OnanexceptionallyhoteveningearlyinJulyayoungmancameoutofthegarretinwhichhelodgedinS。Placeandwalkedslowly，asthoughinhesitation，towardsK。bridge。
Hehadsuccessfullyavoidedmeetinghislandladyonthestaircase。Hisgarretwasundertheroofofahigh，five-storiedhouseandwasmorelikeacupboardthanaroom。Thelandladywhoprovidedhimwithgarret，dinners，andattendance，livedonthefloorbelow，andeverytimehewentouthewasobligedtopassherkitchen，thedoorofwhichinvariablystoodopen。Andeachtimehepassed，theyoungmanhadasick，frightenedfeeling，whichmadehimscowlandfeelashamed。Hewashopelesslyindebttohislandlady，andwasafraidofmeetingher。
Thiswasnotbecausehewascowardlyandabject，quitethecontrary；butforsometimepasthehadbeeninanoverstrainedirritablecondition，vergingonhypochondria。Hehadbecomesocompletelyabsorbedinhimself，andisolatedfromhisfellowsthathedreadedmeeting，notonlyhislandlady，butanyoneatall。Hewascrushedbypoverty，buttheanxietiesofhispositionhadoflateceasedtoweighuponhim。Hehadgivenupattendingtomattersofpracticalimportance；hehadlostalldesiretodoso。Nothingthatanylandladycoulddohadarealterrorforhim。Buttobestoppedonthestairs，tobeforcedtolistentohertrivial，irrelevantgossip，topesteringdemandsforpayment，threatsandcomplaints，andtorackhisbrainsforexcuses，toprevaricate，tolie—no，ratherthanthat，hewouldcreepdownthestairslikeacatandslipoutunseen。
Thisevening，however，oncomingoutintothestreet，hebecameacutelyawareofhisfears。
“Iwanttoattemptathinglikethatandamfrightenedbythesetrifles，”hethought，withanoddsmile。“Hm…yes，allisinaman’shandsandheletsitallslipfromcowardice，that’sanaxiom。Itwouldbeinterestingtoknowwhatitismenaremostafraidof。Takinganewstep，utteringanewwordiswhattheyfearmost。…ButIamtalkingtoomuch。It’sbecauseIchatterthatIdonothing。OrperhapsitisthatIchatterbecauseIdonothing。I’velearnedtochatterthislastmonth，lyingfordaystogetherinmydenthinking…ofJacktheGiant-killer。WhyamIgoingtherenow？AmIcapableofthat？Isthatserious？Itisnotseriousatall。It’ssimplyafantasytoamusemyself；aplaything！Yes，maybeitisaplaything。”
Theheatinthestreetwasterrible:andtheairlessness，thebustleandtheplaster，scaffolding，bricks，anddustallabouthim，andthatspecialPetersburgstench，sofamiliartoallwhoareunabletogetoutoftowninsummer—allworkedpainfullyupontheyoungman’salreadyoverwroughtnerves。Theinsufferablestenchfromthepot-houses，whichareparticularlynumerousinthatpartofthetown，andthedrunkenmenwhomhemetcontinually，althoughitwasaworkingday，completedtherevoltingmiseryofthepicture。Anexpressionoftheprofoundestdisgustgleamedforamomentintheyoungman’srefinedface。Hewas，bytheway，exceptionallyhandsome，abovetheaverageinheight，slim，well-built，withbeautifuldarkeyesanddarkbrownhair。Soonhesankintodeepthought，ormoreaccuratelyspeakingintoacompleteblanknessofmind；hewalkedalongnotobservingwhatwasabouthimandnotcaringtoobserveit。Fromtimetotime，hewouldmuttersomething，fromthehabitoftalkingtohimself，towhichhehadjustconfessed。Atthesemomentshewouldbecomeconsciousthathisideasweresometimesinatangleandthathewasveryweak；fortwodayshehadscarcelytastedfood。
Hewassobadlydressedthatevenamanaccustomedtoshabbinesswouldhavebeenashamedtobeseeninthestreetinsuchrags。Inthatquarterofthetown，however，scarcelyanyshortcomingindresswouldhavecreatedsurprise。OwingtotheproximityoftheHayMarket，thenumberofestablishmentsofbadcharacter，thepreponderanceofthetradingandworkingclasspopulationcrowdedinthesestreetsandalleysintheheartofPetersburg，typessovariousweretobeseeninthestreetsthatnofigure，howeverqueer，wouldhavecausedsurprise。Buttherewassuchaccumulatedbitternessandcontemptintheyoungman’sheart，that，inspiteofallthefastidiousnessofyouth，hemindedhisragsleastofallinthestreet。Itwasadifferentmatterwhenhemetwithacquaintancesorwithformerfellowstudents，whom，indeed，hedislikedmeetingatanytime。Andyetwhenadrunkenmanwho，forsomeunknownreason，wasbeingtakensomewhereinahugewaggondraggedbyaheavydrayhorse，suddenlyshoutedathimashedrovepast:“Heythere，Germanhatter”bawlingatthetopofhisvoiceandpointingathim—theyoungmanstoppedsuddenlyandclutchedtremulouslyathishat。ItwasatallroundhatfromZimmerman’s，butcompletelywornout，rustywithage，alltornandbespattered，brimlessandbentononesideinamostunseemlyfashion。Notshame，however，butquiteanotherfeelingakintoterrorhadovertakenhim。
“Iknewit，”hemutteredinconfusion，“Ithoughtso！That’stheworstofall！Why，astupidthinglikethis，themosttrivialdetailmightspoilthewholeplan。Yes，myhatistoonoticeable。…Itlooksabsurdandthatmakesitnoticeable。…WithmyragsIoughttowearacap，anysortofoldpancake，butnotthisgrotesquething。Nobodywearssuchahat，itwouldbenoticedamileoff，itwouldberemembered。…Whatmattersisthatpeoplewouldrememberit，andthatwouldgivethemaclue。Forthisbusinessoneshouldbeaslittleconspicuousaspossible。…Trifles，triflesarewhatmatter！Why，it’sjustsuchtriflesthatalwaysruineverything。…”
Hehadnotfartogo；heknewindeedhowmanystepsitwasfromthegateofhislodginghouse:exactlysevenhundredandthirty。Hehadcountedthemoncewhenhehadbeenlostindreams。Atthetimehehadputnofaithinthosedreamsandwasonlytantalisinghimselfbytheirhideousbutdaringrecklessness。Now，amonthlater，hehadbeguntolookuponthemdifferently，and，inspiteofthemonologuesinwhichhejeeredathisownimpotenceandindecision，hehadinvoluntarilycometoregardthis“hideous”dreamasanexploittobeattempted，althoughhestilldidnotrealisethishimself。Hewaspositivelygoingnowfora“rehearsal”ofhisproject，andateverystephisexcitementgrewmoreandmoreviolent。
Withasinkingheartandanervoustremor，hewentuptoahugehousewhichononesidelookedontothecanal，andontheotherintothestreet。Thishousewasletoutintinytenementsandwasinhabitedbyworkingpeopleofallkinds—tailors，locksmiths，cooks，Germansofsorts，girlspickingupalivingasbesttheycould，pettyclerks，etc。Therewasacontinualcomingandgoingthroughthetwogatesandinthetwocourtyardsofthehouse。Threeorfourdoor-keeperswereemployedonthebuilding。Theyoungmanwasverygladtomeetnoneofthem，andatonceslippedunnoticedthroughthedoorontheright，andupthestaircase。Itwasabackstaircase，darkandnarrow，buthewasfamiliarwithitalready，andknewhisway，andhelikedallthesesurroundings:insuchdarknesseventhemostinquisitiveeyeswerenottobedreaded。
“IfIamsoscarednow，whatwoulditbeifitsomehowcametopassthatIwerereallygoingtodoit？”hecouldnothelpaskinghimselfashereachedthefourthstorey。Therehisprogresswasbarredbysomeporterswhowereengagedinmovingfurnitureoutofaflat。HeknewthattheflathadbeenoccupiedbyaGermanclerkinthecivilservice，andhisfamily。ThisGermanwasmovingoutthen，andsothefourthflooronthisstaircasewouldbeuntenantedexceptbytheoldwoman。“That’sagoodthinganyway，”hethoughttohimself，asherangthebelloftheoldwoman’sflat。Thebellgaveafainttinkleasthoughitweremadeoftinandnotofcopper。Thelittleflatsinsuchhousesalwayshavebellsthatringlikethat。Hehadforgottenthenoteofthatbell，andnowitspeculiartinkleseemedtoremindhimofsomethingandtobringitclearlybeforehim。…Hestarted，hisnerveswereterriblyoverstrainedbynow。Inalittlewhile，thedoorwasopenedatinycrack:theoldwomaneyedhervisitorwithevidentdistrustthroughthecrack，andnothingcouldbeseenbutherlittleeyes，glitteringinthedarkness。But，seeinganumberofpeopleonthelanding，shegrewbolder，andopenedthedoorwide。Theyoungmansteppedintothedarkentry，whichwaspartitionedofffromthetinykitchen。Theoldwomanstoodfacinghiminsilenceandlookinginquiringlyathim。Shewasadiminutive，witheredupoldwomanofsixty，withsharpmalignanteyesandasharplittlenose。Hercolourless，somewhatgrizzledhairwasthicklysmearedwithoil，andsheworenokerchiefoverit。Roundherthinlongneck，whichlookedlikeahen’sleg，wasknottedsomesortofflannelrag，and，inspiteoftheheat，therehungflappingonhershoulders，amangyfurcape，yellowwithage。Theoldwomancoughedandgroanedateveryinstant。Theyoungmanmusthavelookedatherwitharatherpeculiarexpression，foragleamofmistrustcameintohereyesagain。
“Raskolnikov，astudent，Icamehereamonthago，”theyoungmanmadehastetomutter，withahalfbow，rememberingthatheoughttobemorepolite。
“Iremember，mygoodsir，Irememberquitewellyourcominghere，”theoldwomansaiddistinctly，stillkeepingherinquiringeyesonhisface。
“Andhere…Iamagainonthesameerrand，”Raskolnikovcontinued，alittledisconcertedandsurprisedattheoldwoman’smistrust。“Perhapssheisalwayslikethatthough，onlyIdidnotnoticeittheothertime，”hethoughtwithanuneasyfeeling。
Theoldwomanpaused，asthoughhesitating；thensteppedononeside，andpointingtothedooroftheroom，shesaid，lettinghervisitorpassinfrontofher:
“Stepin，mygoodsir。”
Thelittleroomintowhichtheyoungmanwalked，withyellowpaperonthewalls，geraniumsandmuslincurtainsinthewindows，wasbrightlylightedupatthatmomentbythesettingsun。
“Sothesunwillshinelikethisthentoo！”flashedasitwerebychancethroughRaskolnikov’smind，andwitharapidglancehescannedeverythingintheroom，tryingasfaraspossibletonoticeandrememberitsarrangement。Buttherewasnothingspecialintheroom。Thefurniture，allveryoldandofyellowwood，consistedofasofawithahugebentwoodenback，anovaltableinfrontofthesofa，adressing-tablewithalooking-glassfixedonitbetweenthewindows，chairsalongthewallsandtwoorthreehalf-pennyprintsinyellowframes，representingGermandamselswithbirdsintheirhands—thatwasall。Inthecorneralightwasburningbeforeasmallikon。Everythingwasveryclean；thefloorandthefurniturewerebrightlypolished；everythingshone。
