第14章

类别:其他 作者:George MacDonald字数:22380更新时间:18/12/21 14:35:15
CHAPTERXII。 ASUNDAYWITHFALCONER。 Howhappyishebornandtaught,Thatservethnotanother\'swill; Whosearmourishishonestthought,Andsimpletruthhisutmostskill。 ThismanisfreedfromservilebandsOfhopetoriseorfeartofall: Lordofhimself,thoughnotoflands,And,havingnothing,yethathall。 SIRHENRYWOTTON。 ItwasnotoftenthatFalconerwenttochurch;butheseemedtohavesomedesigningoingoftenerthanusualatpresent。TheSundayaftertheonelastmentioned,hewentaswell,thoughnottothesamechurch,andcallingforHughtookhimwithhim。Whattheyfoundthere,andtheconversationfollowingthereupon,Iwilltrytorelate,because,althoughtheydonotimmediatelyaffectmyoutwardstory,theygreatlyinfluencedHugh\'srealhistory。 TheyheardtheMorningServiceandtheLitanyreadinanordinarymanner,thoughsomewhatmoredevoutlythanusual。Then,fromthecommunion-table,roseavoicevibratingwithsolemnemotion,likethevoiceofAbrahampleadingforSodom。ItthrilledthroughHugh\'sheart。Thesermonwhichfollowedaffectedhimnoless,although,whenhecameout,heconfessedtoFalconerthathehadonlycaughtflyingglimpsesofitsmeaning,scope,anddrift。 “Iseldomgotochurch,“saidFalconer;“butwhenIdo,Icomehere: andalwaysfeelthatIaminthepresenceofoneoftheholyservantsofGod\'sgreattemplenotmadewithhands。Iheartilytrustthatman。Heiswhatheseemstobe。“ “Theysayheisawfullyheterodox。“ “Theydo。“ “Howthencanheremaininthechurch,ifheisashonestasyousay?” “Inthisway,asIhumblyventuretothink,“Falconeranswered。“Helooksupontheformul?ofthechurchasutterancesoflivingtruth——vitalembodiments——toberegardedasoneoughttoregardhumanfaces。Inthesehumanfaces,othersmayseethisorthatinferiorexpression,mayfindoutthemeanandthesmallandtheincomplete:helooksforandfindstheideal;thegrand,sacred,God-meantmeaning;andbythatheholdsasthemeaningofthehumancountenances,foritisthemeaningofhimwhomadethem。SowiththeconfessionoftheChurchofEngland:hebelievesthatnotmanonly,butGodalso,andGodfirstandchief,hadtodowiththemakingofit;andthereforehelooksinitfortheEternalandtheDivine,andhefindswhatheseeks。Andasnowordscanavoidbearinginthemthepossibilityofavarietyofinterpretations,hewouldexcludewhateverthewordsmightmean,or,regardedmerelyaswords,domean,inanarrowexposition:hethinksitwouldbedishonesttotakethelowmeaningasthemeaning。Toreturntothefaces:hepassesbymoodsandtempers,andbeholdsthemaincharacter——thatonwhosesurfacethetemporalandtransientfloats。 Bothinfacesandinformul?helovesthedivinesubstance,withhistrue,manly,braveheart;andasforthefaultsinboth——forman,too,hashisshareinboth——Ibelieveheisreadytodiebythem,ifonlyinsodoinghemightdieforthem——IhadavisionofhimthismorningasIsatandlistenedtohisvoice,whichalwaysseemstometocomeimmediatelyfromhisheart,asifhisheartspokewithlipsofitsown。ShallItellyoumyvision?—— “Isawacrowd——priestsandlaymen——speeding,hurrying,dartingaway,upasteep,crumblingheight。Mitres,hoods,andhatsrolledbehindthemtothebottom。Everyoneforhimself,withhandsandfeettheyscrambleandflee,tosavetheirsoulsfromthefiresofhellwhichcomerollinginalongthehollowbelowwiththeforward\'pointingspires\'ofbillowyflame。Butbeneath,rightinthecourseofthefire,standsonemanuponalittlerockwhichgoesdowntothecentreofthegreatworld,andfacestheapproachingflames。Hestandsbareheaded,hiseyesbrightwithfaithinGod,andthemightymouththatuttershistruth,fixedinholydefiance。 Hisdenialcomesfromnofear,orweakdisliketothatwhichispainful。Onneithersidewillhetellliesforpeace。Heisreadytobelostforhisfellow-men。InthenameofGodherebukestheflamesofhell。Thefugitivespauseonthetop,lookback,callhimlyingprophet,andshoutevilopprobriousnamesatthemanwhocountsnothisownlifedeartohim,whohasforgottenhisownsoulinhissacreddevotiontomen,whofillsupwhatisleftbehindofthesufferingsofChrist,forhisbody\'ssake——forthehumanrace,ofwhichheisthehead。Besurethat,comewhatmayoftherest,lettheflamesofhellebborflow,thatmanissafe,forheisdeliveredalreadyfromtheonlydevilthatcanmakehellitselfatorture,thedevilofselfishness——theonlyonethatcanpossessamanandmakehimselfhisownlivinghell。Heisoutofallthatregionofthings,andalreadydwellinginthesecretplaceoftheAlmighty。“ “Goon,goon。“ “HetrustsinGodsoabsolutely,thatheleaveshissalvationtohim——utterly,fearlessly;and,forgettingit,asbeingnoconcernofhis,setshimselftodotheworkthatGodhasgivenhimtodo,evenashisLorddidbeforehim,countingthataloneworthyofhiscare。 LetGod\'swillbedone,andalliswell。IfGod\'swillbedone,hecannotfareill。Tohim,Godisallinall。Ifitbepossibletoseparatesuchthings,itisthegloryofGod,evenmorethanthesalvationofmen,thatheseeks。HewillnothaveitthathisFatherinheavenisnotperfect。HebelievesentirelythatGodloves,yea,islove;and,therefore,thathellitselfmustbesubservienttothatlove,andbutanembodimentofit;thatthegrandworkofJusticeistomakewayforaLovewhichwillgivetoeverymanthatwhichisrightandtentimesmore,evenifitshouldbebymeansofawfulsuffering——asufferingwhichtheLoveoftheFatherwillnotshun,eitherforhimselforhischildren,butwilleagerlymeetfortheirsakes,thathemaygivethemallthatisinhisheart。“ “Surelyyouspeakyourownopinionsindescribingthuswarmlythefaithofthepreacher。“ “Ido。HeisaccountablefornothingIsay。AllIassertis,thatthisishowIseemtomyselftosucceedinunderstandinghim。“ “Howisitthatsomanygoodpeoplecallhimheterodox?” “Idonotmindthat。Iamannoyedonlywhengood-heartedpeople,withsmallnaturesandcultivatedintellects,patronisehim,andtalkforgivinglyofhiswarmheartandunsoundjudgment。Tothese,theologymustbelikeamap——withplentyoflinesinit。Theycannottrusttheirhouseonthehightable-landofhistheology,becausetheycannotseetheoutlinesboundingthesaidtable-land。 