Geraldstoodleaningbackagainstthemantel—piece。HelookeddownatBirkin,andhiseyesflashedwithasortofterrorliketheeyesofastallion,thatarebloodshotandoverwrought,turnedglancingbackwardsinastiffterror。
`IfellthatifIdon\'twatchmyself,Ishallfindmyselfdoingsomethingsilly,\'hesaid。
`Whynotdoit?\'saidBirkincoldly。
Geraldlistenedwithquickimpatience。HekeptglancingdownatBirkin,asiflookingforsomethingfromtheotherman。
`IusedtodosomeJapanesewrestling,\'saidBirkin。`AJaplivedinthesamehousewithmeinHeidelberg,andhetaughtmealittle。ButI
wasnevermuchgoodatit。\'
`Youdid!\'exclaimedGerald。`That\'soneofthethingsI\'venevereverseendone。Youmeanjiu—jitsu,Isuppose?\'
`Yes。ButIamnogoodatthosethings——theydon\'tinterestme。\'
`Theydon\'t?Theydome。What\'sthestart?\'
`I\'llshowyouwhatIcan,ifyoulike,\'saidBirkin。
`Youwill?\'Aqueer,smilinglooktightenedGerald\'sfaceforamoment,ashesaid,`Well,I\'dlikeitverymuch。\'
`Thenwe\'lltryjiu—jitsu。Onlyyoucan\'tdomuchinastarchedshirt。\'
`Thenletusstrip,anddoitproperly。Holdaminute——\'Herangthebell,andwaitedforthebutler。
`Bringacoupleofsandwichesandasyphon,\'hesaidtotheman,`andthendon\'ttroublemeanymoretonight——orletanybodyelse。\'
Themanwent。GeraldturnedtoBirkinwithhiseyeslighted。
`AndyouusedtowrestlewithaJap?\'hesaid。`Didyoustrip?\'
`Sometimes。\'
`Youdid!Whatwashelikethen,asawrestler?\'
`Good,Ibelieve。Iamnojudge。Hewasveryquickandslipperyandfullofelectricfire。Itisaremarkablething,whatacurioussortoffluidforcetheyseemtohaveinthem,thosepeoplenotlikeahumangrip——likeapolyp——\'
Geraldnodded。
`Ishouldimagineso,\'hesaid,`tolookatthem。Theyrepelme,rather。\'
`Repelandattract,both。Theyareveryrepulsivewhentheyarecold,andtheylookgrey。Butwhentheyarehotandroused,thereisadefiniteattraction——acuriouskindoffullelectricfluid——likeeels。\'
`Well——yes——probably。\'
Themanbroughtinthetrayandsetitdown。
`Don\'tcomeinanymore,\'saidGerald。
Thedoorclosed。
`Wellthen,\'saidGerald;`shallwestripandbegin?Willyouhaveadrinkfirst?\'
`No,Idon\'twantone。\'
`NeitherdoI。\'
Geraldfastenedthedoorandpushedthefurnitureaside。Theroomwaslarge,therewasplentyofspace,itwasthicklycarpeted。Thenhequicklythrewoffhisclothes,andwaitedforBirkin。Thelatter,whiteandthin,cameovertohim。Birkinwasmoreapresencethanavisibleobject,Geraldwasawareofhimcompletely,butnotreallyvisually。WhereasGeraldhimselfwasconcreteandnoticeable,apieceofpurefinalsubstance。
`Now,\'saidBirkin,`IwillshowyouwhatIlearned,andwhatIremember。
Youletmetakeyouso——\'Andhishandsclosedonthenakedbodyoftheotherman。Inanothermoment,hehadGeraldswungoverlightlyandbalancedagainsthisknee,headdownwards。Relaxed,Geraldsprangtohisfeetwitheyesglittering。
`That\'ssmart,\'hesaid。`Nowtryagain。\'
Sothetwomenbegantostruggletogether。Theywereverydissimilar。
Birkinwastallandnarrow,hisboneswereverythinandfine。Geraldwasmuchheavierandmoreplastic。Hisboneswerestrongandround,hislimbswererounded,allhiscontourswerebeautifullyandfullymoulded。Heseemedtostandwithaproper,richweightonthefaceoftheearth,whilstBirkinseemedtohavethecentreofgravitationinhisownmiddle。AndGeraldhadarich,frictionalkindofstrength,rathermechanical,butsuddenandinvincible,whereasBirkinwasabstractastobealmostintangible。