“Lizaveta’swork，”thoughttheyoungman。Therewasnotaspeckofdusttobeseeninthewholeflat。
“It’sinthehousesofspitefuloldwidowsthatonefindssuchcleanliness，”Raskolnikovthoughtagain，andhestoleacuriousglanceatthecottoncurtainoverthedoorleadingintoanothertinyroom，inwhichstoodtheoldwoman’sbedandchestofdrawersandintowhichhehadneverlookedbefore。Thesetworoomsmadeupthewholeflat。
“Whatdoyouwant？”theoldwomansaidseverely，comingintotheroomand，asbefore，standinginfrontofhimsoastolookhimstraightintheface。
“I’vebroughtsomethingtopawnhere，”andhedrewoutofhispocketanold-fashionedflatsilverwatch，onthebackofwhichwasengravedaglobe；thechainwasofsteel。
“Butthetimeisupforyourlastpledge。Themonthwasupthedaybeforeyesterday。”
“Iwillbringyoutheinterestforanothermonth；waitalittle。”
“Butthat’sformetodoasIplease，mygoodsir，towaitortosellyourpledgeatonce。”
“Howmuchwillyougivemeforthewatch，AlyonaIvanovna？”
“Youcomewithsuchtrifles，mygoodsir，it’sscarcelyworthanything。Igaveyoutworoubleslasttimeforyourringandonecouldbuyitquitenewatajeweler’sforaroubleandahalf。”
“Givemefourroublesforit，Ishallredeemit，itwasmyfather’s。Ishallbegettingsomemoneysoon。”
“Aroubleandahalf，andinterestinadvance，ifyoulike！”
“Aroubleandahalf！”criedtheyoungman。
“Pleaseyourself”—andtheoldwomanhandedhimbackthewatch。Theyoungmantookit，andwassoangrythathewasonthepointofgoingaway；butcheckedhimselfatonce，rememberingthattherewasnowhereelsehecouldgo，andthathehadhadanotherobjectalsoincoming。
“Handitover，”hesaidroughly。
Theoldwomanfumbledinherpocketforherkeys，anddisappearedbehindthecurtainintotheotherroom。Theyoungman，leftstandingaloneinthemiddleoftheroom，listenedinquisitively，thinking。Hecouldhearherunlockingthechestofdrawers。
“Itmustbethetopdrawer，”hereflected。“Soshecarriesthekeysinapocketontheright。Allinonebunchonasteelring。…Andthere’sonekeythere，threetimesasbigasalltheothers，withdeepnotches；thatcan’tbethekeyofthechestofdrawers…thentheremustbesomeotherchestorstrong-box…that’sworthknowing。Strong-boxesalwayshavekeyslikethat…buthowdegradingitallis。”
Theoldwomancameback。
“Here，sir:aswesaytencopeckstheroubleamonth，soImusttakefifteencopecksfromaroubleandahalfforthemonthinadvance。ButforthetworoublesIlentyoubefore，youowemenowtwentycopecksonthesamereckoninginadvance。Thatmakesthirty-fivecopecksaltogether。SoImustgiveyouaroubleandfifteencopecksforthewatch。Hereitis。”
“What！onlyaroubleandfifteencopecksnow！”
“Justso。”
Theyoungmandidnotdisputeitandtookthemoney。Helookedattheoldwoman，andwasinnohurrytogetaway，asthoughtherewasstillsomethinghewantedtosayortodo，buthedidnothimselfquiteknowwhat。
“Imaybebringingyousomethingelseinadayortwo，AlyonaIvanovna—avaluablething—silver—acigarette-box，assoonasIgetitbackfromafriend…”hebrokeoffinconfusion。
“Well，wewilltalkaboutitthen，sir。”
“Good-bye—areyoualwaysathomealone，yoursisterisnotherewithyou？”Heaskedherascasuallyaspossibleashewentoutintothepassage。
“Whatbusinessissheofyours，mygoodsir？”
“Oh，nothingparticular，Isimplyasked。Youaretooquick。…Good-day，AlyonaIvanovna。”
Raskolnikovwentoutincompleteconfusion。Thisconfusionbecamemoreandmoreintense。Ashewentdownthestairs，heevenstoppedshort，twoorthreetimes，asthoughsuddenlystruckbysomethought。Whenhewasinthestreethecriedout，“Oh，God，howloathsomeitallis！andcanI，canIpossibly。…No，it’snonsense，it’srubbish！”headdedresolutely。“Andhowcouldsuchanatrociousthingcomeintomyhead？Whatfilthythingsmyheartiscapableof。Yes，filthyaboveall，disgusting，loathsome，loathsome！—andforawholemonthI’vebeen。…”Butnowords，noexclamations，couldexpresshisagitation。Thefeelingofintenserepulsion，whichhadbeguntooppressandtorturehisheartwhilehewasonhiswaytotheoldwoman，hadbynowreachedsuchapitchandhadtakensuchadefiniteformthathedidnotknowwhattodowithhimselftoescapefromhiswretchedness。Hewalkedalongthepavementlikeadrunkenman，regardlessofthepassers-by，andjostlingagainstthem，andonlycametohissenseswhenhewasinthenextstreet。Lookinground，henoticedthathewasstandingclosetoatavernwhichwasenteredbystepsleadingfromthepavementtothebasement。Atthatinstanttwodrunkenmencameoutatthedoor，andabusingandsupportingoneanother，theymountedthesteps。Withoutstoppingtothink，Raskolnikovwentdownthestepsatonce。Tillthatmomenthehadneverbeenintoatavern，butnowhefeltgiddyandwastormentedbyaburningthirst。Helongedforadrinkofcoldbeer，andattributedhissuddenweaknesstothewantoffood。Hesatdownatastickylittletableinadarkanddirtycorner；orderedsomebeer，andeagerlydrankoffthefirstglassful。Atoncehefelteasier；andhisthoughtsbecameclear。
“Allthat’snonsense，”hesaidhopefully，“andthereisnothinginitalltoworryabout！It’ssimplyphysicalderangement。Justaglassofbeer，apieceofdrybread—andinonemomentthebrainisstronger，themindisclearerandthewillisfirm！Phew，howutterlypettyitallis！”
Butinspiteofthisscornfulreflection，hewasbynowlookingcheerfulasthoughheweresuddenlysetfreefromaterribleburden:andhegazedroundinafriendlywayatthepeopleintheroom。Butevenatthatmomenthehadadimforebodingthatthishappierframeofmindwasalsonotnormal。
Therewerefewpeopleatthetimeinthetavern。Besidesthetwodrunkenmenhehadmetonthesteps，agroupconsistingofaboutfivemenandagirlwithaconcertinahadgoneoutatthesametime。Theirdeparturelefttheroomquietandratherempty。Thepersonsstillinthetavernwereamanwhoappearedtobeanartisan，drunk，butnotextremelyso，sittingbeforeapotofbeer，andhiscompanion，ahuge，stoutmanwithagreybeard，inashortfull-skirtedcoat。Hewasverydrunk:andhaddroppedasleeponthebench；everynowandthen，hebeganasthoughinhissleep，crackinghisfingers，withhisarmswideapartandtheupperpartofhisbodyboundingaboutonthebench，whilehehummedsomemeaninglessrefrain，tryingtorecallsomesuchlinesasthese:
“Hiswifeayearhefondlyloved
Hiswifea—ayearhe—fondlyloved。”
Orsuddenlywakingupagain:
“Walkingalongthecrowdedrow
Hemettheoneheusedtoknow。”
Butnoonesharedhisenjoyment:hissilentcompanionlookedwithpositivehostilityandmistrustatallthesemanifestations。Therewasanothermanintheroomwholookedsomewhatlikearetiredgovernmentclerk。Hewassittingapart，nowandthensippingfromhispotandlookingroundatthecompany。He，too，appearedtobeinsomeagitation。
Raskolnikovwasnotusedtocrowds，and，aswesaidbefore，heavoidedsocietyofeverysort，moreespeciallyoflate。Butnowallatoncehefeltadesiretobewithotherpeople。Somethingnewseemedtobetakingplacewithinhim，andwithithefeltasortofthirstforcompany。Hewassowearyafterawholemonthofconcentratedwretchednessandgloomyexcitementthathelongedtorest，ifonlyforamoment，insomeotherworld，whateveritmightbe；and，inspiteofthefilthinessofthesurroundings，hewasgladnowtostayinthetavern。
Themasteroftheestablishmentwasinanotherroom，buthefrequentlycamedownsomestepsintothemainroom，hisjaunty，tarredbootswithredturn-overtopscomingintovieweachtimebeforetherestofhisperson。Heworeafullcoatandahorriblygreasyblacksatinwaistcoat，withnocravat，andhiswholefaceseemedsmearedwithoillikeanironlock。Atthecounterstoodaboyofaboutfourteen，andtherewasanotherboysomewhatyoungerwhohandedwhateverwaswanted。Onthecounterlaysomeslicedcucumber，somepiecesofdriedblackbread，andsomefish，choppedupsmall，allsmellingverybad。Itwasinsufferablyclose，andsoheavywiththefumesofspiritsthatfiveminutesinsuchanatmospheremightwellmakeamandrunk。
Therearechancemeetingswithstrangersthatinterestusfromthefirstmoment，beforeawordisspoken。SuchwastheimpressionmadeonRaskolnikovbythepersonsittingalittledistancefromhim，wholookedlikearetiredclerk。Theyoungmanoftenrecalledthisimpressionafterwards，andevenascribedittopresentiment。Helookedrepeatedlyattheclerk，partlynodoubtbecausethelatterwasstaringpersistentlyathim，obviouslyanxioustoenterintoconversation。Attheotherpersonsintheroom，includingthetavern-keeper，theclerklookedasthoughhewereusedtotheircompany，andwearyofit，showingashadeofcondescendingcontemptforthemaspersonsofstationandcultureinferiortohisown，withwhomitwouldbeuselessforhimtoconverse。Hewasamanoverfifty，baldandgrizzled，ofmediumheight，andstoutlybuilt。Hisface，bloatedfromcontinualdrinking，wasofayellow，evengreenish，tinge，withswolleneyelidsoutofwhichkeenreddisheyesgleamedlikelittlechinks。Buttherewassomethingverystrangeinhim；therewasalightinhiseyesasthoughofintensefeeling—perhapstherewereeventhoughtandintelligence，butatthesametimetherewasagleamofsomethinglikemadness。Hewaswearinganoldandhopelesslyraggedblackdresscoat，withallitsbuttonsmissingexceptone，andthatonehehadbuttoned，evidentlyclingingtothislasttraceofrespectability。Acrumpledshirtfront，coveredwithspotsandstains，protrudedfromhiscanvaswaistcoat。Likeaclerk，heworenobeard，normoustache，buthadbeensolongunshaventhathischinlookedlikeastiffgreyishbrush。Andtherewassomethingrespectableandlikeanofficialabouthismannertoo。Buthewasrestless；heruffleduphishairandfromtimetotimelethisheaddropintohishandsdejectedlyrestinghisraggedelbowsonthestainedandstickytable。AtlasthelookedstraightatRaskolnikov，andsaidloudlyandresolutely:
“MayIventure，honouredsir，toengageyouinpoliteconversation？Forasmuchas，thoughyourexteriorwouldnotcommandrespect，myexperienceadmonishesmethatyouareamanofeducationandnotaccustomedtodrinking。Ihavealwaysrespectededucationwheninconjunctionwithgenuinesentiments，andIambesidesatitularcounsellorinrank。Marmeladov—suchismyname；titularcounsellor。Imakeboldtoinquire—haveyoubeenintheservice？”
