PREFATORY。
Thisbookismerelyapersonalnarrative，andnotapretentioushistoryoraphilosophicaldissertation。Itisarecordofseveralyearsofvariegatedvagabondizing，anditsobjectisrathertohelptherestingreaderwhileawayanidlehourthanafflicthimwithmetaphysics，orgoadhimwithscience。Still，thereisinformationinthevolume；informationconcerninganinterestingepisodeinthehistoryoftheFarWest，aboutwhichnobookshavebeenwrittenbypersonswhowereonthegroundinperson，andsawthehappeningsofthetimewiththeirowneyes。Ialludetotherise，growthandculminationofthesilver-miningfeverinNevada-acuriousepisode，insomerespects；theonlyone，ofitspeculiarkind，thathasoccurredintheland；andtheonlyone，indeed，thatislikelytooccurinit。
Yes，takeitallaround，thereisquiteagooddealofinformationinthebook。Iregretthisverymuch；butreallyitcouldnotbehelped:
informationappearstostewoutofmenaturally，likethepreciousottarofrosesoutoftheotter。SometimesithasseemedtomethatIwouldgiveworldsifIcouldretainmyfacts；butitcannotbe。ThemoreIcalkupthesources，andthetighterIget，themoreIleakwisdom。Therefore，Icanonlyclaimindulgenceatthehandsofthereader，notjustification。
THEAUTHOR。
CONTENTS。
CHAPTERI。
MyBrotherappointedSecretaryofNevada——IEnvyHisProspectiveAdventures——AmAppointedPrivateSecretaryUnderHim——MyContentmentComplete——PackedinOneHour——DreamsandVisions——OntheMissouriRiver——
ABullyBoatCHAPTERII。
ArriveatSt。Joseph——OnlyTwenty-fivePoundsBaggageAllowed——FarewelltoKidGlovesandDressCoats——ArmedtotheTeeth——The“Allen“——A
CheerfulWeapon——PersuadedtoBuyaMule——ScheduleofLuxuries——WeLeavethe“States“——“OurCoach“——MailsfortheIndians——BetweenaWinkandanEarthquake——AModernSphynxandHowSheEntertainedUs——ASociableHeiferCHAPTERIII。
“TheThoroughbraceisBroke“——MailsDeliveredProperly——SleepingUnderDifficulties——AJackassRabbitMeditating，andonBusiness——AModernGulliver——Sage-brush——OvercoatsasanArticleofDiet——SadFateofaCamel——WarningtoExperimentersCHAPTERIV。
MakingOurBed——AssaultsbytheUnabridged——AtaStation——OurDriveraGreatandShiningDignitary——StrangePlaceforaFrontyard——
Accommodations——DoublePortraits——AnHeirloom——OurWorthyLandlord——
“FixingsandThings“——AnExile——Slumgullion——AWellFurnishedTable——TheLandlordAstonished——TableEtiquette——WildMexicanMules——Stage-coachingandRailroadingCHAPTERV。
NewAcquaintances——TheCayote——ADog\'sExperiences——ADisgustedDog——TheRelativesoftheCayote——MealsTakenAwayfromHomeCHAPTERVI。
TheDivisionSuperintendent——TheConductor——TheDriver——OneHundredandFiftyMiles\'DriveWithoutSleep——TeachingaSubordinate——OurOldFriendJackandaPilgrim——BenHollidayComparedtoMosesCHAPTERVII。
OverlandCity——CrossingthePlatte——Bemis\'sBuffaloHunt——AssaultbyaBuffalo——Bemis\'sHorseGoesCrazy——AnImpromptuCircus——ANewDeparture——
BemisFindsRefugeinaTree——EscapesFinallybyaWonderfulMethodCHAPTERVIII。
ThePonyExpress——FiftyMilesWithoutStopping——“HereheComes“——AlkaliWater——RidinganAvalanche——IndianMassacreCHAPTERIX。
AmongtheIndians——AnUnfairAdvantage——LayingonourArms——AMidnightMurder——WrathofOutlaws——ADangerous，yetValuableCitizenCHAPTERX。
HistoryofSlade——AProposedFist-fight——EncounterwithJules——ParadiseofOutlaws——SladeasSuperintendent——AsExecutioner——ADoomedWhiskySeller——APrisoner——AWife\'sBravery——AnAncientEnemyCaptured——EnjoyingaLuxury——Hob-nobbingwithSlade——TooPolite——AHappyEscapeCHAPTERXI。
SladeinMontana——“OnaSpree“——InCourt——AttackonaJudge——ArrestbytheVigilantes——TurnoutoftheMiners——ExecutionofSlade——LamentationsofHisWife——WasSladeaCoward?
CHAPTERXII。
AMormonEmigrantTrain——TheHeartoftheRockyMountains——PureSaleratus——ANaturalIce-House——AnEntireInhabitant——InSightof“EternalSnow“——TheSouthPass——ThePartingStreams——AnUnreliableLetterCarrier——MeetingofOldFriends——ASpoiledWatermelon——DowntheMountain——
ASceneofDesolation——LostintheDark——UnnecessaryAdvice——U。S。TroopsandIndians——SublimeSpectacle——AnotherDelusionDispelled——AmongtheAngelsCHAPTERXIII。
MormonsandGentiles——ExhilaratingDrink，anditsEffectonBemis——SaltLakeCity——AGreatContrast——AMormonVagrant——TalkwithaSaint——AVisittothe“King“——AHappySimileCHAPTERXIV。
MormonContractors——HowMr。StreetAstonishedThem——TheCaseBeforeBrighamYoung，andHowheDisposedofit——PolygamyViewedfromaNewPositionCHAPTERXV。
AGentileDen——PolygamyDiscussed——FavoriteWifeandD。4——HenneryforRetiredWives——ChildrenNeedMarking——CostofaGifttoNo。6——APenny-
whistleGiftanditsEffects——FatheringtheFoundlings——ItResembledHim——TheFamilyBedsteadCHAPTERXVI
TheMormonBible——ProofsofitsDivinity——PlagiarismofitsAuthors——
StoryofNephi——WonderfulBattle——KilkennyCatsOutdoneCHAPTERXVII。
ThreeSidestoallQuestions——Everything“AQuarter“——ShriveledUp——
EmigrantsandWhiteShirtsataDiscount——“Forty-Niners“——AbovePar——RealHappinessCHAPTERXVIII。
AlkaliDesert——RomanceofCrossingDispelled——AlkaliDust——EffectontheMules——UniversalThanksgivingCHAPTERXIX。
TheDiggerIndiansComparedwiththeBushmenofAfrica——Food，LifeandCharacteristics——CowardlyAttackonaStageCoach——ABraveDriver——TheNobleRedManCHAPTERXX。
TheGreatAmericanDesert——FortyMilesonBones——LakesWithoutOutlets——
Greely\'sRemarkableRide——HankMonk，theRenownedDriver——FatalEffectsof“Corking“aStory——Bald-HeadedAnecdoteCHAPTERXXI。
AlkaliDust——DesolationandContemplation——CarsonCity——OurJourneyEnded——WeareIntroducedtoSeveralCitizens——AStrangeRebuke——AWashoeZephyratPlay——ItsOfficeHours——Governor\'sPalace——GovernmentOffices——
OurFrenchLandladyBridgetO\'Flannigan——ShadowSecrets——CauseforaDisturbanceatOnce——TheIrishBrigade——Mrs。O\'Flannigan\'sBoarders——TheSurveyingExpedition——EscapeoftheTarantulasCHAPTERXXII。
TheSonofaNabob——StartforLakeTahoe——SplendoroftheViews——TripontheLake——CampingOut——ReinvigoratingClimate——ClearingaTractofLand——
SecuringaTitle——OuthouseandFencesCHAPTERXXIII。
AHappyLife——LakeTahoeanditsMoods——TransparencyoftheWaters——A
Catastrophe——Fire！Fire！——AMagnificentSpectacle——HomelessAgain——WetaketotheLake——AStorm——ReturntoCarsonCHAPTERXXIV。
