ROUNDABOUTPAPERS
OnaLazyIdleBoyOnTwoChildreninBlackOnRibbonsOnsomelateGreatVictoriesThornsintheCushionOnScreensinDining-RoomsTunbridgeToysDeJuventuteOnaJokeIonceheardfromthelateThomasHoodRoundabouttheChristmasTreeOnaChalk-MarkontheDoorOnbeingFoundOutOnaHundredYearsHenceSmall-BeerChronicleOgresOnTwoRoundaboutPaperswhichIintendedtoWriteAMississippiBubbleOnLetts\'sDiaryNotesofaWeek\'sHolidayNilNisiBonumOnHalfaLoaf——ALettertoMessrs。Broadway，BatteryandCo。，ofNewYork，BankersTheNotchontheAxe——AStoryalaMode。
PartI
PartII
PartIII
DeFinibusOnaPealofBellsOnaPear-TreeDessein\'sOnsomeCarpatSansSouciAutourdemonChapeauOnAlexandrines——ALettertosomeCountryCousinsOnaMedalofGeorgetheFourth“Strangetosay，onClubPaper“
TheLastSketchROUNDABOUTPAPERS。
ONALAZYIDLEBOY。
IhadoccasiontopassaweekintheautumninthelittleoldtownofCoireorChur，intheGrisons，whereliesburiedthatveryancientBritishking，saint，andmartyr，Lucius，*whofoundedtheChurchofSt。Peter，onCornhill。Fewpeoplenotethechurchnow-a-
days，andfewereverheardofthesaint。InthecathedralatChur，hisstatueappearssurroundedbyothersaintedpersonsofhisfamily。Withtightredbreeches，aRomanhabit，acurlybrownbeard，andaneatlittlegiltcrownandsceptre，hestands，averycomelyandcheerfulimage:and，fromwhatImaycallhispeculiarpositionwithregardtoCornhill，IbeheldthisfigureofSt。LuciuswithmoreinterestthanIshouldhavebestoweduponpersonageswho，hierarchically，are，Idaresay，hissuperiors。
*Stowquotestheinscription，stillextant，fromthetablefastchainedinSt。Peter\'sChurch，Cornhill；andsays，“hewasaftersomechronicleburiedatLondon，andaftersomechronicleburiedatGlowcester“——but，oh！theseincorrectchroniclers！whenAlbanButler，inthe“LivesoftheSaints，“v。xii。，andMurray\'s“Handbook，“andtheSacristanatChur，allsayLuciuswaskilledthere，andIsawhistombwithmyowneyes！
Theprettylittlecitystands，sotospeak，attheendoftheworld——oftheworldofto-day，theworldofrapidmotion，andrushingrailways，andthecommerceandintercourseofmen。Fromthenortherngate，theironroadstretchesawaytoZurich，toBasle，toParis，tohome。Fromtheoldsouthernbarriers，beforewhichalittleriverrushes，andaroundwhichstretchthecrumblingbattlementsoftheancienttown，theroadbearstheslowdiligenceorlaggingvetturinobytheshallowRhine，throughtheawfulgorgesoftheViaMala，andpresentlyovertheSplugentotheshoresofComo。
Ihaveseldomseenaplacemorequaint，pretty，calm，andpastoral，thanthisremotelittleChur。Whatneedhavetheinhabitantsforwallsandramparts，excepttobuildsummer-houses，totrailvines，andhangclothestodryonthem?Noenemiesapproachthegreatmoulderinggates:onlyatmornandeventhecowscomelowingpastthem，thevillagemaidenschattermerrilyroundthefountains，andbabbleliketheever-volublestreamthatflowsundertheoldwalls。
Theschoolboys，withbookandsatchel，insmartuniforms，marchuptothegymnasium，andreturnthenceattheirstatedtime。Thereisonecoffee-houseinthetown，andIseeoneoldgentlemangoestoit。Thereareshopswithnocustomersseemingly，andthelazytradesmenlookoutoftheirlittlewindowsatthesinglestrangersaunteringby。Thereisastallwithbasketsofqueerlittleblackgrapesandapples，andaprettybrisktradewithhalfadozenurchinsstandinground。But，beyondthis，thereisscarceanytalkormovementinthestreet。There\'snobodyatthebook-shop。“Ifyouwillhavethegoodnesstocomeagaininanhour，“saysthebanker，withhismouthfulofdinneratoneo\'clock，“youcanhavethemoney。”Thereisnobodyatthehotel，savethegoodlandlady，thekindwaiters，thebriskyoungcookwhoministerstoyou。NobodyisintheProtestantchurch——(oh！strangesight，thetwoconfessionsarehereatpeace！)——nobodyintheCatholicchurch:untilthesacristan，fromhissnugabodeinthecathedralclose，espiesthetravellereyingthemonstersandpillarsbeforetheoldshark-
toothedarchofhiscathedral，andcomesout(withaviewtoremunerationpossibly)andopensthegate，andshowsyouthevenerablechurch，andthequeeroldrelicsinthesacristy，andtheancientvestments(ablackvelvetcope，amongstotherrobes，asfreshasyesterday，andpresentedbythatnotorious“pervert，“HenryofNavarreandFrance)，andthestatueofSt。LuciuswhobuiltSt。
Peter\'sChurch，onCornhill。
Whataquiet，kind，quaint，pleasant，prettyoldtown！Hasitbeenasleepthesehundredsandhundredsofyears，andisthebriskyoungPrinceoftheSiderealRealmsinhisscreamingcardrawnbyhissnortingsteelelephantcomingtowakenit?Timewaswhentheremusthavebeenlifeandbustleandcommercehere。Thosevast，venerablewallswerenotmadetokeepoutcows，butmen-at-arms，ledbyfiercecaptains，whoprowledaboutthegates，androbbedthetradersastheypassedinandoutwiththeirbales，theirgoods，theirpack-horses，andtheirwains。Istheplacesodeadthateventheclergyofthedifferentdenominationscan\'tquarrel?Why，sevenoreight，oradozen，orfifteenhundredyearsago(theyhaven\'ttheregisteratSt。Peter\'suptothatremoteperiod。IdaresayitwasburntinthefireofLondon)——adozenhundredyearsago，whentherewassomelifeinthetown，St。Luciuswasstonedhereonaccountoftheologicaldifferences，afterfoundingourchurchinCornhill。
Therewasasweetprettyriverwalkweusedtotakeintheeveningandmarkthemountainsroundgloomingwithadeeperpurple；theshadescreepingupthegoldenwalls；theriverbrawling，thecattlecalling，themaidsandchatter-boxesroundthefountainsbabblingandbawling；andseveraltimesinthecourseofoursoberwalksweovertookalazyslouchingboy，orhobble-dehoy，witharustycoat，andtrousersnottoolong，andbigfeettrailinglazilyoneaftertheother，andlargelazyhandsdawdlingfromoutthetightsleeves，andinthelazyhandsalittlebook，whichmyladhelduptohisface，andwhichIdaresaysocharmedandravishedhim，thathewasblindtothebeautifulsightsaroundhim；unmindful，Iwouldventuretolayanywager，ofthelessonshehadtolearnforto-morrow；
forgetfulofmother，waitingsupper，andfatherpreparingascolding；——absorbedutterlyandentirelyinhisbook。
Whatwasitthatsofascinatedtheyoungstudent，ashestoodbytherivershore?NotthePonsAsinorum。Whatbooksodelightedhim，andblindedhimtoalltherestoftheworld，sothathedidnotcaretoseetheapple-womanwithherfruit，or(moretemptingstilltosonsofEve)theprettygirlswiththeirapplecheeks，wholaughedandprattledroundthefountain！Whatwasthebook?DoyousupposeitwasLivy，ortheGreekgrammar?No；itwasaNOVELthatyouwerereading，youlazy，notveryclean，good-for-nothing，sensibleboy！ItwasD\'ArtagnanlockingupGeneralMonkinabox，oralmostsucceedinginkeepingCharlestheFirst\'sheadon。ItwastheprisoneroftheChateaud\'Ifcuttinghimselfoutofthesackfiftyfeetunderwater(ImentionthenovelsIlikebestmyself——
novelswithoutloveortalking，oranyofthatsortofnonsense，butcontainingplentyoffighting，escaping，robbery，andrescuing)——
cuttinghimselfoutofthesack，andswimmingtotheislandofMonteCristo。ODumas！Othoubrave，kind，gallantoldAlexandre！I
herebyoffertheehomage，andgivetheethanksformanypleasanthours。Ihavereadthee(beingsickinbed)forthirteenhoursofahappyday，andhadtheladiesofthehousefightingforthevolumes。
BeassuredthatlazyboywasreadingDumas(orIwillgosofarastoletthereaderherepronouncetheeulogium，orinsertthenameofhisfavoriteauthor)；andasfortheanger，oritmaybe，thereverberationsofhisschoolmaster，ortheremonstrancesofhisfather，orthetenderpleadingsofhismotherthatheshouldnotletthesuppergrowcold——Idon\'tbelievethescapegracecaredonefig。
No！Figsaresweet，butfictionsaresweeter。
Haveyoueverseenascoreofwhite-bearded，white-robedwarriors，orgraveseniorsofthecity，seatedatthegateofJaffaorBeyrout，andlisteningtothestory-tellerrecitinghismarvelsoutof“Antar“orthe“ArabianNights?“Iwasoncepresentwhenayounggentlemanattableputatartawayfromhim，andsaidtohisneighbor，theYoungerSon(withratherafatuousair)，“Inevereatsweets。”
“Noteatsweets！anddoyouknowwhy?“saysT。
“BecauseIampastthatkindofthing，“saystheyounggentleman。
“Becauseyouareagluttonandasot！“criestheElder(andJuveniswincesalittle)。“Allpeoplewhohavenatural，healthyappetites，lovesweets；allchildren，allwomen，allEasternpeople，whosetastesarenotcorruptedbygluttonyandstrongdrink。”Andaplatefulofraspberriesandcreamdisappearedbeforethephilosopher。
Youtaketheallegory?Novelsaresweets。Allpeoplewithhealthyliteraryappetiteslovethem——almostallwomen；——avastnumberofclever，hard-headedmen。Why，oneofthemostlearnedphysiciansinEnglandsaidtomeonlyyesterday，“IhavejustreadSo-and-Soforthesecondtime“(namingoneofJones\'sexquisitefictions)。
Judges，bishops，chancellors，mathematicians，arenotoriousnovel-
readers；aswellasyoungboysandsweetgirls，andtheirkind，tendermothers。WhohasnotreadaboutEldon，andhowhecriedovernovelseverynightwhenhewasnotatwhist?
