CHAPTERXII。
ASUNDAYWITHFALCONER。
Howhappyishebornandtaught,Thatservethnotanother\'swill;
Whosearmourishishonestthought,Andsimpletruthhisutmostskill。
ThismanisfreedfromservilebandsOfhopetoriseorfeartofall:
Lordofhimself,thoughnotoflands,And,havingnothing,yethathall。
SIRHENRYWOTTON。
ItwasnotoftenthatFalconerwenttochurch;butheseemedtohavesomedesigningoingoftenerthanusualatpresent。TheSundayaftertheonelastmentioned,hewentaswell,thoughnottothesamechurch,andcallingforHughtookhimwithhim。Whattheyfoundthere,andtheconversationfollowingthereupon,Iwilltrytorelate,because,althoughtheydonotimmediatelyaffectmyoutwardstory,theygreatlyinfluencedHugh\'srealhistory。
TheyheardtheMorningServiceandtheLitanyreadinanordinarymanner,thoughsomewhatmoredevoutlythanusual。Then,fromthecommunion-table,roseavoicevibratingwithsolemnemotion,likethevoiceofAbrahampleadingforSodom。ItthrilledthroughHugh\'sheart。Thesermonwhichfollowedaffectedhimnoless,although,whenhecameout,heconfessedtoFalconerthathehadonlycaughtflyingglimpsesofitsmeaning,scope,anddrift。
“Iseldomgotochurch,“saidFalconer;“butwhenIdo,Icomehere:
andalwaysfeelthatIaminthepresenceofoneoftheholyservantsofGod\'sgreattemplenotmadewithhands。Iheartilytrustthatman。Heiswhatheseemstobe。“
“Theysayheisawfullyheterodox。“
“Theydo。“
“Howthencanheremaininthechurch,ifheisashonestasyousay?”
“Inthisway,asIhumblyventuretothink,“Falconeranswered。“Helooksupontheformul?ofthechurchasutterancesoflivingtruth——vitalembodiments——toberegardedasoneoughttoregardhumanfaces。Inthesehumanfaces,othersmayseethisorthatinferiorexpression,mayfindoutthemeanandthesmallandtheincomplete:helooksforandfindstheideal;thegrand,sacred,God-meantmeaning;andbythatheholdsasthemeaningofthehumancountenances,foritisthemeaningofhimwhomadethem。SowiththeconfessionoftheChurchofEngland:hebelievesthatnotmanonly,butGodalso,andGodfirstandchief,hadtodowiththemakingofit;andthereforehelooksinitfortheEternalandtheDivine,andhefindswhatheseeks。Andasnowordscanavoidbearinginthemthepossibilityofavarietyofinterpretations,hewouldexcludewhateverthewordsmightmean,or,regardedmerelyaswords,domean,inanarrowexposition:hethinksitwouldbedishonesttotakethelowmeaningasthemeaning。Toreturntothefaces:hepassesbymoodsandtempers,andbeholdsthemaincharacter——thatonwhosesurfacethetemporalandtransientfloats。
Bothinfacesandinformul?helovesthedivinesubstance,withhistrue,manly,braveheart;andasforthefaultsinboth——forman,too,hashisshareinboth——Ibelieveheisreadytodiebythem,ifonlyinsodoinghemightdieforthem——IhadavisionofhimthismorningasIsatandlistenedtohisvoice,whichalwaysseemstometocomeimmediatelyfromhisheart,asifhisheartspokewithlipsofitsown。ShallItellyoumyvision?——
“Isawacrowd——priestsandlaymen——speeding,hurrying,dartingaway,upasteep,crumblingheight。Mitres,hoods,andhatsrolledbehindthemtothebottom。Everyoneforhimself,withhandsandfeettheyscrambleandflee,tosavetheirsoulsfromthefiresofhellwhichcomerollinginalongthehollowbelowwiththeforward\'pointingspires\'ofbillowyflame。Butbeneath,rightinthecourseofthefire,standsonemanuponalittlerockwhichgoesdowntothecentreofthegreatworld,andfacestheapproachingflames。Hestandsbareheaded,hiseyesbrightwithfaithinGod,andthemightymouththatuttershistruth,fixedinholydefiance。
Hisdenialcomesfromnofear,orweakdisliketothatwhichispainful。Onneithersidewillhetellliesforpeace。Heisreadytobelostforhisfellow-men。InthenameofGodherebukestheflamesofhell。Thefugitivespauseonthetop,lookback,callhimlyingprophet,andshoutevilopprobriousnamesatthemanwhocountsnothisownlifedeartohim,whohasforgottenhisownsoulinhissacreddevotiontomen,whofillsupwhatisleftbehindofthesufferingsofChrist,forhisbody\'ssake——forthehumanrace,ofwhichheisthehead。Besurethat,comewhatmayoftherest,lettheflamesofhellebborflow,thatmanissafe,forheisdeliveredalreadyfromtheonlydevilthatcanmakehellitselfatorture,thedevilofselfishness——theonlyonethatcanpossessamanandmakehimselfhisownlivinghell。Heisoutofallthatregionofthings,andalreadydwellinginthesecretplaceoftheAlmighty。“
“Goon,goon。“
“HetrustsinGodsoabsolutely,thatheleaveshissalvationtohim——utterly,fearlessly;and,forgettingit,asbeingnoconcernofhis,setshimselftodotheworkthatGodhasgivenhimtodo,evenashisLorddidbeforehim,countingthataloneworthyofhiscare。
LetGod\'swillbedone,andalliswell。IfGod\'swillbedone,hecannotfareill。Tohim,Godisallinall。Ifitbepossibletoseparatesuchthings,itisthegloryofGod,evenmorethanthesalvationofmen,thatheseeks。HewillnothaveitthathisFatherinheavenisnotperfect。HebelievesentirelythatGodloves,yea,islove;and,therefore,thathellitselfmustbesubservienttothatlove,andbutanembodimentofit;thatthegrandworkofJusticeistomakewayforaLovewhichwillgivetoeverymanthatwhichisrightandtentimesmore,evenifitshouldbebymeansofawfulsuffering——asufferingwhichtheLoveoftheFatherwillnotshun,eitherforhimselforhischildren,butwilleagerlymeetfortheirsakes,thathemaygivethemallthatisinhisheart。“
“Surelyyouspeakyourownopinionsindescribingthuswarmlythefaithofthepreacher。“
“Ido。HeisaccountablefornothingIsay。AllIassertis,thatthisishowIseemtomyselftosucceedinunderstandinghim。“
“Howisitthatsomanygoodpeoplecallhimheterodox?”
“Idonotmindthat。Iamannoyedonlywhengood-heartedpeople,withsmallnaturesandcultivatedintellects,patronisehim,andtalkforgivinglyofhiswarmheartandunsoundjudgment。Tothese,theologymustbelikeamap——withplentyoflinesinit。Theycannottrusttheirhouseonthehightable-landofhistheology,becausetheycannotseetheoutlinesboundingthesaidtable-land。
Itisnotsmallenoughforthem。Theycannottakeitin。Suchcanhardlybesatisfiedwiththecreation,onewouldthink,seeingthereisnolineofdivisionanywhereinit。Theywouldtakecarethereshouldbenomistake。“
“DoesGoddrawnolines,then?”
