CHAPTERXLVII。
Somebodyhassaidthatinordertoknowacommunity,onemustobservethestyleofitsfuneralsandknowwhatmannerofmentheyburywithmostceremony。Icannotsaywhichclassweburiedwithmosteclatinour“flushtimes,“thedistinguishedpublicbenefactororthedistinguishedrough——possiblythetwochiefgradesorgranddivisionsofsocietyhonoredtheirillustriousdeadaboutequally;andhence,nodoubtthephilosopherIhavequotedfromwouldhaveneededtoseetworepresentativefuneralsinVirginiabeforeforminghisestimateofthepeople。
TherewasagrandtimeoverBuckFanshawwhenhedied。Hewasarepresentativecitizen。Hehad“killedhisman“——notinhisownquarrel,itistrue,butindefenceofastrangerunfairlybesetbynumbers。
Hehadkeptasumptuoussaloon。Hehadbeentheproprietorofadashinghelpmeetwhomhecouldhavediscardedwithouttheformalityofadivorce。
HehadheldahighpositioninthefiredepartmentandbeenaveryWarwickinpolitics。Whenhediedtherewasgreatlamentationthroughoutthetown,butespeciallyinthevastbottom-stratumofsociety。
OntheinquestitwasshownthatBuckFanshaw,inthedeliriumofawastingtyphoidfever,hadtakenarsenic,shothimselfthroughthebody,cuthisthroat,andjumpedoutofafour-storywindowandbrokenhisneck——andafterduedeliberation,thejury,sadandtearful,butwithintelligenceunblindedbyitssorrow,broughtinaverdictofdeath“bythevisitationofGod。”Whatcouldtheworlddowithoutjuries?
Prodigiouspreparationsweremadeforthefuneral。Allthevehiclesintownwerehired,allthesaloonsputinmourning,allthemunicipalandfire-companyflagshungathalf-mast,andallthefiremenorderedtomusterinuniformandbringtheirmachinesdulydrapedinblack。Now——
letusremarkinparenthesis——asallthepeoplesoftheearthhadrepresentativeadventurersintheSilverland,andaseachadventurerhadbroughttheslangofhisnationorhislocalitywithhim,thecombinationmadetheslangofNevadatherichestandthemostinfinitelyvariedandcopiousthathadeverexistedanywhereintheworld,perhaps,exceptintheminesofCaliforniainthe“earlydays。”SlangwasthelanguageofNevada。Itwashardtopreachasermonwithoutit,andbeunderstood。
Suchphrasesas“Youbet!““Oh,no,Ireckonnot!““NoIrishneedapply,“andahundredothers,becamesocommonastofallfromthelipsofaspeakerunconsciously——andveryoftenwhentheydidnottouchthesubjectunderdiscussionandconsequentlyfailedtomeananything。
AfterBuckFanshaw\'sinquest,ameetingoftheshort-hairedbrotherhoodwasheld,fornothingcanbedoneonthePacificcoastwithoutapublicmeetingandanexpressionofsentiment。Regretfulresolutionswerepassedandvariouscommitteesappointed;amongothers,acommitteeofonewasdeputedtocallontheminister,afragile,gentle,spiritualnewfledglingfromanEasterntheologicalseminary,andasyetunacquaintedwiththewaysofthemines。Thecommitteeman,“Scotty“Briggs,madehisvisit;andinafterdaysitwasworthsomethingtoheartheministertellaboutit。Scottywasastalwartrough,whosecustomarysuit,whenonweightyofficialbusiness,likecommitteework,wasafirehelmet,flamingredflannelshirt,patentleatherbeltwithspannerandrevolverattached,coathungoverarm,andpantsstuffedintoboottops。
Heformedsomethingofacontrasttothepaletheologicalstudent。ItisfairtosayofScotty,however,inpassing,thathehadawarmheart,andastrongloveforhisfriends,andneverenteredintoaquarrelwhenhecouldreasonablykeepoutofit。Indeed,itwascommonlysaidthatwheneveroneofScotty\'sfightswasinvestigated,italwaysturnedoutthatithadoriginallybeennoaffairofhis,butthatoutofnativegood-heartednesshehaddroppedinofhisownaccordtohelpthemanwhowasgettingtheworstofit。HeandBuckFanshawwerebosomfriends,foryears,andhadoftentakenadventurous“pot-luck“together。Ononeoccasion,theyhadthrownofftheircoatsandtakentheweakersideinafightamongstrangers,andaftergainingahard-earnedvictory,turnedandfoundthatthementheywerehelpinghaddesertedearly,andnotonlythat,buthadstolentheircoatsandmadeoffwiththem!ButtoreturntoScotty\'svisittotheminister。Hewasonasorrowfulmission,now,andhisfacewasthepictureofwoe。Beingadmittedtothepresencehesatdownbeforetheclergyman,placedhisfire-hatonanunfinishedmanuscriptsermonundertheminister\'snose,tookfromitaredsilkhandkerchief,wipedhisbrowandheavedasighofdismalimpressiveness,explanatoryofhisbusiness。
Hechoked,andevenshedtears;butwithanefforthemasteredhisvoiceandsaidinlugubrioustones:
“Areyoutheduckthatrunsthegospel-millnextdoor?“
“AmIthe——pardonme,IbelieveIdonotunderstand?“
Withanothersighandahalf-sob,Scottyrejoined:
“Whyyouseeweareinabitoftrouble,andtheboysthoughtmaybeyouwouldgiveusalift,ifwe\'dtackleyou——thatis,ifI\'vegottherightsofitandyouaretheheadclerkofthedoxology-worksnextdoor。”
“Iamtheshepherdinchargeoftheflockwhosefoldisnextdoor。”
“Thewhich?“
“Thespiritualadviserofthelittlecompanyofbelieverswhosesanctuaryadjoinsthesepremises。”
Scottyscratchedhishead,reflectedamoment,andthensaid:
“Yourutherholdoverme,pard。IreckonIcan\'tcallthathand。Anteandpassthebuck。”
“How?Ibegpardon。WhatdidIunderstandyoutosay?“
“Well,you\'veruthergotthebulgeonme。Ormaybewe\'vebothgotthebulge,somehow。Youdon\'tsmokemeandIdon\'tsmokeyou。Yousee,oneoftheboyshaspassedinhischecksandwewanttogivehimagoodsend-
off,andsothethingI\'monnowistoroustoutsomebodytojerkalittlechin-musicforusandwaltzhimthroughhandsome。”
“Myfriend,Iseemtogrowmoreandmorebewildered。Yourobservationsarewhollyincomprehensibletome。Cannotyousimplifytheminsomeway?
AtfirstIthoughtperhapsIunderstoodyou,butIgropenow。Woulditnotexpeditemattersifyourestrictedyourselftocategoricalstatementsoffactunencumberedwithobstructingaccumulationsofmetaphorandallegory?“
Anotherpause,andmorereflection。Then,saidScotty:
“I\'llhavetopass,Ijudge。”
“How?“
“You\'veraisedmeout,pard。”
“Istillfailtocatchyourmeaning。”
“Why,thatlastleadofyournistoomanyforme——that\'stheidea。I
can\'tneither-trumpnorfollowsuit。”
Theclergymansankbackinhischairperplexed。Scottyleanedhisheadonhishandandgavehimselfuptothought。
Presentlyhisfacecameup,sorrowfulbutconfident。
“I\'vegotitnow,so\'syoucansavvy,“hesaid。“Whatwewantisagospel-sharp。See?“
“Awhat?“
“Gospel-sharp。Parson。”
“Oh!Whydidyounotsaysobefore?Iamaclergyman——aparson。”
“Nowyoutalk!Youseemyblindandstraddleitlikeaman。Putitthere!“——extendingabrawnypaw,whichclosedovertheminister\'ssmallhandandgaveitashakeindicativeoffraternalsympathyandferventgratification。
“Nowwe\'reallright,pard。Let\'sstartfresh。Don\'tyoumindmysnufflingalittle——becuzwe\'reinapoweroftrouble。Yousee,oneoftheboyshasgoneuptheflume——“
“Gonewhere?“
“Uptheflume——throwedupthesponge,youunderstand。”
“Thrownupthesponge?“
“Yes——kickedthebucket——“
“Ah——hasdepartedtothatmysteriouscountryfromwhosebournenotravelerreturns。”
“Return!Ireckonnot。Whypard,he\'sdead!“
“Yes,Iunderstand。”
“Oh,youdo?WellIthoughtmaybeyoumightbegettingtangledsomemore。Yes,youseehe\'sdeadagain——“
“Again?Why,hasheeverbeendeadbefore?“
“Deadbefore?No!Doyoureckonamanhasgotasmanylivesasacat?