Heimpingedinvisiblyupontheotherman,scarcelyseemingtotouchhim,likeagarment,andthensuddenlypiercinginatensefinegripthatseemedtopenetrateintotheveryquickofGerald\'sbeing。
Theystopped,theydiscussedmethods,theypractisedgripsandthrows,theybecameaccustomedtoeachother,toeachother\'srhythm,theygotakindofmutualphysicalunderstanding。Andthenagaintheyhadarealstruggle。Theyseemedtodrivetheirwhitefleshdeeperanddeeperagainsteachother,asiftheywouldbreakintoaoneness。Birkinhadagreatsubtleenergy,thatwouldpressupontheothermanwithanuncannyforce,weighhimlikeaspellputuponhim。Thenitwouldpass,andGeraldwouldheavefree,withwhite,heaving,dazzlingmovements。
Sothetwomenentwinedandwrestledwitheachother,workingnearerandnearer。Bothwerewhiteandclear,butGeraldflushedsmartredwherehewastouched,andBirkinremainedwhiteandtense。HeseemedtopenetrateintoGerald\'smoresolid,morediffusebulk,tointerfusehisbodythroughthebodyoftheother,asiftobringitsubtlyintosubjection,alwaysseizingwithsomerapidnecromanticfore—knowledgeeverymotionoftheotherflesh,convertingandcounteractingit,playinguponthelimbsandtrunkofGeraldlikesomehardwind。ItwasasifBirkin\'swholephysicalintelligenceinterpenetratedintoGerald\'sbody,asifhisfine,sublimatedenergyenteredintothefleshofthefullerman,likesomepotency,castingafinenet,aprison,throughthemusclesintotheverydepthsofGerald\'sphysicalbeing。
Sotheywrestledswiftly,rapturously,intentandmindlessatlast,twoessentialwhitefiguresworkingintoatightercloseronenessofstruggle,withastrange,octopus—likeknottingandflashingoflimbsinthesubduedlightoftheroom;atensewhiteknotoffleshgrippedinsilencebetweenthewallsofoldbrownbooks。Nowandagaincameasharpgaspofbreath,orasoundlikeasigh,thentherapidthuddingofmovementonthethickly—carpetedfloor,thenthestrangesoundoffleshescapingunderflesh。Often,inthewhiteinterlacedknotofviolentlivingbeingthatswayedsilently,therewasnoheadtobeseen,onlytheswift,tightlimbs,thesolidwhitebacks,thephysicaljunctionoftwobodiesclinchedintooneness。Thenwouldappearthegleaming,ruffledheadofGerald,asthestrugglechanged,thenforamomentthedun—coloured,shadow—likeheadoftheothermanwouldliftupfromtheconflict,theeyeswideanddreadfulandsightless。
AtlengthGeraldlaybackinertonthecarpet,hisbreastrisingingreatslowpanting,whilstBirkinkneeledoverhim,almostunconscious。
Birkinwasmuchmoreexhausted。Hecaughtlittle,shortbreaths,hecouldscarcelybreatheanymore。Theearthseemedtotiltandsway,andacompletedarknesswascomingoverhismind。Hedidnotknowwhathappened。Heslidforwardquiteunconscious,overGerald,andGeralddidnotnotice。Thenhewashalf—consciousagain,awareonlyofthestrangetiltingandslidingoftheworld。Theworldwassliding,everythingwasslidingoffintothedarkness。Andhewassliding,endlessly,endlesslyaway。
Hecametoconsciousnessagain,hearinganimmenseknockingoutside。
