第1章

Toasmallgirl—child，whomaylivetograspsomewhatofthatwhichforusisyetsight，nottouch。 Note。 TheseDreamsareprintedintheorderinwhichtheywerewritten。 Inthecaseoftwotherewasalapseofsomeyearsbetweenthewritingofthefirstandlastparts;theseareplacedaccordingtothedateofthefirstpart。 OliveSchreiner。 Matjesfontein，CapeColony，SouthAfrica。 November，1890。 CONTENTS。 I。TheLostJoy。 II。TheHunter（From\"TheStoryofofanAfricanFarm\"）。 III。TheGardensofPleasure。 IV。InaFar—offWorld。 V。ThreeDreamsinaDesert。 VI。ADreamofWildBees（Writtenasalettertoafriend）。 VII。InaRuinedChapel。 VIII。Life’sGifts。 IX。TheArtist’sSecret。 X。\"IThoughtIStood。\" XI。TheSunlightLayacrossMyBed。 I。THELOSTJOY。 Allday，wherethesunlightplayedonthesea—shore，Lifesat。 Alldaythesoftwindplayedwithherhair，andtheyoung，youngfacelookedoutacrossthewater。Shewaswaiting——shewaswaiting;butshecouldnottellforwhat。 Alldaythewavesranupanduponthesand，andranbackagain，andthepinkshellsrolled。Lifesatwaiting;allday，withthesunlightinhereyes，shesatthere，till，grownweary，shelaidherheaduponherkneeandfellasleep，waitingstill。 Thenakeelgratedonthesand，andthenastepwasontheshore——Lifeawokeandheardit。Ahandwaslaiduponher，andagreatshudderpassedthroughher。Shelookedup，andsawoverherthestrange，wideeyesofLove——andLifenowknewforwhomshehadsattherewaiting。 AndLovedrewLifeuptohim。 Andofthatmeetingwasbornathingrareandbeautiful——Joy，First—Joywasitcalled。Thesunlightwhenitshinesuponthemerrywaterisnotsoglad;therosebuds，whentheyturnbacktheirlipsforthesun’sfirstkiss，arenotsoruddy。Itstinypulsesbeatquick。Itwassowarm，sosoft！Itneverspoke，butitlaughedandplayedinthesunshine:andLoveandLiferejoicedexceedingly。Neitherwhisperedittotheother，butdeepinitsownhearteachsaid，\"Itshallbeoursforever。\" Thentherecameatime——wasitafterweeks？wasitaftermonths？（LoveandLifedonotmeasuretime）——whenthethingwasnotasithadbeen。 Stillitplayed;stillitlaughed;stillitstaineditsmouthwithpurpleberries;butsometimesthelittlehandshungweary，andthelittleeyeslookedoutheavilyacrossthewater。 AndLifeandLovedarednotlookintoeachother’seyes，darednotsay，\"Whatailsourdarling？\"Eachheartwhisperedtoitself，\"Itisnothing，itisnothing，tomorrowitwilllaughoutclear。\"Buttomorrowandtomorrowcame。Theyjourneyedon，andthechildplayedbesidethem，butheavily，moreheavily。 OnedayLifeandLovelaydowntosleep;andwhentheyawoke，itwasgone: only，nearthem，onthegrass，satalittlestranger，withwide—openeyes，verysoftandsad。Neithernoticedit;buttheywalkedapart，weepingbitterly，\"Oh，ourJoy！ourlostJoy！shallweseeyounomoreforever？\" Thelittlesoftandsad—eyedstrangerslippedahandintoonehandofeach，anddrewthemcloser，andLifeandLovewalkedonwithitbetweenthem。 AndwhenLifelookeddowninanguish，shesawhertearsreflectedinitssofteyes。AndwhenLove，madwithpain，criedout，\"Iamweary，Iamweary！Icanjourneynofurther。Thelightisallbehind，thedarkisallbefore，\"alittlerosyfingerpointedwherethesunlightlayuponthehill— sides。Alwaysitslargeeyesweresadandthoughtful:alwaysthelittlebravemouthwassmilingquietly。 WhenonthesharpstonesLifecutherfeet，hewipedtheblooduponhisgarments，andkissedthewoundedfeetwithhislittlelips。WheninthedesertLovelaydownfaint（forLoveitselfgrowsfaint），heranoverthehotsandwithhislittlenakedfeet，andeventhereinthedesertfoundwaterintheholesintherockstomoistenLove’slipswith。Hewasnoburden——heneverweightedthem;heonlyhelpedthemforwardontheirjourney。 