Hismother’sletterhadbeenatorturetohim，butasregardsthechieffactinit，hehadfeltnotonemoment’shesitation，evenwhilsthewasreadingtheletter。Theessentialquestionwassettled，andirrevocablysettled，inhismind:“NeversuchamarriagewhileIamaliveandMr。Luzhinbedamned！”“Thethingisperfectlyclear，”hemutteredtohimself，withamalignantsmileanticipatingthetriumphofhisdecision。“No，mother，no，Dounia，youwon’tdeceiveme！andthentheyapologisefornotaskingmyadviceandfortakingthedecisionwithoutme！Idaresay！Theyimagineitisarrangednowandcan’tbebrokenoff；butwewillseewhetheritcanornot！Amagnificentexcuse:‘PyotrPetrovitchissuchabusymanthatevenhisweddinghastobeinpost-haste，almostbyexpress。’No，Dounia，IseeitallandIknowwhatyouwanttosaytome；andIknowtoowhatyouwerethinkingabout，whenyouwalkedupanddownallnight，andwhatyourprayerswerelikebeforetheHolyMotherofKazanwhostandsinmother’sbedroom。BitteristheascenttoGolgotha。…Hm…soitisfinallysettled；youhavedeterminedtomarryasensiblebusinessman，AvdotyaRomanovna，onewhohasafortune(hasalreadymadehisfortune，thatissomuchmoresolidandimpressive)amanwhoholdstwogovernmentpostsandwhosharestheideasofourmostrisinggeneration，asmotherwrites，andwhoseemstobekind，asDouniaherselfobserves。Thatseemsbeatseverything！AndthatveryDouniaforthatvery‘seems’ismarryinghim！Splendid！splendid！
“…ButIshouldliketoknowwhymotherhaswrittentomeabout‘ourmostrisinggeneration’？Simplyasadescriptivetouch，orwiththeideaofprepossessingmeinfavourofMr。Luzhin？Oh，thecunningofthem！Ishouldliketoknowonethingmore:howfartheywereopenwithoneanotherthatdayandnightandallthistimesince？Wasitallputintowords，ordidbothunderstandthattheyhadthesamethingatheartandintheirminds，sothattherewasnoneedtospeakofitaloud，andbetternottospeakofit。Mostlikelyitwaspartlylikethat，frommother’sletterit’sevident:hestruckherasrudealittle，andmotherinhersimplicitytookherobservationstoDounia。Andshewassuretobevexedand‘answeredherangrily。’Ishouldthinkso！Whowouldnotbeangeredwhenitwasquiteclearwithoutanynaivequestionsandwhenitwasunderstoodthatitwasuselesstodiscussit。Andwhydoesshewritetome，‘loveDounia，Rodya，andshelovesyoumorethanherself’？Hassheasecretconscience-prickatsacrificingherdaughtertoherson？‘Youareouronecomfort，youareeverythingtous。’Oh，mother！”
Hisbitternessgrewmoreandmoreintense，andifhehadhappenedtomeetMr。Luzhinatthemoment，hemighthavemurderedhim。
“Hm…yes，that’strue，”hecontinued，pursuingthewhirlingideasthatchasedeachotherinhisbrain，“itistruethat‘itneedstimeandcaretogettoknowaman，’butthereisnomistakeaboutMr。Luzhin。Thechiefthingisheis‘amanofbusinessandseemskind，’thatwassomething，wasn’tit，tosendthebagsandbigboxforthem！Akindman，nodoubtafterthat！Buthisbrideandhermotheraretodriveinapeasant’scartcoveredwithsacking(Iknow，Ihavebeendriveninit)。Nomatter！Itisonlyninetyverstsandthentheycan‘travelverycomfortably，thirdclass，’forathousandversts！Quiteright，too。Onemustcutone’scoataccordingtoone’scloth，butwhataboutyou，Mr。Luzhin？Sheisyourbride。…Andyoumustbeawarethathermotherhastoraisemoneyonherpensionforthejourney。Tobesureit’samatterofbusiness，apartnershipformutualbenefit，withequalsharesandexpenses；—foodanddrinkprovided，butpayforyourtobacco。Thebusinessmanhasgotthebetterofthem，too。Theluggagewillcostlessthantheirfaresandverylikelygofornothing。Howisitthattheydon’tbothseeallthat，orisitthattheydon’twanttosee？Andtheyarepleased，pleased！Andtothinkthatthisisonlythefirstblossoming，andthattherealfruitsaretocome！Butwhatreallymattersisnotthestinginess，isnotthemeanness，butthetoneofthewholething。Forthatwillbethetoneaftermarriage，it’saforetasteofit。Andmothertoo，whyshouldshebesolavish？WhatwillshehavebythetimeshegetstoPetersburg？Threesilverroublesortwo‘paperones’asshesays。…thatoldwoman…hm。WhatdoessheexpecttoliveuponinPetersburgafterwards？ShehasherreasonsalreadyforguessingthatshecouldnotlivewithDouniaafterthemarriage，evenforthefirstfewmonths。Thegoodmanhasnodoubtletslipsomethingonthatsubjectalso，thoughmotherwoulddenyit:‘Ishallrefuse，’saysshe。Onwhomisshereckoningthen？IsshecountingonwhatisleftofherhundredandtwentyroublesofpensionwhenAfanasyIvanovitch’sdebtispaid？Sheknitswoollenshawlsandembroiderscuffs，ruiningheroldeyes。Andallhershawlsdon’taddmorethantwentyroublesayeartoherhundredandtwenty，Iknowthat。SosheisbuildingallherhopesallthetimeonMr。Luzhin’sgenerosity；‘hewillofferitofhimself，hewillpressitonme。’Youmaywaitalongtimeforthat！That’showitalwaysiswiththeseSchilleresquenoblehearts；tillthelastmomenteverygooseisaswanwiththem，tillthelastmoment，theyhopeforthebestandwillseenothingwrong，andalthoughtheyhaveaninklingoftheothersideofthepicture，yettheywon’tfacethetruthtilltheyareforcedto；theverythoughtofitmakesthemshiver；theythrustthetruthawaywithbothhands，untilthemantheydeckoutinfalsecoloursputsafool’scaponthemwithhisownhands。IshouldliketoknowwhetherMr。Luzhinhasanyordersofmerit；IbethehastheAnnainhisbuttonholeandthatheputsitonwhenhegoestodinewithcontractorsormerchants。Hewillbesuretohaveitforhiswedding，too！Enoughofhim，confoundhim！
“Well，…motherIdon’twonderat，it’slikeher，Godblessher，buthowcouldDounia？Douniadarling，asthoughIdidnotknowyou！YouwerenearlytwentywhenIsawyoulast:Iunderstoodyouthen。Motherwritesthat‘Douniacanputupwithagreatdeal。’Iknowthatverywell。Iknewthattwoyearsandahalfago，andforthelasttwoandahalfyearsIhavebeenthinkingaboutit，thinkingofjustthat，that‘Douniacanputupwithagreatdeal。’IfshecouldputupwithMr。Svidrigailovandalltherestofit，shecertainlycanputupwithagreatdeal。AndnowmotherandshehavetakenitintotheirheadsthatshecanputupwithMr。Luzhin，whopropoundsthetheoryofthesuperiorityofwivesraisedfromdestitutionandowingeverythingtotheirhusband’sbounty—whopropoundsit，too，almostatthefirstinterview。Grantedthathe‘letitslip，’thoughheisasensibleman，(yetmaybeitwasnotaslipatall，buthemeanttomakehimselfclearassoonaspossible)butDounia，Dounia？Sheunderstandstheman，ofcourse，butshewillhavetolivewiththeman。Why！she’dliveonblackbreadandwater，shewouldnotsellhersoul，shewouldnotbarterhermoralfreedomforcomfort；shewouldnotbarteritforallSchleswig-Holstein，muchlessMr。Luzhin’smoney。No，DouniawasnotthatsortwhenIknewherand…sheisstillthesame，ofcourse！Yes，there’snodenying，theSvidrigailovsareabitterpill！It’sabitterthingtospendone’slifeagovernessintheprovincesfortwohundredroubles，butIknowshewouldratherbeaniggeronaplantationoraLettwithaGermanmasterthandegradehersoul，andhermoraldignity，bybindingherselfforevertoamanwhomshedoesnotrespectandwithwhomshehasnothingincommon—forherownadvantage。AndifMr。Luzhinhadbeenofunalloyedgold，oronehugediamond，shewouldneverhaveconsentedtobecomehislegalconcubine。Whyissheconsentingthen？What’sthepointofit？What’stheanswer？It’sclearenough:forherself，forhercomfort，tosaveherlifeshewouldnotsellherself，butforsomeoneelsesheisdoingit！Foronesheloves，foronesheadores，shewillsellherself！That’swhatitallamountsto；forherbrother，forhermother，shewillsellherself！Shewillselleverything！Insuchcases，‘weovercomeourmoralfeelingifnecessary，’freedom，peace，conscienceeven，all，allarebroughtintothemarket。Letmylifego，ifonlymydearonesmaybehappy！Morethanthat，webecomecasuists，welearntobeJesuiticalandforatimemaybewecansootheourselves，wecanpersuadeourselvesthatitisone’sdutyforagoodobject。That’sjustlikeus，it’sasclearasdaylight。It’sclearthatRodionRomanovitchRaskolnikovisthecentralfigureinthebusiness，andnooneelse。Oh，yes，shecanensurehishappiness，keephimintheuniversity，makehimapartnerintheoffice，makehiswholefuturesecure；perhapshemayevenbearichmanlateron，prosperous，respected，andmayevenendhislifeafamousman！Butmymother？It’sallRodya，preciousRodya，herfirstborn！Forsuchasonwhowouldnotsacrificesuchadaughter！Oh，loving，over-partialhearts！Why，forhissakewewouldnotshrinkevenfromSonia’sfate。Sonia，SoniaMarmeladov，theeternalvictimsolongastheworldlasts。Haveyoutakenthemeasureofyoursacrifice，bothofyou？Isitright？Canyoubearit？Isitanyuse？Istheresenseinit？Andletmetellyou，Dounia，Sonia’slifeisnoworsethanlifewithMr。Luzhin。‘Therecanbenoquestionoflove，’motherwrites。Andwhatiftherecanbenorespecteither，ifonthecontrarythereisaversion，contempt，repulsion，whatthen？Soyouwillhaveto‘keepupyourappearance，’too。Isnotthatso？Doyouunderstandwhatthatsmartnessmeans？DoyouunderstandthattheLuzhinsmartnessisjustthesamethingasSonia’sandmaybeworse，viler，baser，becauseinyourcase，Dounia，it’sabargainforluxuries，afterall，butwithSoniait’ssimplyaquestionofstarvation。Ithastobepaidfor，ithastobepaidfor，Dounia，thissmartness。Andwhatifit’smorethanyoucanbearafterwards，ifyouregretit？Thebitterness，themisery，thecurses，thetearshiddenfromalltheworld，foryouarenotaMarfaPetrovna。Andhowwillyourmotherfeelthen？Evennowsheisuneasy，sheisworried，butthen，whensheseesitallclearly？AndI？Yes，indeed，whathaveyoutakenmefor？Iwon’thaveyoursacrifice，Dounia，Iwon’thaveit，mother！Itshallnotbe，solongasIamalive，itshallnot，itshallnot！Iwon’tacceptit！”