Whatcouldbehappening,whatwasit,thegreathammer—strokeresoundingthroughthehouse?Hedidnotknow。Andthenitcametohimthatitwashisownheartbeating。Butthatseemedimpossible,thenoisewasoutside。
No,itwasinsidehimself,itwashisownheart。Andthebeatingwaspainful,sostrained,surcharged。HewonderedifGeraldheardit。Hedidnotknowwhetherhewerestandingorlyingorfalling。
WhenherealisedthathehadfallenprostrateuponGerald\'sbodyhewondered,hewassurprised。Buthesatup,steadyinghimselfwithhishandandwaitingforhishearttobecomestillerandlesspainful。Ithurtverymuch,andtookawayhisconsciousness。
GeraldhoweverwasstilllessconsciousthanBirkin。Theywaiteddimly,inasortofnot—being,formanyuncounted,unknownminutes。
`Ofcourse——\'pantedGerald,`Ididn\'thavetoberough——withyou——Ihadtokeepback——myforce——\'
Birkinheardthesoundasifhisownspiritstoodbehindhim,outsidehim,andlistenedtoit。Hisbodywasinatranceofexhaustion,hisspiritheardthinly。Hisbodycouldnotanswer。Onlyheknewhisheartwasgettingquieter。Hewasdividedentirelybetweenhisspirit,whichstoodoutside,andknew,andhisbody,thatwasaplunging,unconsciousstrokeofblood。
`Icouldhavethrownyou——usingviolence——\'pantedGerald。`Butyoubeatmerightenough。\'
`Yes,\'saidBirkin,hardeninghisthroatandproducingthewordsinthetensionthere,`you\'remuchstrongerthanI——youcouldbeatme——
easily。\'
Thenherelaxedagaintotheterribleplungingofhisheartandhisblood。
`Itsurprisedme,\'pantedGerald,`whatstrengthyou\'vegot。Almostsupernatural。\'
`Foramoment,\'saidBirkin。
Hestillheardasifitwerehisowndisembodiedspirithearing,standingatsomedistancebehindhim。Itdrewnearerhowever,hisspirit。Andtheviolentstrikingofbloodinhischestwassinkingquieter,allowinghismindtocomeback。Herealisedthathewasleaningwithallhisweightonthesoftbodyoftheotherman。Itstartledhim,becausehethoughthehadwithdrawn。Herecoveredhimself,andsatup。Buthewasstillvagueandunestablished。Heputouthishandtosteadyhimself。IttouchedthehandofGerald,thatwaslyingoutonthefloor。AndGerald\'shandclosedwarmandsuddenoverBirkin\'s,theyremainedexhaustedandbreathless,theonehandclaspedcloselyovertheother。ItwasBirkinwhosehand,inswiftresponse,hadclosedinastrong,warmclaspoverthehandoftheother。Gerald\'sclasphadbeensuddenandmomentaneous。
Thenormalconsciousnesshoweverwasreturning,ebbingback。Birkincouldbreathealmostnaturallyagain。Gerald\'shandslowlywithdrew,Birkinslowly,dazedlyrosetohisfeetandwenttowardsthetable。Hepouredoutawhiskeyandsoda。Geraldalsocameforadrink。
`Itwasarealset—to,wasn\'tit?\'saidBirkin,lookingatGeraldwithdarkenedeyes。
`God,yes,\'saidGerald。Helookedatthedelicatebodyoftheotherman,andadded:`Itwasn\'ttoomuchforyou,wasit?\'
`No。Oneoughttowrestleandstriveandbephysicallyclose。Itmakesonesane。\'
`Youdothinkso?\'
`Ido。Don\'tyou?\'
`Yes,\'saidGerald。
Therewerelongspacesofsilencebetweentheirwords。Thewrestlinghadsomedeepmeaningtothem——anunfinishedmeaning。
`Wearementally,spirituallyintimate,thereforeweshouldbemoreorlessphysicallyintimatetoo——itismorewhole。\'
`Certainlyitis,\'saidGerald。Thenhelaughedpleasantly,adding:
