第19章

类别:其他 作者:Booth Tarkington字数:8571更新时间:18/12/18 09:30:45
\"Well,onedayIan\'oleDocGurney,wewereinthere,andIundertooktoshowBibbshowtorunhismachine。Hetoldmetolookout,butIwouldn\'tlisten,andIdidn\'tlookout——andthat\'showIgotmyhandhurt,tryin\'toshowBibbshowtodosomethingheknewhowtodoandIdidn\'t。MademesomadIjustwouldn\'tevenadmittomyselfitWAShurt——andso,byandby,oleDocGurneyhadtotakekindo\'radicalmeasureswithme。He\'sarightgooddoctor,too。 Don\'tyouthinkso,MissVertrees?\" \"Yes。\" \"Yes,heisso!\"Sheridannowhadtheairofaramblingtalkerandgossipwithalldayonhishands。\"TakehimonBibbs\'scase。Iwastalkin\'aboutBibbs\'scasewithhimthismorning。Well,you\'dlaughtohearthewayoleGurneytalksaboutTHAT!\'CourseheISjustasmuchafriendasheisdoctor——andhetakesasmuchinterestinBibbsasifhewasinthefamily。HesaysBibbsisn\'tanywaysbadoffYET;andhethinkshecouldstandthepaceandgetfatonitif——well,thisiswhat\'dmadeYOUlaughifyou\'dbeenthere,MissVertrees——honestitwould!\"Hepausedtochuckle,andstoleaglanceather。Shewasgazingstraightbeforeheratthewall;herlipswereparted,and——visibly——shewasbreathingheavilyandquickly。Hefearedthatshewasgrowingfuriouslyangry;buthehadledtowhathewantedtosay,andhewenton,determinednowtosayitall。Heleanedforwardandalteredhisvoicetooneofconfidentialfriendliness,thoughinithestillmaintainedatonewhichindicatedthatoleDocGurney\'sopinionwasonlyajokehesharedwithher。\"Yes,sir,youcertainlywould\'a\'laughed!Why,thatolemanthinksYOUgotsomethingtodowithit。You\'llhavetoblameitonhim,younglady,ifitmakesyoufeellikestartin\'outtowhipsomebody!He\'sactuallygotTHIStheory:hesaysBibbsgottogettin\'betterwhileheworkedoverthereattheshopbecauseyoukepthimcheeredupandfeelin\'good。Andhesaysifyoucouldmanagetojuststandhimhangin\'aroundalittle——maybenotmuch,butjustSOMEtimes——again,hebelievedit\'ddoBibbsamightyloto\'good。 \'Course,that\'sonlywhatthedoctorsaid。Me,Idon\'tknowanythingaboutthat;butIcansaythismuch——IneversawanysuchaMENTALimprovementinanybodyinmylifeasIhavelatelyinBibbs。Iexpectyou\'dfindhimagooddealmoreentertainingthanwhatheusedtobe——andIknowit\'sakindofembarrassingthingtosuggestafterthewayhepiledinoverherethatdaytoaskyoutostandupbeforethepreacherwithhim,butaccordin\'tooleDocGURNEY,he\'sgotyouonhisbrainsobad——\" Maryjumped。\"Mr。Sheridan!\"sheexclaimed。 Hesighedprofoundly。\"There!Inoticedyouweregettin\'mad。Ididn\'t——\" \"No,no,no!\"shecried。\"ButIdon\'tunderstand——andIthinkyoudon\'t。 Whatisityouwantmetodo?\" Hesighedagain,butthistimewithrelief。\"Well,well!\"hesaid。\"You\'reright。It\'llbeeasiertotalkplain。IoughttoknownIcouldwithyou,allthetime。Ijusthopedyou\'dletthatboycomeandseeyousometimes,oncemore。Couldyou?\" \"Youdon\'tunderstand。\"Sheclaspedherhandstogetherinasorrowfulgesture。\"Yes,wemusttalkplain。BibbsheardthatI\'dtriedtomakeyouroldestsoncareformebecauseIwaspoor,andsoBibbscameandaskedmetomarryhim——becausehewassorryforme。AndICAN\'Tseehimanymore,\"shecriedindistress。\"ICAN\'T!\" Sheridanclearedhisthroatuncomfortably。\"Youmeanbecausehethoughtthataboutyou?\" \"No,no!WhathethoughtwasTRUE!