第4章

Icamehereonewinter’sdaywhenthemiddaysunshonehotonthebricksoftheRomanroad。Iwasweary，andthewayseemedsteep。Iwalkedintothechapeltothebrokenwindow，andlookedoutacrossthebay。Faroff，acrosstheblue，bluewater，weretownsandvillages，hangingwhiteandreddots，uponthemountain—sides，andthebluemountainsroseupintothesky，andnowstoodoutfromitandnowmeltedbackagain。 Themountainsseemedcallingtome，butIknewtherewouldneverbeabridgebuiltfromthemtome;never，never，never！Ishadedmyeyeswithmyhandandturnedaway。Icouldnotbeartolookatthem。 IwalkedthroughtheruinedChapel，andlookedattheChristinredcarryinghiscross，andtheBlessedrubbed—outBambino，andtheRomansoldiers，andthefoldedhands，andthereed;andIwentandsatdownintheopenporchuponastone。Atmyfeetwasthesmallbay，withitswhiterowofhousesburiedamongtheolivetrees;thewaterbrokeinalong，thin，whitelineoffoamalongtheshore;andIleanedmyelbowsonmyknees。Iwastired，verytired;tiredwithatirednessthatseemedolderthantheheatofthedayandtheshiningofthesunonthebricksoftheRomanroad;andIlaymyheaduponmyknees;Iheardthebreakingofthewaterontherocksthreehundredfeetbelow，andtherustlingofthewindamongtheolivetreesandtheruinedarches，andthenIfellasleepthere。 Ihadadream。 AmancrieduptoGod，andGodsentdownanangeltohelphim;andtheangelcamebackandsaid，\"Icannothelpthatman。\" Godsaid，\"Howisitwithhim？\" Andtheangelsaid，\"Hecriesoutcontinuallythatonehasinjuredhim;andhewouldforgivehimandhecannot。\" Godsaid，\"Whathaveyoudoneforhim？\" Theangelsaid，\"All——。Itookhimbythehand，andIsaid，’See，whenothermenspeakillofthatmandoyouspeakwellofhim;secretly，inwaysheshallnotknow，servehim;ifyouhaveanythingyouvalueshareitwithhim，so，servinghim，youwillatlastcometofeelpossessioninhim，andyouwillforgive。’Andhesaid，’Iwilldoit。’Afterwards，asIpassedbyinthedarkofnight，Iheardonecryingout，’Ihavedoneall。Ithelpsnothing！Myspeakingwellofhimhelpsmenothing！IfIsharemyheart’sbloodwithhim，istheburningwithinmeless？Icannotforgive;I cannotforgive！Oh，God，Icannotforgive！’ \"Isaidtohim，’Seehere，lookbackonallyourpast。Seefromyourchildhoodallsmallness，allindirectnessthathasbeenyours;lookwellatit，andinitslightdoyounotseeeverymanyourbrother？Areyousosinlessyouhaverighttohate？’ \"Helooked，andsaid，’Yes，youareright;Itoohavefailed，andIforgivemyfellow。Go，Iamsatisfied;Ihaveforgiven;’andhelaidhimdownpeacefullyandfoldedhishandsonhisbreast，andIthoughtitwaswellwithhim。ButscarcelyhadmywingsrustledandIturnedtocomeuphere，whenIheardonecryingoutonearthagain，’Icannotforgive！Icannotforgive！Oh，God，God，Icannotforgive！Itisbettertodiethantohate！Icannotforgive！Icannotforgive！’AndIwentandstoodoutsidehisdoorinthedark，andIheardhimcry，’Ihavenotsinnedso，notso！ IfIhavetornmyfellows’flesheversolittle，Ihavekneeleddownandkissedthewoundwithmymouthtillitwashealed。Ihavenotwilledthatanysoulshallbelostthroughhateofme。IftheyhavebutfanciedthatI wrongedthemIhavelaindownonthegroundbeforethemthattheymighttreadonme，andso，seeingmyhumiliation，forgiveandnotbelostthroughhatingme;theyhavenotcaredthatmysoulshouldbelost;theyhavenotwilledtosaveme;theyhavenottriedthatIshouldforgivethem！’ \"Isaidtohim，’Seehere，bethoucontent;donotforgive:forgetthissoulanditsinjury;goonyourway。Inthenextworldperhaps——’ \"Hecried，’Gofromme，youunderstandnothing！