Geraldwasherescapefromtheheavysloughofthepale,underworld,automaticcolliers。Hestartedoutofthemud。Hewasmaster。Shesawhisback,themovementofhiswhiteloins。Butnotthat——itwasthewhitenessheseemedtoencloseashebentforwards,rowing。Heseemedtostooptosomething。Hisglistening,whitishhairseemedliketheelectricityofthesky。
`There\'sGudrun,\'cameHermione\'svoicefloatingdistinctoverthewater。
`Wewillgoandspeaktoher。Doyoumind?\'
Geraldlookedroundandsawthegirlstandingbythewater\'sedge,lookingathim。Hepulledtheboattowardsher,magnetically,withoutthinkingofher。Inhisworld,hisconsciousworld,shewasstillnobody。HeknewthatHermionehadacuriouspleasureintreadingdownallthesocialdifferences,atleastapparently,andheleftittoher。
`Howdoyoudo,Gudrun?\'sangHermione,usingtheChristiannameinthefashionablemanner。`Whatareyoudoing?\'
`Howdoyoudo,Hermione?Iwassketching。\'
`Wereyou?\'Theboatdriftednearer,tillthekeelgroundonthebank。
`Maywesee?Ishouldliketosomuch。\'
ItwasnouseresistingHermione\'sdeliberateintention。
`Well——\'saidGudrunreluctantly,forshealwayshatedtohaveherunfinishedworkexposed——`there\'snothingintheleastinteresting。\'
`Isn\'tthere?Butletmesee,willyou?\'
Gudrunreachedoutthesketch—book,Geraldstretchedfromtheboattotakeit。Andashedidso,herememberedGudrun\'slastwordstohim,andherfacelifteduptohimashesatontheswervinghorse。Anintensificationofpridewentoverhisnerves,becausehefelt,insomewayshewascompelledbyhim。Theexchangeoffeelingbetweenthemwasstrongandapartfromtheirconsciousness。
Andasifinaspell,Gudrunwasawareofhisbody,stretchingandsurginglikethemarsh—fire,stretchingtowardsher,hishandcomingstraightforwardlikeastem。Hervoluptuous,acuteapprehensionofhimmadethebloodfaintinherveins,hermindwentdimandunconscious。Andherockedonthewaterperfectly,liketherockingofphosphorescence。Helookedroundattheboat。Itwasdriftingoffalittle。Heliftedtheoartobringitback。
Andtheexquisitepleasureofslowlyarrestingtheboat,intheheavy—softwater,wascompleteasaswoon。
`That\'swhatyouhavedone,\'saidHermione,lookingsearchinglyattheplantsontheshore,andcomparingwithGudrun\'sdrawing。GudrunlookedroundinthedirectionofHermione\'slong,pointingfinger。`Thatisit,isn\'tit?\'repeatedHermione,needingconfirmation。
`Yes,\'saidGudrunautomatically,takingnorealheed。
`Letmelook,\'saidGerald,reachingforwardforthebook。ButHermioneignoredhim,hemustnotpresume,beforeshehadfinished。Buthe,hiswillasunthwartedandasunflinchingashers,stretchedforwardtillhetouchedthebook。Alittleshock,astormofrevulsionagainsthim,shookHermioneunconsciously。Shereleasedthebookwhenhehadnotproperlygotit,andittumbledagainstthesideoftheboatandbouncedintothewater。
`There!\'sangHermione,withastrangeringofmalevolentvictory。`I\'msosorry,soawfullysorry。Can\'tyougetit,Gerald?\'
ThislastwassaidinanoteofanxioussneeringthatmadeGerald\'sveinstinglewithfinehateforher。Heleanedfaroutoftheboat,reachingdownintothewater。Hecouldfeelhispositionwasridiculous,hisloinsexposedbehindhim。
`Itisofnoimportance,\'camethestrong,clangingvoiceofGudrun。
Sheseemedtotouchhim。Buthereachedfurther,theboatswayedviolently。
Hermione,however,remainedunperturbed。Hegraspedthebook,underthewater,andbroughtitup,dripping。
`I\'msodreadfullysorry——dreadfullysorry,\'repeatedHermione。`I\'mafraiditwasallmyfault。\'