\" \"Well——youmeanhewassomuchin——youmeanhethoughtsomuchofyou——\"ThewordswereinconceivablyawkwarduponSheridan\'stongue;heseemedtobeindoubtevenaboutpronouncingthem,butafteraghastlypausehebravelyrepeatedthem。\"Youmeanhethoughtsomuchofyouthatyoujustcouldn\'tstandhimaround?\" \"NO!Hewassorryforme。Hecaredforme;hewasfondofme;andhe\'drespectedme——toomuch!Inthefinestwayhelovedme,ifyoulike,andhe\'dhavedoneanythingonearthforme,asIwouldforhim,andasheknewI would。Itwasbeautiful,Mr。Sheridan,\"shesaid。\"Butthecheap,badthingsonehasdoneseemalwaystocomeback——theywait,andpullyoudownwhenyou\'rehappiest。Bibbsfoundmeout,yousee;andhewasn\'t\'inlove\'withmeatall。\" \"Hewasn\'t?Well,itseemstomehegaveupeverythinghewantedtodo——itwasfoolstuff,buthecertainlywanteditmightybad——hejustthrewitawayandwalkedrightupandtookthejobhesworeheneverwould——justforyou。 Anditlookstomeasifamanthat\'ddothatmustthinkquiteaheapo\'thegirlhedoesitfor!Yousayitwasonlybecausehewassorry,butletmetellyouthere\'sonlyONEgirlhecouldfeelTHATsorryfor!Yes,sir!\" \"No,no,\"shesaid。\"Bibbsisn\'tlikeothermen——hewoulddoanythingforanybody。\" Sheridangrinned。\"Perhapsnotsomuchasyouthink,nowadays,\"hesaid。\"Forinstance,Igotkindofasuspicionhedoesn\'tbelievein\'sentimentinbusiness。\'Butthat\'sneitherherenorthere。Whathewantedwas,justplainandsimple,foryoutomarryhim。Well,Iwasafraidhisthinkin\'somuchOF youhadkindo\'sickenedyouofhim——thewayitdoessometimes。Butfromthewayyoutalk,Iunderstandthatain\'tthetrouble。\"Hecoughed,andhisvoicetrembledalittle。\"Nowhere,MissVertrees,Idon\'thavetotellyou——becauseyouseethingseasy——IknowIgotnobusinesscomin\'toyoulikethis,butIhadtomakeBibbsgomywayinsteadofhisown——Ihadtodoitforthesakeo\'mybusinessandonhisownaccount,too——andIexpectyougotsomeideahowithurthimtogiveup。Well,he\'smadegood。Hedidn\'tcomeinhalf—heartedormean;hecamein——alltheway!Butthereisn\'tanythinginittohim;youcanseehe\'sjustshuthisteethonitandgoin\'aheadwithdustinhismouth。Yousee,onewayoflookin\'atit,he\'sgotnothin\'toworkFOR。Anditseemstomelikeitcosthimyourfriendship,andIbelieve——honest——that\'swhathurthimtheworst。Nowyousaidwe\'dtalkplain。Whycan\'tyoulethimcomeback?\" Shecoveredherfacedesperatelywithherhands。\"Ican\'t!\" Herose,defeated,andlookingit。 \"Well,Imustn\'tpressyou,\"hesaid,gently。 Atthatshecriedout,anddroppedherhandsandlethimseeherface。\"Ah! Hewasonlysorryforme!\" Hegazedatherintently。Marywasproud,butshehadafatalhonesty,anditconfessedthetruthofhernow;shewashelpless。ItwassoclearthatevenSheridan,marvelingandamazed,wasabletoseeit。Thenachangecameoverhim;gloomfellfromhim,andhegrewradient。 \"Don\'t!Don\'t\"shecried。\"Youmustn\'t——\" \"Iwon\'ttellhim,\"saidSheridan,fromthedoorway。\"Iwon\'ttellanybodyanything!\" Therewasaheavytown—fogthatafternoon,asmoke—mist,densestinthesanctuaryofthetemple。Thepeoplewentaboutinit,busyanddirty,thickeningtheiroutsideandinsideliningsofcoal—tar,asphalt,sulphurousacid,oilofvitriol,andtheotherfamiliarthingsthemenlikedtobreatheandtohaveupontheirskinsandgarmentsandupontheirwivesandbabiesandsweethearts。Thegrowthofthecitywasvisibleinthesmokeandthenoiseandtherush。