalreadydecided,andIfullyagreewithher,”PulcheriaAlexandrovnahastenedtodeclare。
“Idecidedtoaskyou,Rodya,tourgeyounottofailtobewithusatthisinterview,”saidDounia。“Willyoucome?”
“Yes。”
“Iwillaskyou,too,tobewithusateighto’clock,”shesaid,addressingRazumihin。“Mother,Iaminvitinghim,too。”
“Quiteright,Dounia。Well,sinceyouhavedecided,”addedPulcheriaAlexandrovna,“sobeit。Ishallfeeleasiermyself。Idonotlikeconcealmentanddeception。Betterletushavethewholetruth。…PyotrPetrovitchmaybeangryornot,now!”
Atthatmomentthedoorwassoftlyopened,andayounggirlwalkedintotheroom,lookingtimidlyabouther。Everyoneturnedtowardsherwithsurpriseandcuriosity。Atfirstsight,Raskolnikovdidnotrecogniseher。ItwasSofyaSemyonovnaMarmeladov。Hehadseenheryesterdayforthefirsttime,butatsuchamoment,insuchsurroundingsandinsuchadress,thathismemoryretainedaverydifferentimageofher。Nowshewasamodestlyandpoorly-dressedyounggirl,veryyoung,indeed,almostlikeachild,withamodestandrefinedmanner,withacandidbutsomewhatfrightened-lookingface。Shewaswearingaveryplainindoordress,andhadonashabbyold-fashionedhat,butshestillcarriedaparasol。Unexpectedlyfindingtheroomfullofpeople,shewasnotsomuchembarrassedascompletelyoverwhelmedwithshyness,likealittlechild。Shewasevenabouttoretreat。“Oh…it’syou!”saidRaskolnikov,extremelyastonished,andhe,too,wasconfused。HeatoncerecollectedthathismotherandsisterknewthroughLuzhin’sletterof“someyoungwomanofnotoriousbehaviour。”HehadonlyjustbeenprotestingagainstLuzhin’scalumnyanddeclaringthathehadseenthegirllastnightforthefirsttime,andsuddenlyshehadwalkedin。Heremembered,too,thathehadnotprotestedagainsttheexpression“ofnotoriousbehaviour。”Allthispassedvaguelyandfleetinglythroughhisbrain,butlookingathermoreintently,hesawthatthehumiliatedcreaturewassohumiliatedthathefeltsuddenlysorryforher。Whenshemadeamovementtoretreatinterror,itsentapangtohisheart。
“Ididnotexpectyou,”hesaid,hurriedly,withalookthatmadeherstop。“Pleasesitdown。Youcome,nodoubt,fromKaterinaIvanovna。Allowme—notthere。Sithere。…”
AtSonia’sentrance,Razumihin,whohadbeensittingononeofRaskolnikov’sthreechairs,closetothedoor,gotuptoallowhertoenter。RaskolnikovhadatfirstshownhertheplaceonthesofawhereZossimovhadbeensitting,butfeelingthatthesofawhichservedhimasabed,wastoofamiliaraplace,hehurriedlymotionedhertoRazumihin’schair。
“Yousithere,”hesaidtoRazumihin,puttinghimonthesofa。
Soniasatdown,almostshakingwithterror,andlookedtimidlyatthetwoladies。Itwasevidentlyalmostinconceivabletoherselfthatshecouldsitdownbesidethem。Atthethoughtofit,shewassofrightenedthatshehurriedlygotupagain,andinutterconfusionaddressedRaskolnikov。
“I…I…havecomeforoneminute。Forgivemefordisturbingyou,”shebeganfalteringly。“IcomefromKaterinaIvanovna,andshehadnoonetosend。KaterinaIvanovnatoldmetobegyou…tobeattheservice…inthemorning…atMitrofanievsky…andthen…tous…toher…todoherthehonour…shetoldmetobegyou…”Soniastammeredandceasedspeaking。
“Iwilltry,certainly,mostcertainly,”answeredRaskolnikov。He,too,stoodup,andhe,too,falteredandcouldnotfinishhissentence。“Pleasesitdown,”hesaid,suddenly。“Iwanttotalktoyou。Youareperhapsinahurry,butplease,besokind,sparemetwominutes,”andhedrewupachairforher。
Soniasatdownagain,andagaintimidlyshetookahurried,frightenedlookatthetwoladies,anddroppedhereyes。Raskolnikov’spalefaceflushed,ashudderpassedoverhim,hiseyesglowed。