`It\'sofnoimportance——really,Iassureyou——itdoesn\'tmatterintheleast,\'saidGudrunloudly,withemphasis,herfaceflushedscarlet。
Andsheheldoutherhandimpatientlyforthewetbook,tohavedonewiththescene。Geraldgaveittoher。Hewasnotquitehimself。
`I\'msodreadfullysorry,\'repeatedHermione,tillbothGeraldandGudrunwereexasperated。`Istherenothingthatcanbedone?\'
`Inwhatway?\'askedGudrun,withcoolirony。
`Can\'twesavethedrawings?\'
Therewasamoment\'spause,whereinGudrunmadeevidentallherrefutationofHermione\'spersistence。
`Iassureyou,\'saidGudrun,withcuttingdistinctness,`thedrawingsarequiteasgoodasevertheywere,formypurpose。Iwantthemonlyforreference。\'
`Butcan\'tIgiveyouanewbook?Iwishyou\'dletmedothat。Ifeelsotrulysorry。Ifeelitwasallmyfault。\'
`AsfarasIsaw,\'saidGudrun,`itwasn\'tyourfaultatall。Iftherewasanyfault,itwasMrCrich\'s。Butthewholethingisentirelytrivial,anditreallyisridiculoustotakeanynoticeofit。\'
GeraldwatchedGudrunclosely,whilstsherepulsedHermione。Therewasabodyofcoldpowerinher。Hewatchedherwithaninsightthatamountedtoclairvoyance。Hesawheradangerous,hostilespirit,thatcouldstandundiminishedandunabated。Itwassofinished,andofsuchperfectgesture,moreover。
`I\'mawfullygladifitdoesn\'tmatter,\'hesaid;`ifthere\'snorealharmdone。\'
Shelookedbackathim,withherfineblueeyes,andsignalledfullintohisspirit,asshesaid,hervoiceringingwithintimacyalmostcaressivenowitwasaddressedtohim:
`Ofcourse,itdoesn\'tmatterintheleast。\'
Thebondwasestablishedbetweenthem,inthatlook,inhertone。Inhertone,shemadetheunderstandingclear——theywereofthesamekind,heandshe,asortofdiabolicfreemasonrysubsistedbetweenthem。Henceforward,sheknew,shehadherpoweroverhim。Wherevertheymet,theywouldbesecretlyassociated。Andhewouldbehelplessintheassociationwithher。
Hersoulexulted。
`Good—bye!I\'msogladyouforgiveme。Gooood—bye!\'
Hermionesangherfarewell,andwavedherhand。Geraldautomaticallytooktheoarandpushedoff。Buthewaslookingallthetime,withaglimmering,subtly—smilingadmirationinhiseyes,atGudrun,whostoodontheshoalshakingthewetbookinherhand。Sheturnedawayandignoredtherecedingboat。ButGeraldlookedbackasherowed,beholdingher,forgettingwhathewasdoing。
`Aren\'twegoingtoomuchtotheleft?\'sangHermione,asshesatignoredunderhercolouredparasol。
Geraldlookedroundwithoutreplying,theoarsbalancedandglancinginthesun。
`Ithinkit\'sallright,\'hesaidgood—humouredly,beginningtorowagainwithoutthinkingofwhathewasdoing。AndHermionedislikedhimextremelyforhisgood—humouredobliviousness,shewasnullified,shecouldnotregainascendancy。
WomenInLove:Chapter11CHAPTERXIAnIslandMEANWHILEUrsulahadwanderedonfromWilleyWateralongthecourseofthebrightlittlestream。Theafternoonwasfulloflarks\'singing。Onthebrighthill—sideswasasubduedsmoulderofgorse。
Afewforget—me—notsfloweredbythewater。Therewasarousednessandaglancingeverywhere。
Shestrayedabsorbedlyon,overthebrooks。Shewantedtogotothemill—pondabove。Thebigmill—housewasdeserted,saveforalabourerandhiswifewholivedinthekitchen。Soshepassedthroughtheemptyfarm—yardandthroughthewildernessofagarden,andmountedthebankbythesluice。
Whenshegottothetop,toseetheold,velvetysurfaceofthepondbeforeher,shenoticedamanonthebank,tinkeringwithapunt。ItwasBirkinsawingandhammeringaway。