Itisnotsmallenoughforthem。Theycannottakeitin。Suchcanhardlybesatisfiedwiththecreation,onewouldthink,seeingthereisnolineofdivisionanywhereinit。Theywouldtakecarethereshouldbenomistake。“ “DoesGoddrawnolines,then?” “Whenhedoes,theyarepurelines,withoutbreadth,andconsequentlyinvisibletomortaleyes;notChinesewallsofseparation,suchasthesedefinerswouldconstruct。Suchmindsare?prioriincapableoftheorisinguponhistheories。Or,toalterthefigure,theywilldiscoverathousandfaultsinhisdrawing,buttheycanneverbeholdthefigureconstructedbyhislines,andcontainingthefaultswhichtheybelievetheydiscover。“ “Butcanthosetheoriesinreligionbecorrectwhicharesohardtosee?” “Theyareonlyhardtocertainnatures。“ “Butthosenaturesareabovetheaverage。“ “Yes,inintellectanditscultivation——nothingmore。“ “Youhavegrantedthemheart。“ “Notmuch;butwhatthereis,good。“ “Thatisallowingagreatdeal,though。Isitnothardthentosaythatsuchcannotunderstandhim?” “Why?Theywillgettoheaven,whichisalltheywant。Andtheywillunderstandhimoneday,whichismorethantheyprayfor。Tilltheyhavedonebeinganxiousabouttheirownsalvation,wemustforgivethemthattheycancontemplatewithcalmnessthedamnationofauniverse,andbelievethatGodisyetmoreindifferentthanthey。“ “Butdotheynotbringthechargeslikewiseagainstyou,ofbeingunabletounderstandthem?” “Yes。Andsoitmustremain,tilltheSpiritofGoddecidethematter,whichIpresumemusttakeplacebyslowdegrees。Forthisdecisioncanonlyconsistintheenlightenmentofsoulstoseethetruth;andthereforehastodowithindividualsonly。ThereisnotriumphfortheTruthbutthat。Sheknowsnogloryingoverthevanquished,forinhervictorythevanquishedisalreadyofthevanquishers。Tillthen,theRightmustbecontenttobecalledtheWrong,and——whichisfarharder——toseemtheWrong。Thereisnospiritualvictorygainedbyaverbalconquest;orbyanykindoftorture,evenshouldtherackemployedbethatofthepurestlogic。 Naymore:solongasthewickedthemselvesremainimpenitent,thereismourninginheaven;andwhenthereisnolongeranyhopeoveronelastremainingsinner,heavenitselfmustconfessitsdefeat,heapuponthatsinnerwhatplaguesyouwill。“ Hughpondered,andcontinuedponderingtilltheyreachedFalconer\'schambers。AtthedoorHughpaused。 “Willyounotcomein?” “IfearIshallbecometroublesome。“ “Nofearofthat。IpromisetogetridofyouassoonasIfindyouso。“ “Thankyou。Justletmeknowwhenyouhavehadenoughofme。“ Theyentered。Mrs。Ashton,who,unlikeherclass,wasnevermissingwhenwanted,gotthemsomebreadandcheese;andFalconer\'sFortunatus-purseofacellar——thebottomofhiscupboard——supplieditsusualbottleofport;towhichfarethefriendssatdown。 Theconversation,likeabirddescendinginspirals,settledatlastuponthesubjectwhichhadmoreorlessoccupiedHugh\'sthoughtseversincehisunsatisfactoryconversationwithFunkelstein,attheirfirstmeeting;andstillmoresincehehadlearnedthatthismanhimselfexercisedanunlawfulinfluenceoverEuphra。HebeggedFalconer,ifhehadanytheorycomprehendingsuchthings,tolethimknowwhatkindofarelationitwas,inwhichMissCameronstoodtoFunkelstein,orCountvonHalkar。 “Ihavehadoccasiontothinkagooddealaboutthosethings,“saidFalconer。“Thefirstthingevidentis,thatMissCameronispeculiarlyconstituted,belongingtoaclasswhichis,however,largerthaniscommonlysupposed,circumstancesrarelycombiningtobringoutitspeculiarities。Inthosewhoconstitutethisclass,thenervouselement,eitherfrompreponderating,orfromnotbeinginhealthyandharmoniouscombinationwiththemorematerialelement,manifestsitselfbeyonditsordinarysphereofoperation,andsooccasionsresultsunliketheusualphenomenaoflife,though,ofcourse,inaccordancewithnaturallaws。Touseasimile:itis,insuchcases,asifallthenervesofthehumanbodycamecrowdingtothesurface,andthereexposedthemselvestoathousandinfluences,fromwhichtheywouldotherwisebepreserved。OfcourseIamnotattemptingtoexplain,onlytosuggestaconceivablehypothesis。Uponsuchconstitutions,itwouldnotbesurprisingthatcertainotherconstitutions,similar,yetdiffering,shouldexerciseapeculiarinfluence。Youare,Idaresay,moreorlessfamiliarwiththemainfeaturesofmesmerismanditsallies,amongwhichiswhatiscalledbiology。IpresumeitisonsuchconstitutionsasIhavesupposed,thatthosepowersarechieflyoperative。MissCameronhas,atsometimeorotherinherhistory,submittedherselftotheinfluencesofthisCountHalkar;andhehasthusgainedamostdangerousauthorityoverher,whichhehasexercisedforhisownends。“ “ShemorethanimpliedasmuchinthelastconversationIhadwithher。“ “Sohiswillbecameherlaw。Thereisintheworldofmindasomethingcorrespondingtophysicalforceinthematerialworld——I cannotavoidjusttouchinguponahigheranalogy。Thekingdomofheavenisnotcome,evenwhenGod\'swillisourlaw:itiscomewhenGod\'swillisourwill。WhileGod\'swillisourlaw,wearebutakindofnobleslaves;whenhiswillisourwill,wearefreechildren。Nothinginnatureisfreeenoughtobeasymbolforthestateofthosewhoactimmediatelyfromtheessenceoftheirhiddenlife,andtherecognitionofGod\'swillasthatessence。But,asI said,thisbelongstoafarhigherregion。Ionlywantedtotouchontherelationofthefreedoms——physical,mental,andspiritual。 Toreturntothepointinhand:Irecogniseinthestoryaclearevidenceofstrifeandpartialvictoryintheaffairofthering。 Thecount——wewillcallhimbythenamehegiveshimself——hadevidentlybeenanxiousforyearstopossesshimselfofthisring: theprobablereasonswehavealreadytalkedof。Hehadlaidhisinjunctionsonhisslavetofinditforhim;andshe,perhapsatfirstnothingloath,perhapslovingthemanaswellassubmittingtohim,hadforalongtimeattemptedtofindit,buthadfailed。Thecount,probablydoubtinghersincerity,andhoping,atallevents,tourgehersearch,followedhertoArnstead,whereitisverylikelyhehadbeenbefore,althoughhehadavoidedMr。Arnold。 