Butyoubetyouhe\'sawfuldeadnow,pooroldboy,andIwishI\'dneverseenthisday。Idon\'twantnobetterfriendthanBuckFanshaw。
Iknowedhimbytheback;andwhenIknowamanandlikehim,Ifreezetohim——youhearme。Takehimallround,pard,thereneverwasabulliermaninthemines。NomaneverknowedBuckFanshawtogobackonafriend。Butit\'sallup,youknow,it\'sallup。Itain\'tnouse。
They\'vescoopedhim。”
“Scoopedhim?“
“Yes——deathhas。Well,well,well,we\'vegottogivehimup。Yesindeed。It\'sakindofahardworld,afterall,ain\'tit?Butpard,hewasarustler!Yououghttoseenhimgetstartedonce。Hewasabullyboywithaglasseye!Justspitinhisfaceandgivehimroomaccordingtohisstrength,anditwasjustbeautifultoseehimpeelandgoin。
Hewastheworstsonofathiefthateverdrawedbreath。Pard,hewasonit!HewasonitbiggerthananInjun!“
“Onit?Onwhat?“
“Ontheshoot。Ontheshoulder。Onthefight,youunderstand。
Hedidn\'tgiveacontinentalforanybody。Begyourpardon,friend,forcomingsonearsayingacuss-word——butyouseeI\'monanawfulstrain,inthispalaver,onaccountofhavingtocrampdownanddraweverythingsomild。Butwe\'vegottogivehimup。Thereain\'tanygettingaroundthat,Idon\'treckon。Nowifwecangetyoutohelpplanthim——“
“Preachthefuneraldiscourse?Assistattheobsequies?“
“Obs\'quiesisgood。Yes。That\'sit——that\'sourlittlegame。Wearegoingtogetthethingupregardless,youknow。Hewasalwaysniftyhimself,andsoyoubetyouhisfuneralain\'tgoingtobenoslouch——
solidsilverdoor-plateonhiscoffin,sixplumesonthehearse,andaniggerontheboxinabiledshirtandaplughat——how\'sthatforhigh?
Andwe\'lltakecareofyou,pard。We\'llfixyouallright。There\'llbeakerridgeforyou;andwhateveryouwant,youjust\'scapeoutandwe\'ll\'tendtoit。We\'vegotashebangfixedupforyoutostandbehind,inNo。1\'shouse,anddon\'tyoubeafraid。Justgoinandtootyourhorn,ifyoudon\'tsellaclam。PutBuckthroughasbullyasyoucan,pard,foranybodythatknowedhimwilltellyouthathewasoneofthewhitestmenthatwaseverinthemines。Youcan\'tdrawittoostrong。Henevercouldstandittoseethingsgoingwrong。He\'sdonemoretomakethistownquietandpeaceablethananymaninit。I\'veseenhimlickfourGreasersinelevenminutes,myself。Ifathingwantedregulating,hewarn\'tamantogobrowsingaroundaftersomebodytodoit,buthewouldpranceinandregulateithimself。Hewarn\'taCatholic。Scasely。Hewasdownon\'em。Hiswordwas,\'NoIrishneedapply!\'Butitdidn\'tmakenodifferenceaboutthatwhenitcamedowntowhataman\'srightswas——andso,whensomeroughsjumpedtheCatholicbone-yardandstartedintostakeouttown-lotsinithewentfor\'em!Andhecleaned\'em,too!Iwasthere,pard,andIseenitmyself。”
“Thatwasverywellindeed——atleasttheimpulsewas——whethertheactwasstrictlydefensibleornot。Haddeceasedanyreligiousconvictions?
Thatistosay,didhefeeladependenceupon,oracknowledgeallegiancetoahigherpower?\'
Morereflection。
“Ireckonyou\'vestumpedmeagain,pard。Couldyousayitoveroncemore,andsayitslow?“
“Well,tosimplifyitsomewhat,washe,orratherhadheeverbeenconnectedwithanyorganizationsequesteredfromsecularconcernsanddevotedtoself-sacrificeintheinterestsofmorality?“
“Alldownbutnine——set\'emupontheotheralley,pard。”
“WhatdidIunderstandyoutosay?“
“Why,you\'remosttoomanyforme,youknow。WhenyougetinwithyourleftIhuntgrasseverytime。Everytimeyoudraw,youfill;butIdon\'tseemtohaveanyluck。Letshaveanewdeal。”
“How?Beginagain?“
“That\'sit。”
“Verywell。Washeagoodman,and——“
“There——Iseethat;don\'tputupanotherchiptillIlookatmyhand。
Agoodman,saysyou?Pard,itain\'tnonameforit。Hewasthebestmanthatever——pard,youwouldhavedotedonthatman。HecouldlamanygalootofhisinchesinAmerica。Itwashimthatputdowntheriotlastelectionbeforeitgotastart;andeverybodysaidhewastheonlymanthatcouldhavedoneit。Hewaltzedinwithaspannerinonehandandatrumpetintheother,andsentfourteenmenhomeonashutterinlessthanthreeminutes。Hehadthatriotallbrokeupandpreventednicebeforeanybodyevergotachancetostrikeablow。Hewasalwaysforpeace,andhewouldhavepeace——hecouldnotstanddisturbances。Pard,hewasagreatlosstothistown。Itwouldpleasetheboysifyoucouldchipinsomethinglikethatanddohimjustice。HereoncewhentheMicksgottothrowingstonesthroughtheMethodis\'Sundayschoolwindows,BuckFanshaw,allofhisownnotion,shutuphissaloonandtookacoupleofsix-shootersandmountedguardovertheSundayschool。Sayshe,\'NoIrishneedapply!\'Andtheydidn\'t。Hewasthebulliestmaninthemountains,pard!Hecouldrunfaster,jumphigher,hitharder,andholdmoretangle-footwhiskywithoutspillingitthananymaninseventeencounties。Putthatin,pard——it\'llpleasetheboysmorethananythingyoucouldsay。Andyoucansay,pard,thathenevershookhismother。”
“Nevershookhismother?“
“That\'sit——anyoftheboyswilltellyouso。”
“Well,butwhyshouldheshakeher?“
“That\'swhatIsay——butsomepeopledoes。”
“Notpeopleofanyrepute?“
“Well,somethataveragesprettyso-so。”
“Inmyopinionthemanthatwouldofferpersonalviolencetohisownmother,oughtto——“
“Cheeseit,pard;you\'vebankedyourballcleanoutsidethestring。
WhatIwasadrivin\'at,was,thatheneverthrowedoffonhismother——
don\'tyousee?Noindeedy。Hegiveherahousetolivein,andtownlots,andplentyofmoney;andhelookedafterherandtookcareofherallthetime;andwhenshewasdownwiththesmall-poxI\'md——difhedidn\'tsetupnightsandnussherhimself!Begyourpardonforsayingit,butithoppedouttooquickforyourstruly。
You\'vetreatedmelikeagentleman,pard,andIain\'tthemantohurtyourfeelingsintentional。Ithinkyou\'rewhite。Ithinkyou\'reasquareman,pard。Ilikeyou,andI\'lllickanymanthatdon\'t。I\'lllickhimtillhecan\'ttellhimselffromalastyear\'scorpse!Putitthere!“[Anotherfraternalhand-shake——andexit。]
Theobsequieswereallthat“theboys“coulddesire。SuchamarveloffuneralpomphadneverbeenseeninVirginia。Theplumedhearse,thedirge-breathingbrassbands,theclosedmartsofbusiness,theflagsdroopingathalfmast,thelong,ploddingprocessionofuniformedsecretsocieties,militarybattalionsandfirecompanies,drapedengines,carriagesofofficials,andcitizensinvehiclesandonfoot,attractedmultitudesofspectatorstothesidewalks,roofsandwindows;andforyearsafterward,thedegreeofgrandeurattainedbyanycivicdisplayinVirginiawasdeterminedbycomparisonwithBuckFanshaw\'sfuneral。
ScottyBriggs,asapall-bearerandamourner,occupiedaprominentplaceatthefuneral,andwhenthesermonwasfinishedandthelastsentenceoftheprayerforthedeadman\'ssoulascended,heresponded,inalowvoice,butwithfeelings:
“AMEN。NoIrishneedapply。”
Asthebulkoftheresponsewaswithoutapparentrelevancy,itwasprobablynothingmorethanahumbletributetothememoryofthefriendthatwasgone;for,asScottyhadoncesaid,itwas“hisword。”
ScottyBriggs,inafterdays,achievedthedistinctionofbecomingtheonlyconverttoreligionthatwasevergatheredfromtheVirginiaroughs;
andittranspiredthatthemanwhohaditinhimtoespousethequarreloftheweakoutofinbornnobilityofspiritwasnomeantimberwhereoftoconstructaChristian。Themakinghimonedidnotwarphisgenerosityordiminishhiscourage;onthecontraryitgaveintelligentdirectiontotheoneandabroaderfieldtotheother。
IfhisSunday-schoolclassprogressedfasterthantheotherclasses,wasitmatterforwonder?Ithinknot。Hetalkedtohispioneersmall-fryinalanguagetheyunderstood!Itwasmylargeprivilege,amonthbeforehedied,tohearhimtellthebeautifulstoryofJosephandhisbrethrentohisclass“withoutlookingatthebook。”Ileaveittothereadertofancywhatitwaslike,asitfell,riddledwithslang,fromthelipsofthatgrave,earnestteacher,andwaslistenedtobyhislittlelearnerswithaconsuminginterestthatshowedthattheywereasunconsciousashewasthatanyviolencewasbeingdonetothesacredproprieties!
