`Notnow,\'hereplied。`Ihavedoneallsorts——exceptportraits——
Ineverdidportraits。Butotherthings——\'
`Whatkindofthings?\'askedGudrun。
Hepausedamoment,thenrose,andwentoutoftheroom。Hereturnedalmostimmediatelywithalittlerollofpaper,whichhehandedtoher。
Sheunrolledit。Itwasaphotogravurereproductionofastatuette,signedF。Loerke。
`Thatisquiteanearlything——notmechanical,\'hesaid,`morepopular。\'
Thestatuettewasofanakedgirl,small,finelymade,sittingonagreatnakedhorse。Thegirlwasyoungandtender,amerebud。Shewassittingsidewaysonthehorse,herfaceinherhands,asifinshameandgrief,inalittleabandon。Herhair,whichwasshortandmustbeflaxen,fellforward,divided,halfcoveringherhands。
Herlimbswereyoungandtender。Herlegs,scarcelyformedyet,thelegsofamaidenjustpassingtowardscruelwomanhood,dangledchildishlyoverthesideofthepowerfulhorse,pathetically,thesmallfeetfoldedoneovertheother,asiftohide。Buttherewasnohiding。Thereshewasexposednakedonthenakedflankofthehorse。
Thehorsestoodstockstill,stretchedinakindofstart。Itwasamassive,magnificentstallion,rigidwithpent—uppower。Itsneckwasarchedandterrible,likeasickle,itsflankswerepressedback,rigidwithpower。
Gudrunwentpale,andadarknesscameoverhereyes,likeshame,shelookedupwithacertainsupplication,almostslave—like。Heglancedather,andjerkedhisheadalittle。
`Howbigisit?\'sheasked,inatonelessvoice,persistinginappearingcasualandunaffected。
`Howbig?\'hereplied,glancingagainather。`Withoutpedestal——sohigh——\'hemeasuredwithhishand——`withpedestal,so——\'
Helookedathersteadily。Therewasalittlebrusque,turgidcontemptforherinhisswiftgesture,andsheseemedtocringealittle。
`Andwhatisitdonein?\'sheasked,throwingbackherheadandlookingathimwithaffectedcoldness。
Hestillgazedathersteadily,andhisdominancewasnotshaken。
`Bronze——greenbronze。\'
`Greenbronze!\'repeatedGudrun,coldlyacceptinghischallenge。Shewasthinkingoftheslender,immature,tenderlimbsofthegirl,smoothandcoldingreenbronze。
`Yes,beautiful,\'shemurmured,lookingupathimwithacertaindarkhomage。
Heclosedhiseyesandlookedaside,triumphant。
`Why,\'saidUrsula,`didyoumakethehorsesostiff?Itisasstiffasablock。\'
`Stiff?\'herepeated,inarmsatonce。
`Yes。Lookhowstockandstupidandbrutalitis。Horsesaresensitive,quitedelicateandsensitive,really。\'
Heraisedhisshoulders,spreadhishandsinashrugofslowindifference,asmuchastoinformhershewasanamateurandanimpertinentnobody。
`WissenSie,\'hesaid,withaninsultingpatienceandcondescensioninhisvoice,`thathorseisacertainform,partofawholeform。
Itispartofaworkofart,apieceofform。Itisnotapictureofafriendlyhorsetowhichyougivealumpofsugar,doyousee——itispartofaworkofart,ithasnorelationtoanythingoutsidethatworkofart。\'
Ursula,angryatbeingtreatedquitesoinsultinglydehautenbas,fromtheheightofesotericarttothedepthofgeneralexotericamateurism,replied,hotly,flushingandliftingherface。
`Butitisapictureofahorse,nevertheless。\'
Heliftedhisshouldersinanothershrug。
`Asyoulike——itisnotapictureofacow,certainly。\'
HereGudrunbrokein,flushedandbrilliant,anxioustoavoidanymoreofthis,anymoreofUrsula\'sfoolishpersistenceingivingherselfaway。
