ThatheisrightinhisestimationIamabsolutelypersuaded。
\"ItpuzzlesmemuchtothinkhowonearththeprinceguessedyesterdaythatIhavehadbaddreams。Hesaidtome，’YourexcitementanddreamswillfindreliefatPavlofsk。’Whydidhesay’dreams’？Eitherheisadoctor，orelseheisamanofexceptionalintelligenceandwonderfulpowersofobservation。
(Butthatheisan’idiot，’atbottomtherecanbenodoubtwhatever。)ItsohappenedthatjustbeforehearrivedIhadadelightfullittledream；oneofakindthatIhavehundredsofjustnow。Ihadfallenasleepaboutanhourbeforehecamein，anddreamedthatIwasinsomeroom，notmyown。Itwasalargeroom，wellfurnished，withacupboard，chestofdrawers，sofa，andmybed，afinewidebedcoveredwithasilkencounterpane。
ButIobservedintheroomadreadful-lookingcreature，asortofmonster。Itwasalittlelikeascorpion，butwasnotascorpion，butfarmorehorrible，andespeciallyso，becausetherearenocreaturesanythinglikeitinnature，andbecauseithadappearedtomeforapurpose，andboresomemysterioussignification。I
lookedatthebeastwell；itwasbrownincolourandhadashell；
itwasacrawlingkindofreptile，abouteightincheslong，andnarroweddownfromthehead，whichwasaboutacoupleoffingersinwidth，totheendofthetail，whichcametoafinepoint。Outofitstrunk，aboutacoupleofinchesbelowitshead，cametwolegsatanangleofforty-fivedegrees，eachaboutthreeincheslong，sothatthebeastlookedlikeatridentfromabove。Ithadeighthardneedle-likewhiskerscomingoutfromdifferentpartsofitsbody；itwentalonglikeasnake，bendingitsbodyaboutinspiteoftheshellitwore，anditsmotionwasveryquickandveryhorribletolookat。Iwasdreadfullyafraiditwouldstingme；somebodyhadtoldme，Ithought，thatitwasvenomous；butwhattormentedmemostofallwasthewonderingandwonderingastowhohadsentitintomyroom，andwhatwasthemysterywhichI
feltitcontained。
\"Ithiditselfunderthecupboardandunderthechestofdrawers，andcrawledintothecorners。Isatonachairandkeptmylegstuckedunderme。Thenthebeastcrawledquietlyacrosstheroomanddisappearedsomewherenearmychair。Ilookedaboutforitinterror，butIstillhopedthatasmyfeetweresafelytuckedawayitwouldnotbeabletotouchme。
\"SuddenlyIheardbehindme，andaboutonalevelwithmyhead，asortofrattlingsound。Iturnedsharproundandsawthatthebrutehadcrawledupthewallashighasthelevelofmyface，andthatitshorribletail，whichwasmovingincrediblyfastfromsidetoside，wasactuallytouchingmyhair！Ijumpedup——anditdisappeared。Ididnotdareliedownonmybedforfearitshouldcreepundermypillow。Mymothercameintotheroom，andsomefriendsofhers。TheybegantohuntforthereptileandweremorecomposedthanIwas；theydidnotseemtobeafraidofit。ButtheydidnotunderstandasIdid。
\"Suddenlythemonsterreappeared；itcrawledslowlyacrosstheroomandmadeforthedoor，asthoughwithsomefixedintention，andwithaslowmovementthatwasmorehorriblethanever。
\"Thenmymotheropenedthedoorandcalledmydog，Norma。NormawasagreatNewfoundland，anddiedfiveyearsago。
\"Shesprangforwardandstoodstillinfrontofthereptileasifshehadbeenturnedtostone。Thebeaststoppedtoo，butitstailandclawsstillmovedabout。Ibelieveanimalsareincapableoffeelingsupernaturalfright——ifIhavebeenrightlyinformed，——butatthismomentthereappearedtometobesomethingmorethanordinaryaboutNorma’sterror，asthoughitmustbesupernatural；
andasthoughshefelt，justasIdidmyself，thatthisreptilewasconnectedwithsomemysterioussecret，somefatalomen。
\"Normabackedslowlyandcarefullyawayfromthebrute，whichfollowedher，creepingdeliberatelyafterherasthoughitintendedtomakeasuddendartandstingher。
\"InspiteofNorma’sterrorshelookedfurious，thoughshetrembledinallherlimbs。Atlengthsheslowlybaredherterribleteeth，openedhergreatredjaws，hesitated——tookcourage，andseizedthebeastinhermouth。Itseemedtotrytodartoutofherjawstwice，butNormacaughtatitandhalfswalloweditasitwasescaping。Theshellcrackedinherteeth；
andthetailandlegsstuckoutofhermouthandshookaboutinahorriblemanner。SuddenlyNormagaveapiteouswhine；thereptilehadbittenhertongue。Sheopenedhermouthwidewiththepain，andIsawthebeastlyingacrosshertongue，andoutofitsbody，whichwasalmostbittenintwo，cameahideouswhite-lookingsubstance，oozingoutintoNorma’smouth；itwasoftheconsistencyofacrushedblack-beetle。justthenIawokeandtheprinceenteredtheroom。\"
\"Gentlemen！\"saidHippolyte，breakingoffhere，\"Ihavenotdoneyet，butitseemstomethatIhavewrittendownagreatdealherethatisunnecessary，——thisdream——\"
\"Youhaveindeed！\"saidGania。
\"Thereistoomuchaboutmyself，Iknow，but——\"AsHippolytesaidthishisfaceworeatired，painedlook，andhewipedthesweatoffhisbrow。
\"Yes，\"saidLebedeff，\"youcertainlythinkagreatdealtoomuchaboutyourself。\"
\"Well——gentlemen——Idonotforceanyonetolisten！Ifanyofyouareunwillingtosititout，pleasegoaway，byallmeans！\"
\"Heturnspeopleoutofahousethatisn’thisown，\"mutteredRogojin。
\"Supposeweallgoaway？\"saidFerdishenkosuddenly。
Hippolyteclutchedhismanuscript，andgazingatthelastspeakerwithglitteringeyes，said:\"Youdon’tlikemeatall！\"Afewlaughedatthis，butnotall。
\"Hippolyte，\"saidtheprince，\"givemethepapers，andgotobedlikeasensiblefellow。We’llhaveagoodtalktomorrow，butyoureallymustn’tgoonwiththisreading；itisnotgoodforyou！\"
\"HowcanI？HowcanI？\"criedHippolyte，lookingathiminamazement。\"Gentlemen！Iwasafool！Iwon’tbreakoffagain。
Listen，everyonewhowantsto！\"
Hegulpeddownsomewateroutofaglassstandingnear，bentoverthetable，inordertohidehisfacefromtheaudience，andrecommenced。
\"Theideathatitisnotworthwhilelivingforafewweekstookpossessionofmeamonthago，whenIwastoldthatIhadfourweekstolive，butonlypartiallysoatthattime。Theideaquiteovermasteredmethreedayssince，thateveningatPavlofsk。ThefirsttimethatIfeltreallyimpressedwiththisthoughtwasontheterraceattheprince’s，attheverymomentwhenIhadtakenitintomyheadtomakealasttrialoflife。Iwantedtoseepeopleandtrees(IbelieveIsaidsomyself)，Igotexcited，I
maintainedBurdovsky’srights，’myneighbour！’——Idreamtthatoneandallwouldopentheirarms，andembraceme，thattherewouldbeanindescribableexchangeofforgivenessbetweenusall！Inaword，Ibehavedlikeafool，andthen，atthatverysameinstant，Ifeltmy’lastconviction。’IaskmyselfnowhowIcouldhavewaitedsixmonthsforthatconviction！IknewthatIhadadiseasethatsparesnoone，andIreallyhadnoillusions；butthemoreIrealizedmycondition，themoreIclungtolife；I
wantedtoliveatanyprice。IconfessImightwellhaveresentedthatblind，deaffate，which，withnoapparentreason，seemedtohavedecidedtocrushmelikeafly；butwhydidInotstopatresentment？WhydidIbegintolive，knowingthatitwasnotworthwhiletobegin？WhydidIattempttodowhatIknewtobeanimpossibility？AndyetIcouldnotevenreadabooktotheend；Ihadgivenupreading。Whatisthegoodofreading，whatisthegoodoflearninganything，forjustsixmonths？Thatthoughthasmademethrowasideabookmorethanonce。
\"Yes，thatwallofMeyer’scouldtellataleifitliked。TherewasnospotonitsdirtysurfacethatIdidnotknowbyheart。
Accursedwall！andyetitisdearertomethanallthePavlofsktrees！——Thatis——itWOULDbedearerifitwerenotallthesametome，now！
\"IremembernowwithwhathungryinterestIbegantowatchthelivesofotherpeople——interestthatIhadneverfeltbefore！I