CHAPTERXLVIII。
Thefirsttwenty-sixgravesintheVirginiacemeterywereoccupiedbymurderedmen。Soeverybodysaid,soeverybodybelieved,andsotheywillalwayssayandbelieve。Thereasonwhytherewassomuchslaughteringdone,was,thatinanewminingdistricttheroughelementpredominates,andapersonisnotrespecteduntilhehas“killedhisman。”Thatwastheveryexpressionused。
Ifanunknownindividualarrived,theydidnotinquireifhewascapable,honest,industrious,but——hadhekilledhisman?Ifhehadnot,hegravitatedtohisnaturalandproperposition,thatofamanofsmallconsequence;ifhehad,thecordialityofhisreceptionwasgraduatedaccordingtothenumberofhisdead。Itwastediousworkstrugglinguptoapositionofinfluencewithbloodlesshands;butwhenamancamewiththebloodofhalfadozenmenonhissoul,hisworthwasrecognizedatonceandhisacquaintancesought。
InNevada,foratime,thelawyer,theeditor,thebanker,thechiefdesperado,thechiefgambler,andthesaloonkeeper,occupiedthesamelevelinsociety,anditwasthehighest。Thecheapestandeasiestwaytobecomeaninfluentialmanandbelookeduptobythecommunityatlarge,wastostandbehindabar,wearacluster-diamondpin,andsellwhisky。Iamnotsurebutthatthesaloon-keeperheldashadehigherrankthananyothermemberofsociety。Hisopinionhadweight。Itwashisprivilegetosayhowtheelectionsshouldgo。Nogreatmovementcouldsucceedwithoutthecountenanceanddirectionofthesaloon-
keepers。Itwasahighfavorwhenthechiefsaloon-keeperconsentedtoserveinthelegislatureortheboardofaldermen。
Youthfulambitionhardlyaspiredsomuchtothehonorsofthelaw,orthearmyandnavyastothedignityofproprietorshipinasaloon。
Tobeasaloon-keeperandkillamanwastobeillustrious。HencethereaderwillnotbesurprisedtolearnthatmorethanonemanwaskilledinNevadaunderhardlythepretextofprovocation,soimpatientwastheslayertoachievereputationandthrowoffthegallingsenseofbeingheldinindifferentreputebyhisassociates。Iknewtwoyouthswhotriedto“killtheirmen“fornootherreason——andgotkilledthemselvesfortheirpains。“TheregoesthemanthatkilledBillAdams“washigherpraiseandasweetersoundintheearsofthissortofpeoplethananyotherspeechthatadmiringlipscouldutter。
ThemenwhomurderedVirginia\'soriginaltwenty-sixcemetery-occupantswereneverpunished。Why?BecauseAlfredtheGreat,whenheinventedtrialbyjuryandknewthathehadadmirablyframedittosecurejusticeinhisageoftheworld,wasnotawarethatinthenineteenthcenturytheconditionofthingswouldbesoentirelychangedthatunlessherosefromthegraveandalteredthejuryplantomeettheemergency,itwouldprovethemostingeniousandinfallibleagencyfordefeatingjusticethathumanwisdomcouldcontrive。Forhowcouldheimaginethatwesimpletonswouldgoonusinghisjuryplanaftercircumstanceshadstrippeditofitsusefulness,anymorethanhecouldimaginethatwewouldgoonusinghiscandle-clockafterwehadinventedchronometers?Inhisdaynewscouldnottravelfast,andhencehecouldeasilyfindajuryofhonest,intelligentmenwhohadnotheardofthecasetheywerecalledtotry——
butinourdayoftelegraphsandnewspapershisplancompelsustoswearinjuriescomposedoffoolsandrascals,becausethesystemrigidlyexcludeshonestmenandmenofbrains。
Irememberoneofthosesorrowfulfarces,inVirginia,whichwecallajurytrial。AnoteddesperadokilledMr。B。,agoodcitizen,inthemostwantonandcold-bloodedway。Ofcoursethepaperswerefullofit,andallmencapableofreading,readaboutit。Andofcourseallmennotdeafanddumbandidiotic,talkedaboutit。Ajury-listwasmadeout,andMr。B。L。,aprominentbankerandavaluedcitizen,wasquestionedpreciselyashewouldhavebeenquestionedinanycourtinAmerica:
“Haveyouheardofthishomicide?“
“Yes。”
“Haveyouheldconversationsuponthesubject?“
“Yes。”
“Haveyouformedorexpressedopinionsaboutit?“
“Yes。”
“Haveyoureadthenewspaperaccountsofit?“
“Yes。”
“Wedonotwantyou。”
Aminister,intelligent,esteemed,andgreatlyrespected;amerchantofhighcharacterandknownprobity;aminingsuperintendentofintelligenceandunblemishedreputation;aquartzmillownerofexcellentstanding,wereallquestionedinthesameway,andallsetaside。Eachsaidthepublictalkandthenewspaperreportshadnotsobiasedhismindbutthatsworntestimonywouldoverthrowhispreviouslyformedopinionsandenablehimtorenderaverdictwithoutprejudiceandinaccordancewiththefacts。Butofcoursesuchmencouldnotbetrustedwiththecase。
Ignoramusesalonecouldmeteoutunsulliedjustice。
Whentheperemptorychallengeswereallexhausted,ajuryoftwelvemenwasimpaneled——ajurywhosworetheyhadneitherheard,read,talkedaboutnorexpressedanopinionconcerningamurderwhichtheverycattleinthecorrals,theIndiansinthesage-brushandthestonesinthestreetswerecognizantof!Itwasajurycomposedoftwodesperadoes,twolowbeer-housepoliticians,threebar-keepers,tworanchmenwhocouldnotread,andthreedull,stupid,humandonkeys!Itactuallycameoutafterward,thatoneoftheselatterthoughtthatincestandarsonwerethesamething。
Theverdictrenderedbythisjurywas,NotGuilty。Whatelsecouldoneexpect?
Thejurysystemputsabanuponintelligenceandhonesty,andapremiumuponignorance,stupidityandperjury。Itisashamethatwemustcontinuetouseaworthlesssystembecauseitwasgoodathousandyearsago。Inthisage,whenagentlemanofhighsocialstanding,intelligenceandprobity,swearsthattestimonygivenundersolemnoathwilloutweigh,withhim,streettalkandnewspaperreportsbaseduponmerehearsay,heisworthahundredjurymenwhowillsweartotheirownignoranceandstupidity,andjusticewouldbefarsaferinhishandsthanintheirs。
Whycouldnotthejurylawbesoalteredastogivemenofbrainsandhonestyandequalchancewithfoolsandmiscreants?Isitrighttoshowthepresentfavoritismtooneclassofmenandinflictadisabilityonanother,inalandwhoseboastisthatallitscitizensarefreeandequal?Iamacandidateforthelegislature。Idesiretotamperwiththejurylaw。Iwishtosoalteritastoputapremiumonintelligenceandcharacter,andclosethejuryboxagainstidiots,blacklegs,andpeoplewhodonotreadnewspapers。ButnodoubtIshallbedefeated——
everyeffortImaketosavethecountry“missesfire。”
Myidea,whenIbeganthischapter,wastosaysomethingaboutdesperadoisminthe“flushtimes“ofNevada。Toattemptaportrayalofthateraandthatland,andleaveoutthebloodandcarnage,wouldbelikeportrayingMormondomandleavingoutpolygamy。Thedesperadostalkedthestreetswithaswaggergradedaccordingtothenumberofhishomicides,andanodofrecognitionfromhimwassufficienttomakeahumbleadmirerhappyfortherestoftheday。Thedeferencethatwaspaidtoadesperadoofwidereputation,andwho“kepthisprivategraveyard,“asthephrasewent,wasmarked,andcheerfullyaccorded。
Whenhemovedalongthesidewalkinhisexcessivelylong-tailedfrock-
coat,shinystump-toedboots,andwithdaintylittleslouchhattippedoverlefteye,thesmall-fryroughsmaderoomforhismajesty;whenheenteredtherestaurant,thewaitersdesertedbankersandmerchantstooverwhelmhimwithobsequiousservice;whenheshoulderedhiswaytoabar,theshoulderedpartieswheeledindignantly,recognizedhim,and——
apologized。
Theygotalookinreturnthatfrozetheirmarrow,andbythattimeacurledandbreast-pinnedbarkeeperwasbeamingoverthecounter,proudoftheestablishedacquaintanceshipthatpermittedsuchafamiliarformofspeechas:
“How\'reye,Billy,oldfel?Gladtoseeyou。What\'llyoutake——theoldthing?“
The“oldthing“meanthiscustomarydrink,ofcourse。
ThebestknownnamesintheTerritoryofNevadawerethosebelongingtotheselong-tailedheroesoftherevolver。Orators,Governors,capitalistsandleadersofthelegislatureenjoyedadegreeoffame,butitseemedlocalandmeagrewhencontrastedwiththefameofsuchmenasSamBrown,JackWilliams,BillyMulligan,FarmerPease,SugarfootMike,PockMarkedJake,ElDoradoJohnny,JackMcNabb,JoeMcGee,JackHarris,Six-fingeredPete,etc。,etc。Therewasalonglistofthem。Theywerebrave,recklessmen,andtraveledwiththeirlivesintheirhands。Togivethemtheirdue,theydidtheirkillingprincipallyamongthemselves,andseldommolestedpeaceablecitizens,fortheyconsidereditsmallcredittoaddtotheirtrophiessocheapabaubleasthedeathofamanwhowas“notontheshoot,“astheyphrasedit。Theykilledeachotheronslightprovocation,andhopedandexpectedtobekilledthemselves——
fortheyhelditalmostshametodieotherwisethan“withtheirbootson,“astheyexpressedit。
Irememberaninstanceofadesperado\'scontemptforsuchsmallgameasaprivatecitizen\'slife。Iwastakingalatesupperinarestaurantonenight,withtworeportersandalittleprinternamed——Brown,forinstance——anynamewilldo。Presentlyastrangerwithalong-tailedcoatoncamein,andnotnoticingBrown\'shat,whichwaslyinginachair,satdownonit。LittleBrownsprangupandbecameabusiveinamoment。Thestrangersmiled,smoothedoutthehat,andofferedittoBrownwithprofuseapologiescouchedincausticsarcasm,andbeggedBrownnottodestroyhim。Brownthrewoffhiscoatandchallengedthemantofight——
abusedhim,threatenedhim,impeachedhiscourage,andurgedandevenimploredhimtofight;andinthemeantimethesmilingstrangerplacedhimselfunderourprotectioninmockdistress。Butpresentlyheassumedaserioustone,andsaid:
“Verywell,gentlemen,ifwemustfight,wemust,Isuppose。Butdon\'trushintodangerandthensayIgaveyounowarning。IammorethanamatchforallofyouwhenIgetstarted。Iwillgiveyouproofs,andthenifmyfriendherestillinsists,Iwilltrytoaccommodatehim。”