`Whatdoyoumeanby\"itisapictureofahorse?\"\'shecriedathersister。`Whatdoyoumeanbyahorse?Youmeananideayouhaveinyourhead,andwhichyouwanttoseerepresented。Thereisanotherideaaltogether,quiteanotheridea。Callitahorseifyoulike,orsayitisnotahorse。
Ihavejustasmuchrighttosaythatyourhorseisn\'tahorse,thatitisafalsityofyourownmake—up。\'
Ursulawavered,baffled。Thenherwordscame。
`Butwhydoeshehavethisideaofahorse?\'shesaid。`Iknowitishisidea。Iknowitisapictureofhimself,really——\'
Loerkesnortedwithrage。
`Apictureofmyself!\'herepeated,inderision。`Wissensie,gnadigeFrau,thatisaKunstwerk,aworkofart。Itisaworkofart,itisapictureofnothing,ofabsolutelynothing。Ithasnothingtodowithanythingbutitself,ithasnorelationwiththeeverydayworldofthisandother,thereisnoconnectionbetweenthem,absolutelynone,theyaretwodifferentanddistinctplanesofexistence,andtotranslateoneintotheotherisworsethanfoolish,itisadarkeningofallcounsel,amakingconfusioneverywhere。Doyousee,youmustnotconfusetherelativeworkofaction,withtheabsoluteworldofart。Thatyoumustnotdo。\'
`Thatisquitetrue,\'criedGudrun,letlooseinasortofrhapsody。
`Thetwothingsarequiteandpermanentlyapart,theyhavenothingtodowithoneanother。Iandmyart,theyhavenothingtodowitheachother。Myartstandsinanotherworld,Iaminthisworld。\'
Herfacewasflushedandtransfigured。Loerkewhowassittingwithhisheadducked,likesomecreatureatbay,lookedupather,swiftly,almostfurtively,andmurmured,`Ja——soistes,soistes。\'
Ursulawassilentafterthisoutburst。Shewasfurious。Shewantedtopokeaholeintothemboth。
`Itisn\'tawordofittrue,ofallthisharangueyouhavemademe,\'
sherepliedflatly。`Thehorseisapictureofyourownstock,stupidbrutality,andthegirlwasagirlyoulovedandtorturedandthenignored。\'
Helookedupatherwithasmallsmileofcontemptinhiseyes。Hewouldnottroubletoanswerthislastcharge。
Gudruntoowassilentinexasperatedcontempt。Ursulawassuchaninsufferableoutsider,rushinginwhereangelswouldfeartotread。
Butthen——foolsmustbesuffered,ifnotgladly。
ButUrsulawaspersistenttoo。
`Asforyourworldofartandyourworldofreality,\'shereplied,`youhavetoseparatethetwo,becauseyoucan\'tbeartoknowwhatyouare。
Youcan\'tbeartorealisewhatastock,stiff,hide—boundbrutalityyouarereally,soyousay\"it\'stheworldofart。\"Theworldofartisonlythetruthabouttherealworld,that\'sall——butyouaretoofargonetoseeit。\'
Shewaswhiteandtrembling,intent。GudrunandLoerkesatinstiffdislikeofher。Geraldtoo,whohadcomeupinthebeginningofthespeech,stoodlookingatherincompletedisapprovalandopposition。Hefeltshewasundignified,sheputasortofvulgarityovertheesotericismwhichgavemanhislastdistinction。Hejoinedhisforceswiththeothertwo。
Theyallthreewantedhertogoaway。Butshesatoninsilence,hersoulweeping,throbbingviolently,herfingerstwistingherhandkerchief。
Theothersmaintainedadeadsilence,lettingthedisplayofUrsula\'sobtrusivenesspassby。ThenGudrunasked,inavoicethatwasquitecoolandcasual,asifresumingacasualconversation:
`Wasthegirlamodel?\'
`Nein,siewarkeinModell。SiewareinekleineMalschulerin。\'
`Anart—student!\'repliedGudrun。