Hesuddenlypausedinhisreflectionandstoodstill。
“Itshallnotbe？Butwhatareyougoingtodotopreventit？You’llforbidit？Andwhatrighthaveyou？Whatcanyoupromisethemonyoursidetogiveyousucharight？Yourwholelife，yourwholefuture，youwilldevotetothemwhenyouhavefinishedyourstudiesandobtainedapost？Yes，wehaveheardallthatbefore，andthat’sallwords，butnow？Nowsomethingmustbedone，now，doyouunderstandthat？Andwhatareyoudoingnow？Youarelivinguponthem。Theyborrowontheirhundredroublespension。TheyborrowfromtheSvidrigailovs。HowareyougoingtosavethemfromSvidrigailovs，fromAfanasyIvanovitchVahrushin，oh，futuremillionaireZeuswhowouldarrangetheirlivesforthem？Inanothertenyears？Inanothertenyears，motherwillbeblindwithknittingshawls，maybewithweepingtoo。Shewillbeworntoashadowwithfasting；andmysister？Imagineforamomentwhatmayhavebecomeofyoursisterintenyears？Whatmayhappentoherduringthosetenyears？Canyoufancy？”
Sohetorturedhimself，frettinghimselfwithsuchquestions，andfindingakindofenjoymentinit。Andyetallthesequestionswerenotnewonessuddenlyconfrontinghim，theywereoldfamiliaraches。Itwaslongsincetheyhadfirstbeguntogripandrendhisheart。Long，longagohispresentanguishhaditsfirstbeginnings；ithadwaxedandgatheredstrength，ithadmaturedandconcentrated，untilithadtakentheformofafearful，frenziedandfantasticquestion，whichtorturedhisheartandmind，clamouringinsistentlyforananswer。Nowhismother’sletterhadburstonhimlikeathunderclap。Itwasclearthathemustnotnowsufferpassively，worryinghimselfoverunsolvedquestions，butthathemustdosomething，doitatonce，anddoitquickly。Anywayhemustdecideonsomething，orelse…
“Orthrowuplifealtogether！”hecriedsuddenly，inafrenzy—“acceptone’slothumblyasitis，onceforallandstifleeverythinginoneself，givingupallclaimtoactivity，lifeandlove！”
“Doyouunderstand，sir，doyouunderstandwhatitmeanswhenyouhaveabsolutelynowheretoturn？”Marmeladov’squestioncamesuddenlyintohismind，“foreverymanmusthavesomewheretoturn。…”
Hegaveasuddenstart；anotherthought，thathehadhadyesterday，slippedbackintohismind。Buthedidnotstartatthethoughtrecurringtohim，forheknew，hehadfeltbeforehand，thatitmustcomeback，hewasexpectingit；besidesitwasnotonlyyesterday’sthought。Thedifferencewasthatamonthago，yesterdayeven，thethoughtwasameredream:butnow…nowitappearednotadreamatall，ithadtakenanewmenacingandquiteunfamiliarshape，andhesuddenlybecameawareofthishimself。…Hefeltahammeringinhishead，andtherewasadarknessbeforehiseyes。
Helookedroundhurriedly，hewassearchingforsomething。Hewantedtositdownandwaslookingforaseat；hewaswalkingalongtheK——Boulevard。Therewasaseataboutahundredpacesinfrontofhim。Hewalkedtowardsitasfasthecould；butonthewayhemetwithalittleadventurewhichabsorbedallhisattention。Lookingfortheseat，hehadnoticedawomanwalkingsometwentypacesinfrontofhim，butatfirsthetooknomorenoticeofherthanofotherobjectsthatcrossedhispath。Ithadhappenedtohimmanytimesgoinghomenottonoticetheroadbywhichhewasgoing，andhewasaccustomedtowalklikethat。Buttherewasatfirstsightsomethingsostrangeaboutthewomaninfrontofhim，thatgraduallyhisattentionwasriveteduponher，atfirstreluctantlyand，asitwere，resentfully，andthenmoreandmoreintently。Hefeltasuddendesiretofindoutwhatitwasthatwassostrangeaboutthewoman。Inthefirstplace，sheappearedtobeagirlquiteyoung，andshewaswalkinginthegreatheatbareheadedandwithnoparasolorgloves，wavingherarmsaboutinanabsurdway。Shehadonadressofsomelightsilkymaterial，butputonstrangelyawry，notproperlyhookedup，andtornopenatthetopoftheskirt，closetothewaist:agreatpiecewasrentandhangingloose。Alittlekerchiefwasflungaboutherbarethroat，butlayslantingononeside。Thegirlwaswalkingunsteadily，too，stumblingandstaggeringfromsidetoside。ShedrewRaskolnikov’swholeattentionatlast。Heovertookthegirlattheseat，but，onreachingit，shedroppeddownonit，inthecorner；sheletherheadsinkonthebackoftheseatandclosedhereyes，apparentlyinextremeexhaustion。Lookingatherclosely，hesawatoncethatshewascompletelydrunk。Itwasastrangeandshockingsight。Hecouldhardlybelievethathewasnotmistaken。Hesawbeforehimthefaceofaquiteyoung，fair-hairedgirl—sixteen，perhapsnotmorethanfifteen，yearsold，prettylittleface，butflushedandheavylookingand，asitwere，swollen。Thegirlseemedhardlytoknowwhatshewasdoing；shecrossedonelegovertheother，liftingitindecorously，andshowedeverysignofbeingunconsciousthatshewasinthestreet。
Raskolnikovdidnotsitdown，buthefeltunwillingtoleaveher，andstoodfacingherinperplexity。Thisboulevardwasnevermuchfrequented；andnow，attwoo’clock，inthestiflingheat，itwasquitedeserted。Andyetonthefurthersideoftheboulevard，aboutfifteenpacesaway，agentlemanwasstandingontheedgeofthepavement。He，too，wouldapparentlyhavelikedtoapproachthegirlwithsomeobjectofhisown。He，too，hadprobablyseenherinthedistanceandhadfollowedher，butfoundRaskolnikovinhisway。Helookedangrilyathim，thoughhetriedtoescapehisnotice，andstoodimpatientlybidinghistime，tilltheunwelcomemaninragsshouldhavemovedaway。Hisintentionswereunmistakable。Thegentlemanwasaplump，thickly-setman，aboutthirty，fashionablydressed，withahighcolour，redlipsandmoustaches。Raskolnikovfeltfurious；hehadasuddenlongingtoinsultthisfatdandyinsomeway。Heleftthegirlforamomentandwalkedtowardsthegentleman。
“Hey！YouSvidrigailov！Whatdoyouwanthere？”heshouted，clenchinghisfistsandlaughing，splutteringwithrage。
“Whatdoyoumean？”thegentlemanaskedsternly，scowlinginhaughtyastonishment。
“Getaway，that’swhatImean。”
“Howdareyou，youlowfellow！”
Heraisedhiscane。Raskolnikovrushedathimwithhisfists，withoutreflectingthatthestoutgentlemanwasamatchfortwomenlikehimself。Butatthatinstantsomeoneseizedhimfrombehind，andapoliceconstablestoodbetweenthem。
“That’senough，gentlemen，nofighting，please，inapublicplace。Whatdoyouwant？Whoareyou？”heaskedRaskolnikovsternly，noticinghisrags。
Raskolnikovlookedathimintently。Hehadastraight-forward，sensible，soldierlyface，withgreymoustachesandwhiskers。
“YouarejustthemanIwant，”Raskolnikovcried，catchingathisarm。“Iamastudent，Raskolnikov。…Youmayaswellknowthattoo，”headded，addressingthegentleman，“comealong，Ihavesomethingtoshowyou。”
Andtakingthepolicemanbythehandhedrewhimtowardstheseat。
“Lookhere，hopelesslydrunk，andshehasjustcomedowntheboulevard。Thereisnotellingwhoandwhatsheis，shedoesnotlooklikeaprofessional。It’smorelikelyshehasbeengivendrinkanddeceivedsomewhere…forthefirsttime…youunderstand？andthey’veputheroutintothestreetlikethat。Lookatthewayherdressistorn，andthewayithasbeenputon:shehasbeendressedbysomebody，shehasnotdressedherself，anddressedbyunpractisedhands，byaman’shands；that’sevident。Andnowlookthere:Idon’tknowthatdandywithwhomIwasgoingtofight，Iseehimforthefirsttime，buthe，too，hasseenherontheroad，justnow，drunk，notknowingwhatsheisdoing，andnowheisveryeagertogetholdofher，togetherawaysomewherewhilesheisinthisstate…that’scertain，believeme，Iamnotwrong。Isawhimmyselfwatchingherandfollowingher，butIpreventedhim，andheisjustwaitingformetogoaway。Nowhehaswalkedawayalittle，andisstandingstill，pretendingtomakeacigarette。…Thinkhowcanwekeepheroutofhishands，andhowarewetogetherhome？”
Thepolicemansawitallinaflash。Thestoutgentlemanwaseasytounderstand，heturnedtoconsiderthegirl。Thepolicemanbentovertoexaminehermoreclosely，andhisfaceworkedwithgenuinecompassion。
“Ah，whatapity！”hesaid，shakinghishead—“why，sheisquiteachild！Shehasbeendeceived，youcanseethatatonce。Listen，lady，”hebeganaddressingher，“wheredoyoulive？”Thegirlopenedherwearyandsleepy-lookingeyes，gazedblanklyatthespeakerandwavedherhand。
“Here，”saidRaskolnikovfeelinginhispocketandfindingtwentycopecks，“here，callacabandtellhimtodrivehertoheraddress。Theonlythingistofindoutheraddress！”