Shestoodattheheadofthesluice,lookingathim。Hewasunawareofanybody\'spresence。Helookedverybusy,likeawildanimal,activeandintent。Shefeltsheoughttogoaway,hewouldnotwanther。Heseemedtobesomuchoccupied。Butshedidnotwanttogoaway。Thereforeshemovedalongthebanktillhewouldlookup。
Whichhesoondid。Themomenthesawher,hedroppedhistoolsandcameforward,saying:
`Howdoyoudo?I\'mmakingthepuntwater—tight。Tellmeifyouthinkitisright。\'
Shewentalongwithhim。
`Youareyourfather\'sdaughter,soyoucantellmeifitwilldo,\'
hesaid。
Shebenttolookatthepatchedpunt。
`IamsureIammyfather\'sdaughter,\'shesaid,fearfulofhavingtojudge。`ButIdon\'tknowanythingaboutcarpentry。Itlooksright,don\'tyouthink?\'
`Yes,Ithink。Ihopeitwon\'tletmetothebottom,that\'sall。Thoughevenso,itisn\'tagreatmatter,Ishouldcomeupagain。Helpmetogetitintothewater,willyou?\'
Withcombinedeffortstheyturnedovertheheavypuntandsetitafloat。
`Now,\'hesaid,`I\'lltryitandyoucanwatchwhathappens。Thenifitcarries,I\'lltakeyouovertotheisland。\'
`Do,\'shecried,watchinganxiously。
Thepondwaslarge,andhadthatperfectstillnessandthedarklustreofverydeepwater。Thereweretwosmallislandsovergrownwithbushesandafewtrees,towardsthemiddle。Birkinpushedhimselfoff,andveeredclumsilyinthepond。Luckilythepuntdriftedsothathecouldcatchholdofawillowbough,andpullittotheisland。
`Ratherovergrown,\'hesaid,lookingintotheinterior,`butverynice。
I\'llcomeandfetchyou。Theboatleaksalittle。\'
Inamomenthewaswithheragain,andshesteppedintothewetpunt。
`It\'llfloatusallright,\'hesaid,andmanoeuvredagaintotheisland。
Theylandedunderawillowtree。Sheshrankfromthelittlejungleofrankplantsbeforeher,evil—smellingfigwortandhemlock。Butheexploredintoit。
`Ishallmowthisdown,\'hesaid,`andthenitwillberomantic——likePauletVirginie。\'
`Yes,onecouldhavelovelyWatteaupicnicshere,\'criedUrsulawithenthusiasm。
Hisfacedarkened。
`Idon\'twantWatteaupicnicshere,\'hesaid。
`OnlyyourVirginie,\'shelaughed。
`Virginieenough,\'hesmiledwryly。`No,Idon\'twanthereither。\'
Ursulalookedathimclosely。ShehadnotseenhimsinceBreadalby。
Hewasverythinandhollow,withaghastlylookinhisface。
`Youhavebeenill;haven\'tyou?\'sheasked,ratherrepulsed。
`Yes,\'herepliedcoldly。
Theyhadsatdownunderthewillowtree,andwerelookingatthepond,fromtheirretreatontheisland。
`Hasitmadeyoufrightened?\'sheasked。
`Whatof?\'heasked,turninghiseyestolookather。Somethinginhim,inhumanandunmitigated,disturbedher,andshookheroutofherordinaryself。
`Itisfrighteningtobeveryill,isn\'tit?\'shesaid。
`Itisn\'tpleasant,\'hesaid。`Whetheroneisreallyafraidofdeath,ornot,Ihaveneverdecided。Inonemood,notabit,inanother,verymuch。\'
`Butdoesn\'titmakeyoufeelashamed?Ithinkitmakesonesoashamed,tobeill——illnessissoterriblyhumiliating,don\'tyouthink?\'
Heconsideredforsomeminutes。
`May—be,\'hesaid。`Thoughoneknowsallthetimeone\'slifeisn\'treallyright,atthesource。That\'sthehumiliation。Idon\'tseethattheillnesscountssomuch,afterthat。Oneisillbecauseonedoesn\'tliveproperly——can\'t。It\'sthefailuretolivethatmakesoneill,andhumiliatesone。\'
`Butdoyoufailtolive?\'sheasked,almostjeering。
`Whyyes——Idon\'tmakemuchofasuccessofmydays。Oneseemsalwaystobebumpingone\'snoseagainsttheblankwallahead。\'
Ursulalaughed。Shewasfrightened,andwhenshewasfrightenedshealwayslaughedandpretendedtobejaunty。