Andhowthesituationrevealeditselftoher!Shesawthegirlart—student,unformedandofperniciousrecklessness,tooyoung,herstraightflaxenhaircutshort,hangingjustintoherneck,curvinginwardsslightly,becauseitwasratherthick;andLoerke,thewell—knownmaster—sculptor,andthegirl,probablywell—brought—up,andofgoodfamily,thinkingherselfsogreattobehismistress。Ohhowwellsheknewthecommoncallousnessofitall。Dresden,Paris,orLondon,whatdiditmatter?Sheknewit。
`Whereisshenow?\'Ursulaasked。
Loerkeraisedhisshoulders,toconveyhiscompleteignoranceandindifference。
`Thatisalreadysixyearsago,\'hesaid;`shewillbetwenty—threeyearsold,nomoregood。\'
Geraldhadpickedupthepictureandwaslookingatit。Itattractedhimalso。Hesawonthepedestal,thatthepiecewascalled`LadyGodiva。\'
`Butthisisn\'tLadyGodiva,\'hesaid,smilinggood—humouredly。`Shewasthemiddle—agedwifeofsomeEarlorother,whocoveredherselfwithherlonghair。\'
`AlaMaudAllan,\'saidGudrunwithamockinggrimace。
`WhyMaudAllan?\'hereplied。`Isn\'titso?Ialwaysthoughtthelegendwasthat。\'
`Yes,Geralddear,I\'mquitesureyou\'vegotthelegendperfectly。\'
Shewaslaughingathim,withalittle,mock—caressivecontempt。
`Tobesure,I\'dratherseethewomanthanthehair,\'helaughedinreturn。
`Wouldn\'tyoujust!\'mockedGudrun。
Ursularoseandwentaway,leavingthethreetogether。
GudruntookthepictureagainfromGerald,andsatlookingatitclosely。
`Ofcourse,\'shesaid,turningtoteaseLoerkenow,`youunderstoodyourlittleMalschulerin。\'
Heraisedhiseyebrowsandhisshouldersinacomplacentshrug。
`Thelittlegirl?\'askedGerald,pointingtothefigure。
Gudrunwassittingwiththepictureinherlap。ShelookedupatGerald,fullintohiseyes,sothatheseemedtobeblinded。
`Didn\'theunderstandher!\'shesaidtoGerald,inaslightlymocking,humorousplayfulness。`You\'veonlytolookatthefeet——aren\'ttheydarling,soprettyandtender——oh,they\'rereallywonderful,theyarereally——\'
Sheliftedhereyesslowly,withahot,flaminglookintoLoerke\'seyes。
Hissoulwasfilledwithherburningrecognition,heseemedtogrowmoreuppishandlordly。
Geraldlookedatthesmall,sculpturedfeet。Theywereturnedtogether,halfcoveringeachotherinpatheticshynessandfear。Helookedatthemalongtime,fascinated。Then,insomepain,heputthepictureawayfromhim。Hefeltfullofbarrenness。
`Whatwashername?\'GudrunaskedLoerke。
`AnnettevonWeck,\'Loerkerepliedreminiscent。`Ja,siewarhubsch。
Shewaspretty——butshewastiresome。Shewasanuisance,——notforaminutewouldshekeepstill——notuntilI\'dslappedherhardandmadehercry——thenshe\'dsitforfiveminutes。\'
Hewasthinkingoverthework,hiswork,theallimportanttohim。
`Didyoureallyslapher?\'askedGudrun,coolly。
Heglancedbackather,readingherchallenge。
`Yes,Idid,\'hesaid,nonchalant,`harderthanIhaveeverbeatanythinginmylife。Ihadto,Ihadto。ItwastheonlywayIgottheworkdone。\'
Gudrunwatchedhimwithlarge,dark—filledeyes,forsomemoments。Sheseemedtobeconsideringhisverysoul。Thenshelookeddown,insilence。
`WhydidyouhavesuchayoungGodivathen?\'askedGerald。`Sheissosmall,besides,onthehorse——notbigenoughforit——suchachild。\'
AqueerspasmwentoverLoerke\'sface。
`Yes,\'hesaid。`Idon\'tlikethemanybigger,anyolder。Thentheyarebeautiful,atsixteen,seventeen,eighteen——afterthat,theyarenousetome。\'