“Missy，missy！”thepolicemanbeganagain，takingthemoney。“I’llfetchyouacabandtakeyouhomemyself。WhereshallItakeyou，eh？Wheredoyoulive？”
“Goaway！Theywon’tletmealone，”thegirlmuttered，andoncemorewavedherhand。
“Ach，ach，howshocking！It’sshameful，missy，it’sashame！”Heshookhisheadagain，shocked，sympatheticandindignant。
“It’sadifficultjob，”thepolicemansaidtoRaskolnikov，andashedidso，helookedhimupanddowninarapidglance。He，too，musthaveseemedastrangefiguretohim:dressedinragsandhandinghimmoney！
“Didyoumeetherfarfromhere？”heaskedhim。
“Itellyoushewaswalkinginfrontofme，staggering，justhere，intheboulevard。Sheonlyjustreachedtheseatandsankdownonit。”
“Ah，theshamefulthingsthataredoneintheworldnowadays，Godhavemercyonus！Aninnocentcreaturelikethat，drunkalready！Shehasbeendeceived，that’sasurething。Seehowherdresshasbeentorntoo。…Ah，theviceoneseesnowadays！Andaslikelyasnotshebelongstogentlefolktoo，pooronesmaybe。…Therearemanylikethatnowadays。Shelooksrefined，too，asthoughshewerealady，”andhebentoverheroncemore。
Perhapshehaddaughtersgrowinguplikethat，“lookinglikeladiesandrefined”withpretensionstogentilityandsmartness。…
“Thechiefthingis，”Raskolnikovpersisted，“tokeepheroutofthisscoundrel’shands！Whyshouldheoutrageher！It’sasclearasdaywhatheisafter；ah，thebrute，heisnotmovingoff！”
Raskolnikovspokealoudandpointedtohim。Thegentlemanheardhim，andseemedabouttoflyintoarageagain，butthoughtbetterofit，andconfinedhimselftoacontemptuouslook。Hethenwalkedslowlyanothertenpacesawayandagainhalted。
“Keepheroutofhishandswecan，”saidtheconstablethoughtfully，“ifonlyshe’dtelluswheretotakeher，butasitis。…Missy，hey，missy！”hebentoverheroncemore。
Sheopenedhereyesfullyallofasudden，lookedathimintently，asthoughrealisingsomething，gotupfromtheseatandwalkedawayinthedirectionfromwhichshehadcome。“Ohshamefulwretches，theywon’tletmealone！”shesaid，wavingherhandagain。Shewalkedquickly，thoughstaggeringasbefore。Thedandyfollowedher，butalonganotheravenue，keepinghiseyeonher。
“Don’tbeanxious，Iwon’tlethimhaveher，”thepolicemansaidresolutely，andhesetoffafterthem。
“Ah，theviceoneseesnowadays！”herepeatedaloud，sighing。
AtthatmomentsomethingseemedtostingRaskolnikov；inaninstantacompleterevulsionoffeelingcameoverhim。
“Hey，here！”heshoutedafterthepoliceman。
Thelatterturnedround。
“Letthembe！Whatisittodowithyou？Lethergo！Lethimamusehimself。”Hepointedatthedandy，“Whatisittodowithyou？”
Thepolicemanwasbewildered，andstaredathimopen-eyed。Raskolnikovlaughed。
“Well！”ejaculatedthepoliceman，withagestureofcontempt，andhewalkedafterthedandyandthegirl，probablytakingRaskolnikovforamadmanorsomethingevenworse。
“Hehascarriedoffmytwentycopecks，”Raskolnikovmurmuredangrilywhenhewasleftalone。“Well，lethimtakeasmuchfromtheotherfellowtoallowhimtohavethegirlandsoletitend。AndwhydidIwanttointerfere？Isitformetohelp？HaveIanyrighttohelp？Letthemdevoureachotheralive—whatistome？HowdidIdaretogivehimtwentycopecks？Weretheymine？”
Inspiteofthosestrangewordshefeltverywretched。Hesatdownonthedesertedseat。Histhoughtsstrayedaimlessly。…Hefoundithardtofixhismindonanythingatthatmoment。Helongedtoforgethimselfaltogether，toforgeteverything，andthentowakeupandbeginlifeanew。…
“Poorgirl！”hesaid，lookingattheemptycornerwhereshehadsat—“Shewillcometoherselfandweep，andthenhermotherwillfindout。…Shewillgiveherabeating，ahorrible，shamefulbeatingandthenmaybe，turnheroutofdoors。…Andevenifshedoesnot，theDaryaFrantsovnaswillgetwindofit，andthegirlwillsoonbeslippingoutontheslyhereandthere。Thentherewillbethehospitaldirectly(that’salwaystheluckofthosegirlswithrespectablemothers，whogowrongonthesly)andthen…againthehospital…drink…thetaverns…andmorehospital，intwoorthreeyears—awreck，andherlifeoverateighteenornineteen。…HavenotIseencaseslikethat？Andhowhavetheybeenbroughttoit？Why，they’veallcometoitlikethat。Ugh！Butwhatdoesitmatter？That’sasitshouldbe，theytellus。Acertainpercentage，theytellus，musteveryyeargo…thatway…tothedevil，Isuppose，sothattherestmayremainchaste，andnotbeinterferedwith。Apercentage！Whatsplendidwordstheyhave；theyaresoscientific，soconsolatory。…Onceyou’vesaid‘percentage’there’snothingmoretoworryabout。Ifwehadanyotherword…maybewemightfeelmoreuneasy。…ButwhatifDouniawereoneofthepercentage！Ofanotheroneifnotthatone？
“ButwhereamIgoing？”hethoughtsuddenly。“Strange，Icameoutforsomething。AssoonasIhadreadtheletterIcameout。…IwasgoingtoVassilyevskyOstrov，toRazumihin。That’swhatitwas…nowIremember。Whatfor，though？AndwhatputtheideaofgoingtoRazumihinintomyheadjustnow？That’scurious。”
Hewonderedathimself。Razumihinwasoneofhisoldcomradesattheuniversity。ItwasremarkablethatRaskolnikovhadhardlyanyfriendsattheuniversity；hekeptalooffromeveryone，wenttoseenoone，anddidnotwelcomeanyonewhocametoseehim，andindeedeveryonesoongavehimup。Hetooknopartinthestudents’gatherings，amusementsorconversations。Heworkedwithgreatintensitywithoutsparinghimself，andhewasrespectedforthis，butnoonelikedhim。Hewasverypoor，andtherewasasortofhaughtyprideandreserveabouthim，asthoughhewerekeepingsomethingtohimself。Heseemedtosomeofhiscomradestolookdownuponthemallaschildren，asthoughheweresuperiorindevelopment，knowledgeandconvictions，asthoughtheirbeliefsandinterestswerebeneathhim。
WithRazumihinhehadgoton，or，atleast，hewasmoreunreservedandcommunicativewithhim。IndeeditwasimpossibletobeonanyothertermswithRazumihin。Hewasanexceptionallygood-humouredandcandidyouth，good-naturedtothepointofsimplicity，thoughbothdepthanddignitylayconcealedunderthatsimplicity。Thebetterofhiscomradesunderstoodthis，andallwerefondofhim。Hewasextremelyintelligent，thoughhewascertainlyratherasimpletonattimes。Hewasofstrikingappearance—tall，thin，blackhairedandalwaysbadlyshaved。Hewassometimesuproariousandwasreputedtobeofgreatphysicalstrength。Onenight，whenoutinafestivecompany，hehadwithoneblowlaidagiganticpolicemanonhisback。Therewasnolimittohisdrinkingpowers，buthecouldabstainfromdrinkaltogether；hesometimeswenttoofarinhispranks；buthecoulddowithoutpranksaltogether。AnotherthingstrikingaboutRazumihin，nofailuredistressedhim，anditseemedasthoughnounfavourablecircumstancescouldcrushhim。Hecouldlodgeanywhere，andbeartheextremesofcoldandhunger。Hewasverypoor，andkepthimselfentirelyonwhathecouldearnbyworkofonesortoranother。Heknewofnoendofresourcesbywhichtoearnmoney。Hespentonewholewinterwithoutlightinghisstove，andusedtodeclarethathelikeditbetter，becauseonesleptmoresoundlyinthecold。Forthepresenthe，too，hadbeenobligedtogiveuptheuniversity，butitwasonlyforatime，andhewasworkingwithallhismighttosaveenoughtoreturntohisstudiesagain。Raskolnikovhadnotbeentoseehimforthelastfourmonths，andRazumihindidnotevenknowhisaddress。Abouttwomonthsbefore，theyhadmetinthestreet，butRaskolnikovhadturnedawayandevencrossedtotheothersidethathemightnotbeobserved。AndthoughRazumihinnoticedhim，hepassedhimby，ashedidnotwanttoannoyhim。
“Ofcourse，I’vebeenmeaninglatelytogotoRazumihin’stoaskforwork，toaskhimtogetmelessonsorsomething…”Raskolnikovthought，“butwhathelpcanhebetomenow？Supposehegetsmelessons，supposeheshareshislastfarthingwithme，ifhehasanyfarthings，sothatIcouldgetsomebootsandmakemyselftidyenoughtogivelessons…hm…Wellandwhatthen？WhatshallIdowiththefewcoppersIearn？That’snotwhatIwantnow。It’sreallyabsurdformetogotoRazumihin。…”
ThequestionwhyhewasnowgoingtoRazumihinagitatedhimevenmorethanhewashimselfaware；hekeptuneasilyseekingforsomesinistersignificanceinthisapparentlyordinaryaction。
“CouldIhaveexpectedtosetitallstraightandtofindawayoutbymeansofRazumihinalone？”heaskedhimselfinperplexity。
Heponderedandrubbedhisforehead，and，strangetosay，afterlongmusing，suddenly，asifitwerespontaneouslyandbychance，afantasticthoughtcameintohishead。
“Hm…toRazumihin’s，”hesaidallatonce，calmly，asthoughhehadreachedafinaldetermination。“IshallgotoRazumihin’sofcourse，but…notnow。Ishallgotohim…onthenextdayafterIt，whenItwillbeoverandeverythingwillbeginafresh。…”
Andsuddenlyherealisedwhathewasthinking。
“AfterIt，”heshouted，jumpingupfromtheseat，“butisItreallygoingtohappen？Isitpossibleitreallywillhappen？”Helefttheseat，andwentoffalmostatarun；hemeanttoturnback，homewards，butthethoughtofgoinghomesuddenlyfilledhimwithintenseloathing；inthathole，inthatawfullittlecupboardofhis，allthishadforamonthpastbeengrowingupinhim；andhewalkedonatrandom。