Judgingitadvantageoustogetintothehouse,inordertomakeobservations,heemployedhischancemeetingwithyoutothatresult。But,beforethis,hehadwatchedMissCameron\'sfamiliaritywithyou——wasjealousandtyrannical。Hencethevariationsofherconducttoyou;forwhenhispowerwasuponher,shecouldnotdoasshepleased。Butshemusthavehadarealregardforyou;forsheevidentlyrefusedtogetyouintotroublebytakingtheringfromyourcustody。Butmysurpriseisthatthefellowlimitedhimselftothatonejewel。“ “Youmaysoonberelievedfromthatsurprise,“answeredHugh:“hetookavaluablediamondofmineaswell。“ “Therascal!Wemaycatchhim,butyouarenotlikelytofindyourdiamondagain。Still,thereissomepossibility。“ “Howdoyouknowshewasnotwillingtotakeitfromme?” “Because,byherownaccount,hehadtodestroyherpowerofvolitionentirely,beforehecouldmakeherdoit。Hethrewherintoamesmericsleep。“ “Ishouldliketounderstandhispoweroverheralittlebetter。Insuchcasesofbiology——howtheycametoabusetheword,Ishouldliketoknow——“ “Justastheycalltable-rapping,&c。,spiritualism。“ “Isupposehisrelationtohermustbeclassedamongstphenomenaofthatsort?” “Certainly。“ “Well,tellme,doestheinfluenceoutlastthemesmericcondition?” “Ifbymesmericconditionyoumeananystateevidentlyapproachingtothatofsleep——undoubtedly。Itis,inmanycases,quiteindependentofsuchacondition。Perhapsthedegreeofwillingsubmissionatfirst,mayhavesomethingtodowithit。Butmesmericinfluence,whateveritmaymean,isentirelyindependentofsleep。 Thatisanaccidentaccompanyingit,perhapssometimesindicatingitsculmination。“ “Doesthepersonsoinfluencedactwithoragainsthiswill?” “Thatisamostdifficultquestion,involvingothersequallydifficult。Myownimpressionis,thatthepatient——forpatientinaveryserioussenseheis——actswithhisinclination,andoftenwithhiswill;butinmanycaseswithhisinclinationagainsthiswill。 Thisisaveryimportantdistinctioninmorals,butoftenoverlooked。Whenamanisactingwithhisinclination,hiswillisinabeyance。Inourpresentimperfectcondition,itseemstomethattheabsolutewillhasnoopportunityofpureaction,ofoperatingentirelyasitself,exceptwhenworkinginoppositiontoinclination。Buttoreturn:thepowerofthebiologistappearstometolieinthis——heisable,bysomemysterioussympathy,toproduceinthemindofthepatientsuchforcefulimpulsestodowhateverhewills,thattheyareinfactirresistibletoalmostallwhoareobnoxioustohisinfluence。Thewillrequiresanespecialtrainingandadistinctdevelopment,beforeitiscapableofactingwithanydegreeoffreedom。Themenwhohaveundergonethisareveryfewindeed;andnoonewhosewillisnoteducatedaswill,can,ifsubjectedtotheinfluencesofbiology,resisttheimpulsesrousedinhispassivebrainbytheactivebrainoftheoperator。 Thisatleastismyimpression。 “Otherthingsnodoubtcombinedtoincreasetheinfluenceinthepresentcase。Shelikedhim,perhapsmorethanlikedhimonce。Shewaspartiallycommittedtohisschemes;andshewaseasilymesmerised。Itwouldseem,besides,thatshewasnaturallydisposedtosomnambulism。Thisisaremarkableco-existenceofdistinctdevelopmentsofthesamepeculiarity。Inthislattercondition,evenifinothersshewereabletoresisthim,shewouldbequitehelpless;forallthethoughtsthatpassedthroughherbrainwouldowetheirorigintohis——Imaginebeingforcedtothinkanotherman\'sthoughts!Thatwouldbepossessionindeed!Andthisisnotfarremovedfromtheoldstoriesaboutthedemonsenteringintoaman——Hewouldberuleroverthewholeintellectuallifethatpassedinherduringthetime;andwhichtoher,asfarastheideassuggestedbelongedtotheoutwardworld,wouldappearanouterlife,passingallroundher,notinher。Shewould,infact,beacreatureofhisimaginationforthetime,asmuchasanycharacterinvented,andsentthroughvariedcircumstances,feelings,andactions,bythemindofthepoetornovelist。Lookatthefacts。 Shewarnedyoutobewareofthecountthatnightbeforeyouwentintothehauntedbed-chamber。Evenwhensheenteredit,byyourownaccount——“ “Enteredit?ThenyoudothinkitwasEuphrawhopersonatedtheghost?” “Iamsureofit。Shewassleep-walking。“ “Butsodifferent——suchadeath-likelook!” “Allthatwaseasyenoughtomanage。Sherefusedtoobeyhimatfirst。Hemesmerizedher。Itverylikelywentfartherthanheexpected;andhesucceededtoowell。Experienced,nodoubt,indisguises,hedressedheraslikethedeadLadyEuphrasiaashecould,followingherpicture。Perhapsshepossessedsuchadisguise,andhaduseditbefore。Hethusprotectedherfromsuspicion,andhimselffromimplication——Whatwasthecolourofthehairinthepicture?” “Golden。“ “Hencethesparkleofgold-dustinherhair。Thecountmanageditall。Hewilledthatsheshouldgo,andshewent。Herdisguisewascertainsafety,shouldshebeseen。Youwouldsuspecttheghostandnooneelseifsheappearedtoyou,andyoulosttheringafter。 Buteveninthisstatesheyieldedagainstherbetterinclination,forshewasweepingwhenyousawher。Butshecouldnothelpit。 Whileyoulayonthecouchinthehauntedchamber,wherehecarriedyou,theawfuldeath-ghostwasbusyinyourroom,wasopeningyourdesk,fingeringyourpapers,andstealingyourring。Itisratherafrightfulidea。“ “Shedidnottakemyring,Iamsure。Hefollowedher,andtookit——Butshecouldnothavecomeinateitherdoor——“ “Couldnot?Didshenotgooutatoneofthem?Besides,Idonotdoubtthatsucharoomasthathadprivatecommunicationwiththeopenairaswell。Ishouldmuchliketoexaminetheplace。“ “Buthowcouldshehavegonethroughthebolteddoorthen?” “Thatdoormayhavebeensetinanother,largerbyhalftheframeorso,andopeningwithaspringandconcealedhinges。Thereisnodifficultyaboutthat。Therearesuchplacestobefoundnowandtheninoldhouses。But,indeed,ifyouwillexcuseme,Idonotconsideryourtestimony,oneveryminuteparticular,quitesatisfactory。“ “Why?”askedHugh,ratheroffended。 “First,becauseofthestateofexcitementyoumusthavebeenin; andnext,becauseIdoubtthewinethatwasleftinyourroom。Thecountnodoubtknewenoughofdrugstoputafewghostlyhorrorsintothedecanter。