TherewasmoresmokethantherehadbeenthisdayofFebruaryayearearlier;therewasmorenoise;andthecrowdswerethicker——yetquickerinspiteofthat。Thetrafficpolicemanhadahardtime,forthepeoplewereindependent——theyretainedsomehabitsoftheoldmarket—townperiod,andwouldcrossthestreetanywhereandanyhow,whichnotonlygotthemkilledmorefrequentlythaniftheyclungtothelegalcrossings,butkeptthemotormen,thechauffeurs,andthetruck—driversinastewofprofanenervousness。Sothetrafficpolicemenledharriedlives;theythemselveswerekilled,ofcourse,withacertainperiodicity,buttheirmaintroublewasthattheycouldnotmakethecitizensrealizethatitwasactuallyandmortallyperiloustogoabouttheircity。Itwasstrange,fortherewereprobablynocitizensofanylengthofresidencewhohadnotpersonallyknowneithersomeonewhohadbeenkilledorinjuredinanaccident,orsomeonewhohadaccidentallykilledorinjuredothers。Andyet,perhapsitwasnotstrange,seeingthesharppreoccupationofthefaces——thepeoplehadsomethingontheirminds;theycouldnotstoptobotheraboutdirtanddanger。 MaryVertreeswasnotoftendown—town;shehadneverseenanaccidentuntilthisafternoon。Shehadcomeuponerrandsforhermotherconnectedwithatimorousrefurbishment;andasshedidthese,inandoutofthedepartmentstores,shehadaninsistentconsciousnessoftheSheridanBuilding。Fromthestreet,anywhere,itwasalmostalwaysinsight,likesomemonstrousgeometricalshadow,murk—coloredandrisinglimitlesslyintotheswimmingheightsofthesmoke—mist。Itwasgauntandgrimyandrepellent;ithadnothingbutstrengthandsize——butinthatconsciousnessofMary\'sthegreatstructuremayhavepartakenofbeauty。Sheridanhadmadesomeofthethingshesaidemphaticenoughttoremainwithher。Shewentoverandoverthem——andtheybegantoseemtrue:\"OnlyONEgirlhecouldfeelTHATsorryfor!\" \"Gurneysayshe\'sgotyouonhisbrainsobad——\"Theman\'sclumsytalkbegantosinginherheart。Thesongwasbeguntherewhenshesawtheaccident。 ShewasdirectlyoppositetheSheridanBuildingthen,waitingforthetraffictothinbeforeshecrossed,thoughotherpeoplewereriskingthepassage,dartingandhaltinganddodgingparlously。Twomencamefromthecrowdbehindher,talkingearnestly,andstartedacross。Bothworeblack;onewastallandbroadandthick,andtheotherwastaller,butnoticeablyslender。AndMarycaughtherbreath,fortheywereBibbsandhisfather。Theydidnotseeher,andshecaughtaphraseinBibbs\'smellowvoice,whichhadtakenacrisperring:\"Sixty—eightthousanddollars?Notsixty—eightthousandbuttons!\"Itstartledherqueerly,andastherewasaglimpseofhisprofileshesawforthefirsttimearesemblancetohisfather。 Shewatchedthem。InthemiddleofthestreetBibbshadtostepaheadofhisfather,andthetwowereseparated。Buttherecklesspassingofatruck,beyondthesecondlineofrails,frightenedagroupofcountrywomenwhowereincourseofpassage;theywerejustinfrontofBibbs,andshovedbackwarduponhimviolently。Toextricatehimselffromthemhesteppedback,directlyinfrontofamovingtrolley—car——noplaceforabsent—mindedness,butBibbswasstillabsorbedinthoughtsconcernedwithwhathehadbeensayingtohisfather。Therewereshrieksandyells;Bibbslookedthewrongway——andthenMarysawtheheavyfigureofSheridanplungestraightforwardinfrontofthecar。