“Whenhedoes,theyarepurelines,withoutbreadth,andconsequentlyinvisibletomortaleyes;notChinesewallsofseparation,suchasthesedefinerswouldconstruct。Suchmindsare?prioriincapableoftheorisinguponhistheories。Or,toalterthefigure,theywilldiscoverathousandfaultsinhisdrawing,buttheycanneverbeholdthefigureconstructedbyhislines,andcontainingthefaultswhichtheybelievetheydiscover。“
“Butcanthosetheoriesinreligionbecorrectwhicharesohardtosee?”
“Theyareonlyhardtocertainnatures。“
“Butthosenaturesareabovetheaverage。“
“Yes,inintellectanditscultivation——nothingmore。“
“Youhavegrantedthemheart。“
“Notmuch;butwhatthereis,good。“
“Thatisallowingagreatdeal,though。Isitnothardthentosaythatsuchcannotunderstandhim?”
“Why?Theywillgettoheaven,whichisalltheywant。Andtheywillunderstandhimoneday,whichismorethantheyprayfor。Tilltheyhavedonebeinganxiousabouttheirownsalvation,wemustforgivethemthattheycancontemplatewithcalmnessthedamnationofauniverse,andbelievethatGodisyetmoreindifferentthanthey。“
“Butdotheynotbringthechargeslikewiseagainstyou,ofbeingunabletounderstandthem?”
“Yes。Andsoitmustremain,tilltheSpiritofGoddecidethematter,whichIpresumemusttakeplacebyslowdegrees。Forthisdecisioncanonlyconsistintheenlightenmentofsoulstoseethetruth;andthereforehastodowithindividualsonly。ThereisnotriumphfortheTruthbutthat。Sheknowsnogloryingoverthevanquished,forinhervictorythevanquishedisalreadyofthevanquishers。Tillthen,theRightmustbecontenttobecalledtheWrong,and——whichisfarharder——toseemtheWrong。Thereisnospiritualvictorygainedbyaverbalconquest;orbyanykindoftorture,evenshouldtherackemployedbethatofthepurestlogic。
Naymore:solongasthewickedthemselvesremainimpenitent,thereismourninginheaven;andwhenthereisnolongeranyhopeoveronelastremainingsinner,heavenitselfmustconfessitsdefeat,heapuponthatsinnerwhatplaguesyouwill。“
Hughpondered,andcontinuedponderingtilltheyreachedFalconer\'schambers。AtthedoorHughpaused。
“Willyounotcomein?”
“IfearIshallbecometroublesome。“
“Nofearofthat。IpromisetogetridofyouassoonasIfindyouso。“
“Thankyou。Justletmeknowwhenyouhavehadenoughofme。“
Theyentered。Mrs。Ashton,who,unlikeherclass,wasnevermissingwhenwanted,gotthemsomebreadandcheese;andFalconer\'sFortunatus-purseofacellar——thebottomofhiscupboard——supplieditsusualbottleofport;towhichfarethefriendssatdown。
Theconversation,likeabirddescendinginspirals,settledatlastuponthesubjectwhichhadmoreorlessoccupiedHugh\'sthoughtseversincehisunsatisfactoryconversationwithFunkelstein,attheirfirstmeeting;andstillmoresincehehadlearnedthatthismanhimselfexercisedanunlawfulinfluenceoverEuphra。HebeggedFalconer,ifhehadanytheorycomprehendingsuchthings,tolethimknowwhatkindofarelationitwas,inwhichMissCameronstoodtoFunkelstein,orCountvonHalkar。
“Ihavehadoccasiontothinkagooddealaboutthosethings,“saidFalconer。“Thefirstthingevidentis,thatMissCameronispeculiarlyconstituted,belongingtoaclasswhichis,however,largerthaniscommonlysupposed,circumstancesrarelycombiningtobringoutitspeculiarities。Inthosewhoconstitutethisclass,thenervouselement,eitherfrompreponderating,orfromnotbeinginhealthyandharmoniouscombinationwiththemorematerialelement,manifestsitselfbeyonditsordinarysphereofoperation,andsooccasionsresultsunliketheusualphenomenaoflife,though,ofcourse,inaccordancewithnaturallaws。Touseasimile:itis,insuchcases,asifallthenervesofthehumanbodycamecrowdingtothesurface,andthereexposedthemselvestoathousandinfluences,fromwhichtheywouldotherwisebepreserved。OfcourseIamnotattemptingtoexplain,onlytosuggestaconceivablehypothesis。Uponsuchconstitutions,itwouldnotbesurprisingthatcertainotherconstitutions,similar,yetdiffering,shouldexerciseapeculiarinfluence。Youare,Idaresay,moreorlessfamiliarwiththemainfeaturesofmesmerismanditsallies,amongwhichiswhatiscalledbiology。IpresumeitisonsuchconstitutionsasIhavesupposed,thatthosepowersarechieflyoperative。MissCameronhas,atsometimeorotherinherhistory,submittedherselftotheinfluencesofthisCountHalkar;andhehasthusgainedamostdangerousauthorityoverher,whichhehasexercisedforhisownends。“
“ShemorethanimpliedasmuchinthelastconversationIhadwithher。“
“Sohiswillbecameherlaw。Thereisintheworldofmindasomethingcorrespondingtophysicalforceinthematerialworld——I
cannotavoidjusttouchinguponahigheranalogy。Thekingdomofheavenisnotcome,evenwhenGod\'swillisourlaw:itiscomewhenGod\'swillisourwill。WhileGod\'swillisourlaw,wearebutakindofnobleslaves;whenhiswillisourwill,wearefreechildren。Nothinginnatureisfreeenoughtobeasymbolforthestateofthosewhoactimmediatelyfromtheessenceoftheirhiddenlife,andtherecognitionofGod\'swillasthatessence。But,asI
said,thisbelongstoafarhigherregion。Ionlywantedtotouchontherelationofthefreedoms——physical,mental,andspiritual。
Toreturntothepointinhand:Irecogniseinthestoryaclearevidenceofstrifeandpartialvictoryintheaffairofthering。
Thecount——wewillcallhimbythenamehegiveshimself——hadevidentlybeenanxiousforyearstopossesshimselfofthisring:
theprobablereasonswehavealreadytalkedof。Hehadlaidhisinjunctionsonhisslavetofinditforhim;andshe,perhapsatfirstnothingloath,perhapslovingthemanaswellassubmittingtohim,hadforalongtimeattemptedtofindit,buthadfailed。Thecount,probablydoubtinghersincerity,andhoping,atallevents,tourgehersearch,followedhertoArnstead,whereitisverylikelyhehadbeenbefore,althoughhehadavoidedMr。Arnold。
Judgingitadvantageoustogetintothehouse,inordertomakeobservations,heemployedhischancemeetingwithyoutothatresult。But,beforethis,hehadwatchedMissCameron\'sfamiliaritywithyou——wasjealousandtyrannical。Hencethevariationsofherconducttoyou;forwhenhispowerwasuponher,shecouldnotdoasshepleased。Butshemusthavehadarealregardforyou;forsheevidentlyrefusedtogetyouintotroublebytakingtheringfromyourcustody。Butmysurpriseisthatthefellowlimitedhimselftothatonejewel。“
“Youmaysoonberelievedfromthatsurprise,“answeredHugh:“hetookavaluablediamondofmineaswell。“
“Therascal!Wemaycatchhim,butyouarenotlikelytofindyourdiamondagain。Still,thereissomepossibility。“
“Howdoyouknowshewasnotwillingtotakeitfromme?”