usedtowaitforColia’sarrivalimpatiently，forIwassoillmyself，then，thatIcouldnotleavethehouse。Isothrewmyselfintoeverylittledetailofnews，andtooksomuchinterestineveryreportandrumour，thatIbelieveIbecamearegulargossip！Icouldnotunderstand，amongotherthings，howallthesepeople——withsomuchlifeinandbeforethem——donotbecomeRICH——
andIdon’tunderstanditnow。IrememberbeingtoldofapoorwretchIonceknew，whohaddiedofhunger。Iwasalmostbesidemyselfwithrage！IbelieveifIcouldhaveresuscitatedhimI
wouldhavedonesoforthesolepurposeofmurderinghim！
\"OccasionallyIwassomuchbetterthatIcouldgoout；butthestreetsusedtoputmeinsucharagethatIwouldlockmyselfupfordaysratherthangoout，evenifIwerewellenoughtodoso！
Icouldnotbeartoseeallthosepreoccupied，anxious-lookingcreaturescontinuouslysurgingalongthestreetspastme！Whyaretheyalwaysanxious？Whatisthemeaningoftheireternalcareandworry？Itistheirwickedness，theirperpetualdetestablemalice——that’swhatitis——theyareallfullofmalice，malice！
\"Whosefaultisitthattheyareallmiserable，thattheydon’tknowhowtolive，thoughtheyhavefiftyorsixtyyearsoflifebeforethem？Whydidthatfoolallowhimselftodieofhungerwithsixtyyearsofunlivedlifebeforehim？
\"Andeveryoneofthemshowshisrags，histoil-wornhands，andyellsinhiswrath:’Herearewe，workinglikecattleallourlives，andalwaysashungryasdogs，andthereareotherswhodonotwork，andarefatandrich！’Theeternalrefrain！Andsidebysidewiththemtrotsalongsomewretchedfellowwhohasknownbetterdays，doinglightporter’sworkfrommorntonightforaliving，alwaysblubberingandsayingthat’hiswifediedbecausehehadnomoneytobuymedicinewith，’andhischildrendyingofcoldandhunger，andhiseldestdaughtergonetothebad，andsoon。Oh！Ihavenopityandnopatienceforthesefoolsofpeople。
Whycan’ttheybeRothschilds？WhosefaultisitthatamanhasnotgotmillionsofmoneylikeRothschild？Ifhehaslife，allthismustbeinhispower！Whosefaultisitthathedoesnotknowhowtolivehislife？
\"Oh！it’sallthesametomenow——NOW！ButatthattimeIwouldsoakmypillowatnightwithtearsofmortification，andtearatmyblanketinmyrageandfury。Oh，howIlongedatthattimetobeturnedout——ME，eighteenyearsold，poor，half-clothed，turnedoutintothestreet，quitealone，withoutlodging，withoutwork，withoutacrustofbread，withoutrelations，withoutasingleacquaintance，insomelargetown——hungry，beaten(ifyoulike)，butingoodhealth——andTHENIwouldshowthem——
\"WhatwouldIshowthem？
\"Oh，don’tthinkthatIhavenosenseofmyownhumiliation！I
havesufferedalreadyinreadingsofar。Whichofyoualldoesnotthinkmeafoolatthismoment——ayoungfoolwhoknowsnothingoflife——forgettingthattoliveasIhavelivedtheselastsixmonthsistolivelongerthangrey-hairedoldmen。Well，letthemlaugh，andsayitisallnonsense，iftheyplease。Theymaysayitisallfairy-tales，iftheylike；andIhavespentwholenightstellingmyselffairy-tales。Irememberthemall。ButhowcanItellfairy-talesnow？Thetimeforthemisover。TheyamusedmewhenIfoundthattherewasnoteventimeformetolearntheGreekgrammar，asIwantedtodo。’IshalldiebeforeI
gettothesyntax，’Ithoughtatthefirstpage——andthrewthebookunderthetable。Itistherestill，forIforbadeanyonetopickitup。
\"Ifthis’Explanation’getsintoanybody’shands，andtheyhavepatiencetoreaditthrough，theymayconsidermeamadman，oraschoolboy，or，morelikely，amancondemnedtodie，whothoughtitonlynaturaltoconcludethatallmen，exceptinghimself，esteemlifefartoolightly，liveitfartoocarelesslyandlazily，andare，therefore，oneandall，unworthyofit。Well，I
affirmthatmyreaderiswrongagain，formyconvictionshavenothingtodowithmysentenceofdeath。Askthem，askanyoneofthem，orallofthem，whattheymeanbyhappiness！Oh，youmaybeperfectlysurethatifColumbuswashappy，itwasnotafterhehaddiscoveredAmerica，butwhenhewasdiscoveringit！YoumaybequitesurethathereachedtheculminatingpointofhishappinessthreedaysbeforehesawtheNewWorldwithhisactualeves，whenhismutinoussailorswantedtotackabout，andreturntoEurope！WhatdidtheNewWorldmatterafterall？Columbushadhardlyseenitwhenhedied，andinrealityhewasentirelyignorantofwhathehaddiscovered。Theimportantthingislife——
lifeandnothingelse！Whatisany’discovery’whatevercomparedwiththeincessant，eternaldiscoveryoflife？
\"Butwhatistheuseoftalking？I’mafraidallthisissocommonplacethatmyconfessionwillbetakenforaschoolboyexercise——theworkofsomeambitiousladwritinginthehopeofhiswork’seeingthelight’；orperhapsmyreaderswillsaythat’Ihadperhapssomethingtosay，butdidnotknowhowtoexpressit。’
\"Letmeaddtothisthatineveryideaemanatingfromgenius，orevenineveryserioushumanidea——borninthehumanbrain——therealwaysremainssomething——somesediment——whichcannotbeexpressedtoothers，thoughonewrotevolumesandlectureduponitforfive-and-thirtyyears。Thereisalwaysasomething，aremnant，whichwillnevercomeoutfromyourbrain，butwillremaintherewithyou，andyoualone，foreverandever，andyouwilldie，perhaps，withouthavingimpartedwhatmaybetheveryessenceofyourideatoasinglelivingsoul。
\"SothatifIcannotnowimpartallthathastormentedmeforthelastsixmonths，atalleventsyouwillunderstandthat，havingreachedmy’lastconvictions，’Imusthavepaidaverydearpriceforthem。ThatiswhatIwished，forreasonsofmyown，tomakeapointofinthismy’Explanation。’
\"Butletmeresume。
VI。
\"IWILLnotdeceiveyou。’Reality’gotmesoentrappedinitsmeshesnowandagainduringthepastsixmonths，thatIforgotmy’sentence’(orperhapsIdidnotwishtothinkofit)，andactuallybusiedmyselfwithaffairs。
\"Awordastomycircumstances。When，eightmonthssince，I
becameveryill，Ithrewupallmyoldconnectionsanddroppedallmyoldcompanions。AsIwasalwaysagloomy，morosesortofindividual，myfriendseasilyforgotme；ofcourse，theywouldhaveforgottenmeallthesame，withoutthatexcuse。Mypositionathomewassolitaryenough。FivemonthsagoIseparatedmyselfentirelyfromthefamily，andnoonedaredentermyroomexceptatstatedtimes，tocleanandtidyit，andsoon，andtobringmemymeals。Mymotherdarednotdisobeyme；shekeptthechildrenquiet，formysake，andbeatthemiftheydaredtomakeanynoiseanddisturbme。IsooftencomplainedofthemthatIshouldthinktheymustbeveryfond，indeed，ofmebythistime。IthinkI
musthavetormented’myfaithfulColia’(asIcalledhim)agooddealtoo。Hetormentedmeoflate；Icouldseethathealwaysboremytempersasthoughhehaddeterminedto’sparethepoorinvalid。’Thisannoyedme，naturally。HeseemedtohavetakenitintohisheadtoimitatetheprinceinChristianmeekness！Surikoff，wholivedaboveus，annoyedme，too。Hewassomiserablypoor，andIusedtoprovetohimthathehadnoonetoblamebuthimselfforhispoverty。IusedtobesoangrythatIthinkIfrightenedhimeventually，forhestoppedcomingtoseeme。Hewasamostmeekandhumblefellow，wasSurikoff。(N。B——
Theysaythatmeeknessisagreatpower。Imustasktheprinceaboutthis，fortheexpressionishis。)ButIrememberonedayinMarch，whenIwentuptohislodgingstoseewhetheritwastruethatoneofhischildrenhadbeenstarvedandfrozentodeath，I
begantoholdforthtohimabouthispovertybeinghisownfault，and，inthecourseofmyremarks，Iaccidentallysmiledatthecorpseofhischild。Well，thepoorwretch’slipsbegantotremble，andhecaughtmebytheshoulder，andpushedmetothedoor。’Goout，’hesaid，inawhisper。Iwentout，ofcourse，andIdeclareILIKEDit。IlikeditattheverymomentwhenIwasturnedout。ButhiswordsfilledmewithastrangesortoffeelingofdisdainfulpityforhimwheneverIthoughtofthem——afeelingwhichIdidnotintheleastdesiretoentertain。Attheverymomentoftheinsult(forIadmitthatIdidinsulthim，thoughIdidnotmeanto)，thismancouldnotlosehistemper。