`Yourpoornose!\'shesaid,lookingatthatfeatureofhisface。
`Nowonderit\'sugly,\'hereplied。
Shewassilentforsomeminutes,strugglingwithherownself—deception。
Itwasaninstinctinher,todeceiveherself。
`ButI\'mhappy——Ithinklifeisawfullyjolly,\'shesaid。
`Good,\'heanswered,withacertaincoldindifference。
Shereachedforabitofpaperwhichhadwrappedasmallpieceofchocolateshehadfoundinherpocket,andbeganmakingaboat。Hewatchedherwithoutheedingher。Therewassomethingstrangelypatheticandtenderinhermoving,unconsciousfinger—tips,thatwereagitatedandhurt,really。
`Idoenjoythings——don\'tyou?\'sheasked。
`Ohyes!ButitinfuriatesmethatIcan\'tgetright,atthereallygrowingpartofme。Ifeelalltangledandmessedup,andIcan\'tgetstraightanyhow。Idon\'tknowwhatreallytodo。Onemustdosomethingsomewhere。\'
`Whyshouldyoualwaysbedoing?\'sheretorted。`Itissoplebeian。
Ithinkitismuchbettertobereallypatrician,andtodonothingbutjustbeoneself,likeawalkingflower。\'
`Iquiteagree,\'hesaid,`ifonehasburstintoblossom。ButIcan\'tgetmyflowertoblossomanyhow。Eitheritisblightedinthebud,orhasgotthesmother—fly,oritisn\'tnourished。Curseit,itisn\'tevenabud。
Itisacontravenedknot。\'
Againshelaughed。Hewassoveryfretfulandexasperated。Butshewasanxiousandpuzzled。Howwasonetogetout,anyhow。Theremustbeawayoutsomewhere。
Therewasasilence,whereinshewantedtocry。Shereachedforanotherbitofchocolatepaper,andbegantofoldanotherboat。
`Andwhyisit,\'sheaskedatlength,`thatthereisnoflowering,nodignityofhumanlifenow?\'
`Thewholeideaisdead。Humanityitselfisdry—rotten,really。Therearemyriadsofhumanbeingshangingonthebush——andtheylookveryniceandrosy,yourhealthyyoungmenandwomen。ButtheyareapplesofSodom,asamatteroffact,DeadSeaFruit,gall—apples。Itisn\'ttruethattheyhaveanysignificance——theirinsidesarefullofbitter,corruptash。\'
`Buttherearegoodpeople,\'protestedUrsula。
`Goodenoughforthelifeoftoday。Butmankindisadeadtree,coveredwithfinebrilliantgallsofpeople。\'
Ursulacouldnothelpstiffeningherselfagainstthis,itwastoopicturesqueandfinal。Butneithercouldshehelpmakinghimgoon。
`Andifitisso,whyisit?\'sheasked,hostile。Theywererousingeachothertoafinepassionofopposition。
`Why,whyarepeopleallballsofbitterdust?Becausetheywon\'tfalloffthetreewhenthey\'reripe。Theyhangontotheiroldpositionswhenthepositionisover—past,tilltheybecomeinfestedwithlittlewormsanddry—rot。\'
Therewasalongpause。Hisvoicehadbecomehotandverysarcastic。
Ursulawastroubledandbewildered,theywerebothobliviousofeverythingbuttheirownimmersion。
`Butevenifeverybodyiswrong——whereareyouright?\'shecried,`whereareyouanybetter?\'
`I?——I\'mnotright,\'hecriedback。`AtleastmyonlyrightnessliesinthefactthatIknowit。IdetestwhatIam,outwardly。Iloathemyselfasahumanbeing。Humanityisahugeaggregatelie,andahugelieislessthanasmalltruth。Humanityisless,farlessthantheindividual,becausetheindividualmaysometimesbecapableoftruth,andhumanityisatreeoflies。Andtheysaythatloveisthegreatestthing;theypersistinsayingthis,thefoulliars,andjustlookatwhattheydo!Lookatallthemillionsofpeoplewhorepeateveryminutethatloveisthegreatest,andcharityisthegreatest——andseewhattheyaredoingallthetime。Bytheirworksyeshallknowthem,fordirtyliarsandcowards,whodaren\'tstandbytheirownactions,muchlessbytheirownwords。\'