AsforthatlazynaughtyboyatChur，IdoubtwhetherHEwilllikenovelswhenheisthirtyyearsofage。Heistakingtoogreataglutofthemnow。Heiseatingjellyuntilhewillbesick。Hewillknowmostplotsbythetimeheistwenty，sothatHEwillneverbesurprisedwhentheStrangerturnsouttobetherightfulearl，——
whentheoldwaterman，throwingoffhisbeggarlygabardine，showshisstarsandthecollarsofhisvariousorders，andclaspingAntoniatohisbosom，proveshimselftobetheprince，herlong-lostfather。Hewillrecognizethenovelist\'ssamecharacters，thoughtheyappearinred-heeledpumpsandailes-de-pigeon，orthegarbofthenineteenthcentury。Hewillgetwearyofsweets，asboysofprivateschoolsgrow(orusedtogrow，forIhavedonegrowingsomelittletimemyself，andthepracticemayhaveendedtoo)——asprivateschool-boysusedtogrowtiredofthepuddingbeforetheirmuttonatdinner。
Andpraywhatisthemoralofthisapologue?ThemoralItaketobethis:theappetitefornovelsextendingtotheendoftheworld；farawayinthefrozendeep，thesailorsreadingthemtooneanotherduringtheendlessnight；——farawayundertheSyrianstars，thesolemnsheikhsandeldershearkeningtothepoetashereciteshistales；farawayintheIndiancamps，wherethesoldierslistento——\'stales，or——\'s，afterthehotday\'smarch；farawayinlittleChuryonder，wherethelazyboyporesoverthefondvolume，anddrinksitinwithallhiseyes；——thedemandbeingwhatweknowitis，themerchantmustsupplyit，ashewillsupplysaddlesandpalealeforBombayorCalcutta。
Butassurelyasthecadetdrinkstoomuchpaleale，itwilldisagreewithhim；andsosurely，dearyouth，willtoomuchnovelscloyonthee。Iwonder，donovel-writersthemselvesreadmanynovels?IfyougointoGunter\'s，youdon\'tseethosecharmingyoungladies(towhomIpresentmymostrespectfulcompliments)eatingtartsandices，butatthepropereventidetheyhavegoodplainwholesometeaandbread-and-butter。Cananybodytellmedoestheauthorofthe“TaleofTwoCities“readnovels?doestheauthorofthe“TowerofLondon“devourromances?doesthedashing“HarryLorrequer“delightin“PlainorRinglets“or“Sponge\'sSportingTour?“Doestheveteran，fromwhoseflowingpenwehadthebookswhichdelightedouryoungdays，“Darnley，“and“Richelieu，“and“Delorme，“*relishtheworksofAlexandretheGreat，andthrilloverthe“ThreeMusqueteers?“Doestheaccomplishedauthorofthe“Caxtons“readtheothertalesinBlackwood?(Forexample，thatghost-storyprintedlastAugust，andwhichformypart，thoughI
readitinthepublicreading-roomatthe“PavilionHotel“atFolkestone，IprotestfrightenedmesothatIscarcedaredlookovermyshoulder。)Does“UncleTom“admire“AdamBede；“anddoestheauthorofthe“VicarofWrexhill“laughoverthe“Warden“andthe“TheThreeClerks?“Dearyouthofingenuouscountenanceandingenuouspudor！Imakenodoubtthattheeminentpartiesabovenamedallpartakeofnovelsinmoderation——eatjellies——butmainlynourishthemselvesuponwholesomeroastandboiled。
*Bytheway，whatastrangefateisthatwhichbefelltheveterannovelist！HewasappointedherMajesty\'sConsul-GeneralinVenice，theonlycityinEuropewherethefamous“TwoCavaliers“cannotbyanypossibilitybeseenridingtogether。
Here，dearyouthaforesaid！ourCornhillMagazineownersstrivetoprovidetheewithfactsaswellasfiction；andthoughitdoesnotbecomethemtobragoftheirOrdinary，atleasttheyinvitetheetoatablewherethoushaltsitingoodcompany。Thatstoryofthe“Fox“*waswrittenbyoneofthegallantseamenwhosoughtforpoorFranklinundertheawfulArcticNight:thataccountofChina**istoldbythemanofalltheempiremostlikelytoknowofwhathespeaks:thosepagesregardingVolunteers***comefromanhonoredhandthathasbornetheswordinahundredfamousfields，andpointedtheBritishgunsinthegreatestsiegeintheworld。
*“TheSearchforSirJohnFranklin。(FromthePrivateJournalofanOfficerofthe\'Fox。\')“
**“TheChineseandtheOuterBarbarians。”BySirJohnBowring。
***“OurVolunteers。”BySirJohnBurgoyne。
Shallwepointoutothers?Wearefellow-travellers，andshallmakeacquaintanceasthevoyageproceeds。IntheAtlanticsteamers，onthefirstdayout(andonhigh-andholy-dayssubsequently)，thejelliessetdownontablearerichlyornamented；medioqueinfonteleporumrisetheAmericanandBritishflagsnoblyemblazonedintin。
Asthepassengersremarkthispleasingphenomenon，theCaptainnodoubtimprovestheoccasionbyexpressingahope，tohisrightandleft，thattheflagofMr。BullandhisyoungerBrothermayalwaysfloatsidebysideinfriendlyemulation。Novelshavingbeenpreviouslycomparedtojellies——herearetwo(oneperhapsnotentirelysaccharine，andflavoredwithanamarialiquidverydistastefultosomepalates)——twonovels*undertwoflags，theonethatancientensignwhichhashungbeforethewell-knownboothof“VanityFair；“theotherthatfreshandhandsomestandardwhichhaslatelybeenhoistedon“BarchesterTowers。”Pray，sir，ormadam，towhichdishwillyoubehelped?