“No，Iamstudying，”answeredtheyoungman，somewhatsurprisedatthegrandiloquentstyleofthespeakerandalsoatbeingsodirectlyaddressed。Inspiteofthemomentarydesirehehadjustbeenfeelingforcompanyofanysort，onbeingactuallyspokentohefeltimmediatelyhishabitualirritableanduneasyaversionforanystrangerwhoapproachedorattemptedtoapproachhim。
“Astudentthen，orformerlyastudent，”criedtheclerk。“JustwhatIthought！I’mamanofexperience，immenseexperience，sir，”andhetappedhisforeheadwithhisfingersinself-approval。“You’vebeenastudentorhaveattendedsomelearnedinstitution！…Butallowme。…”Hegotup，staggered，tookuphisjugandglass，andsatdownbesidetheyoungman，facinghimalittlesideways。Hewasdrunk，butspokefluentlyandboldly，onlyoccasionallylosingthethreadofhissentencesanddrawlinghiswords。HepounceduponRaskolnikovasgreedilyasthoughhetoohadnotspokentoasoulforamonth。
“Honouredsir，”hebeganalmostwithsolemnity，“povertyisnotavice，that’satruesaying。YetIknowtoothatdrunkennessisnotavirtue，andthatthat’seventruer。Butbeggary，honouredsir，beggaryisavice。Inpovertyyoumaystillretainyourinnatenobilityofsoul，butinbeggary—never—noone。Forbeggaryamanisnotchasedoutofhumansocietywithastick，heissweptoutwithabroom，soastomakeitashumiliatingaspossible；andquiteright，too，forasmuchasinbeggaryIamreadytobethefirsttohumiliatemyself。Hencethepot-house！Honouredsir，amonthagoMr。Lebeziatnikovgavemywifeabeating，andmywifeisaverydifferentmatterfromme！Doyouunderstand？Allowmetoaskyouanotherquestionoutofsimplecuriosity:haveyoueverspentanightonahaybarge，ontheNeva？”
“No，Ihavenothappenedto，”answeredRaskolnikov。“Whatdoyoumean？”
“Well，I’vejustcomefromoneandit’sthefifthnightI’vesleptso。…”Hefilledhisglass，emptieditandpaused。Bitsofhaywereinfactclingingtohisclothesandstickingtohishair。Itseemedquiteprobablethathehadnotundressedorwashedforthelastfivedays。Hishands，particularly，werefilthy。Theywerefatandred，withblacknails。
Hisconversationseemedtoexciteageneralthoughlanguidinterest。Theboysatthecounterfelltosniggering。Theinnkeepercamedownfromtheupperroom，apparentlyonpurposetolistentothe“funnyfellow”andsatdownatalittledistance，yawninglazily，butwithdignity。EvidentlyMarmeladovwasafamiliarfigurehere，andhehadmostlikelyacquiredhisweaknessforhigh-flownspeechesfromthehabitoffrequentlyenteringintoconversationwithstrangersofallsortsinthetavern。Thishabitdevelopsintoanecessityinsomedrunkards，andespeciallyinthosewhoarelookedaftersharplyandkeptinorderathome。Henceinthecompanyofotherdrinkerstheytrytojustifythemselvesandevenifpossibleobtainconsideration。
“Funnyfellow！”pronouncedtheinnkeeper。“Andwhydon’tyouwork，whyaren’tyouatyourduty，ifyouareintheservice？”
“WhyamInotatmyduty，honouredsir，”Marmeladovwenton，addressinghimselfexclusivelytoRaskolnikov，asthoughithadbeenhewhoputthatquestiontohim。“WhyamInotatmyduty？DoesnotmyheartachetothinkwhatauselesswormIam？AmonthagowhenMr。Lebeziatnikovbeatmywifewithhisownhands，andIlaydrunk，didn’tIsuffer？Excuseme，youngman，hasiteverhappenedtoyou…hm…well，topetitionhopelesslyforaloan？”
“Yes，ithas。Butwhatdoyoumeanbyhopelessly？”
“Hopelesslyinthefullestsense，whenyouknowbeforehandthatyouwillgetnothingbyit。Youknow，forinstance，beforehandwithpositivecertaintythatthisman，thismostreputableandexemplarycitizen，willonnoconsiderationgiveyoumoney；andindeedIaskyouwhyshouldhe？ForheknowsofcoursethatIshan’tpayitback。Fromcompassion？ButMr。Lebeziatnikovwhokeepsupwithmodernideasexplainedtheotherdaythatcompassionisforbiddennowadaysbyscienceitself，andthatthat’swhatisdonenowinEngland，wherethereispoliticaleconomy。Why，Iaskyou，shouldhegiveittome？AndyetthoughIknowbeforehandthathewon’t，Isetofftohimand…”
“Whydoyougo？”putinRaskolnikov。
“Well，whenonehasnoone，nowhereelseonecango！Foreverymanmusthavesomewheretogo。Sincetherearetimeswhenoneabsolutelymustgosomewhere！Whenmyowndaughterfirstwentoutwithayellowticket，thenIhadtogo…(formydaughterhasayellowpassport)，”headdedinparenthesis，lookingwithacertainuneasinessattheyoungman。“Nomatter，sir，nomatter！”hewentonhurriedlyandwithapparentcomposurewhenboththeboysatthecounterguffawedandeventheinnkeepersmiled—“Nomatter，Iamnotconfoundedbythewaggingoftheirheads；foreveryoneknowseverythingaboutitalready，andallthatissecretismadeopen。AndIacceptitall，notwithcontempt，butwithhumility。Sobeit！Sobeit！‘Beholdtheman！’Excuseme，youngman，canyou。…No，toputitmorestronglyandmoredistinctly；notcanyoubutdareyou，lookinguponme，assertthatIamnotapig？”
Theyoungmandidnotansweraword。
“Well，”theoratorbeganagainstolidlyandwithevenincreaseddignity，afterwaitingforthelaughterintheroomtosubside。“Well，sobeit，Iamapig，butsheisalady！Ihavethesemblanceofabeast，butKaterinaIvanovna，myspouse，isapersonofeducationandanofficer’sdaughter。Granted，granted，Iamascoundrel，butsheisawomanofanobleheart，fullofsentiments，refinedbyeducation。Andyet…oh，ifonlyshefeltforme！Honouredsir，honouredsir，youknoweverymanoughttohaveatleastoneplacewherepeoplefeelforhim！ButKaterinaIvanovna，thoughsheismagnanimous，sheisunjust。…Andyet，althoughIrealisethatwhenshepullsmyhairsheonlydoesitoutofpity—forIrepeatwithoutbeingashamed，shepullsmyhair，youngman，”hedeclaredwithredoubleddignity，hearingthesniggeringagain—“but，myGod，ifshewouldbutonce。…Butno，no！It’sallinvainandit’snousetalking！Nousetalking！Formorethanonce，mywishdidcometrueandmorethanonceshehasfeltformebut…suchismyfateandIamabeastbynature！”
“Rather！”assentedtheinnkeeperyawning。Marmeladovstruckhisfistresolutelyonthetable。
“Suchismyfate！Doyouknow，sir，doyouknow，Ihavesoldherverystockingsfordrink？Nothershoes—thatwouldbemoreorlessintheorderofthings，butherstockings，herstockingsIhavesoldfordrink！HermohairshawlIsoldfordrink，apresenttoherlongago，herownproperty，notmine；andweliveinacoldroomandshecaughtcoldthiswinterandhasbeguncoughingandspittingbloodtoo。WehavethreelittlechildrenandKaterinaIvanovnaisatworkfrommorningtillnight；sheisscrubbingandcleaningandwashingthechildren，forshe’sbeenusedtocleanlinessfromachild。ButherchestisweakandshehasatendencytoconsumptionandIfeelit！DoyousupposeIdon’tfeelit？AndthemoreIdrinkthemoreIfeelit。That’swhyIdrinktoo。Itrytofindsympathyandfeelingindrink。…IdrinksothatImaysuffertwiceasmuch！”Andasthoughindespairhelaidhisheaddownonthetable。
“Youngman，”hewenton，raisinghisheadagain，“inyourfaceIseemtoreadsometroubleofmind。WhenyoucameinIreadit，andthatwaswhyIaddressedyouatonce。Forinunfoldingtoyouthestoryofmylife，Idonotwishtomakemyselfalaughing-stockbeforetheseidlelisteners，whoindeedknowallaboutitalready，butIamlookingforamanoffeelingandeducation。Knowthenthatmywifewaseducatedinahigh-classschoolforthedaughtersofnoblemen，andonleavingshedancedtheshawldancebeforethegovernorandotherpersonagesforwhichshewaspresentedwithagoldmedalandacertificateofmerit。Themedal…well，themedalofcoursewassold—longago，hm…butthecertificateofmeritisinhertrunkstillandnotlongagosheshowedittoourlandlady。Andalthoughsheismostcontinuallyonbadtermswiththelandlady，yetshewantedtotellsomeoneorotherofherpasthonoursandofthehappydaysthataregone。Idon’tcondemnherforit，Idon’tblameher，fortheonethingleftherisrecollectionofthepast，andalltherestisdustandashes。Yes，yes，sheisaladyofspirit，proudanddetermined。Shescrubsthefloorsherselfandhasnothingbutblackbreadtoeat，butwon’tallowherselftobetreatedwithdisrespect。That’swhyshewouldnotoverlookMr。Lebeziatnikov’srudenesstoher，andsowhenhegaveherabeatingforit，shetooktoherbedmorefromthehurttoherfeelingsthanfromtheblows。ShewasawidowwhenImarriedher，withthreechildren，onesmallerthantheother。Shemarriedherfirsthusband，aninfantryofficer，forlove，andranawaywithhimfromherfather’shouse。Shewasexceedinglyfondofherhusband；buthegavewaytocards，gotintotroubleandwiththathedied。Heusedtobeatherattheend:andalthoughshepaidhimback，ofwhichIhaveauthenticdocumentaryevidence，tothisdayshespeaksofhimwithtearsandshethrowshimuptome；andIamglad，Iamgladthat，thoughonlyinimagination，sheshouldthinkofherselfashavingoncebeenhappy。…AndshewasleftathisdeathwiththreechildreninawildandremotedistrictwhereIhappenedtobeatthetime；andshewasleftinsuchhopelesspovertythat，althoughIhaveseenmanyupsanddownsofallsort，Idon’tfeelequaltodescribingiteven。Herrelationshadallthrownheroff。Andshewasproud，too，excessivelyproud。…Andthen，honouredsir，andthen，I，beingatthetimeawidower，withadaughteroffourteenleftmebymyfirstwife，offeredhermyhand，forIcouldnotbearthesightofsuchsuffering。Youcanjudgetheextremityofhercalamities，thatshe，awomanofeducationandcultureanddistinguishedfamily，shouldhaveconsentedtobemywife。Butshedid！Weepingandsobbingandwringingherhands，shemarriedme！Forshehadnowheretoturn！Doyouunderstand，sir，doyouunderstandwhatitmeanswhenyouhaveabsolutelynowheretoturn？No，thatyoudon’tunderstandyet。…Andforawholeyear，Iperformedmydutiesconscientiouslyandfaithfully，anddidnottouchthis”(hetappedthejugwithhisfinger)，“forIhavefeelings。Butevenso，Icouldnotpleaseher；andthenIlostmyplacetoo，andthatthroughnofaultofminebutthroughchangesintheoffice；andthenIdidtouchit！…Itwillbeayearandahalfagosoonsincewefoundourselvesatlastaftermanywanderingsandnumerouscalamitiesinthismagnificentcapital，adornedwithinnumerablemonuments。