Withabsolutedisregardofhisownlife,hehurledhimselfatBibbslikeafootball—playershuntingoffanopponent,andtoMaryitseemedthattheybothwentdowntogether。Butthatwasallshecouldsee——automobiles,trucks,andwagonsclosedinbetween。Shemadeoutthatthetrolley—carstoppedjerkily,andshesawapolicemanbreakinghiswaythroughtheinstantlycondensingcrowd,whilethetrafficcametoastandstill,andpeoplestoodupinautomobilesorclimbeduponthehubsandtiresofwheels,nottomissachanceofseeinganythinghorrible。 Marytriedtogetthrough;itwasimpossible。Otherpolicemencametohelpthefirst,andinaminuteortwothetrafficwasinmotionagain。Thecrowdbecamepliant,dispersing——therewasnofigureupontheground,andnoambulancecame。Butoneofthepolicemenwasdetainedbytheclingingandbeseechingofaglovedhand。 \"WhatISthematter,lady?\" \"Wherearethey?\"Marycried。 \"Who?OlemanSheridan?IreckonHEwasn\'tmuchhurt!\" \"HisSON——\" \"Wasthatwhotheotheronewas?Iseenhimknockhim——oh,he\'snotbadoff,Iguess,lady。Theolemangothimoutofthewayallright。Thefendershovedtheolemanaroundsome,butIreckonheonlygotshookup。TheybothwentonintheSheridanBuildingwithoutanyhelp。Excuseme,lady。\" SheridanandBibbs,infact,wereatthatmomentintheelevator,ascending。 \"Whisk—broomupintheoffice,\"Sheridanwassaying。\"Yougottolookoutonthosecornersnowadays,Itellyou。Idon\'tknowIgotanycalltoblow,though——becauseItriedtocrossafteryoudid。That\'showIhappenedtorunintoyou。Well,youwantremembertolookoutafterthis。Weweretalkin\' aboutMurtrie\'saskin\'sixty—eightthousandflatforthatninety—nine—yearlease。It\'shislookoutifhe\'drathertakeitthatway,andIdon\'tknowbut——\" \"No,\"saidBibbs,emphatically,astheelevatorstopped;\"hewon\'tgetit。NotfromUs,hewon\'t,andI\'llshowyouwhy。Icanconvinceyouinfiveminutes。\"Hefollowedhisfatherintotheofficeanteroom——andconvincedhim。 Then,havingbeendiligentlybrushedbyayouthofcolor,Bibbswentintohisownroomandclosedthedoor。 Hewasmoreshakenthanhehadallowedhisfathertoperceive,andhissidewassorewhereSheridanhadstruckhim。Hedesiredtobealone;hewantedtorubhimselfand,foronce,todosomeuselessthinkingagain。Heknewthathisfatherhadnot\"happened\"torunintohim;heknewthatSheridanhadinstantly——andinstinctively——provedthatheheldhisownlifeofnoaccountwhatevercomparedtothatofhissonandheir。Bibbshadbeenunabletospeakofthat,ortoseemtoknowit;forSheridan,justasinstinctively,hadsweptthematteraside——asofnoimportance,sinceallwaswell——revertingimmediatelytobusiness。 Bibbsbegantothinkintentlyofhisfather。Heperceived,ashehadneverperceivedbefore,theshadowingofsomethingenormousandindomitable——andlawless;nottobedauntedbythewillofnature\'sveryself;laughingatthelightningandatwoundsandmutilation;conquering,irresistible——andblindlynoble。ForthefirsttimeinhislifeBibbsbegantounderstandthemeaningofbeingtrulythisman\'sson。 Hewouldbethemoretrulyhissonhenceforth,though,asSheridansaid,Bibbshadnotcomedown—townwithhimmeanlyorhalf—heartedly。Hehadgivenhiswordbecausehehadwantedthemoney,simply,forMaryVertreesinherneed。 