*“LoveltheWidower“and“FramleyParsonage。”
SohaveIseenmyfriendsCaptainLangandCaptainComstockpresstheirgueststopartakeofthefareonthatmemorable“Firstdayout，“whenthereisnoman，Ithink，whositsdownbutasksablessingonhisvoyage，andthegoodshipdipsoverthebar，andboundsawayintothebluewater。
ONTWOCHILDRENINBLACK。
Montaigneand“Howel\'sLetters“aremybedsidebooks。IfIwakeatnight，Ihaveoneorotherofthemtoprattlemetosleepagain。
Theytalkaboutthemselvesforever，anddon\'twearyme。Iliketohearthemtelltheiroldstoriesoverandoveragain。Ireadtheminthedozyhours，andonlyhalfrememberthem。Iaminformedthatbothofthemtellcoarsestories。Idon\'theedthem。Itwasthecustomoftheirtime，asitisofHighlandersandHottentotstodispensewithapartofdresswhichweallwearincities。Butpeoplecan\'taffordtobeshockedeitheratCapeTownoratInvernesseverytimetheymeetanindividualwhowearshisnationalairyraiment。Ineverknewthe“ArabianNights“wasanimproperbookuntilIhappenedoncetoreaditina“familyedition。”Well，quis\'excuse……Who，pray，hasaccusedmeasyet?HereamI
smotheringdeargoodoldMrs。Grundy\'sobjections，beforeshehasopenedhermouth。Ilove，Isay，andscarcelyevertireofhearing，theartlessprattleofthosetwodearoldfriends，thePerigourdingentlemanandthepriggishlittleClerkofKingCharles\'sCouncil。
Theiregotisminnowisedisgustsme。IhopeIshallalwaysliketohearmen，inreason，talkaboutthemselves。Whatsubjectdoesamanknowbetter?IfIstamponafriend\'scorn，hisoutcryisgenuine——
heconfoundsmyclumsinessintheaccentsoftruth。Heisspeakingabouthimselfandexpressinghisemotionofgrieforpaininamannerperfectlyauthenticandveracious。Ihaveastoryofmyown，ofawrongdonetomebysomebody，asfarbackastheyear1838:
wheneverIthinkofitandhavehadacoupleofglassesofwine，I
CANNOThelptellingit。Thetoeisstampedupon；thepainisjustaskeenasever:Icryout，andperhapsutterimprecatorylanguage。
ItoldthestoryonlylastWednesdayatdinner:——
“Mr。Roundabout，“saysaladysittingbyme，“howcomesitthatinyourbooksthereisacertainclass(itmaybeofmen，oritmaybeofwomen，butthatisnotthequestioninpoint)——howcomesit，dearsir，thereisacertainclassofpersonswhomyoualwaysattackinyourwritings，andsavagelyrushat，goad，poke，tossupintheair，kick，andtrampleon?“
Icouldn\'thelpmyself。IknewIoughtnottodoit。Itoldherthewholestory，betweentheentreesandtheroast。Thewoundbegantobleedagain。Thehorridpangwasthere，askeenandasfreshasever。IfIlivehalfaslongasTithonus，*thatcrackacrossmyheartcanneverbecured。TherearewrongsandgriefsthatCAN\'Tbemended。Itisallverywellofyou，mydearMrs。G。，tosaythatthisspiritisunchristian，andthatweoughttoforgiveandforget，andsoforth。HowcanIforgetatwill?Howforgive?Icanforgivetheoccasionalwaiterwhobrokemybeautifulolddecanteratthatverydinner。Iamnotgoingtodohimanyinjury。Butallthepowersonearthcan\'tmakethatclaret-jugwhole。
*“Tithonus，“byTennyson，hadappearedinthepreceding(the2nd)
numberoftheCornhillMagazine。
So，yousee，Itoldtheladytheinevitablestory。Iwasegotistical。Iwasselfish，nodoubt；butIwasnatural，andwastellingthetruth。Yousayyouareangrywithamanfortalkingabouthimself。Itisbecauseyouyourselfareselfish，thatthatotherperson\'sSelfdoesnotinterestyou。Beinterestedbyotherpeopleandwiththeiraffairs。Letthemprattleandtalktoyou，asIdomydearoldegotistsjustmentioned。Whenyouhavehadenoughofthem，andsuddenhazescomeoveryoureyes，laydownthevolume；
popoutthecandle，anddormezbien。Ishouldliketowriteanightcapbook——abookthatyoucanmuseover，thatyoucansmileover，thatyoucanyawnover——abookofwhichyoucansay，“Well，thismanissoandsoandsoandso；buthehasafriendlyheart(althoughsomewiseacreshavepaintedhimasblackasbogey)，andyoumaytrustwhathesays。”Ishouldliketotouchyousometimeswithareminiscencethatshallwakenyoursympathy，andmakeyousay，Ioanchehavesothought，felt，smiled，suffered。Now，howisthistobedoneexceptbyegotism?Linearectabrevissima。Thatrightline“I“istheveryshortest，simplest，straightforwardestmeansofcommunicationbetweenus，andstandsforwhatitisworthandnomore。Sometimesauthorssay，“Thepresentwriterhasoftenremarked；“or“Theundersignedhasobserved；“or“Mr。Roundaboutpresentshiscomplimentstothegentlereader，andbegstostate，“
&c。:but“I“isbetterandstraighterthanallthesegrimacesofmodesty:andalthoughtheseareRoundaboutPapers，andmaywanderwhoknowswhither，Ishallaskleavetomaintaintheuprightandsimpleperpendicular。Whenthisbundleofegotismsisbounduptogether，astheymaybeoneday，ifnoaccidentpreventsthistonguefromwagging，orthisinkfromrunning，theywillboreyouverylikely；soitwouldtoreadthrough“Howel\'sLetters“frombeginningtoend，ortoeatupthewholeofaham；butasliceonoccasionmayhavearelish:adipintothevolumeatrandomandsoonforapageortwo:andnowandthenasmile；andpresentlyagape；andthebookdropsoutofyourhand；andso，bonsoir，andpleasantdreamstoyou。Ihavefrequentlyseenmenatclubsasleepovertheirhumbleservant\'sworks，andamalwayspleased。EvenatalectureIdon\'tmind，iftheydon\'tsnore。OnlytheotherdaywhenmyfriendA。said，“You\'veleftoffthatRoundaboutbusiness，Isee；
verygladyouhave，“Ijoinedinthegeneralroaroflaughteratthetable。Idon\'tcareafigwhetherArchilochuslikesthepapersorno。Youdon\'tlikepartridge，Archilochus，orporridge，orwhatnot?Trysomeotherdish。Iamnotgoingtoforceminedownyourthroat，orquarrelwithyouifyourefuseit。OnceinAmericaacleverandcandidwomansaidtome，atthecloseofadinner，duringwhichIhadbeensittingbesideher，“Mr。Roundabout，IwastoldI
shouldnotlikeyou；andIdon\'t。”“Well，ma\'am，“saysI，inatoneofthemostunfeignedsimplicity，“Idon\'tcare。”Andwebecamegoodfriendsimmediately，andesteemedeachothereverafter。
So，mydearArchilochus，ifyoucomeuponthispaper，andsay，“Fudge！“andpassontoanother，Iforoneshallnotbeintheleastmortified。Ifyousay，“WhatdoeshemeanbycallingthispaperOnTwoChildreninBlack，whenthere\'snothingaboutpeopleinblackatall，unlesstheladieshemet(andevidentlybored)atdinner，wereblackwomen?Whatisallthisegotisticalpother?AplagueonhisI\'s！“Mydearfellow，ifyouread“Montaigne\'sEssays，“youmustownthathemightcallalmostanyonebythenameofanyother，andthatanessayontheMoonoranessayonGreenCheesewouldbeasappropriateatitleasoneofhisonCoaches，ontheArtofDiscoursing，orExperience，orwhatyouwill。Besides，ifIHAVEasubject(andIhave)Iclaimtoapproachitinaroundaboutmanner。
YourememberBalzac\'staleofthePeaudeChagrin，andhoweverytimethepossessoruseditfortheaccomplishmentofsomewishthefairyPeaushrankalittleandtheowner\'slifecorrespondinglyshortened?IhavesuchadesiretobewellwithmypublicthatIamactuallygivingupmyfavoritestory。Iamkillingmygoose，IknowIam。Ican\'ttellmystoryofthechildreninblackafterthis；
afterprintingit，andsendingitthroughthecountry。Whentheyaregonetotheprinter\'stheselittlethingsbecomepublicproperty。Itaketheirhands。Iblessthem。Isay，“Good-by，mylittledears。”Iamquitesorrytopartwiththem:butthefactis，Ihavetoldallmyfriendsaboutthemalready，anddon\'tdaretotakethemaboutwithmeanymore。
Noweverywordistrueofthislittleanecdote，andIsubmitthatthereliesinitamostcuriousandexcitinglittlemystery。Iamlikeamanwhogivesyouthelastbottleofhis\'25claret。Itistheprideofhiscellar；heknowsit，andhehasarighttopraiseit。Hetakesupthebottle，fashionedsoslenderly——takesituptenderly，cantsitwithcare，placesitbeforehisfriends，declareshowgooditis，withhonestpride，andwisheshehadahundreddozenbottlesmoreofthesamewineinhiscellar。Siquidnovisti，&c。，Ishallbeverygladtohearfromyou。IprotestandvowIamgivingyouthebestIhave。
Well，whothoselittleboysinblackwere，Ishallneverprobablyknowtomydyingday。Theywereveryprettylittlemen，withpalefaces，andlarge，melancholyeyes；andtheyhadbeautifullittlehands，andlittleboots，andthefinestlittleshirts，andblackpaletotslinedwiththerichestsilk；andtheyhadpicture-booksinseverallanguages，English，andFrench，andGerman，Iremember。Twomorearistocratic-lookinglittlemenIneverseteyeson。Theyweretravellingwithaveryhandsome，paleladyinmourning，andamaid-
servantdressedinblack，too；andonthelady\'sfacetherewasthedeepestgrief。Thelittleboysclamberedandplayedaboutthecarriage，andshesatwatching。Itwasarailway-carriagefromFrankforttoHeidelberg。