Hislipshadtrembled，butIswearitwasnotwithrage。Hehadtakenmebythearm，andsaid，’Goout，’withouttheleastanger。
Therewasdignity，agreatdealofdignity，abouthim，anditwassoinconsistentwiththelookofhimthat，Iassureyou，itwasquitecomical。Buttherewasnoanger。Perhapshemerelybegantodespisemeatthatmoment。
\"Sincethattimehehasalwaystakenoffhishattomeonthestairs，wheneverImethim，whichisathingheneverdidbefore；
buthealwaysgetsawayfrommeasquicklyashecan，asthoughhefeltconfused。Ifhediddespiseme，hedespisedme’meekly，’
afterhisownfashion。
\"Idaresayheonlytookhishatoffoutoffear，asitwere，tothesonofhiscreditor；forhealwaysowedmymothermoney。I
thoughtofhavinganexplanationwithhim，butIknewthatifI
did，hewouldbegintoapologizeinaminuteortwo，soIdecidedtolethimalone。
\"Justaboutthattime，thatis，themiddleofMarch，Isuddenlyfeltverymuchbetter；thiscontinuedforacoupleofweeks。I
usedtogooutatdusk。Ilikethedusk，especiallyinMarch，whenthenightfrostbeginstohardentheday’spuddles，andthegasisburning。
\"Well，onenightintheShestilavochnaya，amanpassedmewithapaperparcelunderhisarm。Ididnottakestockofhimverycarefully，butheseemedtobedressedinsomeshabbysummerdust-coat，muchtoolightfortheseason。Whenhewasoppositethelamp-post，sometenyardsaway，Iobservedsomethingfalloutofhispocket。Ihurriedforwardtopickitup，justintime，foranoldwretchinalongkaftanrusheduptoo。Hedidnotdisputethematter，butglancedatwhatwasinmyhandanddisappeared。
\"Itwasalargeold-fashionedpocket-book，stuffedfull；butI
guessed，ataglance，thatithadanythingintheworldinsideit，exceptmoney。
\"Theownerwasnowsomefortyyardsaheadofme，andwasverysoonlostinthecrowd。Iranafterhim，andbegancallingout；
butasIknewnothingtosayexcepting’hey！’hedidnotturnround。Suddenlyheturnedintothegateofahousetotheleft；
andwhenIdartedinafterhim，thegatewaywassodarkthatI
couldseenothingwhatever。Itwasoneofthoselargehousesbuiltinsmalltenements，ofwhichtheremusthavebeenatleastahundred。
\"WhenIenteredtheyardIthoughtIsawamangoingalongonthefarsideofit；butitwassodarkIcouldnotmakeouthisfigure。
\"Icrossedtothatcornerandfoundadirtydarkstaircase。I
heardamanmountingupaboveme，somewayhigherthanIwas，andthinkingIshouldcatchhimbeforehisdoorwouldbeopenedtohim，Irushedafterhim。Iheardadooropenandshutonthefifthstorey，asIpantedalong；thestairswerenarrow，andthestepsinnumerable，butatlastIreachedthedoorIthoughttherightone。SomemomentspassedbeforeIfoundthebellandgotittoring。
\"Anoldpeasantwomanopenedthedoor；shewasbusylightingthe’samovar’inatinykitchen。Shelistenedsilentlytomyquestions，didnotunderstandaword，ofcourse，andopenedanotherdoorleadingintoalittlebitofaroom，lowandscarcelyfurnishedatall，butwithalarge，widebedinit，hungwithcurtains。OnthisbedlayoneTerentich，asthewomancalledhim，drunk，itappearedtome。Onthetablewasanendofcandleinanironcandlestick，andahalf-bottleofvodka，nearlyfinished。Terentichmutteredsomethingtome，andsignedtowardsthenextroom。Theoldwomanhaddisappeared，sotherewasnothingformetodobuttoopenthedoorindicated。Ididso，andenteredthenextroom。
\"Thiswasstillsmallerthantheother，socrampedthatIcouldscarcelyturnround；anarrowsinglebedatonesidetookupnearlyalltheroom。Besidesthebedtherewereonlythreecommonchairs，andawretchedoldkitchen-tablestandingbeforeasmallsofa。Onecouldhardlysqueezethroughbetweenthetableandthebed。
\"Onthetable，asintheotherroom，burnedatallowcandle-endinanironcandlestick；andonthebedtherewhinedababyofscarcelythreeweeksold。Apale-lookingwomanwasdressingthechild，probablythemother；shelookedasthoughshehadnotasyetgotoverthetroubleofchildbirth，sheseemedsoweakandwassocarelesslydressed。Anotherchild，alittlegirlofaboutthreeyearsold，layonthesofa，coveredoverwithwhatlookedlikeaman’solddress-coat。
\"Atthetablestoodamaninhisshirtsleeves；hehadthrownoffhiscoat；itlayuponthebed；andhewasunfoldingabluepaperparcelinwhichwereacoupleofpoundsofbread，andsomelittlesausages。
\"Onthetablealongwiththesethingswereafewoldbitsofblackbread，andsometeainapot。Fromunderthebedthereprotrudedanopenportmanteaufullofbundlesofrags。Inaword，theconfusionanduntidinessoftheroomwereindescribable。
\"Itappearedtome，atthefirstglance，thatboththemanandthewomanwererespectablepeople，butbroughttothatpitchofpovertywhereuntidinessseemstogetthebetterofeveryefforttocopewithit，tillatlasttheytakeasortofbittersatisfactioninit。WhenIenteredtheroom，theman，whohadenteredbutamomentbeforeme，andwasstillunpackinghisparcels，wassayingsomethingtohiswifeinanexcitedmanner。
Thenewswasapparentlybad，asusual，forthewomanbeganwhimpering。Theman’sfaceseemedtometoberefinedandevenpleasant。Hewasdark-complexioned，andabouttwenty-eightyearsofage；heworeblackwhiskers，andhislipandchinwereshaved。
Helookedmorose，butwithasortofprideofexpression。A
curiousscenefollowed。
\"Therearepeoplewhofindsatisfactionintheirowntouchyfeelings，especiallywhentheyhavejusttakenthedeepestoffence；atsuchmomentstheyfeelthattheywouldratherbeoffendedthannot。Theseeasily-ignitednatures，iftheyarewise，arealwaysfullofremorseafterwards，whentheyreflectthattheyhavebeententimesasangryastheyneedhavebeen。
\"Thegentlemanbeforemegazedatmeforsomesecondsinamazement，andhiswifeinterror；asthoughtherewassomethingalarminglyextraordinaryinthefactthatanyonecouldcometoseethem。Butsuddenlyhefelluponmealmostwithfury；Ihadhadnotimetomuttermorethanacoupleofwords；buthehaddoubtlessobservedthatIwasdecentlydressedand，therefore，tookdeepoffencebecauseIhaddaredenterhisdensounceremoniously，andspyoutthesqualoranduntidinessofit。
\"Ofcoursehewasdelightedtogetholdofsomeoneuponwhomtoventhisrageagainstthingsingeneral。
\"ForamomentIthoughthewouldassaultme；hegrewsopalethathelookedlikeawomanabouttohavehysterics；hiswifewasdreadfullyalarmed。
\"’Howdareyoucomeinso？Beoff！’heshouted，tremblingalloverwithrageandscarcelyabletoarticulatethewords。
Suddenly，however，heobservedhispocketbookinmyhand。
\"’Ithinkyoudroppedthis，’Iremarked，asquietlyanddrilyasIcould。(Ithoughtitbesttotreathimso。)Forsomewhilehestoodbeforemeindownrightterror，andseemedunabletounderstand。Hethensuddenlygrabbedathisside-pocket，openedhismouthinalarm，andbeathisforeheadwithhishand。
\"’MyGod！’hecried，’wheredidyoufindit？How？’IexplainedinasfewwordsasIcould，andasdrilyaspossible，howIhadseenitandpickeditup；howIhadrunafterhim，andcalledouttohim，andhowIhadfollowedhimupstairsandgropedmywaytohisdoor。
\"’GraciousHeaven！’hecried，’allourpapersareinit！Mydearsir，youlittleknowwhatyouhavedoneforus。Ishouldhavebeenlost——lost！’
\"Ihadtakenholdofthedoor-handlemeanwhile，intendingtoleavetheroomwithoutreply；butIwaspantingwithmyrunupstairs，andmyexhaustioncametoaclimaxinaviolentfitofcoughing，sobadthatIcouldhardlystand。