ResolvetoBuyaHorse——HorsemanshipinCarson——ATemptation——AdviceGivenMeFreely——IBuytheMexicanPlug——MyFirstRide——AGoodBucker——I
LoanthePlug——ExperienceofBorrowers——AttemptstoSell——ExpenseoftheExperiment——AStrangerTakenInCHAPTERXXV。
TheMormonsinNevada——HowtoPersuadeaLoanfromThem——EarlyHistoryoftheTerritory——SilverMinesDiscovered——TheNewTerritorialGovernment——A
ForeignOneandaPoorOne——ItsFunnyStrugglesforExistence——NoCredit，noCash——OldAbeCurreySustainsitanditsOfficers——InstructionsandVouchers——AnIndian\'sEndorsement——Toll-GatesCHAPTERXXVI。
TheSilverFever——StateoftheMarket——SilverBricks——TalesTold——OfffortheHumboldtMinesCHAPTERXXVII。
Ourmannerofgoing——IncidentsoftheTrip——AWarmbutTooFamiliaraBedfellow——Mr。BallouObjects——SunshineamidClouds——SafelyArrivedCHAPTERXXVIII。
ArriveattheMountains——BuildingOurCabin——MyFirstProspectingTour——
MyFirstGoldMine——PocketsFilledWithTreasures——FilteringtheNewstoMyCompanions——TheBubblePricked——AllNotGoldThatGlittersCHAPTERXXIX。
OutProspecting——ASilverMineAtLast——MakingaFortuneWithSledgeandDrill——AHardRoadtoTravel——WeOwninClaims——ARockyCountryCHAPTERXXX。
DisinterestedFriends——How“Feet“WereSold——WeQuitTunnelling——ATriptoEsmeralda——MyCompanions——AnIndianProphesy——AFlood——OurQuartersDuringItCHAPTERXXXI。
TheGuestsat“HoneyLakeSmith\'s“——“BullyOldArkansas“——“OurLandlord“——
DeterminedtoFight——TheLandlord\'sWife——TheBullyConqueredbyHer——
AnotherStart——CrossingtheCarson——ANarrowEscape——FollowingOurOwnTrack——ANewGuide——LostintheSnowCHAPTERXXXII。
DesperateSituation——AttemptstoMakeaFire——OurHorsesleaveus——WeFindMatches——One，Two，ThreeandtheLast——NoFire——DeathSeemsInevitable——WeMournOverOurEvilLives——DiscardedVices——WeForgiveEachOther——AnAffectionateFarewell——TheSleepofOblivionCHAPTERXXXIII。
ReturnofConsciousness——RidiculousDevelopments——AStationHouse——BitterFeelings——FruitsofRepentance——ResurrectedVicesCHAPTERXXXIV。
AboutCarson——GeneralBuncombe——Hydevs。Morgan——HowHydeLostHisRanch——
TheGreatLandslideCase——TheTrial——GeneralBuncombeinCourt——A
WonderfulDecision——ASeriousAfterthoughtCHAPTERXXXV。
ANewTravellingCompanion——AllFullandNoAccommodations——HowCaptainNyefoundRoom——andCausedOurLeavingtobeLamented——TheUsesofTunnelling——ANotableExample——WeGointothe“Claim“BusinessandFail——
AttheBottomCHAPTERXXXVI。
AQuartzMill——Amalgamation——“ScreeningTailings“——FirstQuartzMillinNevada——FireAssay——ASmartAssayer——IstakeforanadvanceCHAPTERXXXVII。
TheWhitemanCementMine——StoryofitsDiscovery——ASecretExpedition——A
NocturnalAdventure——ADistressingPosition——AFailureandaWeek\'sHolidayCHAPTERXXXVIII。
MonoLake——ShampooingMadeEasy——ThoughtlessActofOurDogandtheResults——LyeWater——CuriositiesoftheLake——FreeHotel——SomeFunnyIncidentsaLittleOverdrawnCHAPTERXXXIX。
VisittotheIslandsinLakeMono——AshesandDesolation——LifeAmidDeathOurBoatAdrift——AJumpForLife——AStormOntheLake——AMassofSoapSuds——GeologicalCuriosities——AWeekOntheSierras——ANarrowEscapeFromaFunnyExplosion——“StoveHeapGone“
CHAPTERXL。
The“WideWest“Mine——Itis“Interviewed“byHigbie——ABlindLead——WorthaMillion——WeareRichAtLast——PlansfortheFutureCHAPTERXLI。
ARheumaticPatient——DayDreams——AnUnfortunateStumble——ILeaveSuddenly——AnotherPatient——HigbieintheCabin——OurBalloonBursted——
WorthNothing——RegretsandExplanations——OurThirdPartnerCHAPTERXLII。
WhattodoNext?——ObstaclesIHadMetWith——“JackofAllTrades“——MiningAgain——TargetShooting——ITurnCityEditor——ISucceedFinelyCHAPTERXLIII。
MyFriendBoggs——TheSchoolReport——BoggsPaysMeAnOldDebt——VirginiaCityCHAPTERXLIV。
FlushTimes——PlentyofStock——EditorialPuffing——StocksGivenMe——SaltingMines——ATragedianInaNewRoleCHAPTERXLV。
FlushTimesContinue——SanitaryCommissionFund——WildEnthusiasmofthePeople——WouldnotwaittoContribute——TheSanitaryFlourSack——ItisCarriedtoGoldHillandDayton——FinalReceptioninVirginia——ResultsoftheSale——AGrandTotalCHAPTERXLVI。
TheNabobsofThoseDays——JohnSmithasaTraveler——SuddenWealth——A
Sixty-Thousand-DollarHorse——ASmartTelegraphOperator——ANabobinNewYorkCity——ChartersanOmnibus——“Walkin，It\'sAllFree“——“YouCan\'tPayaCent“——“HoldOn，Driver，IWeaken“——SociabilityofNewYorkers“
CHAPTERXLVII。
BuckFanshaw\'sDeath——TheCauseThereof——PreparationsforHisBurial——
ScottyBriggstheCommitteeMan——HeVisitstheMinister——ScottyCan\'tPlayHisHand——TheMinisterGetsMixed——BothBegintoSee——“AllDownAgainButNine“——BuckFanshawasaCitizen——HowTo“ShookYourMother“——
TheFuneral——ScottyBriggsasaSundaySchoolTeacherCHAPTERXLVIII。
TheFirstTwenty-SixGravesinNevada——TheProminentMenoftheCounty——
TheManWhoHadKilledHisDozen——TrialbyJury——SpecimenJurors——A
PrivateGraveYard——TheDesperadoes——WhoTheyKilled——WakinguptheWearyPassenger——SatisfactionWithoutFightingCHAPTERXLIX。
FatalShootingAffray——RobberyandDesperateAffray——ASpecimenCityOfficial——AMarkedMan——AStreetFight——PunishmentofCrimeCHAPTERL。
CaptainNedBlakely——BillNookesReceivesDesiredInformation——KillingofBlakely\'sMate——AWalkingBattery——BlakelySecuresNookes——HangFirstandBeTriedAfterwards——CaptainBlakelyasaChaplain——TheFirstChapterofGenesisReadataHanging——NookesHung——Blakely\'sRegretsCHAPTERLI。
TheWeeklyOccidental——AReadyEditor——ANovel——AConcentrationofTalent——TheHeroesandtheHeroines——TheDissoluteAuthorEngaged——
ExtraordinaryHavocWiththeNovel——AHighlyRomanticChapter——TheLoversSeparated——JonahOut-done——ALostPoem——TheAgedPilotMan——StormOntheErieCanal——DollingerthePilotMan——TerrificGale——DangerIncreases——A
CrisisArrived——SavedasifbyaMiracleCHAPTERLII。
FreightstoCalifornia——SilverBricks——UnderGroundMines——TimberSupports——AVisittotheMines——TheCavedMines——TotalofShipmentsin1863
CHAPTERLIII。
JimBlaineandhisGrandfather\'sRam——Filkin\'sMistake——OldMissWagnerandherGlassEye——Jacobs，theCoffinDealer——WaitingforaCustomer——HisBargainWithOldRobbins——RobbinsSuesforDamageandCollects——ANewUseforMissionaries——TheEffect——HisUncleLem。andtheUseProvidenceMadeofHim——SadFateofWheeler——DevotionofHisWife——AModelMonument——WhatAbouttheRam?