Isawatoncethatshewasthemotherofthosechildren，andgoingtopartfromthem。PerhapsIhavetriedpartingwithmyown，andnotfoundthebusinessverypleasant。PerhapsIrecollectdrivingdown(withacertaintrunkandcarpet-bagonthebox)withmyownmothertotheendoftheavenue，wherewewaited——onlyafewminutes——untilthewhirringwheelsofthat“Defiance“coachwereheardrollingtowardsusascertainasdeath。Twanggoesthehorn；
upgoesthetrunk；downcomethesteps。Bah！Iseetheautumnevening:Ihearthewheelsnow:Ismartthecruelsmartagain:and，boyorman，haveneverbeenabletobearthesightofpeoplepartingfromtheirchildren。
Ithoughttheselittlemenmightbegoingtoschoolforthefirsttimeintheirlives；andmammamightbetakingthemtothedoctor，andwouldleavethemwithmanyfondcharges，andlittlewistfulsecretsoflove，biddingtheeldertoprotecthisyoungerbrother，andtheyoungertobegentle，andtoremembertopraytoGodalwaysforhismother，whowouldprayforherboytoo。Ourpartymadefriendswiththeseyoungonesduringthelittlejourney；butthepoorladywastoosadtotalkexcepttotheboysnowandagain，andsatinhercorner，pale，andsilentlylookingatthem。
Thenextday，wesawtheladyandhermaiddrivinginthedirectionoftherailway-station，WITHOUTTHEBOYS。Thepartinghadtakenplace，then。Thatnighttheywouldsleepamongstrangers。Thelittlebedsathomewerevacant，andpoormothermightgoandlookatthem。Well，tearsflow，andfriendspart，andmothersprayeverynightallovertheworld。IdaresaywewenttoseeHeidelbergCastle，andadmiredthevastshatteredwallsandquaintgables；andtheNeckarrunningitsbrightcoursethroughthatcharmingsceneofpeaceandbeauty；andateourdinner，anddrankourwinewithrelish。ThepoormotherwouldeatbutlittleAbendessenthatnight；
and，asforthechildren——thatfirstnightatschool——hardbed，hardwords，strangeboysbullying，andlaughing，andjarringyouwiththeirhatefulmerriment——asforthefirstnightatastrangeschool，wemostofusrememberwhatTHATis。AndthefirstisnottheWORST，myboys，there\'stherub。Buteachmanhashisshareoftroubles，and，Isuppose，youmusthaveyours。
FromHeidelbergwewenttoBaden-Baden:and，Idaresay，sawMadamedeSchlangenbadandMadamedelaCruchecassee，andCountPunter，andhonestCaptainBlackball。Andwhomshouldweseeintheevening，butourtwolittleboys，walkingoneachsideofafierce，yellow-
faced，beardedman！Wewantedtorenewouracquaintancewiththem，andtheywerecomingforwardquitepleasedtogreetus。Butthefatherpulledbackoneofthelittlemenbyhispaletot，gaveagrimscowl，andwalkedaway。Icanseethechildrennowlookingratherfrightenedawayfromusandupintothefather\'sface，orthecrueluncle\'s——whichwashe?Ithinkhewasthefather。Sothiswastheendofthem。Notschool，asIatfirsthadimagined。Themotherwasgone，whohadgiventhemtheheapsofprettybooks，andtheprettystudsintheshirts，andtheprettysilkenclothes，andthetender——tendercares；andtheywerehandedtothisscowlingpractitionerofTrenteetQuarante。Ah！thisisworsethanschool。
Poorlittlemen！poormothersittingbythevacantlittlebeds！Wesawthechildrenonceortwiceafter，alwaysinScowler\'scompany；
butwedidnotdaretogiveeachotheranymarksofrecognition。
FromBadenwewenttoBasle，andthencetoLucerne，andsoovertheSt。GothardintoItaly。FromMilanwewenttoVenice；andnowcomesthesingularpartofmystory。InVenicethereisalittlecourtofwhichIforgetthename:butinitisanapothecary\'sshop，whitherIwenttobuysomeremedyforthebitesofcertainanimalswhichaboundinVenice。Crawlinganimals，skippinganimals，andhumming，flyinganimals；allthreewillhaveatyouatonce；andonenightnearlydrovemeintoastrait-waistcoat。Well，asIwascomingoutoftheapothecary\'swiththebottleofspiritsofhartshorninmyhand(itreallydoesdothebitesagreatdealofgood)，whomshouldIlightuponbutoneofmylittleHeidelberg-Badenboys！
Ihavesaidhowhandsomelytheyweredressedaslongastheywerewiththeirmother。WhenIsawtheboyatVenice，whoperfectlyrecognizedme，hisonlygarbwasawretchedyellowcottongown。Hislittlefeet，onwhichIhadadmiredthelittleshinyboots，wereWITHOUTSHOEORSTOCKING。Helookedatme，rantoanoldhagofawoman，whoseizedhishand；andwithherhedisappeareddownoneofthethrongedlanesofthecity。
FromVenicewewenttoTrieste(theViennarailwayatthattimewasonlyopenedasfarasLaybach，andthemagnificentSemmeringPasswasnotquitecompleted)。AtastationbetweenLaybachandGraetz，oneofmycompanionsalightedforrefreshment，andcamebacktothecarriagesaying:——
“There\'sthathorriblemanfromBaden，withthetwolittleboys。”
Ofcourse，wehadtalkedabouttheappearanceofthelittleboyatVenice，andhisstrangealteredgarb。Mycompanionsaidtheywerepale，wretched-lookingandDRESSEDQUITESHABBILY。
Igotoutatseveralstations，andlookedatallthecarriages。I
couldnotseemylittlemen。FromthatdaytothisIhaveneverseteyesonthem。Thatisallmystory。Whowerethey?Whatcouldtheybe?Howcanyouexplainthatmysteryofthemothergivingthemup；oftheremarkablesplendorandeleganceoftheirappearancewhileunderhercare；oftheirbarefootedsqualorinVenice，amonthafterwards；oftheirshabbyhabilimentsatLaybach?Hadthefathergambledawayhismoney，andsoldtheirclothes?Howcametheytohavepassedoutofthehandsofarefinedlady(assheevidentlywas，withwhomIfirstsawthem)intothechargeofquiteacommonwomanlikeherwithwhomIsawoneoftheboysatVenice?Hereisbutonechapterofthestory。Cananymanwritethenext，orthatprecedingthestrangeoneonwhichIhappenedtolight?Whoknows?
themysterymayhavesomequitesimplesolution。Isawtwochildren，attiredlikelittleprinces，takenfromtheirmotherandconsignedtoothercare；andafortnightafterwards，oneofthembarefootedandlikeabeggar。WhowillreadthisriddleofTheTwoChildreninBlack?
ONRIBBONS。
TheuncleofthepresentSirLouisN。Bonaparte，K。G。，&c。，inauguratedhisreignasEmperorovertheneighboringnationbyestablishinganOrder，towhichallcitizensofhiscountry，military，naval，andcivil——allmenmostdistinguishedinscience，letters，arts，andcommerce——wereadmitted。TheemblemoftheOrderwasbutapieceofribbon，moreorlesslongorbroad，withatoyattheendofit。TheBourbonshadtoysandribbonsoftheirown，blue，black，andall-colored；andontheirreturntodominionsuchgoodoldTorieswouldnaturallyhavepreferredtorestoretheirgoodoldordersofSaintLouis，SaintEsprit，andSaintMichel；butFrancehadtakentheribbonoftheLegionofHonorsotoherheartthatnoBourbonsovereigndaredtopluckitthence。
InEngland，untilverylatedays，wehavebeenaccustomedrathertopooh-poohnationalOrders，tovoteribbonsandcrossestinselgewgaws，foolishforeignornaments，andsoforth。ItisknownhowtheGreatDuke(thebreastofwhoseowncoatwasplasteredwithsomehalf-hundreddecorations)wasaversetothewearingofribbons，medals，clasps，andthelike，byhisarmy。WehaveallofusreadhowuncommonlydistinguishedLordCastlereaghlookedatVienna，wherehewastheonlygentlemanpresentwithoutanydecorationwhatever。AndtheGreatDuke\'stheorywas，thatclaspsandribbons，starsandgarters，weregoodandproperornamentsforhimself，forthechiefofficersofhisdistinguishedarmy，andforgentlemenofhighbirth，whomightnaturallyclaimtowearabandofgarterblueacrosstheirwaistcoats；butthatforcommonpeopleyourplaincoat，withoutstarsandribbons，wasthemostsensiblewear。
AndnodoubtyouandIareashappy，asfree，ascomfortable；wecanwalkanddineaswell；wecankeepthewinter\'scoldoutaswell，withoutastaronourcoats，aswithoutafeatherinourhats。HowoftenwehavelaughedattheabsurdmaniaoftheAmericansfordubbingtheirsenators，membersofCongress，andStates\'
representatives，Honorable。WehavearighttocallOURPrivyCouncillorsRightHonorable，ourLords\'sonsHonorable，andsoforth；butforanationasnumerous，welleducated，strong，rich，civilized，freeasourown，todaretogiveitsdistinguishedcitizenstitlesofhonor——monstrousassumptionoflow-bredarroganceandparvenuvanity！Ourtitlesarerespectable，buttheirsabsurd。
Mr。Jones，ofLondon，aChancellor\'sson，andatailor\'sgrandson，isjustlyHonorable，andentitledtobeLordJonesathisnoblefather\'sdecease:butMr。Brown，thesenatorfromNewYork，isasillyupstartfortackingHonorabletohisname，andoursturdyBritishgoodsenselaughsathim。Whohasnotlaughed(Ihavemyself)atHonorableNahumDodge，HonorableZenoScudder，HonorableHiramBoake，andtherest?AscoreofsuchqueernamesandtitlesI
havesmiledatinAmerica。And，mutatonomine?Imeetabornidiot，whoisapeerandbornlegislator。Thisdrivellingnoodleandhisdescendantsthroughlifeareyournaturalsuperiorsandmine——yourandmychildren\'ssuperiors。Ireadofanaldermankneelingandknightedatcourt:Iseeagold-stickwaddlingbackwardsbeforeMajestyinaprocession，andifwelaugh，don\'tyousupposetheAmericanslaughtoo?