`It\'sratherwonderfultome。\'Hestretchedouthisarmshandsomely。
`Yes,\'saidBirkin。`Idon\'tknowwhyoneshouldhavetojustifyoneself。\'
`No。\'
Thetwomenbegantodress。
`Ithinkalsothatyouarebeautiful,\'saidBirkintoGerald,`andthatisenjoyabletoo。Oneshouldenjoywhatisgiven。\'
`YouthinkIambeautiful——howdoyoumean,physically?\'askedGerald,hiseyesglistening。
`Yes。Youhaveanorthernkindofbeauty,likelightrefractedfromsnow——andabeautiful,plasticform。Yes,thatistheretoenjoyaswell。
Weshouldenjoyeverything。\'
Geraldlaughedinhisthroat,andsaid:
`That\'scertainlyonewayoflookingatit。Icansaythismuch,Ifeelbetter。Ithascertainlyhelpedme。IsthistheBruderschaftyouwanted?\'
`Perhaps。Doyouthinkthispledgesanything?\'
`Idon\'tknow,\'laughedGerald。
`Atanyrate,onefeelsfreerandmoreopennow——andthatiswhatwewant。\'
`Certainly,\'saidGerald。
Theydrewtothefire,withthedecantersandtheglassesandthefood。
`IalwayseatalittlebeforeIgotobed,\'saidGerald。`Isleepbetter。\'
`Ishouldnotsleepsowell,\'saidBirkin。
`No?Thereyouare,wearenotalike。I\'llputadressing—gownon。\'
Birkinremainedalone,lookingatthefire。HismindhadrevertedtoUrsula。
Sheseemedtoreturnagainintohisconsciousness。Geraldcamedownwearingagownofbroad—barred,thickblack—and—greensilk,brilliantandstriking。
`Youareveryfine,\'saidBirkin,lookingatthefullrobe。
`ItwasacaftaninBokhara,\'saidGerald。`Ilikeit。\'
`Ilikeittoo。\'
Birkinwassilent,thinkinghowscrupulousGeraldwasinhisattire,howexpensivetoo。Heworesilksocks,andstudsoffineworkmanship,andsilkunderclothing,andsilkbraces。Curious!Thiswasanotherofthedifferencesbetweenthem。Birkinwascarelessandunimaginativeabouthisownappearance。
`Ofcourseyou,\'saidGerald,asifhehadbeenthinking;`there\'ssomethingcuriousaboutyou。You\'recuriouslystrong。Onedoesn\'texpectit,itisrathersurprising。\'
Birkinlaughed。Hewaslookingatthehandsomefigureoftheotherman,blondandcomelyintherichrobe,andhewashalfthinkingofthedifferencebetweenitandhimself——sodifferent;asfar,perhaps,apartasmanfromwoman,yetinanotherdirection。ButreallyitwasUrsula,itwasthewomanwhowasgainingascendanceoverBirkin\'sbeing,atthismoment。Geraldwasbecomingdimagain,lapsingoutofhim。
`Doyouknow,\'hesaidsuddenly,`IwentandproposedtoUrsulaBrangwentonight,thatsheshouldmarryme。\'
HesawtheblankshiningwondercomeoverGerald\'sface。
`Youdid?\'
`Yes。Almostformally——speakingfirsttoherfather,asitshouldbe,intheworld——thoughthatwasaccident——ormischief。\'
Geraldonlystaredinwonder,asifhedidnotgrasp。
`Youdon\'tmeantosaythatyouseriouslywentandaskedherfathertoletyoumarryher?\'
`Yes,\'saidBirkin,`Idid。\'
`What,hadyouspokentoherbeforeaboutit,then?\'
`No,notaword。IsuddenlythoughtIwouldgothereandaskher——
andherfatherhappenedtocomeinsteadofher——soIaskedhimfirst。\'
`Ifyoucouldhaveher?\'concludedGerald。
`Ye—es,that。\'
`Andyoudidn\'tspeaktoher?\'
`Yes。Shecameinafterwards。Soitwasputtoheraswell。\'
`Itwas!Andwhatdidshesaythen?You\'reanengagedman?\'
`No,——sheonlysaidshedidn\'twanttobebulliedintoanswering。\'
`Shewhat?\'