ButpoorMissCameron!Thehorrorshehasputintohermindandlife!Itisasadfate——allbutasentenceofinsanity。“ Hughsprangtohisfeet。 “Byheaven!”hecried,“Iwillstrangletheknave。“ “Stop,stop!”saidFalconer。“Norevenge!Leavehimtothesleepingdivinitywithinhim,whichwillawakeoneday,andcompletethehellthatheisnowbuildingforhimself——fortheveryfireofhellisthedivineinit。YourworkistosetEuphrafree。Ifyoudidstranglehim,howdoyouknowifthatwouldfreeherfromhim?” “Horrible!——Haveyounonewsofhim?” “Nonewhatever。“ “What,then,canIdoforher?” “Youmustteachhertofoilhim。“ “HowamItodothat?EvenifIknewhow,Icannotseeher,I cannotspeaktoher。“ “Ihaveagreatfaithinopportunity。“ “Buthowshouldshefoilhim?” “ShemustpraytoGodtoredeemherfetteredwill——tostrengthenherwilltoredeemherself。Shemustresistthecount,shouldheagainclaimhersubmission(as,forhersake,Ihopehewill),asshewouldthedevilhimself。Shemustovercome。Thenshewillbefree——notbefore。Thiswillbeveryhardtodo。Hispowerhasbeenexcessiveandpeculiar,andhersubmissionlongandcomplete。Evenifheleftheralone,shewouldnotthereforebefree。Shemustdefyhim;breakhisbonds;opposehiswill;assertherfreedom;anddefeathimutterly。“ “Oh!whowillhelpher?Ihavenopower。EvenifIwerewithher,Icouldnothelpherinsuchastruggle。IwishDavidwerenotdead。Hewastheman——Youcouldnow,Mr。Falconer。“ “No。ExceptIknewher,hadknownherforsometime,andhadastrongholdofallhernature,Icouldnot,wouldnottrytohelpher。IfProvidencebroughtthisabout,Iwoulddomybest;butotherwiseIwouldnotinterfere。ButifshepraytoGod,hewillgiveherwhateverhelpsheneeds,andinthebestway,too。“ “Ithinkitwouldbesomecomforttoherifwecouldfindthering——thecrystal,Imean。“ “Itwouldbemore,Ithink,ifwecouldfindthediamond。“ “Howcanwefindeither?” “Wemustfindthecountfirst。Ihavenotgiventhatup,ofcourse。 IwilltellyouwhatIshouldliketodo,ifIknewthelady。“ “What?” “GethertocometoLondon,andmakeherselfaspublicaspossible: gotooperasandballs,andtheatres;bepresentedatcourt;takeastallateverybazaar,andsellcharitypuff-balls——getasmuchintothepapersaspossible。\'Thelovely,accomplished,fascinatingMissCameron,&c。,&c。\'“ “Whatdoyoumean?” “IwilltellyouwhatImean。Thecounthasforsakenhernow;butassoonasheheardthatshewassomebody,thatshewasfollowedandadmired,hisvanitywouldberoused,hisoldsenseofpropertyinherwouldrevive,andhewouldbeginoncemoretodrawherintohistoils。Whattheresultwouldbe,itisimpossibletoforetell;butitwouldatleastgiveusachanceofcatchinghim,andherachanceofresistinghim。“ “Idon\'tthink,however,thatshewouldventureonthatcourseherself。Ishouldnotdaretoproposeittoher。“ “No,no。Itwasonlyaninvention,todeceivemyselfwiththefancythatIwasdoingsomething。Therewouldbemanyobjectionstosuchaplan,evenifitwerepracticable。Imuststilltrytofindhim,andiffreshendeavoursshouldfail,devisefresherstill。“ “Thankyouathousandtimes,“saidHugh。“Itistoogoodofyoutotakesomuchtrouble。“ “Itismybusiness,“answeredFalconer。“Istherenotasoulintrouble?” Hughwenthome,fullofhisnewfriend。Withthecluehehadgivenhim,hewasabletofollowallthewindingsofEuphra\'sbehaviour,andtoaccountforalmosteverythingthathadtakenplace。Itwasquitepainfultohimtofeelthathecouldbeofnoimmediateservicetoher;buthecouldhardlydoubtthat,beforelong,Falconerwould,inhiswisdomandexperience,excogitatesomemodeofprocedureinwhichhemightbeabletotakeapart。 Hesatdowntohisnovel,whichhadbeenmakingbutlittleprogressforsometime;foritishardtowriteanovelwhenoneislivinginthemidstofaromance。Buttheromance,atthistime,wasnotveryclosetohim。Ithadapastandapossiblefuture,butnopresent。 Thatsamefuture,however,mightatanymomentdawnintothepresent。 Inthemeantime,teachingtheLatingrammarandtheEnglishalphabettoyoungaspirantsafterthehonoursoftheministry,wasnotworkinimicaltoinvention,fromeithertheexhaustionofitsexcitementortheabsorptionofitsinterest。 CHAPTERXIII。 THELADY\'S-MAID。 Heryellowhair,beyondcompare,Comestrinklingdownherswan-whiteneck; Andhertwoeyes,likestarsinskies,Wouldkeepasinkingshipfraewreck。 Oh!Mally\'smeek,Mally\'ssweet,Mally\'smodestanddiscreet; Mally\'srare,Mally\'sfair,Mally\'severywaycomplete。 BURNS。 Whatarmsforinnocencebutinnocence。 GILESFLETCHER。 MargarethadsoughtEuphra\'sroom,withtheintentionofrestoringtohertheletterwhichshehadwrittentoDavidElginbrod。JanethadletitlieforsometimebeforeshesentittoMargaret;andEuphrahadgivenupallexpectationofananswer。 HopesofministrationfilledMargaret\'sheart;butsheexpected,fromwhatsheknewofher,thatangerwouldbeMissCameron\'sfirstfeeling。Therefore,whensheheardnoanswertoherapplicationforadmission,andhadconcluded,inconsequence,thatEuphrawasnotintheroom,sheresolvedtoleavetheletterwhereitwouldmeethereye,andthuspreparethewayforafutureconversation。WhenshesawEuphraandHarry,shewouldhaveretiredimmediately;butEuphra,annoyedbyherentrance,wasnowquiteabletospeak。 “Whatdoyouwant?”shesaidangrily。 “Thisisyourletter,MissCameron,isitnot?”saidMargaret,advancingwithitinherhand。 Euphratookit,glancedatthedirection,pushedHarryawayfromher,startedupinapassion,andletloosethewholegatheredirritabilityofcontempt,weariness,disappointment,andsuffering,uponMargaret。Herdarkeyesflashedwithrage,andhersallowcheekglowedlikeapeach。 “Whatrighthaveyou,pray,tohandlemyletters?Howdidyougetthis?Ithasneverbeenposted!Andopen,too。Ideclare!I supposeyouhavereadit?” Margaretwasafraidofexcitingmorewrathbeforeshehadanopportunityofexplaining;butEuphragavehernotimetothinkofareply。 “Youhavereadit,youshamelesswoman!Whydon\'tyoulie,liketherestofyourtribe,andkeepmefromdyingwithindignation? Impudentprying!Mymaidneverpostedit,andyouhavefounditandreadit!Pray,didyouhopetofindasecretworthabribe?” SheadvancedonMargarettillwithinafootofher。 “Whydon\'tyouanswer,youhussy?Iwillgothisinstanttoyourmistress。YouorIleavethehouse。“ Margarethadstoodallthistimequietly,waitingforanopportunitytospeak。Herfacewasverypale,butperfectlystill,andhereyesdidnotquail。Shehadnotintheleastlostherself-possession。 Shewouldnotsayatoncethatshehadreadtheletter,becausethatwouldinstantlyrousethetornadoagain。 “Youdonotknowmyname,MissCameron;ofcourseyoucouldnot。“ “Yourname!Whatisthattome?” “That,“saidMargaret,pointingtotheletter,“ismyfather\'sname。“ Euphralookedatherowndirectionagain,andthenlookedatMargaret。Shewassobewildered,thatifshehadanythoughts,shedidnotknowthem。Margaretwenton: “Myfatherisdead。Mymothersentthelettertome。“ “Thenyouhavehadtheimpertinencetoreadit!” “Itwasmydutytoreadit。“ “Duty!Whatbusinesshadyouwithit?” Euphrafeltashamedoftheletterassoonasshefoundthatshehadappliedtoamanwhosedaughterwasaservant。Margaretanswered: “Icouldatleastreplytoitsofar,thatthewritershouldnotthinkmyfatherhadneglectedit。IdidnotknowwhoitwasfromtillIcametotheend。“ Euphraturnedherbackonher,withthewords: “Youmaygo。“ Margaretwalkedoutoftheroomwithanunconsciousstatelygentleness。 “Comeback,“criedEuphra。 Margaretobeyed。 “Ofcourseyouwilltellallyourfellow-servantsthecontentsofthisfoolishletter。“ Margaret\'sfaceflushed,andhereyeflashed,atthefirstwordsofthisspeech;butthelastwordsmadeherforgetthefirst,andtothemonlyshereplied。Clasping。herhands,shesaid: “DearMissCameron,donotcallitfoolish。ForGod\'ssake,donotcallitfoolish。“ “Whatisittoyou?DoyouthinkIamgoingtomakeaconfidanteofyou?” Margaretagainlefttheroom。Notwithstandingthatshehadmadenoanswertoherinsult,Euphrafeltsatisfiedthatherletterwassafefromprofanation。 NosoonerwasMargaretoutofsight,than,withthereactioncommontoviolenttempers,whichinthiscaseresultedthesooner,fromtheexhaustionproducedinawornframebytheviolenceoftheoutburst,Euphrasatdown,inahopeless,unrestingway,uponthechairfromwhichshehadjustrisen,andbeganweepingmorebitterlythanbefore。Shewasnotonlyexhausted,butashamed;andtothesefeelingswasaddedafargreatersenseofdisappointmentthanshecouldhavebelievedpossible,atthefrustrationofthehopeofhelpfromDavidElginbrod。True,thishopehadbeensmall;butwherethereisonlyonehope,itsdeathisequallybitter,whetheritbeagreatoralittlehope。Andthereisoftennopowerofreaction,inamindwhichhasbeengraduallyreducedtoonelittlefainthope,whenthathopegoesoutindarkness。Thereisarecoilwhichisveryhelpful,fromtheblowthatkillsagreathope。 AllthistimeHarryhadbeenlookingon,inakindofparalysedcondition,palewithperplexityanddistress。HenowcameuptoEuphra,and,tryingtopullherhandgentlyfromherface,said: “Whatisitallabout,Euphra,dear?” “Oh!Ihavebeenverynaughty,Harry。“ “Butwhatisitallabout?MayIreadtheletter?” “Ifyoulike,“answeredEuphra,listlessly。 Harryreadtheletterwithquiveringfeatures。Then,layingitdownonthetablewithareverentialslowness,wenttoEuphra,puthisarmsroundherandkissedher。 “Dear,dearEuphra,Ididnotknowyouweresounhappy。IwillfindGodforyou。ButfirstIwill——whatshallIdotothebadman?Whoisit?Iwill——“ Harryfinishedthesentencebysettinghisteethhard。 “Oh!youcan\'tdoanythingforme,Harry,dear。Onlymindyoudon\'tsayanythingaboutittoanyone。Puttheletterinthefirethereforme。“ “No——thatIwon\'t,“saidHarry,takinguptheletter,andholdingittight。“Itisabeautifulletter,anditdoesmegood。Don\'tyouthink,thoughitisnotsenttoGodhimself,hemayreadit,andtakeitforaprayer?” “Iwishhewould,Harry。“ “Butitwasverywrongofyou,Euphra,dear,tospeakasyoudidtothedaughterofsuchagoodman。“ “Yes,itwas。“ “Butthen,yousee,yougotangrybeforeyouknewwhoshewas。“ “ButIshouldn\'thavegotangrybeforeIknewallaboutit“ “Well,youhaveonlytosayyouaresorry,andMargaretwon\'tthinkanythingmoreaboutit。Oh,sheissogood!” Euphrarecoiledfrommakingconfessionofwrongtoalady\'smaid; and,perhaps,shewasalittlejealousofHarry\'sadmirationofMargaret。ForEuphrahadnotyetcastoffallheroldhabitsofmind,andoneofthemwasthedesiretobefirstwitheveryonewhomshecaredfor。Shehadgotridofaworse,whichwas,anecessityofbeingfirstineverycompany,whethershecaredforthepersonscomposingit,ornot。Mentalsufferinghaddriventhelatterfarenoughfromher;thoughitwouldreturnworsethanever,ifhermindwerenotfilledwithtruthintheplaceofambition。SoshedidnotrespondtowhatHarrysaid。Indeed,shedidnotspeakagain,excepttobeghimtoleaveheralone。Shedidnotmakeherappearanceagainthatday。 Butatnight,whenthehouseholdwasretiring,sherosefromthebedonwhichshehadbeenlyinghalf-unconscious,andgoingtothedoor,openeditalittleway,thatshemighthearwhenMargaretshouldpassfromMrs。Elton\'sroomtowardsherown。Shewaitedforsometime;butjudging,atlength,thatshemusthavepassedwithoutherknowledge,shewentandknockedatherdoor。Margaretopeneditalittle,afteramoment\'sdelay,half-undressed。 “MayIcomein,Margaret?” “Pray,do,MissCameron,“answeredMargaret。 Andsheopenedthedoorquite。Hercapwasoff,andherrichdarkhairfellonhershoulders,andstreamedthencetoherwaist。Herunder-clothingwaswhiteassnow。 “Whatalovelyskinshehas!”thoughtEuphra,comparingitwithherowntawnycomplexion。Shefelt,forthefirsttime,thatMargaretwasbeautiful——yes,more:thatwhateverhergownmightbe,herformandherskin(givemeaprettierword,kindreader,forabeautifulfact,andIwillgladlyuseit)werethoseofoneofnature\'sladies。ShewassoontofindthatherintellectandspiritwerethoseofoneofGod\'sladies。 “Iamverysorry,Margaret,thatIspoketoyouasIdidtoday。“ “Nevermindit,MissCameron。Wecannothelpbeingangrysometimes。 Andyouhadgreatprovocationunderthemistakeyoumade。IwasonlysorrybecauseIknewitwouldtroubleyouafterwards。Pleasedon\'tthinkofitagain。“ “Youareverykind,Margaret。