Thetableweweresittingatwasaboutfivefeetlong,andunusuallycumbersomeandheavy。Heaskedustoputourhandsonthedishesandholdthemintheirplacesamoment——oneofthemwasalargeovaldishwithaportlyroastonit。Thenhesatdown,tilteduponeendofthetable,settwoofthelegsonhisknees,tooktheendofthetablebetweenhisteeth,tookhishandsaway,andpulleddownwithhisteethtillthetablecameuptoalevelposition,dishesandall!Hesaidhecouldliftakegofnailswithhisteeth。Hepickedupacommonglasstumblerandbitasemi-circleoutofit。Thenheopenedhisbosomandshowedusanet-workofknifeandbulletscars;showedusmoreonhisarmsandface,andsaidhebelievedhehadbulletsenoughinhisbodytomakeapigoflead。Hewasarmedtotheteeth。HeclosedwiththeremarkthathewasMr——ofCariboo——acelebratednamewhereatweshookinourshoes。Iwouldpublishthename,butforthesuspicionthathemightcomeandcarveme。HefinallyinquiredifBrownstillthirstedforblood。Brownturnedthethingoverinhismindamoment,andthen——askedhimtosupper。
Withthepermissionofthereader,Iwillgrouptogether,inthenextchapter,somesamplesoflifeinoursmallmountainvillageintheolddaysofdesperadoism。Iwasthereatthetime。Thereaderwillobservepeculiaritiesinourofficialsociety;andhewillobservealso,aninstanceofhow,innewcountries,murdersbreedmurders。
CHAPTERXLIX。
Anextractortwofromthenewspapersofthedaywillfurnishaphotographthatcanneednoembellishment:
FATALSHOOTINGAFFRAY——Anaffrayoccurred,lastevening,inabilliardsaloononCstreet,betweenDeputyMarshalJackWilliamsandWm。Brown,whichresultedintheimmediatedeathofthelatter。
Therehadbeensomedifficultybetweenthepartiesforseveralmonths。
Aninquestwasimmediatelyheld,andthefollowingtestimonyadduced:
OfficerGEO。BIRDSALL,sworn,says:——IwastoldWm。BrownwasdrunkandwaslookingforJackWilliams;sosoonasIheardthatIstartedforthepartiestopreventacollision;wentintothebilliardsaloon;sawBillyBrownrunningaround,sayingifanybodyhadanythingagainsthimtoshowcause;hewastalkinginaboisterousmanner,andofficerPerrytookhimtotheotherendoftheroomtotalktohim;Browncamebacktome;remarkedtomethathethoughthewasasgoodasanybody,andknewhowtotakecareofhimself;hepassedbymeandwenttothebar;don\'tknowwhetherhedrankornot;Williamswasattheendofthebilliard-table,nexttothestairway;Brown,aftergoingtothebar,camebackandsaidhewasasgoodasanymanintheworld;hehadthenwalkedouttotheendofthefirstbilliard-tablefromthebar;Imovedclosertothem,supposingtherewouldbeafight;asBrowndrewhispistolIcaughtholdofit;hehadfiredoneshotatWilliams;don\'tknowtheeffectofit;caughtholdofhimwithonehand,andtookholdofthepistolandturneditup;thinkhefiredonceafterIcaughtholdofthepistol;Iwrenchedthepistolfromhim;walkedtotheendofthebilliard-tableandtoldapartythatIhadBrown\'spistol,andtostopshooting;Ithinkfourshotswerefiredinall;afterwalkingout,Mr。FosterremarkedthatBrownwasshotdead。
Oh,therewasnoexcitementaboutit——hemerely“remarked“thesmallcircumstance!
Fourmonthslaterthefollowingitemappearedinthesamepaper(theEnterprise)。Inthisitemthenameofoneofthecityofficersabovereferredto(DeputyMarshalJackWilliams)occursagain:
ROBBERYANDDESPERATEAFFRAY——OnTuesdaynight,aGermannamedCharlesHurtzal,engineerinamillatSilverCity,cametothisplace,andvisitedthehurdy-gurdyhouseonBstreet。Themusic,dancingandTeutonicmaidensawakenedmemoriesofFaderlanduntilourGermanfriendwascarriedawaywithrapture。Heevidentlyhadmoney,andwasspendingiffreely。LateintheeveningJackWilliamsandAndyBlessingtoninvitedhimdownstairstotakeacupofcoffee。Williamsproposedagameofcardsandwentupstairstoprocureadeck,butnotfindinganyreturned。OnthestairwayhemettheGerman,anddrawinghispistolknockedhimdownandrifledhispocketsofsomeseventydollars。Hurtzaldaredgivenoalarm,ashewastold,withapistolathishead,ifhemadeanynoiseorexposedthem,theywouldblowhisbrainsout。Soeffectuallywashefrightenedthathemadenocomplaint,untilhisfriendsforcedhim。
Yesterdayawarrantwasissued,buttheculpritshaddisappeared。
Thisefficientcityofficer,JackWilliams,hadthecommonreputationofbeingaburglar,ahighwaymanandadesperado。ItwassaidthathehadseveraltimesdrawnhisrevolverandleviedmoneycontributionsoncitizensatdeadofnightinthepublicstreetsofVirginia。
Fivemonthsaftertheaboveitemappeared,Williamswasassassinatedwhilesittingatacardtableonenight;agunwasthrustthroughthecrackofthedoorandWilliamsdroppedfromhischairriddledwithballs。
Itwassaid,atthetime,thatWilliamshadbeenforsometimeawarethatapartyofhisownsort(desperadoes)hadswornawayhislife;anditwasgenerallybelievedamongthepeoplethatWilliams\'sfriendsandenemieswouldmaketheassassinationmemorable——anduseful,too——byawholesaledestructionofeachother。
Itdidnotsohappen,butstill,timeswerenotdullduringthenexttwenty-fourhours,forwithinthattimeawomanwaskilledbyapistolshot,amanwasbrainedwithaslungshot,andamannamedReederwasalsodisposedofpermanently。SomemattersintheEnterpriseaccountofthekillingofReederareworthnothing——especiallytheaccommodatingcomplaisanceofaVirginiajusticeofthepeace。Theitalicsinthefollowingnarrativearemine:
MORECUTTINGANDSHOOTING——Thedevilseemstohaveagainbrokenlooseinourtown。Pistolsandgunsexplodeandknivesgleaminourstreetsasinearlytimes。Whentherehasbeenalongseasonofquiet,peopleareslowtowettheirhandsinblood;butoncebloodisspilled,cuttingandshootingcomeeasy。NightbeforelastJackWilliamswasassassinated,andyesterdayforenoonwehadmorebloodywork,growingoutofthekillingofWilliams,andonthesamestreetinwhichhemethisdeath。ItappearsthatTomReeder,afriendofWilliams,andGeorgeGumbertweretalking,atthemeatmarketofthelatter,aboutthekillingofWilliamsthepreviousnight,whenReedersaiditwasamostcowardlyacttoshootamaninsuchaway,givinghim“noshow。”GumbertsaidthatWilliamshad“asgoodashowashegaveBillyBrown,“meaningthemankilledbyWilliamslastMarch。Reedersaiditwasad——dlie,thatWilliamshadnoshowatall。Atthis,GumbertdrewaknifeandstabbedReeder,cuttinghimintwoplacesintheback。OnestrokeoftheknifecutintothesleeveofReeder\'scoatandpasseddownwardinaslantingdirectionthroughhisclothing,andenteredhisbodyatthesmalloftheback;anotherblowstruckmoresquarely,andmadeamuchmoredangerouswound。Gumbertgavehimselfuptotheofficersofjustice,andwasshortlyafterdischargedbyJusticeAtwill,onhisownrecognizance,toappearfortrialatsixo\'clockintheevening。
InthemeantimeReederhadbeentakenintotheofficeofDr。Owens,wherehiswoundswereproperlydressed。Oneofhiswoundswasconsideredquitedangerous,anditwasthoughtbymanythatitwouldprovefatal。Butbeingconsiderablyundertheinfluenceofliquor,Reederdidnotfeelhiswoundsasheotherwisewould,andhegotupandwentintothestreet。HewenttothemeatmarketandrenewedhisquarrelwithGumbert,threateninghislife。Friendstriedtointerferetoputastoptothequarrelandgetthepartiesawayfromeachother。IntheFashionSaloonReedermadethreatsagainstthelifeofGumbert,sayinghewouldkillhim,anditissaidthatherequestedtheofficersnottoarrestGumbert,asheintendedtokillhim。AfterthesethreatsGumbertwentoffandprocuredadouble-
barreledshotgun,loadedwithbuck-shotorrevolverballs,andwentafterReeder。Twoorthreepersonswereassistinghimalongthestreet,tryingtogethimhome,andhadhimjustinfrontofthestoreofKlopstock&Harris,whenGumbertcameacrosstowardhimfromtheoppositesideofthestreetwithhisgun。HecameupwithinabouttenorfifteenfeetofReeder,andcalledouttothosewithhimto“lookout!getoutoftheway!“andtheyhadonlytimetoheedthewarning,whenhefired。Reederwasatthetimeattemptingtoscreenhimselfbehindalargecask,whichstoodagainsttheawningpostofKlopstock&Harris\'sstore,butsomeoftheballstookeffectinthelowerpartofhisbreast,andhereeledaroundforwardandfellinfrontofthecask。Gumbertthenraisedhisgunandfiredthesecondbarrel,whichmissedReederandenteredtheground。Atthetimethatthisoccurred,therewereagreatmanypersonsonthestreetinthevicinity,andanumberofthemcalledouttoGumbert,whentheysawhimraisehisgun,to“holdon,“and“don\'tshoot!“Thecuttingtookplaceaboutteno\'clockandtheshootingabouttwelve。Aftertheshootingthestreetwasinstantlycrowdedwiththeinhabitantsofthatpartofthetown,someappearingmuchexcitedandlaughing——declaringthatitlookedlikethe“goodoldtimesof\'60。”MarshalPerryandofficerBirdsallwerenearwhentheshootingoccurred,andGumbertwasimmediatelyarrestedandhisguntakenfromhim,whenhewasmarchedofftojail。Manypersonswhowereattractedtothespotwherethisbloodyworkhadjusttakenplace,lookedbewilderedandseemedtobeaskingthemselveswhatwastohappennext,appearingindoubtastowhetherthekillingmaniahadreacheditsclimax,orwhetherweweretoturninandhaveagrandkillingspell,shootingwhoevermighthavegivenusoffence。Itwaswhisperedaroundthatitwasnotalloveryet——
fiveorsixmoreweretobekilledbeforenight。ReederwastakentotheVirginiaCityHotel,anddoctorscalledintoexaminehiswounds。Theyfoundthattwoorthreeballshadenteredhisrightside;oneofthemappearedtohavepassedthroughthesubstanceofthelungs,whileanotherpassedintotheliver。Twoballswerealsofoundtohavestruckoneofhislegs。Assomeoftheballsstruckthecask,thewoundsinReeder\'slegwereprobablyfromthese,glancingdownwards,thoughtheymighthavebeencausedbythesecondshotfired。Afterbeingshot,Reedersaidwhenhegotonhisfeet——
smilingashespoke——“Itwilltakebettershootingthanthattokillme。”Thedoctorsconsideritalmostimpossibleforhimtorecover,butashehasanexcellentconstitutionhemaysurvive,notwithstandingthenumberanddangerouscharacterofthewoundshehasreceived。Thetownappearstobeperfectlyquietatpresent,asthoughthelatestormytimeshadclearedourmoralatmosphere;butwhocantellinwhatquartercloudsareloweringorplotsripening?