“Because,byherownaccount,hehadtodestroyherpowerofvolitionentirely,beforehecouldmakeherdoit。Hethrewherintoamesmericsleep。“
“Ishouldliketounderstandhispoweroverheralittlebetter。Insuchcasesofbiology——howtheycametoabusetheword,Ishouldliketoknow——“
“Justastheycalltable-rapping,&c。,spiritualism。“
“Isupposehisrelationtohermustbeclassedamongstphenomenaofthatsort?”
“Certainly。“
“Well,tellme,doestheinfluenceoutlastthemesmericcondition?”
“Ifbymesmericconditionyoumeananystateevidentlyapproachingtothatofsleep——undoubtedly。Itis,inmanycases,quiteindependentofsuchacondition。Perhapsthedegreeofwillingsubmissionatfirst,mayhavesomethingtodowithit。Butmesmericinfluence,whateveritmaymean,isentirelyindependentofsleep。
Thatisanaccidentaccompanyingit,perhapssometimesindicatingitsculmination。“
“Doesthepersonsoinfluencedactwithoragainsthiswill?”
“Thatisamostdifficultquestion,involvingothersequallydifficult。Myownimpressionis,thatthepatient——forpatientinaveryserioussenseheis——actswithhisinclination,andoftenwithhiswill;butinmanycaseswithhisinclinationagainsthiswill。
Thisisaveryimportantdistinctioninmorals,butoftenoverlooked。Whenamanisactingwithhisinclination,hiswillisinabeyance。Inourpresentimperfectcondition,itseemstomethattheabsolutewillhasnoopportunityofpureaction,ofoperatingentirelyasitself,exceptwhenworkinginoppositiontoinclination。Buttoreturn:thepowerofthebiologistappearstometolieinthis——heisable,bysomemysterioussympathy,toproduceinthemindofthepatientsuchforcefulimpulsestodowhateverhewills,thattheyareinfactirresistibletoalmostallwhoareobnoxioustohisinfluence。Thewillrequiresanespecialtrainingandadistinctdevelopment,beforeitiscapableofactingwithanydegreeoffreedom。Themenwhohaveundergonethisareveryfewindeed;andnoonewhosewillisnoteducatedaswill,can,ifsubjectedtotheinfluencesofbiology,resisttheimpulsesrousedinhispassivebrainbytheactivebrainoftheoperator。
Thisatleastismyimpression。
“Otherthingsnodoubtcombinedtoincreasetheinfluenceinthepresentcase。Shelikedhim,perhapsmorethanlikedhimonce。Shewaspartiallycommittedtohisschemes;andshewaseasilymesmerised。Itwouldseem,besides,thatshewasnaturallydisposedtosomnambulism。Thisisaremarkableco-existenceofdistinctdevelopmentsofthesamepeculiarity。Inthislattercondition,evenifinothersshewereabletoresisthim,shewouldbequitehelpless;forallthethoughtsthatpassedthroughherbrainwouldowetheirorigintohis——Imaginebeingforcedtothinkanotherman\'sthoughts!Thatwouldbepossessionindeed!Andthisisnotfarremovedfromtheoldstoriesaboutthedemonsenteringintoaman——Hewouldberuleroverthewholeintellectuallifethatpassedinherduringthetime;andwhichtoher,asfarastheideassuggestedbelongedtotheoutwardworld,wouldappearanouterlife,passingallroundher,notinher。Shewould,infact,beacreatureofhisimaginationforthetime,asmuchasanycharacterinvented,andsentthroughvariedcircumstances,feelings,andactions,bythemindofthepoetornovelist。Lookatthefacts。
Shewarnedyoutobewareofthecountthatnightbeforeyouwentintothehauntedbed-chamber。Evenwhensheenteredit,byyourownaccount——“
“Enteredit?ThenyoudothinkitwasEuphrawhopersonatedtheghost?”
“Iamsureofit。Shewassleep-walking。“
“Butsodifferent——suchadeath-likelook!”
“Allthatwaseasyenoughtomanage。Sherefusedtoobeyhimatfirst。Hemesmerizedher。Itverylikelywentfartherthanheexpected;andhesucceededtoowell。Experienced,nodoubt,indisguises,hedressedheraslikethedeadLadyEuphrasiaashecould,followingherpicture。Perhapsshepossessedsuchadisguise,andhaduseditbefore。Hethusprotectedherfromsuspicion,andhimselffromimplication——Whatwasthecolourofthehairinthepicture?”
“Golden。“
“Hencethesparkleofgold-dustinherhair。Thecountmanageditall。Hewilledthatsheshouldgo,andshewent。Herdisguisewascertainsafety,shouldshebeseen。Youwouldsuspecttheghostandnooneelseifsheappearedtoyou,andyoulosttheringafter。
Buteveninthisstatesheyieldedagainstherbetterinclination,forshewasweepingwhenyousawher。Butshecouldnothelpit。
Whileyoulayonthecouchinthehauntedchamber,wherehecarriedyou,theawfuldeath-ghostwasbusyinyourroom,wasopeningyourdesk,fingeringyourpapers,andstealingyourring。Itisratherafrightfulidea。“
“Shedidnottakemyring,Iamsure。Hefollowedher,andtookit——Butshecouldnothavecomeinateitherdoor——“
“Couldnot?Didshenotgooutatoneofthem?Besides,Idonotdoubtthatsucharoomasthathadprivatecommunicationwiththeopenairaswell。Ishouldmuchliketoexaminetheplace。“
“Buthowcouldshehavegonethroughthebolteddoorthen?”
“Thatdoormayhavebeensetinanother,largerbyhalftheframeorso,andopeningwithaspringandconcealedhinges。Thereisnodifficultyaboutthat。Therearesuchplacestobefoundnowandtheninoldhouses。But,indeed,ifyouwillexcuseme,Idonotconsideryourtestimony,oneveryminuteparticular,quitesatisfactory。“
“Why?”askedHugh,ratheroffended。
“First,becauseofthestateofexcitementyoumusthavebeenin;
andnext,becauseIdoubtthewinethatwasleftinyourroom。Thecountnodoubtknewenoughofdrugstoputafewghostlyhorrorsintothedecanter。ButpoorMissCameron!Thehorrorshehasputintohermindandlife!Itisasadfate——allbutasentenceofinsanity。“
Hughsprangtohisfeet。
“Byheaven!”hecried,“Iwillstrangletheknave。“
“Stop,stop!”saidFalconer。“Norevenge!Leavehimtothesleepingdivinitywithinhim,whichwillawakeoneday,andcompletethehellthatheisnowbuildingforhimself——fortheveryfireofhellisthedivineinit。YourworkistosetEuphrafree。Ifyoudidstranglehim,howdoyouknowifthatwouldfreeherfromhim?”
“Horrible!——Haveyounonewsofhim?”
“Nonewhatever。“
“What,then,canIdoforher?”