Whatisthenextworldtome！Iamlostnow，today。Icannotseethesunlightshine，thedustisinmythroat，thesandisinmyeyes！Gofromme，youknownothing！Oh，onceagainbeforeIdietoseethattheworldisbeautiful！Oh，God，God，I cannotliveandnotlove。Icannotliveandhate。Oh，God，God，God！’SoIlefthimcryingoutandcamebackhere。\" Godsaid，\"Thisman’ssoulmustbesaved。\" Andtheangelsaid\"How？\" Godsaid，\"Godownyou，andsaveit。\" Theangelsaid，\"WhatmoreshallIdo？\" ThenGodbentdownandwhisperedintheangel’sear，andtheangelspreadoutitswingsandwentdowntoearth。 AndpartlyIwoke，sittingthereuponthebrokenstonewithmyheadonmyknee;butIwastoowearytorise。Iheardthewindroamthroughtheolivetreesandamongtheruinedarches，andthenIsleptagain。 Theangelwentdownandfoundthemanwiththebitterheartandtookhimbythehand，andledhimtoacertainspot。 Nowthemanwistnotwhereitwastheangelwouldtakehimnorwhathewouldshowhimthere。Andwhentheycametheangelshadedtheman’seyeswithhiswing，andwhenhemoveditthemansawsomewhatontheearthbeforethem。ForGodhadgivenittothatangeltounclotheahumansoul; totakefromitallthoseoutwardattributesofform，andcolour，andage，andsex，wherebyonemanisknownfromamonghisfellowsandismarkedofffromtherest，andthesoullaybeforethem，bare，asamanturninghiseyeinwardsbeholdshimself。 Theysawitspast，itschildhood，thetinylifewiththedewuponit;theysawitsyouthwhenthedewwasmelting，andthecreatureraiseditsLilliputianmouthtodrinkfromacuptoolargeforit，andtheysawhowthewaterspilt;theysawitshopesthatwereneverrealized;theysawitshoursofintellectualblindness，mencallsin;theysawitshoursofall— radiatinginsight，whichmencallrighteousness;theysawitshourofstrength，whenitleapedtoitsfeetcrying，\"Iamomnipotent;\"itshourofweakness，whenitfelltotheearthandgraspeddustonly;theysawwhatitmighthavebeen，butneverwouldbe。 Themanbentforward。 Andtheangelsaid，\"Whatisit？\" Heanswered，\"ItisI！itismyself！\"Andhewentforwardasifhewouldhavelainhisheartagainstit;buttheangelheldhimbackandcoveredhiseyes。 NowGodhadgivenpowertotheangelfurthertounclothethatsoul，totakefromitallthoseoutwardattributesoftimeandplaceandcircumstancewherebytheindividuallifeismarkedofffromthelifeofthewhole。 Againtheangeluncoveredtheman’seyes，andhelooked。Hesawbeforehimthatwhichinitstinydropreflectsthewholeuniverse;hesawthatwhichmarkswithinitselfthestepofthefurtheststar，andtellshowthecrystalgrowsundergroundwherenoeyehasseenit;thatwhichiswherethegermintheeggstirs;whichmovestheoutstretchedfingersofthelittlenewbornbabe，andkeepstheleavesofthetreespointingupward; whichmoveswherethejelly—fishsailaloneonthesunnyseas，andiswherethelichensformonthemountains’rocks。 Andthemanlooked。 Andtheangeltouchedhim。 Butthemanbowedhisheadandshuddered。Hewhispered——\"ItisGod！\" Andtheangelre—coveredtheman’seyes。Andwhenheuncoveredthemtherewasonewalkingfromthemalittlewayoff;——fortheangelhadre—clothedthesoulinitsoutwardformandvesture——andthemanknewwhoitwas。 Andtheangelsaid，\"Doyouknowhim？\" Andthemansaid，\"Iknowhim，\"andhelookedafterthefigure。 Andtheangelsaid，\"Haveyouforgivenhim？\" Butthemansaid，\"Howbeautifulmybrotheris！\" Andtheangellookedintotheman’seyes，andheshadedhisownfacewithhiswingfromthelight。HelaughedsoftlyandwentuptoGod。 Butthemenweretogetheronearth。 Iawoke。 