“Mother,”hesaid,firmlyandinsistently,“thisisSofyaSemyonovnaMarmeladov,thedaughterofthatunfortunateMr。Marmeladov,whowasrunoveryesterdaybeforemyeyes,andofwhomIwasjusttellingyou。”
PulcheriaAlexandrovnaglancedatSonia,andslightlyscreweduphereyes。InspiteofherembarrassmentbeforeRodya’surgentandchallenginglook,shecouldnotdenyherselfthatsatisfaction。Douniagazedgravelyandintentlyintothepoorgirl’sface,andscrutinisedherwithperplexity。Sonia,hearingherselfintroduced,triedtoraisehereyesagain,butwasmoreembarrassedthanever。
“Iwantedtoaskyou,”saidRaskolnikov,hastily,“howthingswerearrangedyesterday。Youwerenotworriedbythepolice,forinstance?”
“No,thatwasallright…itwastooevident,thecauseofdeath…theydidnotworryus…onlythelodgersareangry。”
“Why?”
“Atthebody’sremainingsolong。Youseeitishotnow。Sothat,to-day,theywillcarryittothecemetery,intothechapel,untilto-morrow。AtfirstKaterinaIvanovnawasunwilling,butnowsheseesherselfthatit’snecessary…”
“To-day,then?”
“Shebegsyoutodousthehonourtobeinthechurchto-morrowfortheservice,andthentobepresentatthefunerallunch。”
“Sheisgivingafunerallunch?”
“Yes…justalittle。…Shetoldmetothankyouverymuchforhelpingusyesterday。Butforyou,weshouldhavehadnothingforthefuneral。”
Allatonceherlipsandchinbegantrembling,but,withaneffort,shecontrolledherself,lookingdownagain。
Duringtheconversation,Raskolnikovwatchedhercarefully。Shehadathin,verythin,palelittleface,ratherirregularandangular,withasharplittlenoseandchin。Shecouldnothavebeencalledpretty,butherblueeyesweresoclear,andwhentheylightedup,therewassuchakindlinessandsimplicityinherexpressionthatonecouldnothelpbeingattracted。Herface,andherwholefigureindeed,hadanotherpeculiarcharacteristic。Inspiteofhereighteenyears,shelookedalmostalittlegirl—almostachild。Andinsomeofhergestures,thischildishnessseemedalmostabsurd。
“ButhasKaterinaIvanovnabeenabletomanagewithsuchsmallmeans?Doessheevenmeantohaveafunerallunch?”Raskolnikovasked,persistentlykeepinguptheconversation。
“Thecoffinwillbeplain,ofcourse…andeverythingwillbeplain,soitwon’tcostmuch。KaterinaIvanovnaandIhavereckoneditallout,sothattherewillbeenoughleft…andKaterinaIvanovnawasveryanxiousitshouldbeso。Youknowonecan’t…it’sacomforttoher…sheislikethat,youknow。…”
“Iunderstand,Iunderstand…ofcourse…whydoyoulookatmyroomlikethat?Mymotherhasjustsaiditislikeatomb。”
“Yougaveuseverythingyesterday,”Soniasaidsuddenly,inreply,inaloudrapidwhisper;andagainshelookeddowninconfusion。Herlipsandchinweretremblingoncemore。ShehadbeenstruckatoncebyRaskolnikov’spoorsurroundings,andnowthesewordsbrokeoutspontaneously。Asilencefollowed。TherewasalightinDounia’seyes,andevenPulcheriaAlexandrovnalookedkindlyatSonia。
“Rodya,”shesaid,gettingup,“weshallhavedinnertogether,ofcourse。Come,Dounia。…Andyou,Rodya,hadbettergoforalittlewalk,andthenrestandliedownbeforeyoucometoseeus。…Iamafraidwehaveexhaustedyou。…”
“Yes,yes,I’llcome,”heanswered,gettingupfussily。“ButIhavesomethingtoseeto。”
“Butsurelyyouwillhavedinnertogether?”criedRazumihin,lookinginsurpriseatRaskolnikov。“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Yes,yes,Iamcoming…ofcourse,ofcourse!Andyoustayaminute。Youdonotwanthimjustnow,doyou,mother?OrperhapsIamtakinghimfromyou?”