\"Isawhowthemandashedabouttheroomtofindmeanemptychair，howhekickedtheragsoffachairwhichwascoveredupbythem，broughtittome，andhelpedmetositdown；butmycoughwentonforanotherthreeminutesorso。WhenIcametomyselfhewassittingbymeonanotherchair，whichhehadalsoclearedoftherubbishbythrowingitalloverthefloor，andwaswatchingmeintently。
\"’I’mafraidyouareill？’heremarked，inthetonewhichdoctorsusewhentheyaddressapatient。’Iammyselfamedicalman’(hedidnotsay’doctor’)，withwhichwordshewavedhishandstowardstheroomanditscontentsasthoughinprotestathispresentcondition。’Iseethatyou——’
\"’I’minconsumption，’Isaidlaconically，risingfrommyseat。
Hejumpedup，too。
\"’Perhapsyouareexaggerating——ifyouweretotakepropermeasuresperhaps——\"
\"Hewasterriblyconfusedanddidnotseemabletocollecthisscatteredsenses；thepocket-bookwasstillinhislefthand。
\"’Oh，don’tmindme，’Isaid。’Dr。B——sawmelastweek’(I
luggedhiminagain)，’andmyhashisquitesettled；pardonme-’
Itookholdofthedoor-handleagain。Iwasonthepointofopeningthedoorandleavingmygratefulbutconfusedmedicalfriendtohimselfandhisshame，whenmydamnablecoughgotholdofmeagain。
\"Mydoctorinsistedonmysittingdownagaintogetmybreath。Henowsaidsomethingtohiswifewho，withoutleavingherplace，addressedafewwordsofgratitudeandcourtesytome。Sheseemedveryshyoverit，andhersicklyfaceflushedupwithconfusion。
Iremained，butwiththeairofamanwhoknowsheisintrudingandisanxioustogetaway。Thedoctor’sremorseatlastseemedtoneedavent，Icouldsee。
\"’IfI——’hebegan，breakingoffabruptlyeveryothermoment，andstartinganothersentence。’I-Iamsoverygratefultoyou，andI
amsomuchtoblameinyoureyes，Ifeelsure，I——yousee——’(hepointedtotheroomagain)’atthismomentIaminsuchaposition-’
\"’Oh！’Isaid，’there’snothingtosee；it’squiteaclearcase——
you’velostyourpostandhavecomeuptomakeexplanationsandgetanother，ifyoucan！’
\"’Howdoyouknowthat？’heaskedinamazement。
\"’Oh，itwasevidentatthefirstglance，’Isaidironically，butnotintentionallyso。’Therearelotsofpeoplewhocomeupfromtheprovincesfullofhope，andrunabouttown，andhavetoliveasbesttheycan。’
\"Hebegantotalkatonceexcitedlyandwithtremblinglips；hebegancomplainingandtellingmehisstory。Heinterestedme，I
confess；Isattherenearlyanhour。Hisstorywasaveryordinaryone。Hehadbeenaprovincialdoctor；hehadacivilappointment，andhadnosoonertakenitupthanintriguesbegan。
Evenhiswifewasdraggedintothese。Hewasproud，andflewintoapassion；therewasachangeoflocalgovernmentwhichactedinfavourofhisopponents；hispositionwasundermined，complaintsweremadeagainsthim；helosthispostandcameuptoPetersburgwithhislastremainingmoney，inordertoappealtohigherauthorities。Ofcoursenobodywouldlistentohimforalongtime；hewouldcomeandtellhisstoryonedayandberefusedpromptly；anotherdayhewouldbefedonfalsepromises；againhewouldbetreatedharshly；thenhewouldbetoldtosignsomedocuments；thenhewouldsignthepaperandhanditin，andtheywouldrefusetoreceiveit，andtellhimtofileaformalpetition。Inawordhehadbeendrivenaboutfromofficetoofficeforfivemonthsandhadspenteveryfarthinghehad；hiswife’slastragshadjustbeenpawned；andmeanwhileachildhadbeenborntothemand——andtodayIhaveafinalrefusaltomypetition，andIhavehardlyacrumbofbreadleft——Ihavenothingleft；mywifehashadababylately——andI-I——’
\"Hesprangupfromhischairandturnedaway。Hiswifewascryinginthecorner；thechildhadbeguntomoanagain。Ipulledoutmynote-bookandbeganwritinginit。WhenIhadfinishedandrosefrommychairhewasstandingbeforemewithanexpressionofalarmedcuriosity。
\"’Ihavejotteddownyourname，’Itoldhim，’andalltherestofit——theplaceyouservedat，thedistrict，thedate，andall。I
haveafriend，Bachmatoff，whoseuncleisacouncillorofstateandhastodowiththesematters，onePeterMatveyevitchBachmatoff。’
\"’PeterMatveyevitchBachmatoff！’hecried，tremblingalloverwithexcitement。’Why，nearlyeverythingdependsonthatveryman！’
\"Itisverycurious，thisstoryofthemedicalman，andmyvisit，andthehappyterminationtowhichIcontributedbyaccident！
Everythingfittedin，asinanovel。Itoldthepoorpeoplenottoputmuchhopeinme，becauseIwasbutapoorschoolboymyself——
(Iamnotreally，butIhumiliatedmyselfasmuchaspossibleinordertomakethemlesshopeful)——butthatIwouldgoatoncetotheVassiliOstroffandseemyfriend；andthatasIknewforcertainthathisuncleadoredhim，andwasabsolutelydevotedtohimasthelasthopeandbranchofthefamily，perhapstheoldmanmightdosomethingtoobligehisnephew。
\"’Ifonlytheywouldallowmetoexplainalltohisexcellency！
IfIcouldbutbepermittedtotellmytaletohim！\"hecried，tremblingwithfeverishagitation，andhiseyesflashingwithexcitement。IrepeatedoncemorethatIcouldnotholdoutmuchhope——thatitwouldprobablyendinsmoke，andifIdidnotturnupnextmorningtheymustmakeuptheirmindsthattherewasnomoretobedoneinthematter。
\"Theyshowedmeoutwithbowsandeverykindofrespect；theyseemedquitebesidethemselves。Ishallneverforgettheexpressionoftheirfaces！
\"ItookadroshkyanddroveovertotheVassiliOstroffatonce。
ForsomeyearsIhadbeenatenmitywiththisyoungBachmatoff，atschool。Weconsideredhimanaristocrat；atalleventsI
calledhimone。Heusedtodresssmartly，andalwaysdrovetoschoolinaprivatetrap。Hewasagoodcompanion，andwasalwaysmerryandjolly，sometimesevenwitty，thoughhewasnotveryintellectual，inspiteofthefactthathewasalwaystopoftheclass；Imyselfwasnevertopinanything！Allhiscompanionswereveryfondofhim，exceptingmyself。Hehadseveraltimesduringthoseyearscomeuptomeandtriedtomakefriends；butI
hadalwaysturnedsulkilyawayandrefusedtohaveanythingtodowithhim。Ihadnotseenhimforawholeyearnow；hewasattheuniversity。When，atnineo’clock，orso，thisevening，Iarrivedandwasshownuptohimwithgreatceremony，hefirstreceivedmewithastonishment，andnottooaffably，buthesooncheeredup，andsuddenlygazedintentlyatmeandburstoutlaughing。
\"’Why，whatonearthcanhavepossessedyoutocomeandseeME，Terentieff？’hecried，withhisusualpleasant，sometimesaudacious，butneveroffensivefamiliarity，whichIlikedinreality，butforwhichIalsodetestedhim。’Whywhat’sthematter？’hecriedinalarm。’Areyouill？’
\"Thatconfoundedcoughofminehadcomeonagain；Ifellintoachair，andwithdifficultyrecoveredmybreath。’It’sallright，it’sonlyconsumption’Isaid。’Ihavecometoyouwithapetition！’
\"Hesatdowninamazement，andIlostnotimeintellinghimthemedicalman’shistory；andexplainedthathe，withtheinfluencewhichhepossessedoverhisuncle，mightdosomegoodtothepoorfellow。
\"’I’lldoit——I’lldoit，ofcourse！’hesaid。’Ishallattackmyuncleaboutittomorrowmorning，andI’mverygladyoutoldmethestory。Buthowwasitthatyouthoughtofcomingtomeaboutit，Terentieff？’
\"’Somuchdependsuponyouruncle，’Isaid。’Andbesideswehavealwaysbeenenemies，Bachmatoff；andasyouareageneroussortoffellow，IthoughtyouwouldnotrefusemyrequestbecauseI
wasyourenemy！’Iaddedwithirony。
\"’LikeNapoleongoingtoEngland，eh？’criedhe，laughing。’I’lldoitthough——ofcourse，andatonce，ifIcan！’headded，seeingthatIroseseriouslyfrommychairatthispoint。
\"Andsureenoughthematterendedassatisfactorilyaspossible。
Amonthorsolatermymedicalfriendwasappointedtoanotherpost。Hegothistravellingexpensespaid，andsomethingtohelphimtostartlifewithoncemore。IthinkBachmatoffmusthavepersuadedthedoctortoacceptaloanfromhimself。IsawBachmatofftwoorthreetimes，aboutthisperiod，thethirdtimebeingwhenhegaveafarewelldinnertothedoctorandhiswifebeforetheirdeparture，achampagnedinner。