Therewasamoment\'spause。
`Whynot?\'askedGerald。
Loerkeshruggedhisshoulders。
`Idon\'tfindtheminteresting——orbeautiful——theyarenogoodtome,formywork。\'
`Doyoumeantosayawomanisn\'tbeautifulaftersheistwenty?\'askedGerald。
`Forme,no。Beforetwenty,sheissmallandfreshandtenderandslight。
Afterthat——letherbewhatshelikes,shehasnothingforme。TheVenusofMiloisabourgeoise——soaretheyall。\'
`Andyoudon\'tcareforwomenatallaftertwenty?\'askedGerald。
`Theyarenogoodtome,theyareofnouseinmyart,\'Loerkerepeatedimpatiently。`Idon\'tfindthembeautiful。\'
`Youareanepicure,\'saidGerald,withaslightsarcasticlaugh。
`Andwhataboutmen?\'askedGudrunsuddenly。
`Yes,theyaregoodatallages,\'repliedLoerke。`Amanshouldbebigandpowerful——whetherheisoldoryoungisofnoaccount,sohehasthesize,somethingofmassivenessand——andstupidform。\'
Ursulawentoutaloneintotheworldofpure,newsnow。Butthedazzlingwhitenessseemedtobeatuponhertillithurther,shefeltthecoldwasslowlystranglinghersoul。Herheadfeltdazedandnumb。
Suddenlyshewantedtogoaway。Itoccurredtoher,likeamiracle,thatshemightgoawayintoanotherworld。Shehadfeltsodoomeduphereintheeternalsnow,asiftherewerenobeyond。
Nowsuddenly,asbyamiraclesherememberedthatawaybeyond,belowher,laythedarkfruitfulearth,thattowardsthesouththerewerestretchesoflanddarkwithorangetreesandcypress,greywitholives,thatilextreesliftedwonderfulplumytuftsinshadowagainstabluesky。Miracleofmiracles!——thisutterlysilent,frozenworldofthemountain—topswasnotuniversal!Onemightleaveitandhavedonewithit。Onemightgoaway。
Shewantedtorealisethemiracleatonce。Shewantedatthisinstanttohavedonewiththesnow—world,theterrible,staticice—builtmountaintops。Shewantedtoseethedarkearth,tosmellitsearthyfecundity,toseethepatientwintryvegetation,tofeelthesunshinetoucharesponseinthebuds。
Shewentbackgladlytothehouse,fullofhope。Birkinwasreading,lyinginbed。
`Rupert,\'shesaid,burstinginonhim。`Iwanttogoaway。\'
Helookedupatherslowly。
`Doyou?\'herepliedmildly。
Shesatbyhimundputherarmsroundhisneck。Itsurprisedherthathewassolittlesurprised。
`Don\'tyou?\'sheaskedtroubled。
`Ihadn\'tthoughtaboutit,\'hesaid。`ButI\'msureIdo。\'
Shesatup,suddenlyerect。
`Ihateit,\'shesaid。`Ihatethesnow,andtheunnaturalnessofit,theunnaturallightitthrowsoneverybody,theghastlyglamour,theunnaturalfeelingsitmakeseverybodyhave。\'
Helaystillandlaughed,meditating。
`Well,\'hesaid,`wecangoaway——wecangotomorrow。We\'llgotomorrowtoVerona,andfindRomeoandJuliet,andsitintheamphitheatre——shallwe?\'
Suddenlyshehidherfaceagainsthisshoulderwithperplexityandshyness。
Helaysountrammelled。
`Yes,\'shesaidsoftly,filledwithrelief。Shefelthersoulhadnewwings,nowhewassouncaring。`IshalllovetobeRomeoandJuliet,\'shesaid。`Mylove!\'
`ThoughafearfullycoldwindblowsinVerona,\'hesaid,`fromoutoftheAlps。Weshallhavethesmellofthesnowinournoses。\'
Shesatupandlookedathim。
`Areyougladtogo?\'sheasked,troubled。
Hiseyeswereinscrutableandlaughing。Shehidherfaceagainsthisneck,clingingclosetohim,pleading:
`Don\'tlaughatme——don\'tlaughatme。\'