“Oh,no,no。Andwillyou,DmitriProkofitch,dousthefavourofdiningwithus?”
“Pleasedo,”addedDounia。
Razumihinbowed,positivelyradiant。Foronemoment,theywereallstrangelyembarrassed。
“Good-bye,Rodya,thatistillwemeet。Idonotlikesayinggood-bye。Good-bye,Nastasya。Ah,Ihavesaidgood-byeagain。”
PulcheriaAlexandrovnameanttogreetSonia,too;butitsomehowfailedtocomeoff,andshewentinaflutteroutoftheroom。
ButAvdotyaRomanovnaseemedtoawaitherturn,andfollowinghermotherout,gaveSoniaanattentive,courteousbow。Sonia,inconfusion,gaveahurried,frightenedcurtsy。Therewasalookofpoignantdiscomfortinherface,asthoughAvdotyaRomanovna’scourtesyandattentionwereoppressiveandpainfultoher。
“Dounia,good-bye,”calledRaskolnikov,inthepassage。“Givemeyourhand。”
“Why,Ididgiveittoyou。Haveyouforgotten?”saidDounia,turningwarmlyandawkwardlytohim。
“Nevermind,giveittomeagain。”Andhesqueezedherfingerswarmly。
Douniasmiled,flushed,pulledherhandaway,andwentoffquitehappy。
“Come,that’scapital,”hesaidtoSonia,goingbackandlookingbrightlyather。“Godgivepeacetothedead,thelivinghavestilltolive。Thatisright,isn’tit?”
Sonialookedsurprisedatthesuddenbrightnessofhisface。Helookedatherforsomemomentsinsilence。Thewholehistoryofthedeadfatherfloatedbeforehismemoryinthosemoments。…
“Heavens,Dounia,”PulcheriaAlexandrovnabegan,assoonastheywereinthestreet,“Ireallyfeelrelievedmyselfatcomingaway—moreatease。HowlittledidIthinkyesterdayinthetrainthatIcouldeverbegladofthat。”
“Itellyouagain,mother,heisstillveryill。Don’tyouseeit?Perhapsworryingaboutusupsethim。Wemustbepatient,andmuch,muchcanbeforgiven。”
“Well,youwerenotverypatient!”PulcheriaAlexandrovnacaughtherup,hotlyandjealously。“Doyouknow,Dounia,Iwaslookingatyoutwo。Youaretheveryportraitofhim,andnotsomuchinfaceasinsoul。Youarebothmelancholy,bothmoroseandhot-tempered,bothhaughtyandbothgenerous。…Surelyhecan’tbeanegoist,Dounia。Eh?WhenIthinkofwhatisinstoreforusthisevening,myheartsinks!”
“Don’tbeuneasy,mother。Whatmustbe,willbe。”
“Dounia,onlythinkwhatapositionwearein!WhatifPyotrPetrovitchbreaksitoff?”poorPulcheriaAlexandrovnablurtedout,incautiously。
“Hewon’tbeworthmuchifhedoes,”answeredDounia,sharplyandcontemptuously。
“Wedidwelltocomeaway,”PulcheriaAlexandrovnahurriedlybrokein。“Hewasinahurryaboutsomebusinessorother。Ifhegetsoutandhasabreathofair…itisfearfullycloseinhisroom。…Butwhereisonetogetabreathofairhere?Theverystreetsherefeellikeshut-uprooms。Goodheavens!whatatown!…stay…thisside…theywillcrushyou—carryingsomething。Why,itisapianotheyhavegot,Ideclare…howtheypush!…Iamverymuchafraidofthatyoungwoman,too。”
“Whatyoungwoman,mother?