CHAPTERLIV。
ChineseinVirginiaCity——WashingBills——HabitofImitation——ChineseImmigration——AVisittoChinatown——Messrs。AhSing，HongWo，SeeYup，&c。
CHAPTERLV。
TiredofVirginiaCity——AnOldSchoolmate——ATwoYears\'Loan——ActingasanEditor——AlmostReceiveanOffer——AnAccident——ThreeDrunkenAnecdotes——LastLookatMt。Davidson——ABeautifulIncidentCHAPTERLVI。
OffforSanFrancisco——WesternandEasternLandscapes——TheHottestplaceonEarth——SummerandWinterCHAPTERLVII。
California——NoveltyofSeeingaWoman——“Wellifitain\'taChild！“——OneHundredandFiftyDollarsforaKiss——WaitingforaturnCHAPTERLVIII。
LifeinSanFrancisco——WorthlessStocks——MyFirstEarthquake——ReportorialInstincts——EffectsoftheShocks——IncidentsandCuriosities——SabbathBreakers——TheLodgerandtheChambermaid——ASensibleFashiontoFollow——
EffectsoftheEarthquakeontheMinistersCHAPTERLIX。
PoorAgain——SlinkingasaBusiness——AModelCollector——MiserylovesCompany——ComparingNotesforComfort——AStreakofLuck——FindingaDime——
WealthybyComparison——TwoSumptuousDinnersCHAPTERLX。
AnOldFriend——AnEducatedMiner——PocketMining——FreaksofFortuneCHAPTERLXI。
DickBakerandhisCat——TomQuartz\'sPeculiarities——OnanExcursion——
AppearanceOnHisReturn——APrejudicedCat——EmptyPocketsandaRovingLifeCHAPTERLXII。
BoundfortheSandwichIslands——TheThreeCaptains——TheOldAdmiral——HisDailyHabits——HisWellFoughtFields——AnUnexpectedOpponent——TheAdmiralOverpowered——TheVictorDeclaredaHeroCHAPTERLXIII。
ArrivalattheIslands——Honolulu——WhatISawThere——DressandHabitsoftheInhabitants——TheAnimalKingdom——FruitsandDelightfulEffectsCHAPTERLXIV。
AnExcursion——CaptainPhillipsandhisTurn-Out——AHorsebackRide——A
ViciousAnimal——NatureandArt——InterestingRuins——AllPraisetotheMissionariesCHAPTERLXV。
InterestingMementoesandRelics——AnOldLegendofaFrightfulLeap——AnAppreciativeHorse——HorseJockeysandTheirBrothers——ANewTrick——AHayMerchant——GoodCountryforHorseLoversCHAPTERLXVI。
ASaturdayAfternoon——SandwichIslandGirlsonaFrolic——ThePoiMerchant——GrandGalaDay——ANativeDance——ChurchMembership——CatsandOfficials——AnOverwhelmingDiscoveryCHAPTERLXVII。
TheLegislatureoftheIsland——WhatItsPresidentHasSeen——PrayingforanEnemy——Women\'sRights——RomanticFashions——WorshipoftheShark——DesireforDress——FullDress——NotParisStyle——PlayingEmpire——OfficialsandForeignAmbassadors——OverwhelmingMagnificenceCHAPTERLXVIII。
ARoyalFuneral——OrderofProcession——PompandCeremony——AStrikingContrast——ASickMonarch——HumanSacrificesatHisDeath——BurialOrgiesCHAPTERLXIX。
“OncemoreupontheWaters。”——ANoisyPassenger——SeveralSilentOnes——A
MoonlightScene——FruitsandPlantationsCHAPTERLXX。
ADrollCharacter——Mrs。BeazelyandHerSon——MeditationsonTurnips——A
LetterfromHoraceGreeley——AnIndignantRejoinder——TheLetterTranslatedbuttooLateCHAPTERLXXI。
KealakekuaBay——DeathofCaptainCook——HisMonument——ItsConstruction——OnBoardtheSchoonerCHAPTERLXXII。
YoungKanakasinNewEngland——ATempleBuiltbyGhosts——FemaleBathers——I
StoodGuard——WomenandWhiskey——AFightforReligion——ArrivalofMissionariesCHAPTERLXXIII。
NativeCanoes——SurfBathing——ASanctuary——HowBuilt——TheQueen\'sRock——
Curiosities——PetrifiedLavaCHAPTERLXXIV。
VisittotheVolcano——TheCrater——PillarofFire——MagnificentSpectacle——
ALakeofFireCHAPTERLXXV。
TheNorthLake——FountainsofFire——StreamsofBurningLava——TidalWavesCHAPTERLXXVI。
AReminiscence——AnotherHorseStory——MyRidewiththeRetiredMilkHorse——
APicnicingExcursion——DeadVolcanoofHoleakala——ComparisonwithVesuvius——AnInsideViewCHAPTERLXXVII。
ACuriousCharacter——ASeriesofStories——SadFateofaLiar——EvidenceofInsanityCHAPTERLXXVIII。
ReturntoSanFrancisco——ShipAmusements——PreparingforLecturing——
ValuableAssistanceSecured——MyFirstAttempt——TheAudienceCarried——
“All\'sWellthatEndsWell。”
CHAPTERLXXIX。
Highwaymen——APredicament——AHugeJoke——FarewelltoCalifornia——AtHomeAgain——GreatChanges。Moral。
APPENDIX。
A——BriefSketchofMormonHistoryB——TheMountainMeadowsMassacreC——ConcerningaFrightfulAssassinationthatwasneverConsummatedCHAPTERI。
MybrotherhadjustbeenappointedSecretaryofNevadaTerritory——anofficeofsuchmajestythatitconcentratedinitselfthedutiesanddignitiesofTreasurer，Comptroller，SecretaryofState，andActingGovernorintheGovernor\'sabsence。Asalaryofeighteenhundreddollarsayearandthetitleof“Mr。Secretary，“gavetothegreatpositionanairofwildandimposinggrandeur。Iwasyoungandignorant，andI
enviedmybrother。Icovetedhisdistinctionandhisfinancialsplendor，butparticularlyandespeciallythelong，strangejourneyhewasgoingtomake，andthecuriousnewworldhewasgoingtoexplore。Hewasgoingtotravel！Ineverhadbeenawayfromhome，andthatword“travel“hadaseductivecharmforme。Prettysoonhewouldbehundredsandhundredsofmilesawayonthegreatplainsanddeserts，andamongthemountainsoftheFarWest，andwouldseebuffaloesandIndians，andprairiedogs，andantelopes，andhaveallkindsofadventures，andmaybegethangedorscalped，andhaveeversuchafinetime，andwritehomeandtellusallaboutit，andbeahero。Andhewouldseethegoldminesandthesilvermines，andmaybegoaboutofanafternoonwhenhisworkwasdone，andpickuptwoorthreepailfulsofshiningslugs，andnuggetsofgoldandsilveronthehillside。Andbyandbyhewouldbecomeveryrich，andreturnhomebysea，andbeabletotalkascalmlyaboutSanFranciscoandtheocean，and“theisthmus“asifitwasnothingofanyconsequencetohaveseenthosemarvelsfacetoface。WhatIsufferedincontemplatinghishappiness，pencannotdescribe。Andso，whenheofferedme，incoldblood，thesublimepositionofprivatesecretaryunderhim，itappearedtomethattheheavensandtheearthpassedaway，andthefirmamentwasrolledtogetherasascroll！Ihadnothingmoretodesire。Mycontentmentwascomplete。
AttheendofanhourortwoIwasreadyforthejourney。Notmuchpackingupwasnecessary，becauseweweregoingintheoverlandstagefromtheMissourifrontiertoNevada，andpassengerswereonlyallowedasmallquantityofbaggageapiece。TherewasnoPacificrailroadinthosefinetimesoftenortwelveyearsago——notasinglerailofit。
IonlyproposedtostayinNevadathreemonths——Ihadnothoughtofstayinglongerthanthat。ImeanttoseeallIcouldthatwasnewandstrange，andthenhurryhometobusiness。IlittlethoughtthatIwouldnotseetheendofthatthree-monthpleasureexcursionforsixorsevenuncommonlylongyears！
IdreamedallnightaboutIndians，deserts，andsilverbars，andinduetime，nextday，wetookshippingattheSt。LouiswharfonboardasteamboatbounduptheMissouriRiver。
WeweresixdaysgoingfromSt。Louisto“St。Jo。”——atripthatwassodull，andsleepy，andeventlessthatithasleftnomoreimpressiononmymemorythanifitsdurationhadbeensixminutesinsteadofthatmanydays。Norecordisleftinmymind，now，concerningit，butaconfusedjumbleofsavage-lookingsnags，whichwedeliberatelywalkedoverwithonewheelortheother；andofreefswhichwebuttedandbutted，andthenretiredfromandclimbedoverinsomesofterplace；andofsand-barswhichweroostedonoccasionally，andrested，andthengotoutourcrutchesandsparredover。
Infact，theboatmightalmostaswellhavegonetoSt。Jo。byland，forshewaswalkingmostofthetime，anyhow——climbingoverreefsandclamberingoversnagspatientlyandlaboriouslyalldaylong。Thecaptainsaidshewasa“bully“boat，andallshewantedwasmore“shear“
andabiggerwheel。Ithoughtshewantedapairofstilts，butIhadthedeepsagacitynottosayso。
CHAPTERII。
ThefirstthingwedidonthatgladeveningthatlandedusatSt。Josephwastohuntupthestage-office，andpayahundredandfiftydollarsapieceforticketsperoverlandcoachtoCarsonCity，Nevada。
Thenextmorning，brightandearly，wetookahastybreakfast，andhurriedtothestarting-place。Thenaninconveniencepresenteditselfwhichwehadnotproperlyappreciatedbefore，namely，thatonecannotmakeaheavytravelingtrunkstandfortwenty-fivepoundsofbaggage——