\"BachmatoffsawmehomeafterthedinnerandwecrossedtheNicolaibridge。Wewerebothalittledrunk。Hetoldmeofhisjoy，thejoyfulfeelingofhavingdoneagoodaction；hesaidthatitwasallthankstomyselfthathecouldfeelthissatisfaction；andheldforthaboutthefoolishnessofthetheorythatindividualcharityisuseless\"I，too，wasburningtohavemysay！
\"’InMoscow，’Isaid，’therewasanoldstatecounsellor，acivilgeneral，who，allhislife，hadbeeninthehabitofvisitingtheprisonsandspeakingtocriminals。EverypartyofconvictsonitswaytoSiberiaknewbeforehandthatontheVorobeefHillsthe\"oldgeneral\"wouldpaythemavisit。Hedidallheundertookseriouslyanddevotedly。Hewouldwalkdowntherowsoftheunfortunateprisoners，stopbeforeeachindividualandaskafterhisneeds——heneversermonizedthem；hespokekindlytothem——hegavethemmoney；hebroughtthemallsortsofnecessariesforthejourney，andgavethemdevotionalbooks，choosingthosewhocouldread，underthefirmconvictionthattheywouldreadtothosewhocouldnot，astheywentalong。
\"’Hescarcelyevertalkedabouttheparticularcrimesofanyofthem，butlistenedifanyvolunteeredinformationonthatpoint。
Alltheconvictswereequalforhim，andhemadenodistinction。
Hespoketoallastobrothers，andeveryoneofthemlookeduponhimasafather。Whenheobservedamongtheexilessomepoorwomanwithachild，hewouldalwayscomeforwardandfondlethelittleone，andmakeitlaugh。Hecontinuedtheseactsofmercyuptohisverydeath；andbythattimeallthecriminals，alloverRussiaandSiberia，knewhim！
\"’AmanIknewwhohadbeentoSiberiaandreturned，toldmethathehimselfhadbeenawitnessofhowtheverymosthardenedcriminalsrememberedtheoldgeneral，though，inpointoffact，hecouldnever，ofcourse，havedistributedmorethanafewpencetoeachmemberofaparty。Theirrecollectionofhimwasnotsentimentalorparticularlydevoted。Somewretch，forinstance，whohadbeenamurderer——cuttingthethroatofadozenfellow-
creatures，forinstance；orstabbingsixlittlechildrenforhisownamusement(therehavebeensuchmen！)——wouldperhaps，withoutrhymeorreason，suddenlygiveasighandsay，\"Iwonderwhetherthatoldgeneralisalivestill！\"Althoughperhapshehadnotthoughtofmentioninghimforadozenyearsbefore！Howcanonesaywhatseedofgoodmayhavebeendroppedintohissoul，nevertodie？’
\"Icontinuedinthatstrainforalongwhile，pointingouttoBachmatoffhowimpossibleitistofollowuptheeffectsofanyisolatedgooddeedonemaydo，inallitsinfluencesandsubtleworkingsupontheheartandafter-actionsofothers。
\"’Andtothinkthatyouaretobecutofffromlife！’remarkedBachmatoff，inatoneofreproach，asthoughhewouldliketofindsomeonetopitchintoonmyaccount。
\"Wewereleaningoverthebalustradeofthebridge，lookingintotheNevaatthismoment。
\"’Doyouknowwhathassuddenlycomeintomyhead？’saidI，suddenly——leaningfurtherandfurtherovertherail。
\"’Surelynottothrowyourselfintotheriver？’criedBachmatoffinalarm。Perhapshereadmythoughtinmyface。
\"’No，notyet。Atpresentnothingbutthefollowingconsideration。YouseeIhavesometwoorthreemonthsleftmetolive——perhapsfour；well，supposingthatwhenIhavebutamonthortwomore，Itakeafancyforsome\"gooddeed\"thatneedsbothtroubleandtime，likethisbusinessofourdoctorfriend，forinstance:why，Ishallhavetogiveuptheideaofitandtaketosomethingelse——someLITTLEgooddeed，MOREWITHINMYMEANS，eh？
Isn’tthatanamusingidea！’
\"PoorBachmatoffwasmuchimpressed——painfullyso。Hetookmeallthewayhome；notattemptingtoconsoleme，butbehavingwiththegreatestdelicacy。Ontakingleavehepressedmyhandwarmlyandaskedpermissiontocomeandseeme。Irepliedthatifhecametomeasa’comforter，’sotospeak(forhewouldbeinthatcapacitywhetherhespoketomeinasoothingmanneroronlykeptsilence，asIpointedouttohim)，hewouldbutremindmeeachtimeofmyapproachingdeath！Heshruggedhisshoulders，butquiteagreedwithme；andwepartedbetterfriendsthanIhadexpected。
\"Butthateveningandthatnightweresownthefirstseedsofmy’lastconviction。’Iseizedgreedilyonmynewidea；Ithirstilydrankinallitsdifferentaspects(Ididnotsleepawinkthatnight！)，andthedeeperIwentintoitthemoremybeingseemedtomergeitselfinit，andthemorealarmedIbecame。Adreadfulterrorcameovermeatlast，anddidnotleavemeallnextday。
\"Sometimes，thinkingoverthis，Ibecamequitenumbwiththeterrorofit；andImightwellhavededucedfromthisfact，thatmy’lastconviction’waseatingintomybeingtoofastandtooseriously，andwouldundoubtedlycometoitsclimaxbeforelong。
AndfortheclimaxIneededgreaterdeterminationthanIyetpossessed。
\"However，withinthreeweeksmydeterminationwastaken，owingtoaverystrangecircumstance。
\"Hereonmypaper，Imakeanoteofallthefiguresanddatesthatcomeintomyexplanation。Ofcourse，itisallthesametome，butjustnow——andperhapsonlyatthismoment——Idesirethatallthosewhoaretojudgeofmyactionshouldseeclearlyoutofhowlogicalasequenceofdeductionshasatlengthproceededmy’lastconviction。’
\"Ihavesaidabovethatthedeterminationneededbymefortheaccomplishmentofmyfinalresolve，cametohandnotthroughanysequenceofcauses，butthankstoacertainstrangecircumstancewhichhadperhapsnoconnectionwhateverwiththematteratissue。TendaysagoRogojincalleduponmeaboutcertainbusinessofhisownwithwhichIhavenothingtodoatpresent。IhadneverseenRogojinbefore，buthadoftenheardabouthim。
\"Igavehimalltheinformationheneeded，andheverysoontookhisdeparture；sothat，sinceheonlycameforthepurposeofgainingtheinformation，themattermighthavebeenexpectedtoendthere。
\"Butheinterestedmetoomuch，andallthatdayIwasundertheinfluenceofstrangethoughtsconnectedwithhim，andI
determinedtoreturnhisvisitthenextday。
\"Rogojinwasevidentlybynomeanspleasedtoseeme，andhinted，delicately，thathesawnoreasonwhyouracquaintanceshouldcontinue。Forallthat，however，Ispentaveryinterestinghour，andso，Idaresay，didhe。TherewassogreatacontrastbetweenusthatIamsurewemustbothhavefeltit；anyhow，Ifeltitacutely。HerewasI，withmydaysnumbered，andhe，amaninthefullvigouroflife，livinginthepresent，withouttheslightestthoughtfor’finalconvictions，’ornumbers，ordays，or，infact，foranythingbutthatwhich-which——well，whichhewasmadabout，ifhewillexcusemetheexpression——asafeebleauthorwhocannotexpresshisideasproperly。
\"Inspiteofhislackofamiability，Icouldnothelpseeing，inRogojinamanofintellectandsense；andalthough，perhaps，therewaslittleintheoutsideworldwhichwasof。interesttohim，stillhewasclearlyamanwitheyestosee。
\"Ihintednothingtohimaboutmy’finalconviction，’butitappearedtomethathehadguesseditfrommywords。Heremainedsilent——heisaterriblysilentman。Iremarkedtohim，asIrosetodepart，that，inspiteofthecontrastandthewidedifferencesbetweenustwo，lesextremitessetouchent(’extremesmeet，’asIexplainedtohiminRussian)；sothatmaybehewasnotsofarfrommyfinalconvictionasappeared。
\"Hisonlyreplytothiswasasourgrimace。Heroseandlookedformycap，andplaceditinmyhand，andledmeoutofthehouse——thatdreadfulgloomyhouseofhis——toallappearances，ofcourse，asthoughIwereleavingofmyownaccord，andheweresimplyseeingmetothedooroutofpoliteness。Hishouseimpressedmemuch；itislikeaburial-ground，heseemstolikeit，whichis，however，quitenatural。Suchafulllifeasheleadsissooverflowingwithabsorbingintereststhathehaslittleneedofassistancefromhissurroundings。