“ “Iregrettedmyfather\'sdeath,forthefirsttime,afterreadingyourletter,forIknewhecouldhavehelpedyou。Butitwasveryfoolishofme,forGodisnotdead。“ Margaretsmiledasshesaidthis,lookingfullinEuphra\'seyes。Itwasasmileofmeaningunfathomable,anditquiteovercameEuphra。 ShehadneverlikedMargaretbefore;for,fromnotveryobscurepsychologicalcauses,shehadneverfeltcomfortableinherpresence,especiallyaftershehadencounteredthenunintheGhost\'sWalk,thoughshehadhadnosuspicionthatthenunwasMargaret。Agreatmanyofourdislikes,bothtopersonsandthings,arisefromafeelingofdiscomfortassociatedwiththem,perhapsonlyaccidentallypresentinourmindsthefirsttimewemetthem。 Butthisvanishedentirelynow。 “Doyou,then,knowGodtoo,Margaret?” “Yes,“answeredMargaret,simplyandsolemnly。 “Willyoutellmeabouthim?” “Icanatleasttellyouaboutmyfather,andwhathetaughtme。“ “Oh!thankyou,thankyou!Dotellmeabouthim——now。“ “Notnow,dearMissCameron。Itislate,andyouaretoounwelltostayuplonger。Letmehelpyoutobedto-night。Iwillbeyourmaid。“ Asshespoke,Margaretproceededtoputonherdressagain,thatshemightgowithEuphra,whohadnoattendant。ShehadpartedwithJane,anddidnotcare,inherpresentmood,tohaveawomanabouther,especiallyanewone。 “No,Margaret。Youhaveenoughtodowithoutaddingmetoyourtroubles。“ “Please,doletme,MissCameron。Itwillbeagreatpleasuretome。Ihavehardlyanythingtocallwork。YoushouldseehowIusedtoworkwhenIwasathome。“ Euphrastillobjected,butMargaret\'sentreatyprevailed。ShefollowedEuphratoherroom。Theresheservedherlikeaministeringangel;brushedherhair——oh,sogently!smoothingitoutasifshelovedit。Therewashealthinthetouchofherhands,becausetherewaslove。Sheundressedher;coveredherinbedasifshehadbeenachild;madeupthefiretolastaslongaspossible; badehergoodnight;andwasleavingtheroom,whenEuphracalledher。Margaretreturnedtothebed-side。 “Kissme,Margaret,“shesaid。 Margaretstooped,kissedherforeheadandherlips,andlefther。 Euphracriedherselftosleep。Theywerethefirsttearsshehadevershedthatwerenotpainfultears。Shesleptasshehadnotsleptformonths。 InordertounderstandthischangeinEuphrasia\'sbehaviourtoMargaret——inorder,infact,torepresentittoourmindsasatallcredible——wemustrememberthatshehadbeentryingtodorightforsometime;thatMargaret,asthedaughterofDavid,seemedtheonlyattainablesourceoftheknowledgeshesought;thatlongillnesshadgreatlyweakenedherobstinacy;thathersoulhungered,withoutknowingit,forlove;andthatshewasnaturallygiftedwithastrongwill,thepositioninwhichshestoodinrelationtothecountprovingonlythatitwasnotstrongenough,andnotthatitwasweak。Suchacharactermust,foranygood,beruledbyitself,andnotbycircumstances。TohavebeenovercomeintheprocessoftimebythepersistentgoodnessofMargaret,mighthavebeentheblessedfateofaweakerandworsewoman;butifEuphradidnotovercomeherself,therewasnohopeoffurthervictory。IfMargaretcouldevenwitherthepowerofheroppressor,itwouldbebuttotransferthelordshipfromabadmantoagoodwoman;andthatwouldnotbeenough。Itwouldnotbefreedom。Andindeed,theaidthatMargarethadtogiveher,couldonlybebestowedononewhoalreadyhadfreedomenoughtoactinsomedegreefromduty。SheknewsheoughttogoandapologizetoMargaret。Shewent。 InMargaret\'spresence,andinsuchamood,shewassubjectedatoncetotheholyenchantmentofherloving-kindness。Shehadneverreceivedanytendernessfromawomanbefore。Perhapsshehadneverbeenintherightmoodtoprofitbyitifshehad。NorhadsheeverbeforeseenwhatMargaretwas。Itwasonlywhenservice——divineservice——flowedfromherinfulloutgoing,thatshereachedtheheightofherloveliness。Thenherwholeformwasbeautiful。Sowasitinterpenetratedby,andrespondentto,theuprisingsoulwithin,thatitradiatedthoughtandfeelingasifithadbeenallspirit。Thisbeautyrosetoitsbestinhereyes。Whenshewasministeringtoanyoneinneed,hereyesseemedtoworshiptheobjectofherfaithfulness,asifallthetimeshefeltthatshewasdoingituntoHim。Herdeedsweredevotion。Shewasthereceiverandnotthegiver。Beforethis,Euphrahadseenonlythestillwaitingface;and,asIhavesaid,shehadbeenrepelledbyit。 Oncewithinthesphereoftheradiationofherattraction,shewasdrawntowardsher,astowardsthehavenofherpeace:shelovedher。 Tothis,itlength,hadherstrugglewithherselfinthesilenceofherownroom,andhermeditationsonhercouch,conductedher。 Shallwesaythatthesealonehadbeenandwereleadingher?Orthattoallthesetherewasahiddenroot,andaninformingspirit? Whowouldnotratherbelievethathisthoughtscomefromaninfinite,self-sphered,self-constitutingthought,thanthattheyrisesomehowoutofablankabyssofdarkness,andareonlythoughtwhenhethinksthem,whichthinkinghecannotpre-determineorevenforesee? WhenEuphrawoke,herfirstbreathwaslikeadeepdraughtofspiritualwater。Shefeltasifsomesorrowhadpassedfromher,andsomegladnesscomeinitsstead。Shethoughtandthought,andfoundthatthegladnesswasMargaret。Shehadscarcelymadethediscovery,whenthedoorgentlyopened,andMargaretpeepedintoseeifshewereawake。 “MayIcomein?”shesaid。 “Yes,please,Margaret。“ “Howdoyoufeelto-day?” “Oh,somuchbetter,dearMargaret!Yourkindnesswillmakemewell。“ “Iamsoglad!Doliestillawhile,andIwillbringyousomebreakfast。Mrs。Eltonwillbesopleasedtofindyouletmewaitonyou!” “Sheaskedme,Margaret,ifyoushould;butIwastoomiserable——andtoonaughty,forIdidnotlikeyou。“ “Iknewthat;butIfeltsureyouwouldnotdislikemealways。“ “Why?” “BecauseIcouldnothelplovingyou。“ “Whydidyouloveme?” “Iwilltellyouhalfthereason——Becauseyoulookedunhappy。“ “Whatwastheotherhalf?” “ThatIcannot——ImeanIwillnottellyou。“ “Never?” “Perhapsnever。ButIdon\'tknow——Notnow。“ “ThenImustnotaskyou?” “No——please。“ “Verywell,Iwon\'t。“ “Thankyou。Iwillgoandgetyourbreakfast。“ “Whatcanshemean?”saidEuphratoherself。 Butshewouldneverhavefoundout。 CHAPTERXIV。 DAVIDELGINBROD。 