“Why,thatSofyaSemyonovna,whowastherejustnow。”
“Why?”
“Ihaveapresentiment,Dounia。Well,youmaybelieveitornot,butassoonasshecamein,thatveryminute,Ifeltthatshewasthechiefcauseofthetrouble。…”
“Nothingofthesort!”criedDounia,invexation。“Whatnonsense,withyourpresentiments,mother!Heonlymadeheracquaintancetheeveningbefore,andhedidnotknowherwhenshecamein。”
“Well,youwillsee。…Sheworriesme;butyouwillsee,youwillsee!Iwassofrightened。Shewasgazingatmewiththoseeyes。Icouldscarcelysitstillinmychairwhenhebeganintroducingher,doyouremember?Itseemssostrange,butPyotrPetrovitchwriteslikethatabouther,andheintroduceshertous—toyou!Sohemustthinkagreatdealofher。”
“Peoplewillwriteanything。Weweretalkedaboutandwrittenabout,too。Haveyouforgotten?Iamsurethatsheisagoodgirl,andthatitisallnonsense。”
“Godgrantitmaybe!”
“AndPyotrPetrovitchisacontemptibleslanderer,”Douniasnappedout,suddenly。
PulcheriaAlexandrovnawascrushed;theconversationwasnotresumed。
“IwilltellyouwhatIwantwithyou,”saidRaskolnikov,drawingRazumihintothewindow。
“ThenIwilltellKaterinaIvanovnathatyouarecoming,”Soniasaidhurriedly,preparingtodepart。
“Oneminute,SofyaSemyonovna。Wehavenosecrets。Youarenotinourway。Iwanttohaveanotherwordortwowithyou。Listen!”heturnedsuddenlytoRazumihinagain。“Youknowthat…what’shisname…PorfiryPetrovitch?”
“Ishouldthinkso!Heisarelation。Why?”addedthelatter,withinterest。
“Isnothemanagingthatcase…youknow,aboutthatmurder?…Youwerespeakingaboutityesterday。”
“Yes…well?”Razumihin’seyesopenedwide。
“Hewasinquiringforpeoplewhohadpawnedthings,andIhavesomepledgesthere,too—trifles—aringmysistergavemeasakeepsakewhenIlefthome,andmyfather’ssilverwatch—theyareonlyworthfiveorsixroublesaltogether…butIvaluethem。SowhatamItodonow?Idonotwanttolosethethings,especiallythewatch。Iwasquakingjustnow,forfearmotherwouldasktolookatit,whenwespokeofDounia’swatch。Itistheonlythingoffather’sleftus。Shewouldbeillifitwerelost。Youknowwhatwomenare。Sotellmewhattodo。IknowIoughttohavegivennoticeatthepolicestation,butwoulditnotbebettertogostraighttoPorfiry?Eh?Whatdoyouthink?Themattermightbesettledmorequickly。Yousee,mothermayaskforitbeforedinner。”
“Certainlynottothepolicestation。CertainlytoPorfiry,”Razumihinshoutedinextraordinaryexcitement。“Well,howgladIam。Letusgoatonce。Itisacoupleofsteps。Weshallbesuretofindhim。”
“Verywell,letusgo。”
“Andhewillbevery,verygladtomakeyouracquaintance。Ihaveoftentalkedtohimofyouatdifferenttimes。Iwasspeakingofyouyesterday。Letusgo。Soyouknewtheoldwoman?Sothat’sit!Itisallturningoutsplendidly。…Oh,yes,SofyaIvanovna…”
“SofyaSemyonovna,”correctedRaskolnikov。“SofyaSemyonovna,thisismyfriendRazumihin,andheisagoodman。”
“Ifyouhavetogonow,”Soniawasbeginning,notlookingatRazumihinatall,andstillmoreembarrassed。
“Letusgo,”decidedRaskolnikov。“Iwillcometoyouto-day,SofyaSemyonovna。Onlytellmewhereyoulive。”