`But,\'saidUrsulasadly,`thatdoesn\'talterthefactthatloveisthegreatest,doesit?Whattheydodoesn\'talterthetruthofwhattheysay,doesit?\'
`Completely,becauseifwhattheysayweretrue,thentheycouldn\'thelpfulfillingit。Buttheymaintainalie,andsotheyrunamokatlast。
It\'salietosaythatloveisthegreatest。Youmightaswellsaythathateisthegreatest,sincetheoppositeofeverythingbalances。Whatpeoplewantishate——hateandnothingbuthate。Andinthenameofrighteousnessandlove,theygetit。Theydistilthemselveswithnitroglycerine,allthelotofthem,outofverylove。It\'stheliethatkills。Ifwewanthate,letushaveit——death,murder,torture,violentdestruction——
letushaveit:butnotinthenameoflove。ButIabhorhumanity,Iwishitwassweptaway。Itcouldgo,andtherewouldbenoabsoluteloss,ifeveryhumanbeingperishedtomorrow。Therealitywouldbeuntouched。
Nay,itwouldbebetter。Therealtreeoflifewouldthenberidofthemostghastly,heavycropofDeadSeaFruit,theintolerableburdenofmyriadsimulacraofpeople,aninfiniteweightofmortallies。\'
`Soyou\'dlikeeverybodyintheworlddestroyed?\'saidUrsula。
`Ishouldindeed。\'
`Andtheworldemptyofpeople?\'
`Yestruly。Youyourself,don\'tyoufinditabeautifulcleanthought,aworldemptyofpeople,justuninterruptedgrass,andaharesittingup?\'
ThepleasantsincerityofhisvoicemadeUrsulapausetoconsiderherownproposition。Andreallyitwasattractive:aclean,lovely,humanlessworld。Itwasthereallydesirable。Herhearthesitated,andexulted。Butstill,shewasdissatisfiedwithhim。
`But,\'sheobjected,`you\'dbedeadyourself,sowhatgoodwoulditdoyou?\'
`Iwoulddielikeashot,toknowthattheearthwouldreallybecleanedofallthepeople。Itisthemostbeautifulandfreeingthought。Thentherewouldneverbeanotherfoulhumanitycreated,forauniversaldefilement。\'
`No,\'saidUrsula,`therewouldbenothing。\'
`What!Nothing?Justbecausehumanitywaswipedout?Youflatteryourself。
There\'dbeeverything。\'
`Buthow,iftherewerenopeople?\'
`Doyouthinkthatcreationdependsonman!Itmerelydoesn\'t。
Therearethetreesandthegrassandbirds。Imuchprefertothinkofthelarkrisingupinthemorninguponahuman—lessworld。Manisamistake,hemustgo。Thereisthegrass,andharesandadders,andtheunseenhosts,actualangelsthatgoaboutfreelywhenadirtyhumanitydoesn\'tinterruptthem——andgoodpure—tissueddemons:verynice。\'
ItpleasedUrsula,whathesaid,pleasedherverymuch,asaphantasy。
Ofcourseitwasonlyapleasantfancy。Sheherselfknewtoowelltheactualityofhumanity,itshideousactuality。Sheknewitcouldnotdisappearsocleanlyandconveniently。Ithadalongwaytogoyet,alongandhideousway。Hersubtle,feminine,demoniacalsoulknewitwell。
`Ifonlymanwassweptoffthefaceoftheearth,creationwouldgoonsomarvellously,withanewstart,non—human。Manisoneofthemistakesofcreation——liketheichthyosauri。Ifonlyheweregoneagain,thinkwhatlovelythingswouldcomeoutoftheliberateddays;——thingsstraightoutofthefire。\'
`Butmanwillneverbegone,\'shesaid,withinsidious,diabolicalknowledgeofthehorrorsofpersistence。`Theworldwillgowithhim。\'
`Ahno,\'heanswered,`notso。Ibelieveintheproudangelsandthedemonsthatareourfore—runners。Theywilldestroyus,becausewearenotproudenough。Theichthyosauriwerenotproud:theycrawledandflounderedaswedo。Andbesides,lookatelder—flowersandbluebells——theyareasignthatpurecreationtakesplace——eventhebutterfly。Buthumanitynevergetsbeyondthecaterpillarstage——itrotsinthechrysalis,itneverwillhavewings。Itisanti—creation,likemonkeysandbaboons。\'