Hebeingdeadyetspeaketh。 HEB。,xi。4。 Inall\'he\'didSomefigureofthegoldentimeswashid。 DR。DONNE。 >Fromthistime,MargaretwaiteduponEuphra,asifshehadbeenherownmaid。NorhadMrs。Eltonanycauseofcomplaint,forMargaretwasalwaysathandwhenshewaswanted。Indeed,hermistresswasfullofherpraises。Euphrasaidlittle。 Manyandlongweretheconversationsbetweenthetwogirls,whenallbutthemselveswereasleep。SometimesHarrymadeoneofthecompany;buttheycouldalwayssendhimawaywhentheywishedtobealone。AndnowtheteachingforwhichEuphrahadlonged,spranginafountainatherowndoor。Ithadbeennighherlong,andshehadnotknownit,foritshourhadnotcome。Nowshedrankasonlythethirstydrink,——astheydrinkwhoseverysoulsarefaintingwithinthemfordrought。 ButhowdidMargaretembodyherlessons? Thesecondnight,shecametoEuphra\'sroom,andsaid: “ShallItellyouaboutmyfatherto-night?Are,youable?” Euphrawasdelighted。Itwaswhatshehadbeenhopingforallday。 “Dotellme。Ilongtohearabouthim。“ Sotheysatdown;andMargaretbegantotalkaboutherchildhood; thecottageshelivedin;thefir-woodallaroundit;theworksheusedtodo;——herside,inshort,ofthestorywhich,inthecommencementofthisbook,IhavepartlyrelatedfromHugh\'sside。 Summerandwinter,spring-timeandharvest,stormandsunshine,allcameintothetale。Hermothercameintoitoften;andoftentoo,thoughnotsooften,thegrandformofherfatherappeared,remainedforalittlewhile,andthenpassedaway。EverytimeEuphrasawhimthusinthemirrorofMargaret\'smemory,shesawhimmoreclearlythanbefore:shefeltasif,soon,sheshouldknowhimquitewell。 Sometimessheaskedaquestionortwo;butgenerallysheallowedMargaret\'swordstoflowunchecked;forshepaintedherpicturesbetterwhenthecoloursdidnotdrybetween。Theytalkedon,orrather,MargarettalkedandEuphralistened,farintothenight。Atlength,Margaretstoppedsuddenly,forshebecameawarethatalongtimehadpassed。Lookingattheclockonthechimney-piece,shesaid: “Ihavedonewrongtokeepyouupsolate。Come——Imustgetyoutobed。Youareaninvalid,youknow,andIamyournurseaswellasyourmaid。“ “Youwillcometo-morrownight,then?” “Yes,Iwill。“ “ThenIwillgotobedlikeagoodchild。“ Margaretundressedher,andlefthertothehealingofsleep。 Thenextnightshespokeagainofherfather,andwhathetaughther。Euphrahadthoughtmuchabouthim;andateveryfreshtouchwhichthestorygavetotheportrait,sheknewhimbetter;tillatlast,evenwhencircumstancesnotmentionedbeforecameup,sheseemedtohaveknownthemfromthebeginning。 “Whatwasyourfatherlike,Margaret?” MargaretdescribedhimverynearlyasIhavedone,fromHugh\'saccount,intheformerpartofthestory。Euphrasaid: “Ah!yes。ThatisalmostexactlyasIhadfanciedhim。Isitnotstrange?” “Itisverynatural,Ithink,“answeredMargaret。 “Iseemnowtohaveknownhimforyears。“ Butwhatismostworthyofrecordis,thateverasthepictureofDavidgrewonthevisionofEuphra,theideaofGodwasgrowingunawaresuponherinwardsight。ShewaslearningmoreandmoreaboutGodallthetime。ThesightofhumanexcellenceawokeafaintIdealofthedivineperfection。Faithcameofitself,andabode,andgrew;foritneedsbutavisionoftheDivine,andfaithinGodisstraightwayborninthesoulthatbeholdsit。Thus,faithandsightareone。Thebeingofherfatherinheavenwasnomorestrangeandfarofffromher,whenshehadseensuchafatheronearthasMargaret\'swas。ItwasnotaloneDavid\'sfaiththatbegothers,butthemanhimselfwasafaith-begettingpresence。HewastheevidenceofGodwiththem——Thushe,beingdead,yetspoke,andthedepartedmanwasapresentpower。 EuphrabegantoreadthestoryoftheGospel。SodidHarry。Theyfoundmuchonwhichtodesireenlightenment;andtheyalwaysappliedtoMargaretforthelighttheyneeded。ItwaslongbeforesheventuredtosayIthink。Shealwayssaid: “Myfatherusedtosay——“or“Ithinkmyfatherwouldhavesaid——“ ItwasnotuntilEuphrawasingreattroublesometimeafterthis,andrequiredtheimmediateconsolationofpersonaltestimony,thatMargaretspokeasfromherself;andthenshespokewithpositiveassuranceoffaith。ShedidnotthenevensayIthink,but,Iamsure;Iknow;Ihaveseen。 ManyinterviewsofthissortdidnottakeplacebetweenthembeforeEuphra,inherturn,begantoconfideherhistorytoMargaret。 Itwasastrangelydifferentone——fullofoutwardeventandphysicaltrouble;but,tillitapproachedthelaststages,wonderfullybarrenastoinwardproductionordevelopment。ItwasahistoryofEuphra\'scircumstancesandpeculiarities,notofEuphraherself。 Tilloflate,shehadscarcelyhadanyhistory。Margaret\'s,onthecontrary,wasatruehistory;for,withmuchofthemonotonousincircumstance,itdescribedindividualgrowth,andthechangeofprogress。Wherethereisnochangetherecanbenohistory;andasallchangeiseithergrowthordecay,allhistorymustdescribeprogressorretrogression。TheformerhadnowbegunforEuphraaswell;anditwasoneproofofitthatshetoldMargaretallIhavealreadyrecordedformyreaders,atleastasfarasitboreagainstherself。HowmuchmoreshetoldherIamunabletosay;butaftershehadtoldit,EuphrawasstillmorehumbletowardsMargaret,andMargaretmoretender,morefullofservice,ifpossible,andmoredevotedtoEuphra。 CHAPTERXV。 MARGARET\'SSECRET。 LoveisnotloveWhichalterswhenitalterationfinds,Orbendswiththeremovertoremove。 SHAKSPERE——Sonnetcxvi。 Margaretcouldnotproceedveryfarinthestoryofherlife,withoutmakingsomereferencetoHughSutherland。Butshecarefullyavoidedmentioninghisname。Perhapsnoonelesscalm,andfreefromtheoperationofexcitement,couldhavebeensosuccessfulinsuppressingit。 “Ah!”saidEuphra,oneday,“yourhistoryisalittlelikeminethere;atutorcomesintothemboth。Didyounotfalldreadfullyinlovewithhim?” “Ilovedhimverymuch。“ “Whereishenow?” “InLondon,Ibelieve。“ “Doyouneverseehim?” “No。“ “Haveyouneverseenhimsinceheleftyourhome——withthecuriousname?” “Yes;butnotspokentohim。“ “Where?” Margaretwassilent。Euphraknewherwellenoughnownottorepeatthequestion。 “Ishouldhavebeeninlovewithhim,Iknow。“ Margaretonlysmiled。 