`Whyhow\'sthat?\'helaughed,puttinghisarmsroundher。
`BecauseIdon\'twanttobelaughedat,\'shewhispered。
Helaughedmore,ashekissedherdelicate,finelyperfumedhair。
`Doyouloveme?\'shewhispered,inwildseriousness。
`Yes,\'heanswered,laughing。
Suddenlysheliftedhermouthtobekissed。Herlipsweretautandquiveringandstrenuous,hisweresoft,deepanddelicate。Hewaitedafewmomentsinthekiss。Thenashadeofsadnesswentoverhissoul。
`Yourmouthissohard,\'hesaid,infaintreproach。
`Andyoursissosoftandnice,\'shesaidgladly。
`Butwhydoyoualwaysgripyourlips?\'heasked,regretful。
`Nevermind,\'shesaidswiftly。`Itismyway。\'
Sheknewhelovedher;shewassureofhim。Yetshecouldnotletgoacertainholdoverherself,shecouldnotbearhimtoquestionher。Shegaveherselfupindelighttobeinglovedbyhim。Sheknewthat,inspiteofhisjoywhensheabandonedherself,hewasalittlebitsaddenedtoo。
Shecouldgiveherselfuptohisactivity。Butshecouldnotbeherself,shedarednotcomeforthquitenakedlytohisnakedness,abandoningalladjustment,lapsinginpurefaithwithhim。Sheabandonedherselftohim,orshetookholdofhimandgatheredherjoyofhim。Andsheenjoyedhimfully。Buttheywereneverquitetogether,atthesamemoment,onewasalwaysalittleleftout。Neverthelessshewasgladinhope,gloriousandfree,fulloflifeandliberty。Andhewasstillandsoftandpatient,forthetime。
Theymadetheirpreparationstoleavethenextday。FirsttheywenttoGudrun\'sroom,wheresheandGeraldwerejustdressedreadyfortheeveningindoors。
`Prune,\'saidUrsula,`Ithinkweshallgoawaytomorrow。Ican\'tstandthesnowanymore。Ithurtsmyskinandmysoul。\'
`Doesitreallyhurtyoursoul,Ursula?\'askedGudrun,insomesurprise。
`Icanbelievequiteithurtsyourskin——itisterrible。ButI
thoughtitwasadmirableforthesoul。\'
`No,notformine。Itjustinjuresit,\'saidUrsula。
`Really!\'criedGudrun。
Therewasasilenceintheroom。AndUrsulaandBirkincouldfeelthatGudrunandGeraldwererelievedbytheirgoing。
`Youwillgosouth?\'saidGerald,alittleringofuneasinessinhisvoice。
`Yes,\'saidBirkin,turningaway。Therewasaqueer,indefinablehostilitybetweenthetwomen,lately。Birkinwasonthewholedimandindifferent,driftingalonginadim,easyflow,unnoticingandpatient,sincehecameabroad,whilstGeraldontheotherhand,wasintenseandgrippedintowhitelight,agonistes。Thetwomenrevokedoneanother。
GeraldandGudrunwereverykindtothetwowhoweredeparting,solicitousfortheirwelfareasiftheyweretwochildren。GudruncametoUrsula\'sbedroomwiththreepairsofthecolouredstockingsforwhichshewasnotorious,andshethrewthemonthebed。Butthesewerethicksilkstockings,vermilion,cornflowerblue,andgrey,boughtinParis。Thegreyoneswereknitted,seamlessandheavy。Ursulawasinraptures。SheknewGudrunmustbefeelingveryloving,togiveawaysuchtreasures。
`Ican\'ttakethemfromyou,Prune,\'shecried。`Ican\'tpossiblydepriveyouofthem——thejewels。\'
`Aren\'ttheyjewels!\'criedGudrun,eyeinghergiftswithanenviouseye。`Aren\'ttheyreallambs!\'
`Yes,youmustkeepthem,\'saidUrsula。
`Idon\'twantthem,I\'vegotthreemorepairs。Iwantyoutokeepthem——Iwantyoutohavethem。They\'reyours,there——\'
Andwithtrembling,excitedhandssheputthecovetedstockingsunderUrsula\'spillow。