`Saidshedidn\'twanttobebulliedintoanswering。\'
`\"Saidshedidn\'twanttobebulliedintoanswering!\"Why,whatdidshemeanbythat?\'
Birkinraisedhisshoulders。`Can\'tsay,\'heanswered。`Didn\'twanttobebotheredjustthen,Isuppose。\'
`Butisthisreallyso?Andwhatdidyoudothen?\'
`Iwalkedoutofthehouseandcamehere。\'
`Youcamestraighthere?\'
`Yes。\'
Geraldstaredinamazementandamusement。Hecouldnottakeitin。
`Butisthisreallytrue,asyousayitnow?\'
`Wordforword。\'
`Itis?\'
Heleanedbackinhischair,filledwithdelightandamusement。
`Well,that\'sgood,\'hesaid。`Andsoyoucameheretowrestlewithyourgoodangel,didyou?\'
`DidI?\'saidBirkin。
`Well,itlookslikeit。Isn\'tthatwhatyoudid?\'
NowBirkincouldnotfollowGerald\'smeaning。
`Andwhat\'sgoingtohappen?\'saidGerald。`You\'regoingtokeepopentheproposition,sotospeak?\'
`Isupposeso。IvowedtomyselfIwouldseethemalltothedevil。
ButIsupposeIshallaskheragain,inalittlewhile。\'
Geraldwatchedhimsteadily。
`Soyou\'refondofherthen?\'heasked。
`Ithink——Iloveher,\'saidBirkin,hisfacegoingverystillandfixed。
Geraldglistenedforamomentwithpleasure,asifitweresomethingdonespeciallytopleasehim。Thenhisfaceassumedafittinggravity,andhenoddedhisheadslowly。
`Youknow,\'hesaid,`Ialwaysbelievedinlove——truelove。Butwheredoesonefinditnowadays?\'
`Idon\'tknow,\'saidBirkin。
`Veryrarely,\'saidGerald。Then,afterapause,`I\'veneverfeltitmyself——notwhatIshouldcalllove。I\'vegoneafterwomen——andbeenkeenenoughoversomeofthem。ButI\'veneverfeltlove。Idon\'tbelieveI\'veeverfeltasmuchloveforawoman,asIhaveforyou——notlove。YouunderstandwhatImean?\'
`Yes。I\'msureyou\'veneverlovedawoman。\'
`Youfeelthat,doyou?AnddoyouthinkIevershall?YouunderstandwhatImean?\'Heputhishandtohisbreast,closinghisfistthere,asifhewoulddrawsomethingout。`Imeanthat——thatIcan\'texpresswhatitis,butIknowit。\'
`Whatisit,then?\'askedBirkin。
`Yousee,Ican\'tputitintowords。Imean,atanyrate,somethingabiding,somethingthatcan\'tchange——\'
Hiseyeswerebrightandpuzzled。
`NowdoyouthinkIshalleverfeelthatforawoman?\'hesaid,anxiously。
Birkinlookedathim,andshookhishead。
`Idon\'tknow,\'hesaid。`Icouldnotsay。\'
Geraldhadbeenonthequivive,asawaitinghisfate。Nowhedrewbackinhischair。
`No,\'hesaid,`andneitherdoI,andneitherdoI。\'
`Wearedifferent,youandI,\'saidBirkin。`Ican\'ttellyourlife。\'
`No,\'saidGerald,`nomorecanI。ButItellyou——Ibegintodoubtit!\'
`Thatyouwilleverloveawoman?\'
`Well——yes——whatyouwouldtrulycalllove——\'
`Youdoubtit?\'
`Well——Ibeginto。\'
Therewasalongpause。
`Lifehasallkindsofthings,\'saidBirkin。`Thereisn\'tonlyoneroad。\'
`Yes,Ibelievethattoo。Ibelieveit。Andmindyou,Idon\'tcarehowitiswithme——Idon\'tcarehowitis——solongasIdon\'tfeel——\'
hepaused,andablank,barrenlookpassedoverhisface,toexpresshisfeeling——`solongasIfeelI\'velived,somehow——andIdon\'tcarehowitis——butIwanttofeelthat——\'
`Fulfilled,\'saidBirkin。
`We—ell,perhapsitisfulfilled;Idon\'tusethesamewordsasyou。\'
`Itisthesame。\'