HereIobtainedasituation。…IobtaineditandIlostitagain。Doyouunderstand？ThistimeitwasthroughmyownfaultIlostit:formyweaknesshadcomeout。…WehavenowpartofaroomatAmaliaFyodorovnaLippevechsel’s；andwhatweliveuponandwhatwepayourrentwith，Icouldnotsay。Therearealotofpeoplelivingtherebesidesourselves。Dirtanddisorder，aperfectBedlam…hm…yes…Andmeanwhilemydaughterbymyfirstwifehasgrownup；andwhatmydaughterhashadtoputupwithfromherstep-motherwhilstshewasgrowingup，Iwon’tspeakof。For，thoughKaterinaIvanovnaisfullofgenerousfeelings，sheisaspiritedlady，irritableandshort—tempered。…Yes。Butit’snousegoingoverthat！Sonia，asyoumaywellfancy，hashadnoeducation。Ididmakeaneffortfouryearsagotogiveheracourseofgeographyanduniversalhistory，butasIwasnotverywellupinthosesubjectsmyselfandwehadnosuitablebooks，andwhatbookswehad…hm，anywaywehavenoteventhosenow，soallourinstructioncametoanend。WestoppedatCyrusofPersia。Sinceshehasattainedyearsofmaturity，shehasreadotherbooksofromantictendencyandoflateshehadreadwithgreatinterestabookshegotthroughMr。Lebeziatnikov，Lewes’Physiology—doyouknowit？—andevenrecountedextractsfromittous:andthat’sthewholeofhereducation。AndnowmayIventuretoaddressyou，honouredsir，onmyownaccountwithaprivatequestion。Doyousupposethatarespectablepoorgirlcanearnmuchbyhonestwork？Notfifteenfarthingsadaycansheearn，ifsheisrespectableandhasnospecialtalentandthatwithoutputtingherworkdownforaninstant！Andwhat’smore，IvanIvanitchKlopstockthecivilcounsellor—haveyouheardofhim？—hasnottothisdaypaidherforthehalf-dozenlinenshirtsshemadehimanddroveherroughlyaway，stampingandrevilingher，onthepretextthattheshirtcollarswerenotmadelikethepatternandwereputinaskew。Andtherearethelittleoneshungry。…AndKaterinaIvanovnawalkingupanddownandwringingherhands，hercheeksflushedred，astheyalwaysareinthatdisease:‘Hereyoulivewithus，’saysshe，‘youeatanddrinkandarekeptwarmandyoudonothingtohelp。’Andmuchshegetstoeatanddrinkwhenthereisnotacrustforthelittleonesforthreedays！Iwaslyingatthetime…well，whatofit！IwaslyingdrunkandIheardmySoniaspeaking(sheisagentlecreaturewithasoftlittlevoice…fairhairandsuchapale，thinlittleface)。Shesaid:‘KaterinaIvanovna，amIreallytodoathinglikethat？’AndDaryaFrantsovna，awomanofevilcharacterandverywellknowntothepolice，hadtwoorthreetimestriedtogetatherthroughthelandlady。‘Andwhynot？’saidKaterinaIvanovnawithajeer，‘youaresomethingmightyprecioustobesocarefulof！’Butdon’tblameher，don’tblameher，honouredsir，don’tblameher！Shewasnotherselfwhenshespoke，butdriventodistractionbyherillnessandthecryingofthehungrychildren；anditwassaidmoretowoundherthananythingelse。…Forthat’sKaterinaIvanovna’scharacter，andwhenchildrencry，evenfromhunger，shefallstobeatingthematonce。Atsixo’clockIsawSoniagetup，putonherkerchiefandhercape，andgooutoftheroomandaboutnineo’clockshecameback。ShewalkedstraightuptoKaterinaIvanovnaandshelaidthirtyroublesonthetablebeforeherinsilence。Shedidnotutteraword，shedidnotevenlookather，shesimplypickedupourbiggreendrapdedamesshawl(wehaveashawl，madeofdrapdedames)，putitoverherheadandfaceandlaydownonthebedwithherfacetothewall；onlyherlittleshouldersandherbodykeptshuddering。…AndIwentonlyingthere，justasbefore。…AndthenIsaw，youngman，IsawKaterinaIvanovna，inthesamesilencegouptoSonia’slittlebed；shewasonherkneesalltheeveningkissingSonia’sfeet，andwouldnotgetup，andthentheybothfellasleepineachother’sarms…together，together…yes…andI…laydrunk。”
Marmeladovstoppedshort，asthoughhisvoicehadfailedhim。Thenhehurriedlyfilledhisglass，drank，andclearedhisthroat。
“Sincethen，sir，”hewentonafterabriefpause—“Sincethen，owingtoanunfortunateoccurrenceandthroughinformationgivenbyevil-intentionedpersons—inallwhichDaryaFrantsovnatookaleadingpartonthepretextthatshehadbeentreatedwithwantofrespect—sincethenmydaughterSofyaSemyonovnahasbeenforcedtotakeayellowticket，andowingtothatsheisunabletogoonlivingwithus。Forourlandlady，AmaliaFyodorovnawouldnothearofit(thoughshehadbackedupDaryaFrantsovnabefore)andMr。Lebeziatnikovtoo…hm。…AllthetroublebetweenhimandKaterinaIvanovnawasonSonia’saccount。AtfirsthewasformakinguptoSoniahimselfandthenallofasuddenhestoodonhisdignity:‘how，’saidhe，‘canahighlyeducatedmanlikemeliveinthesameroomswithagirllikethat？’AndKaterinaIvanovnawouldnotletitpass，shestoodupforher…andsothat’showithappened。AndSoniacomestousnow，mostlyafterdark；shecomfortsKaterinaIvanovnaandgivesherallshecan。…ShehasaroomattheKapernaumovs’thetailors，shelodgeswiththem；Kapernaumovisalamemanwithacleftpalateandallofhisnumerousfamilyhavecleftpalatestoo。Andhiswife，too，hasacleftpalate。Theyallliveinoneroom，butSoniahasherown，partitionedoff。…Hm…yes…verypoorpeopleandallwithcleftpalates…yes。ThenIgotupinthemorning，andputonmyrags，liftedupmyhandstoheavenandsetofftohisexcellencyIvanAfanasyvitch。HisexcellencyIvanAfanasyvitch，doyouknowhim？No？Well，then，it’samanofGodyoudon’tknow。Heiswax…waxbeforethefaceoftheLord；evenaswaxmelteth！…Hiseyesweredimwhenheheardmystory。‘Marmeladov，oncealreadyyouhavedeceivedmyexpectations…I’lltakeyouoncemoreonmyownresponsibility’—that’swhathesaid，‘remember，’hesaid，‘andnowyoucango。’Ikissedthedustathisfeet—inthoughtonly，forinrealityhewouldnothaveallowedmetodoit，beingastatesmanandamanofmodernpoliticalandenlightenedideas。Ireturnedhome，andwhenIannouncedthatI’dbeentakenbackintotheserviceandshouldreceiveasalary，heavens，whatato-dotherewas…！”
Marmeladovstoppedagaininviolentexcitement。Atthatmomentawholepartyofrevellersalreadydrunkcameinfromthestreet，andthesoundsofahiredconcertinaandthecrackedpipingvoiceofachildofsevensinging“TheHamlet”wereheardintheentry。Theroomwasfilledwithnoise。Thetavern-keeperandtheboyswerebusywiththenew-comers。Marmeladovpayingnoattentiontothenewarrivalscontinuedhisstory。Heappearedbynowtobeextremelyweak，butashebecamemoreandmoredrunk，hebecamemoreandmoretalkative。Therecollectionofhisrecentsuccessingettingthesituationseemedtorevivehim，andwaspositivelyreflectedinasortofradianceonhisface。Raskolnikovlistenedattentively。
“Thatwasfiveweeksago，sir。Yes。…AssoonasKaterinaIvanovnaandSoniaheardofit，mercyonus，itwasasthoughIsteppedintothekingdomofHeaven。Itusedtobe:youcanlielikeabeast，nothingbutabuse。Nowtheywerewalkingontiptoe，hushingthechildren。‘SemyonZaharovitchistiredwithhisworkattheoffice，heisresting，shh！’TheymademecoffeebeforeIwenttoworkandboiledcreamforme！Theybegantogetrealcreamforme，doyouhearthat？Andhowtheymanagedtogettogetherthemoneyforadecentoutfit—elevenroubles，fiftycopecks，Ican’tguess。Boots，cottonshirt-fronts—mostmagnificent，auniform，theygotupallinsplendidstyle，forelevenroublesandahalf。ThefirstmorningIcamebackfromtheofficeIfoundKaterinaIvanovnahadcookedtwocoursesfordinner—soupandsaltmeatwithhorseradish—whichwehadneverdreamedoftillthen。Shehadnotanydresses…noneatall，butshegotherselfupasthoughsheweregoingonavisit；andnotthatshe’danythingtodoitwith，shesmartenedherselfupwithnothingatall，she’ddoneherhairnicely，putonacleancollarofsomesort，cuffs，andthereshewas，quiteadifferentperson，shewasyoungerandbetterlooking。Sonia，mylittledarling，hadonlyhelpedwithmoney‘forthetime，’shesaid，‘itwon’tdoformetocomeandseeyoutoooften。Afterdarkmaybewhennoonecansee。’Doyouhear，doyouhear？Ilaydownforanapafterdinnerandwhatdoyouthink:thoughKaterinaIvanovnahadquarrelledtothelastdegreewithourlandladyAmaliaFyodorovnaonlyaweekbefore，shecouldnotresistthenaskingherintocoffee。Fortwohourstheyweresitting，whisperingtogether。‘SemyonZaharovitchisintheserviceagain，now，andreceivingasalary，’saysshe，‘andhewenthimselftohisexcellencyandhisexcellencyhimselfcameouttohim，madealltheotherswaitandledSemyonZaharovitchbythehandbeforeeverybodyintohisstudy。’Doyouhear，doyouhear？‘Tobesure，’sayshe，‘SemyonZaharovitch，rememberingyourpastservices，’sayshe，‘andinspiteofyourpropensitytothatfoolishweakness，sinceyoupromisenowandsincemoreoverwe’vegotonbadlywithoutyou，’(doyouhear，doyouhear；)‘andso，’sayshe，‘Irelynowonyourwordasagentleman。’Andallthat，letmetellyou，shehassimplymadeupforherself，andnotsimplyoutofwantonness，forthesakeofbragging；no，shebelievesitallherself，sheamusesherselfwithherownfancies，uponmywordshedoes！AndIdon’tblameherforit，no，Idon’tblameher！…SixdaysagowhenIbroughthermyfirstearningsinfull—twenty-threeroublesfortycopecksaltogether—shecalledmeherpoppet:‘poppet，’saidshe，‘mylittlepoppet。’Andwhenwewerebyourselves，youunderstand？Youwouldnotthinkmeabeauty，youwouldnotthinkmuchofmeasahusband，wouldyou？…Well，shepinchedmycheek，‘mylittlepoppet，’saidshe。”
Marmeladovbrokeoff，triedtosmile，butsuddenlyhischinbegantotwitch。Hecontrolledhimselfhowever。Thetavern，thedegradedappearanceoftheman，thefivenightsinthehaybarge，andthepotofspirits，andyetthispoignantloveforhiswifeandchildrenbewilderedhislistener。Raskolnikovlistenedintentlybutwithasicksensation。Hefeltvexedthathehadcomehere。