becauseitweighsagooddealmore。Butthatwasallwecouldtake——
twenty-fivepoundseach。Sowehadtosnatchourtrunksopen，andmakeaselectioninagooddealofahurry。Weputourlawfultwenty-fivepoundsapieceallinonevalise，andshippedthetrunksbacktoSt。Louisagain。Itwasasadparting，fornowwehadnoswallow-tailcoatsandwhitekidglovestowearatPawneereceptionsintheRockyMountains，andnostove-pipehatsnorpatent-leatherboots，noranythingelsenecessarytomakelifecalmandpeaceful。Wewerereducedtoawar-footing。Eachofusputonarough，heavysuitofclothing，woolenarmyshirtand“stogy“bootsincluded；andintothevalisewecrowdedafewwhiteshirts，someunder-clothingandsuchthings。Mybrother，theSecretary，tookalongaboutfourpoundsofUnitedStatesstatutesandsixpoundsofUnabridgedDictionary；forwedidnotknow——poorinnocents——thatsuchthingscouldbeboughtinSanFranciscoononedayandreceivedinCarsonCitythenext。IwasarmedtotheteethwithapitifullittleSmith&
Wesson\'sseven-shooter，whichcarriedaballlikeahomoeopathicpill，andittookthewholeseventomakeadoseforanadult。ButIthoughtitwasgrand。Itappearedtometobeadangerousweapon。Itonlyhadonefault——youcouldnothitanythingwithit。Oneofour“conductors“
practicedawhileonacowwithit，andaslongasshestoodstillandbehavedherselfshewassafe；butassoonasshewenttomovingabout，andhegottoshootingatotherthings，shecametogrief。TheSecretaryhadasmall-sizedColt\'srevolverstrappedaroundhimforprotectionagainsttheIndians，andtoguardagainstaccidentshecarriedituncapped。Mr。GeorgeBemiswasdismallyformidable。GeorgeBemiswasourfellow-traveler。
Wehadneverseenhimbefore。Heworeinhisbeltanoldoriginal“Allen“revolver，suchasirreverentpeoplecalleda“pepper-box。”Simplydrawingthetriggerback，cockedandfiredthepistol。Asthetriggercameback，thehammerwouldbegintoriseandthebarreltoturnover，andpresentlydownwoulddropthehammer，andawaywouldspeedtheball。
Toaimalongtheturningbarrelandhitthethingaimedatwasafeatwhichwasprobablyneverdonewithan“Allen“intheworld。ButGeorge\'swasareliableweapon，nevertheless，because，asoneofthestage-driversafterwardsaid，“Ifshedidn\'tgetwhatshewentafter，shewouldfetchsomethingelse。”Andsoshedid。Shewentafteradeuceofspadesnailedagainstatree，once，andfetchedamulestandingaboutthirtyyardstotheleftofit。Bemisdidnotwantthemule；buttheownercameoutwithadouble-barreledshotgunandpersuadedhimtobuyit，anyhow。Itwasacheerfulweapon——the“Allen。”Sometimesallitssixbarrelswouldgooffatonce，andthentherewasnosafeplaceinalltheregionroundabout，butbehindit。
Wetooktwoorthreeblanketsforprotectionagainstfrostyweatherinthemountains。Inthematterofluxuriesweweremodest——wetooknonealongbutsomepipesandfivepoundsofsmokingtobacco。Wehadtwolargecanteenstocarrywaterin，betweenstationsonthePlains，andwealsotookwithusalittleshot-bagofsilvercoinfordailyexpensesinthewayofbreakfastsanddinners。
Byeighto\'clockeverythingwasready，andwewereontheothersideoftheriver。Wejumpedintothestage，thedrivercrackedhiswhip，andwebowledawayandleft“theStates“behindus。Itwasasuperbsummermorning，andallthelandscapewasbrilliantwithsunshine。Therewasafreshnessandbreeziness，too，andanexhilaratingsenseofemancipationfromallsortsofcaresandresponsibilities，thatalmostmadeusfeelthattheyearswehadspentintheclose，hotcity，toilingandslaving，hadbeenwastedandthrownaway。WewerespinningalongthroughKansas，andinthecourseofanhourandahalfwewerefairlyabroadonthegreatPlains。Justherethelandwasrolling——agrandsweepofregularelevationsanddepressionsasfarastheeyecouldreach——likethestatelyheaveandswelloftheocean\'sbosomafterastorm。Andeverywherewerecornfields，accentingwithsquaresofdeepergreen，thislimitlessexpanseofgrassyland。Butpresentlythisseaupondrygroundwastoloseits“rolling“characterandstretchawayforsevenhundredmilesaslevelasafloor！
Ourcoachwasagreatswingingandswayingstage，ofthemostsumptuousdescription——animposingcradleonwheels。Itwasdrawnbysixhandsomehorses，andbythesideofthedriversatthe“conductor，“thelegitimatecaptainofthecraft；foritwashisbusinesstotakechargeandcareofthemails，baggage，expressmatter，andpassengers。Wethreeweretheonlypassengers，thistrip。Wesatonthebackseat，inside。Aboutalltherestofthecoachwasfullofmailbags——forwehadthreedays\'
delayedmailswithus。Almosttouchingourknees，aperpendicularwallofmailmatterroseuptotheroof。Therewasagreatpileofitstrappedontopofthestage，andboththeforeandhindbootswerefull。
Wehadtwenty-sevenhundredpoundsofitaboard，thedriversaid——“alittleforBrigham，andCarson，and\'Frisco，buttheheftofitfortheInjuns，whichispowerfultroublesome\'thouttheygetplentyoftrucktoread。”Butashejustthengotupafearfulconvulsionofhiscountenancewhichwassuggestiveofawinkbeingswallowedbyanearthquake，weguessedthathisremarkwasintendedtobefacetious，andtomeanthatwewouldunloadthemostofourmailmattersomewhereonthePlainsandleaveittotheIndians，orwhosoeverwantedit。
Wechangedhorseseverytenmiles，alldaylong，andfairlyflewoverthehard，levelroad。Wejumpedoutandstretchedourlegseverytimethecoachstopped，andsothenightfoundusstillvivaciousandunfatigued。
Aftersupperawomangotin，wholivedaboutfiftymilesfurtheron，andwethreehadtotaketurnsatsittingoutsidewiththedriverandconductor。Apparentlyshewasnotatalkativewoman。Shewouldsitthereinthegatheringtwilightandfastenhersteadfasteyesonamosquitorootingintoherarm，andslowlyshewouldraiseherotherhandtillshehadgothisrange，andthenshewouldlaunchaslapathimthatwouldhavejoltedacow；andafterthatshewouldsitandcontemplatethecorpsewithtranquilsatisfaction——forshenevermissedhermosquito；shewasadeadshotatshortrange。Sheneverremovedacarcase，butleftthemthereforbait。IsatbythisgrimSphynxandwatchedherkillthirtyorfortymosquitoes——watchedher，andwaitedforhertosaysomething，butsheneverdid。SoIfinallyopenedtheconversationmyself。Isaid:
“Themosquitoesareprettybad，abouthere，madam。”
“Youbet！“
“WhatdidIunderstandyoutosay，madam?“
“YouBET！“
Thenshecheeredup，andfacedaroundandsaid:
“DangedifIdidn\'tbegintothinkyoufellerswasdeefanddumb。Idid，b\'gosh。HereI\'vesot，andsot，andsot，a-bust\'nmuskeetersandwonderin\'whatwasailin\'ye。FustIthotyouwasdeefanddumb，thenI
thotyouwassickorcrazy，orsuthin\'，andthenbyandbyIbegintoreckonyouwasapasselofsicklyfoolsthatcouldn\'tthinkofnothingtosay。Wher\'dyecomefrom?“
TheSphynxwasaSphynxnomore！Thefountainsofhergreatdeepwerebrokenup，andsherainedtheninepartsofspeechfortydaysandfortynights，metaphoricallyspeaking，andburiedusunderadesolatingdelugeoftrivialgossipthatleftnotacragorpinnacleofrejoinderprojectingabovethetossingwasteofdislocatedgrammaranddecomposedpronunciation！
Howwesuffered，suffered，suffered！Shewenton，hourafterhour，tillIwassorryIeveropenedthemosquitoquestionandgaveherastart。
Sheneverdidstopagainuntilshegottoherjourney\'sendtowarddaylight；andthenshestirredusupasshewasleavingthestage(forwewerenodding，bythattime)，andsaid:
“NowyougitoutatCottonwood，youfellers，andlayoveracoupleo\'
days，andI\'llbealongsometimeto-night，andifIcandoyeanygoodbyedgin\'inawordnowandthen，I\'mrightthar。Folks\'lltellyou\'tI\'vealwaysbenkindo\'offishandpartic\'larforagalthat\'sraisedinthewoods，andIam，withtherag-tagandbob-tail，andagalhastobe，ifshewantstobeanything，butwhenpeoplecomesalongwhichismyequals，IreckonI\'maprettysociableheiferafterall。”
Weresolvednotto“laybyatCottonwood。”
CHAPTERIII。