Reeder——oratleastwhatwasleftofhim——survivedhiswoundstwodays!
NothingwaseverdonewithGumbert。
Trialbyjuryisthepalladiumofourliberties。Idonotknowwhatapalladiumis,havingneverseenapalladium,butitisagoodthingnodoubtatanyrate。NotlessthanahundredmenhavebeenmurderedinNevada——perhapsIwouldbewithinboundsifIsaidthreehundred——andasfarasIcanlearn,onlytwopersonshavesufferedthedeathpenaltythere。However,fourorfivewhohadnomoneyandnopoliticalinfluencehavebeenpunishedbyimprisonment——onelanguishedinprisonasmuchaseightmonths,Ithink。However,Idonotdesiretobeextravagant——itmayhavebeenless。
However,oneprophecywasverified,atanyrate。Itwasassertedbythedesperadoesthatoneoftheirbrethren(JoeMcGee,aspecialpoliceman)
wasknowntobetheconspiratorchosenbylottoassassinateWilliams;
andtheyalsoassertedthatdoomhadbeenpronouncedagainstMcGee,andthathewouldbeassassinatedinexactlythesamemannerthathadbeenadoptedforthedestructionofWilliams——aprophecywhichcametrueayearlater。Aftertwelvemonthsofdistress(forMcGeesawafanciedassassinineverymanthatapproachedhim),hemadethelastofmanyeffortstogetoutofthecountryunwatched。HewenttoCarsonandsatdowninasaloontowaitforthestage——itwouldleaveatfourinthemorning。Butasthenightwanedandthecrowdthinned,hegrewuneasy,andtoldthebar-keeperthatassassinswereonhistrack。Thebar-keepertoldhimtostayinthemiddleoftheroom,then,andnotgonearthedoor,orthewindowbythestove。Butafatalfascinationseducedhimtotheneighborhoodofthestoveeverynowandthen,andrepeatedlythebar-
keeperbroughthimbacktothemiddleoftheroomandwarnedhimtoremainthere。Buthecouldnot。Atthreeinthemorningheagainreturnedtothestoveandsatdownbyastranger。Beforethebar-keepercouldgettohimwithanotherwarningwhisper,someoneoutsidefiredthroughthewindowandriddledMcGee\'sbreastwithslugs,killinghimalmostinstantly。BythesamedischargethestrangeratMcGee\'ssidealsoreceivedattentionswhichprovedfatalinthecourseoftwoorthreedays。
CHAPTERL。
Thesemurderandjurystatisticsremindmeofacertainveryextraordinarytrialandexecutionoftwentyyearsago;itisascrapofhistoryfamiliartoalloldCalifornians,andworthytobeknownbyotherpeoplesoftheearththatlovesimple,straightforwardjusticeunencumberedwithnonsense。IwouldapologizeforthisdigressionbutforthefactthattheinformationIamabouttoofferisapologyenoughinitself。AndsinceIdigressconstantlyanyhow,perhapsitisaswelltoeschewapologiesaltogetherandthuspreventtheirgrowingirksome。
Capt。NedBlakely——thatnamewillansweraswellasanyotherfictitiousone(forhewasstillwiththelivingatlastaccounts,andmaynotdesiretobefamous)——sailedshipsoutoftheharborofSanFranciscoformanyyears。Hewasastalwart,warm-hearted,eagle-eyedveteran,whohadbeenasailornearlyfiftyyears——asailorfromearlyboyhood。Hewasarough,honestcreature,fullofpluck,andjustasfullofhard-headedsimplicity,too。Hehatedtriflingconventionalities——“business“wastheword,withhim。Hehadallasailor\'svindictivenessagainstthequipsandquirksofthelaw,andsteadfastlybelievedthatthefirstandlastaimandobjectofthelawandlawyerswastodefeatjustice。
HesailedfortheChinchaIslandsincommandofaguanoship。Hehadafinecrew,buthisnegromatewashispet——onhimhehadforyearslavishedhisadmirationandesteem。ItwasCapt。Ned\'sfirstvoyagetotheChinchas,buthisfamehadgonebeforehim——thefameofbeingamanwhowouldfightatthedroppingofahandkerchief,whenimposedupon,andwouldstandnononsense。Itwasafamewellearned。Arrivedintheislands,hefoundthatthestapleofconversationwastheexploitsofoneBillNoakes,abully,themateofatradingship。Thismanhadcreatedasmallreignofterrorthere。Atnineo\'clockatnight,Capt。Ned,allalone,waspacinghisdeckinthestarlight。Aformascendedtheside,andapproachedhim。Capt。Nedsaid:
“Whogoesthere?“
“I\'mBillNoakes,thebestmanintheislands。”
“Whatdoyouwantaboardthisship?“
“I\'veheardofCapt。NedBlakely,andoneofusisabettermanthan\'tother——I\'llknowwhich,beforeIgoashore。”
“You\'vecometotherightshop——I\'myourman。I\'lllearnyoutocomeaboardthisshipwithoutaninvite。”
HeseizedNoakes,backedhimagainstthemainmast,poundedhisfacetoapulp,andthenthrewhimoverboard。
Noakeswasnotconvinced。Hereturnedthenextnight,gotthepulprenewed,andwentoverboardheadfirst,asbefore。
Hewassatisfied。
Aweekafterthis,whileNoakeswascarousingwithasailorcrowdonshore,atnoonday,Capt。Ned\'scoloredmatecamealong,andNoakestriedtopickaquarrelwithhim。Thenegroevadedthetrap,andtriedtogetaway。Noakesfollowedhimup;thenegrobegantorun;Noakesfiredonhimwitharevolverandkilledhim。Halfadozensea-captainswitnessedthewholeaffair。Noakesretreatedtothesmallafter-cabinofhisship,withtwootherbullies,andgaveoutthatdeathwouldbetheportionofanymanthatintrudedthere。Therewasnoattemptmadetofollowthevillains;therewasnodispositiontodoit,andindeedverylittlethoughtofsuchanenterprise。Therewerenocourtsandnoofficers;
therewasnogovernment;theislandsbelongedtoPeru,andPeruwasfaraway;shehadnoofficialrepresentativeontheground;andneitherhadanyothernation。
However,Capt。Nedwasnotperplexinghisheadaboutsuchthings。Theyconcernedhimnot。Hewasboilingwithrageandfuriousforjustice。
Atnineo\'clockatnightheloadedadouble-barreledgunwithslugs,fishedoutapairofhandcuffs,gotaship\'slantern,summonedhisquartermaster,andwentashore。Hesaid:
“Doyouseethatshipthereatthedock?“
“Ay-ay,sir。”
“It\'stheVenus。”
“Ay-ay,sir。”
“You——youknowme。”
“Ay-ay,sir。”
“Verywell,then。Takethelantern。Carryitjustunderyourchin。
I\'llwalkbehindyouandrestthisgun-barrelonyourshoulder,p\'intingforward——so。Keepyourlanternwellupso\'sIcanseethingsaheadofyougood。I\'mgoingtomarchinonNoakes——andtakehim——andjugtheotherchaps。Ifyouflinch——well,youknowme。”
“Ay-ay,sir。”
Inthisordertheyfiledaboardsoftly,arrivedatNoakes\'sden,thequartermasterpushedthedooropen,andthelanternrevealedthethreedesperadoessittingonthefloor。Capt。Nedsaid:
“I\'mNedBlakely。I\'vegotyouunderfire。Don\'tyoumovewithoutorders——anyofyou。Youtwokneeldowninthecorner;facestothewall——now。BillNoakes,putthesehandcuffson;nowcomeupclose。
Quartermaster,fasten\'em。Allright。Don\'tstir,sir。Quartermaster,putthekeyintheoutsideofthedoor。Now,men,I\'mgoingtolockyoutwoin;andifyoutrytoburstthroughthisdoor——well,you\'veheardofme。BillNoakes,fallinahead,andmarch。Allset。Quartermaster,lockthedoor。”
NoakesspentthenightonboardBlakely\'sship,aprisonerunderstrictguard。EarlyinthemorningCapt。Nedcalledinallthesea-captainsintheharborandinvitedthem,withnauticalceremony,tobepresentonboardhisshipatnineo\'clocktowitnessthehangingofNoakesattheyard-arm!