Hewasnotexactlyillatease,butseemedhurried,andavoidedhereyes。Soniagaveheraddress,andflushedasshedidso。Theyallwentouttogether。
“Don’tyoulockup?”askedRazumihin,followinghimontothestairs。
“Never,”answeredRaskolnikov。“Ihavebeenmeaningtobuyalockforthesetwoyears。Peoplearehappywhohavenoneedoflocks,”hesaid,laughing,toSonia。Theystoodstillinthegateway。
“Doyougototheright,SofyaSemyonovna?Howdidyoufindme,bytheway?”headded,asthoughhewantedtosaysomethingquitedifferent。Hewantedtolookathersoftcleareyes,butthiswasnoteasy。
“Why,yougaveyouraddresstoPolenkayesterday。”
“Polenka?Oh,yes;Polenka,thatisthelittlegirl。Sheisyoursister?DidIgivehertheaddress?”
“Why,hadyouforgotten?”
“No,Iremember。”
“Ihadheardmyfatherspeakofyou…onlyIdidnotknowyourname,andhedidnotknowit。AndnowIcame…andasIhadlearntyourname,Iaskedto-day,‘WheredoesMr。Raskolnikovlive?’Ididnotknowyouhadonlyaroomtoo。…Good-bye,IwilltellKaterinaIvanovna。”
Shewasextremelygladtoescapeatlast;shewentawaylookingdown,hurryingtogetoutofsightassoonaspossible,towalkthetwentystepstotheturningontherightandtobeatlastalone,andthenmovingrapidlyalong,lookingatnoone,noticingnothing,tothink,toremember,tomeditateoneveryword,everydetail。Never,neverhadshefeltanythinglikethis。Dimlyandunconsciouslyawholenewworldwasopeningbeforeher。SherememberedsuddenlythatRaskolnikovmeanttocometoherthatday,perhapsatonce!
“Onlynotto-day,please,notto-day!”shekeptmutteringwithasinkingheart,asthoughentreatingsomeone,likeafrightenedchild。“Mercy!tome…tothatroom…hewillsee…oh,dear!”
Shewasnotcapableatthatinstantofnoticinganunknowngentlemanwhowaswatchingherandfollowingatherheels。Hehadaccompaniedherfromthegateway。AtthemomentwhenRazumihin,Raskolnikov,andshestoodstillatpartingonthepavement,thisgentleman,whowasjustpassing,startedonhearingSonia’swords:“andIaskedwhereMr。Raskolnikovlived?”Heturnedarapidbutattentivelookuponallthree,especiallyuponRaskolnikov,towhomSoniawasspeaking;thenlookedbackandnotedthehouse。Allthiswasdoneinaninstantashepassed,andtryingnottobetrayhisinterest,hewalkedonmoreslowlyasthoughwaitingforsomething。HewaswaitingforSonia;hesawthattheywereparting,andthatSoniawasgoinghome。
“Home?Where?I’veseenthatfacesomewhere,”hethought。“Imustfindout。”
Attheturninghecrossedover,lookedround,andsawSoniacomingthesameway,noticingnothing。Sheturnedthecorner。Hefollowedherontheotherside。Afteraboutfiftypaceshecrossedoveragain,overtookherandkepttwoorthreeyardsbehindher。
Hewasamanaboutfifty,rathertallandthicklyset,withbroadhighshoulderswhichmadehimlookasthoughhestoopedalittle。Heworegoodandfashionableclothes,andlookedlikeagentlemanofposition。Hecarriedahandsomecane,whichhetappedonthepavementateachstep;hisgloveswerespotless。Hehadabroad,ratherpleasantfacewithhighcheek-bonesandafreshcolour,notoftenseeninPetersburg。Hisflaxenhairwasstillabundant,andonlytouchedhereandtherewithgrey,andhisthicksquarebeardwasevenlighterthanhishair。Hiseyeswereblueandhadacoldandthoughtfullook;hislipswerecrimson。Hewasaremarkedlywell-preservedmanandlookedmuchyoungerthanhisyears。