Aboutanhourandahalfbeforedaylightwewerebowlingalongsmoothlyovertheroad——sosmoothlythatourcradleonlyrockedinagentle，lullingway，thatwasgraduallysoothingustosleep，anddullingourconsciousness——whensomethinggaveawayunderus！Weweredimlyawareofit，butindifferenttoit。Thecoachstopped。Weheardthedriverandconductortalkingtogetheroutside，andrummagingforalantern，andswearingbecausetheycouldnotfindit——butwehadnointerestinwhateverhadhappened，anditonlyaddedtoourcomforttothinkofthosepeopleoutthereatworkinthemurkynight，andwesnuginournestwiththecurtainsdrawn。Butpresently，bythesounds，thereseemedtobeanexaminationgoingon，andthenthedriver\'svoicesaid:
“ByGeorge，thethoroughbraceisbroke！“
Thisstartledmebroadawake——asanundefinedsenseofcalamityisalwaysapttodo。Isaidtomyself:“Now，athoroughbraceisprobablypartofahorse；anddoubtlessavitalpart，too，fromthedismayinthedriver\'svoice。Leg，maybe——andyethowcouldhebreakhislegwaltzingalongsucharoadasthis?No，itcan\'tbehisleg。Thatisimpossible，unlesshewasreachingforthedriver。Now，whatcanbethethoroughbraceofahorse，Iwonder?Well，whatevercomes，Ishallnotairmyignoranceinthiscrowd，anyway。”
Justthentheconductor\'sfaceappearedataliftedcurtain，andhislanternglaredinonusandourwallofmailmatter。Hesaid:
“Gents，you\'llhavetoturnoutaspell。Thoroughbraceisbroke。”
Weclimbedoutintoachilldrizzle，andfelteversohomelessanddreary。WhenIfoundthatthethingtheycalleda“thoroughbrace“wasthemassivecombinationofbeltsandspringswhichthecoachrocksitselfin，Isaidtothedriver:
“Ineversawathoroughbraceuseduplikethat，before，thatIcanremember。Howdidithappen?“
“Why，ithappenedbytryingtomakeonecoachcarrythreedays\'mail——
that\'showithappened，“saidhe。“Andrighthereistheverydirectionwhichiswroteonallthenewspaper-bagswhichwastobeputoutfortheInjunsfortokeep\'emquiet。It\'smostuncommonlucky，becuzit\'ssonationdarkIshould\'a\'gonebyunbeknownsifthatairthoroughbracehadn\'tbroke。”
Iknewthathewasinlaborwithanotherofthosewinksofhis，thoughI
couldnotseehisface，becausehewasbentdownatwork；andwishinghimasafedelivery，Iturnedtoandhelpedtherestgetoutthemail-sacks。
Itmadeagreatpyramidbytheroadsidewhenitwasallout。Whentheyhadmendedthethoroughbracewefilledthetwobootsagain，butputnomailontop，andonlyhalfasmuchinsideastherewasbefore。Theconductorbentalltheseat-backsdown，andthenfilledthecoachjusthalffullofmail-bagsfromendtoend。Weobjectedloudlytothis，foritleftusnoseats。Buttheconductorwaswiserthanwe，andsaidabedwasbetterthanseats，andmoreover，thisplanwouldprotecthisthoroughbraces。Weneverwantedanyseatsafterthat。Thelazybedwasinfinitelypreferable。Ihadmanyanexcitingday，subsequently，lyingonitreadingthestatutesandthedictionary，andwonderinghowthecharacterswouldturnout。
Theconductorsaidhewouldsendbackaguardfromthenextstationtotakechargeoftheabandonedmail-bags，andwedroveon。
Itwasnowjustdawn；andaswestretchedourcrampedlegsfulllengthonthemailsacks，andgazedoutthroughthewindowsacrossthewidewastesofgreenswardcladincool，powderymist，towheretherewasanexpectantlookintheeasternhorizon，ourperfectenjoymenttooktheformofatranquilandcontentedecstasy。Thestagewhirledalongataspankinggait，thebreezeflappingcurtainsandsuspendedcoatsinamostexhilaratingway；thecradleswayedandswungluxuriously，thepatteringofthehorses\'hoofs，thecrackingofthedriver\'swhip，andhis“Hi-yi！
g\'lang！“weremusic；thespinninggroundandthewaltzingtreesappearedtogiveusamutehurrahaswewentby，andthenslackupandlookafteruswithinterest，orenvy，orsomething；andaswelayandsmokedthepipeofpeaceandcomparedallthisluxurywiththeyearsoftiresomecitylifethathadgonebeforeit，wefeltthattherewasonlyonecompleteandsatisfyinghappinessintheworld，andwehadfoundit。
Afterbreakfast，atsomestationwhosenameIhaveforgotten，wethreeclimbedupontheseatbehindthedriver，andlettheconductorhaveourbedforanap。Andbyandby，whenthesunmademedrowsy，Ilaydownonmyfaceontopofthecoach，graspingtheslenderironrailing，andsleptforanhourormore。Thatwillgiveoneanappreciableideaofthosematchlessroads。Instinctwillmakeasleepingmangripafastholdoftherailingwhenthestagejolts，butwhenitonlyswingsandsways，nogripisnecessary。Overlanddriversandconductorsusedtositintheirplacesandsleepthirtyorfortyminutesatatime，ongoodroads，whilespinningalongattherateofeightortenmilesanhour。Isawthemdoit，often。Therewasnodangeraboutit；asleepingmanwillseizetheironsintimewhenthecoachjolts。Thesemenwerehardworked，anditwasnotpossibleforthemtostayawakeallthetime。
ByandbywepassedthroughMarysville，andovertheBigBlueandLittleSandy；thenceaboutamile，andenteredNebraska。Aboutamilefurtheron，wecametotheBigSandy——onehundredandeightymilesfromSt。
Joseph。
Asthesunwasgoingdown，wesawthefirstspecimenofananimalknownfamiliarlyovertwothousandmilesofmountainanddesert——fromKansascleartothePacificOcean——asthe“jackassrabbit。”Heiswellnamed。
Heisjustlikeanyotherrabbit，exceptthatheisfromonethirdtotwiceaslarge，haslongerlegsinproportiontohissize，andhasthemostpreposterousearsthateverweremountedonanycreaturebutajackass。
Whenheissittingquiet，thinkingabouthissins，orisabsent-mindedorunapprehensiveofdanger，hismajesticearsprojectabovehimconspicuously；butthebreakingofatwigwillscarehimnearlytodeath，andthenhetiltshisearsbackgentlyandstartsforhome。Allyoucansee，then，forthenextminute，ishislonggrayformstretchedoutstraightand“streakingit“throughthelowsage-brush，headerect，eyesright，andearsjustcantedalittletotherear，butshowingyouwheretheanimalis，allthetime，thesameasifhecarriedajib。Nowandthenhemakesamarvelousspringwithhislonglegs，highoverthestuntedsage-brush，andscoresaleapthatwouldmakeahorseenvious。
Presentlyhecomesdowntoalong，graceful“lope，“andshortlyhemysteriouslydisappears。Hehascrouchedbehindasage-bush，andwillsitthereandlistenandtrembleuntilyougetwithinsixfeetofhim，whenhewillgetunderwayagain。Butonemustshootatthiscreatureonce，ifhewishestoseehimthrowhisheartintohisheels，anddothebestheknowshow。Heisfrightenedclearthrough，now，andhelayshislongearsdownonhisback，straightenshimselfoutlikeayard-stickeveryspringhemakes，andscattersmilesbehindhimwithaneasyindifferencethatisenchanting。
Ourpartymadethisspecimen“humphimself，“astheconductorsaid。ThesecretarystartedhimwithashotfromtheColt；Icommencedspittingathimwithmyweapon；andallinthesameinstanttheold“Allen\'s“wholebroadsideletgowitharattlingcrash，anditisnotputtingittoostrongtosaythattherabbitwasfrantic！Hedroppedhisears，setuphistail，andleftforSanFranciscoataspeedwhichcanonlybedescribedasaflashandavanish！Longafterhewasoutofsightwecouldhearhimwhiz。
Idonotrememberwherewefirstcameacross“sage-brush，“butasIhavebeenspeakingofitImayaswelldescribeit。
Thisiseasilydone，forifthereadercanimagineagnarledandvenerableliveoak-treereducedtoalittleshrubtwofeet-high，withitsroughbark，itsfoliage，itstwistedboughs，allcomplete，hecanpicturethe“sage-brush“exactly。Often，onlazyafternoonsinthemountains，I
havelainonthegroundwithmyfaceunderasage-bush，andentertainedmyselfwithfancyingthatthegnatsamongitsfoliagewereliliputianbirds，andthattheantsmarchingandcountermarchingaboutitsbasewereliliputianflocksandherds，andmyselfsomevastloaferfromBrobdignagwaitingtocatchalittlecitizenandeathim。
Itisanimposingmonarchoftheforestinexquisiteminiature，isthe“sage-brush。”Itsfoliageisagrayishgreen，andgivesthattinttodesertandmountain。Itsmellslikeourdomesticsage，and“sage-tea“
madefromittastelikethesage-teawhichallboysaresowellacquaintedwith。Thesage-brushisasingularlyhardyplant，andgrowsrightinthemidstofdeepsand，andamongbarrenrocks，wherenothingelseinthevegetableworldwouldtrytogrow，except“bunch-grass。”——
[“Bunch-grass“growsonthebleakmountain-sidesofNevadaandneighboringterritories，andoffersexcellentfeedforstock，eveninthedeadofwinter，whereverthesnowisblownasideandexposesit；