“Honouredsir，honouredsir，”criedMarmeladovrecoveringhimself—“Oh，sir，perhapsallthisseemsalaughingmattertoyou，asitdoestoothers，andperhapsIamonlyworryingyouwiththestupidityofallthetrivialdetailsofmyhomelife，butitisnotalaughingmattertome。ForIcanfeelitall。…AndthewholeofthatheavenlydayofmylifeandthewholeofthateveningIpassedinfleetingdreamsofhowIwouldarrangeitall，andhowIwoulddressallthechildren，andhowIshouldgiveherrest，andhowIshouldrescuemyowndaughterfromdishonourandrestorehertothebosomofherfamily。…Andagreatdealmore。…Quiteexcusable，sir。Well，then，sir”(Marmeladovsuddenlygaveasortofstart，raisedhisheadandgazedintentlyathislistener)“well，ontheverynextdayafterallthosedreams，thatistosay，exactlyfivedaysago，intheevening，byacunningtrick，likeathiefinthenight，IstolefromKaterinaIvanovnathekeyofherbox，tookoutwhatwasleftofmyearnings，howmuchitwasIhaveforgotten，andnowlookatme，allofyou！It’sthefifthdaysinceIlefthome，andtheyarelookingformethereandit’stheendofmyemployment，andmyuniformislyinginatavernontheEgyptianbridge。IexchangeditforthegarmentsIhaveon…andit’stheendofeverything！”
Marmeladovstruckhisforeheadwithhisfist，clenchedhisteeth，closedhiseyesandleanedheavilywithhiselbowonthetable。Butaminutelaterhisfacesuddenlychangedandwithacertainassumedslynessandaffectationofbravado，heglancedatRaskolnikov，laughedandsaid:
“ThismorningIwenttoseeSonia，Iwenttoaskherforapick-me-up！He-he-he！”
“Youdon’tsayshegaveittoyou？”criedoneofthenew-comers；heshoutedthewordsandwentoffintoaguffaw。
“Thisveryquartwasboughtwithhermoney，”Marmeladovdeclared，addressinghimselfexclusivelytoRaskolnikov。“Thirtycopecksshegavemewithherownhands，herlast，allshehad，asIsaw。…Shesaidnothing，sheonlylookedatmewithoutaword。…Notonearth，butupyonder…theygrieveovermen，theyweep，buttheydon’tblamethem，theydon’tblamethem！Butithurtsmore，ithurtsmorewhentheydon’tblame！Thirtycopecksyes！Andmaybesheneedsthemnow，eh？Whatdoyouthink，mydearsir？Fornowshe’sgottokeepupherappearance。Itcostsmoney，thatsmartness，thatspecialsmartness，youknow？Doyouunderstand？Andthere’spomatum，too，yousee，shemusthavethings；petticoats，starchedones，shoes，too，realjauntyonestoshowoffherfootwhenshehastostepoverapuddle。Doyouunderstand，sir，doyouunderstandwhatallthatsmartnessmeans？AndhereI，herownfather，hereItookthirtycopecksofthatmoneyforadrink！AndIamdrinkingit！AndIhavealreadydrunkit！Come，whowillhavepityonamanlikeme，eh？Areyousorryforme，sir，ornot？Tellme，sir，areyousorryornot？He-he-he！”
Hewouldhavefilledhisglass，buttherewasnodrinkleft。Thepotwasempty。
“Whatareyoutobepitiedfor？”shoutedthetavern-keeperwhowasagainnearthem。
Shoutsoflaughterandevenoathsfollowed。Thelaughterandtheoathscamefromthosewhowerelisteningandalsofromthosewhohadheardnothingbutweresimplylookingatthefigureofthedischargedgovernmentclerk。
“Tobepitied！WhyamItobepitied？”Marmeladovsuddenlydeclaimed，standingupwithhisarmoutstretched，asthoughhehadbeenonlywaitingforthatquestion。
“WhyamItobepitied，yousay？Yes！there’snothingtopitymefor！Ioughttobecrucified，crucifiedonacross，notpitied！Crucifyme，ohjudge，crucifymebutpityme！AndthenIwillgoofmyselftobecrucified，forit’snotmerry-makingIseekbuttearsandtribulation！…Doyousuppose，youthatsell，thatthispintofyourshasbeensweettome？ItwastribulationIsoughtatthebottomofit，tearsandtribulation，andhavefoundit，andIhavetastedit；butHewillpityusWhohashadpityonallmen，Whohasunderstoodallmenandallthings，HeistheOne，Hetooisthejudge。HewillcomeinthatdayandHewillask:‘Whereisthedaughterwhogaveherselfforhercross，consumptivestep-motherandforthelittlechildrenofanother？Whereisthedaughterwhohadpityuponthefilthydrunkard，herearthlyfather，undismayedbyhisbeastliness？’AndHewillsay，‘Cometome！Ihavealreadyforgiventheeonce。…Ihaveforgiventheeonce。…Thysinswhicharemanyareforgiventheeforthouhastlovedmuch。…’AndhewillforgivemySonia，Hewillforgive，Iknowit…IfeltitinmyheartwhenIwaswithherjustnow！AndHewilljudgeandwillforgiveall，thegoodandtheevil，thewiseandthemeek。…AndwhenHehasdonewithallofthem，thenHewillsummonus。‘Youtoocomeforth，’Hewillsay，‘Comeforthyedrunkards，comeforth，yeweakones，comeforth，yechildrenofshame！’Andweshallallcomeforth，withoutshameandshallstandbeforehim。AndHewillsayuntous，‘Yeareswine，madeintheImageoftheBeastandwithhismark；butcomeyealso！’Andthewiseonesandthoseofunderstandingwillsay，‘OhLord，whydostThoureceivethesemen？’AndHewillsay，‘ThisiswhyIreceivethem，ohyewise，thisiswhyIreceivethem，ohyeofunderstanding，thatnotoneofthembelievedhimselftobeworthyofthis。’AndHewillholdoutHishandstousandweshallfalldownbeforehim…andweshallweep…andweshallunderstandallthings！Thenweshallunderstandall！…andallwillunderstand，KaterinaIvanovnaeven…shewillunderstand。…Lord，Thykingdomcome！”Andhesankdownonthebenchexhausted，andhelpless，lookingatnoone，apparentlyobliviousofhissurroundingsandplungedindeepthought。Hiswordshadcreatedacertainimpression；therewasamomentofsilence；butsoonlaughterandoathswereheardagain。
“That’shisnotion！”
“Talkedhimselfsilly！”
“Afineclerkheis！”
Andsoon，andsoon。
“Letusgo，sir，”saidMarmeladovallatonce，raisinghisheadandaddressingRaskolnikov—“comealongwithme…Kozel’shouse，lookingintotheyard。I’mgoingtoKaterinaIvanovna—timeIdid。”
Raskolnikovhadforsometimebeenwantingtogoandhehadmeanttohelphim。Marmeladovwasmuchunsteadieronhislegsthaninhisspeechandleanedheavilyontheyoungman。Theyhadtwoorthreehundredpacestogo。Thedrunkenmanwasmoreandmoreovercomebydismayandconfusionastheydrewnearerthehouse。
“It’snotKaterinaIvanovnaIamafraidofnow，”hemutteredinagitation—“andthatshewillbeginpullingmyhair。Whatdoesmyhairmatter！Bothermyhair！That’swhatIsay！Indeeditwillbebetterifshedoesbeginpullingit，that’snotwhatIamafraidof…it’shereyesIamafraidof…yes，hereyes…theredonhercheeks，too，frightensme…andherbreathingtoo。…Haveyounoticedhowpeopleinthatdiseasebreathe…whentheyareexcited？Iamfrightenedofthechildren’scrying，too。…ForifSoniahasnottakenthemfood…Idon’tknowwhat’shappened！Idon’tknow！ButblowsIamnotafraidof。…Know，sir，thatsuchblowsarenotapaintome，butevenanenjoyment。InfactIcan’tgetonwithoutit。…It’sbetterso。Letherstrikeme，itrelievesherheart…it’sbetterso…Thereisthehouse。ThehouseofKozel，thecabinet-maker…aGerman，well-to-do。Leadtheway！”
Theywentinfromtheyardanduptothefourthstorey。Thestaircasegotdarkeranddarkerastheywentup。Itwasnearlyeleveno’clockandalthoughinsummerinPetersburgthereisnorealnight，yetitwasquitedarkatthetopofthestairs。
Agrimylittledoorattheverytopofthestairsstoodajar。Averypoor-lookingroomabouttenpaceslongwaslightedupbyacandle-end；thewholeofitwasvisiblefromtheentrance。Itwasallindisorder，litteredupwithragsofallsorts，especiallychildren’sgarments。Acrossthefurthestcornerwasstretchedaraggedsheet。Behinditprobablywasthebed。TherewasnothingintheroomexcepttwochairsandasofacoveredwithAmericanleather，fullofholes，beforewhichstoodanolddealkitchen-table，unpaintedanduncovered。Attheedgeofthetablestoodasmolderingtallow-candleinanironcandlestick。Itappearedthatthefamilyhadaroomtothemselves，notpartofaroom，buttheirroomwaspracticallyapassage。Thedoorleadingtotheotherrooms，orrathercupboards，intowhichAmaliaLippevechsel’sflatwasdividedstoodhalfopen，andtherewasshouting，uproarandlaughterwithin。Peopleseemedtobeplayingcardsanddrinkingteathere。Wordsofthemostunceremoniouskindflewoutfromtimetotime。
RaskolnikovrecognisedKaterinaIvanovnaatonce。Shewasarathertall，slimandgracefulwoman，terriblyemaciated，withmagnificentdarkbrownhairandwithahecticflushinhercheeks。Shewaspacingupanddowninherlittleroom，pressingherhandsagainstherchest；herlipswereparchedandherbreathingcameinnervousbrokengasps。Hereyesglitteredasinfeverandlookedaboutwithaharshimmovablestare。Andthatconsumptiveandexcitedfacewiththelastflickeringlightofthecandle-endplayinguponitmadeasickeningimpression。SheseemedtoRaskolnikovaboutthirtyyearsoldandwascertainlyastrangewifeforMarmeladov。…Shehadnotheardthemanddidnotnoticethemcomingin。Sheseemedtobelostinthought，hearingandseeingnothing。Theroomwasclose，butshehadnotopenedthewindow；astenchrosefromthestaircase，butthedoorontothestairswasnotclosed。Fromtheinnerroomscloudsoftobaccosmokefloatedin，shekeptcoughing，butdidnotclosethedoor。Theyoungestchild，agirlofsix，wasasleep，sittingcurleduponthefloorwithherheadonthesofa。Aboyayearolderstoodcryingandshakinginthecorner，probablyhehadjusthadabeating。Besidehimstoodagirlofnineyearsold，tallandthin，wearingathinandraggedchemisewithanancientcashmerepelisseflungoverherbareshoulders，longoutgrownandbarelyreachingherknees。Herarm，asthinasastick，wasroundherbrother’sneck。Shewastryingtocomforthim，whisperingsomethingtohim，anddoingallshecouldtokeephimfromwhimperingagain。Atthesametimeherlargedarkeyes，whichlookedlargerstillfromthethinnessofherfrightenedface，werewatchinghermotherwithalarm。Marmeladovdidnotenterthedoor，butdroppedonhiskneesintheverydoorway，pushingRaskolnikovinfrontofhim。Thewomanseeingastrangerstoppedindifferentlyfacinghim，comingtoherselfforamomentandapparentlywonderingwhathehadcomefor。Butevidentlyshedecidedthathewasgoingintothenextroom，ashehadtopassthroughherstogetthere。Takingnofurthernoticeofhim，shewalkedtowardstheouterdoortocloseitandutteredasuddenscreamonseeingherhusbandonhiskneesinthedoorway。
“Ah！”shecriedoutinafrenzy，“hehascomeback！Thecriminal！themonster！…Andwhereisthemoney？What’sinyourpocket，showme！Andyourclothesarealldifferent！Whereareyourclothes？Whereisthemoney！Speak！”
Andshefelltosearchinghim。Marmeladovsubmissivelyandobedientlyheldupbotharmstofacilitatethesearch。Notafarthingwasthere。