“Youmustteachhertofoilhim。“
“HowamItodothat?EvenifIknewhow,Icannotseeher,I
cannotspeaktoher。“
“Ihaveagreatfaithinopportunity。“
“Buthowshouldshefoilhim?”
“ShemustpraytoGodtoredeemherfetteredwill——tostrengthenherwilltoredeemherself。Shemustresistthecount,shouldheagainclaimhersubmission(as,forhersake,Ihopehewill),asshewouldthedevilhimself。Shemustovercome。Thenshewillbefree——notbefore。Thiswillbeveryhardtodo。Hispowerhasbeenexcessiveandpeculiar,andhersubmissionlongandcomplete。Evenifheleftheralone,shewouldnotthereforebefree。Shemustdefyhim;breakhisbonds;opposehiswill;assertherfreedom;anddefeathimutterly。“
“Oh!whowillhelpher?Ihavenopower。EvenifIwerewithher,Icouldnothelpherinsuchastruggle。IwishDavidwerenotdead。Hewastheman——Youcouldnow,Mr。Falconer。“
“No。ExceptIknewher,hadknownherforsometime,andhadastrongholdofallhernature,Icouldnot,wouldnottrytohelpher。IfProvidencebroughtthisabout,Iwoulddomybest;butotherwiseIwouldnotinterfere。ButifshepraytoGod,hewillgiveherwhateverhelpsheneeds,andinthebestway,too。“
“Ithinkitwouldbesomecomforttoherifwecouldfindthering——thecrystal,Imean。“
“Itwouldbemore,Ithink,ifwecouldfindthediamond。“
“Howcanwefindeither?”
“Wemustfindthecountfirst。Ihavenotgiventhatup,ofcourse。
IwilltellyouwhatIshouldliketodo,ifIknewthelady。“
“What?”
“GethertocometoLondon,andmakeherselfaspublicaspossible:
gotooperasandballs,andtheatres;bepresentedatcourt;takeastallateverybazaar,andsellcharitypuff-balls——getasmuchintothepapersaspossible。\'Thelovely,accomplished,fascinatingMissCameron,&c。,&c。\'“
“Whatdoyoumean?”
“IwilltellyouwhatImean。Thecounthasforsakenhernow;butassoonasheheardthatshewassomebody,thatshewasfollowedandadmired,hisvanitywouldberoused,hisoldsenseofpropertyinherwouldrevive,andhewouldbeginoncemoretodrawherintohistoils。Whattheresultwouldbe,itisimpossibletoforetell;butitwouldatleastgiveusachanceofcatchinghim,andherachanceofresistinghim。“
“Idon\'tthink,however,thatshewouldventureonthatcourseherself。Ishouldnotdaretoproposeittoher。“
“No,no。Itwasonlyaninvention,todeceivemyselfwiththefancythatIwasdoingsomething。Therewouldbemanyobjectionstosuchaplan,evenifitwerepracticable。Imuststilltrytofindhim,andiffreshendeavoursshouldfail,devisefresherstill。“
“Thankyouathousandtimes,“saidHugh。“Itistoogoodofyoutotakesomuchtrouble。“
“Itismybusiness,“answeredFalconer。“Istherenotasoulintrouble?”
Hughwenthome,fullofhisnewfriend。Withthecluehehadgivenhim,hewasabletofollowallthewindingsofEuphra\'sbehaviour,andtoaccountforalmosteverythingthathadtakenplace。Itwasquitepainfultohimtofeelthathecouldbeofnoimmediateservicetoher;buthecouldhardlydoubtthat,beforelong,Falconerwould,inhiswisdomandexperience,excogitatesomemodeofprocedureinwhichhemightbeabletotakeapart。
Hesatdowntohisnovel,whichhadbeenmakingbutlittleprogressforsometime;foritishardtowriteanovelwhenoneislivinginthemidstofaromance。Buttheromance,atthistime,wasnotveryclosetohim。Ithadapastandapossiblefuture,butnopresent。
Thatsamefuture,however,mightatanymomentdawnintothepresent。
Inthemeantime,teachingtheLatingrammarandtheEnglishalphabettoyoungaspirantsafterthehonoursoftheministry,wasnotworkinimicaltoinvention,fromeithertheexhaustionofitsexcitementortheabsorptionofitsinterest。
CHAPTERXIII。
THELADY\'S-MAID。
Heryellowhair,beyondcompare,Comestrinklingdownherswan-whiteneck;
Andhertwoeyes,likestarsinskies,Wouldkeepasinkingshipfraewreck。
Oh!Mally\'smeek,Mally\'ssweet,Mally\'smodestanddiscreet;
Mally\'srare,Mally\'sfair,Mally\'severywaycomplete。
BURNS。
Whatarmsforinnocencebutinnocence。
GILESFLETCHER。
MargarethadsoughtEuphra\'sroom,withtheintentionofrestoringtohertheletterwhichshehadwrittentoDavidElginbrod。JanethadletitlieforsometimebeforeshesentittoMargaret;andEuphrahadgivenupallexpectationofananswer。
HopesofministrationfilledMargaret\'sheart;butsheexpected,fromwhatsheknewofher,thatangerwouldbeMissCameron\'sfirstfeeling。Therefore,whensheheardnoanswertoherapplicationforadmission,andhadconcluded,inconsequence,thatEuphrawasnotintheroom,sheresolvedtoleavetheletterwhereitwouldmeethereye,andthuspreparethewayforafutureconversation。WhenshesawEuphraandHarry,shewouldhaveretiredimmediately;butEuphra,annoyedbyherentrance,wasnowquiteabletospeak。
“Whatdoyouwant?”shesaidangrily。
“Thisisyourletter,MissCameron,isitnot?”saidMargaret,advancingwithitinherhand。
Euphratookit,glancedatthedirection,pushedHarryawayfromher,startedupinapassion,andletloosethewholegatheredirritabilityofcontempt,weariness,disappointment,andsuffering,uponMargaret。Herdarkeyesflashedwithrage,andhersallowcheekglowedlikeapeach。
“Whatrighthaveyou,pray,tohandlemyletters?Howdidyougetthis?Ithasneverbeenposted!Andopen,too。Ideclare!I
supposeyouhavereadit?”
Margaretwasafraidofexcitingmorewrathbeforeshehadanopportunityofexplaining;butEuphragavehernotimetothinkofareply。
“Youhavereadit,youshamelesswoman!Whydon\'tyoulie,liketherestofyourtribe,andkeepmefromdyingwithindignation?
Impudentprying!Mymaidneverpostedit,andyouhavefounditandreadit!Pray,didyouhopetofindasecretworthabribe?”
SheadvancedonMargarettillwithinafootofher。
“Whydon\'tyouanswer,youhussy?Iwillgothisinstanttoyourmistress。YouorIleavethehouse。“
Margarethadstoodallthistimequietly,waitingforanopportunitytospeak。Herfacewasverypale,butperfectlystill,andhereyesdidnotquail。Shehadnotintheleastlostherself-possession。
Shewouldnotsayatoncethatshehadreadtheletter,becausethatwouldinstantlyrousethetornadoagain。
“Youdonotknowmyname,MissCameron;ofcourseyoucouldnot。“
“Yourname!Whatisthattome?”