\"ThevisittoRogojinexhaustedmeterribly。Besides，Ihadfeltillsincethemorning；andbyeveningIwassoweakthatItooktomybed，andwasinhighfeveratintervals，andevendelirious。Coliasatwithmeuntileleveno’clock。
\"YetIrememberallhetalkedabout，andeverywordwesaid，thoughwhenevermyeyesclosedforamomentIcouldpicturenothingbuttheimageofSurikoffjustintheactoffindingamillionroubles。Hecouldnotmakeuphismindwhattodowiththemoney，andtorehishairoverit。Hetrembledwithfearthatsomebodywouldrobhim，andatlasthedecidedtoburyitintheground。Ipersuadedhimthat，insteadofputtingitallawayuselesslyunderground，hehadbettermeltitdownandmakeagoldencoffinoutofitforhisstarvedchild，andthendigupthelittleoneandputherintothegoldencoffin。Surikoffacceptedthissuggestion，Ithought，withtearsofgratitude，andimmediatelycommencedtocarryoutmydesign。
\"IthoughtIspatonthegroundandlefthimindisgust。Coliatoldme，whenIquiterecoveredmysenses，thatIhadnotbeenasleepforamoment，butthatIhadspokentohimaboutSurikoffthewholewhile。
\"AtmomentsIwasinastateofdreadfulweaknessandmisery，sothatColiawasgreatlydisturbedwhenheleftme。
\"WhenIarosetolockthedoorafterhim，IsuddenlycalledtomindapictureIhadnoticedatRogojin’sinoneofhisgloomiestrooms，overthedoor。Hehadpointeditouttomehimselfaswewalkedpastit，andIbelieveImusthavestoodagoodfiveminutesinfrontofit。Therewasnothingartisticaboutit，butthepicturemademefeelstrangelyuncomfortable。ItrepresentedChristjusttakendownfromthecross。ItseemstomethatpaintersasarulerepresenttheSaviour，bothonthecrossandtakendownfromit，withgreatbeautystilluponHisface。ThismarvellousbeautytheystrivetopreserveeveninHismomentsofdeepestagonyandpassion。ButtherewasnosuchbeautyinRogojin’spicture。Thiswasthepresentmentofapoormangledbodywhichhadevidentlysufferedunbearableanguishevenbeforeitscrucifixion，fullofwoundsandbruises，marksoftheviolenceofsoldiersandpeople，andofthebitternessofthemomentwhenHehadfallenwiththecross——allthiscombinedwiththeanguishoftheactualcrucifixion。
\"Thefacewasdepictedasthoughstillsuffering；asthoughthebody，onlyjustdead，wasstillalmostquiveringwithagony。Thepicturewasoneofpurenature，forthefacewasnotbeautifiedbytheartist，butwasleftasitwouldnaturallybe，whosoeverthesufferer，aftersuchanguish。
\"IknowthattheearliestChristianfaithtaughtthattheSavioursufferedactuallyandnotfiguratively，andthatnaturewasallowedherownwayevenwhileHisbodywasonthecross。
\"ItisstrangetolookonthisdreadfulpictureofthemangledcorpseoftheSaviour，andtoputthisquestiontooneself:
’Supposingthatthedisciples，thefutureapostles，thewomenwhohadfollowedHimandstoodbythecross，allofwhombelievedinandworshippedHim——supposingthattheysawthistorturedbody，thisfacesomangledandbleedingandbruised(andtheyMUSThavesoseenit)——howcouldtheyhavegazeduponthedreadfulsightandyethavebelievedthatHewouldriseagain？’
\"Thethoughtstepsin，whetheronelikesitorno，thatdeathissoterribleandsopowerful，thatevenHewhoconquereditinHismiraclesduringlifewasunabletotriumphoveritatthelast。
HewhocalledtoLazarus，’Lazarus，comeforth！’andthedeadmanlived——HewasnowHimselfapreytonatureanddeath。Natureappearstoone，lookingatthispicture，assomehuge，implacable，dumbmonster；orstillbetter——astrangersimile——someenormousmechanicalengineofmoderndayswhichhasseizedandcrushedandswallowedupagreatandinvaluableBeing，aBeingworthnatureandallherlaws，worththewholeearth，whichwasperhapscreatedmerelyforthesakeoftheadventofthatBeing。
\"Thisblind，dumb，implacable，eternal，unreasoningforceiswellshowninthepicture，andtheabsolutesubordinationofallmenandthingstoitissowellexpressedthattheideaunconsciouslyarisesinthemindofanyonewholooksatit。Allthosefaithfulpeoplewhoweregazingatthecrossanditsmutilatedoccupantmusthavesufferedagonyofmindthatevening；fortheymusthavefeltthatalltheirhopesandalmostalltheirfaithhadbeenshatteredatablow。Theymusthaveseparatedinterroranddreadthatnight，thougheachperhapscarriedawaywithhimonegreatthoughtwhichwasnevereradicatedfromhismindforeverafterwards。IfthisgreatTeacheroftheirscouldhaveseenHimselfaftertheCrucifixion，howcouldHehaveconsentedtomounttheCrossandtodieasHedid？Thisthoughtalsocomesintothemindofthemanwhogazesatthispicture。Ithoughtofallthisbysnatchesprobablybetweenmyattacksofdelirium——foranhourandahalforsobeforeColia’sdeparture。
\"Cantherebeanappearanceofthatwhichhasnoform？Andyetitseemedtome，atcertainmoments，thatIbeheldinsomestrangeandimpossibleform，thatdark，dumb，irresistiblypowerful，eternalforce。
\"Ithoughtsomeoneledmebythehandandshowedme，bythelightofacandle，ahuge，loathsomeinsect，whichheassuredmewasthatveryforce，thatveryalmighty，dumb，irresistiblePower，andlaughedattheindignationwithwhichIreceivedthisinformation。Inmyroomtheyalwayslightthelittlelampbeforemyiconforthenight；itgivesafeebleflickeroflight，butitisstrongenoughtoseebydimly，andifyousitjustunderityoucanevenreadbyit。Ithinkitwasabouttwelveoralittlepastthatnight。Ihadnotsleptawink，andwaslyingwithmyeyeswideopen，whensuddenlythedooropened，andincameRogojin。
\"Heentered，andshutthedoorbehindhim。Thenhesilentlygazedatmeandwentquicklytothecorneroftheroomwherethelampwasburningandsatdownunderneathit。
\"Iwasmuchsurprised，andlookedathimexpectantly。
\"Rogojinonlyleanedhiselbowonthetableandsilentlystaredatme。Sopassedtwoorthreeminutes，andIrecollectthathissilencehurtandoffendedmeverymuch。Whydidhenotspeak？
\"Thathisarrivalatthistimeofnightstruckmeasmoreorlessstrangemaypossiblybethecase；butIrememberIwasbynomeansamazedatit。Onthecontrary，thoughIhadnotactuallytoldhimmythoughtinthemorning，yetIknowheunderstoodit；
andthisthoughtwasofsuchacharacterthatitwouldnotbeanythingveryremarkable，ifoneweretocomeforfurthertalkaboutitatanyhourofnight，howeverlate。
\"Ithoughthemusthavecomeforthispurpose。
\"Inthemorningwehadpartednotthebestoffriends；Irememberhelookedatmewithdisagreeablesarcasmonceortwice；andthissamelookIobservedinhiseyesnow——whichwasthecauseoftheannoyanceIfelt。
\"IdidnotforamomentsuspectthatIwasdeliriousandthatthisRogojinwasbuttheresultoffeverandexcitement。Ihadnottheslightestideaofsuchatheoryatfirst。
\"Meanwhilehecontinuedtositandstarejeeringlyatme。
\"IangrilyturnedroundinbedandmadeupmymindthatIwouldnotsayawordunlesshedid；soIrestedsilentlyonmypillowdeterminedtoremaindumb，ifitweretolasttillmorning。I
feltresolvedthatheshouldspeakfirst。Probablytwentyminutesorsopassedinthisway。Suddenlytheideastruckme——whatifthisisanapparitionandnotRogojinhimself？
\"NeitherduringmyillnessnoratanyprevioustimehadIeverseenanapparition；——butIhadalwaysthought，bothwhenIwasalittleboy，andevennow，thatifIweretoseeoneIshoulddieonthespot——thoughIdon’tbelieveinghosts。AndyetNOW，whentheideastruckmethatthiswasaghostandnotRogojinatall，Iwasnotintheleastalarmed。Nay——thethoughtactuallyirritatedme。Strangelyenough，thedecisionofthequestionastowhetherthiswereaghostorRogojindidnot，forsomereasonorother，interestmenearlysomuchasitoughttohavedone；——I