Theblue，blueskywasovermyhead，andthewaveswerebreakingbelowontheshore。Iwalkedthroughthelittlechapel，andIsawtheMadonnainblueandred，andtheChristcarryinghiscross，andtheRomansoldierswiththerod，andtheBlessedBambinowithitsbrokenface;andthenI walkeddowntheslopingrocktothebrickpathway。Theolivetreesstooduponeithersideoftheroad，theirblackberriesandpale—greenleavesstoodoutagainstthesky;andthelittleice—plantshungfromthecrevicesinthestonewall。ItseemedtomeasifitmusthaverainedwhileIwasasleep。IthoughtIhadneverseentheheavensandtheearthlooksobeautifulbefore。Iwalkeddowntheroad。Theold，old，oldtirednesswasgone。 Presentlytherecameapeasantboydownthepathleadinghisass;shehadtwolargepanniersfastenedtohersides;andtheywentdowntheroadbeforeme。 Ihadneverseenhimbefore;butIshouldhavelikedtowalkbyhimandtohaveheldhishand——only，hewouldnothaveknownwhy。 Alassio，Italy。 VIII。LIFE’SGIFTS。 Isawawomansleeping。InhersleepshedreamtLifestoodbeforeher，andheldineachhandagift——intheoneLove，intheotherFreedom。Andshesaidtothewoman，\"Choose！\" Andthewomanwaitedlong:andshesaid，\"Freedom！\" AndLifesaid，\"Thouhastwellchosen。Ifthouhadstsaid，’Love，’Iwouldhavegiventheethatthoudidstaskfor;andIwouldhavegonefromthee，andreturnedtotheenomore。Now，thedaywillcomewhenIshallreturn。 InthatdayIshallbearbothgiftsinonehand。\" Iheardthewomanlaughinhersleep。 London。 IX。THEARTIST’SSECRET。 Therewasanartistonce，andhepaintedapicture。Otherartistshadcoloursricherandrarer，andpaintedmorenotablepictures。Hepaintedhiswithonecolour，therewasawonderfulredglowonit;andthepeoplewentupanddown，saying，\"Welikethepicture，weliketheglow。\" Theotherartistscameandsaid，\"Wheredoeshegethiscolourfrom？\"Theyaskedhim;andhesmiledandsaid，\"Icannottellyou\";andworkedonwithhisheadbentlow。 AndonewenttothefarEastandboughtcostlypigments，andmadeararecolourandpainted，butafteratimethepicturefaded。Anotherreadintheoldbooks，andmadeacolourrichandrare，butwhenhehadputitonthepictureitwasdead。 Buttheartistpaintedon。Alwaystheworkgotredderandredder，andtheartistgrewwhiterandwhiter。Atlastonedaytheyfoundhimdeadbeforehispicture，andtheytookhimuptoburyhim。Theothermenlookedaboutinallthepotsandcrucibles，buttheyfoundnothingtheyhadnot。 Andwhentheyundressedhimtoputhisgrave—clothesonhim，theyfoundabovehisleftbreastthemarkofawound——itwasanold，oldwound，thatmusthavebeenthereallhislife，fortheedgeswereoldandhardened;butDeath，whosealsallthings，haddrawntheedgestogether，andcloseditup。 Andtheyburiedhim。Andstillthepeoplewentaboutsaying，\"Wheredidhefindhiscolourfrom？\" Anditcametopassthatafterawhiletheartistwasforgotten——buttheworklived。 St。Leonards—on—Sea。 X。\"ITHOUGHTISTOOD。\" IthoughtIstoodinHeavenbeforeGod’sthrone，andGodaskedmewhatI hadcomefor。IsaidIhadcometoarraignmybrother，Man。 Godsaid，\"Whathashedone？\" Isaid，\"Hehastakenmysister，Woman，andhasstrickenher，andwoundedher，andthrustheroutintothestreets;sheliesthereprostrate。Hishandsareredwithblood。Iamheretoarraignhim;thatthekingdombetakenfromhim，becauseheisnotworthy，andgivenuntome。Myhandsarepure。\" Ishowedthem。 Godsaid，\"Thyhandsarepure。——Liftupthyrobe。\" Iraisedit;myfeetwerered，blood—red，asifIhadtroddeninwine。 Godsaid，\"Howisthis？\" Isaid，\"DearLord，thestreetsoneartharefullofmire。IfIshouldwalkstraightoninthemmyouterrobemightbebespotted，youseehowwhiteitis！