Hisnervousshudderhadpassedintoafeverthatmadehimfeelshivering；inspiteoftheheathefeltcold。Withakindofefforthebeganalmostunconsciously，fromsomeinnercraving，tostareatalltheobjectsbeforehim，asthoughlookingforsomethingtodistracthisattention；buthedidnotsucceed，andkeptdroppingeverymomentintobrooding。Whenwithastartheliftedhisheadagainandlookedround，heforgotatoncewhathehadjustbeenthinkingaboutandevenwherehewasgoing。InthiswayhewalkedrightacrossVassilyevskyOstrov，cameoutontotheLesserNeva，crossedthebridgeandturnedtowardstheislands。Thegreennessandfreshnesswereatfirstrestfultohiswearyeyesafterthedustofthetownandthehugehousesthathemmedhiminandweigheduponhim。Heretherewerenotaverns，nostiflingcloseness，nostench。Butsoonthesenewpleasantsensationspassedintomorbidirritability。Sometimeshestoodstillbeforeabrightlypaintedsummervillastandingamonggreenfoliage，hegazedthroughthefence，hesawinthedistancesmartlydressedwomenontheverandahsandbalconies，andchildrenrunninginthegardens。Theflowersespeciallycaughthisattention；hegazedatthemlongerthanatanything。Hewasmet，too，byluxuriouscarriagesandbymenandwomenonhorseback；hewatchedthemwithcuriouseyesandforgotaboutthembeforetheyhadvanishedfromhissight。Oncehestoodstillandcountedhismoney；hefoundhehadthirtycopecks。“Twentytothepoliceman，threetoNastasyafortheletter，soImusthavegivenforty-sevenorfiftytotheMarmeladovsyesterday，”hethought，reckoningitupforsomeunknownreason，buthesoonforgotwithwhatobjecthehadtakenthemoneyoutofhispocket。Herecalleditonpassinganeating-houseortavern，andfeltthathewashungry。…Goingintothetavernhedrankaglassofvodkaandateapieofsomesort。Hefinishedeatingitashewalkedaway。Itwasalongwhilesincehehadtakenvodkaandithadaneffectuponhimatonce，thoughheonlydrankawineglassful。Hislegsfeltsuddenlyheavyandagreatdrowsinesscameuponhim。Heturnedhomewards，butreachingPetrovskyOstrovhestoppedcompletelyexhausted，turnedofftheroadintothebushes，sankdownuponthegrassandinstantlyfellasleep。
Inamorbidconditionofthebrain，dreamsoftenhaveasingularactuality，vividness，andextraordinarysemblanceofreality。Attimesmonstrousimagesarecreated，butthesettingandthewholepicturearesotruthlikeandfilledwithdetailssodelicate，sounexpectedly，butsoartisticallyconsistent，thatthedreamer，wereheanartistlikePushkinorTurgeneveven，couldneverhaveinventedtheminthewakingstate。Suchsickdreamsalwaysremainlonginthememoryandmakeapowerfulimpressionontheoverwroughtandderangednervoussystem。
Raskolnikovhadafearfuldream。Hedreamthewasbackinhischildhoodinthelittletownofhisbirth。Hewasachildaboutsevenyearsold，walkingintothecountrywithhisfatherontheeveningofaholiday。Itwasagreyandheavyday，thecountrywasexactlyasherememberedit；indeedherecalleditfarmorevividlyinhisdreamthanhehaddoneinmemory。Thelittletownstoodonalevelflatasbareasthehand，notevenawillownearit；onlyinthefardistance，acopselay，adarkblurontheveryedgeofthehorizon。Afewpacesbeyondthelastmarketgardenstoodatavern，abigtavern，whichhadalwaysarousedinhimafeelingofaversion，evenoffear，whenhewalkedbyitwithhisfather。Therewasalwaysacrowdthere，alwaysshouting，laughterandabuse，hideoushoarsesingingandoftenfighting。Drunkenandhorrible-lookingfigureswerehangingaboutthetavern。Heusedtoclingclosetohisfather，tremblingalloverwhenhemetthem。Nearthetaverntheroadbecameadustytrack，thedustofwhichwasalwaysblack。Itwasawindingroad，andaboutahundredpacesfurtheron，itturnedtotherighttothegraveyard。Inthemiddleofthegraveyardstoodastonechurchwithagreencupolawhereheusedtogotomasstwoorthreetimesayearwithhisfatherandmother，whenaservicewasheldinmemoryofhisgrandmother，whohadlongbeendead，andwhomhehadneverseen。Ontheseoccasionstheyusedtotakeonawhitedishtiedupinatablenapkinaspecialsortofricepuddingwithraisinsstuckinitintheshapeofacross。Helovedthatchurch，theold-fashioned，unadornedikonsandtheoldpriestwiththeshakinghead。Nearhisgrandmother’sgrave，whichwasmarkedbyastone，wasthelittlegraveofhisyoungerbrotherwhohaddiedatsixmonthsold。Hedidnotrememberhimatall，buthehadbeentoldabouthislittlebrother，andwheneverhevisitedthegraveyardheusedreligiouslyandreverentlytocrosshimselfandtobowdownandkissthelittlegrave。Andnowhedreamtthathewaswalkingwithhisfatherpastthetavernonthewaytothegraveyard；hewasholdinghisfather’shandandlookingwithdreadatthetavern。Apeculiarcircumstanceattractedhisattention:thereseemedtobesomekindoffestivitygoingon，therewerecrowdsofgailydressedtownspeople，peasantwomen，theirhusbands，andriff-raffofallsorts，allsingingandallmoreorlessdrunk。Neartheentranceofthetavernstoodacart，butastrangecart。Itwasoneofthosebigcartsusuallydrawnbyheavycart-horsesandladenwithcasksofwineorotherheavygoods。Healwayslikedlookingatthosegreatcart-horses，withtheirlongmanes，thicklegs，andslowevenpace，drawingalongaperfectmountainwithnoappearanceofeffort，asthoughitwereeasiergoingwithaloadthanwithoutit。Butnow，strangetosay，intheshaftsofsuchacarthesawathinlittlesorrelbeast，oneofthosepeasants’nagswhichhehadoftenseenstrainingtheirutmostunderaheavyloadofwoodorhay，especiallywhenthewheelswerestuckinthemudorinarut。Andthepeasantswouldbeatthemsocruelly，sometimesevenaboutthenoseandeyes，andhefeltsosorry，sosorryforthemthathealmostcried，andhismotheralwaysusedtotakehimawayfromthewindow。Allofasuddentherewasagreatuproarofshouting，singingandthebalalaika，andfromthetavernanumberofbigandverydrunkenpeasantscameout，wearingredandblueshirtsandcoatsthrownovertheirshoulders。
“Getin，getin！”shoutedoneofthem，ayoungthick-neckedpeasantwithafleshyfaceredasacarrot。“I’lltakeyouall，getin！”
Butatoncetherewasanoutbreakoflaughterandexclamationsinthecrowd。
“Takeusallwithabeastlikethat！”
“Why，Mikolka，areyoucrazytoputanaglikethatinsuchacart？”
“Andthismareistwentyifsheisaday，mates！”
“Getin，I’lltakeyouall，”Mikolkashoutedagain，leapingfirstintothecart，seizingthereinsandstandingstraightupinfront。“ThebayhasgonewithMatvey，”heshoutedfromthecart—“andthisbrute，mates，isjustbreakingmyheart，IfeelasifIcouldkillher。She’sjusteatingherheadoff。Getin，Itellyou！I’llmakehergallop！She’llgallop！”andhepickedupthewhip，preparinghimselfwithrelishtoflogthelittlemare。
“Getin！Comealong！”Thecrowdlaughed。“D’youhear，she’llgallop！”
“Gallopindeed！Shehasnothadagallopinherforthelasttenyears！”
“She’lljogalong！”
“Don’tyoumindher，mates，bringawhipeachofyou，getready！”
“Allright！Giveittoher！”
TheyallclamberedintoMikolka’scart，laughingandmakingjokes。Sixmengotinandtherewasstillroomformore。Theyhauledinafat，rosy-cheekedwoman。Shewasdressedinredcotton，inapointed，beadedheaddressandthickleathershoes；shewascrackingnutsandlaughing。Thecrowdroundthemwaslaughingtooandindeed，howcouldtheyhelplaughing？Thatwretchednagwastodragallthecartloadofthematagallop！TwoyoungfellowsinthecartwerejustgettingwhipsreadytohelpMikolka。Withthecryof“now，”themaretuggedwithallhermight，butfarfromgalloping，couldscarcelymoveforward；shestruggledwithherlegs，gaspingandshrinkingfromtheblowsofthethreewhipswhichwereshowereduponherlikehail。Thelaughterinthecartandinthecrowdwasredoubled，butMikolkaflewintoarageandfuriouslythrashedthemare，asthoughhesupposedshereallycouldgallop。
“Letmegetin，too，mates，”shoutedayoungmaninthecrowdwhoseappetitewasaroused。
“Getin，allgetin，”criedMikolka，“shewilldrawyouall。I’llbeathertodeath！”Andhethrashedandthrashedatthemare，besidehimselfwithfury。
“Father，father，”hecried，“father，whataretheydoing？Father，theyarebeatingthepoorhorse！”
“Comealong，comealong！”saidhisfather。“Theyaredrunkenandfoolish，theyareinfun；comeaway，don’tlook！”andhetriedtodrawhimaway，buthetorehimselfawayfromhishand，and，besidehimselfwithhorror，rantothehorse。Thepoorbeastwasinabadway。Shewasgasping，standingstill，thentuggingagainandalmostfalling。
“Beathertodeath，”criedMikolka，“it’scometothat。I’lldoforher！”
“Whatareyouabout，areyouaChristian，youdevil？”shoutedanoldmaninthecrowd。
“Didanyoneeverseethelike？Awretchednaglikethatpullingsuchacartload，”saidanother。
“You’llkillher，”shoutedthethird。
“Don’tmeddle！It’smyproperty，I’lldowhatIchoose。Getin，moreofyou！Getin，allofyou！Iwillhavehergoatagallop！…”