“Whereisthemoney？”shecried—“Mercyonus，canhehavedrunkitall？Thereweretwelvesilverroublesleftinthechest！”andinafurysheseizedhimbythehairanddraggedhimintotheroom。Marmeladovsecondedhereffortsbymeeklycrawlingalongonhisknees。
“Andthisisaconsolationtome！Thisdoesnothurtme，butisapositivecon-so-la-tion，ho-nou-redsir，”hecalledout，shakentoandfrobyhishairandevenoncestrikingthegroundwithhisforehead。Thechildasleeponthefloorwokeup，andbegantocry。Theboyinthecornerlosingallcontrolbegantremblingandscreamingandrushedtohissisterinviolentterror，almostinafit。Theeldestgirlwasshakinglikealeaf。
“He’sdrunkit！he’sdrunkitall，”thepoorwomanscreamedindespair—“andhisclothesaregone！Andtheyarehungry，hungry！”—andwringingherhandsshepointedtothechildren。“Oh，accursedlife！Andyou，areyounotashamed？”—shepouncedallatonceuponRaskolnikov—“fromthetavern！Haveyoubeendrinkingwithhim？Youhavebeendrinkingwithhim，too！Goaway！”
Theyoungmanwashasteningawaywithoututteringaword。Theinnerdoorwasthrownwideopenandinquisitivefaceswerepeeringinatit。Coarselaughingfaceswithpipesandcigarettesandheadswearingcapsthrustthemselvesinatthedoorway。Furtherincouldbeseenfiguresindressinggownsflungopen，incostumesofunseemlyscantiness，someofthemwithcardsintheirhands。Theywereparticularlydiverted，whenMarmeladov，draggedaboutbyhishair，shoutedthatitwasaconsolationtohim。Theyevenbegantocomeintotheroom；atlastasinistershrilloutcrywasheard:thiscamefromAmaliaLippevechselherselfpushingherwayamongstthemandtryingtorestoreorderafterherownfashionandforthehundredthtimetofrightenthepoorwomanbyorderingherwithcoarseabusetoclearoutoftheroomnextday。Ashewentout，Raskolnikovhadtimetoputhishandintohispocket，tosnatchupthecoppershehadreceivedinexchangeforhisroubleinthetavernandtolaythemunnoticedonthewindow。Afterwardsonthestairs，hechangedhismindandwouldhavegoneback。
“WhatastupidthingI’vedone，”hethoughttohimself，“theyhaveSoniaandIwantitmyself。”Butreflectingthatitwouldbeimpossibletotakeitbacknowandthatinanycasehewouldnothavetakenit，hedismisseditwithawaveofhishandandwentbacktohislodging。“Soniawantspomatumtoo，”hesaidashewalkedalongthestreet，andhelaughedmalignantly—“suchsmartnesscostsmoney。…Hm！AndmaybeSoniaherselfwillbebankruptto-day，forthereisalwaysarisk，huntingbiggame…diggingforgold…thentheywouldallbewithoutacrustto-morrowexceptformymoney。HurrahforSonia！Whataminethey’vedugthere！Andthey’remakingthemostofit！Yes，theyaremakingthemostofit！They’veweptoveritandgrownusedtoit。Mangrowsusedtoeverything，thescoundrel！”
Hesankintothought。
“AndwhatifIamwrong，”hecriedsuddenlyafteramoment’sthought。“Whatifmanisnotreallyascoundrel，maningeneral，Imean，thewholeraceofmankind—thenalltherestisprejudice，simplyartificialterrorsandtherearenobarriersandit’sallasitshouldbe。”
Hewakeduplatenextdayafterabrokensleep。Buthissleephadnotrefreshedhim；hewakedupbilious，irritable，ill-tempered，andlookedwithhatredathisroom。Itwasatinycupboardofaroomaboutsixpacesinlength。Ithadapoverty-strickenappearancewithitsdustyyellowpaperpeelingoffthewalls，anditwassolow-pitchedthatamanofmorethanaverageheightwasillateaseinitandfelteverymomentthathewouldknockhisheadagainsttheceiling。Thefurniturewasinkeepingwiththeroom:therewerethreeoldchairs，ratherrickety；apaintedtableinthecorneronwhichlayafewmanuscriptsandbooks；thedustthatlaythickuponthemshowedthattheyhadbeenlonguntouched。Abigclumsysofaoccupiedalmostthewholeofonewallandhalfthefloorspaceoftheroom；itwasoncecoveredwithchintz，butwasnowinragsandservedRaskolnikovasabed。Oftenhewenttosleeponit，ashewas，withoutundressing，withoutsheets，wrappedinhisoldstudent’sovercoat，withhisheadononelittlepillow，underwhichheheapedupallthelinenhehad，cleananddirty，bywayofabolster。Alittletablestoodinfrontofthesofa。
Itwouldhavebeendifficulttosinktoalowerebbofdisorder，buttoRaskolnikovinhispresentstateofmindthiswaspositivelyagreeable。Hehadgotcompletelyawayfromeveryone，likeatortoiseinitsshell，andeventhesightofaservantgirlwhohadtowaituponhimandlookedsometimesintohisroommadehimwrithewithnervousirritation。Hewasintheconditionthatovertakessomemonomaniacsentirelyconcentratedupononething。Hislandladyhadforthelastfortnightgivenupsendinghiminmeals，andhehadnotyetthoughtofexpostulatingwithher，thoughhewentwithouthisdinner。Nastasya，thecookandonlyservant，wasratherpleasedatthelodger’smoodandhadentirelygivenupsweepinganddoinghisroom，onlyonceaweekorsoshewouldstrayintohisroomwithabroom。Shewakedhimupthatday。
“Getup，whyareyouasleep？”shecalledtohim。“It’spastnine，Ihavebroughtyousometea；willyouhaveacup？Ishouldthinkyou’refairlystarving？”
Raskolnikovopenedhiseyes，startedandrecognisedNastasya。
“Fromthelandlady，eh？”heasked，slowlyandwithasicklyfacesittinguponthesofa。
“Fromthelandlady，indeed！”
Shesetbeforehimherowncrackedteapotfullofweakandstaleteaandlaidtwoyellowlumpsofsugarbythesideofit。
“Here，Nastasya，takeitplease，”hesaid，fumblinginhispocket(forhehadsleptinhisclothes)andtakingoutahandfulofcoppers—“runandbuymealoaf。Andgetmealittlesausage，thecheapest，atthepork-butcher’s。”
“TheloafI’llfetchyouthisveryminute，butwouldn’tyouratherhavesomecabbagesoupinsteadofsausage？It’scapitalsoup，yesterday’s。Isaveditforyouyesterday，butyoucameinlate。It’sfinesoup。”
Whenthesouphadbeenbrought，andhehadbegunuponit，Nastasyasatdownbesidehimonthesofaandbeganchatting。Shewasacountrypeasant-womanandaverytalkativeone。
“PraskovyaPavlovnameanstocomplaintothepoliceaboutyou，”shesaid。
Hescowled。
“Tothepolice？Whatdoesshewant？”
“Youdon’tpayhermoneyandyouwon’tturnoutoftheroom。That’swhatshewants，tobesure。”
“Thedevil，that’sthelaststraw，”hemuttered，grindinghisteeth，“no，thatwouldnotsuitme…justnow。Sheisafool，”headdedaloud。“I’llgoandtalktoherto-day。”
“Foolsheisandnomistake，justasIam。Butwhy，ifyouaresoclever，doyoulieherelikeasackandhavenothingtoshowforit？Onetimeyouusedtogoout，yousay，toteachchildren。Butwhyisityoudonothingnow？”
“Iamdoing…”Raskolnikovbegansullenlyandreluctantly。
“Whatareyoudoing？”
“Work…”
“Whatsortofwork？”
“Iamthinking，”heansweredseriouslyafterapause。
Nastasyawasovercomewithafitoflaughter。Shewasgiventolaughterandwhenanythingamusedher，shelaughedinaudibly，quiveringandshakingallovertillshefeltill。
“Andhaveyoumademuchmoneybyyourthinking？”shemanagedtoarticulateatlast。
“Onecan’tgoouttogivelessonswithoutboots。AndI’msickofit。”
“Don’tquarrelwithyourbreadandbutter。”
“Theypaysolittleforlessons。What’stheuseofafewcoppers？”heanswered，reluctantly，asthoughreplyingtohisownthought。
“Andyouwanttogetafortuneallatonce？”
Helookedatherstrangely。
“Yes，Iwantafortune，”heansweredfirmly，afterabriefpause。
“Don’tbeinsuchahurry，youquitefrightenme！ShallIgetyoutheloafornot？”
“Asyouplease。”
“Ah，Iforgot！Alettercameforyouyesterdaywhenyouwereout。”
“Aletter？forme！fromwhom？”
“Ican’tsay。Igavethreecopecksofmyowntothepostmanforit。Willyoupaymeback？”
“Thenbringittome，forGod’ssake，bringit，”criedRaskolnikovgreatlyexcited—“goodGod！”
Aminutelatertheletterwasbroughthim。Thatwasit:fromhismother，fromtheprovinceofR——。Heturnedpalewhenhetookit。Itwasalongwhilesincehehadreceivedaletter，butanotherfeelingalsosuddenlystabbedhisheart。
“Nastasya，leavemealone，forgoodness’sake；hereareyourthreecopecks，butforgoodness’sake，makehasteandgo！”
Theletterwasquiveringinhishand；hedidnotwanttoopenitinherpresence；hewantedtobeleftalonewiththisletter。WhenNastasyahadgoneout，helifteditquicklytohislipsandkissedit；thenhegazedintentlyattheaddress，thesmall，slopinghandwriting，sodearandfamiliar，ofthemotherwhohadoncetaughthimtoreadandwrite。Hedelayed；heseemedalmostafraidofsomething。Atlastheopenedit；itwasathickheavyletter，weighingovertwoounces，twolargesheetsofnotepaperwerecoveredwithverysmallhandwriting。
“MydearRodya，”wrotehismother—“it’stwomonthssinceIlasthadatalkwithyoubyletterwhichhasdistressedmeandevenkeptmeawakeatnight，thinking。ButIamsureyouwillnotblamemeformyinevitablesilence。YouknowhowIloveyou；youareallwehavetolookto，DouniaandI，youareourall，ouronehope，ouronestay。WhatagriefitwastomewhenIheardthatyouhadgivenuptheuniversitysomemonthsago，forwantofmeanstokeepyourselfandthatyouhadlostyourlessonsandyourotherwork！HowcouldIhelpyououtofmyhundredandtwentyroublesayearpension？ThefifteenroublesIsentyoufourmonthsagoIborrowed，asyouknow，onsecurityofmypension，fromVassilyIvanovitchVahrushinamerchantofthistown。Heisakind-heartedmanandwasafriendofyourfather’stoo。Buthavinggivenhimtherighttoreceivethepension，Ihadtowaittillthedebtwaspaidoffandthatisonlyjustdone，sothatI’vebeenunabletosendyouanythingallthistime。Butnow，thankGod，IbelieveIshallbeabletosendyousomethingmoreandinfactwemaycongratulateourselvesonourgoodfortunenow，ofwhichIhastentoinformyou。Inthefirstplace，wouldyouhaveguessed，dearRodya，thatyoursisterhasbeenlivingwithmeforthelastsixweeksandweshallnotbeseparatedinthefuture。ThankGod，hersufferingsareover，butIwilltellyoueverythinginorder，sothatyoumayknowjusthoweverythinghashappenedandallthatwehavehithertoconcealedfromyou。WhenyouwrotetometwomonthsagothatyouhadheardthatDouniahadagreatdealtoputupwithintheSvidrigrailovs’house，whenyouwrotethatandaskedmetotellyouallaboutit—whatcouldIwriteinanswertoyou？IfIhadwrittenthewholetruthtoyou，Idaresayyouwouldhavethrownupeverythingandhavecometous，evenifyouhadtowalkalltheway，forIknowyourcharacterandyourfeelings，andyouwouldnotletyoursisterbeinsulted。