notwithstandingitsunpromisinghome，bunch-grassisabetterandmorenutritiousdietforcattleandhorsesthanalmostanyotherhayorgrassthatisknown——sostock-mensay。]——Thesage-bushesgrowfromthreetosixorsevenfeetapart，alloverthemountainsanddesertsoftheFarWest，cleartothebordersofCalifornia。Thereisnotatreeofanykindinthedeserts，forhundredsofmiles——thereisnovegetationatallinaregulardesert，exceptthesage-brushanditscousinthe“greasewood，“whichissomuchlikethesage-brushthatthedifferenceamountstolittle。Camp-firesandhotsuppersinthedesertswouldbeimpossiblebutforthefriendlysage-brush。Itstrunkisaslargeasaboy\'swrist(andfromthatuptoaman\'sarm)，anditscrookedbranchesarehalfaslargeasitstrunk——allgood，sound，hardwood，verylikeoak。
Whenapartycamps，thefirstthingtobedoneistocutsage-brush；andinafewminutesthereisanopulentpileofitreadyforuse。Aholeafootwide，twofeetdeep，andtwofeetlong，isdug，andsage-brushchoppedupandburnedinittillitisfulltothebrimwithglowingcoals。Thenthecookingbegins，andthereisnosmoke，andconsequentlynoswearing。Suchafirewillkeepallnight，withverylittlereplenishing；anditmakesaverysociablecamp-fire，andonearoundwhichthemostimpossiblereminiscencessoundplausible，instructive，andprofoundlyentertaining。
Sage-brushisveryfairfuel，butasavegetableitisadistinguishedfailure。Nothingcanabidethetasteofitbutthejackassandhisillegitimatechildthemule。Buttheirtestimonytoitsnutritiousnessisworthnothing，fortheywilleatpineknots，oranthracitecoal，orbrassfilings，orleadpipe，oroldbottles，oranythingthatcomeshandy，andthengoofflookingasgratefulasiftheyhadhadoystersfordinner。Mulesanddonkeysandcamelshaveappetitesthatanythingwillrelievetemporarily，butnothingsatisfy。
InSyria，once，atthehead-watersoftheJordan，acameltookchargeofmyovercoatwhilethetentswerebeingpitched，andexamineditwithacriticaleye，allover，withasmuchinterestasifhehadanideaofgettingonemadelikeit；andthen，afterhewasdonefiguringonitasanarticleofapparel，hebegantocontemplateitasanarticleofdiet。
Heputhisfootonit，andliftedoneofthesleevesoutwithhisteeth，andchewedandchewedatit，graduallytakingitin，andallthewhileopeningandclosinghiseyesinakindofreligiousecstasy，asifhehadnevertastedanythingasgoodasanovercoatbefore，inhislife。Thenhesmackedhislipsonceortwice，andreachedaftertheothersleeve。
Nexthetriedthevelvetcollar，andsmiledasmileofsuchcontentmentthatitwasplaintoseethatheregardedthatasthedaintiestthingaboutanovercoat。Thetailswentnext，alongwithsomepercussioncapsandcoughcandy，andsomefig-pastefromConstantinople。Andthenmynewspapercorrespondencedroppedout，andhetookachanceinthat——
manuscriptletterswrittenforthehomepapers。Buthewastreadingondangerousground，now。Hebegantocomeacrosssolidwisdominthosedocumentsthatwasratherweightyonhisstomach；andoccasionallyhewouldtakeajokethatwouldshakehimuptillitloosenedhisteeth；itwasgettingtobeperiloustimeswithhim，butheheldhisgripwithgoodcourageandhopefully，tillatlasthebegantostumbleonstatementsthatnotevenacamelcouldswallowwithimpunity。Hebegantogagandgasp，andhiseyestostandout，andhisforelegstospread，andinaboutaquarterofaminutehefelloverasstiffasacarpenter\'swork-bench，anddiedadeathofindescribableagony。Iwentandpulledthemanuscriptoutofhismouth，andfoundthatthesensitivecreaturehadchokedtodeathononeofthemildestandgentleststatementsoffactthatIeverlaidbeforeatrustingpublic。
Iwasabouttosay，whendivertedfrommysubject，thatoccasionallyonefindssage-bushesfiveorsixfeethigh，andwithaspreadofbranchandfoliageinproportion，buttwoortwoandahalffeetistheusualheight。
CHAPTERIV。
Asthesunwentdownandtheeveningchillcameon，wemadepreparationforbed。Westirredupthehardleatherletter-sacks，andtheknottycanvasbagsofprintedmatter(knottyandunevenbecauseofprojectingendsandcornersofmagazines，boxesandbooks)。Westirredthemupandredisposedtheminsuchawayastomakeourbedaslevelaspossible。
Andwedidimproveit，too，thoughafterallourworkithadanupheavedandbillowylookaboutit，likealittlepieceofastormysea。Nextwehuntedupourbootsfromoddnooksamongthemail-bagswheretheyhadsettled，andputthemon。Thenwegotdownourcoats，vests，pantaloonsandheavywoolenshirts，fromthearm-loopswheretheyhadbeenswingingallday，andclothedourselvesinthem——for，therebeingnoladieseitheratthestationsorinthecoach，andtheweatherbeinghot，wehadlookedtoourcomfortbystrippingtoourunderclothing，atnineo\'clockinthemorning。Allthingsbeingnowready，westowedtheuneasyDictionarywhereitwouldlieasquietaspossible，andplacedthewater-canteensandpistolswherewecouldfindtheminthedark。Thenwesmokedafinalpipe，andswappedafinalyarn；afterwhich，weputthepipes，tobaccoandbagofcoininsnugholesandcavesamongthemail-bags，andthenfasteneddownthecoachcurtainsallaround，andmadetheplaceas“darkastheinsideofacow，“astheconductorphraseditinhispicturesqueway。Itwascertainlyasdarkasanyplacecouldbe——nothingwasevendimlyvisibleinit。Andfinally，werolledourselvesuplikesilk-
worms，eachpersoninhisownblanket，andsankpeacefullytosleep。
Wheneverthestagestoppedtochangehorses，wewouldwakeup，andtrytorecollectwherewewere——andsucceed——andinaminuteortwothestagewouldbeoffagain，andwelikewise。Webegantogetintocountry，now，threadedhereandtherewithlittlestreams。Thesehadhigh，steepbanksoneachside，andeverytimeweflewdownonebankandscrambleduptheother，ourpartyinsidegotmixedsomewhat。Firstwewouldallbedowninapileattheforwardendofthestage，nearlyinasittingposture，andinasecondwewouldshoottotheotherend，andstandonourheads。
Andwewouldsprawlandkick，too，andwardoffendsandcornersofmail-
bagsthatcamelumberingoverusandaboutus；andasthedustrosefromthetumult，wewouldallsneezeinchorus，andthemajorityofuswouldgrumble，andprobablysaysomehastything，like:“Takeyourelbowoutofmyribs！——can\'tyouquitcrowding?“
Everytimeweavalanchedfromoneendofthestagetotheother，theUnabridgedDictionarywouldcometoo；andeverytimeitcameitdamagedsomebody。Onetripit“barked“theSecretary\'selbow；thenexttripithurtmeinthestomach，andthethirdittiltedBemis\'snoseuptillhecouldlookdownhisnostrils——hesaid。Thepistolsandcoinsoonsettledtothebottom，butthepipes，pipe-stems，tobaccoandcanteensclatteredandflounderedaftertheDictionaryeverytimeitmadeanassaultonus，andaidedandabettedthebookbyspillingtobaccoinoureyes，andwaterdownourbacks。
Still，allthingsconsidered，itwasaverycomfortablenight。Itworegraduallyaway，andwhenatlastacoldgraylightwasvisiblethroughthepuckersandchinksinthecurtains，weyawnedandstretchedwithsatisfaction，shedourcocoons，andfeltthatwehadsleptasmuchaswasnecessary。Byandby，asthesunroseupandwarmedtheworld，wepulledoffourclothesandgotreadyforbreakfast。Wewerejustpleasantlyintime，forfiveminutesafterwardthedriversenttheweirdmusicofhisbuglewindingoverthegrassysolitudes，andpresentlywedetectedalowhutortwointhedistance。Thentherattlingofthecoach，theclatterofoursixhorses\'hoofs，andthedriver\'scrispcommands，awoketoalouderandstrongeremphasis，andwewentsweepingdownonthestationatoursmartestspeed。Itwasfascinating——thatoldoverlandstagecoaching。