Allatoncelaughterbrokeintoaroarandcoveredeverything:themare，rousedbytheshowerofblows，beganfeeblykicking。Eventheoldmancouldnothelpsmiling。Tothinkofawretchedlittlebeastlikethattryingtokick！
Twoladsinthecrowdsnatchedupwhipsandrantothemaretobeatherabouttheribs。Oneraneachside。
“Hitherintheface，intheeyes，intheeyes，”criedMikolka。
“Giveusasong，mates，”shoutedsomeoneinthecartandeveryoneinthecartjoinedinariotoussong，jinglingatambourineandwhistling。Thewomanwentoncrackingnutsandlaughing。
…Heranbesidethemare，raninfrontofher，sawherbeingwhippedacrosstheeyes，rightintheeyes！Hewascrying，hefeltchoking，histearswerestreaming。Oneofthemengavehimacutwiththewhipacrosstheface，hedidnotfeelit。Wringinghishandsandscreaming，herusheduptothegrey-headedoldmanwiththegreybeard，whowasshakinghisheadindisapproval。Onewomanseizedhimbythehandandwouldhavetakenhimaway，buthetorehimselffromherandranbacktothemare。Shewasalmostatthelastgasp，butbegankickingoncemore。
“I’llteachyoutokick，”Mikolkashoutedferociously。Hethrewdownthewhip，bentforwardandpickedupfromthebottomofthecartalong，thickshaft，hetookholdofoneendwithbothhandsandwithaneffortbrandisheditoverthemare。
“He’llcrushher，”wasshoutedroundhim。“He’llkillher！”
“It’smyproperty，”shoutedMikolkaandbroughttheshaftdownwithaswingingblow。Therewasasoundofaheavythud。
“Thrashher，thrashher！Whyhaveyoustopped？”shoutedvoicesinthecrowd。
AndMikolkaswungtheshaftasecondtimeanditfellasecondtimeonthespineofthelucklessmare。Shesankbackonherhaunches，butlurchedforwardandtuggedforwardwithallherforce，tuggedfirstononesideandthenontheother，tryingtomovethecart。Butthesixwhipswereattackingherinalldirections，andtheshaftwasraisedagainandfelluponherathirdtime，thenafourth，withheavymeasuredblows。Mikolkawasinafurythathecouldnotkillheratoneblow。
“She’satoughone，”wasshoutedinthecrowd。
“She’llfallinaminute，mates，therewillsoonbeanendofher，”saidanadmiringspectatorinthecrowd。
“Fetchanaxetoher！Finishheroff，”shoutedathird。
“I’llshowyou！Standoff，”Mikolkascreamedfrantically；hethrewdowntheshaft，stoopeddowninthecartandpickedupanironcrowbar。“Lookout，”heshouted，andwithallhismighthedealtastunningblowatthepoormare。Theblowfell；themarestaggered，sankback，triedtopull，butthebarfellagainwithaswingingblowonherbackandshefellonthegroundlikealog。
“Finishheroff，”shoutedMikolkaandheleaptbesidehimself，outofthecart。Severalyoungmen，alsoflushedwithdrink，seizedanythingtheycouldcomeacross—whips，sticks，poles，andrantothedyingmare。Mikolkastoodononesideandbegandealingrandomblowswiththecrowbar。Themarestretchedoutherhead，drewalongbreathanddied。
“Youbutcheredher，”someoneshoutedinthecrowd。
“Whywouldn’tshegallopthen？”
“Myproperty！”shoutedMikolka，withbloodshoteyes，brandishingthebarinhishands。Hestoodasthoughregrettingthathehadnothingmoretobeat。
“Nomistakeaboutit，youarenotaChristian，”manyvoiceswereshoutinginthecrowd。
Butthepoorboy，besidehimself，madehisway，screaming，throughthecrowdtothesorrelnag，puthisarmsroundherbleedingdeadheadandkissedit，kissedtheeyesandkissedthelips。…ThenhejumpedupandflewinafrenzywithhislittlefistsoutatMikolka。Atthatinstanthisfather，whohadbeenrunningafterhim，snatchedhimupandcarriedhimoutofthecrowd。
“Comealong，come！Letusgohome，”hesaidtohim。
“Father！Whydidthey…kill…thepoorhorse！”hesobbed，buthisvoicebrokeandthewordscameinshrieksfromhispantingchest。
“Theyaredrunk。…Theyarebrutal…it’snotourbusiness！”saidhisfather。Heputhisarmsroundhisfatherbuthefeltchoked，choked。Hetriedtodrawabreath，tocryout—andwokeup。
Hewakedup，gaspingforbreath，hishairsoakedwithperspiration，andstoodupinterror。
“ThankGod，thatwasonlyadream，”hesaid，sittingdownunderatreeanddrawingdeepbreaths。“Butwhatisit？Isitsomefevercomingon？Suchahideousdream！”
Hefeltutterlybroken:darknessandconfusionwereinhissoul。Herestedhiselbowsonhiskneesandleanedhisheadonhishands。
“GoodGod！”hecried，“canitbe，canitbe，thatIshallreallytakeanaxe，thatIshallstrikeheronthehead，splitherskullopen…thatIshalltreadinthestickywarmblood，breakthelock，stealandtremble；hide，allspatteredintheblood…withtheaxe。…GoodGod，canitbe？”
Hewasshakinglikealeafashesaidthis。
“ButwhyamIgoingonlikethis？”hecontinued，sittingupagain，asitwereinprofoundamazement。“IknewthatIcouldneverbringmyselftoit，sowhathaveIbeentorturingmyselffortillnow？Yesterday，yesterday，whenIwenttomakethat…experiment，yesterdayIrealisedcompletelythatIcouldneverbeartodoit。…WhyamIgoingoveritagain，then？WhyamIhesitating？AsIcamedownthestairsyesterday，Isaidmyselfthatitwasbase，loathsome，vile，vile…theverythoughtofitmademefeelsickandfilledmewithhorror。
“No，Icouldn’tdoit，Icouldn’tdoit！Granted，grantedthatthereisnoflawinallthatreasoning，thatallthatIhaveconcludedthislastmonthisclearasday，trueasarithmetic。…MyGod！AnywayIcouldn’tbringmyselftoit！Icouldn’tdoit，Icouldn’tdoit！Why，whythenamIstill…？”
Herosetohisfeet，lookedroundinwonderasthoughsurprisedatfindinghimselfinthisplace，andwenttowardsthebridge。Hewaspale，hiseyesglowed，hewasexhaustedineverylimb，butheseemedsuddenlytobreathemoreeasily。Hefelthehadcastoffthatfearfulburdenthathadsolongbeenweighinguponhim，andallatoncetherewasasenseofreliefandpeaceinhissoul。“Lord，”heprayed，“showmemypath—Irenouncethataccursed…dreamofmine。”
Crossingthebridge，hegazedquietlyandcalmlyattheNeva，attheglowingredsunsettingintheglowingsky。Inspiteofhisweaknesshewasnotconsciousoffatigue。Itwasasthoughanabscessthathadbeenformingforamonthpastinhishearthadsuddenlybroken。Freedom，freedom！Hewasfreefromthatspell，thatsorcery，thatobsession！
Lateron，whenherecalledthattimeandallthathappenedtohimduringthosedays，minutebyminute，pointbypoint，hewassuperstitiouslyimpressedbyonecircumstance，which，thoughinitselfnotveryexceptional，alwaysseemedtohimafterwardsthepredestinedturning-pointofhisfate。Hecouldneverunderstandandexplaintohimselfwhy，whenhewastiredandwornout，whenitwouldhavebeenmoreconvenientforhimtogohomebytheshortestandmostdirectway，hehadreturnedbytheHayMarketwherehehadnoneedtogo。Itwasobviouslyandquiteunnecessarilyoutofhisway，thoughnotmuchso。Itistruethatithappenedtohimdozensoftimestoreturnhomewithoutnoticingwhatstreetshepassedthrough。Butwhy，hewasalwaysaskinghimself，whyhadsuchanimportant，suchadecisiveandatthesametimesuchanabsolutelychancemeetinghappenedintheHayMarket(wherehehadmoreovernoreasontogo)attheveryhour，theveryminuteofhislifewhenhewasjustintheverymoodandintheverycircumstancesinwhichthatmeetingwasabletoexertthegravestandmostdecisiveinfluenceonhiswholedestiny？Asthoughithadbeenlyinginwaitforhimonpurpose！
Itwasaboutnineo’clockwhenhecrossedtheHayMarket。Atthetablesandthebarrows，attheboothsandtheshops，allthemarketpeoplewereclosingtheirestablishmentsorclearingawayandpackinguptheirwaresand，liketheircustomers，weregoinghome。RagpickersandcostermongersofallkindswerecrowdingroundthetavernsinthedirtyandstinkingcourtyardsoftheHayMarket。Raskolnikovparticularlylikedthisplaceandtheneighbouringalleys，whenhewanderedaimlesslyinthestreets。Herehisragsdidnotattractcontemptuousattention，andonecouldwalkaboutinanyattirewithoutscandalisingpeople。Atthecornerofanalleyahucksterandhiswifehadtwotablessetoutwithtapes，thread，cottonhandkerchiefs，etc。They，too，hadgotuptogohome，butwerelingeringinconversationwithafriend，whohadjustcomeuptothem。ThisfriendwasLizavetaIvanovna，or，aseveryonecalledher，Lizaveta，theyoungersisteroftheoldpawnbroker，AlyonaIvanovna，whomRaskolnikovhadvisitedthepreviousdaytopawnhiswatchandmakehisexperiment。…HealreadyknewallaboutLizavetaandsheknewhimalittletoo。Shewasasinglewomanofaboutthirty-five，tall，clumsy，timid，submissiveandalmostidiotic。Shewasacompleteslaveandwentinfearandtremblingofhersister，whomadeherworkdayandnight，andevenbeather。Shewasstandingwithabundlebeforethehucksterandhiswife，listeningearnestlyanddoubtfully。Theyweretalkingofsomethingwithspecialwarmth。ThemomentRaskolnikovcaughtsightofher，hewasovercomebyastrangesensationasitwereofintenseastonishment，thoughtherewasnothingastonishingaboutthismeeting。
“Youcouldmakeupyourmindforyourself，LizavetaIvanovna，”thehucksterwassayingaloud。“Comeroundto-morrowaboutseven。Theywillbeheretoo。”
“To-morrow？”saidLizavetaslowlyandthoughtfully，asthoughunabletomakeuphermind。
“Uponmyword，whatafrightyouareinofAlyonaIvanovna，”gabbledthehuckster’swife，alivelylittlewoman。“Ilookatyou，youarelikesomelittlebabe。Andsheisnotyourownsistereither-nothingbutastep-sisterandwhatahandshekeepsoveryou！”