`Onegetsthegreatestjoyofalloutofreallylovelystockings,\'saidUrsula。
`Onedoes,\'repliedGudrun;`thegreatestjoyofall。\'
Andshesatdowninthechair。Itwasevidentshehadcomeforalasttalk。Ursula,notknowingwhatshewanted,waitedinsilence。
`Doyoufeel,Ursula,\'Gudrunbegan,rathersceptically,thatyouaregoing—away—for—ever,never—to—return,sortofthing?\'
`Oh,weshallcomeback,\'saidUrsula。`Itisn\'taquestionoftrain—journeys。\'
`Yes,Iknow。Butspiritually,sotospeak,youaregoingawayfromusall?\'
Ursulaquivered。
`Idon\'tknowabitwhatisgoingtohappen,\'shesaid。`Ionlyknowwearegoingsomewhere。\'
Gudrunwaited。
`Andyouareglad?\'sheasked。
Ursulameditatedforamoment。
`IbelieveIamveryglad,\'shereplied。
ButGudrunreadtheunconsciousbrightnessonhersister\'sface,ratherthantheuncertaintonesofherspeech。
`Butdon\'tyouthinkyou\'llwanttheoldconnectionwiththeworld——fatherandtherestofus,andallthatitmeans,Englandandtheworldofthought——don\'tyouthinkyou\'llneedthat,reallytomakeaworld?\'
Ursulawassilent,tryingtoimagine。
`Ithink,\'shesaidatlength,involuntarily,`thatRupertisright——onewantsanewspacetobein,andonefallsawayfromtheold。\'
Gudrunwatchedhersisterwithimpassivefaceandsteadyeyes。
`Onewantsanewspacetobein,Iquiteagree,\'shesaid。`ButIthinkthatanewworldisadevelopmentfromthisworld,andthattoisolateoneselfwithoneotherperson,isn\'ttofindanewworldatall,butonlytosecureoneselfinone\'sillusions。\'
Ursulalookedoutofthewindow。Inhersoulshebegantowrestle,andshewasfrightened。Shewasalwaysfrightenedofwords,becausesheknewthatmereword—forcecouldalwaysmakeherbelievewhatshedidnotbelieve。
`Perhaps,\'shesaid,fullofmistrust,ofherselfandeverybody。`But,\'
sheadded,`Idothinkthatonecan\'thaveanythingnewwhilstonecaresfortheold——doyouknowwhatImean?——evenfightingtheoldisbelongingtoit。Iknow,oneistemptedtostopwiththeworld,justtofightit。
Butthenitisn\'tworthit。\'
Gudrunconsideredherself。
`Yes,\'shesaid。`Inaway,oneisoftheworldifonelivesinit。
Butisn\'titreallyanillusiontothinkyoucangetoutofit?Afterall,acottageintheAbruzzi,orwhereveritmaybe,isn\'tanewworld。No,theonlythingtodowiththeworld,istoseeitthrough。\'
Ursulalookedaway。Shewassofrightenedofargument。
`Buttherecanbesomethingelse,can\'tthere?\'shesaid。`Onecanseeitthroughinone\'ssoul,longenoughbeforeitseesitselfthroughinactuality。Andthen,whenonehasseenone\'ssoul,oneissomethingelse。\'
`Canoneseeitthroughinone\'ssoul?\'askedGudrun。`Ifyoumeanthatyoucanseetotheendofwhatwillhappen,Idon\'tagree。I
reallycan\'tagree。Andanyhow,youcan\'tsuddenlyflyoffontoanewplanet,becauseyouthinkyoucanseetotheendofthis。\'
Ursulasuddenlystraightenedherself。
`Yes,\'shesaid。`Yes——oneknows。Onehasnomoreconnectionshere。
Onehasasortofotherself,thatbelongstoanewplanet,nottothis。
You\'vegottohopoff。\'
Gudrunreflectedforafewmoments。Thenasmileofridicule,almostofcontempt,cameoverherface。
`Andwhatwillhappenwhenyoufindyourselfinspace?\'shecriedinderision。`Afterall,thegreatideasoftheworldarethesamethere。
Youaboveeverybodycan\'tgetawayfromthefactthatlove,forinstance,isthesupremething,inspaceaswellasonearth。\'