thinkIbegantomuseaboutsomethingaltogetherdifferent。Forinstance，IbegantowonderwhyRogojin，whohadbeenindressing——gownandslipperswhenIsawhimathome，hadnowputonadress-coatandwhitewaistcoatandtie？Ialsothoughttomyself，Iremember——’ifthisisaghost，andIamnotafraidofit，whydon’tIapproachitandverifymysuspicions？PerhapsI
amafraid——’Andnosoonerdidthislastideaentermyheadthananicyblastblewoverme；Ifeltachilldownmybackboneandmykneesshook。
\"Atthisverymoment，asthoughdiviningmythoughts，Rogojinraisedhisheadfromhisarmandbegantoparthislipsasthoughheweregoingtolaugh——buthecontinuedtostareatmeaspersistentlyasbefore。
\"IfeltsofuriouswithhimatthismomentthatIlongedtorushathim；butasIhadswornthatheshouldspeakfirst，I
continuedtoliestill——andthemorewillingly，asIwasstillbynomeanssatisfiedastowhetheritreallywasRogojinornot。
\"Icannotrememberhowlongthislasted；Icannotrecollect，either，whetherconsciousnessforsookmeatintervals，ornot。
ButatlastRogojinrose，staringatmeasintentlyasever，butnotsmilinganylonger，——andwalkingverysoftly，almostontip-
toes，tothedoor，heopenedit，wentout，andshutitbehindhim。
\"Ididnotrisefrommybed，andIdon’tknowhowlongIlaywithmyeyesopen，thinking。Idon’tknowwhatIthoughtabout，norhowIfellasleeporbecameinsensible；butIawokenextmorningafternineo’clockwhentheyknockedatmydoor。MygeneralordersarethatifIdon’topenthedoorandcall，bynineo’clock，Matreonaistocomeandbringmytea。WhenInowopenedthedoortoher，thethoughtsuddenlystruckme——howcouldhehavecomein，sincethedoorwaslocked？ImadeinquiriesandfoundthatRogojinhimselfcouldnotpossiblyhavecomein，becauseallourdoorswerelockedforthenight。
\"Well，thisstrangecircumstance——whichIhavedescribedwithsomuchdetail——wastheultimatecausewhichledmetotakingmyfinaldetermination。Sothatnologic，orlogicaldeductions，hadanythingtodowithmyresolve；——itwassimplyamatterofdisgust。
\"Itwasimpossibleformetogoonlivingwhenlifewasfullofsuchdetestable，strange，tormentingforms。Thisghosthadhumiliatedme；——norcouldIbeartobesubordinatetothatdark，horribleforcewhichwasembodiedintheformoftheloathsomeinsect。Itwasonlytowardsevening，whenIhadquitemadeupmymindonthispoint，thatIbegantofeeleasier。
VII。
\"IHADasmallpocketpistol。Ihadprocureditwhilestillaboy，atthatdrollagewhenthestoriesofduelsandhighwaymenbegintodelightone，andwhenoneimaginesoneselfnoblystandingfireatsomefutureday，inaduel。
\"Therewereacoupleofoldbulletsinthebagwhichcontainedthepistol，andpowderenoughinanoldflaskfortwoorthreecharges。
\"Thepistolwasawretchedthing，verycrookedandwouldn’tcarryfartherthanfifteenpacesatthemost。However，itwouldsendyourskullflyingwellenoughifyoupressedthemuzzleofitagainstyourtemple。
\"IdeterminedtodieatPavlofskatsunrise，inthepark——soastomakenocommotioninthehouse。
\"This’explanation’willmakethematterclearenoughtothepolice。Studentsofpsychology，andanyoneelsewholikes，maymakewhattheypleaseofit。Ishouldnotlikethispaper，however，tobemadepublic。Irequesttheprincetokeepacopyhimself，andtogiveacopytoAglayaIvanovnaEpanchin。Thisismylastwillandtestament。Asformyskeleton，IbequeathittotheMedicalAcademyforthebenefitofscience。
\"Irecognizenojurisdictionovermyself，andIknowthatIamnowbeyondthepoweroflawsandjudges。
\"Alittlewhileagoaveryamusingideastruckme。WhatifIwerenowtocommitsometerriblecrime——murdertenfellow-creatures，forinstance，oranythingelsethatisthoughtmostshockinganddreadfulinthisworld——whatadilemmamyjudgeswouldbein，withacriminalwhoonlyhasafortnighttoliveinanycase，nowthattherackandotherformsoftortureareabolished！Why，I
shoulddiecomfortablyintheirownhospital——inawarm，cleanroom，withanattentivedoctor——probablymuchmorecomfortablythanIshouldathome。
\"Idon’tunderstandwhypeopleinmypositiondonotoftenerindulgeinsuchideas——ifonlyforajoke！Perhapstheydo！Whoknows！Thereareplentyofmerrysoulsamongus！
\"ButthoughIdonotrecognizeanyjurisdictionovermyself，stillIknowthatIshallbejudged，whenIamnothingbutavoicelesslumpofclay；thereforeIdonotwishtogobeforeI
haveleftawordofreply——thereplyofafreeman——notoneforcedtojustifyhimself——ohno！Ihavenoneedtoaskforgivenessofanyone。IwishtosayawordmerelybecauseI
happentodesireitofmyownfreewill。
\"Here，inthefirstplace，comesastrangethought！
\"Who，inthenameofwhatLaw，wouldthinkofdisputingmyfullpersonalrightoverthefortnightoflifelefttome？Whatjurisdictioncanbebroughttobearuponthecase？Whowouldwishme，notonlytobesentenced，buttoendurethesentencetotheend？Surelythereexistsnomanwhowouldwishsuchathing——whyshouldanyonedesireit？Forthesakeofmorality？Well，IcanunderstandthatifIweretomakeanattemptuponmyownlifewhileintheenjoymentoffullhealthandvigour——mylifewhichmighthavebeen’useful，’etc。，etc——moralitymightreproachme，accordingtotheoldroutine，fordisposingofmylifewithoutpermission——orwhateveritstenetmaybe。Butnow，NOW，whenmysentenceisoutandmydaysnumbered！Howcanmoralityhaveneedofmylastbreaths，andwhyshouldIdielisteningtotheconsolationsofferedbytheprince，who，withoutdoubt，wouldnotomittodemonstratethatdeathisactuallyabenefactortome？
(Christianslikehimalwaysendupwiththat——itistheirpettheory。)Andwhatdotheywantwiththeirridiculous’Pavlofsktrees’？Tosweetenmylasthours？CannottheyunderstandthatthemoreIforgetmyself，themoreIletmyselfbecomeattachedtotheselastillusionsoflifeandlove，bymeansofwhichtheytrytohidefrommeMeyer’swall，andallthatissoplainlywrittenonit——themoreunhappytheymakeme？Whatistheuseofallyournaturetome——allyourparksandtrees，yoursunsetsandsunrises，yourblueskiesandyourself-satisfiedfaces——whenallthiswealthofbeautyandhappinessbeginswiththefactthatitaccountsme——onlyme——onetoomany！Whatisthegoodofallthisbeautyandglorytome，wheneverysecond，everymoment，Icannotbutbeawarethatthislittleflywhichbuzzesaroundmyheadinthesun’srays——eventhislittleflyisasharerandparticipatorinallthegloryoftheuniverse，andknowsitsplaceandishappyinit；——whileI——onlyI，amanoutcast，andhavebeenblindtothefacthitherto，thankstomysimplicity！Oh！Iknowwellhowtheprinceandotherswouldlikeme，insteadofindulginginallthesewickedwordsofmyown，tosing，tothegloryandtriumphofmorality，thatwell-knownverseofGilbert’s:
\"’0，puissentvoirlongtempsvotrebeautesacreeTantd’amis，sourdsamesadieux！
Qu’ilsmeurentpleinsdejours，queleurmortsoitpleuree，Qu’unamileurfermelesyeux！’
\"Butbelieveme，believeme，mysimple-heartedfriends，thatinthishighlymoralverse，inthisacademicalblessingtotheworldingeneralintheFrenchlanguage，ishiddentheintensestgallandbitterness；butsowellconcealedisthevenom，thatIdaresaythepoetactuallypersuadedhimselfthathiswordswerefullofthetearsofpardonandpeace，insteadofthebitternessofdisappointmentandmalice，andsodiedinthedelusion。
\"Doyouknowthereisalimitofignominy，beyondwhichman’sconsciousnessofshamecannotgo，andafterwhichbeginssatisfactioninshame？Well，ofcoursehumilityisagreatforceinthatsense，Iadmitthat——thoughnotinthesenseinwhichreligionaccountshumilitytobestrength！
\"Religion！——Iadmiteternallife——andperhapsIalwaysdidadmitit。