Whentheycametothedarkravinewheretheicicleshangfromtherocks—— forLoveandLifemustpassthroughstrangedrearplaces——there，wherealliscold，andthesnowliesthick，hetooktheirfreezinghandsandheldthemagainsthisbeatinglittleheart，andwarmedthem——andsoftlyhedrewthemonandon。 Andwhentheycamebeyond，intothelandofsunshineandflowers，strangelythegreateyeslitup，anddimplesbrokeoutupontheface。Brightlylaughing，itranoverthesoftgrass;gatheredhoneyfromthehollowtree; andbroughtitthemonthepalmofitshand;carriedthemwaterintheleavesofthelily，andgatheredflowersandwreathedthemroundtheirheads，softlylaughingallthewhile。HetouchedthemastheirJoyhadtouchedthem，buthisfingersclungmoretenderly。 Sotheywanderedon，throughthedarklandsandthelight，alwayswiththatlittlebravesmilingonebetweenthem。SometimestheyrememberedthatfirstradiantJoy，andwhisperedtothemselves，\"Oh！couldwebutfindhimalso！\" AtlasttheycametowhereReflectionsits;thatstrangeoldwomanwhohasalwaysoneelbowonherknee，andherchininherhand，andwhostealslightoutofthepasttosheditonthefuture。 AndLifeandLovecriedout，\"Owiseone！tellus:whenfirstwemet，alovelyradiantthingbelongedtous——gladnesswithoutatear，sunshinewithoutashade。Oh！howdidwesinthatwelostit？Whereshallwegothatwemayfindit？\" Andshe，thewiseoldwoman，answered，\"Tohaveitback，willyougiveupthatwhichwalksbesideyounow？\" AndinagonyLoveandLifecried，\"No！\" \"Giveupthis！\"saidLife。\"Whenthethornshavepiercedme，whowillsuckthepoisonout？Whenmyheadthrobs，whowilllayhistinyhandsuponitandstillthebeating？Inthecoldandthedark，whowillwarmmyfreezingheart？\" AndLovecriedout，\"Betterletmedie！WithoutJoyIcanlive;withoutthisIcannot。Letmeratherdie，notloseit！\" Andthewiseoldwomananswered，\"Ofoolsandblind！Whatyouoncehadisthatwhichyouhavenow！WhenLoveandLifefirstmeet，aradiantthingisborn，withoutashade。Whentheroadsbegintoroughen，whentheshadesbegintodarken，whenthedaysarehard，andthenightscoldandlong——thenitbeginstochange。LoveandLifeWILLnotseeit，WILLnotknowit——tillonedaytheystartupsuddenly，crying，’OGod！OGod！wehavelostit！ Whereisit？’Theydonotunderstandthattheycouldnotcarrythelaughingthingunchangedintothedesert，andthefrost，andthesnow。 TheydonotknowthatwhatwalksbesidethemstillistheJoygrownolder。 Thegrave，sweet，tenderthing——warminthecoldestsnows，braveinthedreariestdeserts——itsnameisSympathy;itisthePerfectLove。\" SouthAfrica。 II。THEHUNTER。 Incertainvalleystherewasahunter。Daybydayhewenttohuntforwild—fowlinthewoods;anditchancedthatoncehestoodontheshoresofalargelake。Whilehestoodwaitingintherushesforthecomingofthebirds，agreatshadowfellonhim，andinthewaterhesawareflection。 Helookeduptothesky;butthethingwasgone。Thenaburningdesirecameoverhimtoseeonceagainthatreflectioninthewater，andalldayhewatchedandwaited;butnightcameandithadnotreturned。Thenhewenthomewithhisemptybag，moodyandsilent。Hiscomradescamequestioningabouthimtoknowthereason，butheansweredthemnothing;hesataloneandbrooded。Thenhisfriendcametohim，andtohimhespoke。 \"Ihaveseentoday，\"hesaid，\"thatwhichIneversawbefore——avastwhitebird，withsilverwingsoutstretched，sailingintheeverlastingblue。Andnowitisasthoughagreatfireburntwithinmybreast。Itwasbutasheen，ashimmer，areflectioninthewater;butnowIdesirenothingmoreonearththantoholdher。\" Hisfriendlaughed。 \"Itwasbutabeamplayingonthewater，ortheshadowofyourownhead。 Tomorrowyouwillforgether，\"hesaid。 Buttomorrow，andtomorrow，andtomorrowthehunterwalkedalone。Hesoughtintheforestandinthewoods，bythelakesandamongtherushes，buthecouldnotfindher。Heshotnomorewildfowl;whatweretheytohim？ \"Whatailshim？\"saidhiscomrades。 \"Heismad，\"saidone。 \"No;butheisworse，\"saidanother;\"hewouldseethatwhichnoneofushaveseen，andmakehimselfawonder。\" \"Come，letusforswearhiscompany，\"saidall。 Sothehunterwalkedalone。 Onenight，ashewanderedintheshade，veryheartsoreandweeping，anoldmanstoodbeforehim，granderandtallerthanthesonsofmen。 \"Whoareyou？\"askedthehunter。 \"IamWisdom，\"answeredtheoldman;\"butsomemencallmeKnowledge。AllmylifeIhavegrowninthesevalleys;butnomanseesmetillhehassorrowedmuch。Theeyesmustbewashedwithtearsthataretobeholdme; and，accordingasamanhassuffered，Ispeak。\" Andthehuntercried: \"Oh，youwhohavelivedheresolong，tellme，whatisthatgreatwildbirdIhaveseensailingintheblue？Theywouldhavemebelievesheisadream;theshadowofmyownhead。\" Theoldmansmiled。 \"HernameisTruth。Hewhohasonceseenherneverrestsagain。Tilldeathhedesiresher。\" Andthehuntercried: \"Oh，tellmewhereImayfindher。\" Buttheoldmansaid: \"Youhavenotsufferedenough，\"andwent。 ThenthehuntertookfromhisbreasttheshuttleofImagination，andwoundonitthethreadofhisWishes;andallnighthesatandwoveanet。 Inthemorninghespreadthegoldennetupontheground，andintoithethrewafewgrainsofcredulity，whichhisfatherhadlefthim，andwhichhekeptinhisbreast—pocket。Theywerelikewhitepuff—balls，andwhenyoutrodonthemabrowndustflewout。Thenhesatbytoseewhatwouldhappen。Thefirstthatcameintothenetwasasnow—whitebird，withdove’seyes，andhesangabeautifulsong——\"Ahuman—God！ahuman—God！ahuman—God！\"itsang。Thesecondthatcamewasblackandmystical，withdark，lovelyeyes，thatlookedintothedepthsofyoursoul，andhesangonlythis——\"Immortality！\" Andthehuntertookthembothinhisarms，forhesaid—— \"TheyaresurelyofthebeautifulfamilyofTruth。\" Thencameanother，greenandgold，whosanginashrillvoice，likeonecryinginthemarketplace，——\"RewardafterDeath！RewardafterDeath！\" Andhesaid—— \"Youarenotsofair;butyouarefairtoo，\"andhetookit。 Andotherscame，brightlycoloured，singingpleasantsongs，tillallthegrainswerefinished。Andthehuntergatheredallhisbirdstogether，andbuiltastrongironcagecalledanewcreed，andputallhisbirdsinit。 Thenthepeoplecameaboutdancingandsinging。 \"Oh，happyhunter！\"theycried。\"Oh，wonderfulman！Oh，delightfulbirds！ Oh，lovelysongs！\" Nooneaskedwherethebirdshadcomefrom，norhowtheyhadbeencaught; buttheydancedandsangbeforethem。Andthehuntertoowasglad，forhesaid: \"SurelyTruthisamongthem。Intimeshewillmoultherfeathers，andI shallseehersnow—whiteform。\" Butthetimepassed，andthepeoplesanganddanced;butthehunter’sheartgrewheavy。Hecreptalone，asofold，toweep;theterribledesirehadawakenedagaininhisbreast。Oneday，ashesataloneweeping，itchancedthatWisdommethim。Hetoldtheoldmanwhathehaddone。 AndWisdomsmiledsadly。 \"Manymen，\"hesaid，\"havespreadthatnetforTruth;buttheyhaveneverfoundher。Onthegrainsofcredulityshewillnotfeed;inthenetofwishesherfeetcannotbeheld;intheairofthesevalleysshewillnotbreathe。ThebirdsyouhavecaughtareofthebroodofLies。Lovelyandbeautiful，butstilllies;Truthknowsthemnot。\" Andthehuntercriedoutinbitterness—— \"AndmustIthensitstill，tobedevouredofthisgreatburning？\" Andtheoldmansaid，\"Listen，andinthatyouhavesufferedmuchandweptmuch，IwilltellyouwhatIknow。HewhosetsouttosearchforTruthmustleavethesevalleysofsuperstitionforever，takingwithhimnotoneshredthathasbelongedtothem。AlonehemustwanderdownintotheLandofAbsoluteNegationandDenial;hemustabidethere;hemustresisttemptation;whenthelightbreakshemustariseandfollowitintothecountryofdrysunshine。Themountainsofsternrealitywillrisebeforehim;hemustclimbthem;beyondthemliesTruth。\" \"Andhewillholdherfast！hewillholdherinhishands！