“That,“saidMargaret,pointingtotheletter,“ismyfather\'sname。“
Euphralookedatherowndirectionagain,andthenlookedatMargaret。Shewassobewildered,thatifshehadanythoughts,shedidnotknowthem。Margaretwenton:
“Myfatherisdead。Mymothersentthelettertome。“
“Thenyouhavehadtheimpertinencetoreadit!”
“Itwasmydutytoreadit。“
“Duty!Whatbusinesshadyouwithit?”
Euphrafeltashamedoftheletterassoonasshefoundthatshehadappliedtoamanwhosedaughterwasaservant。Margaretanswered:
“Icouldatleastreplytoitsofar,thatthewritershouldnotthinkmyfatherhadneglectedit。IdidnotknowwhoitwasfromtillIcametotheend。“
Euphraturnedherbackonher,withthewords:
“Youmaygo。“
Margaretwalkedoutoftheroomwithanunconsciousstatelygentleness。
“Comeback,“criedEuphra。
Margaretobeyed。
“Ofcourseyouwilltellallyourfellow-servantsthecontentsofthisfoolishletter。“
Margaret\'sfaceflushed,andhereyeflashed,atthefirstwordsofthisspeech;butthelastwordsmadeherforgetthefirst,andtothemonlyshereplied。Clasping。herhands,shesaid:
“DearMissCameron,donotcallitfoolish。ForGod\'ssake,donotcallitfoolish。“
“Whatisittoyou?DoyouthinkIamgoingtomakeaconfidanteofyou?”
Margaretagainlefttheroom。Notwithstandingthatshehadmadenoanswertoherinsult,Euphrafeltsatisfiedthatherletterwassafefromprofanation。
NosoonerwasMargaretoutofsight,than,withthereactioncommontoviolenttempers,whichinthiscaseresultedthesooner,fromtheexhaustionproducedinawornframebytheviolenceoftheoutburst,Euphrasatdown,inahopeless,unrestingway,uponthechairfromwhichshehadjustrisen,andbeganweepingmorebitterlythanbefore。Shewasnotonlyexhausted,butashamed;andtothesefeelingswasaddedafargreatersenseofdisappointmentthanshecouldhavebelievedpossible,atthefrustrationofthehopeofhelpfromDavidElginbrod。True,thishopehadbeensmall;butwherethereisonlyonehope,itsdeathisequallybitter,whetheritbeagreatoralittlehope。Andthereisoftennopowerofreaction,inamindwhichhasbeengraduallyreducedtoonelittlefainthope,whenthathopegoesoutindarkness。Thereisarecoilwhichisveryhelpful,fromtheblowthatkillsagreathope。
AllthistimeHarryhadbeenlookingon,inakindofparalysedcondition,palewithperplexityanddistress。HenowcameuptoEuphra,and,tryingtopullherhandgentlyfromherface,said:
“Whatisitallabout,Euphra,dear?”
“Oh!Ihavebeenverynaughty,Harry。“
“Butwhatisitallabout?MayIreadtheletter?”
“Ifyoulike,“answeredEuphra,listlessly。
Harryreadtheletterwithquiveringfeatures。Then,layingitdownonthetablewithareverentialslowness,wenttoEuphra,puthisarmsroundherandkissedher。
“Dear,dearEuphra,Ididnotknowyouweresounhappy。IwillfindGodforyou。ButfirstIwill——whatshallIdotothebadman?Whoisit?Iwill——“
Harryfinishedthesentencebysettinghisteethhard。
“Oh!youcan\'tdoanythingforme,Harry,dear。Onlymindyoudon\'tsayanythingaboutittoanyone。Puttheletterinthefirethereforme。“
“No——thatIwon\'t,“saidHarry,takinguptheletter,andholdingittight。“Itisabeautifulletter,anditdoesmegood。Don\'tyouthink,thoughitisnotsenttoGodhimself,hemayreadit,andtakeitforaprayer?”
“Iwishhewould,Harry。“
“Butitwasverywrongofyou,Euphra,dear,tospeakasyoudidtothedaughterofsuchagoodman。“
“Yes,itwas。“
“Butthen,yousee,yougotangrybeforeyouknewwhoshewas。“
“ButIshouldn\'thavegotangrybeforeIknewallaboutit“
“Well,youhaveonlytosayyouaresorry,andMargaretwon\'tthinkanythingmoreaboutit。Oh,sheissogood!”
Euphrarecoiledfrommakingconfessionofwrongtoalady\'smaid;
and,perhaps,shewasalittlejealousofHarry\'sadmirationofMargaret。ForEuphrahadnotyetcastoffallheroldhabitsofmind,andoneofthemwasthedesiretobefirstwitheveryonewhomshecaredfor。Shehadgotridofaworse,whichwas,anecessityofbeingfirstineverycompany,whethershecaredforthepersonscomposingit,ornot。Mentalsufferinghaddriventhelatterfarenoughfromher;thoughitwouldreturnworsethanever,ifhermindwerenotfilledwithtruthintheplaceofambition。SoshedidnotrespondtowhatHarrysaid。Indeed,shedidnotspeakagain,excepttobeghimtoleaveheralone。Shedidnotmakeherappearanceagainthatday。
Butatnight,whenthehouseholdwasretiring,sherosefromthebedonwhichshehadbeenlyinghalf-unconscious,andgoingtothedoor,openeditalittleway,thatshemighthearwhenMargaretshouldpassfromMrs。Elton\'sroomtowardsherown。Shewaitedforsometime;butjudging,atlength,thatshemusthavepassedwithoutherknowledge,shewentandknockedatherdoor。Margaretopeneditalittle,afteramoment\'sdelay,half-undressed。
“MayIcomein,Margaret?”
“Pray,do,MissCameron,“answeredMargaret。
Andsheopenedthedoorquite。Hercapwasoff,andherrichdarkhairfellonhershoulders,andstreamedthencetoherwaist。Herunder-clothingwaswhiteassnow。
“Whatalovelyskinshehas!”thoughtEuphra,comparingitwithherowntawnycomplexion。Shefelt,forthefirsttime,thatMargaretwasbeautiful——yes,more:thatwhateverhergownmightbe,herformandherskin(givemeaprettierword,kindreader,forabeautifulfact,andIwillgladlyuseit)werethoseofoneofnature\'sladies。ShewassoontofindthatherintellectandspiritwerethoseofoneofGod\'sladies。
“Iamverysorry,Margaret,thatIspoketoyouasIdidtoday。“
“Nevermindit,MissCameron。Wecannothelpbeingangrysometimes。
Andyouhadgreatprovocationunderthemistakeyoumade。IwasonlysorrybecauseIknewitwouldtroubleyouafterwards。Pleasedon\'tthinkofitagain。“
“Youareverykind,Margaret。“
“Iregrettedmyfather\'sdeath,forthefirsttime,afterreadingyourletter,forIknewhecouldhavehelpedyou。Butitwasveryfoolishofme,forGodisnotdead。“
Margaretsmiledasshesaidthis,lookingfullinEuphra\'seyes。Itwasasmileofmeaningunfathomable,anditquiteovercameEuphra。
ShehadneverlikedMargaretbefore;for,fromnotveryobscurepsychologicalcauses,shehadneverfeltcomfortableinherpresence,especiallyaftershehadencounteredthenunintheGhost\'sWalk,thoughshehadhadnosuspicionthatthenunwasMargaret。Agreatmanyofourdislikes,bothtopersonsandthings,arisefromafeelingofdiscomfortassociatedwiththem,perhapsonlyaccidentallypresentinourmindsthefirsttimewemetthem。
Butthisvanishedentirelynow。
“Doyou,then,knowGodtoo,Margaret?”