WomenInLove:Chapter21CHAPTERXXIThresholdGUDRUNWASAWAYinLondon,havingalittleshowofherwork,withafriend,andlookinground,preparingforflightfromBeldover。Comewhatmightshewouldbeonthewinginaveryshorttime。
ShereceivedaletterfromWinifredCrich,ornamentedwithdrawings。
`FatheralsohasbeentoLondon,tobeexaminedbythedoctors。Itmadehimverytired。Theysayhemustrestaverygreatdeal,soheismostlyinbed。Hebroughtmealovelytropicalparrotinfaience,ofDresdenware,alsoamanploughing,andtwomiceclimbingupastalk,alsoinfaience。
ThemicewereCopenhagenware。Theyarethebest,butmicedon\'tshinesomuch,otherwisetheyareverygood,theirtailsareslimandlong。Theyallshinenearlylikeglass。Ofcourseitistheglaze,butIdon\'tlikeit。Geraldlikesthemanploughingthebest,histrousersaretorn,heisploughingwithanox,beingIsupposeaGermanpeasant。Itisallgreyandwhite,whiteshirtandgreytrousers,butveryshinyandclean。MrBirkinlikesthegirlbest,underthehawthornblossom,withalamb,andwithdaffodilspaintedonherskirts,inthedrawingroom。Butthatissilly,becausethelambisnotareallamb,andsheissillytoo。
`DearMissBrangwen,areyoucomingbacksoon,youareverymuchmissedhere。Iencloseadrawingoffathersittingupinbed。Hesayshehopesyouarenotgoingtoforsakeus。OhdearMissBrangwen,Iamsureyouwon\'t。
Docomebackanddrawtheferrets,theyarethemostlovelynobledarlingsintheworld。Wemightcarvetheminholly—wood,playingagainstabackgroundofgreenleaves。Ohdoletus,fortheyaremostbeautiful。
`Fathersayswemighthaveastudio。Geraldsayswecouldeasilyhaveabeautifuloneoverthestables,itwouldonlyneedwindowstobeputintheslantoftheroof,whichisasimplematter。Thenyoucouldstayherealldayandwork,andwecouldliveinthestudio,liketworealartists,likethemaninthepictureinthehall,withthefrying—panandthewallsallcoveredwithdrawings。Ilongtobefree,tolivethefreelifeofanartist。EvenGeraldtoldfatherthatonlyanartistisfree,becausehelivesinacreativeworldofhisown——\'
Gudruncaughtthedriftofthefamilyintentions,inthisletter。GeraldwantedhertobeattachedtothehouseholdatShortlands,hewasusingWinifredashisstalking—horse。Thefatherthoughtonlyofhischild,hesawarockofsalvationinGudrun。AndGudrunadmiredhimforhisperspicacity。
Thechild,moreover,wasreallyexceptional。Gudrunwasquitecontent。
Shewasquitewilling,givenastudio,tospendherdaysatShortlands。
ShedislikedtheGrammarSchoolalreadythoroughly,shewantedtobefree。
Ifastudiowereprovided,shewouldbefreetogoonwithherwork,shewouldawaittheturnofeventswithcompleteserenity。AndshewasreallyinterestedinWinifred,shewouldbequitegladtounderstandthegirl。
SotherewasquitealittlefestivityonWinifred\'saccount,thedayGudrunreturnedtoShortlands。
`YoushouldmakeabunchofflowerstogivetoMissBrangwenwhenshearrives,\'Geraldsaidsmilingtohissister。
`Ohno,\'criedWinifred,`it\'ssilly。\'
`Notatall。Itisaverycharmingandordinaryattention。\'