Andheshiveredwithhorrorofhimself,thinkinghowhehadgonetohertoofferit,askinghertomarryhim——withhisheadonhisbreastinshamefulfearthatshewouldaccepthim!Hehadnotknownher;theknowinghadlosthertohim,andthishadbeenhisrealawakening;forheknewnowhowdeephadbeenthatslumberwhereinhedreamilycelebratedthesuperiorityof\"friendship\"!Thesleep—walkerhadwakenedtobitterknowledgeofloveandlife,findinghimselfafailureinboth。Hehadmadeaburntofferingofhisdreams,andthesacrificehadbeenanunforgivablehurttoMary。Allthatwasleftforhimwastheworkhehadnotchosen,butatleasthewouldnotfailinthat,thoughitwasindeednomorethan\"dustinhismouth。\"Iftherehadbeenanything\"toworkfor——\" Hewenttothewindow,raisedit,andletintheuproarofthestreetsbelow。 Helookeddownattheblurred,hurryingswarms——andhelookedacross,overtheroofswiththeirpantingjetsofvapor,intothevast,foggyheartofthesmoke。Dizzytraceriesofsteelwererisingdimlyagainstit,chatteringwithsteelonsteel,andscreechinginsteam,whiletinyfiguresofmenwalkedonthreadsinthedullsky。BuildingswouldovertoptheSheridan。Bignesswasbeingserved。 Butwhatfor?TheoldquestioncametoBibbswithanewdespair。Here,wherehiseyesfell,hadoncebeengreenfieldsandrunningbrooks,andhowhadthekindearthbeendespoiledanddisfigured!Thepioneershadbegunthework,butintheiroldagetheiroratorshadsaidforthemthattheyhadtoiledandriskedandsacrificedthattheirposteritymightliveinpeaceandwisdom,enjoyingthefruitsoftheearth。Well,theirposteritywashere——andtherewasonlyturmoil。Wherewasthepromisedland?Ithadbeenpromisedbythesoldiersofallthewars;ithadbeenpromisedtothisgenerationbythepioneers;butherewastheveryposteritytowhomithadbeenpromised,toilingandriskingandsacrificinginturn——forwhat? Theharshroarofthecitycameinthroughtheopenwindow,continuouslybeatinguponBibbs\'searuntilhebegantodistinguishapulsationinit——abrokenandirregularcadence。Itseemedtohimthatitwaslikeatitanicvoice,discordant,hoarse,rustilymetallic——thevoiceofthegod,Bigness。 AndthevoicesummonedBibbsasitsummonedallitsservants。 \"Comeandwork!\"itseemedtoyell。\"ComeandworkforMe,allmen!ByyouryouthandyourhopeIsummonyou!ByyourageandyourdespairIsommonyoutoworkforMeyetalittle,withwhatstrengthyouhave。ByyourloveofhomeIsummonyou!ByyourloveofwomanIsummonyou!ByyourhopeofchildrenIsummonyou! \"YoushallbeblindslavesofMine,blindtoeverythingbutMe,youMasterandDriver!Foryourrewardyoushallgazeonlyuponmyugliness。Youshallgiveyourtoilandyourlives,youshallgomadforloveandworshipofmyugliness!YoushallperishstillworshippingMe,andyourchildrenshallperishknowingnoothergod!\" Andthen,asBibbsclosedthewindowdowntight,heheardhisfather\'svoiceboominginthenextroom;hecouldnotdistinguishthewords,butthetonewasexultant——andtherecametheTHUMP!THUMP!ofthemaimedhand。BibbsguessedthatSheridanwasbraggingofthecityandofBignesstosomevisitorfromout—of—town。 AndhethoughthowtrulySheridanwasthehighpriestofBigness。Butwiththeold,oldthoughtagain,,\"Whatfor?\"Bibbscaughtaglimmeroffar,faintlight。HesawthatSheridanhadallhislifestruggledandconquered,andmustallhislifegoonstrugglingandinevitablyconquering,aspartofavastimpulsenothisown。Sheridanservedblindly——butwastheimpulseblind? Bibbsaskedhimselfifitwasnothewhohadbeeninthegreaterhurry,afterall。Thekilnmustbefiredbeforethevaseisglazed,andtheAcropoliswasnotcrownedwithmarbleinaday。 