“Butthistimedon’tsayawordtoAlyonaIvanovna，”herhusbandinterrupted；“that’smyadvice，butcomeroundtouswithoutasking。Itwillbeworthyourwhile。Lateronyoursisterherselfmayhaveanotion。”
“AmItocome？”
“Aboutseveno’clockto-morrow。Andtheywillbehere。Youwillbeabletodecideforyourself。”
“Andwe’llhaveacupoftea，”addedhiswife。
“Allright，I’llcome，”saidLizaveta，stillpondering，andshebeganslowlymovingaway。
Raskolnikovhadjustpassedandheardnomore。Hepassedsoftly，unnoticed，tryingnottomissaword。Hisfirstamazementwasfollowedbyathrillofhorror，likeashiverrunningdownhisspine。Hehadlearnt，hehadsuddenlyquiteunexpectedlylearnt，thatthenextdayatseveno’clockLizaveta，theoldwoman’ssisterandonlycompanion，wouldbeawayfromhomeandthatthereforeatseveno’clockpreciselytheoldwomanwouldbeleftalone。
Hewasonlyafewstepsfromhislodging。Hewentinlikeamancondemnedtodeath。Hethoughtofnothingandwasincapableofthinking；buthefeltsuddenlyinhiswholebeingthathehadnomorefreedomofthought，nowill，andthateverythingwassuddenlyandirrevocablydecided。
Certainly，ifhehadtowaitwholeyearsforasuitableopportunity，hecouldnotreckononamorecertainsteptowardsthesuccessoftheplanthanthatwhichhadjustpresenteditself。Inanycase，itwouldhavebeendifficulttofindoutbeforehandandwithcertainty，withgreaterexactnessandlessrisk，andwithoutdangerousinquiriesandinvestigations，thatnextdayatacertaintimeanoldwoman，onwhoselifeanattemptwascontemplated，wouldbeathomeandentirelyalone。
LateronRaskolnikovhappenedtofindoutwhythehucksterandhiswifehadinvitedLizaveta。Itwasaveryordinarymatterandtherewasnothingexceptionalaboutit。Afamilywhohadcometothetownandbeenreducedtopovertyweresellingtheirhouseholdgoodsandclothes，allwomen’sthings。Asthethingswouldhavefetchedlittleinthemarket，theywerelookingforadealer。ThiswasLizaveta’sbusiness。Sheundertooksuchjobsandwasfrequentlyemployed，asshewasveryhonestandalwaysfixedafairpriceandstucktoit。Shespokeasarulelittleand，aswehavesaidalready，shewasverysubmissiveandtimid。
ButRaskolnikovhadbecomesuperstitiousoflate。Thetracesofsuperstitionremainedinhimlongafter，andwerealmostineradicable。Andinallthishewasalwaysafterwardsdisposedtoseesomethingstrangeandmysterious，asitwere，thepresenceofsomepeculiarinfluencesandcoincidences。InthepreviouswinterastudentheknewcalledPokorev，whohadleftforHarkov，hadchancedinconversationtogivehimtheaddressofAlyonaIvanovna，theoldpawnbroker，incasehemightwanttopawnanything。Foralongwhilehedidnotgotoher，forhehadlessonsandmanagedtogetalongsomehow。Sixweeksagohehadrememberedtheaddress；hehadtwoarticlesthatcouldbepawned:hisfather’soldsilverwatchandalittlegoldringwiththreeredstones，apresentfromhissisteratparting。Hedecidedtotakethering。Whenhefoundtheoldwomanhehadfeltaninsurmountablerepulsionforheratthefirstglance，thoughheknewnothingspecialabouther。Hegottworoublesfromherandwentintoamiserablelittletavernonhiswayhome。Heaskedfortea，satdownandsankintodeepthought。Astrangeideawaspeckingathisbrainlikeachickenintheegg，andvery，verymuchabsorbedhim。
Almostbesidehimatthenexttabletherewassittingastudent，whomhedidnotknowandhadneverseen，andwithhimayoungofficer。Theyhadplayedagameofbilliardsandbegandrinkingtea。AllatonceheheardthestudentmentiontotheofficerthepawnbrokerAlyonaIvanovnaandgivehimheraddress。ThisofitselfseemedstrangetoRaskolnikov；hehadjustcomefromherandhereatonceheheardhername。Ofcourseitwasachance，buthecouldnotshakeoffaveryextraordinaryimpression，andheresomeoneseemedtobespeakingexpresslyforhim；thestudentbegantellinghisfriendvariousdetailsaboutAlyonaIvanovna。
“Sheisfirst-rate，”hesaid。“Youcanalwaysgetmoneyfromher。SheisasrichasaJew，shecangiveyoufivethousandroublesatatimeandsheisnotabovetakingapledgeforarouble。Lotsofourfellowshavehaddealingswithher。Butsheisanawfuloldharpy。…”
Andhebegandescribinghowspitefulanduncertainshewas，howifyouwereonlyadaylatewithyourinterestthepledgewaslost；howshegaveaquarterofthevalueofanarticleandtookfiveandevensevenpercentamonthonitandsoon。Thestudentchatteredon，sayingthatshehadasisterLizaveta，whomthewretchedlittlecreaturewascontinuallybeating，andkeptincompletebondagelikeasmallchild，thoughLizavetawasatleastsixfeethigh。
“There’saphenomenonforyou，”criedthestudentandhelaughed。
TheybegantalkingaboutLizaveta。ThestudentspokeaboutherwithapeculiarrelishandwascontinuallylaughingandtheofficerlistenedwithgreatinterestandaskedhimtosendLizavetatodosomemendingforhim。Raskolnikovdidnotmissawordandlearnedeverythingabouther。Lizavetawasyoungerthantheoldwomanandwasherhalf-sister，beingthechildofadifferentmother。Shewasthirty-five。Sheworkeddayandnightforhersister，andbesidesdoingthecookingandthewashing，shedidsewingandworkedasacharwomanandgavehersisterallsheearned。Shedidnotdaretoacceptanorderorjobofanykindwithouthersister’spermission。Theoldwomanhadalreadymadeherwill，andLizavetaknewofit，andbythiswillshewouldnotgetafarthing；nothingbutthemovables，chairsandsoon；allthemoneywaslefttoamonasteryintheprovinceofN——，thatprayersmightbesaidforherinperpetuity。Lizavetawasoflowerrankthanhersister，unmarriedandawfullyuncouthinappearance，remarkablytallwithlongfeetthatlookedasiftheywerebentoutwards。Shealwaysworebatteredgoatskinshoes，andwascleaninherperson。WhatthestudentexpressedmostsurpriseandamusementaboutwasthefactthatLizavetawascontinuallywithchild。
“Butyousaysheishideous？”observedtheofficer。
“Yes，sheissodark-skinnedandlookslikeasoldierdressedup，butyouknowsheisnotatallhideous。Shehassuchagood-naturedfaceandeyes。Strikinglyso。Andtheproofofitisthatlotsofpeopleareattractedbyher。Sheissuchasoft，gentlecreature，readytoputupwithanything，alwayswilling，willingtodoanything。Andhersmileisreallyverysweet。”
“Youseemtofindherattractiveyourself，”laughedtheofficer。
“Fromherqueerness。No，I’lltellyouwhat。Icouldkillthatdamnedoldwomanandmakeoffwithhermoney，Iassureyou，withoutthefaintestconscience-prick，”thestudentaddedwithwarmth。TheofficerlaughedagainwhileRaskolnikovshuddered。Howstrangeitwas！
“Listen，Iwanttoaskyouaseriousquestion，”thestudentsaidhotly。“Iwasjokingofcourse，butlookhere；ononesidewehaveastupid，senseless，worthless，spiteful，ailing，horridoldwoman，notsimplyuselessbutdoingactualmischief，whohasnotanideawhatsheislivingforherself，andwhowilldieinadayortwoinanycase。Youunderstand？Youunderstand？”
“Yes，yes，Iunderstand，”answeredtheofficer，watchinghisexcitedcompanionattentively。
“Well，listenthen。Ontheotherside，freshyounglivesthrownawayforwantofhelpandbythousands，oneveryside！Ahundredthousandgooddeedscouldbedoneandhelped，onthatoldwoman’smoneywhichwillbeburiedinamonastery！Hundreds，thousandsperhaps，mightbesetontherightpath；dozensoffamiliessavedfromdestitution，fromruin，fromvice，fromtheLockhospitals—andallwithhermoney。Killher，takehermoneyandwiththehelpofitdevoteoneselftotheserviceofhumanityandthegoodofall。Whatdoyouthink，wouldnotonetinycrimebewipedoutbythousandsofgooddeeds？Foronelifethousandswouldbesavedfromcorruptionanddecay。Onedeath，andahundredlivesinexchange—it’ssimplearithmetic！Besides，whatvaluehasthelifeofthatsickly，stupid，ill-naturedoldwomaninthebalanceofexistence！Nomorethanthelifeofalouse，ofablack-beetle，lessinfactbecausetheoldwomanisdoingharm。Sheiswearingoutthelivesofothers；theotherdayshebitLizaveta’sfingeroutofspite；italmosthadtobeamputated。”
“Ofcourseshedoesnotdeservetolive，”remarkedtheofficer，“butthereitis，it’snature。”
“Oh，well，brother，butwehavetocorrectanddirectnature，and，butforthat，weshoulddrowninanoceanofprejudice。Butforthat，therewouldneverhavebeenasinglegreatman。Theytalkofduty，conscience—Idon’twanttosayanythingagainstdutyandconscience；—butthepointis，whatdowemeanbythem。Stay，Ihaveanotherquestiontoaskyou。Listen！”
“No，youstay，I’llaskyouaquestion。Listen！”
“Well？”
“Youaretalkingandspeechifyingaway，buttellme，wouldyoukilltheoldwomanyourself？”
“Ofcoursenot！Iwasonlyarguingthejusticeofit。…It’snothingtodowithme。…”
“ButIthink，ifyouwouldnotdoityourself，there’snojusticeaboutit。…Letushaveanothergame。”