Anotherday,Euphrasaid: “WhatagoodboythatHarryis!Andsoclevertoo。Ah!Margaret,Ihavebehavedlikethedeviltothatboy。Iwantedtohavehimalltomyself,andsokepthimachild。NeedIconfessallmyugliestsins?” “Nottome,certainly,dearMissCameron。TellGodtolookintoyourheart,andtakethemalloutofit。“ “Iwill。Ido——IevenenticedMr。Sutherlandawayfromhimtome,whenhewastheonlyrealfriendhehad,thatImighthavethemboth。“ “Butyouhavedoneyourbesttomakeupforitsince。“ “Ihavetriedalittle。IcannotsayIhavedonemybest。Ihavebeensopeevishandirritable。“ “Youcouldnotquitehelpthat。“ “Howkindyouaretoexcusemeso!Itmakesmesomuchstrongertotryagain。“ “MyfatherusedtosaythatGodwasalwaysfindingeveryexcuseforusthatcouldbefound;everytrueone,youknow;notonefalseone。“ “Thatdoescomfortone。“ Afterapause,Euphraresumed: “Mr。Sutherlanddidmesomegood,Margaret。“ “Idonotwonderatthat。“ “HemademethinklessaboutCountHalkar;andthatwassomething,forhehauntedme。Ididnotknowthenhowverywickedhewas。I didlovehimonce。Oh,howIhatehimnow!” Andshestartedupandpacedtheroomlikeatigressinitscage。 Margaretdidnotjudgethistheoccasiontoreadheralectureonthedutyofforgiveness。Shehadenoughtodotokeepfromhatingthemanherself,Isuspect。Butshetriedtoturnherthoughtsintoanotherchannel。 “Mr。Sutherlandlovedyouverymuch,MissCameron。“ “Helovedmeonce,“saidpoorEuphra,withasigh。 “Isawhedid。ThatwaswhyIbegantoloveyoutoo。“ Margarethadatlastunwittinglyopenedthedoorofhersecret。ShehadtoldtheotherreasonforlovingEuphra。But,naturallyenough,Euphracouldnotunderstandwhatshemeant。Perhapssomeofmyreaders,understandingMargaret\'swordsperfectly,andtheirreferencetoo,maybesofarfromunderstandingMargaretherself,astoturnuponmeandsay: “Impossible!Youcannothaveunderstoodheroranyotherwoman。“ Well! “Whatdoyoumean,Margaret?” Margaretbothblushedandlaughedoutright。 “Imustconfessit,“saidshe,atonce;“itcannothurthimnow:mytutorandyoursarethesame。“ “Impossible!” “True。“ “AndyouneverspokeallthetimeyouwerebothatArnstead?” “Notonce。HeneverknewIwasinthehouse。“ “Howstrange!Andyousawhelovedme?” “Yes。“ “Andyouwerenotjealous?” “Ididnotsaythat。ButIsoonfoundthattheonlywaytoescapefrommyjealousy,ifthefeelingIhadwasjealousy,wastoloveyoutoo。Idid。“ “Youbeautifulcreature!Butyoucouldnothavelovedhimmuch。“ “Ilovedhimenoughtoloveyouforhissake。Butwhydidhestoplovingyou?IfearIshallnotbeabletolovehimsomuchnow。“ “Hecouldnothelpit,Margaret。Ideservedit。“ Euphrahidherfaceinherhands。 “Hecouldnothavereallylovedyou,then?” “Whichisbettertobelieve,Margaret,“saidEuphra,uncoveringherface,whichtwotearswerelingeringdown,andlookingupather——“thatheneverlovedme,orthathestoppedlovingme?” “Forhissake,thefirst。“ “Andformysake,thesecond?” “Thatdepends。“ “Soitdoes。Hemusthavefoundplentyoffaultsinme。ButIwasnotsobadashethoughtmewhenhestoppedlovingme。“ Margaret\'sanswerwasoneofherlovingsmiles,inwhichhereyeshadmoresharethanherlips。 ItwouldhavebeenunendurabletoEuphra,alittlewhilebefore,tofindthatshehadarivalinaservant。Nowshescarcelyregardedthataspectofherposition。ButshelookeddoubtfullyatMargaret,andthensaid: “Howisitthatyoutakeitsoquietly?——foryourlovemusthavebeenverydifferentfrommine。Indeed,IamnotsurethatIlovedhimatall;andafterIhadmadeupmymindtoitquite,itdidnothurtmesoverymuch。Butyoumusthavelovedhimdreadfully。“ “PerhapsIdid。ButIhadnoanxietyaboutit。“ “Butthatyoucouldnotleavetoafathersuchasyourseventosettle。“ “No。ButIcouldtoGod。IcouldtrustGodwithwhatIcouldnotspeaktomyfatherabout。Heismyfather\'sfather,youknow;andso,moretohimandmethanwecouldbetoeachother。ThemoreweloveGod,themoreweloveeachother;forwefindhemakestheverylovewhichsometimeswefoolishlyfeartodoinjusticeto,bylovinghimmost。IlovemyfathertentimesmorebecausehelovesGod,andbecauseGodhassecretswithhim。“ “IwishGodwereafathertomeasheistoyou,Margaret。“ “Butheisyourfather,whetheryouwishitornot。Hecannotbemoreyourfatherthanheis。Youmaybemorehischildthanyouare,butnotmorethanhemeantyoutobe,normorethanhemadeyoufor。Youareinfinitelymorehischildthanyouhavegrowntoyet。 Hemadeyoualtogetherhischild,butyouhavenotgivenintoityet。“ “Oh!yes;Iknowwhatyoumean。Ifeelitistrue。“ “TheProdigalSonwashisfather\'schild。Heknewit,andgaveintoit。Hedidnotsay:\'Iwishmyfatherlovedmeenoughtotreatmelikeachildagain。\'Hedidnotsaythat,but——Iwillariseandgotomyfather。“ Euphramadenoanswer,butwept,Margaretsaidnomore。 Euphrawasthefirsttoresume。 “Mr。Sutherlandwasverykind,Margaret。Hepromised——andIknowhewillkeephispromise——todoallhecouldtohelpme。Ihopeheisfindingoutwherethatwickedcountis。“ “Writetohim,andaskhimtocomeandseeyou。Hedoesnotknowwhereyouare。“ “ButIdon\'tknowwhereheis。“ “Ido。“ “Doyou?”rejoinedEuphrawithsomesurprise。 “ButhedoesnotknowwhereIam。Iwillgiveyouhisaddress,ifyoulike。“ Euphraponderedalittle。Shewouldhavelikedverymuchtoseehim,forshewasanxioustoknowofhissuccess。Theloveshehadfeltforhimwasaverysmallobstacletotheirmeetingnow;forherthoughtshadbeenoccupiedwithaffairs,beforetheinterestofwhichthepoorloveshehadthenbeencapableof,hadmeltedawayandvanished——vanished,thatis,inallthatwasrestrictiveandengrossinginitscharacter。ButnowthatsheknewtherelationthathadexistedbetweenMargaretandhim,sheshrunkfromdoinganythingthatmightseemtoMargarettogiveEuphraanopportunityofregaininghispreference。Notthatshehadherselfthesmallesthope,evenhadshehadthesmallestdesireofdoingso;butshewouldnotevensuggesttheideaofbeingMargaret\'srival。Atlengthsheanswered: “No,thankyou,Margaret。Assoonashehasanythingtoreport,hewillwritetoArnstead,andMrs。Hortonwillforwardmetheletter。 No——itisquiteunnecessary。“ Euphra\'shealthwasimprovingalittle,thoughstillshewasfarfromstrong。