WhenSoniacameoutonthecanalbank,theyweretheonlytwopersonsonthepavement。Heobservedherdreaminessandpreoccupation。Onreachingthehousewhereshelodged,Soniaturnedinatthegate;hefollowedher,seemingrathersurprised。Inthecourtyardsheturnedtotherightcorner。“Bah!”mutteredtheunknowngentleman,andmountedthestairsbehindher。OnlythenSonianoticedhim。Shereachedthethirdstorey,turneddownthepassage,andrangatNo。9。Onthedoorwasinscribedinchalk,“Kapernaumov,Tailor。”“Bah!”thestrangerrepeatedagain,wonderingatthestrangecoincidence,andherangnextdoor,atNo。8。Thedoorsweretwoorthreeyardsapart。
“YoulodgeatKapernaumov’s,”hesaid,lookingatSoniaandlaughing。“Healteredawaistcoatformeyesterday。IamstayingclosehereatMadameResslich’s。Howodd!”Sonialookedathimattentively。
“Weareneighbours,”hewentongaily。“Ionlycametotownthedaybeforeyesterday。Good-byeforthepresent。”
Soniamadenoreply;thedooropenedandsheslippedin。Shefeltforsomereasonashamedanduneasy。
OnthewaytoPorfiry’s,Razumihinwasobviouslyexcited。
“That’scapital,brother,”herepeatedseveraltimes,“andIamglad!Iamglad!”
“Whatareyougladabout?”Raskolnikovthoughttohimself。
“Ididn’tknowthatyoupledgedthingsattheoldwoman’s,too。And…wasitlongago?Imean,wasitlongsinceyouwerethere?”
“Whatasimple-heartedfoolheis!”
“Whenwasit?”Raskolnikovstoppedstilltorecollect。“Twoorthreedaysbeforeherdeathitmusthavebeen。ButIamnotgoingtoredeemthethingsnow,”heputinwithasortofhurriedandconspicuoussolicitudeaboutthethings。“I’venotmorethanasilverroubleleft…afterlastnight’saccurseddelirium!”
Helaidspecialemphasisonthedelirium。
“Yes,yes,”Razumihinhastenedtoagree—withwhatwasnotclear。“Thenthat’swhyyou…werestuck…partly…youknowinyourdeliriumyouwerecontinuallymentioningsomeringsorchains!Yes,yes…that’sclear,it’sallclearnow。”
“Hullo!Howthatideamusthavegotaboutamongthem。Herethismanwillgotothestakeforme,andIfindhimdelightedathavingitclearedupwhyIspokeofringsinmydelirium!Whataholdtheideamusthaveonallofthem!”
“Shallwefindhim?”heaskedsuddenly。
“Oh,yes,”Razumihinansweredquickly。“Heisanicefellow,youwillsee,brother。Ratherclumsy,thatistosay,heisamanofpolishedmanners,butImeanclumsyinadifferentsense。Heisanintelligentfellow,verymuchsoindeed,buthehashisownrangeofideas。…Heisincredulous,sceptical,cynical…helikestoimposeonpeople,orrathertomakefunofthem。Hisistheold,circumstantialmethod。…Butheunderstandshiswork…thoroughly。…yearheclearedupacaseofmurderinwhichthepolicehadhardlyaclue。Heisvery,veryanxioustomakeyouracquaintance!”
“Onwhatgroundsishesoanxious?”