Thenthevoicecametohimagain,buttherewasastraininitasofsomehughmusicstrugglingtobebornoftheturmoil。\"UglyIam,\"itseemedtosaytohim,\"butneverforgetthatIAMagod!\"Andthevoicegrewinsonorousnessandindignity。\"Thehighestshouldserve,butsolongasyouworshipmeformyownsakeIwillnotserveyou。Itismanwhomakesmeugly,byhisworshipofme。Ifmanwouldletmeservehim,Ishouldbebeautiful!\" Lookingoncemorefromthewindow,Bibbssculpturedforhimself——inthevaguecontortionsofthesmokeandfogabovetheroofs——agiganitcfigurewithfeetpedestaleduponthegreatbuildingsandshouldersdisappearingintheclouds,acolossusofsteelandwhollyblackenedwithsoot。ButBibbscarriedhisfancyfurther——fortherewasstillalittlepoetlingeringinthebackofhishead——andhethoughtthatupovertheclouds,unseenfrombelow,thegiantlaboredwithhishandsinthecleansunshine;andBibbshadaglimpseofwhathemadethere——perhapsforafellowshipofthechildrenofthechildrenthatwerechildrennow——anobleandjoyouscity,unbelievablywhite——\" Itwasthetelephonethatcalledhimfromhisvision。Itrangfiercely。 Heliftedthethingfromhisdeskandanswered——andasthesmallvoiceinsideitspokehedroppedthereceiverwithacrash。Hetrembledviolentlyashepickeditup,buthetoldhimselfhewaswrong——hehadbeenmistaken——yetitwasastartlinglybeautifulvoice;startlinglykind,too,andineffablyliketheonehehungeredmosttohear。 \"Who?\"hesaid,hisownvoiceshaking——likehishand。 \"Mary。\" Herespondedwithtwohushedandincredulouswords:\"ISIT?\" Therewasalittlethrillofpathetichalf—laughterintheinstrument。 \"Bibbs——Iwantedto——justtoseeifyou——\" \"Yes——Mary?\" \"Iwaslookingwhenyouweresonearlyrunover。Isawit,Bibbs。Theysaidyouhadn\'tbeenhurt,theythought,butIwantedtoknowformyself。\" \"No,no,Iwasn\'thurtatall——Mary。Itwasfatherwhocamenearerit。Hesavedme。\" \"Yes,Isaw;butyouhadfallen。Icouldn\'tgetthroughthecrowduntilyouhadgone。AndIwantedtoKNOW。\" \"Mary——wouldyou——haveminded?\"hesaid。 Therewasalongintervalbeforesheanswered。 \"Yes。\" \"Thenwhy——\" \"Yes,Bibbs?\" \"Idon\'tknowwhattosay,\"hecried。\"It\'ssowonderfultohearyourvoiceagain——I\'mshaking,Mary——I——Idon\'tknow——Idon\'tknowanythingexceptthatI AMtalkingtoyou!ItISyou——Mary?\" \"Yes,Bibbs!\" \"Mary——I\'veseenyoufrommywindowathome——onlyfivetimessinceI——sincethen。Youlooked——oh,howcanItellyou?Itwaslikeamanchainedinacavecatchingaglimpseofthebluesky,Mary。Mary,won\'tyou——letmeseeyouagain——near?IthinkIcouldmakeyoureallyforgiveme——you\'dhaveto——\" \"IDID——then。\" \"No——notreally——oryouwouldn\'thavesaidyoucouldn\'tseemeanymore。\" \"Thatwasn\'tthereason。\"Thevoicewasverylow。 \"Mary,\"hesaid,evenmoretremulouslythanbefore,\"Ican\'t——youCOULDN\'T meanitwasbecause——youcan\'tmeanitwasbecauseyou——care?\" Therewasnoanswer。 \"Mary?\"hecalled,huskily。\"IfyoumeanTHAT——you\'dletmeseeyou—— wouldn\'tyou?\" Andnowthevoicewassolowhecouldnotbesureitspokeatall,butifitdid,thewordswere,\"Yes,Bibbs——dear。\" Butthevoicewasnotintheinstrument——itwassogentleandsolight,soalmostnothing,itseemedtobemadeofair——anditcamefromtheair。 Slowlyandincredulouslyheturned——andgloryfelluponhisshiningeyes。Thedoorofhisfather\'sroomhadopened。 Marystooduponthethreshold。