Iwasindespairmyself，butwhatcouldIdo？And，besides，Ididnotknowthewholetruthmyselfthen。WhatmadeitallsodifficultwasthatDouniareceivedahundredroublesinadvancewhenshetooktheplaceasgovernessintheirfamily，onconditionofpartofhersalarybeingdeductedeverymonth，andsoitwasimpossibletothrowupthesituationwithoutrepayingthedebt。Thissum(nowIcanexplainitalltoyou，mypreciousRodya)shetookchieflyinordertosendyousixtyroubles，whichyouneededsoterriblythenandwhichyoureceivedfromuslastyear。Wedeceivedyouthen，writingthatthismoneycamefromDounia’ssavings，butthatwasnotso，andnowItellyouallaboutit，because，thankGod，thingshavesuddenlychangedforthebetter，andthatyoumayknowhowDounialovesyouandwhataheartshehas。AtfirstindeedMr。Svidrigailovtreatedherveryrudelyandusedtomakedisrespectfulandjeeringremarksattable。…ButIdon’twanttogointoallthosepainfuldetails，soasnottoworryyoufornothingwhenitisnowallover。Inshort，inspiteofthekindandgenerousbehaviourofMarfaPetrovna，Mr。Svidrigailov’swife，andalltherestofthehousehold，Douniahadaveryhardtime，especiallywhenMr。Svidrigailov，relapsingintohisoldregimentalhabits，wasundertheinfluenceofBacchus。Andhowdoyouthinkitwasallexplainedlateron？WouldyoubelievethatthecrazyfellowhadconceivedapassionforDouniafromthebeginning，buthadconcealeditunderashowofrudenessandcontempt。Possiblyhewasashamedandhorrifiedhimselfathisownflightyhopes，consideringhisyearsandhisbeingthefatherofafamily；andthatmadehimangrywithDounia。Andpossibly，too，hehopedbyhisrudeandsneeringbehaviourtohidethetruthfromothers。ButatlasthelostallcontrolandhadthefacetomakeDouniaanopenandshamefulproposal，promisingherallsortsofinducementsandoffering，besides，tothrowupeverythingandtakehertoanotherestateofhis，orevenabroad。Youcanimagineallshewentthrough！Toleavehersituationatoncewasimpossiblenotonlyonaccountofthemoneydebt，butalsotosparethefeelingsofMarfaPetrovna，whosesuspicionswouldhavebeenaroused:andthenDouniawouldhavebeenthecauseofaruptureinthefamily。AnditwouldhavemeantaterriblescandalforDouniatoo；thatwouldhavebeeninevitable。TherewerevariousotherreasonsowingtowhichDouniacouldnothopetoescapefromthatawfulhouseforanothersixweeks。YouknowDounia，ofcourse；youknowhowcleversheisandwhatastrongwillshehas。Douniacanendureagreatdealandeveninthemostdifficultcasesshehasthefortitudetomaintainherfirmness。Shedidnotevenwritetomeabouteverythingforfearofupsettingme，althoughwewereconstantlyincommunication。Itallendedveryunexpectedly。MarfaPetrovnaaccidentallyoverheardherhusbandimploringDouniainthegarden，and，puttingquiteawronginterpretationontheposition，threwtheblameuponher，believinghertobethecauseofitall。Anawfulscenetookplacebetweenthemonthespotinthegarden；MarfaPetrovnawentsofarastostrikeDounia，refusedtohearanythingandwasshoutingatherforawholehourandthengaveordersthatDouniashouldbepackedoffatoncetomeinaplainpeasant’scart，intowhichtheyflungallherthings，herlinenandherclothes，allpell-mell，withoutfoldingitupandpackingit。Andaheavyshowerofraincameon，too，andDounia，insultedandputtoshame，hadtodrivewithapeasantinanopencartalltheseventeenverstsintotown。OnlythinknowwhatanswercouldIhavesenttotheletterIreceivedfromyoutwomonthsagoandwhatcouldIhavewritten？Iwasindespair；Idarednotwritetoyouthetruthbecauseyouwouldhavebeenveryunhappy，mortifiedandindignant，andyetwhatcouldyoudo？Youcouldonlyperhapsruinyourself，and，besides，Douniawouldnotallowit；andfillupmyletterwithtrifleswhenmyheartwassofullofsorrow，Icouldnot。Forawholemonththetownwasfullofgossipaboutthisscandal，anditcametosuchapassthatDouniaandIdarednotevengotochurchonaccountofthecontemptuouslooks，whispers，andevenremarksmadealoudaboutus。Allouracquaintancesavoidedus，nobodyevenbowedtousinthestreet，andIlearntthatsomeshopmenandclerkswereintendingtoinsultusinashamefulway，smearingthegatesofourhousewithpitch，sothatthelandlordbegantotelluswemustleave。AllthiswassetgoingbyMarfaPetrovnawhomanagedtoslanderDouniaandthrowdirtatherineveryfamily。Sheknowseveryoneintheneighbourhood，andthatmonthshewascontinuallycomingintothetown，andassheisrathertalkativeandfondofgossipingaboutherfamilyaffairsandparticularlyofcomplainingtoallandeachofherhusband—whichisnotatallright—soinashorttimeshehadspreadherstorynotonlyinthetown，butoverthewholesurroundingdistrict。Itmademeill，butDouniaboreitbetterthanIdid，andifonlyyoucouldhaveseenhowsheendureditallandtriedtocomfortmeandcheermeup！Sheisanangel！ButbyGod’smercy，oursufferingswerecutshort:Mr。Svidrigailovreturnedtohissensesandrepentedand，probablyfeelingsorryforDounia，helaidbeforeMarfaPetrovnaacompleteandunmistakableproofofDounia’sinnocence，intheformofaletterDouniahadbeenforcedtowriteandgivetohim，beforeMarfaPetrovnacameupontheminthegarden。Thisletter，whichremainedinMr。Svidrigailov’shandsafterherdeparture，shehadwrittentorefusepersonalexplanationsandsecretinterviews，forwhichhewasentreatingher。InthatlettershereproachedhimwithgreatheatandindignationforthebasenessofhisbehaviourinregardtoMarfaPetrovna，remindinghimthathewasthefatherandheadofafamilyandtellinghimhowinfamousitwasofhimtotormentandmakeunhappyadefencelessgirl，unhappyenoughalready。Indeed，dearRodya，theletterwassonoblyandtouchinglywrittenthatIsobbedwhenIreaditandtothisdayIcannotreaditwithouttears。Moreover，theevidenceoftheservants，too，clearedDounia’sreputation；theyhadseenandknownagreatdealmorethanMr。Svidrigailovhadhimselfsupposed—asindeedisalwaysthecasewithservants。MarfaPetrovnawascompletelytakenaback，and‘againcrushed’asshesaidherselftous，butshewascompletelyconvincedofDounia’sinnocence。Theverynextday，beingSunday，shewentstraighttotheCathedral，kneltdownandprayedwithtearstoOurLadytogiveherstrengthtobearthisnewtrialandtodoherduty。ThenshecamestraightfromtheCathedraltous，toldusthewholestory，weptbitterlyand，fullypenitent，sheembracedDouniaandbesoughthertoforgiveher。Thesamemorningwithoutanydelay，shewentroundtoallthehousesinthetownandeverywhere，sheddingtears，sheassertedinthemostflatteringtermsDounia’sinnocenceandthenobilityofherfeelingsandherbehavior。Whatwasmore，sheshowedandreadtoeveryonetheletterinDounia’sownhandwritingtoMr。Svidrigailovandevenallowedthemtotakecopiesofit—whichImustsayIthinkwassuperfluous。Inthiswayshewasbusyforseveraldaysindrivingaboutthewholetown，becausesomepeoplehadtakenoffencethroughprecedencehavingbeengiventoothers。Andthereforetheyhadtotaketurns，sothatineveryhouseshewasexpectedbeforeshearrived，andeveryoneknewthatonsuchandsuchadayMarfaPetrovnawouldbereadingtheletterinsuchandsuchaplaceandpeopleassembledforeveryreadingofit，evenmanywhohadhearditseveraltimesalreadybothintheirownhousesandinotherpeople’s。Inmyopinionagreatdeal，averygreatdealofallthiswasunnecessary；butthat’sMarfaPetrovna’scharacter。Anywayshesucceededincompletelyre-establishingDounia’sreputationandthewholeignominyofthisaffairrestedasanindelibledisgraceuponherhusband，astheonlypersontoblame，sothatIreallybegantofeelsorryforhim；itwasreallytreatingthecrazyfellowtooharshly。Douniawasatonceaskedtogivelessonsinseveralfamilies，butsherefused。Allofasuddeneveryonebegantotreatherwithmarkedrespectandallthisdidmuchtobringabouttheeventbywhich，onemaysay，ourwholefortunesarenowtransformed。Youmustknow，dearRodya，thatDouniahasasuitorandthatshehasalreadyconsentedtomarryhim。Ihastentotellyouallaboutthematter，andthoughithasbeenarrangedwithoutaskingyourconsent，Ithinkyouwillnotbeaggrievedwithmeorwithyoursisteronthataccount，foryouwillseethatwecouldnotwaitandputoffourdecisiontillweheardfromyou。Andyoucouldnothavejudgedallthefactswithoutbeingonthespot。Thiswashowithappened。Heisalreadyoftherankofacounsellor，PyotrPetrovitchLuzhin，andisdistantlyrelatedtoMarfaPetrovna，whohasbeenveryactiveinbringingthematchabout。Itbeganwithhisexpressingthroughherhisdesiretomakeouracquaintance。Hewasproperlyreceived，drankcoffeewithusandtheverynextdayhesentusaletterinwhichheverycourteouslymadeanofferandbeggedforaspeedyanddecidedanswer。HeisaverybusymanandisinagreathurrytogettoPetersburg，sothateverymomentisprecioustohim。Atfirst，ofcourse，weweregreatlysurprised，asithadallhappenedsoquicklyandunexpectedly。Wethoughtandtalkeditoverthewholeday。Heisawell-to-doman，tobedependedupon，hehastwopostsinthegovernmentandhasalreadymadehisfortune。Itistruethatheisforty-fiveyearsold，butheisofafairlyprepossessingappearanceandmightstillbethoughtattractivebywomen，andheisaltogetheraveryrespectableandpresentableman，onlyheseemsalittlemoroseandsomewhatconceited。Butpossiblythatmayonlybetheimpressionhemakesatfirstsight。Andbeware，dearRodya，whenhecomestoPetersburg，asheshortlywilldo，bewareofjudginghimtoohastilyandseverely，asyourwayis，ifthereisanythingyoudonotlikeinhimatfirstsight。Igiveyouthiswarning，althoughIfeelsurethathewillmakeafavourableimpressionuponyou。Moreover，inordertounderstandanymanonemustbedeliberateandcarefultoavoidformingprejudicesandmistakenideas，whichareverydifficulttocorrectandgetoverafterwards。AndPyotrPetrovitch，judgingbymanyindications，isathoroughlyestimableman。Athisfirstvisit，indeed，hetoldusthathewasapracticalman，butstillheshares，asheexpressedit，manyoftheconvictions‘ofourmostrisinggeneration’andheisanopponentofallprejudices。