“Oh,it’snotexactly…yousee,sinceyou’vebeenillIhappentohavementionedyouseveraltimes。…So,whenheheardaboutyou…aboutyourbeingalawstudentandnotabletofinishyourstudies,hesaid,‘Whatapity!’AndsoIconcluded…fromeverythingtogether,notonlythat;yesterdayZametov…youknow,Rodya,Italkedsomenonsenseonthewayhometoyouyesterday,whenIwasdrunk…Iamafraid,brother,ofyourexaggeratingit,yousee。”
“What?ThattheythinkIamamadman?Maybetheyareright,”hesaidwithaconstrainedsmile。
“Yes,yes。…Thatis,pooh,no!…ButallthatIsaid(andtherewassomethingelsetoo)itwasallnonsense,drunkennonsense。”
“Butwhyareyouapologising?Iamsosickofitall!”Raskolnikovcriedwithexaggeratedirritability。Itwaspartlyassumed,however。
“Iknow,Iknow,Iunderstand。Believeme,Iunderstand。One’sashamedtospeakofit。”
“Ifyouareashamed,thendon’tspeakofit。”
Bothweresilent。RazumihinwasmorethanecstaticandRaskolnikovperceiveditwithrepulsion。Hewasalarmed,too,bywhatRazumihinhadjustsaidaboutPorfiry。
“Ishallhavetopullalongfacewithhimtoo,”hethought,withabeatingheart,andheturnedwhite,“anddoitnaturally,too。Butthemostnaturalthingwouldbetodonothingatall。Carefullydonothingatall!No,carefullywouldnotbenaturalagain。…Oh,well,weshallseehowitturnsout。…Weshallsee…directly。Isitagoodthingtogoornot?Thebutterflyfliestothelight。Myheartisbeating,that’swhat’sbad!”
“Inthisgreyhouse,”saidRazumihin。
“Themostimportantthing,doesPorfiryknowthatIwasattheoldhag’sflatyesterday…andaskedabouttheblood?Imustfindthatoutinstantly,assoonasIgoin,findoutfromhisface;otherwise…I’llfindout,ifit’smyruin。”
“Isay,brother,”hesaidsuddenly,addressingRazumihin,withaslysmile,“Ihavebeennoticingalldaythatyouseemtobecuriouslyexcited。Isn’titso?”
“Excited?Notabitofit,”saidRazumihin,stungtothequick。
“Yes,brother,Iassureyouit’snoticeable。Why,yousatonyourchairinawayyouneverdosit,ontheedgesomehow,andyouseemedtobewrithingallthetime。Youkeptjumpingupfornothing。Onemomentyouwereangry,andthenextyourfacelookedlikeasweetmeat。Youevenblushed;especiallywhenyouwereinvitedtodinner,youblushedawfully。”
“Nothingofthesort,nonsense!Whatdoyoumean?”
“Butwhyareyouwrigglingoutofit,likeaschoolboy?ByJove,therehe’sblushingagain。”
“Whatapigyouare!”
“Butwhyareyousoshamefacedaboutit?Romeo!Stay,I’lltellofyouto-day。Ha-ha-ha!I’llmakemotherlaugh,andsomeoneelse,too…”
“Listen,listen,listen,thisisserious。…Whatnext,youfiend!”Razumihinwasutterlyoverwhelmed,turningcoldwithhorror。“Whatwillyoutellthem?Come,brother…foo!whatapigyouare!”
“Youarelikeasummerrose。Andifonlyyouknewhowitsuitsyou;aRomeooversixfoothigh!Andhowyou’vewashedto-day—youcleanedyournails,Ideclare。Eh?That’ssomethingunheardof!Why,Idobelieveyou’vegotpomatumonyourhair!Benddown。”
“Pig!”
Raskolnikovlaughedasthoughhecouldnotrestrainhimself。Solaughing,theyenteredPorfiryPetrovitch’sflat。ThisiswhatRaskolnikovwanted:fromwithintheycouldbeheardlaughingastheycamein,stillguffawinginthepassage。
“NotawordhereorI’ll…brainyou!”Razumihinwhisperedfuriously,seizingRaskolnikovbytheshoulder。