Ursulawatchedhimashetalked。Thereseemedacertainimpatientfuryinhim,allthewhile,andatthesametimeagreatamusementineverything,andafinaltolerance。Anditwasthistoleranceshemistrusted,notthefury。Shesawthat,allthewhile,inspiteofhimself,hewouldhavetobetryingtosavetheworld。Andthisknowledge,whilstitcomfortedherheartsomewherewithalittleself—satisfaction,stability,yetfilledherwithacertainsharpcontemptandhateofhim。Shewantedhimtoherself,shehatedtheSalvatorMunditouch。Itwassomethingdiffuseandgeneralisedabouthim,whichshecouldnotstand。Hewouldbehaveinthesameway,saythesamethings,givehimselfascompletelytoanybodywhocamealong,anybodyandeverybodywholikedtoappealtohim。Itwasdespicable,averyinsidiousformofprostitution。
`But,\'shesaid,`youbelieveinindividuallove,evenifyoudon\'tbelieveinlovinghumanity——?\'
`Idon\'tbelieveinloveatall——thatis,anymorethanIbelieveinhate,oringrief。Loveisoneoftheemotionslikealltheothers——
andsoitisallrightwhilstyoufeelitButIcan\'tseehowitbecomesanabsolute。Itisjustpartofhumanrelationships,nomore。Anditisonlypartofanyhumanrelationship。Andwhyoneshouldberequiredalwaystofeelit,anymorethanonealwaysfeelssorrowordistantjoy,Icannotconceive。Loveisn\'tadesideratum——itisanemotionyoufeeloryoudon\'tfeel,accordingtocircumstance。\'
`Thenwhydoyoucareaboutpeopleatall?\'sheasked,`ifyoudon\'tbelieveinlove?Whydoyoubotherabouthumanity?\'
`WhydoI?BecauseIcan\'tgetawayfromit。\'
`Becauseyouloveit,\'shepersisted。
Itirritatedhim。
`IfIdoloveit,\'hesaid,`itismydisease。\'
`Butitisadiseaseyoudon\'twanttobecuredof,\'shesaid,withsomecoldsneering。
Hewassilentnow,feelingshewantedtoinsulthim。
`Andifyoudon\'tbelieveinlove,whatdoyoubelievein?\'sheaskedmocking。`Simplyintheendoftheworld,andgrass?\'
Hewasbeginningtofeelafool。
`Ibelieveintheunseenhosts,\'hesaid。
`Andnothingelse?Youbelieveinnothingvisible,exceptgrassandbirds?Yourworldisapoorshow。\'
`Perhapsitis,\'hesaid,coolandsuperiornowhewasoffended,assumingacertaininsufferablealoofsuperiority,andwithdrawingintohisdistance。
Ursuladislikedhim。Butalsoshefeltshehadlostsomething。Shelookedathimashesatcrouchedonthebank。TherewasacertainpriggishSunday—schoolstiffnessoverhim,priggishanddetestable。Andyet,atthesametime,themouldingofhimwassoquickandattractive,itgavesuchagreatsenseoffreedom:themouldingofhisbrows,hischin,hiswholephysique,somethingsoalive,somewhere,inspiteofthelookofsickness。
Anditwasthisdualityinfeelingwhichhecreatedinher,thatmadeafinehateofhimquickeninherbowels。Therewashiswonderful,desirablelife—rapidity,therarequalityofanutterlydesirableman:andtherewasatthesametimethisridiculous,meaneffacementintoaSalvatorMundiandaSunday—schoolteacher,aprigofthestiffesttype。
Helookedupather。Hesawherfacestrangelyenkindled,asifsuffusedfromwithinbyapowerfulsweetfire。Hissoulwasarrestedinwonder。
Shewasenkindledinherownlivingfire。Arrestedinwonderandinpure,perfectattraction,hemovedtowardsher。Shesatlikeastrangequeen,almostsupernaturalinherglowingsmilingrichness。
`Thepointaboutlove,\'hesaid,hisconsciousnessquicklyadjustingitself,`isthatwehatethewordbecausewehavevulgarisedit。Itoughttobeprescribed,tabooedfromutterance,formanyyears,tillwegetanew,betteridea。\'