Raskolnikovwasviolentlyagitated。Ofcourse，itwasallordinaryyouthfultalkandthought，suchashehadoftenheardbeforeindifferentformsandondifferentthemes。Butwhyhadhehappenedtohearsuchadiscussionandsuchideasattheverymomentwhenhisownbrainwasjustconceiving…theverysameideas？Andwhy，justatthemomentwhenhehadbroughtawaytheembryoofhisideafromtheoldwomanhadhedroppedatonceuponaconversationabouther？Thiscoincidencealwaysseemedstrangetohim。Thistrivialtalkinatavernhadanimmenseinfluenceonhiminhislateraction；asthoughtherehadreallybeeninitsomethingpreordained，someguidinghint。…
OnreturningfromtheHayMarketheflunghimselfonthesofaandsatforawholehourwithoutstirring。Meanwhileitgotdark；hehadnocandleand，indeed，itdidnotoccurtohimtolightup。Hecouldneverrecollectwhetherhehadbeenthinkingaboutanythingatthattime。Atlasthewasconsciousofhisformerfeverandshivering，andherealisedwithreliefthathecouldliedownonthesofa。Soonheavy，leadensleepcameoverhim，asitwerecrushinghim。
Hesleptanextraordinarilylongtimeandwithoutdreaming。Nastasya，comingintohisroomatteno’clockthenextmorning，haddifficultyinrousinghim。Shebroughthiminteaandbread。Theteawasagainthesecondbrewandagaininherowntea-pot。
“Mygoodness，howhesleeps！”shecriedindignantly。“Andheisalwaysasleep。”
Hegotupwithaneffort。Hisheadached，hestoodup，tookaturninhisgarretandsankbackonthesofaagain。
“Goingtosleepagain，”criedNastasya。“Areyouill，eh？”
Hemadenoreply。
“Doyouwantsometea？”
“Afterwards，”hesaidwithaneffort，closinghiseyesagainandturningtothewall。
Nastasyastoodoverhim。
“Perhapshereallyisill，”shesaid，turnedandwentout。Shecameinagainattwoo’clockwithsoup。Hewaslyingasbefore。Theteastooduntouched。Nastasyafeltpositivelyoffendedandbeganwrathfullyrousinghim。
“Whyareyoulyinglikealog？”sheshouted，lookingathimwithrepulsion。
Hegotup，andsatdownagain，butsaidnothingandstaredatthefloor。
“Areyouillornot？”askedNastasyaandagainreceivednoanswer。“You’dbettergooutandgetabreathofair，”shesaidafterapause。“Willyoueatitornot？”
“Afterwards，”hesaidweakly。“Youcango。”
Andhemotionedherout。
Sheremainedalittlelonger，lookedathimwithcompassionandwentout。
Afewminutesafterwards，heraisedhiseyesandlookedforalongwhileattheteaandthesoup。Thenhetookthebread，tookupaspoonandbegantoeat。
Heatealittle，threeorfourspoonfuls，withoutappetite，asitweremechanically。Hisheadachedless。Afterhismealhestretchedhimselfonthesofaagain，butnowhecouldnotsleep；helaywithoutstirring，withhisfaceinthepillow。Hewashauntedbyday-dreamsandsuchstrangeday-dreams；inone，thatkeptrecurring，hefanciedthathewasinAfrica，inEgypt，insomesortofoasis。Thecaravanwasresting，thecamelswerepeacefullylyingdown；thepalmsstoodallaroundinacompletecircle；allthepartywereatdinner。Buthewasdrinkingwaterfromaspringwhichflowedgurglingcloseby。Anditwassocool，itwaswonderful，wonderful，blue，coldwaterrunningamongtheparti-colouredstonesandoverthecleansandwhichglistenedhereandtherelikegold。…Suddenlyheheardaclockstrike。Hestarted，rousedhimself，raisedhishead，lookedoutofthewindow，andseeinghowlateitwas，suddenlyjumpedupwideawakeasthoughsomeonehadpulledhimoffthesofa。Hecreptontiptoetothedoor，stealthilyopeneditandbeganlisteningonthestaircase。Hisheartbeatterribly。Butallwasquietonthestairsasifeveryonewasasleep。…Itseemedtohimstrangeandmonstrousthathecouldhavesleptinsuchforgetfulnessfromthepreviousdayandhaddonenothing，hadpreparednothingyet。…Andmeanwhileperhapsithadstrucksix。Andhisdrowsinessandstupefactionwerefollowedbyanextraordinary，feverish，asitweredistractedhaste。Butthepreparationstobemadewerefew。Heconcentratedallhisenergiesonthinkingofeverythingandforgettingnothing；andhisheartkeptbeatingandthumpingsothathecouldhardlybreathe。Firsthehadtomakeanooseandsewitintohisovercoat—aworkofamoment。Herummagedunderhispillowandpickedoutamongstthelinenstuffedawayunderit，awornout，oldunwashedshirt。Fromitsragshetorealongstrip，acoupleofincheswideandaboutsixteenincheslong。Hefoldedthisstripintwo，tookoffhiswide，strongsummerovercoatofsomestoutcottonmaterial(hisonlyoutergarment)andbegansewingthetwoendsoftheragontheinside，undertheleftarmhole。Hishandsshookashesewed，buthediditsuccessfullysothatnothingshowedoutsidewhenheputthecoatonagain。Theneedleandthreadhehadgotreadylongbeforeandtheylayonhistableinapieceofpaper。Asforthenoose，itwasaveryingeniousdeviceofhisown；thenoosewasintendedfortheaxe。Itwasimpossibleforhimtocarrytheaxethroughthestreetinhishands。Andifhiddenunderhiscoathewouldstillhavehadtosupportitwithhishand，whichwouldhavebeennoticeable。Nowhehadonlytoputtheheadoftheaxeinthenoose，anditwouldhangquietlyunderhisarmontheinside。Puttinghishandinhiscoatpocket，hecouldholdtheendofthehandlealltheway，sothatitdidnotswing；andasthecoatwasveryfull，aregularsackinfact，itcouldnotbeseenfromoutsidethathewasholdingsomethingwiththehandthatwasinthepocket。Thisnoose，too，hehaddesignedafortnightbefore。
Whenhehadfinishedwiththis，hethrusthishandintoalittleopeningbetweenhissofaandthefloor，fumbledintheleftcorneranddrewoutthepledge，whichhehadgotreadylongbeforeandhiddenthere。Thispledgewas，however，onlyasmoothlyplanedpieceofwoodthesizeandthicknessofasilvercigarettecase。Hepickedupthispieceofwoodinoneofhiswanderingsinacourtyardwheretherewassomesortofaworkshop。Afterwardshehadaddedtothewoodathinsmoothpieceofiron，whichhehadalsopickedupatthesametimeinthestreet。Puttingtheironwhichwasalittlethesmalleronthepieceofwood，hefastenedthemveryfirmly，crossingandre-crossingthethreadroundthem；thenwrappedthemcarefullyanddaintilyincleanwhitepaperandtieduptheparcelsothatitwouldbeverydifficulttountieit。Thiswasinordertodiverttheattentionoftheoldwomanforatime，whileshewastryingtoundotheknot，andsotogainamoment。Theironstripwasaddedtogiveweight，sothatthewomanmightnotguessthefirstminutethatthe“thing”wasmadeofwood。Allthishadbeenstoredbyhimbeforehandunderthesofa。Hehadonlyjustgotthepledgeoutwhenheheardsomeonesuddenlyaboutintheyard。
“Itstrucksixlongago。”
“Longago！MyGod！”
Herushedtothedoor，listened，caughtuphishatandbegantodescendhisthirteenstepscautiously，noiselessly，likeacat。Hehadstillthemostimportantthingtodo—tostealtheaxefromthekitchen。Thatthedeedmustbedonewithanaxehehaddecidedlongago。Hehadalsoapocketpruning-knife，buthecouldnotrelyontheknifeandstilllessonhisownstrength，andsoresolvedfinallyontheaxe。Wemaynoteinpassing，onepeculiarityinregardtoallthefinalresolutionstakenbyhiminthematter；theyhadonestrangecharacteristic:themorefinaltheywere，themorehideousandthemoreabsurdtheyatoncebecameinhiseyes。Inspiteofallhisagonisinginwardstruggle，heneverforasingleinstantallthattimecouldbelieveinthecarryingoutofhisplans。
And，indeed，ifithadeverhappenedthateverythingtotheleastpointcouldhavebeenconsideredandfinallysettled，andnouncertaintyofanykindhadremained，hewould，itseems，haverenounceditallassomethingabsurd，monstrousandimpossible。Butawholemassofunsettledpointsanduncertaintiesremained。Asforgettingtheaxe，thattriflingbusinesscosthimnoanxiety，fornothingcouldbeeasier。Nastasyawascontinuallyoutofthehouse，especiallyintheevenings；shewouldrunintotheneighboursortoashop，andalwaysleftthedoorajar。Itwastheonethingthelandladywasalwaysscoldingherabout。Andso，whenthetimecame，hewouldonlyhavetogoquietlyintothekitchenandtotaketheaxe，andanhourlater(wheneverythingwasover)goinandputitbackagain。Buttheseweredoubtfulpoints。Supposinghereturnedanhourlatertoputitback，andNastasyahadcomebackandwasonthespot。Hewouldofcoursehavetogobyandwaittillshewentoutagain。Butsupposingshewereinthemeantimetomisstheaxe，lookforit，makeanoutcry—thatwouldmeansuspicionoratleastgroundsforsuspicion。
Butthosewerealltrifleswhichhehadnotevenbeguntoconsider，andindeedhehadnotime。Hewasthinkingofthechiefpoint，andputofftriflingdetails，untilhecouldbelieveinitall。Butthatseemedutterlyunattainable。Soitseemedtohimselfatleast。Hecouldnotimagine，forinstance，thathewouldsometimeleaveoffthinking，getupandsimplygothere。…Evenhislateexperiment(i。e。hisvisitwiththeobjectofafinalsurveyoftheplace)wassimplyanattemptatanexperiment，farfrombeingtherealthing，asthoughoneshouldsay“come，letusgoandtryit—whydreamaboutit！”—andatoncehehadbrokendownandhadrunawaycursing，inafrenzywithhimself。Meanwhileitwouldseem，asregardsthemoralquestion，thathisanalysiswascomplete；hiscasuistryhadbecomekeenasarazor，andhecouldnotfindrationalobjectionsinhimself。Butinthelastresorthesimplyceasedtobelieveinhimself，anddoggedly，slavishlysoughtargumentsinalldirections，fumblingforthem，asthoughsomeonewereforcinganddrawinghimtoit。