“What!Themanhasnotbeentried。”
“Ofcoursehehasn\'t。Butdidn\'thekillthenigger?“
“Certainlyhedid;butyouarenotthinkingofhanginghimwithoutatrial?“
“Trial!WhatdoIwanttotryhimfor,ifhekilledthenigger?“
“Oh,Capt。Ned,thiswillneverdo。Thinkhowitwillsound。”
“Soundbehanged!Didn\'thekillthenigger?“
“Certainly,certainly,Capt。Ned,——nobodydeniesthat,——but——“
“ThenI\'mgoingtohanghim,that\'sall。EverybodyI\'vetalkedtotalksjustthesamewayyoudo。Everybodysayshekilledthenigger,everybodyknowshekilledthenigger,andyeteverylubberofyouwantshimtriedforit。Idon\'tunderstandsuchbloodyfoolishnessasthat。Tried!
Mindyou,Idon\'tobjecttotryinghim,ifit\'sgottobedonetogivesatisfaction;andI\'llbethere,andchipinandhelp,too;butputitofftillafternoon——putitofftillafternoon,forI\'llhavemyhandsmiddlingfulltillaftertheburying——“
“Why,whatdoyoumean?Areyougoingtohanghimanyhow——andtryhimafterward?“
“Didn\'tIsayIwasgoingtohanghim?Ineversawsuchpeopleasyou。
What\'sthedifference?Youaskafavor,andthenyouain\'tsatisfiedwhenyougetit。Beforeorafter\'sallone——youknowhowthetrialwillgo。Hekilledthenigger。Say——Imustbegoing。Ifyourmatewouldliketocometothehanging,fetchhimalong。Ilikehim。”
Therewasastirinthecamp。ThecaptainscameinabodyandpleadedwithCapt。Nednottodothisrashthing。Theypromisedthattheywouldcreateacourtcomposedofcaptainsofthebestcharacter;theywouldempanelajury;theywouldconducteverythinginawaybecomingtheseriousnatureofthebusinessinhand,andgivethecaseanimpartialhearingandtheaccusedafairtrial。Andtheysaiditwouldbemurder,andpunishablebytheAmericancourtsifhepersistedandhungtheaccusedonhisship。Theypleadedhard。Capt。Nedsaid:
“Gentlemen,I\'mnotstubbornandI\'mnotunreasonable。I\'malwayswillingtodojustasnearrightasIcan。Howlongwillittake?“
“Probablyonlyalittlewhile。”
“AndcanItakehimuptheshoreandhanghimassoonasyouaredone?“
“Ifheisprovenguiltyheshallbehangedwithoutunnecessarydelay。”
“Ifhe\'sprovenguilty。GreatNeptune,ain\'theguilty?Thisbeatsmytime。Whyyouallknowhe\'sguilty。”
Butatlasttheysatisfiedhimthattheywereprojectingnothingunderhanded。Thenhesaid:
“Well,allright。YougoonandtryhimandI\'llgodownandoverhaulhisconscienceandpreparehimtogo——likeenoughheneedsit,andI
don\'twanttosendhimoffwithoutashowforhereafter。”
Thiswasanotherobstacle。Theyfinallyconvincedhimthatitwasnecessarytohavetheaccusedincourt。Thentheysaidtheywouldsendaguardtobringhim。
“No,sir,Iprefertofetchhimmyself——hedon\'tgetoutofmyhands。
Besides,I\'vegottogototheshiptogetarope,anyway。”
Thecourtassembledwithdueceremony,empaneledajury,andpresentlyCapt。Nedentered,leadingtheprisonerwithonehandandcarryingaBibleandaropeintheother。Heseatedhimselfbythesideofhiscaptiveandtoldthecourtto“upanchorandmakesail。”Thenheturnedasearchingeyeonthejury,anddetectedNoakes\'sfriends,thetwobullies。
Hestrodeoverandsaidtothemconfidentially:
“You\'reheretointerfere,yousee。Nowyouvoteright,doyouhear?——orelsethere\'llbeadouble-barreledinquestherewhenthistrial\'soff,andyourremainderswillgohomeinacoupleofbaskets。”
Thecautionwasnotwithoutfruit。Thejurywasaunit——theverdict。
“Guilty。”
Capt。Nedsprungtohisfeetandsaid:
“Comealong——you\'remymeatnow,mylad,anyway。Gentlemenyou\'vedoneyourselvesproud。IinviteyoualltocomeandseethatIdoitallstraight。Followmetothecanyon,amileabovehere。”
Thecourtinformedhimthatasheriffhadbeenappointedtodothehanging,and——
Capt。Ned\'spatiencewasatanend。Hiswrathwasboundless。Thesubjectofasheriffwasjudiciouslydropped。
Whenthecrowdarrivedatthecanyon,Capt。Nedclimbedatreeandarrangedthehalter,thencamedownandnoosedhisman。HeopenedhisBible,andlaidasidehishat。Selectingachapteratrandom,hereaditthrough,inadeepbassvoiceandwithsinceresolemnity。Thenhesaid:
“Lad,youareabouttogoaloftandgiveanaccountofyourself;andthelighteraman\'smanifestis,asfarassin\'sconcerned,thebetterforhim。Makeacleanbreast,man,andcarryalogwithyouthat\'llbearinspection。Youkilledthenigger?“
Noreply。Alongpause。
Thecaptainreadanotherchapter,pausing,fromtimetotime,toimpresstheeffect。Thenhetalkedanearnest,persuasivesermontohim,andendedbyrepeatingthequestion:
“Didyoukillthenigger?“
Noreply——otherthanamalignantscowl。ThecaptainnowreadthefirstandsecondchaptersofGenesis,withdeepfeeling——pausedamoment,closedthebookreverently,andsaidwithaperceptiblesavorofsatisfaction:
“There。Fourchapters。There\'sfewthatwouldhavetookthepainswithyouthatIhave。”
Thenheswungupthecondemned,andmadetheropefast;stoodbyandtimedhimhalfanhourwithhiswatch,andthendeliveredthebodytothecourt。Alittleafter,ashestoodcontemplatingthemotionlessfigure,adoubtcameintohisface;evidentlyhefeltatwingeofconscience——amisgiving——andhesaidwithasigh:
“Well,p\'rapsIoughttoburnthim,maybe。ButIwastryingtodoforthebest。”
WhenthehistoryofthisaffairreachedCalifornia(itwasinthe“earlydays“)itmadeadealoftalk,butdidnotdiminishthecaptain\'spopularityinanydegree。Itincreasedit,indeed。Californiahadapopulationthenthat“inflicted“justiceafterafashionthatwassimplicityandprimitivenessitself,andcouldthereforeadmireappreciativelywhenthesamefashionwasfollowedelsewhere。
CHAPTERLI。
Viceflourishedluxuriantlyduringthehey-dayofour“flushtimes。”Thesaloonswereoverburdenedwithcustom;sowerethepolicecourts,thegamblingdens,thebrothelsandthejails——unfailingsignsofhighprosperityinaminingregion——inanyregionforthatmatter。Isitnotso?Acrowdedpolicecourtdocketisthesurestofallsignsthattradeisbriskandmoneyplenty。Still,thereisoneothersign;itcomeslast,butwhenitdoescomeitestablishesbeyondcavilthatthe“flushtimes“areattheflood。Thisisthebirthofthe“literary“paper。
TheWeeklyOccidental,“devotedtoliterature,“madeitsappearanceinVirginia。Alltheliterarypeoplewereengagedtowriteforit。Mr。F。
wastoeditit。Hewasafelicitousskirmisherwithapen,andamanwhocouldsayhappythingsinacrisp,neatway。Once,whileeditoroftheUnion,hehaddisposedofalabored,incoherent,two-columnattackmadeuponhimbyacontemporary,withasingleline,which,atfirstglance,seemedtocontainasolemnandtremendouscompliment——viz。:“THELOGICOF
OURADVERSARYRESEMBLESTHEPEACEOFGOD,“——andleftittothereader\'smemoryandafter-thoughttoinvesttheremarkwithanotherand“moredifferent“meaningbysupplyingforhimselfandathisownleisuretherestoftheScripture——“inthatitpassethunderstanding。”Heoncesaidofalittle,half-starved,waysidecommunitythathadnosubsistenceexceptwhattheycouldgetbypreyinguponchancepassengerswhostoppedoverwiththemadaywhentravelingbytheoverlandstage,thatintheirChurchservicetheyhadalteredtheLord\'sPrayertoread:“Giveusthisdayourdailystranger!“
WeexpectedgreatthingsoftheOccidental。Ofcourseitcouldnotgetalongwithoutanoriginalnovel,andsowemadearrangementstohurlintotheworkthefullstrengthofthecompany。Mrs。F。wasanableromancistoftheineffableschool——Iknownoothernametoapplytoaschoolwhoseheroesarealldaintyandallperfect。Shewrotetheopeningchapter,andintroducedalovelyblondesimpletonwhotalkednothingbutpearlsandpoetryandwhowasvirtuoustothevergeofeccentricity。ShealsointroducedayoungFrenchDukeofaggravatedrefinement,inlovewiththeblonde。Mr。F。followednextweek,withabrilliantlawyerwhosetaboutgettingtheDuke\'sestatesintotrouble,andasparklingyoungladyofhighsocietywhofelltofascinatingtheDukeandimpairingtheappetiteoftheblonde。Mr。D。,adarkandbloodyeditorofoneofthedailies,followedMr。F。,thethirdweek,introducingamysteriousRoscicrucianwhotransmutedmetals,heldconsultationswiththedevilinacaveatdeadofnight,andcastthehoroscopeoftheseveralheroesandheroinesinsuchawayastoprovideplentyoftroublefortheirfuturecareersandbreedasolemnandawfulpublicinterestinthenovel。Healsointroducedacloakedandmaskedmelodramaticmiscreant,puthimonasalaryandsethimonthemidnighttrackoftheDukewithapoisoneddagger。HealsocreatedanIrishcoachmanwitharichbrogueandplacedhimintheserviceofthesociety-young-ladywithanulteriormissiontocarrybillet-douxtotheDuke。
AboutthistimetherearrivedinVirginiaadissolutestrangerwithaliteraryturnofmind——ratherseedyhewas,butveryquietandunassuming;almostdiffident,indeed。Hewassogentle,andhismannersweresopleasingandkindly,whetherhewassoberorintoxicated,thathemadefriendsofallwhocameincontactwithhim。Heappliedforliterarywork,offeredconclusiveevidencethathewieldedaneasyandpracticedpen,andsoMr。F。engagedhimatoncetohelpwritethenovel。