Yes，stars，garters，orders，knighthoods，andthelike，arefolly。
Yes，Bobus，citizenandsoap-boiler，isagoodman，andnoonelaughsathimorgoodMrs。Bobus，astheyhavetheirdinneratoneo\'clock。ButwhowillnotjeeratSirThomasonameltingday，andLadyBobus，atMargate，eatingshrimpsinadonkey-chaise?Yes，knighthoodisabsurd:andchivalryanidioticsuperstition:andSirWalterMannywasazany:andNelson，withhisflamingstarsandcordons，splendentuponadayofbattle，wasamadman:andMurat，withhiscrossesandorders，attheheadofhissquadronschargingvictorious，wasonlyacrazymountebank，whohadbeenatavern-
waiter，andwaspuffedupwithabsurdvanityabouthisdressandlegs。AndthemenoftheFrenchlineatFontenoy，whotoldMessieursdelaGardetofirefirst，weresmirkingFrenchdancing-
masters；andtheBlackPrince，waitinguponhisroyalprisoner，wasactinganinanemasquerade:andChivalryisnaught；andhonorishumbug；andGentlemanhoodisanextinctfolly；andAmbitionismadness；anddesireofdistinctioniscriminalvanity；andgloryisbosh；andfairfameisidleness；andnothingistruebuttwoandtwo；andthecolorofalltheworldisdrab；andallmenareequal；
andonemanisastallasanother；andonemanisasgoodasanother——andagreatdalebetther，astheIrishphilosophersaid。
Isthisso?Titlesandbadgesofhonorarevanity；andintheAmericanRevolutionyouhavehisExcellencyGeneralWashingtonsendingback，andwithproperspiritsendingback，aletterinwhichheisnotaddressedasExcellencyandGeneral。Titlesareabolished；andtheAmericanRepublicswarmswithmenclaimingandbearingthem。YouhavetheFrenchsoldiercheeredandhappyinhisdyingagony，andkissingwithfranticjoythechief\'shandwholaysthelittlecrossonthebleedingbosom。AthomeyouhavetheDukesandEarlsjobbingandintriguingfortheGarter；theMilitaryKnightsgrumblingattheCivilKnightsofthebath；thelittleribboneagerforthecollar；thesoldiersandseamenfromIndiaandtheCrimeamarchinginprocessionbeforetheQueen，andreceivingfromherhandsthecrossbearingherroyalname。And，remember，therearenotonlythecrosswearers，butallthefathersandfriends；allthewomenwhohaveprayedfortheirabsentheroes；
Harry\'swife，andTom\'smother，andJack\'sdaughter，andFrank\'ssweetheart，eachofwhomwearsinherheartofheartsafterwardsthebadgewhichson，father，lover，haswonbyhismerit；eachofwhomismadehappyandproud，andisboundtothecountrybythatlittlebitofribbon。
Ihaveheard，inalectureaboutGeorgetheThird，that，athisaccession，theKinghadamindtoestablishanorderforliterarymen。ItwastohavebeencalledtheOrderofMinerva——IsupposewithanOwlforabadge。Theknightsweretohavewornastarofsixteenpoints，andayellowribbon；andgoodoldSamuelJohnsonwastalkedofasPresident，orGrandCross，orGrandOwl，ofthesociety。Nowaboutsuchanorderasthistherecertainlymaybedoubts。Considertheclaimants，thedifficultyofsettlingtheirclaims，therowsandsquabblesamongstthecandidates，andthesubsequentdecisionofposterity！Dr。Beattiewouldhaverankedasfirstpoet，andtwentyyearsafterthesublimeMr。Hayleywould，nodoubt，haveclaimedtheGrandCross。Mr。Gibbonwouldnothavebeeneligible，onaccountofhisdangerousfreethinkingopinions；andhersex，aswellasherrepublicansentiments，mighthaveinterferedwiththeknighthoodoftheimmortalMrs。CatharineMacaulay。HowGoldsmithwouldhaveparadedtheribbonatMadameCornelys\'s，ortheAcademydinner！HowPeterPindarwouldhaverailedatit！Fiftyyearslater，thenobleScottwouldhaveworntheGrandCrossanddeservedit；butGiffordwouldhavehadit；andByron，andShelley，andHazlitt，andHuntwouldhavebeenwithoutit；andhadKeatsbeenproposedasofficer，howtheToryprintswouldhaveyelledwithrageandscorn！HadthestarofMinervalastedtoourpresenttime——butIpause，notbecausetheideaisdazzling，buttooawful。Fancytheclaimants，andtherowabouttheirprecedence！Whichphilosophershallhavethegrandcordon?——whichthecollar?——whichthelittlescrapnobiggerthanabuttercup?Ofthehistorians——A，say，——andC，andF，andG，andS，andT，——whichshallbeCompanionandwhichGrandOwl?Ofthepoets，whowears，orclaims，thelargestandbrighteststar?Ofthenovelists，thereisA，andBandCD；andE
(staroffirstmagnitude，newlydiscovered)，andF(amagazineofwit)，andfairG，andH，andI，andbraveoldJ，andcharmingK，andL，andM，andN，andO(fairtwinklers)，andIampuzzledbetweenthreeP\'s——Peacock，MissPardoe，andPaulPry——andQueechy，andR，andS，andT，mereetfils，andverylikelyU，Ogentlereader，forwhohasnotwrittenhisnovelnow-a-days?——whohasnotaclaimtothestarandstraw-coloredribbon?——andwhoshallhavethebiggestandlargest?Fancythestruggle！Fancythesquabble！Fancythedistributionofprizes！
Whoshalldecideonthem?Shallitbethesovereign?shallitbetheMinisterforthetimebeing?andhasLordPalmerstonmadeadeepstudyofnovels?InthismatterthelateMinistry，*tobesure，wasbetterqualified；buteventhen，grumblerswhohadnotgottheircanarycordons，wouldhavehintedatprofessionaljealousiesenteringtheCabinet；and，theribbonsbeingawarded，JackwouldhavescowledathisbecauseDickhadabroaderone；NedbeenindignantbecauseBob\'swasaslarge:Tomwouldhavethrusthisintothedrawer，andscornedtowearitatall。No——no:theso-calledliteraryworldwaswellridofMinervaandheryellowribbon。Thegreatpoetswouldhavebeenindifferent，thelittlepoetsjealous，thefunnymenfurious，thephilosopherssatirical，thehistorianssupercilious，and，finally，thejobswithoutend。Say，ingenuityandclevernessaretoberewardedbyStatetokensandprizes——andtakeforgrantedtheOrderofMinervaisestablished——whoshallhaveit?Agreatphilosopher?nodoubtwecordiallysalutehimG。C。M。A
greathistorian?G。C。M。ofcourse。Agreatengineer?G。C。M。A
greatpoet?receivedwithacclamationG。C。M。Agreatpainter?oh！
certainly，G。C。M。Ifagreatpainter，whynotagreatnovelist?
Well，pass，greatnovelist，G。C。M。Butifapoetic，apictorial，astory-tellingormusic-composingartist，whynotasingingartist?
Whynotabasso-profondo?Whynotaprimotenore?Andifasinger，whyshouldnotaballet-dancercomeboundingonthestagewithhiscordon，andcutcaperstothemusicofarowofdecoratedfiddlers?
Achemistputsinhisclaimforhavinginventedanewcolor；anapothecaryforanewpill；thecookforanewsauce；thetailorforanewcutoftrousers。WehavebroughtthestarofMinervadownfromthebreasttothepantaloons。Starsandgarters！canwegoanyfarther；orshallwegivetheshoemakertheyellowribbonoftheorderforhisshoetie?
*ThatofLordDerby，inl859，whichincludedMr。DisraeliandSirEdwardBulwerLytton。
WhenIbeganthispresentRoundaboutexcursion，IthinkIhadnotquitemadeupmymindwhetherwewouldhaveanOrderofalltheTalentsornot:perhapsIratherhadahankeringforarichribbonandgorgeousstar，inwhichmyfamilymightliketoseemeatpartiesinmybestwaistcoat。Butthenthedooropens，andtherecomein，andbythesamerighttoo，SirAlexisSoyer！SirAlessandroTamburini！SirAgostinoVelluti！SirAntonioPaganini(violinist)！
SirSandyMcGuffog(pipertothemostnobletheMarquisofFarintosh)！SirAlcideFlicflac(premierdanseurofH。M。Theatre)！
SirHarleyQuinandSirJosephGrimaldi(fromCoventGarden)！Theyhavealltheyellowribbon。Theyareallhonorable，andclever，anddistinguishedartists。Letuselbowthroughtherooms，makeabowtotheladyofthehouse，giveanodtoSirGeorgeThrum，whoisleadingtheorchestra，andgoandgetsomechampagneandseltzer-
waterfromSirRichardGunter，whoispresidingatthebuffet。A
nationaldecorationmightbewellandgood:atokenawardedbythecountrytoallitsbenemerentibus:butmostgentlemenwithMinervastarswould，Ithink，beinclinedtowearverywidebreast-collarstotheircoats。Supposeyourself，brotherpenman，decoratedwiththisribbon，andlookingintheglass，wouldyounotlaugh?Wouldnotwifeanddaughterslaughatthatcanary-coloredemblem?