`No,\'saidUrsula,`itisn\'t。Loveistoohumanandlittle。Ibelieveinsomethinginhuman,ofwhichloveisonlyalittlepart。Ibelievewhatwemustfulfilcomesoutoftheunknowntous,anditissomethinginfinitelymorethanlove。Itisn\'tsomerelyhuman。\'
GudrunlookedatUrsulawithsteady,balancingeyes。Sheadmiredanddespisedhersistersomuch,both!Then,suddenlysheavertedherface,sayingcoldly,uglily:
`Well,I\'vegotnofurtherthanlove,yet。\'
OverUrsula\'smindflashedthethought:`Becauseyouneverhaveloved,youcan\'tgetbeyondit。\'
Gudrunrose,cameovertoUrsulaandputherarmroundherneck。
`Goandfindyournewworld,dear,\'shesaid,hervoiceclangingwithfalsebenignity。`Afterall,thehappiestvoyageisthequestofRupert\'sBlessedIsles。\'
HerarmrestedroundUrsula\'sneck,herfingersonUrsula\'scheekforafewmoments。Ursulawassupremelyuncomfortablemeanwhile。TherewasaninsultinGudrun\'sprotectivepatronagethatwasreallytoohurting。
Feelinghersister\'sresistance,Gudrundrewawkwardlyaway,turnedoverthepillow,anddisclosedthestockingsagain。
`Ha——ha!\'shelaughed,ratherhollowly。`Howwedotalkindeed——
newworldsandold——!\'
Andtheypassedtothefamiliarworldlysubjects。
GeraldandBirkinhadwalkedonahead,waitingforthesledgetoovertakethem,conveyingthedepartingguests。
`Howmuchlongerwillyoustayhere?\'askedBirkin,glancingupatGerald\'sveryred,almostblankface。
`Oh,Ican\'tsay,\'Geraldreplied。`Tillwegettiredofit。\'
`You\'renotafraidofthesnowmeltingfirst?\'askedBirkin。
Geraldlaughed。
`Doesitmelt?\'hesaid。
`Thingsareallrightwithyouthen?\'saidBirkin。
Geraldscreweduphiseyesalittle。
`Allright?\'hesaid。`Ineverknowwhatthosecommonwordsmean。Allrightandallwrong,don\'ttheybecomesynonymous,somewhere?\'
`Yes,Isuppose。Howaboutgoingback?\'askedBirkin。
`Oh,Idon\'tknow。Wemaynevergetback。Idon\'tlookbeforeandafter,\'
saidGerald。
`Norpineforwhatisnot,\'saidBirkin。
Geraldlookedintothedistance,withthesmall—pupilled,abstracteyesofahawk。
`No。There\'ssomethingfinalaboutthis。AndGudrunseemsliketheend,tome。Idon\'tknow——butsheseemssosoft,herskinlikesilk,herarmsheavyandsoft。Anditwithersmyconsciousness,somehow,itburnsthepithofmymind。\'Hewentonafewpaces,staringahead,hiseyesfixed,lookinglikeamaskusedinghastlyreligionsofthebarbarians。`Itblastsyoursoul\'seye,\'hesaid,`andleavesyousightless。Yetyouwanttobesightless,youwanttobeblasted,youdon\'twantitanydifferent。\'
Hewasspeakingasifinatrance,verbalandblank。Thensuddenlyhebracedhimselfupwithakindofrhapsody,andlookedatBirkinwithvindictive,cowedeyes,saying:
`Doyouknowwhatitistosufferwhenyouarewithawoman?She\'ssobeautiful,soperfect,youfindhersogood,ittearsyoulikeasilk,andeverystrokeandbitcutshot——ha,thatperfection,whenyoublastyourself,youblastyourself!Andthen——\'hestoppedonthesnowandsuddenlyopenedhisclenchedhands——`it\'snothing——yourbrainmighthavegonecharredasrags——and——\'helookedroundintotheairwithaqueerhistrionicmovement`it\'sblasting——youunderstandwhatImean——itisagreatexperience,somethingfinal——andthen——you\'reshrivelledasifstruckbyelectricity。\'Hewalkedoninsilence。Itseemedlikebragging,butlikeamaninextremitybraggingtruthfully。