Hesaidagooddealmore，forheseemsalittleconceitedandlikestobelistenedto，butthisisscarcelyavice。I，ofcourse，understoodverylittleofit，butDouniaexplainedtomethat，thoughheisnotamanofgreateducation，heiscleverandseemstobegood-natured。Youknowyoursister’scharacter，Rodya。Sheisaresolute，sensible，patientandgenerousgirl，butshehasapassionateheart，asIknowverywell。Ofcourse，thereisnogreatloveeitheronhisside，oronhers，butDouniaisaclevergirlandhastheheartofanangel，andwillmakeitherdutytomakeherhusbandhappywhoonhissidewillmakeherhappinesshiscare。Ofthatwehavenogoodreasontodoubt，thoughitmustbeadmittedthematterhasbeenarrangedingreathaste。Besidesheisamanofgreatprudenceandhewillsee，tobesure，ofhimself，thathisownhappinesswillbethemoresecure，thehappierDouniaiswithhim。Andasforsomedefectsofcharacter，forsomehabitsandevencertaindifferencesofopinion—whichindeedareinevitableeveninthehappiestmarriages—Douniahassaidthat，asregardsallthat，shereliesonherself，thatthereisnothingtobeuneasyabout，andthatsheisreadytoputupwithagreatdeal，ifonlytheirfuturerelationshipcanbeanhonourableandstraightforwardone。Hestruckme，forinstance，atfirst，asratherabrupt，butthatmaywellcomefromhisbeinganoutspokenman，andthatisnodoubthowitis。Forinstance，athissecondvisit，afterhehadreceivedDounia’sconsent，inthecourseofconversation，hedeclaredthatbeforemakingDounia’sacquaintance，hehadmadeuphismindtomarryagirlofgoodreputation，withoutdowryand，aboveall，onewhohadexperiencedpoverty，because，asheexplained，amanoughtnottobeindebtedtohiswife，butthatitisbetterforawifetolookuponherhusbandasherbenefactor。ImustaddthatheexpresseditmorenicelyandpolitelythanIhavedone，forIhaveforgottenhisactualphrasesandonlyrememberthemeaning。And，besides，itwasobviouslynotsaidofdesign，butslippedoutintheheatofconversation，sothathetriedafterwardstocorrecthimselfandsmoothitover，butallthesameitdidstrikemeassomewhatrude，andIsaidsoafterwardstoDounia。ButDouniawasvexed，andansweredthat‘wordsarenotdeeds，’andthat，ofcourse，isperfectlytrue。Douniadidnotsleepallnightbeforeshemadeuphermind，and，thinkingthatIwasasleep，shegotoutofbedandwaswalkingupanddowntheroomallnight；atlastshekneltdownbeforetheikonandprayedlongandferventlyandinthemorningshetoldmethatshehaddecided。
“IhavementionedalreadythatPyotrPetrovitchisjustsettingoffforPetersburg，wherehehasagreatdealofbusiness，andhewantstoopenalegalbureau。Hehasbeenoccupiedformanyyearsinconductingcivilandcommerciallitigation，andonlytheotherdayhewonanimportantcase。HehastobeinPetersburgbecausehehasanimportantcasebeforetheSenate。So，Rodyadear，hemaybeofthegreatestusetoyou，ineverywayindeed，andDouniaandIhaveagreedthatfromthisverydayyoucoulddefinitelyenteruponyourcareerandmightconsiderthatyourfutureismarkedoutandassuredforyou。Oh，ifonlythiscomestopass！Thiswouldbesuchabenefitthatwecouldonlylookuponitasaprovidentialblessing。Douniaisdreamingofnothingelse。WehaveevenventuredalreadytodropafewwordsonthesubjecttoPyotrPetrovitch。Hewascautiousinhisanswer，andsaidthat，ofcourse，ashecouldnotgetonwithoutasecretary，itwouldbebettertobepayingasalarytoarelationthantoastranger，ifonlytheformerwerefittedfortheduties(asthoughtherecouldbedoubtofyourbeingfitted！)butthenheexpresseddoubtswhetheryourstudiesattheuniversitywouldleaveyoutimeforworkathisoffice。Thematterdroppedforthetime，butDouniaisthinkingofnothingelsenow。Shehasbeeninasortoffeverforthelastfewdays，andhasalreadymadearegularplanforyourbecomingintheendanassociateandevenapartnerinPyotrPetrovitch’sbusiness，whichmightwellbe，seeingthatyouareastudentoflaw。Iamincompleteagreementwithher，Rodya，andshareallherplansandhopes，andthinkthereiseveryprobabilityofrealisingthem。AndinspiteofPyotrPetrovitch’sevasiveness，verynaturalatpresent(sincehedoesnotknowyou)，Douniaisfirmlypersuadedthatshewillgaineverythingbyhergoodinfluenceoverherfuturehusband；thissheisreckoningupon。OfcoursewearecarefulnottotalkofanyofthesemoreremoteplanstoPyotrPetrovitch，especiallyofyourbecominghispartner。Heisapracticalmanandmighttakethisverycoldly，itmightallseemtohimsimplyaday-dream。NorhaseitherDouniaorIbreathedawordtohimofthegreathopeswehaveofhishelpingustopayforyouruniversitystudies；wehavenotspokenofitinthefirstplace，becauseitwillcometopassofitself，lateron，andhewillnodoubtwithoutwastingwordsoffertodoitofhimself，(asthoughhecouldrefuseDouniathat)themorereadilysinceyoumaybyyourowneffortsbecomehisrighthandintheoffice，andreceivethisassistancenotasacharity，butasasalaryearnedbyyourownwork。DouniawantstoarrangeitalllikethisandIquiteagreewithher。Andwehavenotspokenofourplansforanotherreason，thatis，becauseIparticularlywantedyoutofeelonanequalfootingwhenyoufirstmeethim。WhenDouniaspoketohimwithenthusiasmaboutyou，heansweredthatonecouldneverjudgeofamanwithoutseeinghimclose，foroneself，andthathelookedforwardtoforminghisownopinionwhenhemakesyouracquaintance。Doyouknow，mypreciousRodya，Ithinkthatperhapsforsomereasons(nothingtodowithPyotrPetrovitchthough，simplyformyownpersonal，perhapsold-womanish，fancies)Ishoulddobettertogoonlivingbymyself，apart，thanwiththem，afterthewedding。Iamconvincedthathewillbegenerousanddelicateenoughtoinvitemeandtourgemetoremainwithmydaughterforthefuture，andifhehassaidnothingaboutithitherto，itissimplybecauseithasbeentakenforgranted；butIshallrefuse。Ihavenoticedmorethanonceinmylifethathusbandsdon’tquitegetonwiththeirmothers-in-law，andIdon’twanttobetheleastbitinanyone’sway，andformyownsake，too，wouldratherbequiteindependent，solongasIhaveacrustofbreadofmyown，andsuchchildrenasyouandDounia。Ifpossible，Iwouldsettlesomewherenearyou，forthemostjoyfulpieceofnews，dearRodya，Ihavekeptfortheendofmyletter:knowthen，mydearboy，thatwemay，perhaps，bealltogetherinaveryshorttimeandmayembraceoneanotheragainafteraseparationofalmostthreeyears！ItissettledforcertainthatDouniaandIaretosetoffforPetersburg，exactlywhenIdon’tknow，butvery，verysoon，possiblyinaweek。ItalldependsonPyotrPetrovitchwhowillletusknowwhenhehashadtimetolookroundhiminPetersburg。Tosuithisownarrangementsheisanxioustohavetheceremonyassoonaspossible，evenbeforethefastofOurLady，ifitcouldbemanaged，orifthatistoosoontobeready，immediatelyafter。Oh，withwhathappinessIshallpressyoutomyheart！Douniaisallexcitementatthejoyfulthoughtofseeingyou，shesaidonedayinjokethatshewouldbereadytomarryPyotrPetrovitchforthatalone。Sheisanangel！Sheisnotwritinganythingtoyounow，andhasonlytoldmetowritethatshehassomuch，somuchtotellyouthatsheisnotgoingtotakeupherpennow，forafewlineswouldtellyounothing，anditwouldonlymeanupsettingherself；shebidsmesendyouherloveandinnumerablekisses。Butalthoughweshallbemeetingsosoon，perhapsIshallsendyouasmuchmoneyasIcaninadayortwo。NowthateveryonehasheardthatDouniaistomarryPyotrPetrovitch，mycredithassuddenlyimprovedandIknowthatAfanasyIvanovitchwilltrustmenoweventoseventy-fiveroublesonthesecurityofmypension，sothatperhapsIshallbeabletosendyoutwenty-fiveoreventhirtyroubles。Iwouldsendyoumore，butIamuneasyaboutourtravellingexpenses；forthoughPyotrPetrovitchhasbeensokindastoundertakepartoftheexpensesofthejourney，thatistosay，hehastakenuponhimselftheconveyanceofourbagsandbigtrunk(whichwillbeconveyedthroughsomeacquaintancesofhis)，wemustreckonuponsomeexpenseonourarrivalinPetersburg，wherewecan’tbeleftwithoutahalfpenny，atleastforthefirstfewdays。Butwehavecalculateditall，DouniaandI，tothelastpenny，andweseethatthejourneywillnotcostverymuch。Itisonlyninetyverstsfromustotherailwayandwehavecometoanagreementwithadriverweknow，soastobeinreadiness；andfromthereDouniaandIcantravelquitecomfortablythirdclass。SothatImayverylikelybeabletosendtoyounottwenty-five，butthirtyroubles。Butenough；Ihavecoveredtwosheetsalreadyandthereisnospaceleftformore；ourwholehistory，butsomanyeventshavehappened！Andnow，mypreciousRodya，Iembraceyouandsendyouamother’sblessingtillwemeet。LoveDouniayoursister，Rodya；loveherasshelovesyouandunderstandthatshelovesyoubeyondeverything，morethanherself。Sheisanangelandyou，Rodya，youareeverythingtous—ouronehope，ouroneconsolation。Ifonlyyouarehappy，weshallbehappy。Doyoustillsayyourprayers，Rodya，andbelieveinthemercyofourCreatorandourRedeemer？Iamafraidinmyheartthatyoumayhavebeenvisitedbythenewspiritofinfidelitythatisabroadto-day；Ifitisso，Iprayforyou。Remember，dearboy，howinyourchildhood，whenyourfatherwasliving，youusedtolispyourprayersatmyknee，andhowhappyweallwereinthosedays。Good-bye，tillwemeetthen—Iembraceyouwarmly，warmly，withmanykisses。
“Yourstilldeath，
“PulcheriaRaskolnikov。”
Almostfromthefirst，whilehereadtheletter，Raskolnikov’sfacewaswetwithtears；butwhenhefinishedit，hisfacewaspaleanddistortedandabitter，wrathfulandmalignantsmilewasonhislips。Helaidhisheaddownonhisthreadbaredirtypillowandpondered，ponderedalongtime。Hisheartwasbeatingviolently，andhisbrainwasinaturmoil。Atlasthefeltcrampedandstifledinthelittleyellowroomthatwaslikeacupboardorabox。Hiseyesandhismindcravedforspace。Hetookuphishatandwentout，thistimewithoutdreadofmeetinganyone；hehadforgottenhisdread。HeturnedinthedirectionoftheVassilyevskyOstrov，walkingalongVassilyevskyProspect，asthoughhasteningonsomebusiness，buthewalked，ashishabitwas，withoutnoticinghisway，mutteringandevenspeakingaloudtohimself，totheastonishmentofthepassers-by。Manyofthemtookhimtobedrunk。