Atfirst—longbeforeindeed—hehadbeenmuchoccupiedwithonequestion；whyalmostallcrimesaresobadlyconcealedandsoeasilydetected，andwhyalmostallcriminalsleavesuchobvioustraces？Hehadcomegraduallytomanydifferentandcuriousconclusions，andinhisopinionthechiefreasonlaynotsomuchinthematerialimpossibilityofconcealingthecrime，asinthecriminalhimself。Almosteverycriminalissubjecttoafailureofwillandreasoningpowerbyachildishandphenomenalheedlessness，attheveryinstantwhenprudenceandcautionaremostessential。Itwashisconvictionthatthiseclipseofreasonandfailureofwillpowerattackedamanlikeadisease，developedgraduallyandreacheditshighestpointjustbeforetheperpetrationofthecrime，continuedwithequalviolenceatthemomentofthecrimeandforlongerorshortertimeafter，accordingtotheindividualcase，andthenpassedofflikeanyotherdisease。Thequestionwhetherthediseasegivesrisetothecrime，orwhetherthecrimefromitsownpeculiarnatureisalwaysaccompaniedbysomethingofthenatureofdisease，hedidnotyetfeelabletodecide。
Whenhereachedtheseconclusions，hedecidedthatinhisowncasetherecouldnotbesuchamorbidreaction，thathisreasonandwillwouldremainunimpairedatthetimeofcarryingouthisdesign，forthesimplereasonthathisdesignwas“notacrime。…”Wewillomitalltheprocessbymeansofwhichhearrivedatthislastconclusion；wehaveruntoofaraheadalready。…Wemayaddonlythatthepractical，purelymaterialdifficultiesoftheaffairoccupiedasecondarypositioninhismind。“Onehasbuttokeepallone’swill-powerandreasontodealwiththem，andtheywillallbeovercomeatthetimewhenonceonehasfamiliarisedoneselfwiththeminutestdetailsofthebusiness。…”Butthispreparationhadneverbeenbegun。Hisfinaldecisionswerewhathecametotrustleast，andwhenthehourstruck，itallcametopassquitedifferently，asitwereaccidentallyandunexpectedly。
Onetriflingcircumstanceupsethiscalculations，beforehehadevenleftthestaircase。Whenhereachedthelandlady’skitchen，thedoorofwhichwasopenasusual，heglancedcautiouslyintoseewhether，inNastasya’sabsence，thelandladyherselfwasthere，orifnot，whetherthedoortoherownroomwasclosed，sothatshemightnotpeepoutwhenhewentinfortheaxe。ButwhatwashisamazementwhenhesuddenlysawthatNastasyawasnotonlyathomeinthekitchen，butwasoccupiedthere，takinglinenoutofabasketandhangingitonaline。Seeinghim，sheleftoffhangingtheclothes，turnedtohimandstaredathimallthetimehewaspassing。Heturnedawayhiseyes，andwalkedpastasthoughhenoticednothing。Butitwastheendofeverything；hehadnottheaxe！Hewasoverwhelmed。
“Whatmademethink，”hereflected，ashewentunderthegateway，“whatmademethinkthatshewouldbesurenottobeathomeatthatmoment！Why，why，whydidIassumethissocertainly？”
Hewascrushedandevenhumiliated。Hecouldhavelaughedathimselfinhisanger。…Adullanimalrageboiledwithinhim。
Hestoodhesitatinginthegateway。Togointothestreet，togoawalkforappearance’sakewasrevolting；togobacktohisroom，evenmorerevolting。“AndwhatachanceIhavelostforever！”hemuttered，standingaimlesslyinthegateway，justoppositetheporter’slittledarkroom，whichwasalsoopen。Suddenlyhestarted。Fromtheporter’sroom，twopacesawayfromhim，somethingshiningunderthebenchtotherightcaughthiseye。…Helookedabouthim—nobody。Heapproachedtheroomontiptoe，wentdowntwostepsintoitandinafaintvoicecalledtheporter。“Yes，notathome！Somewherenearthough，intheyard，forthedooriswideopen。”Hedashedtotheaxe(itwasanaxe)andpulleditoutfromunderthebench，whereitlaybetweentwochunksofwood；atonce，beforegoingout，hemadeitfastinthenoose，hethrustbothhandsintohispocketsandwentoutoftheroom；noonehadnoticedhim！“Whenreasonfails，thedevilhelps！”hethoughtwithastrangegrin。Thischanceraisedhisspiritsextraordinarily。
Hewalkedalongquietlyandsedately，withouthurry，toavoidawakeningsuspicion。Hescarcelylookedatthepassers-by，triedtoescapelookingattheirfacesatall，andtobeaslittlenoticeableaspossible。Suddenlyhethoughtofhishat。“Goodheavens！Ihadthemoneythedaybeforeyesterdayanddidnotgetacaptowearinstead！”Acurserosefromthebottomofhissoul。
Glancingoutofthecornerofhiseyeintoashop，hesawbyaclockonthewallthatitwastenminutespastseven。Hehadtomakehasteandatthesametimetogosomewayround，soastoapproachthehousefromtheotherside。…
Whenhehadhappenedtoimagineallthisbeforehand，hehadsometimesthoughtthathewouldbeverymuchafraid。Buthewasnotverymuchafraidnow，wasnotafraidatall，indeed。Hismindwasevenoccupiedbyirrelevantmatters，butbynothingforlong。AshepassedtheYusupovgarden，hewasdeeplyabsorbedinconsideringthebuildingofgreatfountains，andoftheirrefreshingeffectontheatmosphereinallthesquares。BydegreeshepassedtotheconvictionthatifthesummergardenwereextendedtothefieldofMars，andperhapsjoinedtothegardenoftheMihailovskyPalace，itwouldbeasplendidthingandagreatbenefittothetown。Thenhewasinterestedbythequestionwhyinallgreattownsmenarenotsimplydrivenbynecessity，butinsomepeculiarwayinclinedtoliveinthosepartsofthetownwheretherearenogardensnorfountains；wherethereismostdirtandsmellandallsortsofnastiness。ThenhisownwalksthroughtheHayMarketcamebacktohismind，andforamomenthewakeduptoreality。“Whatnonsense！”hethought，“betterthinkofnothingatall！”
“Soprobablymenledtoexecutionclutchmentallyateveryobjectthatmeetsthemontheway，”flashedthroughhismind，butsimplyflashed，likelightning；hemadehastetodismissthisthought。…Andbynowhewasnear；herewasthehouse，herewasthegate。Suddenlyaclocksomewherestruckonce。“What！canitbehalf-pastseven？Impossible，itmustbefast！”
Luckilyforhim，everythingwentwellagainatthegates。Atthatverymoment，asthoughexpresslyforhisbenefit，ahugewaggonofhayhadjustdriveninatthegate，completelyscreeninghimashepassedunderthegateway，andthewaggonhadscarcelyhadtimetodrivethroughintotheyard，beforehehadslippedinaflashtotheright。Ontheothersideofthewaggonhecouldhearshoutingandquarrelling；butnoonenoticedhimandnoonemethim。Manywindowslookingintothathugequadrangularyardwereopenatthatmoment，buthedidnotraisehishead—hehadnotthestrengthto。Thestaircaseleadingtotheoldwoman’sroomwascloseby，justontherightofthegateway。Hewasalreadyonthestairs。…
Drawingabreath，pressinghishandagainsthisthrobbingheart，andoncemorefeelingfortheaxeandsettingitstraight，hebegansoftlyandcautiouslyascendingthestairs，listeningeveryminute。Butthestairs，too，werequitedeserted；allthedoorswereshut；hemetnoone。Oneflatindeedonthefirstfloorwaswideopenandpainterswereatworkinit，buttheydidnotglanceathim。Hestoodstill，thoughtaminuteandwenton。“Ofcourseitwouldbebetteriftheyhadnotbeenhere，but…it’stwostoreysabovethem。”
Andtherewasthefourthstorey，herewasthedoor，herewastheflatopposite，theemptyone。Theflatunderneaththeoldwoman’swasapparentlyemptyalso；thevisitingcardnailedonthedoorhadbeentornoff—theyhadgoneaway！…Hewasoutofbreath。Foroneinstantthethoughtfloatedthroughhismind“ShallIgoback？”Buthemadenoanswerandbeganlisteningattheoldwoman’sdoor，adeadsilence。Thenhelistenedagainonthestaircase，listenedlongandintently…thenlookedabouthimforthelasttime，pulledhimselftogether，drewhimselfup，andoncemoretriedtheaxeinthenoose。“AmIverypale？”hewondered。“AmInotevidentlyagitated？Sheismistrustful。…HadIbetterwaitalittlelonger…tillmyheartleavesoffthumping？”
Buthisheartdidnotleaveoff。Onthecontrary，asthoughtospitehim，itthrobbedmoreandmoreviolently。Hecouldstanditnolonger，heslowlyputouthishandtothebellandrang。Halfaminutelaterherangagain，moreloudly。
Noanswer。Togoonringingwasuselessandoutofplace。Theoldwomanwas，ofcourse，athome，butshewassuspiciousandalone。Hehadsomeknowledgeofherhabits…andoncemoreheputhiseartothedoor。Eitherhissenseswerepeculiarlykeen(whichitisdifficulttosuppose)，orthesoundwasreallyverydistinct。Anyway，hesuddenlyheardsomethinglikethecautioustouchofahandonthelockandtherustleofaskirtattheverydoor。someonewasstandingstealthilyclosetothelockandjustashewasdoingontheoutsidewassecretlylisteningwithin，andseemedtohavehereartothedoor。…Hemovedalittleonpurposeandmutteredsomethingaloudthathemightnothavetheappearanceofhiding，thenrangathirdtime，butquietly，soberly，andwithoutimpatience，Recallingitafterwards，thatmomentstoodoutinhismindvividly，distinctly，forever；hecouldnotmakeouthowhehadhadsuchcunning，forhismindwasasitwerecloudedatmomentsandhewasalmostunconsciousofhisbody。…Aninstantlaterheheardthelatchunfastened。