`Oh,itissilly,\'protestedWinifred,withalltheextrememauvaisehonteofheryears。Nevertheless,theideaappealedtoher。Shewantedverymuchtocarryitout。Sheflittedroundthegreen—housesandtheconservatorylookingwistfullyattheflowersontheirstems。Andthemoreshelooked,themoreshelongedtohaveabunchoftheblossomsshesaw,themorefascinatedshebecamewithherlittlevisionofceremony,andthemoreconsumedlyshyandself—consciousshegrew,tillshewasalmostbesideherself。Shecouldnotgettheideaoutofhermind。Itwasasifsomehauntingchallengepromptedher,andshehadnotenoughcouragetotakeitup。Soagainshedriftedintothegreen—houses,lookingatthelovelyrosesintheirpots,andatthevirginalcyclamens,andatthemysticwhiteclustersofacreeper。Thebeauty,ohthebeautyofthem,andohtheparadisalbliss,ifsheshouldhaveaperfectbouquetandcouldgiveittoGudrunthenextday。Herpassionandhercompleteindecisionalmostmadeherill。
Atlastsheslidtoherfather\'sside。
`Daddie——\'shesaid。
`What,myprecious?\'
Butshehungback,thetearsalmostcomingtohereyes,inhersensitiveconfusion。Herfatherlookedather,andhisheartranhotwithtenderness,ananguishofpoignantlove。
`Whatdoyouwanttosaytome,mylove?\'
`Daddie——!\'hereyessmiledlaconically——`isn\'titsillyifIgiveMissBrangwensomeflowerswhenshecomes?\'
Thesickmanlookedatthebright,knowingeyesofhischild,andhisheartburnedwithlove。
`No,darling,that\'snotsilly。It\'swhattheydotoqueens。\'
ThiswasnotveryreassuringtoWinifred。Shehalfsuspectedthatqueensinthemselveswereasilliness。Yetshesowantedherlittleromanticoccasion。
`ShallIthen?\'sheasked。
`GiveMissBrangwensomeflowers?Do,Birdie。TellWilsonIsayyouaretohavewhatyouwant。\'
Thechildsmiledasmall,subtle,unconscioussmiletoherself,inanticipationofherway。
`ButIwon\'tgetthemtilltomorrow,\'shesaid。
`Nottilltomorrow,Birdie。Givemeakissthen——\'
Winifredsilentlykissedthesickman,anddriftedoutoftheroom。
Sheagainwenttheroundofthegreen—housesandtheconservatory,informingthegardener,inherhigh,peremptory,simplefashion,ofwhatshewanted,tellinghimallthebloomsshehadselected。
`Whatdoyouwantthesefor?\'Wilsonasked。
`Iwantthem,\'shesaid。Shewishedservantsdidnotaskquestions。
`Ay,you\'vesaidasmuch。Butwhatdoyouwantthemfor,fordecoration,ortosendaway,orwhat?\'
`Iwantthemforapresentationbouquet。\'
`Apresentationbouquet!Who\'scomingthen?——theDuchessofPortland?\'
`No。\'
`Oh,nother?Wellyou\'llhaveararepoppy—showifyouputallthethingsyou\'vementionedintoyourbouquet。\'
`Yes,Iwantararepoppy—show。\'
`Youdo!Thenthere\'snomoretobesaid。\'
ThenextdayWinifred,inadressofsilveryvelvet,andholdingagaudybunchofflowersinherhand,waitedwithkeenimpatienceintheschoolroom,lookingdownthedriveforGudrun\'sarrival。Itwasawetmorning。Underhernosewasthestrangefragranceofhot—houseflowers,thebunchwaslikealittlefiretoher,sheseemedtohaveastrangenewfireinherheart。Thisslightsenseofromancestirredherlikeanintoxicant。
AtlastshesawGudruncoming,andsherandownstairstowarnherfatherandGerald。They,laughingatheranxietyandgravity,camewithherintothehall。Theman—servantcamehasteningtothedoor,andtherehewas,relievingGudrunofherumbrella,andthenofherraincoat。Thewelcomingpartyhungbacktilltheirvisitorenteredthehall。
Gudrunwasflushedwiththerain,herhairwasblowninlooselittlecurls,shewaslikeaflowerjustopenedintherain,theheartoftheblossomjustnewlyvisible,seemingtoemitawarmthofretainedsunshine。