“Yes,“answeredMargaret,simplyandsolemnly。
“Willyoutellmeabouthim?”
“Icanatleasttellyouaboutmyfather,andwhathetaughtme。“
“Oh!thankyou,thankyou!Dotellmeabouthim——now。“
“Notnow,dearMissCameron。Itislate,andyouaretoounwelltostayuplonger。Letmehelpyoutobedto-night。Iwillbeyourmaid。“
Asshespoke,Margaretproceededtoputonherdressagain,thatshemightgowithEuphra,whohadnoattendant。ShehadpartedwithJane,anddidnotcare,inherpresentmood,tohaveawomanabouther,especiallyanewone。
“No,Margaret。Youhaveenoughtodowithoutaddingmetoyourtroubles。“
“Please,doletme,MissCameron。Itwillbeagreatpleasuretome。Ihavehardlyanythingtocallwork。YoushouldseehowIusedtoworkwhenIwasathome。“
Euphrastillobjected,butMargaret\'sentreatyprevailed。ShefollowedEuphratoherroom。Theresheservedherlikeaministeringangel;brushedherhair——oh,sogently!smoothingitoutasifshelovedit。Therewashealthinthetouchofherhands,becausetherewaslove。Sheundressedher;coveredherinbedasifshehadbeenachild;madeupthefiretolastaslongaspossible;
badehergoodnight;andwasleavingtheroom,whenEuphracalledher。Margaretreturnedtothebed-side。
“Kissme,Margaret,“shesaid。
Margaretstooped,kissedherforeheadandherlips,andlefther。
Euphracriedherselftosleep。Theywerethefirsttearsshehadevershedthatwerenotpainfultears。Shesleptasshehadnotsleptformonths。
InordertounderstandthischangeinEuphrasia\'sbehaviourtoMargaret——inorder,infact,torepresentittoourmindsasatallcredible——wemustrememberthatshehadbeentryingtodorightforsometime;thatMargaret,asthedaughterofDavid,seemedtheonlyattainablesourceoftheknowledgeshesought;thatlongillnesshadgreatlyweakenedherobstinacy;thathersoulhungered,withoutknowingit,forlove;andthatshewasnaturallygiftedwithastrongwill,thepositioninwhichshestoodinrelationtothecountprovingonlythatitwasnotstrongenough,andnotthatitwasweak。Suchacharactermust,foranygood,beruledbyitself,andnotbycircumstances。TohavebeenovercomeintheprocessoftimebythepersistentgoodnessofMargaret,mighthavebeentheblessedfateofaweakerandworsewoman;butifEuphradidnotovercomeherself,therewasnohopeoffurthervictory。IfMargaretcouldevenwitherthepowerofheroppressor,itwouldbebuttotransferthelordshipfromabadmantoagoodwoman;andthatwouldnotbeenough。Itwouldnotbefreedom。Andindeed,theaidthatMargarethadtogiveher,couldonlybebestowedononewhoalreadyhadfreedomenoughtoactinsomedegreefromduty。SheknewsheoughttogoandapologizetoMargaret。Shewent。
InMargaret\'spresence,andinsuchamood,shewassubjectedatoncetotheholyenchantmentofherloving-kindness。Shehadneverreceivedanytendernessfromawomanbefore。Perhapsshehadneverbeenintherightmoodtoprofitbyitifshehad。NorhadsheeverbeforeseenwhatMargaretwas。Itwasonlywhenservice——divineservice——flowedfromherinfulloutgoing,thatshereachedtheheightofherloveliness。Thenherwholeformwasbeautiful。Sowasitinterpenetratedby,andrespondentto,theuprisingsoulwithin,thatitradiatedthoughtandfeelingasifithadbeenallspirit。Thisbeautyrosetoitsbestinhereyes。Whenshewasministeringtoanyoneinneed,hereyesseemedtoworshiptheobjectofherfaithfulness,asifallthetimeshefeltthatshewasdoingituntoHim。Herdeedsweredevotion。Shewasthereceiverandnotthegiver。Beforethis,Euphrahadseenonlythestillwaitingface;and,asIhavesaid,shehadbeenrepelledbyit。
Oncewithinthesphereoftheradiationofherattraction,shewasdrawntowardsher,astowardsthehavenofherpeace:shelovedher。
Tothis,itlength,hadherstrugglewithherselfinthesilenceofherownroom,andhermeditationsonhercouch,conductedher。
Shallwesaythatthesealonehadbeenandwereleadingher?Orthattoallthesetherewasahiddenroot,andaninformingspirit?
Whowouldnotratherbelievethathisthoughtscomefromaninfinite,self-sphered,self-constitutingthought,thanthattheyrisesomehowoutofablankabyssofdarkness,andareonlythoughtwhenhethinksthem,whichthinkinghecannotpre-determineorevenforesee?
WhenEuphrawoke,herfirstbreathwaslikeadeepdraughtofspiritualwater。Shefeltasifsomesorrowhadpassedfromher,andsomegladnesscomeinitsstead。Shethoughtandthought,andfoundthatthegladnesswasMargaret。Shehadscarcelymadethediscovery,whenthedoorgentlyopened,andMargaretpeepedintoseeifshewereawake。
“MayIcomein?”shesaid。
“Yes,please,Margaret。“
“Howdoyoufeelto-day?”
“Oh,somuchbetter,dearMargaret!Yourkindnesswillmakemewell。“
“Iamsoglad!Doliestillawhile,andIwillbringyousomebreakfast。Mrs。Eltonwillbesopleasedtofindyouletmewaitonyou!”
“Sheaskedme,Margaret,ifyoushould;butIwastoomiserable——andtoonaughty,forIdidnotlikeyou。“
“Iknewthat;butIfeltsureyouwouldnotdislikemealways。“
“Why?”
“BecauseIcouldnothelplovingyou。“
“Whydidyouloveme?”
“Iwilltellyouhalfthereason——Becauseyoulookedunhappy。“
“Whatwastheotherhalf?”
“ThatIcannot——ImeanIwillnottellyou。“
“Never?”
“Perhapsnever。ButIdon\'tknow——Notnow。“
“ThenImustnotaskyou?”
“No——please。“
“Verywell,Iwon\'t。“
“Thankyou。Iwillgoandgetyourbreakfast。“
“Whatcanshemean?”saidEuphratoherself。
Butshewouldneverhavefoundout。
CHAPTERXIV。
DAVIDELGINBROD。
Hebeingdeadyetspeaketh。
HEB。,xi。4。
Inall\'he\'didSomefigureofthegoldentimeswashid。
DR。DONNE。
>Fromthistime,MargaretwaiteduponEuphra,asifshehadbeenherownmaid。NorhadMrs。Eltonanycauseofcomplaint,forMargaretwasalwaysathandwhenshewaswanted。Indeed,hermistresswasfullofherpraises。Euphrasaidlittle。
Manyandlongweretheconversationsbetweenthetwogirls,whenallbutthemselveswereasleep。SometimesHarrymadeoneofthecompany;buttheycouldalwayssendhimawaywhentheywishedtobealone。AndnowtheteachingforwhichEuphrahadlonged,spranginafountainatherowndoor。Ithadbeennighherlong,andshehadnotknownit,foritshourhadnotcome。Nowshedrankasonlythethirstydrink,——astheydrinkwhoseverysoulsarefaintingwithinthemfordrought。
ButhowdidMargaretembodyherlessons?