Butsupposeaman，oldoryoung，offigureeversostout，thin，stumpy，homely，indulginginlooking-glassreflectionswiththathideousribbonandcrosscalledV。C。onhiscoat，wouldhenotbeproud?andhisfamily，wouldtheynotbeprouder?Foryournoblemanthereisthefamousoldbluegarterandstar，andwelcome。IfI
wereamarquis——ifIhadthirty——fortythousandayear(settlethesum，mydearAlnaschar，accordingtoyourliking)，IshouldconsidermyselfentitledtomyseatinParliamentandtomygarter。ThegarterbelongstotheOrnamentalClasses。HaveyouseenthenewmagnificentPavoSpiciferattheZoologicalGardens，anddoyougrudgehimhisjewelledcoronetandtheazuresplendorofhiswaistcoat?IlikemyLordMayortohaveagiltcoach；mymagnificentmonarchtobesurroundedbymagnificentnobles:Ihuzzayrespectfullywhentheypassinprocession。ItisgoodforMr。
Briefless(50，PumpCourt，fourthfloor)thatthereshouldbeaLordChancellor，withagoldrobeandfifteenthousandayear。ItisgoodforapoorcuratethatthereshouldbesplendidbishopsatFulhamandLambeth:theirlordshipswerepoorcuratesonce，andhavewon，sotospeak，theirribbon。Isamanwhoputsintoalotterytobesulkybecausehedoesnotwinthetwentythousandpoundsprize?
AmItofallintoarage，andbullymyfamilywhenIcomehome，aftergoingtoseeChatsworthorWindsor，becausewehaveonlytwolittledrawing-rooms?Welcometoyourgarter，mylord，andshameuponhimquimalypense！
SoIarriveinmyroundaboutwaynearthepointtowardswhichIhavebeentrottingeversincewesetout。
InavoyagetoAmerica，somenineyearssince，ontheseventhoreighthdayoutfromLiverpool，CaptainL——cametodinnerateightbellsasusual，talkedalittletothepersonsrightandleftofhim，andhelpedthesoupwithhisaccustomedpoliteness。Thenhewentondeck，andwasbackinaminute，andoperatedonthefish，lookingrathergravethewhile。
Thenhewentondeckagain；andthistimewasabsent，itmaybe，threeorfiveminutes，duringwhichthefishdisappeared，andtheentreesarrived，andtheroastbeef。Saytenminutespassed——I
can\'ttellafternineyears。
ThenL——camedownwithapleasedandhappycountenancethistime，andbegancarvingthesirloin:“Wehaveseenthelight，“hesaid。
“Madam，mayIhelpyoutoalittlegravy，oralittlehorse-radish?“
orwhatnot?
Iforgetthenameofthelight；nordoesitmatter。ItwasapointoffNewfoundlandforwhichhewasonthelook-out，andsowelldidthe“Canada“knowwhereshewas，that，betweensoupandbeef，thecaptainhadsightedtheheadlandbywhichhiscoursewaslying。
Andsothroughstormanddarkness，throughfogandmidnight，theshiphadpursuedhersteadywayoverthepathlessoceanandroaringseas，sosurelythattheofficerswhosailedherknewherplacewithinaminuteortwo，andguideduswithawonderfulprovidencesafeonourway。SincethenobleCunardCompanyhasrunitsships，butoneaccident，andthatthroughtheerrorofapilot，hashappenedontheline。
Bythislittleincident(hourlyofcourserepeated，andtrivialtoallsea-goingpeople)IownIwasimmenselymoved，andnevercanthinkofitbutwithaheartfullofthanksandawe。Wetrustourlivestotheseseamen，andhownoblytheyfulfiltheirtrust！Theyare，underheaven，asaprovidenceforus。Whilstwesleep，theiruntiringwatchfulnesskeepsguardoverus。Allnightthroughthatbellsoundsatitsseason，andtellshowoursentinelsdefendus。
Itrangwhenthe“Amazon“wasonfire，andchimeditsheroicsignalofduty，andcourage，andhonor。Thinkofthedangerstheseseamenundergoforus:thehourlyperilandwatch；thefamiliarstorm；thedreadfuliceberg；thelongwinternightswhenthedecksareasglass，andthesailorhastoclimbthroughiciclestobendthestiffsailontheyard！Thinkoftheircourageandtheirkindnessesincold，intempest，inhunger，inwreck！“Thewomenandchildrentotheboats，“saysthecaptainofthe“Birkenhead，“and，withthetroopsformedonthedeck，andthecrewobedienttothewordofgloriouscommand，theimmortalshipgoesdown。Readthestoryofthe“SarahSands:“——
“SARAHSANDS。
“Thescrewsteamship\'SarahSands，\'1，330registeredtons，wascharteredbytheEastIndiaCompanyintheautumnof1858，fortheconveyanceoftroopstoIndia。ShewascommandedbyJohnSquireCastle。Shetookoutapartofthe54thRegiment，upwardsof350
persons，besidesthewivesandchildrenofsomeofthemen，andthefamiliesofsomeoftheofficers。Allwentwelltillthe11thNovember，whentheshiphadreachedlat。14S。，long。56E。，upwardsof400milesfromtheMauritius。
“BetweenthreeandfourP。M。onthatdayaverystrongsmelloffirewasperceivedarisingfromtheafter-deck，andupongoingbelowintothehold，CaptainCastlefoundittobeonfire，andimmensevolumesofsmokearisingfromit。Endeavorsweremadetoreachtheseatofthefire，butinvain；thesmokeandheatweretoomuchforthemen。Therewas，however，noconfusion。Everyorderwasobeyedwiththesamecoolnessandcouragewithwhichitwasgiven。Theenginewasimmediatelystopped。Allsailwastakenin，andtheshipbroughttothewind，soastodrivethesmokeandfire，whichwasintheafter-partoftheship，astern。Otherswere，atthesametime，gettingfire-hosesfittedandpassedtothesceneofthefire。Thefire，however，continuedtoincrease，andattentionwasdirectedtotheammunitioncontainedinthepowder-magazines，whichweresituatedoneoneachsidetheshipimmediatelyabovethefire。Thestar-boardmagazinewassooncleared。Butbythistimethewholeoftheafter-partoftheshipwassomuchenvelopedinsmokethatitwasscarcelypossibletostand，andgreatfearswereentertainedonaccountoftheportmagazine。Volunteerswerecalledfor，andcameimmediately，and，undertheguidanceofLieutenantHughes，attemptedtocleartheportmagazine，whichtheysucceededindoing，withtheexception，aswassupposed，ofoneortwobarrels。Itwasmostdangerouswork。Themenbecameoverpoweredwiththesmokeandheat，andfell；andseveral，whilethusengaged，weredraggedupbyropes，senseless。
“Theflamessoonburstupthroughthedeck，andrunningrapidlyalongthevariouscabins，setthegreaterpartonfire。
“InthemeantimeCaptainCastletookstepsforloweringtheboats。
Therewasaheavygaleatthetime，buttheywerelaunchedwithouttheleastaccident。Thesoldiersweremusteredondeck；——therewasnorushtotheboats；andthemenobeyedthewordofcommandasifonparade。ThemenwereinformedthatCaptainCastledidnotdespairofsavingtheship，butthattheymustbepreparedtoleaveherifnecessary。Thewomenandchildrenwereloweredintotheportlifeboat，underthechargeofMr。Very，thirdofficer，whohadorderstokeepclearoftheshipuntilrecalled。
“CaptainCastlethencommencedconstructingraftsofsparespars。
Inashorttime，threewereputtogether，whichwouldhavebeencapableofsavingagreatnumberofthoseonboard。Twowerelaunchedoverboard，andsafelymooredalongside，andthenathirdwasleftacrossthedeckforward，readytobelaunched。