\"thehuntercried。 Wisdomshookhishead。 \"Hewillneverseeher，neverholdher。Thetimeisnotyet。\" \"Thenthereisnohope？\"criedthehunter。 \"Thereisthis，\"saidWisdom:\"Somemenhaveclimbedonthosemountains; circleabovecircleofbarerocktheyhavescaled;and，wanderingthere，inthosehighregions，somehavechancedtopickuponthegroundonewhitesilverfeather，droppedfromthewingofTruth。Anditshallcometopass，\"saidtheoldman，raisinghimselfpropheticallyandpointingwithhisfingertothesky，\"itshallcometopass，thatwhenenoughofthosesilverfeathersshallhavebeengatheredbythehandsofmen，andshallhavebeenwovenintoacord，andthecordintoanet，thatinthatnetTruthmaybecaptured。NothingbutTruthcanholdTruth。\" Thehunterarose。\"Iwillgo，\"hesaid。 Butwisdomdetainedhim。 \"Markyouwell——wholeavesthesevalleysneverreturnstothem。Thoughheshouldweeptearsofbloodsevendaysandnightsupontheconfines，hecanneverputhisfootacrossthem。Left——theyareleftforever。Upontheroadwhichyouwouldtravelthereisnorewardoffered。Whogoes，goesfreely——forthegreatlovethatisinhim。Theworkishisreward。\" \"Igo\"saidthehunter;\"butuponthemountains，tellme，whichpathshallItake？\" \"IamthechildofThe—Accumulated—Knowledge—of—Ages，\"saidtheman;\"Icanwalkonlywheremanymenhavetrodden。Onthesemountainsfewfeethavepassed;eachmanstrikesoutapathforhimself。Hegoesathisownperil: myvoicehehearsnomore。Imayfollowafterhim，butcannotgobeforehim。\" ThenKnowledgevanished。 Andthehunterturned。Hewenttohiscage，andwithhishandsbrokedownthebars，andthejaggedirontorehisflesh。Itissometimeseasiertobuildthantobreak。 Onebyonehetookhisplumedbirdsandletthemfly。Butwhenhecametohisdark—plumedbirdheheldit，andlookedintoitsbeautifuleyes，andthebirduttereditslow，deepcry——\"Immortality！\" Andhesaidquickly:\"Icannotpartwithit。Itisnotheavy;iteatsnofood。Iwillhideitinmybreast;Iwilltakeitwithme。\"Andheburieditthereandcovereditoverwithhiscloak。 Butthethinghehadhiddengrewheavier，heavier，heavier——tillitlayonhisbreastlikelead。Hecouldnotmovewithit。Hecouldnotleavethosevalleyswithit。Thenagainhetookitoutandlookedatit。 \"Oh，mybeautiful！myheart’sown！\"hecried，\"mayInotkeepyou？\" Heopenedhishandssadly。 \"Go！\"hesaid。\"ItmayhappenthatinTruth’ssongonenoteislikeyours; butIshallneverhearit。\" Sadlyheopenedhishand，andthebirdflewfromhimforever。 ThenfromtheshuttleofImaginationhetookthethreadofhiswishes，andthrewitontheground;andtheemptyshuttleheputintohisbreast，forthethreadwasmadeinthosevalleys，buttheshuttlecamefromanunknowncountry。Heturnedtogo，butnowthepeoplecameabouthim，howling。 \"Fool，hound，dementedlunatic！\"theycried。\"Howdaredyoubreakyourcageandletthebirdsfly？’ Thehunterspoke;buttheywouldnothearhim。 \"Truth！whoisshe？Canyoueather？canyoudrinkher？Whohaseverseenher？Yourbirdswerereal:allcouldhearthemsing！Oh，fool！vilereptile！atheist！\"theycried，\"youpollutetheair。\" \"Come，letustakeupstonesandstonehim，\"criedsome。 \"Whataffairisitofours？\"saidothers。\"Lettheidiotgo，\"andwentaway。Buttherestgatheredupstonesandmudandthrewathim。Atlast，whenhewasbruisedandcut，thehuntercreptawayintothewoods。Anditwaseveningabouthim。 Hewanderedonandon，andtheshadegrewdeeper。Hewasonthebordersnowofthelandwhereitisalwaysnight。Thenhesteppedintoit，andtherewasnolightthere。Withhishandshegroped;buteachbranchashetoucheditbrokeoff，andtheearthwascoveredwithcinders。Ateverystephisfootsankin，andafinecloudofimpalpableashesflewupintohisface;anditwasdark。Sohesatdownuponastoneandburiedhisfaceinhishands，towaitintheLandofNegationandDenialtillthelightcame。