HischapterwastofollowMr。D。\'s,andminewastocomenext。Nowwhatdoesthisfellowdobutgooffandgetdrunkandthenproceedtohisquartersandsettoworkwithhisimaginationinastateofchaos,andthatchaosinaconditionofextravagantactivity。Theresultmaybeguessed。Hescannedthechaptersofhispredecessors,foundplentyofheroesandheroinesalreadycreated,andwassatisfiedwiththem;hedecidedtointroducenomore;withalltheconfidencethatwhiskyinspiresandalltheeasycomplacencyitgivestoitsservant,hethenlaunchedhimselflovinglyintohiswork:hemarriedthecoachmantothesociety-young-ladyforthesakeofthescandal;marriedtheDuketotheblonde\'sstepmother,forthesakeofthesensation;stoppedthedesperado\'ssalary;createdamisunderstandingbetweenthedevilandtheRoscicrucian;threwtheDuke\'spropertyintothewickedlawyer\'shands;
madethelawyer\'supbraidingconsciencedrivehimtodrink,thencetodeliriumtremens,thencetosuicide;brokethecoachman\'sneck;lethiswidowsuccumbtocontumely,neglect,povertyandconsumption;causedtheblondetodrownherself,leavingherclothesonthebankwiththecustomarynotepinnedtothemforgivingtheDukeandhopinghewouldbehappy;revealedtotheDuke,bymeansoftheusualstrawberrymarkonleftarm,thathehadmarriedhisownlong-lostmotheranddestroyedhislong-lostsister;institutedtheproperandnecessarysuicideoftheDukeandtheDuchessinordertocompasspoeticaljustice;openedtheearthandlettheRoscicrucianthrough,accompaniedwiththeaccustomedsmokeandthunderandsmellofbrimstone,andfinishedwiththepromisethatinthenextchapter,afterholdingageneralinquest,hewouldtakeupthesurvivingcharacterofthenovelandtellwhatbecameofthedevil!
Itreadwithsingularsmoothness,andwitha“dead“earnestnessthatwasfunnyenoughtosuffocateabody。Buttherewaswarwhenitcamein。
Theothernovelistswerefurious。Themildstranger,notyetmorethanhalfsober,stoodthere,underascathingfireofvituperation,meekandbewildered,lookingfromonetoanotherofhisassailants,andwonderingwhathecouldhavedonetoinvokesuchastorm。Whenalullcameatlast,hesaidhissaygentlyandappealingly——saidhedidnotrightlyrememberwhathehadwritten,butwassurehehadtriedtodothebesthecould,andknewhisobjecthadbeentomakethenovelnotonlypleasantandplausiblebutinstructiveand——
Thebombardmentbeganagain。Thenovelistsassailedhisill-chosenadjectivesanddemolishedthemwithastormofdenunciationandridicule。
Andsothesiegewenton。Everytimethestrangertriedtoappeasetheenemyheonlymademattersworse。Finallyheofferedtorewritethechapter。Thisarrestedhostilities。Theindignationgraduallyquieteddown,peacereignedagainandthesuffererretiredinsafetyandgothimtohisowncitadel。
Butonthewaythithertheevilangeltemptedhimandhegotdrunkagain。
Andagainhisimaginationwentmad。Heledtheheroesandheroinesawilderdancethanever;andyetallthroughitranthatsameconvincingairofhonestyandearnestnessthathadmarkedhisfirstwork。Hegotthecharactersintothemostextraordinarysituations,putthemthroughthemostsurprisingperformances,andmadethemtalkthestrangesttalk!
Butthechaptercannotbedescribed。Itwassymmetricallycrazy;itwasartisticallyabsurd;andithadexplanatoryfootnotesthatwerefullyascuriousasthetext。Irememberoneofthe“situations,“andwillofferitasanexampleofthewhole。Healteredthecharacterofthebrilliantlawyer,andmadehimagreat-hearted,splendidfellow;gavehimfameandriches,andsethisageatthirty-threeyears。Thenhemadetheblondediscover,throughthehelpoftheRoscicrucianandthemelodramaticmiscreant,thatwhiletheDukelovedhermoneyardentlyandwantedit,hesecretlyfeltasortofleaningtowardthesociety-young-lady。Stungtothequick,shetoreheraffectionsfromhimandbestowedthemwithtenfoldpoweruponthelawyer,whorespondedwithconsumingzeal。Buttheparentswouldnoneofit。WhattheywantedinthefamilywasaDuke;
andaDuketheyweredeterminedtohave;thoughtheyconfessedthatnexttotheDukethelawyerhadtheirpreference。Necessarilytheblondenowwentintoadecline。Theparentswerealarmed。TheypleadedwithhertomarrytheDuke,butshesteadfastlyrefused,andpinedon。Thentheylaidaplan。Theytoldhertowaitayearandaday,andifattheendofthattimeshestillfeltthatshecouldnotmarrytheDuke,shemightmarrythelawyerwiththeirfullconsent。Theresultwasastheyhadforeseen:gladnesscameagain,andtheflushofreturninghealth。Thentheparentstookthenextstepintheirscheme。Theyhadthefamilyphysicianrecommendalongseavoyageandmuchlandtravelforthethoroughrestorationoftheblonde\'sstrength;andtheyinvitedtheDuketobeoftheparty。TheyjudgedthattheDuke\'sconstantpresenceandthelawyer\'sprotractedabsencewoulddotherest——fortheydidnotinvitethelawyer。
SotheysetsailinasteamerforAmerica——andthethirddayout,whentheirsea-sicknesscalledtruceandpermittedthemtotaketheirfirstmealatthepublictable,beholdtheresatthelawyer!TheDukeandpartymadethebestofanawkwardsituation;thevoyageprogressed,andthevesselnearedAmerica。
But,byandby,twohundredmilesoffNewBedford,theshiptookfire;
sheburnedtothewater\'sedge;ofallhercrewandpassengers,onlythirtyweresaved。Theyfloatedabouttheseahalfanafternoonandallnightlong。Amongthemwereourfriends。Thelawyer,bysuperhumanexertions,hadsavedtheblondeandherparents,swimmingbackandforthtwohundredyardsandbringingoneeachtime——(thegirlfirst)。TheDukehadsavedhimself。Inthemorningtwowhaleshipsarrivedonthesceneandsenttheirboats。Theweatherwasstormyandtheembarkationwasattendedwithmuchconfusionandexcitement。Thelawyerdidhisdutylikeaman;helpedhisexhaustedandinsensibleblonde,herparentsandsomeothersintoaboat(theDukehelpedhimselfin);thenachildfelloverboardattheotherendoftheraftandthelawyerrushedthitherandhelpedhalfadozenpeoplefishitout,underthestimulusofitsmother\'sscreams。Thenheranback——afewsecondstoolate——theblonde\'sboatwasunderway。Sohehadtotaketheotherboat,andgototheothership。Thestormincreasedanddrovethevesselsoutofsightofeachother——drovethemwhitheritwould。
Whenitcalmed,attheendofthreedays,theblonde\'sshipwassevenhundredmilesnorthofBostonandtheotheraboutsevenhundredsouthofthatport。Theblonde\'scaptainwasboundonawhalingcruiseintheNorthAtlanticandcouldnotgobacksuchadistanceormakeaportwithoutorders;suchbeingnauticallaw。Thelawyer\'scaptainwastocruiseintheNorthPacific,andhecouldnotgobackormakeaportwithoutorders。Allthelawyer\'smoneyandbaggagewereintheblonde\'sboatandwenttotheblonde\'sship——sohiscaptainmadehimworkhispassageasacommonsailor。Whenbothshipshadbeencruisingnearlyayear,theonewasoffthecoastofGreenlandandtheotherinBehring\'sStrait。Theblondehadlongagobeenwell-nighpersuadedthatherlawyerhadbeenwashedoverboardandlostjustbeforethewhaleshipsreachedtheraft,andnow,underthepleadingsofherparentsandtheDukeshewasatlastbeginningtonerveherselfforthedoomofthecovenant,andprepareforthehatedmarriage。
Butshewouldnotyieldadaybeforethedateset。Theweeksdraggedon,thetimenarrowed,ordersweregiventodecktheshipforthewedding——aweddingatseaamongicebergsandwalruses。Fivedaysmoreandallwouldbeover。Sotheblondereflected,withasighandatear。Ohwherewashertruelove——andwhy,whydidhenotcomeandsaveher?AtthatmomenthewasliftinghisharpoontostrikeawhaleinBehring\'sStrait,fivethousandmilesaway,bythewayoftheArcticOcean,ortwentythousandbythewayoftheHorn——thatwasthereason。Hestruck,butnotwithperfectaim——hisfootslippedandhefellinthewhale\'smouthandwentdownhisthroat。Hewasinsensiblefivedays。Thenhecametohimselfandheardvoices;daylightwasstreamingthroughaholecutinthewhale\'sroof。Heclimbedoutandastonishedthesailorswhowerehoistingblubberupaship\'sside。Herecognizedthevessel,flewaboard,surprisedtheweddingpartyatthealtarandexclaimed:
“Stoptheproceedings——I\'mhere!Cometomyarms,myown!“
Therewerefoot-notestothisextravagantpieceofliteraturewhereintheauthorendeavoredtoshowthatthewholethingwaswithinthepossibilities;hesaidhegottheincidentofthewhaletravelingfromBehring\'sStraittothecoastofGreenland,fivethousandmilesinfivedays,throughtheArcticOcean,fromCharlesReade\'s“LoveMeLittleLoveMeLong,“andconsideredthatthatestablishedthefactthatthethingcouldbedone;andheinstancedJonah\'sadventureasproofthatamancouldliveinawhale\'sbelly,andaddedthatifapreachercouldstanditthreedaysalawyercouldsurelystanditfive!