“Inthemeantimethefirehadmadegreatprogress。Thewholeofthecabinswereonebodyoffire，andatabout8。30P。M。flamesburstthroughtheupperdeck，andshortlyafterthemizzenriggingcaughtfire。Fearswereentertainedoftheshippayingoff，inwhichcasetheflameswouldhavebeensweptforwardsbythewind；butfortunatelytheafter-braceswereburntthrough，andthemain-yardswunground，whichkepttheship\'sheadtowind。AboutnineP。M。，afearfulexplosiontookplaceintheportmagazine，arising，nodoubt，fromtheoneortwobarrelsofpowderwhichithadbeenimpossibletoremove。Bythistimetheshipwasonebodyofflame，fromthesterntothemainrigging，andthinkingitscarcelypossibletosaveher，CaptainCastlecalledMajorBrett(thenincommandofthetroops，fortheColonelwasinoneoftheboats)
forward，and，tellinghimthathefearedtheshipwaslost，requestedhimtoendeavortokeeporderamongstthetroopstillthelast，but，atthesametime，touseeveryexertiontocheckthefire。Providentially，theironbulkheadintheafter-partoftheshipwithstoodtheactionoftheflames，andherealleffortswereconcentratedtokeepitcool。
“\'Noperson，\'saysthecaptain，\'candescribethemannerinwhichthemenworkedtokeepthefireback；onepartywerebelow，keepingthebulkheadcool，andwhenseveralweredraggedupsenseless，freshvolunteerstooktheirplaces，whowere，however，sooninthesamestate。AtabouttenP。M。，themaintopsail-yardtookfire。Mr。
Welch，onequartermaster，andfourorfivesoldiers，wentaloftwithwetblankets，andsucceededinextinguishingit，butnotuntiltheyardandmastwerenearlyburntthrough。Theworkoffightingthefirebelowcontinuedforhours，andaboutmidnightitappearedthatsomeimpressionwasmade；andafterthat，themendroveitback，inchbyinch，untildaylight，whentheyhadcompletelygotitunder。
Theshipwasnowinafrightfulplight。Theafter-partwasliterallyburntout——merelytheshellremaining——theportquarterblownoutbytheexplosion:fifteenfeetofwaterinthehold。\'
“Thegalestillprevailed，andtheshipwasrollingandpitchinginaheavysea，andtakinginlargequantitiesofwaterabaft:thetanks，too，wererollingfromsidetosideinthehold。
“Assoonasthesmokewaspartiallyclearedaway，CaptainCastlegotsparesailsandblanketsafttostoptheleak，passingtwohawsersroundthestern，andsettingthemup。Thetroopswereemployedbalingandpumping。Thiscontinuedduringthewholemorning。
“Inthecourseofthedaytheladiesjoinedtheship。Theboatswereorderedalongside，buttheyfoundtheseatooheavytoremainthere。Thegighadbeenabandonedduringthenight，andthecrew，underMr。Wood，fourthofficer，hadgotintoanotheroftheboats。
Thetroopswereemployedtheremainderofthedaybalingandpumping，andthecrewsecuringthestern。Allhandswereemployedduringthefollowingnightbalingandpumping，theboatsbeingmooredalongside，wheretheyreceivedsomedamage。Atdaylight，onthe13th，thecrewwereemployedhoistingtimeboats，thetroopswereworkingmanfullybalingandpumping。Latitudeatnoon，13deg。
12min。south。AtfiveP。M。，theforesailandforetopsailwereset，theraftswerecutaway，andtheshipborefortheMauritius。
OnThursday，the19th，shesightedtheIslandofRodrigues，andarrivedatMauritiusonMondaythe23rd。”
TheNileandTrafalgararenotmoreglorioustoourcountry，arenotgreatervictoriesthanthesewonbyourmerchant-seamen。AndifyoulookintheCaptain\'sreportsofanymaritimeregister，youwillseesimilaractsrecordedeveryday。Ihavesuchavolumeforlastyear，nowlyingbeforeme。Inthesecondnumber，asIopenitathazard，CaptainRoberts，masteroftheship“Empire，“fromShieldstoLondon，reportshowonthe14thult。(the14thDecember，1859)，he，“beingoffWhitby，discoveredtheshiptobeonfirebetweenthemainholdandboilers:gotthehosefromtheenginelaidon，andsucceededinsubduingthefire；butonlyapparently；foratseventhenextmorning，the\'Dudgeon\'bearingS。S。E。sevenmiles\'
distance，thefireagainbrokeout，causingtheshiptobeenvelopedinflamesonbothsidesofmidships:gotthehoseagainintoplayandallhandstoworkwithbucketstocombatwiththefire。DidnotsucceedinstoppingittillfourP。M。，toeffectwhich，wereobligedtocutawaythedeckandtopsides，andthrowoverboardpartofthecargo。Thevesselwasverymuchdamagedandleaky:determinedtomakefortheHumber。Shipwasrunonshore，onthemud，nearGrimsbyharbor，withfivefeetofwaterinherhold。Thedonkey-
enginebrokedown。Thewaterincreasedsofastastoputoutthefurnacefiresandrendertheshipalmostunmanageable。Onthetideflowing，atugtowedtheshipoffthemud，andgotherintoGrimsbytorepair。”
Onthe2ndofNovember，CaptainStrickland，ofthe“Purchase“
brigantine，fromLiverpooltoYarmouth，U。S。，“encounteredheavygalesfromW。N。W。toW。S。W。，inlat。43deg。N。，long。34deg。W。，inwhichwelostjib，foretopmast，staysail，topsail，andcarriedawaytheforetopmaststays，bobstaysandbowsprit，headsails，cut-
waterandstern，alsostartedthewoodends，whichcausedthevesseltoleak。Putherbeforethewindandsea，andhoveabouttwenty-
fivetonsofcargooverboardtolightentheshipforward。Slungmyselfinabowline，andbymeansofthrusting21/2-inchropeintheopening，contrivedtostopagreatportionoftheleak。
“December16th——Thecrewcontinuingnightanddayatthepumps，couldnotkeeptheshipfree；deemeditprudentforthebenefitofthoseconcernedtobearupforthenearestport。Onarrivinginlat。48deg。45\'N。，long。23deg。W。，observedavesselwithasignalofdistressflying。Madetowardsher，whensheprovedtobethebarque\'Carleton，\'water-logged。Thecaptainandcrewaskedtobetakenoff。Hoveto，andreceivedthemonboard，consistingofthirteenmen:andtheirshipwasabandoned。Wethenproceededonourcourse，thecrewoftheabandonedvesselassistingalltheycouldtokeepmyshipafloat。WearrivedatCorkharboronthe27thult。”
CaptainCoulson，masterofthebrig“Othello，“reportsthathisbrigfounderedoffPortland，December27；——encounteringastronggale，andshippingtwoheavyseasinsuccession，whichhovetheshiponherbeam-ends。“Observingnochanceofsavingtheship，tooktothelongboat，andwithintenminutesofleavinghersawthebrigfounder。WewerepickedupthesamemorningbytheFrenchship\'CommercedeParis，\'CaptainTombarel。”
Here，inasinglecolumnofanewspaper，whatstrange，touchingpicturesdowefindofseamen\'sdangers，vicissitudes，gallantry，generosity！Theshiponfire——thecaptaininthegaleslinginghimselfinabowlinetostoptheleak——theFrenchmaninthehourofdangercomingtohisBritishcomrade\'srescue——thebrigantinealmostawreck，workinguptothebarquewiththesignalofdistressflying，andtakingoffhercrewofthirteenmen。“Wethenproceededonourcourse，THECREWOFTHEABANDONEDVESSELASSISTINGALLTHEY
COULDTOKEEPMYSHIPAFLOAT。”Whatnoble，simplewords！Whatcourage，devotedness，brotherlylove！Dotheynotcausethehearttobeat，andtheeyestofill?