Thesecondnight,shecametoEuphra\'sroom,andsaid:
“ShallItellyouaboutmyfatherto-night?Are,youable?”
Euphrawasdelighted。Itwaswhatshehadbeenhopingforallday。
“Dotellme。Ilongtohearabouthim。“
Sotheysatdown;andMargaretbegantotalkaboutherchildhood;
thecottageshelivedin;thefir-woodallaroundit;theworksheusedtodo;——herside,inshort,ofthestorywhich,inthecommencementofthisbook,IhavepartlyrelatedfromHugh\'sside。
Summerandwinter,spring-timeandharvest,stormandsunshine,allcameintothetale。Hermothercameintoitoften;andoftentoo,thoughnotsooften,thegrandformofherfatherappeared,remainedforalittlewhile,andthenpassedaway。EverytimeEuphrasawhimthusinthemirrorofMargaret\'smemory,shesawhimmoreclearlythanbefore:shefeltasif,soon,sheshouldknowhimquitewell。
Sometimessheaskedaquestionortwo;butgenerallysheallowedMargaret\'swordstoflowunchecked;forshepaintedherpicturesbetterwhenthecoloursdidnotdrybetween。Theytalkedon,orrather,MargarettalkedandEuphralistened,farintothenight。Atlength,Margaretstoppedsuddenly,forshebecameawarethatalongtimehadpassed。Lookingattheclockonthechimney-piece,shesaid:
“Ihavedonewrongtokeepyouupsolate。Come——Imustgetyoutobed。Youareaninvalid,youknow,andIamyournurseaswellasyourmaid。“
“Youwillcometo-morrownight,then?”
“Yes,Iwill。“
“ThenIwillgotobedlikeagoodchild。“
Margaretundressedher,andlefthertothehealingofsleep。
Thenextnightshespokeagainofherfather,andwhathetaughther。Euphrahadthoughtmuchabouthim;andateveryfreshtouchwhichthestorygavetotheportrait,sheknewhimbetter;tillatlast,evenwhencircumstancesnotmentionedbeforecameup,sheseemedtohaveknownthemfromthebeginning。
“Whatwasyourfatherlike,Margaret?”
MargaretdescribedhimverynearlyasIhavedone,fromHugh\'saccount,intheformerpartofthestory。Euphrasaid:
“Ah!yes。ThatisalmostexactlyasIhadfanciedhim。Isitnotstrange?”
“Itisverynatural,Ithink,“answeredMargaret。
“Iseemnowtohaveknownhimforyears。“
Butwhatismostworthyofrecordis,thateverasthepictureofDavidgrewonthevisionofEuphra,theideaofGodwasgrowingunawaresuponherinwardsight。ShewaslearningmoreandmoreaboutGodallthetime。ThesightofhumanexcellenceawokeafaintIdealofthedivineperfection。Faithcameofitself,andabode,andgrew;foritneedsbutavisionoftheDivine,andfaithinGodisstraightwayborninthesoulthatbeholdsit。Thus,faithandsightareone。Thebeingofherfatherinheavenwasnomorestrangeandfarofffromher,whenshehadseensuchafatheronearthasMargaret\'swas。ItwasnotaloneDavid\'sfaiththatbegothers,butthemanhimselfwasafaith-begettingpresence。HewastheevidenceofGodwiththem——Thushe,beingdead,yetspoke,andthedepartedmanwasapresentpower。
EuphrabegantoreadthestoryoftheGospel。SodidHarry。Theyfoundmuchonwhichtodesireenlightenment;andtheyalwaysappliedtoMargaretforthelighttheyneeded。ItwaslongbeforesheventuredtosayIthink。Shealwayssaid:
“Myfatherusedtosay——“or“Ithinkmyfatherwouldhavesaid——“
ItwasnotuntilEuphrawasingreattroublesometimeafterthis,andrequiredtheimmediateconsolationofpersonaltestimony,thatMargaretspokeasfromherself;andthenshespokewithpositiveassuranceoffaith。ShedidnotthenevensayIthink,but,Iamsure;Iknow;Ihaveseen。
ManyinterviewsofthissortdidnottakeplacebetweenthembeforeEuphra,inherturn,begantoconfideherhistorytoMargaret。
Itwasastrangelydifferentone——fullofoutwardeventandphysicaltrouble;but,tillitapproachedthelaststages,wonderfullybarrenastoinwardproductionordevelopment。ItwasahistoryofEuphra\'scircumstancesandpeculiarities,notofEuphraherself。
Tilloflate,shehadscarcelyhadanyhistory。Margaret\'s,onthecontrary,wasatruehistory;for,withmuchofthemonotonousincircumstance,itdescribedindividualgrowth,andthechangeofprogress。Wherethereisnochangetherecanbenohistory;andasallchangeiseithergrowthordecay,allhistorymustdescribeprogressorretrogression。TheformerhadnowbegunforEuphraaswell;anditwasoneproofofitthatshetoldMargaretallIhavealreadyrecordedformyreaders,atleastasfarasitboreagainstherself。HowmuchmoreshetoldherIamunabletosay;butaftershehadtoldit,EuphrawasstillmorehumbletowardsMargaret,andMargaretmoretender,morefullofservice,ifpossible,andmoredevotedtoEuphra。
CHAPTERXV。
MARGARET\'SSECRET。
LoveisnotloveWhichalterswhenitalterationfinds,Orbendswiththeremovertoremove。
SHAKSPERE——Sonnetcxvi。
Margaretcouldnotproceedveryfarinthestoryofherlife,withoutmakingsomereferencetoHughSutherland。Butshecarefullyavoidedmentioninghisname。Perhapsnoonelesscalm,andfreefromtheoperationofexcitement,couldhavebeensosuccessfulinsuppressingit。
“Ah!”saidEuphra,oneday,“yourhistoryisalittlelikeminethere;atutorcomesintothemboth。Didyounotfalldreadfullyinlovewithhim?”
“Ilovedhimverymuch。“
“Whereishenow?”
“InLondon,Ibelieve。“
“Doyouneverseehim?”
“No。“
“Haveyouneverseenhimsinceheleftyourhome——withthecuriousname?”
“Yes;butnotspokentohim。“
“Where?”
Margaretwassilent。Euphraknewherwellenoughnownottorepeatthequestion。
“Ishouldhavebeeninlovewithhim,Iknow。“
Margaretonlysmiled。
Anotherday,Euphrasaid:
“WhatagoodboythatHarryis!Andsoclevertoo。Ah!Margaret,Ihavebehavedlikethedeviltothatboy。Iwantedtohavehimalltomyself,andsokepthimachild。NeedIconfessallmyugliestsins?”