Therewasafiercerstormthaneverintheeditorialsanctumnow,andthestrangerwasperemptorilydischarged,andhismanuscriptflungathishead。Buthehadalreadydelayedthingssomuchthattherewasnottimeforsomeoneelsetorewritethechapter,andsothepapercameoutwithoutanynovelinit。Itwasbutafeeble,struggling,stupidjournal,andtheabsenceofthenovelprobablyshookpublicconfidence;
atanyrate,beforethefirstsideofthenextissuewenttopress,theWeeklyOccidentaldiedaspeacefullyasaninfant。
Aneffortwasmadetoresurrectit,withtheproposedadvantageofatellingnewtitle,andMr。F。saidthatThePhenixwouldbejustthenameforit,becauseitwouldgivetheideaofaresurrectionfromitsdeadashesinanewandundreamedofconditionofsplendor;butsomelow-
pricedsmartyononeofthedailiessuggestedthatwecallittheLazarus;andinasmuchasthepeoplewerenotprofoundinScripturalmattersbutthoughttheresurrectedLazarusandthedilapidatedmendicantthatbeggedintherichman\'sgatewaywereoneandthesameperson,thenamebecamethelaughingstockofthetown,andkilledthepaperforgoodandall。
Iwassorryenough,forIwasveryproudofbeingconnectedwithaliterarypaper——prouderthanIhaveeverbeenofanythingsince,perhaps。
Ihadwrittensomerhymesforit——poetryIconsideredit——anditwasagreatgrieftomethattheproductionwasonthe“firstside“oftheissuethatwasnotcompleted,andhencedidnotseethelight。Buttimebringsitsrevenges——Icanputitinhere;itwillanswerinplaceofateardroppedtothememoryofthelostOccidental。Theidea(notthechiefidea,butthevehiclethatbearsit)wasprobablysuggestedbytheoldsongcalled“TheRagingCanal,“butIcannotremembernow。Idoremember,though,thatatthattimeIthoughtmydoggerelwasoneoftheablestpoemsoftheage:
THEAGEDPILOTMAN。
OntheErieCanal,itwas,Allonasummer\'sday,IsailedforthwithmyparentsFarawaytoAlbany。
FromoutthecloudsatnoonthatdayTherecameadreadfulstorm,Thatpiledthebillowshighabout,Andfilleduswithalarm。
Amancamerushingfromahouse,Saying,“SnubupyourboatIpray,[Thecustomarycanaltechnicalityfor“tieup。”]
Snubupyourboat,snubup,alas,Snubupwhileyetyoumay。”
Ourcaptaincastoneglanceastern,Thenforwardglancedhe,Andsaid,“MywifeandlittleonesInevermoreshallsee。”
SaidDollingerthepilotman,Innoblewords,butfew,——
“Fearnot,butleanonDollinger,Andhewillfetchyouthrough。”
Theboatdroveon,thefrightenedmulesTorethroughtherainandwind,Andbravelystill,indanger\'spost,Thewhip-boystrodebehind。
“Come\'board,come\'board,“thecaptaincried,“Nortemptsowildastorm;“
Butstilltheragingmulesadvanced,Andstilltheboystrodeon。
Thensaidthecaptaintousall,“Alas,\'tisplaintome,Thegreaterdangerisnotthere,Buthereuponthesea。
Soletusstrive,whileliferemains,Tosaveallsoulsonboard,Andthenifdieatlastwemust,Let……Icannotspeaktheword!“
SaidDollingerthepilotman,Tow\'ringabovethecrew,“Fearnot,buttrustinDollinger,Andhewillfetchyouthrough。”
“Lowbridge!lowbridge!“allheadswentdown,Thelaboringbarkspedon;
Amillwepassed,wepassedchurch,Hamlets,andfieldsofcorn;
Andalltheworldcameouttosee,AndchasedalongtheshoreCrying,“Alas,alas,thesheetedrain,Thewind,thetempest\'sroar!
Alas,thegallantshipandcrew,Cannothinghelpthemmore?“
AndfromourdecksadeyeslookedoutAcrossthestormyscene:
Thetossingwakeofbillowsaft,Thebendingforestsgreen,ThechickensshelteredundercartsInleeofbarnthecows,Theskurryingswinewithstrawinmouth,Thewildsprayfromourbows!
“Shebalances!
Shewavers!
Nowlethergoabout!
Ifshemissesstaysandbroachesto,We\'reall“——thenwithashout,]
“Huray!huray!
Avast!belay!
Takeinmoresail!
Lord,whatagale!
Ho,boy,haultautonthehindmule\'stail!“
“Ho!lightenship!ho!manthepump!
Ho,hostler,heavethelead!
“Aquarter-three!——\'tisshoalingfast!
Threefeetlarge!——t-h-r-e-efeet!——
Threefeetscant!“Icriedinfright“Oh,istherenoretreat?“
SaidDollinger,thepilotman,Asonthevesselflew,“Fearnot,buttrustinDollinger,Andhewillfetchyouthrough。”
Apanicstruckthebravesthearts,Theboldestcheekturnedpale;
Forplaintoall,thisshoalingsaidAleakhadbursttheditch\'sbed!
And,straightasboltfromcrossbowsped,Ourshipswepton,withshoalinglead,Beforethefearfulgale!
“Severthetow-line!Cripplethemules!“
Toolate!Therecomesashock!
Anotherlength,andthefatedcraftWouldhaveswuminthesavinglock!
ThengatheredtogethertheshipwreckedcrewAndtookonelastembrace,WhilesorrowfultearsfromdespairingeyesRandowneachhopelessface;
AndsomedidthinkoftheirlittleonesWhomtheynevermoremightsee,Andothersofwaitingwivesathome,Andmothersthatgrievedwouldbe。
ButofallthechildrenofmiserythereOnthatpoorsinkingframe,Butonespakewordsofhopeandfaith,AndIworshippedastheycame:
SaidDollingerthepilotman,——
(Obraveheart,strongandtrue!)——
“Fearnot,buttrustinDollinger,Forhewillfetchyouthrough。”
Lo!scarcethewordshavepassedhislipsThedauntlessprophetsay\'th,WheneverysoulabouthimseethAwondercrownhisfaith!
Andcountyeall,bothgreatandsmall,Asnumberedwiththedead:
Formarinerforfortyyear,OnErie,boyandman,Ineveryetsawsuchastorm,Orone\'twithitbegan!“
SooverboardakegofnailsAndanvilsthreewethrew,Likewisefourbalesofgunny-sacks,Twohundredpoundsofglue,Twosacksofcorn,fourdittowheat,Aboxofbooks,acow,Aviolin,LordByron\'sworks,Arip-sawandasow。
Acurve!acurve!thedangersgrow!
“Labbord!——stabbord!——s-t-e-a-d-y!——so!——
Hard-a-port,Dol!——hellum-a-lee!
Hawtheheadmule!——theaftonegee!
Luff!——bringhertothewind!“
Forstraightafarmerbroughtaplank,——
(Mysteriouslyinspired)——
Andlayingituntotheship,Insilentaweretired。
TheneverysuffererstoodamazedThatpilotmanbefore;
Amomentstood。Thenwonderingturned,Andspeechlesswalkedashore。