ThereforeIpickmyway。\" Godsaid，\"Onwhat？\" Iwassilent，andIletmyrobefall。Iwrappedmymantleaboutmyhead。 Iwentoutsoftly。Iwasafraidthattheangelswouldseeme。 II。 OncemoreIstoodatthegateofHeaven，Iandanother。Weheldfastbyoneanother;wewereverytired。Welookedupatthegreatgates;theangelsopenedthem，andwewentin。Themudwasonourgarments。Wewalkedacrossthemarblefloor，anduptothegreatthrone。Thentheangelsdividedus。Her，theysetuponthetopstep，butme，uponthebottom;for，theysaid，\"Lasttimethiswomancameheresheleftredfoot— marksonthefloor;wehadtowashthemoutwithourtears。Lethernotgoup。\" Thenshe，withwhomIcame，lookedback，andstretchedoutherhandtome; andIwentandstoodbesideher。Andtheangels，they，theshiningoneswhoneversinnedandneversuffered，walkedbyustoandfroandupanddown;Ithinkweshouldhavefeltalittlelonelythereifithadnotbeenforoneanother，theangelsweresobright。 GodaskedmewhatIhadcomefor;andIdrewmysisterforwardalittlethathemightseeher。 Godsaid，\"Howisityouareheretogethertoday？\" Isaid，\"Shewasuponthegroundinthestreet，andtheypassedoverher;I laydownbyher，andsheputherarmsaroundmyneck，andsoIliftedher，andwetworosetogether。\" Godsaid，\"Whomareyounowcometoaccusebeforeme？\" Isaid，\"Wearecometoaccusenoman。\" AndGodbent，andsaid，\"Mychildren——whatisitthatyeseek？\" AndshebesidemedrewmyhandthatIshouldspeakforboth。 Isaid，\"WehavecometoaskthatthoushouldstspeaktoMan，ourbrother，andgiveusamessageforhimthathemightunderstand，andthathemight——\" Godsaid，\"Go，takethemessagedowntohim！\" Isaid，\"Butwhatisthemessage？\" Godsaid，\"Uponyourheartsitiswritten;takeitdowntohim。\" Andweturnedtogo;theangelswentwithustothedoor。Theylookedatus。 Andonesaid——\"Ai！buttheirdressesarebeautiful！\" Andtheothersaid，\"Ithoughtitwasmirewhentheycamein，butsee，itisallgolden！\" Butanothersaid，\"Hush，itisthelightfromtheirfaces！\" Andwewentdowntohim。 Alassio，Italy。 XI。THESUNLIGHTLAYACROSSMYBED。 InthedarkonenightIlayuponmybed。Iheardthepoliceman’sfeetbeatonthepavement;Iheardthewheelsofcarriagesrollhomefromhousesofentertainment;Iheardawoman’slaughbelowmywindow——andthenIfellasleep。AndinthedarkIdreamtadream。IdreamtGodtookmysoultoHell。 Hellwasafairplace;thewaterofthelakewasblue。 IsaidtoGod，\"Ilikethisplace。\" Godsaid，\"Ay，dostthou！\" Birdssang，turfcametothewater—edge，andtreesgrewfromit。AwayoffamongthetreesIsawbeautifulwomenwalking。Theirclotheswereofmanydelicatecoloursandclungtothem，andtheyweretallandgracefulandhadyellowhair。Theirrobestrailedoverthegrass。Theyglidedinandoutamongthetrees，andovertheirheadshungyellowfruitlikelargepearsofmeltedgold。 Isaid，\"Itisveryfair;Iwouldgoupandtastethe——\" Godsaid，\"Wait。\" AndafterawhileInoticedaveryfairwomanpass:shelookedthiswayandthat，anddrewdownabranch，anditseemedshekissedthefruituponitsoftly，andwentonherway，andherdressmadenorustleasshepassedoverthegrass。AndwhenIsawhernomore，fromamongthestemscameanotherwomanfairasshehadbeen，inadelicatetintedrobe;shelookedthiswayandthat。Whenshesawnoonethereshedrewdownthefruit，andwhenshehadlookedoverittofindaplace，sheputhermouthtoitsoftly，andwentaway。AndIsawotherandotherwomencome，makingnonoise，andtheyglidedawayalsooverthegrass。 AndIsaidtoGod，\"Whataretheydoing？\" Godsaid，\"Theyarepoisoning。\"