“Nottome,certainly,dearMissCameron。TellGodtolookintoyourheart,andtakethemalloutofit。“
“Iwill。Ido——IevenenticedMr。Sutherlandawayfromhimtome,whenhewastheonlyrealfriendhehad,thatImighthavethemboth。“
“Butyouhavedoneyourbesttomakeupforitsince。“
“Ihavetriedalittle。IcannotsayIhavedonemybest。Ihavebeensopeevishandirritable。“
“Youcouldnotquitehelpthat。“
“Howkindyouaretoexcusemeso!Itmakesmesomuchstrongertotryagain。“
“MyfatherusedtosaythatGodwasalwaysfindingeveryexcuseforusthatcouldbefound;everytrueone,youknow;notonefalseone。“
“Thatdoescomfortone。“
Afterapause,Euphraresumed:
“Mr。Sutherlanddidmesomegood,Margaret。“
“Idonotwonderatthat。“
“HemademethinklessaboutCountHalkar;andthatwassomething,forhehauntedme。Ididnotknowthenhowverywickedhewas。I
didlovehimonce。Oh,howIhatehimnow!”
Andshestartedupandpacedtheroomlikeatigressinitscage。
Margaretdidnotjudgethistheoccasiontoreadheralectureonthedutyofforgiveness。Shehadenoughtodotokeepfromhatingthemanherself,Isuspect。Butshetriedtoturnherthoughtsintoanotherchannel。
“Mr。Sutherlandlovedyouverymuch,MissCameron。“
“Helovedmeonce,“saidpoorEuphra,withasigh。
“Isawhedid。ThatwaswhyIbegantoloveyoutoo。“
Margarethadatlastunwittinglyopenedthedoorofhersecret。ShehadtoldtheotherreasonforlovingEuphra。But,naturallyenough,Euphracouldnotunderstandwhatshemeant。Perhapssomeofmyreaders,understandingMargaret\'swordsperfectly,andtheirreferencetoo,maybesofarfromunderstandingMargaretherself,astoturnuponmeandsay:
“Impossible!Youcannothaveunderstoodheroranyotherwoman。“
Well!
“Whatdoyoumean,Margaret?”
Margaretbothblushedandlaughedoutright。
“Imustconfessit,“saidshe,atonce;“itcannothurthimnow:mytutorandyoursarethesame。“
“Impossible!”
“True。“
“AndyouneverspokeallthetimeyouwerebothatArnstead?”
“Notonce。HeneverknewIwasinthehouse。“
“Howstrange!Andyousawhelovedme?”
“Yes。“
“Andyouwerenotjealous?”
“Ididnotsaythat。ButIsoonfoundthattheonlywaytoescapefrommyjealousy,ifthefeelingIhadwasjealousy,wastoloveyoutoo。Idid。“
“Youbeautifulcreature!Butyoucouldnothavelovedhimmuch。“
“Ilovedhimenoughtoloveyouforhissake。Butwhydidhestoplovingyou?IfearIshallnotbeabletolovehimsomuchnow。“
“Hecouldnothelpit,Margaret。Ideservedit。“
Euphrahidherfaceinherhands。
“Hecouldnothavereallylovedyou,then?”
“Whichisbettertobelieve,Margaret,“saidEuphra,uncoveringherface,whichtwotearswerelingeringdown,andlookingupather——“thatheneverlovedme,orthathestoppedlovingme?”
“Forhissake,thefirst。“
“Andformysake,thesecond?”
“Thatdepends。“
“Soitdoes。Hemusthavefoundplentyoffaultsinme。ButIwasnotsobadashethoughtmewhenhestoppedlovingme。“
Margaret\'sanswerwasoneofherlovingsmiles,inwhichhereyeshadmoresharethanherlips。
ItwouldhavebeenunendurabletoEuphra,alittlewhilebefore,tofindthatshehadarivalinaservant。Nowshescarcelyregardedthataspectofherposition。ButshelookeddoubtfullyatMargaret,andthensaid:
“Howisitthatyoutakeitsoquietly?——foryourlovemusthavebeenverydifferentfrommine。Indeed,IamnotsurethatIlovedhimatall;andafterIhadmadeupmymindtoitquite,itdidnothurtmesoverymuch。Butyoumusthavelovedhimdreadfully。“
“PerhapsIdid。ButIhadnoanxietyaboutit。“
“Butthatyoucouldnotleavetoafathersuchasyourseventosettle。“
“No。ButIcouldtoGod。IcouldtrustGodwithwhatIcouldnotspeaktomyfatherabout。Heismyfather\'sfather,youknow;andso,moretohimandmethanwecouldbetoeachother。ThemoreweloveGod,themoreweloveeachother;forwefindhemakestheverylovewhichsometimeswefoolishlyfeartodoinjusticeto,bylovinghimmost。IlovemyfathertentimesmorebecausehelovesGod,andbecauseGodhassecretswithhim。“
“IwishGodwereafathertomeasheistoyou,Margaret。“
“Butheisyourfather,whetheryouwishitornot。Hecannotbemoreyourfatherthanheis。Youmaybemorehischildthanyouare,butnotmorethanhemeantyoutobe,normorethanhemadeyoufor。Youareinfinitelymorehischildthanyouhavegrowntoyet。
Hemadeyoualtogetherhischild,butyouhavenotgivenintoityet。“
“Oh!yes;Iknowwhatyoumean。Ifeelitistrue。“
“TheProdigalSonwashisfather\'schild。Heknewit,andgaveintoit。Hedidnotsay:\'Iwishmyfatherlovedmeenoughtotreatmelikeachildagain。\'Hedidnotsaythat,but——Iwillariseandgotomyfather。“
Euphramadenoanswer,butwept,Margaretsaidnomore。
Euphrawasthefirsttoresume。
“Mr。Sutherlandwasverykind,Margaret。Hepromised——andIknowhewillkeephispromise——todoallhecouldtohelpme。Ihopeheisfindingoutwherethatwickedcountis。“
“Writetohim,andaskhimtocomeandseeyou。Hedoesnotknowwhereyouare。“
“ButIdon\'tknowwhereheis。“
“Ido。“
“Doyou?”rejoinedEuphrawithsomesurprise。
“ButhedoesnotknowwhereIam。Iwillgiveyouhisaddress,ifyoulike。“
Euphraponderedalittle。Shewouldhavelikedverymuchtoseehim,forshewasanxioustoknowofhissuccess。Theloveshehadfeltforhimwasaverysmallobstacletotheirmeetingnow;forherthoughtshadbeenoccupiedwithaffairs,beforetheinterestofwhichthepoorloveshehadthenbeencapableof,hadmeltedawayandvanished——vanished,thatis,inallthatwasrestrictiveandengrossinginitscharacter。ButnowthatsheknewtherelationthathadexistedbetweenMargaretandhim,sheshrunkfromdoinganythingthatmightseemtoMargarettogiveEuphraanopportunityofregaininghispreference。Notthatshehadherselfthesmallesthope,evenhadshehadthesmallestdesireofdoingso;butshewouldnotevensuggesttheideaofbeingMargaret\'srival。Atlengthsheanswered:
“No,thankyou,Margaret。Assoonashehasanythingtoreport,hewillwritetoArnstead,andMrs。Hortonwillforwardmetheletter。
No——itisquiteunnecessary。“
Euphra\'shealthwasimprovingalittle,thoughstillshewasfarfromstrong。