Therewasabeamofunderstandingbetweenthem。
`Butitalwaysmeansthesamething,\'shesaid。
`AhGod,no,letitnotmeanthatanymore,\'hecried。`Lettheoldmeaningsgo。\'
`Butstillitislove,\'shepersisted。Astrange,wickedyellowlightshoneathiminhereyes。
Hehesitated,baffled,withdrawing。
`No,\'hesaid,`itisn\'t。Spokenlikethat,neverintheworld。You\'venobusinesstouttertheword。\'
`Imustleaveittoyou,totakeitoutoftheArkoftheCovenantattherightmoment,\'shemocked。
Againtheylookedateachother。Shesuddenlysprangup,turnedherbacktohim,andwalkedaway。Hetooroseslowlyandwenttothewater\'sedge,where,crouching,hebegantoamusehimselfunconsciously。Pickingadaisyhedroppeditonthepond,sothatthestemwasakeel,theflowerfloatedlikealittlewaterlily,staringwithitsopenfaceuptothesky。Itturnedslowlyround,inaslow,slowDervishdance,asitveeredaway。
Hewatchedit,thendroppedanotherdaisyintothewater,andafterthatanother,andsatwatchingthemwithbright,absolvedeyes,crouchingnearonthebank。Ursulaturnedtolook。Astrangefeelingpossessedher,asifsomethingweretakingplace。Butitwasallintangible。Andsomesortofcontrolwasbeingputonher。Shecouldnotknow。Shecouldonlywatchthebrilliantlittlediscsofthedaisiesveeringslowlyintravelonthedark,lustrouswater。Thelittleflotillawasdriftingintothelight,acompanyofwhitespecksinthedistance。
`Doletusgototheshore,tofollowthem,\'shesaid,afraidofbeinganylongerimprisonedontheisland。Andtheypushedoffinthepunt。
Shewasgladtobeonthefreelandagain。Shewentalongthebanktowardsthesluice。Thedaisieswerescatteredbroadcastonthepond,tinyradiantthings,likeanexaltation,pointsofexaltationhereandthere。Whydidtheymovehersostronglyandmystically?
`Look,\'hesaid,`yourboatofpurplepaperisescortingthem,andtheyareaconvoyofrafts。\'
Someofthedaisiescameslowlytowardsher,hesitating,makingashybrightlittlecotilliononthedarkclearwater。Theirgaybrightcandourmovedhersomuchastheycamenear,thatshewasalmostintears。
`Whyaretheysolovely,\'shecried。`WhydoIthinkthemsolovely?\'
`Theyareniceflowers,\'hesaid,heremotionaltonesputtingaconstraintonhim。
`Youknowthatadaisyisacompanyofflorets,aconcourse,becomeindividual。Don\'tthebotanistsputithighestinthelineofdevelopment?
Ibelievetheydo。\'
`Thecompositae,yes,Ithinkso,\'saidUrsula,whowasneververysureofanything。Thingssheknewperfectlywell,atonemoment,seemedtobecomedoubtfulthenext。
`Explainitso,then,\'hesaid。`Thedaisyisaperfectlittledemocracy,soit\'sthehighestofflowers,henceitscharm。\'
`No,\'shecried,`no——never。Itisn\'tdemocratic。\'
`No,\'headmitted。`It\'sthegoldenmoboftheproletariat,surroundedbyashowywhitefenceoftheidlerich。\'
`Howhateful——yourhatefulsocialorders!\'shecried。
`Quite!It\'sadaisy——we\'llleaveitalone。\'
`Do。Letitbeadarkhorseforonce,\'shesaid:`ifanythingcanbeadarkhorsetoyou,\'sheaddedsatirically。
Theystoodaside,forgetful。Asifalittlestunned,theybothweremotionless,barelyconscious。Thelittleconflictintowhichtheyhadfallenhadtorntheirconsciousnessandleftthemliketwoimpersonalforces,thereincontact。
Hebecameawareofthelapse。Hewantedtosaysomething,togetontoanewmoreordinaryfooting。
`Youknow,\'hesaid,`thatIamhavingroomshereatthemill?Don\'tyouthinkwecanhavesomegoodtimes?\'
`Ohareyou?\'shesaid,ignoringallhisimplicationofadmittedintimacy。