\"AdmittedthatconsciousnessiscalledintoexistencebythewillofaHigherPower；admittedthatthisconsciousnesslooksoutupontheworldandsays’Iam；’andadmittedthattheHigherPowerwillsthattheconsciousnesssocalledintoexistence，besuddenlyextinguished(forso——forsomeunexplainedreason——itisandmustbe)——stilltherecomestheeternalquestion——whymustI
behumblethroughallthis？IsitnotenoughthatIamdevoured，withoutmybeingexpectedtoblessthepowerthatdevoursme？
Surely——surelyIneednotsupposethatSomebody——there——willbeoffendedbecauseIdonotwishtoliveoutthefortnightallowedme？Idon’tbelieveit。
\"Itismuchsimpler，andfarmorelikely，tobelievethatmydeathisneeded——thedeathofaninsignificantatom——inordertofulfilthegeneralharmonyoftheuniverse——inordertomakeevensomeplusorminusinthesumofexistence。Justaseverydaythedeathofnumbersofbeingsisnecessarybecausewithouttheirannihilationtherestcannotliveon——(althoughwemustadmitthattheideaisnotaparticularlygrandoneinitself！)
\"However——admitthefact！Admitthatwithoutsuchperpetualdevouringofoneanothertheworldcannotcontinuetoexist，orcouldneverhavebeenorganized——IameverreadytoconfessthatIcannotunderstandwhythisisso——butI’lltellyouwhatIDO
know，forcertain。IfIhaveoncebeengiventounderstandandrealizethatIAM——whatdoesitmattertomethattheworldisorganizedonasystemfulloferrorsandthatotherwiseitcannotbeorganizedatall？Whowillorcanjudgemeafterthis？Saywhatyoulike——thethingisimpossibleandunjust！
\"AndmeanwhileIhaveneverbeenable，inspiteofmygreatdesiretodoso，topersuademyselfthatthereisnofutureexistence，andnoProvidence。
\"ThefactofthematteristhatallthisDOESexist，butthatweknowabsolutelynothingaboutthefuturelifeanditslaws！
\"Butitissodifficult，andevenimpossibletounderstand，thatsurelyIamnottobeblamedbecauseIcouldnotfathomtheincomprehensible？
\"OfcourseIknowtheysaythatonemustbeobedient，andofcourse，too，theprinceisoneofthosewhosayso:thatonemustbeobedientwithoutquestions，outofpuregoodnessofheart，andthatformyworthyconductinthismatterIshallmeetwithrewardinanotherworld。WedegradeGodwhenweattributeourownideastoHim，outofannoyancethatwecannotfathomHisways。
\"Again，Irepeat，IcannotbeblamedbecauseIamunabletounderstandthatwhichitisnotgiventomankindtofathom。WhyamItobejudgedbecauseIcouldnotcomprehendtheWillandLawsofProvidence？No，wehadbetterdropreligion。
\"Andenoughofthis。BythetimeIhavegotsofarinthereadingofmydocumentthesunwillbeupandthehugeforceofhisrayswillbeactinguponthelivingworld。Sobeit。IshalldiegazingstraightatthegreatFountainoflifeandpower；Idonotwantthislife！
\"IfIhadhadthepowertopreventmyownbirthIshouldcertainlyneverhaveconsentedtoacceptexistenceundersuchridiculousconditions。However，Ihavethepowertoendmyexistence，althoughIdobutgivebackdaysthatarealreadynumbered。Itisaninsignificantgift，andmyrevoltisequallyinsignificant。
\"Finalexplanation:Idie，notintheleastbecauseIamunabletosupportthesenextthreeweeks。Ohno，Ishouldfindstrengthenough，andifIwisheditIcouldobtainconsolationfromthethoughtoftheinjurythatisdoneme。ButIamnotaFrenchpoet，andIdonotdesiresuchconsolation。Andfinally，naturehassolimitedmycapacityforworkoractivityofanykind，inallottingmebutthreeweeksoftime，thatsuicideisabouttheonlythingleftthatIcanbeginandendinthetimeofmyownfreewill。
\"PerhapsthenIamanxioustotakeadvantageofmylastchanceofdoingsomethingformyself。Aprotestissometimesnosmallthing。\"
Theexplanationwasfinished；Hippolytepausedatlast。
Thereis，inextremecases，afinalstageofcynicalcandourwhenanervousman，excited，andbesidehimselfwithemotion，willbeafraidofnothingandreadyforanysortofscandal，nay，gladofit。Theextraordinary，almostunnatural，tensionofthenerveswhichupheldHippolyteuptothispoint，hadnowarrivedatthisfinalstage。Thispoorfeebleboyofeighteen——exhaustedbydisease——lookedforalltheworldasweakandfrailasaleaflettornfromitsparenttreeandtremblinginthebreeze；butnosoonerhadhiseyesweptoverhisaudience，forthefirsttimeduringthewholeofthelasthour，thanthemostcontemptuous，themosthaughtyexpressionofrepugnancelighteduphisface。Hedefiedthemall，asitwere。Buthishearerswereindignant，too；
theyrosetotheirfeetwithannoyance。Fatigue，thewineconsumed，thestrainoflisteningsolong，alladdedtothedisagreeableimpressionwhichthereadinghadmadeuponthem。
SuddenlyHippolytejumpedupasthoughhehadbeenshot。
\"Thesunisrising，\"hecried，seeingthegildedtopsofthetrees，andpointingtothemastoamiracle。\"See，itisrisingnow！\"
\"Well，whatthen？Didyousupposeitwasn’tgoingtorise？\"askedFerdishenko。
\"It’sgoingtobeatrociouslyhotagainallday，\"saidGania，withanairofannoyance，takinghishat。\"Amonthofthis……Areyoucominghome，Ptitsin？\"Hippolytelistenedtothisinamazement，almostamountingtostupefaction。Suddenlyhebecamedeadlypaleandshuddered。
\"Youmanageyourcomposuretooawkwardly。Iseeyouwishtoinsultme，\"hecriedtoGania。\"You——youareacur！\"HelookedatGaniawithanexpressionofmalice。
\"Whatonearthisthematterwiththeboy？Whatphenomenalfeeble-mindedness！\"exclaimedFerdishenko。
\"Oh，he’ssimplyafool，\"saidGania。
Hippolytebracedhimselfupalittle。
\"Iunderstand，gentlemen，\"hebegan，tremblingasbefore，andstumblingovereveryword，\"thatIhavedeservedyourresentment，and——andamsorrythatIshouldhavetroubledyouwiththisravingnonsense\"(pointingtohisarticle)，\"orrather，IamsorrythatIhavenottroubledyouenough。\"Hesmiledfeebly。\"HaveI
troubledyou，EvgeniePavlovitch？\"HesuddenlyturnedonEvgeniewiththisquestion。\"Tellmenow，haveItroubledyouornot？\"
\"Well，itwasalittledrawnout，perhaps；but——\"
\"Come，speakout！Don’tlie，foronceinyourlife——speakout！\"
continuedHippolyte，quiveringwithagitation。
\"Oh，mygoodsir，Iassureyouit’sentirelythesametome。
Pleaseleavemeinpeace，\"saidEvgenie，angrily，turninghisbackonhim。
\"Good-night，prince，\"saidPtitsin，approachinghishost。
\"Whatareyouthinkingof？Don’tgo，he’llblowhisbrainsoutinaminute！\"criedVeraLebedeff，rushinguptoHippolyteandcatchingholdofhishandsinatormentofalarm。\"Whatareyouthinkingof？Hesaidhewouldblowhisbrainsoutatsunrise。\"
\"Oh，hewon’tshoothimself！\"criedseveralvoices，sarcastically。
\"Gentlemen，you’dbetterlookout，\"criedColia，alsoseizingHippolytebythehand。\"Justlookathim！Prince，whatareyouthinkingof？\"VeraandColia，andKeller，andBurdovskywereallcrowdingroundHippolytenowandholdinghimdown。
\"Hehastheright——theright——\"-murmuredBurdovsky。\"Excuseme，prince，butwhatareyourarrangements？\"askedLebedeff，tipsyandexasperated，goinguptoMuishkin。
\"Whatdoyoumeanby’arrangements’？\"
\"No，no，excuseme！I’mmasterofthishouse，thoughIdonotwishtolackrespecttowardsyou。Youaremasterofthehousetoo，inaway；butIcan’tallowthissortofthing——\"
\"Hewon’tshoothimself；theboyisonlyplayingthefool，\"saidGeneralIvolgin，suddenlyandunexpectedly，withindignation。
\"Iknowhewon’t，Iknowhewon’t，general；butI——I’mmasterhere！\"
\"Listen，Mr。Terentieff，\"saidPtitsin，whohadbiddentheprincegood-night，andwasnowholdingouthishandtoHippolyte；\"I
thinkyouremarkinthatmanuscriptofyours，thatyoubequeathyourskeletontotheAcademy。Areyoureferringtoyourownskeleton——Imean，yourverybones？\"
\"Yes，mybones，I——\"
\"Quiteso，Isee；because，youknow，littlemistakeshaveoccurrednowandthen。Therewasacase——\"