Wejumpedoutinundressuniform。Thedrivertossedhisgatheredreinsoutontheground，gapedandstretchedcomplacently，drewoffhisheavybuckskingloveswithgreatdeliberationandinsufferabledignity——takingnottheslightestnoticeofadozensolicitousinquiresafterhishealth，andhumblyfacetiousandflatteringaccostings，andobsequioustendersofservice，fromfiveorsixhairyandhalf-civilizedstation-keepersandhostlerswhowerenimblyunhitchingoursteedsandbringingthefreshteamoutofthestables——forintheeyesofthestage-driverofthatday，station-keepersandhostlerswereasortofgoodenoughlowcreatures，usefulintheirplace，andhelpingtomakeupaworld，butnotthekindofbeingswhichapersonofdistinctioncouldaffordtoconcernhimselfwith；while，onthecontrary，intheeyesofthestation-keeperandthehostler，thestage-driverwasahero——agreatandshiningdignitary，theworld\'sfavoriteson，theenvyofthepeople，theobservedofthenations。Whentheyspoketohimtheyreceivedhisinsolentsilencemeekly，andasbeingthenaturalandproperconductofsogreataman；
whenheopenedhislipstheyallhungonhiswordswithadmiration(heneverhonoredaparticularindividualwitharemark，butaddresseditwithabroadgeneralitytothehorses，thestables，thesurroundingcountryandthehumanunderlings)；whenhedischargedafacetiousinsultingpersonalityatahostler，thathostlerwashappyfortheday；
whenheutteredhisonejest——oldasthehills，coarse，profane，witless，andinflictedonthesameaudience，inthesamelanguage，everytimehiscoachdroveupthere——thevarletsroared，andslappedtheirthighs，andsworeitwasthebestthingthey\'deverheardinalltheirlives。Andhowtheywouldflyaroundwhenhewantedabasinofwater，agourdofthesame，oralightforhispipe！——buttheywouldinstantlyinsultapassengerifhesofarforgothimselfastocraveafavorattheirhands。
Theycoulddothatsortofinsolenceaswellasthedrivertheycopieditfrom——for，letitbeborneinmind，theoverlanddriverhadbutlittlelesscontemptforhispassengersthanhehadforhishostlers。
Thehostlersandstation-keeperstreatedthereallypowerfulconductorofthecoachmerelywiththebestofwhatwastheirideaofcivility，butthedriverwastheonlybeingtheyboweddowntoandworshipped。Howadmiringlytheywouldgazeupathiminhishighseatasheglovedhimselfwithlingeringdeliberation，whilesomehappyhostlerheldthebunchofreinsaloft，andwaitedpatientlyforhimtotakeit！Andhowtheywouldbombardhimwithglorifyingejaculationsashecrackedhislongwhipandwentcareeringaway。
Thestationbuildingswerelong，lowhuts，madeofsundried，mud-coloredbricks，laidupwithoutmortar(adobes，theSpaniardscallthesebricks，andAmericansshortenitto\'dobies)。Theroofs，whichhadnoslanttothemworthspeakingof，werethatchedandthensoddedorcoveredwithathicklayerofearth，andfromthissprungaprettyrankgrowthofweedsandgrass。Itwasthefirsttimewehadeverseenaman\'sfrontyardontopofhishouse。Thebuildingconsistedofbarns，stable-roomfortwelveorfifteenhorses，andahutforaneating-roomforpassengers。
Thislatterhadbunksinitforthestation-keeperandahostlerortwo。
Youcouldrestyourelbowonitseaves，andyouhadtobendinordertogetinatthedoor。Inplaceofawindowtherewasasquareholeaboutlargeenoughforamantocrawlthrough，butthishadnoglassinit。
Therewasnoflooring，butthegroundwaspackedhard。Therewasnostove，butthefire-placeservedallneedfulpurposes。Therewerenoshelves，nocupboards，noclosets。Inacornerstoodanopensackofflour，andnestlingagainstitsbasewereacoupleofblackandvenerabletincoffee-pots，atinteapot，alittlebagofsalt，andasideofbacon。
Bythedoorofthestation-keeper\'sden，outside，wasatinwash-basin，ontheground。Nearitwasapailofwaterandapieceofyellowbarsoap，andfromtheeaveshungahoarybluewoolenshirt，significantly——
butthislatterwasthestation-keeper\'sprivatetowel，andonlytwopersonsinallthepartymightventuretouseit——thestage-driverandtheconductor。Thelatterwouldnot，fromasenseofdecency；theformerwouldnot，becausedidnotchoosetoencouragetheadvancesofastation-
keeper。Wehadtowels——inthevalise；theymightaswellhavebeeninSodomandGomorrah。We(andtheconductor)usedourhandkerchiefs，andthedriverhispantaloonsandsleeves。Bythedoor，inside，wasfastenedasmallold-fashionedlooking-glassframe，withtwolittlefragmentsoftheoriginalmirrorlodgeddowninonecornerofit。Thisarrangementaffordedapleasantdouble-barreledportraitofyouwhenyoulookedintoit，withonehalfofyourheadsetupacoupleofinchesabovetheotherhalf。Fromtheglassframehungthehalfofacombbyastring——butifI
hadtodescribethatpatriarchordie，IbelieveIwouldordersomesamplecoffins。
IthadcomedownfromEsauandSamson，andhadbeenaccumulatinghaireversince——alongwithcertainimpurities。Inonecorneroftheroomstoodthreeorfourriflesandmuskets，togetherwithhornsandpouchesofammunition。Thestation-menworepantaloonsofcoarse，country-wovenstuff，andintotheseatandtheinsideofthelegsweresewedampleadditionsofbuckskin，tododutyinplaceofleggings，whenthemanrodehorseback——sothepantswerehalfdullblueandhalfyellow，andunspeakablypicturesque。Thepantswerestuffedintothetopsofhighboots，theheelswhereofwerearmedwithgreatSpanishspurs，whoselittleironclogsandchainsjingledwitheverystep。Themanworeahugebeardandmustachios，anoldslouchhat，abluewoolenshirt，nosuspenders，novest，nocoat——inaleathernsheathinhisbelt，agreatlong“navy“revolver(slungonrightside，hammertothefront)，andprojectingfromhisbootahorn-handledbowie-knife。Thefurnitureofthehutwasneithergorgeousnormuchintheway。Therocking-chairsandsofaswerenotpresent，andneverhadbeen，buttheywererepresentedbytwothree-leggedstools，apine-boardbenchfourfeetlong，andtwoemptycandle-boxes。Thetablewasagreasyboardonstilts，andthetable-
clothandnapkinshadnotcome——andtheywerenotlookingforthem，either。Abatteredtinplatter，aknifeandfork，andatinpintcup，wereateachman\'splace，andthedriverhadaqueens-waresaucerthathadseenbetterdays。Ofcoursethisdukesatattheheadofthetable。
Therewasoneisolatedpieceoftablefurniturethatboreaboutitatouchingairofgrandeurinmisfortune。Thiswasthecaster。ItwasGermansilver，andcrippledandrusty，butitwassopreposterouslyoutofplacetherethatitwassuggestiveofatatteredexiledkingamongbarbarians，andthemajestyofitsnativepositioncompelledrespecteveninitsdegradation。
Therewasonlyonecruetleft，andthatwasastopperless，fly-specked，broken-neckedthing，withtwoinchesofvinegarinit，andadozenpreservedflieswiththeirheelsupandlookingsorrytheyhadinvestedthere。
Thestation-keeperupendedadiskoflastweek\'sbread，oftheshapeandsizeofanold-timecheese，andcarvedsomeslabsfromitwhichwereasgoodasNicholsonpavement，andtenderer。
Heslicedoffapieceofbaconforeachman，butonlytheexperiencedoldhandsmadeouttoeatit，foritwascondemnedarmybaconwhichtheUnitedStateswouldnotfeedtoitssoldiersintheforts，andthestagecompanyhadboughtitcheapforthesustenanceoftheirpassengersandemployees。WemayhavefoundthiscondemnedarmybaconfurtheroutontheplainsthanthesectionIamlocatingitin，butwefoundit——thereisnogainsayingthat。
Thenhepouredforusabeveragewhichhecalled“Slumgullion，“anditishardtothinkhewasnotinspiredwhenhenamedit。Itreallypretendedtobetea，buttherewastoomuchdish-rag，andsand，andoldbacon-rindinittodeceivetheintelligenttraveler。
Hehadnosugarandnomilk——notevenaspoontostirtheingredientswith。
Wecouldnoteatthebreadorthemeat，nordrinkthe“slumgullion。”AndwhenIlookedatthatmelancholyvinegar-cruet，Ithoughtoftheanecdote(avery，veryoldone，evenatthatday)ofthetravelerwhosatdowntoatablewhichhadnothingonitbutamackerelandapotofmustard。Heaskedthelandlordifthiswasall。Thelandlordsaid:
“All！Why，thunderandlightning，Ishouldthinktherewasmackerelenoughthereforsix。”
“ButIdon\'tlikemackerel。”
“Oh——thenhelpyourselftothemustard。”
InotherdaysIhadconsidereditagood，averygood，anecdote，buttherewasadismalplausibilityaboutit，here，thattookallthehumoroutofit。
Ourbreakfastwasbeforeus，butourteethwereidle。
Itastedandsmelt，andsaidIwouldtakecoffee，Ibelieved。Thestation-bossstoppeddeadstill，andglaredatmespeechless。Atlast，whenhecameto，heturnedawayandsaid，asonewhocommuneswithhimselfuponamattertoovasttograsp:
“Coffee！Well，ifthatdon\'tgocleanaheadofme，I\'md——d！“