Thisiswhatseamendodaily，andforoneanother。Onelightsoccasionallyupondifferentstories。Ithappened，notverylongsince，thatthepassengersbyoneofthegreatoceansteamerswerewrecked，and，afterundergoingthemostseverehardships，wereleft，destituteandhelpless，atamiserablecoalingport。Amongstthemwereoldmen，ladies，andchildren。Whenthenextsteamerarrived，thepassengersbythatsteamertookalarmatthehaggardandmiserableappearanceoftheirunfortunatepredecessors，andactuallyREMONSTRATEDWITHTHEIROWNCAPTAIN，URGINGHIMNOTTOTAKETHEPOOR
CREATURESONBOARD。Therewaseveryexcuse，ofcourse。Thelast-
arrivedsteamerwasalreadydangerouslyfull:thecabinswerecrowded；thereweresickanddelicatepeopleonboard——sickanddelicatepeoplewhohadpaidalargepricetothecompanyforroom，food，comfort，alreadynottoosufficient。Iffourteenofusareinanomnibus，willweseethreeorfourwomenoutsideandsay“Comein，becausethisisthelast\'bus，anditrains?“Ofcoursenot:
butthinkofthatremonstrance，andofthatSamaritanmasterofthe“Purchase“brigantine！
Inthewinterof\'53，IwentfromMarseillestoCivitaVecchia，inoneofthemagnificentP。andO。ships，the“Valetta，“themasterofwhichsubsequentlydiddistinguishedserviceintheCrimea。ThiswashisfirstMediterraneanvoyage，andhesailedhisshipbythechartsalone，goingintoeachportassurelyasanypilot。I
rememberwalkingthedeckatnightwiththismostskilful，gallant，well-bred，andwell-educatedgentleman，andtheglowofeagerenthusiasmwithwhichheassented，whenIaskedhimwhetherhedidnotthinkaRIBBONorORDERwouldbewelcomeorusefulinhisservice。
WhyistherenotanORDEROFBRITANNIAforBritishseamen?IntheMerchantandtheRoyalNavyalike，occuralmostdailyinstancesandoccasionsforthedisplayofscience，skill，bravery，fortitudeintryingcircumstances，resourceindanger。InthefirstnumberoftheCornhillMagazine，afriendcontributedamosttouchingstoryoftheM\'Clintockexpedition，inthedangersanddreadfulgloriesofwhichheshared；andthewriterwasamerchantcaptain。Howmanymorearethere(and，forthehonorofEngland，maytherebemanylikehim！)——gallant，accomplished，high-spirited，enterprisingmastersoftheirnobleprofession！CanourfountainofHonornotbebroughttosuchmen?Itplaysuponcaptainsandcolonelsinseemlyprofusion。Itpoursforthnotilliberalrewardsupondoctorsandjudges。Itsprinklesmayorsandaldermen。Itbedewsapainternowandagain。Ithasspiritedabaronetcyupontwo，andbestowedacoronetupononenoblemanofletters。DiplomatiststaketheirBathinitasofright；anditflingsoutaprofusionofglitteringstarsuponthenobilityofthethreekingdoms。CannotBritanniafindaribbonforhersailors?TheNavy，royalormercantile，isaService。Thecommandofaship，ortheconductofher，impliesdanger，honor，science，skill，subordination，goodfaith。Itmaybeavictory，suchasthatofthe“SarahSands；“itmaybediscovery，suchasthatofthe“Fox；“itmaybeheroicdisaster，suchasthatofthe“Birkenhead；“andinsucheventsmerchantseamen，aswellasroyalseamen，taketheirshare。
Whyistherenot，then，anOrderofBritannia?Onedayayoungofficerofthe“Euryalus“*maywinit；and，havingjustreadthememoirsofLORDDUNDONALD，IknowwhooughttohavethefirstGrandCross。
*PrinceAlfredwasservingonboardthefrigate“Euryalus“whenthiswaswritten。
ONSOMELATEGREATVICTORIES。
Onthe18thdayofAprillastIwenttoseeafriendinaneighboringCrescent，andonthestepsofthenexthousebeheldagroupsomethinglikethatheredepicted。Anewsboyhadstoppedinhiswalk，andwasreadingaloudthejournalwhichitwashisdutytodeliver；aprettyorange-girl，withaheapofblazingfruit，renderedmorebrilliantbyoneofthosegreatbluepapersinwhichorangesarenowartfullywrapped，leantovertherailingandlistened；andoppositethenymphamdiscentemtherewasacaperingandacute-earedyoungsatiristofacrossing-sweeper，whohadlefthisneighboringprofessionalavocationandchanceofprofit，inordertolistentothetaleofthelittlenewsboy。
Thatintelligentreader，withhishandfollowingthelineashereaditouttohisaudience，wassaying:——“And——now——Tom——comingupsmiling——afterhisfall——dee——deliveredarattlingclinkerupontheBeniciaBoy\'s——potato-trap——butwasmetbya——punisheronthenose——
which，“&c。&c。；orwordstothateffect。Bettyat52letmein，whiletheboywasreadinghislectureand，havingbeensometwentyminutesorsointhehouseandpaidmyvisit，Itookleave。
Thelittlelecturerwasstillatworkonthe51doorstep，andhisaudiencehadscarcelychangedtheirposition。Havingreadeverywordofthebattlemyselfinthemorning，Ididnotstaytolistenfurther；butifthegentlemanwhoexpectedhispaperattheusualhourthatdayexperienceddelayandalittledisappointmentIshallnotbesurprised。
Iamnotgoingtoexpatiateonthebattle。Ihavereadinthecorrespondent\'sletterofaNorthernnewspaper，thatinthemidstofthecompanyassembledthereader\'shumbleservantwaspresent，andinaverypolitesociety，too，of“poets，clergymen，menofletters，andmembersofbothHousesofParliament。”Ifso，Imusthavewalkedtothestationinmysleep，paidthreeguineasinaprofoundfitofmentalabstraction，andreturnedtobedunconscious，forI
certainlywokethereaboutthetimewhenhistoryrelatesthatthefightwasover。IdonotknowwhosecolorsIwore——theBenician\'s，orthoseoftheIrishchampion；norrememberwherethefighttookplace，which，indeed，nosomnambulistisboundtorecollect。OughtMr。Sayerstobehonoredforbeingbrave，orpunishedforbeingnaughty?BytheshadeofBrutustheelder，Idon\'tknow。
InGeorgeII。\'stime，therewasaturbulentnavylieutenant(HandsomeSmithhewascalled——hispictureisatGreenwichnow，inbrownvelvet，andgoldandscarlet；hiscoathandsome，hiswaistcoatexceedinglyhandsome；buthisfacebynomeansthebeauty)——therewas，Isay，aturbulentyounglieutenantwhowasbrokeonacomplaintoftheFrenchambassador，forobligingaFrenchshipofwartolowerhertopsailstohisshipatSpithead。But，bytheKing\'sorders，TomwasnextdaymadeCaptainSmith。Well，ifIwereabsoluteking，IwouldsendTomSayerstothemillforamonth，andmakehimSirThomasoncomingoutofClerkenwell。Youareanaughtyboy，Tom！butthen，youknow，weoughttoloveourbrethren，thougheversonaughty。Wearemoralists，andreprimandyou；andyouareherebyreprimandedaccordingly。ButincaseEnglandshouldeverhaveneedofafewscorethousandchampions，wholaughatdanger；
whocopewithgiants；who，strickentotheground，jumpupandgaylyrally，andfall，andriseagain，andstrike，anddieratherthanyield——incasethecountryshouldneedsuchmen，andyoushouldknowthem，bepleasedtosendlistsofthemisguidedpersonstotheprincipalpolicestations，wheremeansmaysomedaybefoundtoutilizetheirwretchedpowers，andgivetheirdeplorableenergiesarightdirection。Suppose，Tom，thatyouandyourfriendsarepittedagainstanimmenseinvader——supposeyouarebentonholdingtheground，anddyingthere，ifneedbe——supposeitislife，freedom，honor，home，youarefightingfor，andthereisadeath——dealingswordorrifleinyourhand，withwhichyouaregoingtoresistsometremendousenemywhochallengesyourchampionshiponyournativeshore?Then，SirThomas，resisthimtothedeath，anditisallright:killhim，andheavenblessyou。Drivehimintothesea，andtheredestroy，smash，anddrownhim；andletussingLaudamus。Inthesenationalcases，yousee，weoverridetheindisputablefirstlawsofmorals。Lovingyourneighborisverywell，butsupposeyourneighborcomesoverfromCalaisandBoulognetorobyouofyourlaws，yourliberties，yournewspapers，yourparliament(allofwhichSOMEdearneighborsofourshavegivenupinthemostself-denyingmanner):supposeanyneighborweretocrossthewaterandproposethiskindofthingtous?Shouldwenotbejustifiedinhumblytryingtopitchhimintothewater?IfitweretheKingofBelgiumhimselfwemustdoso。Imeanthatfighting，ofcourse，iswrong；
butthatthereareoccasionswhen，&c——IsupposeImeanthatthatone-handedfightofSayersisoneofthemostspirit-stirringlittlestoriesevertoldand，witheveryloveandrespectforMorality——myspiritsaystoher，“Do，forgoodness\'sake，mydearmadam，keepyourtrue，andpure，andwomanly，andgentleremarksforanotherday。HavethegreatkindnesstostandaLEETLEaside，andjustletusseeoneortwomoreroundsbetweenthemen。Thatlittlemanwiththeonehandpowerlessonhisbreastfacingyondergiantforhours，andfellinghim，too，everynowandthen！Itisthelittle\'Java\'
andthe\'Constitution\'overagain。”
IthinkitisamostfortunateeventforthebraveHeenan，whohasactedandwrittensincethebattlewithatruewarrior\'scourtesy，andwithagreatdealofgoodlogictoo，thatthebattlewasadrawnone。TheadvantagewasallonMr。Sayers\'sside。Sayayoungladofsixteeninsultsmeinthestreet，andItryandthrashhim，anddoit。Well，Ihavethrashedayounglad。Yougreat，bigtyrant，couldn\'tyouhitoneofyourownsize?Butsaytheladthrashesme?
IneithercaseIwalkawaydiscomfited:butinthelatter，Iampositivelyputtoshame。Now，whentheropeswerecutfromthatdeath-grip，andSirThomasreleased，thegentlemanofBeniciawasconfessedlyblindofoneeye，andspeedilyafterwardswasblindofboth。CouldMr。Savershaveheldoutforthreeminutes，forfiveminutes，fortenminutesmore?Hesayshecould。SowesayWE
couldhaveheldout，anddid，andhadbeatenofftheenemyatWaterloo，evenifthePrussianshadn\'tcomeup。Theopinionsdifferprettymuchaccordingtothenatureoftheopinants。IsaytheDukeandTomcouldhaveheldout，thattheymeanttoholdout，thattheydidholdout，andthattherehasbeenfistifyingenough。ThatcrowdwhichcameinandstoppedthefightoughttobeconsideredlikeoneofthosedivinecloudswhichthegodssendinHomer:
“ApolloshroudsThegodlikeTrojaninaveilofclouds。”
ItisthebestwayofgettingthegodlikeTrojanoutofthescrape，don\'tyousee?Thenodusiscut；Tomisoutofchancery；theBeniciaBoynotabittheworse，nay，betterthanifhehadbeatenthelittleman。Hehasnotthehumiliationofconquest。Heisgreater，andwillbelovedmorehereafterbythegentlesex。
SupposehehadovercomethegodlikeTrojan?SupposebehadtiedTom\'scorpsetohiscab-wheels，anddriventoFarnham，smokingthepipeoftriumph?Faugh！thegreathulkingconqueror！Whydidyounotholdyourhandfromyonderhero?Everybody，Isay，wasrelievedbythatopportuneappearanceoftheBritishgods，protectorsofnativevalor，whointerfered，and“withdrew“theirchampion。