Wecouldnoteat，andtherewasnoconversationamongthehostlersandherdsmen——weallsatatthesameboard。Atleasttherewasnoconversationfurtherthanasinglehurriedrequest，nowandthen，fromoneemployeetoanother。Itwasalwaysinthesameform，andalwaysgrufflyfriendly。Itswesternfreshnessandnoveltystartledme，atfirst，andinterestedme；butitpresentlygrewmonotonous，andlostitscharm。Itwas:
“Passthebread，yousonofaskunk！“No，Iforget——skunkwasnottheword；itseemstomeitwasstillstrongerthanthat；Iknowitwas，infact，butitisgonefrommymemory，apparently。However，itisnomatter——probablyitwastoostrongforprint，anyway。ItisthelandmarkinmymemorywhichtellsmewhereIfirstencounteredthevigorousnewvernacularoftheoccidentalplainsandmountains。
Wegaveupthebreakfast，andpaidourdollarapieceandwentbacktoourmail-bagbedinthecoach，andfoundcomfortinourpipes。Rightherewesufferedthefirstdiminutionofourprincelystate。Weleftoursixfinehorsesandtooksixmulesintheirplace。ButtheywerewildMexicanfellows，andamanhadtostandattheheadofeachofthemandholdhimfastwhilethedriverglovedandgothimselfready。Andwhenatlasthegraspedthereinsandgavetheword，themensprungsuddenlyawayfromthemules\'headsandthecoachshotfromthestationasifithadissuedfromacannon。Howthefranticanimalsdidscamper！Itwasafierceandfuriousgallop——andthegaitneveralteredforamomenttillwereeledofftenortwelvemilesandsweptuptothenextcollectionoflittlestation-hutsandstables。
Soweflewalongallday。At2P。M。thebeltoftimberthatfringestheNorthPlatteandmarksitswindingsthroughthevastlevelfloorofthePlainscameinsight。At4P。M。wecrossedabranchoftheriver，andat5P。M。wecrossedthePlatteitself，andlandedatFortKearney，fifty-sixhoursoutfromSt。Joe——THREEHUNDREDMILES！
Nowthatwasstage-coachingonthegreatoverland，tenortwelveyearsago，whenperhapsnotmorethantenmeninAmerica，alltold，expectedtolivetoseearailroadfollowthatroutetothePacific。Buttherailroadisthere，now，anditpicturesathousandoddcomparisonsandcontrastsinmymindtoreadthefollowingsketch，intheNewYorkTimes，ofarecenttripoveralmosttheverygroundIhavebeendescribing。I
canscarcelycomprehendthenewstateofthings:
“ACROSSTHECONTINENT。
“At4。20P。M。，Sunday，werolledoutofthestationatOmaha，andstartedwestwardonourlongjaunt。Acoupleofhoursout，dinnerwasannounced——an“event“tothoseofuswhohadyettoexperiencewhatitistoeatinoneofPullman\'shotelsonwheels；so，steppingintothecarnextforwardofoursleepingpalace，wefoundourselvesinthedining-car。Itwasarevelationtous，thatfirstdinneronSunday。Andthoughwecontinuedtodineforfourdays，andhadasmanybreakfastsandsuppers，ourwholepartyneverceasedtoadmiretheperfectionofthearrangements，andthemarvelousresultsachieved。Upontablescoveredwithsnowylinen，andgarnishedwithservicesofsolidsilver，Ethiopwaiters，flittingaboutinspotlesswhite，placedasbymagicarepastatwhichDelmonicohimselfcouldhavehadnooccasiontoblush；and，indeed，insomerespectsitwouldbehardforthatdistinguishedcheftomatchourmenu；for，inadditiontoallthatordinarilymakesupafirst-chopdinner，hadwenotourantelopesteak(thegormandwhohasnotexperiencedthis——
bah！whatdoesheknowofthefeastoffatthings?)ourdeliciousmountain-brooktrout，andchoicefruitsandberries，and(saucepiquantandunpurchasable！)oursweet-scented，appetite-compellingairoftheprairies?
Youmaydependuponit，wealldidjusticetothegoodthings，andaswewashedthemdownwithbumpersofsparklingKrug，whilstwespedalongattherateofthirtymilesanhour，agreeditwasthefastestlivingwehadeverexperienced。(Webeatthat，however，twodaysafterwardwhenwemadetwenty-sevenmilesintwenty-sevenminutes，whileourChampagneglassesfilledtothebrimspillednotadrop！)Afterdinnerwerepairedtoourdrawing-roomcar，and，asitwasSabbatheve，intonedsomeofthegrandoldhymns——“PraiseGodfromwhom，“etc。；“ShiningShore，““Coronation，“etc——thevoicesofthemensingersandofthewomensingersblendingsweetlyintheeveningair，whileourtrain，withitsgreat，glaringPolyphemuseye，lightinguplongvistasofprairie，rushedintothenightandtheWild。Thentobedinluxuriouscouches，wherewesleptthesleepofthejustandonlyawokethenextmorning(Monday)ateighto\'clock，tofindourselvesatthecrossingoftheNorthPlatte，threehundredmilesfromOmaha——fifteenhoursandfortyminutesout。”
CHAPTERV。
Anothernightofalternatetranquillityandturmoil。Butmorningcame，byandby。Itwasanothergladawakeningtofreshbreezes，vastexpansesoflevelgreensward，brightsunlight，animpressivesolitudeutterlywithoutvisiblehumanbeingsorhumanhabitations，andanatmosphereofsuchamazingmagnifyingpropertiesthattreesthatseemedcloseathandweremorethanthreemileaway。Weresumedundressuniform，climbeda-topoftheflyingcoach，dangledourlegsovertheside，shoutedoccasionallyatourfranticmules，merelytoseethemlaytheirearsbackandscamperfaster，tiedourhatsontokeepourhairfromblowingaway，andleveledanoutlookovertheworld-widecarpetaboutusforthingsnewandstrangetogazeat。Evenatthisdayitthrillsmethroughandthroughtothinkofthelife，thegladnessandthewildsenseoffreedomthatusedtomaketheblooddanceinmyveinsonthosefineoverlandmornings！
Alongaboutanhourafterbreakfastwesawthefirstprairie-dogvillages，thefirstantelope，andthefirstwolf。IfIrememberrightly，thislatterwastheregularcayote(pronouncedky-o-te)ofthefartherdeserts。Andifitwas，hewasnotaprettycreatureorrespectableeither，forIgotwellacquaintedwithhisraceafterward，andcanspeakwithconfidence。Thecayoteisalong，slim，sickandsorry-lookingskeleton，withagraywolf-skinstretchedoverit，atolerablybushytailthatforeversagsdownwithadespairingexpressionofforsakennessandmisery，afurtiveandevileye，andalong，sharpface，withslightlyliftedlipandexposedteeth。Hehasageneralslinkingexpressionallover。Thecayoteisaliving，breathingallegoryofWant。Heisalwayshungry。
Heisalwayspoor，outofluckandfriendless。Themeanestcreaturesdespisehim，andeventhefleaswoulddeserthimforavelocipede。Heissospiritlessandcowardlythatevenwhilehisexposedteetharepretendingathreat，therestofhisfaceisapologizingforit。Andheissohomely！——soscrawny，andribby，andcoarse-haired，andpitiful。
Whenheseesyouheliftshislipandletsaflashofhisteethout，andthenturnsalittleoutofthecoursehewaspursuing，depresseshisheadabit，andstrikesalong，soft-footedtrotthroughthesage-brush，glancingoverhisshoulderatyou，fromtimetotime，tillheisaboutoutofeasypistolrange，andthenhestopsandtakesadeliberatesurveyofyou；hewilltrotfiftyyardsandstopagain——anotherfiftyandstopagain；andfinallythegrayofhisglidingbodyblendswiththegrayofthesage-brush，andhedisappears。Allthisiswhenyoumakenodemonstrationagainsthim；butifyoudo，hedevelopsalivelierinterestinhisjourney，andinstantlyelectrifieshisheelsandputssuchadealofrealestatebetweenhimselfandyourweapon，thatbythetimeyouhaveraisedthehammeryouseethatyouneedaminierifle，andbythetimeyouhavegothiminlineyouneedarifledcannon，andbythetimeyouhave“drawnabead“onhimyouseewellenoughthatnothingbutanunusuallylong-windedstreakoflightningcouldreachhimwhereheisnow。Butifyoustartaswift-footeddogafterhim，youwillenjoyiteversomuch——especiallyifitisadogthathasagoodopinionofhimself，andhasbeenbroughtuptothinkheknowssomethingaboutspeed。
Thecayotewillgoswinginggentlyoffonthatdeceitfultrotofhis，andeverylittlewhilehewillsmileafraudfulsmileoverhisshoulderthatwillfillthatdogentirelyfullofencouragementandworldlyambition，andmakehimlayhisheadstilllowertotheground，andstretchhisneckfurthertothefront，andpantmorefiercely，andstickhistailoutstraighterbehind，andmovehisfuriouslegswithayetwilderfrenzy，andleaveabroaderandbroader，andhigheranddensercloudofdesertsandsmokingbehind，andmarkinghislongwakeacrossthelevelplain！
